Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 550 - Fetish Friday: Janus is a Cisgender Male Into Pegging, BDSM and More

Episode Date: November 4, 2022

Janus is a cisgender male Into pegging, bdsm and more and he called in to talk all about it. When did he get into pegging? What are the stigmas in the Kink community when it comes to pegging? And why do they exist? Tune in for all the details which include his first experience in the bdsm world, how he got turned on to pegging and what he loves about it, how Bdsm isn’t all about sex, what its really abut, and where it all came from, the power dynamic between and sub and a dom, how pegging isn’t necessarily submissive and why that is important for people to know, his experience being in the kink world as a person of color, the benefits of pegging, how to have your first pegging experience and a whole lot more. You can find him here: https://linktr.ee/janus0704 **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. With real problems. Does your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your wits and change. Here is your host, Kathy.

Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, it's called Strictly Anonymous because everybody's voices are changed. Everybody's names are changed. I would hope that people are calling me from fake-ass numbers. I mean, like, I don't really care to even know exactly who the people are that are calling my show. I just want to hear their true stories. And that's what you're going to get here. If you want to talk about your secret naughty life and be on the show, you could either send me an email at Strictly Anonymous podcast at JemL.com. You could go to my website, Strictly Anonymous podcast.com and click on Be on the Show.

Or you could follow me at Instagram or Twitter at Strict Anonymous and you could DM me there. Just give me a little information about what you want to talk about. is Fetish Fridays. I'm always looking for people who want to call in who have a specific fetish that they want to talk about. If you have a specific fetish or you just have a secret naughty life that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous, you could be on the show. All of that information that I just gave you, like the email and the website and my Instagram or Twitter at Strict Anonymous is in the description. I also have a call in confessions line where you could call in and just leave your confession. There I changed the voices and I air those only. I'm

on my Patreon as of now. You could do that, but you could also just call into my confessions line and leave a message for me about what you want to talk about on the show, like kind of like an audition to be on the show. That number is 347-4-7-4-20-3579. That's 347-4-2035-79. Now, because this is Fetish Fridays, I am going to tell you that on my Patreon, not only can you see picks of all, like mostly all of my female guest's anonymous picks, sexy picks of them, I also have two specific tiers dedicated to hosers, which are guys who wear pantyhose or anyone with the pantyhose fetish as well as cross-dressers. I have a cross-dressing tier and a panty-hose tier over on my Patreon with a lot of exclusive content. I've been doing that for a couple of years, so there's tons

of exclusive content if you have either one of those fetishes over on my Patreon. Patreon.com strictly anonymous podcast. You also get all the episodes early in ad-free plus all the anonymous picks of all of my guests. Now, with all that said and done, finally, let's talk about who I have on the show today. It is a guy named Janice. Now, Janice called in or wrote in because he wanted to talk about pegging. He's a guy that likes to be pegged. He's also a cisgender guy, which means he's a heterosexual male. And he wanted to call in and talk about not just pegging, but any kind of anal play from the cisgender perspective, which is him. He's trying to help normalize pegging and break down the stigmas that exist,

especially amongst men of color and other men who have had issues with it. We all know that a lot of guys are very anti-anel play, okay? And he's here to say, fucking try it, okay? He talks bigger picture stuff. He's in the kink world. He's into BDSM. gets deep into all that kind of stuff. He also, like I said, talks about pegging and breaks it down.

Why there's a stigma where it comes from and why there shouldn't be one. The pleasurable benefits for it. The physical health benefits for it. He knows about those two. Okay, there are some. He also gives you tips on how to go about getting pegged for the first time. But like I said, since this is a very bigger picture, we talk about so many different things. He does give out his felt life at the end because he does want to help.

other people. So if you want to contact him, you can. He gives his shout out at the end. I'm going to put his FetLife name or username in the description. But on this episode, like I said, he talks all about the kink world, the BDSM, the history of it, pegging, why he's so into it. And like I said, he just really breaks it all down in a super smart way. This is a really interesting conversation. so I'm going to be right back on. Janice. Hi, Janice. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast.

How are you today? I'm doing well yourself. I'm good. You're hiding in a car or sitting in a car in a parking lot. I can't tell you how many people do these episodes with me in a car in a parking lot. It's kind of funny. You know? Keeping the prying ears of the world away, I suppose.

Yeah. Either, you know, people are cheating in cars in a parking lot or they're talking to me in a parking lot. And those are my two favorite things. So that's cool. So Janice, you're here because you want to talk about pegging. You like to talk about pegging. You like to educate people on pegging.

And you are a cis male. This is what you want to get across. The fact that straight guys can be into pegging and you'd like to remove that stigma because I think for sure there's a big stigma and a lot of guys won't cross that line because they feel like, oh, it means something, you know. But you're here to say no. and explain a lot more about pegging, correct? Sure, that and just general involvement in the kink community.

I'm interested in breaking down sigma just like you said across the board. Yeah, that's great. That's what I like to. That's what I feel like I'm doing here on my show. A lot of times people are, you know, hiding who they are and all that kind of stuff because we still do live in a society where people are very judgmental. But I feel like when you give people the whole story,

you realize that these are, you think people that are in the kink community. are doing these kinds of things or these other kinds of people. But if you really listen, they're just like regular people, they could be your neighbor, they could be your boss, they could be your boyfriend, they could be your parents. Oftentimes they are your bosses, actually. I have a good story about that. Oh, okay. I have a good story about that.

Way back line if you want me to go into it. Yeah, let's get your experiences and how you got into the kink world. Sure. So it actually happened with my first girlfriend. This is before kink was more mainstream, but the things we were doing were definitely Definitely kinky. Just didn't call it that and didn't really realize what was going on. We were probably doing things that were way too advanced for R.H.

That being said, I really like those things. And after her and I, it's kind of split up, I started to seek those things out elsewhere. And eventually I found a website called fatlife.com, which is essentially the fetish Facebook, if you will, for kinky people, you know, across the world. And it connects communities. There's events associated with it. It's really kind of like the central hub, which I didn't know at the time.

But I found an event through a group called Black Beat out of New Jersey at the time. And as a POC and additionally, as a cis male, it was particularly important to me to find a community that kind of looked like me and, you know, help to kind of do that sort of thing. What was the first letters you used? I know, I know cis, but what did you say as a blah, blah, blah, blah, and a blah, blah, blah. POC, person of color. Oh, person of color. Okay, just good to explain. Go on.

So yeah, no problem. And that's another, that's another thing because there's, there's stigmas. Even more so because of that. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So like there's, there's the stigma level at the just being a system. And then there's the additional stigma of also being a person of color.

Yeah. Interesting. So in any event, I went to that, I went to an event there. And it was my first time in a dungeon in that kind of environment. It was really eye opening. It was kind of just overwhelming in a lot of ways. And it's interesting because now, so many years later, I act as a dungeon monitor at lifestyle clubs or things like that.

You can spot the person who's new with that wide-eyed look about everything that's going on and get a little nostalgic about how I was back then. Yeah, that was yeah, that one time. Exactly. So I was there and I saw a bunch of things, some really interesting stuff. And the real highlight was a group of guys called me over and they all had ladies that were really kneeling on the floor to their right, each or each or each of them, they were kind of sitting in a circle. they kind of they must have realized that I was I had no idea where I was or I was well you said you could spot those people out right those first timers they knew you were yeah

you had those eyes absolutely so they called me over and they started helping me to kind of understand what was going on and the etiquette and there's a lot of rules and etiquette and specifically in the BDSM world that are different than the vanilla world the non kink world and it's almost like learning a whole new social norm and social etiquette practice in a lot of ways. And it's extremely nuanced and it's not super standardized, but there are things that tend to, you know, flow across communities. Give us a couple of the things that you learned that first night or what did they explain to you? Well, for example, they explained to me that BDSM is not really about sex in its purest form.

It's about power exchange. That's how it started and that's how it began. And a lot of the mainstream media interpretations of kink are almost always in a sexual context. Yeah. But it is actually the vast majority of what goes on in BDSF in terms of play or in scenes, which, you know, are just a negotiated thing between two people. Yeah. Are actually non-sexual. So the vast majority is non-sexual.

It's much more about the exchange of power. Now, that's not to say that it can't be, and it certainly is, and it certainly can be an enhanced. but that's not what BDSM is at its core. And, you know, I have to state this, too. Modern BDSM, as it exists today, you know, from my understanding, actually evolved out of the leather community, which began as a community of mostly gay men coming out of World War II as a way to sort of identify themselves to each other at a time when it was not safe to be out.

Yes. So the history of BDSM was actually really interesting. interesting. And then, you know, I'm not a BDSM historian, but I'm also a member of the leather community, and I'm breaking into that. And the more I learn about that, the more I realize that BDSM sort of evolved as a more mainstream practice out of the leather community, which really evolved out of the fact that homosexual men, you know, coming out of World War II, they sort of, you know, developed that bond with each other. And then after the world was over, it was, it developed as a way to help men identify each other without there being that weird social stigma.

and, you know, for safety reasons. Yeah. And that's super interesting. I had never knew about that. Yep. And what's even more interesting is that now in that community, the term dominant and submissive in the BDSM, you know, bondage and sadomasochism or, so the DS, which is the most common dynamic in BDSM, the dominant submissor dynamic.

