Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 480 - Steve Cheated on his Wife with Hundreds of Men & Women & Got Caught

Episode Date: May 4, 2022

Steve is cheated on his wife with hundreds of men and women and he got caught. When did he start cheating on his wife? Who exactly did he cheat on her with? And how did he get caught? Tune in to find out plus hear all about how he started acting out sexually before he was married and all the people he slept with, why he didn't care who he slept with, how he met the first guy he hooked up and how he felt afterwards, how he slept with over 150 men and women including his neighbors, his wife's friends, a random woman on a plane, a random receptionist in a parking lot, a ton of happy endings from both male and female massueses and more, the happy ending that led to his his first full on experience with a guy, the abuse that went down when he was younger, what exactly happened and how it changed his life, how he used sex to check out and why he considers himself a sex addict, how his sex addiction became riskier as time went one, how and why he got sober, the therpay that helped him remain sober, how and why his wife decided to stay with him and a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

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It's $5 a month. You can just sign in. anytime you could sign out anytime to patreon.com slash chickly anonymous podcast that link is in the description too okay now let's talk about Steve or Stephen I forget what I named him or what he named himself he called in today uh he is he uses the word sex addict he believes he's a sex addict uh he's done all kinds of crazy things I mean before you know he did all kinds of crazy things when he cheated on his wife behind her back but he was doing crazy things before he even got married to his wife. He was acting out because he had hard core things happened to him when he was

younger. He knows what happened to him when he was younger. It was sexual abuse. He talks about that. You'll be horrified when you hear about who abused him and what went down. He talks about how that affected his life. He talks about all the kinds of crazy scenarios he got involved with because he was addicted. I mean, this was a guy that, you know, sex was his drug. So, Any way he could get off, he would get off. So whether you were a guy or a girl, whether you were someone he knew or not, whether he knew you for two minutes or two hours or two years,

he might fuck you because he was just looking to have SEX. That was his addiction. That was his drug of choice. He talks about some crazy scenarios that he did, how he had his first guy on guy experience, the erotic massages he went and had done, the hand job he got on airplanes, the neighbors he fucked, the receptionists,

he knew for one second that he fucked and where he fucked her and why she fucked him and all that kind of good stuff as well as all the stuff about, you know, how he realized he was a sex addict, how he got caught, he eventually got caught, and that's how he got quote unquote sober, you know, and he then relapsed and hit rock bottom and then really got into some hardcore counseling

and some interesting kinds of therapies that really helped him and he talks about all of that. This is a great episode. For anyone that thinks they know a sex addict, for anyone thinks that they're with a sex addict, or for anyone who is maybe thinking they're a sex addict or anyone that just likes human nature. This is the stuff I like.

These are the kind of episodes I love. So I'm going to get right to it and be right back on with Stephen. Hi, Stephen. Welcome to the Strictly anonymous podcast. How are you today? I'm good. I'm good.

How are you? I'm good. So I kind of know a lot a little about you. I don't know. You know, the story is always different. You emailed me a lot. But I would say the short story is that you, I mean, you claim that, and these are your words, that you have a sexual addiction.

You have, and you did have a lot of trauma when you were younger. I would, we always go back to that kind of stuff. To me, I always do if somebody has any kind of addiction issues. And in the middle of that, you know, in the beginning, you were taking advantage of of by many people when you were very young. And you have been diagnosed with a lot of issues now as an older person. And in between, you have done a lot of crazy things. Like, you definitely acted out sexually, which makes sense with your backstory, because I know it.

But why don't we, I don't know where you want to start. Let me know if I'm telling your story correctly. Well, so far, everything you've said is accurate. Yeah. Everything is definitely direct and to the point. So yes, everything you've said so far is completely accurate. But let's start. So now are you still married to the wife?

Because what I was under the impression by your email is that you have done. I mean, because you did act out sexually, there's a lot of things you did before you got married. We could get into that stuff. But the stuff that you did when you were married, I mean, you were basic. And I'm assuming you did the stuff when you were married. Like, I mean, you fucked men. You fucked women. You got massages.

You would get off on anybody that you could. And I was under the assumption by what you told me. You mean, you did get caught. So I'm wondering, are you still with the wife that you got? Yes. Okay. Okay. So you were able to work through all that.

That is correct. That's great. You're lucky. How did you get caught? The beginning of getting caught was I was in a, I guess you could call it an electronic affair with somebody from where I grew up. And it was video, you know, video phone kind of. stuff and one day she I guess broke down to her husband and confessed and I was actually good friends

with her with her husband oh no so you know they live in another state so he they called she kept calling me and I wasn't answering and she said please pick up the phone so I went outside to the to the grill I was making dinner and when I called he answered and And I knew right then. In fact, I had an inclination. That's what had happened. And it's probably why I didn't answer. And he told me that he knew.

And he was going to allow me. Well, no, no, no. He was very calm. Yeah, he was very calm about it. Yeah. He respected me. And he said, because keep in mind to most people, it was, it's almost like a, I was a different person. The actions and attitudes I took never related to my public person.

that people knew me as. Yeah. So he only knew me as this other way. So he's like, you know, I know how you are and the gentleman you are, you know, and I'll allow you to come clean to your wife. He said, but you need to tell her before I do. Mm-hmm. He said, I'm going to talk to her later.

He said, I'll let you talk to her first. I weave a tale to try to admit enough, but to stay out of it enough. And things were okay. were a little tense. I had told her I got myself in a little over my head helping them with some of their their issues. You know, this is what had happened. And she seemed okay about it. And then the next day, I'm at work. She calls me and she says, you can find yourself a new place to live. She had gone through the computers and had tried to scrub my social media footprint and had found a lot, not everything, but he found a lot

and enough to convince her that this was not a isolated incident. Right, which a lot of times it's not. I mean, sometimes it is, if it's an affair and it sometimes shit happens, you know, but this was, you were like a serial cheater. You were, it wasn't just with that woman. And it was with men too.

So like, did she find any kind, did she find that stuff as well? Did she know that you had hooked up with guys as well? behind her back? No, as far as I know to this day, she never has. Right. Because I think that would have been harder for her to get over. I mean, it's hard enough, right? But that would have been a whole other thing. Because I think, you know, if you find out your guy is cheating on you with guys, you're like, oh my God, do you, are, are you gay? Are you bisexual? Like, you know, and then maybe the woman will feel like, oh, my God, you know, he wants something that I could never give him.

So how is he ever going to be satisfied? Let me ask you this. Since you've been caught, have you been with guys because that is, you know, that statement is true. If you like a dick every now and then and your husband, your wife can't give it to you, you know, is that something that you still crave? Is it something that you still do or is it something that you're fine living without? Well, I think the, the best thing is to clarify the actions that go along with that. Yeah. It's not a matter of wanting, wanting a dick or wanting men. It actually is, my actions. and everything I've done were all about, selfishly about my getting pleasure. Yeah. You know, it was an extension of, of masturbation,

if you will. Basically, in the beginning, what happened was, yeah, there was some curiosity. And like I had, like I had written to you,

you know, when I was curious, and I convinced that that guy, you know, I baited him along until he would do something, you know, for me. It's a matter of getting off.

You know, I always have a, I always, but I used to have a theory that I would tell people, I said, I don't care who's on their knees in front of me as long as I, as long as it's safe and happy and I get off. I don't care. Right. Mm-hmm. And who's whose mouth it is. Right. I get it. So, so that was the convenience, if you will. Yeah. That makes sense. You know, if I sat there and I was, you know, I was horny and I could get a massage, but it had to be from a guy. Well, well, fine. I'll let him jerk. I'll let him jerk me off. It wasn't a matter of. wanting something. You know, I've always, any of the guys that I've ever interacted with,

it's either been, you know, oral or hands on their part. You know, I experimented orally with them a little bit, but I was, if anything, I would top that. Yes, there were a couple of guys that I fucked, but it never on the receiving end. My interest in that was purely, you know, if I was to receive, would be from a woman. with a strap on.

Yeah. In fact, there was one that her and I had, we had been together, if you will, you know, on the, on the side for, for years. And that was some, that was actually something we had explored doing. But when you're, when you're doing these, these slow coy visits on the side, you know, screwing in cars or, you know, behind a building or up against the tree, setting, setting up an elaborate plan for her to put a strap on. and trying it is not exactly going to happen in, you know, 10 minutes, you know, in a Walmart

parking lot, if you will. Yeah. So, yeah. So like if said, it's kind of like sex is your drug and you're just going to, and you need to get high. And so you just need to get fucking high, right? It doesn't matter where you're getting it from, the kind of thing. It's really not like you said, the person.

It's like what you're taking from it. And it's if you're an addict, like I said, that's your drug. And you're desperate for it. because you need it. Yeah, I mean, that's exactly what it is. It wasn't about, it was definitely never about relationships. It was always about opportunity. I mean, a great example is I was in a building that had a receptionist at the desk I was going

because I needed to get some work done. Of course, I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing in the building. Got to the front desk and they tried to do the, the sly, small talk of, Hey, I don't know where I'm going. Can you help me? You know, and being smiling in this and end. So this receptionist said, well, you know, I know where to go. I'll take you up to that floor where we, you know, there was obviously some flirting and stuff going on.

And not a long story, but short at noon, I drove back around and I picked her up and we went to a shopping center parking lot. Okay. I had her bent over the backseat. Yeah, back, bent over the back seat. of my car and I fucked a hell of her and I didn't even know her last name. I'm not even sure I knew her first name at the time. Yeah, isn't that interesting? Like, like a chucks like, like, you know, how did you guys both spot each other out that you

were both that? Because that's, like, pretty hardcore, you know, kind of, especially for both of you, you know, to just not even know each other in a work environment. There's a lot of things like, you know, that doesn't happen often, not in that quick of a turnaround, you know? For either person. Right. But for me, I didn't, I didn't know her.

I didn't want anything, you know, from her other than to get off. I'm like, hey, this could be. Her too. I'm sure that was her, Emma, as well. Oh, obviously. And I would venture to guess that I was not the first person to walk through the door that's had that experience. Who knows? But, I mean, she had her own things, you know, but that's like two, like I said, like a track's, like, that's two people that are the type that would, you know, just like click into.

you know, and get horny for that and smell that person from a mile away. Like you both knew without even knowing, you know, I mean, that's like that's, like I said, that fast turnaround is that unspoken stuff that goes down. I really believe. So let's just go. So now let me just ask you this quick, like ending of the story and then I want to go back. Like, where are you now? If you're like a, you know, an addict and you know that you have this addiction, are you

clean, quote unquote sober? Are you past it? Are you still acting out? I mean, do you have a grip on it? I'm probably right now, about three, four years now, sober on me on the acting out. I, you know, the thoughts are still there. The desires are still.

