Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 929 - FETISH FRIDAY: Master Tom Is a Professional Dom into BDSM

Episode Date: September 27, 2024

Master Tom is a professional dom into bdsm and he called in to talk all about it. Tune in to hear all the details including how and why after his divorce he got into kink, what he was specifically into including dominance and sadism, how and why he decided to become a dom, how he started putting g out personal and professional ads and where he put them, first person who submitted to him and exactly what went down , one of his fave subs that he’s dooming for many, many years and what goes down with him, how he feels about domming men, how he also sees couples and what they sometimes ask for, how long some of his sub relationships lasted, how and why the way he approaches bdsm/kink over time has changed and how that has shown up in his professional life plus a whole lot more. HIs website: https://mastertom.ca **To see anonymous pics of MASTER TOM plus pics of my other female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Master Tom is a BDSM Dom. He's into dominance. He's into pain. He's a sadist. And he's been doing this ever since he got divorced and he talks all about it. He talks about how he got into it early on, how things have changed for him over time. He's a definite dom. He feels very different about his subs now that he's been doing it for a while. He talks about that. He gives us some experiences that he's had with some men when he first started and some women, as well as couples. He's kind of been there done it all. This is something that he does professionally on the side. He gives out all his shoutouts to where you could find him. All the links to his stuff

will be in the description. I have some anonymous picks of him over on my Patreon. But his story is super interesting. So I'm going to be right back on with Tom. Hi, Master Tom. I'm going to call you Master Tom. I know you said before we got on the call, I could call you just Tom if I don't want to be submissive. But I will call you Master Tom. I like Master Tom. That is like your kind of like professional name because you are a professional Tom. Would you consider yourself one? I would assume. Well, good morning, Kathy. Well, did you not answering my question? I didn't. I said, do you consider yourself a professional Tom? Oh, do I consider myself? Yeah. Okay. I didn't get that part there.

Sorry, my line is actually kind of breaking up on this end here. But yeah, it is kind of breaking up, but I am making it what you're saying now. Yeah, yeah, absolutely I consider myself as both my clients, they consider me as a professional male dom. Okay, now listen, it's always interesting for me to talk to a professional, Dom. I've had probably three, you being the third, in all my years of podcasting. And I've been podcasting before most people were. Like, I've been doing this 12 years, 11 years. So, you know, I had one guy early on bondage guy.

He made it into my intro. And then another guy I had a while back, I would say maybe five years back, who was a professional Dom since like he was young and now I got you. So let's get your story Tom. Like how did you become a professional dom? Take it all the way back. When did it start

that you got into BDSM even? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Before I do that, is it okay just to comment about what you mentioned earlier? Of course. Yeah, yeah. I think I've heard those episodes. I would have to admit I am a fan of your show and I have listen to quite a few episodes.

And that's actually something that piqued my interest in having this interview is having heard those in those previous shows, as well as actually one of my friends. He listens regularly. Hi, Rocco. And he encouraged me to come on this show, especially after hearing the other interviews, given that my friend has actually sat through some of my sessions and said, you've got to write a book or you've got to go on Kathy's show. So here I am.

I would say having listened to those shows, it's not the way I would do things. I'm not sure how they would operate as a pro. So I can only give, I'll give my perspective as to how I did it. I've talked to 100 hot wives. I've talked to 100 cucks. I've talked to 100 guys that are into pantyhows. And I will continue to talk to all those people with the same exact category, right? They all fall in the same exact category.

because every story is always going to be unique. Why bother coming on my show if you're going to tell me the same fucking story as bondage guy? I expect that your story is going to be completely different. That's what I want. I want your specific story because I feel like that's how people learn. And I'm always getting a new story from people no matter what they're into because it's your unique journey. So tell me about your journey. Like when did you get into BDSM?

Yeah, okay. Well, let's go into that story. I would say well over a decade. ago. I was, prior to that, I had just come out of a long-term, regular, traditional marriage and, and was really exploring and just trying to rediscover myself. And, and one thing I was rediscovering was, was kink. And it just happened that a partner mentioned or commented that. I was really good. And I said, oh, well, thank you very much. Like really good at sex? What were you doing? All the above, like the kink and the sex. Okay, but what kind of kink? You got to get specific. Because kink,

Kink could mean so many different things for so many different people. Like what kind of kink were you into and doing at that time? I need specifics. Oh, okay. Well, yeah. My thing was really, well, it's a variety of things, but to the dominance, which is like how I would take control, bondage. At the time, there was a, like, the way I applied it with dominance, the discipline.

And then the sadistic bent. So being causing pain and discomfort to a level that just gets up. into the right space. Like the person, a person that's looking for that can really enjoy the right kind of sadism. So like in my early 20s, I was, I was dating someone who was doing her psychology thesis and the thesis was around human sexual deviations and not just BDSM sort of things, more like stepping on bugs on someone's back as a fetish and then be sexually aroused by that. And that was, I found that really fascinating. And so we had a lot of exploration. back then and ventured into human sexuality and as well as BDSM. And back then it wasn't quite

a structure as it is today. And even when we parted ways, I continued with continued to learn. So fast forward to going into a traditional marriage, a lot of that got parked. And then coming out of I decided to venture back into that with, with my, with the partners I was playing with. And so then you leave her and you start going on like absin cooking up with women. Is that what went down and then with them you started to get into the kink again yes that's that's exactly it so so it just it happened and that was happening around the time um 50 shades was starting to get popular and so a lot of the women i was meeting or was interested in the bdSM and flogging and uh and being tied up um and a variety of things and uh and it just happened that i knew a lot of that from before and uh and as i

was doing that it was like oh i really enjoy this and uh and then you blend that in with the dominance the character, the dominant character as well as sex play, being very good at that. Sex play has enforced orgasm, orgasm control. It just, that's what I meant by being very good. It was like a combination of a BDSM and the character and, and sexual play. Okay, so what was actually going on? I mean, tell me some stories. Did you go to clubs?

Were you just dating women and you had different subs? But you've got to explain more. You're talking bigger picture. it started with dating women and just and playing and exploring that but it it where it started to venture into the community was when i think i went to everything about sex show and they had a dungeon there and i think there was like a community volunteers who was giving out like pamphlets on on fetish parties or or munches and community-related stuff for specific, I guess, kink. And so I started to look into that as well.

But what really started the pro work was a partner said that I was really, really good at what I was doing and asked if I'd ever considered doing it professionally. I thought, no, well, no. No, not really. I don't even know where to begin. And it just happened that I was getting ready for a fitness competition. So I was like in really in top shape, super lean, really ripped and took some photos. And back then, it was so easy to put up an ad online.

There was just, I mean, it's not as restrictive as it is today. Did you see, yeah, do you do it on Craigslist? Yeah, Craigslist was not, I used Craigslist for personal ads. Oh, you decided to do professional ads. ads? I did professional ads and I had personal ads. So I was I was reaching out or developing personal connections for well, personal play. And then I put out some professional ads and a lot of it started on back page when that was around. And so what were you advertising? Who was I was advertising master Tom. And and the my phone rang out the hook. But what I found was most of the

people who called were either gay by or supposedly straight men. And at the time, I want to explore, just explore. So I went ahead and did that. The work I was doing was not about offering sex. It was just offering dominant services, sort of like a female dominatrix. You don't expect to go there to actually have sex. No, I think that's what a lot of people have confused. I mean, what was always actually really super interesting to me when I talked to a lot people that were into BDSM, that it was like a lot, it was about a lot more than just sex. Actually, sex was a very small part of it. There was a lot of like, to me, annoying parts, like, oh, you got to write and you got to do things. I don't know. There's like just so much more to it. It's so much more

heady than people think and not so much just sex. Like, and I think, and I never read 50 shades of gray, but I think maybe that gave like this impression that it's just like this sexual thing. But there's a lot more to it. Yes, but quite often in the gay community, it is tied to sex. So early on, I had to figure out a way to communicate that. The sessions were not about, were not about sex. It was purely about kink or BDSM. So explain like what they would get.

So if it's not about sex, and for people that are listening, like, they used to be like me where they think it's going to be about sex, what the fuck is a session about? Explain what a person would get through coming to one of your sessions. Oh, gee. So there's so many different stories around that. I'll try to touch on a few of them. I mean, it can range from someone into wearing diapers, playing out baby roles. It could be about wearing costumes.

It could be purely just about being commanded or getting into a certain headspace or being degraded. There's been, let me see. Other cases, it's about pain, about sensations. Some cases, it's about discipline, cross-dressing. It's such a range. Right. So, how though, but be specific instead. So just say, so you're advertising, right?

Hey, I'm a professional Dom. Come see me. How would the process go? Like, how would you find out what that person was into? What was the process if somebody responded to your ad, like one of those guys? Well, early on, I hadn't figured that out. I simply threw up some photos. And the phone ran, as I mentioned earlier, my phone rang off the hook.

And the eventually what I learned was it was the photos that drew the attention and the... Because it was gay men. The gay men were, because it was gay men, really, guys that are into guys are responding. No women are responding to that ad and back page, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, eventually, I had female clients. couples as well. Of course, word of mouth, but I'm saying back page was probably drawing in the middle. Let's back it up. Let's back it up here. I've never had word of mouth. Never ever have I had

word of mouth. And that's where I struggle to hear, when I hear someone say word of mouth, it just, well, for me, it's never happened. That's never happened. People don't talk about it with others. So I want to correct that. That makes sense. Yeah, okay, that makes sense. So go on. So walk me, so when you first started throwing those up, like what would go down in a session? Talk about like your first session with the first person that responded to your ad. The first person simply wanted to come in to submit, to submit to a master. And it wasn't really clear what that meant, whether it meant being submitting to discipline or pain. And I sort of just took it, like just sort of started the session and just sort of started the session and just,

made some assumptions. I asked some questions ahead of time. Are they okay to have markings? Are they okay to be spanked or flogged, to be restrained? Are there any sort of issues or triggers that we need to avoid and then to talk about safe words and managing risk? And then we sort of jumped in. It's not quite like that today. It's a lot more refined and more specific. But back then it was, yeah, it was very quick. They come in. They tell me they want to submit and off we go. And They're fully undressed and I start giving them direction. They comply. I manhandled them a bit.

Maybe restrain them and then start to. But do you remember your first one specifically? Like you're talking general, right? But can you give me like a specific story about one of those early ones that you had? The guy came in. He wanted this. And this is what happened. A specific story about one guy, the first guy.

Because I mean, listen, you're never hooked up a guy before, right? I mean, this is going to be your first time. also hooking up with a dude in some capacity, correct? Yeah, yeah. So my first one was with a doctor, and I remember him coming in and how nervous he was. And just simply, and I was nervous as well. And I remember telling him to settle in, to take off his code and to take off his shoes. And he just simply listened.

He followed my direction. and I had him on dress, completely undress, and how did him assume a position to sort of explain what those positions were, like on his knees and where his hand to go, and he just simply followed the direction. And I remember I just sort of followed my usual pattern of play, which is to use my voice, to start off with touch, laid my hand on his shoulder, grabbed his hair, leaned into him,

and told him his, is he ready? Are you ready to submit? And use my voice to sort of drive that scene. And I just sort of, I just felt him just melt when I spoke into his ear. And he was just open for me to do anything. And restrained him. I spanked him, flawed him, really was into grabbing his hair and manhandling him. Let's see. And I guess in the end, I guess he was kind of puzzled us. What do we do now? And he was aroused.

And I wasn't going to deal with that. So he asked me if he had permission to jerk off. And I thought, oh, yeah, okay, I guess so you've been a good boy. So go ahead. And that was basically that was the first session. Right. Now, can I sort of went to a different, a subsequent? I had this, I'll talk about one of my favorite clients.

He's been coming to me for over a decade now, and I think he's hitting 80 years now, 80 years old. But back then, yeah, he came in. I'll call him Massatist B. I won't say his name. So this older guy came in. He's a dominant. He's married.

He's in a hetero relationship. And so whenever his wife is out of time, he'll come in for a session. But back then, he came in, didn't know what he was about, but we went through this similar situation, and it got into me flogging him and, and him enjoying that. And that was kind of like a thing we figured out that work for us. So he just kind of, he just wanted more about flogging. And I'd hit him so hard until his legs are convulsing, for instance. And then he'd cry a war. And we just kept

doing this. But how would he get away with that with a wife? I mean, doesn't he get marks from that? Well, I mean, like today, we manage that. You want to make sure that the marks don't last more than a week before. The cats go meet up his wife with his wife later on in a week. So we limit the markings. And there's ways to do that. There's ways to do that. It's part of my intake process today.

With recessions today, they fill out a checklist. They let me know if his markings okay. And if there are any sort of issues. And so, yeah, it's more managed today than it was back. then. Back then, it was just sort of like, they show up and we have a brief conversation, and off we go. He loved the flogging, though. That became his thing? Yeah, he really loved that. And over time, I figure out there's a set of the clientele that really enjoys it. And there's different levels of intensity and delivery that really satisfies the

client. Some of them actually will reach climax from just being flogged. And where are you flogging them? It's not just the ass, right? I mean, are you flogging them all over? They're body? That's a good question. I would say I'd go right back to flogging 101. If you went to like a community class on flogging, a lot of them teach you the safe zones and danger zones. You don't flog where their kidney and liver are.

So usually it's like upper black back or in the leg or the back of the leg. So for me, it's really staying with the safe zones. But what I tend to do is really pay. attention, see how they react. So I feed off of that reaction. So if something's not working, then I switch it. If it's working, I make a note of it and I kind of continue to do that or come back and repeat that. So to your question, it really depends on the person.

Right. What about that older guy? Yeah, exactly. No, what about that older guy? Where did he like to be flogged? All over? He liked, let's see, I was, let me think here, not so much the butt. It was upper back.

Interesting. Like the shoulder blades and delivered really hard. So I'd use my calf skin floggers and I'd use my whole body. So I have a background in martial arts. So I know how to deliver power and I'll drive from the shoulder from my hip and my leg. And also use my, he'll use gravity. So I'll drop down a bit. And I just drove everything into him with this squatter.

And he took it back then. Today he can't quite handle the same thing, but yeah, he loved it. What about you? I mean, because here you are a guy that was like married, vanilla. Now you're into like discovering kink and stuff and you're getting like super into it. But these are your first experiences with guys. What does it feel like to dom a guy? And is it different for you than doming a female?

And do you dig it? Like how did you feel about that? Guy. It is different with women. I would say it's different between clients and being a dominant in my personal life because the things I do are quite different. It's far more sexual and more connected in my personal life. And in your personal life, is it with women?

It's purely with women. Okay, so that's a difference. So with women, it's more personal. But when you were doing it, though, for these guys, as a person who claims you're a sadist, Did you feel like, was it more intense, like dominating a man and that male energy? There had to have been a difference, or was there none? No, no, not really. Interesting.

Okay. It's no different. Yeah. I mean, I've had, I've had lesbian clients, and they're very masculine. And I've had male clients who were quite effeminate. No, of course. But I'm just saying you had never been with guys before. This is your first time.

Did you realize maybe you were into men? men or something or you're never doing anything for them as far as touching their cocks? Because you weren't a guy that had ever hooked up with dudes and now you kind of are in a way. You're having a sexual experience with a guy, right? Yeah, yeah. That's a good question. I would say, I was curious before. Yeah. And I'll admit, I can look at a guy and say, yeah, okay, he's attractive. Do I feel like I want to have sex with him? No, but I can say, yeah, he's good looking and I have no problem with that. I think in those scenarios, what was very real, where they're fully undressed,

and you can see that they're sexually aroused. It was a little different. At first, I wasn't sure about where things would go or what I'd be okay with, but eventually, I got comfortable because they simply listened to my direction. They were well-mannered, and I had fun. Right. And I didn't, and it didn't end up in me having sex with a guy. So, But with the women or no, it never leads to sex? Not with the women clients either. Yeah, exactly. But I'd say eventually with regular clients, it's quite often, whether it's male or female

or couple, they would you fuck me? Or would you fuck my wife? And it's like, well, maybe. I mean, with women, for instance, or if I felt, if I was really excited and I felt I was really attracted to that person and it was something we both wanted. Then, yeah, I kind of, I let that happen back then. I don't do that today because I just find it complicates a client relationship. And so today, if someone, like, for instance, if I had a cuckold session and the husband

wanted his wife to be fucked and he wants to watch this, then I usually bring in a, bring in some bowls and have them deal with that. I was like, I, I, it's not my thing to, to deal with the sex part. Okay. So you're, you're just creating the pain, the bondage, the dominance, all that kind of stuff. But the sex is, you draw the line. And that's what I think, like I said, a lot of people don't understand.

A lot of people leave dungeons with a hard on. They don't even come when they're there. And, and I always was like, what the fuck? I don't get it. But then I get it because sometimes you don't want post-nut clarity. You're in a fucking dungeon. You're like, what the hell did I just? do, you know what I mean?

See, they leave with their heart on and it lasts forever. It's really about sort of prolonging that experience. They're kind of turned on the whole time, right? Without they're with you. I'm sorry, can you repeat the question? You broke up there. They're kind of turned on the whole time while they're with you, correct? That's the experience.

It's drawn out. It's not, oh, they're not coming there to have an orgasm. Some of them do. I mentioned one of my favorite plays is orgasm play and orgasm control, but more so with women. So it's, let's say they have this good girl thing and they've been well behaved and they've taken their discipline and done complied through the section. Their treat might be to get into, for us to get into that orgasm play. And that's usually on the checklist.

If they've checked it off, it's okay, it's okay to use vibrators or to have digital penetration, then, okay, let's, let's explore that. And for me, I really enjoy that sort of reaction from women or just seeing women just, fully orgasmic or getting near that point and just denying it with that tease and denial, or with the orgasm, place, forcing multiple orgasms. So, like, dozens of orgasms for women, so they feel like totally out of control. So, so, but, but I do that with women, but I don't, like, I don't do that with male clients. Like, quite often, I didn't completely deny that with male clients. But that's my thing.

That's just, I, others can, can do whatever they want with their male. clients. Okay, so you started out mostly with guys from Backpage, but you had women as well. And so when did you get to become like more professional in that you started to hone your skills and the things that you did and the way it was set up? When did that? I think over time my website evolved. Do you love having super hot open and free sexual experiences? I know you do, right? That's why you're here listening to my show. And that's why you also need to know about doxypep. Doxypep is a low-dose prescription antibiotic that you take after unprotected sex, as well as unprotected oral sex. Doxypep is like the morning after pill. Studies have demonstrated

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So you started a website early on? Yeah, yeah, I did actually. Well, I'd say maybe a couple years in. I started a website, and that site's changed. The way I presented myself also changed over the years. I also have a presence on Twitter, and I think I'm reaching 10 years on Twitter now. And even the post changed with that. And it simply just drew a different craft.

out. And what I found, too, is a lot of my clients start to find me through Google. So if you type like professional male DOM or BDSM professional or a male bondage master, you would find my website. What is your website and your Twitter? Give it out real quick. And I will have links to everything for you. But why don't you just give a shout out real quick, your website and your Twitter? Yeah, yeah. I appreciate you asking that. My website is mastertom.ca. Mm-hmm. And then my Twitter is, well, it's not called Twitter now, it's X.com. And the handle is Master Tom the Dom.

Okay, cool. So people would find you by Googling it. So you're in Canada. Is it legal to be like a DOM in Canada? Yeah, in Canada, the criminal code, and I'm not a lawyer, but basically you're not allowed to solicit or procure sexual services for consideration. So in other words, if you're, let's see your customer or client, you can't go out, you can't approach someone and offer money for sexual services. The other thing that's, I think that's, but generally, yes, it's, it's legal because the laws apply to those who are buying the service.

And then there's interpretation around the term sexual service. What is a sexual service? And most people would see that as like intercourse or like a blow job. Right. And typically you're not doing that. Yeah. Yeah, but if let's say I'm flogging someone and they climax or I'm forcing orgasms, is that a sexual service? And that could be seen as a set. That could be seen that way. Yeah.

I, but in my personal experience, I've never run into any issue with the law and has never been, yeah, and my clients, neither of my clients. So when you put up that website, did you find that a lot of people just started emailing you and found you that way? A lot of people are obviously Googling for DOMs and to be dominated. Yeah. And today that's the only way to reach me is through my website. I don't take phone calls. I don't take, there's no direct email. They have to fill out a form and they have to do it properly. And if I decide I want to possibly book a session with them or explore having a session with them, then I would email them. and ask for more for more info. All right.

Tell me about, so you said you eventually started seeing couples and all that kind of stuff. Like, why don't you talk about some couple experiences? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's initially I just, I get the,

I don't get husbands who would ask me if I would dominate or do things to their wives and they're, if it's okay for them to watch. And in some cases, cases, it's really, it's cuckold. In some cases, it's just hot whiffing. And let's see, the

in, I found that a lot of them involve some sort of scenario. One scenario might be, would have been more elaborate. I think the, the couple wanted to come into the Dunge, the Duke studio for a

video audition. And it was supposed to be a video audition that went sideways with a pervy producer, and I was the purvey producer. And I had my assistance. I had my cameraman. Rocco remembered that scene, huh? And they also wanted a big black dude.

And then he was like my lighting guy. And that scene turned into a couple of restraint. So the husband was tied up. And in his case, I suspended him. So he had to simply, he could only watch helplessly while we started to, well, first of all, we had the wife undressed. largely undress at that point. And me simply commanding the room and commanding my, my bulls, as we would call them,

I remember telling my black bull to go down on her and then tell the husband, well, ordered the husband to watch that. And while he was suspended and tied up and then the cameraman continued to take photos, I just simply, I commanded that. And eventually I had both balls taking the wife. And, I mean, we re-teased the husband too. so I'd tell her to suck him off, for instance, in the middle of, while the bulls were either eating her out or touching her or doing things.

And eventually, I ordered the bulls to basically fuck the wife while the husband watched helplessly in rope. And I think there was a point where she did actually suck him off and he kind of blew his load and everyone was happy. She got her play and he got his and sent everyone off after that. And that, I mean, for me, that's kind of, that's pretty fun. And so in your personal way, life. I mean, you have these professional clients. In your personal life, is this how it goes down to?

Or do you have relationships with women where just vanilla sex? I mean, and this is like a totally separate thing? Or is this like you're a whole life in that you do this professionally? And also, when you're with partners, this is the kind of sex you enjoy. Yeah, with partners, it's definitely, it's a different relationship. And quite often it does involve sex. So a sub can approach me in different ways or through different sites. I'm not going to talk about the ways they would be able to reach me. Well, your website is a way to reach you and your Twitter, right? That is one way, yeah.

Sometimes they'll reach out and say, yeah, I'm not looking for a professional session. I'm looking for Adom. Would you consider me? And we get into a conversation. And before, you know, we're meeting. we're talking and then playing and then eventually a DS relationship comes out of that. Yeah. How many subs have you had?

Oh. Oh, geez. I don't remember how many. Today? Yeah. I would not have, I wouldn't qualify anyone as a sub today. I have partners that I do kink with, but I wouldn't say I'd have any DS relationship today, and that's by choice. How come?

So for me, a D.S relationship is a responsibility too. Oh, okay. So you're not interested in the relationship aspect of that. It's not not not not not not at the moment. Yeah, that's okay. If it's the right person, then yeah, possibly, yeah. But you're not, but you just said you're not into it right now. Like it's not something with that you're looking for right now, right?

You're not into that commitment. Your life is full in other ways. I mean, listen, some people want to have relationships. Sometimes they don't. It's no big deal. What was your longest Dom sub relationship that you had? Did you have any, like, really good ones that lasted a long time? Yeah, well, I had a long-term relationship with someone that started off at the sub,

but eventually, like, we were together for almost nine years, and I'd say partway through, it just became very vanilla or vanilla plus plus. She knew what you did, though, and she knew that, like, you were, obviously she knew what you did, because you did it with her, but did you also see clients through that whole relationship? Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. It was, yeah, it was ethical non-monogamy. Yeah. It was full disclosure. And it was, yeah, so, yeah, the partners are aware. Just to your question about part, other subs, I have other subs, have had other sub dynamics, and those could have lasted anywhere from three to four years. And the way they were done

was different than the longer-term relationship, and some cases at the same time as that longer-long relationship. Of course. I mean, you're not, you're not monogamous to anybody, so you would have more than one sub at the same time as what you're saying, sometimes. Yeah, yeah, I think at the, at one point I had, I had over five or six different personal subs, and that was a bit, that was quite a bit of effort to, to manage. Yeah, I can imagine. I mean, is this all you do for your living? Is this your full-time career or is this a side hustle? Oh, no, no, no, not, not today. No, I do corporate work today and take very few sessions. It's got to be the right fit today. And I'm not, I wouldn't take a session to do things I don't want to do.

And let's see. And one of the reasons why I haven't been pursuing or or taking on a personal D-S relationship is simply because I'm going through a personal growth period. as well as business development. So I've been looking to start a business. And so it's, I mean, being a pro-dom is, for me, has paid well, but it's not quite consistent. And I can do a lot better in business in terms of making a living. Okay. So you're not doing it full-time now, but you still do it.

So what would you want to tell people? Like, you wanted to come on the show, right? I feel like I'm pushing you for the details of your life. But I feel like maybe you have that different agenda. that you'd want to talk about. Like you got 20 minutes left. Where do you want, what do you want to discuss or what would, what do you feel like is important to talk about and tell people about DOMs and BDSM and all that kind of good

stuff? Or just about you. Yeah, yeah. Well, I, I'd like to maybe share some thoughts in terms of my, what I've learned from my recent personal growth. And I would, I'll admit that I'm still learning and figuring it out. So I would say over time, the way of approach Kink has changed today. A lot of it is really focused on a more caring and compassionate aspect.

That's interesting. Something more realistic, too. Before it was all about, it was largely about the ownership and that submission to that ownership. And today, I find that I'm not sure that model really works. I'm still trying to figure that out because I find that over time, eventually the relationship can deteriorate because people change. And what I've been focused on really is around safety. And there's a lot of focus.

There's been a lot of attention around physical safety. You've got to know what you're doing. You've got to know, you've got to be competent with the things you do in BDSM. So let's, for instance, if you're doing rope bondage, you should be trained. You need to be safe in terms of how you tie and having, procedures to manage risk. But I think there's a bigger thing that needs to be looked at, and that's really the emotional and psychological safety. Well, that's what I would always felt like all that talking and writing and the intake is all

about. I always felt like that was the most important to most people in BDSM, because, listen, what you're going to do and what takes total trust with somebody else, right? And when you partner up in that kind of situation, both people have to know a lot about what's going to go down beforehand. And there's a lot of negotiating and talking and all that stuff to tend to that. Isn't there all in the beginning, isn't that typically what it's all about? I think that's the starting point. A lot of that really still ties back to physical safety. But you're talking, but so what's the difference with the emotional safety? So that's what you're talking about? It's, the emotional and cycle.

psychological safety is what happens when you take the people into a certain headspace. Yeah. And having that sort of dynamic over time. It's, it's, it's, and caring about that person. And you, I mean, we, quite often you may hear about aftercare or. Yeah, I heard a woman recently talk about some space and talk about how she crashes after it. And it's like the worst feeling in the world. And I'm like, wow, that kind of makes sense.

Because if you get like really fucking high and then you come down from that, like you could get really low. and nobody really brings it up, but she found that like she crashed really hardcore and it didn't really feel good. It was like a really weird place to be. Is that what you're talking about, those kinds of fluctuations? Yes, but even deeper. Because when you're in it, when you're dealing with DS, a DS dynamic or relationship that's ongoing, it's, there's more to it than those highs and lows of the scene. So the subspace and the headspace and those are the highs and lows. Yeah. But when you're when when you when you let's say as I mentioned I've had some DAS relationships that went on for four years. It's it's it's it's it's the it's the day to day interactions and and management of that relationship that also matters. And how how do you feel like different about it now? What is that difference that you feel like you see now than you did early on in your D.S relationships? You said you feel like you think you feel differently about it. more understanding of what more understanding of the other person and what do you need to be understanding

about when it comes to a sub that you were that most maybe doms aren't thinking about like you were and now that you like what is that difference listen you've been doing this a long time right you're saying that you're having sort of this awakening now where you see things very different like how did you used to see the subs emotional needs and how did you tend to them before and how do you feel about that now and why? That's interesting to me, I think. It's actually, the understanding is more about, it's about digging deeper to really understand what that other person feels and what they're thinking and how they interpret the things that I do. And in the past, it was really, I mean, it was very surface level and because I didn't need,

I didn't need to dig that much because they're simply submitting to me and listening to what I, or following what I tell them to do. Today, it's really understanding how do they feel that day? What are the issues in their life and how are they seeing things? And not having to matter to me, even though I'm dominant and they'll comply with what I tell them to do. They still are in control. I mean, they're still obviously in control. Well, I mean, because they've submitted.

but it's but my my intention and motive is different in terms of the care and understanding of that person so it's it's a there's a greater focus in terms of knowing that other person and what they're feeling and thinking and recognizing that they have needs and wants and and being a dominant some I mean some dominance don't have to care about what they what they what the needs and wants. Well, I don't know. I mean, did you ever take any courses in BDS? I find that when I talk to most doms, I mean, to me, that kind of stuff and that kind

of information was all that talky, talking, talking, emailing back and forth and written fucking 10-page documents that were sent back and forth. That's what I always got, that that kind of stuff was extremely important. And that's what it was mostly about. There was a lot of supposedly that kind of. build up typically before anyone ever even met so that everybody is okay on every single level because when you come together in that kind of experience, I mean, a lot could go wrong, emotionally, physically. So I always felt like, I always felt like all of that stuff was

deeply negotiated a lot beforehand. But maybe you just didn't roll that way. I don't know. Before, it sounds like now you feel like you get that more. It's possible that some people may have gone through all of that detail, but from what I've seen, that's not the case. That's not always the case, and it wasn't the case for me. And so from my personal perspective, it's a change in terms of how much I care and dig how much how deep I go to understand the other person. And the reality is that changes over time too. So even if you've established that contract early on, people change and the situation changes. And if you truly care and understand, you'd always want to be digging deeper.

Yeah. I mean, that's what I always thought it was about. But what were the consequences of you? Because obviously you must have changed your mind about it because things went awry or something. I mean, like, what were the consequences when you weren't doing that much digging before about your subs emotional needs? Like what would wind up happening that was. negative. Well, the dynamic would, the dynamic or relationship would end. And in some cases, it wouldn't be, it wouldn't end on good terms. Right, right, right. Right. And, well, I mean, might not be

important to some people. And that's, and that's part of my personal journey because I just sort of see life a little bit differently. And, and, and my, my, the values I focus on have changed. And, and, but that, that's, that's, that's just me and where I'm at in life. Yeah, but that's okay. Are you still into being a dom or do you still consider yourself a sadist or are you still into kink like you were before yeah yeah oh yeah oh totally and and and and but again it's it's how i approach being a sadist for being a dominant and and and applying those values while being a sadist and a dominant now what is difference in your intake now or your aftertake or you know what do you do different now that you've been doing this for a long time and you see a

how do you roll differently? Like, how does it play out differently? Well, from a client standpoint, the intake isn't any different. But I would say my decision process in terms of taking on a client is a little different. If I don't see it's really beneficial or if it's detrimental to the client, then I simply just don't take the request. And how could you tell that? You ask some certain questions and you feel them out in a way that would give you that information?

Oh, it's what the information they provide. And the situation they explain. And if it's, I don't think I can help them or this, it would be, it would lead to something unhealthy for them. Then then, or I suspect it may be that may that be the case. I may ask more questions to find out. and if I determine that it truly isn't healthy for them, then for... Listen, I would expect that to come with time. I get that.

I get that. After doing it for so many years, you probably see red flags that you wouldn't have realized were red flags early on. I mean, and that comes with experience. So now you could, like, weed out those people ahead of time because you've had enough people to know, oh, this is the red flags that have happened before that make it end. badly and you don't want someone to get fucked up over the situation, right? That's what's going to. Yeah,

which totally makes sense. And I think that probably the more experiences you have, you learn that way, right? Because how else are you going to know? It's like any relationships. It's like when I was younger, I dated terrible guys. Like, I wouldn't date those guys now because I would see the red flags. And for you, that's the difference, right? You now, you don't need to have those clients where it's going to wind up in a bad experience. But I think that comes with any. kind of long like that comes with experience right been there done that now and now you could be picky pickier right because you don't want to ruin somebody's day or have it a bad ending and listen i had a guy on the last guy on that i had that was a sadist people fucking hated him he was like he was not

at the place where you was like he just came across him he liked to be fucking mean to people do you know i mean it's kind of nice that you've softened and you do have those feelings and that people I think it's important for people to know that you can be a sadist, right, and be a nice guy at the same time, because I think a lot of times people don't believe those two things could go together. Oh, they totally can. And they should. But it took. And yeah.

Well, yeah. And now it's quite often my clients call me, I mean, they call me Master Tom, but it's also fun, Tom. So even though I'm inflicting pain and discomfort, it's fun. Yeah. Yeah, it's playtime. Like you said, you want to add to their life, not take away or cause any kind of problems. Like you want it to be beneficial to them and you want them to be healthy and on solid ground so that this is all consensual and cool. Because listen, some people are coming from a dark place and that's what you want to stay away from.

Yes, yeah. Yeah. Oh, you summed that up really well. Listen, Master Tom, give out all your information again. Are you, you are taking on new clients. If somebody were like to look for you or they're listening, oh, I need a master Tom of my life. Like, are you open to new clients?

Oh, yeah. Okay, cool. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I get, I get, I get, I love reading the request sometimes because the request can be very creative. By the way, the person that reached out to me about penguin outfits and costumes, feel free to reach out again. I don't have your contact anymore.

So if you're listening to the show, they, they, they, There was a request to wear. I could imagine. Yeah. But the clown outfit, but the clown clats got, that's definitely a limit for me. I won't dress up as a clown. Oh my God. They want on you, too.

They can't tell you what the fuck to do. They got to tell you what you want to do to them. But I do, I do love the interesting scenarios. And I would say I'm very, I'm very fortunate to have that variety of. But you're open to more. So why don't you give out all your information information so people can find you.

Yeah, yeah. So as I mentioned, they can find me online on the web at master tom.ca. And through Twitter or X.com at MasterTom, the Dom. But mainly through the website, they just fill up the form and just introduce themselves, describe themselves, and tell me what they're looking for. And I think there's a fit, then I'll reach back out. and we'll have a conversation and see. Listen, like I said, I could talk to 100 doms.

I've only talked to three, and you're very different than every other one that called in, and it gave us a very different angle of things, which I think is super interesting. So thanks so much for calling in. If you want to send in anonymous picks for my Patreon, that would be cool. I'm sure you have some right for your website and stuff.

And also, I'll give you free access to my Discord. You could go in there. I have a BDSM channel in there, as well as a guest channel for when people come on. I'll give you free access there. So you could promote whatever you want to the people on my Discord. That would be lovely. Yeah, yeah.

I'll give you free access to that. And your episode will definitely be up on a Fetish Friday very soon. So stay tuned. I'll text you when it's going to be up, okay? And give you the link to Discord. But do me a favor and send me your picks ASAP. So if I want to air it next Friday, I have it. So sooner than later, just get me the pick so I know that I have them so I can air your

episode, okay? Yeah, we'll do. All right. Thanks so much, Tom, for calling in and sharing your story. Super interesting. All right. Thanks. Bye now. Thank you. Bye. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly anonymous confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available, not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audio book. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically, 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk

about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now.

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