Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 589 - Carlos is Into Non Monogamy, BDSM, Swinging, Polyamory and More

Episode Date: February 1, 2023

Carlos is into non monogamy, bdsm, swinging, polyamory and more and he called in to talk all about it. When did he decide to be non monogamous and poly? How did he get into bdsm and swinging? And what does he like and not like about both those worlds? Tune in for all the details including how when he moved to this country he decided to be non monogamous and has been ever since, the dated first girl he dated who agreed to being non monogamous and got him into bdsm, the spanking parties they went to, how and why the non sexual nature of bdsm world was disappointing to him, the sex camps he attends and what does down there, how and why he joined fetlife, the local munches he attended and exactly what they are and what goes down at them, his relationship with a female slave and why he wasn’t into being her “master,” the difference between the slave and submissive roles and why he prefers to be with a submissive, how he discovered he loves seeing his partners with other men, why and how both of them getting gastric bypass changed their relationship, how and why they went from non monogamy to polyamorous and how that ultimately ended their relationship, how he met his current “nesting” partner, how and why they have been poly from the start, why and how they are in a hierarchical partnership and why thats frowned upon in poly community, how she’s bisexual and he labels himself heteroflexible, his best male friend in college and how he now hooks up with him, how and when they started going to swingers clubs and how him and his current gf enjoy foursomes and group sex, their recent mfm threesome with a guy they met online, why he prefers hooking up with experienced swingers as opposed to newer people, all the partners they have on the side and how it all works, how they sometimes get jealous and how they work through it, why he prefers mmf threesomes over ffm threesomes, the swinging bdsm events he goes to and what goes down at them an a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of most of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

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Now, also, if you want to call my Confessions Hotline, you could do that. The number's 347, 4203579. Again, 347, 4203579. You could call my Confessions Hotline and leave your confession. I changed the voices there as well. Anytime call that 24-7. So today I have on Carlos. Now, Carlos is into BDSM, swinging, he's Polly,

and he's straight up non-monogamous, and he talks all about it. He's a good speaker, and he's informative, too. I learned stuff on this episode talking to Carlos. The way he broke certain things down, even just like threesome, why he prefers male-male, female, threesome's to, you know, threesome with two girls is actually interesting. But he starts off just telling his story about his, his past couple partners, how they were non-monogamous, and what went down.

He got into BDSM, one of his first relationships. The girl was like a straight-up slave and wanting him to be like the master. He was not into that. He's much more aligned with his current girlfriend, who, by the way, is going to be on the show. She's a very non-monogamous person. But he talks first about the first girl that got him into BDSM and how he realized it wasn't very sexual and how he is a very sexual person. So he got into swinging and all kinds of other things as well because he does, like I said, he is very sexual and wants that to be a part of it. A lot of times with BDSM and Kink, it's just not in that world.

So he talks about how he went on top that life, started meeting people. That's where he met the first girl that got him into BDSM. And then he met a woman who wanted to be like a slave and why he wasn't interested in being the master. He breaks on the difference between slaves and submissives, which I didn't really realize. his current girl is a submissive in bed, but equals in real life, and that's what he digs. Like I said, he's been non-monogamous with everybody. All of his partners have been into non-monogamy, too, and they've been swingers, and they do all kinds of things.

He does talk about how he became polyamorous, and the difference between polyamorous and non-monogamy. He talks about how they go to nudist camps. They have foursums and threesomes and more sums, and his girlfriend. friend is by he sometimes he calls himself how to reflectable sometimes he hooks up with guys he talks about a best friend he had in college uh it's an interesting story about that guy and how he hooks up with him every now and then but it's kind of like a gay fantasy he tells you that story about the college friend but mostly he's into being uh the the dom in the relationship with his girlfriend that's what he is now she's not a slave she's just a submissive they are very equal they have many different partners

he talks all about all the partners they have, all the hugging up they do, all the relationships, how it works, what works, what doesn't work, do they get jealous? He talks about that. He loves seeing his partner get pleasured by another man. He talks about that. He does enjoy this one camp event where there's like, I don't know, something called sexerama going down and BDSM going down. And that's like the perfect world for him because it's like not just BDS. and not just swingers.

It's both worlds together. And that's where he likes to be. Those are his people, people that are very sexual and open-minded, but also into BDSM. And there's just so much more. It's hard to get into everything that he says, and maybe I shouldn't because I give too much in my interest.

So I'm going to be right back on with Carlos. Hi, Carlos. Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. How are you today? Thank you for having me. No, thank you for coming on. I don't think I've had a BDSM person on recently. Or maybe I have.

There was a guy named Ron, I think. He was into branding and shit, you know. You were in the BDSM kink world. You have an open relationship. You're dating a very open woman right now. You had a relationship before her that we're going to talk about. Your girl, eventually the one that we talk about at the end, who you're currently with is going to be on the show.

Eventually, too. We'll talk about that. But why don't you, first of all, that's the correct story, right? That's the tagline. Yeah, correct, correct. You got all right. Okay, good. So why don't you just start telling your story, Carlos?

I mean, it was the first wife that was it your wife? Was it the first wife or your first girlfriend that got you into the BDS? It was actually a relationship between her. So I am, obviously, you changed my voice, but I have an accent. I'm not from the U.S. or from Latin America. And when I moved to the States, I dated this girl who was also Latin like me, but a U.S. born. And when I moved to, I had, I was read about non-monogamy and I was curious about it, but growing up in such a Catholic country, I had never exploded.

Yeah. So when I moved to the NDA, I said, you know what, I'm in a new country. Nobody knows me here. So I am free to fuck up. And when I went on dates, I said, you know, I don't believe in monogamy. So, you know, most people were like, what? But this one girl was, oh, yeah, she had read a lot of feminist books and she was all over. And, you know, we started dating. But she was, she was out of peace. Kinky and she introduced me to the Kink World, but it's funny because she was a talk. She wanted to spank me and she wanted to beat me. And, you know, me being young and curious, I was like, sure, you know, let's explore this.

But I wasn't really that much into it. And when I, well, now it's my turn. Now I get to spank you. Now I get to. She wasn't into it. So that relationship didn't last long. But that opened my eyes for this world because I thought it was only on porn. I thought, oh, this only happens on porn.

That doesn't happen in real life. But she told me about spanking clubs, which was something I had never heard of. So that was my eye-opener. Oh, my God. What happens at the spanking clubs? Did you guys go? I haven't been to spanking party in a long time. That's a subset of the BDSM world.

And it's basically only about spanking. You know, men and women bend over. It's like these private parties and they get spanked and they're into it. I kind of lose track of that world because at first I was very curious and that sounded wonderful. But it's very non-sexual and I'm a very sexual person and that's something I want to talk about. And there's this boundaries between sexual and swinging and BDSM. A lot of people in the BDSM world tend to be non-sexual. And I'm in this group that is both.

I like both and I actually like swinging too. So that's why I didn't go to the stanky parties. but that's just where people meet each other and spank each other. That is just like it sounds. And they're social, you know. It's just a party. Yeah, it's funny that you say that BDSM is in the people in that world who are not very sexual. That was one of the most eye-opening things I discovered when I first started to do my show.

I did my show like I started my show about eight years ago. And I talked to a guy that was into BDSM. Now, that was when 50 Shades of Grey was all the rage and stuff. So I was very excited to get him on. And I mean, to me, I never read that book, but I got the sense that that book was very sexual. And it was like hot. And it was like, you know, all girls were trying, you know, being tied up and fucked and all this stuff because of 50 shades of gray.

And then I get this guy on. And he's very into the BDSM world. And he explains to me. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, there's no sex going on here. It's like my manipulation and a lot of writing and homework. And then I, you know, and then I got schooled on it. And, you know, that is the truth.

And I think that a lot of people don't understand that. I only understand it because I do my show and I interviewed people that do this. But I think most people on the outside think BDSM is like, you know, a scene they see in porn, which is all sex. But it's really not. It's not. Now, they do overlap and there are BDSM events that are sex friendly, sex positive. Yeah. I go with my current girlfriend to a couple of summer events.

Those are my favorite type of BDSM events because they are outdoors. They are like campgrounds or like one of them is a literal campground that gets rented. You know, like during when it's not this event, it's like a kid's campground. And the owner rented with cabins and people tend and, you know, everybody's running around naked and people are getting tied to trees and fucked everywhere. And it's just the most amazing. It's my favorite week of the summer. I spent my whole year waiting for that week. And there's a few of those around.

that people go to in different states and, you know, weekend on the woods, things like that. So those are my favorite. So continue with my story, if I may. So then, you know, I dated this girl. We didn't last long, but then I, you know, okay, so if she's into the spanking thing, there must be other people. And then I did some search. And when we broke up, I started exploring more.

And I found this website, which you have mentioned many times. and I want to talk a little more about it. FetLife. Funny enough, I found FetLife reading about BDSM in Wikipedia of all places. I'm sorry, but the people that own FetLife must have gone into that Wikipedia and put their fucking website in.

That's kind of smart. I should go put my podcast in places on Wikipedia. Yeah, it was on the links, you know. And at first I sign off. Actually, my date, my birthday is on FetLike wrong, because when I signed up, because I didn't know if it was a spam website or whatnot. And I spent months there just browsing and learning and reading and opening my mind to this new world until I went to a local event.

And so a lot of, in different Fed Life, you can find there are a lot of local groups. They have these things we call munches. It's a social gathering. And it can happen on a restaurant. And people, and it's non-sexual, non-play. you just show up, you meet people, and people talk, and you know, when you're a newbie, you're very shy, right? Because you're never been into this world. You think it's, you're going to, you're afraid people are going to judge you, or you're not going to be welcome,

or what's going to happen here. And, oh, it's a very informal thing. It's like going to a meet of people who like, I don't know, needing or. Yeah. That's how you meet people. And it's a layer of sex. The important thing about the munches is that people, you know, nobody wants to invite you to the home or to their DDSM dungeon or to their sex party without knowing you. That's very, so people get to know you and you go a lot of groups locally. I mean, it's much easier in bigger cities. Now I live in the middle of the woods.

So I have to drive away an hour or two to cities. I have many cities around, but I live further away from cities now. So there's no munches where I live. But in big cities and you get to know people. and you connect and then eventually you get invited to a play party or you hear you know what the dungeons are in your in whatever city you are so I start going to one of those and that's where I met my now ex-wise in one of those events I met her on a class it was a rope class for for your listeners who don't know that's a subset of BDSM has many subsets people who like needleplay and like to you know get needles on them and that hurt It's a lot about pain and sensations. People who like rope and getting tied up. So my current girlfriend is a rope top.

She likes to tie up people. She doesn't tie me because I'm not a bottom. But there is, so I went to a rope class out of curiosity. I really never got into rope, and that's when I met her. And, you know, we started chatting, and then we made in another event, in another bunch and so on. And, you know, one day I asked her out for lunch. First date I said to her, you know, I don't do monogamy. She's like, yeah, that's fine.

I don't, I'm okay with that. But so then I started learning and I was very new, you know, so I've learned a lot by my mistakes. That's how life works. She is what people in the BDSM work as a slave. And there is a big difference. My current girlfriend is a submissive,

but my current girlfriend is a submissive in bed. When we are in bed or playing, I, you know, I hate her. I restrain her, you know, do mean things to her. So in bed, I'm in charge and she does, as I say. But in regular life, we're equals. We make decisions together. That's just a sexual thing. Slaves like to be submissive 24-7.

Oh, interesting. I never, I wouldn't know the difference. I didn't even know. She was into being a slave. And the difference between a slave and a submissive, a slave is the submissive 24-7. Correct. Interesting. Okay, no one ever made that distinction to me before.

Okay, go on. And people who are slaves, and, you know, now I can tell from experience, I learned they are more all about the dominance and being taking control over. And that was not something I was looking for. At the time, it sounded wonderful, right? I'm going to have this person who's going to do anything I say. you know, jump and she jumps. Yeah. Yeah, it's a little more complicated than that.

I mean, I was thinking with my dick, right? So this is going to be the best sex I'm going to have. And it was for many years. We had great sex and I would do. But they are also looking for somebody to make decisions for them. I mean, it's a lot easier when somebody, being an adult is hard, right? Yeah. To make decisions.

It's like having a baby. It's like having a baby, you know. Exactly. And if somebody's making this. decisions for you, then you can't make a mistake. It's their mistake. Yeah. The other thing is, I really wasn't cut out to it.

Being somebody's owner and you just have to want it, and there are people who love that stuff. There's a whole subset of BDSM 24-7. There are books about it. There are societies about. There are conferences about it. That people go and learn how to be slaves, and they even have, you know, competitions or or classes. I went to a bunch of those.

But that ended up, she wasn't happy because I wasn't taking control of her. I wasn't telling him how to dress. I wasn't telling, for example, people who follow, they call this high protocol. You know, there's a way to talk. And they don't do it in public, but they do it in private. They only talk to each other, sir. And different people do it differently. There are people who, you know, ask their master for permission to sit.

as a master for permission to do things. And I was never into that, that mood all the time. It is really hard. You have to really be into it. So maybe there are some of your listeners who really want this and they're going to be like, oh, so other people are into this. So good for them. I think it's more an extreme.

And I think that, you know, most people always fall somewhere in the middle. So I don't think that most people would be down for that either. I just think it's a certain personality type. And it's definitely not the majority. Because like you said, it's a lot of work. I think it just takes a certain kind of guy. I have spoken with those kinds of masters on my show, you know. And it definitely is a certain kind of personality type.

I don't, you know, and I think you're either that way or you're not. But you were never. Let me ask you a question, though, about this girl because you were like, I'm not, you know, I'm non-monogamous besides the BDSM stuff that you were doing with her. And she was a slave for you guys getting into because you said you wanted the sex stuff. too were you guys into swinging in that stuff as well or were you just in the BDSM world? I took her to a couple of swing clubs and now that I look back that was a big mistake. I she wasn't into it. She wasn't happy with it and you know I can't finally got the hints of it and I stopped I stopped pushing her.

Yeah. So that's one of my guilt of my marriage that I really force her into something she didn't want and the communication was clear. So I mean I'm going to get a little bit ahead here but our marriage felt because I was a selfish prick and she was dishonest. I love that. You could take accountability for your side of things. Because a lot of times people just want to be like one person's the victim, the other person, the perpetrator. But you can see both. You're both.

Yeah. And she, I mean, she really wanted this master's life thing. I really wanted to get my socks off and there was a disconnect. She had no problem with me sleeping with other people. Yeah. And I had sex. You know, I would go to some party. I were sex positive and I would have sex with people.

And I even dated long-term a couple of people during our marriage. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. So, and this is interesting story. So another part of the story that I haven't told you, I don't think I told you this in our email. We were both very overweight. Now we are not because we both had gastric bypass surgery.

At the same time? No, she had it two years before me. So we both lost 100 pounds. and so before the weight loss, I, we were nominal. I would allow her to fuck other people. I actually kind of, I think the word most people use the stack. I like watching.

I don't, yeah. I love watching my women having sex with other men. And so, but she didn't want to have that. She didn't want to, that wasn't her thing. She didn't mind that I did it. So after the weight loss, that changed. her a lot. This is really where the magic starts to really crack. Because I don't know if you had any other gas to bypass people in your in your program before. I have I don't remember hearing anybody.

When you lose all the way, people start treating you different. Even she told me that even her co-workers will be nicer to her. So then she starts she starts getting more self-confidence. and then she starts asking for what she wants more, which was a good thing. I was actually happy for her. Right. But so then, for example, one of the things that changed is we went from non-monogamous to polyamorous. And there's a subtle difference.

Depends, well, you know, vocabulary is subjective. So everybody says different things. But non-mongonomous means you can sleep with other people. It just sex. Yeah. Exactly. Polyamorous means you can fall in love with other people, which we sort of.

because I dated people so we were like in some gray area but she wasn't and she said no no now I want to I want to be polyamorous and she started dating people she met people and not take you bit she first met this guy who I really like you know I hope they're still together I don't talk with her anymore you'll hear and so she started exploring more and meeting more people but she started wanting more demanding on her BDSM now I want to master So she eventually met somebody who wanted to do the master thing and wanted. He's also new. He wasn't new to the lifestyle, but I guess he had read the books or he really wanted a nominus 24-7.

Yeah. And, you know, good for her. That's what she wanted. What I didn't see at the time was, and this was about this is where she started doing it. Like at the beginning, I would say I'm the one in the wrong. I'm the selfish one who, you know, is only thinking of it. while his dick and not taking care of her needs fine i'll take my responsibility for that but then this guy a warning sign number one that i should have seen he refused to meet me and that was a uh

that was a red flag from the beginning for me why won't he meet me so and um b i i didn't notice at the time but she started changing and it was because she was in the 24-7 relationship with him And, you know, I also, you know, marriages are complicated. She started changing and we started going to couples therapies and she starts complaining about me and how selfish I was. Well, and, you know, things change a lot and the marriage is declining. So here is where I am not proud of this because anybody who's polyamorous listening to this will say, okay, that's a line I crossed. But then when they, it hit me with all the problems we were having that,

This guy must be blending in my marriage. So I went into hearing emails, and there were emails from him telling her what to say on her couple's therapy session. Her master. That's what she loves, her guy of her dreams. Yeah. So that's, you know, and I confronted her, and then the marriage was over. But, I mean, I'm sure, and I think you've said it in other ways, that you understand why

that was never going to work to begin with. You always weren't satisfied because you weren't interested in being a master. she really wanted that. She finally found it. You're both happier without each other because you were never really well suited, perfectly suited for each other to begin with. No, no. And she was wonderful in other ways. Yeah. But we were never matched in this sense. Yeah. So it all wound up better. You both wound up going your several ways. And listen, in a weird way, that gastric bypass surgery for the both of you was life changing because it set you guys down the right path. You weren't meant to be together forever. And that helped her get her voice so she could go out and find what she really wanted and help you.

Because you weren't fully satisfied there either because you didn't want to be that master. You wanted your equal, like the girl you're with now. Exactly. Yeah. So. Things like that, big things like that. When someone says, hey, I've been overweight all my life and you know what, I don't want to fucking be this person anymore or whatever. or I've been drinking my whole life.

I want to put that down. Those are big pivotal moments in someone's life. And I think a lot of times things change because of that, but it's not a bad thing. It's a good thing. So the dissolution of your relationship because of that was like a positive thing. You guys, things like all the wrongs were righted.

You know, you guys wound up being more of who you are and aligning with people who were more right for you. So it was a very pivotal moment and a great moment for the both of you. Yeah, I mean, now I have a life that I love and I'm having, you know, I'm living the dream. Sometimes I want to pinch myself. Yeah, let's get to your dream. Okay, so you guys end. Now, now go on because you're such a good story.

So I moved to a different area, more rural, but now I'm not this corporate job that I hate. Now I'm not for profit. So I can manage to, and I make a lot of less money, but I'm a lot happier. And that was a problem. We had a lot of money issues too. So now, now my fear of moving here was that I was going to be in a rural area. How am I going to meet kinky people? Yeah.

But I met my current, my current girlfriend, which is, by the way, one of my partners. She's my nesting partner. We live together. But I have other people that I see. I have a partner near your area, New York. And that is a long-distance things. And we see each other occasionally, but we talk a lot. I have somebody else local that is more sexual.

she's not into the BDSM. So we're both poly. My nursing partner has a couple of other partners. So we all date other people. One of them is married. And sometimes we have four songs, you know, her partner and their wife and we all hang out. So I met my current girlfriend to Tinder of all places.

But my profile said that I was kinky. So she, you know, we liked each other and we started talking. And she, she's been polyamorous her whole life. She's into BDSM and I always go to the same type of events that I that I go to She's very self-aware and you know knows what she wants in life and is not afraid to ask for it So basically I mean or or best we leave for the summer because we spend the whole summer going to events or camping and naked or nudist campgrounds You know a lot of notice campgrounds are not

are not sexual, but a lot of the events that we go to are either swingers or BDSM or a mix of both. Right, because you want the sexual aspect of these experiences. Correct, correct. And you know, we're always going to Monches. And because we're in a rural area, we have about three metropolitan areas, but all of them are about two hours away from us. So we have, we have like groups on each of those cities that we go to. We don't have a weekend that it's up, that it's free. There's out with some weekend, some king party, some BDSM dungeon than we're going to.

Or we have so many friends that we have sex with. This weekend, we just had a foursome with a couple that we know that are wonderful. And so, yeah. How do you guys label yourselves? Are you both into members of the same sex? Are you just, you know, are you only with women? Is she with women and men? Are you with men and women?

She is bisexual. I define myself as heteroflexible. Uh-huh. Yeah. So, you know, when we're in a foursome and if the other guy is heterosexual, too, you know, hands go places and it's all fine. Yeah. I don't seek relationships with men or dates with men. I do, I do have a partner in Europe that I hand this a funny story with him because he was my best friend in college.

Mm-hmm. And he was a total womanizer. And I was, I'm a scientist. So I was a geeky scientist. on nerdy. I was terrible with the girls. And he was like the woman and I said a good looking guy. But, you know, many years later, I

came out to him as all the kinky stuff and he came out to me as bisexual. So now every time I see him, which is, you know, every three years when I'm in Europe or something, we play. And for me, it's like an ego thing. Like, yeah, you used to go and he's submissive. So you used to get all the women we were in college

and now you submit to me. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's like a hot fan. That's like a hot gay fan don't you think? Yeah, so that's probably the only guy. But in general, I'm way more into women than men. Yeah. There was a couple of things I wanted to say about FedLife,

because you mentioned the website a couple of times in your show. And the one thing about Fed Life to know is that Fed Life is really not a dating app for those who have never lunged in and say, oh, that's when I'm going to long in. Fed Life is more of an educational social media. So people hate it when Randos on FedLife texts them, oh, let's go on a day. That's not what it is for.

It is really good for just finding mentions and finding events and finding events and showing up and meeting people in person. And that's the thing. If any of your listeners are, you know, wondering, I want to get into this world, but I'm shy. I don't know how to go about it. Don't go and create a Fed Life account and start messaging people.

But if you go and you actually make the effort and you go to munches and you get to meet people and take the classes, there's always a local group. You know, safety about rope, safety about spanking, safety about whip, safety about... That's how you've been... Because you can get hurt with these things, you know? Yeah.

It is some of this stuff is dangerous. Some stuff they call it edge play, which is like, for example... Choking. Choking is one that they call edge play. I can get really dangerous really quick. I don't do choke. I advise against that shit.

I had a girl on once, Casey, and she talked about choking, and the guy, like, choked her out to the point where she passed out. I just think it's, you know, not a game to be played. Exactly. The stakes are too high. It's like your fucking life. It's dumb, you know, just to get off. Do everything else.

Do something else. Yeah, or, for example, I went to a class the other day about knife play. My girlfriend loves that. And so, you know, how to clean the knives. and make sure, you know, you use these wipes, these medical gray wipes, because those are the ones who kill on the germs, not just the Lysol ones. Yeah. That, my goodness.

Yeah, so that kind of thing. So when you go to the classes and everything, you know, like my girlfriend is into rope, so, you know, don't get your arms numb. You know, it looks beautiful. The pictures, rope pictures. I just don't have the patience for rope. That's why I don't do it because it's really a science of doing the knots. But if you are suspended on a rope and people love that,

like a rope rig where you're hanging out, but hanging off the ceiling, but you can lose, you can do nerve damage if you're not careful. Wow, yeah, exactly. And I, because listen, a lot of times when I have BDSM people on,

a lot of people, like the regular people that are listening, will be like, oh, I could never do that to a woman. I think that they always assume that a man that is hurting, quote unquote, women in this way is somebody that doesn't like them that doesn't what you know and I what I think

it's interesting about you is that you have said and I think it's apparent by how you've been speaking you know you do you wanted your equal you don't see your girl as beneath you you don't want that it's she's submissive in the bedroom and that's where this kind of play is it's not it's not about hating women or hurting women, right? I mean, I don't know. No, no, no. I see them as my equal in the bedroom or in the dungeon because we do this in public too. Yeah.

It is a little, I mean, I'll admit to it. It's a little misogynistic in the moment. It's like, yeah, I have a high of I'm superior to you. But that's, you know, just fantasy. It's just getting up, you know, it's just like some people dress as a, okay, I'll give you an example. Some people dress as a school, Catholic school girl. Yeah.

Or some people. people dress as the maid and whatever, you know, and that doesn't mean that you are, that's just a fantasy. That's just that. So the same thing with, with the BDSM sex submissive. I want to get to that stuff where like, you know, you came to this country as somebody that who had never done anything before, but when did you realize that you were into watching your girl be with another guy? You know, like, what was that first experience about and what is it like now for you? I think that that first girl that I dated that was that was key people wanted to talk me.

Yeah. When we talk about non-monogamy, the first time she had, she made out with some guys. She told me I went to a party and made out with him. And oh, go, that gave me an eastern hand on. That was just. And I knew. And I had watched all the porn. So it was kind of, so I sort of knew that that was something that excited me.

But it wouldn't really happen to me. then I remember with my ex-wife going to when we went to swing clubs and it was amazing seeing her with other men. That was just, yeah. And she didn't, she was okay with me having sex with other women, but she didn't,

like she told me, it doesn't arouse me. I'm okay with that. I don't care if you do it. But for me, it was hot. It was hot for me to know that she was sleeping with other men. And she didn't really want to. That was the sad part.

But, you know, with the current partner from the first date, from the beginning, I said, this is what I'm into. Yeah. And, you know, one of her partners loves sharing, too, and we're all about the group sex. So it's been great. Or we go to parties where that happens. And, you know, sometimes we tend not to do it with people that we just met. It's very rare. I think it has happened.

But we usually go on a date first or meet them. And then at the party at the dungeon or of their house. We will have a foursome or, oh, the other day we were, we were in Canada and we met, it was amazing. We met she through an app called Field. Yeah, yeah, I've heard of that one. Okay, you mentioned that. So we met a guy and we hang out with him. He was French speaking and we had a treason and it was great.

Now, in that threesome, do you hook up with the guy too? No. Are you looking for guys that are open or it's cool if they're just with your girl? I was cool with him Yeah, no, he was, I just Watch and well, we, you know, took turns on her. He was a little bit shy Which she loves the shy guys

So I didn't want to push that We had not, you know, this whole process of Negotiation and because he was a very He was very newbie. That's one thing I like I would experience people Will experience people you can go and say, okay, what are you into? You know, and be upfront. Yeah. Yeah, no, no, no, oh yeah, I can

Mail to mail is okay. you can be with newer people they are shy so they are not as a front of the needs of what they want with you know with experience bdSA player okay so you go by the color code which is yellow and red red means stop yellow slow down and i and i have a feel and you know some people have low pain tolerance some people amaze me my girlfriend is like that she has she really likes a good i mean i leave marks on her butt like red yeah She loves it. She loves it.

She's like, and that's what she wants. Sometimes it amazes me. I mean, I love giving it to her. Don't get me wrong. I love it. But sometimes I'm looking at it, and I'm looking at the marks the next day and the bruises, and I'm thinking, wow, I can't believe she likes this. But she does.

How old is your girl? I'm sorry? How old's your girlfriend now that you're with? She's in her 30s. She's in the 30s. Yeah. And did she ever have relationships like this before you? Or, like, was she open always?

she's never been monogamous since since high school or college or something yeah her her first college experiences were non-monogamous she dated women um yeah she had actually when I met her she was dating somebody

and they were he wasn't too too clear that he wanted the the polything and when then she met me and she went to him by the way I met this guy and I think we're going to start going out. That guy was like, no, I don't think I'm comfortable with that.

And she told him, oh, you're not comfortable when then this relationship is ending because this is not how this is going to work. Right. She's straight up about what she's. I can't wait to talk to her. She's going to be on for sure. But so she was, she was like you always straight up about who she is and she's always lived in non-monogamous life.

How many, like right now, how many other relationships do you guys have? So we, I have two relationships. relationships and she has two relationships officially. So only of my two, so actually we all have, we both have threes, three, but, you know, one of those three is us. So we have two extras. Is it important for you guys to make your guys relationship primary or on the top or is everything equal? No, we are, we are what we call hierarchical. And that's a taboo subject for a lot of all the people, because they think that's wrong.

A lot of people that are like, no, everybody has to be equal. I don't think you should be equal. I think hierarchical. That's when you make your relationship the primary one and tend to it as the top, right? That's what that means? Yeah, we live together. We, you know, eventually, you know, if we get married, we'll come into finances, which, you know, is not something we haven't decided, but it's also not out of the table.

And it's just a matter of structure. It's really hard society favors monogamy. So having there we have friends who are what they call Solopoli. We have friends. Actually, one of her partners is Solopoli. He has multiple partners and they're all equal. And that's how he decides to live and, you know, awesome, good for him. But we think having the structure of a home and a couple and where you made your life with.

But at the same time, being open to have other loving relationships on the side, that's the structure that works for us. Mm-hmm. So, and so I have two partners. One is very close. It's about an hour drive. She's older than me. She's on her early 50s. And that's mostly a sexual relationship.

I saw her last night. We just had sex, you know. And the other one is long distance. And it's very, it's romantic. We call each other almost every night. She isn't to be the same. So when I see her, I also beat her. Actually, I each other, funny enough.

I introduce her. I introduce her. She has a, she's far away from me, right? Yeah. But she has a primary. I introduce her to that primary. Oh, really? You got her hooked up with her primary relationship.

Yeah, we went to this camping event that I mentioned. And, you know, and, oh, this is my friend so-and-so, and he's a new list and he was in that camping place too, you know, and he was also beating girls and having sex and doing the whole thing. And they hid it off and they started dating. And I'm, you know, happy for them. Yeah. It's, and it's worked. They are so long distance, but they seem, they have become a lot closer. Right.

So my, for example, one thing is we have, at least so far, the plan is not to have kids. So one of her, of my girlfriend's partners is married and has kids and has a two-year-old. So my girlfriend goes to his house and hands out with her with her family and knows her kids and she loves hanging out with them and she gets her two year old time and like baby time and she you know she loves that so my her partner they know that they can count on her sometimes as her for child care help you know babysitter yeah exactly so i mean they don't do it every week but occasionally that's how she gets her baby fixed because she's not going to have babies with you is what you're saying exactly so it works it works for everybody um and you know there are certain

things about each of us that are different. I tend to be, I told you that I'm a scientist, though, I tend to be a very cold person calculating in the sense, you know, very non-emotional decisions. And that works for certain things, but that can bother people that used to, my ex-wife was an artist. So that, you know, there's, yeah, that personality. So if you want different personalities of different things from different people, that's how the poly works for us. Yeah. Right. So you're not putting all your eggs in one basket.

What you don't get from her, you're free to go out and get from somebody else and vice versa. Now, are there ever any kind of jealousy that happens between you guys? Like, what are the, anything like that? Or are you guys both so super open and professionals that you're fine? There is jealousy. There is jealousy. It doesn't happen very often. I think, I mean, I think we're great at Polly.

And I'm just saying, I'm not just saying that. I think based on all the things that I've seen. but I can tell you a couple of little jealousy events that happens. One of her partners, the one that has kids the other day, we were in a party, and he went and told her something like, you know, something on the lines of go make me a sandwich on a picnic. And it sounded very bossy to me at the moment. And it kind of gave me a little bit of trauma of my wife's submission to another man.

and I got really, really, like, and I went and spoke with her. And she was just asking me to make him a sandwich. She wasn't a big deal. But, you know, that day I got, and I didn't get mad at her. She didn't do anything wrong. He didn't do anything wrong. It's just that I got jealous. Yeah, you were triggered.

Yeah. I, you know, I think my girlfriend gets the most jealous is because we live together. So we don't do the BDSM as often, the whole beatings and chains and whips. So sometimes, you know, I go to, we go to a new party, we go to a new dungeon, and then I meet somebody else. And, you know, new energy, right? New person. And she wants me to be there. So 10 minutes later, she's on the San Andreas Cross, you know, this train and I'm flogging her or whatever.

And, you know, sometimes my girlfriend is like, you haven't done that to me in two weeks. Yeah. So, yeah, so it happens, you know, you talk about it. And that's the best thing. And it's true. I haven't done that to her in two weeks. So, you know, the other day I was in a party, and there was a, it's a long story. It was a little bit of drama.

I wasn't getting along with somebody in the party. It was in a, I wasn't in a good moment. And then suddenly I see my girlfriend and she's fucking one of her partners. You know, and I got, I don't know, I was in a bad mood. And I got really, really jealous for some reason, which I normally do. But at the same time, it was this mixture of jealousy. and he was so fucking hot because I was so fucking jealous. Yeah.

A little cuck in you. Yeah. And she asked me later, it's like, weren't you jealous? Were you upset? And I said, yes.

And she's like, why, oh, no, I was having my own issues. Like, they didn't do wrong anything wrong. I have seen them have sex multiple times.

I have enjoyed it. I have joined them. But that day, I was jealous. I mean, it happens. It's just human nature. Yeah.

And, but, You deal with it. You talk about it. And a lot of times we have another friend. I mean, and that happens. That's a, that's a warning sign when you, when you date couples or would you, you know, well, my rule, my rule is not kissing. My rule is no. And, you know, if they're newbies, we sort of understand and let it go because we know that newbies get used to losing those rules. Yeah. If it's somebody who's been around for many years and I still have too many strict rules, you know, we start thinking, well, you know, this, they should probably. I mean, to each their own, we respect the rules. If the rule is, you know, no holding hands, we won't hold your hands. But that to me usually sends a signal like this person needs to do a little bit of work. Because if you've been non-monogamous for five years, at the end of the day, look, nobody, I do not have, even though I like the whips and chains, I do not have my girlfriend chained to my bed.

If she wants to leave me tomorrow, she can grab her things and leave. Even if we were married, she can file for divorce. So there's no point on being jealous. You might as well enjoy life. If things end, they're going to end. That's it. There's nothing I can do about it. I wouldn't say that I wouldn't be broken harder.

But I might as well enjoy life while it lasts and try to make her happy and be honest when I am not. That's all you can do. Right. And know that if the ending comes, you'll deal with it. it'll just be over and yeah it'll be painful but life goes on and I think that that's sometimes the biggest fear about it you know for sure do you guys share partners we don't have long term so we don't have long term her two partners and my two partners are we don't share them but occasionally there will be sex in between us so yes like right because you have foursums with your partners

right because I mean she's into women so I would does she sleep with your female Yeah, she has done treason with two of them, with the two of them. And again, these two that I'm mentioned are the two that I see regularly. There's a bunch of other people that I have sex, that I have sex occasionally with. But this two that I see regularly, she has had trisoms with both of them. I have had trisomes only with one of her partners with the other one I never had. But I would, you know, because she's also long distance, the occasion has never arrived. I will tell you one thing about treasons, though. I do prefer treasons with two men and a woman, that two women and a man.

How come? Because if you're having sex with two women, you have to last for the two of them. And you have to like, when you're having sex with the first one, you're like, until she comes, you're like thinking, you know, okay, think about taxes. Think about. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. And then you're like worried that you're going to, you have to place two women. And it's like, you know, you have to make them calm.

And it's like, so I don't even stress about it. that if you're having a trism with two men and a woman, a woman, you know, just if you come, doesn't matter. The next guy is going to take over. By the time he's done, I, you know, I can't recover. I wouldn't say very quickly. It takes me, you know, 10, 20 minutes, but I can, I can usually have two goals at it. So it's less, it's, it's less pressure and she enjoys a lot more. That doesn't mean that I don't like tracons with two women. It's amazing. It's a nigo, booster. I mean, my first trism. I never had a treason with my ex-wife with two women. We had trisons with two men. I didn't get to have a trism with two women until I started dating my current

nesting partner. And it was an ego booster. It was heaven for me. But now that I've done it a few times, I say that I prefer when there's two men and a woman. Right, because of the work, because of what you just explained, which makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. And the other thing, you know, after the gastric bypass, losing all that weight made, you know, wonders for my sex life. I last longer. My erections are better. Did your dick get bigger? Yes, yes.

Okay, because I did a whole episode on that, and I googled it, because I'm interested in everything. So did you gain? Yeah, yeah. My girlfriend and I listened to that episode as we were driving. I had the cell phone, YouTube on the cell phone, and we had a blast on that episode. And yes, it is true. I mean, actually, that was my ex-wife after I had the surgery. She said, no more anal sex for you.

It hurts too much. Because it got too big. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, the gas. So any of your listeners who are considering this, I would say it's a hard journey. There's a lot of work to get insurance approved. And even I've been out of this surgery for three years. I am not allowed to drink and eat at the same time.

So I have to wait half an hour between food and liquid. Wow. Yeah. And there's a lot of things and I'm going to be taking vitamins for the rest of my life. So it's not. And a lot of our work, totally work. Let me ask you this because I think one of the biggest fears or what I would think happens and you've seen it is like, you know, because if your skin is stretched out to be big

enough that you needed the gastric bypass and then you take away all that fat where you lose all that weight. I mean, what happens to the skin? Do they do as a part of that surgery, do they is, do you get that skin removed or? Or is it just hanging there? Because isn't that an issue sometimes afterwards? Yes. It wasn't for me because I was actually I wasn't that heavy.

I was heavy. I was heavy. I was an overweight. But I was borderline. I was just at the limit where I barely qualified for the surgery. But I still have a little of flappy skin. I have a tummy that hangs. It's not.

But it's not that horrible. So for women or men who are way more overweight, it is a problem. And as I understand, I understand. that if you have skin issues, insurance would pay for your skin, for your, for your, the fixing of it, whatever, but it does help. It does, right. I think that that makes sense that it would cover that afterwards because it's a part of that. But I'll tell you something about that too, you know, people who are self, who are nervous

about that, self-conscious, yeah. If, see, that skin is hidden. Nobody sees it. so it just boots your morale to just not be that's overweight. I do have a Tommy that hangs a little bit. It's not the prettiest thing. But when I have clothes on, I look a lot better. And it just makes me a lot more confidence.

Right. What you're saying is it's worth it. Even if you can't do the skin thing, you know, you're going to look better, feel better afterwards because, listen, most people aren't seeing you naked. So. Exactly. So the majority of people, everybody is seeing you skinnier,

which makes you feel great about yourself. And then the couple people that are, well, with you, you're seeing a lot of people naked because you're fucking swinger at nudist colonies. You've got a lot of relationships. But your dick is bigger, too. So who cares? And, you know, maybe the swinging community can be different. But the BDSM community is really body positive.

People and, you know, people don't care. You go to these dungeons and all. sizes and colors and getting beaten up. Nobody judges judges you. It's really, the swing community, depending on the swing club and depending on what city you are, it can be a little bit more tricky on that. People tend to be a little bit more judgmental. But again, just find your people.

Who are your people? Would you say you're more aligned to the BDSM world or the Swinger world or all of the above? I am 50-50. 50-50. And so my ideal people, my people are the people who do both. So that's why I love this summer event, that it's a camping event for a week, because it's really, that event has two spaces.

One, it's, they call it, well, it's a dungeon, which is on a barn. Did you know what a San Andrews Cross is? Yeah. Like this X, okay, there's X where they tie up people. So it has San Andrews Crosses and you get a bit. And there's another part of that event that they call it the sexorama. Sexerrama? Yeah.

Okay. And it's basically a tent, a big tent with beds, and people go there and fuck. And it's just a concern order. You know, there's three sons. And I mean, you don't show up there and just fuck with random people. You meet them first. You know, there has to be consent. Consent is key.

And so that's why my favorite event, because both things happen. But I do identify more with the key people in a few areas. And I, for what I have observed, Kink, the BDSN, the Fed Life crowd, it's more of direct about consent and have these conversations about negotiation. And for example, most King groups will have some sort, that have grown,

will have some sort of grievance process. Oh, he touched me inappropriately. So, you know, sometimes it's a little bit too much of drama, but they take it very seriously. You can get banned from a party, from violating somebody's consent. It's really, I find that a lot of swing clubs in big cities, you know, there's a lot of more alcohol, for example. In the kink world that's front upon, you don't get drunk and beat somebody because it can be dangerous. You don't get high and beat somebody.

And while in the swing clubs, you know, getting hammered and then going to an orgy is more common. So in that sense, I identify more with the kink. people I feel more comfortable in that world. I do I do find that some king people are a little bit uptight about sex, but you know, it's fine to each their own. So in that sense, I'm also more swinger. Yeah, you know, we get along. We like each other.

You're hot. I'm hot. Let's fuck. So. Yeah. Yeah, that's interesting. The king people being uptight. It's because maybe they're into like one specific thing, but they're closed off to other

things. You mean in that kind of way? Yeah, and people are very specific in the king world. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm into spanking and I'm into spanking and I'm into spanking parties or I'm into rope. Yeah. And, you know, for example, I learned a lot about the rope while dating my girlfriend. And she, for example, there's this girl that my girlfriend just had a scene with.

And she's just smoking. I just saw them making out this weekend. Oh, I can't wait to have your girl on. She's going to tell me all these stories. And we have pictures of her on Patreon. You're going to give me some picks, right? Yeah. Yeah.

She's going to give it to me tonight. But this, my girlfriend was really, she didn't want to cross that line of, you know, getting sexy with her. Because apparently there's this whole protocol when you are the top rope of somebody and you're tied the knob. Sometimes it's thrown upon getting sexual. You have to respect that. It's a different thing in the robe. Yeah. So, you know, and everybody's got their own little things of how they do, you know.

I'm very much in what we call impact play, which is just basically giving you bruises, you know, with floggers and paddles and canes. I do like chain restraint. It's similar to rope, but chain is a lot quicker. You don't have to make the knots. So I tied you up to the bed with chains, and I use these connectors. So it doesn't require learning all these notes and all the time, and it's just faster. So in that sense, you see, but I'm thinking.

telling you this and you're probably understanding and say, okay, somebody from the rope world will be judging me for saying this right now because I'm just a lazy bum who doesn't want to learn. No, you're just not, you're impatient. You're not, that's not for you. I mean, I think that that's cool. I've had a Shibari expert on and, you know, a lot of those, it is, it does look time consuming. It's beautiful. You know, it's more like visually beautiful, but I've heard from people that are into that world and it's a very different thing. But it's very, like you said, it's very specific. I love how you've broken things down, even like the threesome difference. You've told me some things that I just never heard before, but even though I've talked to millions of people. So you gave me a great

episode. Thank you so much for coming on. I cannot wait to get your open-minded girlfriend on. People, my listeners, of course, love listening to females that are like her, which is, you know, she's been open since the get-go, which is fascinating. So we're going to get her whole backstory. You've been great. I mean, I have really not had to say. say much on this episode. You just told your story really well. And it was very informative too on top of it, which I love. So thank you so much for calling in and sharing your story.

Thanks, Carlos. Bye. Bye. Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for tuning in to this week's episode. If you want to follow the show, follow me at Strict Anonymous on Instagram or Twitter. That's at Strict Anonymous. If you are on YouTube, make sure to subscribe.

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