Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 881 - GIRL TALK: Magda Kay on the Sex Cult she Joined, Open Relationships, Single Shaming and More

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

Magda Kay called in to discuss the sex cult she joined, open relationships, single shaming and a whole lot more. Tune in to hear all the details including how and why she couldn’t have orgasms when first dating, the sex community she joined and why she joined it, why she calls it a sex cult, all the sex and lovers she had there and what they did to get her to finally cum, the shame that women have when it comes to sex that men don’t have and how she got past hers, why she eventually stepped away from the sex cult, how and why she now defines herself as being monogamish, when she realized she was into women and the experience she had that changed how she defines herself, how and why she’s super happy being single and where single shaming comes from, t the book she wrote and what it’s all about, her YouTube channel she created and what she talks about plus a whole lot more. Link to her website with all her info, click here: https://magdakay.com/ **To see pics of MAGDA KAY plus see anonymous pics of my other female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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So just go to the description, click on the SDC link or go to SDC.com and put in my email. code 37712. Now, I did beg for reviews recently. Thank you to everyone that wrote a review. Thank you to everyone who just pressed five stars. I saw I got a ton of them. So keep doing it. It really helps the show. So today's a girl talk episode. And I have on Magda. Magda Kay, me and her share the same last name. Hers is fake just like mine. But she's cool. She's a smart bitch. I thought we and her we're going to talk about open relationships. And I do kick off this episode saying we're going to talk about open relationships. So we talk more about like her journey in the beginning. She is an intimacy expert. She's got a great YouTube channel. It's her name. I think she's got like their 82,000

subscribers over there. She's got a lot of great like videos. She also wrote a book. She's an intimacy expert as well as a coach. But we get a lot of her backstory on this episode. That's what we start off with. And it was super interesting because at some point she just left town and went and lived in Thailand and was a part of what she called a tantric like cult. And she doesn't mean cult in a totally negative way. And she talks about her experience there and the sex that she had and why she went because she was like healing certain things because she was a woman that couldn't be pleasured by men and wanted to figure that out.

And she did figure herself out there. She spent a couple of years there and she talks about that experience a lot in the beginning. And then we talk like bigger picture and different things. She's very smart. She does teach men. women about all sorts of things. So we talk about a lot of those things here. We talk about stigmas for certain things. We talk about labels. We talk about being single versus being in

relationships. We do talk about open relationships. It's a super interesting conversation. You're going to really like her. I really liked her. She does have a book. Like I said, her book is called No More Faking It. I'm going to put links to all of her stuff. She also has a YouTube channel and a website. She does coaching. I'll put all the links there. You're going to dig her. like I did. So I'm going to get right to and be right back on. Hi, Magda, Magda Kay. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? Oh, thank you for having me. Well, I'm excited, a little nervous. You don't need to be nervous. You're like the real deal. This is what you do. You're an intimacy expert. But you also live in the world of what you talk about and what you

discuss, right? You discuss relationships and sex and psychology, all that kind of stuff, right? You're the intimacy expert. You have a YouTube channel, Magda K. I'm going to put links to everything, right? You have a great book called No More Faking It, which we'll talk about a little bit at the end. You could pitch that book. You have that on Amazon. I'll put a link to your book as well. But what we're going to focus today on is talking about open relationships, because you've kind of been there, done that. You lived in open relationship community. I don't know. You got to tell that whole story. Maybe we should start there, start with your background and experience with open relationships. and we could get more into that concept, bigger picture.

Oh, totally. I love this whole conversation. And these days, topic about open relationships, polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, these terms are known. People talk about it. But when I first heard about it and got into this community where practically everyone was polyamorous, it was a very new thing, a very new thing. And anytime I mentioned to someone,

what I'm doing. They were just shocked trying to convince me. This is wrong. You will never be happy. I was dating, for example, this married guy. And always the first question was, does the wife know? I'm like, I'm telling you, it's a polyamorous community. Yes. So it was definitely an interesting experience and I'm happy to dive into this. I've learned a lot. And I think people can really learn a lot from these experiences, whether they have them themselves or if they just listen to what's possible and what's out there. Yeah. Tell me, though, how you wind up and why you wound up in that community. So one thing I need to tell you about me is that I come from a household where I was not

shown a single example of a happy couple. So I was raised believing that love is lame. It's not real. It's not true. And so I stayed away from relationships for a very long time. And I had like random connections here and there most of the time, if not every single time, I was drunk or at least tipsy. And then I only got into the first real,

relationship when I was 27. And you know what it's like? You hope that it's going to last forever. And oh, goodness, no, it didn't. But here is why it did it. So what actually pulled us apart was the fact that I wasn't having orgasm. And you know, back in time, I didn't know how to bring it up. I felt ashamed, to be honest. So I, like I was pretending, there was no issue. We didn't talk about this, but he was taking it personally and like drifting more away from. And like, I, like, I was pretending. me from the relationship until there was nothing to save. And so at that time, I knew that I needed to explore my own sexuality.

I knew there was something blocking my body. There was some heaning, some work to be done to open my body to pleasure. And this is when I heard about tantra and all sexual heaning practices, like some crazy practices, and I knew I wanted it. I didn't know what it was, but I just knew I wanted it. And so I ended up in this tantric community in time. island, meaning that people were practicing tantra from the woo-woo staff to very sexual stuff. And then once I got there, the first month, we're just doing yoga every day, we're meditating.

And all I'm thinking is, where is all the sex? I came here for the sex thing. I've heard the teachers sleep with students here. And I wanted this because I wanted to learn. I wanted to heal. I wanted to open my body. And the first month was all very vanilla, nothing there. And then, then.

I started talking to people. I was being invited into different events. And that's when I understood what really happens in that community. What happens? So it was a community that was really promoting conscious, sacred sexuality. In other words, it was really promoting sexual openness. As a way of healing, as a spiritual path, for all these reasons. But practically speaking, now looking at that community, looking at the time from the perspective of a few years,

I can say honestly that it was a sex cult. And so it was definitely an interesting period. How come, why would you say it was like a sex cult? Because that's a strong word cult. It is, it is. Now look, I'll say this. Just because something is a cult, I don't think it's automatically negative. Okay.

If you think of it, what a cult really is, is it's a strong community. Any community, any strong tribe is actually a cult. If you have sports themes, it's a cult. So what does it mean? You have common values. You have common beliefs, common practices. Some of them stay in a way secret only known to the community because you know that there are a lot and probably people will judge you. So it was just a tight community. That's basically what it was. But what happens when you enter any strong community, any tribe, is that they have certain ways of doing life and you're expected to fit in because it's this, it's a It's the common values, rituals that make it solid. And so if you don't fit, then it's just not for you. So what happens is that for a lot of people in that community, who maybe didn't have a strong sense of self, of who they were,

then they enter the community and you're like a sponge. You take on all of these ideas without maybe necessarily questioning whether they're actually yours and if they're safe and if they're good. And that community doesn't really exist now anymore because that school specifically was actually accused of rape and abuse. Oh, wow. And so it shows you that unfortunately in places like this, when you have one person and it was a man, which I would say in sexual context and in sex communities, it's a little

risky to have a man on top because a female experience of sex is so different. So it would be nice to have a woman up there, but we didn't. And so it was all his ideas. And one of these ideas was that people should be open. You should be practicing polyamory. And so we all did this. I don't think I necessarily made a decision. It's like everyone is doing it.

It's praised as like a more conscious way of relating. So you wanted to be perceived as a conscious person in that community. So you just kind of went along. So that's I say it was a cult. Yeah, no, totally. Listen, I quit brownies. I can't stand groups because you do have to sort of buy in. to whatever it is. It doesn't really foster your own thinking, which isn't necessarily a bad thing,

like you said, especially if you have a firm, like a firm belief or knowledge of who you are. You could buy into a lot of stuff, but you always have to remember that you have your own brain and you could trust your own instincts for whatever because you don't know what they're going to be telling you. You don't have to believe every fucking thing that they say. But let me ask you this, because you went in there as a woman who couldn't orgasm, really, and who wasn't being pleasure. Did that change from being in that cult or community? Yes. And I will tell you, we could speak a lot about the bad things that were happening and a bit of abuse of power. But one thing that did happen is I met incredible, conscious, deep, beautiful lovers.

They guided me and they held me and they made me feel so safe. And I really saw the difference between a conscious lover and just an average lover. And the way that these men guided me, made me aware that there was no way I could ever become orgasmic with, let's just call it traditional sex. So a few things that these men had. First of all, because they were practicing non-adjaculation, so men retention, they were able to last like 40 minutes.

And for a lot of women, for us, for the vagina to open to those deeper organs, as some women may need stimulating for even 40 minutes and so that's not available for most people but here you had lovers who totally could so they could really hold you yeah yeah and it also happens and i'm sure your audience can relate to this when a woman is about to come like when my arousal builds up this is usually when a man is being pushed over the edge and he comes and so now he's done but i haven't really finished yeah so with these men they were able to hold all of this so exactly in the when my energy builds up and it's going higher and higher and higher, they didn't lose it.

Like they could still hold it, hold it, hold it, and make space for me to go deeper. So that was incredible. But then the second element was that they were very present with me. Like they were just in tune with what was happening with me. And so we're talking about a whole different level of intimacy. And I have to tell you the story because this was my first country, conscious lover in that community.

And he did something incredible. So it was my first time expressing tantric sex. And so we're together and we're making love. And it was the first time when I could actually feel sensations inside of my vagina. So that was the whole thing

that I was trying to heal and open my body for to actually have sensations from penetration, which is something that unfortunately most women don't. Not many women have activated vaginas to be able to experience internal orgasm. And so I'm with this guy.

And for the first time, I can actually feel sensations inside of me. And he noticed that. And so he reflected this back to me saying, wow, you're enjoying it. And the moment he said that, I shut down. Now he felt it again. Most lovers, most men don't feel those changes in their partners.

And he totally felt it. And so now he feels that I'm tense And he's asking me Can imagine you're having sex And he's asking me What happened And I said that when you said this I felt like a slop

Yeah I felt like a slut I never thought I had any like limiting belief in my body That I'm a slut or anything around that But this conditioning came up And so he looked at me and he says And what's wrong about being a slut? And the moment he said it It like this belief just disliked us

solved, it totally left my body. It's like I actually experienced, we could say, heaning or belief work that psychologists do during sex with this lover. And then we just went on and I was just like so free to enjoy this. So I've had situations like this. I've had incredible lovers who guided me like that so that I can open up. Yeah. And I feel like, listen, that's the kind of stuff you could teach to any man, right? On some level, those kinds of things that you learned from those lovers doing that for you, guys should listen up because there's so many women out there that aren't getting pleasure when they're having sex that have blocks in them. And you're here to say this is what you could do to get your woman to orgasm, to get her to that place, to get her to release her

stuff, to heal her. There's so many women that can't come that have problems with intimacy. It's a common thing. It is. And I work a lot with men. And I'm extremely, I love, love, love, teaching them more about women because unfortunately, now I don't know if this is if this is true for you, but most women really struggle to be honest when it comes to sex. And I always tell men, it's not that we want to lie to you. It's no form of manipulation. It's just that women have had a different reality. For practically all of all of the history, women were not allowed to say that they wanted sex. Yeah.

We were not allowed to pick a man that we wanted. We were forced to marry someone. We were forced to have sex. We were expected to be virgins. Like, we could be killed by our own family if we were not a virgin. And so that level of suppression and shame is something that men have not experienced. Men have their own share of shame and guilt, but not like that. Not when it comes to sex.

Yeah, exactly. We are still learning. and this assumption that, oh, she can just tell me, she can just doesn't like it. It's like, it doesn't work like that. For women, the whole conversation of safety is the most important element to be able for her to actually orgasm and really open up to you. And so I'm very grateful because this is mostly what I experienced from these men in that sex cult community. Look, there's some men that were not the nicest. Let's just be honest.

and they're hiding behind tantra just to sleep around. And that happens everywhere. But they're honestly incredible men. And I would say to every man, if you really care about your woman and her experiencing pleasure, just slow down, be more curious about her experience and ask her questions and open questions. Not a yes or no questions. They won't get you anywhere. Open questions.

So how does it feel for you? How did you like it? like that as opposed to are you turned on yes or right like that yes oh did you come huh yeah never ask her did you come it's a horrible question the worst yeah totally yeah i love that but so when you were in that community though did you wind up having any relationships or you were it was very polly like you had relationships with many people yes with many people so i consider myself I guess maybe this term actually exists. It didn't exist when I was in that community.

So I would call myself a solo poly. So I had connections, but I was not the primary partner for a man. So I've had a few pretty solid, committed relationships, but he always had a main partner. One of them was the married guy who had a wife and a child. So he had his family and then I was his second partner. So I did have a few. They didn't last too long, but they were very, very intimate because we're talking about a whole different community that's focused on going deep, on intimacy, on healing, on sexual healing.

We were doing tantric massages and all those rituals together. So it's a very different level of openness that most people, when we're so fast and focused on the work and always externally focused. We're not really at that level. So one of the things we're all saying in that community is that two weeks feel like two months. And if you're dating someone for two years, it feels like you already got married and send your kids off to the university. It was like a different time loop over there. It's just relationships were very intense. I'll say this.

They were very, very intense. So I did have a few really beautiful connections, yes. How long did you stay in it? So in this community, I was there for about six or seven years, but I was strictly in the sex cult part. I was for two years. And then I started kind of drifting away and I was sort of like one foot in, one foot out. Because this is when I felt that I didn't align with some of those ideas anymore. Look, one of the things happened.

I went to the main teacher, our guru, you could say, in that community. and one of the things he told me is that I should be sleeping with more men with different energies. And I told him that I don't really find anyone attractive right now. I don't really like anyone. And he said, well, that's just your karmic blockage. And if you don't push through it, nothing will change. And I'm thinking, yeah, maybe I agree. But you're basically telling me to go and have sex with someone even if I don't want to.

No, no, I'm not going to do that. Yeah. So like I said, there was this kind of push that you should be having a lot of sex and with multiple people. And that didn't really resonate with me as much. And so I was slowly kind of stepping away from that community. And also what I was realizing is that based on my attachment style and based on the wounding from my childhood, there are some pathologies in my childhood that I have had a really big impact on me, I realized that I actually am not made for open relationships.

It just triggers my nervous system to go into a total panic state. And it's just exhausting. And I wanted something more calm and safer. And so I actually wanted to move more towards monogamy. So that's also why I kind of started stepping away from that community. And now what have your relationships look like since? So I've had, okay, there is this term called. called monogamish. And I would say that this is my sweet spot, right? So I prefer, I prefer having one

partner, so monogamy, being exclusive. But there are certain ideas that our society kind of considers to be part of monogamy that I don't fully agree with. Like I, for example, believe that flirting is your birthright and that everyone should flirt. So I like flirting. I don't mind when my partner flirts. In fact, I find it attractive. So I like making space. So I like making space to break a little bit those really tight walls around monogamy, hence monogamish. So since that community, this is mostly what I've been experiencing. And I'll tell you this. Again, this is my life.

This is the book that I am writing for myself. Yeah. But I have not been in a long-term relationship. Like I haven't been with anyone for six, seven, ten years or more. So I cannot speak how this would feel, but I know that I'm someone who needs variety. I have ADD. I'm most likely bipolar. I've never been diagnosed, but you think you are?

That's a different story. But the thing is that I definitely am dopamine driven and I have those highs. I have these moments when I go very high. And it's a bit of my normal. So if I don't have it, it gets a bit too boring. So who knows? Maybe after being with one person for five, six, 10 years, maybe I actually would have the need to open the relationship in some way.

But I cannot say it. For the first one, two, three years, I would definitely prefer to be monogamish so that I can feel calm and I can really open up to my partner. Right. But your YouTube channel is really successful. You've got a lot of subscribers and there are a lot of great videos and you teach a lot of different things. Thank you.

Believe in open relationships, right? And have you ever had any kind of threesome or anything like that? in your life? Would you do that with a partner? Does that a part of being monogamish? Oh, yes. So one of the cool things about being in a sex cult is that we had and I organized sex parties. Oh, you did? Yes. Now, we're talking about tantric sex parties. So I've been to a couple like sex clubs around the world and honestly, oh my goodness, I just don't touch me. So I'm not a big fan of those. But when they're held in a conscious way and Big difference.

And like people are very mindful. They're in tune and boundaries and consent is important. Then I think those spaces are beautiful. So I'm very open for threesomes. I'm open for group rituals. Although I will tell you that I am definitely aware of the risk around your health, like actual physical health, because things can be spread so easily. So I think these days this would be my main concern.

And even when I was still in that community, the last sex parties I attended, I didn't sexually engage with people. I engaged sensually, but not sexually. And one of the reasons was because I started hearing stories of people lying about their health. Apparently there was one person who had AIDS and they lied about it. They said that they're clean and everything. And then they engage with people. And when you hear stories like this, you're just like, oh, my goodness.

So that is something I am way more aware. of now that I get older. So this would be a bit of a thing. I'm like, but per se, I'm actually really open for this. I enjoy this. I really enjoy all the kink clubs. So, you know, Torture Garden in London or Kit Kat in Berlin. I don't know if you're familiar with the scene in Europe.

Yeah, no, no. I've heard of Torture Garden for sure. I had somebody on that talked all about that club. Is it amazing? Yes, I like places like this. Like, for me, I like, I like dressing up. I like, I'm curious. I like trying things.

Yeah. Yeah, no, no, I've heard of Torture Garden for sure. I had somebody on that talked all about that club. Is it amazing? Yes, I like places like this. Like for me, I like, I like dressing up. I like, I'm curious. I like trying things. Yeah. What would you label yourself sexually? Are you bisexual, heterosexual, poly. I don't know. There's so many labels nowadays. Is there one that fits you? Look, I'll tell you this. So I, I am in a place where there's nothing you can say to. offend me sexually. Like I've experienced so much and I've experienced so much openness and tolerance in that community that you'll just like, whatever. If you want to attack me for anything, that's your issue. Yeah. But here is something unexpected that happened. So a few years ago, I actually

realized that I'm into women. So I had before, I had, like, I had this awareness that I am, my friend used this term by sensual. And I was like, I like this. Because I find women attractive. I like sensual play with them. But then like about three years ago or so, I'm sitting in my villa in Bali, just by my pool, and this random thought just comes into my head. And the thought is, I think I'm bisexual. And I'm just like, what? I'm like, okay, okay. I don't really know what to do with this, but let's just see. But I was watching this. And guess what? Then I started looking at certain women, I'm like, wait, I am actually attracted to them. And I was really curious.

I felt a bit like a horny teenager that just discovered something new. I had some group experiences with women, but never one-on-one, so it was all new. And there are a few women that I really like, and I asked one of them out. Now, I should have been smarter because she was way, way too young. And to be honest, that age... How old was she? Oh, I feel uncomfortable saying, but let's just say inappropriately younger than me. Okay.

So to be fair, when I was this age, I wasn't very smart. either. But the point is she started attacking me and I'm like, what the heck? Like I would expect like strictly heterosexual people attacking me because I say I'm

into women. Yeah. And here I have a lesbian or she was like maybe a bit more bisexual. She's attacking me for the fact that I said that I like women. I'm just like, what? What was her stance? What was her stance? So like the way I

look at it is that I'm about 70% men, 30% women. Yeah. I am, there's definitely women that I'm very into. I've never been in a relationship with a woman. And there was that phase when I wanted to. And it just didn't happen. And right now I'm single and I would prefer a relationship with men. So, so I have this. But basically she was saying that because it's like that kind of percentage, she said, no, you're not actually into women. And I'm like, don't you think that I know better? If into women or not? Yeah, yeah. And she was, so I do know later, I'm not familiar with that community as much

and their struggles and they're wounding. Later, I also heard that a lot of, a lot of women feel like, oh, you just come and use us for an experience, but you're not actually into women. Yeah, and so I get this. So to be fair, again, like I said, I'm into women, but it's not a massive part of my life. So I just chose kind of consciously not to really go much into this because there's, look, I don't have the experience of. what it's like actually being gay.

Yeah. And the fear of coming out to your family and all the, all the hate that you could receive from people, I realize that I'm into people of my own gender when I was already very sexually empowered. So I cannot relate to that pain. Yeah. And so I don't even try to understand. I don't try to get into this because probably I'm going to say something that will

upset people. So I'm just not even going to say anything. So this part, it's a little bit like my thing. if there's space to play and enjoy I'm open, but I don't openly say this. I don't openly call myself bisexual just because I feel like some people can get really triggered. Yeah, for sure. And I don't think it's needed.

I let them have this one. Are you still open to being Polly at all? Because Polly to me is very difficult. I talk to a lot of people in all kinds of different relationships. And I know some very successful polyamorous people, people that are into polyamorous and they're very successful at it, but it's very far and few between. I think those people are the most highest evolved people on the planet to be able to really love that many people at the same time. It's very different than being a swing or having an open

relationship and just bringing other people in for sex. Polyamory is a whole other thing. Like you said that when you were in that tantric community, everyone was kind of like Poly, you call yourself Poly Solo. Do you feel like you still have that polysolo thing in you? No, so I'll tell you honestly, back at that time, even though I wasn't aware of this, I still was afraid of commitment. Yeah. And so that type of relating was actually perfect for me. Plus, in that community, I feel like that was my time to go and explore and just forget about any societal rules and just do whatever I wanted. Yeah.

So it really fit in that chapter of my life. So the way I look at life is that it's a book. made of chapters. Yeah. And there can be a chapter that's called monogamy. There can be a chapter called polyamory. There can be a chapter called celibacy. There's all of these different chapters.

And I don't think that one is better than the other. The way I look at this is where are you right now in your life? What are the things that you desire that you need and that you want? And what is your wounding? And which relationship style will match this. the best will allow you to meet as many of your needs and desires as you can and will not trigger too many of your wounds and your fears. Yeah.

And so for some people, this can be an open relationship or polyamorine for others. It can be a monogamous relationship. And it can also change because I have, I have definitely a really strong fear of being left out. It's not even being abundant, but being left out. That's one of my really big wounds. Uh-huh. And so an open relationship triggers the essence of that fear. Yeah.

But if you establish a relationship and you're together for a few years and you feel very, very safe, now you have foundation from which I could actually potentially open the relationship. Yeah. Because I remember moments when I would receive everything I needed from my partner and I didn't have an issue with him going and meeting someone else. And I remember moments. when I didn't get what I needed. And I was in a panic state when he even mentioned that he finds another woman attractive. Yeah, for sure.

Because you weren't emotionally secure in that situation. You didn't have the emotional, like you didn't feel that. And you have to have that first for sure before you go and open up anything else, you know, for sure. Listen, I think labels and stuff, like you said, they could, you know, it could be different chapters. And you could have different labels attached to each one. People could try them all out. And a lot of people are very anti all these labels that they have nowadays, but I love them. The way I look at labels with everything, I feel unless you have a word that describes something, that something doesn't fully exist.

Right. Like we need to be able to name something and it makes the thing real. Yeah. So one of the things that I really love, because this is what I do with my work, is that we have all of these terms for different abusive behaviors. Like now we talk about narcissists. We talk about love bomby. I don't know if you heard of the term, walkfishing. No, I saw it on your YouTube channel. I want you to explain it.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So walkfishing is basically because these days spirituality is so popular is when a person would pretend to be all spiritual, but it's just a strategy to sleep with someone. It's not true. And I recently had an experience with a guy and I could feel that something was off. I'm like, this doesn't feel right. It so feels like this other guy that I connected with that was all really toxic. But I'm missing the word. I cannot name the strategy that. he's using. And so because I cannot name it, it's like, what is it? What is it? So being able to name things allows us to make sense of the reality and makes the thing real. And I think it's really needed. Yes. But then the second step, in my opinion, is once you understand what it is, you let go of the labels. So I also feel like we have way too many labels and I'm just getting a bit confused with this. So I don't use labels. Like, for example, are you homosexual or heterosexual?

are you bisexual. For me, it's a scale. Yeah. It's between heterosexual to homosexual. It's a scale. Totally. And you slide on the scale. By the way, I believe that everyone is practically pansexual. It's just how open you are in your sexuality, how much you've allowed yourself to really explore it. So, but I think we're all extremely sexual. Yeah, I think that being 100% homosexual or 100% heterosexual, I feel isn't the norm. I feel like most people probably live in the middle somewhere, whether it's 95-5 or 60-40 or 30-70 like you. I think that's more of the people fit in the middle somewhere along that scale,

then totally on the end of those spectrum. How old are you, by the way? I'm 38. Okay, go on. I was going to say you look 34 to me. 32, 35. Thank you. Yeah.

I just feel like you're so super smart and you have so much wisdom. Like with your issues and your trauma and your healing that you want to, do you want to get married one day? Do you want to have kids? What does your future look like if you could have whatever you wanted? Just curious. That's a great question because I'm still trying to find the answer. Yeah, yeah.

That's what I think. Yeah. I have never dreamt of getting married. I do not have a desire to be married for a wedding. I also think this is just my personal opinion, but I think it's a ridiculous idea to spend so much money on a wedding. You know what the funny thing is? Yeah.

Not now, but like a decade ago when I would do different meditations, I would see myself with the family, like living a typical happy American family life living in the suburbs and everything. And I was like, no, no, that might change. To be fair, with my last partner, because he really wanted to have a child. We were talking about this and I really wanted a child. Like I felt it very present. We broke up and I'm very grateful we didn't because I would be now stuck with the child without him. Yeah. But it's been a few years.

And at first, of course, I was really worried because I'm like, wow, I was about 36 when we broke up and I haven't been in a serious relationship since then. So I was like, oh my God, I'm getting older. Will I be able to have kids? But here's the thing. I don't know if I really want to be a mom. I do really like kids and there is a part of me that really wants that. And there's a part of me that just kind of thinks of it as I may like the idea, but this

idea may not actually fit into my life. For me, I'm a nomad. So more than half of my life, I've been moving around. Yeah, you're the girl that lived in Thailand for six years. I love those people. I can never be that person, but I love that person. I'm always like, that's my dream. If I gave it all up, I'd be you, but I never could be because I'm more like, I don't know. So, yeah, so the thing is, I have so much freedom and I don't know if I'm willing to, to trade it. Yeah. So, so this is about kids. Now, I will say that if I meet someone and we feel very solid, I may be open, probably would depend what he wants. So I don't have a very specific idea here, but I will also tell you this. I've been having more and more conversations with other women about the fact that a lot of women

choose to be single. A lot of women also choose to be celibate and they're happy. And I think something really profound is happening in our times is that women don't really need a relationship unless that relationship is really, really good. If it's not really, really good, a lot of women just don't even want to be in it because it costs us way more that it gives us. And I am having thoughts. What if I actually just remain single? And it's a bit of a weird concept because we've always like kind of, you know, this is another stigma, right? A spinster and old cap leg. and I guess what, I love cats. But I probably wouldn't be very happy with a cat.

I don't know. I was before. I've never been married. Listen, I've never been married and I could care less what anybody says. Somebody fights me all the time on some guy on my Patreon. He's like a man that's been married to the same woman since he's in high school. He's always trying to project his like life onto me. If only I wasn't damaged when I was younger,

I would have been able to have a man. It's like you don't understand. I love my life. When I am on my deathbed and I look back to all my lovers and all my relationships, and all my relationships and all the people. That to me is like the best life. That's what I'm interested in. I didn't want to spend my whole life with one person.

I'd shoot myself in the fucking head. I do something called marriage math. If you get married when you're 25 and you're going to die when you're 80, minus 25 from 80. That's how many years you're going to be with the same person. That was never, I could never wrap my head around that. That's the way I am wired. I don't understand why people that are relationship people,

that love being in relationship can't understand and project onto people that love being single. You know what I mean? Like they just can't fucking understand it. Listen, I can't understand being a relationship person, but I totally respect it and I understand it. And I'm like, good for you. And I'll high five you for it. And when you break up with one 10-year relationship and you hop into another one, I totally get it because that's what you love.

But I love being single. Like I am so fucking happy. Fulfilled. 100% feel great. and I've had many lovers and many relationships for whatever they are. I'd like to have a 10-year relationship at some point in my life to say that I've been there, done that. But by no means did I ever want a 50-year relationship.

Sorry, never going to in the cards, never did I want it, and never will I have it? And on my deathbed, I would never look back and be like, oh, I wish I spent every day with the same person. Like my life, for me, has been way more thrilling. And that's what I'm into. Everybody is different. And you get that projection from people that are relationship people. They can't imagine being single for one fucking day of their life. Whereas us, like us, that we love being single, for me it's harder to be in a relationship.

Sorry. And for those people, it's harder for them to be single. And I can understand it. But it's fucked up that they can't understand the opposite. And that gets me mad. Yeah, I actually have a whole video on YouTube about single shaming. Yeah. And I think for me, the main concept here is this.

it's not whether you're in a relationship or not. That doesn't mean anything. It's whether you're happy. And there's so many couples that are miserable and then so many singles who are happy. It's a relationship status doesn't make you happy. So just because you're single or because you're in the relationship, none of them are, again, better or worse.

For me, it's all about whatever chapter of my life I am in. Yeah. How can I be happy here? I'm not saying that I want to stay in that chapter for, ever again I don't know but in whatever chapter I am in how can I be the happiest and again if that is now in a committed relationship how can I be the happiest here yeah if it's like dating fooling around or a non-committed relationship how can I be happiest here single how can I be the happiest here celibate how can I be the happiest here and let me just you know okay this is what's happening

in my life welcome this adventure and just focus on being happy where you are so in a way and it's really interesting for me because so I was in this like I said sex cult community which was all about sex and all about connection and I've done in my life long periods of celibacy between one to three years and it's very interesting for me to be on these two extremes and realize that I can be just as happy and just as fulfilled meaning I don't depend on this yeah and for me that is I thought in the past that sexual like empowerment or liberation was like releasing shame around sex and being more open. But a lot of people who are so highly sexual, if you ever ask them to be celibate for a year, they would not be able to do it. And so like, wow, I can thrive in both

total opposite situations. That gives me a sense of freedom. But that, listen, that's true happiness. Listen, I'm a sober person. I've been sober for 24 years now or something when I've been through many different things in my life. And I've experienced places and times where I've had like nothing and had to find happiness there. And if you could do that, that to me is the real happy, right? Like a lot of times what people don't understand is they're feeling sort of fulfilled or they have the, they're being filled up with things that make them feel like they're filled up. But it's like you're not really fulfilled. Like you just have to be happy within yourself and it And it shouldn't be coming from anything external.

And so many people just sort of like busy themselves with all that noise. And they never get to a place where they're really like just happy within themselves. Like you said, they're either in a relationship. They're having tons of sex every minute of the day to not even think about who they are and what they're about and how they actually feel. They're just numbing themselves out. And then if you get to that place, then no matter what you have, you're happy, right? Whether you're in that long-term relationship, whether you have that child, whether you don't, whether you're single and alone. you're happy.

That doesn't mean, though, that your life is perfect. That doesn't mean that you're not upset sometimes and angry sometimes. There's no top of the mountain in life where you get where you're happy all the time. That's not what I mean. It's just that like you're at peace. Yeah. And that's exactly my point. I always explain to people, everything is a trade-off.

Yeah. Being single has some awesome benefits and some pain. Yeah. Being in a relationship has some awesome benefits in pain. And like when I tell people like, they're like, oh, but don't you feel lonely? Don't she like intimacy? And I'm like, I actually don't like intimacy. But this is another conversation, which I think is very different from men and women.

Because women naturally have way more intimacy. We have deeper connection with other people. Men, and this goes back to this thing about being gay, men don't have very intimate friendships because it becomes a bit too close to being gay. And so, unfortunately, men really do struggle to meet their need for intimacy unless they have a relationship. But for women, it's a bit different, you know. Yeah, so that's my B-Y these guys think all the girls are lonely by themselves because that's like a great point and it totally makes sense. And I've never heard to put that way of why the men would feel more quote-unquote lonely or use that word because they have that more in their life because they don't have those kind of deep connections with their male friends like we do.

It makes total sense. Yeah, so I'll tell you, I don't feel lonely. I don't feel that I lack intimacy. But I say something like this when they ask me to go, don't you like message. And I'm like, look, I cannot afford to fly a business class, right? I would really love to fly everywhere around the world business class. That's not where I am. By the way, we don't get credit card points in Europe.

So you have to pay a full price. That sucks. I was going to say, you should be able to do that soon with your YouTube channel. Come on. I know how much YouTube channels make. Hopefully, hopefully. Yeah. But anyway, so I was telling my friend the same thing.

I was like, listen, I would really, really love to fly business class. Would this make my life better? Yes. Yeah. But is the fact that I. don't fly business class does it make my life incomplete no it doesn't yeah i love that i'm happy it would add value but just because i don't have it it doesn't mean that i feel my life lacks something that's the difference i am like right now again i'm single so i am open for a relationship

i would welcome a healthy good relationship very happily right because it will add value but just because i don't have it right now it doesn't mean that my life lacks anything it. And now your book, yeah, no, I love that. And I love that. I love how you related both of those to each other. It makes it super clear. Why don't you talk a little bit about your book? Because it is more about your journey, but it's you're teaching other people how to sort of work through their trauma too. Is that what it's about? Explain it. It's called No More Faking It. I'll put a link to it in the description. Yeah, thank you for doing this. Yeah. So the book, to be, to be fair, it's the first and so far the only place where I really go in details into my personal story of some of the things

that I've done. Because for a long time, I was like, oh, who cares? And then everyone was like, people do care. Yeah. I'm like, oh, okay. So I really share some stories that, I don't know, sometimes when you like put some of those things like out there and then I'm just like, just forgetting about it. Because I think thinking about how vulnerable I get in the book would make, would make me

very uncomfortable. Yeah. I'm just like, yeah, forget, forget that I wrote about it all, but it's there. And I do talk about different episodes from the sex cult. So for me, if we go back to sexuality and if we go back to my experience in that sex cult community, what we also talked about is that you really need to understand who you are, what your boundaries are and what you need. And unless you have that, you're probably not going to have a good intimate and sex life. like we have to come to the place where like, okay, this is about me.

This is about my pleasure and my safety. And I cannot be outsourcing this to someone else. And unfortunately, especially for women, we have this tendency of outsourcing our pleasure and outsourcing our safety to our partner. And even if he or she is the best person ever, they will never do the great job that you should be doing yourself. Like that's your job, right? That's our job.

Yeah. And so this is what. the book is actually about. So it's a system that I developed based on my interesting life of getting myself in some unpleasant situations, realizing how much I wasn't really listening to myself. And I developed a system of working with what I call your four power centers. So imagine like there are four people living inside of you and you basically talk to them. So I always tell my clients, I wish every person was a bit schizophrenia and please just talk to yourself. Imagine there are different versions.

You can just talk to yourself. Totally. Yeah, that would solve so many of our problems, honestly. So that's what the book is about. It's about a specific system to allow you to understand exactly what it is that you need in the moment. Because way too often we say yes to sex when there is a part of you that doesn't want to have sex. And all it takes is just two minutes of closing your eyes, understanding what this part is a about what does it need and then ask for it because usually these are small things,

small adjustments that you can ask for and now you're 100% yes. When you're not 100% yes for sex or for that relationship or for that man for that woman, if you're not 100%, you're never going to fully enjoy it. And also you're actually creating a trauma in your body. and eventually your self-esteem pays the price because if you keep going through life non-stop, micro-ignoring your boundaries or micro-ignoring your needs, it piles up into a massive wound.

And so the book is about equipping you with the tool so that stops happening. So that would be, and I wish everyone knew the system. I'm being very honest. I know it's like my book, it sounds like self-promotion, but honestly, like I love the system. so much. It's so simple and it changes, it changes your life, like, massively. And by the way, just for anyone listening, I'm actually right now celebrating one year anniversary of the book launch.

So we have the kingdom for $1. If anyone wants to go, wants to go and grab the book for just $1.00. That's available. So yeah. Look, let's be honest. I don't know. Like, what's your experience, but like a bit of the reality is that we don't make money from the book. No, I know. I just got a book deal from a real publisher, but I know it's, going to make me no fucking money. You know what I mean? Like for sure. Books don't make anybody money really unless you get a book.

Exactly. So for me, look, if I can make three dollars on a book or I can make like 50 cents, honestly it doesn't make a difference. Yeah. But it can make a big difference for the person because they're like, oh, you know what? Maybe like $7, $10 feels a bit too much, but I can spend $1. So, okay, well, let's do this then. Let me offer this for now to celebrate it together for $1.

So you guys don't feel any like inner resistance. and just can give it a go and actually try it. Yeah, I love it. And it could be for a man or a woman, right? And I have both people who, I have men, a very large male audience, but I have plenty of women that listen to my show too. But could a man read this book as well and learn from it? Look, so the book is written for women specifically, but I have so many men who get the book.

And I'm just like, I love it. Look, one of the things is, I don't know if you read the book, but there is this book by David Data called The Way of the Superior Men. And it's a book for men. And it's basically the most popular book among women. Because it allows us to understand men better from this kind of beautiful conscious perspective. I love the book.

So I love it when men read books for women and when women read books for men because it shows we care about understanding each other. So I've had a lot of men read the book as well. So for any men who wants to read it, I'm just going to say one thing. And when you go through the book,

it will make sense. Please replace pussy with cock. There you go. It will make sense when you go through the book. Just all you got to do is replace pussy for cock. Yes. I love that. So I'm going to put a link to that.

You also do, listen, people have to also check out your YouTube. You've got a lot of great videos on there, short, interesting videos that are very informational. Your YouTube channel is Magda K, right? K-A-Y. Same thing as your name. Yes. And do you do coaching or anything like that?

Is that because you are an intimacy expert? You also, because you did say clients, you keep mentioning clients, do you take on clients and what do you do for them? Yes, I do work with clients one-on-one. So men, women, couples, I say couples, but really any form of partnership. So having the experience from this polyamers community, I, again, I'm extremely open and tolerant. So any type of a relationship you guys are in, we can work with it. So yes, I do this type of work and I really love it because what I find is when it comes to our intimate life, this is where our unique blueprint really shows up.

So there are certain patterns and like you have some psychological patterns that we see that are kind of common for most people. But then they're going to have their own unique expression for every individual. And so I love one-on-one work because it gives us space to adjust the process, exactly for you. It's a bit like having a private chef where you get to say, oh, these are the things I like eating. These are the things I don't. These are my goals. Lose or increase weight. These are my allergies and all of them, right? This is my blood test. What I should be having. So we get to take all of this into consideration when we work one-on-one. And I love this type of approach. I really, really do. So if anyone would like to check it out, I offer a free discovery

call to just first talk because if we work together, it is a relationship and it is like an intimate relationship because we will be both opening up a lot. I share a lot of personal stories so people can have a bit of a different perspective and see that things can be done in a different way as well. So we got to feel comfortable in that container. I don't do any hard sales. That's not my style. It's a conversation to see if we like each other and if we want to work together to see different packages what could potentially work for you. So you can find us on my website. If you go to magdaK.com, you can find coaching and just read more about it.

Or if you cannot find it, just message me via Instagram, email, whatever, wherever you find me online, just message me and I'll send you more details, absolutely available for that as well. Yeah, listen, I did start out saying we were going to talk about open relations. So we talked about so many different things, but I find you super interesting. So I know my audience will find you interesting too, because if you were interesting, If you kept my attention, you'll keep everybody else's, okay? So I loved talking to you.

I think you're a smart bitch. People should get your book. It's only a dollar, okay? That's like a great deal. It's called No More Faking It. If people want to hire you, I'll put, I'll put like some, do you have a link tree, one link thing or like, send me whatever you want me to put in the description? Yeah, I'll send you.

Yes. Okay, awesome. But thanks so much for coming on and sharing a lot of your story, considering like you have it in your book, but, you know, if people want to hear more, they could get your book, but you should. Oh, babe, no, I told you a lot of things. I told you a lot of things that are not in the book. Yeah, I love it.

So thanks so much for calling in, Magda. And do me a favor. Send me a couple picks from my Patreon. They don't have to be anonymous. Typically people are sending me anonymous picks, but you're not anonymous. But send me some picks for my Patreon, and I'll put them over there. And also, like, a JPEG of the book. I'll put that in my Patreon.

I have 2,300 people over there. Okay. I'll get all of these today, tomorrow. All right. Awesome. Thanks so much, Magna. Thanks. Bye.

Thank you. Have a great day. You too. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it.

The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from me. each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories.

And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe.

right, but these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not. It does not. a point, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me, okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and

videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community, and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said, All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord.

So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly anonymous podcast. Hi. Thanks for tuning in to this. this week's episode. If you want to be on the Strictly Anonymous podcast because you have an interesting naughty story to tell while we're meeting anonymous, you could be on the show. Send me an email strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. We're going to my website, strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on Be on the Show. If you have a naughty confession, call my confessions hotline.

347-4-203579. That's 347-4-203579. You could call that number 247.7. If you want to follow the show, follow me at Strict Anonymous on either Instagram or Twitter. That's at Strict Anonymous. And if you want to sign up for my Patreon, you're not only supporting my show, but you're going to get all of these episodes early and ad free. You're going to get anonymous picks of all of my guests. Most of the girls send me in anonymous hot picks of themselves. And some of the guys are sending me in anonymous picks as well. You also get access to my private Discord where people are getting super naughty.

If you sign up for my Discord, you could post whatever you want and talk to my other listeners. To sign up for my Patreon, just go to patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. That's Patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. The links and everything else I spoke about are all in the description. Thanks so much for listening.