There are times where, you know, they get greater than others. There are times when I just, you know, I struggle, you know, daily. You know, I can be out. And I'm like, you know, this should be so easy to do. I would have to really think back to when the last time I acted out was to be with somebody. You know, and that's the thing. It's not about not thinking about it. It's about, okay, if it does come up, what do you do to prevent it?

What do you do to not give in? Yeah, but I also find as a non-drinker, and I'm sober like 18 years at this point, I never. I literally, I never go to that place. I will never imagine what it's like to be drunk. I just, I don't know, because there's something about that that I feel like that part of my brain would take that and run. So I, in a weird way, I just don't ever let my attention go there. So I do think, and that's why AA couldn't work for me,

only because talking about not drinking all the time would just keep me in that part of my brain where this stuff exists. And so to me it was much better to just be completely out of it and not go there and not think about it. I think that sometimes that's like worse for certain kinds of people. I mean, everything works for different kinds of people. That's how I mind fuck myself. I do think not thinking about it.

Works are just not going and imagining those kinds of scenarios does help. Because I do think, you know, thoughts, you know, take you places. Yeah. No, and I wholeheartedly agree. I think part of the problem is it's such a prevalent throw in society. I mean, you can't turn on the TV. You can't read something. Hell, you can't even drive down the street and not have a sexual image thrown in front of you in some capacity.

Yes. The other problem for me is I... You have that sex still. Well, that too. Yes. And I see the places where things happened. I get in a car and I'm going here or I walk there. I'm going somewhere and I'm like, you know, and a lot of times it's a guilt ridden thing.

I'll drive by and I'm like, yep, I was with, I was with that person in that cul-de-sac. Hey, I know that stairwell or I know that parking lot or I know that tree. Do you have a number? Well over 100. Right. I think one time I actually tried to make, to come up with a number and I wanted to say it was like 150. 175. Mm-hmm.

And I think I had stopped counting at that point. Now, when your wife found out, did she find out, like, that kind of scope of things? Or did she just find out about a couple people? Or did she just, was it opening up Pandora's box? She found out about a couple of people and certain things. And I, you know, there were definitely things I had to, you know, definitely come clean about. For example, we had been, it gives us. given items, you know, as hand-me-downs among, you know, either, you know, friends or neighbors do when they're done using them.

And so we had been getting these from a woman. But as my wife said, I didn't realize that they came with a, that came with a baggage or restriction that she gave us this and you fucked her repeatedly. So there were things like that that I had to, had to come clean about. but to the scope and the extent of what I did and what I've done, no during counseling and therapy when we were together in them. There was some, you know, to some extent, I mean, the backstories, my traumas and all that. She definitely is aware of. In fact, she was aware of most of them before we got married.

But like I said, to the, to the horrid, hard extent. know. Right. So when did you, but you started acting out way before her and that's how she, so she knew about some of those things beforehand. So why don't we go, I mean, do you want to tell some things that you did, like the crazier things? And then we could actually also talk about, I'm sure it's going to eventually go back to the stuff that happened to you when you were younger, or maybe we should just go there now. Well, why don't, why don't we go there now and set the, kind of set the tone? Yeah. I was sexually abused the first time by my, my sister.

Parents had gone out. This was the early 80s, very early, and parents left kids at home all the time with babysitters with relatives. I remember being called down the hall one day to her room, and she was in her room

laying naked on her bed, and she told me to come in, get undressed, and told me to start doing things to her. And I'm, you know, as a, you know, I'm like, well, she's, you know, and my brother as well, she's called us both in there. He's a couple of years older than me, and we kind of kind of looked at each other, and that's, well, she's, she's our sister.

She's not going to tell us to do things we shouldn't do, you know, and, you know, and, you know, and so here I find myself as, you know, as a single-digit age child, if you will, being, being told to go down on my sister. You know, she's specific from what she wanted. So that went on for a while, and my brother had stopped, and he said, hey, this isn't right. Mm-hmm. And I don't really know how long it went on for it. It's completely blocked out in my mind. But he had stopped, and I continued because, again, I didn't know that what we were doing was wrong. Mm-hmm.

And so. Were you younger than your brother? Or was he older? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My sister is about 10 years older. and my brother's about three years older.

Okay. So, and it continued for a while. I don't know how it stopped. I don't really remember. Yeah. So then move a couple of years later, and then it became my brother's turn to, to abuse me.

I remember him coming in and saying, hey, you know, we should do this, you know? And next thing, I know, he's, you know, got his pants off, and he's like, hey, you know, just, you know, just, you know, you know kind of you know dressed like me and and all that so but i remember stopping him pretty quick i at the time i'm like this this isn't right no yeah i just i don't understand but next you know

so at that point you know i've already been abused twice and i'm finally getting into the age of you know my own curiosity you know this is back in the days of the victoria secret catalogs right that's all you had yeah yeah my father's my father had a uh gosh, he had a porn collection from the 70s that, you know, that was in the attic, you know, of playboys from the

70s. You know, and so that was what we do. We would have go in the attic and we'd look at them and find them and I'd, you know, get hard, not understand it at the time. Once I did finally understand it, that getting hard was fun. You know, I can still tell you,

the first time I ever got off was a, sports illustrated swim suit issue to Heather Lockley in a pink bikini and I was grinding myself on my mattress until I came in my pants. But then at that point it was any time somebody wasn't home, I was sneaking a look at porn. I was getting my dentist videos. I was going up in the attic.

It was finding just playboys missing act. So I figured that this was normal. That's what sex was. It was people who just, you know, slammed each other, grunted really hard, shot all over, and that was it. And then so, and like I had mentioned in my email, you know, I never really had a girlfriend. I was always the friend or this and that. I think I was drug along just to be useful. And so not a lot of experience, not a lot of attention. And then I went to a summer camp where I was a junior counselor for inner city kids.

And so I was a help and I was helping out. So they put all these kids together. And while I had been there that week, I remember she was a college student. She went to Brown. You know, she would always kind of give me a hug every day and flirt and this and that. I'm like thinking that I'm the man. Here I am. I think I was 14.

You know, I'm getting this attention. I'm strutting around. I think I'm cool. So while we're on an overnight camping trip and these kids are trying to figure out how to make a dinner and make a fire. She called me over to her tent, and this is going to sound horrible, but she had cookies. You know, so here I get learned to attend with cookies. Yeah.

And, um... How old were you again? 14. Okay. At the time, yeah. Yeah. So next thing I know, I, I wake up and I noticed, it was kind of weird. I noticed this was my, my pocket knife was on the floor of the tent, laying on my back

on the floor of the tent, and stuff's out of my pocket. And then I look down and my pants are undone. My fly is down. My belt buckles undone. You know, I'm dressed. You know, my clothes are pulled up, but definitely not as they were when I first went in there. And she is not in the tent. What do you mean?

I'm alone in the tent. She was not there. Right. So this, I had fallen asleep. I assume. Right. Right. She left.

Yeah. Yeah. So I don't remember anything after going in. into the tent and seeing her and starting to have small talk. And then I wake up with my pants up. Yeah, you probably learned how to, you know, fucking check out after all that stuff that happened to you. You know, you probably just knew how to disconnect.

At that point, because you had been abused so much before already. Yeah, and I think you're exactly right when you're talking about just being checked out. Because then fast forward to high school, still not seeing. anybody not really you know always being a friend and not for lack of trying i mean i like you know there are girls i liked and i would tell them and get shot down and then so you know i had there's always i also back in the time it was the the rock chicks in my day she had you know chain jacket big hair this and that and uh we were friends you know and um you're kind of flirty and it was to the point where she needed a ride to work and i was i could drive and it was just

happened to be Wednesdays and so we were hanging out and I told I'd give her a ride to school or a ride to work and we we stopped somewhere and she said oh she said well she said well what do you want so and I knew what she was saying so I just pulled my dick out and she says she goes yeah how do I know and she just you know went to town sucking me off in the car and so that became a routine and it wasn't we weren't attached or anything it was just every Wednesday I'd drive her at work and she'd blow me you know in the parking lot, you know, it was gas money, if you will. You know, she, she, she, she, she didn't mind. I definitely didn't mind.

You know, so that was how my, my senior year of high school went. Right. And, and that really started the, the awakening, if you will. I think at that point, I decided, you know, I can be, you know, it's enough of doing things for other people and being a nice guy. You know, I'm, I'm going to do what I want to make myself feel good. Right. Or you felt like it was enough of doing that. Now you wanted to take control and do it for yourself is what you're saying?

Yeah, I think it was enough of being the nice guy, taking advantage of both obviously sexually and emotionally. Yeah, no, I think that there's a lot of control things that happen when you are not in control of yourself when you were younger and being abused. So therefore I think a lot of acting out sexually is just that. It's taking back the control and saying, hey, I'm going to do this myself. Like now I'm in control of this.

You know, but then, you know, it's a vicious cycle because you do wind up hurting yourself because when you're acting out sexually, it's, it's, you're working through that kind of trauma and you're not really being kind to yourself. But we don't know that at first. You know, that takes a long time to figure out. Yeah, exactly. It's the cyclical addiction. Yeah. You know, the addiction, you know, pattern.

And like I said, I did not, it didn't matter to me. And obviously, I was, I was undiagnosed with depression. Yeah. From, from what was going on. And I knew that I had depression. I had, you know, bouts of it. But I didn't, you know, obviously I didn't get taken care of my parents either didn't, didn't know or were, you know, oblivious to how it was going. And not that they, not that they were, you know, they were wrong or malicious.

I mean, they were wonderful people. Yeah. You know, I don't think they realized it. So like I said, that really started, started the adventures. And then I got in, I was going to a community college, so I was sticking around. And I was, I was doing work study on campus. I was in a martial arts club. So there was never a lack of, of new people to meet.

Right. And, I mean, I, you know, there were some that. that I would, as my wife had called it, when we would, you know, once I had been found out, she would call it hunting, you know, as I was hunting for when. Yeah. And that was the thing. I mean, it was, you know, what's called it?

What is? It was hunting and they were prey. Yeah. You know, I, like I said, I did work, study on campus, and there were girls that came into where I worked. And, you know, within a week, I would be coming in early to fuck them. I was in a martial arts club, and it just happened to be the ratio of five girls to,

two guys and I think I mentioned in my email. By the end of the first year, I went through each and every girl in that martial arts club. And they seemed to know and didn't care, but I fucked every single one of them. Right. And the thing is I really, I didn't have a type. I didn't have anybody that I was searching for. It was just a willing participant to make me get off. Right.

