Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 911 - GIRL TALK - Advice on Trust Issues, Cuckqueaning, Open Relationships and More w/Melissa

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

Melissa recently opened up her relationship and she's afraid it will ruin her relationship because of her history and she called in looking for advice. Tune in to hear Kathy give her advice and hear all about the ex-husband and all the cheating he did while they were married and all the trust issues she has because of it, how and why she wound up cheating on him, why they eventually got divorced and how she met her new boyfriend, when she realized she had cuckquean fantasies and where she believes they originated from, when and how she told her new boyfriend she wanted to see him with another girl and how he reacted, the kinks he had that he copped to as well, how they found a female third to play with and exactly went down when her boyfriend hooked up with her, how she felt watching them have sex,, how and why she's super afraid that opening up their relationship will sabotage it and why she shouldn't be afraid plus a whole lot more. To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Today is a great girl talk episode. I have on a new guest, Melissa, who wrote in. She said she has had a past of her ex-guy. massively cheating on her and she's in this new relationship with a really great guy and she wants to open up her relationship but she's so afraid opening it up is like her self-sabotaging and she was like very much on the fence about it because you know this is something that she felt like she wanted to do but wanted to make sure she wasn't doing it for the wrong reason so I was like why don't I bring somebody on to help her with this call it's because she was like looking for some therapy so

I'm like bring on a fucking therapist so I brought on Erica now if you haven't heard any of Erica's episodes you should because Erica is not only a therapist. She's also really fucking hardcore. She also happens to be in her regular life a therapist. But I brought her on not just because she's a therapist, but also because she has been an open relationship. She has been cheated on in the past. She has cheated. She had a lot of stuff in common with Melissa. So that's what you're going to hear. You're going to hear a conversation between me, Melissa and Erica. Melissa gives the details of her past relationship and then her current one. They are ready. She already opened up. and they had a cuck queen experience.

It sounds like Melissa is a cuck queen, and we talk a lot about that and how it kind of ties back to her past relationship. Erica gives her a lot of great advice for opening up her relationship and moving forward. We talk a lot about her first experience with the open relationship with her guy. It's a super interesting episode for anyone that's like a newbie to listen to. So I'm going to get right to it and be right back on with Erica and Melissa. Hey, I have actually Melissa on. Melissa is my guest today, but I also am including Erica in on this call.

Erica is like my resident sex therapist, even though she's a real therapist, but not yet at the sex therapist. She's going to join the call. If people haven't listened to Erica's episodes are really fucking hardcore, besides being a therapist, she's in open relationships. And so she's on this call because Melissa, who's here today, welcome Melissa to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Thank you.

Thanks for having me. Yeah, thanks for writing in. You are like in a little bit of a predicament, like kind of like at a crossroads. You're dating a guy. You had an ex-boyfriend who cheated on you and we'll talk about that. We'll go back to that situation. But where you're at now is with a new guy who you're really into and you guys were thinking about opening a relationship and you really wanted my advice on how to do it right because

you don't want to lose this guy. You really like him, but you were like sort of teetering. And that's why I brought Erica in because she's been cheated on. and she's been a cheater. She's also in an open relationship. So I'm like she could probably also speak to, you know, you as well. So why don't you give us the story, Melissa? Do you want to go back to that other guy first?

Like, does he play into your relationship now? Sure. I can dive into that a little bit. So I wrote you this email, and the subject was kink or self-sabotage. So I've been cheated on probably 90% of my relationships. and my last relationship lasted for almost nine years. Mm-hmm. But we were married for one year.

He cheated on me throughout the relationship. And then once I cheated on him, he talked to you. She hit the fan and, of course, he had you always, wait, but did you, but did you know he was cheating on you through the whole relationship and you just never left him? Yeah, pretty much. Okay. Pretty much. Okay. Because it was one of those things like I've been cheating on and it's not like he was blatantly cheating in my face.

I would go find, I would look for it. I went through the phones and found things and whatnot. So there's only one time that it was really actually brought to my doorstep literally. Okay. So you're a little locks about it. And maybe because you've had so much experience like you weren't so much. You're kind of like maybe realistic. Like most guys cheat.

He's looking for a little variety. Just don't do it in my face and disrespect me. and I'll look the other way kind of thing. Pretty much because 90% of the relationship, it was good. Okay. It was just when I went looking for stuff, I found it. Okay, I respect that. Yeah.

So I stayed and like I say, once he found out, I told him that I cheated on him, then he couldn't take it. Yeah, but was that a revenge fuck? Was that a revenge fuck? It wasn't. It wasn't. Well, why did you tell him? I was going through some other things, some other traumatic things, and it was just stressful at that time.

And my emotions were like everywhere. Well, why did you cheat on him? Maybe that's a better question. Yeah, well, because I moved to a different area. I didn't know anyone. And I had this guy, a coworker who just helped me, he was just helping me with getting situated and finding a new place.

And things got, I was by myself, and we were comfortable. and it was like, I just needed some one day. Where was your boyfriend? Where was your boyfriend? Well, actually, he was my husband at the time. We were married for a year. Okay, so you're married to a guy and you move. I'm assuming he moves with you or no. Well, we had planned on, we had planned on moving a few months, well, in a summer. Maybe six months after I got everything settled and he got a job.

So we had planned on moving him and our family. So you were there by yourself. I'm just trying to paint the picture because were there problems in your marriage? Because typically a woman could go a little while without her guy if she's really in love with him before banging another guy that she just met. Was there a reason that you could look back, like looking back and say, oh, me and my husband were having issues. I didn't feel close to him anymore. It was something going on that you took this thing considering you, it sounds like you were monogamous all the time and he was the one. cheating on you. Why turn into a cheater then? What was going on with you and him? Well, with him and I,

it was like, it was a trust issue. I knew he was doing his thing on the side. I knew he was out there. So that, I think, it took my trust down for him throughout the years. Eight years is a long time. So I just trusted him less. And we had a son together. So I think my sister I went down and I'm also getting older. That's what I was thinking at the time. I'm coming up with these things because we really wasn't having sense a lot. So I'm like, okay, he's, I'm losing interest because he's, you know, talking to these other girls because I just had a child because I'm older.

So I'm adding all these things in. But then when I start messing with this other guy, I was like, okay, so maybe it wasn't me. Maybe it was my partner in knowing that he was fucking around with the other females. Because this guy made you. you feel good and in a way or made you feel a way that that your guy, your husband had made you feel in a long time, right? It's very common. Yeah, he was there for me when I needed him. And it was just, it was being platonic, honestly. It was, I feel like he was taking a lead and

helping me out with things. But with my husband, felt like I was taking the burden and figuring things out on my own. So that was stressful as well. Of course. This is why people cheat. This is even why men cheat, okay? It's seriously. And typically it's because some things, there's a problem at home, right? People are intending to each other, doing the things that make them like they did in the beginning, especially after nine years, he's cheating on you. Even though you do have this lax attitude about it, it is on some level eroding your relationship, okay? Because how are you going to, if you have no trust for your partner, how are you going to really be in love with them? So you cheat and then you tell him. And then you broke up?

Well, no. So, how do I say this? So, like, he was really on my ass for life for several months. He came here. I told him because my vibe was different. The energy was different between us. And that's another reason why I had to tell him because I just felt off with him. I really felt off. So he came here.

I got him a job where I was working. And several months later, unfortunately, he strangled and raped me. So he ended up losing his job. Yes. Oh, my God. Had he ever been physical with you before or is this out of the blue? Did he show signs of a physical abuse, mental abuse, like verbal abuse? Never.

What the fuck happened to him that he turns into this massive, like crazy person? I couldn't understand it because it was like several months after I told him. And it was like, yeah, he was holding in, I suppose. But it just went down here from there. So even after then, though, I was. Still in limbo and feeling guilty. It was like the lowest part of my life. Things weren't turning out, you know, like I wanted them to, you know, in this new place. And it was really rough for me. So we ended up trying to do couples counseling and also the individual therapy as well. Things might turn it out, you know, like I wanted them to, you know, in this new place. And it was really rough for me. So we ended up trying to do couples counseling and also the individual therapy as well. And between those two, after the assault, I was really trying to decide if I wanted to stay in the marriage or not because I felt like it wasn't him. But at the end, it was like I put up with your cheating for nine years. And then the assault, the rape, it was just too much. It was like the straw that broke the camel's bad. Like, I can't see you in any other way. Yeah, you needed that. You probably should have left him years before, right? Probably. But you needed something. Like that was your bottom. You're like an addicted to this guy can't get away even though he's not treating you right and so that was finally

your breaking point and that was your bottom and you're lucky that it wasn't worse right because women and very abusive relationships it's like a mind fuck when a lot of people are like why don't you just leave it's it's not that easy okay people stay all the time it's like psychology 101 but finally he had to do something so drastic that you're like I'm totally done so okay so we're going to get to your guy first now Erica do you want to chime in on anything that you just heard because she is on the call absolutely and Melissa, first of all, I just want to say I am just sincerely sorry that you experience that with your partner. And I appreciate you sharing that with Kathy and I and everyone listening.

And I hope that by sharing your story, you find empowerment every time you share it. So thank you for that. And I just think for everyone, intimate partner violence is extremely. common and we can easily rationalize it to ourselves, but it is very dangerous and I'm thankful that you are able to get out of that situation. I'm incredibly proud of you, so thank you. Again, like, there are a lot of red flags in the story. However, I was in something similar, kind of in my marriage, that you rationalize away the cheating. Like, you figure, well, they're a great partner.

It's just this one little thing to where I can, I can kind of compartmentalize it. Like what's happening, but it's not in your face. But I think over time, the building blocks of resentment start coming in. And they're very hard to dismantle once they're there. Yeah, totally. That's what it sounds like. And that's where that cheating came from. It wasn't like, you know, you were just turning the other way and you'd,

didn't really care. On some level you did and who wouldn't. I think maybe there are some people out there who can turn the other way. I think in European countries, it's much more acceptable. I don't know. It's a different vibe, right? But I don't know. I just think that maybe some part of you thought that it was okay, but there was another part of you that maybe you weren't even in touch with until the end, right? That it was like, like Erica said, eroding. Erica, you're a great therapist. The way you came in there and the way you talked with your voice, I was like, oh, my God. Thank you. One other thing, and we can edit this out. But I wonder, you know, the people that can compartmentalize it or kind of sweep it under the rug more, Melissa said she went looking and she found it. And I think, you know, if it was a situation where there was no trace left behind, I think it's a lot easier to turn that blind die. But when you're holding the phone and you're reading the text messages, that's an incredibly emotional moment because it's kind of all of your fears, all of your fears, all. of your insecurities are laid there in your hand. And, and I think that that's incredibly damaging.

And then you can have those complex feelings of guilt while I looked for it. If I hadn't looked, no, if he hadn't fucked around, it wouldn't be there. And what don't we go so far as to say, like, probably you were ready to fully sort of see the truth in your situation at that time, maybe because probably two years before at many different points in your relationship, you could have done that same thing, but some part of you, I think maybe on some level didn't want to end the relationship, didn't want to say so you didn't go looking because you knew if you did, you'd see it, and then you'd be pissed off, then you have to leave. And I think sometimes like that's like, you know, people are in denial for a reason because

they don't want to rock the boat or deal with the big change that would occur if they face it. But by the time, I think on some level, even if it was subconscious, that time when you actually did finally go looking for it, found it, like, you were ready. That was the beginning of the end. You were finally, some part of you was like, this is like enough of this. Let's get the fuck out. And it takes a while, but I think you eventually got yourself out. And maybe a new place.

Yeah. And maybe the new place. And it was like, okay, new place, new beginnings. Yeah. But I wasn't like, consciously aware what the thing is. But the crazy part is I've always offered him an open relationship. because I just wanted him to be honest with himself and I want him to be honest with me.

Yeah, but those people can't do that. They don't want it that way because he didn't want you fucking anybody else. Look, the minute you did, he didn't want it. That kind of cheating and that kind of person, that's not, that is not a kind of person that is going to be good in an open relationship. That's a person that has issues and problems. When it lives a secret life and stuff, it's just like the opposite of these people that I talk to who go into relationships

and have open relationships or are evolved enough to be able to. to do that and are okay with it and communicate. Somebody that's cheating like that doesn't want to be honest. They don't have the capability of it. Like that guy's never going to be there. You know what I mean? Like no way, right? Erica, I mean, come on.

And his deficit is in himself. It's not in your relationship. There might have been parts of your relationship that we're lacking, but there is no relationship that is across the board perfect. But his inability to communicate that with you, his inability to be honest with you and with himself. is a glaring kind of reason why an open relationship with him would never work because he had to do that work first Melissa how long you're out of that relationship well we're not officially divorced because he's stalling

and making things complicated but he left last January so just yeah he left yeah he left yeah yes okay so you so who's standing in front of you now like what's this guy like oh man he's been my rock He just came out of nowhere, and it's so completely unexpected because I had so much shit going on, and I'm like, I don't think you want this. But please run. Please run the other way, but he didn't. He's so emotionally available and supportive. Even when I have therapy, he's willing to hear me out if I need to discuss it.

Anything father? I have two kids, and he helps out with them tremendously. he's he's just a great guy like and I've never been with someone that's so transparent and honest yeah well listen that ending of that other relationship is that's where you were at you were done with that dishonest living in that dishonesty I really believe like whoever we attract and who's ever standing across from us at whatever time is what we're ready for and where we're at and equal to us like on some level eventually you'll look back at that relationship like what what was wrong with you in what in a sense to be with a guy for nine years that

was cheating that whole time you know like there was a part of you that wasn't being fully honest with yourself either and but you were finally done with that and so now that you're like out a place where you're ready to be honest and you don't want to deal with anymore you find an honest guy so that just means you just totally evolved to a much better place he and he definitely came at the right time yeah because you were ready for that because you had changed you had grown in changed. You were no longer that way. And that's what happens. That's why relationships end. And sometimes it's not such a bad thing. People evolve out of them because they grow and change. And if the other person doesn't grow and change at the same time, you're just not aligned anymore. You weren't,

you wanted something better. You had bettered yourself on some level. And so now you have a better guy. That's the way, that's the way it fucking goes. So, okay, let's get to the part where you guys want to open relationship. Like, what is that all about? Well, I'm not sure about open relationships. sure per se, but I've been trying to dissect like, why do I want to see him with someone? I wouldn't have mind seeing my other partner or my previous, soon-to-be-shusband with someone, but we had too many issues going on. So I've been trying to dissect, like, where it's just coming from. And I'm thinking that it's stemming from being cheating on so much and maybe comparing myself

to other women and not feeling not feeling fulfilled within myself maybe like why am I being teen young so much you understand yeah but is it a turn listen I talk to a lot of cucks and cuck queens and I happen to be a cuck queen myself and I do believe a little bit of the cuck thing can be a lot of times is in the person who is is very jealous or has had a strong jealous stuff go down in their past life, right, in the past. And somehow that same wiring goes from like jealousy to a turn on. Now, personally to me, and I know Erica might say something different because she's the one with a degree and I have none. I'm always like when people tell me these stories. I'm like, what, what a great way of fucking adapting to some garbage that was put on you because it's terrible being

distrustful. It's terrible being cheated on. And sometimes it takes a really long time to get that back, right? But if you could turn that jealousy and all of that. energy into like a turn on and control that whole situation with a loving partner. Is it that bad to work it out that way? I don't know. What do you say, Erica? My knee jerk response would be exactly what you said. I've actually kind of dived into the research on kink and fetishes. And the longstanding belief was always that our kinks and fetishes originated with some sort of trauma the majority of the time, which would then play into that narrative that you just spoke about. But now the research is shifting and it's actually saying that people that have these fetishes

kind of are equally distributed amongst like prior traumas or just like organic origin of that fetish. So I don't know like with Melissa, we can't go back and undo all of her prior experiences to say, oh, well, if this hadn't happened, then you wouldn't have this fetish. But I would also just say that no matter what situation we're in, we are presenting ourselves as like the sum of all of our prior experiences. And you can't separate out one thing that you've experienced and walk through life without that one thing. We're a holistic person. So I don't, I think that it can kind of be a mental load to think, oh, I'm into this because of all this shit that happened. Instead, like, kind of flip the script on it. Be empowered. Like, I,

I am now owning this kink, this fetish. I know what I bring to the table. And I also bring this along with me and have it be like a positive instead of a negative. So, Melissa, how did this come up for you, though, that you even started to think about the fact that you might be interested in him being with somebody else? And then talk me through those conversations on how you brought it up to him or how the topic of doing other people came up. But first, tell me about how wedding came up in you. I believe it came up with me with my first marriage when I found out he was cheating on me. Oh, you got a little horny. I did because I just had a baby.

Yeah. I don't have the hormone birth. Yeah. So I believe it came up then, but I never visited it. I just left it where it was for a minute. But then with my second marriage, actually one of our first dates was we went to a sex club. We didn't do anything, but we went to assess club and just checked things out and whatnot. and I thought that would make him feel more comfortable about having an open relationship,

but just neither here or there. But we went to a Cess Club and just checked things out and whatnot. And I thought that would make him feel more comfortable about having an open relationship, but just neither here or there. So it really wasn't really revisited until this relationship where I felt more comfortable with my current boyfriend. We had deep conversation. We talked about everything, Sets. And he has really brought in my horizons.

When you're experiencing a different sexual acts and whatnot. So with just talking about my insecurities or my trust issues and also the kinks, you know, he's free to talk about his kinks and I talk about whatever I like. Listen, the smartest thing you did was bring this to the table with this guy because this is the safe guy, right? I'm glad you didn't try to live it out with your other guy. You know, I mean, this is if you're going to go down that road and sort of figure this out, this is the right person to do it with because you do feel safe. This is a, this would be a consensual thing. This is a good guy, right? Don't you agree, Erica?

All right. I do. And I think that those open conversations lead to better communication across the board. And you feel that comfort level that you can. just kind of lay it all out there for him. Like, he's created that safe environment for you. So what are the things that he's brought up? Oh, boy.

On his end? Yeah, on his end and then tell me on your ends. Okay. So recently, I think he wants to be a cuck as well. Okay. Yeah, so I love your podcast. And I listen to him on my hours, commute to work. So I tell him, maybe some stories that I've heard from your podcast while we're having

sets. He loves that. Just the other night, he had me call someone else's name, like I was talking to someone, well, fucking someone else while we were together. Okay. Okay. He's introduced me to some Femdom stuff, which I'm trying to grasp. Because his whole thing is he wants me to feel and empower. He always calls me his queen. And even when we're having sex, he just gives me these affirmations. Oh, my God. It just makes me feel some kind of way. And that's how I think I feel.

So I feel for him. So, and it's just been wonderful. I love him so much. I'll probably do basically anything for him to please him and make him happy. So you did tell me and Erica real quick before we started taping that you had an update and you just kind of opened things up. Did something happen on his birthday recently? Yeah, so where we are is pretty dry. So what does that mean?

In all aspects. In all aspects. Oh, okay. Like, no, no poor, no alcohol, no public display of a fashion, any of that. So, so once we start talking about finding someone for him, it took a while. Actually, it took a year. It's been a year, actually. So he created an account on bomb.

and someone reached out to him. You're talking about a girl in this situation? A girl. Okay, cool. So she reached out to him and at first she was hesitant because it's not the norm here. But for his birthday, it happened. Like that whole day, I was nervous. I was anxious.

I didn't know how to feel. I was just trying to keep myself busy around the house. And he kept asking me, like, are you okay? We don't have to do this. And I was like 50-50. I want to do it. It's that whole kink and self-sabotage thing. Like, I don't want to fuck this up.

So that day I just worked on my mental. And I was like, okay, I'm ready. Let's do it. So I took him out for dinner for its birthday. And after that, we met up with the lady. And, yeah, it happened. Initially, when they first began, my heart was like pounding out my chest. know what to do with myself.

But initially, just seeing him with her and his facial expressions, it just did something to me. He was so fucking sexy. So, yeah, exactly. I know exactly what you're saying. So, and we talked about it today, him and I, and I was trying to describe, I've been processing it since Tuesday. trying to get my feelings together, my thoughts together about it, how I felt.

So maybe there was a tinge of jealousy, but not what you're doing, fucking my man's jealousy. It was a jealousy maybe that I can't explain. Like, maybe I wish I was her or I really can't explain the feeling, but the side that I enjoyed the experience. I'm going to ask you a couple of questions and then I'm going to let Erica jump in, okay? Erica, I'm going to just ask, get a couple more details, and then you're going to jump in here because this is your expertise. You've been there, done that like her, right? You've been there. I just want to know, okay, so with this girl, did you want to, did you do anything with her? Did you just sit there and watch? What went down with you? Like, how involved were you? I was not involved at all. Okay. I grabbed a chair and sat down. Oh, okay, so you are very much a cuck. And that's what you wanted to do. Do you have any desire to hook up with a woman eventually at all? Okay, cool. So you just wanted to watch.

Yes. Okay. And it turned you on. Yeah. Yeah, watching him with her, it turned me. It didn't, I don't know. Like, I didn't, I don't know. It did. It was a, it was a slow pace kind of turn on. Like, I really had to process like the moment and my feelings and whatnot. And, yeah, probably the day after I was good. No, actually, after we left, I was. was really good. That was good to go. Okay, Erica, take over. Take over from here. I'm just glad you had a good experience and I have done almost the exact same thing a couple of times and I don't enjoy a couple swaps, but I have enjoyed watching my man with another woman and it can just be incredibly erotic. And I also understand it's a lot to process because while you're experiencing it, you could have those feelings of do I like this should I like this what's what's it going to look like 30 minutes from now an hour from now tomorrow so I think it's a lot to to go through in one sitting

but now that you're on the other side how do you feel I feel like I conquered not necessarily a fear but I just conquered that not knowing or knowing, do I want to continue down this road? Do I want to watch it again? Or I'm stuck in that space right there because I don't want to sabotage, you know, our relationship anyway. Because I really don't know how I will feel after, you know. And I would kind of encourage you to let go of that sabotage fear because you have experienced it. And your relationship, it sounds like, is as strong as ever.

So I don't think that a sexual experience with another person is going to be what sabotages your relationship with this person, with this man, because it sounds like you've started to lay the foundation of a very healthy relationship. Is that true? Yes, that's very true. And the fear, I think, can just kind of get in the way of the potential pleasure that's in front of you. Okay. But I think continuing to process it with him and feeling that empowerment, while I'm listening to you, it sounds like you were sitting in that chair and you were kind of facing your past traumas head on that you had experienced in other relationships. Is that true? It's not true. Spot on. And you were in control. You were in control that entire time.

Yeah, I felt like it to unleash that, those as you want to call them demons or past traumas. And just knowing that we do have this great relationship and whatever I need to tell him or vice versa that we're comfortable enough to do that. Yeah. It's an amazing story. I am so proud of you and your man for just laying that foundation and going after that experience. because it's a very brave thing to do. And you're lucky. Like I said, I always feel like because I was somebody that was cheated on in my first

relationship, like so badly. And it definitely wired me into being like a distrustful person. Then, of course, I attracted distrustful guys. That same typical bullshit. And when I started to talk to people on my show and I heard these stories of these people who were cucks or even cuck queens when they had that past of being cheated on and stuff and they got kind of wired into it, I was like, oh my God, why did I never go down that path?

You know what I mean? And I think it's because I never had a guy I felt so comfortable with. And that's why you're so lucky, right? Like when I say you did it with the right guy, you found a guy that you felt safe with because that's, you have to be in a position where you're safe. Because if it is about that past stuff, like you need to know that you're with somebody that if tapping into that past

trauma, you're not ready for it and it fucking freaks you out. Like that guy's not going to be a douchebag about it. And I haven't met that person yet, but like I would go there. and fill it because i do think it is very empowering because the opposite of sitting there and watching and facing it and taking your control back and being turned on is just being like a very distrustful person and to me that's that's the thing that sabotages more relationship than what you're doing now you know what i mean like i have sabotaged other relationships by being very distrustful because it it goes with you it travels with you and i'm just like when i start to hear it on my show it's like

what a smart way to work through that shit. But I think the most important thing is you have to do it with somebody that, you know, you have that massive open communication with. And Eric is in a very open relationship. And isn't that what it's all about? You could withstand anything. Like I loved when you were like, listen, one bad sexual experience with the right partner is not going to make you guys break up.

Like you just talk about it. I'm not into that. That was terrible. I felt terrible. That person coddles you for a week, two weeks until you're better. you go on if you're in a good relationship, right? Absolutely. It's just like if you go out to a bad restaurant,

you're not going to say, I'm never going out to eat again. You're just like, oh, I'm not fucking going back there. I like that. So, well, we have to release that fear. We have to release that. It's kind of like that debilitating control. If we hold on too tight, then we don't get to experience what's right in front of us.

And I really just appreciate your story and on a conversation. I think it's been it's been wonderful. It's super interesting. Let me ask you. Let's ask you. Let's talk you through. Give her a little therapy. Let like, how do you feel about doing it again?

Do you want to try even more stuff? Do you want to just stay where you're at? What are your thoughts about moving forward now that you tried it once? Well, I can definitely see us going to assess club and I love going to success clubs and watching. Well, I've only done twice, but I really enjoy. But like I say, we're not in an area that have that. So I'm also willing to do what's a guy for him. You know, at this point, I just, my eyes are just for him.

I just want him all the time. But I'm willing to let that play out for him if need be when it comes to that. I'm also curious, what is the experience with the other woman? Was it an erotic experience or was it more of like an emotional? experience that had some like sexual, obviously sexual vibes because it was a sexual experience. No, I would say it was just a hookup. So we had the discussion today. Like, I think it would be a different experience if the person was more into him or I can't

describe it so much. But I think, I think at this level, where we were and how they mean. met, I think it was just for me introducing that into it without any kind of emotional attachment, any, without any other additive involved into it, just basic sex. Right, right. I guess I met more of like, how did you experience it? Was it erotic for you or was it more restorative for you? I would say a little bit of both.

I thought you were going to answer that, my way. Yeah. That's pretty interesting. Why you say that? Why is it interesting? Because I am happy that you can experience erotic feelings along with that emotional healing. Because if it was just kind of that emotional piece of, yes, this kind of gave me the confidence that he can be with someone else and still be with me. but it wasn't really a turn on, then maybe with time, it just fades away because you'll no longer have that emotional need. But if it was a turn on, it was erotic, it lit up your brain in those ways, then I think that's something that you can build upon in the future. Yeah, I love that.

Like you're saying is both things can exist in the same person, because she's freaky to begin with. You had gone to sex clubs and stuff, right? So that freaky part of you is let's take this and run and I'm going to have some fun here. Exactly. And I think the more positive experiences you have, the more open you're going to become. Because you're laying that foundation right now. Yeah. I can say that. I wouldn't say no if it if it happened again. I definitely wouldn't say. Okay. Let's let's ask you this. And Erica could talk to this. What are your biggest fears? Like you wrote in because you're like, I'm so afraid. Is it just that you're afraid that opening up? this relationship in some way will ruin it? Is that like your fear?

What are your fears proceeding into the lifestyle? My fears would be him losing interest in me or him finding someone that, I don't know, it's better than me. I think that goes into the whole comparison thing when it comes to my trauma. And I listen to your show all the time. So I hear the good, the bad, and the ugly. So I know that anything is possible. Yes.

So that's where I'm hesitant. That's what, that's my biggest fear. Yeah, but talk to that, Erica, because I think I love to give the good, the bad, and the ugly. But I think if you really listen to them, there are like reasons for why something turns ugly and why stuff goes good. And I would hope that you compare your situation to that because just because someone's situation went horribly wrong doesn't mean. mean that everyone else is and vice versa. Erica, talk her through that. And I think that no matter what your relationship model is, if you're very monogamous or you're

extremely open, I think the number one cancer in that relationship can be like unspoken needs, like unexpressed needs that then leads to the resentment building up. If you, like I said, if you have a bad experience and you are able to talk about that and say, hey, we're not going to do that again. And you feel hurt. You feel like you're able to express yourself easily. Then you move on. And it's no harm, no foul.

But if you then kind of take one for the team, like you could try bringing another guy. And if you absolutely don't like it, but he loves it and you keep doing it, even though and you never tell him like, hey, I'm not really into it, but you just see how much joy it brings him. then over time, I think that would erode the relationship.

And it's that that time and the unspoken needs. But as long as you keep that communication flowing, also be willing to kind of dissect every encounter down to little detail. So I'll say we had my partner. Wait, I just want to overcommunicate is what she's saying. That's the key. That's what I hear in every one of the positives. Yes, we had a threesome with a woman, and it was more of me watching. I wasn't participating very much.

I think I was actually on my period. And I was watching them, and it was really hot. The girl was into just kind of rough, kinky sex. Like we had kind of negotiated this scene, so to speak, before it started. And my man just fucked the shit out of her. And then afterwards, we were lying, like, laying in bed, the three of us. and he turned over and kissed her on the forehead. And I lost my mind.

And so if I had just kind of been ashamed of that, and it wasn't easy. And I wasn't crazy to her or anything. I was just like, oh, let's go, let's go get something to eat. Or I just kind of wanted to get out of the bed and away from that situation. And then afterwards, I said, when you kissed her on her forehead, it really bothered me. And I was embarrassed to say that because it seemed ridiculous.

Like here's someone who had just fucked this girl and you're going to kiss her on the forehead and that's going to set me off. But I also felt comfortable saying that to him. And I think had I not, I would have let those seeds of doubt like, oh, he was so tender with her afterwards. Like maybe he wished that he could have more time with her. Like, I could see that kind of spiral occurring in my mind if I hadn't voiced it. Okay. And it's funny you say that because, I mean, we discussed the do's and don'ts before. And I brought up kissing before because I really have to like you, pretty much love you to give you, you know, to kiss you.

And he kissed a girl and it was like, oh, oh, that's what we're doing. But I felt like that's his thing to get things to get things going. Yeah. I know this one of the things that he likes. And it was like, I didn't know how to feel about that. But I did voice that to him. And he was like, what you said? Everything was a stuff for grabs.

And I was like, yeah, I did. My whole thing was for you to really experience and just do what you want, be free and whatnot. So that's why I wasn't harboring on it too much. but the whole kissing thing was like, that's one of the things that took me back a little bit, I must say. Yeah, but you are allowed to change your mind about anything at any time, and that's what's key.

And that comes into play again with the communication. Yeah, you said anything's up for grabs, but then when you saw that, maybe that made you feel a certain way. And the way he reacts to you bringing that to the table will determine whether this is going to end, to positively or negatively because the partner that says, okay, like, I get it. Like maybe let's like take that off the table. Like I respect that you feel that way and I won't do it again for you like that or if somebody

reacts to opposite. Well, you said I should and so I can and I don't understand you can't change the rules now. Yes, you fucking can. And that's where there's going to be a problem. Don't you agree, Erica? I agree 100%. You have to just talk through that and get to a place that you both feel comfortable. Yeah.

And listen, depending on whether you got your periods, how your hormones are, the way the wind blows, like I always say this. No matter how professional, an open marriage, open relationship couple is, everyone feels a little bit of jealousy or a little bit weird in a way every now and then. It just is your fucking human being. And so it's not like, the key is not like, oh, I got to get to this place where I never feel one negative thing. The key is that if I feel it, I'm going to bring it to the table and my partner's going to respect it and help me through it. we're going to do it again. And it doesn't end everything. It doesn't need to be the end all, be all at all if you're with the right person. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Do you have any last questions for Erica, Melissa, because I love this calling. You got Erica right here. She's been there, done that.

Any final question for her before we go? Sure. I know we talked, I know we spoke upon this about not letting myself, the self-sabotage, get the best of this. So how do I, how do I release it? Is it just over time that I release? You feel like I can release them? I think it's over time. It's having the experiences and then realizing that everything is okay, good, bad, or otherwise. It's continuing to work on a relationship with your partner and communicating with him, hey, I have this fear.

I need that reassurance. I need reassurance every night when we go to bed. I ask him, do you love me? Are you in love with me? Obviously, I know the answer, but I also know what I need to hear. I need those words of affirmation every day. So it's identifying what you need in that relationship, what you need to heal through that relationship. And then working on the things individually that you need to work on outside of the relationship, because we all bring our own stuff into it. And I would say this, Melissa, like you definitely did self-sabotage your last relationship, but I think that that was like the best thing you could have done for yourself. So it was actually a good thing. And I think that just because you did it then, you need to know that that doesn't mean that you're going to do it now. You know what I mean? It's not who you are anymore. You are in a totally new relationship with a totally new guy. And I think that you're totally new too. So I think you could also sort of let go of it in that way and understand

that just because you have done that in the past because I believe that you did. You're not going to do it here. This is a totally new relationship with a great guy. I agree with that too. Yeah. Thank you for that. I received that. I needed to hear that. Yeah.

So that's what you need to know. Just let it go. It's all about reframing. You can't self-sabotage this one. This is a good guy. You know what I mean? And you're honest about that with him. Like you tell him, he knows about your past trauma.

Tell him, you know what my biggest fear is? Then I'm going to fucking sabotage this. Like that kind of stuff, that goes a long way. Just let it out and be done. with it because it's not it's it's your past it's not now anymore yeah great good deal oh my god this is the past conversation i love that erika was on don't you think it was fun with erika on tim great you're great i love i love i love the questions that you ask i just love everything thank you for having me no thank you so much for calling in this is such going to be like the best girl talk ever

thank you erica you're like the voice of reason on the call you're such a You're good therapist, your voice the way you talk. I really believe therapists have to have good voices. Your voice is like so soothing and just like comforting. On top of you. Besides the fact that your words are too, your voice goes with it. You were like born to be a fucking therapist. But thanks both of you for call.

Thanks both of you for calling in and giving me another great episode. It'll be up very soon. Oh, thank you, Kathy. Great to meet you, Melissa. Bye, everyone. You too. Bye, bye. All right, bye.

Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go, that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true.

I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get in.

to my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private. Like I said, all you got to do is, email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com.

That's Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Good news. Strictly Anonymous Podcast is looking for people to call into the show. So if you lead an interesting, naughty secret life that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous or not anonymous, if you're out and proud, that's cool too.

Send me an email, strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com or go to my website, strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on, be on the show. If you have a short confession that you want to get off your back, call my confessions hotline, 347, 420. 3579. That's 347, 4203579. You could call that number 247. I change all the voices on the confessions, too. So you remain anonymous. The number, the website, and the email address will all be in the description. If you want to follow the show, follow me at Strict Anonymous on either Instagram or Twitter. That's at Strict Anonymous. And if you want to sign up for my Patreon, you're not only supporting my show, but you're going to get all of these episodes early and ad-free.

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