Strictly Anonymous Confessions - Bonus episode! 395 - Dr. Joe Kort on How Straight Men Can Have Gay Sex and Still Be Straight

Episode Date: June 17, 2021

Dr. Joe Kort believes straight men can have gay sex and still be straight and he calls in to talk all about it. Why aren't guys who fool around with other guys gay or bi? What's the difference between sexual orientation and erotic orientation? And how does it pertain to this scenario? Tune in to find out plus hear him talk about how whether you're born with your fetish and kinks or are they a part of your sexual orientation, trauma re-enactment and how our childhood can change your erotic narrative, cross-dressing and gender play, toxic masculinity, how the acts that turn you on don't have to be labeled, how unique everyone's erotic footprint is, the younger generation and identity politics, why he doesn't believe in sexual addiction and how he deals with it in his practice, how his video went viral in TikTok, his relationship history and how he identifies himself and a whole lot more.  Follow him on all social media @drjoekort For more info on his group practice, books and blog, visit his website https://joekort.com  Want to have better S-E-X?! Who doesn't?! Use Promescent! promescent.com/strictlyanon   **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcasts. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. He can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. With real problems. Your friend know that you're banging her or no. No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your wits and shame. Here is your host, Kathy.

Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the strictly anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. I'm just going to get right to the guest. Oh, if you're, if you're listening to this on a regular podcast app, just subscribe to my show, write a review if you can, give me five stars. That's great. I'm not having people call into the show right now because I'm so backed up. I have too many episodes taped already and I'm just going to air them all. and take a couple months off from taping. But if you're a female or you have the craziest story,

and you think I've never heard it and it's the best story ever, send me an email strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. You could be on that call. You could, I'll tape you, right? So I'll tape women or a man or a woman who thinks that they have like an amazing story that I just need to hear. If not, wait till the summer and I'll be taping again then.

So today I have on Dr. Joe court. Now I'm going to start airing all my experts like in the middle of the week as bonus episodes And my regular, you know, callers will be posted on Sundays Now I was very excited to have Dr. Joe Cort on and he's just too smart for me. Okay. I should have just let him talk the whole time He made me sound like a fucking idiot because he just he's just super smart. He's great. He knows what he's talking about. He did a TikTok video a while ago that went viral and then there was just a lot of news articles written about him and what he was saying and basically what it was was that Dr. Joe Cordes here to say that a guy can fool around with guys and not be gay. And I can't tell you how many times guys have come on my show and said that. Like, hey, Kathy, yeah, like every now and then I like to suck a dick, but I'm not gay.

And I'm like, yeah, right. You're by, you're this, you're that. I've always wanted to label it. But he's here to say that no. Like, you can definitely be a guy or a woman, right, that just wants to every now and then fool around with someone of the same section. That does not mean that you're gay or by or any of that. And I was like, oh my God, I have to get him on my show.

And I did. And he's on here. And he talks all about that. And he explains why that is the truth, why that actually is the case. And I love that he's putting that out there. I love that he is talking about this. I love that his TikTok video went viral so that I could have him on my show. And now all of you guys are going to hear this and that, you know, other people have

picked it up as well. And it's out there because I think that it's probably super frustrating to be somebody that falls into that category that, you know, every now and then does like to fill around the same sex, but doesn't consider themselves gay, but yet people are labeling them that way. Here, he's, he's the guy that's, you know, speaking up for you and letting you know that that exist. He explains why. He, this is like a real deal. He's a psychotherapist.

He specializes in sexology, I guess you'd say, but he's got his masters in sexology. So this is his thing. This is what he's been doing. He also does consultations and he has a practice of like a lot of sex therapists that work underneath him. So if you want to talk to him, I think he's a really, I think he's the real deal. I think he's fucking a good therapist to have. If you have some kind of sexual issues that you want to talk about to somebody, I'm always promoting therapy. But I think it's really hard to find the right one.

He doesn't do it himself. but he has people who work for him. So if you're looking for someone to talk to, he gives the links. I'll give the links in the description below. So anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Dr. Joe Court. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? Good.

I'm glad to be here. I'm so glad you're here. Okay. Now, I don't know if other people know of you because recently, I don't know, it was a popular story, right? It got a lot of press, the fact that you came out with a statement or a TikTok video, I think is that how it started, right? Where you were like, just because you've had a dick in your mouth once or twice.

I mean, I'm just paraphrasing it, but it doesn't mean that you're gay, right? Exactly. I saw that article and I was like, oh my God, I need to have this guy on my show. Because I've been doing my show for seven years. I'm just a regular person that loves to like analyze people and dig deep and get all this information. And I wind up having the show where people call in and tell me all of their deepest secrets. I'm typically talking to older people, right? Because I think younger people are a little bit, way more open than people in my generation.

I'm 52. Whereas, you know, these people are still living a double life because a lot of stuff was pretty much like a no-go when they grew up. So they're calling up. They're confessing things to me. And I can't tell you how many times I've heard, well, you know, once in a while I give a guy a blowjob or, you know, but I'm not gay. and I'm always like, you know, when I always, I was always blown away by that statement, right? Because I just didn't understand how that could be possible. And I feel like there's a lot of words that I'm not using properly because then I'd be like, well, are you by?

I mean, you have to be something because a dick is a part of a guy. And if you have a guy's dick in your mouth and you like that and you find that hot, like, don't you think you're by, maybe slightly by? And they'd be like, no, I'm totally straight. And you're here to say that those. people are 100% correct, right? Yes, and let me go back to something you said is what I have found on TikTok, which has a lot of young people on there, is that they don't agree with me. They think that if a guy is having sex with another guy, he's gay or by.

And I was very shocked by this, because this is the same population that are making up all these labels and expanding, but they draw the line. Yeah, they draw the line with heterosexual men. what do you mean as far as like if you like in order to be heterosexual you have to just remain with women like anything other than that you're another you're something else but wouldn't that be true right right but isn't that true how is that not true that's what you need to explain to me because i i sort of see it that way too you're here to say this is why you're so interesting to me and why we need your voice on my show because you need to really explain it Right. So here's the idea of that there are people that are into kink and into fetish. So they might have a foot fetish. They might have a fetish to or a kink or a sexual interest in receiving anal sex or giving anal sex. And so these men are not attracted to the men. They don't look at the men and see themselves as this guy is hot. This experience I'm going to have. This actual sexual act I'm about to engage in is what's turning me on. The man is incidental. So to a gay, and I know I've had also a lot of gay and other non-straight men say to me, oh, I've had those times too.

These are all the time for these men. It's called sexual fluidity, and people don't understand that. You can be a gay or a people do understand that you can be a gay man and have sex with women and still be gay. But if you're a straight man and have sex with a man, now you're not straight. It doesn't, you can't have it both ways. right okay let me wrap my head around that one so you're a gay man but once in a while you might have sex with a woman but yeah i i could i see what you mean like if some if i had a gay guy and i haven't had it yet right but i probably will i've heard it all right you know a gay guy calls into my show and if he's tell i'm just trying to think of how i would see it differently and if he was like yeah i you know once in a blue moon i might have sex no i would actually think well maybe you're bisexual like because i think of like bisexuality in terms of percentages, right? Like maybe you're 90% hetero and 10% by.

But I always, but I was also, people have told me I'm also completely wrong on what I, what I considered bisexual. I, you know what I mean? Like I can't keep track with the terms. I don't know anything. I mean, you're the, you're the PhD, right? This is why I need you to explain because half the time I'm just learning from people as I'm talking to them.

Well, same here. The PhD really isn't going to cut it either these days because everybody's making up whatever they want the term to be. I know. But this is the difference. When a straight man has sex with another man, he's not aroused by men in general. He's not going to the mall and to the airport and sitting down the beach

and going, man, these guys are hot. The bisexual guy is. So it's different. And people don't understand. When you're bisexual, yeah, there's a lot of comments on TikTok are, well, you can be bisexual where your sexual attraction is to men, but your sexual and emotional attraction is to women. That's right.

But the sexual attraction to men is to the men and to the sex. When a straight man has sex with men, he's only attracted to the sex, or sometimes he is attracted to this particular man at this time, at this place, in this situation. But it doesn't generalize to other men. It's just completely different. Yeah, yeah, no, totally. I did always have the bisexual thing going on.

I thought it was the opposite. I thought like, oh, okay, if I'm the type of person that likes to date and emotionally become, and I'm emotionally attracted to men, but every now and then I like to have just sex with a woman, like I'd never want to cuddle with her and watch TV, right? Then that would make me bisexual, where homosexual would be that I want to have a relationship with another woman, right? But then I was told by my, you know, someone called in once, I was like, you got it totally wrong. And I was like, I do have it totally wrong because that's what I always thought, right?

That's what we were taught in our generation, yes. But now we know that bisexual can be, I'm only sexually attracted to one gender and I'm emotionally and sexually attracted to another gender. Right. So it can just be about sex and not want to cuddle. Oh, it can. Okay, because somebody called in and people told me like, no, that means that I could date, you know, a man or a woman.

And then I was like, but isn't that like, you know, gender fluid or I don't know, you know, like you said, there's so many different terms now we can't keep track, but I don't want to get involved. Like, I don't need to talk discuss so much about that. You know, what I was so interested in is for you to explain and, and talk so that those people that have called into my show, like have a voice. You know, you're here to say that that's actually correct, you know, and I believe you. I think it's fascinating. And I think that that's important for people to hear. I do too and I feel like well and so the problem for is I've been dealing with male sexuality my entire career and a lot of the men have experienced trauma as children right and so they may have been sexually abused by a male perpetrator and so then they end up reenacting that trauma as an adult and so then people see them having sex with men and all they can think of is you must be attracted to the man to be able to have sex and if you've been traumatized and have been sexually abused, all sexual abuse survivors understand that you get imprinted erotically to things

that don't always match your sexual orientation. Oh, yeah, totally. I mean, I typically get on the phone with a total stranger. I don't like to know much about the person I'm talking to. And so I just wing it. I just see where the conversation goes. And that's how I get people's story. But with you, because you're an expert and you're like a real sexologist, I've had other

people that claim that. But, like, you know, you have like the traditional, you know, certifications, certifications that say that you are. I wrote down some questions and, you know, I don't even know where to start because I just feel like you could answer them all, but that was one of them. Like, you know, are you necessarily born with a fetish or can you acquire one by, you know, something happened? Or even like I had a guy on the other day who was big into, you know, the whole cuckled situation. And he tied it back to when he was really young, his first girlfriend dumped him for the school bully. And right in front of his face, everyone was.

was sort of making fun of him. He, and they were like fooling around in front of him and he had to watch. And then he realized he had some sort of sexual attraction to it too, you know, like, and it was very confusing to him because he was devastated but kind of turned on. And I'm like, you know, did that do, does that, those kind of situation sometimes if you have those triangle relationships when you're younger or something happens to or you're cheated on a lot, could it turn into like a fetish for, you know, three ways or seeing your partner with somebody else.

Does any of that kind of make sense? Yeah, so I always divide the two into this. We have a sexual orientation to whom we're attracted, and what gender, and we have an erotic orientation, what gets us off. Yeah. And all of us, if we went around and talked about childhoods, we would discover, everybody would discover,

that many things from your childhood get eroticized into your arousal template, into the things that turn you on. Yeah. It doesn't create your sexual orientation. It creates your erotic orientation and contributes to that sexual or that erotic narrative. Right. So you can, so would you say, like, are you born with a fetish? And is fetish different than this kind of situation that you're talking about, right?

Because it is. It's different because that's your erotic orientation. Right. Your sexual orientation is the man, the woman, both, neither, a blend of both. But I will tell you this, there are. there is research now that's showing that many kinks and fetishes are people do there there's belief that they are born with it right and that um it's its own orientation i had a client well he wasn't a client he was on my podcast i would think of it was a client yeah he was um he remembered

that the very first time he was attracted to bondage and rope was being a cub scout learning how to tie knots wow now where does that come from he didn't it wasn't something that ever ever happened him before. It was just something that it was his first discovery that Rope turned him on. Yeah. And that's when it kind of clicked, right? I've had a lot of guys that are into the pantyho's fetish. I've talked to a lot of

guys with all kinds of fetish, but a lot of the ones who call in are into pantyhose, and they get really deep into it. And I love to always go back and ask them, like, you know, what were your first memories of you know, noticing them or being turned on by them and went. And a lot of times

these guys are, you know, the their memories or before they were even sexual beings, right? I mean, they're like super young. But it like just all of a sudden they saw them the first time and it just clicked. You know, and what they have explained to me is that they feel like this was, you know, always in them. And the first time they saw it sort of just spark that up. It wasn't that it was created at that moment. It just triggered something that was in them already, right?

Is that what you're saying? Exactly. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And it's fascinating, you know, because. I'm always talking to people, like I said, with all different kinds of fetishes. And the other guy that I've talked to before, and this was something sort of similar to the whole,

like, oh, I like to fool around with guys sometimes, but I'm not gay. Whereas I have these guys, and the first time I heard it, I was blown away, but I've heard it many times since, and I totally understand it now, is the guy that likes to cross-dress, right? And when he's dressed up as a woman, he likes to be with a man, right? But in his regular life, when he's not dressed up, he would never be with a guy. So that guy also doesn't consider himself gay or by or anything. Right. So this cross-dressing men, which now we call gender play, is usually a cisgender,

heterosexual male who enjoys feeling like a woman, dressing up as one, looking like one, makeup, wig, but he knows he's male. He's not trans. Yeah. And he may even want to be sexual with another man, but it's not about the man. It's about feeling like a woman with a man. Exactly. Right.

And he doesn't, and he's not trans in that he doesn't want to feel like a woman all the time. He knows he's a man. He just likes that every now and then. So that would, would that go back to what you were talking about, like his, just his erotic fantasies or what he likes to just do sexually as opposed to. you know, his gender identity? Yeah, I would say that it's what he likes to do erratically. It's not about his sexual orientation.

Right. People just don't get it. You know, that's why, like I said, I was so interested in you and having you on my show so you could explain it because I get it more so now because I've talked to so many people. I've been doing my show for seven years. I have almost 400 people who have called in. And I've heard that guy that you were talking about on your TikTok video that went viral. And I think it went so viral.

because people really can't comprehend it, you know. And it's interesting that you say the younger generation doesn't buy it at all. It really shocked me. They are committed. Well, so because the younger generation, they're so into social justice and identity politics that what they do is they make up that this is heterosexual privilege and the man doesn't want to leave his privilege. That's not what's going on.

That's their projection onto this guy. This guy is a straight guy, just like the left. lesbian is a lesbian who had sex with men, just like the gay man. A gay man might want to have sex with a trans man who still has a vagina and a vulva, but has the appearance that is a man, but his chest and his muscles are in his arms, and he would have sex with him. We would never say that this gay guy is really bisexual if he's having sex with a trans man who still has a vagina and vulva.

Why would we say it about straight men and the younger generation's, does because he's trying to keep his privilege. It's toxic masculinity. It's fragile masculinity. And they don't understand. It's not anything to do with any of that. I mean, it can. So I try to explain this on TikTok, but they're not listening. It can be totally a closeted gay or by guy.

It can totally be toxic masculinity, totally be fragile masculinity. And that's what I keep saying to people. They don't hear the and it could just be a straight guy that likes to have sex with this one man and this particular sexual act. And it's the act that turns him on, not the guy. Yeah, I love that. I love that you can put that out there. And because there's probably a lot of people that keep it under wraps because people

would want to label them, right? I used to think like it was actually insulting to gay people because I'd be like, why I could, don't you? Like, and they be like, but I'm not gay. And I'd be like, you know, it's almost would be rude. I'm, you know, I'm a woman, but I'm like it almost comes across as being gay. But I guess that's like that toxic thing that you were saying that these people are. are projecting onto it, right?

Yeah. Because I was like, is it coming from a place where like, God forbid, you're gay? Like, you know, because it would come across to me sometimes like that, you know? But I guess it was just that because they're not, right? And it's how frustrating is it to sort of know who you are. Nobody's buying it, you know? Right. Because they have their own idea.

And at one guy, I love this on TikTok. Do you have TikTok? Yes, I started TikTok. I was a little freaked out. I have to tell you, I was a little freaked out because the, There are so many young people on there, and I was putting up a lot of confessions and stuff like that that I get. And a lot of my stuff is a little hardcore, and it's a lot of SCX.

And I don't know, I was a little worried because there are, it is, it does skew very young, you know. I mean, it's super young. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'm fighting with somebody and I'm like, God damn it, they don't understand. I'm going to go look at their profile and they're 12. That's what I mean. And I'm like, what am I fighting with a 12 year old? Oh my God, that's so funny.

I know. I'm like, God, damn it. So now I look at people's profiles because, you know, 12-year-old's not understanding. But, yeah, I mean, so one guy duetted my viral video, and he was young himself. He was 30-ish. And he basically said, I find it really challenging that the population, the younger population who wants all these new labels and has all these new definitions can't accept that a straight man can have sex with men. It doesn't make any sense to me.

And I was like, think. and I duetted him. That's why I just did sit. Because you can duet, and I did duet him. And I thanked him. I said, you know, thank you. But a lot of people are able to critically think and the nuances around this, you know. They just don't understand.

Right. Now, is this something that, because you're a psychotherapist, right? Yeah. And then did you take, did you go to school further to just specialize in sexology? Is that what it's called? I don't even know. Yes. I got my PhD in clinical sexology.

I'm certified in it. So yeah, I have extra training. So a lot of therapists will fight me on this. But when you go and read their training, they have no training in sexual health. So they don't know what I'm talking about because they don't understand it. No, that's why I love. That's why I was like, I have to get this guy on my show because, like I said, you're the real deal. There's like a lot of people that could say they're a sexologist or, you know, they're a sex therapist.

But then if you really sort of dig deep, they don't really have the actual credentials. And I feel like there's a lot of schools out there that people could go and get a certification that says that they're a sex therapist. sex therapist, but, you know, I think that there's a difference between you and that person. Is that correct? Right. Yes. Right. There is.

Yeah, I mean, I've been doing this. You have to, you know, do thousands of hours of supervision and you have to keep up with your trainings. And I just, and I feel really proud of myself. I know a lot about this. And I can think outside of what mainstream thinking is because everybody's got their own erotic thumbprint. Yeah.

No two people are alike. And what it means might be different for you than what it means for you than what it means for me. Right. So it's hard to be so black and white then, right? You cannot be black and white about sexuality and eroticism. And our culture wants it to be that clean that they want the fantasies and the behaviors and the, um, uh, and the, uh, the fantasies and the behaviors all to line up with the sexual orientation. And they don't. Some people have rape fantasies. They imagine themselves being raped and they imagine, um, other, raping other people. But it's play rape. And these people during the day might be rape activists, anti-rape.

But at night, they like to play with the concept of rape. You know, it's like, it's all different. Yeah, no, totally. I mean, like I said, I've heard it all, all kinds of different things. I remember hearing Esther Perel. Is that how you say her name? I love her. Do you like her?

Esther Perel. Yeah, Esther Perel. Oh, I love Esther Perel. Oh, my God, I love her. She's still like a brilliant genius. And, you know, I remember listening to one of her podcasts, and she was talking about how, you know, the woman who was raped when she was younger, you know, if she gets into BDSM as she's older, when she's older,

like that could be a positive thing because she's in control because, you know, she got wired that way because of whatever, what happened to her, but, you know, sort of working it out in when she's an adult in control and doing it in this way. There's, it's not negative, right? Whereas I think some people would think if you do that later on because of something that happened to you that was negative, right? if it's wrong, but she was saying that it is okay to do that. And that's a way to sort of work through it.

Is that correct? Yes. Yes, 100%. And we know this as sexologist, you know, but people don't know it. They don't understand it. And then they confuse it with orientation. Right. It's so confusing to me because there's a lot of different words that you're using.

But I love that you're talking like this because I never do. Like, I'm always like, I'm on, I give unprofessional. advice. I talk to people like, you know, your friend sitting across from you, right? Like, you're the real expert and you really know. What I wanted to ask you, because I've talked with people who think they're sex addicts because I was like, you know, this, I have a real therapist on. Do you, are you one that believes in sex addiction or not? What's your view on that? I don't believe in sex addiction because the sex addiction model is not sexually informed. So I believe more in what's called out of control sexual behavior.

It's a more sex positive and sexually informed model and gives the person themselves the right to decide whether they are out of control or not. So it shouldn't be up to a partner or a therapist or a minister or a culture to determine what is or what isn't too much for somebody. It should be up to the person themselves. Right. And now, so if someone thinks that they have it, would you say, okay, that it exists? are you saying, I mean, what are you saying?

Because I've had people call in and be like, and I think that I'm a sex addict. I will, I use their word because that's the word they're calling it. But when they get into my office, I will instead start to call it other things and say, I hear for you with a sex addiction. Maybe you can explain to me why you think that. And then I'll, I might educate them that there's no science behind sex addiction, that what you really have is you're experiencing sexual dysregulation. and I want to help you get regulated around sex no matter what we call it. And the problem with the sex addiction model is it uses, it has some good tools in terms of cognitive behavioral,

but it puts you in a situation where you're fighting your sexual behavior. And we don't want that. The more you fight something, the worse it's going to get. Yeah, what you resist persists. It's so true. Exactly. So how do you regulate? Like what do you tell somebody that thinks they're a sex addict?

I mean, basic therapy. You know, there's nothing unusual or different than if somebody comes in and says, I'm eating too much or I'm struggling with, you know, even with gambling. You know, people might go to the 12-step groups and they might do well with them. But what we find is it might be that this is your normal sexual or erotic orientation. It might be that it comes from trauma in your trauma. It might be because you have your high sensation seeker. and you just enjoy high sensation-seeking behavior that you have to learn to control.

It might be a key. It might be a fetish. It's just, to me, it's this basic therapy in helping the person understand. It might be because they're bipolar, you know? There's so many different reasons for it. Instead of moving it so quickly to calling it something that it's not. Right. And that's, I mean, listen, I'm so pro-therapy.

I always talk about that on my show. I think sometimes it's really hard to find the right therapist. right and that's the first thing that you have to do. Oh yeah. Right? I'm always like, listen, it took it could take you five tries, but it's kind of like dating. You'll know the one when you meet them, you know, but don't give up because I think unfortunately, and you probably know this, because I've had roommates that were straight up in mental hospitals and they're like social workers now. You know what I mean? A lot of times somebody that had a past history, you know, is, is, seeks that out, right?

And to learn about themselves, right? And that's what they become. So there's a lot of nuts out there. I, that's how I feel. But I think that's across the board. I don't care if you're going to a hairdress or a surgeon or a therapist. I think, you know, 85 to 90% are garbage and you got to wait until you find that 10%, right? Amazing person.

I have, my life has changed because of therapy, you know, but it was only because I was with the right therapist. that's hard to find, but it's no different than, you know, finding that right guy, too, right? It's not, it's not just every person out there is great. You know, for you, do you do, are you practicing? Like, so, could my listeners go to you? Could they find you? Do you do virtual therapy? Now, I'd love to send people to you, you know, because I can't tell you, like, the people that are on my show, how much they need it and need somebody like you. You know, how do they find somebody like you, even if it's not you, like, is there a directory out there?

You know, what do they look for? Or where do they go to find you to get you as their therapist? Well, I'm not, I'm doing therapy right now. I do consultations only so people could contact me. They go to jockort.com. And then they find my, you know, email. And then they'll schedule an appointment for a one-time consultation. But if they're looking for ongoing therapy, I have multiple therapists that work in my center.

We have like 15 of us. I supervise. but yeah and then they can also go to asex which is the american association of sex educators counselors and therapist a as e ct dot org and they can find a trained sex therapist in their area oh that's great i'm going to post that i'm going to put that in my um in your in the description a link to your website as well as that one because i'm always talking to people who need therapy i think it they need you know sometimes it's just a regular therapist they need but sometimes I feel like they need a sex therapist, right?

And like I said in the beginning, I'm typically talking to people who are older and who have been in the closet with whatever kind of kink or thing that they're into. A lot of times I find that men around 50 are just like ready to let their freak flag fly. I don't know what happens to a guy at 50 because I'm a female and it happened to me when I was like 40.

I think that's like your midlife crisis. I don't know, but like at fifth, I have so many guys that are calling me. up and they've been living a double life, you know, and they're like, you know, I just turned 50 and I just can't, I can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore, you know. And I just think it's, it's great to know that there's help out there for people to be able to come out and on the other side. Because, you know, how, how awful is it and how much energy does it take to live a double life, right? I'm sure you, you're talking to those people all the time, too. I mean, I can't tell you how many times, you know, I have guys calling up my show and their wife goes on a big. business trip and they're, you know, swapping panties with a guy and in the house and fucking them in the ass. I mean, you know, it happens all the time. You know, this shit is going down. You know, what's going on? What, you know, how do you? Well, and the reason that, yeah, the reason the men don't talk about it is because if you read the comments on TikTok,

there's so much shame and so much judgment and so much erasing that they can't. I know. It's sad. I always feel like the younger generation is much more. open-minded? You don't see that on TikTok or do you just not see it with the like, you know, in the sense of... Oh, no. I totally see it. It's just not with this, not on this topic. They are completely unopened. Right. And it's really been the most eye-opening, shocking thing I've ever seen. I think it's great that you were on to clear this up. It's so hard. It's like I have to listen back to this because like my brain is actually hurting because you said so much good stuff. Right. It is very different.

What? It's unexpected. I think that's what it is. It's unexpected, and it's, um, and, uh, and, and unfortunately people, um, they, well, and this, I always say this. When women have one non-heterosexual thought, she's fetishized. When men have one non-heterosexual thought, he's stigmatized. And that's problematic.

You know, when women, women are given, uh, room to be a college, uh, lesbian until graduation, they're called Lugs in college, you know? Uh, yeah. Once men do it, they're immediately canceled. And it's, it can't be. both ways and that's what I'm trying to break. This is about masculinity scripts. This is about patriarchy.

This is about sexism working against men this time and people don't see it. Yeah, no, I love it. I think it's great that your TikTok video went viral, right? Was that the first time when I saw it recently or was that like a second wave or, I mean...

It was a second wave. The first one went viral but not in the same way. I didn't grab the same attention. I think because I did it in a gym and I really don't know exactly why. The gym did it. The shorts did it. I mean, the one my gym attire.

The gloves, people started attacking my gloves calling my gym gloves bitch gloves. And I thought, well, maybe that could be my new, I'm so stupid. So they started attacking my masculinity on it. And because they can't tolerate the information. So they're just, they're uncomfortable, so they want me to be uncomfortable. And I'm not uncomfortable. You want to call my gloves, bitch gloves? I'll call them bitch gloves too, whatever you say.

I like to wear gloves when I. That was the first time? Is that what you're saying? That was the first time that had happened. You were in the gym? Yeah, yeah. Well, last time I wasn't in a gym. But yeah, I didn't even know that they were bitch gloves.

Like, I'm in a gym. Other guys are wearing bitch gloves. I don't know what makes mine bitch claws. Maybe because I'm talking about straight men who have sex with men. It's so, it was crazy. Yeah, no, that's great. I love that. I think that it went, like I said, when I saw it, I was like, oh, I have to get them on,

because I think it is important to have that out there because I've had guys on my show that have told me the same thing, right? You're here to say that they're fucking right. And I'm wrong. Like, and I love being wrong. It humbles me. I don't know anything. That's why, you know, I learn from talking to people, you know, on my show. And it's just always great to have somebody, you know, like a therapist, back it up, right? Yes. Thank you. Yes. Right. And then, and it's not just me. There's some people that have done research on this. There's sociologists, the professors at Stanford. Yeah. There's a book called Mostly Straight. There's another book called Still straight. There's a book called Not Gay. And then I have my book. Is my husband Gay Strait or

by? So there's other people talking about this. Oh, I like that book. What is that? So it's for, that's for women. Is my husband gay straight or by? Yes. Yep, that's my book. And it's going to be out in the audio, Sue. Oh, no, that's great. Now, do you find that you talk to a lot of women that are concerned or they don't know what's going on with their husband or their husband came out to them. Is that why you wrote that book? Or is it for women that don't know? Oh, yeah. It's become predominantly part of my practice because I deal with male sexuality. And so then she discovers that, you know, he's looking at gay porn or he's been with men or thinking about men. And so I get so many of these cases and they're not all gay. That's where

the book was born out of. Yeah, that's so interesting. Because I remember having a call from a woman who called me up and she was very concerned because she found, I think it was tranny porn on her new boyfriend's computer and then found out that he had seen them in the past and she just couldn't wrap her head around the fact of like what he was. She was trying to label him. You know, does this mean he likes men? Does he like want women, you know? And he wanted, he didn't want to talk about it with her. I'm going to recommend your book, your book to her because I Let me correct one thing you're saying, just in case people are listening. The whole idea, we don't say tranny porn.

Oh, sorry. It's like offensive to people that are transgender. No, sorry. There is a genre of porn. It's called she-mail, but that's offensive to two to trans people. But that is the porn that's out there. It's a woman from the waist up and from the waist down. She still has a penis and testicles.

And so it's called gender fluidity. The man is attracted to gender fluidity. Right. So if it's not called she-man. right? And I mean, I had, what is the proper term, gender fluidy? Yeah, well, the proper term is gynophelia, attraction to femininity. Right. So they're attracted to the femininity, but it's, but they enjoy, actually the real word is, I'll say it, and then if you want me to spell it, it's gyndromorphophilia. And basically it's the blend of both male and female in one person, but it has to look like a female from the waist up.

Right. But from the waist down, it doesn't have to, whether it is or not, doesn't matter. Right. It would have a penis and, yeah, in testicles. Right. So you talk to a lot of women that have found, it's like it's that woman that found the porn or found out that her husband was with another man and the husband claims to be straight, right? Yep. I wanted to give them language. I wanted to give them the right questions to ask and the normalization that you're not alone. Right. And now you're gay, right? And you're in a part, you have a relationship. Are you ever with women regularly? I mean, what's your deal? Oh, yeah. No, I'm 100% gay. I'm 28-year marriage with my husband. And I've always been gay. And I mean, I may have a little fluidity in that as I've gotten older. I do have some sexual or erotic interest in women that I never used to have. I've never acted on it. But I self-identified as gay. And that's where I'm who I am. Right. Well, listen, you made me sound so dumb on this podcast. You're almost too smart. We're not at all.

No, I could probably, I wish, I really wish I would have got more questions from my listeners, right? And put that shout out to people. So I had even more questions or had people call in and ask you questions because they feel like, you know, there's going to be a lot of questions that come up when people hear you on this show. And they probably wish I would have asked, right? but thank you so much for coming on and explaining this. I know a lot of people are going to tune in. I think it's going to be really eye-opening for people. It's been eye-opening for me. And I love that you're out there talking about this. I think it needs to be talked about.

And I'll put links for all your stuff because I think it's, you're a great expert to point people towards. You know, like I said, I'm just, I'm unprofessional. I just talk to people all about their stuff, but I'm always looking to pass people on to the real professionals. I could really help them. And I think you're so great. And, you know, I will be sending people your way so that you could, because you have a whole,

can you give that your website again? Yeah. It's joecourt.com, j-o-e-k-O-R-T dot com. All right. That's great. I'll provide all the links for people if they want to talk to you. They should go follow you. What's your TikTok?

Thank you. It's all my, if they go to Twitter or TikTok or LinkedIn, it's always at Dr. Joe Cort, D-J-O-E-K-R-R-T. Okay, awesome. Thank you so much for coming on. I was so excited to have you all. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate you letting this conversation happen.

All right. Awesome. I'll let you know when it's going to be posted. Thanks, Joe. Dr. Joe. All right. Thank you. Bye.

Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audio book. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it.

The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories.

And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total. Erotica book. Think like Penthouse Letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short. Chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audiobook is available

coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos.

There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback.

Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.