In the Leve community, you know, it's master slave. That's the, it's an MS relationship in the Levin community. And that, so, and that tends to denote. And while that still exists in the DDSM community today, it means, and again, I'm not the end all beyond all of this. You know, I'm relatively experienced, but these terms are not set in stone. They mean different things, sometimes the different people. So generally speaking, an M.S. relationship denotes a higher degree of what a DS relationship is, generally, in simple parlance. Yeah.

So you can consider the difference of, hey, you know, I practice Kink occasionally, right? or hey, I'm in an actual DES dynamic with someone, which means it's a little bit more of a, what you'd call more of a traditional kind of relationship, except it's more negotiated. And then an MS relationship tends to be, you know, that's more of a 24-7 lifestyle kind of thing. Yeah. My understanding of it. Now, again, that's not to say that everyone uses that term to that same degree. There's variation among all of these terms, but generally speaking, that's my understanding and has been my understanding as I learned more about it.

Let me ask you this because taking it back to that first experience and these guys that had these women kneeling next to them were explaining this stuff to you. Were you at all disappointed when you heard like, oh, this isn't going to be about sex or was your play with your girlfriend before had led you to learn all this stuff so you knew that already? Or were you like, oh, I thought I was going to come here and get some action. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know if that's a dumb question. No, no, no, no. It's not a dumb question at all. And to be fair, one of the things that my first girlfriend and I did was Peggy.

Right. And that was, so that was kind of, you know, I didn't, you know, identify it as kink at the time or anything like that. But yes, I did think initially it was more about that. And, you know, that's not to say again that you don't see that. But if you go to a typical play party at a dungeon, it's not, I mean, there are most dungeons, there's not even sex positive dungeons. Like there's sex positive dungeons and non-sex positive dungeons.

Oh, interesting. There are some dungeons where it's not even allowed. And there are some way it is. So sex positive in that sense means sex can go on or the ones that aren't sex positive. It's no sex. Correct. And a lot of that has to do with the legality of how a certain dungeons operate from a business perspective. So, you know, as a, I'm also a jurist, but it's another topic.

Oh, my God. We have so much. Yeah. Go back to your first experience because I feel like we're going to have so much. And I can take you off into totally different topics. And we're going to let you just tell your story. So you're at that first. hope we can. We'll look at it if not, you call back. So that first experience, keep going. Now,

what happened that night? Sure. So they called me over and they were having it initially started out with the conversation. They were explaining to me, you know, some of the different protocols that they put in place and their submissives no to do and what they can train to do, et cetera. And the important thing to, again, to relate all of this is, this is all consensual. That's all the most important part of all of this to understand. You know, all of it. You know, all of. You know, all of. of this is a negotiated thing between two adults. So in any event, like, you know, the protocol associated with how submissive is supposed to look in a certain situation or act in a certain situation, how a dominant is supposed to act in a certain situation. The rules are not just

one-sided, you know, the expectations are the same and the ability to determine what those expectations are between two people and no two dynamics are the same, which is an important thing to keep in mind. Yeah, what you're saying is that just because a sub is a sub doesn't mean that they get less say and what the fuck is happening. I mean, it's equal say, but they're just deciding to be the sub, but they're not subs in negotiating. Yeah, I would argue that it's actually the power dynamic in a B and a DS relationship really lies more with the submissive than the dominant.

Interesting. In my perspective. Yeah, I wouldn't, you know, largely, I mean, I think that there's, this is a hotly debated thing in the community and I am, I have a particular viewpoint on it because I started out as a submissive, not as a dominant. Yeah, because you like to be pegged. That's more of a submissive role, correct? Well, well.

Okay. No, I can't see that. See, right there, that's the stigma. Yeah. See, and the truth is, that's not true at all. Okay. And it's portrayed in modern porn in a very... Oh, right.

That's what makes people be like, no, not for me, no fucking way. Right. Yeah. And that's not, that is the biggest problem associated with that particular practice, because that does not have to be that way at all. It has nothing to do with one's masculinity. It can. There are people who enjoy that type of play.

But that is one specific type of play that has sort of been, you know, co-opted by mainstream porn. Totally. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. And I just fell into it. I mean, look at what I just said. That's exactly, you know, proving your points. Yep.

And that's, and therein lies the problem. Yeah. The main issue with that is that man work, we're getting, we're getting. So I'm trying to stay focused. It's okay. Yeah, this is a good thread. It's already difficult enough to overcome certain aspects of toxic masculinity as a guy. And the simple truth is that as a cis man, I've seen this play out in a lot of different ways before.