You know, and I'm sure that most times it was about, you know, I got mine and they didn't get theirs. You know, it's as horrible as that sounds, you know, nowadays, you know, it was, like I said, at the time, it was all about me. Yeah. And how I wanted to feel. So then, you know, then it, you know, it, you know, and I occasionally would stop for a while. And I was never not focused on trying to have a relationship or have a, a decent. life, but it was kind of two-sided. You know, there was my normal,

nice person life and wanting to find someone to be in a relationship with, but then there was that other dark monster side that was just, you know, it was just, you know, a raging heart on looking to get off. Right. And that was what led to the first man

experience. You know, I was, I was curious, you know, I knew people that were gay. I knew people that were bisexual. and it didn't really it wasn't really a draw I mean I wasn't one of these it said ooh I want to try it dick you know I want one

you know I was curious so I contacted me and of course these were fledgling back in the day it was the lesbian and by gay alliance on campus so I made I actually reached out to their president and I said hey

I'm curious what what's all this bisexual stuff about, you know, I don't understand how this, how this works. Hilarious. You know, which, you know, honestly, in a way, I didn't. I mean, I, you know, it definitely was not a subject that, uh, no, but you were going there because, yeah, but that was your pickup line. Yeah, yeah, at the end of it, you're right.

And then so, so the correspondence went, went back and forth for a while, and then while he said that this was, they were not a, a, a dating service, you know, per se, he would, he would, he would help me to try to understand. And I knew that I had abated him a little bit. And finally, one day, we were in a computer lab and just, I didn't know he was there. I was there too. We were chatting on the computer. And he had asked that I made any progress with my curiosity.

And I said, no, not yet. I said, I'm still looking. And he said, well, I think I can help you with that. And he told me to meet him over at another building. on the basement level. He said there's a handicapped bathroom meet me over there. So I walked across campus.

I went into that room and got out of bathroom, shut the door and locked it. And it was one of these things where at that point I was now the one going for a whirlwind because he just pushed me up against the door, yanked my pants down and just went to town.

Right. Just sucking me off. And I'll admit, It was awesome. It was a great blow job. It really was. And, you know, and of course, when I got done, I immediately fled and fled the building. I was like, you know, that was pretty good.

I said, that could definitely be an option for me. Right. You know, if I can't find a willing female participant, I am sure that I can find a guy that will be willing to do this for me. Yeah. So now you're pulled. just gets even larger. I mean, now it's easier for you to get what you need. Yeah, now I've got multiple outlets.

Yeah. Smart. So that continued, that kind of mentality, that kind of action continued for a while. But like you said, the times when things would start to cause problems started to arise. I had a very good friend at the time. He was dating this girl. she we were in the same school he wasn't there but she was and uh she would come by and say hi we were friends but i i noticed that she was a little flirty and i'll admit i kind of had that

little tinge of attraction to her and of course the respectful side knew it was bad so don't even go there don't even think about it well she kept coming around and you know the hugs got longer and this and that and one day she would she came by to talk to me and I just could not look at her. And she kept, you know, and literally, I mean, you can imagine almost look like boxers dancing. She would be in front of me. I would look down and she says,

why looking at me? And I told her, because just you should go, you should go. And of course it didn't. And finally she did. We started, we started making out. Yeah. You know, and we never, we never fucked. but eventually he found out.

I think she told him or something, I don't know. So that was the beginning of the end of that friendship. Now, there were a lot of other issues on the side. He, you know, he was, the friendship was distancing itself long before that, but this was just the, this was the bomb that really set everything else in motion to end the friendship. But it was really a shame because we had been friends for probably 20 years. Mm-hmm. That's the problem with addiction, you know,

and it really can fuck up your world, you know? I mean, it's just you could leave a lot of stuff behind. It could ruin a lot of relationships. I mean, you're lucky that you're still with your wife. I was wondering really quick, what happened with the woman that you were having an affair, that you knew, like the online affair with her husband? Are they still together and are you still friends with that?

or is that a done deal? We are not friends anymore. After that, yeah. No, we don't correspond. As far as I know, every once in a while, I catch a glimpse of them through social media. As far as I know, they are still together. Right. So they made it through, too.

And you made it through. Yeah. Right. Correct. Yeah. Okay, so go back. So you eventually meet your wife and all of this. Mm-hmm.

And you guys get married. Correct. And how soon after you're married, I think like right before you're married, you're like fucking people, right? I mean, cheating. Oh, yeah. Well, still was because what happened was I actually moved states to be with her. I was in a different state. We were dating long distance.

And I moved down to make a go at it, if you will, you know, and go with the relationship. Of course, during the time of dating and flying back and forth, I made friends with some of her friends and family friends down here and in fact it started a flirtation already with one of them and when I moved down here to to to make a go with the relationship within three days one of those friends was over at our house while my wife was a girlfriend at the time was at work and you know we started our fucking relationship oh my goodness she came a terrible friend Well, you know, and that was a thing.

She was a family friend. And so here she is, you know, well, he just moved here and doesn't know anybody. So I'll go over and say hi, you know. Yeah. You know, sit hi with every hole in our body and everything else. But it wasn't just that. I mean, I, you know, I ended up screwing two of our neighbors, the coldest act we lived on. And then I started looking around for new people.

I mean, I had just moved here. I didn't know anybody. Yeah. You know, and that's really when I found the whole erotic massage culture, if you will. It was pretty, it was pretty rampant in the area I lived in. A lot of individual people were doing them. They were listed on Craigslist and, you know, and AOL, you know, at the time you could look up, you know, people. And in fact, when I was at the point where I couldn't find any females, I found a male masseuse that I,

I knew judging by the website was gay, and I baited him the same way I dated that guy in college. And so I went and got an erotic massage and blowjob at the end. And that started actually a friendship with that person. And a almost, you know, twice monthly visit, you know, for a massage and, you know, in some form of release. and then every once in a while just on a friendship level I'd say stop by and hang out and get

off or you know which eventually led to me fucking him you know and then of course still finding other women whether it work or casually you know and hell I think I picked up somebody in the line at subway one day you know

yeah so did you use condoms were you like and if you didn't did you ever get any kind of STD like were you and I would assume you'd be paranoid about that at on some level or no or were you the first the first time with everybody was always always protected yeah but but then me if if I keep in mind most times a lot of them were were one and done but any of them that I um continue yeah continued if you want to call a relationship you if you want to if you want to they um not one

usually after the first or second time, I didn't. Right. And did you ever catch anything? Nope. And I got tested, you know, often, you know, on my own and everything just to be sure. But no, I never did. Right. So, okay, so keep going.

So you're like, you know, you're not even married yet at this point, right? You're doing all this. Correct. Yeah. Then you get married and it just continues. I mean, how long were you married, you know, how long of a span of time? I mean, how old are you now and how long ago did you get caught? Yeah, I'm going to be 45.

Let's see, I got caught 10 years ago. Okay. So it went on, gosh, it went on for probably 10 years. Right. 10 years of living together. Mm-hmm. The whole time, because you're doing it before, you're doing it during. It continued before, during, and then after.

And, you know, and it was, and it wasn't all the time. I mean, it wasn't, hmm, let me wake up and do this today. There were times where I would go. Yeah. I would try to, I knew it was wrong. So there were times where I tried to convince myself to stop, you know, and try to stop. And maybe had been successful for six weeks, maybe three months or whatever. And then eventually it would come back to it.

But I always thought, oh, I don't need me help. I can do this on my own, you know, and it never did, you know, and it never stopped. And like I said, you know, it got even more brazen. I, uh, whether it was in public, whether it was with people that, that I knew, people that I shouldn't have been. I mean, the, the neighbors next door were having a house sitter. And I remember trying to, to bait her. And it didn't quite, go all the way but she you know it did to the point where I would stand in the backyard and she would look at me from the window and I would jerk off in my backyard you know so there was definitely

it would get more and more more brazen risky and everything so I think had had I not been found out at home I I do think that eventually the actions would have caused me to have gotten in some serious form of trouble. I mean, I still can't believe, I mean, one, I think I had mentioned to you, at one point, I was, I was on a flight on Southwest, and I was flirting with a woman in line. So, and we get on the plane to fly back to where I live. And we're just talking in line. We just sit down and I'm at the window. She's in the aisle seat.

And no sooner that we level off, she grabs a magazine out of the, uh, the, the round. in front of me and she goes don't you want to read this puts the tray table down in front of me and puts the magazine on it well next thing I know her hands on my thigh and she's and she's starting to roll my cross right I immediately you know like heck yeah I pull it out and you know she jerks me under the under the tray table and I'm going can you imagine if I had gotten caught you know when we when we arrived back home my wife was coming to the airport to pick me out and would have picked me up at the police station or whatever,

and I would have had to have explained this. Or I could have been, there are plenty of times that I could have been fired, had people found me doing this stuff at work. Yeah. So, while don't get me wrong, the thrill was fun, the actions were, you know, were exciting. And, you know, and definitely, you know,

obviously your, your listeners would love the stories of think that, hey, those are, those are cool. I said, well, yeah, if you're a single, if you're a single or person in an open relationship, yeah, they're great. But somebody in my, in my state, it's not, you know, it's funny because I have been with friends that they've had open relationships and I've kind of jump and say, hey, well, since you guys are in an open relationship, I'll help, you know, I'll jump in. None of them had lasted.

Every one that I've known in personally, it's been into open relationships. The relationship is broken apart and it's moved on. So it's one of those things where I think I knew deep down that this was a, this was a tragedy waiting to occur. Yeah. And I do believe, and I've said this many times that, especially to guys that are like one chapter before getting caught, you know, like where you're at where you're doing something and you're feeling really guilty about it. I'm like, listen, the part of you that feels

guilty, the part of you that knows it's wrong subconsciously is going to write this wrong by whatever you know way it can. So you are heading for a false. So either do it with your head up high and, you know, go get the help you need or it's going to be done for you. But on some level, you brought yourself to that. You know, it's a subconscious thing. It's very different than the person that's doing it. It doesn't feel a fucking thing about it. Those people could go on their whole lives, you know. But when you do have that confliction, and in a weird way, I have to say as an addict who got sober myself, I mean, you're lucky you had that. That part of you saved you.

And you're lucky, like you said, that it happened, you know, that you didn't get busted. I mean, you did get caught and your wife was collateral damage. And like, you know, if I was talking to her, it's so she wasn't lucky at all. I get that. But, you know, in a weird way, you were saved. you know, but I do believe that you brought that on yourself on some level because you had had enough. There was some part of you that had enough.

The part of you that knew it was wrong. The part of you that didn't want to feel guilty. That part of you won. And like I said before, I do believe that you're lucky because you were saved. You know, you got out of that sort of because all that is is like, you know, the mouse on the wheel. You're just chasing the fucking dragon. and you're never going to get what you want because all you're doing is running away from all this

pain and and you're hurting everybody like all those all those relationships in the dust and all that stuff that you're doing you know and and you're just hurting yourself too because all that acting out is you just not even being kind to yourself you know so having that all come up and out I mean I would assume after you got busted you got into therapy and You started to really unpack the stuff that happened to you when you were younger. Did you always remember? Yeah. Yeah, I always did.

I mean, how did you go to family functions with your brother and sister? I would go. And we're not very close. And we all live in different places. And I'll be honest with you. I don't, I don't remember the last time we were all together. I think the last time we were all together was my niece got married. and gosh, she's got two kids now.

She's been married six years maybe. So that was the last time we were all together. And if I speak to either of them more than maybe twice, three times a year, it would be a lot. Of course. I mean, I would assume that it would be so uncomfortable for you to be in their presence. Yeah, it is. And the thing is they've never once brought it up. They've never once apologized.

I don't think they've ever dealt with whatever issues were, where they're. own that led them in that direction. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, and I, you know, they, they don't know what I've been through. In fact, my, when I first got to 10 years ago when this first found out, I let my parents in a little bit on what was going, you know, they didn't know much. They knew I got busted and being involved with somebody and that was it.

But then I was, you know, I had gone, we'd gone into therapy, we reconciled. And then it was years later when I truly relapsed and began again. And my wife found out. And at that point in time, things got really, really dark. I had completely hit rock bottom. This was probably about this was about the four years ago now to the point where I was, I had to be evaluated at a mental institution for failure to cope. I was

There was a debating I'm whether I was a suicide risk You know that kind of stuff You know rightfully And rightfully so Yeah Well that that's when I brought my parents on board I said I don't have a lot of friends

I really don't have any I mean I don't have people I call and go hang out with I don't have that social support network So I remember calling with my wife We sat on the couch and we called my parents that night And that was the first time So here they are here their 40-year-old son tell them that he was sexually abused as a child, and they had no.

By their own children. No, no, no, no, no. I never told them who. And to this day, they won't. And that's, I can't, I just, I don't feel that I can put that kind of hurt on them. Not at their age. Not at the twilight years of their life. I understand.

Yeah. That's hard. That I will keep with me. But yeah, so they had to, I had to read them in, if you will. I had to bring them on board to what was going on. And they've been really good. They've been a support. I actually, I talk to them daily.

I've gone through, you know, a couple of different therapists to kind of level out where I am. I did some, what they call EMDR therapy. It's a trauma. That was actually, that was really, really good. good. I really recommend that. I recommended that to somebody a couple of days ago for some trauma, and they had never heard of it, and I gave them a number, and they're looking into it now. But it really is a great program to do.

And so I went through a specialized sexual addiction counselor, and then I worked with some trauma counselors. you know I also have some some PTSD from from my my profession and and life as an adult so that kind of helped as well and you know it was kind of kind of geared everything down now I have a I have a weekly therapist that I talk to I have you know I have some other some other support I have unique you know some people who have really unique positions and their their lives that excel at helping people. And so it's really, it's not a lot, but I found my niche and I found what I need to do. You know, like I said,

but at the end, I, you know, it's a, it's a struggle that, you know, is yourself well-know. That,

you got to keep it bay every day. You know, some days are better than others, but, but you do what you got to do. Yeah, and I just think that, I mean,

it's like, we're, I mean, I don't know what happened to your brother. and your sister too, but when you were dealt, you know, because like maybe your brother acted out because of what your sister did, you know, like what's the chicken or the egg, like, which came first? And then like, what happened to your sister that she did that to you, you know?

So who knows what their story really is or what they're dealing with, you know? And not to say that. That's not an excuse, you know, but my whole point is that like, you know, you're dealt this hand of cards and what you do with it, you know, is tough. And when you are, it's like, it just goes to show that these things, like, affect your whole life. Like, it's, you know what I mean? Like, it's your whole life you've had to deal with this. And it's now that you're really doing the work. When you were acting out, it was just, you know, and, but that's like to be expected, you know, and so many people are still in that phase of it. Like I said, I do believe,

you are one of the lucky ones that you were able to come clean and put it on the table and say, you know what? Like, I'm done doing that. And now I'm going to try to undo what was done, you know? And maybe you're never going to totally, you know, and there's always going to be something there for the rest of your life. But you started to work on it. And that's amazing. Well, I appreciate that. And I think you're exactly right. I, you know, I, It is not lost on me how things have turned out for me. And I think that's one of the reasons that I have to continue to do what I do because I need to earn my luck, if you will.

I need to earn the good fortune, you know, that has turned my way. Uh-huh. Right. You can stay sober. And if it means as I go along, I help somebody else, you know, correct me their wrongs or set them on the path that they need to do, then so be it. I mean, people have talked to me that say I should do some sort of, you know, I should help. I should be a, but the funny thing is I don't feel that I have a right to do that.

I feel, you know, people say, hey, you should tell your story. You should help out these people that have an issue. and I feel like I can't do that. I feel like such a fraud when they tell me. I don't know. I'm like, who am I to give advice to somebody when I was probably worse than they were? I struggle with that and I don't know how to get over that.

Yeah, I think that's just a part of your journey, but eventually you might be able to come out on the other side. I mean, as a person that went through a lot of like really bad stuff and was an addict in my own way, and like, you know, I'm 17, like 18, 17. I don't even know at this point.

But like, it really, It really takes time. If I think of where I was at in four years compared to where I am now, and I could really talk on it and I feel like I could really help someone on addiction and stuff, but you've become much more professional down the line. I think it's just still too new with yourself. So I understand that, but that doesn't mean that two years from now you're going to feel very different and you will feel like you're helping people.

Maybe you still need to just be there for yourself and you still need most of yourself to be helping yourself. But eventually, when you really feel your feet under the ground and that you really have a fucking grip, you know, and that might be five years from now, it does take a long time. Like every year, you will just feel so much better, you know, but over time, I do think you'll probably get to that place where you will be able to be like, okay, you know what? I do have this thing under control. And I can go now help others. And you will, you know, but maybe right now it's not the time. But you are, you know what I mean?

being on the show, people are going to find, I love episodes like this. Like I know that my audience a lot of time is looking for this SEX stuff, but this kind of stuff is like my favorite stuff. I was actually thinking of creating another podcast where it's more clean and I just do the stuff that I really love,

just talking to people about the regular problems and having these kinds of conversations because I love them, you know, because I really started my show because I like to help people. And, you know, I believe that you will be helping people because the right people will find this episode. You're not just helping people like you.

You're helping the woman who maybe is searching for to hear, you know, for the guy's perspective who's cheating, like why they do that, right? Because a lot of times, like, you know, someone doesn't understand that, right? Like, here you are a guy. Like, what would you say to the woman who's listening to this that just found out that her husband is like you and thinks, oh my God, he doesn't love me? oh my God, I wasn't good enough for him. You know, I feel like your words to that person could also help too, because I believe

that they're probably, you know, why don't you speak to that too? Like, it had nothing to do with your wife, right? And I think I was going to understand that. If that woman asked me, asked me that question, say, you know, we were opening it up and she said, you know, hey, he did that. My first thing to her, I said, you know, I would tell her, I said, you did nothing wrong. This has nothing to do with you as an individual. this has nothing to do with your

your sexual abilities, experience, in experience, this has nothing to do with you. Your husband, your boyfriend, whoever this was has something that they need to work through, whether they have an addiction, whether they had a history of abuse, whether they're searching for something, maybe they, you know, it's cliche as it sounds,

maybe they have a failure or inability to commit, whatever it is. I said, but this has nothing to do with you as a woman. As a woman, you have done nothing wrong but been, you know, been attentive and, you know, been attractive and welcoming to him, you know, with your, with your body and your, in your person. So don't ever feel that you were the cause. And while you may feel, and rightfully so, that you have been a victim in this and that you have been hurt by it, and you have. And I, you know, and I wish that this did not happen to you. do know that every day it will get better and you are not the cause if anything you're going to be

you're going to be the solution to somebody else's lot in life somebody else's struggle somebody else's desire to find somebody welcoming and now is that how has your wife been in therapy like how how did she get past all this she no she she she hates therapy in fact i had to i had i had i had a lot to to get her to go to marriage counseling. In fact, I had, I had to be honest, I had to sign an agreement to get her to go.

But, no, she has her family. She has her friends and is cliche, again, I have to say it is this is going to sound. She has her faith. She is what we call a cradle Catholic. She was, she was born that way and will die that way.

and she firmly believes you know you don't give up you know you don't give up on loving you don't give up on people and honestly that that in itself I think

probably saved and did more for me than even some of the therapy even indirectly yeah for sure yeah you're very lucky you met the perfect person for you because that's what you needed.

You needed an unconditional kind of relationship for yourself, you know, and you needed because I'm sure that really helped. You know, I think, and not to say that another woman leaving you wouldn't have been right for her, right? But for you, that would have been such another, you know, blow to your life that you were very lucky in this situation to have been with her, that she has that faith. that, you know, made her stay and gave you that validation, like, no matter what, I'm here for you. Because that little boy needed that because you didn't have anybody there for you at that time when you were younger.

Yeah, exactly. You know, so you really did meet the perfect partner. You know, wives or partners of people with addictions, I think it's always hard because you think, oh, like, that person doesn't love me. But when there's addiction going on or like these, it will always be number one. It always comes before and has nothing to do with the person and that's just the way that it is, you know? But I think it's very hard to understand that if you're not the addict. Like I said, I do think that down the line you will probably get to a point where you will be helping others, but you're helping people even now. Like you said, when I gave that person the MDR therapy information, you know, those little things that you're doing now, you're helping people by talking about it by being open.

and by giving the story on my show, you're helping people too. Yeah, it's all I can do. So thanks so much for calling in, you know, and telling your story. Thank you. All right, thanks so much. Bye.

Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for tuning in to this week's episode. If you want to follow the show, follow me at Strict Anonymous on Instagram or Twitter. That's at Strict Anonymous. If you are on YouTube, make sure to subscribe. I love YouTube as a platform.

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That's patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. The link is also in the description below. Thanks so much for listening. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available, not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story.

There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters.

It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories, 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audio book is available coming out August

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