Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 959 - Clarissa Cheats on her Husband and She Doesn't Feel Guilty AT ALL!

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

Clarissa cheats on her husband and she doesn’t feel guilty at all and she called in to talk all about it. When did she start cheating on her husband? Why did she start? And, Who does she cheat on his with? Tune in for all the details which include what was on her sex bucket list that her husband wasn’t into, where she started looking for the men, the first dom she hooked up and exactly what went down, the random guy she met at a hotel bar and exactly what went down with them, the threeway she was surprised with and how that led to double penetration, how the guys the 3some also hooked up and fooled around, the couple she hooked up with and used a strap on with wife, how did she feel after the first time she cheated and how does she feel about it now, how her husband is European and how that justifies what she’s doing, how she feels about the US view of marriage and how that doesn’t really work for her, how and why she doesn’t feel guilty and a whole lot more. REPEAT (originally aired 05/2022) **To see pics anonymous pics of most of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order https://beducate.me/anonymous60 Get BEDucated! For 60% off PLUS a FREE 24 hour trial, click the link and use code: anonymous60 Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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And then you get a new one every month forward. If you want to sign up for my Patreon, it's patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. That's patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. And like I said, you get access to my Discord too, where people get super naughty. You could go on my Discord and talk to other cross-dressers and post picks and stuff and they do the same. Now listen, if you're interested in signing up, for SDC, which is like the most popular online dating website for adults, it's SDC.com, they're worldwide. You can now sign up for SDC. If you use MyC 37712, you're going to get a free trial.

So if you want to check it out, SDC.com, use My Code 37712 or just go to the description and click on the link. The thing about SCC that everybody loves is it's not just a place to hook up, right? like you could post picks. It's an online date adult website. But it also has all the munches and the meet and greets and the parties and all that kind of good stuff in your area as well as in every area. So if you're traveling and you want to meet other cross-dusters like you, maybe you could look for them over at SDC. You get a free trial, click on the link or use my code 37712. I'm going to get right to today's guest. Her name is Clarissa. And that's right. Clarissa is cheating on her husband and she does not feel guilty.

about it at all. And it's a variety thing. It's strictly a variety thing. It's not like she has a bad relationship with her husband. It's just that her husband isn't into certain things that she's into. Like BDSM. She's done BDSM behind his back, double penetrations, two guys at once, that kind of stuff. I was like, listen, Clarissa, you're going to get a lot of hate. Because I really do believe that there is a very big double standard when it comes to the judgment that people throw out at a woman who's cheating as opposed to a guy who is. Listen, I know that guys get a lot of slack for cheating, but this is a woman who's cheating because she's into variety. There's plenty of guys that cheat because they're into variety. But I don't think that they get as much flack as poor Clarissa is going to get. I don't know.

even me, I have to be completely honest that even when I was listening to her story, I was kind of like, do I believe her? And then I'm saying to myself while I'm listening is, but why wouldn't I believe her? This is why guys cheat and why do we have this double standard? Why do we not think that there's a woman out there who's cheating for the same reason that guys do? I think we tend to think that the woman's cheating it's because she's not emotionally getting what she wants at home. And that's a reason why a lot of people cheat. But in this situation, it's not that. Just like in some cheating stories when I'm talking to a guy, it's not about that. It's strictly about variety. And like I said, even when I was listening, I was not so much judging, but finding it hard to believe because I'm like, oh,

where is the conflict? Where is the guilt? Where is any kind of sense of like feeling for her husband of what she's doing behind his back? But I was thinking to myself, do I sometimes always go to that place when I'm talking to the guy who's doing the same thing as her? And I'm like, no, sometimes I don't even ask those questions. So I'm like, maybe I'm like judgmental as hell. Like, why do we have these double standards? I think that they exist. I think that they're definitely there. And so I'm curious as to how everyone who listens to it feels about her story. Do you feel the same way I am? There's got to be more to it or do you feel like no way? That's exactly what I'm doing and there doesn't have to be the confliction. I don't know. I'm just curious. I worry for her, like I said, she's going to get bad comments.

it's an interesting conversation to have bigger picture. And the bigger conversation to me is, what the fuck? Why do I feel like a woman can't compartmentalize those things and just be into variety and be doing it? And why are some of you going to feel the same way? I don't know. Or maybe you don't. And I'm just the fucked up one in this scenario. I don't know. But that's why I'm putting it out here because I want to have those kind of conversations. So if you feel something about this one, go and comment. Okay. Anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Clarissa. Welcome. to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? Fine. Thanks. Hi. How are you? Good. So you're calling in because you have like a secret life going on. Is that correct? Some sort of secret life going on. You're married.

I am. But you do play around behind your husband's back. Like what's your story? It's a long story, as these things usually are. But a couple of years ago, I mean, now it's quite a while ago when our kids were finally getting to be more independent. My spouse and I drank a bottle of wine and started talking about things. And I had, you know, maybe it was more than one bottle of wine. But I mentioned a few things that were still kind of on my sex bucket list. And as it turns out, he was not really interested. What were the things that were on your bucket list?

So one of the things that I was really interested in was BDSM. and my spouse was just, I mean, not only did he like not like the menu, he was kind of like, we're in the wrong restaurant. Like, he just did not, he was not interested. Okay. What else was on that list that he wasn't into? I mean, he wasn't into anything? Was there anything he liked on the research bucket list? Yeah, don't get me wrong.

I mean, this is one of the strange things. I think people always think if you're out doing this, you must be really unsatisfied at home. Mm-hmm. And that's actually not the case. case. I just really like variety. And, you know, there were, so one of the other things was like a three way with another man. And that was like, no way, not having another guy in the room can't happen. And, you know, I thought about this for a while and I figured there were two things you can do. I mean, one, you can just say, okay, I'm married. This is a fantasy. It's going to stay a fantasy

forever because my partner's not into it. The other thing is to say, you know, I'm a grown-ass woman. my sexual well-being is my affair. I am in charge of that and responsible for it. And I thought about it for a while and it really came to the conclusion. Everybody's wired like they're wired. You know, I don't know why the things that turn me on turn me on, they just do. This is something that my spouse doesn't feel turned on by. What's he going to do about that? Nothing's not his fault. So I had decided, you know, I thought, well, God, you know, if I don't do this, it'll probably just fester. I'll just end up resenting my partner and I'll blame him. because I won't know this about myself.

And that just didn't seem fair to me. So that's kind of the impetus, was the impetus behind this. You having affairs behind your back. But how long were you married? How long have you been married? 32 years this year. Okay.

And how old are you and how old are your husband? I'll be 55 and he's three years older. So all this time you and your husband up until three years ago, I mean, what was the sex life before? You know, good. I mean, just kind of, you know, with people, married people settle into a routine. You know, my husband's pretty vanilla. I had a lot more experience before we married than he did.

And I've always just been somebody who has used sex as a way to explore the world. And, you know, there's lots of ways to explore the world. When did you realize that you were into BDSM and, you know, wanting multiple partners at the same time? When did those? fantasies. Well, you know, I think they were always fantasies. I think it, when you're raising small children, you know, you're occupied. I think you, I need a couple you talk to will tell you that when you have small children, not that your sex life completely tanks, but I mean, it just takes a backseat often to the concerns of your children. So I think this was probably always in the back of my mind. I was just waiting for what I thought would be the right time to kind of say, hey, we've been together

a long time. Our kids are in a good place. How about let's, you know, let's soup this up a little. But what got you into BDSM? I mean, are you a sub or are you a dumb? Like, how did you realize that that was something that you wanted to try? Well, you know, I always had fantasies about it. I mean, I don't know how most people have their first experience with that, but I had always been curious and I had read some things about it and thought this sort of speaks. I find this very arousing. This speaks to my sexuality. But I really knew nothing.

I mean, in practice, nothing about it. So what happened after this was I told myself, okay, maybe I'm nuts. Maybe nobody's into this. Now, of course, with the advent of the internet, whatever you're into, somebody's going to be into it. I mean, I think I was just, that was naive on my part. Well, anyway, I went on Craigslist. You know, and back then, Craigslist was, I don't know where you're located. But Craigslist was where I was really a very vibrant forum for all sorts of stuff.

And I went on Craigslist and I started, I answered an ad called Smart, Sexy, and Sometimes Submissive, which led me to somebody. You know, we met for a drink. This person seemed sane. He had a lot of experience with BDSM. I had none, obviously. He quizzed me for a long time. what I was interested in and why, and so we made a date, and it was a really good experience. I mean, nothing bad happened. I've got a little bit of an introduction to this, decided that

it was something that I was interested in. I mean, maybe not exclusively, but it was interesting. It was, I got a little bit of an introduction to this, decided that it was something that I was interested in. I mean, maybe not exclusively, but it was interesting. It was... What exactly went down and where did you guys need and all that stuff? Get into some details. Yeah. So we met in a hotel and he was very experienced.

So he brought all the gear and given me specific instructions, you know, wear a dress, a dark dress, high heels, kind of had me waiting in the lobby with all these old people for a long time, which really made me squirm. Yeah. And then, you know, we met. He told me what room it was and to go get champagne foods and a bottle opener, which I did. And then, you know, he blindfolded me at the door, so I didn't see much. And the room was dark anyway. He lit a bunch of candles.

You know, so first it was, you know, it was pretty, pretty, I would think he was pretty low-key. But after a while, he asked me to go get his gear, you know, get something from this bag that he said, you know, he told me where in room it was I couldn't see but you know so I was going to go over there and he's like no crawl and bring it to me with your mouth so I did and it felt like some sort of fuzzy fuzzy cuff thing which he then ended up using to kind of cuff me at this point he's asking me to call him sir which I'm really hard not to giggle because this is it's I guess so unfamiliar that it's almost like oh this is you know this is kind of silly I know who this guy is like you know I'm not his slave he's not my master. It took a while for me to kind of get into the flow of things, but he was actually

really, really good at managing that. I mean, one of the things that I was very interested in, which was something my husband did not, was just like, ugh, no. And when I had spoken to this man, he didn't have a problem with it. He's like, sure. And he's like, you've never, you know, you're 41 and you've never done. Like, nope. One abortive attempt in London with a guy that had a dragon tattooed on his dick, which probably should have been a dead giveaway that he was not the guy to try that with. Oh, just dick. This was London in the 80s.

So, just I think good sex that involves anal requires some finesse and a lot of communication and that guy had neither. Right. Okay. So your, and your husband never wanted to try. Yeah, he never, yeah, he just did not. It was just not interested. I mean, typically with BDSM, there's a lot of.

of talking and writing. You know, it doesn't just typically normally go straight to sex. There's a lot of, you know, the Dom sub thing, there's a lot, the foreplay that goes in is a lot of stuff that has nothing to do with sex. I'm surprised that like this guy just sort of had you come meet him at a, at a hotel. Well, I was interesting. I'm kind of glad he did because I'm afraid, you know, I think if there had been a lot of space between when we met at the bar, there was a week between when we met at the bar.

there was a week between when we met at the bar and had kind of this long discussion about what's in it for me. If there had been a lot of time in between, I think I might have chickened out. Right. Okay. You know, and I'm really glad that I didn't chicken out. You know, because it was a very subspace is a really interesting place to be. And it's hard. I don't, you know, I've met other people who claimed they were dumb since then who were much less. skilled and attentive.

I mean, one of the things this guy was really good is he, you know, sadly, again, not sadly, but it's one of the interesting things about that sort of sexual relationship that you need a certain amount of detachment. Like if the dom gets way too into it, it's always the potential that he'll get swept away, which would be bad. Then things might go overboard. He was very good at that. I mean, sort of with the anal, at one point he had me tied up.

up. It was just kind of a surreal experience at that point. He was asking me whether I wanted to pass out because he knew I was kind of interested in. I had indicated I was interested in some breath play, which of course also was like, my spouse was like, you want me to do what? Like, no, I'm not doing that. Or have anal and I was just like, at that point, I was so woozy and just really kind of bliss out that I'm like, no, fuck my ass. So one of the things he did was like kind of flip me over and told me to start counting backwards from a hundred, which I thought was really bizarre at the time. And every time I, you know, and at this point, I'm so, you know, like we've been fucking for hours. I'm completely like just all over woozy. You know, and he's just like, okay, you know, every time I messed up, he kind of slapped my ass and I told me to start.

over. And what was weird is it ended up being great. Like by the time, you know, I was so focused on counting backwards from 100 that a lot of, I think, some of the initial discomfort that you can have with anal, I didn't even register on me. So it ended up being a great introduction. I was really like, wow, this is actually really great. I really appreciated that, that, you know, I was with somebody who'd done this, you know, multiple times was very familiar with, you know, just really good at kind of gauging his limits and like when to switch kind of kind of when to let you up for air, so to speak. And then I, I loved it. I absolutely loved it. How did you feel? I mean, here you were married for a very long time. You had always been monogamous up into this point. And

here you are, I'm assuming this is the first time you quote unquote cheated on your husband. How did you feel about that? Was there any kind of confliction? Interestingly enough, you know, this is, so in the moment, this is, you know, I probably picked like the most intense way to do this. There was so much going on. Part of what I had said that I was interested in was like sensory deprivation so that, you know, there were hoods. There were, you know he had this hood with earbuds that played like sort of electronic music that all added to this really you know i don't do drugs but i'm assuming kind of trippy mood that was being created so at some point he's just like okay it's got me on my hands and knees and i'm looking at the clock in the hotel room and i'm thinking god i gotta get out of here in 15 minutes because i saw late for the babysitter and he finished trucking me kind of took me to the bathroom washed me up, popped me back in my clothes, gave me a kiss on the head. It was like, that was great. I think I'm going to call for pizza. Have a nice day. So it was a long,

relatively long drive from the hotel back to my house. And in the car, I was asking myself kind of what you just asked me. Like, how do I feel about this? Like, what did I just do? And I think partly because it was so outside of my normal experience, it felt completely detached. But, the closer I'm getting my house, the more I'm processing this. And I'm thinking, do I feel guilty? And honestly, I did not feel guilty. I still don't feel guilty. And there's a couple reasons for that. One, I really believe you regret the things you don't do more than the things you do do. Like, I really do believe, like, if I had never found out whether this was something, like, this was something for me or not, I would have spent my whole life kind of thinking, Yeah, he's the reason you don't know this about yourself.

It's his fault. And I think it really would have festered. I think there was a genuine chance for some serious resentment there. And I did not think that that was a good idea. And now I did this thing that I found insanely satisfying and just also intellectually, really interesting. Like the sensations were just things I had never felt before. This guy was really good at kind of keeping you on that,

that knife edge between pleasure and discomfort slash pain, which is a trick. You know what I mean? This is not something. I mean, everybody knows if you've ever had runners high or something like that. You know what your body will do when things are getting painful. Somebody who can kind of incite that rush, which is different, I think, than just a good, you know, good orgasm. That was just something I'm glad.

I mean, to the day, I'm glad I know that that exists. And I think that happened, you know, the guy that I did this with me, who was also married, quite prominent in the community where we met, which is not where I live, saw each other on and off for this sort of thing, I'd say for about five years, before he decided to get a divorce and that in his life got a little messy. And then that kind of disintegrated on its own, I know with no drama, kind of just like we just stopped. Yeah, and it was, you know, I think it really, I mean, for me, and this may sound like a giant rationalization and maybe it is, but this is these, none of the things that happened in that room were things that my spouse wanted for himself. So why, you know, it's not like I was, you know, robbing Peter to pay Paul. I wasn't. This was all stuff that I was interested in, that he made it clear he wasn't. So I didn't really see how I was taking.

anything away from him. I mean, if you don't want it, you know, how are you lacking if you don't have it? So, I mean, that ultimately was, you know, I think often people think of, you know, like sex, like, it's a package of cookies. My husband bought 36 cookies, say, but he only, he only wanted to eat 18. Then I got all these, you know, I've got the rest of the cookies. Is it stealing if I give them to somebody else, I don't think so. Well, you have no confliction about it. I mean, you know, everybody's different. I don't know about your cooking analogy, but, you know, you could have all the analogies

you want to just, you had, I mean, for you, I believe that everybody creates their own moral, like, you know, your lines and your boundaries and what is right or wrong for you is what you decide. Some people, and I, to me, there's a spectrum of quote unquote cheaters. Not all cheaters are alike. And some people feel really bad afterwards. Some people could give a shit, you know, and they don't care and just what they do.

And there's a big separation. That is where you fall. I have plenty of guys that call in who feel guilty. And I have plenty of guys. It's just a variety thing. It doesn't, one has nothing to do with the other. You're no different than that guy. You know, those guys.

That's you. You want variety, I'm assuming. And I think, you know, people tend to sort of look at cheating for women and cheating for men in very different ways. No, I mean, that's absolutely true. Yeah. I mean, I'd love to hear why you think that is. I don't know.

I've talked to so many different people, but like, like, I think word on the street is that, you know, women, and this is what I've heard a lot, is like, oh, women cheat for different reasons than men. And it's worse. People think it's worse because in that cheating scale that I said, like, you know, there's people who cheat because it's the guy who's in love. with his wife at home, if we're talking about a man, you know, he's in love with his wife. She brings everything to the table. He never would leave her. His emotional part of his pie goes to her. Every piece of his pie goes to her, except he just needs some sort of variety.

It has nothing to do with anything else, you know? He's most likely doing one-offs when he's on vacation. He never wants to get caught. It's strictly about side pussy. Nothing else doesn't mean anything for how he feels at home, you know? So a lot of people think that women don't need that. variety, they're wired differently than men. So that if a woman is cheating, it is not never going to be because she just needs different

dick every day. It's because something's going on at home and there's something wrong. And so that falls into that different category where someone's actually having like affairs and they're emotionally cheating. And, you know, it's like a worse thing. Whereas, oh, it's not the same as the guy who just needs some fucking variety, you know, falls into that different category where someone's actually having like affairs. and they're emotionally cheating and, you know, it's like a worse thing.

Whereas, oh, it's not the same as the guy who just needs some fucking variety, you know? No, that's, that's interesting. I think it's partly, you know, women are women of a certain generation. I hope less so young women, but they're taught to kind of, if I get swept away, you know what I mean? If I fall in love and there's this like, I can't help myself. There's this irresistible attraction. Then it's okay. But if I'm calculating, like, what I did is I specifically, like, I want.

You just wanted sex. Right. I just want to try X. I went out and I specifically found somebody who was happy to do X with me, to me, whatever. Yeah, that's, I think is kind of an unfeminine way of looking at it, which was, you know, and it was interesting because, I mean, my Dom, the guy that I did this with, we had a ton in common. It's highly educated. Like, I'm sure we have gone out. for drinks with nothing happening as well. He's just, he's a really, you know, really smart,

attractive, intelligent man. You know, so it's not like there was no affection there. You know, I mean, obviously I liked him. You know what I mean? I didn't just pick somebody where I went, you know, oh, you know, I just want to get this done. I don't care who does it. I mean, in a lot of ways, it was very transactional. Partner also was not really into this. He'd been doing it since college and it was just like every once in a while we both felt the need to do this particular you know be in this particular kind of scene we would you know we would text each other we'd make a date that was it i mean it happened fairly you know what i mean i'm not going to say it was you know maybe every two months or something for a while but i mean pretty random i mean not like something

that was happening you know on the regular but you're right i mean it was very different than if he and I had been like incredibly emotionally and felt like we knew the basics about each other. But I also know that because I know the rest of, I know a lot of your story, right? Because I got sort of the summary of it at a time. So I know that, you know, you eventually continue to cheat. So I'm just wondering and because people are going to go off on you. I'll just tell you straight up, okay? And I love conversations about my episodes.

I love to open up conversations on these things. I don't even have a particular stance here and or there. But I love to hear what other people think on topics like. topics like this. You know, the woman who is cheating a lot and has no, not one care in the world, you know, doesn't feel bad about it. Because like I said, I have had those guys on. And, you know, I don't think that people come after them the way they're probably going to come after you. So, and so what I was going to say is that I do know that, you know, there's so many more guys than just this guy. Yeah. No. I mean, that guy was like the first guy. Yeah. Absolutely.

Absolutely. So then what happened after that guy fell through? You know, I mean, you were seeing him for a while. You were getting your BDSM needs met. Why and how do you eventually go to meet others? And where do you go? Well, you know, when he kind of dropped out of commission, I guess you could say, yeah, that kind of left a certain opportunity. So I should probably tell you, my spouse is European. I think Europeans, to a certain degree, have a little bit of a, a different attitude than Americans. I mean, Americans are much more into this, oh, you know, we're one person. Today I married my best friend. My spouse would never ascribe to either of those. You know, my best friend is a woman that I've known since I was little. We are not one person. And he has, I think, one of the reasons our marriage has lasted so long and, you know, has done so well, I think, in most respects is that we both have a lot of respect for each other's private lives. And I think that that is a healthy attitude. But what happened after that?

Yeah. So, you know. Do you think that you're a husband? I mean, assuming because you're, you're alluding to the fact that he, you know, kind of has grown up and or maybe subscribes more so to a don't ask, don't tell. Is that what you're trying to say about? Yeah. So do you suspect or think and not care that maybe he has done or is doing the same thing as you?

And that's fine. Well, you know, he travels an awful lot. Honestly, if anything did happen, you know, as long as he doesn't, I think we both have a good understanding about how to be grownups about this. So I don't know. I mean, I have no reason to say one way or the other. but my answer to that would be that would be his business. Right. So you are you, even though you're not European, you subscribe to that mentality.

I mean, you think a little bit more along those lines that you don't. Yeah, I mean, I really feel like what is unacceptable is you don't. Shit where you are. You're not allowed. Yeah, yeah, you're not allowed to humiliate your spouse. Right. You know what I mean? That's just one of the things like, you know, like you're not, don't go sleep with

your wife's best friend or something. You know what I mean? Yes. Yes. Terrible. This is the thing that I think, you know, people watch think about cheating and they're, especially women cheating and they're looking at something like fatal attraction and they, you know, they're going to come over and boil your bunny. You know, that's, I think is the, not for the people who have done this, you know, you never hear about the successful people because they're, that's how they want it.

You know what I mean? That's kind of they wanted it on. download. You know what I mean? This is not about drama. You cannot, you know, I think a lot of people think that if you cross the line, like, there's no rules. Like, once you break this rule about monogamy, there's no rules. There's always roles. You know what I mean? If you have to, you can't necessarily have every, oh, you know, there's that cute dad on the playground. His kid plays with my kid. Maybe I'll go out and seduce him. Like, that would just be plain stupid. But people do do that. That's why I said, Like I, that's why, you know, I could have a million episodes of, you know, a guy or a woman who cheated.

And they're all going to be different. And I feel like unless you hear the whole story, you can't really judge them and say, oh, all cheaters are alike. And all cheating is alike. The guy who is cheating on his wife after being monogamous his whole life because his wife is a menopause and hasn't fucked him in 10 years. And so he went and saw an escort is not the same as the CEO that's fucking every girl that walks when he's out on a trip. You know, I mean, and is, and that guy is not different than the guy who's, you know, having an affair with his neighbor and nobody knows about it. You know, they're all different stories. Oh, no.

I mean, and it's, it's absolutely true. I mean, there's, you know, as many motivations for this as there are people. But I think, you know, for me, I would say there should at least be one hard and fast real. It's just like, don't do that, you know, this has to be, if it's going to be your private needs and you need to learn how to keep it private. you don't use this as a tool to somehow manipulate your spouse. But so since you have that rule, I'm assuming, you know, you had to go, you're not going to be, you know, having these kinds of, I wouldn't say affairs, but relationships with guys on the side, you know, in your neighborhood with people that you know.

So how did you find the rest of the people you cheated? And like, so now when did you start cheating again, quote, unquote? Ashley Madison was one way. Mm-hmm. There's forums for this. And I use the internet like everybody else does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What kind of forums?

Well, Craigslist was wonderful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. My show was built on Craigslist ads. I mean, that's where I found people. Yeah. You know, 90% of what you can read on Craigslist was just crap. Mm-hmm.

Like, I'm not interested in that. You know, I'm not interested in somebody's like, hey, I'm at the Marriott until noon. Come and do me. It's like, that's not that, you know, so very, very infrequently, but, you know, enough, often enough, there would be an ad that I thought was really unusual or clever, you know, just somebody that I thought, oh, this person is going to be interesting. And that's how kind of way led on to way. You know, sometimes you answer, you know, I would answer these. I would meet somebody for lunch or drink or something. We would both realize that, yeah, no, I don't feel anything. You know, I'm not interested in pursuing this. Usually I would know pretty quickly, I'm going to say, like, within the first 15 minutes or so,

whether this was going to be something interesting or not. And, you know, often these were people who were not, you know, kind of just passing through, not anybody who was staying around in my area, which was, you know, that's convenient. They were looking for somebody to show them around maybe a little bit. And then if the circumstances were right, having a pleasant afternoon, you know, and that really served me well. Met some really fascinating people. I mean, I guess too you have to signal an openness of a sort.

Talk to these people. So, you know, have you done this before? And oftentimes the answer was, well, I've been checked. chatting with women. They're very, they love the chat bit because when they, they don't actually, like it's kind of like they don't complete the pass. I did take that chance. And like I said, I met really wonderful people. What can I say? You know, I like kind of rougher, rougher sex on occasion. Not everyone's into that. But if I satisfies the need that's not going to go way I don't think at this age. I sort of know myself. So I think this just keeps me sort of keeps it

balanced. Well, how many guys are you seeing now? And what has happened? Like specific guys? Like, tell me some stories. So on a conference and I met someone, sort of really randomly by chance. I don't normally go out to dinner by myself, but I did. And the bartender, I was eating at the bar and the bartender being a total pro tried to get a conversation going with this gentleman that was sitting at the other end of the bar so maybe we would talk to each other and he didn't have to individually talk to each of us. So I did start talking to this person who's very much younger than I was. I mean a lot, like I'd say by half. We had a good conversation.

He had never been to this town even though he'd gone to school fairly close to the area and was in town for business and decided he was going to finally explore it. And we talked a little bit about this. And he was, he had this, you know, told me he just finished his PhD. And he was involved in. He had a startup. And I'm thinking, oh, God, not another one of these guys, right? You know, and I figured half of this, this guy was just blowing smoke out my ass.

And night goes on and, you know, get another glass of wine. And I'm thinking, this guy's flirting with me. Like, this is not possible. He's half my age. You know, because we've already established that. we were just talking about it. And finally I said to him, I said, are you flirting with me? And he's like, God, yeah, I'm trying to.

And I'm like, you know, I told him, I said, I've been married long ago and you've been alive. And he said, you know, I don't care. And I thought, well, look at this. We decide to go back to my Airbnb. And I'm still at this point. I'm still not entirely sure that I'm going to sleep with this person. Because he seems kind of gauche, but I'm like, but he's super sweet. And just kind of in that puppy duck sort of like, oh, I love older women sort of way.

And I'd never been with anybody younger. So that ended up being a really interesting couple of months. Like he doesn't live anywhere near me. But he's in this area for business every once in a while. And he would call me in me just, he was just a really, I mean, maybe it's this generation, but just like totally uninhibited where I'm just like, wow. Yeah, plus, you know, 20s, you know, he's in his late 20s and go, go forever, which was just a revelation. You know, I'm in my 50s.

I've still got a really high drive, but for a lot of men, things slow down a little bit at that age. Well, you know, you had this thing on your bucket list that you said you wanted to have a three-way with another guy. Have you ever lived out that fantasy? Oh yeah, I mean, the first guy that I told you about the, the Dom, he, you know, he knew about that. You know, only the second person I'd ever admitted that to. And, you know, and he was one of the things that made him so good was that he paid attention. And one day, we, you know, had scheduled a rendezvous and I arrived and he had, like at first, since I was always blindfolded, I didn't realize that there was another man in the room. But at some point I heard a voice, you know, it's just like, you know, I'm blindfolded, I'm kneeling on the floor. I'm sucking cock. You know, I know, I know him, but I don't know it well enough to say, oh, you know, this is this penis versus that penis. And I hear this think I'm blowing my dumb. And instead, I hear his voice from across the room, which makes me wonder what kind of cock I've got in my mouth turned out to be a friend.

that he had brought along. I mean, was that really super hot to you? Yes. Yes. But he knew that because, you know, we had. Right, of course. We didn't. Right.

He wasn't just, he didn't, I, I typically, I mean, you would hope that somebody wouldn't, you know, pull that out of a hat and if somebody wasn't down for it. He knew this was a fantasy of yours. Somehow you had let him know that you'd be down if that situation happened. What was nice? the two of them had had done this before you know so they were really very comfortable with each other and uh you know it was wonderful it was absolutely wonderful it's just like i think double penetration is god's way of making up for menstruation pain what do you mean?

You know i really you loved it but yeah i did i really did but it's the kind of thing you know I, that's not the only time I ever had that since then. But that was by far in a way the best, I think, because those two guys were friends. Like, absolutely and just kind of joked around. Very kind, like it was a pile of puppies at some point. You know what I mean? It's just a lot of wiggling and squirt, you know, everybody with everybody, which I thought was great. You know, most of the time in my experience, when you have that situation,

the two same-sex people don't necessarily always. play with each other, but these guys were very open, so that was lovely. Right, so they were, they crossed swords, they were down with it, they were kind of into each other as well,

and you dug that. Yeah, they were just really, just very sex-positive people, and, you know, what happened happened? You know what I mean? So we all kind of ended up blowing each other. It was great. I mean, everybody just did,

whatever was up in front of your face was what you were doing. That was some, thing that I was unexpected. I mean, it was great, but it was great in ways that I didn't expect it to be great, too, that it's just, you know, fun to, there's a lot of generous energy in a freeway. There can be. And I really, you know, I really enjoyed that. A couple of years after that, I answered an ad where it was a couple looking for a woman to join them, because that was something it also wanted to try. and they were also really cool.

The longstanding couple, I thought this was all going to be about him. Like, if it's two women, it's got to be about the guy. And it really wasn't. Like, he knew that his girlfriend was very, you know, sort of bi-curious. She had mentioned a couple of fantasies

that she was interested in trying out. And basically, he organized my participation as a birthday present. Mm-hmm. First time we met was just, you know, get to know each other, lots of, of sort of stroking and padding and things like that. And then ended up in bed together, but not the scripted thing that I, he later told me, it's like, okay, so the real fantasy involves this.

You know, she wants to be, you know, she wants to submit to a woman, you know, could you find a corset, you know, what about, you know, do you have any boots? Have you got a strap on? Just like, two out of three of those I have. and the other one I can organize. So I did actually buy a strap on, which I had never used before. And ended up using this on her,

which is, you know, it was really fun to have a dick, even a plastic dick for a while. But then it was also, I thought, so generous. You know, I mean, she wanted this. He worked really hard to find, you know, kind of make it as close to the fantasy that she wanted as possible.

And, you know, I didn't see them. after that but you know she was ecstatic was just like exactly what i you know just what i wanted you know i wanted this kind of whipwilding corset wearing booted woman to fuck me in the ass with strap on and it did and you know i think in this this particular situation it might even have been i mean maybe better for the two of them than it was even for me but he still it was still very like they were really smart, obviously very secure in their relationship to each other. Yeah. And anyway, so that I only saw them the two times, but, you know, these are the kinds of things just, I think, added, in all

honestly, I mean, I really do feel like a lot of this adds to the things that I do at home. Like, it just kind of energizes me sexually, and I'm pretty sure my spouse benefits from that. Right. Yeah, it's not like you go and you, you know, kind of deplete yourself and you, things. It's like, no, it's exactly the opposite. It's like getting your battery charged. And you feel like I'm, and I'm just putting words in your mouth, but you explain to me, like, because I know like people are going to go mental and you're going to get a lot of people judging you, right? So is it total just separate? Like, do you compartmentalize it? Is it that you don't feel like your guy would care? You know, because sometimes like if someone loves somebody,

like, you know, someone would feel like, oh my God, like I couldn't do that. That's what a lot of people, like the judgment is going to be coming from that point. like, oh, if you love someone, how could you be having these kinds of relationships with people behind your back? Same thing for the guys. You know what I mean? And the guy would be like it's a variety. I don't feel bad about it because it doesn't mean anything. You know, it's over here.

Like, I'm just asking that. So you could, you know, talk to all the people that are going to be judging you. Yeah. Well, I think it is compartmentalization. I mean, I think that, you know, it's a healthy adult thing to be able to keep spheres of your life separate. I mean, I think I also would say that, yeah, I mean, this is, I think the sex bit, it's not the relationship per se. I don't think love really enters into it. And the other thing, too, is that, I mean, a marriage is so much more than sex.

I have so much history with my partner and children and, you know, just all those things. How is everything else? I mean, you've been with him for a long time. You know, your kids are out of the house. It's just you and him now. now that you're getting just that little parts of your need met elsewhere like is everything else great with him yeah i would i would say so yeah you know what i mean and i just think that you know maybe this is a particularly american thing i don't know but it's just like americans assign

the weight like the weight of sex like the only reasonable way in the united states to do this is serial monogamy right so if i cheat the only correct thing i can do is, but I'm just going to say, like, listen, I totally agree. I've never been married because I don't know that I could imagine being with the same person and hanging your hat in one place and being turned on by that one person, your whole fucking life for 30-something years. People get married so young in this country. And, you know, I'm like, do marriage math. Like, that's one person your whole life. You know, I don't, that was never for me. So I understand it. But I don't think a lot of times what people are judging this kind of scenario, they're not judging it. because it's just sex. They're judging it because forget about the sex. It's like a dishonesty thing. You know, that's what it is. It's the lying.

I think the younger generation is so much better because they understand that the whole idea of monogamy hasn't really worked and that maybe it's not so natural to never have a need to be with somebody else your whole fucking life that, you know, maybe we will be open with each other and honest about it. So I think it's more so what comes into play in this situation that if the part partner finds out, I think a lot of times what the partner is so devastated, whether it's a man or a woman, is that it's the lying. It's that, you know, it was behind their back. It's the distress. It's the betrayal. So that's, I think that's the aspect that people latch on to. And they might think it's

about the sex, but I think that's what's most devastating to somebody when they find out. It's not just the sex. It's that, oh my God, I was like looking you in the face and, you know, you, I didn't, you know, you had this other thing going on. I didn't know. And so like, how much more do I not know? So it's that kind of a thing. I guess I would ask people, it's like, you know, has 100% transparency really ever served you? You know, and this is one of the things I think people like with serial monogamy, right? So the only thing is across the line, the only correct answer is you have to dissolve the relationship and start a new one. That tends to leave a lot of carnage in its wake. Yeah, no. I think a lot. I've had, you know, people on that have been able to work through it, you know, especially when there's so much more

involved family, kids, stuff like that. And then I think when you do hear the whole story, sometimes there's reasons for it. I mean, if your husband found out, how do you think he'd feel? Like, would he attach onto the, like that, oh my God, this was like you were betraying me, you were lying to me or would he not? You know, I think it's more, I get the bigger picture. I understand, you know, these are the conversations that are interesting that people, are going to start to have. I was just wondering in your case, I like to keep when I'm talking to somebody like small picture, just you. And then I love that everyone's going to have bigger conversations about it. Yeah. I mean, I don't, I honestly don't know. I mean, I don't think it drew this much.

Yeah, I think a lot might depend on how he found out. You know, honestly, I think at this point, a lot, you know, with that much shared history, I don't, I don't know the sexual string. occasion the way I've practiced it is going to be like the be all and end all. I don't know. People are going to be going mental, but I really, you know, appreciate you coming on and being just completely upfront and honest about who you are, what you do. Because I think that that's important. And every, I love, like I said, having all different types of stories on my show and talking to so many different people because people, you know, all look at things differently. People have all their own rules and stuff. And I think, you know, that's important to know. And here you are with

this angle. And I love that you shared it. And like I said, I'm glad that you, like, you know, we're honest about it because I think it's a controversial one for a woman to talk about. So I, you know, appreciate the fact that you, that you did that and spoke for, you know, other women that are in your same position. Okay. Thanks, Clarissa for. You were welcome. Yeah, I looked at some of your podcast, it's like you've had some interesting people. Oh my God. Yeah. I'm counting.

Okay. I've heard it all and this is a new one. But thanks, Clarissa. Thanks so much for calling in. You're welcome. Bye bye. Bye.

Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audio book. book. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk

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