If you design a, if you talk about a particular type of sexual act as a threat to one's identity as a man, then. you're actually the real the victim there is the victims there are all the other guys who are missing out on the tremendous wealth of pleasure and understanding right associated with that practice and and furthermore on the on the cis female side of it one of the major one of the most important i think psychological aspects or positive relationships of aspects of pegging which you know you can even debate the need to call it that yeah but is the fact that it allows man, you know, that role reversal allows you to understand what your partner goes through. Oh, yeah. Interesting.

It makes you a better lover. It makes you a better partner. It makes you more sympathetic and empathetic to how your partner feels. And it makes you better in the bedroom. It just does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no question about it. So that's the, it's that breaking down the stigma, even if it's not something that a guy wants to continue or explore for the rest of his life, there's so many positive benefits to this practice, both from a relationship perspective, from an intimacy perspective, from, you know, understanding that, you know, hypermasculinity doesn't have to be, you know, the way it is. The fact is every person, male, female, whoever they identify, you know, they both have masculine and feminine energies in them.

Totally. To completely deny one side of it is hugely detrimental to who someone is, I think. Yeah, interesting. And now I forget exactly where we were. No, that's okay. We were still out your... No, I love it. Stuff like this that you're talking about and is really what you wanted to come on the show for.

I like to get the personal stuff, but I know that you are very bigger picture. You do want to change the stigma around it. I like to get your personal stats and stuff, but you speaking on all this stuff, I think is super interesting as well because you really know what the fuck you're talking about. You've already made me see things in a totally different way.

You know what I mean? That's what it's about. I love to teach. I love to educate. I've been a, you know, teacher in the King community now for several years. I started when I was 19, when that first story, I was 19 at the time. Oh, wow. You know, in my early, in my mid-30s now.

So I started young, which is why I have the experience I do. And, you know, I teach at conventions in certain places around the country. I try my best to always learn as much as I can so that I can try and spread, you know, the gospel of kink to the best of my ability and really free people because a lot of these stigmas are really just prisons. They're prisons for people. And again, you can choose to stay there if you want. Everyone has bodily autonomy. Yeah.

You know, this is no, this is no disrespect intended to anyone who doesn't feel like any of these things are for them. Yeah. But we're only promised this moment right now, if you think about it. I mean, you can, for me, it also connects to mindfulness. It connects to, you know, understanding more of who I am as a person. And I think it has made me a more empathetic human being across the board, just in general, my king journey in general. let alone specifically, you know, the practice of pegging. But I do a lot of different things within the king community.

So back to that story, just to kind of close that out, that front out. Shortly after, you know, the general discussion was over, the gentleman I was speaking to, I feel as though he must have saw that I still wasn't quite understanding. Yeah. So he did something, this next thing that happened just totally shocked me at the time. I still kind of remember that kind of like gas feeling I had. So he, he's like, he basically was like, watch. So he turned to, you know, the woman who was, he was, she was kneeling to his left, I believe

at that time. And he made a gesture and she, like, looked up, but she wasn't, she looked up, but she wasn't looking at him. She was kind of, like, looking past him. And he's like, he basically was like, watch. He took his hand, just open hand and just slapped her right across the face. Right. And I was like, I was like, what the hell?

I was like, just freaking out. I was like, what the hell just happened? Like, what did you do? like I was like so shocked I didn't even know what to say it but what happened next shocked me even more I was I was expecting her to get up and start you know pummeling this guy yeah she started shaking and then had an orgasm and squirted it all over the floor wow from the slap uh-huh uh-huh and I was like I was at this point I'm like my brain is like you know it's totally exploded parts of my brain or like all over the place. I'm like, what is going on? What is happening? And at that moment, I

kind of did like, I'm a huge Marvel nerd too. So I kind of did like the Dr. Strange thing from the first movie, like, teach me everything you know kind of thing. I was like, help me to understand what this is. And in my time since then, I've been in situations where I have caused the same thing to happen now. And I understand what it takes to wield that kind of power. And it's a tremendous sense of internal awareness. It's a tremendous empathy for your partner and who you're playing with and understanding them and what turns them on and what, just really getting into their mind. And I'm only speaking, in this particular case, I'm speaking in the context of cis women, but it would be the same across the board. And I think that's the coolest thing about all of this.

It's like, when I think about it full circle now, like seeing that sort of power change and what it's capable of doing and then being able to wield it yourself. It's a tremendous responsibility, too. I don't want to gloss over that in any way, you know, being a dominant or submissive. It takes a tremendous degree of strength. It takes a tremendous degree of trust. And I think vanilla relationships, because I've had both, can learn a lot from kink relationships in the sense that the emphasis on consent and open communication and trust is much greater in a BDSM context than what I've experienced in, you know, non-BDSA relationships. So I think there's a lot of important stuff there that can be shared with some of our Rex Kinky brothers, sisters, or however people

are going to be able to be. Right. Some of the people listening. Yeah. So it's really, I think that's a super important thing to address. I mean, yeah, I hope, my hope is that someone, anyone listening, just has an opportunity, you know, I hope this breaks down a barrier for, if this breaks down a barrier for one person and allows them to say, you know what, this is okay, or it's okay to try this, or at least it's okay to explore this, or at least start to break down any barriers that may exist within them, then that's a win and it's worth it. What do you say to the person that's like, oh, I'm not into BDSM. I don't want that, but maybe they secretly have always wanted to try pegging or maybe they've been having a little

ass play on the DL but themselves or their girl wants to try it and they're like, no, How do you get people to open their minds to pegging in specifically specifically? Sure. I think the most important thing to note, the most important thing to note about that conversation, and if I may reframe it a little bit. Yeah. There is, it's not about getting someone to open up. I know that that's a common, you know, I know that that's a common thing.

And, you know, it's like, hey, I'm interested in this one thing. My partner may not be. It's so important to understand this concept because I think it happens. Because in no small way, if this is played the wrong way, it could lead to abuse in a relationship. So it's really important to make the distinction that it's not about you opening up someone else's mind. It's about them opening up their mind. You can't force someone or push someone into opening up their mind on anything when it comes to this stuff. And I think a lot of people try because, hey, I have an interest or they might not know how to communicate it or they might communicate it poorly.

So I know I've kind of just But how do you? But okay, but what is, since you're teaching and you educate, can you teach somebody who has a partner or you only can teach someone who is the person and open up their mind? Do you know, what's it?

I think you can, I think it's about presenting the facts. Yeah. And allowing, like anything else, it's you can present. I can't teach anyone anything. I provide information and people choose whether to assimilate it or not. Yeah.

So having an open conversation, You know, for one thing, the evidence specifically as it relates to pegging is far more in favor of doing it than not doing it. There are a lot more positive benefits to it than not. Okay. I want to hear those. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

And I'll be happy to go into that. Yeah. But the social, that, but also it's about empathy and recognizing that that social stigma does exist and it is real. And that generally speaking in this case, unfortunately, cis men are generally taught not to be in touch. with their emotions, number one, and not to communicate their emotions, number two, or we're almost punished for it throwing up. Oh, yeah. So this, so to add, the answer to your question involves breaking down a much larger societal system of, frankly, emotional oppression of cis men, really. So on an individualized basis, the general advice would be this. And you have to know your partner.

You have to really understand and, but it all starts with the communication piece of it. You know, it's like any other desire, whether it's kink related or non-kink related, you have a conversation, you say, listen, I'm interested in this, and this is why, is this something that you're open to me talking with you about and learning about? And if the person says yes, then great. If they say no, well, and here's where things start to get interesting. So, and again, this is just my opinion. Yeah. Sexual compatibility is something that is extremely important in a relationship. And I think the major issue that we hit into as a society, especially on the vanilla side of relationships, is sex is not talked about as openly and honestly upfront as it should be. Yeah. Sexual compatibility is a deal breaker that just as much as whether people want to have kids or not is a deal breaker.

And it is, and I think it is almost, I mean, I said, I can only speak to my experience. But, you know, I have these open conversations when I go on first dates with people. Yeah. And a lot of women are taken aback by it. And I'm, and that's good because. You're eating people out. Yeah. Yeah. If someone can't, if someone is not comfortable talking about that stuff up front,

if you know that you are kinky. Yeah. If you are, and again, for lack of a better term, I wouldn't even argue that Hagen is necessarily kinky. Yeah. Because it's really just, it's really the same type of penetrative action that, you know, cis women deal with all the time. It's just with something that's not, I guess, real for lack of a better term.

So, you know, there's actually even a group of people that, you know, find the concept of calling it pegging sort of, you know, it's just sex, really. That's all it is. It's not good. You know, it's, you know, calling it something different, you know, even the moniker was designed to make it more, in my opinion, palatable to cis men. Yeah. It's like, hey, you're not getting, you're not getting fucked in the ass. You're getting pegged. Don't worry about it. Everything's fine. Right. You know, like, and it's, and to be honest, you know, so. That makes sense. Take it a little farther away. from that, yeah. Right. So I know I'm kind of going, feel free to bring me back. Let me ask you this. What are the pegging benefits? Let's really get people to try pegging. Let's get some guys to go home tonight and be like, okay, fucking peg me. Absolutely. So first thing I'll say about that is that's probably, you're probably not going to start out with actually getting pegged just because, and I think this, here's a general public service announcement. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All cysts to all cis males. Yeah. Do the PSA. probably know this.

Yeah. Yeah. Most people probably know this, but anal sex is not the same thing as vaginal sex. You cannot just, you cannot just put it in there. I know, because I was always into it. But I was a controlling bitch that knew how to like, I worked it. You don't know what I mean? I took it in my hand and I made sure I guided it in according to how I felt.

And I always felt like that was the way you had to do it. Because if the other person on the other end doesn't know anything of what it feels like, you know, they just think, oh, just put it in. Like, uh-uh. That is the worst thing. And that's why so many people are so anti it because somebody did that to them. And so they're like, oh, that sucked. But if you do it properly, it's amazing.

Yeah, exactly. And sexual education in this country is piss poor for a number of reasons. But that's the other. So to answer to not get too far off topic because I could literally talk about this for hours. Yeah. To answer your question more specifically, I think I'll appeal to, I'll appeal to a pleasure first. Yeah. First and foremost, I mean, at this point, it's probably common knowledge among most men, but in the event that it isn't, the male G-spot is in the butt.

That's where it is. Plain and simple. If you have ever experienced a orgasm during prostate stimulation, while the prostate is being stimulated, it is, and, you know, individual results will vary. Yeah. But for one thing, you know, having a coming during what with prostate simulation happening is at least five, permi-prosolitis. at least five to seven times more powerful. Yeah. It's an organism that you will never forget and you will probably never want to not have again.

It's like you, it's almost like opening Pandora's box in a way. It's like what you do, you realize, hey, I've been missing out on a crazy amount of pleasure for all of my life. And so the number one is, I think I'll appeal to pleasure first. It is, it just fucking feels good. Yeah. It just feels really, really good. But it's important to recognize that, you know, it requires a degree of, self-awareness. And again, this is another really important thing. It requires you as the person

who's on the receiving end to communicate what you're feeling, how you're feeling it. You have to help your partner, especially if they're not new to it. If they're new to it and they don't fully understand how it works. And it also, it's just such a great thing. Roel reversal in general is just such a great thing. And I hate even calling it role reversal because I hate traditional gender roles and things of that nature. But, you know, for the purposes of this, it's an appropriate statement. It just teaches you how the other half lives. And if you know how the other half lives, it makes you a much better partner. And it's not just on the guy's side. It's also on the, you know, the cis for cis women. A lot of women don't understand how much energy and how much

pressure there is to perform in the bedroom when you're when you're actually doing the penetrating. Yeah. It's actually a very stressful thing at times. And it just, it just helps on so many level psychologically. So pleasure, number one, or one benefit. There's also, there's also a degree of health benefit associated with this. Really? What's that? Yes. Well, for one thing, and again, I'm not, I'm not suggesting that this, you know,

you're not a doctor. Yeah. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a physician. Don't worry. Yeah. I'm just, I'm just a smart. You're giving unprofessional advice. Okay. That's what we do here. Yeah. So, but what I will say is that, you know, and while this is certainly not a regular substitute for, you know, getting prostate exams or prostate screening for that kind of stuff, If you know your body, you can feel differences in your body and your partner can feel differences in your body.

So in a way, like, for example, if there was something weird going on down there, and then first of all, I think medically prostate examinations are actually not even super accurate at detecting this. But the simple truth is, if you're more in tune with your body and what's going on down there, if something's wrong, you're more likely to go to the doctor and say, hey, this is what's happening. Right, because you're navigating that area instead of just like not there. at all ever.

Exactly. Okay. So it's, again, it's just about awareness. I mean, so much, you know, just like anything else, like the most, the person who's most interested in your success and survival is you, right? You have to be the one to know how your body works. Right. So there's, and there's also, yeah, there's also, I said, you know, regular prostate

stimulation actually is good for the prostate. And then please medically, I think it's good. Also, another reason, it's just anecdotally, the male prostate gets larger as you get older. Oh, really? Um, it does. Um, so. So does that have better orgasms that way? So, uh, from a, from a, just from a service area standpoint. Yeah. I think so. I think that's, I think that's why it tends to be something that, I think that in conjunction with just getting older and just giving a, giving less fucks about what other people think. Yeah. But, you know, it does tend to get, you know, get more pleasurable. You know, I think as it gets larger over time. And I've actually

noted a bit of a difference in myself. Anyway, back to benefits. So I think, I think, I think, I think, Health-wise, medically, I think there's a benefit there too. I would also say that, you know, psychologically, you know, in terms of, you know, how we are as partners in relationships, I think it allows us to be vulnerable in ways that we're not allowed to be vulnerable. We're taught we're not supposed to be vulnerable. Yeah. And the simple fact is men accepting that, you know, feminine, for lack of a better term, you know, feminine energy is a part of them will only make us stronger as a society. it will only make us better lovers as partners. It does not mean that we are not men.

What about us criminals? Okay, because I'm sorry, but like why do you think more men fucking rape and murder and all this fucking shit? It's because where do they put their fucking emotions nowhere? They have no place for it. I mean, why do you think women aren't doing those things? Because we get to be nutty on a daily basis. We don't have to shut it down.

Yes. And here's a yes. I appreciate you suggesting that. And here's a larger, I hope it's not controversial, but it could be a potentially controversial statement. The simple fact is this, cis women, cis women have a tremendous amount of support systems out there for mental health. Yeah.

They do. I would say it's almost exclusively. Yeah, but let's break down the stigma for the guys. Let's talk to the six guys and the person of color who's very anti it because of what it. What do you, let's use the ending, the next 15 minutes, 20 minutes, you know, to talk about that and to talk to that person and help them. So here's what I'll say. As someone, as a cis male who enjoys pegging and being pegged, I do not want a man to do that

to me. Right. Like in the simplest terms, I'm not, I'm not any more attracted to men because of my interest in pegging. Like, it doesn't change that at all. Yeah. What it does do, though, it does help me to empathize more with gay. you know, you know, homosexual male relationships.

It helps me understand more, be more empathetic. But, but it doesn't make, it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't change my attraction. Yeah. It hasn't, doesn't, hasn't changed who I'm attracted to. Yeah. But, but it does. But for example, I, you know, I, there was a time when I had some, some prejudice that I had to shed as well.

And it is no longer there. And I think a lot of it has to do with that, honestly. It's that acceptance. It's that recognition that, hey, you know, like, this is, you're taught certain things growing up. and you don't even realize it. So just to go out there, one, it does not change your sexuality. It may reveal it, though. Yeah, it's important.

That's a good distinction. It may reveal it. And that's the thing. Right, but it won't create something that wasn't there. So if it comes up and all of a sudden you're fucking gay, because you've been being paid. Then you were. It just helped you to find out who you really were.

Right. Yeah. So worst case scenario, you're going to find out who you're, really are. Yeah, and that's exceptions for yourself. Uh-huh. Worst case scenario, you're going to find out who you really are. Yeah. And I shouldn't even, it's even wrong to even say it like that because, again, anal sex is not a specifically heterosexual male thing. Right. It's not. No, I love anal. And I'm not even a guy, so what does that mean? Yeah. Exactly. It's great. And it's a great thing across the board.

There's, there's more nerve endings there than almost anywhere else in your body. Completely. Even when you don't consider the prostate. So yeah, it's just a pleasure of a fucking thing. And so again, so that's an important, important distinction, I think, to make. I think psychologically, you know, like speaking to the psychological piece of it, I don't think there's an easy way. You just have to be willing to give it a try and see. Can you give people tips on how to go about their first experience? Do you talk about that kind of stuff, like physically, you know? Yeah, absolutely. I think that the first thing that comes down to is do you want to, See, I started out doing that stuff with a partner with something who wants to do it to me.

I think it might be much safer and much more approachable for most guys who might feel concerned. You can try it on your own. There are toys, specific toys that are designed for it. There are, I mean, if you go on any sex shop, anything like that, there's a plethora of prostate massaging toys available now to kind of understand what it is. And also, there's plenty of the good videos out there. King University has an excellent, excellent video on pegging. I think Aden Starr is the, is the performer with another guy where they go, it's a tutorial

that goes through it 101, the most basic stuff all the way through. I think you have to pay for that subscription to watch it, but it's like an hour and a half long and it goes through everything you need to know. It's a very, very informative and instructional video. And if you're concerned about how your partner might perceive it, you can certainly try it on your own. You can do the research. There's stuff out there.

You can figure it out. Now, I would argue it feels better when someone else is doing it. I think it does because it allows you to kind of just relax. Yeah, I think that's really important. There's an understanding of, you know, obviously there are some hygienic issues that are different with anal play that you have to be aware of. And the choice of the proper type of lubricant also, it's a whole other, it's a whole other section that we can go into. Yeah. But in short, just start small, start slow, make sure you're turned on, and do your best to relax.

Those are the things I would say to start out with. And that's applicable for anyone who's getting into the end of point, really. And turned on. I feel like the more turned on you are, the more you, like, physically relax and open up. You know, I mean, your body relaxing happens the more turned on you are, correct? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Now, here's, you know, again, and this, I'll touch on this, but the reality is this, this is a whole

another conversation. But it specifically as it relates to POCs. And one thing I'm really happy to see is that it seems like across the board, there seems to be a more broad acceptance of people of color as it relates to kink, pegging, that kind of really everything. Yeah. Because there's an additional layer of stigma and prejudice that has to be overcome because of the historical treatment of, you know, people of color in this country, you know, during slavery and everything like that and how there was, you know, literally homosexuality was used as a punishment for enslaved Africans. So there's a, there's a stronger degree of, there's an actual, a whole other level of pain that has to be processed there. But the thing is, this, you know, and I think for me, this is the most important thing that I, I could say to POCs out there, specifically cis males. There are so much, there's so much pain that being a person of color puts on you in this country, that this country still puts on us to this day.

there's no reason to limit the pleasure that we can receive simply because of the historical precedent. Right. And it's almost like by continuing these stereotypes in this day and age, we are essentially keeping those ideas, those ideas from slavery alive. Right. Take back the power or change the story by. Exactly. It's just like the N-word.

We took it back. Like you can do that with anything. Yeah. And there's no reason. why people of color shouldn't experience all this pleasure simply because of that kind of stigma in my opinion. So yeah, I mean, that's how I'll what I'll say there. Like I said, you know, there are resources that are out there. It's far more mainstream than it never was. There's, you know, particular, like on Twitter, too, there's a lot of different, you know, pegging blogs and things out there.

Well, what about you? I mean, let's just promote you a little bit. Do you have like, I don't even know. Like, I mean, you didn't come to me. I don't remember you coming to me as an expert that wanted to promote anything, but do you have anything to promote or like, can people do you have a blog? Do you have a website? Do you have classes somewhere that people could take? So I haven't actually done classes on picking. Actually, it's more of a private activity. And I

did come on more just to be a general voice. No, I could tell. I could tell. I hate want to have those fucking experts on that they're like on a script and they're just, because they're just selling shit. What I love about this conversation, you're like an expert, but you really are, you haven't monetized it yet. You're really coming from the right place. I mean, you really are just educating because you feel passionate about it. And it's so obvious because you're giving out all the information. Whereas sometimes when you have on these

experts that are selling something, they don't give you anything. They're not going to give you what they have because they want to sell it to you. That's why this is so meaty of a conversation. But I would love to, if you do, I mean, do you want to give out an eat? Like, how do people find you if they want to talk to you more about this? So there's a couple of, I guess the first thing I would say is for any viewers who aren't familiar with FetLife.com. I'm on there. I'd be happy to provide the handle on there.

It's actually Janus 0704. And I realize I'm kind of... Oh, Janice. I called you Janus. Janus, J-A-N-U-S. 0704. 0-704. I'll put that in the description.

Uh-huh. Yep. And in terms of that, I'm happy to always happen to have people reach out there with legitimate questions. It's a pretty safe website for that. I think, you know,

like what I actually teach in the community is, you know, more whips, dragon tail impact play, that kind of stuff. That's what I teach officially. Yeah. But, you know, I definitely have a wealth of knowledge about other things, too. And I'm always willing to talk to people. And I'm actually, due to this conversation, I'm going to think about maybe finding a way to connect with more people if they do have questions.

You should. I'd love your help with that. Yeah. Because I really want to be of greater service. Also, check out, if you're on Twitter, there's a particular couple on there that I, I love them because they, the type of pegging that they do is not the tropey sort of porn cisification kind of pegging. It shows that like it can be a loving sensual activity.

It doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to challenge one's masculinity necessarily. So you could check out Cosmic Broccoli on Twitter. Cosmic Broccoli? Oh my God, what a name. Okay. Yeah. They're, they're awesome. And, you know, they're actually personal friends of mine.

They're really great. The two of them. There we go. Like they're on Pornhub. too and other places. But they also have an only fans. I think that's, I think that's probably the best way to go.

Okay. To go to their only fans. Here we go. It's at Cosmic Broccoli on OnlyFans. Okay. I can't link to OnlyFans, but I'll put their name. So Cosmic Broccoli,

they're like a good couple that, like, breaks that stigma or it, it's showing it in a different way. Exactly. It's just, it's, you know, like,

they have a couple of videos there where they do, like, the more traditional kind of stuff. But yeah, it's just a very, it's a very different take on it than you'd see. and I'm like, you know, it's a traditional torn site. And it's becoming more and more mainstream.

And I think it's important. And I'm glad to see it. I'm glad to see it increasing among POSEs and other groups as well. And I just hope that society in general is moving towards a place where we can be who we are without as much judgment. And to the extent that I can be a support of that, I'm always going to be here for that. You know, I'm so glad that I have you call. And a lot of times I like just like the real personal stories. I don't like to talk bigger picture.

But I think every now and then it's okay to do it. and I'm glad that I gave it a shot with you because like I said, this was super smart, open, easy conversation. You weren't selling something so that it wasn't like you're sticking to a script and not giving out information. I love that we were all over the place and talked on a lot of things and I'll definitely have you back on. Thanks, Janus. Thanks for calling in. It was great. Thank you so much.

Bye. Bye. Hi, everyone. Thanks so much for tuning in to this week's episode. If you want to follow the show. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous. Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook.

It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true.

I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories, 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. you could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available

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