Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 597 - GIRL TALK: Lyra on Polyamory, BDSM, Swinging and More

Episode Date: February 17, 2023

Lyra is into polyamory, bdsm and swinging and she called in to talk all about it. When did she realize she was poly? When did she realize she was into BDSM? And, when did she start swinging? Tune in for all the details including how and why she realized she was poly very early on, how and why she’s a masochist, her first poly experience with two women and how it all went down, how she is into hierarchal poly relationships but prefers the label anchor partner and what that all means, the apps she uses to hook up to meet people she plays with, the key to making poly relationships work, how to deal with the jealousy that comes up with having multiple partners, why jealousy is frowned upon in the poly community but shouldn’t be, the difference between being ethically non monogamous vs being polyamorous and how and why she considers herself both, how her connection with her anchor bf Carlos (episode #589) was very sexual from get go, the threesome she had with him and his then girlfriend, how her boyfriend turned her on to swinging and how they prefer to engage in lifestyle, the swinger camp they go to and what goes down there, how and why the bdsm world is not very sexual, how and why there is a lot more communication in regards to consent in the bdsm world compared to the swinger world, negations in kink community and why it’s so important, the two things she needs for bdsm to work for her, the orgy she had in college and exactly what went down, how and why she now enjoys group sex, how many boyfriends she dating now, how many other parters her anchor boyfriend has and so much more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. Is it real problems? Do your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your whips and change.

Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, it's called Strictly Anonymous because I change everybody's voices. I change everybody's names. People email me from phony emails. You could call me from a block number.

I just want to hear your true story. If you have a true, interesting, naughty story that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous, you could be on the show. You go to Strictly Anonymouspodcast.com, my website, and click on Be on the Show or send me an email, Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. Or go to Instagram and Twitter, you can DM me there, but the best way is to send me an email. If you go to my website, Strictly Anonymous Podcast.com, you click on Be on the Show. It's just going to pull up my email and you can send it right there.

If you just have a confession that you want to get off your back, you could call my confessions, and I changed the voices over there as well. That number is 347, 4203579. That's 347, 4203579. You could call that number and confess anytime 24-7. I don't call people back there. I don't text people there. So don't call me up to say hi, but you could leave a confession there.

I air all those on my Patreon, on my Patreon.com slash strictly non-mose podcast. Those confessions, I think I said, right, I change your voice on there as well. If you want to talk to me on the DL, I offer that. I don't air those episodes. I charge for those. The link is in the description. If you want to sign up for that, most people use that option because they have a problem or issue that they want to talk to someone about,

that they can't talk to anyone else about. I love those calls. You can set that up, like I said, in that description. If you're listening on a podcast app, make sure to subscribe to my show. If you love my show, give me five star. It helps. Today I have on Lira. Now, Lira is the girlfriend of Carlos, who was on recently.

Carlos was episode 589. Carlos is into non-monogamy, BDSM swinging, polyamory, and more. And Lira is into all that as well. They're very well-suited. I don't know if you listen to Carlos' episode, but I loved it. He was so interesting and informative. It's so well-spoken. If you haven't listened to that episode, go listen to it.

Lira is exactly the same. She's very well-spoken. She's super interesting. She's very open and she's into all the same things as Carlos. And I mean, she was into those things before Carlos, except for the swinging. He got her into that. He talked about in his episode how, you know, he was very into BDSM, but it wasn't sexual enough. He's a very sexual being.

So he needed that swinger world in his life as well. And he combined them too. And then when Lira came into the picture, she was Polly before him. She was bisexual. she was but she wasn't into non-monogamy or anything like that even though she was Polly and she'll explain all the differences and stuff he's

you know Carlos is the one that got her into the lifestyle she gets into that she did have an orgy in college and she talks about the interesting way that orchie came up but she was always Polly from the get-go we talk a lot about her interest in Polly and all of her relationships dating men and women dating men and women at the same time

she has right now currently three boyfriends Carlos and two other guys she talks about what kind of relationships they are is anyone more important than somebody else she breaks that all down she's very into BDSM she's a masochist she explains why she is into that why she likes pain i think it's important to hear from a woman who likes to you know who digs pain why they do it and why she's interested in it because i think people who's not into that kind of I think sometimes just assumes someone's coming from a dark place or like a place of you know trauma and that's why they like it but she explains it all she's very into shibari which is like that intricate rope tying I think that Carlos called her a rope dope she's very

into that but we talk mostly about her poly relationships the kink world the bdSM world that she's been involved in as well as how she got into the swinger world with Carlos and how she's getting into that, the foursome that they had, and the sex camp, summer sex camp that they go to and all that kind of good stuff. So anyway, she's very informative. She explains everything and breaks everything down really well. So it's a great listen. I'm going to be right back on with Lira. Hi, Lyra. Welcome to the Strictly anonymous podcast. How are you today? Great. So listen, Lyra, I had on your guy first, Carlos, who, had his own interesting story.

But when he was like talking about you, I was like, oh, she sounds like she has an interesting backstory. Let's get her on the phone separate to talk all about your life because you are in a relationship with Carlos. He's into BDSM, swinging, all kinds of stuff. You guys have been non-monogamous since the get-go. And what he told me about you is you have always been non-monogamous in your life. So I'm assuming you've had some lifestyle experiences or I don't even know what,

before you met him. But let's talk about that. Like when, I mean, how old are you now and you've always just been non-monogamous? Yeah. So I am 31. And the funny story about my history of non-monogamy is that when I came out to my mom this summer, or last summer, I can't remember. She had the funniest reaction because she told me this story about when I was seven. I have. apparently came home from like elementary school and and was like announcing that like I wasn't going to get married that I was just going to be with a bunch of people when I was older. And apparently my teacher had thought this was like coming home from my family environment. So I have no idea where my seven year old brain found the concept of non monogamy. But, you know, when I got into high school and, you know, started really dating, I, I somehow already had that concept in my head and I kind of, you know, got on the internet, started searching

around different words and I found this concept of polyamory and it just immediately, immediately clicked with me. And so kind of from the get-go, I was, you know, gravitating towards that direction. And then pretty, pretty soon when I arrived at college, I got kind of my first real-world exposure to the rope scene and to BDSM, things that I also already kind of been exposed to on the internet during high school. And it just immediately clicked as what I needed in my life. So you were like, I'm fucking Polly and you're into BDSM. Now, you're sub or you're the sub, right? Your sub in that last? Yeah. That's an interesting thing because I'm definitely a masochist. I'm definitely a bottom. I have kind of varying relationships.

to the word submissive, but on the complete other flip side is I'm a Shibari rigor. So I do rope suspension as a top. Right. Okay. Meaning you tie other people up. Yeah. Okay. So you like to do that.

Yeah. I had one guy on that was like very big into Shibari. It was like the first time I ever heard of it. But let's go back to the whole poly, the concept of poly. I mean, because that always boggles my mind. I've said it millions of times on my show. Like I find it hard to love one person, let alone five or three or have more than one relationship relationships are so complicated have you always been polly from the get go i mean listen obviously

you were born this way like at seven you were already uh you knew who you were so like when did you have your first polly experience in real life like with dating multiple people yeah so my first poly experience was in college um i was dating two different women i actually met one of them through the other So I was on a date contra-dancing with the first woman and met the second woman that same kind of night at a diner. We all went out to a midnight diner after dancing all night. And, you know, the connection, the kind of intoxication of that crush was there immediately with this second woman. And I had already talked to the first woman about the fact that this was my identity. I'm Polly.

This is my inclination. this is part of who I am. And so for her, it really wasn't startling or abrupt to see me have that chemistry with someone else. And it blossomed pretty quickly into a poly relationship. So I was dating both of them. They were not dating each other. And kind of both of them stayed in my life kind of a little bit in and out for the next

two years until, you know, we kind of all moved on to our next relationships and lives. Wow. So you were keeping those two relationships going. Now, if you're dating two people at the same time, how does it work with holidays and birthdays? Like, do you spend, it's your birthday, right? Who gets to hang out with you on your birthday? Is there somebody that becomes like number one relationship and number two? Is everyone equal?

I think different poly people have it set up different ways, correct? Yeah. So the kind of language we use around that is hierarchical versus non-hierarchical poly. So I think when I was in those kind of first relationships, I didn't really have that vocabulary. And I also wasn't really at that place in my life where I was bringing people home to my parents on holidays. But as I've gotten older, kind of like end of college, that's definitely something that I've navigated for a long time now. I think most of the time my poly tends to be that kind of hierarchical poly in some way, which means that there is someone who fills that primary slot, right?

Who is the person who my parents know, although my parents have actually met multiple of my partners at the same time. So that's not foreign to them. Who's there for holidays, who my extended family needs, all of that. But at the same time, I also don't really love that language of hierarchy or non-hierical,

because even though I have that primary, I actually have another term for it. which is like anchor partner. He's the person who's my anchor. I live with him. I love him. He's at this point, practically part of my family.

But my other relationships are in some ways just as important. They just fill a different hole in my life. Right. Okay. So now you're also bisexual, I would assume, because you're dating women. I mean, your first relationship was, right. And so you always just put it straight up,

straight out when you're on your first date. like listen this is who I am because I know that that's how Carlos rolled when he got here to the States that was his story and I thought it was super interesting because it kind of goes to show if you're very clear about who you are what you want and you put that out you can find people that are totally in line with what you're interested in you know Carlos found two women he's had non monogamous relationships with because that's what he decided he fucking wanted you're like I'm Polly I'm gonna date who the fuck I want you know and you have only had those kinds of relationships. Have you always just been straight up? Like right from the get-go? Right from the get-go. I am

honest with my friends. I'm honest with the people in my life. I gravitate towards dating apps when I'm on them that kind of serve the poly community. You know, everyone in my life knows that I'm poly, probably save for some co-workers. But I've always just kind of put that identity piece of me really kind of front and center so that it's never a shock to anyone. What are the dating apps for Polly that are really good or specific for that lifestyle. Yeah, I say the one that I have the most luck with is something called Field, F-E-L-D. So that's been really fun. And so one thing that is also a piece of this story for me is that I really identify

deeply as Polly forever, right? Like, this just been part of my life. But much newer for me is exploring kind of more swinger ethical non-monogamy dynamics. So the kind of less casual, more pickup, more in the moment, sexual connections, that's been newer to me and something I've been really exploring and engaging with Carlos. That's kind of started with our relationship. He in some ways introduced me to that part of myself. And so Field is also a great way to engage sometimes with those kind of dynamics, especially when traveling. So he's the first one that got you into that.

you were doing like these poly relationships they're not throuples like when you were dating those three those two other women you're not all hooking up together you're not like having threesomes i think some people think oh if you're poly it's like it also includes group sex and all that kind of stuff and that's not the case like it's typically you keep your relationship separate and you weren't doing that that kind of stuff before carlos exactly before carlos there was almost no kind of group sex three ways anything like that involved in my Polly relationships. I wasn't a couple orgies in college. It was fun. But they really had nothing to do with those kind of bigger relationship dynamics. They were all very separate. I was very much dating people individually. But they knew each other.

They certainly knew of each other. They probably texted each other. But, you know, it wasn't group sex all the time. Like people imagine sometimes when they hear Polly. Right, right. And now, if you're Polly and you're dating those two girls, they also date other people as well, correct? Like that's how it works?

Absolutely. You know, we all go through varying stages of our lives where we're dating one person or two or three. And I honestly don't remember how often either of them were dating other people, but I definitely know they were during that time. And what do you think is the key to being in successful poly relationships? Because I've had poly people on it. And a lot of times it just goes fucking south, you know, for whatever reason. I mean, you have, you're like a professional polyester.

Molly, it's like you said, it was just how you're born, what you were wired for. What do you think is the key to being successful in running multiple relationships at the same time? You know, I think it's, I think it's three things. Honesty, transparency, and accountability. And, you know, people might think that honesty and transparency are the same thing, but they're really not, right? Honestly means, you know, you're not lying. You're not sneaking around. You're not doing anything on the down low.

But transparency means even if someone doesn't come out and ask you, are you dating someone else? Are you seeing someone else? Are you starting anything? You're being upfront and transparent about that with your partners. There isn't that kind of lack of trust or lack of communication around new connections, around how you're engaging with the people who are in your life. And so those are really important.

And then the other piece that I call accountability is kind of, more complicated, but Polly in a sense exists on this premise that, you know, first off, we are, many of us who I engage in this lifestyle are capable of loving more than one person. That's part of us. That's how we're built. Yeah. But it also comes with this idea that, like, maybe not everybody you're dating is really designed to meet all of your needs.

And so by engaging with more people, I get to have my. needs met in different ways by different people. Yeah. And that's awesome, right? And the accountability piece there is not becoming overly dependent on any one of my partners in a way that I'm expecting them to drop everything to meet the needs that they're filling in my life because they also have other connections. They also have responsibilities to other people.

And I need to honor that. And I need to check myself and not suddenly be demanding that level of monogamous commitment from someone who I'm engaging in a poly dynamic with. Right. So there is none of that, or that is very, like, a big no-no as far as in, like, in that world. Because I feel like sometimes in relationships, there are times when people maybe would be more dependent on a relationship because of life. I don't know, right?

I mean... Yeah, and, like, that's why I use the term anchor partner, right? Carlos is my anchor. If I need someone, Carlos is going to be there. I 100% and fully trust that. But that doesn't negate the fact that there are going to be times when he also needs to be there for his other partners. Yeah. And I need to respect that.

And I need to be communicating my needs in a way that, yeah, like if I'm in the ER, he's going to come and be there with me. Right. But if I have some more trivial need, he might need to prioritize one of his other partners over where I'm at. And that's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now how? Because you're a human being, and I would assume that, of course, jealousy and, you know, butt hurt feelings are going to come up. It's only natural, correct? I mean, and how do you deal with that? Is that where the whole honesty thing comes into play? Like, you've just got to be, you've got to talk that shit out?

Yeah, you've got to talk that shit out, right? You've got to be clear with yourself. I mean, part of it is being honest with yourself when you're jealous. I find that sometimes, especially when I was early into figuring out the policy. dynamic. I just get really angry, frustrated, and pissy, and not even realize that I was jealous. And so half of it is checking with yourself and owning up to jealousy because I think there's a lot of shaming within the poly community of like, oh, if you're jealous, it's a bad thing. It's like, no, come on. Jealousy happens. That's what I would think. Yeah. I mean, if you're realistic, I mean, give me a fucking break. It's going to come up. You're a human. Right? I mean.

Exactly. Exactly. And I think the piece of it, though, is to not blame. your partner for your jealousy, right? To just accept that, yeah, this is going to happen. It's something you've got to be honest with. It's something you've got to work through. Maybe you need to shift how you're going about your Polly. Maybe you need to ask something of your partner that you weren't getting before. But it's not your partner's fault that you're jealous.

Right. But it is like if you're in these kind of relationships, if you're on the receiving end of that and your partner comes to you, it's also about, honoring how they feel, right? And not, because I think sometimes some people might use that kind of lifestyle or get into that and think that, oh, it's like this magical world where none of that shit's going to happen, you know, and if they have a partner come to them, like, I'm jealous or I don't, you know, they're going to be like, well, you're not allowed to be because we're in a poly relationship, you know, right?

Like, I mean, you have to be accepting of those kind of things also like on the other side if your partner comes to you feeling that way. Oh, 100%. And, you know, I just have no tolerance for that kind of language of, oh, you shouldn't be jealous. Right. But it happens, I'm sure. Don't you think, though, that is that common, though, or no? I mean, like, I would think some people would use that as an excuse to be like I'm not dealing with any of the bad stuff in any kind of relationship.

You know, like that unrealistic person that just thinks are going to get all the positives, not the negatives, you know? Yeah, I would say it's extremely common in people who are new. to Polly and still trying to figure out. Like, it's pervasive. Yeah. And I think it's also, and this is really unfortunate, but it's common that there are people who are kind of trying to put on a show of being Polly when really what they're looking for is ethical non-monogamy and permission to sleep around.

Totally. So when you have people trying to engage in a Polly community who maybe aren't really oriented that way, I think more of that crops up. Yeah. That's because I think that there's a fine. line and some people might think that that's what they're looking for. But it's really not. They just want to be non-monogamous, which is a very different thing. Yeah, absolutely. They're very different. And sometimes you've got to try one until you figure out that you're looking for the other.

And what I've also recently learned is you can actually kind of do both. Like in my current setup, I have three different pretty committed relationships going on. And that's my Polly. Right. And then outside of my polly, both Carlos and I are in some ways total sluts and hook up and play with other people and swing. But that's not my poly. That's swinging. That's hooking up. That's ethical non-monogamy. And in my brain, those really are two separate things. I think so too, for sure. Now, so how did that whole thing come up? So it was Carlos was the first one that brought you into that world, correct? Yeah, I knew the world existed. I hadn't really dabbled in it, but my connection with Carlos was just from the get-go, really, really sexual. And I had been in three sums. I'd

had a big origin college. These weren't foreign experiences for me, but we just had this sexual energy, this sexual connection. And pretty much the, I think it really was the first night. I met his other partner who was actually at the time more of his primary than I was that really shifted in our dynamic later in the relationship. We had a really hot threesome and it was really awesome and that really opened up this new possibility for me that I just hadn't entertained before. Wait, so when you met Carlos, he was with another female dating her and you had a threesome with him and his primary at the time. I don't know that I remember that, but, you know, I had talked to so many people. Oh, yeah, no. Yeah.

So he was dating another woman. Yeah. And that was really more of his primary at the time. And the three of us, that other woman, me and Carlos, had a three, some pretty early on and meeting each other. I think it was actually the first night. And you were like, oh, this is kind of hot. I mean, that was like your first kind of experience like that where you felt connected to somebody, but also like, I mean, the two worlds were sort of coming together. Exactly. Exactly.

So that other relationship, like you're obviously his primary. He's your anchor now. So that girl fell by the wayside and then you guys could stay together. Yeah, I wouldn't say fell by the wayside. They're still together. Oh, okay. It was more just a shift in, shift in hierarchy, shift in dynamics. Oh, and now do you still sleep with her? We've definitely hooked up a couple of times. Not recently, but it's definitely on the table as a possibility. Right. And you could see her, have you ever seen her separately, or is it always threesome's together? In this case, always threesomes together. There isn't that separate dynamic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. When does he start bringing up the whole swinger lifestyle world to you? Pretty early on, it was the subject of conversation. But it really started with us going to, this kind of summer camp for adults that is BDSM oriented, where it's kind of just a week-long, amazing series of events and classes and different hookup scenarios and just being immersed in a whole ton of people who were interested in the same things that we were. That kind of conversation just became really real, really fast, and we just had a lot of fun. And from there on out, we just kept kind of seeking out different environments or connections that were moving towards that more like Swinger, more casual sexual encounters. Yeah, because that was a big thing for Carlos.

And he was like one of the first people who's really into BDSM that also was into the Swinger world. I know that he said that that summer camp you go to is like that that's like the perfect place because it is kind of a blending of those two. There is a lot of sex. and there's BDSM going on as well, correct? Absolutely. Yep. And so you were into the BDSM world before him, and is that how you found it to be, like, not so sexual?

Absolutely. I would say a vast majority of the BDSM world really isn't oriented towards sexual encounters. There is much more emphasis on the kind of BDSM acts than combining them with sex. And so it's actually been really interesting over the last year, you're kind of navigating the scene and trying to find those places and pockets that feel more sex positive and feel like they have a healthy integration of VSM and Swinger kind of lifestyle.

That feels like we can kind of explore that mix in. Right, because there's not a lot of that. Or do you find that maybe sometimes when you do find those two together, there's something dark there or it's not positive? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. So one of the kind of culture classes that you have between the two. is around consent.

Yeah. In the Swinger culture, there is a little bit more of an expectation that by simply arriving at the venue, you have kind of opted into a certain level of very direct kind of sexual approach,

you know, very kind of immediate kind of, hey, do you want to hook up without much kind of lead in? In some venues, it's even kind of seen as appropriate to put, a hand on someone's waist without talking to them first. And that kind of looseness around consent is just absolutely not accepted in the BDSM scene.

Oh, yeah, because there could be a lot of trouble there. I mean, you know. Yeah. You know, one of the things that I really value about the Kink communities and BDSM communities that I kind of circle in is that there is a lot of conversation about how to establish kind of clear standards of consent. in the community, how to make sure everyone feels safe, how to make sure there's kind of people to talk to if something does go wrong, places where we can resolve it. But the reality is that's not

necessarily true of all KEN-V-DSM communities. And there are definitely places that do kind of tolerate those great areas and, you know, maybe have this atmosphere of permissibility. that really isn't healthy considering the riskiness of the kind of behaviors we're engaging in as far as how someone could get really hurt, not just physically but emotionally. And so, you know,

one thing I would say to anyone listening to this and, again, I interested in exploring, especially that they're interested in exploring that intersection between swinging and kink or non-monogamy and BDSM is to just kind of, dip your toes in and get a feel for the community, vet it, make sure it feels up to your kind of safety standards before engaging.

Right. But one of the things that I really love in King Comediasm community is we do something called negotiation, which is before you're going to engage in play, you talk about what the expectations are, right? You talk about what types of acts you want to engage in, but a lot of people, and I see this a lot more talk about why they enjoy what they do. And we're processing that in the moment. And as a masochist, I am telling my top or the sadist I'm playing with why I enjoy this

and what I get out of it and where my mindset is that brings me to that masochism. And I'm also hearing from the sadist kind of their journey towards embracing sadism and understanding where that comes from in themselves. And for me, that kind of honest dialogue and being able to talk about it is kind of really protective. Right. And now why don't you explain to people where you're coming from as a masochist? Because I think that it's really important for people to hear from that woman who's into that and why she is. Yeah, absolutely.

You know, I think there's two pieces of it that to me, and it's funny, I was just talking about this with Carlos last night, have to be present for, you know, BDSM to work, right, for my masochism to click on in a really happy place. One is I truly enjoy the physical sensations, right? I truly enjoy the depth of sensation that you get from, you know, a really great flogging. It's just, it's physically amazing. And my brain really does process it out of a certain point. as pleasure in this really interesting way that, you know, can be hard to communicate outside

of the scene. And then the other piece of it is that has to be accompanied with this kind of exchange of energies between the two people. You know, when you talk about that more topiness and bottom and submission and, you know, power dynamics, all of that is this really unique way of exchanging energy between two people and establishing and entering in to this way of really intentionally relating to another human, right? And so when you combine that kind of ability of my body to process pain as pleasure, that interests I have in the almost physical overwhelm of a kind of masochistic sensation with that really intentional construction of energy and relationship between two people in that moment. It's intoxicating. Right. And did you always know you were a

little masochist? I mean, you knew you were Polly. Did you always feel like you had this thing for pain? I think I really discovered that through dipping my toes into BDSI and figuring out what worked for me. I think I always knew from being exposed to it that I had an interest. Yeah. But it really took me a long time of careful exploration to figure out exactly what parts of it worked for me and what parts of it didn't work for me. I think one misconception that exists kind of out there in the vanilla world is that like old masochists enjoy all pain and they're all looking to be beaten black and blue or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's so not true. Right. We all have really clear preferences and needs and desires around what kind of pain we like and where we like it and how.

we want to be given that pain and really establishing that part of your identity takes a long time and it takes experimentation and it takes receiving sensations that you love and receiving sensations that you decide you don't like and you say nope I'm good let's not do that anymore and that's totally okay yeah well listen when I asked Carlos for some picks he sent me some picks with so like you bruised up on your fucking ass. I don't know that you like. The flogging you brought that up. I was like,

oh, these are too hardcore for me to put up because I feel like people would just go mental about stuff like that. Because like I said, I just do think in the vanilla world, there is a lot of confusion about the BDSM world. And so I always think it's very important

to have somebody like you who, you know, look, here you are with all these bruising all over. But like you dig that. You know that's a pleasurable experience for you. It's not a, It's not like a dark thing that's happening. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

It's definitely my happy place. You keep talking about your orgies you had in college. Is that like a one-time drunken thing that happened? Oh, that was such a weird night. Honestly, we had a friend who was filming an audition for porn. What that? Wait, wait, wait, what was it? They made this just very matter of,

fact request that they thought it would be easier to get in the mood if there was an orgy happening in the room. And I lived in this community of people who were just kind of game for anything. So we said, sure. And we literally scheduled an orgy. We had a line that if you cross that line, you were consenting to potentially being in the background of this porn audition film. And the orgy was happening on the other side of the room. And the voices were the background. Start over. There was some. Somebody in your college that wanted to get into porn and they had to send in an audition tape. Is that what you said?

Yeah. Okay. So how many people showed up at that orgy? Nine. Nine? And everyone just did everyone? Yeah. A lot of us did it.

A lot of us. Yeah. Did Word get out in that college community that there was like a big orgy that happened? Oh, absolutely. Our reputation was the sex storm. I actually had my college. advisor when he looked at my registration for classes the next semester go wait isn't that the sex storm and I was so so turned right at the face knowing that this this was a reputation on our campus

oh my that's a little inappropriate who was this your college uh was it a guy advisor he was like that that's a sex dorm you live there he was probably yeah i switched advisors oh my god yeah that is a little like it's inappropriate but so now do you guys go to swingers clubs and stuff like that now besides that summer camp thing that you go to are you in the lifestyle pretty hardcore news we've just been starting to explore swingers club um we went to one i think it was about a week ago that was the most swinger versus bdsm club we've been to um and that was a really fun experience we had a great for some with a couple who were friends with um and we're kind of in the process of talking about what other venues we want to explore next

And now do you enjoy seeing your partner with other people? Was that always something for you? Or did you used to before you got into the Swinger community with Carlos? Like were you interested only in like one-on-one sex? Yeah, I think before these last couple of years, my interest was primarily one-on-one sex. But that's really changed. I still love one-on-one sex. Don't get me wrong.

But there's just a really fun energy of having multiple. people in the room connecting with each other. Right. That's just really fun. And now, do you guys have any rules or anything? Like, I mean, what's your guys deal? Oh, not at all. Just honesty and condoms.

Right. We have an expectation that we're checking in with any of our other partners or whoever we're hooking up with about STD status and safety and all of that. But as far as, like, kissing or hooking up with anyone at the same or opposite sex, like, it's all fair. Right. It's all open. Now how many other partners that you have right now besides Carlos?

I have two pretty significant relationships in my life besides Carlos. And I have been in these same three relationships for the last year. So it's a pretty settled polly. Both men right now. Both men. So three guys. Yeah. And now do you miss women when you're just having only relationships with men or is it?

But you could go out and have casual sex if you wanted to, correct? And you're doing that you're going to swingers club. So it's not like you. You would have to, you would miss that. No, I could go out and have casual sex. I could go out and pick up a woman if I wanted. I could start dating a fourth person and that be a woman. And for me, it really doesn't feel like something I differentiate between much.

It's like random that I'm dating three men right now. It could be three women if the circumstances had played out that way. But I don't really find that I miss sex with one sex or gender or the other. Right. It doesn't feel significant to me. Right. It's like you're just fully president and whatever. you have at that moment. And I think sometimes maybe you miss it more if you think it's not on the

table. But for you, you could go out tomorrow, like you said, and meet a woman anyway. So it's like, what are you missing? It's just, it's a matter of time that you maybe will meet somebody. And then if you like them, you're allowed to be with that person. So I guess missing doesn't come into play, right? Yeah. And now what? And so now how many other relationships does Carlos have? he has that kind of original woman who he was with when he met me and then another probably slightly more casual relationship with someone who's who's a bit more local who they see each other usually about once a week right all right well listen you know I feel like we covered everything I mean is there anything else you want to bring up that you think is important to say

because I feel like you're very well spoken yeah I mean I think the most important thing to say is, you know, for those of you who are already enjoying this kind of a lifestyle, awesome. And for those of you who aren't, if the curiosity is there, great. And if it's not, Polly isn't for everyone. You know, I think one of the unfortunate things that I see sometimes is this kind of pressure to explore Kink or pressure to be Polly or pressure to be E&M. And, you know, my hope is everyone just does what's right for them and takes it slow. and is honest with what's working and what's not. Yeah, right.

And I mean, I think like a lot of people, like you said in the beginning, maybe they realize that they're into poly, but it's the ethical non-monogamy. But, you know, how do you really know unless you try things out? But I think what's most important is to be open and honest with whoever you are. Because I don't think most people are poly. I think a lot, most people would have a hard time. It's not the majority.

But, like, somebody like you, that's just how you're wired. and people that are that way, that's what's right for them, you know? 100%. Yeah, and there you go. All right, Leera, thank you so much for calling in. If you could send me picks for my Patreon, that'd be great, but not ones that were you're fucking bruised up like Carlos sent me. I was like, I cannot post those, Carlos.

It's too much. I will, I will. All right, just like anonymous picks. They can be sexy. I always say, like, nothing X-rated. They could be R-rated. That's what most women sent in, but, you know, nothing with, like, the bruises. He's like he just said me some hardcore pictures.

I'm like, no, that's a little too much. So anything like R rated as fine, sexy pics. But thank you so much, Lera. Thanks for calling in and telling your story. And it will definitely be up on a Friday. Great. Thank you so much. Thanks, Leera.

Bye. Bye. Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for tuning in to this week's episode. If you want to follow the show, follow me at Strict Anonymous on Instagram or Twitter. That's at Strict Anonymous. If you are on YouTube, make sure to subscribe. I love YouTube as a platform for my show because people comment there

and I try to reply back to every single person who post a comment. So even if you're not listening on YouTube and you want to talk about the show, go to my YouTube channel, subscribe, like and share my videos. It's strictly anonymous podcast. If you want to sign up for my Patreon on my Patreon, you are not only supporting my show, but you will get these episodes early, ad free, and you get to see anonymous picks of my guests.

Most of the girls send it anonymous. picks and some of the guys send an anonymous picks. So if you want to see anonymous picks of my guest, as well as support my show and get these episodes early and ad free, sign up for my Patreon. Patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. That's patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. The link is also in the description below. Thanks so much for listening. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available

not only in paperback and e-book but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked

one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters.

It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories, 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two, and then skis. around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy

my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be.

It's a total, strictly anonymous community, and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord.

So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast.