Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 538 - Fetish Friday: Terry is Into Crossdressing, Pee Play, Trans Women, Watching his Wife with Other Men and More

Episode Date: October 7, 2022

Terry is into cross dressing, pee play, trans women, watching his wife with other men and more and he called in to talk all about it. When did he first realize he was a crossdresser? When did he realize he was into pee play? And, when did he start hooking up with trans women? Tune in to find out plus hear all about how any why he came to realize he was fluid and how his crossdressing doesn’t define him, how his first girlfriend caught him and how she reacted, his first memories at a daycare that sparked his interest in pee play, the traumatic experiences he had with a guy in middle school, how what he did effected him and how he tied it into his crossdressing, how he started acting out and became hyper sexual, how buying clothing and crossdressing became a rush he chased, his experiences with trans women and what exactly went down, his first time trying anal and how he really enjoyed it, how he started hooking up with married men, where he met them and what he did with them, how and why he was doing all of this behind his wife’s back, how he felt about cheating and how he eventually got caught, how it led to him confessing everything and how his wife reacted, how therapy helped him through everything, how him and his wife not hook up with men together, how and why they enjoy chastity play and a whole lot more **To see anonymous pics of Terry + a ton of exclusive crossdressing content + see anonymous pics of most of my female guests + get early access to all episodes, join my Patreon. It's only $10 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd Want to be on the show? Email [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show." Have something quick you want to confesss? OR Call the hotline at 347-420-3579. Your voice will be changed, so you remain anonymous Want a private convo with me that won't be aired on the show? All calls are private, confidential and anonymous. Click here for more info: https://calendly.com/strictlyanonymouspodcast/45min Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Youtube https://www.youtube.com/c/StrictlyAnonymouspodcast Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Santa Port or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. It's real problems. Do your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your wits and change. Here is your host, Kathy.

Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. This is Fidish Fridays. If you have a fetish that you want to talk about and reveal on my show, everyone remains anonymous. That's why it's called Strictly Anonymous. I change everybody's voices. And you can make up a phony name. You could call me from a phony number. If you have a fetish you want to talk about or just a regular secret naughty life where you have a problem and nobody wants to talk to you about it anymore. And you want my unprofessional advice. I think I give good advice. It's unprofessional though. You could be on my show. Send me an email, strictly anonymous podcast

at gmail.com. Go to my website, strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on be on the show or call my confessions hotline. That's 347447.4-203579. That's 347-4-7. You could leave a naughty confessions there, but you could also leave me a message there telling me what you want to talk about on my show. And if I think it's right for the show, I will send you a link to sign up. Yeah, if you're on a podcast app, make sure to subscribe if you're listening on YouTube, subscribe to my show. If you could give me a five-star review wherever you are. Do that if you love my show, only if it's real.

So listen, today I have on Terry. Now, I'm obsessed with this episode. I don't know that if I do it a disservice, I'm putting it just on Fetish Fridays. Maybe it should have went on a regular day because maybe some people will think it's just about cross-dressing or these fetishes, but it's so much more.

And that's what I love about this one. There's so many different layers to it. Terry is a guy who is into cross-dressing. He's also into P-Play. He's also into hooking up with transgender females. He is also, or has been or was. a major cheater. He's starting to get into the whole

stag vixen thing with his girl, his wife, they're into chastity play now, and there's so much, like I said, that he's into that. I don't even know if it just should be on Fettish Fridays because some of people will be able to relate to this episode or learn from this episode, because this guy, Terry, has

had a lot of stuff go down in his life. He had a lot of trauma when he was younger. He acted out on that trauma. He got busted acting out, caught cheating two different times, one with his girlfriend, one with his wife. But his wife eventually stayed from him. And then that getting caught was definitely a huge catalyst for him that changed his whole game. His wife is now knows all about his cross-dressing

and everything that he's into. And she's now playing with guys. She's watched him with guys that are having three sons. But before we get into that transformation, he does talk about all the things that led up to that. The trauma and the horrific stuff that happened to him when he was younger, the fetishes that he had, they had nothing to do with the trauma. So here's this kid who has these fetishes, but then he has this trauma, and then it all sort of comes together, and then he acts out, and he talks about all of that. But we talk about everything kind of separately, but to hear it all together in a story is so super fascinating and it's very real life. So like I said, we talk about when he started getting into cross-dressing, the P-play thing,

does come from like a little bit of exploration when he's younger. He talks about that. And then him getting into cross-dressing when he starts dressing secretly and doing all that undercover, when he starts to see trans women and hooking up with them. And then getting into anal play and all of that kind of stuff. And then, like I said, he gets into when he met his wife, how he met her, how he felt about cheating on her and living this whole double life and how he was, how and why he was acting out, okay, because that comes into play.

And then him getting busted and then everything changes from there. And now he's like living his best life. He is in Chastity as we speak. Okay, when we were talking. He's like, oh yeah, I'm in Chastity. They're into Chastity play now. He was once in Chastity for one whole month. He talks about that.

He talks about their threesomes they're getting into and all the kind of good stuff. But it's so fascinating because of the change and how you see like a full story and a big transformation. one person's life through work. I mean, this is a guy who went to therapy and really wanted to change and he did. And that's what's so great about this episode. So anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Terry. Hi, Terry. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? Hi. I'm good. Terry, now listen, I'm going to change your voice, which is to make it sound kind of feminine. Like Terry is, it could be a girl or a guy's name. You're a cross-dresser.

So I always feel like my cross-dresses, of course, want their voices a little higher than lower. I mean, because your voice is kind of deep, right? I'm going to make it higher. So people are going to know what I'm talking about. But you do, you know, you are a guy, but you do like to cross-dress. Correct? Yeah. Yeah, and that's evolved over the years.

Initially, I thought I wanted to be more feminine with a high voice and soft features. But through my growth, through my marriage with my wife, I've kind of. of evolved into this like in touch with my feminine but still still being my masculine self and being proud to be both whenever I want so we her and I kind of go by this rule of fluid you know everything's fluid oh I love that I'm so glad that I just gave that little speech about that because you actually like specifically have dealt with that and work through that and come on the other side and you're here to say that like you don't you you have mastered that balance actually I don't know if I'd use mastered, but yeah, I'm working on it.

And I've learned to sort of remove the shame. That's all part of my journey. And I'm hoping to sort of share with you and your listeners that, you know, it started as one thing. And then as I've gotten to know myself and my wife has given me the space to explore myself, I found it's not necessarily any sort of definition. It's just me being able to be in touch with certain parts of me that society puts the definitions on. And I don't necessarily fit all those. listen, I think that labels and stuff like that are important, especially at times when you can't

figure, when you're learning about yourself, but I totally get that eventually, I think what happens is exactly what you just said. Once you really work through it and you know, maybe you need those labels in the beginning, once you really work through it and you really are just accepting, what do you need those fucking labels for, right? It just, it is what it is. You are who you are. You like what you like, whatever you fucking want. That's like, but I think a lot of people aren't at that place and that's why it is super interesting for you to share your story of how you got to that place. Yeah, I had a therapist.

I went through therapy for a number of years right before COVID. And that was her suggestion to share my story because she kind of acknowledged the same thing that you did, that the amount of growth I was able to do. And I don't necessarily feel it. It's always, it's always my wife or the therapist telling me such. but apparently I've had some growth and come a long way you've come a long way yeah because you're you you don't get it maybe and I understand that but other people listening and because here you are a guy who cross-dresses and his wife is totally fine with it I read you didn't even have to tell me that but I

know that because of what you've said you got to the place where your wife is completely fine with it she's totally been helpful to you and there's so many guys out there that aren't even close to that they're still living like a a secret. life. Now, how did your story start out? I mean, were you always open with your wife? Did you just tell her? And then we're going to go back to the beginning. Yeah. Yeah, with my wife, it was actually a very difficult journey. And as anybody that has children can probably acknowledge, somewhere after the second child, you fall into these ruts and things get difficult. And I started to escape the marriage into old and bad habits I had created.

And she didn't give me an ultimatum, but I sensed it. There was a phone call. I was at work, and she's home with two kids, and she goes, what's this? She found correspondence on the computer. I had been chatting with somebody overseas. You know, there was some video chat. There was like some internet chat, and I had saved some screenshots. And it was me exploring some of my kinks.

and oh my god could be a little bit more specific like was it with a woman was it with a man like I mean how loaded was that what she found it was with it it was with another woman

okay my wife and I actually met um one summer when I was with a high school sweetheart and a person I had had an eight year relationship with so there she was already aware that I had a past of infidelity

so she met you when you were cheating. Okay. Correct. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. She was the she was the fling on the side one summer but it was more than a fling. I had fallen head over heels for her. Yeah. I'm a teacher

as I acknowledged and she was still close to the age group that I was going to school for at the time to work with. So it felt a little not right. It felt a little off. So we gave it some time. was in a relationship and an immature one that all of this trauma and exploration that I'm going

to explain was happening, but behind the ex-girlfriend's back and behind the scenes. So back to my wife and I in the ultimatum, knowing all that history, she called me up and said, not me. We're not doing this. And to her credit, she stood by me and gave me the space to work through the issues. And we're in a beautiful spot today. We went on a date about a month ago, and she borrowed one of my jumpsuits. She went into my wardrobe and asked if she could wear one of the jumpsuits that I have, and it was a great time.

Yeah, but speaking of jumpsuits, you just like jumped from her finding you cheating. You didn't get specific on what she saw because I'm assuming that before she found that, she knew nothing about your cross-dressing? Yeah, nothing about the cross-dressing. Now, was that in the stuff that she found? It wasn't. It was like pee play and some other just like boeristic kinks. And it kind of put her on her heels for many reasons.

But the kink of asking this girl to pee on camera for me and asking this girl to show off certain pictures and places. All the things that I wouldn't do with her. Our sex life at the time was not necessarily vanilla, but it also wasn't kinky. you know, we did a few things. We tried. We had fun, aggressive experimental sex, but no real kinks. There was no, there was no pre-play. There was no cross-dressing.

There was no bondage. There was, it was sort of vanilla. So she sees all that and she's like, oh, my God, you have this, all this stuff that you like it. You're not telling me about it. You're telling this other person. Correct. And so I ceased, ceased any extramarital contact communication. with anybody and anything that I had been doing.

And at that time, I think it was maybe Craigslist or like chat roulette or one of those places that I would go to sort of get my fix. And I took the brave step to dress for her and put on clothes. And it was quite an awkward experience because it's something I had never revealed to anybody other than the people that I would anonymously hook up with. It was always like one and done's, a few repeats, most of them. through Craigslist when that was active. Some adult friend finder stuff.

But all one and done. You know, you have that walk of shame after something like that happens and you never look back. You go, you live your life. And two or three months later, the urge comes back and you go explore. So I don't know where you want me to take the journey. If you want me to go all the way back to sort of the beginning and give you a quick overview to get up to speed to my marriage.

Yeah, I love that. When did you first realize you were into cross-dressing? Was that the first kink or a fetish that you realized you had? No, it's the first thing that I remember exploring intentionally, around 11 or 12. But I was at a daycare, and there was a swimming pool, and it was a great daycare. There was no neglect on the daycare provider's parts, but there was one kid in particular who took me into that we were changing together, the boys changing with the boys, who was three or four years older than me, and I'm probably four or five years old at this point. And he tells me that if you rub your penis and it'll make it.

And he didn't touch me. Yeah. You know, instructing us to rub myself, he goes, if you rub your penis enough, it'll make you pee. And it's supposed to feel good. So here we are rubbing our penises in the changing room. And he starts peeing on me. And so then I start peeing on him.

And that's really the first sexual experience that I can can remember. Well, there's your pee play obsession. There's there. For sure. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. There was another girl that we, we convinced to, like, show her vagina and we showed our penises. And there was just, like, innocent exploring of different body parts and different things. And it wasn't really sexual, but the sexual nature of it kind of stuck with me. So I think both of those experiences touch on my voyeuristic and the pea play. Yeah. And that was early on. That was five or six years old. And so I go on. on with life and around 11 or 12. I'm old enough to be home alone. My younger brother is still at school and in after school care, but I'm home alone, exploring the house. And, you know, I do what any kid in the 90s would do. You'd snoop in your parents' closet and you find your dad's porno mags or the tapes. But at the same time, I was coming across my mom's silk negligence and underwear and pantyhoves. So I don't really remember what led me to explore that,

but I was trying on some of the clothes and walking around the house and watching the pornos and having a grand old time as an 11-12-year-old. Oh, my God. And that was the first time at 11 or 12. That's like a little older than normally a lot of times I hear, oh, it starts off maybe as a Paniho's fetish or trying other sort of articles when you're way younger,

but really for you, you hadn't done, nothing stood out to you before? I think maybe it was like a case of opportunity. Yeah. When my brother and I had shared a room for a number of years, we had lived in a small house, then an apartment. My parents had finally built this big house,

and, you know, it was only two or three years into being at this big new house that I was finally able to be home alone. Yeah. So maybe had I been alone and left to my own devices, I might have come across it sooner, but, you know, being close with family, always active.

I didn't really get into the sexual stuff until around 11 or 12. And that's around the same time that I started exploring the women's clothes. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So now I'm in junior high and I'm doing, you still wearing the women's clothes and having experiments. And the cool kid in the school wants to, it's having sleepovers. You know, different friends are hanging out. We're partying.

We're having swimming parties. And he invites me to sleep over. And one of these sleepovers, he's sitting in his life. living room and it calls me into the living room and when I get into the living room he's sitting there with his dick out and it's as hard as a rock. This is like the most popular kid in class. Yeah, yeah. You know, all the girls like him, he's the one that got the girl to show that lift their shirts up for everybody. Yeah. You know, the first one, the French kiss somebody and, you know, big, tough, good-looking, charismatic kid in school. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, starts off, initially, he, he's,

He was sort of like asking. But when I was sort of unsure and getting nervous, then it became more forceful. And this is where it turned into abuse. And so... Oh, wait. How old are you again? I'm about 13. Okay.

And how old was he? He's all 13 years old. He's same grade. Same grade. So he's a little bit older. I was always the young one in the grade. Oh, okay. Mm-hmm.

So, you know, he makes me give him oral. A few other times down the road, this happens more than once. eventually he ends up having anal sex with me against my will and I attribute that. Yeah, and it coincides with the cross-dressing. So now I attribute this to myself. There's something wrong with me. I must be feminine. I must be a girl.

So this idea sits in my brain all through high school. And I get a girlfriend. Quick question before you jump there. Now, why do you equate that with cross-dressing? were you dressed up the first time he forced you? No, no. Two totally unrelated. But you made that connection.

It's interesting that you did. That's what I was just wondering. Do you think it's because you're like thinking, oh, he wouldn't be attracted to a boy. We're both boys. So I must be the girl because it's a, you know, was it that kind of thinking? Just like sort of.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's where I went. And again, because there was this mantra, oh, we're not gay. It's not gay. I'm just trying. I'm just experimenting. So in my head, I'm like, maybe I got.

That's crazy, but that makes sense. Maybe I got to be the feminine one. Yeah. Wow. That's hardcore. Yeah, it was. It was. And I also had some other trauma, some tragedy in my life.

I had a close family member of mine that got, that got murdered in an armed robbery thing. So, you know, there's all, there's trauma in my 13-year-old brain. Oh, my goodness. And so thankfully for sports, it kept me occupied. And that, that, again, was my space to disappear. I was preoccupied the sports with activity. And I get a girlfriend when I'm 16. And now I can explore sex.

Quick backup, there was a group of girls that I would socialize with in high school. Close friends. I always kept in the friend zone. But I became sort of enamored with one of my friends, her feet. So feet became sort of an idea in my head. And then I get my girlfriend. And she allows me to enjoy her feet, not really in a super sexual. way, but in enough for like I got the rubber feet or like I'd get to jerk off with their bare feet.

So this foot fetish kind of develops. So now, you know, I'm 16 years old. Here I am. I have voyeurism and peeple from childhood. I have cross-dressing that I don't know where it came from. I'm abused. So I'm having these male-on-mail encounters. And now I'm getting into feet. So I'm just exploring everything. Wow. That's a lot of, that's a lot of action. I mean, going on. You know, for a young kid to be taking that all on and make sense of it. That's, it's too much. Yeah, it was a lot. And so I became hypersexual.

Anything sexual, I jumped on it. Girls showed me attention? Sure. And so I started cheating and I would do these hookups. And, you know, the high school drama of junior and senior year relationships and the guy cheating and the girl coming back. And this goes on for about four years until that girlfriend and I took a real serious break. and that I'm kind of apathetic sexually, and that's confusing. So I started, this is where I start to get back into cross-dressing,

because now with the apathy, I start exploring like, what was it that got me going? Look at my motor revved up and putting on women's clothes. Actually going to buy the women's clothes was just a rush itself. Oh, wow. Yeah, you're going into marshals or you're going into some of these other discount stores and you're searching the women's rack, but you're trying to do it fast,

and you're looking over your shoulder. So this is all giving me some rush. And then I get home and I put the clothes on, and I come really quick. I'm like, whoof. So this rush continues to build. And now I'm chasing this fetish, this cross-dressing fetish.

But no girls are into me. So that's confusing. I'm not getting any hookups. I'm not meeting any girls. And I'm cross-dressing. And so maybe I am by, maybe I am gay. Maybe I do want to be a girl.

And this is that time period that we mentioned at the start of the call with the high voice. And I wanted to be really feminine. Right. And wearing fishnet stockings and really, really slutty clothing that's objective. But where are you doing this? Like behind closed doors in your room, out in about in a different town? So at first, at first I was at a local two-year university. And, you know, I'd be home during the day.

and my parents are off at work. So it starts there where I'm doing this at home when my parents are at work and my brother's at school or off to college. Then I go away to school and I have a dorm room. And after the first semester, my roommate quit. So I have a room to myself. So I'm doing this in my dorm room.

And this is where Craigslist started. Once I'm in the dorm room and I'm realizing that I'm enjoying this cross-dressing, thoughts of like guys and guy-on-guy content. start to creep in because as I said, I'm not getting a lot of traction in the women's area. I was getting my hookups in interest, but nothing, nothing blowing me out of the water, out of the water. So I put an ad on Craigslist, and guys start responding, and then I get skewed out.

I don't want to deal with guys. Okay. And then I get a transsexual that shows interest. So I decide, sure, I'll go for it. A little best of both worlds, right? I'm not sure if I like guys, but they have a penis, so I'm going to get a little bit of the penis. And then I still kind of, the person looks feminine. So I don't have to really commit to the thought that maybe I'm gay.

And I go to have this experience. So I dress up. I get in my car. I drive away from campus and dress up in my car on the side of the road. And then I drive to this person's house. And the person, as I, as I. now I've learned in the fetish world is more of a dominant. And this triggers the trauma of the abuse that I had.

So now I'm stuck in the situation. How do I get out? I leave. There's all sorts of shame. I go back to being with my girlfriend. Then I start wearing, then my girlfriend moves in with me. So this is fast forward three months from that first experience.

