Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 755 - GIRL TALK: How to Get Your Partner Into Wanting to Have Wayyyy More Sex!

Episode Date: January 26, 2024

How can you get your partner into wanting more wayyy more sex! Tune in to hear her #1 tip to get your female partner to want more sex, the difference between mental foreplay for women vs. men, how women become more attracted to their guys, how and why communication is always key and how if differs for men vs. women, how to get your girl into trying anal, how putting your fantasies on the table pays off and why its important, how to bring up fetishes and hardcore requests as well, , hot fantasies vanilla couples can try to spice things up, what can a guy do if he finds out his partner cheated on him, the convo a partner can have before they cheat to save their marriage, how and why you need to carve out time for intentional conversations on the daily, how to get a vanilla partner into opening up to kinkier things, how people in lifestyle roll and how its a very safe world, plus a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of ERICA plus pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

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Now, today I have on Erica. It's a girl talk episode. This is a really good one. Everyone loves Erica. She's been on my show before. I will put the links to her episodes if you want her backstory because she's super hardcore. Her first episode is like her backstory. Then she called in after that and just to talk about some crazy things that she's done.

She's what I call one of my hardcore girls. She's done everything. Gangbings. DVPs. Gloryholes. You name it. She's done it. And she's called in and given me very detailed hot episodes.

I'll put the numbers of her episodes in the description. But what my guests love about her as well is she does give people some great advice. She happens to be a therapist besides being like a girl. in the lifestyle. She's a therapist. She's eventually going to get into being a sex therapist. I want her as my sex therapist for my show because she's so great. If she was a sex therapist already, I'd be sending people to her. But that's not what she's doing in her practice. But she really is a therapist. And sometimes she reaches out to me and asks me to, like, for guests, numbers or email so she could reach out to them and help them because she really does like to help people,

especially guys. She's done that before. And so a lot of guys had questions for Erica. I decided to do a girl talk episode with her. And she's going to answer my guest's questions. And one of the biggest questions I got for her was like, what is the number one tip that she would give a guy to get his girl into wanting more sex? And that's what we talk about on this episode. And of course, that leads into so many different things.

We talk about what her number one tip is. We talk about the difference between foreplay when it comes to women versus men. And I don't mean the foreplay in the bedroom. I mean the foreplay out of the bedroom. Like what makes a man? and a woman want to hop into the sack, okay? What's the foreplay? And what is the difference between the foreplay between the two?

We talk about bringing up fantasies, how to do that, how to get your girl into trying anal. That's a funny conversation. We talk about how communication is key, okay? That is an ongoing thread throughout this whole episode. We all know communication is the most important part of a relationship, but I think it's different when it comes to both men and women. Like how do you communicate to guys in the way that's going to make them horny? And how do you communicate to women to make them more horny for you?

This is the kind of shit we discuss. It's a very interesting episode. I think you're going to learn a lot on this episode. Erica's great. She gives some great advice. I give my two cents a lot. This is a girl talk episode, so I will be talking, okay? I give a lot of my opinions and she gives a lot of her expertise.

So you're going to, like I said, you're going to love the episode. It's great. If you want to see hot picks of Erica, I mean, she's not only really hardcore. She's super hot. I have a lot of pictures of her, anonymous picks of her over on my Patreon because you can't see her anywhere else. But if you want to talk to her on Discord, she talks to people there all the time. She talks about that in this episode as well as she sends me always in hot picks of her. She's a 10.10, okay?

If you want to see her, go over to my Patreon. if you want to talk to her, go over my Patreon because you'll get access to my Discord. Patreon.com slash Strickly Anonymous Podcast. I'm going to be right back on with Erica. Hi, Erica. Welcome back to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. This is like your second or third girl talk episode. I don't know.

I think so. I think so. Thanks for having me. I'm excited. Now, I love when you come on. I mean, you're not a sex therapist yet, but you are a real therapist. And you also are really into sex. And you should be a sex therapist.

And one day you will be a sex therapist. But I want you to be the show sex therapist because what's great about you is that you literally are a licensed therapist, right? This is what you went to school for. You're eventually going to specialize in sex therapy. You don't right now. But you also are very open when it comes to sex. You are in an ethically non-monogamous relationship. You're into glory holes, gangbangs, adult theaters.

I mean, you have fucking done it all. Erica is hard core. You want to hear all of Erica's backstory? I have a ton of episodes on it. You're going to have to go back and listen to those. The numbers of all your episodes will be in the description. So if everyone wants to get your backstory because they're new to the show, which a lot of people are always new to my show,

you got to hear Erica's backstory because she is really hardcore and open. And it's not like your life is so smooth and great. I mean, in our last episode, we talked about how even in your E&M relationship, right? You and your guy are really open. He wound up cheating on you and you found out about it. But you worked through it. So it's not always smooth sailing even when you're open, even when you're really evolved, even when everything is great.

You could hit some potholes you have. And that's why I think you're so great to talk on all this stuff. And you also have a fucking license. You went to school for this shit. So I want you to come back on and do a girl talk episode and help guys with their girls because you have done that for some of my guests, like on the DL. Yeah. You have emailed me like, oh my God, Kathy.

You just had this guest And he really needs help Can you put me in touch with him? I'd love to talk to him One of them was this guy Carter Who's he was cheating like crazy And his wife didn't want to fuck him And you got him to have a really hot night With sex with his girl

That's what he said So you're coming back on We are going to talk about literally how to get Or how to help guys get their girls Into having more sex Being into more sex Doing more things with them And basically what it comes

down to is I think it starts with the guy being a better lover himself. Let's start there. I put a call out to my Patreon members, ask Erica some questions. And one of the great question was like if Erica could give her number one tip to a guy on how to be a better lover, what would that tip be? And that's like the perfect place to start because this is what this whole conversation is going to be about. Yes. Yes. And thank you so much for having me again. I would say I get these questions all of the time how can I be better in bed I would I'm going to have to deviate for just one I'm going to say two things number one communication with your partner number two confidence in the bedroom when it comes to communication we need to remember that foreplay starts outside of the bedroom so you're going to

want to start that intimate communication right from the moment that you get up in the morning and have it last throughout the day. And I'm not talking about sexting or sending nudes to each other. That's not intimate communication. I'm talking about like connective language. But you know what I would say? I would say foreplay for men and women outside of the bedroom starts different ways. I would say sexting and that kind of stuff is the foreplay for. the guy. For the woman, it's a different thing. And I will always be interjecting a little bit on that, too, because I do have a female audience as well. So we will touch upon that a little bit because I think foreplay for men and women is very different. And that's why there's always that big disconnect. Like a woman's like, oh, my fucking guy wants me to sex all time. Because that's what he would want. But that's not what women want. So you're going to tell the guys what the women want. Because we all kind of know what guys want. They want a picture of your pussy. Okay. Just send a tip. Absolutely. I mean, I send my boyfriend nudes every day of the week almost, and he's still excited every time he sees my tips, even though it's like, dude, you've seen them 800 times. Yeah. I think it's actually, I think it's actually easier with guys. I think guys have the have to do a little bit more work. So tell the guys what they got to do to get their girl horny. It's a very different ballgame.

Well, the reason that I want to send him those pictures every day is because he's always. telling me and showing me how much he desires me. And desire is not, oh, I want to fuck you. Desire is telling me you are so, so smart and brilliant. I love the way your mind works or telling me how I'm the sexiest women in the room. Things like that. Very specific, directed comments towards me. So it actually helps my confidence to be sexier because I don't think that the majority

of women, even women that are very sexually adventurous like myself, are naturally like these very open, forward women. And I have had to cultivate that in myself. I know there have been a lot of comments like, oh, I wish my wife were like you, you're a goddess. I was not like this at the beginning. And it has come over years of just work on myself and also trust in my partner. Right. And your partner are helping you as well. And what you're talking about is like those, those are compliments. It's called a fucking compliment. And it's not, they're not that hard to give. But they have to be real. I think like when you said they're genuine. It's not like, oh, you just sort of make shit up. They should be personal because a woman knows a real compliment from a phony one. Yes, absolutely. And a woman wants to feel like you value her beyond sex. And you desire her. beyond sex because it's kind of a chicken in the egg.

A man wants to feel that very physical desire from his woman, but in order for a woman to behave that way, we have to feel that very close emotional connection to the partner. And I will also say this transcends not just into a serious like lifelong relationship. I found that with my extra partners as well. 100% Yes, I'm not It goes to booty calls I mean I have guys

That I have fucked And then I don't hear from them For days and days And then they like circle back And they're like hey sexy What's up? I'm like fuck you I don't I already

It seems like now You've gotten what you want for me And now you don't Really care So I would say it goes beyond Just like life partners If you have a booty call Like check in with her

You know every couple days, hey, how's it going, sexy? Like, I'm thinking about you. Is it okay to send a naughty pick? However your dynamic is, keep that spice going because women lose interest very quickly if we're not getting attention. I recently had a situation with a guy I had wanted for a long time. And he, I saw him on fat and I rarely reach out to men first. and I saw him.

He's 100% my type. I reached out and he was like, I'm very flattered, but I'm in a relationship and I actually don't play by myself when I'm in a relationship. And my partner doesn't like to play with another female. So I was like, oh, yeah, cool, whatever. Thanks for getting back to me. I appreciate the openness. And I really did appreciate that he wasn't going to do something on the side behind

his partner's back. So fast forward, like three or four months and he reached out for me. And he was like, hey, my situation changed. My partner and I have actually broken up. Are you still interested? And we had a week long, just like marathon sexting situation. And we were sending pictures and he was sending me all these fantasies about what he wanted to do with me. And we ended up getting together and had a really hot threesome with my boyfriend.

And then he texted me right afterwards. And he was like, that was amazing. you're incredibly sexy. I had a great time. And then I haven't heard from it for 10 days. 10 days later, he texts me. He's like, hey, how's it going? And I'm like, look, dude, like, it's done. So I will say, in my case, I need to feel like you're into me. I need to feel, I need to hear those specific compliments. And I need that all to be tied into the confidence of what you're bringing to the table. Guys, be confident on what you have for that woman. But I will say, though, it's one thing when you're communicating with your partner.

And I think we're going to focus more in just one-on-one partnerships. But when we do get down to open relationships where you're doing this kind of stuff, I think the rules are a little different. And I think maybe that guy, and this is where it's like a little gray area, that guy has a fucking threesome with you and your boyfriend, your guy, your lover, the guy you love. He did tax you right after to tell you how great it was. But maybe he backed off because he doesn't. want to like chase after you because you're already taken like maybe he's being respectful

of your relationship. I feel like that's like a weird hard line to ride when you're the third person in a relationship because you don't really know. And I think that's where it comes back to communication, communication, communication. And in those relationships, when you get even more deep into it and you're having thirds and fourth people in a relationship, that's where communication is even more important. that's true and I did kind of lay that out for him ahead of time and then also in that

conversation that took place 10 days later I said I asked him point blank are you just trying to be very respectful because I am going to be forward with my communication because I don't I don't have time for miscommunication and I just didn't feel like he was willing to kind of put that effort in and it comes down to effort and that that translates to the one on one relationships. We co-themed through the relationship that should mean the most to us all the time. Like, how often do you have a 10-minute-long connected conversation with your partner?

And I would say the majority of people do not. No, and unfortunately, a lot of times the person that's cheating and has a lover on the side, they're fulfilling all their fantasies. They went into that relationship being totally open and they can't bring that to the table in their relationship with a partner that they've been with for 20 years. But yet with a stranger, it's easy. And it's a weird thing. But if you really think about it, I get why that's the case. But you have to bring that into your 20-year relationship.

The last thing you need to do is go bring it to a stranger. That's when you're done. But if you're in a relationship, you need to try everything in that primary relationship before you fucking give up. Do you know what I mean? Try telling your partner you want to fantasize more. Try telling your partner you want to try A. like all the things that you think she's never going to be into that you're dying for her to do,

you have to try first. And that's about your number one thing, which is communication. You have to have those uncomfortable conversations in a respectful way. So number one that I would say in that regard is if you really want to try anal, for example. Well, wait, can I just tell you because people wrote in questions on the two things, that everyone wants girls to do is like a threesome and anal. Those are the two most common things. I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of other things.

And we're definitely going to talk about fetishes as well because there's a lot of people hiding those kinds of things from their partner. And that's a big disconnect in a relationship. And it could change your life if you put that on the table. But like these little simple things, like an anal, like this is every guy's fantasy. And a lot of guys have never been able to get their girl to do it. And they'll be like, oh, my girl is so vanilla. Like, how do I get her into doing more kinky things? AKA anal.

Right. Well, first of all, I don't think you can get anyone to do anything. Consent is always number one. I think that you need to start in a very easy to accept a way. So if you want to do anal, you're not just going to shove your cock in her ass one time when you're fucking her. You might want to either discuss things. If you're mutually mass. which I 100% recommend every couple to have some sessions where you're just mutually masturbating,

because that can really foster a little bit of a kinky feeling between the two of you. I love to see my boyfriend masturbate. He loves to see me. It also helps us to know how to pleasure one another better. So to be in tune with your body while you're having that intimate time, he could say, is there anything that you've ever wanted to try that we haven't? Or is there anything that you've ever thought about that maybe you don't even want to try, but it just turned you on to think about and see if she'll open up in that way?

If you don't feel comfortable communicating in that type of manner, you could also try while you're fingering her, maybe just putting, just kind of rubbing the outside of her asshole while you're doing that. Don't try to insert. Just let her feel that feeling while she's turned on. You know what I would even say too is go fucking play with your own asshole. You have the same exact asshole as your girl has. This is one place where a man can understand what a woman.

Take a fucking big dildo and shove it right into your ass the minute. you start like getting horny and you tell me how that feels okay it doesn't feel good nobody could do it unless you're like a professional so you could figure out how to make anal work in by doing it to yourself okay i was always into anal but i always took control i held on to the dick behind me and i worked in by how i wanted it to go in depending on my level of being turned on and that is very fucking slowly. And then when you're totally turned on, you're like, oh, harder, faster and you come, and you like can't, you can't even take it. And you come in one second. It's that good. But you know what I'm talking about. But that, but you could learn that even with yourself,

with the finger, even with the finger, like you said, you can't just shove it in there. But if you put it in there and you leave it there for a little while you're getting turned on, do it while you're jerking yourself off. Put your finger right there. Push in a little bit, the more turned on you get, the more you're going to want it to go in a little bit more, the more turned on a little bit more, a little bit more. That's the way you fucking roll with anal. And you could figure it out with your own asshole. Like, go there.

It's like a hot experience. I'm always trying to change the game when it comes to anal because I'm very pro it. And there's so many nerve endings in there and it's really great, but it's very important to do it properly. And you could figure out how to do it with yourself. But tell your, and so if it's a girl listening, you want it, your guy wants you to try Anil, give it a try. Just do it for your guy.

Just try it if that's his biggest fantasy. But you take control of the situation. You tell him you're going to, you hold on to that dick. Are you make him put a finger in first and you tell him what you want. It's about communication. It all goes back to that, right? And you have to learn how to speak up for yourself of what feels good, what you like, how much, how far someone could go. And then I feel like so many people would have a much different experience with Anil if they took that advice.

I agree. I also think it comes down to there's still this fundamental hang-up that a lot of women have about doing anything that deviates from the norm. And anal deviates from that. I mean, there's some women that will not suck it. There's some women that won't dress sexy or anything like that. And I think that starts with a hang-up in the woman's mind. And so if his wife has a hang-up of what was wrong, anna was dirty, she's not going to be able to make that junk to even trying that experimental to see the pleasure that's there for her. So I think in that situation, if your wife has a mental hang-up, it's going to start outside of the bedroom.

You're going to need to tell her how sexy she is. You're going to have to have some of those conversations that might be uncomfortable for both of you and say, I really wanted to try this. Is there a reason why are you afraid of the pain? Are you thinking that maybe I'm going to look at you differently afterwards? Is it, you know, is it a mental block or is it a physical block or a combination of the two? And this person that Rodin asking for advice, he's going to know his partner the best.

I mean, it's hard for us in a vacuum to know what the holdup is. But I think you have to explore all of those different avenues and see where the disconnect lies. Yeah, it's no different for any other thing, whether it's anal or some guy wrote in and it's like, oh, I really love getting pegged. My girl pegs me sometimes, but I want her to do it more often. It's just you have to know that no matter what it is that you're interested in getting your partner to do, there's going to be some sort of compromise. I mean, unless she's down and you're down and everyone's fine and you're pegged. and every fucking day and everyone's happy. Maybe you're never going to get your girl to peg you every day.

Maybe your girl is too hung up on. She's never going to be into it. So you're going to have to move on. There's going to have to sometimes be compromised. Sometimes maybe not everything will be on the table. It's kind of like pick and choose your battles. Absolutely. I had a man on Discord actually asked me how to get his wife to give him more blowjob.

Yeah. And he said, I said, well, why does she not want to? And he goes, well, she'll only do it if I take a shower first. But a lot of times when we're having sex, it's when we're going to bed. So take a shower before you get. Yeah, I love nighttime showers. Yeah. Yeah.

And he was like, well, that doesn't, yeah, well, he goes, that doesn't seem very practical. Yes, it does. Do you want a blow job or not? Yes, it's so dumb. Get in the shower. Yeah. So sometimes it's that very simple barrier that has already been communicated to you, but now you're unwilling to take that step.

No, that's someone that's not, that's a man, and this is unfortunately a guy, a big guy problem. They don't listen to their women. The woman just told him exactly how to get more head. Take a fucking shower. Take it at night. That's it. The answer's there. Sometimes guys are not listening.

A lot of times they're not, unfortunately. I don't know why. I don't know. It's like a weird thing. But they don't, they're not listening to what they're girls. is saying and sometimes she didn't say take a shower at night and I'll give you a head but she's too but that's when she gives you head when you take a shower and you have sex at night right so you put it together think a little bit deeper yeah I think maybe that's what it is they don't

maybe they hear it but they don't think two steps down the line well and I think that men have a belief that if their intention is not they don't have ill intentions that they're not actually harming their partner but I thought how women work. Like women need to feel like their partner is 100% attuned to them. And what that means is if you take that shower before getting to that, she's going to be like, wow, you listen to me. Like you heard that this is important to me. And now I feel comfortable to give you that blowjob. But men do need to be intentional with their wives. Men need to be caring. And, emotionally connected with their wives.

And that is what creates that environment for pink. It seems counterintuitive, but that's how women work. And it's been my experience. It's been, I've listened to a lot of your women callers, and they've really had those connected relationships with their partners, which has allowed them to become more sexually adventurous. Yeah. And a lot of people nowadays, like I can't tell you how many times I have a girl email me,

and it was like, oh, me and my boyfriend started listening to your podcast, and it got us, like, and now so many years later, we're doing this, this, and that. I mean, nowadays, you don't have to go to Barnes & Noble and find a book to start those conversations. There's a lot of ways to get your partner open to talking about sex, because I think that's a big part of it. You have to start talking about the things that you're into. And I think that's the scariest thing for people to do, to start talking about it, to put it on the table. There was a girl that emailed me and she was said for this episode, oh, I have a rape fantasy and I told my boyfriend, but I just wondering, is that a normal thing? Yes, it's like a very common fantasy, you know? But probably a lot of women listening are afraid to tell their guys. What would he think? Or a lot of guys have a fantasy of a threesome and he's afraid if I tell my girl that she's going to think I want to fuck other girls. You know what I mean? Maybe he could just stay a fantasy. It's a matter of having the balls to be that vulnerable with your partner and really put your stuff that you're into on the table. And you could start out slowly because I think I get why people are afraid.

There's nothing worse than someone sitting across from you and going like, ew. Do you know what I mean? That's what I think everyone's fear is ill. And what does ill mean? It's like, ill means, ew. I don't like you for you. This is what you're into. This is a part of you.

And I think that's gross. And that's like a real bad feeling for another person to take. I think that's what the biggest fear underneath putting that stuff on the table is somebody will reject you or make you feel bad about what you're into. and that makes you feel bad about yourself. So I get it, but there's so many ways to bring up those conversations that I think could ease you into it. So it's not so scary to start. Right. I think going back to the consensual, non-consent fantasy that the woman wrote in about,

62% of women have that fantasy. So it's extremely common. But I can see from her guy's point of view, he doesn't want to do something that might. be disrespectful towards her or hurt her or change their relationship in a fundamental way. But if we shift our thinking from, if I do this, our relationship will change. It might change for the better because you've now opened yourself up to that vulnerability from your partner. And they're saying, I trust you this much to be able to share this part of me that I have never shared with another person. And I think that's how you start those conversations.

You need to start outside of the bedroom in an environment where you can really have time to talk through things. You could have the privacy. I would say do it in a way in which you're both sober. I wouldn't have these conversations in any sort of heightened way. But to say, take it not from, I want you to do this with me to, I want to share this part of. of me with you and I'm not saying that I need you to take part in it, but I would just like to share things that I've been thinking about or things that have been a fantasy of mine and it's been embarrassed or it's been ashamed or however you felt about it, share that with your partner. Don't share in a way that you want them to engage in that behavior because that's not fair to

them. Especially I had I had someone on Discord reach out to me and he's very into cross-dressing. He's been a cross-dresser for over 35 years and he and his wife went to Las Vegas and they got really hammered one night and he just kind of came out with it one night. I just laid it all out on the table and it was not received well. And I said the problem is like you've had 35 years to work through it in your head and you kind of gave her it all. at one time in a non-sober state. That's a lot to take in. That's called sabotage.

Okay, that's called sabotage. That's what I would call that. So that is not a recommending. No. And that's why you have to listen to this kind of advice. And that's why you have to be more, like you said, intentional about it so that you don't wind up doing that. That's what happens when you keep something in for 35 years.

And then you get nowhere with that. And that could really blow up in your face. That's a really bad thing to do. But I think people do wind up in those. places because they're pushing their shit down, especially when it comes to fetishes. Your fetish is not going anywhere. Sorry. I just had one of the best episodes I aired this guy.

Karina was into cross-dressing and it wound up to be like a great therapy session towards the end because he's young. She, I say when they're talking cross-dresses, I say she. She's young. She's engaged her girl. She knew about it. They went to a therapist. The therapist said it was never going anywhere.

But instead of them going home and dealing with the fact that that wasn't going anywhere, they decided to purge all of her clothing and burn it. They literally burned her. clothing and are living in the delusion that the crossdressing is going away. She dresses every single night because they don't live together yet in bed. Where's a dress every now? Like, what do you think's going to happen when you marry her? Like, you have to let her know. Like, this is the crossword. You're going to get married to a woman that thinks that your fetish went away when it didn't. And what's going to happen is what you resist process is just going to keep getting worse and worse.

And then 35 years from now, she's going to have that experience in Vegas with the wife. I mean, and you're going to lose so much more. Like, it's like a terrible thing. But we had some questions about, oh, I want my girl to cuck me. And when you get into fetishes and cuckolding and stuff that's a little bit more hardcore, even a threesome kind of a deal that you want with a girl, if she's really vanilla, that's something really extreme to put on the table. And you have to, I think, ease into things like that.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And again, it comes down to if you're, if you have a cuckholding fantasy, you. A lot of these fantasies originate very early in life could come from the experience in high school or college and now you're 30 or 40 and it's just been kind of festering inside of you. I think with the cuckolding, I actually talked to my boyfriend about this a little bit last night. And I was trying to think of a way that a woman could be eased into the idea of her husband finding. other men lusting after his wife easier to swallow right because i think the initial reaction from most women would be why would you want another man to fuck me and i think that was my first

reaction when i heard about cuckolding and i think that it's pretty common yeah yeah yeah that's I mean, and all the people that I talk about, that's typically the conversation in the beginning. A lot of times, if you really loved me, like, why would you want to see me fuck another guy? Because I even get comments, like, there's no way that guy loves his wife, his girl, whatever,

if he allows her to go and fuck other people. I mean, that is just like a thing that most people believe. So, of course, the girl, you say to your girl, I want you to go fuck other guy. She's like, you must not care about me. Right. And that was my reaction. And one thing that helps me get over that is my boyfriend loves when other men find me attractive.

So if we're at a bar and I walk through the room and guys turn and check me out, that turns him on. And that's kind of how we eased into it because I saw that it was a turn on for him. He felt, oh, I have the baddest bitch here. And that was a huge confidence boost. for me. And it was kind of something that we both enjoyed. And so when we were talking about last night, I said, I think that's the way that you could kind of ease into it with the vanilla woman. I really love when you dress up and I see other guys looking at you. And it just makes me feel so proud to have you by my side. You have to kind of spin it, I think, in a non-sexual way.

But that's, but, and the truth is is that's what it, that's where it's coming from. It is coming from, Oh, I have this girl. Everyone wants this girl, and I have her. I had a woman named Casey. She's like as hardcore as you. And she told me that her and her guy would go out to bars. And they had this fantasy where she would go into a bar and he would sit on the other side of the bar. And she would pick up a guy.

And then she'd go home and fuck him. And he would see the whole scenario go down. And I'm like, what a great hot thing for a vanilla couple to do. Now, Casey's going to go home and fuck that guy. Okay. Most vanilla couples are never going to get to that place. But why not take. that fantasy to the bar, let her get these guys hitting on her, let you see how you feel about it,

knowing that nothing is ever going to go farther than that. Do you know what I mean? That could be a very vanilla way to live out that fantasy and everyone gets off on it a little bit. I think if women open themselves up to walking through the bar and having her guy get into it and being turned on by it, she would be turned on by it too. I'm sorry, no matter how long you're with somebody, you always want to know that other people are still into you. I mean, it's going to make her feel hot and sexy. Absolutely. Absolutely.

And I think setting those clear expectations ahead of time so that she feels safe that she's not going to have to do something that she doesn't want to do. And you do too, and the guy feels safe. The guy knows that she's not going to get the number. When another guy complements a girl or checks her out and the guy gets jealous, that's an insecurity. That's a fear.

And so I think the guy also needs. to know that this is going to be done with real clear boundaries. Like she's not going to get the phone number. Whatever works for that couple. You know what I mean? Like how far do you take that fantasy that everyone feels comfortable about it? Absolutely. And that, of course, comes back to communication.

Communication about the fantasy, communication about the boundary. And then afterwards, if you were the one that wanted to engage in that fantasy and you didn't like it, tell them. Be respectful of how the other person felt. If you both enjoyed it and you want to either just try it again or try pushing it a little bit farther the next time, communicate through all of those things and accept the answer that the other person gives you. Right. Exactly. No, yeah. And you have to be communicating every step with the way. In the middle of that fantasy, that bar situation, someone might not feel right. And you need to know at that point that you could say to your partner, you know what, this is over.

Like you need an out at any time. And all of that comes from, like all of that is going to work and be there if you feel like comfortable with your partner, if you have trust with your partner, if you've been open with your partner and you have all that really great communication. And you feel safe with somebody that you can say that. And they're not going to be like, no way, we agree to this, blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? You got to be cool about it.

If someone wants out, it's over. In the middle of it doesn't matter. Absolutely. And I think there was a question about a girl that cheated on her guy and she wants to work on the relationship and he doesn't know how he feels about it. Yeah, how to get past it. But he did say, like, listen, he did say she cheated for the same reason that most people cheat, men too, not just women, because she wasn't getting the attention at home. I mean, that unfortunately is a lot of times the reason why people do stray, not just women, men too. Absolutely. So I think in terms of lack of communication is it can lead to the infidelity

because the woman might feel as if she's not having those needs met or the man might feel that he's not having those needs met or he's not being heard. And the majority of the time, that is the reason behind infidelity. We had one question where a man wrote in that his wife had cheated on him and it was because of their lack of connection. And he said, that she wants to work on the relationship with him. She does not want to end their marriage. And he was asking, like, where do you go from here? You have to have those hard conversations.

What are you both lacking? Stating your need, that is what you need. That's not saying something against your partner. You have to get to a point in which you can clearly tell your partner, I need this or I need that to start. safe and secure in this relationship or to feel desired or to feel like I can move forward with this relationship. And if you don't communicate those needs, and that's on each individual partner, I cannot

force my partner to communicate their needs. My partner can't force me to communicate my needs. So you have to take responsibility for what your needs are and you need to communicate that to your partner. In this situation, the woman told her partner, I cheated because of these reasons. There's always a function. This is what we say in the therapeutic world. There's always a function behind the behavior. She went out and she cheated because she had unmet needs. Now, maybe she never communicated them, but she had them. And over time, they grew and they grew to a point where she felt like, I'm going to have to go outside of my partnership to have these new minds.

Yeah, and I'm sorry, but most people are like banging their coworkers. You want to know why? Because your partner is at work all the time. If you're not to compliment your partner, giving a lot of attention, that person in the office might be. This happens all the time. It's a window of opportunity. You're leaving that window open.

Absolutely. And I think that it's very, very easy to fall into that. People need at least 10 minutes per day. I said it earlier. I'm going to say again, at least 10 minutes a day of connected conversations with their partner in order to foster emotional intimacy. So that means for 10 minutes a day, you need to have a conversation that is not about your schedule, that is not about household chores, that is not about your kids' soccer, basketball, football, practice.

You need to have a conversation that looks like, what are you? looking forward to in your day. How can I help you? What do you think your greatest meet today is going to be? How can I help you with that? How can I support you? And do that back and forth dialogue. It might feel very uncomfortable when you first start it, but it has to be an intentional conversation or your relationship will become stagnant and potentially toxic. It's just the fact we see it every day yeah and I think also though what women need to know is that when it comes to men and why they cheat a lot of times it's the same thing attention but the difference between men and women in this situation I think is what women don't understand is that sex for men is an emotional

need it is connected to something more it is not just about sex even though you think that you see it like that when you are not giving your guy sex and you with withhold it, you are withholding a lot more than just a physical thing. And when you lose that and you're not having intimate relationships for a long time, like that creates an emotional distance. Like, it's not just a physical thing, especially when it comes to men. That's how you let a man know you want him. That's what a man needs for attention. That's how he relieves his stress. You know how a woman relieves it when she gets home? By talking about it. Talk to her, like you said. Ask her how her day was. Let her just fucking vent to you. That's what a woman wants. You know what a guy wants?

A blowjob. He would love it. Just give it to him without the shower. Let him do it. So it's a different way that they both roll. But when people wind up cheating, a lot of times it's because those needs are not being met. Sorry, it's just a fact. What do you think your husband or partner is going to do if you completely ignore them, whether it's sexually or emotionally. Eventually, even somebody that would never cheat will cheat. I love having cheaters on my show. I have a podcast or that would never have a cheater on the show. And I'm like, I don't understand. Like, this is real stuff that goes on and it's unfortunately very common.

And by having these stories on, people learn what to do, what not to do. People cheat all the time. You want to know why? Listen to my cheater episodes. That's why I do them to show this is how things break down. This is what happened. You know how many times I talk to men or women that were never cheaters that would never cheat that were monogamous for 30 years and eventually they wind up cheating for these reasons?

even the person that would never cheat will cheat. And I have a great thing that a therapist said to somebody that I know's partner wants. And I always give it as advice because it's really fucking great. And you're going to take it. And maybe you know this as a therapist. But this was a man whose woman was like going through like the changes and didn't want to give any attention and wasn't having sex and wasn't doing any kind of physical stuff with him. And this is a person that is extremely monogamous, never would cheat, would not. but he came to her and he said this and I think it's so great he said like listen I have never cheated

I don't want to cheat but where we're at now and the fact that you won't listen to me and give me more sex and give me what I want like I am really afraid that if that opportunity came that I would cheat if you have that conversation before you take the step and do it that goes a long way that puts the fire in the ass don't come to her and then say like this poor guy like his wife just told him she wasn't getting her needs met you know how she told him by cheating on him by him finding out she had the affair that's the wrong time to tell somebody and that's the wrong way because then it's over and maybe people can't recover from that a lot of people can't but if you say if you have that conversation before it happens and be honest and say I am really

afraid that I will cheat because my needs are not getting met and and that scares me because I don't want to cheat on you what a powerful thing to say and to do and to bring because that's the time to say it. And there's there's nothing wrong with that because it's the fucking truth. And I think some people are afraid to like put that kind of stuff out there. But I love the truth. And if that's the truth of where you're at in your life and in your marriage, say it because I think that that lights the fire under your partner's ass because it did in this

relationship that I'm talking about. And I'm assuming in that relationship, she had some physical like hormonal deficiencies and things like that, but if she put the effort in to see the doctor to take the necessary steps, they could reignite that, that passion again. And having an uncomfortable conversation is going to happen. Either you have it before the behavior exists or you have it afterwards. It's going to be uncomfortable either way. No, but it's much better to say, I'm afraid to do it and then I don't want to

then that poor woman who probably never wanted to cheat on her husband and is horrified that she did and then it all blew up in her face. And that's how it came out. And that's how she communicated that her needs weren't being met when it's too late and it might be too late and you have so much to lose. Why not do it right before that happens? And so many people are at that point. You always get to the point right before it's going to happen if it happens. So why not communicate then? That's the time to say something. And don't worry about like you upsetting your girl. I think a lot of time some people are so like into their partners. I get a lot of people saying I don't want to say that. I don't want to upset her. But sometimes you got to speak up for yourself and give your partner the

credit that maybe they're not going to fucking shrivel up and die if you tell them something that isn't great. So many people just want to live in fantasy land like everything's perfect and they don't want to bring like difficult things or hard things or not so great things up. Live in fucking reality people. Okay. So many people want to live in la la land. When this is all that fake bullshit you see all the time when a lot of times people are afraid to just be real be real it's not going to no one's going to shrill up and die no one's not going to be able to handle it it doesn't mean everything's going to go right actually your relationship is going to improve if you admit that sometimes things aren't great sometimes there's problems and deal with them absolutely and that's why i think having those

conversations daily you can say or once a week say what what did i do this week in where you felt the most supported and where could I have done better so that you're already open to that constructive criticism almost when I was really tired I really needed you to give the kids a bath and you sat on the couch and I didn't want to tell you so now you've told your partner something uncomfortable so that fosters that environment to where the partner can have those conversations with you because uncomfortable conversations take practice it's hard to just walk up to your partner and say I'm going to cheat on you if things don't change. That wasn't how it was said.

No, but that sounds rude. The other way sounds good and it sounds gentle. I'm sorry, there is a difference. I think people hear it like you and that's why they don't want to say it, but it's not that harsh and it's actually the truth. I don't know. I'm a more like truthful, straight up, just fucking say it. Don't tiptoe around it.

Like get to it and say it nicely, but say it. Sorry, like I feel a little bit different in that situation. Like the way you just said it is the way I think people are afraid that it comes off. But that's not it. Sorry, that's not what someone, that's not what that guy said. He didn't say if you don't fuck me, I'm going to cheat on you. That's not what he said. What he said was really heartfelt and it was the truth.

And if you say it in the right way and a really caring way, the way I said it, it will land very different than what you just said. And always leading with that emotional vulnerability is going to get you, the more likely a desired result. It's just the truth. It's just the truth. It's like with my poor cross-dresser who called in. It is the truth.

This poor Karina is trying to do everything she can to get rid of her fetish. It's not going anywhere. The truth is this is who you are. And right now, before you get married and you have kids and you have a house and all these things that you have to lose later on that are way bigger than right now, put your truth out there. The time is in the beginning. The time is it's always better to do it now than later because things only get worse. and you have more to lose as it goes on.

Absolutely. Yep. And that's like all good with like cheating and stuff. But what about the people who are in a great relationship? Let's get back to like in the last 10 minutes, just focus on. You listen to all my episodes and I have people on that are not vanilla at all. They're very hardcore. And that's what people are coming to my show to listen to.

Like how do I get my girl or my partner to be in the lifestyle? How do we get in the lifestyle? How can we be in a non-monogamous relationship? Like how do you make that jump from vanilla to that? that to that world. Okay. Once you've passed all this other garbage we talked about. I think for everybody that is in probably taking the relationship from vanilla to

cake, whatever that looks like for you, it gets important to ease into it little by little. So if you know your partner maybe isn't open to a threesome just yet, maybe they have a bit of an exhibitionist streak to them or kink to them. I think one way that is a really hot way to open things up without playing with other people is to try going to a swingers club and just play with each other and just kind of take in the environment. Yeah. I had a great couple on recently and they called themselves the exhibitionist couple. That's what they're known for in the Springer community. And they're very welcome and people dig them and in the world what people need to know.

and you could tell people this, that, like, people are really cool with whatever you're open for and down for. No one's going to push you to do anything. And this couple goes all the time and they play and they're in that world, but all they ever do is play with themselves. They do like light touching and stuff, but they have very strict boundaries. And I'm like, what a great episode because I'm like, this is, this to me is what probably a lot more people could actually do and feel comfortable with. It's more attainable, right, because it's not so hardcore. And what a great first step. And they stayed there.

And you could even stay there. You know what I mean? Yes. Yeah, you don't have to progress. You might find that that's enough of that variety spark for you. Yeah. That you, even just being in the same room with other people having sex is a completely different situation than anything you could create in your own bedroom.

You don't have to be playing with anyone else. I think that swingers and people involved in the kate community are very, very, very, very welcoming to stated boundaries all the time. Like if you're at a party, they'll have those conversations. Like, what are you guys into? What are your limits?

Things like that. Like, it's an easy conversation to have with other people. And I truly enjoy people in the lifestyle. I think there's some of the most interesting, well-balanced, open-minded individuals. I think that people outside of the lifestyle might have the mindset

that we're all just like, these crazy sex crazed partiers. And that's 100% of not the case. I mean, you meet people from every walk of life. And so many just non-judgmental across the board people, I choose, I would rather have friends that are in a lifestyle that I'd never play with than just close-minded vanilla people because I don't have as much in common with them. It's not a sexual thing. It's just a mindset thing. So I think just being open to experience new things is the first step. in opening up a relationship in any capacity. Go to a lifestyle event.

Go on to FetLife, find an event, go on to SLS or SDC, or so many different lifestyle sites. And you can list right on there. We're a monogamous couple that's interested in parallel play, it's called, like where you have sex only with your partner in the same room as someone else. Or you can say, we're trying to kind of spread our wings with exhibitionism. We're just interested in attending a party and kind of checking it out and maybe playing in front of people. You're not going to be met with judgment or any sort of pressure from people in the lifestyle.

And if you are, there are consent monitors at every event that I've ever been to. And if anyone ever pressured you to do more. You're in the wrong place. Yeah. You didn't go to a real lifestyle place because I've been talking to these people for a really long time. And they all say exactly what you said. And what I know for sure is that you are safer there than in a regular bar. That's what that woman said to me, the one that was into the exhibition.

And she says, like, I feel safer that I won't be groped and touched. And my boundaries pushed when I am at a swingers club than when I am at a regular bar. You have more of a chance of being date raped in a regular bar, okay, than a swingers club. It's just a fact. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think experiencing that environment and seeing that, okay, these people are, are having sex with other people and they're a very passionate in love couple.

And it's working for them. Like once it kind of becomes more normal to you, then that might spark an interest in trying new things or it might not. But I think that's a great way to kind of dip your toes into it and with zero expectation of it going any farther than just play with the partner. Yeah. And I think fantasy goes a long way. When you get to certain places or certain. kinks that you're into or things that you want to do and your partner is like, sorry, like,

I'm not into that in real life. Like maybe you could mock it out in fantasy talk when you're playing. And that's always a great thing to do and a great way to start. Just role play it. Role playing goes a long way. If you have a real good imagination, it could be like the real deal. You know what I mean? I don't know.

I was always into role playing because I could really go there and it feels really real. And maybe that's as far as you go. But like role play your scenarios out. start talking a lot of times, a lot of cuckled and hot wives and people that are doing threesomes, that's where it starts. It starts with them just pretending they're having threesomes while they're with each other. And that's like another good way to safely do it. And you know what?

If your partner never wants to go and do it in real life, like that's where you're at and that's just what you're going to have to deal with. But the most important thing is I think is you don't push your partner because I have heard of a lot of partners who were like, I would never do that. and then eventually over time they do wind up doing it. But it has to be their decision. And the way you allow it to be their decision is give them time. Don't ever push your partner, especially your girl into having a threesome or something.

Because she's going to be like, what the fuck is this about? And she's not going to trust you. And you're never going to get her to do it by pushing her. You have to let her. It be her decision. And it comes back about communication. Communicate those fantasies. you only live once at the end of the day.

And that's what we have to kind of keep in mind. Be kind to ourselves. Be kind to others. And communicate your needs with the people that matter most to you. Yeah. I mean, women do love to communicate. Sorry, that's who we are. But I think that's what makes heterosexual relationships great because there are kind

of opposite sometimes, right? Like you have that person maybe who doesn't want to and the person that does and somewhere they meet in the middle. oh, but you got to meet your partner in the middle. Guys, your girl is talking to you. She's telling you things. You need to listen and take them serious. And I think women also need to listen to men

and know that what they're saying is maybe a little bit more. Does he want a blowjob every night? Or is he looking for more intimacy with you? Does he want to know that he's wanted? I think a lot of times women look down on men when they're pushing for more sex and stuff. Are they thinking that it's just coming from, oh, guys are just dirty pigs?

It's like, no, they're like, emotional beings too. And that's the way their love language works. So it's kind of like know the other person. Men are for Mars. Women for Venus are a very real thing. They just, everyone just got an earful of what women are like as well as what men are like. Ask your partner more questions and learn about them because I think men and women are coming from very different places. And that's why communication is the most important. Absolutely. Yeah. So listen, Erica, people like, when are you going to get your degree in sex therapy. So I could be sending you so many people. You know that right. I know. I'm working towards it now. Oh, you are? I'm working towards it. Well, I guess I'm working

towards my postgraduate licensing and supervision. So it's all in the works, but, you know, these things take time. So once I am fully certified, I will be sure to give you all of my credentials and where you can find me. And I know everyone always wants to know about only fans or other places where they can find me and I am a very private person and so that's not something that I'm currently doing but maybe in the future I will be. I think a lot of people are very happy about that because sometimes like guys are like oh why do they have it. It's interesting that that one guy asked but I think you have answered that question before but I'm glad that you reminded like you brought that up because it's not like people can really find you anywhere. They can find you on my Discord though.

Yeah. Yep. I talk to people all the time on Discord. Yeah, that's great. And I'm always happy to talk. try to answer questions on the Patreon as well because I truly am interested in helping and I love hearing about people's things and and I do want to help you with your relationship. Yeah, I love that. So if you want free therapy from Erica, come join my patrons. We're literally $5 a month to get so much. I never raised the price. So it's actually a really good deal. And obviously you're doing the right thing for your career because I'm always like, do what you love, do what you would do for free and then get paid for it. And that's what you do. I know that you love what you do because you literally have helped my listeners who never paid you a dime. They're not real

clients and you're just like reach out to me to talk to them. So obviously it's just like what you, you're really doing it for the right reason because you love to do it and you're available, which is great. Yes, absolutely. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. No, thank you for always coming back on. You're like one of my new girl talk in rotation people. Thanks, Eric. Thanks, Erica. Well, also new sexy pics. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool. So we'll get those on Patreon. Okay, thanks Erica. Bye. All right. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly

Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story.

Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really

short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay, there's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be.

It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord.

So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for tuning in to this week's episode. If you want to follow the show, follow me at Strict Anonymous on Instagram or Twitter. That's at Strict Anonymous. If you are on YouTube, make sure to subscribe. I love YouTube as a platform for my show because people comment there.

and I try to reply back to every single person who post a comment. So even if you're not listening on YouTube and you want to talk about the show, go to my YouTube channel, subscribe, and share my videos and strictly anonymous podcast. If you want to sign up for my Patreon, on my Patreon, you are not only supporting my show, but you will get these episodes early, ad free, and you get to see anonymous picks of my guests.

Most of the girls send in anonymous picks, and some of the guys send an anonymous picks. So if you want to see anonymous picks of my guests, as well as support my show and get these episodes early and ad-free, sign up for my Patreon. Patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. That's patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. The link is also in the description below. Thanks so much for listening.