Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 778 - How to Navigate Non-Monogamous Relationships with Adam

Episode Date: March 1, 2024

Adam called in to discuss how to navigate non monogamous relationships. Adam was in his own non monogamous long term relationship nd he called in to discuss how to navigate them. Tune in to hear him talk how and why the fear that can come up inion monogamy and why it’s not only natural but also ok, and how he learned to control his fear and jealousy and how his extreme sports backround helped him, when to tell a new partner you want an open relationship, how “hot monogamy” can be as far as you go, how role playing, sharing podcast eps etc can help people bring up convos about opening up a relationship, how rules and regulations are important and why, the rules Adam couldn’t handle and why and how he eventually was able to accept them and how you can too, how society feels about open relationships and how that can be hard to navigate, how emasculatedAdam felt when word got out about his open relationship and how that changed over time. the double standard he realized that existe for women when it comes to sex, how being in non monogamous relationship can help your relationship but also help you grow as a person yourself, how he’s into transactional sex and how a recent podcaster who interviewed him copped to being into it with him as well,how his transactional sex fantasies have played out plus a whole lot more. You can find his book here: https://www.seektherisk.net/ and you can email him [e-mail] **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. It's real problem. Do your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your world. whips and chain.

Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, it's called Strictly Anonymous because people remain anonymous on the show. I change everybody's voices. If you don't want to be anonymous, you don't have to, but most people do. I change voices.

I change names. If you want to be on the show, just send me an email. Strictly Anonymous podcast. podcast at jemal.com or go to my website, strictly anonymouspodcast.com. You could get everything links to everything on my website, strictly anonymous podcast.com. Now, if you have a naughty confession that you want to be aired on one of my naughty confessions episodes, you could call my Confessions Hotline. The number's 347, 4203579. That's 347, 4203579. You could call that number 247. I change all the voices on my confessions hotline.

You have four minutes to leave a message. If you need longer, just call back. But make sure when you leave it, you're in a very quiet place and you speak clearly. And you have on a good headset, okay? What's fun about my anonymous confessions episode is now I do give my two cents to it. I'm typically not answering people via email or DMs when people will have questions or want to tell me something because I just don't have the time to do that. And I'm a talk or not a writer.

So if you want to tell me something about yourself and you want my opinion, call my confessions hotline. 347, 4203-579. Now, most of these confessions, they're not aired on an episode. They're posted on my Patreon. My Patreon is super fun. It's like a very big community at this point. I have over 2,100 people on my Patreon, signed up. My Patreon for just $5 a month.

You get all of my episodes early in ad-free. You get Q&As. I do them probably like every other month where I answer any kind of questions that my Patreon members have. You also get anonymous picks of every female guest that has ever been on my show. They're all over there. Hot picks, like sexy picks, rated R picks are all there. And then you also get access to my private Discord channel, which is not R rated. It's X rated. Okay. And there's a big community over there of like, like, why do people all chatting with each other? I don't get involved in my Discord channel, but it's a great place for you to go and talk to some of my guests go on there. They post their

X rated pictures on there. Other people and listeners who are in the Discord. get to post whatever they want, post videos, post pictures. It's age restricted, but it's very easy to get into. I think just iPhone users have to do something on the computer to make it, make them able to see the private discord, but I give you all those instructions when you sign in. So it's pretty easy. If you want to sign up for my Patreon, like I said, it's only $5 a month. Go to patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast.

That's patreon. com slash strictly anonymous podcast. Now listen, all the information I just. gave you all of the links and everything will be in the description so if you're driving don't worry if you want to just go to the description later okay so today i have on adam adam was on before he called in i'll put the episode number in the description you'll get his whole backstory he was a guy that navigated a very hardcore open relationship he wrote a book about it called seeking the risk because he really had to face his fears and his jealousies in that relationship.

Because it was so open and his girl was so hardcore and really professional at being an open relationship, so it brought up a lot of emotions in him. He wound up marrying this woman and wound up learning a lot about how to navigate in open relationships. So I thought, let's do an episode with him and talk all about that. And that's what we discuss here. Now, if you want to hear his backstory and his whole story about him, his girl. He wrote a book. He talks about that, but you could also listen to his other episode.

I'll put a link to it before. But in this episode, we talk all about how he did get past his insecurities and his fear, how he went against the negative outcome fantasies that this open relationship brought up in him. His girl was really into wanting to fuck his friends because she's like, I'll let you fuck my friends. But he was like, uh-uh, he didn't want any of that. She also was very open and out and proud about their open relationship. And when he put that out there, he got a lot of negative response back from it. And he talks about how we navigated that. And he talks about how you can too. He talks about how rules and regulations are important, how they're important, how over-communicating is always the key to everything. He does talk about

how being in that open relationship with his girl for so many years, not only means, made his relationship with her better. It made his relationship with himself better. And that's what he talks about as well. Not only did he learn to love her, he learned to love himself. That's like the overall journey in his book that you get. If you read his book, I will put a link to his book in the description. Anyone on Spotify, by the way, gets it free as an e-book.

I think he said that. You'll hear that at the end. A link to the book will be in the description. He does answer people's questions. via email. I'll put his email address in the description too. You're going to learn a lot about how to navigate an open relationship. I do ask him a lot of really great questions that anybody that wants to navigate an open relationship would want answered. So he answers them all. It's a very interesting episode. You're going to love it. So I'm going to be right back on with Adam.

Hi, Adam. Welcome back to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? I'm good. I'm good. Thanks for having me. You've been back on. I really wanted your girlfriend on, no offense. Like you did email me and tell me that, oh, my girl wants to come on. And then I think it was a bait and switch. You just used that to email me to get on another podcast. No. I'm not stupid.

This is what you did. Okay. And everyone's going to agree with me. You emailed me like, hey, Mike, Jane, the craziest bitch you've ever heard, okay? Guys love would love Jane. You dated her. You had an open relationship with her. That's what we're going to discuss.

But you, yeah, married her. But you told me, oh, she wants to be on the show. So that's great. And then you're like, oh, and by the way, could you get me on Y. podcast. I was like, yeah, not only did I get you on YOW's podcast, I'm going to get you to fuck WIO, and we're going to talk about that later, but you actually, and then I got you on her podcast and then you're like, oh, sorry, Jane can't make it, but here you are back on my show. And this is the deal. So I think you just use that as a pretend thing instead of just being directed saying, hey,

could I get on YO show, which I would have been cool with you didn't have to lie. But this is the deal, Adam. You are a guy. Yes, you are. She is coming on your show. No, she's not. So you are a guy. Okay, Adam, let's get to the real good story. And we can't wait for Jane. Listen, there's open invitation. Okay, we will have her on because Jane is hardcore. And she happens to be a sex therapist.

So I would love to get her on the phone even just for that. Maybe she comes on as a sex therapist because I haven't really ever had one on, but I would love to have an expert like that. And she's an expert in gang bangs, open relationships. But so are you because you were married to Jane. Like you said, not just dating her. You were married to her. We got your whole backstory.

It was super interesting. You called in. Your episode was 681. Adam was in an open relationship. Your girl was crazy and you were with her for a long time. And when I say that you were in an open relationship, your girl was on the extreme end of being open. She was very much into a variety of guys.

She wanted to fuck the world and she did. Gangbings were like a typical thing for her. And you faced a lot of jealousy in that relationship. Though you went ahead and you were open with her, You had issues with being in an open relationship. Jealousy came out. But you were able to navigate through that jealousy and get yourself to a place where you could actually deal with the stuff that was coming up emotionally for you when you were with her. Because I think a lot of people, even anyone that's into a regular open relationship would find Jane hard to be with because she was so extreme, right?

But you wrote a book about your whole story. People could listen to your episode at 681 and hear the whole story. It's super interesting. But you also wrote a great book. And I've got to tell you, the honest truth is after you came on my show, I got emails from listeners who bought your book and they talked about how great it was. It's called Seek the Risk. Okay.

So I did get feedback. Okay. So I'm not just saying, yeah, people loved your book. It's called Seek the Risk. I will put a link to it in the description. And I think what's super interesting about the book is you really do delve into not only your whole relationship and all the specifics, but how you, were able to conquer the jealousy that came up. You happen to be a thrill seeker. You're like a rock climber,

one of those adrenaline junkie kind of people. And you used, from what I remember, you used your practice of facing your fear in those situations to facing your fear and your emotions in your open relationship. And you were able to mind fuck yourself and change the way your brain was in that extreme situation. Now, I have you back on the show to talk about open. relationships. Who better than the guy who had the most extreme open relationship? Your friends knew it was super open. There's a lot of stuff that came up because of this and you navigated through it. You're not with her anymore, but you're friends now. And I do think you're like an expert on open relationships. And the last thing I'm going to say is a very long intro. But at the end of this,

we are going to talk about something that I just threw out there, which is you're going to fuck Y-O-2. Okay, you were on YOL Lee's podcast. She came on my show. Yeah, she came on my show recently and talked about the fact that you were on and you were talking about transactional sex and she was like it turned me on and she talked about you on my last show. I'm going to play the sound bite at the end and we're going to discuss because you didn't know she said this on my show. Okay. So I feel like there is a rendezvous in your guy's future. And we're going to talk about that at the end. Okay, I'm going to play matchmaker.

Sure. But let's get to. I love it. Yeah. Let's get to open relationship. we're going to discuss them because I feel like you are an expert. Do a lot of people come to you because of your book like with questions and stuff because they want to know, I would assume.

Yes, I do get a lot of questions. People share their own experience with non-monogamy and that are curious what my take is on it. And I also very clear, I am not a therapist. Yeah, but your experience. So you're teaching from your experience or your, and I think that sometimes that's a great place to come from. Listen, I always want to be a therapist when I was growing up.

And then when I realize that you're not allowed to tell people what to do or give your opinions and you just. got to listen to them and really just wait until they figure out themselves. I'm like, fuck that. I like to tell people my opinions. I like to motivate people. I like to shove my opinions out of the road. So I always say I give unprofessional advice. You're going to give some unprofessional advice, but you're not talking from a, like, from a PhD. You're talking from like real experience in a very long-term open relationship. What would you say out of all those emails that you get and you're talking to all these people about your book? I have a lot of questions

written out, but what is that number one question you get from people about open relationships? Is there that number one? I don't know there's a number one, a clear number one, but one thing I do get a lot is the fear and the jealousy is there something wrong, is there something wrong with me for feeling these things or how do I get past it? And one of the things that I certainly learned through all my extreme sports experience, is that adventures are more interesting because of fear, not in spite of it. And originally, I used to think there was something wrong with me for having these emotional responses.

But once I accepted that fear is natural and even encouraged, controlling it became an integral part of the challenge and the experience. And that absolutely applies to non-monogamy. You're going to have fear. You're going to have jealousy. You're going to have these emotions, right? And the trick is figuring out how to prevent that fear and the negative outcome fantasies. I call a negative outcome fantasy when you imagine, oh, my partner's going to leave me for this other person. How do you prevent that negative outcome fantasy from affecting the quality of your performance in the present and your decision making?

Right. And working that process while trying to be in a relationship, it immerses you in the experience in a way that has incredible lasting positive effects. on your satisfaction with life and the relationship. And that's the one thing I really try. That's the main point I try to get across to people is that just because you're having negative emotions doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It just means that there are some things you need to think about.

You may find out that your partner did something wrong and that's a different story. But just because you have the emotions, doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. In fact, getting through the emotions and focusing on and learning from them will increase your satisfaction from the experience with your relationship I found.

So you're saying it doesn't mean that you can't handle it. If you go into it and you start it and you're feeling like totally jealous, it's not something that it's like, oh my God, abandon ship because I'm never going to be able to deal with this. You are someone that started to feel jealous and was able to change that and then become accepting of it. And also you also have to make a decision. Like, what do you want?

Do you actually want to be in an open relationship? If you're just doing it because your partner wants you to, then that's not a reason to to push yourself to learn through the jealousy. Yeah, because women, I think, typically sometimes will twist themselves into a pretzel for a guy if they like them, which is kind of like inner nature to make things work. I don't know why, but that's typically how we roll. And I think that sometimes that's like a very sad thing, that you are doing something because your guy wants to and you have no interest whatsoever.

But let's like pretend in this conversation, we're talking about people that want to be in open relationships. and this is what they want to do. Like, say you're a single person, and then we'll talk about the coupled person, but say you're a single person and you are interested in non-monogamy. I would assume you're somebody that because you've been in a non-monogamous relationship, you're always being a non-monogamous relationship. Like, when do you tell the girl sitting across from you that you're going on a date with

when you're trying to find a next partner? Like, when do you wind up putting that kind of a thing on the table? I think that depends on how important it is to you. If you are absolutely, I will only do a non-monogic relationship from Dame 1, then you've got to bring it up immediately. If you're the kind of person who says, I could do monogamy for a couple of years until we get really comfortable and trusting with each other,

and then I'd like to open it up, but you can wait a little longer, I think. Or if you're someone who could do either one or the other and kind of depends on the relationship, then maybe it's just a light conversation somewhere down the road. But to me, it's a question of where is it on your priorities, where is it on your must-haves in a relationship? If you absolutely, from day one, I'm going to be non-monogamous with my partner, then, yeah, that's, you don't want to lead someone on and then drop the bottle on them. Oh, by the way, I'm non-monogamous.

Because I think most people show up to a date, assuming monogony is the default, unless you've met through one of the apps that specifically caters to non-traditional relationships. Yeah, and I would say that that is a great place to go if you are the person that knows exactly what they want, right? You've maybe always been non-monogamous. You want to be totally truthful. It's not going to work anymore being monogamous. Go on those apps and put it out there and weed out the trash. Like weed out the people that would never go in. The perfect way to do that is to go on one of those apps. And there are so many of them out there now where you're going to meet like-minded people, like the women on there, the men on there. You're looking for the same thing, which I think is important. What about for a partner that is with someone

for a long time? Yeah, it's funny. Actually, I do get this question a lot. I've been with my partner for 20 years. We want to open up our, I want to open up my marriage. I don't know how to bring it up with my partner. That's, as someone who's never been in that situation, it's hard for me necessarily give valuable or valid advice here, but it's obviously a very delicate conversation and depends on your partner, how much of a risk-taker is your partner, how much of an adventure seeker is he or she? And that's a gauge you're going to have to measure on your own. But it is delicate, though I know many, many people who have been married for 20 years and then opened it up, and it was just like, oh, yeah, it was great, no problem. And there's a beauty in having been with

someone long enough that the trust is there and there's, you would hope there's no fear. There's an anecdote in the book where I meet a couple. Jane and I go on a double date sort of swinging date with a couple. And this, the guy was, they were a little bit older than us. He was a construction company and she was a former model. She was gorgeous and he was this big built guy. They've been married for 20 years until she asked him to open up the relationship. And he was like, all right, let's try that.

And it was just, that was amazing to me that he was able. to sort of sink into that and and be able just to flip the switch. Some people can and some people can. So is there a right way to do it? I don't know, but if it's, I would say this. As someone who believes in living life to the fullest, if you feel this is something you need to discuss, then you're going to have to figure out a way to bring it up. But sometimes talking about it can also relieve the pressure. Just talking about it means you don't actually have to follow through on it. I know that a lot of therapists will coach couples

into doing hot monogamy where what they do is they talk about hooking up with other people about actually doing it and that also leaves the pressure and satisfies the juices that they're going for, which is just a little edge. So every situation is going to be different. I don't know if I have a specific hard one way to do it.

I have a lot of ways that I've heard on my show because I am always talking to a couple and because I always love to go back in their story and find out when that change occurred. A lot of times it's right in the beginning. It was right off the bat. But most of the time it's not. I'm typically talking to couples that 10 years, 5 years, 2 years, 20 years into their relationship, they decided to change the game.

And a lot of times it started from role playing, talking about it. Somebody just copping to the fact that they have a fantasy of something. You don't have to dive right in and say, hey, babe, I want to see you fuck another guy like that really would get me hard. You could just start watching porn together, start role playing. You know, a lot of people. And I'm just like, oh my God, my show is like making people go do all these things. They blame my show. But a lot of people nowadays are passing podcast episodes along to their partner. They're listening to my show. I have a girl that's been on my show, Lucy, and I love her. Her and her guy have been together since high school. And

literally from listening to my show, they decided to open up their relationship. And now they are doing all kinds of crazy things. Didn't happen overnight. They didn't listen to one episode and were like, hey, let's do this. But just talking about it, listening, opening up the minds, like you said, having conversation about it. I love that therapist advice of hot non-monogamy, just kind of role playing it. Actually, it's called hot monogamous.

Hot monogamy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love that. Roll played out. And maybe you're never going to go farther. I had a couple recently that they just went to swingers clubs and they only played together. And they never engage with other people. That's their boundary.

There's another couple that they just play online anonymously with couples. But you know how much satisfaction you could get out of doing even things like that that are kind of teetering on the edge? I think a lot. Absolutely. You know? Yeah. What about rules and regulations? That's always one of my favorite question to ask people.

And I don't necessarily think if you don't have any rules, it's a recipe for disaster. And if you do, it's a recipe for success because I've heard every kind of story. I don't remember, do you and your girl have any kind of rules or regulations or how do you feel about that in open relationships? Well, I think rules are important to keep things where you can handle them. And I think rules are great if you need them and a lot of people do. And that's, I needed them. Originally, when Jane and I got together, her, she wanted absolutely no rules. Yeah, I remember.

And I couldn't, I couldn't do that. I know because first of all, Jane and I had started out casually having sex for several months. And then when it became obvious, we actually really liked each other. Then there's some negotiation because she was liking the relationship. I was liking the relationship. And as we were deciding whether to move in together, when she'd finished her schooling, I said, look, if you want to continue having this wildly open relationship, we're living together, you can only do it when I'm out of town.

And I traveled a lot for work. I was gone half the time, two weeks. away two weeks back. They said when I'm home, it's us. We can hook up with other people. We can go to sex parties. Together. Have lots of non-monogamy experiences. But if you're doing one-on-one stuff, I'd like you to keep it to only when I'm out of town. And I don't even want to know about it. It was really hard at first. And that was the rule. That was our only rule. So, and that allowed me to take that first step, right? I know people probably think that's a first step. I understand that's well beyond.

But, and rules, rules are there to, to keep you in a safe plate. And honestly, a rule should be pushed over time if you want to sort of expand. But just a little bit, you push a little bit and you get a little more comfortable. It's great to get yourself out of the comfort zone because that's where all the learning is, honestly. And sometimes you push a rule and then go, yeah, that wasn't, that wasn't so great. I'm going to pull that rule back. And that happened with us once as well.

I had another rule. You can't fuck any of my close friends. I remember that. Yeah. Yeah, and she was like, why not? Yeah, she was like on the far end of the spectrum. She was like, you can fuck any of my friends. I was like, okay, good talk.

Yeah, but that just goes to show that everyone is always sort of, everyone is always projecting how they feel, right? She doesn't understand why you can't handle it because she would be fine if you fucked her best friend or sister. That's just how she rolled. So she doesn't understand. I had a couple on recently who one of their big roles was kissing. And the wife was like fucking a guy.

And she kissed it. And her guy got really jealous because kissing to him is like more romantic. But for her, it's just like dirty and hot. There's no romance. There wasn't any romance attached to it. It was a very erotic experience for her. And once she talked that through and explained it to him, he understood. Because some people kissing is sort of framed as this very intimate thing.

And that's one of the rules that I hear the most that people have. And it's always the first rule that goes out the window. But for other people, it doesn't mean anything. Like kissing could just be as super. hot, dirty thing. And for her it was. And when she explained that, he understood it. But he couldn't understand that from her perspective because he didn't know. So I think over communication is the most important thing in these kinds of situations because we are always just, we only know what's inside our brain. We don't know what's inside our partner's brain. If you want a rule,

you owe it to your partner to explain to them why you want that. And Jane and I had in-depth conversation as to why I wanted the rules that I wanted. So yet you're a hundred right. It's all about communication. The thing about non-monogamy is that there's an infinite number of configurations of how it can be. Monogamy is easy. One life, one wife, so to speak, right? But non-monogamy can have a million different flavors. And it's, unless you actually can understand where your partner's coming from and understand what their needs are and what their fears are, you need that if you're going to be successful at it. Absolutely. So yeah, rules, rules are good. rules keep us healthy and rules are meant to be broken in a correct time and place. And I might

say broken, push, not broken. They, they, they, they should be pushed now and again just to check yourself and see where you are. I've always felt that. Yeah. And I feel you have to have a lot of conversations. And I think creating rules and stuff starts the conversation going. Conversations about the rules, those rules lead to conversations about other things. Because there's, like you said, there's so many different configurations and things you could do within an open marriage or a relationship that you're going to have to figure out what configuration works for you. Some people play solo, some don't. Some extreme cucks want extreme solo play.

Your girl was extreme. She wanted some extreme things that you couldn't handle it. You need to talk about so many different things. And I think just like going through some basic rules gets you talking. And then you're talking about more things. Absolutely. And that's what it is. It's always over communicating.

and that overcommunication is not only going to help you be successful navigating the relationship, but it's going to help you in every other area. That's what I always hear like, right? In open relationships, that's the benefit. Absolutely. There's this one in the book I talk about this one experience where I meet a couple online. They're looking for an MFM threesome. They're just starting to open up their relationship and she really wants two Cox and he's really

into it. and we meet and we end up having this wild fun night. And at one point in the evening, she's sucking my cock and he's fucking her from behind. And it's just going great. I'm about to come. And I let her know I'm about to come because that's the proper thing to do. And you don't know someone's comfort level. And I assumed she was just going to take me out of her mouth and whatever.

But she just slid all the way down. And I came in her mouth and it was amazing. Then there was this absolute dead silence afterward. Oh, no. And all of a sudden, he'd exploded and just. started screaming. We didn't talk about you being able to do that. It was just this huge naked fight broke out in the apartment. And I'm just like, oh my God, it was horrible. It was something. What is going on? I'm saying they're in post-orgasmic bliss. And these guys

are naked screaming at each other. So that's, you need to communicate. You need to communicate. What's okay? What's not okay to avoid those situations? Yeah. So when your girl, did your girl Accuess to you about not fucking your friends. Like you eventually got her to be okay with that, right? Yeah, that was our initial. We had been seeing each other for a while. She'd been up in school and hadn't been really official yet. But when she was graduating, we were going to move in together into my apartment in New York.

And I said, look, I love this. I love you. And she said, I love you too. But I don't want to really change who I am. I said, great, could you just do it while I'm away? And she said, yeah, that seems like a reasonable compromise. but it's a temporary, she was very clear. This is a temporary compromise.

I expect that we will get to a place of full openness at some point. So she was very clear. I'm willing to compromise. Now. But I also, I'm willing to compromise, but I would like to get to a point where we can be completely open. That is my goal. And I said, okay.

And by the end of the book, I'm in the bedroom working and she's in the other bedroom fucking someone else. And I'm totally cool with it. And so it was a journey of slowly pushing boundaries the entire way. each time trying a little more and trying a little more. But I had to get comfortable with each level first. Why don't you explain that? Because that really is what I feel like you could teach people navigating through those

emotions because you really did figure that out. And it comes from your experience being like a risk taker and an extreme sports guy. So I feel like a lot of people don't roll that way. So they don't have those tools. I think that the correlation between the two is very smart and how you use that in your sex life in your relationship, but other people don't know what it's like to climb a mountain and do shit like that and that fear. Sure.

Yeah. Yeah. So it wasn't obvious to me at first. I came from the extreme sports competitive world. And because of that, I had a lot of bravado about me and arrogance and figure I could handle anything. And I thought, ah, this open relationship, I can, sure, I can do this. I couldn't at all.

It was really challenging. And it wasn't until I got into it and found that I was. really struggling that I decided to start thinking about it from this idea of an extreme sport where there are risks and there and there and there is fear. So we initially had the rule, okay, only when I'm out of town. And also, I didn't want to know anything about it. I didn't want to hear about it. I didn't, I just, I was pretending it wasn't happening. It was easier. I was fine. We went to sex parties together when we were swapping with other couples, when we'd have other men or other women join us. It's fine with all of that. But that one-on-one thing

I couldn't handle. Now, one of Jane's love language languages was she loves sharing her sexual exploits. Her partner, she loved it. She would just want to share about the great gangbang she had or the great threesome she had or the whatever it was. And so she really confronted me. Look, I know you don't want to hear, but I feel like you don't really know me. And you're not 100% with me if you don't know all parts of me. And I really want to start sharing. So that was the first push. I was like, okay, we have to get to this point where she wants to share her life with me.

So again, it's that incremental push, right? It's an incremental push. Nothing's changed. The only thing has changed is now the information is now coming to me. And it just, she would share about some guy's dick or some anal sex. Some guys are getting hard thinking about that. because that's a lot of guys kink, but it's definitely not yours. Like you were not into that at all in the beginning, right?

No. And so it brought up all these crazy emotions in me. And that's when I started, I couldn't handle it. And it almost took us down initially or her sharing until I got very calculating. So I said, okay, I need to think about this like I'm thinking about ropeless rock climbing or base jumping or free diving. I have to start thinking about the same way. I'm going into an environment that I need to learn.

every bit about. I need to control the situation. So in order to, again, push this boundary of starting to hear, I decided, let me create a little space. And I created a certain night when we would get together and talk about those things when I could mentally prepare. And slowly, by doing that, I went in prepared, I went in knowing I was going to be afraid. I went in knowing I'm going to have a lot of emotions around it. And just knowing you're going to have an emotion takes the edge off, like that admission that, okay, this is, this is going to hurt a little, and that's okay, but there's something, if it's, if what I realized early on in my life is when something is scary and when something's fearful, when it brings up a lot of emotions, there's probably something

really good to be learned about yourself there. So that was also kind of driving me. So that's how I did incrementally first, you know, we pushed it just a little bit. We pushed it and then we started getting more in depth and she started going deeper into what she was. telling me and it started eventually got to the point where I started getting aroused by hearing her stories. Yeah, amazing. We moved at this incrementation that allowed me to get comfortable and just, okay, each step we pushed a little. We didn't go straight to, oh, I'm bringing a guy home this fucks in the other bedroom initially. And it's that incrementation, it's that accepting of the fear and really looking at where the emotions are coming from that will allow the growth that I was

seeking at least. And I think I would I would I would I would think those people are similar in that way. Yeah, I think so I think a lot of people though when faced with an intense emotion especially something like jealousy I think it you know there's a lot of control issues beneath that right and I just think that they they're the typical response is just to bail it's like a warning side rent flag this isn't right there's no way to navigate through it and get to the other side it's just this means stop don't go but you're here to say that even though you felt that you were able to not only work through, it get to a point where you felt the exact opposite, like you were getting horny for those

situations like a lot of people are. Yeah, but that took a while to get. That took a couple of years before I got to that point. But what I found, and there's this one pivotal chapter in the book called Fight Club where Jane's going to have a foursome with her friend, Sophie. And that's all I'm going to say about it, because it's an absolute pivotal point in the book. but it destroyed me and I really dove in hard about why it was destroyed me so much. And what I found was that the jealousy was a symptom really of me not believing myself,

not valuing myself and not seeing the rich tapestry of my life. My non-monogany with Jane forced that self-examination of life because it took away a lot of other indicators that I had been using. in terms of what other people thought. That was a real impact on me, what society felt and how Jane was so public about the sex she was having. Well, that does bring up the fact of with people, whether you should tell your friends, whether you should keep it a secret. What if your friends find out or you bump it to someone with the Swingers Club? There is that thing because there's a lot of judgment around open relationships and being non-monogamous and doing anything out of the box.

And I think that was like, that was a big thing that played on you because she was like, like on Facebook or something. Somehow you guys got out in her. People knew who you were with and how she rolled. Yeah. When we were getting ready to move in together or a little bit before Jane announced on Facebook she was in an open relationship with me. And I was like, oh boy.

My world turned upside down. Because to her that was like no big deal. But to me, that was really my friends and family were like, what the fuck are you doing? And so that was. Yeah. People can't understand. That was a big, big grow. big growing moment for me. Yeah. I remember when that happened. Like that was horrifying for you, right?

Yeah, it was. But what's interesting, right? And this gets back to the points we've been making about pushing yourself. Yeah. She said she's in an open relationship with Adam, but Facebook doesn't post that until you approve it. So I got a little message saying, do you agree that you're in an open relationship with Jane? And it was that moment of, wow, do I take the easy right route and say no? Or do I take the heart? out and see what emotions were behind that. So I said, yes. And yeah, literally, this was at like 11 o'clock at night, one night. By 7 a.m. the next morning, I was out cycling with my friends. And one of my buddy yells out, does anyone know what an open relationship is?

Oh, my God. What came down on me was incredible. Like, my best friend was like, you let other men fuck your woman. Exactly. Yeah. And I was like, oh, man. I was like, I don't let her fuck other men anymore than I let her to be female, right? I was like, it's just who she is.

It really opened my eyes to a lot of the double standards and a lot of the hypocrisy and a lot of the patriarchy that our society hall. I was sort of, I was simmering in it, and I didn't even realize it. And so that was a real eye opener for me and how judging people got about Jane. Prior to that, she was a Ph.D. candidate. It was gorgeous, smart. going somewhere, but as soon as they found out, she fucked other men. Like, she lost value. Wow. Interesting, right? And that's, and so did I. I lost value. My masculinity was was thrown to the

curve. Oh, you're not a real man. Yeah, even though you're climbing, climbing mountains without ropes, and you're no longer a man. Exactly. But I actually bought into that. The whole, this whole process showed me how much I was based on my own assessment of my masculinity on how I thought, other people perceived me, how, what I thought. And it was like, whoa, what is going on here? So that was a pivotal moment in me starting to understand that masculinity and how the world viewed me mattered less than how I viewed myself. And that was a really incredible lesson. And that speaks to the whole point of that when you go through difficult emotions and difficult things. There's probably something incredible to be learned about yourself in there somewhere. Right. Now, listen, I feel like you

found out, I mean, you found out on Facebook because she pinned it or whatever. But a lot of times on YouTube, I do get people making comments when I have a couple on who are open and they'll be like, oh, what if their kids found out or their parents? Like, how would they feel? And I'm like, I'm sorry, but most

people, okay, vanilla couples, monogamous couples, don't go to their family and talk about the missionary sex they had the night before. So what is it anyone's fucking business? Just because they're doing kinkier? things they should go and tell them. Nobody talks about that most of the time. So what does it matter? But I think a lot of people are like, oh, but what if they found out and they knew? It's like nobody

knows most of the time what's going on behind anyone's closed doors. So I don't necessarily think you have to go tell your friends if you don't want to. There is, the sad thing is, is unfortunately, there is so much judgment out there. And there's a lot of judgmental people. And you most likely will get a lot of backlash if you are out and proud. I give anyone credit that does it. I think it's amazing. And the more people do it, the more that kind of thing changes, right?

That's what I'm trying to do on my show to show people like this. This is what people are fucking doing. Like it or not, you know what I mean? Like you all know what I want to talk about it, but your neighbors, your uncle, your parents,

maybe your boyfriend. This is a shit people do. You want to think that these people are on a pervert island somewhere? They're not. Okay, these are regular people. Regular people are doing this. They're all around you. Yeah.

They're all around. So this is what it is. So it's people like Jane is amazing, right? She's ahead of her time. She's like out and proud as a woman nonetheless. Like you said, this kind of vitriol that a woman that like sex will get over a man is crazy. Right. Like welcome to the world of being female. It's a very double standard for sure. And here's a woman that's so able to put her shit out there. And she doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks. Like how amazing is she? She is amazing. I've had a number. I'm surprised the number of women that have read the book, actually, and I get messages from them. And several times I've gotten women readers respond to how much they love the fact that I did, there was zero slut shaming at all in this book at no point am I judgy about James' behavior at all. And that I'm just like, okay, this is something interesting. I want to learn about it.

And you could fall in love with her. Like it wasn't like, oh, should people put women in boxes. I think it's very different now with the younger generation, but I can't tell you how many times when I was younger. And trust me, I don't do any of the things that these people do on my show. All I did when I was younger was like, fuck whoever I wanted when I wanted to. But I wasn't having three cents. I read your books. I was like nothing.

I didn't do anything crazy, but I was like considered slutty, you know, because back in my day, that like, all you had to do is fuck people not in a relationship and you were a slut. That's how crazy times were in the 80s, right? but I can't tell you how many guy friends would be like, but you don't, you know, Kathy, like you're not like the type of girl that you marry. You're the type of girl you fuck. You know what? It's like, seriously, that's the way, you know, you're either the type of girl you marry or the type of girl you fuck.

That's the way it rolls. And that's the way a lot of people, especially in the older generation, see things. I think it's different now. Women are much more empowered. They're much more sexualized and free and open about who they are. But I think for a lot of people that are still a lot of people that are, life. Eventually, we're all going to die and it's going to be a different place, but there's still a lot of people alive that grew up in that time. That's the way that it is. Women have to

be afraid that they like sex, they want to fuck a lot of people. Absolutely. But there's also the other component is the masculinity thing, right? Yeah, that's interesting. I'm a heterosexual male and I, at the society, attach a lot of my masculinity to how the external world saw me expressed that heterosexuality and how my female partner expressed her sexuality. So being public about our level of nominology completely blew that away. And that was a tough lesson to learn and getting called a cuck by people, even though that wasn't our kink. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was intense. I see those on, I see people say shit like that on my YouTube. That's where I see a lot of comments. I definitely see guys talking down to guys like you guys in relationships as if they're less than because their girl likes to fuck other people. where does that come from? That's that own person's own insecurity. You know what I mean? What do you listen into that episode anyway? You're jerking off to it because maybe that's like your deepest desire, but you never think you could ever fucking do it. So you're jealous that he does. So you got to put him down. Where does that judgment come from anyway? Seriously.

Yeah, I don't know. But I do. It can change. I do have a story that I talk about the book, a close friend who initially judged me incredibly harshly for being in an open relationship and letting my woman, fuck other men. But then 10 years later, we were driving to a climb or whatever, and he was like, I would love to have an open relationship, but there's

no way I could ever deal with my wife having sex with other men. And he said, you know what, you're a far stronger man than I am. Exactly. And that was like, wow, it was like, yeah, I am strong. We're strong for me able to push back against these things. So I'll say this to all the guys out there

you're listening is that it is strong to be able to push back on the judgment of society. And there will be benefits to doing it. And I urge, I urge men out there not to fall victim to the thing. Sometimes I're not even aware that we're falling victim to. Yeah, for sure. And talk about those benefits, both personally as well as in a relationship. What are the pros and cons to being in an open relationship to the relationship in general, as well as how it changed you as a person solo, even when you left her? The thing about non-monogamy, it's a very sharp knife, and it cuts you open. You can look inside.

And one of the great things I got out of this long, extremely nominoneged relationship was I kind of fell in love with myself. It was wild. I became the man I wanted to be, right? I was the man who friends and lovers could count on. And that is where I ended up getting my masculinity from about showing up. as this strong, tough guy. It has nothing to do with sexuality. It has nothing to do with the behavior of my female partner. So that was the first thing I got out of that, in that by being

public or being in the non-monautical relationship, I looked for more authentic ways to define myself, my masculinity. That was huge. In the book I talk about, there's bland masculinity and there's toxic masculinity. Those are both extreme applications of valuable qualities. too soft. You don't have enough masking and you're bland and if you're too tough or aggressive, you're toxic. And ideally what I wanted, I wanted to take the best parts of both of those to be the man that I wanted to be. And that became very clear to me as I was seeing the way people reacted to me and how and the responses I got from my behavior, even on social media, which I'm no longer on. But that was the absolute first benefit. I think also that

the improvement to your relationship was dramatic. Jane saw how I was dealing with all this, and she saw how I was behaving, and it just drew us closer in. Authenticity is very attractive to people. So if you are not putting on airs and you're vulnerable when you need to be and you're tough when you need to be

and you recognize the things you're weak at and you try and grow to get stronger at them, I think anonymity is a great vehicle for that because there's so many weaknesses that we have that we're unaware of. Yeah, that will be triggered. Like I said, I went into this relationship to fall in love with Jane. I ended up falling in love with myself and Jane. But it was a beautiful thing.

Love that. But let me ask you this, because you didn't meet her when you were 20. You had a whole life before her. It was always in monogamous relationships. Was there a difference of the depth of your relationship or your love in this open relationship compared to your monogamous relationship? or was it equal, just different? What's the difference?

Because you've had both. I have had both, but I had stopped doing full monogamy probably about 10 years before meeting Jane. I thought I was so wildly adventurous because we would have threesomes. We had another girl joined us in the bedroom. Hey, I'm a, when I met Jane, she was like, oh, you're adorable. I'm like, I'm adorable. What are you talking about?

I'm this great sex god. She's now, you're kind of adorable. And so that was that was very humbling to all of a sudden be the sexual neophyte. But my, Jane was the first real, I call Jane one of the first real long-term relations as I had. I had a couple of relationships that lasted three years. And they were mostly, they were monogamish, like I said, occasionally about third. And they were nice and wonderful. But Jane was the first person I actually connected with on what I call the trifecta, the brain body and the heart.

in that she stimulated every part of me. And the depth of our connection was like nothing I had ever experienced before. And if it hadn't been for how much attraction and possibly infatuation I had, I don't know if I would have embarked on the journey to the depth that I did. But I knew this was a really special person. I knew this is who I wanted to be with. I was like, well, this is who she is. I want to make sure that at least if I'm going to say no to the relationship,

I'm going to say no for the right reasons, not the wrong reason. Not because I'm scared, but because maybe I don't want to do it. So that effort of really trying to understand myself and how I fit in with her in the relationship created an intense dynamic between us that I have yet to recreate. And there's a chapter in the book called Hitting My Stride when I finally do break through. And all of a sudden I'm like, oh, my God, I got this. and we just go on this tear, this two, three-year tear of just living life to the full. I mean, it was out of a movie.

My life was a rocket ship. It was incredible. And you were where she always wanted to be, which is complete freedom. There was complete freedom at that point. Actually, I guess the complete freedom happened about halfway through that three, four-year period. We were still, we still had rules. But once we got into this great place and I broke through, she's like, okay, how about we try, me having a hookup when you're in town kind of thing. And it's okay, great, but let's try that.

And that's in that, then we pushed the boundary a little bit. It was very controlled and it was all set up. There was no unknowns about it. And it went okay. And so then that rule relaxed. And so we hung out with that rule for a while. And then there was another rule that fell. She wanted to stay over at someone's house when I was in town kind of thing. So it's, it's that pushing of the boundaries incrementally, little by little. That keeps things exciting for me. And yeah, it's scary. And one of the things we push, she wanted to have, she wanted to have a threesome with a close male friend of mine, who happens to look very much like me. It's sort of like she could have a threesome with twins.

And I was uncomfortable. And I said, okay, let's try it. And we did it. It was not the right move. So I was like, okay, that's it. No more close friends. So you can push boundaries, but you have to understand that it may not go well. And that's okay.

That's okay. If it doesn't go well. And just, okay, we're not going to do that again. It's like trying a kind of food. But nope, I don't like that. Yeah. But if you're with a partner that you really trust is going to be cool and be okay, that you're allowed to stop at any point or say this isn't right and that person's going to respect those boundaries, that's a great place to be. And that's where you need to be.

Those are the couples that are successful. I definitely hear from couples that have been in open relationships that were in a monogamous relationship for 20 years and then they opened it. There is a big shift in their relationship because they opened it. And it's all because of that overcommunication, which bleeds into every other area of the life. And they feel a closeness that they never had before. I'm sorry. I hear Dr. Drew and all kinds of fucking stupid experts on air talking about how non-monogamy never works and everything. It's like, you've never talked to one fucking person.

Like, you don't know what you're talking about. I've talked to over, I have a 762 episodes. I talk to plenty of people who have done this successfully and talk about. And listen, I've talked to people who haven't done it successfully too. I do not think the majority. of people could handle it. Like I'm not sitting here saying that's what everyone should do. But it absolutely is possible. And people that do it remain in love. They're totally in love with their partners. And they're more in love than they've ever been. And it has added something to their

relationship that they didn't have when they were monogamous. I'm sorry. I've heard it a million times. It just brings them to a level that they never experienced before because there's more trust, there's more communication. There's more of all that good stuff that relationships need that typically in vanilla relationships, a lot of times go out the window because everyone's on autopilot and just busy with their own shit. Whereas when you're coming together and doing all these things and like you said, going to different places and having to push the boundaries and having to have those conversations and you're always on the same team working together. I think it brings a closeness to a relationship that a lot of other relationships don't have because they're not having these

conversations. And so I would agree. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. And I hear it on my show. So let's talk about Wyo, okay? Like, we got 10 minutes. I'm going to play. Okay. So Wio Lee is a podcaster. She, you know, I like being friends with podcasters. I like to talk shop. Me and her talk shop. And I had, I sent Adam to her to be on her show. And she called me after her. And she had an interesting thing to say after she talked to Adam. And I'm going to play you what she said. She talked about it on my show. And I asked her permission. Do you mind me telling Adam? I'd like to, he's coming on my show again. I'd like to have him respond to what. You know, you said and this is what she said. I just interviewed him and during talking to him, there was a moment

where he was talking about transactional sex and I was like, wait, say more. And I was like, wait, so you're a handyman and one of your lovers is like, I need work. Because I think in the recording, I was like, I have stuff around the house that needs to get worked on. And so in transactional sex, I'm always like, I'm relegated to the role of a whore, which I do actually get really turned on by. When he was like transactional sex, I'm like, oh my God, should I? I did. I did. accidentally invite him here, but I'm like, should I follow through? Who am that? Oh my God.

Yes, please. I'm like, come back on. I mean, I think, but I'm like, I'm like, he also said that he might, I mean, if I can get him to do bucket list things or if I can share about it, like, I might, I might really fully do it. Did you know that she was like getting horny for that scenario when you were talking to her? Yeah, we, she asked what my kings were and I was going through. And one of them I said was I really, really, I have such a king for transactional sex.

I build houses as a sort of. of a side thing, rebuild them. And a lot of female friends like to have housework done in exchange for sexual favors. And that is one of the hottest things for me. I just got, for whatever the reason, it's amazing. And when I told her about it, she was a little bit like, wait, you can come fix my house. And I can just pay for it with sexual favors. And I was like, yeah, she's like, wow, that's really hot.

And I'm like, yeah, isn't it? And so we kind of had a definitely a flirtatious vibe there that after we were done with the interview, we chatted a bit more about it flying. And I said, yeah, you let me know. I'm happy to fly out to L.A. because I spend the winters out in Colorado. I'm happy to fly out to L.A. with my tools, do some handyman work for you. That would be really hot. And so we kind of left it at that. That was a short little conversation. And then I sent her a couple pictures of some of my renovations trying to entice her a bit. And then I'm going to say dick picks. It's not. know my renovations.

Yeah, exactly. I think I said, here's some house porn for you. Yeah, yeah, good. Not safe for work. And then I hadn't heard from her until you late, until you let me know about the interview. And I listened to what she said. And I'm very turned on. I think she's, she leaves quite an impression.

And she's delightful and so engaging and sexy as fuck. Right. Yeah. And beautiful. I mean, she's like a 10. I would rather do than show up with my tool belt. Yeah, and she's beautiful. She's a 10.

If anyone, you could Google her and see her. She's very pretty. And it turns out, I know, because I talked to WIO off air, I like to talk shop with other podcasters. We talk. And I know she has a transactional kink too, a transactional sex king too. So it wasn't like, oh, you just put that thought in her mind. She was in on that before you even called her.

So it couldn't have been like a more perfect. meeting of the minds. You're both really into it. She is. So I'm really excited for you guys to have your transactional sex. And then you could come back on my show and talk about it. Like, I really think. Absolutely. I would, I would love to. Sure, truly in the name of entertainment, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's so interesting. We could do a whole episode about that. But it's just so funny because I asked permission on my episode. I aired it. It's on the end of her episode. I just aired that one. And she talks about how she got horning for you when you were talking. And then she gets very, specific about the scenario she wants and I think I even said oh my god this sounds like porn and so

totally I feel like that I listened to it I was like Jesus yeah let's film it yes and she wants to film it and oh my god I was like oh my god you guys are going to totally like hook up like you're gonna come on so I'm like Adam's coming on I'm gonna play it I just think that's like an interesting thing so that's in the making you're into transactional transactional sex she is you're going to go fix some shit in her house and then and then do whatever I would love to fix some shit in her house in exchange for who knows. Quick question. I just want to know, what are some of the things that women ask you for or what do you ask for in return when you have done this before?

Because you've done it already. I don't know what you're going to do with WIO. That'll be on a future episode. But you said a lot of women you do this for. What typically is the exchange? A lot. I would say a lot. Okay, by the three?

It can be anything from fixing plumbing, fixing the sink to hanging shelves. If it's something more major than usually I require a retainer such that, okay, look, yeah, I'll do this. But, you know, for the next month and a half, I get to call you anytime you come over and suck my cock kind of thing. And it's with people I have a sexual relationship with already. These aren't strangers. These are people where there's a connection. This is all consensual. You're not a prostitute.

In fact, if why when I do this, this will be, that will be the first time I would ever do it with someone I didn't really know. that we've actually never met other than chatting on her on her interview. So that that's that's a little bit scary and exciting for me. That makes it more like as a fantasy. It could be anything. It's a total fantasy. No, but the fact that you don't really know her, you could live in that fantasy even more with her because you've never even been with her.

So that really is like that thing that you both are really looking for. Let me ask you this. When you do these transactions with the women that you've done it, is it kind of like, hey, I need my toilet fix it. You're like, okay, good. well, I want to fuck you or I want to go down on you. Is it, is it trans, is it that transactional or does it just, or is it hot like a porn? Like you go in and you do it and you pretend you don't know each other and then you start.

No, no, it's absolutely, it's absolutely transactional. It is up front. Yeah, yeah. You want to do this fine. And what the payment will be is dependent on the nature of the connection. Right. Some women I'm with, I know love giving heads. So I was like, great.

Blow jobs. You're like, yeah, easy. And other women, they love anal sex. I'm like, all right, well, I'm going to fuck your ass. They're like, great. So I tailor it to the connection to make it fun for everybody. Right. But you really do have it up front like that.

And that's a part of that. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what's erotic to me. Yeah. Yeah, that's, I can see that. Up front. Yeah.

If it's an unknown, it's, that's a different kind of fun. Totally. Different fantasy. There is, the kink is, no, it's up front. It's negotiator. I will do this and you will do this for me. And then do you fucking leave? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Bye, bye bye. Yeah. I think that's fun. Yeah, that's fun. All right. Well, keep me posted on that. I don't know.

I think the man should always be the more aggressive one. I think you got to hit her up and say I heard that episode. You're like, let's hook up. I don't know where you guys left it off. Maybe you're still talking. I don't know, but make that shit happen. Okay. Adam.

And why don't you make that shit happen? Yeah, make that shit happen. And why don't you give a shout out to all your stuff again? I will put links to your book in the description. So just tell everybody where they can find it, the name, all that good stuff. Sure. Again, the name of the book is Seek the Risk,

one man's journey into non-monogony, a memoir. You can find it on, well, if you go to my website, which is seekthirisk.net, there's links to all the places you can buy the Kindle, the paperback, and the audiobook is now available, which I recorded myself. And there's some interesting get. appearances in the audio version.

Oh, interesting. Yeah. So, yes, and if you want to email me and have questions or just want to talk, Adam at seek the risk.net. Okay, awesome. And he did say in the beginning that he gets back to everybody, so I think he's a great resource. I do.

People send me a respectful email. Of course. I got a couple weird ones that I chose to ignore. But, yeah, I love hearing from readers. And I really appreciate if people read the book and like it, please put a review up where you got it from, be it from Barnes & Noble or Amazon or Audible. Oh, I will also say if you're a Spotify subscriber, it's free for you on Spotify, the audio book.

Oh, awesome. That's good to know. So listen, all you people listening on Spotify, you get it for free there. So listen, Adam, thanks so much for calling in. Again, I hope you get a lot more people buying your book. I recommend it because people told me they fucking loved it. I'll put links to everything. And then you'll be on again.

Maybe you and Wyo. Wyo was like, would you come and do it. Why, I was like, would you come to California and do a threesome? I was like, no, I don't roll like that. Sorry. I was like, no, thank you. Maybe we'll do a threesome over the phone. We'll do a threesome episode, okay?

After it happens, you keep me posted on that. But thanks so much for calling it, Adam. Absolutely. It was a pleasure. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers,

is now available not only in paperback and e, book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like, there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story.

There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format. Papers. back format and finally the audio book is available coming out August 25th but you could pre-order it now and if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it I will throw in a complimentary link to my discord my discord does not disappoint okay there's no way you get into my discord any other way than getting the link from me okay I give it to people who buy my book there's tons

of people in there everybody shares content with each other and that's what you get to do there your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord.

So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for tuning in to this week's episode. If you want to follow the show, follow me at Strict Anonymous on Instagram or Twitter. that's at Strict Anonymous. If you are on YouTube, make sure to subscribe.

I love YouTube as a platform for my show because people comment there. And I try to reply back to every single person who post a comment. So even if you're not listening on YouTube and you want to talk about the show, go to my YouTube channel, subscribe, like, and share my videos. It's strictly anonymous podcast. If you want to sign up for my Patreon on my Patreon, you are not only supporting my show, but you will get these episodes early. ad free and you get to see anonymous picks of my guests. Most of the girls send in anonymous picks and some of the guys send an anonymous picks.

So if you want to see anonymous picks of my guests as well as support my show and get these episodes early and ad free, sign up for my Patreon. Patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. That's patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. The link is also in the description below. Thanks so much for listening.