Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 686 - Fetish Friday - Bisexual Rachel has a Really Crazy Fetish

Episode Date: September 8, 2023

Rachel has an Omorashi aka “needing to pee” fetish and she called in to talk all about it. What exactly is an Omorashi fetish? When did she first realize she had the fetish? And, wow did she get wired into it? Tune in to hear all the fascinating details including the voiding cystourethrogram procedure she had as a child and how that effected her and how it has has effected other children as well, exactly where she was the first time she realized she was turned on by holding in her pee, the specific things that are part of this fetish for her, how she integrated learning to squirt into her fetish and how that helped to turn her on, the pleasurable physical sensations and the pleasurable psychological feelings she experiences from the fetish and why they’re enjoyable, the online communities she found ad how they have been su[er helpful, how she was upfront about her fetish when she first started dating, how the women she dated reacted vs.how the men reacted, how and why she also is turned on by seeing other women holding in her pee, how she hid her fetish from her family when she was younger, how and why her fetish turns her on more than regular sex, how she has brought it up to current long term boyfriend, how he feels about it and how it effects their relationship, how and why she goes online secretly and finds doms to engage with her behind his back, how and why it’s hard for her to talk about her fetish with therapists, how she has a free pass to hook up with other women, the other kinks she has that her boyfriend isn’t into including extreme bdsm, group sex, sex parties and more, the website community she recommends for others who have this fetish plus a whole lot more. To see anonymous pics of RACHEL plus my other female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

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Rachel, my caller today did, submit pigs. You could see them over at patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. Now listen, the links to everything and all the information that I just gave you. It will be over in the description. So don't worry about it if you're driving. Now listen today, I'm talking to Rachel. And this is such a fucking interesting episode. She really is a unicorn.

I said it to her on the episode because she's a girl with a real serious, like, fetish kink. It's called Amo for short Amorashi. It's not just a pee fetish. It's the urging and the holding it in and then the releasing of the pee that she is into. And when you hear her fucking story about where it comes from, you'll be like, holy shit, of course. I mean, this girl knows where it comes from. She has a specific memory of something that happened to her that she experienced and she could tie it back to that.

It makes total sense. It's very powerful when you hear that. This is why I love to have these conversations. I think you need to hear the whole story. She is a girl. She's young. She's only in her 20s, but I give her fucking credit. She has been honest about her fetish, this king, to all of her partners.

She's bisexual. So she's been with both men and women. It's interesting. I asked her like, how is the different, like how have men reacted to this? fattish when you told them compared to women. She explains, okay, she talks specifically about the physical and psychological feelings that need to be in place for her to get off. Like they're very specific what she needs. Besides feeling it physically herself, she also enjoys seeing people having or wanting to pee in the urge and then peeing, but only women. She talks about why and how that is set up.

like I should she talks about the physical feelings as well as the psychological feelings that are in place and happening when she's super turned on she talks about how powerful this is how it does rule her life how like any other person with the fetid she tries to purge it and stop and she hates it and then then she can't fucking stop and she's totally all in she isn't a long-term relationship she's been with a guy for seven years now this guy knows that you know about it. He's okay with it, but he's not into it. And that is not cool with her. She's had a couple times where they've tried, but the fact that he's not into it doesn't work for her. She does fluctuate back and forth with, should I stay with this guy because he's not into it or should I not.

She does get herself off by secretly going online and engaging with other men in these places where she has found other people who are into this exact thing. We do talk about how she could try to make her relationship with her guy better and bring her fetish and kink into it and what she could do, what he could do. She does talk about other kinks that she's into. This is not a vanilla girl. She's into girls. Her guy lets her go be with other girls.

She was into sex parties and hardcore BDSM and group sex. She has been open and honest about those things with her guy, but he's not into those things as well. So we end the conversation really talking about how she's going to proceed forward. Will she stay with this guy? Will she not? What's her life going to look like? I mean, listen, her life looks fucking great for a 25-year-old. This is a bitch that has been honest about her fetish.

I think it's hard to be honest about something like this because it's so specific and it's not very common. She has found a big, like she has found support online. We talk a lot about that. And she gives out specific places where she finds like-minded people, which I think is a big part of it. but like I said, I think she's doing great. She's only 25. She doesn't have the rest of her life figured out, but nobody does at 25,

but she's been able to be honest about this. She's in a relationship with someone who knows about it. But will she stay with that guy forever? What's in her future? I don't know. We talk all about it. This episode is fucking great. You're going to love Rachel.

So I'm going to be right back on with her. Hi, Rachel. Welcome to the Strictly anonymous podcast. How are you today? I'm great. How are you? I'm really great because I feel like, I am talking to an effing unicorn, okay?

That's what you are. You're not a unicorn that sleeps with couples, okay? You're a unicorn in the fact that you are a girl that's got like a fetish, a kink, a hardcore one too, which I love because I always kind of ponder the question, do women have fetishes? Look at my fetish Fridays. It's filled with guys with fetishes, right? And in comes Rachel like a gift, okay?

in all my years being on the show. I've never talked to a girl with this kind of fetish. I've never even had this kind of fetish on with a guy, right? And it's called, is Amarashi the correct way of pronouncing it? I think it's Omar Rashi, but it's pronunciation's very. Normally people call it just Omo as a short hand, like OMO, and that's it. Oh, Oma. Okay, but really what it is is you first said, P, desperation or wedding, right?

Why don't you first explain what this is and then we're going to get the whole story? Right. So it's called Omo. It's basically being turned on by either having a full bladder or having to pee. So whether it's yourself or watching someone else have to pee and the things that go along with that or seeing someone else wetting themselves or wetting yourself. So it's kind of like within the kink there's or within the fetish kink, whatever, it's. kind of a spectrum of what people are interested in, but that's basically what it's centered around. Interesting. Now, let me just say that you're 25 years old, right? How does Rachel find out that

she is into this? Like, how did you figure this out? Like, when did you start to realize that this was something that you were into? And how did it sort of, like, show itself in your life? Yeah, I think it's honestly something that I've always been into. I can't really remember a time when I was not into it. I've kind of gone back for, because I'm always interested in knowing like, why am I like this like what's happening? Yeah.

So I kind of went back through my childhood and just like, how did I, how could this happen? And one of the major things that came to me was when I was like, my first memory ever, like in my entire life, probably like literally forming memories had this procedure done called a vcug it's it stands for voiding cysteo urethography or something like that and it's basically they put like a catheter in you they fill you with like contrast material on this kind of like table and then they look at your bladder with using like a x-ray and then on the table.

where you have to like pee in front of them. And like in front of everyone with all the doctors, your parents, everything. Wow. And that was like my first memory. And it was like, I think it just created this link for me of this emotionally salient thing. Because it's embarrassing. It's shameful. But it's also you have to go.

So it feels good to release it. But I think because it was that and because it was so associated with the genital area, I think my brain just processed that as, okay, let's put this in a package and link it forever. 1,000 percent. That's really powerful stuff because, listen, that's not something that most people go through, right? I've never heard of it. The majority of people aren't going to have it. It's not a common thing to go through when you're younger.

And the things to me that you remember when you're little that stand out, those little memories, you don't remember every day. but the things that stand out and you remember your whole life, those were the really powerful things. That's why you remember them. So it just makes so much sense exactly what you just said, why that would all link together because it is attached to your genitals. Yeah, exactly. And even with that procedure, it's not super common and it's still performed today, but there are groups trying to go against it and find alternatives because of the way that other

people had undergone it experienced symptoms similar to sexual abuse and things like that. It's just, there's a lot going on when you put a child in that situation. And for me, this is kind of like where I think it might have led to. But for other people, it can lead to other like traumatic responses and things like that. Yeah, you have to say you're lucky, right? That you kind of turned it into a turn on as opposed to probably a lot of people. it's a big major block. That's what you're talking about with these other people.

I could just imagine all the different things that could happen. Yeah, exactly. I think it can go either way with a very emotional or traumatic experience where either you don't want anything to do with it and you're scared of it or with me where I'm kind of like fixated and hyper-focused on it. Yeah, you go all in. Sexuality for my life. Yeah, where you and you act out, right?

So now when was your first memoranded? where it starts to be connected and become like a turn on. I remember a few years after that when I was like getting into kind of my preteens almost. I went to this water park theme park type of place and there was a lot of water like getting splashed on us all day. And at some points I was like I have to pee, but I don't really feel like going to the bathroom. And so I just would let it go there. And that was like very, very, um, exciting and fun to me like that whole day. And so I think I was like, well, why don't I just do this more if I have the opportunity? Yeah. And what was that act? So the act was like holding it

in and then releasing it both of those things together? Yeah. And just doing it like just sitting, you know, watching a water show or just, you know, eating food and just like being able to let go whenever I wanted and play with it instead of using the actual toilet for it. Oh, and what about was a part of it because you were at that place and there was a lot of people around? Was that also a part of it? Yeah, I think so. Part of it was just that no one really knew because we were all covered in water anyway. So it's kind of kind of blended in.

But yeah, just that idea of being able to engage in it, whether or not there's people around and being able to let go. Wow. So now how then do you take that out of the water park into your regular life? Because it's one thing to do it at a water park. You're in the water. It's pretty easy. It's not so messy. Do you know what I mean? It becomes. Yeah. There's a lot of things we got to talk about because I'm sure it's impacted your life in so many different ways because how do you have, if you have this kink and you are wired that way and this is how you get turned on. How do you get off without causing a mess? I mean, it's hard, right? I would assume. Right. Yeah, yeah. It's like very complicated sometimes to just, just the cleanup alone in certain situations. It's kind of like a burden, especially after you've already like orgasm and everything and you're like, okay, now I have to deal with this. But I did connect it. So after that situation with the water park and stuff, and I started getting into more sex and things like that, I discovered these ideas of squirting.

which technically isn't pee, but it's similar in that it would make the bed or whatever fabric wet. And so whenever I would try those initial experiences, I'd kind of try to integrate either like squirting or pee or something like that and integrate that feeling of letting go. And just physically it felt nice, whether I was, I wasn't at the water park at that point, but just in real life to. go from having to go really badly and then just letting go. So yeah, it kind of developed that way. Right. So it really is specific in that it's not a pee fetish, because I'm sure that exists. This is like when you say pee desperation, it's holding it in and feeling like you

really have to. And then it's the release that really is the end all be all right. But that's the whole, it has to be all of that, right? Each time, the holding it in. Yeah. Yeah, on a physical level, like, I don't like peeing on people or being peed on. I mean, it's fine, but it doesn't really do much for me, weirdly enough. But it's that physical sensation.

I mean, it's even like, I think most people have had a moment where they really have to go and they finally get to a bathroom and it's, okay, I feel better now because I was feeling pretty bad before. Or having, wanting to orgasm and finally you do it and it feels good. So it's kind of that like build up and build up of tension. And then finally getting to let go of that tension is like a physically enjoyable feeling. And then it comes with a lot of psychological feelings as well that I enjoy. And what are those? So yeah, I would say psychologically, I like the idea of my body sort of betraying me.

And I think this is kind of similar to a forced orgasm or something like that, where I am just an anxious person in my everyday life, and I have, like, incredible control over my body and myself and how I act and what I say, and it's always very curated. But to have kind of this moment where I genuinely cannot help what my body does or how it's responding, it feels good to have even just a moment of feeling like I can't. I can't help this at all. It's just whatever's happening is happening and I'm accepting it. So it's kind of a relaxing thing at that point. Yeah, that makes sense because it's a release because it's the antithesis of that sort of defensive mode that you're in normally, right? It's the same reason why a lot

of CEOs or high power people that are really dominant in their life go and dress up in panties and get beaten in dungeons. It's that release of that burden that they're holding. on to at all times in their normal lives, right? Exactly. And so now when you're home, I mean, how freaked out are you when you're younger? Because I wouldn't assume that you were able to put this all together when you were younger, or were you able to put that together? I mean, were you like, what the fuck is going on with me?

Well, I think I was on the internet pretty early, so I kind of just was Googling things like this at a young age and kind of finding out that I wasn't the only one. There's communities with stories and people talking about this. So I've never felt like, I know that it's kind of rare, but I never felt that there was something super wrong or that it was impossible for someone like me to exist. Yeah. And isn't that great? I mean, listen, a lot of people look at things like the internet as such a terrible thing because it takes us away from our time and all these things, but there's so many benefits to it and positives, right? Like people like you, like you're younger, you can't imagine a time where you didn't have that kind of information. But I lived in a day where you'd have to find an

encyclopedia to get information. That was all that you could. And I think a lot of people were tormented, especially people that had a fetish that wasn't the norm. People felt very alone. And I think that's one of the great things about the internet is that you can find other people like you. That's like a huge relief for sure. And like you said, even though it's not the majority, there's the people. There's other people and thousands of them. So you don't feel so alone. I think that that's great. I forget that because I'm so old. Yeah, I think there's a lot of negatives that being on the internet has led to. But that is one of the positives is that in terms of loneliness with this specifically.

I haven't felt that. Yeah, that's great. And what kinds of communities are there out there? What kinds of stories did you hear? Were there ones that were very similar to yours? Well, most of the stories were, I remember this website called Experience Project, which I don't know if that's niche or not, but I was on that and people would post about, oh, I enjoy peeing myself.

here's where I did it this week or whatever. Yeah. Or here's a situation that I encountered where someone else really had to pee and it was hot. But now I would say most of the stuff that I find is on Twitter. There's videos and stuff. And on Reddit, people post about it. There's also a big site.

I think it's called like omirashi.org that people post their experiences and things like that. So there are communities out there. that help and those are the ones that you found that made you feel not alone so now when you you figure this out way before you start dating right and what happens though when you do start dating it actually wasn't as much of a problem when I started dating as it is now kind of because at first I was just kind of I felt really normal about or not normal about it but I didn't realize, okay, it's rare and it's really rare and maybe the average person would not be into it. So when I was dating guys specifically because I'm bisexual, so I have dated girls too.

But when I was younger, I dated guys and they would basically do anything as long as I was willing to hook up with them at this. And they're like, okay, well, you want to you want to pee? Okay, that's fine. But can we like have sex after? I'm like, yeah, that's good. As long as I get to go in that hole, I don't care what happens before and after. Exactly. So that was kind of nice.

They were kind of open with it. It worked out that way. What about the girls? What was the difference between telling women that you have that kind of a thing and telling men? It's definitely way different, especially since part of it for me is seeing another woman having to go as well and holding it. And so I think because of the physical demand of that or kind of wanting to ask them to do something, I think it puts more responsibility on them. So it's harder to tell them.

They're also, as you're saying, kind of less apt to have these kinks or fetishes that are so specific. And so they're kind of just, oh, that's weird. and I've definitely been judged or had this rejected by women more, unfortunately. Yeah, that's interesting. And so that fantasy of yours or the part of the turn-on besides it happening to you, you also, like you said in the beginning, you like to see the person. But that person needs to be a woman, right? Is that a projection of you?

Maybe that's why it's just women and not men as well? Yeah, exactly. Either I'd prefer to see it, and that's like, any videos or content I consume is send it on women or I would like to do it along with her and have it be an activity we do together. Right. But I don't really enjoy. I mean, it's fine if men do it, but and if they do it along with me, that's fine too,

but it's not my main, what I like to look at and enjoy the most. And so now, first of all, before we get to like your dating, because you just said it gets like harder, right? as you get older because you're 25 now. But when you were younger and doing all this stuff, like probably jerking off in your room like everybody else does behind their parents' backs, did you ever get caught with anything? Because, I mean, urine is very hard to clean up.

I had a lesbian friend of mine who I worked with, and she had a lesbian couple friend of hers that were into peeing. And she said that they had a big problem in their apartment because the whole fucking place stumped. So did you ever have any problems or get caught doing what you were doing? Yeah, so I wouldn't say I got caught because I don't think, I think with this it's hard for people to connect the dots. Like they assume that any sort of like peeing, especially if it's in fabric on the bed, it would be an accident and who would do this on the position. Yeah, you're right.

So if it in my family, I would use certain pants sometimes and like try to wash them and hide them and things like that. The biggest time when I would say I got caught was one time I was just being reckless. You're young. Yeah, you're stupid. Let me just try something. I was like, let me see what happens if I just wet the bed right now. And I did. And then I was like, oh, no.

I think I ruined the mattress. So I kind of just told my parents and they were, they didn't really say much about it. There's, okay, we'll help you get the stains out and stuff like that. So it wasn't a big deal, but I was, I think, in my mid-teens at that time. So it's kind of like, that's not normal for that to happen so late in life and with no lead-up or anything like that. Right. It wasn't like you're a bedwether and you were doing it always that they would just think that this is an issue you had. It really came out of nowhere, but they just did.

They didn't really say anything, though. So you never really did get quote-unquote caught. And you're right. Yeah, they didn't go into detail. And you're right. Most parents would miss it. I think I'm the only parent that wouldn't because I talk to all you people. You know what I mean?

So I know. I might think twice. I always make jokes about how like a lot of times I'm watching TV shows. I was watching like 90 day fiancee once. And this girl found some bras in her guy's drawer. And she was like, oh my God, you're fucking cheating on me. And I'm like, what she doesn't know is he might be wearing those bras. But I only know that because of doing my show.

Not one other girl would ever think that if they'd be. don't listen to my podcast. You know what I mean? Like you don't realize there's this whole other world with all these kinks and stuff because they are very specific and they are not the norm. I mean, this is why I have my fetish Fridays though when I keep them because I think it is important to get this information out there when talk about it because it's super interesting and I think it people should know. I think it's always interesting for me to hear the stories of tying it back because I think a lot of people think, oh, there's a girl that's like into fucking peeing and holding it in. That's gross or weird or whatever.

But if they heard what you went through, would they ever say that or think that? Their minds would be changed. It comes from someplace. You know, you have to feel for you, actually. To me, that's what I think getting the whole story makes people realize that before you fucking judge, hear the whole story. Because like, I feel for you when I hear that story of when you're little, you know, because that was put on you. And that's a burden because, like you said, it gets harder.

I mean, it could rule your fucking life. And it's not an easy thing to put on the table. And I'm sure you're like anybody else. You want all the stuff that everybody wants in their life. But most people don't have to meet a guy or a girl that they want to partner up with and put this, like, thing on the table. That's hard to do. Exactly.

Especially since it does, at this point, I would say, turn me on more than actual sex. I like sex, but it like for some reason, just the physiological response is so much stronger that even being in a normal relationship and having everything else fulfilled and having a fulfilling sex life otherwise, it doesn't scratch that kind of ultimate itch that I have never been able to forget about or get rid of. Yeah, because you wired yourself that way. How would regular sex ever match up to that? Because it is such an intense thing.

and it comes from intense emotions. So, I mean, I would have been very surprised if you would have said that regular sex was better. That's the problem with a lot of fetishes. A lot of the guys that like to wear pantyhows or cross-dress or whatever it is that they're really into. I mean, unfortunately, that's the top of the mountain for them, you know? And that becomes a problem in their marriages and their relationships. Now, I know you said that it did get harder when you got older. what started to happen?

I think more and more it's harder because you're trying to align your values and your life paths and things like that. And I've had a boyfriend now for like almost seven years and he's just not really interested at all. So I would say that's the biggest problem is having someone who aligns on so much else, but it's kind of just not interested in that kind of top of the mountain thing and trying to figure out how to work through that without just leaving the relationship or anything like that.

Walk me through how you told your boyfriend. I'm assuming you were always just straight up honest with people. It sounds like it. Yeah, I usually try to tell someone, not like within the first week or something, but, you know, a couple months in before it gets super serious. With him, I kind of hinted at it and said, oh, I have some weirder stuff that I'm into, I guess, but, and kind of explained to him, here's why psychologically it works for me and just aesthetically, I like wet fabric and things like that. And he kind of didn't really get it. He's, okay, well, I don't

judge you for that, but I don't really feel anything toward that. Because that, that average person doesn't feel anything toward it or feels disgust. But generally, he was like, that's fine, but he wasn't really sure, do you want me to help you? Say, don't, don't pee or have you drink water. What is the protocol? And at that point, I was kind of like, no, I'm just fine participating on my own and keeping it separate from the relationship. And, yeah, most of the time I don't engage in it with him because the main turn on with me with having someone else involved is someone else being into it and wanting to see it and accepting that moment that I have of relaxation and release and vulnerability. But to do it in front of someone who doesn't care

or maybe discuss it, it just kind of makes me feel less relaxed. It just adds more anxiety and there's nothing no gain from it right so in for seven years right from the gecko you brought it up he was like I'm not down but like how can I help you with this and you just shut it down and said don't worry I'll just take care of it for myself so for seven years you've been with this guy and you've been like in the other room getting off I mean how has it worked for seven years because that's like a long time to have those two things that are inside of you separate Yeah, I mean, I think part of it is I do what most people do in relationships. It's watch the porn in the other room or when they're asleep or whatever.

Yeah. But of course, with stuff like this, I can take a lot of time and energy. And for years, especially when I was in college, I couldn't really engage in it anyway because I'd have roommates. And how do you get five hours alone for yourself to drink water and let it build up and then go and do long? It's all this. It's a process. So I kind of just kept it only to like watching and thinking about it. But then once we kind of moved out of that phase of life, now most of what I do is if he's not home or if he's out of town or something, I'll do it. And he knows he'll see my pants hanging up from when I wash them and he doesn't really ask questions. He kind of just doesn't. any attention to it and most of the time when I engage if I do engage in like having someone else help me control the hold or kind of be in a dom situation it's just online through texting or something like that so it doesn't really interfere with our regular life yeah does he know about

that kind of stuff does he ever bring it up or has it never been really discussed since that time he he knows i mean we've only brought it up i've only brought it up two or three other times and one of the times he brought it up we tried it like he tried to help control it and by encouraging me to drink water or not go to the bathroom but besides that it didn't really i don't know it just didn't give me that same positive feeling and so i haven't really brought it up again and anything that i do online is kind of something that I keep more of a secret from him and just, yeah, but it doesn't intersect too much. But let me ask you this.

Is that okay with you or do you feel like that might not work for you for the rest of your life? Like how do you feel about that in this relationship and the way that it's set up? Yeah. For a while, I kind of felt okay with it because. with this, there's, I feel like there's kind of a binge and purge cycle that I go through. Sometimes I'm like, this is an essential part of my life and I cannot do without it and I need to end my relationship and have my entire life focused on this.

And then other times I'm like, I can't believe that this is what I like. I should not engage in it. I should go cold turkey and just cut it out completely. So for a while, for a few years, I was kind of in that. purging phase where I just didn't want anything to do with it. But now I'm kind of coming back to a point where I think there needs to be some changes at some point in my life to how I deal with it because it's not going away. And so I have been talking more recently with my boyfriend about how he could get involved more or things like that. But again, it's kind of at an impasse because if he doesn't

enjoy it and I don't enjoy it when he doesn't enjoy it, then it's kind of stuck. Right. What is it too? Now, listen, I've heard of people. I have a lot of guys, I call them hosers that are into wearing panty hose, right? And I talk to them a lot. And I've talked to some women who have grown to not only accept their guys' pantyho's fetish, but get into it.

And it took time. But over time, their feelings about it. it changed. They started to get turned on by it too. And if you would have asked them in the beginning, like they just didn't feel that way. So just always know that with your guy, the, you know, those conversations that you have and those times that you try, you got to keep doing that and give it some time. Oh, and sometimes, when I say some time, not like three times and okay, he's never going to get into it. So maybe I need to leave him. You know what I mean? But like a year, two years. But, have to continue to work on it with him if it's important. Do you guys have a good relationship

of everything else other than that? Yeah, I would say everything else is like very good and ideal. Right. And listen, the fact that he was open from the get-go, the fact that he's, listen, I'm not into it, but I'll try it for you, is a great place to start. This is not a guy that's like no fucking way. I mean, he's open. He's tried it. And I get why you sometimes when a doesn't kind of work, you're like immediately like forget about it because I think it could feel on a very deep level like being rejected for who you are because it is a big part of who you are. But I think if you allow yourself to be a little uncomfortable because it's probably uncomfortable for him and you allow that to happen more often. And even though he doesn't like it,

you just kind of continue to work with him and try to figure it out. You don't know what happens down the line. I think you have to practice more with him, especially because you do have a good relationship, especially because he's kind of open to it. He could change his mind. You never fucking know. I told you. I heard it. No, seriously. I think that sometimes it's, I'm this way. I'm very black and white. When I think a lot of times when people have fetishes, it is a very black and white thing. Like you said, you're either like totally in it and furiously doing it and getting off on it or you're trying to purge it out of you and be like denying it. But what? you resist persist, right? And then you go back and you're the other way. It's too, you're on either

end of the spectrum, right? Yeah. Yeah, I think it's hard to kind of think like maybe there's more wiggle room than I think because yeah, as you said, it is, it is vulnerable to be, honestly, it feels very vulnerable for me to be actively enjoying something, even just outside of sex, even showing happiness and enthusiasm can be hard for me. So. Oh, really? To be showing this, like, thing that really gets me going and to see someone else who maybe is not on that same level at the same time, it makes me uncomfortable. And I kind of just retreat. But as you said, you know, practicing it over time might ease it, ease in, might allow us to ease into it more.

Yeah. Now, listen, it could make him come a little bit more towards your side where maybe he'll never fully be into it, but maybe he's kind of. And then eventually, I think if you don't totally shut it down and you get more comfortable with feeling slightly uncomfortable, you might be able to get to a place where you could just be kind of in the fantasy of the fact that he's enjoying it. You know what I mean? Instead of having him to be because he's willing to participate. You know what I mean? And I think why, like I said, I get why you shut it down and you're like give up really quickly because I think it is on.

comfortable. And it is, like I said, on a very deep level, you probably feel rejected and who wants to feel that. But I do think if you allow yourself to feel that, this guy's not going anywhere. He knows what you got. This is a great place to start with him is if you just keep that conversation going and you keep trying to do things and you keep trying, not trying, but keep putting that in your relationship with him and seeing if he could move a little bit towards the middle. And then, like I said, you move to the middle and your middle is that, okay, you don't need him to fucking like it. You can pretend that he does. We all have fantasies.

We're all like making shit up when we're horny. You know what I mean? You could do that. I think you can't do that now because you immediately shut it off. In your perfect world, the guy fucking loves it. And listen, there are probably guys out there that you can. But right now, if you're happy with this guy and this is the guy you want to be with and everything else is great, why not see if you could both get to?

that place because he's he's willing right right yeah I agree he doesn't put you down right no no he doesn't do any of that it's just it's just my own stuff sometimes and it's it's weird because it has me kind of swing the other way sometimes where I will go online and engage in these things with these guys who are really into it but in other ways we're not compatible or whatever. In other ways, I'm not happy with those situations all the time, but it's kind of like a journey to bring those two halves of me together and integrate them to my relationship. Right. But listen, it's not like you have zero of that part of you in this relationship. You're not living a secret life. I mean, this guy does, no, you have dipped your foot in that

water with him. You are close to it and I think you need to give it more time and more chance. I think seven years is a long time to keep it shut down and to not try, especially with a guy who's like, I'll hook you up. I'll help you out. It's better than going over there and doing it with those other people. You got to give it a shot and bring it to your guy. Because like I said, I do believe if you could get past your uncomfortable feelings about it and past that stuff, you could pretend that he's fucking into it and it could be enough. Like it's a fantasy. It's just, it's just fun. And those are just

blocks within yourself. And like, how could you not have certain blocks? This is a highly charged thing. This is something that comes from a really deep place. Have you ever talked to anyone about it? Like in therapy or anything? It's kind of one thing that

I have a problem whenever I go to therapy, it's like I lie and omit things. I think that's natural a lot of people do that, but it's just one thing that I've never really been able to bring to a therapist. I think I need to find ones that seem more kink aware or at least open to it because it definitely does cause me like issues in my, not only in my relationships, but just in my life, as you're saying, it can be kind of an addiction. Yeah. For me, it's definitely become that to where I'll often use it as a distraction.

and it's a huge time sink and money sink and all this stuff that I just completely omit from my mental health treatment for some reason. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, you have to go there. You have to bring that in. And nowadays, the other great thing about the internet is nowadays you see all kinds of doctors remotely. So there's so much more people available and people to choose from.

And there are many therapists that are specific to kinks and fetishes. That's like their actual thing. I actually just had someone email me to be on the show that is like a kink and fetish psychologist. And I was like, oh, I have to email them back and get them on. And then I'll send you their link, okay? But, you know, there are people out there like that. And that is the exact person you need to talk to. And they could really help you because these things are hard to navigate alone.

Yeah. Yeah, definitely they are. Do you like hook up with girls still in your relationship or are you bisexual in that? You just, when you're with a man, you're with a man. Do you ever have any kind of that stuff on the side or are you ever dealing with women still? Yeah, we kind of have a, I wouldn't call it, don't ask, don't tell completely because he is aware and stuff like that. But I do hook up with other girls and I've had kind of casual relationships with them during when we've been dating. and some of them I've brought the kick up to them

and one of them even claimed she was into it but then we never got around to trying it so I haven't fully explored it with another woman at this point Wow, so your guy allows you to go out and do whatever you want with women too? Yeah, not with other men really but with women But let me ask this, do you have a desire to do anything with other men?

I mean, you do this kind of stuff online with the other guys but do you have any desire to be with other men? Yeah, I do. And that's like another big, that's like a whole other kink story. I have a lot going on in the term of sex and kinks. This is just my biggest one. But ideally I would do it with other people and more of a way that's where I don't have to hide it and where I could be open about it. But since it's not okay with them, I just keep that very compartmental.

lie to send secret and make sure that it's not affecting the relationship as much as I can. Do you go out and actually, I know you do the online stuff, right? But do you go out and actually hook up with guys in person as well? No, I don't. I have one person, one guy that I talk to online and we're basically exclusive for just this cake. I don't really do it with other people because our rapport has been so strong even. I haven't seen his face.

or anything like that, but our rapport has been so strong that I keep it there. But I have done it physically with other guys who are into it in the past, and I've actually not really liked it. Like, I prefer to do it alone almost on some level, because especially with guys that I don't know that well, it involves spending a lot of time together and a lot of waiting and waiting for the body to sort of do its thing. And so it's been, it can be sort of awkward or uncomfortable or many of the guys who I've met up with are not really people that I would want to be close with in other contexts.

Yeah, I got it. You know, if we just don't get along or the vibes aren't great, it's just kind of like an awkward waiting experience. No, I totally got it. Yeah, because this is someone that you have to then hang out with if they're not interesting or you don't like their company. I mean, you have to, you don't want to spend that time before as you're waiting, right? It's just that they need to be there when you're about to go. That's when you kind of need them or use them, right? At that point.

Yeah, that's the main time. But even before that, some guys are interested and part of the fun of it can be them choosing how much you should drink or what kind of alcohol or caffeine or if you can go before or trying to make you go places or walk places and avoid bathrooms, things like that. And so that can be an hours-long process if that's the part that they're into as well. So it can be a lot. Wow. Well, I mean, how is your guy not your dom?

I mean, maybe he doesn't have to be there for the end-all-b-all-end part, but can he dom you in all-end, you know, for that hour beforehand? hands? Yeah, I mean, I guess the main problem is, and this would just require, you know, more work in communication that I'm, we establish, I'm kind of afraid to do. But most of the time, if someone else is into it, they kind of have impulses of what they would like to see happen or what, what aspects of it turn them on, whereas he's kind of like, I don't really understand it. And so it'll kind of like throw suggestions out. there try to

try to dom but it's not coming from any desire and so it's just kind of it's bad I don't know yeah exactly and it's awkward and so that's what's hard about that but yeah listen if you're going to role play or you want that scenario the guy's got someone's got to be fucking good at it I mean there's nothing worse to take you out of it than a bad role play experience right I mean if he's not naturally that way he's got to figure out how to be good enough that it will

actually work for you, right? That's a part of it, of course. Yeah, exactly. How do other people deal with their partners with this issue? Not issue with this kink. Yeah, I think the most common way is, or the most common situation is most of the people who are into it are male. And so most of them similar to kind of what you're saying about cross-dressing or panty hose or things like that. just keep it a secret from their whoever they're dating. And so I know tons of guys who are into it and have never told anyone not a soul besides the internet anonymously, but who've just kept it in. And so I don't think there's much support for partners, especially male partners who are being asked to be in that Dom role or something like that. I think if anything,

there would be support maybe for the female partners of straight males. But besides that, I don't think there's anything there. Yeah, but, you know, I don't know how deep you get in these Reddit forums that you're in and stuff. I mean, if you are like talking to these people and stuff, like, you guys should try to get together and create information for partners that they could read, that they could learn, ways that they could get educated on this so they could be better at supporting you, don't you think? Right. Yeah, that's a smart idea. I think most people on the forums are too busy getting off to it. Exactly.

Planning, oh, how can we, you know, figure this all out? Yeah, yeah, you're just horny. If they have enough people with the organizational skills. Yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone's there when they're horny, when they have to pay when they're fully. Yeah. Oh, my God. So what are the other kinks that you don't tell your guy about and why don't you tell him?

Or I don't know, maybe you have told him and he, like, shut it down. I don't know. Yeah, I would say just the main ones are kind of the more extreme sides of BDSM, whether it's creating like more bondage and scenarios or like more extreme impact play and things like that that he's not interested in doing. The biggest one would be like group situations and sex parties. Like I used to do those kind of not before I was with him, but when we've had breaks or not been together or whatever. That's like the biggest one to where you know I don't want you to be with other guys sexually.

That would just be understandably a limit. So that's one of the things that he knows about that I'm into, but kind of just shuts it down. And if you want to act on that in a serious way, we should probably not be together. Right. Did he ever, do you ever ask him to go to a sex party? just to observe? Yes, but he will not do that. He's very like, he's pretty accepting of my personal kinks, I think, because the way I

explain them can sometimes get people on my side or something, at least more open to it. But for that one, he's kind of just like, I don't want to deal with all that. I don't want to deal with the communities around any of it. I'm just vanilla and I'll do things with you, but I don't want to get involved outside of the bedroom, or our bedroom, I guess. Right. So do you think you can go for seven more years without group sex, sex parties, that kind of stuff? I mean, how powerful is that part of who you are?

Yeah, that's kind of a big question that I've been wrestling with for like the past three. years at least. And I haven't figured out the answer. I mean, I'm still in my mid-20s, so I feel like it's kind of hard to be looking, looking toward the rest of my life and seeing what, what am I doing right now? And I like what I'm doing now, but could this continue, as you said, for another seven years or more? No, but that is what, but you are doing exactly that in your 20s, questioning yourself, right? That is a part of figuring things out for your future. And that is what your 20s are about when not having those answers is okay, but wondering about them is the part of it. Like I said, that's what 20s are about trying to figure that all out.

And it's not easy to do. I think 20s are difficult. They're like the best times of your fucking life. Okay, I got to tell you. But it's hard in that you really are trying on many different hats. I was like 10 different people in my 20s, you know. And that's why I always am worried about people that get married in their 20s. I'm like, I mean, who the fuck are you going to be?

at 35 you don't know how are you going to be with that same person it's and not to say that it never works out for people a lot of times it does but sometimes it doesn't and it's because you do grow and change a lot during that time listen you've had if your relationship ended two years from now because you decide that these kinks and these things that you are in you accept them for yourself they're never going anywhere and you just want to be with somebody that is like minded and into it that you could do all this stuff well then you're a relationship relationship was not for nothing. It's already been a successful relationship. You've been committed to someone for seven years. Not everything is meant to last forever. You know what I mean?

There's not just one person for everyone. You know, I want to show you both sides of things. Either stay with him and make it work. That's a possibility, right? That's completely possible. That takes a little work. You have it in you. You're an analyzer. You're you look into yourself. you're very self-aware. So if anyone could do the work, it's you. You've already done a lot of work on yourself. But, you know, the other thing is maybe eventually it just doesn't work out for you because you realize you do want those other things.

And if that happens, then you're going to find that right person. I believe a lot of times what is in front of you is very equivalent to how you feel. So if you're a little confused, maybe your person's a little confused. If you're not totally set with what you want, maybe your person's that way. But I do find, though, that if someone becomes very clear and very specific and very much like, I don't ever want that again and I will only take this, well, then that shows up. Do you know what I mean? And like I said, not to say that there isn't the story and the possibility that this guy

becomes what you want and eventually he opens up more. But if not, I believe if you become clearer that sex parties and group sex and BDSM and holding in your pee and having a more dominant guy that's fucking into it is exactly what you want and that's what you want to spend the rest of your life with. Well, then you will find it. There's somebody for everybody. So it's and you'll figure that out. There's no rush. Like I said, you're already successful, right? You've already been open and honest with your fetish with every partner that you've been with, which I think you should be very proud.

out of yourself. That's not an easy thing to do. Something very difficult was put on you. I feel like you've really made the best of it. It's not an easy thing to carry. I think, like I said, you're very bold and it's amazing that you've been honest with people. I also give you credit that you've been able to have a seven-year relationship. That's a success. That's great. What happens afterwards does not take away from any of those things. You'll like you for saying that. Yeah, you'll figure it all out. I think it's so super interesting. I am so glad you called into the show. Maybe, you know, spend the last five minutes telling people where they could go that there's like really good resources and stuff. I don't know. What would you say to other people who are finding this podcast that maybe are like,

oh my God, this is exactly what I have too, right? And maybe they don't know those online sites again. Like, why don't you just give some information? Yeah, I would say, I mean, the biggest community is again on Reddit. There's somewhat of a community, but there's a whole website for it called where people post a lot. And so I would say those are like the two biggest. Yeah. And from there, you can kind of find smaller groups and things like that. I'm not sure about stuff like that, fat life or anything like that. Mostly it's just word of mouth and those small communities that that I've found to be the most helpful.

But yeah, I would say definitely to not feel alone if you have this or something adjacent to it or like it. And to not be scared or are like upset about the backlash that the community sometimes gets because at the end of the day, it's kind of like, what are you going to do? You can't, as I've said, you can't undo it and you can't get rid of it even if you try sometimes, at least generally I think that's true. but just trying to find like healthy ways to incorporate it. And I think you're, but I also think a good advice for you to tell people is to be open about it because you always have. You really explain to them where it comes from and I think they're much more forgiving, right? Like I said, when they hear your whole story, when people hear your whole story and when you tie it into where it comes from,

it really helps that conversation, right, with your partner when you first tell them. Yeah, exactly. if you can identify where the origins are. Yes. What aspects of you like it? Because maybe there's a compromise too. Like there was one girl who I know found it kind of weird when I explained it to her. And she thought the idea of her doing it would be shameful or like she would just feel too humiliated to do it.

But she was willing to like shower and get her jeans like wet with water for me, which, you know, that's not exactly the same thing. But, you know, it was a compromise. that maybe if you're in a relationship with someone, maybe they're willing to do those small compromises or you're willing to do something that they want if they kind of go along with this for you as well. And let me ask you this, though. I mean, were you surprised in that most people,

even if they weren't into it, didn't totally shut you down? Or did you have anybody that acted like really freaked out by it? What was your experience? Give people hope. I think you're going to say most people, even if they weren't into it, were better than maybe what you would have expected. I don't know. Yeah, I would say most people, especially guys, have been, like, way more open than I thought.

But even women, if they weren't into it, I haven't been, like, to my face really called disgusting or horrible for it. Because ultimately, at least with this specific kink, like, it's not super harmful. It's not dangerous or illegal or something. It can be dangerous if you hold too long and you could get a UTI. But besides that kind of thing, it's not like, it's not. It's not like you're peeping Tom and you're going to get like busted or something. That's a real hard thing to have because you could get like it's illegal. I mean it's not illegal.

It's not, you know, you're not doing anything wrong. Yeah, I think that that's very, I think most people listening, if they've done, never told a partner would be happy to hear that, that you've told mostly all of them. And it's not like you're telling me, oh my God, I told somebody people and I got rejected so many times. I mean, that's not anywhere a part of your story. You know what I mean? So I think that that gives people hope and it shows people that you can be open. And it's really the best way to do it is be open from the start. The people that I talk to that are married for 30 years and still haven't told, that's way harder than telling somebody right from the get-go. It's much better to do that in the beginning.

Yeah, exactly. And even if they, even if you or your partner have like adjacent kinks, like a lot of people who are into BDSM in general have been more accepting of it when I frame it as, well, it's just another way. You're not just controlling the subs body through ropes and chains or whatever, but also through their bodily functions and kind of working it in that way. And, and, you're not just controlling the sub's body. making those parallels between what they're interested in. Even, as I said, squirting, if someone's into squirting, it's like, if you drink enough water, pee kind of doesn't smell too bad or anything like that. So it's not like a huge jump, but just little things like that,

if you can draw those parallels or make it seem less, because it, I don't know, I don't think it's that serious, as we said, to where it's morally wrong or anything like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's kind of a relief for this cake specifically. Yeah, if you could pair it up with something that is a little bit more mainstream fetish, right? So that it's not so, oh my God, I've never heard of this. I think it does sound very much in the BDSM realm

because I even said the word doming 10 times, right? You want to be dominant. You want to be controlled. That's a huge part of BDSM. And the fact that it takes a really long time and all that foreplay, that's always involved in that world. So there is that connection. even think that that's a stretch that's that's really a great way to position it so i think you've been

very helpful for people that aren't as in as good of a place as you are i think considering what you have and what was put on you you are in a great place because of all the reasons i just said so you should consider yourself lucky and i know that when you're 50 you're going to be fucking fine because you're trying to figure this all out in your 20s and that's when you're supposed to do it and that's why you will be fine. So you're going to figure all out whether you stay with this guy or somebody, you'll have things worked out eventually and you could help. And you know this and I'm glad that you called in because I think this episode will help a lot of people. And when I have that woman on, I'm going to email her right now. I'm going to go look for that sex therapist that

specializes in kings and fetishes. I'm going to send you that link and then make sure you listen to that episode too, but I'll send you that. And you go looking for somebody that specializes, because there's tons of them out there and that would be a really great thing for you, just to talk to somebody and help. Everyone could use that at some point in their life, and that could help more than any friend or any book or anything. If you find the right therapist, it could be life-changing. So you could use a little help while you're trying to figure things out. Yeah, I totally agree. Yeah. You're the best. Thank you, Rachel. Thanks so much for calling in. If you want to send in anonymous picks for my Patreon, feel free. I mean, not of you peeing or anything, but you know,

people like to say, if you have any, like, sexy picks you want to send R-rated, that's cool. I mean, they don't have to go with this episode, but if you want to, that's cool. I put that on my Patreon. And then for anyone who calls in, if they want free access to my Discord, a lot of the guests go on there and introduce themselves and talk to people, I'll give you free access to that as well, if you want to go in. You could either post stuff. You could talk to people or you could just look around. You get that for free since you called in and gave me a great episode.

But I love this episode. I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love this episode. Like I said, you are a unicorn. You will be up very soon, okay? Yeah, thanks so much for talking with me. I'll definitely send some pictures and see about access to the Discord.

Yeah, I'll send you that link the minute. Your episode goes up for sure, okay? Cool. All right. Awesome. Thanks for each. all. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and

ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters,

easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not. disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money.

It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said, all you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.

This is the Strickley Anonymous podcast. Hey, everyone. much for tuning in to this week's episode. If you want to follow the show, follow me at Strict Anonymous on Instagram or Twitter. That's at Strict Anonymous. If you are on YouTube, make sure to subscribe. I love YouTube as a platform for my show because people comment there and I try to reply back to every single person who post a comment. So even if you're not listening on YouTube and you want to talk about the show, go to my YouTube channel, subscribe and share my videos, is a strictly anonymous podcast.

If you want to sign up for my Patreon on my Patreon, you are not only supporting my show, but you will get these episodes early, ad free, and you get to see anonymous picks of my guests. Most of the girls send in anonymous picks, and some of the guys send an anonymous picks. So if you want to see anonymous picks of my guests, as well as support my show,

and get these episodes early and ad free, sign up for my Patreon. Patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. That's patreon. slash strictly anonymous podcast. The link is also in the description below. Thanks so much for listening.