Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 878 - Sean is Solo Poly and has Eight Girlfriends?!

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

Sean is solo poly and has eight girlfriends and he called in to talk all about it. Tune in to hear all the details including how he started out monogamous and how and why he now identifies as solo poly and non-monogamous, where he first heard about polyamory and where he went to learn more about it, the rookie mistakes newbies make and the keys to being successful, where he went to meet other poly people and non-poly to date, how he introduces poly and non-monogamy to the women he dates, the apps he uses to meet like-minded people, how he deals with jealousy when it comes up for himself as well as when it comes up his partners, how and why communication is key in polyamory, how and why being poly has only improved his sex life with all his partners, the other benefits of being poly and non-monogamous, how his family and friends feel about his lifestyle, the three types of polyamory partners he has and how they all differ, how he deals with holidays and birthdays with all his girlfriends, how he stays safe when sleeping with so many partners, the best apps to use if you eat to be poly plus a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of SEAN plus see anonymous pics of my other female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you have a naughty, interesting secret life that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous or not anonymous, you could be on the show. Send me an email, strictly anonymous, podcast at gmail.com, or go to my website, strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on be on the show. Now, if you have a naughty confession that you want to leave on my naughty confession line, you could do that 247. The number 347, 4203579. That's C47403579. Do not call me when you're fucking driving. I will never use those confessions anymore. They just sound like shit. call from a quiet place, put the phone up to your ear.

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and you're going to get a free trial of SDC. And what's great about SDC is it's not just a hookup app where you're going to find other like-minded hot people. It's also a place where you're going to get to be in the know of all the lifestyle events and meet and greets, swingers parties and all that good stuff in your area. And you're going to get a free trial. So just go to the description, click on the SDC link or go to stc.com. com and put in my code 37712. Now, I did beg for reviews recently. Thank you to everyone that wrote a review. Thank you to everyone who just pressed five stars. I saw I got a ton of them. So keep doing it. It really helps the show. Okay, today I have on Sean. Now listen, I haven't had that many

poly people on. So I always get like really excited when someone calls in that is Polly and uses that word because to me I'm always like, oh my God, it gives me like a headache. Like, how could you be in love with more than one person at the same time? But this is. guy really is and really breaks it down and he's a successful polyamorous person he's also non-monogamous and he's also very into sort of educating people on what the whole world of what the whole poly world is about and he taught me a lot I learned a lot through talking to Sean like I said he's very successful at being poly I think he's got like eight females in his life okay you're going to be very jealous of Sean's life when they're here about. I think a lot of guys are going to be

very jealous of Sean's life when they hear about it. But he really breaks it down on how it works, how he got into it, what to do, what not to do, and how he rolls and all that kind of good stuff. It's super interesting episode. You're going to have to listen to get all the details. But like I said, that you might be a little jealous of Sean. So anyway, I'm going to get right to it and be right back on with Sean. Hi, Sean. Welcome to the Strictly anonymous podcast. How are you today? Not too bad. How are you? Well, you don't sound too bad. I think you got eight girlfriends currently. No. Are you? Maybe not now. Maybe you dropped one or got more since I heard from you. I don't know.

But yes, I have dating more women than there are days of the week. You're right. Oh, my God. I don't know how you do it. You are, you call yourself Polly. Would you say you're a polyamorous guy? I mean, amory sometimes gives me a headache. I feel like it's, oh my God, it's so confusing. Are you just, or are you just sleeping with eight different women and dating them and stuff? Or are you poly and you could have literally eight separate relationships, emotional, the whole sort of thing at once. Well, I call myself or identify a solo poly. Okay. So basically that means I live by myself.

I have my own space. I'm not, I don't have a primary partner. I don't have a nesting partner. And I do have some of these relationships go back eight years, seven years, four years. So these are like deeply committed polyamorous relationships where we're, yeah, we're in it for the long run. We've made each other's families, gone through like Christmas and other things together. And then there's also women I date a lot more casually. I'm not a fan of the term, but, you know, terms like friends with benefits or things like that.

Totally. Yeah. But with emphasis on the friends part, like we hang out and do more stuff than just have sex. Yeah, I get it, I get it. So it's like your, it's like your solo poly, and you also engage in like non-monogamy, right? Because everybody, I would be accurate, yes, yes. Yeah, interesting. I have a million questions for you. But let's go like all the way back. I don't know, you sound kind of young to me.

You tell me how old you are now, Sean? Well, I'm in my 40s, but everybody just begs me to be in my 30s. Yeah, I get it. I get it. Come on. I know, I'm older than you and I feel younger. Don't worry about it. Okay.

So you're in your 40s. But I want to go back. I just wanted to get like a snapshot of where you are now, but I do want to go like all the way back because if you're 40, 20 years ago when you started dating, Polly wasn't really a thing, right? It was like a very different world. So I'm wondering like when did you start realizing, oh, you don't want to settle down with one person or who were you around that time that you started figuring everything out?

All the way back. Yeah. Yeah. I discovered probably like about 10 years ago when I moved to the baby. city. And for sure, just like you describe it, I wish I'd known about this before. I wish there was an option, an alternative, a possibility. But I was for the longest time a serial monogamous. And it was partly because I actually held marriage to a very high ideal where I was not going to get married until it was the one. And she had to be everything that I ever wanted.

Forever. Yes, because it was going to be forever, so she better be everything I ever wanted. And so I still dated a lot, but every time I got into a relationship, I knew it was going to end at some point because that person was not the one. And so, yeah, one after another, dating a whole bunch of multiple people. And again, no serious drama. Like most relationships end it amicably. I'm still in touch with many of them, still friends with many of them. Never any cheating on your part, right?

Never. Like you were a serious, like when you were with one person. Yeah, okay, cool. Yeah, it was always playing within the rules. But then one of the things after discovering non-monogamy and polyamor that kind of made sense in hindsight was that there were a few relationships that were repeat. We'd break up, but then get back together and then break up and then get back together. So some of this was due to geography. We lived in different cities.

So when we were in the same city, we would be together. Then, okay, goodbye. Everybody's going back home. And then we'd have our own respective boyfriends and girlfriends. And then we'd break up with them. And then, oh, let's get back together. Why don't we hang out or do something? And so that happened on for several years.

And it's one of those things where in hindsight is, oh, yeah, I never actually stopped caring about this person. I never actually stopped, you know, having feelings for them and wanting to be involved with But it's, well, it's monogamy. So if we're with somebody else, we can't be with each other. So we're just friends now. Playing within the rules kind of thing. Society's rules. So, yeah, never cheating, but let's see what's actually like legal, not that it's illegal.

But what is actually like not breaking the societal norms? Let's go to the point where you discover Polly Amory. Do you remember what was going on around that time? Yeah, and I'll get that too later because there's kitchen table and parallel. and I'm doing a little bit of everything. Way back when it started, moved to the big city, wanted to like,

okay, let's meet people, let's date. So go on all the websites, all the dating apps, including meetup.com, which had like a polyammerers group. And I'm like, what is that? Polyamory.

I kind of can figure out what that word means, but I don't know what that word means. Yeah. So I looked it up, did some digging. It's like, oh, okay. And yeah,

they were a wonderful group. They did a lot of 101. like polyamory 101 vocabulary. They did panels with people with a lot more experience would share their experience. Wow, that's interesting. Just meetups for socializing. Yeah, it was great.

And then I always did a whole lot to dig in and research on my own. I'm a bit of a geek, a beat of a nerd, and just reading up on this and all the articles and books and blog posts and stuff like that. And so I was in a couple of monogamous relationships here after moving to the city but then after I broke up with what was my last

month of relationship I said okay you know what I'm just gonna jump right in I'm just gonna do this now and try it out and so far as trying it out oh I've never looked back it was totally what I it was kind of like you know what coming out might be for a gay or lesbian

person oh this is the true me this is really who I was meant to be This feels right. And not too dissimilar to gay and lesbian people, queer people many years ago when it was like just starting to be more accepted. There has been like, you know, a lot of difficulties and a lot of learnings where you don't necessarily have a lot of resources. You don't have a lot of role models. You don't have a lot to look to. But there were books.

There were articles. So I would say I avoided a lot of. of like rookie and newbie mistakes because I read up on it a lot. But there were things like riding a bicycle. You only can experience when you're actually doing it. It doesn't matter how much you read about writing a bicycle, you actually have to get on one to learn to write it. Yeah, I got it.

And you're going to fall. You will fall. Maybe you won't like crash and burn because you know a little bit or you know what to look out for. But yes, there were mistakes made early on, maybe not newbie mistakes. but there were still some mistakes. But let's explain to me, like, what are those newbie mistakes that you avoided because you knew so much? Because I think that's interesting for other people to hear that don't know about it.

And then what were the mistakes that you made anyway, regardless of how much? One of the things was, like, not talking, not communicating. That's one of the carryovers from monogamy where, and it's a carryover because it shouldn't be what monogamous do. Like, monogamous should be talking and communicating and not assume. and not expecting people to be mind readers. Yes. But that's not the case. That was, yeah.

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That's avocado mattress.com. Avocado mattress.com. Yeah, yeah. That was one of the things where, okay, I had very hard habits to shake, but I managed to do it slowly and open up more and talk more and communicate more. Another thing newbies or rookies do out of a sense of like fear and insecurity are things like veto. or setting rules for each other as opposed to boundaries or like personal rules or personal boundaries. Like it's one thing to say, oh, I don't want you to do that or you can't do that as opposed to you can do whatever you want. But if you do this, I'm going to feel this way.

Yeah, that's an interesting distinction. Yeah, yeah. And so a lot of couples are like, oh, veto power. If I don't like somebody, I just have the power to say no. Or like rules. Oh, you can do this, but you cannot do that. Yeah. and just imposing rules on other people and things like that.

And those are just recipes for disaster. So I never like even started or DILDA. Yeah, I consider that. Other things like some people still do it. This is not necessarily like a new rookie thing, but I was reading on hierarchy and I'm like, oh, that sounds like something I don't want to partake in. I don't want to refer to somebody as a primary. Yeah, I've heard that.

Yeah, I've heard that. So I'm like, no, obviously there will be degrees of closeness, but I don't ever want to say, oh, she's my primary. And, oh, she's my secondary. And then so people can just say, oh, okay, so it doesn't matter as much. But some people in the poly community do do that, correct? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm dating somebody in the capacity of a secondary because they have their nesting partners.

And I'm more like, we use the term part-time partners. Yeah, but that's mutual. Yes, I at this point, don't have the capacity for a full-on relationship, maybe like some of the other more intimate ones. And she doesn't either. And so this works out really well for us, where we still care for each other and there's affection and there's love, but it's not as intense. And we're not as involved where, like, she's sharing mortgage and other, like, responsibilities with her partners that she's not with me. Did you know early on when you started getting into it that you wanted to be solo Polly or did you try to not be solo Polly? Because there is a difference, right?

Was that right from the beginning? Yeah, I think from the beginning, I felt like, okay, this is what I want to do. I didn't have any expectations that it would last for a really long time. But the more I did it is like, oh, this is actually what I want to do. I didn't feel like, oh, you know what I'm like a lot of people crave that one partner. They want somebody to come home to. They want somebody to live with and to raise kids with, so on and so forth. And I didn't have that and I still don't have that.

I like my space. I like actually coming home and to myself and nobody else. I got it. Listen to and I don't know about you, but I'm a woman feeling the way you are. And people, like, I don't know if you get backlash for that. I, like, because I think typically we always project onto others how we feel, right? So the people, all those people out there that do crave that one person in their whole life, like, they just can't understand. And I think sometimes they just don't even believe that other people could be different.

I think some people are just wired to not want that in their life, but other people, those monogamous people that do have, they just can't fucking understand. I can't tell you the slack I get. I'm like, I just don't have that gene, even as. a little girl. I would tell my parents, I don't want to ever really get married. I want to have a kid and I have a kid, but I didn't want to get married. You know what I don't know. But people don't fucking get it. I don't know how it is for a guy that has that mentality. I feel like it's probably a little bit more accepted, like, oh, we could understand it. But as a woman, some people they're just like, oh, must be a problem. I don't really. Yeah, for sure, the, the pressure on women

is a lot like several levels higher than for a guy. For a guy, oh, he's a, he's a, he's a bachelor. He just hasn't found the one to like. And so the questions are like, when are you going to settle down? When are you going to finally like just settle down? When are you going to settle down? But for a woman, the pressure is like, oh, your best years are going on. You're not going to keep waiting. You're not going to be able to find somebody.

And the pressure is very different. Yeah, and it's kind of like you didn't get picked. Did you think I was sitting in a chair somewhere and just nobody picked me and I just kept sitting there? It's like, that's how they see it. It's so bizarre. But anyway, let's get back to your story. So you just straight off the bat that like you're probably never going to be.

to meet that one forever, but you'd like to have like real relationships with people along the way, right? And so did you start dipping your toes in that meetup group that you were with? Like how, or were you on app saying, hey, I'm Polly and then you started to meet women that were open to that? Like, how did you start dating and being Polly at the same time? All of the above, really. I met people through apps. I met people through the group. And I met people organically who kind of like got into the idea of it or the concept of it. And yeah, they're all like very, very different stories. But one of the things I can share is that I've been a teacher.

I haven't taught for a while, but I was a university teacher. And I've done tutoring and a lot of stuff. So I like the aspect of handholding coaching. bringing somebody along. So I've dated people that were monogamous and brought him over into non-monogamy. And that's something that a lot of people with experience just flat out say, no, I don't have the emotional capacity or the energy to handhold somebody through this. I just want somebody who already knows their shit and can just, I don't have to start from square one.

But yeah, it's been like meeting people that were already poly or already non-monogyn. onogamous, meeting people that were kind of new and curious about it, meeting people that didn't even know it was a thing either. And then we're like, okay, yeah, maybe we could do this and slowly learning the ropes and things like that. So it was a little bit of all of the above. I've met my partners on Tinder, on a networking event, on Facebook, Bumble. Addison, right?

Aren't you on there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ashley Madison, like all of the above. Yeah, that's so interesting. Walk me through, like, how you put on the table. Polly and non-monogamy, two different things. But I want to go to, like, non-monogamy. Like, how do you go on a date with a woman and you're sitting across from her?

And I don't know if she already knows because you already have it on the app or something. But, like, how do you put that out there to a woman? Hey, by the way, this is what I'm open to. And what kind of reactions would you get? A few years ago, what I used to do was say, especially on the mainstream dating apps, I just say, oh, just casual or not looking for anything serious. Because I was, I was fine with that. Oh, just having fun, dating people.

And then slowly through like maybe more recently like five years, a lot of these apps have started to adopt the option of non-monogamy. So you can even, you can like in mainstream, like obviously apps like Ashley Madison field, They were made for non-monogamy. But then apps like Tinder and Bumble, they've always been for monogamous people. But now there's the option to clear that up, to actually state it. And whereas before, yeah, it was like, oh, I'm casual. I'm like not interested in anything serious.

Or like if you're looking for the one, if you're looking to delete the app, I'm not the one for you. Yeah. And now I can be a little bit more transparent where I can say, I'm open to casual. I'm open to just friends with clothes on and off. But if you're also non-monogamous or if you're also polaris, I'm open to that too. And were you ever a jealous person or do you not have that gene in you? Because jealousy would come into play, I think, for some people in this kind of a world, right? And I think maybe that's the reason why a lot of people couldn't even fathom doing it.

Yeah. And that's an interesting story because I never was a jealous person. I was always a fairly confident. But when I actually stepped into the world of non-monogamy, suddenly I was getting triggered. And suddenly I was feeling jealous and insecure because there were situations. Like before, there were situations with like, that doesn't not make me feel jealous. That does not make me feel insecure. But now there were a whole new set of situations that were unimaginable before and that they were triggered me.

They were making me feel insecure and jealous. And it took a lot of work to look inside, to do the digging, to see, okay, what are the triggers, what are the emotions signaling pointing to? What is the issue that needs to be addressed and learning how to communicate, learning how to do a dialogue? and it took some mistakes early on and some very painful experiences to then learn to be better and do better. And then you could say that it was the first round of polyamory, which ended kind of disastrously. Like there were really hurt feelings. Yeah. Can you be specific and maybe bring up like one of those beginning ones and how the jealousy came up,

how you dealt with it or whatever? Yeah, so we were all kind of new to polyamory. Nobody was really experienced. And I had this idea of, well, we're all not polyamores. We just date people. We go out and dates and stuff like that. And one partner kind of needed a little bit more like reassurance and comfort for me. She was feeling a little bit threatened by me, like, dating. She just really needed a lot more like reassurance and comfort from me. But I was like, well, no, no, this is not monogamy. It's polyamor. This is what we. we do. We go out and date people. And so I broke her heart. She broke up with me. And then later, I was going through a bad period of time. And another partner, she was like, well, she was just like, kidding in a toy store. This is all new. And she's having such a blast, dating all these people and exploring her sexuality and all this stuff. And I actually needed a little bit more like comfort and reassurance.

I was going through a bad time for other reasons. and it took somebody doing exactly what I did to the first person for me to realize, oh, what you did. This is how that feels. This is how I did not see and understand what the situation was. So, yeah, it had to be done to me for me to realize, oh, that's how I fucked up the first time. Yeah, that's interesting.

I couldn't see it. I was like happy, like, oh, this is what this is. and I don't know what you're talking about because this is what polymer is like. Because I know that's actually not what it's like. People are still people. But then I took that experience. And with subsequent partners, I've been very proactively assuring and reassuring. Like as soon as I see the body language, as soon as I see the facial expressions,

I'm jumping right away, making sure that they do. not feel slighted, that they do not feel insecure, because some of them are started for monogamy. They don't have the language or the vocabulary. So I helped them with that to like, okay, what is what is it about the situation that is making you feel insecure? What is your fear? And they've slowly on their own also gone and read more on monopoly relationships and things like that.

And years later now, like I'm so proud of like there. development of how good they are at sharing and communicating. Like I'll do something and they'll right away vocalize and express. You doing this makes me feel this way. Can you do this for me? And that's something that monogamous people or any monogamous relationship never did where they communicate, where they share. You doing this kind of makes me feel this way. How we talk about it? Can we see if we can maybe do this or I know you want to do this. But after words, could we do this? Like all these communication, all this, like actually sharing and exploring your feelings and your emotions and breaking down the jealousy to address it. Because

that's the thing with, I'm not going on polyamory. Nobody is not jealous. Everybody's jealous. It's a natural human emotion like anger and sadness and happiness. But like all emotions, they're symptoms of something. Like something is making you angry. Something is making you sad. And sometimes like you have to go through the emotion and realize, well, what is it telling you? It's about caring for your future. Don't wait.

Go to shamelesscare.com slash strictly and get your doxypep today. That's shameless care.com slash strictly or just go to the description and click on the link. Something is making you angry. Something is making you sad. And sometimes like you have to go through the emotion and realize, well, what is it telling you something like something sad happens and you feel sad that's natural let it play out there's no reason why to hide it and block it something is happening and it's making you feel jealous okay you you can figure out okay what is making you feel jealous what's the issue what's what is the

what is it pointing to and deconstruct that work with it with it with it with it and that is what I learned to and now I do it proactively as I said now I before a partner feels really really jealous as as I see the tinge of it, as soon as I feel that discomfort, I jump on that and say, okay, let's, what can we do? And I offer reassurance and I offer assurances and make sure that before things bubble up, before the pressure builds up, diffuse it. Just don't let it build up, address it early on, talk early, talk often. Listen, a little reassurance goes such a long way, and people sometimes are so stingy with it, which I don't get. I have to tell you, I don't fucking get it, especially when you're in a relationship to me,

whether you're in eight relationships or one, you're supposed to roll like you're a team, but yet so many people are like, I'm against you. You know what I mean? It's weird to me. And I have to say, I've been doing my show for 12 years. I've been podcasting for that long. I have over 870-something episodes at this point. So I know that, Mani is.

not only do non-monogamous relationships work. A lot of people think they can never work. I know that they can work. And what I also know is sometimes they work a lot better than monogamous relationships because of exactly what you're talking about. That over-communication that they're willing to do and they give to their partner and their partner gives back to them and that's why they're able to be. And makes them closer to each other.

And that's what like a lot of these non-monogamous, relationships that go fucking south don't have because everything is just being swept under the table. Nobody's talking because they don't feel safe to say, I feel this way because their partners not listening. They're not over talking. They're not talking at all, let alone overtalking. But it's that over communication that brings an intimacy to a relationship that other relationships don't have.

Do you feel a difference with these relationships that you have in your life compared to those monogamous ones you had back in the day? Yeah. Yeah, it's a partner actually describes it. She's been with me for several years. And she still goes to her meetings with her friends where they like, oh, the girl's night and stuff like that. And she just can't wrap her head around all these women dissing their husband. Yeah. Oh, it's like it's such a common monogamous thing. Like complain about your partner and dis about your partner. And she's, what the hell is this? Yeah. Yeah. No, like, like, like, like, People say, oh, you're non-monogamous, oh, you're committing phobic or you can't commit. Are you kidding me? We commit to more than one person. And we're really committed to them. Every day I am choosing to be with these people.

I'm not stuck with them, which is like what many people that are married are. Like they dis on their husbands, they're dis on their wives because they're stuck with them. That's not commitment. That is everything but. So yeah, it's just a funny situation. But then to the other point you were making, too, one of the nice things about non-monogamy is that when you have sex with other people, it keeps the sex with your maybe main partner fresh.

You don't stagnate because you're no longer just having sex with one person. You are constantly learning because you're now exposed to other ideas and other people's perceptions of sex. It's not just learning new tricks, like new positions or a new movement, which you do, you can. But it's also, when you're just with one person, you, you become stagnant. You're not really learning. But when you force yourself to, okay, new person, you have to read their body language. You have to discover new things. They like and they don't like and you have to be more receptive so you really get taking out of the rut or shaking out of this this plateauing it's kind of like how professional athletes a cross-drain a swimmer doesn't just swim they they build muscle in the gym

they go for runs and they do other things so that they can swim better it's the same thing for the sex if you just stick with one person for the rest of your life that's why many people like oh let's spice things up and they bring kink and they do other things things but just simply experiencing other people showing you other ways that sex can be had is a good way to keep things spicy with that main partner yeah and also like I've heard an interesting couple recently that I talked to where her and her husband opened and then they decided to eventually become Polly and they have actual other relationships with people and they've weathered through all of that and she was saying listen I I was under the the impression that my

husband was the person that had to give me everything. And there's just some things he's not like into, but her other partner is. So she just gets that over there. You know what I mean? Everyone's fucking happy. Yeah. And that's, that's, I think, one of the best things about non-monogamy and especially polyamory is the, because it was such a, like when I talked about the one, when I talked about this ideal person that I was going to find, it's not only impossible and ridiculous, but it's also an enormous amount of pressure. on one person to be everything for the other. Like I like playing board games.

Only half of my partners like playing board games. The others like hate it. I like going for hikes in the woods. And same. Some people really like going for hikes in the woods. Other people hate it. Right. I like some sports.

They don't. I like playing video games. Some don't. And it's a thing like this way I get to share all of the different. things that I like with different people. I have somebody I can do this with. I have somebody I can be romantic with and do some of these things. But yeah, the expectation that just one person is going to be there, it's in a healthy monogamous relationship, that looks like multiple friends. Like, the husband will have friends and the wife will have friends. And they're the people, they go watch

ballet and opera or football and soccer and so they get to enjoy that but it's very different when you get to enjoy that with a partner with somebody that you're romantically intervilly involved with so that's something that people that are non-monogamous and polymers get you actually can enjoy that with a romantic partner what are your regular friends like i'm sure you have friends outside of the poly community that are in monogamous relationships like do they look at you and drool or are they judgy against you. What are your guy friends think of your life? Yeah, some of them laugh,

but especially the guy friends, because it is such a trope. It's such a stereotype. Oh, you you've got the harem, you're in paradise, you've got it made, you're like dating all these women. No, but you have your cake and you're eating it too, and there's

no deception going on. You really are top of the mountain for most men. Sorry. Yeah, but the thing they don't realize, It's that it's actually doubly difficult. One, yes, I have a cake you needed to, but I had to bake this. I actually had to make this from scratch. There's a lot of work that goes into maintaining all of these relationships.

Sounds it. It's a lot of talking, which most guys don't want to do. Most of your guy friends and have that one wife, they don't want to fucking talk. That's the problem. I know. And that's another thing, too. In the Nomenalian community, you cannot be a jerk. You cannot be an asshole.

There are, but they quickly get shown the door or they're isolated. Like there's manipulative assholes and they usually like have this, this situation. But they're out. They don't last long. No. Because I had this interesting metaphor was like, imagine a village with 10 women and 10 guys. Yeah. And in a monogamous setting, and let's say half of the guys are jerks and assholes and half of the guys are like nice.

In a monogamous setting, five of those 10 girls. are going to end up with a shit life because if they want to get a husband, they're going to have to end up with one of the jerk or assholes. But in a polyamorous non-monogamous setting, 10 girls can share five guys, and the five jerks and assholes are just going to end up lonely and miserable. Yeah, get no one. So, yeah, the community talks, the community,

everybody starts knowing each other. And so you cannot be a jerk or, or an asshole. You really have to do a lot of internal work. And I'm talking to even beyond being just like, that's like the baseline, not being a jerk or an asshole. But you actually have to be better like you were saying. You have to talk a lot, which guys don't do.

You have to communicate. You have to own up to your own shit. And that's a lot of internal work. Aside from all the communicating and talking and working with your partner and emotions, things like that, you also have to better. yourself and become a better person working on your shortcomings, working on the things that you're seeing are hurting your relationships. So that's, that's, and then the other thing that also makes it really difficult.

And this is another, we've, we've been to like meetups where there's a lot of, it's a, it's a non-monogamy, it's a meetup for polyamorous or non-monogamines or swingers or whatever. And there's always all these like couples that are new. You can tell they're new. They're like dipping their toes. And I always break it down to them because the trope, the stereotype is usually the guy that brings it up, hey, you know, let's open up our relationship. We date other people.

He's got in his mind this fantasy where it's like, oh, if we open up, I can actually have sex with more than one person. I'm going to be able to date more and more people, and this will be fun. Yeah. The harsh reality is that men are like a dime a dozen. Right. Like when you open up the relationship, and this is a fact, like even in a monogamous setting, like you go on a dating app and men, oh, they're like messaging, liking all of the girls. But, you know, how many matches do they get a handful?

a month maybe. Meanwhile, if you're a women on a dating app, your inbox is just full of likes, full of messages. You have the pick. You can have your pick of dozens and dozens, hundreds and hundreds of men. And when you were monogamous as a guy, you never saw that. When you were monogamous, all you saw was your own perspective as a guy. Whereas, well, this is what dating is. You send all these likes and maybe get a few matches and what a lot. And as a woman, you already knew, oh, yeah, there's so many men and they're all wanting to like date me or fuck me or whatever. So you got a choice. But now when you're a couple and you open up the relationship, now you actually get to see what it's like for each other.

Yeah. So where this guy had this fantasy that I'm going to get to see all this women, it's still crickets. And especially as a married man who's non-monogamous, it's like even less people are willing to date you. Yeah. So weeks go by. He's not hooking up with anybody. He's barely meeting anybody. And meanwhile, the female identifying person has all these men lined up scores and scores of men just willing to date.

Then she can pick and choose. And so that very quickly devolves into the guy saying, oh, no, no, no, no, you know what? No, no, no. This is not what I thought it was going to be. Let's close this back. I don't like this. I don't like, I never see anybody and you have all these men. So I never like this.

Don't close us up. And then by then, usually the female who was the more reluctant in the beginning, again, the stereotype, the trope, more reluctant to like, ah, do we really want to do this? Now she's, oh, this is great. This is awesome. We're not going back. Totally. It's always the guy.

It's a harder for him. It's a different. Because men and women are different at the end of the day. It's just a fact. Let me ask you this because you said you did go on to Ashley Madison. Everyone always thinks of, oh, Ashley Madison. as the cheating website. So are there, were you on there looking for married women because you knew you didn't

want a primary relationship or what were you, like how do you navigate that site as a poly person? I never would think of Ashley Madison for that, but it, you know, I'm just wondering, are there women looking for that as well on Ashley Madison? Yeah, that's really how I started. It was just another app where I knew on that app pretty much all women were interested in just something casual. They didn't want anything serious. And so that's how it started. Now, it's maybe a little bit harder because now I'm actually saying, oh, no, I am actually like, I'm monogamous. I am open about it. I am honest about it. So that's a little bit weird for a lot of people who are cheating.

Like a lot of them don't feel secure. I'm cheating, but you're not. So we're not on even ground. Like we're not risking the same here. But conversely, there's also now people are naturally Madison that are also where I'm at, we're like, oh, I'm just here to like meet people and have fun. I'm not committed. I'm not married or I am actually in an open relationship. So slowly there's more people coming in with that profile, the back, way back when it was like, oh, no, it's a good spot because pretty much everybody here is not looking for anything serious. No one's available, right? But now people are on there like you're saying, which is interesting because they're kind of growing,

with the times, right? Where they are, where people are on there, like you, looking for different things. It's about being sort of just not monogamous, right? Everything else is on that. Yeah, yeah, everything that's not. How many girls you have now? Do you have eight? Is that a true number?

Is that your number? And that's not necessarily counting comets or satellites maybe. So, and a bit of, yeah, I guess we could do through some, like, vocabulary. So there's mainly two, three types of polyamory. The parallel is one where nobody meets. You just date people separately, nobody's meeting. Kitchen table polyamory is where everybody gets together, everybody just hangs out together. And then there's the middle ground, which is known as garden party, where you occasionally get together, you occasionally hang out, but not all the time.

Those are good words for those terms. know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, go on. I have partners that are very much parallel. Like, they have no interest in meeting other partners. They just know about them, but they don't really want to hang out with them. I have partners that are kitchen table. They hang out with all their partners. They like bringing them all together and hanging out all the time. And then some partners are kind of like our party. They're okay hanging out once in a while, but they don't want to hang out all the time. What are you? I am probably like garden party. Okay. Cool. I like having partners that want to hang out together.

And then I also enjoy having partners where it's just us and we don't necessarily need to or want to hang out with other people. Can I ask you a question though? So if I'm like one of your girls, Christmas is coming up or Thanksgiving. How do you choose who goes where and how does everyone else feel about that? Or does that kind of shit cause problems? Yeah, it does. But like you just have to kind of talk about it and figure it out way ahead of time. So there's no hurt feelings at the end of it.

Some of them, like I said, oh, she's got her primary partners. And so Christmas is always with them. We're not worried about spending Christmas with each other. Perfect. Yeah. Others, like my family is out of town. Others have their family out of town too. So it's a little harder to do Christmas together.

We really have to do it. So, okay, we'll do it this here. We'll plan a trip to somebody's home. Yeah. That'll be special. And then, like, my other partners will recognize that that's special. I don't do that all the time. travel to see family and stuff like that.

But then it's okay. I did that this year. This other year I'm now going to spend it with this person and things like that. And your birthday is at garden party time, your birthday? Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes birthdays are kind of like garden party. That's when all people come together.

But then other years, it's kind of like I'll just meet people like individually. So we'll do an extended celebration of smaller gatherings. Yeah. Or we'll do a big, big party, depending. Do you ever have the reasons, like, and bring any of the girls together, that kind of the thing? Any of any stuff like that going down? Yeah, for multiple reasons. There's a big overlap between polyamorous and rock climbing.

Like, the vent diagram is very close to a circle for some reason. Yeah. And so a whole bunch of partners like rock climbing. And so we've gone rock climbing together as a bigger group. We've gone to pride festivals and parades as like a big group. And so is that where threesomes go down is what you're saying? Well, pride not so much, but the play parties, yes, for sure. Like we've gone to sex clubs.

Like sometimes it'll just be, yeah, sometimes it'll be like two of us at a sex life, but sometimes it'll be like a bigger group and it'll be a sex party or something like that. and maybe a whole entourage of us goes. We don't all necessarily play together because we're not together. But, yeah, we'll have interesting dynamics and stuff like that. So, yeah, it all goes down different ways. It all depends on each partner's preferences and boundaries and, you know, what they like and are comfortable with. So there's no one set way.

But, yeah, even then it, like, we've had, like, interesting dynamics. scenarios at play parties and stuff like that. What does your family think about your lifestyle, like your mom? They kind of like shrug their shoulders. They know you. So I'm assuming there was something about you that they were like, oh, not surprised maybe? Or were they surprised? I don't know.

You tell me. Yeah, they knew me as a serial monogamist. So they were kind of like wondering when I was going to settle down and find a one and settle down. But then in the beginning, they probably thought. that was like, okay, just another person. But then, oh, it's the same people back to back. Like, they would see pictures on social media of me dating this girl and then the other girl.

Oh, but then this girl again. Oh, and then the other girl again. And so, yeah, eventually it was kind of like, yeah, when they just saw that happening a lot, we're like, oh, you're with both of them at the same time. I was like, yeah, and they are seeing other people too. And so it was a bit of, we're like, okay. they're not from a big town, like not from a big city, so a little bit more foreign, not not, not something that was known, but that's, well, if it's working, I guess, and then many years later, there, there have been

like a lot more accepting. Oh, yeah, these are serious relationships. I've been with them for years. I've never been with people for this long before. So, yeah, they've, they've kind of like seen, it's still a little foreign to them, but they're accepting. They're kind of like, yeah, I'm not sure I get it, but it makes him happy. Yeah. Let me ask you this because you are having sex with multiple partners at all times and it's pretty very open. How do you deal with?

Do you have condoms? Do you get tested? Like, how do you stay safe in your world? Oh, yeah. It's kind of like condoms are the default. I don't think me or anybody I date would ever have sex, especially the first times with anybody without a condom. Right.

Like that's kind of like, I know there's people that do that. Oh, they like, they sleep around. and not use a condom, nobody that I'm dating and nobody that they're dating would ever do that. We don't date those type of people. We date people that are really conscious of their sexual health. And so condoms are just the default. Later on, as a relationship develops, then, yeah, barriers can come off. But that's like way after you really know this person, you trust them a lot more about what's going on.

And it's at a point where, okay, yeah, this relationship is fairly deep now or fairly. intimate. But even then, because we are still sleeping with other people, even with a condom on, testing is just regular. Some people test after every new partner. Some people test like every six months. Yeah, just depending on how the word is promiscuous, I guess, but yeah, depending on how many people you're meeting or how many new people you're having sex with. But even maybe you're not meeting new people, but your partner is. So yeah, there's just regular testing, barriers, condoms, always as a default and communication. If something happens, obviously we're being the instant something comes up, we'll share it because there's no guilt.

There's no like, we're sleeping around. We know it's a, yeah, yeah, we're not cheating. Everybody knows we're sleeping with new people and that can happen. So it's, it's, If something does come up and we've had like scares, nothing has actually happened. Yeah. But something like, oh, you know what? Hey, just a heads up. Somebody called me, one of my partners called me the other day. Just a heads up.

This guy I was dating. A person he was dating had something. So I'm going to get tested and he's getting tested and we'll let you know. But, you know, maybe you want to use condoms with the people you're not having, you have sex without condoms with just as a heads up and stuff like that. So like it's right away. It's a show of affection. You're caring for these people. You care about their health and well-being.

So if something does come up, you tell them right away so that they can in turn care for the people they care for. Yeah, totally. You know, they can take care of the people that they, yeah, yeah, like I don't want to, because I have something, I don't want to screw it up for other people that I care about and their relationship. So yeah, it's always immediate. it's always right away.

Even, like I said, when it was not even a sure thing, it was just like a scare or a possibility. But right away, we're all talking and communicating. Yeah, because it's all open. Last question. Because you have so many girls. Some are like, like you said, on the orbit, some are closer. Are there ones that you feel closer that you like more? Or do you like everyone equally?

Is there one in particular? Do you feel like you have ever fallen more? Or is it equal? There's definitely people that I feel closer to and others that I'm less close to. But there's never been like, oh, one that I like the most. There's never been like the one. Otherwise, I might just have fallen into like hierarchical memory. They made somebody my primary.

But so there's never been that feeling. And so usually, yeah, there's a degree of closeness. The partners I've been with the longest are probably the ones that are close. closer to me. We just have a deeper shared history and understanding and meeting each other's parents and doing so. There's a lot more. The relationships are deeper, more developed. And some relationships do become a little bit deep quickly just because of affinity. But there's no hierarchy. The only maybe hierarchy I'm using are for the partners that are satellite or comets. So two more of a calendar where it's a satellite, which is kind of like a moon or a satellite, is just a

partner that you see regularly, but not often. Yeah. So these are partners that I see maybe like once a month. They live further away and we stay in touch, but I really only see them like once a month. And that is not quite the same as a long distance partner, which I do have. It's just a partner that had to move for work. And we're still very like deep and close. we, the relationship just feels closer.

Even though we actually see each other in person less than once a month. Right. That relationship just feels closer and, yeah, more intimate than a partner that I call satellite. That's more, that is still a little bit more like casual, not as intimate. And then a comment is like partners that I see maybe once a year. But then like a comment, when I do it's very intense. They're usually separated by geography.

They're in a different country. And so when we meet up, it's a very intense week because we do all the things. We go everywhere. We see everything for that week that we're together. And then, you know, things really quiet down for the rest of the year. Yeah. It's interesting. It's kind of like, listen, these are the types of relationships that somebody might have one

at a time through a span of 10 years. You just get to have them all the time at the same time, but they still are like that sort of garden variety that people have. Yeah. And because you don't have to break up with anybody in order to be with another person. If you meet somebody who's wonderful, who's great, you can be with them and you don't have to break up, but just kind of like the rule of monogamy, like, oh, somebody better comes along or somebody really, either you just break up with the other person or you're like,

oh, fuck, I'm already stuck with this person. I already married them. This person is so much nicer. And like, we click better. But like, they came first. So now I'm stuck. I know. Like, the lovely thing is you can have your cake and eating two.

If you meet somebody wonderful, you can be with them. You can't date them. And you don't have to break up or leave the other person behind. Right. You have that freedom to go wherever something goes. Like you said, there are no boxes. There's no limits. But last question, like for guys that are drooling over your story and

want to be you. Nowadays, I think apps are the way to go. Is that the, or there are still meetup groups? What do you recommend to people? Like, go on apps and what are the good apps to go on and should they do meetups? Like, how could somebody get involved? Definitely, yes. Apps will open up a lot more for you than your everyday life.

Like the people you run into every day, apps just open this up a little whole lot more. Apps tell you, like, what they're looking for. Like, you don't know if that cute girls, on the street is into you. Maybe she's into women. How do you know? But on an app, it's right there. Yeah.

And so, yeah, I highly recommend that. I know it's more like tiring and draining, but I still recommend apps. And then there's like dedicated apps to which I, again, I like, I like meeting people. So apps like Tinder and Bumble still work for me. But again, I like the handholding. Yeah. But if you want to like just maybe more go straight to it, there's apps like Ashley Madison that are actually more catered or made for people that are not monogamous.

Ashley Medicine, what I like is that they're slowly becoming or their audience is becoming more progressive. So whereas it used to be just cheating. Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, okay with that. It's not no skin off of my back. If you're hot and you're looking for sex and your husband doesn't know, well, that's your problem, not mine.

Yeah. But slowly there's more people on there that are being more open about it. And a lot of them are still like couples. They'll be like, oh, hot wife or cook set up. But they're there now, like all these people that are now more openly non-monogamous. And that is being more progressive over there. That is really cool. I was surprised when you said you used them in your email to me.

Like you gave me a long email explaining everything. I was like, I wouldn't think of Ashley Madison as that site for that. But it's smart for them to open it up or people are finding it. use it for those things because like you said 10 years ago when you started doing it. There was nothing going around. There was no place for you to be doing what you're doing. You'd have to be doing it on Ashley Madison as a cheating person, right? But now it's like it's such a different world and you can find it there, which I'm surprised about, but I think that's smart. I have heard of hot wives and cuck stuff going on there too, obviously. But yeah, listen, I love your story.

It is super interesting. I don't think many people could do Polly successfully. I think it's like a certain type, but I love when I do talk to somebody that does do it successfully because I think so many people get it wrong and don't really understand it. And I love how you broke it down. You really are good at educating because you educated me a lot. I love all these names and stuff that you talked about. It was like interesting to me. I'm the type of person like you. I like to know everything about something. I'm just like very curious. So thanks for calling in and sharing your story because it wasn't just your story was interesting. I just love everything else that you talked about. You really brought to life the whole Polly world.

I haven't heard it explained as well from anyone else. So thanks so much for calling it. Would we call you again? What's your fake? Sean, Sean. Thanks so much, Sean for calling in. Now, listen, some people send me an anonymous pick for my Patreon. People like to put, sometimes the guys do it.

Sometimes they don't. If you want to send me in an anonymous pack, I'll put on my Patreon. If you don't, that's totally cool. It's up to you. Okay. Yeah, I could do that just through the email, I guess. Yeah, set it through the email. get it to me sooner than later so that when your episode goes up,

then it'll be up really soon because I love this episode. It's super interesting. Thanks so much for sharing. So get me the pick sooner than later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll try to get to it even today. All right, perfect. Thanks so much.

Thanks, Sean. Thanks for calling in. This was super interesting. No, thank you for everything. This was great. Awesome. Bye. Bye.

Okay. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confessions, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book but you can pre-order the audiobook.

It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story.

There's a cuck story. There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two, and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally,

the audio book is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. everybody shares content with each other and that's what you get to do there you can post your own pictures and videos there's tons of channels we have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money it's a super fun place to be it's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it i will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my discord it's private like i said all you got to do is email me a screenshot

of your purchase whether you did the audiobook the ebook or the paperback sent it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at Gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast.