Stuff Island - Are We Men Now? w/ the Be a Man guy & John Fiore - Stuff Island #109

Episode Date: November 29, 2023

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Be a Man on IG: https://www.instagram.com/bostonbeaman/ - Follow John on IG: https://www.instagram.com/real_johnfiore/ Go to displace.com/stuffisland or use code “STUFFISLAND” to get up to 35% off for 1-2 displates, 39% off for 3-4 displates, And 44% off for 5+ displates! Go to drsquatch.com/stuffisland and buy 3 soaps and get 3 free! Go to shipstation.com and use code “STUFFISLAND and sign up for your FREE 60-day trial  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, real quick before we start the episode. This Friday we got the Pierogies episode coming out. We make those Pollocks rigatoni. And then if you're not signed up for a look at dish, go to patreon.com slash stuff violent, sign up for our look at dish tier. You got about 25 episodes there.

It's fucking delicious. There's hundreds of hours of content. Yeah, on the backs of us. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds. And these guys help sometimes too. Yeah. Enjoy the app. Be a man. I grew up Irish-Italian. I grew up Jewish.

Really? Yeah. No, we were only Irish-Italians. Poles. Poles? Little Germans. Chinese and South. I love Chinese. I love Chinese. It's alright. Chinese and South. I love Chinese. I love Chinese. Yeah.

Dude, dude. That's, that's. Me and Chris. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm into it for sure, but all the texts I get from him are just Asian chicks. And he goes,

remember her? Remember her? Remember, it's a barstool bar. Remember a couple of Asian brides afterwards? I was fucked up. They weren't that interested in us. Yeah, no shit.

What's wrong with them? At a funeral home. Can we talk about the Asians filling the show? Talk whatever we want to talk about. I'm an open book. This is a safe space. As much Asian talk as you want. It is now.

This temperature just went up like 30 degrees Italian. Just say whatever the fuck you want, dude. Just don't say the N-word. Don't say the N-word or the F-word. We'll say the N-word anyway. Someone's going to fix me up with yo-yo. Then he said he has another one. Yu-yu?

No, Yu-yu's on the shit list. Oh, so there's yo-yo and he. Who's he going to fuck up? He or Yu-yu? For real. The one I'm going to set you up with is Yo-Yo. Yo-Yo. Yu-Yoo.

Dude, that's like the Joe and Mary of Asian culture. You want Yo-Yo or Yu-Yoo? What is this? Yu-Yoo. All right. Where's my phone? I want to show you Yu-Yoo. Yu-Yoo's fucking...

You pull out a fucking Nokia flip phone. Send it to our producer so we can put it on. Yeah, let me sketch you with this. Actually, she follows my Instagram. Everything I do, she likes, but I don't give a shit. She's arch enemies with my girlfriend now. Wait, you have a girlfriend? Yeah, that tends to happen.

They're viands on the same pipe. You met her. You're the only one on podcast. Don't talk about you. When you have a girlfriend. Why not? I met her. I met the whole family.

I met the whole family that understand English. It's okay. Of course. The less they talk, the better. He took them to see a four-hour fucking movie. The De Niro. What the fuck's the name of the movie? The Osage fucking Indian thing.

How'd they like that? That one, she speaks English. Flower Moon or some shit? Yeah, Flower Moon. She was like, the girl was talking to me. I'm like, don't talk to her in the movie. She talked in the movie? She didn't say one thing. I hate that. It was a flower moon. She was like, the girl was talking to me and I'm like, shh, don't talk to her in the movie. She talked in the movie.

She didn't say one thing. I hate that. It was a different girl. Wait, hold on. Hold on a second. But she couldn't speak English. She didn't know

what the fuck was going on. No, she speaks decent English. She's got like 1.5 million in the bank. You got, you got a, are you living with your girl?

Right. She lives in New York. My main girl, yeah. So she lives in New York. The main, the power of stinking gutters of New York. My main girl, yeah. So she lives in New York. The main, the power of stinking gutters of New York. And you take

teenage Asian girls out to play video games. The movie has to be over three hours long. At least 25. Is she raping Dorian? I want to get an understanding of how young this girl is.

It's funny if I may say, Phil, right? He'll say, the Asian broad, I like a girl with a really small ass. I go, alright. No tits. I go, this is good. My girl has fake tits. Short hair.

Can throw a baseball. And a bulge. Can't speak English. She makes a mean stir. Doesn't know how to call the police. can throw a baseball. Throw a baseball and a bulge in a fucking trouser. She makes a mean stir. Doesn't know how to call the police. You see it with the fucking Little League World Series with binoculars. When they're playing Japan.

That's her. Check her out. Pass it around. Passing around. Now which one is this? Passing around a phone was a while She's fucking high Is this you? That's you

You take a car In a car I got new jeans On me man I'm like Taking it off a belt clip Fucking shit This bitch

He's like Can I get drunk Go to Bloomingdale's yesterday Yeah but Yeah The song is perfect Of course he played the music Oh

These fucking guys It's like a porno Fucking sucks You couldn't just look At the fucking image Yeah, the song is perfect. Of course he played the music. These fucking guys. It's like a porno. You couldn't just look at the fucking image? The after shot. There's no question about it. All the Asian girls look younger than they are. She's like 45.

Hand sanitizer. Touching that sex pole. Holy shit. It's like how strippers grease it. That phone's getting a lot of left hand usage. Do you ever go non-Asian at this point? Are we rolling right now? Yeah.

That's why I said shut up. Can we swear on this fucking thing? Yeah. Fucking cunt. Let's go. Just warm it up. I go non-Asian occasionally, I go non-Asian occasionally. He's like, fucking shit. Yeah, let's go.

I go non-Asian occasionally. Do you? Yeah. And when you go non-Asian, where do you go? I don't go with white girls anymore. Yeah, me neither, baby. Yeah. Really?

But you got a girl, you live with a girl, right? Yeah. She's Palestinian. That's not white. No, okay. Palestinian. That's fine. She's a little Swedish.

What about Russian? Not white. No, okay. Palestinian. That's fine. She's a little Swedish. What about Russian? Not white. Not white? Extra white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those people enslaved white people. Unless you're a Bolshevik

or something. Asian broads are like fucking, they know everything about the stock market, fucking cars. They got like computers in their brains. Your voice is unbelievable.

They know just smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're fucking smart broads. I'm sure it helps when it's like I don't know anything about the stock market so they can say anything and I'd be like, damn. But you like Asian broads. What? You like Asian broads. Yes, of course.

Can we talk about your situation with girls? You still with that girl from the show? With Santino? No, no, no. What are you doing? That blew up in my face. The model? The one that was, remember when we were talking to Santino?

Yeah. And he was passed out upstairs. We had to wake you up for your second set. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want, can I? Dude, what? Can I? What?

We can't. No, no, no. But the, I don't even know what you're going to say, but no. Well, it ain't good. Yeah, I'll tell you off screen. Holy shit, that bitch was a nightmare. And the ending was crazy.

The ending was a casino level bitch. Smashing wine bottles in the corner of his bedroom. It was a pile of 50 wine bottles smashed in the window. What was this? The show? That would be a good close- was nuts dude that yeah i well what

happened at the it was a new year's show at boston yeah right you're doing two shows and uh the middle of the day i'm like i'm drinking with santino we're having a couple beers and uh i'm texting with feidelberg from barstool and he's in new hampshire skiing and he's like fuck it dude i'm coming down let's get fucked up and i'm like all right so santino goes to bed take a nap before the show and i'm like hanging out just like drinking waiting for feidelberg to show up feidelberg shows up shit-faced has one drink we all take like shots and then he goes i'm going to bed so now i'm fucked i'm like absolutely wrecked and i have to do this

show dude i was a blithering idiot for the first set and then as soon as i got off i went right to bed i like just napped in a green room and they had to wake me up for the second show oh did you rally for number two but what was the broad situation back then it was like a weird broad situation yeah the situation was that uh i like there was a girl who was like a weird grudge situation. Yeah, the situation was that there was a girl who was like a model on Instagram, I thought. She showed up, she's a birthday boy. 18 followers.

18 followers. One of every bottle she crashed into was fucking bedroom. Yeah, and she followed me and we were like dming back and forth for like six months just but like very sparingly i literally thought it was like one of my friends fucking with me so i would give like really shitty answers all the time and then one night not today fuck face then one night she just facetimed me and i was like holy shit and I was like, holy shit. And she was like, I'm

in New York City. Come play ping pong. And so I went and played ping pong and then we like hooked up and apparently she was like living with a guy.

So that guy found out that we hooked up and he was like, get the fuck out of my apartment. Cause he was trying to fuck her. He was trying to

groom her. Yeah. Yeah. He was an older guy trying to groom this girl. Finds out Chris shows up at this pool hall Gets upset She had a boyfriend in Texas

He says get your shit out This is the first night he's ever met her I'm sorry to tap in Now my emotions are firing So the guy goes I'm going to tell your boyfriend in Texas Because they're friends So the guy that was grooming her is pissed Pissed going to tell your boyfriend in Texas because they're friends. So the guy that was grooming her is pissed,

pissed enough to tell the boyfriend in Texas. Now he's like, fuck it. I know I'm not going to fuck her. So now I might just tell this dude to fuck her life up. Kicks her out of the apartment. Chris comes home. I was asking him, like,

I was texting him going, how was the date? And he goes, oh man, you're not going to, you're not going to believe this. And I was like, well, tell me. He goes, doorbell rings. Ding dong. Dude, it chris and a woman that's like six three behind him really it's 35 pounds soaking wet and two giant bags that delta wouldn't even check yeah it was like 1500 pound bag she moves

out the same night she met him came in here and stayed here for like six, seven months. Yeah, it was like five. It was like five. It was 12 to me. Definition of a lost soul. That's a deteriorating situation you were in. You know what the best thing about crazy broads are?

They're good in bed. Yeah, yeah. That really is the best quality about them. I had one. Alcoholic, bro. The best. Yeah. That she quit drinking.

She took it all out on your fucking ding dong. Yeah. Everything that went into the boozing went down there. Really? Wow. Oh, you're saying good after the sobering? It was good. Oh, yeah.

I only knew her sober. She felt compelled to tell me one day on a date. She goes, I have something to tell you. I go, what is it? She goes, I'm an alcoholic. I don't give a fuck. She's getting a coke. She had the crazy eyes.

Always like that, right? I go, so what? We've been fucking three months together. What difference does it make? I never noticed. Yeah. She goes, I'm an alcoholic. I don't have to tell you. Oh, just continue fucking been three months together. What difference does it make I never noticed. Yeah, she's I'm an alcoholic Yeah

Now fucking horny That ended badly to like everything does with me. Yeah, sadly the fucking... She was married. She died? No. Sadly, I killed her. Get this. Two other people died affiliated with the story. Her husband's parents were killed in a tragic car crash. Oh, really? That's too bad. Suck my dick.

Sorry. You know what's funny? You know? You just hit on the truth. Your two parents died? Be a man. Don't cry. I swear to God, I felt bad, and I went like this.

After about an hour and a half, two hours ago. What does that leave us, though? Are you going to feel guilty and go back to the husband? What do you think she did? She felt guilty and went back to the fucking husband. Only for them to ultimately get divorced. But I went right away and go, that's really too bad. When are we getting a fucking hotel room, though?

Yeah, yeah. Wait, you were sleeping with a married woman whose parents died in a car wreck. His parents died in a car wreck. We got to do something to take your mind off all that grief. All that grief, right? Yeah. And I feared she'd turn

over a new leaf and that's what she tried to do temporarily. And her turning over a new leaf was drinking? To not suck on the men's dicks. The thing about women, they just want to be heard. Can you pretend you're listening and go like this? Dude, I swear to God, he's an AI robot

programmed by all of my grandfathers. He's a throwback. Tell them what they want to hear. Be a man. Right. Have them speak another language and barely fucking communicate. Like, what are you doing? Is this one Asian too?

No, no, no. I don't go that way. I'm strictly, you know, stick to my own. Less English they speak, the less you can argue with. You like women with mustaches. Yeah, like a nice mustaches. Yeah. Like a nice hairy back. Where are you from?

Jersey? Somerville, Massachusetts. Somerville. Right next to, borders Boston? Yeah, right up Boston. I grew up in East Boston. Yeah.

Not J.R. Sparks. Yeah, I've always said Boston, Philly, and New York. Inner city folk. Cape Cod. Cape Cod's out there. East Boston. Yeah, it's like south.

Yeah. Yeah. So you're 100% Italian You're half and half I'm 100% Wait there's actually an East Boston Stop worrying about the fucking geography of Boston I thought he was making a joke

Logan Airport Logan Airport's East Boston Somebody pull up a map You stayed in Salton My autistic friend here is fired up I think You stayed in Salton. My autistic friend here is fired up. I think you stayed in Salton. He doesn't know what the other thing is. Everything has its east.

A circle has east. A square has east. A pentagon has east. Boston's on the Atlantic Ocean. Okay, but there's an east piece of Boston. Whatever's left. I don't know, man. I guess it's the Logan Airport.

Got it wrong. Talking all that shit. Nobody wants it this way. Never eat soggy pussy. Used to be the Italian section. No more. not wrong talking all that shit we won't do it this way never read Shaggy Pussy used to be the Italian section no more

yeah it's Spanish now yeah but I mean I go there and I feel at home you guys are a dying breed a true dying breed

Logan how old are you if you don't mind you know what we need we need a WAP reservation hold hands BMN we need a reservation of WAPs

we gotta put you guys on a fucking island. And when I say you guys, it's long eyes. Tommy, I like you and stuff. Would you like to hold my hand, please? Well, no. What are you talking about? We'll get some yee-yoons and fucking ding-dongs for him. Jesus Christ, cut that.

But yeah, you're not dying out. No. No, we're bringing it back. This way of thinking, right? He's 68. I just turned 65. You're 68? I feel fucking 78.

Nah, really? I may look fucking awesome. You do look good. But I feel like shit. I do. I'm 65. I still blow four loads in a night. With a new broad. With a what? New broad, I'll blow four loads. In an Uber, bro. That too.

That's my point. Just get in an Uber blowing loads at 65. If it's a normal regular relationship you only go on two but if it's a new one you can go four.

Of course. Of course. I'm not going to go four in fucking six months. Yeah. Dude, I'm done. You need some strange. I'm not kidding.

I was just telling my bartender last night that like my libido's down. I don't beat off as much. It's still there. It still packs a punch, but I'm not like... I mean, I was a ferret rubbing its testicles in a fucking... I would jerk off in a bus.

Tommy, you have a girlfriend, right? I do, yeah. Okay. What's she think about you jerking off? She caught me jerking off. We've been together a year. She's caught me beating off in every room but the kitchen because I respect the kitchen.

If I came home, my girlfriend was fingering herself, I'd be pissed. Would you? No, you wouldn't. I would be. You don't allow that? I'll get her off. You're like the fucking towel fan.

You're the size of his tongue. True. It is a towel ban. He's a towel ban. Yeah, you're trying to control women. He's like the clear to control the clearly should be yeah yeah yeah so you know

you brought me a man you don't think a woman is attracted to anybody else or thought of some she can't she can be but they're like it's cheating on me

masturbation I think it's cheating on me you think about me that's fucking crazy I'm a fucking

Neanderthal no you're I'm a caveman you gottaal. No, you're... You couldn't even say it, so that's how I know it's true. I'm a fucking caveman. I'm a caveman. You gotta start looking. Every problem is an opportunity, right? That's right. It's like, she comes herself,

and you just come in afterwards and fuck with no... There's no pressure. Yeah. You don't have to make her come. She already came. Yeah, but if I did the same, if I beat off,

and then she came in home from work, and then we started fucking, I would want to come a second time. And I think she would do the same. And then you just got to go another level. I don't have another level. Start, select, start. What's that fucking Nintendo code? Unplug her and plug her back in.

This one ain't working. When I'm in that position, Dana, all these guys know, I break out the injectable. Yeah? Right in the fucking fuselage of my joint. Really? Yeah, because I've had some prostate issues. It's no fucking secret. Me too. You too? Already.

I'm 44 in the next two weeks. Fucking operations and shit, right? It's still there. But anyway, to get a hard on, I'll say it right on the fucking national fucking radio. We're syndicated. Mr. Sand. He's got a problem. He's a pro.

I inject my fucking shaft with an erection medication. Wow. And let me tell you something. Like fucking King Kong. You can go two, three times and fucking you're still like this. So you come and then you're still hard? You're still hard. I told my wife, I go, I'm going fucking door to door.

I'm not wasting this. I go, who needs this? Just ringing doorbells at your dick? Four hours. Wait, hold on. So do you just stab anywhere or do you have to find a vein? You got to find a vein? You got to be like a fighter pilot.

You got to get it in the three o'clock or the nine o'clock. The whole instruction. You grab the fucking head like this. And you go... And once you do it, you fucking just go, I can't do that. You go... Does she watch you do that? Dude, no. That would be a turn off.

How many minutes? Wait, what? I don't want her to see me do it. She knows I do it. I go, excuse me, I'm going to the restroom. How many minutes before action time does... How long, what? 10 minutes before you fuck? 5 minutes, nice.

I don't know why that would be a turn off. If a girl went like... I'm going to be wet as fuck. And your pussy blew up like a balloon. This is the hottest thing I've ever seen. Like a swollen dog's asshole. Yeah, right.

So if you know you're getting down, you go like this. Excuse me, I'll manage him for a minute. Yeah, yeah. It's like a junkie. You have it all set up. Come out. Nice, ready. You gotta make an appointment basically. Yeah. Should we fuck him tomorrow night? We're getting down. Well, they say heroin addicts. See, I'd like to have that.

Special situations. You know, whiskey dick. A situation. You know something? No matter what the state of your dick is, you boot this in it, you're getting a fucking hard on. See, that's what I'm talking about. I'm not kidding. And it's every time. Every time. No failure ever.

Yeah. That's amazing. Heroin addicts get hard off, not hard. They get excited just seeing the needle, knowing what's about to come. You know what I mean? Not come, but what's about to be. You see? The puns are ridiculous.

I don't even mean them. So I would imagine you know what's about to happen to your bird. Your sensory system's going nuts. You know what I mean? Yes. Your fucking endorphins are getting launched. You're as this thing hits my my bird you this bird must fly and for her the same thing it does it's like pavlov's dog yeah like you pull that gun out but let me just issue one caution. Displate.

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Yes, we can. Why? What are they going to do? Not fucking do it again with us. Oh, Displate isn't going to sponsor us anymore? Are you drunk? Are they going to say no when I have them all over my house because I love them so much?

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Okay. You know what I hit up? I finally got to the Sasquatch. So, I finally... Squatch. The Squatch. Yeah. Dr. Squatch. Yeah. squash so i finally watch the squash yeah dr squash yeah it was called sasquatch because

they got the sasquatch on the front but i i broke i broke in my uh first bar i use a deodorant yes this is my first bar because i had to wait for the other dove to get through yes because the dove is expensive dove uhve, man plus care. Yeah. It's nice. Sasquatch. Gotta be nice. Yeah, you gotta exfoliate. Big fan of the square bar. Love the square bar. Honestly. You know, it's like

you eat with your eyes first. I clean with my eyes. When I see that bar, I'm like, this is gonna make me feel different. Yes. You understand? And it works. I like this take. Thanks, bud.

Yes. I saw your eyes light up for the first time in 30 years. You've only known me for 10. Yeah, but I've known enough. It's like how they know how far stars are away. Yo, hit the Dr. Squash difference and why our products are better than the traditional. Chris, I'll tell you why.

Because I've already used it for five days and the thing hasn't diminished. I have a little oak tray that I sit my soap on. And now it's a squash and it's not going anywhere. Yeah. It's literally, it lasts a long fucking time and it's worth it. It does. And it's nice when you round off the edges.

I like the sharp edges when you're really getting in the pits, you know, it's like fucking scraping away the musk. I do it on the back of my trap when I got like a little knot. I spin it around like a little shooting fucking Chinese star. Do you rub it into the big brush and then put it back there?

No, I got rid of that brush. The girl thought it was collecting mildew or some shit. Just like I said on the podcast. Oh my God. Everything's old and dirty and it's got to go. So we need to start a new podcast where I can make some more money. Anytime someone says stuff like that to me and I go, do you have allergies?

And they go, yeah. And I go, well. Yeah, that's probably why. Yeah. Stocking stuffer time. Are you done your read? Yeah. Okay, stocking stuffer time. You're still on Squatch. No, this is perfect for stocking stuffer. They got a great deal. You get three soaps.

You get three soaps for free. $28 in savings. Like getting a bar for $41. Wait, what? Like getting each bar for $4. There's an? Like getting each bar for $4. There's an explanation for that. I was like, holy shit. Stuff this bad, too.

Yeah, and listen. It's a nice candle. If you're in the Marines and you need to beat the shit out of a recruit that's not pulling his weight. Hell yeah. That's three extra bars for half the price. I am in a world of shit. Yeah. I got the reference uh the offer is only valid for new customers only but you get free shipping one of dr squatch's founding missions to encourage men to pay attention to the ingredients they use on their body and here we go these are the flavors you get

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Fucking unbelievable. It's also where we have to repaint the fucking house. That potato you Pollock's do was vicious. It was in the walls. Yeah. I've been down this road. If you don't precise... I killed three women with my giant dick.

You could do that. Oh, yeah. But if you don't... That was a joke. That was weird. In case you're thinking of doing it. It's getting erotic over here. You're talking about fucking hard dicks.

You want me to shoot your dick up? Knocks me out. Don't miss the spot, though. You will get curvature of the dick. Oh, that's good. No, no. This is upside down banana dick. No, it'll go like this.

Yeah, it depends where it's curved. Left or right? Oh, downward spiral. It's not this way. It's not that way. It's to the right. Is it permanent? No.

Oh, that's great. But if you miss, it's not good. It's like playing a. Is it permanent? No. Oh, that's great. But if you miss... It's like playing a new golf course. You change your dick. It's a dog leg right. See what we're talking about? We're talking about dick sizes. Mine's a fucking banana, so I hit the clit.

Oh, it's a fucking banana. Oh, the curvature. That's a fucking G-spot all the time. Yeah, I'm lucky. Oh, yeah, I hit the clit, man. Hit that spot. You know, the clits outside the... Oh the curvature That's fucking G-spot All the time Do you have a natural Curb Yeah I'm lucky Do they love that The bros Oh yeah Hit the clit man Hit that spot

You know the clit's Outside the But What are we doing Want me to draw this up for you How steep How steep You're talking about G-spot

Yeah You say G-spot I hit the G-spot With my dick The G-spot's up and in The clit is on the Outside Well that's

My dick's curved It's curved How many degrees It's 12 curved. It's curved. It's 12 to 6. It's 12 to 6. What do you want me to say? The base is in the pussy. I knocked up a married bride. Like eight years ago, I knocked up a married bride, right?

Okay. She took care of my father and my uncle in a nursing home. I knocked up one of these married boys. She sucked off my dad's dick. She was blowing my father. My father. There I was waiting to be mixed.

You go into nursing homes and half the people are fucking animals to take care of. She's very loving and caring. She's cute. Had a nice ass. So one thing led to another. And I'm banging her. She's not happy in her marriage so I'm banging the shit out of her.

Tubes are tied supposedly then all of a sudden they fucking knock her up like eight years ago. What's that all about? I don't know. Paying a thousand bucks a month. Wait, she had the kid? Yeah, she had the kid. Oh my god. Tubes got tied. She wanted to have the kid. My thing is I knock up broads all the time, right?

My thing is Don't pull up broads all the time, right? My thing is, I respect the girl's decision. It's her body. How many today? Five today? Mom, knocking them out left and right. You know, do what you want. I always want to have a kid,

but do what you want. It's your body. But do you know it? You're a football team. That is the best. Does the kid bear the last name? Best pro-choice commercial I've ever seen. I'm not going to broads all the time but do what you want keep it good and go

I'll bet you that's why he's picking would you expect anything else from the be a man guy I love this click as a matter of fact, all the time. Wait, so... Fucking banging them. Well, your conversation with this lady...

How often... Okay. How many kids do you have? I have three. Well, three. I have like a 28, 29, and seven. Oh. You know what's amazing?

I have to say this. She's like seven years old. She thinks I'm her uncle. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, that's the way the mother wants to keep it that way. I respect her wishes. Is she still with the father or is she divorced?

No, she's divorced. That's another piece of the puzzle. I didn't realize. I fucked her over. I ruined her life supposedly according to her. They all say that. It's all my fault. The demon is a liar, Damien. Don't believe it. You know what? Bottom line is keep your legs closed. It wouldn say that. It's all my fault. The demon is a liar, Damien.

Don't believe it. You know what? Bottom line is, keep your legs closed or it wouldn't happen. That's right. She's going to be like, Mom, who's my father

and why do I like pond hockey so much? Yeah, so... Why does mom talk? Get me hard. I throw a G note a month. She thinks I'm her uncle. Fucking see her a couple times a month.

You're like Jack Nicholson. I'm respecting the mother's wishes I'm the fucking aunt or whatever yeah thought it was the mother the sister I don't know she's got some other kids

or else I would have married her brother already she's fucking she's the best really like you know are you like a line where if they have other cubs

you gotta kill them before you can be with them why not same you know something I mean she sounds pretty chill she's just like look she's fucking cute

I'll show you some pictures this story and I've known her she's Cambodian by the way revealed today You know something? I mean, she sounds pretty chill. She's just like, look. She's fucking cute. I'll show you some pictures. This story, and I've known Bia Man for years now. She's Cambodian, by the way. Revealed today to me. I never heard this before. Really? Earlier at a restaurant we were sitting down, this came out. I was stunned.

We have a similar situation. We didn't get into it yet, but when Bia Man told me this today, I was fucking stunned. Can we find out what the fuck his name is and stop calling him Bia Man? No, it's a mystery. Harmon. Just call me Harmon. Harmon? Harmon. Harmon. H-A-R-M-O-N. Harmon. After Harmon Killebrew. Is that your first name?

My real name's Angelo. All right, let's do that. Angelo. He doesn't want his real name used. It's in the contract. I can't say it. That other name is an abortion that you should have had. Harmon Killebrew. I got named after him when I was like eight. Who's that? Baseball player.

That's from Minnesota Twins. What, Babe Ruth? Yeah. A little after. A little after, yeah. Jesus Christ. Minnesota Twins. That's right.

Angelo. Angelo what? What's your last name? Are we doxing you right now? Saratoga. Like the racetrack. That's crazy. No wonder.

I'm pregnant right now. When you're a wanted man like him knocking chicks up left and right you can't use your real name I can use your real name you want me to cut that out

yeah I'll cut it no don't no keep it on bleep it no keep it on he will not be sensitive you see the Bellagio when all the

you see when the fountains are going off to the Bellagio yeah that's me below my load or we're just gonna dub over your name and translate it in Chinese You see when the fountains are going off to the Bellagio? Yeah. That's me blowing my load. Or we're just going to dub over your name and translate it in Chinese. Angelo Saratoga's fine. We'll do it again.

Keep doing it, dude. It's going. Fucking Saratoga, that's me, motherfuckers. Come find me. You still live in Boston? Yeah. Good for you. I love Philly.illy yeah Philly's great

we did the shows down there remember Philly's a great town McKeever always said Philly is Boston spelled differently oh yeah Irish Italian immigrants little Poles little Germans the first time I went there was doing comedy and it felt like the scene itself

the comedy scene in Boston felt like just bizarro Philly. We had all the same people there. It felt like. Aggressive Irish. Yeah. You killed it. It's a Wilbur.

Yeah, that was. The drunk one or the second one? Both of them. Both of them. Was that the drunkest you've ever been on stage? Or like whatever in between? Were you that fucked up? Were you there?

Did you see him? No, I wasn't. No, me and Joe were there. How fucked up was he, Joe? Tell the truth. We had to wake him up for the second show. I didn't notice it, but when we went upstairs to wake him up, he seemed pretty drunk. Was it like a movie? Come on, you're on 10 minutes, bro.

It was. It's called a waiting room out there. It's like Elvis without all the fame. What's his name? Santino's. Where are my pills? Give me my stuff. I can't leave the room. Santino's holds a story

about the broad with the bags. Oh, yeah. Well, that was like right when that was happening. The good love of broads is vulnerable. Wait, how do you mean vulnerable? Like emotionally In touch Or

Sexual assault Anyway Any way it can get in our pants Or on the precipice Any way it can fucking Blow a load I don't care It is crazy how often

I meet comedians And their Their girlfriends Just don't have jobs It's like Are they the pariah Or is the comic You know what I mean

Cause maybe they know What they're doing You see like a lot of comedians That are losers With hot barrages. You're like, what's wrong with this broad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking, she's got to have some issues.

Band's going to make it. So many women that are just lost, but hot and available and have potential. Like I say, they want to be heard. That's all. That almost doesn't. You're right. Just listen to them. Yeah.

What do they say? Are you you're right just listen to them yeah what do they say are you really listening or just pretend to listen I just nod my head and I'm thinking about like hockey so you gotta pretend to listen you don't really have to

yeah it's like I've got fucking like birds flying in my head we believe it pal do they look at you and say you're such a good listener when you're done?

You care. Yeah. No, honey, I pretend to care. Dude, everything you say is so funny. Just say you care. I really want to validate your feelings. Just him ass nude on the end of a bed. No, I care.

I care. Dude, I would love to. Yeah, yeah. I do. I care. You guys should make, I can't. I can't. Dude, I would love to. Yeah, yeah. I don't. I can't. You guys should make... I absolutely don't. I can't. I'll open your fucking legs. Here's your second kid of the night.

You guys should make like a teddy bear with like a pull cord on the back that's like, you matter. I really care about your feelings. Don't do it. It's all anti-suicide prevention Cross your fingers it doesn't count That's true How'd you get into being a man?

How did that all happen? They started putting it out during COVID And it took off About three years ago They had like 30 people Come up in 30 days Come up with different skits. They liked mine.

It was doing good. Then he stopped putting out every day during COVID. It just went crazy. Oh, yeah. I remember. Yeah. I drove down to Florida with a broad, right? During Chinese pride, by the way.

But during COVID. So we're in virginia beach and i guess they they call into you of my brother they said was be a man in virginia beach and he said yeah so then i was in savannah like later that day and they said someone said to you are my brother like did you see you know, it was BMN down here. They said, yeah. And later that night, I was in Sarasota, and I had my mask on, no hat. And the guy's like, yeah, fucking BMN. I was like, jeez, what the fuck's going on? Yeah. That was like about three years ago.

Well, it was February, so almost three years ago. It's empty. Give me fucking more. Yeah, there's more in there grab the bottom but yeah so that's that's basically it

it's been you know crazy since then good for you yeah good for you man good for us wait so did you you're really his brother

no no my brother's Joe yeah brother Joe is hilarious I thought you were Joe that's Joe yeah yeah too many Joes everyone in my life is Tom my brother's Tom my Yeah. Brother Joe is hilarious. That's Joe. Everybody's Joe. Yeah, yeah.

Too many Joes. Everyone in my life is Tom. My brother's Tom. My dad's Tom. He's Tom. I know nothing but Toms. Dude, Boston, Philly. Boston, Philly, New York, there's like four names.

I was just going to say. Mikey, Tommy, Joey, Johnny. Pete, Paul. Yeah, Pete, Paul's in there. It's all Bible names and dickheads. That's why we're so obsessed with Asian women. We're like, that's different. Are you obsessed?

You're looking sound. Tell me about your Asian women right now. I demand it. My Asian women? Yeah. You're obsessed with them. As you want. My first was a story I told on This Is Not Happening on Comedy Central.

That was my first. My brother took me to a wishy-wash in Philadelphia, a whorehouse. I was Central. That was my first. My brother took me to a wishy-wash in Philadelphia, a whorehouse. I was 15. That was my first. That was a vampire that bit my neck. Boom, boom, smile. It was a boom, boom, smile. Oh, nice.

Good. After that, oh, man. You son of a bitch. Because now I can't be a pussy and back out of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The only long-term relationship i had with one which wasn't even long term was a girl from penn chinese girl from penn smart girl i really oh yeah you said that was nuts yeah yeah that's a whole another story i'll tell on the

patreon i can't tell that and then you know and there. A little mix and mingles. I mean, Chinese girls' pussies don't smell. What? Chinese pussies don't smell. You think that's how it happens? Well, I'm just saying. That's probably because the pH levels drive

it all up to their breath. I mean, you'd say under any circumstances they don't smell? I haven't eaten a fucking smelly Chinese cunt is what I'm trying to say. How about they were in the fucking marathon or something? Can we say cunt? You can say cunt. Every Chinese girl I go down on

smells like there's no smell. Really? Yeah. I've been lucky. I guess. When you go to like different like the dock of the Asian, the more they smell, they find. Because even the best among us have a little odor once in a while. You know what I'm saying?

True. After a long car ride or something like that. You never know, right? Yeah. Three on three pickup game. Come on. I mean, it's understandable if there's a little odor occasionally. Chinese girls have nice pussies.

They're smart. Have you been able to stock market? Do they douche? They all got nice asses. How big an ass? I like a small ass. Concerned about that. I know. Fits my hand.

How about tits? What is it about this small ass? You like small ass. Tommy can't keep his hands off him. Look at his fucking head. What is it about this small ass? You're like, small ass, small pitch. Tommy can't keep his hands off him. Look at his fucking head. Dude, look at his palm. It looks like the Michelin Man. I know, dude.

Open your palm. Look at the bubbles. Dude, that's a fucking Michelin Man. Look at his fucking palms. Put it up to the camera. Look at those fucking mitts. I do curls like 20 pounds on each finger. I'm going to come, I'm going to come, I'm going to come.

Look at those catcher's mitts. I just start squirting everywhere. Imagine one of them around your fucking neck. Yeah. No. They're back. My fucking hand goes right across their back. Right across their ass.

You haven't worked in a while though, right? Like physical job. Your hands are very soft. Oh, really? I work out a lot Yeah but That just stays on the callus The actual palm

A good towel I don't wear Shake his hand I don't wear gloves What are you doing in the gym How soft that is What for work That's a flashlight

Yeah yeah He's got two flashlights That's unbelievable Not manually I do like One day I do chess The next day I do shoulders Next day I do chess One day I do chess The next day I do shoulders Next day I do chess

Next day I do shoulders Next day I do chess Next day I do shoulders Six times a week in the gym Three and three Do you think there's a bunch of Chinese women out there Being like I just love chess and shoulders

I put my hand on it like this We got into town this Monday I said guys I gotta go for an hour. Went to 23rd Street, got a nice handjob. I'm thinking about it now. After shaking your hand. I might go with you. We both get jerked off. You're just beating me up.

It's just a jerk off train. So how many Asian women were you getting before the be a man thing? I've always had a proclivity farm. A proclivity! Did you see? What?

How many syllables was in that? What do I need, a fucking thesaurus? I don't know. Give me some more fucking wisdom. 30 seconds. What the fuck? How many jelly ranches are under that tongue? A proclivity farm. I feel like every dude from Boston saw fucking Goodwill Hunting

and went, oh fuck, I gotta be smart now. And then we just started reading the dictionary in three words. Proclivity. I love Chinese pussy. What can I say? The thing about the Chinese girls, they fucking hate the Chinese government.

But you say to them, what do you think about Taiwan? Oh yeah, we got to take that over. That's China. Even though they hate the government. China is basically the Jews of Southeast. China is just trying to take over everything. The Jews?

No, I stand with Taiwan. Over my cold, dead body. Well, Taiwan want Palestine to win. Guys, cut that. No, Taiwan is the Israel of the East. No, China is. How do we fucking Get him Chris I don't know

I just I want to know What your childhood was like Did you always have big hands I got beat I got beat Yeah Are you Oprah

By like an Asian lady Yeah No we both We both had The tables have turned We both had crazy fathers Yeah we had nutty fathers What was your father's nickname

Lunatic The bowledig, that one. My mother called him a bow-legged... How many dads did you have? Oh, nicknames. But he was schizo. My mother called him a bow-legged Eubangee. Dead serious.

You all know what an Eubangee is? I know. Okay, you know what it is. Wait, is that a slur? Look at everybody else's face. We had geography in school. That was a thing in the geography books back then. You know, like a Eubankie.

They were like people from tribal situation. All right. Okay. Just keep it on the wraps. So my mother would say, you just wait. You wait till that bull-legged Eubankie gets home dead serious. As kids, we'd go, no, mommy, no. No, no.

Not the bully you bangy. Because he would come in the fucking door like this. Boom. Kick the fucking door open. Eyeballs going around like this. Just looking to beat the fuck out of somebody. Yeah. And his kids.

He would do it to his kids. Yeah. She's, you just wait till that bully you bangy gets here. Do you ever hear in the history of life, any mother calling the husband a Bully Gibangy? I think it's the only time ever. No, that's pretty unique.

Ever. Yeah. This is the first time I've heard it. I don't even know. So awful way to grow up. How many brothers and sisters did you have? Two brothers, one sister. I'm number two.

Older brother, younger brother, younger sister. Damn. Did you ever get him back? How's Damn. Did you ever get him back? How's that? Did you ever get him back? Did you ever team up with your brothers and beat the piss out of them? Yeah, we gave him a couple of things.

We were drunk, knocking him on the couch. Used to rob his fucking wallet and his money. Used to do the lineup. Remember I told you guys? Yeah, right. After a particularly bad night, he'd try to make amends. The next morning on the bureau, he'd line up money, ones, fives, tens, twenties. And to forgive you,

he'd walk through and take a selection. But if you took a ten, he'd fucking yell at you again. Like, oh, what the fuck? It was all for show. You could take a five. I put it back. I'm not that sorry. He really did this.

Yeah. Those guys back then, they carried pocket change. Yeah. You remember pocket change? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a chain of your jingle bells. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like this.

Yeah. We'd fucking clean them out. Are you grateful for being raised that way in a certain, to a certain extent? In some ways. Yeah. Like we were saying, we'd rather be raised that way than like a fucking pussy. Yeah. Yeah.

Good survival techniques. Banged around. I will say that. Yeah. It teaches you how way than like a fucking pussy. Yeah. Good survival techniques. Banged around. I will say that. It teaches you how to fucking survive where you crumble. Yeah. You just say, well, I'm going to fucking survive, man. Well, and also you have a personality. You have a way of the world.

It's a different perspective. He has good qualities, too. It's just when he turned into the bull leg, you banged him. Yeah. Nobody can handle him. I understand. There was no anecdote for it. Yeah.

You just had to fucking ride it out and hide somewhere. I told stories on this podcast About my dad Used to hit us with the belt Nice Oh yeah We used to get the strap Yeah The belt

You gotta get the strap That was like Fucking You got fucking bruises On the fucking legs Yeah Just across the shins Yeah

Everything You know what hit good too I don't know about you guys Our mothers My mother would lie in wait With a fucking vacuum tube Remember the metal tubes Oh yeah Those were bad Yeah, everything. You know what hit good, too? I don't know about you guys. Our mothers. My mother would lie in wait with a fucking vacuum tube. Remember the metal tubes? Oh, yeah, those were bad. Lie in wait.

Oh, that's nice. You turn the corner or two-handed on the fucking head. Coming in at like fucking three in the morning. I swear to God. Jumping out of the laundry closet. She was the good one. She used to get us with the wire hanger. Oh.

It'd be like all fucking spaghetti fucking strips on your leg. Fucking beat the shit out of you. Flogged. My old man used to come home and be like, you got too many toys. I never had any fucking toys growing up. You know what I used to do for fun? I used to fucking roll myself down the stairs.

Yeah. I had no toys. Yeah. Be a man. You fucking hated it. It's too much to be a man. Yeah. I was assaulted.

Dude, that might be one of the worst beatings ever to get beat up because your dad didn't have toys well that's why he's jealous

if you're a toy he's like you bought me these toys I wouldn't I know I imagine that surprisingly right

he was his parents were dead when he was young and his older siblings brought him up and he I mean he didn't

go to the mob he ended up being a mailman right nice a guy like dad could have went the other way yeah and his older siblings brought him up. And he, I mean, he didn't go as a mob. He ended up being a mailman, right? Nice. A guy like that could have went the other way. Yeah. I wish he did. I would have never met him.

I bet guys like that, like, I have a similar feeling about my father that he could have went that way. I've heard stories where he was kind of poached to go that way with Merlino in Philly. He ran a warehouse in South Philly for the unions. And he was poached and he was like, no, I want to have a family. But I almost feel like the resentment is ingrained in him. He was like, that was another life that I could have had. A lot of fun. Could have done a lot of fun could have done a lot

of this and you have three kids i'm i'm the youngest of three brothers coming home and he just is frustrated from working his fucking dick off but he's he was a hero in our in our life outside of that small time violence right the working man's a hero for real yeah yeah and he fucking ran our our football baseball basketball. He was the president of the youth league. That was good to me. Yeah. No, he was amazing. Yeah, I know.

That's awesome. But the belt. The belt. The strap. Now I can't come without it. Well, that is the thing where it's like you could imagine how frustrating that would be when you chose a better life. You know what I mean?

Became a mailman or something like that. Right. And people are still bitching at you. Yeah. Do you have any idea how big of an asshole I could have been? Or how dead you would be right now. You want to bitch at me about your goddamn toys? I know.

Why don't you take a couple rolls down the stairs? We grew up and my uncles were connected. So we grew up in their bar. And that was normal. My parents used to drop us off, babysit us. You see guys like fucking taking their guns out and fucking hookers and all kinds. See my uncle get pinched.

He was a bookie. You know, we've seen all kinds of shit there. And that was like, my parents were like religious. It was like no problem to put us in a bar with all that shit. Oh yeah. Well, it's Catholics, baby. Crazy. Also, it's not real religion.

It's not real religion. It's like doing yoga once. I'm good. Super religious, but they're buying hot stuff off an 18 wheel. Your aunt Diane is zen once a week.

I mean, it wasn't prohibition for Christ's sake. What the fuck? Yeah, right? Right. So how are you? How the fuck did you guys get together? So we met about, I don't know, Shut the fuck. Yeah, right? Right. So how are you? How the fuck did you guys get together? So we met about,

I don't know, 10 years ago. Yeah, longer. We had to go to a sit down. We had a sit down. He was on one side. I was on the other. What happened?

Your faces got stuck together? It was contentious. It was kind of contentious. Was it? He was with one guy. He was with one guy. Say, was it? I was with another.

And things worked out. We talked afterwards. Then we just stayed in touch. What do you mean with one guy? You guys were in a fight? We weren't, but our contemporaries were. Who were they? The kid who bet too much money with the Jamaicans.

Oh, that kid. Tell the fucking story. What is his best year ever? My college roommate the Jamaicans. Oh, that kid. Tell the fucking story. All right, all right, all right, my, my, my, my, my,

my college roommate, my college roommate fucking lost a shit ton of money to a guy, a Greek guy who had Jamaicans as muscle. So I had to get, I had to get involved.

He owed like, I don't know, 20 something thousand and I got involved. I talked to the Greek guy. I said, listen, he can only give you like 14, which I, I fronted. I talked to the Greek guy. I said, listen, he can only give you like 14,

which I fronted. So I met the Jamaicans. It was like two of them. They had fucking like gold teeth and fucking machetes and they're like nodding their heads. And I was like, here you go.

This is what the Greek agreed to. And they're like, not a word was spoke to me and they got in their car and left. And that was it. He squashed it. The yellow eyed Jamaican, those glassy yellow-eyed ones.

Yeah. All fucking wild. But in the middle of this whole transaction, you went, that's my guy. That guy seems cool. I put that dude

on my softball team. Yeah, we talked. You come to Michigan to shortstop. He was friends. We're making quail this year. He was friends with the Italians

who fucking, the Greeks had to kick up to. I had to come in and talk to people as I recall. Straighten stuff up. I came in and said everything alright. And John Fiori, like the same person by the way. That's right. Did you get bit in the neck by fucking

what's his face on the Sopranos? Who? Bit? Yeah, your fucking hair. Oh, this hair. Did Pauly bite you in the neck? No, he had a cardiac on the top. You know what's funny? That's right.

They were sharing a urinal. I used to do this years ago, and now I'm back to it. It's a little thing I'm doing. Wait, what do you mean? This is, no. This is dyed, although I got to put new dye here. It's fading out. I've been keeping this.

Really? It's my trademark to just fucking. 100 Dalmatians for a hundred exactly right like pushing 70 oh what the fuck might as well do something fun no I'm 65 this is now I'm 65 that looks like the ass of a Greek yeah you know it's funny with Philly with the Asian black he wears that hat so much when I see him without the hat, I go, who the fuck is that? What the fuck?

I should see my mother without her glasses. I went, ah, fuck with the glasses on. That's what your fucking eyes look like. I can't believe it. Holy shit. That was a good meeting. And then, this came up somehow. We were talking about other stuff

My brother got involved with You know Mr. Monday So he was My brother Mr. Monday He's my brother Joe is that your brother No that's not him that's Joe though He's Mr. Tuesday So he wanted to get involved with some shit

I mean He's a talent so we talked to him and, you know, shit kept going and here we are. Here we are. I was basically,

when the Monday show started, I was like the doorman. Remember? Yeah, that's right. Like, the Be A Man shit was going out

and I was like an up and coming, like, hoping to take off maybe. I go, there's that brother hanging around the studio again. The brother.

I go, what's up, kid? How you doing, kid? Stick with it. You'll get somewhere. I was like the big dummy. One day, baby. I was like what's up, kid? How you doing, kid? Stick with it. You'll get it somewhere. I was like the big dummy. One day, baby. I was like the big dummy.

Ta-da-boom. Hang in there, kid. Look at him now. Yeah. Fucking incredible. It's amazing. I'm just along for the ride. I'm in the podcast division.

I'm not part of the fucking other operations. It's a global operation, as you know. I'm only in the podcast. China, Thailand. Laos. The Pacific Rim. Emerging markets. Emerging markets.

Which is Asia, by the way. I know, yeah. Are you guys here to promote anything or just chill? Just a bunch of stuff like this we're doing in the next couple of days. Nice. Yeah. Good for you.

You should genuinely do... He doesn't want to hold hands anymore. He just wants to punch up. That's okay. I'm over it, dude. You had your chance. Now they saw how big your hands were. He was like, I don't want to...

No. I don't want that on camera. Hey, big feet, big hands. Two out of three ain't bad. You still got to be a man. He does. He does. That's all I know. Do you call him be a man all the time? Not all the He does That's all I know Do you call him

Be a man all the time? Not all the time That's hilarious Just on camera And on the show You know It's just something We've decided to stick to

Whether it's fucking Right or wrong Yeah Was that your nickname Growing up Big Andy? No Harmon Harmon Yeah

After Harmon Killebrew Stop bringing it up I'm getting Deja vu again About Harmon Killebrew. Stop bringing it up. I'm getting deja vu again. About Harmon Killebrew. I'm just answering the question. Were you a baseball guy? Did you play baseball? Yeah.

Big time baseball? College. Damn, where at? Massachusetts. Triple crown. Even that has a paper trail The name spawned from when I hit a home run when I was 8 years old

This kid This kid I hung around with He had like a I hit a home run, I hit it right over his car I was driving by He yelled And it just stuck since then Did you strut around the bases with that run?

I was a little chubby back then. I was going to water around. He's a big, white, burly fucking power in the back of the 60s. 500 home run, man. 573 or something. I actually met him in person. Holy shit, he's huge.

22 years in the bigs. Oh, yeah. Closed out with KC, maybe? Second only to Babe Ruth in American League home runs. Yeah. This poor guy, the killer, hammering Harmon. That's him. In the shadow. Reincarnated, kind of. You're hammering Harmon. Get a baseball bat, I'll take a few

swings for you. I do have a baseball bat. Do you? Upstairs. It's from Hilarity's Cleveland. Yeah, it's Tim Dillon's. Yeah, it's Tim Dillon's baseball bat. It's not yours. It's Shane's. Well, I didn't say it was my baseball bat.

I said I have one upstairs. Why did you take it from the closet? I didn't. It's been under the bed for two years. I was looking for a vape this morning. I found it. I found a bag. How are you doing?

I found Tim Dillon's bag. Did you stop drinking, Chris? Did I stop drinking? Oh, you just cut it down? Because I listen to your podcast. You said you don't drink? You don't drink as much, you said, right? I'm trying not to.

It's an everyday battle that I lose. I'll cut this off right now. Who are you paying? A white Asian? A white lady. Real down-home Kentucky. Ooh, Kentucky. Do you have any sisters? Do you have any friends?

She does have sisters. She's Cincinnati. What? She's from Kentucky. Yeah, but since he's like Kentucky, Ohio, Indiana, it's all meets there, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Ohio, Indiana is all meets there, right? Yeah. Arizona, then Kentucky. She can't speak.

She's learning to speak. Unless they talk, unless there's an argument. I'm going to walk up there and be like, quit moonshining. No, you're not. I hear you guys dancing every other night. We've got to fill that bar somehow. Scream dancing at midnight. It's been great. Do you guys dancing We gotta fill that bar somehow Scream dancing at midnight It's been great

You guys have anything to plug? Plug away, be a man We got the be a man experience This is the top 1 tenth of 1 percent Of all podcasts in America So suck it Hell yeah Wait, your podcast is top

Say it again The top 1 tenth of one percent Of all podcasts in America That's point one percent That's the only Just say that The top one One

You're saying One thousandth of all podcasts Yeah That's crazy Right Dude that's crazy We just passed what 100 shows we've done

About 105 104 maybe Yeah I haven't caught the last one yet You guys filming in Boston? Yeah. Swamp Scott, a little town just outside by the ocean. Beautiful, right?

Nice. Joe, you the producer? Yeah. If you guys are up, come on. We'd fucking love to have you. Let's go. We'll be up there for sure. What are you guys talking about on the pod?

Are you... Fucking man shit. Are these stories sit-downs? Man shit, like working out, fucking beer, beef, banging bruds, you know, all that kind of shit. We'll do a bit of like working out, fucking beer, beef, banging bruds. You know, all that kind of shit. Can you do a bit of that? Yeah, you know, what the fuck?

Yeah. Yo, go get my shirt. To be a man experience. We ain't got to talk about flowers. I didn't dress appropriately. This is a Christian Dior throwback from the 90s. That's being a man. That really is.

It is. I noticed that. The high school dance is wearing this thing. Fucking corduroy. That's unbelievable. And cords. Cords are back, babe. Yeah. You understand? Now I'll hold you down. Be's unbelievable. And cords. Cords are back, babe. Yeah.

You understand? Now hold hands. Be a man. I chafe. I can't wear them. We hold hands. Hold hands with your buddy. Be a man.

Be a man. You son of a bitch. Damn, your hands are soft. Hold hands and talk about fucking chicks. Asian chicks. That's the perfect balance of an actual man. Yeah. Just looking deep into your friend's eyes. Holding their hands. Street aggressive. Asian chicks that's the perfect balance of an actual man yeah is being

just looking deep into your friend's eyes holding their hands street aggressive smart in the books how do you feel about Cambodians and horny on Cambodians

be a man yeah I mean how can you sum up a girl in five words they want to be heard true that's all wow

just be good listeners then bang the shit out of them. And this episode was brought to you by NPR. The Bible of Be A Man is very simple. If you follow these, what, half dozen rules, maybe? Yeah, I mean, act normal. Do the right thing. Drink beer.

Eat fucking beef with your beer hands. Tip your bartender. Shit with the door open. Smell your dog's ass. And you're all set. You got to see if he's healthy. I feel like you were crushing it. Not too hard.

Listen to Stuff Island. Yeah, yeah. That? I wonder who my producer is. But that basically is the love of Be A Man. Right? That you paved the way

for this movement. Act normal. Do the right thing. Okay? Don't rat on your friends. Think about suicide every day it's a big part of being a man I can always kill myself

I'm going to order a chain there's always the option might as well see what tomorrow brings I could just kill myself if it goes bad think about suicide but don't do it, be a man you know what's funny, who hasn't really had that thought I've had that thought myself. Of course. You're like, this sucks.

If it continues to suck, I can't check out. I can't do that. At this point, 68, baby. You are cruising. I got young kids. I too have a seven-year-old. We're going to have a play date soon. This is the best

part about charming Italiansians is they'll goof in a young chick at random ages that you shouldn't and i wonder if that's like so i i get this i i get a lot of flack on having my girlfriend's 30 i'm for i'll be 44 in a week perfect nice perfect that's good so she's young yet mature enough to want to have children. I want to have children. But as I get older, I don't mind having a kid at 55, 65. It's okay. I don't care because I think the year one to 15,

fruitful years for both the child and myself. The second husband's going to have it worse. 100%. You'll have the good part. That's why I said that. Trust me. I've been through this conversation with her. Yeah, by then, you don't care who's fucking her.

You're like, just take a camera. She likes the... She likes the flapjacks at Jacksonville Diner. Does she have any friends? Does she have any sisters? Does she have any friends? It's not a sprint. It's a marathon.

It's a relay race. You're going to hate this thing at all, buddy. The baton is my penis. That's the truth. You take this now. It doesn't work. He's late for the walk around the lake. The thing with broads is fucking different clowns, same circus.

Yeah, 100%. Right? Pretty much. I'm trying to help you out. That's also a parable from Be A Man you go huh what

you gotta think about it from the beginning yeah right it's true are you guys writing books and shit do you have like

he wrote a book we have a book you got books in my room to Be A Man it's on my bedside table really do you read it naked he rips a page out

every time he comes it is I've read I've read like I've only read the first page a thousand times It is. I've read it. I've only read the first page a thousand times. Just keep going. I'll start it again tomorrow. You fall asleep when you read.

Right? I read that book. Thank you for coming. This was fucking great. You trying to get rid of us? No, we got to go to the Patreon. You want to stick around for the Patreon? You want to?

Yeah. Whatever you guys want. Yeah. Yeah, what? You guys got somewhere to be? My phone's dead. Whatever this is. Is that a Fitbit?

It's not a watch. It's a Fitbit. Charge it up. It's counting your steps. Yeah. All right, we're going to charge your watch and you, and we're gonna charge your watch and you

and we're gonna all be right back yeah head over to the Patreon for another hour with these and also like subscribe

and fucking get on this bus bro yeah we're trying to get into like promotion smash that like

button smash the like button right do you guys promote no you don't have to yeah it's old and rich. No, it's agony.

Be a man experience. Being a man is not promoting. No. Don't promote. Don't say a fucking word. Don't have an intro. Don't have an outro. Be a man.

Don't follow us, you motherfucker. Don't follow us, be a man. Don't listen to us. Don't follow us. Don't look at us. That's it. Don't fucking look at us. Just play it.

Play it on the radio. Don't even hit us. That's it. Don't fucking look at us. Just play it on the radio. Don't even hit YouTube. Delete YouTube. Delete podcast. We don't even want to be thought about. In any capacity. Can't sue your membership. Be a man. Thank you for having us.

The best night of my life this month. I think he meant that. He did. This month. Yeah, well, that's good. That's pretty good. We're halfway through it. He's knocking around a lot of fucking Asian. He did, this month. Yeah, well, that's good. That's pretty good. We're halfway through it. He's knocking around a lot of fucking Asian.

We're on day 12. So what? We got a good start. Yeah. All right, see you on the other side. Yeah. Straight from Poland, Perogas. He's still writing it down with a pencil like a fucking Nona.

You don't actually make a pasta out of potatoes? No, that's a nookie. That's a tranny. That's probably the most important. Yeah. Farmer's cheese. What the fuck is farmer's cheese and cupola? Do you normally take your rings off if you're doing this? He totally forgot, dude. Calm down, flip it, rotate it, and continue that process. So you kind of put the thing down, flip it, rotate it, and continue that process.

So you kind of put the thing down, flip it, and reverse it? You could say that, man. I'll cook you up some bacon. You wanna do it? If you drop them at a slight angle, the hydrodynamics will take care of it. You know, it's a sad dish for sad people. It's a sad dish if you don't pan fry them.

True. The quality of this. Yeah, no, obviously not. The attention to detail. It just has it all. Holy mackerel. I did it, I did it. Come on.

Mm. Mm. Mm. I think we're good on the second batch. Yeah. Let's go.