So semester ends. She's done with her school. She comes to live with me. Now I have a woman's wardrobe. in my own closet. Oh yeah, I didn't even think of that. Yeah. Yeah. So that made it, that made it very easy. And so from the first time I tried women's clothes about 12, I think now we've covered about eight years in between. So now I'm eight years removed from that, about 21 years old. And my girlfriend goes off to work. My roommates are all at school or they're busy,

they're sleeping, and I'm wearing women's clothes. I'm having a grand old time in the bedroom. I'm watching porn and more and more I'm getting into transsexual porn. I'm getting into like threesome porn, so a little bit of guy on guy action. And I decided to go back on Craigslist. And this time I find a more feminine bottom transsexual. They want to get together. So I drive down, we have this experience and I'm in my male presentation. She didn't want me to be presenting as female.

she like to be the female. But she never gets an erection. She never gets hard. We have a good time. I can tell that she's enjoying herself. And so we have sex. I finish more at obligation and go on my way. And that wasn't satisfying either.

Hmm. So now I'm super confused. I have this security in my girlfriend. I've cheated on her before, but she keeps coming back. So there's like a security blanket feel for me. But none of these other experiences are. are ringing, there's something I'm still chasing. There's this high I'm still trying to get.

I lay low for another couple of months. Still dressing every once in a while, that comes and goes. And I meet another third transsexual through Craigslist. And this was the one that had really kind of convinced me to be where I am today, to be the cross-dresser and enjoy this fluid lifestyle. I go to meet her, and again, I drive away from the house, not campus this time, but I drive away from the house. I dress in a parking lot,

and I drive to go meet her. And as I get out of my car, I have to walk past her family members. There's like a family party in the background. There's cousins. Yeah. And we're in a metropolitan area. So there's small little neighborhoods.

Everybody's really close and on top of each other. And I have to go into this little basement. Do I have to go around the back and into the basement. And all of these people are looking at me. Everybody's watching me. And I'm like, my body's vibrating. Physically, I'm shaking out of like adrenaline

and anxiety, but excitement. Yeah. Yeah, it's scary, but a good thing. And I'm all sorts of, my whole body's tingling. And I go in and her and I start having sex. We give each other oral. I'm enjoying it. This is a grand old time.

And she offers me poppers. I had never tried them before. So now I take an inhale and all inhibition is gone. Now I'm into this place that I was always scared to allow myself to go to. this like allowing myself to be feminine to enjoy dick without any inhibition and she asks if i want to have anal sex so sure let's go for it and she gets inside of me and maybe 30 seconds of her pumping inside of me and i explode i have i have an orgasm where cum shoots over my shoulder my body is like tingly head to toe shoots out of my tuxes out of my tuxes out of my

toes in my fingers. Shortly thereafter, from the excitement, she comes, and it's that ultimate high that I was always chasing. I'm like, whoa, that's an orgasm. I've never felt that before. This is what I want to do. I meet her four or five more times. Always poppers?

Always poppers. One time she didn't have any, and it wasn't, didn't take away from the experience. Okay. But I did realize that it helped me enjoy anal. which I, because of the traumatic experience as a kid, it was never something I enjoyed, but was still always curious about. So now I realize I like anal sex.

I like pleasing a penis. There's something very rewarding about physically seeing it grow and get hard, making it come and having this visual, physical experience from it. And I enjoy giving women oral. My wife and I are very, She loved my mouth. I love eating her out all the time.

But it took me a while to learn a woman's anatomy and her orgasm. So here I am 22 years old. And a male orgasm or a transsexual orgasm with a penis is just like the ultimate reward. And I just had this mind-blowing orgasm. This seems great. But I got this girlfriend. And I have this security. And I'm going to school to be a teacher.

There's this outwardly appearance that I need to maintain. And now I struggle with this new battle. And I live in this lifestyle for about another three years. It was another three years that I lived that way where I was with this girl. I would cross-dress on the side. I would meet this transsexual for a number of times until I moved away from that city. Now I'm starting to find, because there's no transsexuals when I moved back home to a more rural area, there's no population that's suitable for me.

So now I start meeting men. Regular dudes. Regular dudes. Maybe married men because they feel safe at first. But then it gets random to random men. A few women mix in there. But all through websites like Adult Friend Finder or Craigslist or by this point I get on to FetLife. So I'm starting to just explore around and I'm taking anything I can get.

I know I like anal, so I'm having anal sex. I like giving oral, so I'm giving oral to men and women. And then when it's time to be in regular cisgender mode, I'm with my girlfriend, and I'm just like any other guy you see on the street. It was never satisfying. I think I was going to marry her just out of obligation. So it wasn't super satisfying. And we eventually break up.

More so on her part, because she came home one day, and found all of my women's clothes. I forgot to hide my stash. Oh, so you got busted. I got busted. And it was the last straw. I had cheated on her before. She actually thought there were another woman's clothes. I can tell you that how many times that must happen with women. I've talked about it on my show before because I was watching a reality TV program once. And the girl found a bra in her boyfriend's drawer, you know, and that's, you know, they're having this big argument and he's like, I swear it wasn't, but I'm like most people aren't thinking because they haven't talked to as many people as I have and some people

don't know unless you're in that world. There's a very good chance that that's his fucking bra. And I don't know what's worse. You know, would you rather her think it's like what I've heard from guys like you is like you'd rather them think it's another girls than yours. I mean, what's the lesser of those two evils? what, you know, if you do get busted, what do you want her to believe?

I think the girl wants to believe it's another girl's too more so than it's your fucking close. Yeah, and I think that was her take at that point. She didn't want to believe because I tried to come out to her. At that point, I was just like, hey, that's my stuff. And she thought it was making up an excuse. She didn't think I was being honest. Oh, wow.

Even when you, oh, I got to tell. I got to say something, though. It really is somebody. listening that is a fucking liar and maybe is an E is just fucking other girls. Use that next time and be like, no, it's mine. I like to dress up.

You could use it in the opposite way. You know what I mean? If it really is another girl and they're not going to believe you. But I think because I wasn't trusting to her anymore, I had lied so many times that anything coming out of my mouth was a lie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Funny thing, full circle, a little

side note. Yeah. We've still live in the same town. My ex-girlfriend and I and our children are in, they were in school. They were in the same class last year. So we're back on a talking basis. And just this week, I reached out there and said, hey, we're seeing each other now. We need to like clear the air. And my plan is to come out to her.

I'm going to, I have an Instagram page for my cross-dressing self. Let or listen to this episode too. Yeah. Yeah, I think this is going to go on my real podcast channel. It's got a lot of good stuff and it needs to be heard by many people. Yeah, so you could let her listen to this too. Wow, that's crazy. Okay, so she had found all your stuff, and that's really what ended that.

Because she just thinks you're just like a fucking cheater, scumbag. Whether it's yours or another girl's. I mean, like you said, she's at the point where she doesn't believe a word you say. Yeah, and we go back and forth. We're apart. We're not. There's a party that she has at her family's family property, and I walk in on her with another guy. I think she was just so done.

And she didn't know, she didn't want, she couldn't leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's sabotaged. Yeah. Yeah, we were in this cycle, you know, this really toxic cycle of like, she didn't come back together. She didn't come back together. So she said it set it up. So I walk in on her and this other guy.

Wow, that's a revenge. Fuck, if I've ever heard of one. Yeah, you aren't kidding. But it's something that I think is leading to a little bit of Staggixon or Cuckholding fantasy plan that my wife and I are starting to get into. So I'll get to that in a few minutes. Okay. So her and I are done.

That's the ultimate done. I go back. I end up living with my parents for a few months. So now I can't explore my fetishes because I'm back in my old bedroom. It's taking me all the way back to 11 and 12 years old when I'm wearing my mom's clothes. So, you know, there's all sorts of this stuff going on. I eventually get my own apartment. At the same time, I also reach out on social media to my now wife.

Hey, you know, I'm finally done with. The girlfriend, you know, it's done, done. I'm not looking for a relationship. I just want to, like, be friends. You're always somebody that enamored me. I'd like to just be friends. She accepts the Facebook message, and we go back and forth, and that's about it.

Until about three months later, I get a phone call. And I'm having dinner with my parents. This is right before I move out to my apartment. And she's in tears. I broke up, we broke up. I think we're done. and, you know, my heart goes through the moon. I'm like, okay, she called me, she called me.

She broke up with the boyfriend. She called me. And I'm so in love with my wife now. I was so in love with her then that all the fetish stuff went off to the side. My main mission in life, I'd already had my job, that's my career now, and my main mission in life,

I'm going to court this woman, I'm going to make her mind. So, you know, that's the next year and a half of my life. We're having a great time. I'm happy. It's a good sex life. I'll be at vanilla, but it's good. We travel, we go places.

I'm happy. I'm happy. I can imagine for a guy who has so much going on at all times and it's so confusing, I would assume that's like the eye of like, you know, inside the hurricane, that really calm thing that's just like in the middle of it. Like that's like where you're at for that year and a half. And just it's so much more clear than any other time in your life. unfortunately. I love that analogy.

Yeah. That's a great analogy, the eye of the hurricane. Yeah. Exactly in hindsight what it was. Yeah. It was this nice, calm, peaceful spot. Mm-hmm. And then, you know, we get into life.

We get married. We're moved by a house. We get married. We, uh, she gets pregnant on the honeymoon. Mm-hmm. And we have our first kid. And it is all the whirlwind, a whirlwind. So from the time we got engaged until our first child was less than three years.

So we get engaged. The next year we get a house. The next year we get married. The next year we have a baby. The next year after that we have another baby. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not getting the attention I used to get.

I'm not, we're not as intimate as we've been. The travel has stopped. So all of a sudden, I start falling back into my bad habits. And where we started the phone call with me starting to chat online with this woman, this is about the time period we're entering now. So I slowly start. wearing my wife's clothes when she's not home. I'm going on to like chat roulette and other cam sites to get that little voyeur fix. And I'm getting all of these little fetish fixes here and there.

And just like any other addiction, it just keeps getting, I need more, I need more, I need more, I need more. And because I need more, I'm less focused on the cleanup or hiding my trail and keeping things buried and I left the file open of a screenshot I think it was how she found it or maybe it was an email draft or so one of my I just asked you a question though with this girl like when you were doing all that cheating and stuff were you feeling guilty about it that you were doing it I mean yeah yeah awful awful but but my vices and the trauma that was probably driving those vices was was overpowering yeah you know no I just always think the guilty ones get caught and the people that don't fucking think anything's bad

or what they do don't get caught. I think that they're getting caught and being sloppy is the part of you that feels bad's way of like stopping it. It's a weird, it's a stretch, but that's what I believe goes on. And that's why whenever I'm talking to a cheater,

I always ask whether they feel guilty or not. And when they do and when it's the guy that's like, I just feel so bad, but I can't stop. I'm like, well, you better fucking stop because if you don't, you're going to get caught. That part of you is going to stop you. It's the person that complains about their job that they're unhappy every fucking day. And then they get fired.

And they're like, how did I get fired? It's like, you brought it upon yourself. Like, you know what I mean? Like take control of what you're unhappy about and do something about it. Or it will take control and work its way out on its own. You know, you were like feeling so bad about it. And then boom, you get caught. I just always think that that's always in play, you know?

Yeah, exactly. The laziness combined with the fixed and the need for more event, it's always on a path to destruction, no matter which way you write it. The guilt is a thing. That's the worst. And listen, I don't think that that's a bad thing.

It's a part of you that doesn't want to be doing it. It's that whole part of you that says this is not right. Even in the same thing with the person that hates their job. They should leave their job. You shouldn't be unhappy at your job. You should fucking leave. It's some part of you that is whole that wants to be happy. It's like screaming to you.

And you don't fucking listen. So then your boss does it for you. It's the same thing with you. Like you don't, what you're doing is not right. It's not in line with who you are. And so that part of you, that whole part of you will make it stop by sabotaging, by getting you caught. It's no different than the guy that has up his whole part of him is saying, this is fucking fine. Doesn't get caught.

There's no problem there. Do you know what I mean? So that's always baffled me. Yeah. I always thought that was unfair that like I feel bad about this cheating thing and I get caught and this guy doesn't care. No, but it's because you. in the same way. No, but that's where it's coming from.

It's because it's not in line with who you are and where you're at and your evolution. Somebody else could do it. They feel okay. And that's fucking right for them in their life. And that's why I think everybody's story is so unique and should be told and everybody writes their own rules. And to me, it's the worst thing is when you're doing something that you don't feel right about, you know?

Yeah. That's when you get in trouble. But that's okay because, listen, it's, it created this moment in your life. where it really helped you. Like I said, it's not a bad part of you that feels guilty. It's the whole part of you, the best part of you. It's all part. And that's the irony of it.

And I still say this to my wife. That awful moment, like doing something that I hated doing myself to the person I love the most is probably one of the worst feelings I've ever had to go through an experience. But it brought me to this place of such openness and fluidity. And I can express who I am. My wife is the one that gives me pedicum. years, you know, every other week. Yeah, that's amazing. You know, that's like chills. Someone gets to chills when they hear that, you know, because that's, that's like, but that's what happened,

that's what does happen. That's why I say it is not a bad thing that guilt. That is a part of you that is screaming and saying like, this is not right. That's the real you. The you that wasn't fucking raped when he was a child. The one that wasn't peed on, you know, it's that, it's that whole person that was, that you were before all that nonsense, you know, but you got to work through it. And that's why life is messy. And that's why I get so mad when people are like, ooh, all fucking cheaters or scumbags and stuff. Like, no, people, human beings go through shit.

Like, we're not perfect. We're not supposed to be perfect. We're supposed to take on garbage and work through it. I mean, this is just like what life's about, you know? And this is like the real stuff that a lot of times is behind this kind of stuff that so many people judge people by. You know, it's trauma. It's real bad things that happen to somebody.

And then they act out and they do all these things. And yeah, they're hurtful and it's terrible and it doesn't mean that it's right, you know. But there are reasons for it. I appreciate you saying that because I think all that's true. I think all that's true because none of the negative things I did to my ex-girlfriend or my wife did I ever want to do. And then I live with that guilt and that shame for so long. And it's taken a lot. It's taken therapy.

I've done therapy myself. I've done couples therapy with my wife. I showed up to my therapist. by last appointment. It was right when COVID hit. It was the last time she was seeing people and I wore a dress into her office. I'm like, here I am. Wow.

All the stuff I've been talking about. Wow. That was very liberating. Yeah. You went in like with all your shit right there. Like you're going to walk in and dump it on her. Like this is who you're going to be fucking talking to. That's great.

You know, hearing you acknowledge that it's like the real me that doesn't carry the trauma. That's the person I've always been. I got to hit things head on. Yeah. I don't like to drag my feet or hide. So having to hide the cross-dressing, having to hide the fetishes, it's this extra weight. I have to, like, drag around with me all the time. Listen, if it wasn't, if it, you wouldn't have felt guilty if that wasn't the case.

Do you know what I'm trying to say? That's the whole point of that guilt is not a bad thing sometimes. It's just a signpost. It's telling you something. It's a part of you trying to tell you something. And, you know, if you don't learn, it's like, like I said, bring it back to the guy at work that fucking hates their job, you know? It's some part of you is saying you need to change,

but because people don't want to change and go through that heart. It's scary to leave your job and then find a new one and you don't know all. It's scary to do what you did, which was like expose your true self and work through it and be honest, you know, all that. So instead we just stay in what we're doing, but that guilt is telling you this needs to be tended to. And a lot of times if we don't listen to that guilt and do the change that we need to do, the guilt, that part of you does it for you. That's sabotage.

But it's always for the best. It's always for the best. You either live with the weight. Yeah. You either live with the weight or you can plow right through and make the difficult. And do it yourself and walk forward with your head up high or do it like you did with your head down low. You get caught. Everything is messy.

But, you know, that's sometimes life. Yeah. So, you know, finally after this point, I'm able to start having fun with my fetishes and my Wait, let's go back to the story where I love. So wait, so your wife, okay, catches you cheating. Yes. Now, when do you cop? I know that you said one day I just dressed up and let her know.

I mean, how does that hold, is there a conversation first? Okay, so the next day, what happens? You come out in your outfit or like, what happens exactly then? I come home from work that day and we address it. I'm like, I can't, I'm not going to chase this around. We're dealing with this head on. And so I told her everything. I said, this is, these are the things I like to do.

I've been wearing your clothes. I've been trying this. And she was hurt by it. And there was a lot of things that she was like taken aback, like offended and sort of violated that I went into her closet and took her clothes. And I was doing things with her stuff behind her back, all of which I get and we've since worked through. But I just said, I'm going to do this. Actually, it wasn't the next day. The next day, I ordered two dresses.

That's what we did the next day. her and I look together. I think I'll look good and this is what I want to feel like. She goes, I think you look good in that. We order two dresses and the night they arrive, I put them on. And I put on a pair of heels and I walk out there and let her take pictures. And when I look back at them, they're the most awkward pictures. I can imagine, yeah.

Yeah. And I was nervous. I was embarrassed. I was all of these feelings. but the one feeling I didn't have that I always had in all my other experiences was shame. Exactly. So I was able to shed the shame. And through this journey and my wife giving me the space and the trust to try to explore who I am,

I found a security in her where she's like my security blanket. She's my home. And if, you know, I need to dress or I need an outlet, I can tell her. Or if I'm dressed and she's coming home with somebody or knows someone's about it. to come home. She'll give me the heads up like, hey, you might want to change. And so I've got all of this protective, the shield that I used to put up myself and carry around like armor holding all these secrets is like now I get her as my shield. And I get to like in the world of her and I do whatever I want to be however I want. And it's, it's been so liberating. It's been so free.

I've got my own wardrobe right next to her wardrobe in the closet of both men's and women's clothes. I've got a plethora of shoes because this foot fetish has grown. You know, I enjoy my toes done and having a pedicure regularly. I enjoy her toes and getting to enjoy all parts of her body. We've played with pee. She's peed on me. She's not so much into being peed on, but she'll indulge whatever my fantasies are. And it's gotten to the point where we've been with two men in our marriage. No fucking way. Yeah.

Wow. Imagine. Yeah. I mean, would you have ever imagined that this life would have been possible with anybody before all of this? I didn't. I thought it was impossible and it was part of the reason I didn't tell her because my last girlfriend ran away when she saw it and I thought the person I loved the most of the world was going to run away on me as soon as she found out.

And it was exactly the opposite. You know, when you find true love and a person who is your partner, they're not going to run. They'll stand in some of the most difficult challenging things. I know it hurt her to go through this process. It wasn't easy for her. It wasn't easy for me either, but we did it together. And we've come out. COVID was the best thing in the world because it forced me to not have to see people.

Yeah, yeah. Got to wear women's clothes all day, whatever I wanted. My kids were still young enough that they didn't know the difference between gendered clothes or not. And I had a blast. The 18 months of having to live at my house with not seeing anybody, I just, I explored it all. And it really accelerated our relationship and the kinks that we get to explore. And so once COVID was over and we felt safe enough, we had already talked about like me enjoying men and what does that mean to me. I told her I want to see her with another man. I want to enjoy

watching her and seeing her. Oh, that's where the little Stagg Vixen thing you brought up before. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, she's chatted with people. She's had little kick conversations and she's, you know, sexted with other guys. And that's been fun and arousing to me. And she enjoys it to an extent. It's not anything. She's heavy to pursue. But it's like, if we're away on vacation, say we go to Vegas and somebody's hitting on her, I wouldn't put it past her to just go with it. And I'd be happy to let her indulge. Right. She's also enjoyed seeing me. She's watched me give oral to a guy. there was one guy who was eating her out and while I gave him head. Now, how did you make this whole situation happen? Was it like, did you go on an app or something? We were using Grindr. We tried them all.

We've tried Tinder. We've tried Grindr. I've gone on Adult Friend Finder. Yeah. And so far, Grindr's been where we've met the two men. But neither of them are overwhelmingly fulfilling. We're still in this like, we haven't found. the person or the type of guy

because gay guys that want to eat pussy and play with girls aren't that good at it and she's not satisfied. I enjoy it because their dicks are getting hard. They're coming and I'm making them orgasm and we're having a great time. But then on the other side of it, guys that are into having sex with her

really want nothing to do with me. Oh, you haven't found that right guy in the middle like you are. Yeah, yeah. another interesting side note as my wife and I came out to each other before COVID so all of that me getting caught and then wearing clothes and starting our journey was 2018 so 2018 into 2019 is when a lot of that exploring was going on and right around 2019 is when I started to go to therapy that summer I went on a trip with a bunch of my with a couple of guy friends and you know we got drunk one night and we're sitting at the bar and my one friend is talking to somebody else

down at the end of the bar and I turned to my friend close by and we've been really close since childhood since you know we were three four years old enough where I feel like I can spill my guts or say the risky thing and even if he doesn't take it right we'd still be okay so I just go for it got a whiskey in my hand and I turn and I say I cross dress and he like drops his glass on the bar Yeah, I know this on the email. Bar-top. He kind of drops his glass. And I'm like, oh, shit.

I said the wrong thing. And he goes, you got to be kidding me. Oh, shit. I said the wrong thing. I do, too. I didn't remember this with the email. I'm like, oh, now I remember who you are. This is so much fucking great stuff in this episode.

Yeah. I go, what did you just say? Yeah. And I mean, my eyes started to well as he's telling me this. I'm like, no shit. I found a friend that I've known my whole life. Wow. Who gets me?

Who gets this? And we've opened up. We're open. I texted him and said, hey, I'm going on the podcast because I shared your podcast with him. My wife and I listened to your podcast. And he works for a delivery service. And, you know, he listens to a lot of podcasts all day long. So he enjoys your podcast as well.

And I said I'm going on. And he was happy for me because, you know, we've shared a lot of this. Our Kings are different. We're similar in some ways, but we're different. but I've got a confidant now. I've got my wife, but I've also got a confidant that I can share and relate with,

which is pretty cool. Now, where is he in the story? Is he open? Does he have a partner? Is this the... He's married. We're both married, and we both have children.

Our children are around the same age, which is nice, because all our kids get to hang out. The four of us, as a couple, all know. Oh, okay, so his wife knows. go into, his wife knows. In fact, he was open to his wife before I was. Wow.

So much so that he had explored some other things. And he's actually the one to introduce me to chastity. And I've gotten into chastity play. In fact, I really enjoy it. It's something that keeps me feeling honest to my wife and not that cheater version of me. I've got this sort of mantra that I've grown to like where, like, my dick is just for her. So if I'm hooking up with guys, I bought them. I prefer to be a bottom if I'm going to hook up with other guys.

I want nothing to do with sticking my dick into anybody else. That's for my wife. Yeah. And if we are playing with other people in a group setting, if my wife wants to unlock me and let me play, that's her decision. And it kind of gives me the security that I won't ever be that cheater again, too. So it makes me feel safe. It's kind of kinky and fun.

and you know I'm in chastity right now she's she's got the key she wears it around her neck and it's our subtle little connection she sees she says when she when she misses me or she's thinking about me she'll grab the key and just think about it and that that makes me feel a little warm and fuzzy what's the longest time she's let you uh how do you stay in that a month what a little bit more yeah one month yeah wow so That's one month without coming, right? Not necessarily. Not necessarily.

In fact, I can come from anal stimulation. Oh, okay. I can have a prostate orgasm. So she'll peg me and we'll play with strap-ons. And we have a whole, my mother actually got me for Christmas a briefcase for me to carry to work because she thought it looked more professional. Oh, don't even tell me what. That's the sex to a bad. Oh, my God.

You're poor mother. That's hilarious. So, yeah, I've learned. to, I learned to have an anal orgasm, which is very reminiscent of that time with the transsexual, that like that orgasm I've been chasing. So I've actually had, I've had an orgasm to surpass. So I've not only chased, but I've caught up and surpassed that orgasm. And, and all of my top orgasms that I would put on my list are all with my wife now. Some of them are in chastity as a bottom and her pegging me. Some of them are, are me and her, just husband and wife, you know, regular

cis married people. Fluid. Fluid's the best way I can describe it. You know, we do it all. I think I have three no-go zones, and that's any sort of bondage or domination that brings me back to that trauma and the rape. Yeah. So I don't, you know, I don't like being held down by a man. I don't like being sort of handcuffed and not able to escape what I need to. anything blood and cutting and anything with scat or poop but if it's not in that category

I'll try it twice I'll try it twice and if I like it I like it so far I haven't really found much that I don't enjoy so I've got this whole journey ahead of me with my wife to just explore we've done some of it there's a list that we want to check off and here I am talking to you while I'm sitting in my dress and locked in chastity and I won't get out of chastity until her and I go on a vacation. We're going on a little kink vacation, Columbus Day weekend. What's a kink vacation where you go out and do all your stuff because you're not with the kids and stuff like that?

Yep, yep. The kids are taking care of. We get out of our hometown and I'm going to be dressed in women's clothes for three days or however long, you know, just enjoy whatever I want to be. I still carry a beard, so I'm not passable. I don't try to be passable. I enjoy, you know, playing and experimenting with makeup and things, but really it's the clothing. It's the way it makes my body look. It's the way my legs look and my feet and my pedicures and high-heeled shoes. And just I want to be able to go and enjoy that. My first trip, the first time I ever went out publicly, my wife took me to New York City, January of 2019 before, or January of 2020, before the world off down. Oh, right before, yeah. Right before. And we went out. And we went out.

to a club and I wore I wore a dress but I wore jeans over the dress because I was nervous and I got to the club and I realized it was a very like LGBTQ club it was like let your freak flags fly. Yeah, New York people like in New York it's easier

to just be yourself and nobody fucking gives a shit or like you know anything you're like cool like I live two hours out of the city so for me to think of New York as a different world is strange sometimes because it is so close to home. I go to the city often. And chances of me running into somebody in any

burgl of the city as possible too. Totally. Yeah. I go down there for many reasons. So I took my pants off and here I am in a dress in this club and I look around and I realize I'm one of the more modest dressed people. That's funny. Made me feel a little free. So because of COVID, we haven't really been able to go on another vacation like that. I've had my chances to dress at home and to take little short day trips places. But yeah, we're going to go out and spend Columbus Day weekend doing as I please, dressed how I please, and hopefully satisfy those big cravings because careers are busy, kids are busy, and I don't always get a chance to do that.

To make it even more complicated, we're about to build a house, so I have to live with my mother-in-law. So here I am talking to you in someone else's house. I had my own privacy, my own sanctuary for almost a decade. And now I'm shacked up with my mother-in-law. But thankfully, she's very open. I have my toes painted now. I was out in a night down and my toes painted on the couch with her and my wife.

Oh, she's even down with it. She's fine. She knows. Nothing to say. I came out to her about my toes. I just wanted to let her know that I came my toes. She's not necessarily dressing. Yeah.

And I told her all nervous. I've just thinking about it all day. How do I tell her? How do I tell her? And so I finally say, hey, I want to let you know something. My wife likes to paint my toes, and I enjoy that. She looked at me, and she's like, what the fuck are you telling me for? Like, why do I care?

Right. And it's one of the most relieving things. So at least I get to be a little bit of who I am here. My kids are getting older, too, so gender's starting to become a question. And I'm not shy about who I am, but I'm just trying to be developmentally appropriate. I don't want to be trancing around in high heels and dresses with my fetish and kink world brain going. And my kids go, Dad, what is it? What are you doing?

What's that thing on your penis? Yeah, I think that it's sometimes like, listen, nobody, even vanilla people, you know, people who do it missionary with each other, male and female, discuss their sex lives with their children. So there's always that line that should be in anyone's life. It doesn't mean just because you do that your children have to know. They don't know about, like I said, vanilla people's sex life. so why do they need to know about this kind of sex life? I want my kids to also know that if you want to paint your toenails

and that's something that you enjoy doing, that there's nothing wrong with that. Right. That's not sexual. Yeah, I don't want to encourage things, but I also don't want them to be confused by my line of like my femininity and my sexuality and all of those things because I'm still kind of confused.

As I'm saying, I'm still exploring with my wife. So I don't want to put something out there that I'm confused by. Because then they will be confused. Yeah, but once you're not confused, they won't be. You know, that's, for sure. That's why it is smart then to keep it to yourself until you get that clear because that will translate whatever it is to your children. That's what they'll pick up on. Quick question before we end this. I just want to know because I think that therapy is very important. And I think that that's a key thing here in your story that you did get into therapy.

I'm assuming you're still in therapy. Like how did you go about finding the right there? I think getting the right one is the most important thing. I mean, you were pretty lucky that the first one you found was good. I mean, how did you find? Well, it wasn't the first one. By nature, you know, I said I was a teacher. Research and looking things up. It's what I do.

Yeah. And it's what I'm good at. So I did my homework. And as I acknowledged, I'm close to New York City. So there's other metropolitan areas nearby that I can drive to that are within an hour's distance. So I found a therapist. I had to pay out of pocket.

There was no insurance to cover it. So I was paying 120 or 150 a visit. Yeah. But it was a 45-minute drive for me. And I got out of town a little bit. And she was a sex-specific therapist. I found it through a database. Okay.

I forget the name of that database now. But there is a like a sex therapy and psychologist database. If you go Google it. And it'll give a list. of therapists who are accredited and affiliated in those areas. And so I found, I reached out, I found her. And I think I went for, it's about a year and a half. I think there was about 20 sessions with five of them with my wife. And then the pandemic hit. And she offered that we can go virtual, but she goes, you know, to be a little candid, it sounds like you still have some work to do,

but because of your past tragedy that you had other grief counselors and some therapy there, you have some background in therapy and psychology, you kind of know what to do. I'm here. You can always make another appointment, but unless you feel you need it, I don't feel that you need to come and see me. You and your wife seem to have a very good open line of communication. From what I've seen in our sessions, you two are pretty good at communicating. So if you need me, call me. But with the pandemic and virtual, thing. It may not be the easiest for us. So we'll leave it at that.

And I haven't gone back. That was... Right. So your wife became, like you said, she became that person. You know, you didn't, that you lean on. That helps you. That's your rock. And as it should be, that's great. Yeah. Yeah. And really changing the way you speak to each other.

It's not, I think, or I want. It's sounded to me like. So I've learned to speak more from like the way I receive and perceive things rather than trying to dictate how I think she's hearing things or what I'm trying to say. So just, just something little, like trying to be open and not tell the other person what they should or how they should think or what they should receive it as, but just say from my perspective or the way I've seen it. And it's not always, not always perfect. It's ugly. We've had some ugly conversations. We've had

some heartbreak. We've had our sexual kinks get in the way and cause problems. I've had my trauma resurface and I lash out at my wife while I'm in chastity. She's, you know, like, screw this. We're not doing this anymore. But we always come back and talk about it. And I've learned, rather than letting the shame and the guilt, like we were talking about, carry you around. And rather than that going on for weeks and months at a time to just take the difficult choice and address it, go right head on into it and tell my wife, you know, just put it out there. Right.

So you guys have full transparency. Yeah, we don't tell each other everything. all the time, but push come to shove, we'll say it. And when things are difficult, we're open. So it's been really good. I love it. Love this whole story. Like I said, I'm definitely going to put this on the regular podcast because I think it's a good one. And it's like got so much more to it

than the cross-dressing, but I think it's important and it will be good for my fetish Fridays because I think a lot of people who have a fetish was cross-dressing or anything or anyone living a double life can relate to this episode on so many levels. So Thank you so much.

What do we call you? What the fuck is your name? Terry. Oh, Terry, I always forget. Okay, thank you, Terry. Thank you so much for calling in. It's going to be up either this Friday coming up for Fetish Fridays or the following. So definitely stay tuned and let everybody listen to me.

Thanks so much. Thank you for having this story. Thank you. Great. Bye, Terry. Bye. Bye. Hi, everyone.

Thanks so much for tuning in to this week's episode. If you want to follow. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, It's called Strictly Anonymous Confession. Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show.

I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. there's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true

stories, 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read. You could read. you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have

lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private. Like I said, all you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the e-book, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.

This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Follow the show. Follow me at Strict Anonymous on Instagram or Twitter. That's at Strict Anonymous. If you are on YouTube, make sure to subscribe. I love YouTube as a platform for my show because people comment there. And I try to reply back to every single person who post a comment. So even if you're not listening on YouTube and you want to talk about the show,

go to my YouTube channel, subscribe, like, and share my videos. It's strictly anonymous podcast. If you want to sign up for my Patreon on my Patreon, you are not only supporting my show, but you will get these episodes early, ad free. And you get to see anonymous picks. of my guests. Most of the girls send in anonymous picks and some of the guys send an anonymous picks of my guests, as well as support my show and get these episodes early and ad free, sign up for my Patreon. Patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. That's patreon.com

slash strictly anonymous podcast. The link is also in the description below. Thanks so much for listening.