Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 598 - Mizzy Went from Being Totally Vanilla to Totally in the Lifestyle

Episode Date: February 20, 2023

Mizzy went from being totally vanilla to being totally in the lifestyle and she called in to talk all about it. When did she get into the lifestyle? Why did she get into it? And, how involved is she? Tune in to hear all the details including her first marriage and why it ended, how she wound up at her first wingers meet and greet and how it changed her life, how she met and started dating her now husband, the throuple he was in and why that ended, how she started looking into Facebook groups to learn more about the lifestyle, how and why she was closed off at first and how she pushed through it, her and her husbands boundaries and rules, the first couple they played with and what exactly went down, her first girl on girl experience and why she enjoyed it so much, how and why she brought up having a MFM threesome with her husbands friend, what went down at the first MFM threesome, how and why she loves being degraded, how pushing her own personal boundaries helped her learn more about herself, how her family found out about her involvement in the lifestyle and how they reacted at first, hoe they feel ab out it now, how and why she started a sex podcast The Mizzy Bender Show, how she hosts Mind Bender lifestyle event and exactly what goes down at them, how and why they are super open to anyone showing up no limits, why she loves having newbies and veterans in the lifestyle at her parties, the stigma that still exists the it comes to guy on guy action and a whole lot more. Her website: https://www.mizzybender.com  **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Santa Paula or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. Is your real problems? Do your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your whips and chain. Here is your host, Kathy.

Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. So if you have a secret, naughty, interesting life that you want to talk about, send me an email, strictly anonymous podcast.com, or just go to my website, strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on Be on the Show. Or you could DM me on Instagram. or Twitter at Strict Anonymous. Now, if you're listening on a podcast app, hit five stars if you like or love my show, whether whatever podcast app you're on.

If you're listening on YouTube, subscribe to my channel. If you want to, if you have a confession that you want to just get up your back, you can call my Confessions Hotline. I have one of those. You could call it 247. The number is 347-4-2-0-3579. That's 347-4-40-3-4-4-0-3-4-4-4-4. That number, like I said, you could call 24-7.

I don't answer that. I'm not going to text you back. I'm not going to pick up your FaceTime call, but I am going to take your confession. And I air all those on my Patreon. I change all the voices. So you remain anonymous there as well. If you want to talk to me on the DL, because you do have an issue or a problem that you can't talk to anyone else about.

I love those calls. I offer those calls. You have to pay for them because I'm not airing them. But I do that. If you're interested, send me an email, strictly not on this podcast at gmail.com or just go to the description. There's a clink. There's a clink. There's a link that'll take you right to the calendar and you can book it right there. What else do you have to tell you about? I think that that's it. Do I have to promote anything else? No. I'm just going to talk about who I have on today. I have on Missy Bender. She has her own podcast called The Missy Bender Show. It's a Swinger's Alternative,

lifestyle. But what she really has is a very interesting story. She was a total vanilla girl married, you know, early on, typical life path, doing what everyone does, you know, gets married early, blah, blah, blah. And then she wound up at a swingers event, a swingers meetup, I think it was. And going to that event that day really changed the course of her life because she wound up meeting a guy, getting divorced from her husband, and getting into her. to the lifestyle. Now she's not only in the lifestyle, she runs swinger parties, she sells sex toys, and like I said, she also has a podcast talking all about it. Her journey is super interesting because she wasn't someone that was always involved in it. And she was very cautious

at first. She talks about her whole journey into it and how it worked, because her guy was in the lifestyle. They have an open relationship. She talks about how that works, what goes down, what doesn't go down. She talks about her first. experience with another couple and then the first time she hooked up with the women and how much she loved it and then her first MMF or MFF, you know, two guys and her deal. And she fucking love that. She loves dick. She likes DVPs double penetration, all that kind of good stuff.

And she talks about it. And she also then talks about how she got into doing the parties. And because she's out and like, I'm not changing. her voice. She's got her face on her Instagram and you see it on her podcast. So we talk about the fact that like everybody knows, like her family does know what she does and we talk about that

as well as like what goes down at the parties that she throws, how she started that business and all that kind of good stuff. So it's a very interesting story like I said. She's super hot if you want to see pics. I have some picks of her on my Patreon. So I'm going to be

right back on with Mizzy Bender. Hi. Missy, is it Missy Bender? Why do I think Missy Bender? It is Missy Bender. Yeah, Missy Bender. Okay, hi, Missy Bender. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast.

How are you today? Oh, I'm so great. Thank you so much for having me. I mean, I've been following for such a long time, and I know I kind of messed up, like, early on. So I'm just so grateful that, you know, you have me here to chat. Well, it's funny because you were like, you reached out to me on Instagram. Like, oh, I'd love to be on the show.

And I'm like, oh, great, you know, because my listeners love to hear from women, especially women that are in the lifestyle and you are, and we're going to talk about that. But, and then you like, canceled. And I'm like, what the fuck? Why did she cancel? I didn't understand. And then you came back around.

You were like, oh, I just thought I had to be anonymous. And I don't want to be. I'm like, out and proud. I was like, no, you don't. And I just have to tell you because you said that to me now on my intros, like, I tell people like, oh, if you want to call in and be anonymous, but if you don't want to be anonymous, you don't have to be. I never thought that people would think that you have to be anonymous.

you're Mizzy Bender. You want to be who you are. I'm not changing your voice. This is not a made up name. You're out and proud about what you do. You also have your own podcast. We'll eventually talk about that. It's called the Mizzy Bender show.

And it's about the lifestyle. You also run lifestyle parties. You sell sex toys and all that kind of good stuff. Right. And you're married and in the lifestyle. And that's what we're going to talk about. Yep. So, yeah, that was true.

Like I just, I just want to, yeah, I feel. bad for doing that. I should have said it like upfront and questioned you, but I think I needed to like think it through a little bit. So I am very grateful to be here. And it is going to be a really great conversation about the lifestyle journey because there's so much goodness in there. Well, what is your, what is your deal? I mean, I know you're married, right? Or do you have a partner? Are you married? I mean, how? He's my life partner. So approximately five years ago. And at the time, I was actually married. I was married for approximately 15 years. in total with my ex-husband and it was a really complicated situation. I met him just before 21,

around 21 and it turns out that he suffers, my ex-husband suffers crazy from PTSD from, you know, Operation Iraqi Freedom and different things, which eventually turned into severe alcoholism. And he also had a two and a half-year-old son when I came in to. to the picture. And I really bonded with that child so much. And, you know, his mom was kind of absent. And so the primary parent was my ex-husband. And, you know, the small little sweet boy spent all the time with me and him. And I just couldn't, I couldn't walk away from, I couldn't walk away from my stepson because I felt like he needed guidance and he needed like a strong individuals. And my goal really became, I wanted to get my stepson to graduation. Then, you know, I could

part this marriage and hopefully keep my relationship strong with my stepson and do what I need to do in life and in the most cordial way that I possibly can thinking about everybody else around me. And because of this July binge that my ex-husband was on at the same time, I had gone out to a meet-and-greet. My aunt had taken me at the end of June, June 27th, had taken me to a meet-and-greet, which happened to be a Swinger's meet-and-grate. Your aunt was a way to dial that back a little bit. What do you mean your aunt? Your mom's sister or your dad's sister?

My mom's sister. Yep, my mom's sister. My mom's sister, she's a badass human being. Her and I, you know, like not really, she's only a few years older, maybe like 10 years older than I. So it's not really a huge difference. And we were much more best friends than an aunt relationship, you know, and we spent all our time together.

And she was really good friends with my now partner. And I don't really think that she shared much of his lifestyle with me. Like I knew of him and I knew she hung out with him and, you know, different things. But I didn't know to the extent of like what his whole world consisted of. So she takes me to this meeting greet. Did you know that it was going to be a lifestyle meeting greet? Oh, no. Where did she tell her she's going?

This, yeah, she's fucking crazy. Right. So she says to me, we're going to go over to Cherry Grove. Now, Cherry Grove is the LGBT community on Long Island. You take a little ferry over there. It's this cute little, like, beach area. It's a quaint little town, I should say. There's no cars on there.

It's just all pedestrian walking. Oh, like Fire Islands. That's exactly right. Yeah. It's an off branch of Fire Island. Right. And so she's like, we're going to go over to Cherries, the bar over there. She's like, my friends are having like a get-together or whatever.

And that wasn't unusual because we have a lot of friends. friends that would just rent summer houses over there. And so it wasn't, and it didn't strike me as like a odd thing for her to ask me to do. So she just, this crazy. So she picks me up. And I'm, here I am, you know, super corporate. Now I also should mention my ex-husband was very, um, controlling and insecure in a lot of different ways. So wearing fitted clothing, wearing anything revealing, wearing anything that remotely showed a sexual tone to it was out of the question. You can't wear it. No tank tops, no thongs, no tampons.

Like the weirdest shit that you're just like, okay, like I don't even know what to do with any of this, right? So my wardrobe consisted of corporate kind of attire, you know? So I walk out to the car and I'm wearing a black pencil skirt with like some button up top and like some other shirt or whatever. It was like a maybe like a two-layer shirt or something. And she's like, what are you wearing? I was like, I don't know. You said we're going to a party. She's like, oh, my God.

Okay, get in the car. She still didn't say anything, though, you know. So we get to, we get over to where the fairy dock is. Now I start, like, looking at what everybody's wearing. And they're wearing hardly no clothes. You know, they're dressed for like a super sexy kind of night. I felt so out of place. I was like, Andy, we have to go.

shopping when we get over there because I feel so far uncomfortable like I look ridiculous you know so out of place so at that time her friend Spencer comes over and says hello and we had a very quick introduction when we get over to fire island cherry Grove officially her and I we left the group and we went shopping and I changed my attire I found some shorts and like you know regular tank top or some shit and we joined the party and it was just like a regular club night Yeah. And when we first got to the ferry, they gave everybody these purple bracelets. I just put the purple bracelet on because I was like, oh, okay, you know, like I'm just with the group. I'm still not thinking anything of it. I don't know. I just thought it was like to get into where we were going.

So when we finally get into and meet back up with everybody over at Cherry Grove, her and I are dancing doing our thing. We finally, we sit down at a table. When we sit down at a table, this beautiful petite little, thing comes over to me and she asked me to join her and her husband on the boat for a threesome. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I was like, what? I was like, no, no, no. I was like, that's not for me. And she's like, well, like you're here.

I said, yeah. And she's like, you're wearing the bracelet. I said, yeah. And she's like, you know, you're a big swingers meeting grief? I said, no. Oh, my God. And I looked at my aunt. And I was like, Auntie, I was like, what are he doing?

She's like, you should feel so proud and honored. She's like the most beautiful one here who wants to take you on the boat. I was like, okay. And so I say to the girl, I was like, listen, I'm really sorry, but like I'm married and like, no, like this is just not my thing. So I finally realized like way into the night what was going on. So it turned to be a very funny scenario. Yeah, hilarious.

And it was actually like after that moment happened. and I was watching all of the interactions of everybody around me. They were not, they weren't openly engaging in any kind of sexual activity, but they were certainly switching partners from a, like, flirtatious standpoint. Like, you know, if you were like to stand up against the wall and, like, somebody would come and you would just, like, kind of caress them and, you know, kiss up on them and stuff like that. There was a lot of swapping of that kind of nature.

It wasn't anything like crazy. Right. So when I started to watch it, you. it. I was like, oh, okay, I get it now, you know? And that was, like, basically how, like, that night went. It wasn't anything outrageous or anything. I think her and I might have even left before the rest of the group and everything. But somehow, I guess, like, Spencer was, like, a little smitten on me because he found me on Facebook. And he ended up, I know. And I was really shocked when I received the message from him. Because I was like, wow, like, I hardly even.

spoke to, you know, this guy. But I'm going to tell you something. Guys are the pickers. I just have to say the only kind of intuition a man is born with is which girl he's going to fucking be with, okay? They know. It's the one thing they know. The women never knows that.

We know everything else. We have intuition for fucking everything, but not for guys. We pick the wrong guys all the time. The guy knows when he sees his girl. I've heard guys with the story, like I saw this girl from the back and I knew she was one and it was like he's married to her now like i mean guys just fucking know the one when they see her just telling you it's a weird thing you're right i think that they already have this solidified thing in their brain that like i'm all in on this i want to do it as opposed to the female seeking out the guy

trying to make it happen so yeah yeah you have to wait for the guy that picks you that finds you that gets chases after you that's the right guy because they know like i said i mean most of the time we waste our time trying to be the picker the man is the picker that's just the way that is not like you're sitting, not like we're women sitting on the side of a dance at the, on a chair waiting for a fucking guy to pick us. That's not what I'm saying. But I really believe that a man has the intuition of like really being able to spot the girl that is the right girl for him.

Yeah. And that must have been what happened here because like I kept asking him. I'm like, but like I don't understand like what was it about me because we never, we didn't have that much interaction. Yeah. And he was just like, I don't know. Like, you just really intrigued me. And I just wanted to learn more about you. And I was like, okay, fair enough. So during this, and I want to mention, like, I have never in my life done anything disrespectful towards my husband. Never cheated nothing. Right. Nothing. Nothing. As challenging, as difficult, as, as, as insane. I never even spoke in an inappropriate way. with another person. So when Spencer ended up reaching out to me,

and like I said, this like crazy scenario in my home life was going on, I was like, you know, is this my universal sign? Like, is this dumb thing? Like, what is this?

You know, and I think I also needed some strength behind me because some of the scenarios that I was dealing with at home were very intense and a bit scary. And so to be able to, just have someone to talk to that I didn't know that was completely disconnected. It was almost like a freeing kind of thing for me. And so Spencer and I would over like, I don't know, maybe like a week

or two period of time, we would find all these unique ways to meet up with each other. He'd for some reason be coming around my town. So we'd meet up. And our relationship kind of slowly developed. He didn't try to hook up with me at all. He didn't try anything sexual. But at this point, you're talking. I mean, you know that he's in the lifestyle, correct? I mean, are you talking about his lifestyle? I mean, does he know that you're super vanilla and been, because you're married?

Oh, yeah. And he had a partner at the time. Interesting. Okay. Yes. So he, so his little bit was he actually was a thruffle. He was married and had a girlfriend. And they all lived.

together. That eventually dissipated and the wife and he split, but he and the girlfriend still stayed together. So in the beginning, we would all hang out together. And like, I didn't have any issues with it because here I am thinking, like, I'm the girl coming in. And like, this is his hierarchy. So, like, you know, I need to be cautious and tread lightly and observe and understand the dynamics between the two of them. And eventually I learned that they had a very dysfunctional relationship. And I don't really think that she was very happy that I was in the picture. And just as time was going on, I realized that this lifestyle composition that they presented

to me was inaccurate. And it caused a lot of issues. But at the same time, it was really interesting for me to go through it because I'm like, wow, I'm like a side piece. to someone that has a girlfriend. And this is like, I'm married. And like, what is going on here? And things were just very, like, crazy.

Were you, so. Do you start hooking up with him while you were married? You know, so I do truly believe. Yeah. I think that I did end up having sex with him, like, later in July. Uh-huh. So, and I, but to that, I ended up leaving August 2nd. You know, it was.

It was tough because my husband at the time didn't think he's like, he didn't think that we were at that place. And I'm like, I don't know why you didn't think that we were here. You know, like I've shared for five years now. Like, this is too much for me. And I'm working on my exit plan. I'll send you an audio gram I did once about guys and divorce and how they never fucking see it coming. You can tell them a million times. But by the time when girl says she's done, she's been talking about it for fucking years.

You just haven't been listening. That's just the way it goes, you know. Right. Yeah. And it was really unfortunate, too, because I, I will be very truthful. Like, I did not leave because I didn't love him anymore. Like, as a human being, he is an amazing man.

And he would do anything for me when he was sober. Yeah. But the problem was if he was sober three days out of the month, like, that was probably a lot, you know. And so with all these mixed emotions I had, like, I was very sad that, like, I officially was like, okay, I'm done with this. But I was also really proud of myself, too, because after 15 years of enduring a lot different things. You become very unaware of how damage and skewed your thinking becomes. And so, you know, between the-

20 years old when you got into that situation. I'm not a person that sits here and believes that everything has to last forever. People grow and change and go down different paths and it's okay. I don't necessarily think like endings of relationships are so bad. You were bare with him for the time that you were and, you know, he has his life, you have yours and you don't have to be tied to the fucking hip forever. And if it doesn't last, it's terrible. That's not the way I look at life. So I'm not like judging you by the things that have happened. You know, it's like, that's the way real life goes. People just hang on and they have like weird. Everyone falls into some sort of like fairy tale where like you get married for the rest of your life. And if that doesn't happen, it's like,

one, it's a big failure. And two, it's like the, someone's like a terrible person. And that's not the case. Yeah. And, and I mean, it took some time for us to get, you know, past all the bumpiness. And you and I have a great relationship now. And I mean, we don't talk all the time by any means, but like every now and then we'll check in over, you know, my steps on and like different things. So there is an open relationship. And it isn't in a relationship that I will ever completely cut off from my life because I didn't leave because of. Because like you said, you loved him. He liked him as a person. It just wasn't working out. And he has his own. life and his own things and his own issues he has to deal with that or separate from you and maybe

he needed to be alone to deal with that it just you know everyone has their own shit going down you know so here you are now involved in a guy that's in the lifestyle i'm assuming you never had a threesome or hooked up with a girl or done anything that you're gonna do eventually like how does it happen that you uh get into that world so you know i personally feel like it was a lot of observation and learning because like after I started to pick up on these weird weird thoughts and tones between Spencer and his partner I kind of was like okay like I need to start like learning and like watching and stuff so I heavily got involved on like in Facebook they put me in a bunch of like private groups and stuff like that and I was watching and learning how

all these humans like interact with one another and I was quickly brought into so he He hosted events, like, all over the place. But at the time, he was also hosting events on Long Island. So I was brought to a few events within probably like a month or two's period of time. So he was bringing me around everybody. And I was very closed off and very protective of my space, specifically a lot being unknowledgeable. And then also a lot of politics that went on with that relationship that became very detrimental. So I wasn't necessarily an outcast.

but I certainly wasn't really accepted either. So it made it even more important for me to like observe and like learn and and try and even understand like what the hell do I want from this lifestyle. Okay, here I have this opportunity to be super free and do all these different things. But like what does that mean? You know what I mean? Especially with a fresh new person. It's not even like my life partner here that I've been like, you know, with forever

that we decided to go and do this with, you know? So I think because of all these things, I had such an even more open mind about exploring. And I will say, I did know that, like, I liked females. I never really acted on it. I think maybe when I was 21, I kissed a girl. And that was, like, my only, only female interaction. And, like, I knew it makes me flutter.

But I just, you know, there wasn't any possibility for me to do that. But now here I am thinking, I'm like, oh, my God, I get to do all these different things. So what Spencer did to make it like easy for me, he had this like really close couple that it was like his really good guy friend. They were married and they were just very comfortable to him. So the four of us would spend a lot of nights together. And they almost kind of like, I don't want to say they trained me, but they were sharing their stories and they were sharing their intimacies and how they happen and all these different things while we were all being semi-intimate. There was no serious sexual swapping that went on, but there was a lot of like cuddling and different things.

And, you know, like they were just really, just really great to me. And we're going at my pace and like any questions I had and stuff like that. So it took probably like a year or more for me to really have my first like any kind of swap or anything. And that happened down in Florida. I had gotten. there was like some sort of like bikini contest. Let me ask you a quick question because it takes you a year but you're with your guy and you guys are dating.

Like is he allowed? Do you guys have an open relationship because he's in the lifestyle and he's with other people? Or are you guys monogamous with each other in the beginning of your relationship even though you're in this world? Yeah. So we were monogamous but like in that time period like he was still hanging out with that partner and that like, you know, originally. So he, it got kind of messy because it got. to a point where it was like, all right, go do your thing. I don't really want to know about it because this is just like not where I'm at. And so he was doing that. And it got down to a point where he was

feeling uncomfortable. And he felt like he was doing something wrong to me because that's not really where he was at. Okay. And so that relationship ended up completely dissipating. And when that happened, we both took a break and kind of realigned and we created our rules and our boundaries. And that became like we don't do anything outside of our relationship without permission we always you know like play together whether you know it's with me and a single guy whether it's a threesome or he's just watching he's always there with me and so it took some time for me to be even open and and and i would say probably only until this year where i'm like really really open with it because i get like scared you know you're like opening yourself up to all these people and like are they going to judge

you know, who the fuck knows? Like I, like I said, I have like all these different insecurities from my marriage that like now I have to try and deal with all these additional humans and, and have them accept me sexually. So it was challenging, you know, body insecurities and different things like that. So I think it took me a while to like open up. And I finally was, um, the Florida time, right? You got into it. Yeah. There was a calendar competition or some shit like that. And I was voted as Miss July. And with that, there were a few other girls that were running for some of the months, like, after me. And so I started to kind of watch them. And there was this one chick.

Oh, my God. I just fell so smitten on her. She was just, and the way that it worked is, like, you know, you had to promote and, like, ask people to vote for you. So, like, you constantly saw the post going on. So eventually, I was like, you know what? I'm just going to promote her to win, too. So, because I want to be down in Florida with her. And that's exactly ended up what happening.

She ended up winning. And so we were down in Florida together. And it was the first time that I really was open in my own personal space and was like, I'm going to just do whatever and wherever this takes me. And so we did some soft swapping. There was an actual fucking. But I did blow him. He fingered me.

You know, I went down on her. I fingered her like all different things like that, but over throughout the entire weekend. And when I got home from that weekend, I was like, wow, okay, this is really spectacular. First off, I really love being with a girl. It's very different than being with a man, just the sensitivity and just, it's just very soft and just very just different. Like, it's just, I don't know. I just, I love boobies. I just love butts.

Just like, let me just caress you and touch you everywhere and just let you. to make you feel really good. And it was that moment where I was like, okay, I could really get behind this and I could really enjoy this. And so we hung out with that couple a few times. We would travel to them and hang out with them and have a great time. Still have never officially fucked them, though. I will say every single time that we've hung out, it's always been a soft swap.

Interesting. Yeah. It wasn't until I want to say it was. It was COVID. When COVID happened. now this gentleman that I speak of that was in the married couple eventually ended up getting divorced and when miss August guy miss August's husband or the couple that you were friends with that eased you into it okay yeah the couple that I was friends with yep the couple that I was friends with they ended up

getting divorced and come COVID you know Spencer is still like he would see his friends all the time just for whatever the reason you know however they were connecting and I had said to Spencer one day because he was going to see his friend. I said, you know, I said, if I'm going to explore, you know, fucking somebody else, I want to do it with somebody that I'm comfortable with. So I propose, you know, we invite him, you know, over and, you know, see where this takes us. I think that Spencer was completely, like, taken off guard and taken back, you know, because I really wanted him to lay the foundation when he saw his friend of being like,

oh, you know, Mizzy said this, you know, how do you feel about it? That was just like what I thought would happen. No, he invites the guy over, you know, just that night for we were having dinner or whatever. And all of a sudden, Spencer was like, so, you know, does everybody want to fuck or what? And then our friend just like looked like it was almost like a deer in the headlights type of thing. Like, wait a minute, what just happened? What are we doing here? Well, the guy didn't even have the heads up.

And I just, I said to Spencer, I was like, well, what the fuck? I was like, I specifically like said this to you earlier today. So you could have the conversation with him. I wasn't expecting it to happen like right this second. And it was a very funny moment, which led into a such an amazing experience. Oh, my God. It was the first, you know, MFM that I've ever had.

And it was just explosive. It was like, okay, I mean, I love fucking, I love the Pepe. So, you know, for me, like, I'll see. you all day. What's a pepe? What, wait. The pepe is the man's penis. Oh.

I don't know that term. Yeah, so I'll take the pepe in my mouth like anytime, any day. Okay. I really just love it. And now here I have like two guys. And I'm like, oh my God, this fantastic. You know, and it's like a real live porno that's like, you know, acting out. Because I'm trying to think about like, how in the world am I supposed to please two men?

You know, like, I have no idea. Yeah, so I'm just like flowing between the both of them and just kind of like I was almost letting them take charge a little bit, but I was still trying to stay in control because like I've never done this before. So I didn't want them to outpace like my comfortable level. And I think that went out the door at some point in time because it just got down and dirty like real quick. And I'll never forget. Like we were on the couch and I was getting banged out and Spencer was standing in front of me. And I just look at him and I just whisper, I love you. That's probably the weirdest thing to do at the moment.

That's like pure ecstasy. That's hilarious. Yeah. And I think it was and there was so many different things at that point in time because I felt so free. And I'm like, here I have my partner who's with me and is accepting of like all these sexual things. And, you know, accepting of so many things that I'm so not used to and have to like train my thoughts to say like, no, this is okay type of deal. So there was a lot of turning points in that moment for me. But it was the beginning of the best relationship that we've ever had.

It, like we were fucking, I think probably two or three times a week at some point, like during the height of COVID. You know, there wasn't much left to do during COVID. So fucking was where it was at. And the chemistry between Spencer and his friend towards me is spectacular. Like I really love. degrading, I guess you'll say. Like, I can sit there and I can have them just like slap me in the face, choke me. I mean, anything that they want to do, like, I'm pretty dame for.

You're down. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And the way that they flow between each other, kind of like piggybacking what's going on, is just an energy that I can't explain. And up until this point, I have not had that same energy within a swap in any kind of kind of way. I mean, they're all very different, but this in particular is, it fulfills my sexual needs in, in such a grand way. And so to have so many experiences, it was fun because I

trust the guy so very much. And of course, I trust my partner. And, you know, to be able to explore and really push my boundaries and see really like what I like and how I like it and all these different things, it was, it was dynamite because I learned so much more about myself sexually and became so much more in tune to how enjoyable it can be to have multiple partners at the same time, because there are things that you can't do with just one partner. So like double penetration, double vagina penetration. Oh, DV, DP, DV. All the above. All the above. You know, like I really enjoy getting banged out from the back and being able to blow somebody in the front and more so being banged out in the back while I'm blowing somebody and that guy shoving my head down the you know fucking

taking the penis all the way in so like you know there's like a lot of aggression and a lot of different things and they just do it so well and I really just like learn so much about myself which has made me be super open and honest about my sexuality and different things and really teaching others on how to really, you know, make sure when you come into the lifestyle, you know all those things that you want. But truthfully, you can't know them until either observing and being in it for a while and, you know, all these choiceful decisions. So I think that that's really how, I mean, through time, that's really how the podcast kind of, the podcast developed through COVID, but it did end up becoming an educational piece because it gave everybody the opportunity to speak freely in an

environment that they haven't had before where we do talk about the hard conversations. You know, like double vagina penetration for an example. You can't just do that. Like you need to be fucked for a while. You need to be stretched. You need to be like super loose and you need to be in a position where you can really take it. And so to be able to have those conversations and share with others, like how to get to that point and, you know, enjoy it.

So it became very therapeutic for me to be able to say these things out loud, but also really great to hear the community come back and ask a million and five questions and have these well thought out conversations at 7 o'clock in the morning over anal and different things that you're just like, what am I talking about right now, you know? But it was spectacular. Wait, what about your aunt though? Quick question. I know where we're at in this conversation.

But like your aunt, does she, is she in the lifestyle? You know, no, she's not. But she's a very free individual. And she, yeah, she'll go where the wind takes her. You know, if there's a moment that strikes her that seems appealing to her, she will totally take it. She did go to a club or two and tried to dabble in it and stuff like that. But it didn't really work out with the partner that she was trying to do it with.

So I do believe, though, she would participate in it if she had somebody that would really, like, do it well with her. But she does know that you do it and you're out because you are. who you are, your face is all over the place. I mean, anyone can see. So everybody knows that you're in the lifestyle, correct? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And that was not by choice, though.

So, I mean, so my aunt knew that I was in the lifestyle, but she didn't know to the extent of various different things that I was up to. Or, you know, she just knew, like, okay, I'm dating him. And, you know, this is the world she's exploring and stuff like that. I ended up, his ex-partner ended up outing me. And she ended up, like, going into the private groups and taking a lot of different photos and different things that I was doing and some conversations and stuff. And she sent it to my aunt to be like, just so you know,

this is what your niece is now up to. And, you know, like, so it was a kind of a shit thing. And but when she did that, my aunt was at my brother's house. And so then it became this whole fucking whirlwind of a situation. And it became a very, it became very detrimental within my family unit because my brother, my brother and my sister and I are my closest family relationship ties. And they're really the only people that I value. And I don't mean that disrespectfully to the rest of my family, but they hold a different place in my heart that I respect and I need their approval. And I know that that's probably not the right thing to say, but I do need my brother and

my sister's approval. And I do need that. I have a sister and I feel that same way about her more so than my parents. You know, I don't know why. I totally get that. I understand it. Yeah. So my brother had a really hard time. My brother was like, I don't know who you are. I don't know what you're up to. Like, this is way too much. You know, he got my dad involved. My mom was like, you know, you're such a whore. And oh, yeah. Like we went, we went to levels. And so it was challenging. But now, after all this time, my brother and my sister are my biggest supporters because they do see that it's not just sexual for me. And so it's not just sexual for me. It is a way of life. It is my whole being. It's my freedom.

It's a way of expression. And truthfully, it is a means to allow others to feel that they could be who they are to. Yeah. And it's just a very different, powerful kind of journey that I'm on. Because from what really, you know, for me, I would have to say like everything in the forefront was always business, right? Because I came from such a business-centric world. and I love business. So when I kind of migrated into this lifestyle with Spencer,

he was like, you know, you've got to be able to take on mind-bender parties and, you know, be involved in this from a business standpoint. And I was like, okay, like I'll try and figure that out. No, but that's perfect for you, right? Yeah, it did end up working out really well because, like, that's my whole gig. And from there, you know, Mizzie's boutique branch off came and like the Mizzie Bender podcast came. So there's a lot of different things that followed, you know, through this entire journey.

But I think that like business will always be the forefront of my conversations for anything that I do. And it's kind of complicated because the lifestyle is not just, you know, so okay, people are swingers, right? That's great. But for me, I'm a swing. I don't even classify myself as swinger. I just say alternative lifestyle because, you know, like we had an extended girlfriend for a while. Like we have this relationship with our single guy. So each composition brings something very different for me.

And I appreciate the fact that Spencer allows me to flow through my emotions and have compositions with others that isn't just strictly swinging. It's more, you know, they're more long-term type of things. So, you know, for me to be able to just be sexually free and talk about being naked all the time. And you know what? If I want to fuck you, I can. And if I want to do this, well, you know what? This is how you go about it. and this is the right way to talk to your partner about it.

You know, and Spencer's a super freak. He fucking, anything like down dirty, like the biggest toys you could find. And like all these are crazy things. Large insertions, huge insertions. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. You know, like, I can't hate. I can't say that I hate it.

I get very intimidated when something shows up. And I'm like, oh, my God, like what? And then later on in the night, he'll be like, oh, so you know what we use tonight. And I'm like, okay. I don't want to know, but okay. You know, so it's very different. being super raw and open knowing that my family, you know, watches and listens to some of the things that I say. My poor brother, he's like, you know, I watch a lot of your Facebook things

and this. He's like, but sometimes I just got to, you know, I just got to scroll. I can't listen to the whole conversation. Of course, yeah. And I'm like, oh, brother, I understand completely. Because I do. Like, I get very detailed in some of the, you know, people ask me questions and I'll explain them the whole entire play session if that's what they're looking for just for people to understand. So. Yeah. And listen, what I always say, because sometimes I, like, get really rude people on YouTube that are being very judgy and saying stuff like

oh would you know why didn't you ask her or him if they tell their children what they do I'm like but now that people don't talk about what they fucking do in the bedroom okay nobody no parent walks into their room and tells or tells their family like oh we just had missionary sex last night like most

people don't talk about their sex life to anybody so it doesn't matter what you're doing or how hard core it is most people don't put that on the table so why would they do that. You know, it's just coming from a judgmental place because, like I said, your brother doesn't want to hear it. He wouldn't want to hear about your regular sex life. You know what I mean? It's your brother. That's normal. That's exactly right. Yeah. Exactly right. I will say, though, my brother did come to my birthday bash this past summer, which was a swingers party. He only came,

you know, he came for the beginning portion of the night, not when anything was crazy. But I think that he needed to see with his own eyes, you know, what it is because he hears me talk about it so much. And that's the thing. Like people have these impressions that you go to a swingers party. And the second you walk in the door, you're just like automatically in this fucking gang bang orgy type thing. And that's not the case at all. And so to try and like get rid of some of those misconceptions specifically with him,

I was like, wow, okay, you want to come? All right. This is extremely awkward for me. But yes, I invite you and I am very happy that you're open-minded enough just to see with your own self, like what it is. And that's the thing that I think others need to really. understand about the lifestyle. Yeah, why don't you explain those parties that you throw and that you host or I don't know

what what the correct term is? Yeah. Yeah. So we host the events and we travel all over the East Coast. Right now, we're kind of just primarily in Rhode Island. But I think they're probably like every six to eight weeks. So we're scheduled completely out through the end of the year. And they are so amazing.

It is like it doesn't matter what part of the lifestyle you're in. Whether you're a swinger, you like voyeurism, you just like to show. off, you want to be naked, you want to be sexy, you're Polly, it don't fucking matter. We accept everybody and they're always themed, so, you know, you always are dressed up and everything. And the nights start with, you know, some beverages and just the dance floor is, you know, super sexy and, you know, very light flirtatious kind of, you know, get your feet wet on who I'm going to kind of mesh with and things like that. And you see that for quite a while. And then probably like around 1130, a quarter to 12, the sassy really starts to come out.

And you really start to see the sexual energy start flowing. We also set up a dungeon. And the dungeon consists of like a St. Andrews Cross, a swing, a sling, a spanking bench. Sometimes we have some other pieces out. Sometimes we, when we do our setup at the club, will change which rooms we do the complete setup on, especially if it's the summertime and we can utilize the outside space. we can bring in a lot more pieces of furniture and that's really enjoyable to watch because then you have so many you know it's just more opportunity to have people kind of just like engage and participate but for the most part we have the four basic pieces out and that's attached to like the dance floor area in the main party room so by the time like 1130 comes and people are starting to get their you know flow going you start to see the flogging and you start to see some fucking in the in the in the in the sling or the swing and you know the the spanking bench gets a lot of action because not it's not

just spanking right you can have a female you know four on all fours on that spanking bench and she can be have you know many individuals around her doing or him whatever it may be you know sensory play and god knows what's happening so once all that starts flowing you people start migrating to the back room where we have more furnisher set up and blow up beds We bring air mattresses with us. And then, you know, there's all the sexy play out there. We do also have when probably I would say like around like one o'clock or so in the morning, everybody starts to kind of unwind with their sexual activities and comes back

out to the dance floor, but they're still really sexually charged. So you'll have a lot more maybe like intense dancing. And so you might see a lot more fondling and probably maybe some blowing. or something like that, like on the dance floor and on the stage and stuff like that. So between like one and two, there's still such heightened sexual energy going on, but it's on the dance floor. And it's really just, I love watching it. Truthfully, I go up on the stage.

I dance, but I'm watching everybody around me and taking in everything that's happening. It's great. What is the demographics? Like, what do you find that you see? Because I think back in the day, like 10 years ago, it was older crowd. You know, and I've heard from people that host parties or just go that it definitely is changing. Do you have like, what are the demographics of the people that come to your purpose? Yeah. So hours range from, you know, like super early newbies, like early 25, I would say.

And all the way up to, I mean, 70 plus at times. Right. We have such a range. And that's one of the things that I really love about our group is we've really created a space that no matter who you are or what what you classify as or demographic it don't matter like you come on in where some events are not like that you know you have very specific body compositions that are approved like some you have to send in photos oh really not for yours but that's how other parties are run not hours but that's how other parties yeah no i i couldn't see doing that no disrespect to other

business models but for me it that's just i couldn't do that you know and then there's also age limits on some of the events, you know, some are just like 50 and under. Some are, you know, they're specific, you know, like, you know, bigger human parties and stuff like that. So they kind of vary. So for us to be able to have like a melting pot, it's great because it don't matter. You know, age is just a number, right? Totally.

It really, like I'm going to be 40. People think I'm younger than that, you know. So for me, that's how I look at it. Like I could be staring at you and who knows how fucking old you are. I don't really know. So who am I to judge like if you're able to come or not? You know what I mean? And being able and having more veteran swingers or alternative lifestyle individuals meeting more of the newbie people and having that integration, I find is really great because, you know, the newbies get to watch and they get to observe.

And then, you know, the veterans kind of get to be. involved in a more energetic kind of scene or something and experience something that, you know, they're not really getting at that moment. So it flows really great for us. We've never had any kind of issues or complaints on demographic or anything of the source. Like everybody's great the way you're doing it that way. Yeah, everything best is. Yeah, it's fantastic. So. Do you let single? Let me ask you this. Could it only be couples? Because I do hear a lot of the times swing or clubs, they do not allow in single guys. You know, sometimes there's rules around that.

Are you guys open or do you have to be a couple? Nope. We accept everybody. Whether you're single or not, we accept everybody. We do, I will say, monitor the number of single males that do come because we want to make sure that there's like a fair balance. Yeah. We've never gotten to the point, though, where we've had to turn somebody away because we

were at an off like. Right. Ratio. Yeah. Yes. Thank you. We've never had that experience before. We find that it balances out itself.

And a lot of the single men that come to our events are individuals that I have heavily interacted with on social media and have a really solid of understanding of who they are. Now, granted, we still really watch them when they come to the events, like not to sound assholeish, but, you know, sometimes the guys can get a little bit aggressive, but also the single females can also. It doesn't really matter whether you're male or a female. I have had more aggression from females than I have from men. There you go. Right. Yeah. I think that the females just think that they're more entitled, but I don't have any idea why. You know, I always say like, this is my personal space. I didn't invite you to fucking come into my personal space. You know, consent is key on every

aspect of everything. Even when somebody comes into our event, I ask them if it's okay to give them a hug hello because I'm a hugger and I just you know and I always ask them like is it okay for me to give you a hug like I ask at every moment because I feel like being the host and trying you know my being an educator and some of the other things that I do I need to be 10 times more on the rules than the next because I want you to follow the rules so you know so I take it to a probably an extreme level but it's really important for me to lay down the foundation And, you know, so in that regard, I have a good, solid understanding of a lot of those that come to the event. And so it's just great.

It's honestly the best atmosphere that I could ever ask for. What about like guy on guy action? Because it's always surprised me that that is very much still, even in the lifestyle community, which you would think was super open, that there's still a little bit of a stigma left there for guy on guy. action. There really is and it's so unfortunate and it's it's very shameful truthfully. I have never seen a guy on guy action at our event ever. Isn't that crazy? And I mean, please. And how many guys that are there haven't sucked a dick? I mean, come on. Oh, 100%. You know? And the thing is, is like we know who we know who all the bisexual men are. Right. Right. And so even though we it's so it even shocks me more is like, listen, we already

accept you. We already know you. So what makes it something that you wouldn't want to, you know, share or do that? But yeah, a lot of, a lot of humans cannot visually see it. And you'll even hear some event hosts say,

like if you're going to do that, you need to go behind closed doors. Well, you know what? I think that's really crazy. Yeah, no, we surprised me that that's the way that it goes. But yet, I'm always talking to just as many guys that are into guys than women that are into women or vice versa, whatever. But, you know, they can't do it there. I think it's changing. And I, like, listen, there are so many younger people who call in who talk about, like,

their girlfriends loving seeing them fuck guys and like guy on guy action. And so I do think that it's more accepted than people think already, but nobody's taking that first step, you know. For some reason, because I think that they still. think that stigma is there, but I think it's really going away, which is great because, come on. You know, so many, like the girl

on girl thing became very popular and acceptable while I was growing up, but it wasn't at a certain time. It had just as much stigma as the guy on guy thing, but then it changed for women and then every girl was like, I got a girl crush. But yet, you know, no guy has been able to cop to that, but I'm assuming

there's just as many guys out there that, you know, most people fall in between the spectrum. And I, but people don't want to cop to it yet but i think that's changing tell me about um so the name just give the name for the parties because there's going to be a lot of people listening that are going to want to look them up and go you know what's the name of them mind bender like how do they find what's the website give that i'm going to give links to everything in the description too but give the information for the party so people can find them so that is mind bender parties you are correct and it is mindbender parties

dot com. Okay. And on there, you can, if you flow through the blogs, actually, you'll be able to see some insight to what the events actually look like. Oh, that's great. Yeah, I tried to capture, you know, moments that don't show, you know, show nudity or anything of the sorts, but you'll be able to get a flow for what the venue looks like and, you know, outfits and different things like that.

And so it will be fun to explore. And plus my thoughts on just like some of the events and how they map out and how we set them up and stuff like that. So a little personal touch to it. I think that's important, especially for newbies, you know, that I've never been. I think the biggest fear is, like, of the unknown. So if you're really showing what the place looks like and people could have those kinds of visuals, I think it's also, besides being interesting, it could help some people take that first step and ease them, you know.

Do you do that on your social media? Like, how do people find that information that's on your website as well is what you're saying? Yeah. So, I mean, my social media pretty much. is like a day in my life so you'll see everything so like when it's event time I will be posting like it's set up time and show some videos of like you know the beginning part of it or um you know just like various things to show bits and pieces of what it's like all coming together even you know like when I'm working on boutique stuff I'll you know do videos of making a shirt or something or who

the fuck knows or if I'm setting up the boutique when we're vending somewhere do all sorts of videos to what the setup looks like and stuff. So if you do go to my social media, which is just Mizzy Bender on every single platform you can possibly imagine, you'll see it all. It's or Mizibender.com on my blogs and stuff. Are you on YouTube too? Because I always put all my episodes on YouTube.

I have a big following over there. You're on Mizzy Bender on YouTube as well. You do have a really big following on YouTube. Yeah, I mean, we'll talk about it when we end. I could just give you some tips on that. But let me just, I want to keep talking about your stuff. So wait. And, okay, so they could find all about your.

parties mindbender parties on your website now you also sell sex toys don't you yeah give information out about that so if you go to missies boutique dot com it has all sorts of an alternative lifestyle merchandise from like sassy clothing all the way down to different kinds of toys a lot of they're more like glass pieces and um like cosplay fox tail butt plugs and stuff but the butt plugs are just so lovely because they're real fox tail. And so they're very soft. And the plugs are interchangeable themselves. So it's like a small, medium, large.

So you never have to get rid of your tail. All you got to do is just upgrade your plug. And it comes with ears. So you're just like a little fox anywhere you go. Oh, wow. That's super interesting. So they could buy that outfit and then wear it to your party, right? It's great.

Yes. And that's one of the things I try and do. I try and like, even when the events are coming, like I'll create a shirt or something that specifically ties to the theme just in case somebody doesn't have like an outfit or something. Yeah. Yeah, like hand in hand, it's like this whole little like a little global thing I got going on in my own little house. And now your podcast. So you talk on there like just way more information on how to navigate the lifestyle and what goes down and all that kind of good stuff. Is that what people hear? Yeah. There's all sorts of stuff on my podcast. So you'll hear, you know, different

play scenarios that we've had, different education pieces. A lot of it, like last season was a lot of community submitted questions. So it was a lot of, you know, more of the harder questions that people ask, you know, specifically men with not being able to perform because they can't get hard or they can't stay hard long enough or, you know, cuck holding is like a big topic. And, you know, just a lot of different things that people are so curious and really want to learn, but they're very afraid to say it, you know, on their own, they ask me to do it since they know I have no boundaries and I'm willing to talk about anything. And sometimes it's tough. And sometimes I'm like, wow, this is going to be interesting for me to go through, but I will do it for you. It's weird.

No, I love that. I'm going to have you back on to talk about other things. I mean, listen, you have 503 subscribers on YouTube. Let's go. People go follow her on YouTube so she could get over that 1,000 mark so you can start monetizing on there and get you some fucking ads. I'll promote you really good on the intro so people find you and you get tons of followers and listens. Oh, that'll be awesome. I think you're great. I, you know, I'm so glad that you reached out again and decided to come on because I love

your fucking story. This was like all the backstory. I will definitely have you back on to talk about different topics because I think you're great. I could just sit back and relax and you just do your thing and you just fucking talk. But people in the meantime could go listen to your podcast, Missy Bender, buy your toys, go to your parties. All of the information is on your website. I'm going to put links to everything in the description. So, you know, thanks a lot for coming on.

You know, the fact that we never talked about how super hot you are, you know, people could go see you on all of your platforms, but you could also send me pictures from my Patreon members. But anyway, but thanks so much, Mizzi for calling in and telling your story. It's super fascinating. I love what you're doing. I think it's great and needed. And I am sure a lot of my listeners are going to go check you out. Thank you so much for having me.

And I would love to be back to talk about anything you want to. All right. I'm going to think of good things. Thanks so much for calling in. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Talk to you soon.

Bye, everyone. Bye, bye. Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for tuning in to this week's episode. If you want to follow the show, follow me at Strict Anonymous. on Instagram or Twitter that's at Strict Anonymous. If you are on YouTube, make sure to subscribe. I love YouTube as a platform for my show because people comment there.

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Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like, there's a wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like

penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories, 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not. not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares

content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private. Like I said, all you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com.

And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast.