Stuff Island - Ali Siddiq + Tim Butterly - Stuff Island #196

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

This week Ali Siddiq and Tim Butterly join Tommy Pope Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel  @LookatDish  where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians Start using Cash App! Enter referral code stuffisland and get 10 dollars! Terms apply and are only available for a limited time so act fast! Get 10% off at Ridgewallet by using code STUFFISLAND at checkout! Again head to https://www.ridge.com and use code STUFFISLAND for 10% offyour first purchase SUB TO PATREON: patreon.com/stuffisland Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You have fun? What's up, Ali? What's happening? How you doing, man? I'm good. Yeah? You tired of doing pods? I hate the shit, too.

No, I love that shit. It's only second one today? Yeah, second one. That's all right. I'm the only one bitching out right now. We went to the Springs yesterday. We went to Barton Springs. And we just sat around and watch people just be fat.

Just beefy. Yeah, beefy Mexicans getting wet. It was great. But we did that all day. And I went straight to the movies. And I went to see a double feature of Robocrop and Starship Troopers at the Paramount Theater. Beautiful place. But all the drinking and sun caught up with me.

And I had, during a crucial scene in Starship Troopers, I had a vicious bathroom incident. And I had to listen to all the bugs killing everybody from in the bathroom. And it was honestly kind of a magical experience. It was nice. You watch two movies in a row? Yeah. That's a fucking problem. That's like the kids can't even do that.

No, I hear you, and I hear what you're saying. But it was Robocop and Starship Troopers, and they're both perfect films I've come to understand. Jesus. Are your kids there? You buy yourself. No, it was just me and her wife. Okay.

And I say, excuse me, babe. Yeah, this is great. The son caught up with me. These two different lifestyles. Tell us about prison. Dude, you're fucking storytelling. Unmatched, man. I appreciate it.

Before I even started comedy, I watched your stuff, and I was like, holy shit, this dude is captivating. What you just started? Huh? You just started? No, I started at 2018. Or 2000. I'm sorry, 2008, 2009.

But when I first started, I wasn't really performing. You know, I was like, fucking off doing open mics and stuff like that. But I remember watching your stuff, and I was like, dang. That's starting. Yeah. That's how everybody started. Yeah, I know. Wait a look.

How everybody starts. Well, before I was. was actually getting work let's just say that okay that's different yeah it was just a bed bug with a backpack on with a bunch of fucking drugs you started where uh philly yeah healing comedy club that's a good place in the left house

left house yeah yeah on south street back when that was still open yeah I was gonna say it was closed that closed in 2011 or 12 I think maybe maybe 13 I was never good enough to play there really get the fuck out of here the place is I'm just saying what they said yeah that's because

that's because the owners were insane people and that's why they you know he was like robbing the place wasn't paying taxes wow and the mom took over because he like lost his fucking skull and then she she never did anything for the company and then they finally the cops came were like you know you guys haven't paid taxes in a decade yeah i remember trying to get booked at south at all the comedy house it's like no yeah i was like oh okay yeah this is like after death jam this is like after comic view i was like wow Okay. It's always so strange when comedy clubs have like a roster and they won't.

They refuse to budge from it. They're like, no, we already have 10 guys. Are they purposely just not giving it up for you when you come in with that kind of need? Yeah, that's hate. I mean, especially if you have credits. Right. It's like, what's the fucking point? They weren't doing it.

It was like. Oh. Yeah. And then I came to play the punchline and sold it out for like six shows. I was like, yeah, fuck you. Yeah, I don't need you. Yeah. Yeah.

That's my, that was my actual feelings. I tied for first in their Philly's funniest whatever they called it and it was me and this other black guy and I just I demolished dude it was like one of those sets

I was like I got this and they promised like a trip to like Bermuda for a week Who was the first black guy You? It was Yeah he's like he didn't mean his other black guy

It's everywhere It was me and 10 black guys Two plus of black men Standing a tough, like, leaderboard. Well, you know, the... I was like, I can see it. I'm like, I could, yeah, I took that on the blackface video. No, there was a leniency when you're the one white guy on, you know, on the finalist.

Because he's, the trick was he just come out and you make fun of somebody in the front row. You just smack him in the face right away. And they're like, oh, I, you know, like, I got to talk with this guy. He's one of us. You know what I mean? You got to disarm him, dude. You got a disarm him. I've lost, damn there, probably every conference.

I've ever been in. Really? And for some, it was, oh, we're going to, we can't advance all these black guys. We're going to pick the one girl or the one Mexican or the Asian guy. You're like, bullshit. Yeah. That's what the white guys went through with the last 10 years, you know? I would never get in.

Yeah, I would never get in them. And Raymond from the improv, Houston Improv, begged me to get in, comedy central's comic to watch and I was like Raymond I don't want to do it yeah he's like I just get in for you know for the club it'd be good for the club so I got in the competition

and the first round was Houston second round was Austin and Austin such a piece of shit that they Austin was this we fucking Houston we hated the Austin comedy singer

it was no it's no sense And I never forget it. It was all Austin guys. And then when they introduced me, nobody clapped. Because it was like, it's Houston versus Austin. Yeah, yeah. And luckily, it was, they were taping it. And then it went back to New York and they picked the guy.

And when I advanced, then I had to go to Chicago. And I was like, I fucking hated it. And I was outside doing something. And he was like, yo, we need you on stage. I come in, it's me and this one guy on stage and the host. And he was like, we need to take pictures of the winners. I'm like, and I walked off. I'm like, oh, let me get the fuck out of the way.

They're like, no, you were one of the fucking winners. And then went to New York. And Anne Harris from Comedy Central. Yeah, I know, man. She walked up to me and said, you don't give a shit about this competition. I'm like, no, not really. Yeah. Like, I have no desire to win.

And then I won. Yeah And I was like Competition is a fucking great Yeah It's funny Having like a safety And I go

I don't get a fuck about this And then you're like Fuck yeah Dude When's the next one It's true That comics to watch it It doesn't

It doesn't do anything It's almost like The Montreal Comedy Festival Doesn't do anything I think Comic to watch Was really my I'd already been doing

Standup for a while Comic to watch was the I got the half hour special out of that yeah and then they put me they try to put me on they one of the winners you get the album

so I did the album I did the half hour and you get a show that's on comedy central yeah they they kept trying to put me on Adam Devines house or whatever house party and so I declined I was like now I don't want to do it and they came with another show

And I was like, no, I don't, I don't want to do it. I'm cool. And then Chase de Rousseau, another comic got a Houston called and said, hey, you should try to do this new comedy show that's coming on. And I was like, what's the name of it? This is not happening. And so he sent me this stuff on YouTube. So I called and I was like, I want to do this. It's not happening.

And I went on ARI show and I did this story, Mexican got on boots. The fucking great, that's great story, dude. And then I got a full hour special out of that. Just off that. Yeah. Yeah. God damn. That was the only competition.

And I haven't been in another. I don't want to jinx it. Yeah. Yeah, dude. No more. Oh, no, I did. I went on Bring the Funny and. Is that what just all fat ladies?

Uh-huh. Isn't that all just fat black ladies? No. Never on that show? No, bring the funny. You know what I'm talking about? What is it? It was on NBC.

It was, it was, this shit was weird. I knew I was going to lose this. This was like comedy group, sketch groups. It was all types of things. And I kept saying to the producers, I'm like, yo, if a sketch group is in the finals, any individual person is going to lose. And he's like, no, we don't see it like that.

I'm trying to tell you, it doesn't make sense. You have five people, and it's a voting thing. So you have five people that have groups of other people that's going to vote for them versus one person. Yeah. And this sketch group won. And I looked at the production, people was like, I told you.

Yeah. And Jeff Foxworthy was like, they're not the actual winners. Yeah. He's a U.S. Yeah. That's why I always have four friends when I'm doing stand-up. You know what I mean?

I'm never going to be outnumbered. Tommy, what you got when you win when you win Philly's Funnies? They give you like $800 and a surfboard, didn't they? Dude, it was, yeah. I got a fuck, no. a snowboard I got a fucking snowboard I never snowboard at my life

And you had to share with a black guy Darrell did come and say it I asked to be wanting He goes, get the fuck out of you No the only competition that paid well Was that big sky I won They paid like 3,500 4 grand or something like that

That was nice Yeah I was poor as fuck That was like 2013 How much was it? Like 4 grand Oh Yeah Jesus Christ

I was poor, Holly. I might as you can't show me your bank account. I know things are good. Oh, wow. I'm definitely. I mean, I'd rather you go laugh and just said to go, like my mom does that. Making noises.

There's nothing more embarrassing. My girl does it, too. Jesus Christ. By the way, he trumped it up. It started out at 3,500. And he said, how much? He said, like, four. Well, I looked at him in the eyes.

I was like, five, maybe, six. He was like a $65,000. Yeah, look for paying me, bustle. I took the immunity. I heard a shit ton of money. Did I say, how much was it? Bro, I was still eating dollar-slice pizza. That was like fucking, it was kingdom to me.

It was like, this is like, it's just funny because this other comic, I'm not going to say his name. It's just funny to me. I was watching his interview. He said, yeah, I sold my comedy special for a very little. a very lucrative amount of money and then I looked up who he sold to me it was comedy dynamics I was like

how fucking lucrative can it have been like lucrative lucrative means different things to all that was yeah that was a special word Tommy said three four hundred dollars

I went whoa and you went yeah he did a fucking eyebrow thing too oh It's going to take me a week to get that out of my system. What are you going to do with the rest? Let's chop it up.

Anyway, I never got the fucking trip to Bermuda. The cocksucker lied to me. He told me in the grand. He can go to Benoola on. Snowboarding trip and bring my snowboard. One carry on. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's all fucking scheme.

It's a restaurant scheme. These cocksucking Jews do. It's all to sell chicken fingers. They don't give a fuck about us. That's terrible. No, because I was like, I thought I was the only person that felt like that about comedy clubs. It was like, you know, it's not, it's like maybe, maybe two black own comedy clubs in the country. And when it was five, they would ask me to come.

I was like, no. Yeah. I'm not. I'm like, why are you not coming to my club? I don't want to fucking help yourself. I said that fucking chicken figure in the energy. I don't want to fucking help you himself. And he,

because you're not in the cut of that. He felt like he was an insult. I was like, I was fucking dead-assies. I know it sounds racially motivated, but that's the fucking facts. Put a fucking saddle on your menu. Then I thought it was an Italian club. I'm like,

I'm not going to help you sell fucking meatballs and spaghetti. Also, before you start, you said, could you mention the hypnotic cocktail that we have on tonight for tonight? Yeah. And I don't like clubs that have the bar in the showroom. Yeah, that's crazy. It's like, I know that you don't get a shit about comedy.

Yeah, yeah. Because right in the middle of me, I hear, shk, shh, shh, shh, I'm like, oh, this is a bullshit. Dude, also when they serve like an entree, and all you hear's forks and knives from these fucking, these animals chowling down? Who's eating at a time like this? He stare at the fucking person for 10 minutes, you cock sucker? Eat before you come. take a shit get your life in order that's what's the comedy store

in um what's that St. Jose? Yeah. Yeah, drink some popcorn. Yeah, a dude. Oh, you know the popcorn? That's it. Yeah. I hear somebody chew popcorn with their mouth open. I can't even, my eyes start shaking. I get violent, dude. I can't concentrate

on anything. I hear you chump your fucking mouth. My dad used to make me suck on hard pretzels like before I chew it because we have that thing. It's like a, it's a genetic you get fired up when you hear loud crunches when people crunch or bite their fork

I get fucking violent in my head and I can't focus on anything so growing up you'd be watching television before you're allowed to chew

put a hard pretzel in get the saliva working through it warm up to fucking you know put it in the bread and swallow it down like a fucking sick bird you put pretzel stick in your mouth

and you suck the air through it that's pretty good flavor profile brother yeah but it's it's forced profile I didn't always want to do that sometimes I want to enjoy a nice crunch.

Dude, if I hear my girl, my girl is a fork biter. You know, that's, they scrape her teeth across the Yeah, bro. Oh, I would fucking die. It's like, and I can't bring it up every time because it's, obviously, we're not fucking for a week if I do. You can't just be like, hey, can you stop

chewing on the silverware? Yeah, I have. And it's a whole thing. It's got me of it. I asked. I had a friend who smacked why he smacked his lips. No, he did yeah. I can't fucking do it right. So he wondered why, like, I'll never go to dinner with him. Yeah, I can't fuck with you.

If I do it, I'm going to sit at another table. Yeah. I mean, he's fucking talk across the room, because I'm not doing it. Yeah, it's a shame. You don't have someone that hit you growing up, you know? His excuse was that he grew up eating in front of the TV, so you can't hear itself chew. I was like, what type of fucking shit?

I ate in front of the TV. We all ate in front of the TV. What do you mean? Like, on his knees right now? The only time I did that was eating cereal to my brother growing up. I never forgot this. We would eat, like, this close to a cartoon, blast it, like, bugs, bunny, and shit, and we're eating, like, tricks.

Huh? What's your nationality? Irish Italian. All right. Y'all eat cereal? Huh? I would eat cereal? Did we eat cereal?

Yeah. Yeah, we're poor. Mostly, yeah. I just wanted to, no, I've never. For some reason I've never seen an Italian guy eat cereal. Really? Ever. They throw it around the spoon first.

Like a lot of that's a good lucky charm, man. This thing. Donnie, Donnie gets up the charms. He's trying to get this. He's the best fucking John name of head? Not on a movie or nothing. I was fucking shocked.

I was like, cereal. I feel like you were fucking with me. Like, bro, I still buy cereal. I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got. ass moms in the kitchen, stirring the big pot of cereal. He'll be out in four hours. Ma! Ma!

Ma! Jesus Christ, Ma! What are you going to eat? Anyway, he's eating tricks. I'm eating tricks. We're staring at the screen. It's blasting our eyes. We get that, like, Japanese fucking flutter. What do you? What's that Japanese animation gets you sick to your tummy in your head? Oh, yeah, you can, uh, epilepsy. The epilepsy. Uh-huh.

And he throws up. So then I look at him throw up and I throw up. And then my dad beat the shit out of it. Wasting food. Yeah, wasted food. Throwing up on a fucking beige carpet, dude. I put confetti all over a beige carpet. Oh, your brother ashes on this carpet.

You fucking booed that. Favorite cereal. Favorite cereal. Through the years, man, when I was real little cinnamon toast crunch fucked me up. Frudy Pebbles fucked me up. Then I got in the honeycombs when I lost a little more of the sugar. Honeycombs, let's fucking go.

Then I had my healthy days with Crispix. Do you ever sprinkle sugar on the crisps? 100%. Yeah. Same thing with when you got shredded wheat that wasn't sugared. Oh, man. Soak it. Oh, yeah.

Let it soak. Oh, yeah. And you're scraping the bottom of the bowl to get the sugar that dropped. Let's go. And you can see the little grainy pile on it. Fuck. Just asking. Just damn it.

Yeah. When you were eating shredded wheat, Was it an elderly person When you had an elderly person's house Bro, the sugar, the shredded meat With sugar on one side Don't sleep on it I ate it

It was awesome But I only saw eating shredded wheat Because I was at my grandma's house And this is what she would buy this shit I was like what is this And then I was just pounded with sugar And eat But I never

My mom never bought it Yeah With like my favorite I think it's for like It's for old backed up women To get their shit out Tommy's dad Tommy's dad won't even let them put the spoon in the bowl

until it was soggy already sugar pops all right and I think that's it honey honeycomb to me still to this day rain supreme no crunch berries

captain crunch was great but they'd fuck up the top the roof of your mouth I would eat it fuck up the roof of my mouth but I still eat funnier and you just peel like a cicada for like a week and a half

I can't do that shit that's what funnion used to do to me and I still eat funnions the film funnions puts on your your tongue whatever that MSG. I'm not going to let you ruin finance for me. You don't want to hear the truth?

I won't tell you fucking truth. That's funny. Did you eat cereal? Yeah, you know they started putting Lucky Charms marshmallows and other cereals now so you can get frosted flakes

with Lucky Charms marshmallows. Damn, Kellogg's wild. And that's a completely every experience. Fruit loops. Fruit loops were great. With marshmallows. Too much. Once you get older,

that's like, it's like, eating a bag of gummy bears you think that all day all day you think it would be wildly irresponsible for me a 40 year old man to eat a bowl of cereal and then it's like 10 30 p.m you're just like life really didn't pan out the way I thought it was the only thing that would make me feel better right now is two or three bowls of cereal yeah but you have three that's what it hits yeah so it's raising brand raisin brand I take it back raisin brand top three all time still to this day I crush raisin brand all the time

arms on walk and keep you regular as well do it you get both the flakes and the raisins yeah it's not good for you i got yeah don't read the box of raisin brand if you're wondering dude you don't read it it's got raisins in it it's endorsed by the sun though you know i trust him he's warm the whole planet up the amount of sugar and raisin brain is fucking criminal why our kids are fat yeah i know I think that they don't go outside They don't They don't They don't see kids

Fucking playing in its courts No one's playing street football There's no fucking wall ball They're all diagnosed with something Every single job has the thing Make you appreciate The 90s No make you appreciate

22 year old skaters You can leave somebody's out Yeah Yeah Yeah Somebody's doing heroin Yeah Yeah

yeah dude there used to be a fun we called him the hammers but there was this uh this gang all right this episode is brought to you by cash app tom cash app cash app i made a mistake and gave out my cash app last time yeah you got you got mostly requests for money requests yeah yeah people are like give me 1500 yeah yeah spread some money around it's like kept coming but that's it's a way to make friends you get you know you meet people you yeah send share some money people send a couple people send you a couple bucks it's pretty good no it is it's very efficient and that's the there's the thing you cash app

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one of our fans wins a car I better fucking buck up you know better tell the truth and give me 10% 10% of the stir out Give me a seat. Ash.

Yeah, sheesh. There were a group of kids that were like sons of pagans, the pagan gang, the motorcycle gang, where I'm from. And we called them hammers. They were like the second generation. So all these like Vietnam vets came home and they started these criminal organizations where they just ride around Harleys, backhand their wives and disown the kids. Well, kids would just come to the basketball courts and we'd be playing basketball and they would just go. into the corner and shoot up heroin underneath like the fucking school overhang

and they would just be goofed off just staring at you like this holding a skateboard it's weird how that's how the Hells Angels started to motorcycle guys came home then the Mongols

I don't know how the Mongols yeah I don't know how they started those bad boys yeah we're not gonna speak bad on anybody we're a big fan of the Mongols and the Hells Angels here at Stuff Island not me dude I'm going to pull your colors.

I see you out of my road. I see you posted up in Dunkin' Donuts with all the other fat old guys. I'm going to pull your jacket off. Watch. It's a warning. I worked for this financial company for like two years.

And one of my clients was a one percenter. And I didn't know that. He was a really nice fucking dude. Some white guy out in northeast Philly. And I go to his house, put together like a financial plan, save money,

put some money over here. And like one day he just turned his neck and he's got the 1% tattoo on his neck. And I was like, Damn. This boy's like, that's like for real. It's like, they're the best. They're fucking, they're the boys, dude.

You know. You got to know, right? Huh? Yeah, I'm a familiar. All right, we'll say something. Even if it's in the ways that he makes happen. What the fuck? All right, let's go back to cereal.

The fuck. Anyway, shout out one percent is we're big friends, too. Did you like Iskibbles? Huh? You from Philly. Iskibbles, yeah. Underrated cheese. Cheese steak, top five.

Yeah. I liked Escobiles. Fuck yeah. Where are you from Houston? But you've been around Philly a bunch? I've been all over the place. Yeah. And I'm very well versed in Philly.

Yeah. What's I think? Do you know, uh, Johns Rose Port? Uh-uh. That's the best cheesecake in the game. It is? Yep. You think they had Maxis?

They have disagree? Who? Maxis. Yeah. Of course they'll disagree. Yeah. Yeah. Angel Lowe's is number two right now.

Delco Steaks is up there. Not familiar Yeah, Angelis is very fucking good Yeah, we go to German town Yeah, of course Badlands Yeah, I've been the Badlands Yeah, let's go

You know what you're doing Yeah Let's go Damn Yeah, I used to live on Ridge Avenue next to the shop right In East Falls Yeah, it was crazy

When I'm in town in Philly I always stay on the landings Yeah Like down the street from the punchline Yeah And they're like But when I'm hanging out I'm going to the Badlands

because I know people over there. And my friend, first time I ever, my boy called me and said, remember you guys? I said, you're on me to bedlands. He said, get out of that.

Yeah, it's called that for a reason, my friends. It's definitely called that for a reason. Yeah, I like Philly a lot. It's pretty cool that we have the badlands and nice town and they're both kind of the same neighborhood. Yeah, 100%.

Yeah. Nice town. Is it? Fucking is it? You're going to Strawberry Mansion? Yeah, Strover Mansion. It doesn't look. Exactly like a board game

Like you think it would It's like West Philly Like they're gorgeous You know Victorian homes That's a facade You know The whole fucking neighborhood's a facade I got held up three times

In college Yeah it's pretty cool Two times on Temple's campus Three times on Drexel's campus Only two at gunpoint I've been to Eagles game Twice Let's go let's talk

Twice Are you going to talk shit Oh No I'm not going to talk shit Are you Dallas? Okay I'm leaving What?

Dallas I live in Houston wide I don't know, because people are fucking fan wagons. Fuck the cowboys forever. Just kidding now. Forever. I'll cut it short if you were. It's fine.

Like, I'm, I fucking hate the Cowboys with gusto. Let's go. I hate the fans, the fucking outfits, the star, the merchandise. Like, I've been a Giants fan. I've been a Giants fan forever. I wore a Giants jersey to the stadium. How'd that work out? Oh, it was fucking terrible.

It was brutal. Did it get physical at all or just talking to you? I choked one guy. Did you remember? It was a situation. Were they playing the Giants? The Giants was playing. It was like, yo, and we were winning, and it was like, everything was good

into like the fourth when it just looked out of reach for it. Then it started. That's tough. But then I went when, yeah, the playoff game. the it was Washington in Philly yeah and I went to that game this year

I was there too I was invited yeah by one of the fuck it's smoked put a 55 so much points in any

AMC NFC championship game and I just had him a regular white t-shirt yeah yeah me and my boy

went out I was I had a good time yeah I did that at Met MetLife Stadium I wore an Eagles a t-shirt but I wore a black bomber

over it so like it was just like a scary a cute amount of green that would come out of the black jacket you know what I mean until like we started winning and I was like started popping that shit up and that's how you do it yeah yeah yeah you sit and wait until you it's your turn yeah you know you come out fucking barking then there's a problem you let them bark first and then you go oh this is you know like gervyn says you're just two dogs barking or your dog barking at itself in the mirror you're saying fucking person so you let them talk shit for you bit

You're like, good luck to you, pal. You know, and you're like, fuck you in your head. But you don't say fuck you because they come out strong. Then they're going to come stronger and there's a lot more than them. So you got to, you know, it's like the first two rounds of a boxing match. Yeah. You got to really feel out your phone. I went to a Chicago Bears game when I was traveling with the Texans.

And this guy was talking shit and he lost his balance and fell. Oh, no. A whole section? Like three, four rows. And then he got up. That's why we fucking still. Winning. See, I like that.

That was a good guy. You can't show weakness. He lived home for sure. Called out of work on Monday. Yeah. And you still rock Philly. You know, I have, well, I was talking shit about the Eagles other day. I was like, yo, you only won because you have a quarterback that's from Houston.

Yeah, I like that. Whatever you want to say. And then the Giants, we gave you a fucking gift. Yeah. but not let me tell you some if we get micha parsons from dallas buddy don't even watch football anymore i don't want to break your heart you see micha's leaving he's just leaving dallas he goes fuck them

you're not gonna renegotiate my contract like you did all my other boys everybody else getting paid he's the future what are you doing jerry jones needs to fucking you know if i need to fall down three fucking stories that's what he needs to do i'm gonna kill jerry jones yeah that's just a statement of fact that's not like a terroristic threat of that I'm going to kill I'll tell you what in real life I'm going to kill Jerry Jones

I'll take that cocksucker out of I always said like when George Steinbrenner was dying up like if I had one wish I'd wish he was alive again so I can see him die a second time damn fuck the Yankees and fuck the Cowboys baby yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah fuck the Yankees boy what are you talking about what it's a Philly house

fucking Yankees can suck hold the dicks. God damn. Sorry, your boys wearing a man. Sorry, I enjoy it.

Tommy, you were getting into the Savannah bananas. You're a big banana ball guy now. No. What I said was it's very entertaining.

You played in college, though. I think you, I did not play in college. I meant to play in college. You could play pro banana ball right now. You meant to play a college.

How did that work? I meant to play. I missed the alarm. I had an open mic. No, then I signed up for engineering, and it just wasn't possible. My dad, like, pushed me towards engineering and shit, and I stopped playing baseball.

God, any other sad shit you guys want to talk about? Tommy, you got to give up this banana ball dream. Dude, the Savannah bananas. I will say this, dude. It is the Globetrotters meets actual baseball, and it's fucking wonderful to watch. You think, dude, Globetrotters are... They got skills?

Ball players, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. These baseball players are fucking a lot of minor league players for years. Incredible talents. They're don't backflips, catching a fucking, a line drive. Blow problems. One dude, through a double player, through his legs. They suck my dick.

That's incredible talent. They were playing the team. The team is called the firefighters, and one of the guys' numbers was 9-11. Yeah. That's what it's sick. That's how you know they weren't firefighters. Oh, wait, there's probably 911. Yeah.

All right, you know what? It was way forward to your right. You saw on your rearviews backwards. Banana ball. I was supposed to play. I watch, do you watch ESPN too? Yeah, sometimes. They have the weirdest sports.

Like, people just want to be champions that shit. Yeah. The slippery steps is a, it's a lot of slippery steps. But I just end up watching this shit. I was like, this is a stupid ass. Yeah. I feel like there's just like... But I would play it. I would do it. I think there's just a pack of Japanese somewhere putting together some show ideas.

Japs come up with fucking fun shit like that. They're like, let's get some icy steps. A little battle to get to the top. That only comes from a Japanese brain. I'm saying? I went to engineering school, dude, I know. Savannah, Savannah, bananas. I'm not done.

when you watch the highlights you're like man this is fucking great but if you watch like three innings straight it's gay as hell too they do some real gay shit they have like coordinated dances to sing into like dog shit 90s alt rock

and they're wearing makeup and shit they're all jacked and they walk like they're jacked you know I like my athlete to be sneaky jacked and fucking hide it walk like a fucking an injured deer

you know what I mean you gotta be sly about that shit you can't peacock with your fucking big tits out suck my day everybody want like NBA players fucking handicapped

yeah what's wrong with your knee well they're built like giraffes the knees are going to give out who was that uh Corey Holcomb dude a fucking old clip came up Corey Holcomb

and you're talking about fucking a fat girl with a t-shirt on and how they they run to the shower and they have like tiny legs And he said He goes

What the fuck man I've been fucking a Wisdom too I was crying We're hoping there He's just gave everybody A fat chick And they passed

I don't trust a person That hasn't fucked the fat girl You got to take shots I agree You understand I I got to get rid of this mustache. The amount of sweat and condensation it holds is crazy.

You got to fucking... I don't think my eyes big enough for all that one. You're fine. That's a dirt stash. I'm talking about a mustache. That's old cereal grinds you got up there. My shit is pretty little. No, condensation.

You got that pastor status. It's been a difficult month. The tathers are going up 10%. That's funny. Pulls up in a fucking Maybach. Pastors are cock suckers, too. Fucking criminals. I just want everybody to know that the Jap comment and the pastor's comment had been to do with it.

I'd even grin at it. I stand by that. I don't give a fuck. I can fight at least 100 jabs. They're like toddlers. They'll line up, too. They will line up. That'll be borderly line.

They'll wait their fucking turn. Peace. They're not like black kids. Come on, man. Let's have some fun. Oh. I always wondered that when I watch karate movies Why they wait their turn

Like I've never When I've got to jump before they all came at the same time Like no No no no no no get you Wait some turn to get their ass beat That's because all karate is You gotta come at me like this Yeah

If I'm coming at you from the side I gotta wait for you to turn And come at me before I can do my fucking moves It's like an 80s action film Oh Nothing What's good with you, both? Everything's good with me.

You promote a special? No, I have two out right now that's doing pretty well. I'm probably being promoted one in the next, but top of the year. Yeah. I have like four in the can, so we shoot again in February. Yeah. I shoot a couple other guys specials, September and November, but I'm shooting in D.C. again in February.

Are you opening for them or shooting at, like a director, producer. Opening for who? Did you say you're shooting? Yeah, I'm producing. Oh, sick. Yeah.

That's awesome. Yeah, I haven't opened for nobody in a while. I don't like it. I didn't know. Sorry. No, I didn't say you knew.

I just said, open. Sometimes big names do, you know, favors for friends. That's kind of just showing up. Yeah. True.

Like, I show up for somebody. Sure. But if, and so I've done it before and then somebody said, hey, you're a great open act. I was like,

man, fuck you. I was a special. guest. Wasn't open that like, I need a special guest, but, yeah, I'm not promoting any of the specials right now, but rugged is out and my two sons is out. Yeah. But I have some other ones that are we getting ready to drop. Yeah.

I come back when I'm promoting them and see if, especially if this racial thing that we doing works out. Yeah. I can tell you something. I can guarantee it. You got my Italian. Irish, I guarantee it. Our audience will be on board.

I'm still taking it back about you said you ate cereal. I'm going to call my friend. I'm like, I've fucking never seen it. Learn something new every day. And he knew his cereal, so he knew the cereal. Yeah, I got them all lined up. Because I reminisce.

There's such a nostalgia. You can go 10 years without eating a cereal that really, you know, there was like a time frame of your life. There's certain things you eat. You know what I mean? Like fruit roll. You remember fingering some girl after school.

Damn. It takes you back. It's nostalgic. You know? Put you right back to your first crunch. You can remember what it was like relaxing before you ever worked a day in their life. Oh, fruit roll up and fingering. Pop rocks, dude.

Drinking in the woods. Zima. Remember Zima? Put a Jolly Rancher and Zima get fucked up in seventh grade. What was the thing with pop rocks that somebody said that you couldn't eat? Pop rocks and drink a Coke. Yeah, and your head will explode or something. Why don't we believe it?

Yeah. There was also a blowjob thing with pop rocks. Like a girl would put in pop rocks. She was definitely a very advanced middle school. Yeah. Catholic school piglets. They go hard, dude. Tough home life, man.

They stopped by the bakery for some sweets before the blowshel. She was definitely a friend of eating candy and some blowjohn. Like, damn. That was my first wisdom to us, bro. That's fucking crazy. Pop, fuck, fox and a floater, it was fucking crazy. Do you guys ever hear that or no? I mean, I've heard of it.

Yeah. I think it's also definitely fat lady tricks. It's like, no, you don't understand. If I was eating mac and cheese while she sucks you off, I'm basically the... what's just because they don't want to do as much work the pop rocks are doing a lot of the work they're too fucking lazy

so you got that big you know that hon right man have you heard of dry sex what dry humping no dry sex is it the Mormon thing where they bounce no no there's like places in like underdeveloped countries where they'll like add sand because they like the extra grip

oh my god doesn't that sound awful that's what pop rocks made me think of don't google it please. Underdeveloped countries. I don't know if third world was right. San Antonio.

Yeah. We have to put sand on it. They hate that. They hate the juicy stuff. Wow. It doesn't feel as good. But then you're going to build a callus and it's going to take more sand. Then you're going to start using fucking.

Then you got to dump this bitch full of hot rocks. But then your dad will think your penis is cool. He hates a soft dick. Oh. This dick never worked a day. God, you're going to take your pecker to one of those Asians to fucking sole off the pumice stone. It's definitely a lot of yeast infections going around that place. Add the dirt to it.

Jesus. Oh, my God. Hey, man, I don't know what to tell you. It's a crazy workbook. You never see the inside of a fat lady's crack? Wow. Like the color. Like the discoloration?

Yeah. That's all callous. It's like an inside elephant. Is it? Yeah, the skin of an elephant. I'm not here. It rubs on itself. You got to moisturize that kind of thing.

They can't help it. There's two fucking bags swinging. Swoosh. Yeah. They're whipping through the Cineabon in the mall. I'll never eat a Cineabon again. Just for the record. Oh, man.

Oh, shit. I'm sweating. It's like, I'm the only one that's not on shrews right now. It's crazy. Nah, if I was on shrooms, I'd be boring as hell. I just laugh. I don't talk on shrooms. Man.

Yeah, I'm not good on it. We're supposed to do it tomorrow with Josh Wolf. Do you know Josh Wolfe? Yeah. You read what you doing the story? No, he just wants to do shrooms. He's doing the pod tomorrow. Oh, because he does the shrooms and then you read a story.

Yeah, that's why he wants me to do shrooms. Because he's in control. He knows exactly what he's doing. Yeah. Josh is a cool-ass dude. I've done shrooms twice. And I think it's two different types. Yeah.

Like, Ari gave me shrooms. Yeah, that probably wasn't shrooms. And, oh, yeah, it was, it was, I ate an eighth of shrooms by myself. Damn, that's a lot, dude. It was the first time. Why would you do that? I didn't know. I was just like, I was just eating.

I wasn't feeling the shit. So I just ended up eating a bag. This was the second season. He gave everybody shrooms. Yeah. So when I ate them, It was a long fucking night and then I had to fly out and I was still gone. Still high, yeah.

And I get to the airport. I'm an LAX. I get to the airport and I called my manager. I said, hey, listen, people are going through this machine and then I'm not seeing them anymore. And I said, I don't know where they're going. He's probably various places. I was like, I don't want to go to various places. I just want to go to Houston.

And then I went and asked me. I say, hey, people are going through this machine, and I'm not seeing them anymore. Where are they going? He said, various places I called her back. I'm like, you're right. I missed my flight and everything. I wasn't fucking with that machine.

Like, I was not fucking with that machine. I was like, my mind was like, nope. Was this to get your itineri? No, this is to go, like, to get on the plane. What do you mean fucking with it? What's the machine? When you walk through the machine and you put your hands up? Oh, yeah.

I wasn't fucking with that machine. It was like, no, sir, Reebok. It was just too scary? I want to know what the people was going. Like, I wouldn't see him. But I was on the other side. Shrooms had me fucked up. I was like, I wasn't doing it.

You thought they were just getting zapped to another universe? I didn't know what the people was going. I wasn't getting in that machine. And the second time I did it, I guess it's the shrooms that you kind of trip out on. Then it's strums that make you fucking talk about it. Yeah. I never get, I called damn that. 20 people in my phone and I was calling like hey I want to discuss your life yeah how are you

it was crazy yeah yeah I'd almost rather believe in aliens and have an emotional emotional high and have to call fucking you know cousins I got to hide my phone I'll start texting I can't even see the letters I'll start texting and it's just like they're gonna they obviously they know right away they can tell your your tone is entirely different yeah normal yeah I leave words out when I normally text people because I'm just like, let's just save the reading, you know? Yeah, and then you get tripping a little bit, and it's just like...

I've never really expressed myself with you the proper way, you know what I mean? Let's go back to the beginning. You're the punctuations. He's like, oh, no. I don't know. He's fucking drunk. Where the fuck's the semicolon? Yeah, there's a period in here?

What are you on? Tim, tell me. Come pick you up? I need a bus stop. I just want you to know. I appreciate that about you. That you would pick me up. Thanks, Tim.

Got it. Okay, see you later. Stop calling, please. I would prefer shrooms or anything else. Me too. I'm very creative. Yeah. Especially if I can remember some of the stuff.

Yeah. It does put you in like a very creative zone. I have these chocolate bars at the... With this room with the... Yeah. And it's real high-end stuff. This is my buddy Chris's house, but I'd give you some. I have a bunch at all.

And that would be crazy. It's called Newtropics. You know that brand, Newtropics? I think I think. I've had, my old manager gave me one. Yeah. And then the cleaning lady threw it away. No shit.

And yeah, I fired the shit out of her ass. Wait. She was cleaning out the refrigerator and she's like, oh, this looks old. It looks old. And because I had it in the freezer. Yeah. And she threw my, she was sick. I've never been able to get another one.

Yeah. And here you are. It's only 10 minute drive. We can go there. Yeah. Yeah, but this like high-end Belgian chocolate, it's hard to stop eating it because it's, like, so wonderful. And to your point where it takes a while to hit, you only need like three squares as what they call the microdose, but six will send you flying, seeing shit, feeling weird stuff. What are you doing later?

We can fucking, we could show, dude. I will definitely be at the mothership tonight. You're going to, let's see, I'm not there tomorrow, but I'll stop by. I'm doing, um. Joe Rogan, France? No, um. Kill Tony. Oh, sick.

Yeah. just in case you just give me my location do you want them tonight whenever you whenever you obey am I saying

this on camera it's fucking mushrooms I'm trying to get you rested sure I'll give you a fucking ounce of coke little mosh need a gun everybody's got a guy

here he started on the East Coast you ever played New York yeah I was in New York for 10 years I'm doing comedy for the first three. I stopped doing comedy for a while. Do you know Dante Niro?

Yeah. Okay, so Dante Niro, good friend of mine. He's like the mascot of all bouncers. Yeah. Yeah. And you know you'd just be the exotic dancer. Yeah, hilarious. Hilarious.

I'd take exotic down, but I'd expect. Dancing also debatable. I was doing some other shit, and I called him. And I was like, yo, I need an ice pick. And he was like, cool. Dropped it off. And he was like, yo, he needs some help. I'm like, no, just need the pick.

And you can go. I don't want you to be involved. And he called me like a month. I was like, yo, what the fuck was you going to? I'm like, I handled it. Yeah. And he's like, I don't want you to ever be involved in nothing. I just wanted the weapon.

Yeah. Because, you know, I just got there. So I was like, mm, wasn't fucking with it. But I just wanted to handle it. Hey, you just walk around New York with an ice pick? Or did you have a very specific? I was going to a very specific place. Damn, let's go.

Ice pick is a beautiful choice. Yeah. I thought this is code for something. No. There's a regular ice pick. Yeah. What kind of drug is that? It's not.

Time you got an ice pick guy out here? Well, you can't walk into a hardware store and fucking look for an ice pick because then you're on camera and then you've got a fucking receipt. You got to ask a fucking exotic stripper. Shout out to Dante He's the man I think I called Dante every time I've come to New York

just to hang out He has the loudest fucking Jeep He ever Really? It's like he has no understanding that other people are in the car Yeah And it's like

Is he Puerto Rican? I don't know what Dante His fucking music be on like 50 I'm like Dante I'm grown I don't need to hear my music this mouth and he said I'm like

I'm gonna like he fucked your head up also it's I don't like the attention yeah because everyone's going to stare at you when you get to a red light then you gotta be like you know

I don't fucking want this I was in the real light like help doing that hand signal it when we get kidnapped just out the window how long you've been in Austin

how long you've been here year and a half year and a half yeah what brought you to Austin Mommy, Shane, my boys. They're the mothership. Good schools.

Yeah. Yeah, good mothership. Yeah, good schools. Yeah, mothership is king, dude. It's awesome. It's the fucking best. I've played it a couple times. Yeah.

Yeah. You've got something negative to say? No, no, I played. I played it a couple times. You like it? I'm not good with the community green room. Yeah? Why not?

Because when I'm getting into my space, I don't need all of them. Yeah. It's a lot of traffic. Yeah. But I love the club. I just stay in the hallway. Well, when you headline, they give you the whole room now where no one else is allowed to go in. Yeah, they'll close it off for you.

Now. Yeah. Gotcha. I was the beginning of that. Gotcha. Because the second time I played that, I wasn't. Yeah. Because I was like, no, I don't want to.

Yeah, there's a couple of comics like down there just like, I need you out in my fucking face. Which I get. It's two rooms. And so the guys from the other room are coming in. And it's like, damn, can I get the space? And it's constantly rotating with new people, not knowing. Yeah, it is a good rule just to go, you can't get in there unless you know the guy. You know, like, I don't walk in there for a headline unless I know.

Tony Rock was just there. And I was like, excuse me, can I just get a drink real quick? I just went to the bar, got a drink, fucked off. Yeah. And I think that a lot of, because I've been, what, 28 years now stand up, it's changed dramatically where everybody feel like the green room is their space

and I was I didn't come up like that I never went in the green room unless I was invited in by the headliner I was the host of the feature I'm in another space and I don't understand

I was like well okay save you you're working with Dick Gregory he sleeps in between the shows where you're going to keep walking in and out while he used to sleep Damon Wayne's is the same way. Yeah.

There's a lot of guys, then I walk in on, um, guys that walked in on other guys, they're doing heroin or cocaine. I don't want to be involved. And my rule was I'm out the green room until, unless I'm with the headliner or I'm invited in. Yeah. Don't. But nowadays, you're getting there as a guy in there already eating your hummus.

Yeah. What the fuck are you doing? I think you're just like yeah fuck it's my I think he's talking about me I'm a strictly little boy guy and I'm constantly just like do I just stand in the hallway

or should I go bother people in the green room this sucks well during the week it's just yeah it's all showcase shows so it's like you know I think people especially when they come in from L.A. or Chicago or like traveling just for a day or two

and they're doing sets they don't know the rules and regulations on the weekend yet where it's like there's a sign there it says no except for the headliner and the crew I just thought that was a part of the grooming of comedy yeah it's like a set rule

so I think that was that's some of the things that the guys who started maybe they start on the internet or they started another way doing because they don't know the culture of some of the rules that go with stand up especially coming up in the game in the game

Yeah, that's a big thing That's why you gotta beat them You gotta start hitting these motherfuck That's why you need an ice pick Yeah, that's why you need an ice pick Joe, can you get someone on a radio For an ice pick please Could you get one of these

CTE Navy SEALs to fucking Run me a pick real quick, dude? Any one of these cross-eyed To get me a weapon So I can relax in the green room All right, well that's racist Yeah, I'm not... We can't.

That's the one we got a clip. Everything else we're keeping. I don't give a fuck. People get upset about that one. All right, man. Well, thanks for coming, bro. I'm dead serious. You got anything else you want to talk about?

Like, you know, anything to promote? How do they find you? Alicadit.com? I'm acting like I got a shit and I don't I'm not really good at ending stuff I usually I just wait till there's I just let it fucking

you know let it fizz off for three years when I go I told you I didn't want this I was trying to tell you you didn't pick up the cues by not being involved yeah finally had to fuck your best friend

I'm sorry Is it really her best friend? No, I would never do that, dude I would never do that That's a callback To the noise you made early Ollie's sadec.com Fad out of myself on that

This has been a very interesting podcast that I would like to come back to Let's go He fucking means that This is good hang with him. Thank you. Thank you.