Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 657- Jamal on Getting Busted, Going to Prison, Prison Sex and a Wholeeee Lot More

Episode Date: July 5, 2023

Jamal called in to talk all about getting busted, going to prison, prison sex and a wholeeeeee lot more. Why did he wind up in prison? How long was he there for? And, how does guy on guy action really go down behind bars? Tune in to hear all the details including the early trauma he encountered including his mother abandoning him at a young age, his father’s total disapproval of his sexuality, how and why it drew a wedge between them and how that made him feel about himself, the final straw that led to him taking crystal meth one night and how and why he got addicted to it so fast, how he loved giving oral to guys early on and how he got addicted to sucking d, going to adult bookstores and sex parties, how and why he lost his virginity to an escort, d, how he got busted by the feds and what exactly went down, how and why he wound up in solitary confinement right from the get go and how hard that was and why, the difference between state and federal prisons and how and why he was first sent to a detention center, the “booty bandit” in jail and what that’s code for, how he hooked up with one of his first roommates and exactly what went down, how he then got pimped out to his other neighbors and he foursome they had, the one benefit of being gay in prison, how and why most straight guys are actually hooking up with guys in prison even though they don’t cop to it, which races are ok with guy on guy action in prison and which ones aren’t, his fling with the hot young guy what he loved most about him, the rules surrounding sex in prison and how he got around them, how things changed for him when he moved from he detention center to the federal prison, what they call gay men in jail, his first relationship when he got there and how they started hooking up and why it eventually ended, the weird sexual relationship he had with another inmate, what happened when he got out of jail 5 years later, how much and why the system didn’t really set him up fr success on the outside and how and why he wound up homeless at first, how his cousin eventually took him in and how he got back on his feet, how he worked himself back into he workforce and how he managed to work himself up to being the manager of a restaurant, what his love life and sex life has been since he’s been out, the erectile dysfunction he’s had since doing crystal meth who many years ago, how he’s been clean for so many years and what he’s currently addicted to, how and why therapy is something he should do so he can unpack all his early trauma plus a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

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follow the strictly anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, it's called Strictly Anonymous because everybody remains anonymous on my show. I change everyone's voices. I change everyone's names. I just want to hear your true story. So if you have a great, true, interesting, naughty, salacious story, story. that you want to talk to me about. You could be on the show. Send me an email Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com or go to my website,

strictly anonymouspodcast.com and click on Be on the Show. Or go to Instagram or Twitter at Strict Anonymous and DM me there. If you're listening on a podcast app, make sure to follow my show. If you're listening on YouTube, make sure to subscribe. Now today, I'm just going to get right to who I have on today.

Jamal. I love that Jamal listened to my show and was like, I'm going to be on that bitch's podcast. because he wanted to come on and talk about like prison sex. Like he has been in prison. He was there for many years and he wanted to talk about what really goes down in prisons when it comes to prison sex. But we talked about so much more because I'm just curious by nature.

Like I have to tell you, I did my show for seven years and I didn't make a dime off of it. I was doing other jobs. I was a single mom. Like it was just something that I did for fun because I love nothing better than to sit down with a total stranger and listen to their life story. I love hearing people's stories. And so when he emailed me, I was so excited to talk to him because there are so many things I wanted to know, not just about prison sex, but like everything. And I heard everything from Jamal.

And I think it's such an important episode. I do my show because I do like to show the human being behind the fucking headline. There's like always a sentence about someone like, oh, a guy who was selling crystal meth that wound up in jail. Like that could be the headline, but you're going to hear that guy's story. And I promise you, when you hear that guy's story of what happened to him before he picked up crystal meth and how and why he got into jail, you will feel differently about him than if you just read the fucking headline. And I think that people always rush to judgment. They don't get the full story. I personally am the opposite of that.

I always believe there's a fucking backstory. People don't pick up crystal meth for no effing reason, okay? People don't wind up hardcore criminals for no effing reason. There are, there's trauma there. And we talk about his trauma, what happened to him. He was flamboyantly gay from a very young age. And it caused a problem in his family with his father. His mother wasn't there to begin

with he talks about those all of that i'm not going to give too much up because i really think it's important for you to hear the story so he talks about the stuff that happened to when he was younger and made him feel terrible about himself he talks about how he got into crystal meth and how he got addicted to sucking dick he was gay already i mean he was always gay but he really got addicted to sex he was doing adult bookstores and prostitutes and escorts but then like i said he got into the crystal meth and then he wound up in the fucking slammer and he talks about being in the detention He was there for a long time. And it is a, it's like a really interesting story because, I don't know, for me, I found out a lot of stuff that I had never heard about. What goes down in that detention center? You know, how is it set up? How is federal prisons different than state ones? He was in, what is that called? Solitary confinement when he first got in there and had to come off a crystal method. They don't even help you when you're in there. Okay? It's hardcore. I mean, brutal when you hear a story. But he's here to say that that. That whole thing that happened to him and being in jail was really the best thing that ever happened to him because it did get him clean. But it was a tough process. Then he winds up in jail and he talks about all the sex he had there, all the straight men that he sucked their dicks, his roommates, the relationship that he had. He was there for like five years. Okay. Then he talks about getting out and you'd be a little horrified by what they do when they let you out of jail. I mean, they don't give you much money. I mean, he was like homeless when he got out. But seven years later, we're talking to Jamal.

seven years after he got out of prison, after being in prison for five years, out seven years. And, you know, he's a manager of a restaurant. He's doing very well. But let me tell you, this was the first time he had ever spoke about all the stuff that he went through when he was younger, all the stuff that got him into crystal meth and busted to begin with. And I feel like he might have had a turning point on this podcast. I love that.

like he was ready to talk about it and this is a guy that needs to be talking about it. And so it was his first time talking about it. And I think it was very healing for him. And I think you need to listen to the whole effing episode because it's so fascinating. His story is fascinating. Not just the sex stuff. There's a lot of sex stuff in the middle, but the before and the after. I love it. I love conversations like this. I always give them out as bonus episodes of Mia one. I had one Mia. He was kidnapped. It was the same kind of story. It was the same kind of story like this less sex, but just as fascinating to me. I love human being stories. This is Jamal's story and it's great. There's a beginning and a middle and a happy ending, which I like.

You know, you don't want to talk to somebody in the middle of their problem. You do want to talk to somebody when they're at the end and could look back and see the positives. Like I said, he's already at the place in his life that he could look back and say, that was the best thing that ever happened to me. And that's what's great. So anyway, I'm just going to get right back on with Jamal. Hi, Jamal. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? I'm doing good, doing good. Great to meet you. I've been just caught onto your episodes, and I saw the episode with the Army guy where he was talking about being in the Army. And I was like, yeah, I could relate to what he was going through in the Army with dudes and stuff like that.

So I was like, let me just give you a call about that. Yeah, because you emailed me and you were like, listen, I was in prison. and I'm going to tell you the truth of what actually goes down there. This isn't about the army. You're kind of like related to it because of what happened to him in the army, but you weren't in the army. You were in prison. No, no.

Yes, I was in prison. Yeah, which I love because not that I love that you're in prison, but I love, you know, I haven't never had somebody come on and really talk about the truth of what really goes down there. So I'm very curious of hearing your whole story. Yes. So where do you want to? I want to start with this.

I got to tell you, I had one of my first questions that I thought of when I got your email, because whenever I get emails from guests, like I already have questions in my head from their emails. You mentioned the word gay. And I was like, I wonder, was he gay before he went in or did you come out that way? I was always gay. Okay. I came out of the vagina gay.

You came out of there, what? I came out of the vagina gay. I have never been with a female, never been in a relationship with a. female. I'm a hundred, I'm a gold star gay. Okay, love it. Okay, Jamal. So let's start off with how you, so before, how old were you when you went into jail? Tell me what you, what happened if you don't mind, telling us why you went to jail? Oh, it was distribution of a control substance. It was drug charge, but what gave me the most of the time was, there was a gun involved. So you had a gun on you at the same time? No, I, there was a gun in my apartment. Right. When they raided me. And, and,

I refuse to give up the person who it belonged to. Oh, because it didn't belong to you and you didn't want to snitch. No. And at that time, I was in a very vulnerable spot and I should have fought the charge, but I copped a plea. So, you know, I got more time than I felt I should have gotten. Right, right, because it wasn't your gun and it wasn't like you were using it on anybody. But what is the charge?

You can't even be in possession of it. because you didn't have like a license or something? No, I didn't. I wasn't. I didn't purchase. It wasn't mine. Right, right. So you didn't have the paperwork. Is that what you got charged with? Is that what is the crime here? Yes. And then I had the crystal meth. Were you selling it? Or was it like a...

I was, yes. You were? Oh, my goodness. Well, I know that you have a job now and you're working in the workforce because when you canceled your appointment last week, you're like, oh, I had to, I got called into work, you know, so you're all up and up. No more selling drugs tomorrow. No, no, I, I, no more doing that. You cleaned your act up. Oh, my goodness.

How long were you doing it before you got busted? And do you know how you got caught? I wasn't doing it that long. I mean, I was doing it for about a year, year and a half. About three months prior to being caught, I was doing it a lot. And that's why I was getting into the district. I wasn't even doing it. I wasn't even selling it that long.

I think somebody snitched on me or somebody gave up, gave up, I don't know. but I don't know how the feds were got to me so quickly. Wow. But so it was like the feds? The feds, yes. Yeah, they came in like it was a whole bunch of them. They came in and they bust that door down. Oh my God.

It was no joke. Yeah, it's like TV shit. I mean, this is why I'm curious. I'm sorry, but I have to spend like 10 minutes on this because it's kind of fascinating, right? So you were just using for like a year and then towards the end you were selling. Is that the story? Yes, to keep my habit because it's expensive habits. And you were addicted.

You got addicted. I was addicted, yeah. Crystal meth. What does that do? Like, how hardcore does that fuck your brain up? It messes with your brain. Even messes with my brain now. It's recovering from it.

Wow. Especially when it comes to sex, it messes, it messes like I'm still having, you know, memory issues. You know, sex, like it takes me a long time to come. Like, I don't have the same. Yeah, it doesn't, like the stimulation of sex prior to crystal meth, I haven't reached that point yet for some reason. I can't get to that point. Oh, wow. That's a PSA to people.

Yes. Stay away from crystal meth. It's terrible. But let me ask you this because, I mean, I would assume there was some sort of gateway drug. Like, I mean, you don't just, like the first drug you don't pick up is crystal meth, right? I mean, how did you get there? And I'm just going to tell you this is the reason why I want to know, because I think it's important for people to, to see people who wind up in jail selling crystal meth as human beings.

You know what I mean? Like the whole story, not just like that one sentence, because people could get very judgy and then they paint their own picture, and it's not reality. So I think it's important to know, like, how did Jamal, who was, you know, somebody who at one point wasn't doing crystal meth, how do you get there? So tell me that.

Okay. So what happened was when I was, you know, a typical gay kid growing up in a small town, My mother abandoned me when I was young. So I grew up with my father. And we were close. And then when I turned 9, 10 years old, I started, my mannerism started showing up. So I started getting more effeminate. Oh, okay.

It was obvious. It was getting more obvious. And my father freaked out. And we became distant. I came distant with my family, too. So my father didn't kick me out or anything, you know. but we were never close ever again. And due to that, I started having internal hatred.

Of course. I mean, your first year were abandoned by your mother, which is very hardcore. How old were you when that happened? Five years old. Oh, God. So do you remember her? Vagely. Vagely, right?

But still, I mean, that that... Yeah, I still have pictures of her. I remember my fourth birthday. They took pictures and she was there. And do you know why she? she abandoned her children? Because I mean, as a mother, I just have to imagine that someone has to be, something's got to be really fucking wrong for a woman to walk away from her children. I asked my father that he just couldn't tell me. He said, he just couldn't tell me. They didn't want to get married. He wanted to get married, but she didn't want to get married. But I mean, she was with you for five years.

Like what, so she walked out on him and therefore you were just like collateral damage? Yeah, she just vanished, disappeared. Wow. And so he took up the mantle of being the father and the mother. Okay. And then now so many years later, how old are you when he, when he rejects you nine around that time? I got 10 years old. I remember him saying, I remember him saying we had, we had an argument.

Yeah. And I would roll my eyes and, you know, the hand gestures. He was like, you're so strange. You're a strange kid. And he just, we just became distant. We just stopped talking to each other. And, I mean, he still supported me financially. Like, you work hard to put me through school and stuff.

But we barely spoke to each other, you know. But you took that on and you internalized that. Like, oh, my God, something's wrong with me. First, my mother, now my father. And it's for no other reason. I mean, you're nine years old. You don't know that, like, you're not doing anything wrong. You're just expressing who you are.

Yes. So I had a lot of internal internalized hatred. I did not want to be gay. I felt like I disafforted my father. So in college, so during that time, you know, like my mid-teens and stuff, I had opportunities to have, you know, sex with other guys. I turned them down because I did not want to affirm my sexuality. Sexuality.

So I did not lose my virginity until I was 21. Okay. And I lost my virginity to a prostitute. It was, I wanted to, my first time to be controlled. So I paid money, saved up some money. I went to college. First, I went to college. I didn't finish college.

So I got a minimum wage job. And I saved up my money and I got a prostitute. So I was trying to lose all my virginity, my oral, anal. And it was part bad, part good. The bad part was I chose somebody with an eight-inch cock. It was huge. And if you're going to start doing anal sex, you're going to want something a bit smaller. So that wasn't working.

I'm not particularly an anal person. Yeah, yeah. You're not a bottom. Not a bottom. So it was very painful. Didn't enjoy that. But what I did enjoy was sucking dick. I told you, I took the sucking dick like a duck to water.

I was like, slobbering in that dick. The guy was kind of shocked, too, because he was like, sure, this is your first time? I was like, yeah, my first time. I literally had him coming in minutes. Wow. So after that, I became literally a cock-hoar. I couldn't afford prostitutes to do that.

So I started going to bookstores. I went sex parties. and I became, the thing about me is I have an addictive personality. So if I find something that I like, I'm going to go full bore. I want to go all the way, not just halfway, all the way.

So I, yeah, so I started being very promiscuous. And the moment that changed my life was, changed that whole trajectory was my father died. He got killed in a home invasion. Oh, my goodness. like murdered. Got murdered, yes.

And come to find out that I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral and he had written me out of the will. So I got nothing from him. Wait a second, wait a second. So this whole time you're kind of talking to your dad but like you don't know that he's axed you out that hardcore. No.

You know, we would talk once in a while. We talked, you know, just surface conversation. Right, but you didn't think that you would not be to go to his funeral. I mean, that's a very, that's a totally different. How do you find out that you can't go to the funeral and who tells you that? My uncle, my grand-uncle told me that if I go to the funeral, that it would be some trouble. Did he explain why? Yeah, but I'm homosexual. Like, in my community, the neighborhood I lived in. Yeah. Being gay is the worst thing you can be. Right. It's really, really bad. So it's like machismo? Yes. So when that happens,

I went in a tailspin. Horrific. That's horrific. So nobody, did you have brothers or sisters? No, I'm the only child. So you were not even allowed to go to your dad's funeral, and he had written you out of the will. Yes. So I got nothing from him. So I went into a tailspin,

and what I used to usually go to the sex parties, they usually have drugs. And I, you know, I was like, I'm not touching it, I'm not touching it, I'm not touching it. And then this night I saw the drugs on the table. And I was like, I said, what is that? And I knew what it was. And I said, crystal meth.

Oh, so it was crystal meth first time. Wow. Okay. Yeah. And I said, you want to try it? I was like, yeah. I was like, I didn't give a fuck. I just didn't care anymore.

I didn't care about anything anymore. And I tried it. And let me tell you something. This is not an endorsement, but I'm going to tell you what the feeling, the first time taking it is I've never felt so high in my life I've never felt all my troubles

disappeared I'm not a very social person I remember I had a lot of internalized hatred as I told you before so I wasn't very confident yeah but the crystal met just made me feel like a hero

or something or just like I could do anything and everything and I had confidence and I walked with my shoulders back and I just felt like this wonder drug that solved all my problems. And then, and of course it made you more horny and you're able to last longer and stuff. So it started out as like a weekly thing. I'm only doing it once a week, just once a week. That's it.

Then that escalated and escalated and escalated until the point where I was. doing it every single day and it was chasing that first high it's always that first high you're chasing trying to get back to that point and the lows keep getting lower and lower and lower and so when I would come off the crystal meth along with the self-hatred along with the depression that compounded the the coming off the crystal meth so if I didn't do it I probably would have I would need more because if I didn't do it I probably committed suicide out how bad I was. Right. The only thing that gets you out of feeling bad from not having it is by having it again. And that's the vicious cycle that you can't fucking get off of.

Get out of. Yeah. So it got worse and worse to the point where I just couldn't afford to have it any. How expensive is it? Like what what like how much you pay for that? Like what what is it like a bag? Is it a vial? I don't even I don't know anything about crystal math. It's a bag. Well at that time it was like I'll be spending close to 100, 150 a day. So a bag. A bag is like 150 bucks? Yeah.

Wow. And how long does that last you one bag? Like, does it get you high? And like, how long is the high for? The high is probably like a day. Oh, right. That's a long time. Mm-hmm.

But then you go, then you develop tolerance. And then, you know, we need more and more. So my hobby was going up to like $200, $300 a day. and I'm working a minimum wage job. I can't afford it. I'm paying rent. Yeah. But you need it.

At this point, now you need it. Yeah. Yeah. It's not just a matter of wanting it. It's needing it. So I had a family member who was a, who was dabbling and dealing drugs. And I hooked up with him. And we started doing that to help pay for my habit.

And it wasn't that long. But I'm kind of glad that I got. stopped because I was heading to I was heading to the grave I was literally heading to the grave I had no I didn't care about myself anymore I didn't care at all I was a mess yeah you know I was an absolute mess I didn't care about the way I looked I didn't care about anything at all yeah because listen you pick that up at a time where you were a mess right like you were still that person you know those drugs didn't cure anything, you know. And if anything, it just makes it worse because now you have this other problem where

you are hooked and addicted physically, addicted to something that you can't get off of. So now you're more fucked than you were before. And you were fucked before. Yeah. And I know all people, I don't know if they would have graded it, but the prison saved my life. I mean, if it was somebody, somebody needed to stop me and say, stop. Yeah.

Stop. Yeah. Yeah. It's called the bottom. You know, listen, in the rooms. they would say that's a bottom and that was your bottom. And, you know, any addict could look back, any addict that's successfully sober and anybody that gets successfully sober, they're always 10,000 times better than they were when they were

using, you know, so everyone looks back at that bottom as the best thing that could have happened to them. It's not easy. It wasn't easy. I'm sure you didn't look at it that way. I love that I'm talking to you so many years later that you could reflect back and explain that. You know, probably that minute those feds came in.

You were like, fuck, this is the worst day of my life. But it wound up to be the best day because it did save you. And that's amazing. Yeah, because if it didn't happen, I probably would have been. Dead. Because I was taking a lot. I mean, I was doing too much. Right.

So wait, but were you like sleeping? So walk me through that morning. I was sleeping. There was a knock on the door. I was groggy. So I didn't answer immediately. I did knock again, bam, bam. I was like, what the hell's going on here?

Yeah. And I walk to the out of the room. And then I hear, bam, bam, bam, bam. And then I hear the door busted open. And I like, oh, shit. My hands up are like, oh, my God. They come inside. They have guns.

And I'm like, oh, my God. And then this guy with a detective type of guy, he pulls me to the side and he takes me outside. And then he shows me the warrant. and he says he was going to search your apartment. They were searching the apartment. Even before he gave me the warrant, there were rubbish, rushing, rubbing into my apartment.

And he was talking to me, and I knew enough to say, don't say anything at that moment. And he says he's going to, you know, he's going to have to take me in. They got a bag, the bag with the stuff, and the rummaging through it and stuff. So I didn't see the end. portion because they took me to the police car.

Mm-hmm. They cuffed you, ready, your rights, all that stuff? Yes. Uh-huh. And then they took me down. And it was embarrassing because everybody in the apartment complex was like, what the hell's going on? Oh, God.

It's going on. Yeah. It's embarrassing. But I got in the police car and they took me to the detention center. Mm-hmm. And they put me in solitary confinement. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, that was, I would say those first two weeks in prison was, one of the

of the worst times of my life because I was coming off crystal man right so you're detoxing i'm detoxing not only that i'm stuck in this small cell they'll put me by myself luckily and it had a shower in there and so i didn't leave i was in there 24-7 but they don't help you medically like at all because no they don't give a crap about you wow that's pretty fucked up because so because you're physically, I mean, I don't know, I've heard of, like, opioid, like, you know, or fentanyl, people get off of that. Like, they have to be sometimes hospitalized, you know, I mean, like, how coming off of crystal meth, like, how hardcore was that in that solitary confinement by yourself? No, help, no medication or nothing. No, no medication, no nothing.

I was in so much pain, like my bones were aching, like, like my body was screaming for, you know, for the high. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. I couldn't sleep. Every part of me ate, and then I had to do it. get a court appointed lawyer, and they were telling me all these things, and my mind was, my mind wasn't right. Yeah. It wasn't in the right spot.

And before you know it, you know, I'm sentenced to, you know, six years in prison. I'm like, what the fuck? Right. Because that's at that time that you're like so out of it and coming off of it, that they also tell you about the gun charge too, and you don't want it. Yeah, they're telling me, I'm looking at 20 years in prison that you're being. you know, you're being told that, you know, if you don't sign this, you know, you're looking at all this time in prison. Aye, aye, yay.

I didn't know. I didn't have anybody to call it. Nobody. I had really had nobody. Yeah. So that's what happened. But solitary confinement, like, you're just stuck in, like, I have claustophobia. Like, that's why I would never do anything plucked up because I can't wind up a jail.

Like, I would flip out. Like, I can't handle not being in control. Oh, yeah. It was torture. Like, after the second week, I begged, it's called the Kemparked. captain, he controls the captain to get me to general population. Because I couldn't say I was going insane. I was losing my mind. And I begged him to take me out of solitary to put me in general population. Why were you in solitary confinement, by the way? Because you were detoxing? Yes.

Oh, okay. I was acting erratic in there. I was being kind of crazy. Right, right, right. Screaming, agony, pain, flipping out. Yeah. Yeah. So they just lock you up. by yourself. This is why you never want to do anything wrong because, you know, you're not treated well in prison. No, it's not. They don't care about it. You're just a number to them. Right.

So you beg to get put in general population and he listens? Yes. About a day after, you took me out and took me in general population. Okay, so let's go through that. Okay, so the way the prison is like a high rise and it's, it has pots. different pods. So I was putting a pod. It was like about 60 or 70 rooms and each room they had two-man cells. So you got your toilet, you had your, you know, your bunk beds. And it was, I'm telling you from the, this is a federally funded facility. Yeah. Okay. Okay. State funded

facilities are not that nice. State funded facilities, they cram everybody into one area. So with the federally funded, it's a little bit nicer. So when I got there, they put me in with this guy. It was this older Latino guy. And I remember the second day that I was there and I was standing by the balcony looking over the pod. And this guy walks up to me and he started talking to me saying that, you know, he probably figured that I was new.

You could tell, you know, in prison we call people who are new. fish. He was fish. And he started talking to tell him, you know, it's going to be okay. And da-da-da-da-da-da-da. But the red flag was when he said, if you need anything, let me know.

Okay. That is something that's a red flag to me. Because I've heard, like, in prison, there's a thing guy called the booty bandit. Okay. The booty bandit is a professional criminal who is, you know,

Connoisseur of the gay of men male ass they love male ass They're just what they call him the booty bandit And what they do is they don't take it from you With a with a knife or anything like that They take it from you with finesse They have the finesse game Where they're able to to get you either into debt with them Or you know

Or they finesse you out of your pants so to speak And they're very charismatic They come to you then you know You're in a very vulnerable spot. Of course. And they see that, and they're usually the first ones that come to you and talk to you and try to, you know, get you with them. So I remember one time, it was a couple days after, his roommate, he had his own

roommate, I had my own roommate. His roommate moved out. He comes in my room when my roommate's out. He's working out. He comes in my room and he's like, oh, my roommate has moved out. I wanted to move in with me. And I said, I like my roommate. he's like, then he starts playing with his dick and he's like, you know, I know, I know, I want you. I want you.

I was like, no. No, I'm not, I'm not doing this. Yeah. Yeah. So I turned him down and then he left me alone after that when he realized that, you know, he was going to go nowhere with me. But the first time I hooked up in prison was my second roommate. So when my first roommate moved out, my first roommate moved out, my first. my second roommate, he was an older Latino,

he was like a mid-40s, early 50s Latino dude. And he became friends with the neighbors, which were two other Latinos. So they would come in the room and they would cook. Cook? Where is the fucking kitchens? In your rooms? No, no, no.

We had microwaves. Oh, wow. So what they would do, they get the rice. Yeah. They get the rice and they would fry the, that we got sausages in commissary. Like, I don't know what, I want to call them. sausage chiruso and sausages yeah and they would fry those in the in the in the in the in the in the pans plastic pans and they would make rice we can you know get the water hot water and you make the rice that way and then they mix it together with they had seasoning in in the commissary mix it together and it's actually pretty good because it would give me some and it was actually pretty good so they would cook for you this is your neighbors they'd come back they'll call also all three of them would be in the room and they'll be talking

and stuff. Now, I noticed that the two neighbors would always be staring at me and looking at me, you know, with those hungry eyes, you know, those eyes, look, eyes. And I noticed, I noticed that. But I didn't notice that from my room. I remember me, was not giving that vibe. He was not giving, you know, he was married, you know. Quick question. And I remember exactly where you are. We'll get right back to it. I just want to know, like, in this prison, because you're, you know, you're someone that was selling drugs. are you in a place with other people who are doing the same sorts of things, or are you in there with like people who murdered people and all kinds of criminals? Okay, so the thing is, state and federal are two different things. Yeah. State crimes are usually rape, murder. Right.

Those are more intense crimes. Yeah. Federal prisons is more white color. Right. Drug dealing, conspiracy, drug dealing and stuff like that. So the criminals in the federal prison, yes. Some are gang members and they're tough. But federal section is usually the criminals are a lot better, so to speak, quote.

Right. So in a weird way, when the feds knocked on your door, it was a lot better than the cops. The state, locked the state. But the thing is that the state gives less time, but the conditions are worse. Feds give more time, but the conditions are better. So, you know, that's the way it works. Okay, great. So get back to your story.

So your roommate's not giving you the googly eyes, but the other two guys are. The other two guys are. So I wasn't picking up anything from my roommate. So one night we're locked in after count, and he's in the upper bunk. I'm in the lower bunk. He comes off the upper bunk. He's sitting in a chair, because we have a chair in the room, and we're talking. And I'm laying down.

He's sitting there, and we're just talking normal stuff. then all of a sudden the conversation goes left to sex about giving blow jobs and give sucking dick and he asked me if I suck dick and I said yes I'm gay da da da da da and then he just looks at me and says you want to suck my dick and I was like whoa I wasn't expecting that yeah I know he was a good looking guy he was a good looking guy so I was like okay so he went he went to the door because the door has a little box in it where it's a window where if the guards walk by, they can look in. So he went to make sure to find out where the guards were.

And then he came back and then he pulled his pants down. He had a fat dick. It wasn't very long, but it was fat. And then I sucked his dick. And it was good. I mean, I'm a type of person. I like, you know, guys who are, you know, aggressive and, you know, kind of degrading. so he was there talking, calling me names and this and that and I like that.

And he comes in my mouth and he pulls up and he just goes back to sleep. So we did that for two days and then he comes to me and he's like, my neighbors, one of my neighbors is his birthday. And he was like, you know, you want me to, you know, help him out. Give him like a little birthday present, so to speak. and he's the roommates the guys next door were good looking their guys were attractive and i didn't give him a definite answer yet i just i just hummed that a hard so the birthday came we're there the cook they have a whole spread and they're you know talking and have galavanting and then you know all of a sudden the room gets quiet and all three of them are staring at me like oh yeah expect you know

expectingly staring at me. Yeah. Oh, so one of the guys, what he, my roommate told one of the guys to put a towel up. So this is what we do in prison. In prison, when you want to use the bathroom in private, you want people looking in on you, you put a towel over the window, over the glass. You put a towel over it so that people can't look in. So he puts the towel up so that nobody can see what's happening inside.

And then do the sweater on up. popping, you know. I started out with their roommate, his roommate, because my roommate is very aggressive. Yeah. He pulled his dick out and I start going down on him. And then that gave the green light to the other two that everything was okay. So they pulled their dicks out.

And then I went from him to the birthday boy. And I sucked him off. Oh, my goodness. But this was all consensual, right? I mean, like, oh, consensual. Yeah. I wasn't forced. No, I wasn't forced. And this is one of the, this is one of the misconceptions about prison is that that you know of rape yeah probably back in the day that was common but it's not so common now especially in the federal system because they have a law called pria and if you if you are charged with any rape inside prison you can literally go on a registry for that oh wow you get you catch another charge so it's very fond upon and plus with more guys being open and out there's a lot more openness to homosexuality in prison.

As there's more openness to homosexuality on the outside, there's more open to homosexuality. On the inside, right. So it's not like they have to force you. No, no, no. There's a lot of open guys. Yeah, okay, cool. Who are willing.

So I go, I suck the birthday boy off, and then I sucked the other guy off. But you have to understand, we have to be very quick about it. You know, we can't have that towel up for too long because it looks suspicious. So this is more like probably like about seven minutes. And, you know, I had to put it in the work to get them to come quickly because I didn't want to get caught.

So I got them all off and then they went on their way. But let me ask you this for a quick question because you're like, I don't want to get caught. In jail, is there any allowance for sexual acts? It's a federal. It's an infraction. If you get caught having sex, you'll be sent to the hole and you will have an infraction. you can have a good time taking away because you get good time in prison. Right.

Good time will be taking away from you. So it's an infraction. Okay. And you're sending it to the hole. So I didn't want, because I wasn't, I wasn't sentenced yet. So I didn't want any, I didn't want any more time taxed home to my or anything like that. So I wanted to be very careful, so I didn't want to get caught. Uh-huh.

So, so I made sure I made quick work of those dicks, you know, I got them on their way. Yeah. And we did it one more time until me and my roommate got in an argument. And we got in an argument. Then he moved out. And then he moved in next door because one of the neighbors got sent, got shipped out. And he lived with that dude. And we never hooked up after that.

He left probably a week or two after that anyway. Right. So we never hooked up. We never hooked up after that. After he moved out, I literally had the place to myself. One thing, good thing about being gay in prison is that you tend to get the room by yourself. Why? Because in prison, if a straight man goes in a room with a gay guy and doesn't want to be moved out, they're fucking.

You're what? They're fucking. They're considered fucking. If there's a gay guy in the room with you, you're considered fucking that gay dude. Oh, I get it. So they don't want the stigma attached to them. They don't want the stigma attached to them. So a straight guy would come in my room.

Yeah. And then the whispers would go around to him and say, oh, that's a gay dude in there, you know. He'd move out real quick because he didn't want this. So I literally had, so I literally had room to myself to. So like, listen, if I, like, this is what people should know. Like, if you wind up in prison one day, pretend, and you're not gay, just pretend you are. You'll get the room to yourself. Get the room to yourself, yeah.

Yeah. So when I was able to get a couple guys in. So I hooked up with a couple guys who come in. Let me ask you this because, you know, someone on the outside, you know, you always have those conversations with people like, if you were in jail and there's no women around and you're stuck with a bunch of guys, wouldn't you let a guy suck your dick? I mean, like, you know, that's like the question that we would ask straight guys. I mean, what's the most irritating thing?

Because I watch another prison YouTuber, right? and they lie and they're like my home my me and my home boys we don't do that gay shit oh yes they do that's what i'm asking yeah that's what i want to know like given given those circumstances like they can't there's no pussy around there's no girls they're in there for years do they eventually like you know suck a dick or let's a guy suck their dick i would think so yeah most definitely if you're a man is in prison yeah there's an eight in ten chance he has messed with a dude There's a highly likelihood he's messed with the dude. I know all these people would be like, not my man, my man, my man is straight.

Not my man, yes, your man. Yeah, and they might be straight, but because they're in jail and there's nothing else around and their sex drive is still normal, they, you know, what are you? Like, I don't know. I understand it. A lot of gay guys in prison believe that they're doing it because they're attracted. No, they're not attracted to you. You are a walking fleshlight.

That's all that you are to them. Yeah, they need to get off. They need that release. They're tired of using their hands. They want something warm and they want something wet. Listen, probably a part of some of those straight guys might have been, you know, had some tendencies and some of them maybe not. But even the one that's not, I think maybe after time, depending on how long they're in there,

they might cross that line just because, and it doesn't mean anything. It just means that, you know, there was no other options. Yes. There's this thing. You don't have to be attracted to somebody to have sense. with them. Right. Because if that was the case,

then there would be no prostitution. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Prostitution couldn't work. Especially with men. I think men are more wired that way, more so than women, especially.

So, you know, come on. I think a lot of guys would in that situation, even the straightest man, you know, if he's like locked up and he can't get anything. After a while, I think maybe he'd wind up.

It's an interest. I'm going to do a poll after this episode, just to ask what guys think. And I think that, listen, some guys may be like no fucking way. but you just don't know unless you're in that position. That's how I feel. They will never admit it.

Never. On God's green earth. They will never admit it. Yeah. You're right. They'll never admit it. So nobody's trying to ask them because they'll never tell you. Yeah, yeah.

So I just want to tell you about different races. Yeah. Like with blacks, it's more undercomer. Oh, really? Yeah, it's more. Whites, it's a little bit more acceptable. but with the Latinos, Latinos don't care. We had what we call a Puerto Rican bus that came in.

Because there's a federal prison, federal detention center in Puerto Rico that flies to where I'm at. And they distribute Puerto Rican criminals into different prisons in America. So the plane came, called the Puerto Rican plane comes in, it's a whole bunch of Puerto Ricans. Let me tell you something. they don't give a fuck. They hit on you. Like, they will hit on you in front of everybody. Dirty birds.

Yeah, they whistle like you. They whistle like you and say, hey, mama. Oh, yes, they whistle like you. They don't care. Yeah, I think it's a very sexual culture now. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right?

Yeah. So there was a whole bunch of Puerto Ricans that came in, and I probably serviced half of them. There was this one guy I want to top of. Oh, my God. he was real skinny. He was like about 20 years old, young kid. He got caught carjacking, and he got like a 15-year sentence.

Oh, my God. For stealing a car at that age? Carjacking. Yeah, he was part of a gang, some gang. Oh, God. And he got caught up, and I felt so bad for him. But he was pursuing me hard, like really hard. He would like, when I walked past the showers, he would show me his dick and all that nonsense.

Oh, he had one of the most, oh, my God. So he comes in my room, right, and I put up a towel, and I get on my knees, and I pull his dick. Oh, my God, he's one of the most beautiful dicks I got in my life. It was so long, but it was long, and it fits in the mouth perfectly, and then he had these huge balls. A man, humongous balls, and I would suck in that dick, sucking that dick, sucking that dick, and I didn't want to stop. like and he comes and then he would he would come by every single day until they shipped him out and then there was this other Puerto Rican guy he was so pretty he had he had blonde hair he was brown he had brown blonde hair and he had green eyes green eyes was so pretty like a GQ model

yeah yeah and I would service him too I mean it was they just don't care it was like in it my My room was literally walking in and out, in and out, in and out. All the guys knew what was going on. Right, of course. Word gets out. Right. Didn't care. Didn't care at all.

So that was, that was, that helped me deal with this, you know, keep my mind off the situation, so to speak, for a little bit. Can I ask you a quick question? Did you ever have any kind of relationships? Because you are gay, you know? I mean, did you ever have a relationship with a man that you in there? or was it just always just sex? Not in it, because, because the detention center was, was not a prison prison.

Yeah. People weren't there for years. People were just there for a couple weeks or a month. Oh, but you were there for years. No, no, no. I wasn't there for years. No, this is where I was getting sentenced. Oh, my God, all this sex and you haven't even been sentenced yet.

I haven't been sentenced yet. Oh, my God. So. How many dicks did you suck before you were sentenced? I'm probably like, 15 or 50. Okay. So the detention center is linked to the courthouse.

So they take you, whenever you go to the court, they just take you right across to the courthouse. Yeah. And so this is the place. So it was transitory. It wasn't like there was people there for years. So that's why, you know, you see one guy for one week and then he's gone. And you see another guy for a month and he's gone.

But you eventually wound up in a federal-funded prison because I felt like we were talking before about the difference between state prisons and federal prisons. No, yeah. So you have state lockup and then you have federal detention center. Oh, okay. This is a federal detention center. Okay. Okay.

Keep going. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I got sentenced and then once they sentenced you, then they assigned you to a prison. How long were you sentenced for, six years? Six years. Okay. I was assigned to a prison and then they send you to the prison.

That's where other stuff happened. Oh, okay. So I got, I got sentenced. And then I got assigned to a prison and then I was shipped out. So I went to low security prison. So this prison wasn't like, it wasn't a penitentiary. Like, you see, it was more of a lower security for lower security people. Yeah.

And when I got there, I tell you what was funny, though, when you go to prison, people are, when you walk, walking into the prison, people are watching you. They're watching you to see whether, you know, you're from the same neighborhood. They're watching to see, to figure out what your crime is, or they're looking to see whether you're gay. And I didn't think I was out here, you know, showing off or anything. And I was, I walked pretty straight. But by the time I got to my room, the first thing that roommate asked me was,

are you gay? My God, not even a hello? Not even how are you? Are you gay? I was like, damn, they got me real quick. Yeah. I didn't even say a word. I didn't even speak.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole town knew I was gay. Yeah, yeah. Well, your father knew when you were nine. I mean, you said you, so I don't think you could hide it. So I thought I could at least, you know, speak first before they realized. Yeah, everybody knew. And I didn't hide it.

I didn't because I knew I couldn't. I just couldn't. So, yeah, so I was. in prison they call gay men girls so they call me the new girl on the pound and that's where everything started so I'll tell you one of the relationships I had was the first relationship I had

was the strangest one I was in a strange relationship so it was the second day I was there I went to Chow the dining hall and there was a guy staring at me I'm eating my food there's a guy staring at me, staring at me hard. And I look up at it's this white dude. He is like a little short. He has a ball head, muscled up. He has tattoos from his neck all the way across his body. And he has the most piercing blue eyes you will ever see. And he's just staring at me hard. I mean, this guy has a

mean face. He's a mean-looking person. You saw him on the street. You probably cross the street. So he's staring at me hard. And I'm like, oh my God. Why is he staring looking at that hard? Now, based on his tattoos, you know, I didn't think that he would be somebody who would be interested in me. So I brushed it off. I ignored him. He was living in the same pod that I was living in.

He was in the upstairs. I was in the downstairs. And I started noticing that he would come by the area that I was. I'm like, what's going on here? and then I started noticing that everywhere that I was, he was there and he would be staring at me. He started stalking.

Right? So I bought about a couple weeks after because I was trying to get myself situated in the prison. I was like, why is this guy looking at me like this? I'm tired of this. I'm going to find out what's going on. So I'm walking the rec yard

and he's sitting in the middle of the rec yard. And he's staring at me. So, you know, I walked by him or eyes meet and he licks his lips. I know what I do? I lick my lips back. I was like, so what now? What now? What now?

So he moves his head and points his head to the rec bathroom to meet him there. So I was like, okay, so he walked to the wet bathroom. I walked behind him because we can't go together because he'd be suspicious because I'm an openly gay. Yeah. So I go to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the bathroom. There's two urinals. He goes to one urinal.

I go to the other. And then he hands me a letter. And he tells me to read it. I had the letter on me, but it got wet when I came out of prison and it just lost it. But it was a letter saying, oh, you know, I'm attracted to you and I want to be with you. And da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I was like, wow, goddamn. Yeah.

So I was like, I want to see where this goes. I was curious. I wanted to see he was attractive in a fuggish type of way but so I wrote him back

and say I don't know how this works but let's see what happens so he writes back and tells me to meet him on Friday

in the rec bathroom now Friday's in a direct bathroom Friday's in prison is movie night the prison gets CDs like the DVDs the new release DVDs and

So everybody's watching movies. So everybody, nobody's working out. Nobody's in the rec yard. Everybody's got their popcorn and watching movies. So the rec bathroom is empty. So we go in the rec bathroom. And then he comes up to me and he just starts kissing me. Like, I'm telling you, he has the softest lips.

You would never believe a guy like that would have the softest lips. And we're making out, make it out. Like he's just hungry. He's thirsty for some attention. Right. And we start playing with each other. He starts rubbing my ass. I start rubbing his ass.

And we knew that we didn't have a long time. So after we made out, I pulled his dick out, and we start jerking each other. And then he comes real quick. I couldn't come. Because remember I'm still coming off that crystal. I couldn't come. It's coming. It takes me a long time to come.

So he comes. And then we make out some more. and he says, we meet back up, you know, I'll write you later. So that was what we did. We would meet up once in a while. We hang up once in a while. But what happened with the relationship was that even though we started hooking up, he would still stalk me.

So he'd be talking to his friend. He'd be staring at me. Now, I'm an openly gay person. Everybody knows I'm gay. Somebody's staring at me that you're going to get suspicion. So people are watching this and they're noticing that he's staring at me and people are creating rumors around the prison. And he's getting mad.

He's like he's blaming me saying that I'm spreading rumors. I'm like, I'm not spreading the rumors. I haven't really talked to anybody here. And you weren't. I mean, you would tell me the truth, right? Like if you were, you weren't, right? Yeah. You are the one who's outing yourself.

You know, he was very jealous about who am I talking to. Why are you talking to that dude? Da-da-da-da-da. I'm like, that's the thing about prison relations. I would advise people to stay out of them because they can be very dangerous because there's a lot of jealousy and it's not like you can just, you know, separate yourself from each other. You're in a confined place together 24-7. You cannot escape each other. So when it doesn't work out, it's not a good situation because you're still stuck there. Yeah, I've heard of people getting killed over a prison relationship. Oh, really?

It's in real intense. And the breaking point for me was that he threatened me. He had threatened me with violence. And that was it. I cut it off right there. And we stopped hooking up after that. And he started ignoring him. Right.

And yeah. So that was the end of that. But it was odd because when you look at a guy that you would never think, based on the tattoos that he had, he had certain tattoos, I won't say, but there's certain tattoos he had. But he was telling you. me that he was in prison for 15 years. He was telling me that he had to join that gang when he got into prison.

And that gang, he had to get the tattoos. You could get tattoos when you're in prison? Mm-hmm. Really? Mm-hmm. They allow you to do that, but you're not allowed to have sex. No. Well, it's done on the low.

Right. It's not done out in public. It's done on the law. But most of the tattoos he had were prison tattoos. Right. Oh, wow. You didn't get those tattoos on the outside. Mm-hmm.

So he was part of a gang. Do you know what he wound up in there for? What was his charge? I think he was drugs. Right. Same thing. Right. I didn't ask him.

How long did you wind up spending? So was that your last relationship in prison and just a lot more sex? There was a lot. There was a lot more sex. Gang bangs? I was offered a gang bang. I turned it down because I'm not doing a gang bang. They would have shit me.

Like if I'm doing it, like a one-on-one, we can hide it. Yeah, yeah. I can't hide a gang band. Did you ever get caught and get the infraction for having sex? Because, I mean, what are the odds that you would not? Really? So they're not really looking for it that hardcore, but they must know that it's going on.

You have to, what you do is, what you do is you watch, you watch the CEOs. Some CEOs stay in the office. Yeah. Some CEOs patrol a lot. So if you see a CEO that comes in that, like to just sit in the office beyond a computer, then you know that you know that you, You can do whatever you want. They won't be looking around for anything.

So that's when you can go in a little corner and do what you do. How many straight guys did you think you hooked up with there? I would tell you this. I got hit on every single day. Every single day I was there. I was hit on at least once. And it was all types, blacks, whites, Latinos. And guys you would never think.

And it wasn't just It was subtle It wasn't like You know They say hey Sock my dick No You were like

Playing with themselves Playing with their erections And looking at you Yeah That type of stuff And so that's what That's what would happen But I'll tell you

Another story I used to wake up early anymore Because I'm an early riser And I To help me with With my coming down From Christom

I drink a lot of coffee Uh huh To help it's because it's a stimulant Yeah they have coffee in prison Yeah, that coffee, yes. So I had my coffee, I get my morning coffee, and I go watching the morning news. Usually, like, at this time, nobody's awake or anything.

So there's one guy comes in, this was the first time. One guy comes in, he's just across from me, and he pulls his dick out, and he starts stroking. I'm like, God damn, I'm looking across, and he's stroking. Not looking at me, he's not staring at me, he's watching the screen. The news. He's stroking to the news. He's stroking to the news.

stroking. And then all of a sudden, he gets up and he shuffles over and he puts his dick in my face. He was a nice dick. I'm not going to the night. So I put it in my mouth. And the moment I put my mouth on it, he starts coming. And he comes all in my mouth. And then he pulls his dick, pull his pants up, zip up, and leave.

Right. And you wouldn't believe it every single day for about two months. after. That's what we would do. I'd come in, watch the morning news. He'd come in, sit across on me, jerk, jerk, jerk, just walk up to me. And then the blast is coming in my mouth. He would never talk. We have never spoken to each other. That's what he would do. Yeah, interesting. I was the strangest thing ever. Yeah, yeah. But it worked for both of you, you kept doing it. Yeah, kept doing. It was nice. He had a nice thing. I would love to suck him. But he would never let me,

like, when I had to try to walk over to him, he would tell me this. move over there, go over there. He would never let me touch him. He would never let me. You just blasts come down my throat. That's it. Right. That's probably a guy that's straight that doesn't, you know, and is compartmentalizing it,

you know, in his own way. And those weird rules and boundaries made it okay for him, you know? Everyone sort of frames things the way they need to in order for them to do things that maybe are cool. I don't know, you know. Did he seem straight? Yeah, he was straight. Yeah. I'm pretty sure he was straight.

He had female pictures on his wall and stuff. Right, there you go. Ayahe, yeah. Hilarious. Yeah. How long did you wind up staying in jail? Because you're sentenced for six years, but you know, you always hear people good behavior. I did a year and a half in the detention center.

And then I did the rest in the actual prison. Oh, okay. That's why I was confused. with the detention center. I'm thinking you don't spend that long of a time because you said you don't. But you were in there for a year and a half. Yeah, because I couldn't post bail.

I didn't have any money. Oh, okay. So most people only stay in there for a week or something like you said because they do post bail? Yeah. Or like if somebody gets a really low sentence, like a couple months.

Yeah. Just keep them there. There's no sense shipping them to a prison. So they just stay there until. Right, until their time is served. So you served a year and a half in the detention. which goes towards that six years.

And then you go to prison and how long were you there for? For the four and a half. Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got a year off. So that means I had 72 months. So you serve five years total.

Okay. So you wound up getting a year off for good whatever behavior. Good time. Good time. One year. You got five percent good time. You got a, you sucked a lot of decks. I need to know what happens when you come out.

It was rough. Yeah. I'm not going to lie. Yeah. It was rough. I was homeless. Mm-hmm. I, yeah, yeah.

I was sleeping in parks. You know how much they gave me when I got out? How much? 20 bucks. Wait a second. Oh, my goodness. So they keep you locked up for five years. You have no way of generating money or doing anything, correct?

Like there's no way to work in there and build. No. No money making opportunities, nothing. Nothing. So you're stuck. there you don't make a dollar they throw you out onto the street when you're done and they're like here's 20 but what is the $20 for i mean why do they even give you 20 it's so rude like it just don't give you is a it's a train because you go on the amtrak okay and amtrak and then 20 bucks and then

you're on your way and you got to go show up to probation office right so you walk out of prison and there's nobody there to help you you have no family anyway before So you walk out to nobody. You could get to go to the train station. You get on a train and where the fuck do you go? I was homeless. Wow. Homeless for.

Luckily, luckily, I got in touch with one of my cousins. Uh-huh. And she took pity on me and she took me in. And she's my lifesaver. Like, we're close like this. She took me in and she literally saved my life. Right. I was in a bad place. I was walking around literally walking. I was sleeping on buses, sleeping on park benches. Like I was walking with just one bag on my back. Right. Where do you take a shower? Where do you brush your teeth nowhere? Like you can't do anything. I take shower for weeks. Wow. It was rough. It was rough. It was rough. I was like I wanted to go back to prison. I saw that. Of course. Yeah. I thought about it was. So she took me in and I was able to get back on my feet. I was. I was like, I was like,

able to work. I had to work hard. I had to do jobs, mop floors, clean toilets. Yeah. I do stuff that I didn't want to do. But I was like, I'm not going back to that dark place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not place anymore. How long ago was that that you got out? How many years ago? Oh, seven years? Oh, okay. So it's been a long time. It's been a minute. Yeah. It's been a minute. So you were able to, so you lived with your cousin. You took odd jobs, whatever you could to get

your back, like self out of that whole. right? And then, like, do you have a career now? I try to get a career, but it's hard when you have that record. Record. That's a record on you. Yeah. So I'm a manager at a restaurant. Okay.

So I, the restaurant that I started all that. Uh-huh. My first job, it's actually my first job, and then I moved up the ladder. Oh, wow. Okay. So you just got in there as like a busboy or someone, like you said, cleaning the fucking toilets? Yeah. And then I worked my way on up to become a manager. So whenever you go in a job interview, you know, If they do a background check or something,

or do you have to, by law, put it on your resume? I tend to put it on there because I don't want to get a job and then they fire me. Because they find out, right? So you just put it straight up. I just tell them straight up what I did, and I try to explain to them. But the only jobs that I could have gotten,

other than that, it's like warehouse jobs. Yeah, yeah. I'm not into big and warehouses. I'm lifting up big boxes. But I would assume, like working in a restaurant and men, Managing a restaurant is a great career. That's something. And I think that's great that you were able to work your way up.

I mean, that restaurant took a chance on you. You let them know what your deal was going in, and they were cool? Yes. Yes. And it's a job. I mean, I'm on call 24-7. Any problem, I have to go in. That's why I had to cancel on you.

Anybody calls out. I have to go in. Oh, you're right. That's what I mean. That's how I knew you were, like, working now. How old are you now, Jamal? I am 41. Now, have you had any relationships on the outside now?

I haven't. I've been working a lot. I just, I don't know. When it comes to the sex, the sex is the part. That's my problem. I can't, I'm having erectile. Disfunction. Yeah.

Dysfunction. And I never had that problem prior to Crystal meth. I don't know what's going on. And it's something that I'm trying to work. I'm trying to figure out what is causing the problem. I don't know if it's the crystal method that has damaged something. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's interesting. Now, do you get any kind of insurance through your gig or no? Yes. You do? To my restaurant, yes. Oh, that's good. That's good. So you need to go to the right kind of doctor for them to figure out maybe get your hormones

checked and stuff. Yes, because I don't know what's going on. And I try. I try. I can get it up. but then when they you know a guy is trying to get me to come I just can't I just can't get over the hill I can't reach the hill was it that way in prison it was that way it was always that way right after

crystal meth I have never been the same yeah that's interesting somebody must have studied that and knows about that I don't know if you've googled it but I'm sure it's from that that makes sense now have you you know do you are you in therapy because like that all that stuff that you went through when you you were younger and then just being in jail, have you ever tried to go back and work through any of that stuff? Because I know, like, I'm an addict, right? And I'm clean and sober for a very long time. But, you know, when you have stuff put on you, I don't know that you could ever unpack it all and become 100% whole. But, you know, when you have an addictive personality, the more you work on yourself,

the more chance of success of staying remaining sober. You know, the last thing you ever want to do is fall off the wagon, right? I mean, are you... Luckily, my job keeps me busy. Yeah. And that's the thing about an addict. Yeah. Because I do still, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do still crave.

I'm always, one thing I'm unknown, I would always be an addict. I'll always be an addict. Yeah. And I would always crave it. And I do have cravings. And it's when, it's those times when you are sitting by yourself and you're alone in your apartment, that's the worst times. Yeah, right, of course. Yeah. So you keep yourself busy, but I mean, you've never gone into therapy to talk through all that stuff that happened to you when you're younger,

because that's hardcore stuff. That's hardcore stop. That would probably rear its ugly head in relationships and a lot of areas of your life. Yeah, I know I have. I haven't. I should, but I haven't. Yeah, you should. What's the, you know, listen, time's going to go by anyway. There's nothing better than having a good therapist because it's just like, you know, 45 minutes of talking about yourself, who doesn't like themselves enough, you know? Yeah, you're right. You know, and listen, as an addict, yeah, you'll never get rid of that thing. I totally get when you say, like, oh, as an addict, anything that I like, I want more of it. I feel that way about everything. You know, if I find a song I like, I will listen to it on loop, you know, I can't get enough. Yeah.

Yeah. Especially my problem now is food because I'm a restaurant, because I'm a restaurant, because I work at a restaurant. So, like, I'll be walking by somebody's cooking something, and I pick something up at a thing, eat, eat, eat, eat. And, you know, and that's my problem right now. It's cutting back on the food and getting back into shape and stuff like that. That's my, that's my major issue. And do you go, do you ever go to, like, because you got clean and sober sort of the harsh way?

You didn't go to any kind of N-A room or anything like that. I'm assuming they had that available in jails. Like, was that available in jails? They had what's called art of residential. It's a drug program that's in the prison. I think it's bullshit. It's just money. It's just making money.

Right. But you've never been in a program. So you've just been sober and off of the, you know, you haven't done crystal meth, I'm assuming, since you got out. No, I haven't. No. I don't touch that stuff. No.

It's like when you stop drinking soda for a really long time, the body no longer craves it. anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just don't want to go back to that dark place. I really, really don't want to go back to that dark place. That's the only thing that's stopping me and me being busy and keeping myself busy and don't have idle hands. Yeah, but how were you through COVID when everything got fucking locked down? You know, I was lucky to live in a place where it wasn't. It wasn't. I was an essential. Oh, okay. Thank God. Right, right. So you got it because I mean, I think a lot of people, when that happened, a lot of people who were relying on staying busy, right?

Like, you know. Yeah. I don't know. A lot of people who fell off the wagon. Yeah. Of course. Of course. Because if that's what's keeping you off the wagon, on the wagon, take, you know, COVID was such an extreme thing.

But it took away all of that from so many people. And I just think, you know, no one's ever done the studies yet or we don't hear about all the people that killed themselves and fell off. the wagon and all that because of those extreme circumstances that we all went off. So thank God you didn't, but I think what you need to do so that in case your restaurant closed or there ever is a time in your life that your distractions get taken away, you should really be working on, you know, just filling a little bit of that whole inside of you and working on that stuff that led you to Crystal Math, you know, because that was a lot of stuff that was put on you when you were really young and it will only help you to work on it. Like I said, I don't think anyone could become

100% perfect, but you could become better and it could really help you so that it's not like, oh, just the destruction. Because that's scary because that means like what happens if that went away? What happens if your restaurant went bust tomorrow? You know what I mean? It's a habit that I've learned from when I was young. I learned to deal with things. on my own. I'm not used to relying on other people. I've been very independent person. Yeah. So it's a habit that I, you know, it's very hard to break. It's very hard to say to yourself like, I need help. I get it. Yeah. It's very, it's not a good feeling for a child who was abandoned that decided I can't trust anybody except myself. Like that's all I have. I get that. When I,

I remember exactly where I was when I realized that I had to quit drinking. And it was the most disgusting, awful, shameful feeling I ever felt because I, like you, was someone that was like, I don't need help. You know what I mean? Like, I got this. Like, most people are very hard in that way, you know? So feeling that vulnerability of knowing that you're in a place that you need help is not comfortable.

And I get that. But everybody, just so you know, everybody in life has help. You don't have a family, a close family. Most people have that. You don't have brothers or sisters You don't have a lot that other people do So it's not like you need more help than anyone else But everyone could fucking use it

You know, you don't You why wouldn't you go out You have insurance You go out and get yourself a fucking therapist Talk to somebody Just about your shit Yeah Seriously

I regret Yeah definitely I should definitely look into that Definitely Yeah it'll only help I mean I think it like you said it's going to prison saved you. You've been seven years. Are you clean and sober or do you drink and stuff like, but you just don't do.

I'm not a big alcohol. I've tried alcohol. It's not my cup of tea. Okay. It's not my cup of tea. It's more of a depression. It makes me feel worse for some reason. It doesn't make me feel better.

Yeah. Crystal meth was the one thing that made me feel. Right. You like that. Better. Don't ever take opioids. Okay. Like don't ever if you wind up in the hospital with a leg injury, don't let, don't

ever fucking take that shit. Yeah. I've heard about that. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard. And as an addict, you'll get that feeling of like, oh, my God, I feel like a normal person. I feel happy like a normal person. Like, this must be like how normal people feel. You know, I could under, you could understand why people get addicted to stuff like that. So you always have to be careful. I feel like as an addict to make sure you never wind up back there. I think it's amazing that you've been out of, you know, prison for seven years. I think it's amazing that you work yourself up and your manager.

a restaurant and you are clean and sober. And I would just say to you that you should definitely, everybody at some point in their life needs a little therapy. Everybody, okay, I'm sorry, because every human being is flawed, and we all have imperfect parents because everyone's imperfect, and we all have things put on us that we could work through. And that you really had some horrifying things happen to you besides the prison. I'm talking about, that's why you wound up there, okay?

Like, people don't wind up as criminals and all. these things and hardcore drug users needing to do crystal fucking meth to check out because they had happy lives. Okay. People do that because they want to be numb the fuck out because they had really bad shit happened to them. Massive trauma. Massive trauma that you needed that much.

I dated a couple guys that at some point in their lives did heroin. And these were people that had, you could trace back to like a really bad thing that happened to them. You know, you don't want to be that numbed out if you're a happy person. You know, it's equal to the amount of trauma that was put on that person to begin with. So I think you want to work on that. Why not? It is only going to, like I said, help you and make you more secure that you never wind up back where you were ever.

And I think, you know, you're right in looking at that as the best thing that ever happened to you, you know? No, I said, I knew I wouldn't have made it because I was spiraling. Yeah. but I was spiraling. Yeah. But this is what I think. I just think that sometimes like, you know, when we take the drugs out, there's like we were, like I said, you weren't doing those drugs or spiraling just because of the crystal meth. It was all the stuff that happened before.

So that's the stuff that I think now you should tend to a little bit because it will only help you. And like I said, everybody could use a little help. And everyone does have help. You're right. You know? So don't feel bad about it. It's not a weakness. It's a strength.

And it could only help you. But I think you've already done amazing on your own, you know? So keep me posted. I love this. I could talk to you and this story. You know, I wanted to get all of it because a lot of the other stuff besides the sex that's going down is like fascinating to me, you know,

and just your personal journey. I think all of it was super interesting. And when I got your email, I was like so excited to talk to you because I knew. it was going to be this kind of conversation, which is my favorite. It just got so many layers to it, and it's about so much.

I think it is very important to see people. Like I said, somebody that was selling crystal meth and wound up in fucking jail and was sucking dick. As a human being, like, who are these people? There are stories. There are backstories. And I think it's important to tell. I tell you're the first person.

I haven't spoken about my whole prison experience, my whole past. I haven't spoken with anybody, about it. You're the first person. Oh, wow. Even my own cousin, we don't talk about it. Right, but you need to. And I bet you anything you're going to feel better when you hang up for having talked about it.

Yeah, I do. I actually feel better. I feel like a load that's been lifted. Of course, I love that. It makes me feel like emotional. Like, I love that. That's what you need. You need more of that. And what I always say to people when they're like, oh, blown away and like, oh, that was something I never talked about that. You know, the things. fact that you decided to call into my show meant that you're at a place where you are ready to talk about it. I'm just the first step, but there's something in you that's shifting, and I believe that you need to keep doing that because how you felt talking to me is you should do that once a week. That will really change your life. And I think that you're ready for that strictly because you

decided to call in. I don't know. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, It's called Strictly Anonymous Confession. Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available, not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story.

There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. there's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct.

It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories, 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. you could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way

you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money.

It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community. And you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com.

That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast.