Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 796 - Camille has a Husband, a Boyfriend and a New Female Sex Buddy

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

Camille is in an open marriage with her husband and has a boyfriend and a new female sex buddy on the side. What went down to turn her traditional marriage into an open one? Tune in to hear all the details including how she found out her husband cheated on her and how she was able to get past it and how that led to her getting a free pass to find someone else, how she met her new boyfriend and how that relationship gave her a different perspective of her husbands affair, how she had a threesome with her new boyfriend and how and why her husband doesn’t know about it, how that threesome led to her meeting her new female lover and whats going down between them plus a whole lot more. This is a Re-edited Repeated episode originally aired on 2016! **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, either go to my website, Strictly Anonymous Podcast.com and click on Beyond the show or send me an email. Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. Now, if you want to leave a naughty confession or you,

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You can cancel it any time. But if you do and you try to sign back up, which a lot of people do, it will be higher. I'm going up to 7 in April 1st. So anyway, let's get right to this episode today. I have on Camille. She called it in 2016. This episode was from 2016. This is a repeat.

But when I repeat an episode, because I'm so crazy and I'm OCD and I'm a perfectionist, I edit the shit out of it. Like I took this old episode, which I don't think a lot of people have listened to. I have a very large audience, but I don't think a lot of people have gone back that far. Like I said, she called in in 2016. But what I do is I go back and find the original file. I found the original file. And I re-edited it and made it so much better. That's what I do when I do a repeat. I don't just air it as is. I'm so much better at doing my job now than I was years ago. So it's a much better episode now to listen to. It's super interesting story. Okay.

Camille really does have a husband, a boyfriend, and a new girlfriend. There's a lot of players in this story, and it's super interesting. Camille had a husband who cheated on her, and then she got a free pass to go get a boyfriend, and that gave her such a different perspective of his cheating, and she's been dating that boyfriend now. She recently had a threesome with her boyfriend. They talk about that. You wound up being with a girl, and now she's seeing that girl outside of the threesome.

Her husband doesn't know about it, but, you know. you're going to have to find out why her husband doesn't know about it. And it's not as complicated as it sounds, but it's super interesting because, like, her boyfriend also is married and has an open relationship. And she talks about how he got a free pass from his wife. It's, like I said, there's a lot of players in this episode. And it sounds kind of confusing, but it's really not. But it's interesting for sure.

There's a lot of juicy details. I'm not going to get into all of it because people say my intros are too long. So I'm shorting them up for you, okay? Anyway, so I'm going to be right back on with Camille. Hey, Camille. Welcome to the strictly non-inous podcast. You're on the phone with Kathy. How are you today?

You're good. How are you? I'm good. So I know when you wrote in, you were like, oh, I have the same old story as everybody else. And you really don't. I mean, you're in an open marriage, right? And we'll start there.

But it didn't start off that way. Your open relationship came about after shit went down in your relationship. So why don't we start from what happened first? first, which is you caught your husband cheating, right? And how did you catch him cheating him? Who was he cheating with? I mean, I didn't catch him. Catch him like I didn't catch him red-handed or have evidence, but I just knew because

there was one person he kept talking about that I know he had become friends with recently. And her name came up just kind of way too much, way more than other new friends. He saw her more often than he sees other friends. He's a busy person. He doesn't usually see people that all. often and just the way her name would led just felt into any conversation I could tell you know at least that he had feelings for her and then he was seeing her so much that I felt like there's some things that I mean my friends and I were already calling her like his girlfriend

you guys don't understand that women have very strong intuition like they just really do we've been raised from birth to pay attention to other people's feelings no we get really good at it Yeah, we know. Yeah, so I just knew. I mean, he lied for a long time. Like, I asked him again and again in front of our therapists. I mean, he just denied.

And I would go back and forth, we'd be believing him and not believing him. And then this was like in a horrible time in her marriage, and he left me, this last week, but he left me. We were going to get a divorce. And then after a week, I called him. We talked.

We agreed to try again. but I said that we're trying again, I really need to know the truth about this person. And I think just because we were starting to new, it was kind of the promise to be more honest with each other. He just couldn't deny it anymore. He denied it so many times. He said, he started small.

He said, okay, it's true that I have some crushy feelings about her. And I think he told me that they had kissed at first. And then over the course, of a few days in talking about it, he little by little talked to more. They had like, you know, an affair. And he also had, I guess what you would call an emotional affair. It didn't get very physical with another person. Oh, and so there was more than one.

There was more than one. There was two. Okay, so he caught to the fact that he went a lot further than just kissing her, right? Like he was like having sex with her and that whole deal, right? Yeah. The one that you thought. Yeah. And then he said, oh, and by the way, there's also somebody else that you had never even

known about that I actually have feelings for? Yes, and he saw a bunch of times that they talked about. If he and I split up, they would get together maybe, and there was like a lot of romantic talk. There was one

kiss, like a makeup session. But that's where that stopped. Yeah, but I mean, why did that stop? Because he was married and she wasn't into it, or is it because you guys like the shit hit the fan with you and so he stopped it? I mean, I think it was a combination of things.

I think that because he was married and because she lived in New York, she lives in Illinois, they didn't see each other that often. And I don't even think he was considering leaving me for the other person. But leaving me wasn't for her. It was just things that got married, I didn't. I mean, that's the climate that made that happen, I guess. And that's partly why I was able to forgive him as I felt like things were really shitty. I wasn't being nice for him.

He needed something. I remember I had one boyfriend and he cheated on me and I cheated him like shit. Like I literally. And then when I found him he was cheating, I was like, okay, listen, I'll cheat you better if you just dumped that girl and come back to me. And it never was good after that, whatever, because I can't. I don't have it in me to trust somebody again after that. And I think that that's always the hardest thing. So this guy tells you like about the one girl.

But the other one, I'm sure that's like, totally blew you away because you had no idea about her, right? I had no idea about her. It did blow me away. In fact, I remember he told me we met for a drink at a blind place, wine bar by where we live. And he told me that. And I've never done this before in my entire life. And I didn't consciously do it. It just happened.

I watched it happen. I slapped him across the face. Like in the movies. Yeah. Like I just watched my hand fly up and do it. I had no control over it. And right after we both were like, oh, my God, what just happened? Oh, I mean, that must have just been so, like, like I said, I mean, it's one thing when you're, you kind of know that thing is going on.

And that's bad enough. But to top it off, like, there's somebody else and I have feelings, that's like really hurtful. And he also told me there was another person he floated with. Nothing happened. But it was significant enough for him to have to. Somebody needed to tell him, like, he could have. stopped at the first one. What's the point of like all that extra information? I'm glad he gave me that extra information. I'm glad because I really am a person who wants to know everything. I don't want

to see everything. There was a point where I don't even remember why he let me read some of the text between him and like the main person and I read one and threw them on across the room and didn't want to read anymore because I would think it'd make you physically like nauseous almost. Like I think that's just way too much. It was too much. It was too much. And so I didn't, I didn't, I don't want to see any of their communication. Like, I don't want to see everything, but I want to know concrete information. It helps me not fly off into the things that you imagine, like it happened are generally so much worse than what happens.

Right, exactly. Like what people don't understand, especially people that are like keeping lies from somebody else is that most people could handle the truth. It's the lying and the not knowing that is literally crazy making. The lying is crazy, you think. Yeah. And I have a special. Yeah.

I'm especially, like I hate, I've broken up with friends over them, you know, lying to me. I can't deal with it. So that was the thing. I mean, that was the thing that took forever to get over. Yeah. Okay. So after you find out, how long were you guys married at this point or together? Okay.

We were married for, let's think for a second, about almost 10 years, but we've been together for 23 years. Oh, my God. And how old were you guys when you met him? How old are you guys? It was literally half my life. I was 20. And how old was he? He was 34.

Oh, and if he's only cheated on you once, it's really not that bad after 23 years. I kind of agree with you. I feel like, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Do you have kids with him? 100%. No, we don't have kids. Okay.

So you were with him for a very long time. And so what happened in your marriage that towards the end or like right before? before he started cheating on you, like you started to get really, like, conty to him. Was something going on with you? Or what was the deal? Yeah. I mean, it's hard to explain.

It was more emotional than, like, any event happened. But there was a point when I decided, well, first of all, I was, like, working like crazy. I had this new job. I was looking way too much. But I also wanted more from him. I wanted us to be emotionally closer. I felt like we were

we reached a place where we were just polite to each other in a way. I think a lot of relationships get to that point, right? That's why I'm asking you these details because I think it's interesting and probably people could relate. Yeah, we weren't talking about real stuff and our feelings about stuff.

We were rushing along the surface of things. I think, yeah, like a lot of couples do, I think especially couples who have kids, like the kids take over. Yeah. And I didn't like that. And so I started demanding kind of more, and I went about it all the wrong way. Like the way you get someone to be more honest with you and closer to you isn't by yelling at them that they're not close enough to you.

I think that's a, like women communicate and the way that they would want to be communicated to. It's that whole men are from Mars and Women's for Venus shit. It's like very true. So when a woman complains to a guy about stuff that she wants, she always does it the wrong way. if she's doing it naturally, right? Because our natural way is to do it the way we would want it or we would respond. And it's very different than the way a man. And so he just hears it as blah, blah, blah, nag, nag, nag.

And so then it gets worse, right? You get, the woman gets worse because she's not getting what she wants and she keeps speaking up. And sometimes that's what leads to the woman cheating. I mean, in this case, it led to him cheating. But could have also in that situation a lot of times is the reason why a woman goes and cheats, right? Because she's like telling this guy, her man, I want these things and he just doesn't do it. So she goes and finds it someplace else,

but you were too busy with your new job, and he was the one that went checked out. Yeah. And I also think that if he weren't able to just, if he understood what I was asking for and was able to do it, he would have done it. It was that he just didn't know how to emotionally communicate more. And here I was demanding for him to do something that he didn't know how to do.

And so it led to this really long. stalemate between us that got worse and worse and when we got more and more estranged and it led to this atmosphere of like us being not very nice to each other and then it's cheating yeah and i mean listen that happens sometimes that's why i always say like with the cheating story i think i said this on my intro the other day i mean you could hear 50 cheating stories and not everyone is like oh that guy's a pig or an asshole there are different ranges there's different reasons if you listen to the whole story you could say okay like me you should give that guy another chance because there's things that were going on, right? And so I totally understand that. You

had a lot invested in this guy. Like, you didn't have kids with him, but you were with him for your whole life practically, right? Your whole adult life. My whole adult life for sure. I mean, half my life literally. I think it's hard for a woman to walk away when there's even a little bit of hope. So you think to yourself like, oh, like maybe if I didn't do this or that, things would have been okay. So you have to like give it that shot. So you, for that time afterwards, Were you like a crazy person, though? Like, very distrustful? Like, how did you get to the point where you can trust him again?

Does that take a long time? It took a year. It took a really long time. It was, yeah, I think for a lot of people, it took longer than that. I mean, a year, it was, like, nothing for what had to happen. How did we get there? I mean, a lot of it was he answered my question. Yeah, there has to be, like, full disclosure, right?

Yeah, there was that. And I mean, I never wanted to, like, look at all his emails and look at all his texts or anything like that. Because I feel like privacy is important. But I did, well, and I also instituted a thing that turned out to be kind of genius, which was, like, I always had more questions for him. And I didn't want that to take over the time we spent together. I wanted to also have the relationship and have nice times together and have it not just be a constant interrogation. So we instituted a thing we called Sunday questions, which was every Sunday we would get an hour for me to ask my questions from that week. So when I had like questions or worries or whatever, I would just write them done and not ask them right away.

Did your therapist help you with that or did you come up with that? I came up with that. Yeah, it's a good idea. And it worked for you guys obviously. Yeah, but like it was hard. I was having flashbacks, like, of stuff I didn't even experience. I was having nightmares. I was, like, not able to walk right next to, like, places I knew they had been together.

It was really awful. And I had never been a jealous person, and I was, like, consumed with jealousy. Of course, because it's like the rug was pulled from underneath you. It's almost like a post-traumatic stress disorder. It totally, it totally is like that. Yeah, it was with the flashbacks and everything and just anxiousness. And it was really, really awful. And I have to say, like, the thing that helped.

what that the most was going on a date with somebody else. I know, and that's where I want to fast forward to you because I spent a lot of time on your cheating story, but like the real interesting part of this is somewhere along the line, you get the okay to go on a date with someone else. Like, how did that come up? So that came up because it was like a year after the disclosure of the affairs. So things had gotten way better, but they were still up and down.

During one of the down periods, he was like, let's take a break from each other for a month, which was crazy to me. And I saw that as he was getting ready to leave me again. I know the first time he left me, I fell apart for two weeks. I didn't want that to happen again. And then in trying to think of, like, how can I prevent that from happening? One of my ideas was, like, I'll go on a date with someone else just so that I'll see that it's possible to go on a date with someone else. you're not going to be alone forever if you leave. Also, there are people out there who might want to hang out with me.

I just needed some assurance that, like, there were other people in the world that I could be interested in that could be interested in me. That's all. Really, you did it for yourself, and that's the smartest thing to do, and that's what you had to do because you, or else you were, like, in the weaker position. Yes, I totally felt that way. He was running around acting like a single person during that time when he had the, there's a minute. Yeah. And I felt jealous. I felt really jealous that he had gotten to have to kiss someone else and then sex with someone else. And I thought, I haven't done that in 23 years. I'll never be able to do that. Yeah, because you plan on dying with this person, right? I mean, you're never going to leave him. Yeah. So it's just the one guy your whole life. Oh, my God. I couldn't even imagine. So was it during the break that you met this other person? It was during the break that, like, I made a, yeah, I quote unquote met him like on OK, Cupid. And then. And then. and the we ended the break

in between them and when I actually went on the date. But he still, my husband thought it was actually a good idea for me to go on the date anyway. Now was he dating too? No, and he's still not. Okay, and you know that for sure?

Yeah, I do, because why would he lie now? Because, I don't know. I don't know, but I don't know. Like, why wouldn't he go date too if you're doing all this stuff because what happens is you go on okay keep it right you meet somebody else your husband says okay but you like it's not a one-off thing that goes away like his relationships he's not with those women this is a person who you call your boyfriend right this is someone that you are hardcore with like probably not just sexually

probably emotionally too remember how you felt when he told you all that stuff i mean he's got had some level have some feelings about it, but yet he's not doing anything, just like you thought to yourself and said, oh, he got to be with somebody else. Why shouldn't I? You would think that these kinds of emotions and feelings would go through him as well. Even though it's a tit for tat and you would say you're even, but like you're not, he's not even. Like you got a little bit more than he did. Way more. I mean, I've been with this guy for a year now. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I I mean, I know that he has those thoughts because he'll sometimes mention things. Like I said to him from when we decided to open some marriage, like, you can do basically

whatever you want as long as you're safe. And as long as I kind of know the basic parameters of what's going on, like, it's fine. And he's checked with me a few times. Like, oh, that means I can do like this thing. And I'm like, like, always saying, yes, you could totally do that. And he checks often enough that it's obviously in the back of his mind. He hasn't done it yet. He still says he probably won't.

I don't think that's true. But it's, I mean, it's for a host of reasons. One thing is he's a little bit shy about getting naked with some new person. You think? Yeah, no, he said that to me. He said, like, body image stuff. And then also he has this intense fear of triangular relationships. and being in the middle of things like that.

And even though I issue him, it wouldn't be like that. I think he had so much fear about having two people conflicting over him. Like when I started seeing this other guy, my husband's big worry was like, well, once you start having sex with somebody, though, you're going to fall in love with them. And it's like inevitable. Right, because that's the way he is. He's a relationship guy, your guy. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. So that's why he's that way. Okay. And right. And I like relationships too and connecting with people, but I also am able to separate sex and love when we were trying to head fuck buddies and things like that. So, but you, but the guy that you mean on, the guy that you meet on OkCupid though, like you,

it's like the first guy, I mean, you're pretty lucky considering, I know some single people that would love your love, like the first guy you meet up with, right? Amazing, oh, actually, it wasn't even OkCupid. That one was, it was bumble. I should get, yeah, you credit with you. That's the one where women have to be the ones to message first, but men can't message first. Oh, interesting. Okay.

so you see a guy you're like he's my type and you hit him up and he's like a great guy right and does he know obviously he knows i mean you guys seem pretty open and honest so he knows the fact that you're married and you're with somebody else and he's cool with that what's his story of course he's married yeah yeah that's okay and does his wife know too yeah he knows like she knows everything they don't yeah oh i need all these people i wish we had the five people on this podcast i need some do some conference in these people there's a lot of players in this story I need to and I want to know everyone's like inside everyone's brains like I'm only

inside your brain but I really want to be inside theirs too so this guy's married too how does he have an open relationship like what's his deal with his wife like how did that happen it's actually exactly the same story except for it happens four five four years before mine where he his wife he found that his wife had been cheating Okay. He'd actually been sitting, like, steadily for 10 years.

Okay. He found out. He found out. And then in the course of talking through that, proposed, like, an open marriage. And so does she see other people? She has a, she has a serious boyfriend. She has a what? A boyfriend.

Okay. Who's basically been together two years. I think that's, you know, actually. So far, they're the only person, another person that she sees. Now, do you, have you ever met her? No. Okay. So you keep that, like everyone keeps these things kind of separate and compartmentalized. It's not like you're all double dating and with your people and your boyfriends and your husband's your wife. Yeah, but a lot of people do that. I would think that eventually it gets to that point because, listen, does he take it, like when you go home to your husband, does he ask questions? Does he feel like he knows this guy or does he not want to know? Is he like you and he doesn't want to know a lot of details or what's the deal? How much does he know?

He doesn't want to know very much. The sort of policy we have is that if you want to know something, he will ask and I will answer, honestly. And if something changes that I think he would want to know about, I tell him. And if there's just something I'm dying to tell him, I tell him. But now this, now your guy, the guy that you're, does his wife know all about you or do they have the same thing, the same kind of sort of relationship? Yeah. They're much less communicative about their other relationships. I mean, I don't understand how it works, but they obviously have a really good relationship with each other,

but they don't talk about their other relationships at all, which is crazy. Well, maybe that's how, maybe it's like kind of an all or nothing thing, like very black and white. I think it's hard to be like in the moderate about it. Like, I would think I would be more like I want to know everything or I want to know nothing. Because your husband doesn't know everything, and that's going to be the next thing we talk about. And he doesn't kind of want to know. So there's that like middle ground, which would be very difficult for me, but everybody's different. He doesn't want to know sexual stuff, and I don't want to know sexual stuff, and I don't want to tell about the sexual stuff.

I don't want to tell him those details. There doesn't seem to be any reason for it other than to make him feel bad and have visions and things with all. Let me ask you, this is like a dumb question, but it just came up in my head. So I'm going to ask, what happens at holidays? Like, obviously I would think that you spend it both of you with your husband and he, he spends it with his wife. But do you, like, exchange presents on Christmas and shit like that? Like, I mean, do you get, like, both

people presents? Like, what's the deal? Is there, like, that kind of, like, romantic stuff going on? I, there is some romantic stuff. Like, we got together a birthday presents. Okay. But not, like, close with presents. And, like, your husband, does he say? What did he get you? Like, I mean, is there, like... No, the first time...

When I got him a birthday present beforehand, I asked. Because it was early on. in the open marriage and I didn't know kind of what the parameters were. You still haven't like totally knocked them out, but I asked would it be okay if we got this guy like a like a small. Yeah. Uh-huh. And your husband said, yeah, sure.

He said, yeah, sure. There's generally, I don't go to him from him, but there was like, you know, there's been like a couple times that he's given good, like, boy advice, which has been really cute. Yeah. Okay. But he's never asked you for girl advice. Has he ever gotten like that close to having anybody in his life? No, I wish.

I mean, I wish he did because I think that would be adorable. I don't know. There's one person I know he has a crush on that I try to hold back from being too encouraging. Because when you're too encouraging, it tends to have the opposite effect. But like when you say that you think if you were too encouraging that he wouldn't go for it and you don't want to make him nervous? Yeah. It's the thing where someone pushes you toward something so much that. It starts to feel like they own it more than you.

It's not your thing anymore. Yeah, but let me ask you this and be completely honest, because I believe human beings, we can't help being ridiculous sometimes. But like, okay, you have like your cake and you're eating it too. But would you, do you really want him to be with somebody else? Or do you feel like you would love for it to stay this way? I do want him to be with somebody else. So there are mixed reasons for that.

I mean, one is this wonderful benevolent like it would be, it might make him happy. It would be sweet to see him doing something just for himself. I like this person. They have a cute commentary together. But also, the not as benevolent reason the more selfish one is that I feel like it would help me feel. I mean, I don't intellectually feel guilty about anything I'm really. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong,

but there's some part of me that still feel a little guilty or must because I feel, oh, I would feel less wary of telling him things or less worried about how he felt that he also had something going on. So it's interesting because you've come a long way, right, from someone being so jealous and that I guess like having somebody else really makes a difference. It gave me perspective on his affairs because I realized because before I, this boyfriend, I didn't understand that my husband could still love me and have these romantic relationships and tell someone else that he loved them. I just couldn't get my mind around it. And so I concluded, he must not have loved me. And he must not love me. Also, just things like, here's the first thing that happened that felt like a huge weight off my shoulders was for a long time I was stuck on the fact that he had written a poem to this woman.

And he had never written me a poem. And I was like, that killed me. And I, because I also felt like you must have had overwhelmingly romantic feelings and just passion for this person to drive you to do something like that. And then this guy that I started, before I even started, before I even met him, we had made a date. There was something like flirting over text. he sent me a poem. It wasn't a romantic poem.

We obviously never met each other. It was just a funny poem. And so I felt obligated to write him one in return, which I didn't end up doing. But that feeling, what, like I know that the woman, my husband had in the chair with wrote him a poem first. So I felt like, oh, I see how that happens, how you write a poem to somebody.

It doesn't mean that you're, like, consumed with passion for them. I was about to write a poem to someone I never even met before. So that put that in perspective. It was no longer symbolic of like how he was shunning me. And so there were a million little things like that, including like, oh, then I'm made out with this guy and I still, it didn't change my feelings with my husband at all. Then I had sex with this guy. It didn't change my feelings.

Like we started calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. My feeling stayed the same plans. That's so fascinating. It's so fascinating. It's like you had to experience it and now you realize like it, you, you know, it can be that way. Like you could have feelings for two people. It's not one or the other.

Yes, absolutely. I mean, I guess I knew it intellectually, but I had never felt it. Yeah, I think you could only, because like, intellectually,

I'm like, oh my God, that's like brilliant, right? That just makes so much sense. Yet I know that in my mind, but I don't know that in every part of my being because I've never really experienced it,

right? Like, you have. Yeah. And it's very interesting. You needed it to, like, you needed to flip it. Like,

you needed to be that other person. in this scenario and then see how it really plays out and that makes you really realize. Totally. I mean, like after the first time I had sex with my boyfriend, I remember just like walking on feeling with like lightness and freedom. Oh, right. It's like torture of a year that my brain was doing to me. Uh-huh.

And so, yeah, so I felt like, oh, I want more of that feeling. As opposed to going backwards and be in that terrible place that you and your husband were in for such a long time. And I'm assuming, because here I am thinking in my mind, because I'm not like you. Like, I haven't had, I haven't had that experience and been able to understand that. That maybe your husband, the reason why he's okay with you doing all that, it doesn't have those crazy thoughts like you had, is because he also knows that it's possible because he was doing the same shit. You know what I mean? Yeah. So he's not worried. You're going to leave him. He knows you love that person, but you could love him because that's what he's done in the past.

Yeah. I mean, I think probably at the beginning he was a little bit worried about that, but I think the more I've proved that, like I kept saying, like, none of those changes in my feelings for you, and I think he had to see that in action. And so far, like, I've been true to all of that. He's seen that, like, nothing has actually damaged or changed things that are super for the better. So each step of the way, the more I ask him.

asked for. He's more inclined to give it to me because he's seen that, yeah, nothing has been a surprise or a bad kind of surprise in the past. Let me ask you this. Do your friends and family know about this arrangement or is it kind of like a secret thing? My close friends know. My family does not know. And yeah, nobody else really knows. People are my close friends know. My close friends hang out with me and my boyfriend and they hang out with me and my husband. And is that the same for him to his close friends know, but his family doesn't? Yeah, I mean, I think less people in his life, but I think that's just of necessity because he's not the one with his boyfriend.

Do you're, are you guys still in therapy or you're done with that? Yeah, we are. I know, we've been in therapy forever from before we even got married just as like maintenance. Mm-hmm. That's cool. So you're always going because you always see the point in that. That's great. He just keeps the lines of communication open.

And so now get to the point where. you and your guy decide to have a threesome because that's what eventually happens. When does that happen in this year-long relationship? Let's see. So that happened a month ago. Okay. Oh, and this was with the boyfriend, not with a husband.

No, I know that. How does that come up? Were you guys talking about it? Did you ever do that with your husband, or would this be a new thing? I've never, I'd never had a threesome before. Okay. I hadn't really thought about it too much.

It wasn't something I was dying to do. My boyfriend has had several three-sums, maybe a four-some or two. And it wasn't like he was constantly talking about it or asking me to do it. I just knew this about him and that he, that was like a thing he likes.

And so just in talking about like our sexual histories, I would ask him stuff about that and like what he liked about it because I'd never had that, like, huge desire for it. And I knew my husband, like my husband and I had talked in a vague

way about threesome and he was just like not just not down for it but repulsed by the idea of having to deal with two people's desires and emotions at the same time so but then the more I talked to my boyfriend about it the more I rethought like oh I see how that would be appealing and I so I started thinking about it and I thought like that's something I'd like to do before I die and if I'm going to do it this is like the perfect person to do it with yeah totally because I know that the whole thing is that like your husband didn't want to know about it. Did he know that there was a threesome maybe coming up and he was like, don't tell me about it?

Yeah, he knew there was one coming up and don't tell me about it. I told him, I wanted to do that. Ask him how he felt about it. And he said he felt okay about it but didn't want to know about it at all. He didn't want to know if it happened, when it happened. He just wanted to remain ignorant. you know I said like it's fine

with me and just tell me about it and um I'm sorry I totally blink on for that I was because sorry and now the threesome is with a woman right it's not like you and two guys right this is you it could have been me and two guys we were looking for both you know okay so

your guy had done both things and he had experienced all of that and so and so you were open you were like you'll do either a woman or a man you were into both yeah okay So now you've only done the woman thing Do you still plan on doing the guy thing with him? I'm assuming.

Maybe, yeah. I mean, that's a possibility. And now did your husband ask those specifics or he didn't even want to know? He didn't want to know. Well, no. Well, the first time I mentioned it to him, it was theoretically going to be this one specific woman

who is my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. And so I said that. I didn't say it was definitely going to be her. But I guess he assumes it's a woman? I don't know. So does it wind up to be his ex-girlfriend Is that the woman that you wind up having the threesome with? No, it ended up because she is in a relationship that is, I guess, in a monogamous stage right now.

Uh-huh. So we went on OKCupid. We found somebody there that's awesome. Now, was she, because OKCupid, I was on there once. So to me it wasn't like a site where you're like, oh, I'm by and I'm into like threesomes. Like it's more to me what I remember, like more like a dating site. but like how did you know that this person was into that? Is there a part where it says that on OkCupid?

I don't remember. Well, and Okay, Kupid you can make a couple profile. Oh, oh, interesting. I didn't know that. Okay, so you guys made a profile together? Yes. Okay, and then this girl responded. And we were just very explicit about what we were looking for.

What were you really, what were you looking for? We said like we're looking for like someone of any gender to be like, I guess start with us sometimes. Uh-huh. Did you have a specific type, like, where you look at whether there's anything, because had you ever been with women before, or was this going to be your first time? I've been with women before, but it's been a long time. So this was before your husband?

Yeah, before my husband, yeah, yeah. Okay. So did you know what you wanted in a woman or what you liked, or was it just, like, more of the experience that you were open to all kinds of, like, women? We talked to a few people. We were texting with a couple of guys. Guys first? Oh, it wasn't that we were specifically looking for guys.

It was just like two of the people who responded to us were guys that we liked. We were these cute, nice guys. And we were texting with them. And at some point my boyfriend had said he, I was thinking of it as this was, like, those persons who was nice. They're good looking. And it would be fun to watch them and my boyfriend do stuff. And I wonder what I'd all seemed to be.

acceptable to me. And he at some point said, oh, no, I just want to make sure some guy that you're like really into and you want to tear his clothes off. I said, oh, I don't want to tear any of these clothes off. So he was interested in you being very into the guy. And that freaked you out and turned you off or something? What was? It didn't freak me out. I just realized like, oh, I wasn't even considering that I would be like super hot for this person. I was just thinking about the experience between being between me and my boyfriend. Uh-huh. And, like, that would be how it doesn't have sex with them third person together,

but I wasn't even thinking, like, oh, am I supposed to, like, really want the other person to? He, that's probably what's hot to him. I can't tell you how many guys are really into watching their woman with another man and how much that turns them off. It's like a thing that guys have. Or women, too. I mean, women could have that, too, that kind of desire. It's just so, and some men are just wired that way.

So he wanted to watch you really with someone else and really enjoy it. Well, he wanted me to enjoy it. Yeah. And I think that, yeah, in order to, and it's not like he wanted to watch someone else taking us. I mean, you know, we're married to other people. It's not like he has some feeling of ownership over me that could get, but it was stilating him to have someone violate that. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed when we had our people watching him and the other woman.

There you go. See, it's the same. That's all I'm saying. It's not about anything more than that. Like, you saw him with another woman and you actually, that was like a turn on. Yeah, it was totally an amazing, it was so, it was amazingly hot and a surprise.

So, yeah, so I was like, well, these guys that are like good looking and everything, but there's nothing about them that makes me like, oh, I really need to have this guy. And so then this woman wrote to us, and I really liked her personality and her message. I thought she was really cute. And I said, okay, this person, I actually feel like I could be really attracted to.

So what do you think? He was into her. We started texting with her. We just clicked. Okay, so you guys wind up meeting her because you have a history now with her a little bit. Like you guys did this about a month ago, but like you're seeing her now also outside of that relationship

and that's this little kind of secret that you have from your husband because he doesn't want to know about the threesome so you can't tell him about the girl because then you'd have to tell him about the threesome but you have met her outside of it. So obviously it went well. I think you told me that in your email.

So how did that go down? Like where did you guys meet? How did it happen? Okay. So we met in a bar at a hotel that we had also gotten a room just in case. Uh-huh. That's smart. Uh-huh.

And if she didn't want to do anything that night, I would have used it. And so, yeah, we had drinks. And then we went up to the room. Uh-huh. And what went down? everything and anything? Not everything and anything. What didn't happen?

There's so many weird and some people I get details. I don't know. She had her period so she, we didn't do it with, no, like, there was not penetrative sex. But we did basically everything else. It was just really, it was, here's what I didn't expect. It was 100% positive. There were, like, no weird feeling, no jealous feeling.

It was so fun. It had a really light. innocent feeling to it. It felt like a slumber party. You don't realize when you're going to have a three-cons. There's a lot of the time, there's a bunch of time that you're not actually actively having sex where you're just like lying around and like talking and telling stories and stuff. And that part was also great.

We get along with her really well. She's someone that we both were like, oh, we would be friends with this person anyway. She's really cool. I liked her as a person. We got along as a person. We could joke around with her. She was funny. She's smart.

And then there was just like a crazy sexual connection between me and her that I also didn't expect. And then she didn't expect. That made it really fun. And now, so she had her period. Did you go down on her? Like, she just had a tampon in? She had a tampon in the whole time, which was, I thought, pretty balzy of her for her first three children. Yeah, she just wanted, she didn't want to miss the opportunity.

Yeah. And that was also fun with us. There's like plenty that you could do. So it didn't go down on her that night. But she went down on you. I'm assuming. She put down on me that night and kind of remember. Yeah, she did, I think, a little bit.

Okay. Yeah. It felt like it wasn't like all these discreet acts like then we did this and then we did that. There were just like hazy memories and something happening. Watching that, getting involved in that, maybe going over on a spot of a person. It just felt like very organic and,

fun. Well, since we knew that that's what we wanted to do, we made sure we didn't drink a lot. I mean, I'm a lightweight, so I had the one drink. I think they each had two. And then I do like to smoke weed. So I said it was actually a perfect entree, not even planned, where I was like, well, I don't really like to drink that much. I'm a lot more, but if you want to come up, I have weed in the room. And that's what we did.

We went upstairs and smoked a little bit. And then we all had sex with each other. That's great. Now, because you felt this like strong attraction to her, right? You guys, I'm assuming, exchange numbers because you've kept in touch with her and you've seen her now as well outside by yourself. You're like, you're a certain, right? And what's that been like?

How many times have you seen her? I've seen her twice. It's been super fun. How know how has it been? I don't know. It's been really fun. It's been like we trust sex. It's been really hot.

And where do you meet up with her? because this is like now something that you're doing behind your husband's back. He doesn't, it's not really behind his back because he doesn't want to know about it. He doesn't want to know about it. And he's given, I mean, it's not like something that I'm like not allowed to do that I'm doing. Like there are parameters around those that make it okay. But I also feel like, well, I told him I would tell him if anything changed. This is a big change.

So I, but the thing is he doesn't want to know about the threesome and he, and that's something he asked for. he specifically does not want to know anything about it doesn't want to know when it happened if it happens in order to tell him about this girl i have to tell him where i met her no well what you do is you tell him first that you have a woman that you're fooling around with it when he says where did you meet her you say at that experience that you don't want to know anything about like i mean then he's going to have to know or you say like you don't want to know where i met her like i don't know she's going to be your girlfriend or she just going to be like somebody that like you fool around like what do you think is going to happen with her?

I think it's going to be somewhere in between those two things. So she's someone I feel like I'm going to have an ongoing friendship with that right now has like the sexual and romantic elements to it, but won't always

because I know she's looking for like a person and I don't know that she'll right now doesn't think she wants to be monogamous, but who knows? But I think I'll know her after those like sexual relationships. but you do think it can get romantic too. A little bit, yeah, I do think so.

I don't know. Here's another thing is that there was a while when my husband was telling me, okay, so I have a high sex drive. My husband is older than me, is not as strong as mine. My boyfriend is not quite as strong as mine, and so that leads them to sometimes say no when I want to have sex, which should be fine with me. I know it's not like I'm working on this, but it makes me feel rejected sometimes.

It makes me feel bad about myself. And my husband started out as a joke suggesting I get a, he called it a sex boyfriend. He was like, you need a third person who's just for sex. It's like a young person who just wants sex all the time. And he would joke around about it enough that I was like, okay, how much of a joke is? Sometimes he would go, no, I'm serious. So, so yeah. So then he gave, it wasn't even like a permission situation,

We just talked about that, and it was clear that, like, we both thought, that's a funny idea, but kind of a good idea. Uh-huh. Right. Uh-huh. I feel like, I don't think of this girl as, like, my sex girlfriend, but she kind of is my sex girlfriend. Yeah, totally. She fills up that void. I mean, it's just, it's like a booty call.

She's, like, someone I really like having sex with, and I like hanging out with, and, like, I, yeah. Mm-hmm. So. I'm not just, like, sitting around waiting for these dudes. Right, and it's something different, right? I mean, it's something that no guy could give you. You have this intense chemistry with her. She's a woman.

It's not like you can go find that from a guy. You have two guys, but this is like something else. It feels the same to me. I mean, the chemistry thing, that feels the thing to me. It doesn't, like, the sexual attraction and energy and chemistry, it feels the same as it does with a guy. Okay. But, I mean, the mechanics of it, it's like a different kind of a thing, right?

Like, she has tits and a pussy. I mean, like, maybe you'd miss that if it wasn't her. Now you just dick all the time. Like maybe you realize like you like this too and that's like maybe the missing thing. And now you feel completely satisfied. Maybe you weren't completely satisfied before because maybe you were missing, you know, what a woman had to offer. Who knows? I don't know.

You should know. You're pretty self-aware. I mean, I think what I missed actually more, to be honest, is that it's someone who just like really wants me all the time. Sexually? Sexually. Or both. Okay. Sexually.

because I feel like I'm always the person wanting more, and it makes me feel sometimes, oh, I just not, what, it makes you know. Yeah, you should deal with that in your therapy sessions, maybe on your own. I certainly do. Because that's, like, weird, because you have your emotional needs met, hardcore, right? Like, you have a man who really super loves you. You've been with him for a long time. You're pretty successful at that relationship. You're a relationship person.

You've been in love. Like, you know what that's about. You know how to connect. You know how to be intimate. Like you got that taken care of. So it's like interesting to me that you have this insecurity, whereas if someone doesn't want to screw you, you take that personally. Whereas you have all the emotional stuff and everything else.

That's interesting. I know. It's crazy. And it's crazy because I never saw myself as a person who like put any of my self-worth or self-image in whether, then like my sexuality. I didn't think so. Listen, you had 20-something years with the same person having this specific sort of relationship, you know, that common thing that everybody has, monogamous relationship with one person.

And now that you're out there and you're experiencing all this stuff, it's triggering other parts of yourself that are coming up. It's probably a good thing because it'll just make you even a better person because now you know that you have this insecurity or you'll work on it. And five years from now, you'll have that down too. And who knows where you go from there. I just think it could get messy at some point because of this girl. We don't know. I'm telling you. You don't know. We don't know.

Like with you, I feel like it's like an evolution. And I don't know that this is where everything stays. This might be like a phase that you go through for a while, but you might wind up back. Who knows? I don't really know, but it's interesting to see where it goes. It feels like really, it may get complicated. It's a little bit. Well, because you haven't told your husband yet.

Is that what it is? Everything feels like chaos. Yeah, that is what it is. It makes me feel like, well, I don't know. out of control. Oh my God, you just need to tell him. I don't know why you're so afraid of this thing. It's no big deal. Listen, it's not like you kept the threesome secret. He just doesn't want to know about it. But that's like a technicality that will have to be bypassed. Just say, listen, I need to tell you that there's like a woman that I'm pulling around with. Remember you said the sex buddy? Well, I got one. It happens to be a woman. And then, and that's it. And maybe he won't ask where he met him. What does he need to? What does it matter where you, where you met her? I don't think it matters.

I don't like that. Okay, if he wonders, then that's where you say, listen, you didn't want to know, but it's that thing that you don't want to know about. That's where I met her. A big deal. Like, it's not that big of a deal. Not, listen, not in the scheme of things.

Think of all the stuff that your guy deals with and he's cool with and he's okay with. Okay, he'll probably be even more okay with a girl. Like, what does he give a shit about? Maybe he'll be like, maybe. Or he will be more okay with a girl, but that sucks that he wanted, but it's true. Right, maybe. What is that going to really? I don't think that, I think the problem might be when you start to have feelings for her.

And I don't know, that might be a little weird for you. But I think he'll be fine with it. And I think you should just get that off your plate and just tell him already. So you don't feel like you're doing like the secret thing. Because you guys have come a long way from that kind of stuff. And when that was going on in your relationship, it wasn't healthy. It's very toxic to a relationship lies. And you guys, you're so above that now.

You've been through a lot with him. Just tell them. Like, it'll be fine. it really will be okay I think my my hesitance is like oh my god

I've given him so much to deal with already and he asked for one thing to be ignorant of and like immediately I have to tell him listen if it was if he said whatever you do

don't have a threesome and you did then I would be a concern for you okay all he said is don't tell me about it you're not telling him about it you're telling him

about somebody that you're seeing and the thing about her is you met her at that time you're still not going to be telling about it. He's not going to know anything. He's just going to know you met her there. He's not going to know the details about it. He already knows that you had one. So it's not, it's no more information. He doesn't know I had one. He just knows I was going to or have. He does, okay. So he put he knows. So you had it. It's okay. It's not really, it's not really. It's not bad. But it's

good, but it's making you feel bad. And you think it's bad. And I think that you need him to tell you it's okay. And you need to do that. Yeah. No, I just need to tell him the truth. I just It's always so worried of like, I'm making his life so chaotic. Yeah, of course. And it's chaotic for you. And you're like, how much could this one person deal with? Especially the fact that he's not doing anything. Like, it is a lot.

It's another thing to add on. It's another layer. That's where I say it could get complicated because it's when you say the romantic thing. It's just like that. You're like, hmm. So maybe that might freak him out. I don't know. But give him just a little bit of information.

You see him a pretty straight up person. So if he asks you, you're going to tell him. And I think like I said in the beginning, Like people can handle the truth and he'll be okay with it. He'll be able to navigate it, I think, because you're not going anywhere yet. And I think you're just like sewing your wild oats and he's coming along for the ride. And this is just another part of it. Yeah.

Okay. I'll do it. Yeah. And maybe this will make him inspire him to them actually. It's one of. Yeah, you don't know. All right. I'll do it.

And then we need an update, like an on the call update. Okay. Even if it's five minutes and everything was great, I want to hear about it. Okay, see you. All right. Good luck. Thanks so much for calling it. Thanks for your story.

It's very interesting. Okay, cool. Okay. Bye. Okay. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in

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