Stuff Island - Are You Garbage H. Foley Throwback 3 Year Anniversary Episode - Stuff Island #209

Episode Date: November 6, 2025

This week the boys celebrate their 3 year anniversary of Stuff Island with an old archived episode of the pod with Are You Garbage's H. Foley? Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians Take advantage of Ridge’s Biggest Sale of the Year and GET UP TO 47% Off by going to https://www.Ridge.com/STUFFISLAND #ridgepod Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get 20% off + free shipping with promo code [STUFFISLAND] at shopmando.com! #mandopod https://www.shopmando.com Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to https://www.RocketMoney.com/STUFFISLAND today To get 15% off your next gift, go to https://www.uncommongoods.com/stuffisland again go there for 15% off! Don’t miss out on this limited-time offer. Uncommon Goods. We’re all out of the ordinary. SUB TO PATREON: patreon.com/stuffisland Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guess what? It's our three-year anniversary here at Stuff Island. Pretty big fucking deal. And what we did was we looked back at when we all started this thing in Astoria, when Shane, me, and Chris lived together. We were fucking angry. We found an episode that we really fucking love with one of our favorite guests, H. Foley. You're going to love it. Just watch and enjoy. I've released a blog. Yeah. I still have the vlog. Yeah. Barry that stuff.

That's what I said. The blog's coming out. We got a lot of goofy eyes in that was a ruiner of men right there a lot of dancing eyeballs and pupils in that vlog I'll lose half of Congress tomorrow all our wigs are coming off what's the downside of the vlog what could possibly happen possibly go nothing we're busting tits drug use profanity give me those plates you're just going to keep knocking them around for 25 fucking minutes Chris would leave this on the couch for three months you're not going to be happy I get a little bacon on the fucking couch yeah this is a new couch right No, I got it during quarantine That's pretty ill, yeah

Where'd you go It's called a Chase lounge Chase Chase C-H-A-I-S-E I think Chase It has one end And the other one

There's no end There's not See it's supposed to have a thing Is that what a Chase means? Yeah, there's no one rest No, this is an incomplete sectional This is It is not a chase lounge

You bought half the sectional Where's the That's an L You're talking about an L No, I'm talking about the thing, that thing. What's that called? That's an Ottoman. Ottoman, yeah, where's the Ottoman for this?

Right fucking there. I bought it separate. This should have another piece right here. No. That's not a Chase Lounge. Chase Lounge is a standalone, one arm rest, two cushions. I don't know about that. Guys, we all have magic boxes in our fucking pocket that we could open it up right now and prove

him wrong. Look up at Chase Lounge. C-H-A-I-S-E. You got meth on you? Here's the thing about Christmas movies. Go ahead. I can't believe that. that why I only watch class I'm looking at chase lounges with no armrest yeah

that's a that's a that's a that's an outdoor chase lounge no it's no it's not yeah that's for pools no it's this is yeah no kidding that's this is $500 from Raymore Flanagan this is this is $40 off at Wayfarer that's $1,600 no it's yes it is this was $1,600 yeah all modern I'll show you the fucking receipt I don't like this he just said how it's a home everybody's loving he other and you've busted my tits about a chase line yeah it's anything with a backrest at one end okay pretty good now why don't you like Christmas movies I only like classics okay it's a wonderful life sure yeah yeah uh home-alonged that's the godfather

Christmas story I like that so you don't once a year what about um Christmas vacation yes yeah okay What about, like, Die Hard? Die Hard's a lot of Christmas movie. What about Gremlins? Grimlins. Could be. What?

I like anything that's around Christmas. Anything that's a Christmas? Is a Christmas movie. Leathlethaled movie. Oh, yeah, I've heard Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Yeah. Fuck that. Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

I don't think so. What I was going to say is if you're looking for a nice one, there's a little film that Christina Applegate. I'm out. Really? What? Is it young Christina Applegate? What am I a fucking asshole?

Yeah, of course. Oh, okay. No, it's from two. weeks ago I don't know if she's still working or she's been telling her any stories on a podcast is she still getting hired

she's running the pair now yeah yeah it's her Ben Affleck James Gandalfini and the yeah bless yourself

on saying James of course and the mom from home alone we're gonna do what's the name in the movie I couldn't tell you it's something like surviving Christmas or

it's where Ben afleck is a rich guy is it reindeer games no hey you ever see that christmas do you ever see that christmas movie deliverance no it's uh ben afflx a rich guy and he rents the family over christmas because it's his house that he grew up in but then obviously they phone love that's great it's great yeah gave so you get you you're in the spirit you get into the spirit oh baby i'm in the spirit fucking yeah so you're like walking down steinway he's you all Oh, that's why I told you. It smells, there's got to be a church or something.

There is. There's some kind of incense smell out on the street. Yeah. Which really gives it a nice Christmas. Yeah, all the Mexicans are lighting candles for us. All our broken souls. It's not all Catholic, but Catholic. They nomad de Patri.

Yeah, it's nice. Do you go church on Christmas? Christmas Eve Mass? Normally we do. Yeah. Last couple years, no. Okay. I might start again.

Once your podcast kicked off, no more church. No more tithings. The church ain't getting 7% of this. fucking abucco bucks what is the tithings it's like 10% 7% or something i think it depends on the what tidings tidings it's a it's a percentage of your income you're supposed to give to these fucking creeps yeah oh is that where good tidings yeah no no really no i don't think it's a fucking shakedown yeah i think tidings was saying hello yeah tidings is different than tithing two weeks ago tidings what's the word you said fortnight fortnight it's close yeah tidings is

It's a percentage of your income. No, you're supposed to give the judge. Tidings is, I think, a good tithings. Good tithings to you wherever you are. Tithings. Tithings. I think you're making that up.

I'm not. No, tithing. It's Mormons do it pretty heavy. Catholics do it. It's a percentage of your fucking life. I think they used to do it. It was real. Not at the Foley household.

They get an envelope, put five bucks in it every something from my mind. You still have like the, they put it in an envelope? They still do the basket? They put it in the, are you rich? it's just for you

and uh you got to take it you put it in the basket yeah you put they see you envelopes no no you just drop it right in a basket with a long stick listen you two heathens

I don't know where you're going to church but when you're not going to take it if it's not an envelope you can like a TD bank envelope you seal it off you fucking skimback that's what it's coming from

it's not you getting coke on payday pull that right out of the envelope out of a melon bank fucking dude i'm just six guys back on a friday let's go my kids got little hey you're up next come on come on dude our tini bank is nuts dude it's nuts you got to you got to stand behind a pillar and you can't see the one uh the one lady what your bank blocks you off here there's a pillar directly in the center why are you going into the bank sounds wild because we have a fucking dago landlord that only takes cash you got to get cash out he's under the table he doesn't pay taxes on any of the shit Jesus it's

Christ. What? You ratting him out. Everybody around, every Greek and a tie him. You've been squealing the whole podcast. Who's going to listen to this and go on out? We got to figure this boy out. This guy's a fucking seventh generation dego that's been robbing people for years.

I know. You're still upset with him about the lawnmowers. 100%. What happened with the lawnmower? He fucking, he made me cut the lawn. It's like a broken down Mazda Miata. The thing didn't work. Why don't you have to cut the long?

I got to cut the lawn. lawn because certain concessions no the guy the guy before me that that gave me the spot said we cut the lawn because we have a private backyard here that the upstairs downstairs can't can access really Tommy's in the lawn industry as well yeah I'm in every fucking industry compared to this fucking guy this guy's is sleeping in his he was talking about getting to mow and lawns yeah it's true our refrigerator light went out the you know how long that would be dark forever yeah just go to the store and get a light bulb go out no he wouldn't do that he would run around

on the dark. Really? Lights aren't even on. The fucking blinds aren't open. See, I picture you... You come here in the day, where do you see it?

I picture you would have like a, like a storage space of... I do. Right behind you. Of different... Right behind you. He does. He's got a whole boxes of light bulbs,

cleaning supplies. I got it all. Towels, like rags, rags to clean the place with. Yeah. It's nice. It's got here. Yeah.

It is nice. That's all he wants a recognition. Tommy and I deep cleaned the tiles not too long. We did. Really? Yeah. It was like the kids that come out

during the intermission in a Flyers game. He's doing a hard scrub and I come back with the... No, there's guys... Oh, you know, I'm thinking of the fucking... The dildos... Unabletic dildos that do the... They throw the ice...

Curling. Yeah. They throw a puck on the ice. And you got to scrub it. Well, that bothers you? This kid's screwballs. What are you talking about? You don't like curling?

You don't watch curling? No, I don't like curling. I don't like any Canadian sports. Do you know our Olympic... Hockey? I like hockey. All right, that's Canadian. Never been to a hockey game.

What? Nope. Never been. Buddy. Yeah. One, I went to like the Yorkville Bears or something like that. The Flyers are playing the Rangers, uh, mid July. Mid July?

No, that's, mid July. January. Oh, what's going to say? Long season. These guys are really going for it. You guys play all year? Yeah. Our Olympic curling champions are just regular office guys.

There's no cash in that. They just decided to, yeah, we want to make the Olympics and we want to win a medal. And it was just like five dudes that are friends and they worked on curling and they got to the Olympics. Really? Yeah. Did they how they do in the Olympics?

I think they did pretty good. I didn't watch. It's not a very exciting sport. I'll watch the highlights. The story itself is why. You get someone sneaking in between, sneaking that stone in between two enemy stones. Maybe knocking one of the airs up.

What's the one with the big heavy balls that you can roll it in? I think that's lawn. bowling or it's uh botchy it's not botchy it's not botchy i know what you're talking about it's no that's italian fucking lawn darts essentially with balls yeah no it's not it's not botchy you can curl them you can curve them it's not they're not just circular balls they have like an edge to oh yeah yeah they look them around i think that i don't yeah i don't know we'll look it up they look it up are your roommates home can i talk to them well you don't like weird sports yeah you got nothing to add weird sports not a curling guy what do you do with the gym

What do you went to right now? Because the pick you sent me, you were on the turf of New York Sports Club. I was on the treadmill. Oh. So I got three workout days, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday where I have three circuits, a warm-up circuit, circuit C, which are three different things that I have to do three times. It's like a typical circuit would be fat guy push-ups, which is you put down the-on-your-nees. Now he puts down the, like where you would squat, the bar. So it's a little bit above my hip

I lean into it Okay, it's elevated Yep, I crank out 12 of them 12 squats and then 12 I use the rings And like it looks like a pull-up Exactly

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah But I'm on an angle standing up Yeah, so I do those Yeah, we do those Forearm planks Four-arm planks Dumbel Strict presses or something like that

And then ride the bike That would be like the two circuits I do it. Nice. Three rounds. This is great. But on my off days, which there's four of them, I have active rest days.

So I have to walk. 6,000 steps. 6,000, 7,000 steps. So today was a little chilly. So I just like, fuck it. I went up to the gym, hopped on the fucking treadmill. Banged it out for 45 minutes. Elevade?

No. That's like what, four miles? Three and a half? Four miles. I did like... Isn't it like 10,000, 3,000 steps? I didn't do all 6,000. I just did it for like a half an hour and the rest of the day.

I'll pick up uh oh I'll pick it up me see let's see where we're at right now we'll do a live let's check in this is what you should be done on Patreon here we go yeah see I'm already at 6,357 you're adding the steps from the treadmill or is this from just raw walking around with your phone on the hell this is everything for the day yeah this is the treadmill how is it acting how is it adding the treadmill steps to this because I have the phone on my hand why I'm on the treadmill you have to hold the phone the whole tie or put it in my pocket Really? Yeah.

I like that. I don't do that. Get an Apple Watch. What? Then I keep track of it for you. What was in those poppers? Are you too? I don't know.

I'm sorry. There's nothing worse than talking about working out. Working out. This is the normal talk. Talking about sports is better than talking about work. I don't know. How many steps do you do on your active rest? We had a pretty hot hour.

We had a hot hour. Yeah. Behind the paywall we speak. I want to tell a story about when you disappear into the night. Yes. the dark things that you get up to how did you how does you three just go your separate ways from delilah's i don't get that didn't you come together it was just over there was too much conflict we got where were you staying that night at a hotel i did not stay at that hotel weren't you in

weren't you guys there for work uh yeah yeah yeah we were doing shows okay yeah so you came down go to the eagles game yep where were you staying i stayed with him the night before and then i stayed elsewhere you too loved sharing hotel the night off why not yeah it's a problem all right

take it easy yeah boy you don't like sharing a hotel room yeah what's you getting up to in there pooping jerking off yeah we do that's nice

laying around yeah also being fat you're talking late night we're not like snuggling in a fucking 10 p.m. and staying up till 2 you getting ripped did you see me jerking off

in Houston no okay good where were you jerking off well I was jerking he was in the shower and I was jerking off and then put the door in Houston had like a big, that's rolling the dice. I know, but I

needed it. It's time you take notoriously long showers? Yeah. No, I'm a fucking easy in and out. No, you're, but you, you hang around. Are you slapping it? Are you using the phone? Yeah. You got the phone going. Yeah. Man. And then I got in the shower after he showered and I realized that you

can look, like if you open the shower door, there's a crack, there's a crack, because it was one of those sliding doors. And through that crack, you could see literally me. Wait, you didn't have the teepee going or nothing? No, I had it. No, my dick was not out.

I did a TP. I did it. I had coverage, but it's still, it's still embarrassing. You're holding the phone. I was, yeah, yeah, yeah. Knees up between the knees. Yeah, that's what you meant by the teepee, right? You put your head under there.

I would not. You don't put your head under there. Like you're reading a comic book in the 50s. That's weird. Yeah You ever came in and saw somebody with that You're out of here See the flashlight go off

He told a story on the fucking Yeah On the cave C case about him blowing his friend When he was five Nice Yeah Which is wild First start

You hear something about your buddy Like that on a fucking live podcast We don't know if it was that extreme We did things like that There was doctor and all that kind of stuff When we were kids Yeah see With my cousins and stuff

Yeah now you're the weird one How does it feel? On that cast, we were all like, yeah, no. Everybody's got this, like, circle jerk story where everybody, like, beat off and then chaired pizza. Yeah. Just you and your buddies in a room. You slept with your brother until college.

Yeah, we weren't beating each other off. I wasn't sucking them off until mom woke me up for school. You guys never jerked off in the same room. Did you ever jerk off in that bed when your brother was laying there next to you? No, I jerked off in the, I used to have the bottom bunk. We had bunk beds. Are you at bunk beds? No, we had a regular bed, and then we graduated.

the bunk beds when we got to high school okay so you've jerked off in that bunk a hundred percent with him on below or up top i was on i was down low okay and i think he was bottom he was older he knew you get more space up there and more privacy yeah it is yeah it's like an apartment up there it's like a little loft yeah yeah it's nice up in a mini fridge yeah and you're not woken up by somebody just climb it down and shaking you to fuck up but yeah there'd be a very soft channel jerk off yeah couldn't move your elbow or crick the mattresses were shit too yeah the springs were popping everywhere you know what I mean there's a lot of noise dude those slow strokes when you're just yeah it's brutal

you're just teasing your yeah you're just teasing yourself was it was it was it uh were they parallel or was it a perpendicular bunk bed uh what he made the slats no no because sometimes you can have them offset oh no they didn't have those he was fucking straight up and down Brady bunch yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah wasn't fucking now where'd you disappear into the night from delilah oh no i was gonna say that uh was a story so one time well i was doing a casino with santino in atlantic city and uh it was right as the pandemic was ending the shows kind of sucked because it was like distance it was distance in like a 7000 person like arena and there was 2,000 people there but they were all just

spread out yeah it was fucking horrific so we kind of had like shitty shows we were in AC so I'm like whatever I'm gonna like walk around maybe see if someone saw the show maybe attracted to me or something yeah that didn't that didn't happen that definitely did not happen he's been doing that for five years that's how he walks around Queens maybe somebody will recognize so walk around the casino floor and then uh and then this lady should have started in the cleaning lady break room I guess started in the motor So he's the guy I caught jerking off in a blanket in the green room Yeah, so

Santhino comes off is that Which casino? Let me get a picture here. The Borgata? Yeah. Gotta be, right? Santhino. Is this AC?

Yeah. Yeah, he's not at the tropical area. So eventually like, you know, the night gets late and I'm like, and I'm just going to order a hooker. And, uh, yeah. So I look one up. uh she would you use back page no isn't that way don't you still use that no back page is done it's trist

dot link is the damn you dirty dog what how do you know this I was dabbled yeah so do you I'm asking just so you know he knows it too I swear it got I don't I was playing I would pay it's the fourth time he's asked me this question no I never heard of Trist oh please so do you Google do you Google hookers like how do you get to Trist no I I online hooker Lucas you know exactly I swear to not at all about no I came across all the codes I came I came across W W W WM you know what's going on yeah there's I somehow I like came across like a sex worker on Twitter somehow and she had a real buzzkill car sex worker

she works at a post office I came across some dirty horror on Twitter and she had like a link tree and one of them was this trist thing and then i then you know the once the door was open that actually is nice that you can you can associate a legitimate site like twitter look through the photos know exactly what you're getting as opposed to like it's like getting a headshot from some like a comic that's been doing it for exactly i mean we all know there's no fakes on twitter yeah yeah so a little bit more said i see what time you can date them you know what date as in like an actual date you can look back three months ago

she looked like this she's not going to show up with fucking right yeah yeah so she comes over she's great hot very hot

what kind of money we talk what it was cheap it was like 300 bucks nice she comes over we'll get into that answer the questions so she comes over

she's like answer the questions where I get back a workout question she's got a big bag of coke myself like telling the story tell me about this push-ups she's got a sheet in here please this reminds me of that Rosh Hashanah quote

go ahead all right so she they got to make it Jewish all the time so now what's Tommy in the hotel room when Tommy's in the shower long shower just hogs can be

I got a lame shade on I'm just Beating off. Guys, the holidays are almost here. Are you excited about that? Fight with your fat aunt. Whether she put cinnamon in her apple pie? I am. And if you still have names on your list to shop for, Josh,

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money.com slash stuff island today that's rocketmoney.com slash stuff island rocketmoney dot com slash stuff island get your shit in order I got a hand job I got a hand job in a hotel bathroom while Shane was sleeping once nice but anyway so she comes over she's got like big bag of coke she's like do you want to do coke and I'm like no what yeah yeah oh my god what fucking jackpot she's fucking great is she from Jersey I don't know I don't I don't I don't know. I mean, she's not driving 90 miles to get you. She was from Georgia originally.

Georgia? Yeah, yeah. You found her on Twitter and she's like, I'll come to AC? No, no. She was in the area. Come on, dude. Oh, it's a big weekend. Santino was there.

The kids in town. No. So she's like, she's like, all right, well, can I do Coke off your dick? And I'm like, yeah, this is never happening. Man, yeah, yeah, amazing. When are you guys getting married? Jesus. So it's great.

Wait, hold on. Back this up. Did you say no to the Coke? yeah i don't like doing coke really man just not for me good man god love you i wish i had a little bit of that i mean i do it every once in a while but it's it's once in a blue moon this whole time she said she was gonna charge you for it

no damn yeah send me the link tree that's a fuck that's a great hooker right yeah she was amazing come in and they're fun and they're ready to play yeah usually what what would happen is you're looking should come in to say 300 and then okay that's to get me here yeah yeah and now see one of doing two more hunter and every line you do it's 50 bucks yeah it was amazing that's awesome she blows me I never fuck she

blows me it was great wait I don't have sex you don't sex with with sex workers yeah yeah yeah you cut it off there you're talking conan conan condo blow job no oof sex with a condom safer than getting a blow job without a cond is that probably true that's not true no yeah you can't get what she's got herpes or something like that I mean that's light work yeah there's only one bullet you're dodging come on yeah true nah I that's a bullet

that's a big bullet that is a big bullet I've managed to dodge that's a big fucking bullet you're talking about death as opposed to something that's embarrassing that you're going to have to fucking curtail and talk to everybody about sure sure sure sure yeah it's a lot of shitty conversations hey you fucked up Ocama

I want to take it yeah but anyway did she do one off your penis yeah it was great Nice. And how many times did she go back to the well? Not that many. Like three, four times in a blowjob?

It's a lot. No, no, no, no. During the blow job? No, no, no. No, she just started. She, like, put on my dick, snorted off, and then got down the business. Yeah. And then, um.

Did she get naked? Yeah. Nice. So she leaves. I pay her via cash app. It's very certain. Yeah. Yeah, she got naked.

Anyway. I feel like I'll ask her my dad how work was. Yeah. all those details are none of the good stuff yes son my balls in her eyes anyway let me tell you about the armor dude

so I wake up the next morning kind of late and she starts texting me that the payment didn't go through and I would you use PayPal cash out but like I sent it to her

there was a block on her account so I couldn't like I sent it again and again it didn't couldn't go through so I'm like all right well whatever I mean that's over I did everything I could do you have a Venmo

no that's not how she wanted to do it I want to be off the books cash app why are you so robotic to all this story I don't know I'm getting

telling it like an accountant These questions suck. These questions are great. So you know Venmo? You tried to send. You tried to. Hey, zip it, fatty. I'm trying to tell a story.

No, so. I'm sorry. Go ahead. So she starts texting me. She starts texting me like, all these questions. It's like I gave him $100 to tell the story. I'm just going to get it out. I'm just going to get it out.

So she texts me and she, she, she, just keeps texting me like you got to like come on we got to figure this out i'm like look i did i did multiple times you know whatever so then uh it's like time to leave it's like one o'clock santino comes in and he's like yeah we got a fucking roll let's go and uh all the sudden the phone in the hotel room rings she's downstairs and santino thinks it's the front desk being like you have to get out of the fucking and he's so he's like fucking pissed that they would fucking do this right he picks up the phone he's like what and I'm standing there

and like I kind of know what the call probably is and I'm just watching him he just stands there and I just watch his face go like from like anger to like he looks at the phone hey Chris your hooker's downstairs

and he goes she's got two hot cookies waiting for your money dude they thought she was checking in you want some two chocolate chip cookies I got calm on my back it's drying and peel and I'm waiting to get pain

I don't want your business center Do you have a phone And email I can use This dude's trying to beat me I have a blowjob upstairs on Room 318 I know you're in there Janice You whore

You suck with my husband Those cookies are fantastic Yeah they're so good Otis Funkfire Woo We'll light you up dude So

He fucking He's looking at the phone He just looks at me And goes like It's for you I pick up the phone And she's like Chris

Chris you didn't pay me And I was like Look I don't know What you're talking And I'm like Looking at Santino Right now And he's like

Jesus I'm like I don't know what you're talking about I paid you I don't know what to tell she's like I'm downstairs I'm coming up yeah I was like yeah okay and I hang up and he's like who the fuck was that I was like I don't know oh so fucking yeah I was still I'm still same thing was thinking about TMZ out front like well he's he woke up late he's hungry he's like thinking about other shit he's still pissed off about the shows so we go downstairs we're in the elevator going down and I'm like please don't get confronted by a hook around the fucking lobby please did she say she was downstairs

yeah yeah yeah she said she was downstairs now i'm sorry to ask you question yeah no no i like the question don't ask me you got that you got your dad's entertainment you got a name my paper you want to take a look at did you know that the payments didn't go through yes i could see them getting bounced back and she you didn't say give me your venmo or anything like that i was like yeah i did i was like give me your other shit and she was like no it's got to be cash up. Did you tell her that it was coming back? Yeah.

So this is on her. Yes. So what are you upset with him for? I don't know. I'm defensive. I'm feeling like I didn't put enough effort in. I'm getting really like wrong. Yeah.

Looking over acting like he's the hook. It's our fault. Yeah. So we get downstairs in the lobby. There's nobody there. Except her in the middle. no no there's nobody there we walk out through the casino he's like i like we're about to go we're like let's just go right to the car and get the fuck out of here then he sees like a sandwich place

he's like let's just stop here and get a sandwich and i'm like oh fuck she's gonna be she's gonna be roaming the halls looking for us you know um he gets a sandwich in him he sits down he takes one bite he just go and then he like i can just see him like just sort of decompressing the morning just being like digging through it and he just looks up and he goes what the who the fuck was that

on the phone and I just I was just like I got a hooker last night and he's after us we gotta get out of here I was waiting for you to finish he was like

Jesus Christ dude he just quickly wraps a half a half of a roast beef sandwich he's like oh fuck she's after me we're getting chased my hooker and that was it

That was it. We got out Scott Free. Really? You never paid her. She's got to be continuing to follow you and like, no, she texted me one time after that and was like, come on, just do the right thing. I was like, I'm trying. Tell me how to do it. She was like, uh, so she won't take another fucking app to get her money?

Yeah. Why? I was like, give me a different number. Yeah. And this is all the she. Do you know what her handle is on Twitter? Don't say it here, but I'm going to want to look it up here. No, no, no.

I don't know. I don't know. No, I didn't find her on Twitter. there was a different person that got me to trist which got me to scanning for people around Atlantic City yeah cruising us Jesus so you robbed the hooker oh yeah no what the fuck no I didn't I tried I mean other than there was a there was a piece of me that was worried that it's like all of a sudden this is going to go through I'm going to have paid her 1200 bucks yeah yeah yeah yeah should have did the coat I would have said yeah yeah yeah you yeah you'd say yeah yeah you

you say hey listen if you're downstairs i'll meet you downstairs like here's here's the money get the fuck out of here how was i gonna say i she said she was downstairs she's basically saying i could tap tap mac give me my money and then i'm done dude i was i was hung over and this is gonna be like i don't lie i like i lie in the morning and i tell the truth in the afternoon this is going to be like a modern day western where she's chasing you around the country because i i didn't have i didn't have i was so personal information about i was so ashamed and kind of nervous about what i I had done that I couldn't be like yo Santino

I need 300 bucks you go get a sandwich that's like one you got any cash on you yeah yeah yeah I got to pay someone I used your credit card last night I've been using your cash app is why it's shut down

god at top of all this my cash apps I don't know your password anymore Santino wow yeah that's fucked up you ever do something like that uh not not paying but everything else yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah fucking bubble gum are you kidding me

if a hooker walked in and was like hey i have coke you can do it i'm like oh yeah that's only happen once for me oh that's the best they came with their own stuff oh that's a trap i did one time this was years ago was before i did comedy it's probably like 2004 2005 had an apartment in sunny side server telling everybody i was an actor Those are the days Yeah, dude Yeah, before fucking nosy-ass Google or IMDB blowing you guys do that?

I can't tell you all the movies I'm filming right now You go to a club And tell some girl You're David Letterman's kid She wouldn't fucking know Yeah, I'm Ralph Machio What do you want?

The Calamari? I was one of the Cobra Chi guys Yeah, that's one of the bad dudes I tell people I was a long time I was the guy in point break that just hung out on the beach Remember that dude

It was the one closest to the fire You ever want to chill with Keanu though What's the problem man There's cliffs on both sides I was all yacked up I was on something I don't know what it was back then It might have been like the village voice

Or something or whatever it was I was crashing really hard Trying to get a hooker Trying to get a hooker With coke A party girl As they called him back in the day Yeah, yeah, and I just what strippers tell you too, do you party?

Yeah, I called this number so much that I think they just got mad at me. They were annoyed. They're like, okay, want a party girl? All right, she'll be right over. I'm like, all right, great. And this woman just showed up at my house. She was wearing like a turtleneck sweater, jeans. Just grab the bag and shove her out of the way.

She used to Coke. She was not, she was not the girl. She showed up, knocked on my door. She's like, I have to go get it. Give me the money for the girl and the Coke. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. with it oh no thinking oh no of course no problem handed over 600 bucks oh no the second i shut the door i was like fuck what dude yeah you didn't take a license plate or any of that shit license what am i fucking colombo yeah yeah yeah yeah license plate fucking serpico over here i would say let me give you give me your wallet fucking denzil over here i got everything with the last two numbers tommy see that's that's how tom that's that's how tom gets for him that's how Tommy gets robbed is he goes no it's fine i got a plate

never come back you know the car stolen that's her mom's car no yeah dude 600 bucks tough look not so too let me say 200 was for the coke for for the woman something like that yeah oh my god you just gave six hundred dollars to a woman in a turtlenex she was like i'll be right back at like

three o'clock in the morning oh my my god on like a when she was on the way of working oh yeah fucking bang me out and go fucking clean people's teeth oh my god she's a dental hygienist she probably just overheard you she was probably your next year neighbor just heard that let me tell you something the thing that struck me about that story and that I don't want you to go through because I went through it Tommy knows other than not paying her but you know you did what you did that guilt fucking fuck that guilt it fucking ruins everything

yeah those Sunday scerries the anxiety you have the next thing unless you and your buddies hurt somebody killed somebody yeah it's not real something wrong I'm fucking having a good time so sick of that shit yeah of like who am I fucking hanging on this cross for

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Say goodbye to sweat stains and hello to long-lasting freshness. Back to the show. It's true. You hear this guy talking himself into being a good guy by getting a hooker. Talking to myself into getting a hooker. Who's my girlfriend about my fucking balls? That's what I'm saying. It sounds like he's talking to his girlfriend right now.

Yeah, what's the problem? Because, dude, that's... You're talking about the negative stigma around getting a sex. Not even the negative what we put ourselves through. Like from what he said, he's like, I felt like a piece of shit. Well, you robbed the hooker, but you, I get. Other than that. I mean, he tried to pay.

I don't tell you. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did the best I could. Take a check. I did the best I did the grocery store takes check. She could take a check. True. I'm only one man.

would have been like the it would have felt like the fake money at the strip joint we were at dude the question is did you say hey i'm on tour i'm a comedian i'm doing this i'm doing that did she ask you anything about yourself uh i just said that i had done a show at the thing that night we didn't really get into she said like well what's your name i let you out yeah she did but she never did no she's she's still got her eyes on she's not forgetting if you're out there happy to pay you don't tell her address don't bring her here i don't think she's giving you more money and being on the patreon Yeah, man, I'm a $15 member.

Yeah, the kid's good. She's just wearing a stuff island hoodie. I'm searching for this guy. Just walking in the rest stops. For your benefit, if you still have, I would text her and say, yo, how can I pay you? Yeah. Just to get that off your car. I'll look it up.

Chris, where are you? I'll enter that in the search bar. Yeah. Does that work? Yeah. Really? Is search bar what? Like of your messages

In Venmo? No, no, in messages in your phone Oh yeah Yeah She's never she's never When's the last time she reached out? She ever had this funny idea about like Trapping someone and taking their phone

And then searching like racial slurs In their search bar To hold it against them Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah We wrote this script We wrote the script about like a journalist Who was trying to like fuck over this group of guys

And they like got his phone And then we were We're just, like, going through. Oh, my God. And they're holding them hostages just yelling out different slurs from someone to search. Can you know, Matt? I mean, we could cancel any of our friends by just searching. Oh, my God.

Not me. Is that that bullshit, my. Yeah, I bet. No, I'm pretty clean. Yeah. Okay, guys. You're fucking, your Gmail chats from, from. Yeah.

Your live Gmail chats. It's like, no, that's from Tommy. I didn't send. Tommy's Thanksgiving table. Yeah. What a ruin careers. don't come to my house doing a holiday

yeah you'll be on CSI in no time especially when a Zambuca is on the table we call it a different thing that you have a bottle of Zambuca on a table keep it moving past the bo-pass I've made some mistakes like that someone asked for like $150

like to like deposit yeah no oh is this the comic thing? What is this the you don't that a community median scam that's going on dirt bag yeah no he's like i'll pay 300 hours to right oh okay and then he sent you 3 000 yeah but he doesn't really send it yeah he's a skimbing but no that that's why i'm saying that's why i have an affection for this girl oh yeah no she was she was she was this sounds bad but

she was a good a cool hooker no she was great yeah she was great she was usually they try to rip you off 100 you're right maybe we'll find her yeah she was trying to send her some work Yeah. Sent her some more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My uncle's going to be

Atlantic City next weekend. Oh my God. Talking about me. What the fuck? Tell her we're family. Yeah. You open the door like, where's the Coke?

She's like, I don't have any Coke. I quit three weeks ago. You fucking bitch. Jesus Christ. The hell out of my office. Calls Chris immediately. He's like, I'm going to rob this bitch. She's got no nose beers.

She's fucking out of here. I've only had one situation that were like, it got weird with drugs. But they do charge it. Yeah. But they charge you after the fact. They'll be like, and I'll see you on me for that. That's like I only to get that out of the way up front. Yeah, right, right, right, right, right, right.

It's a scenario that you would be in. In a past life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you get all that on the table. We were having a good time. Yeah.

Yeah. How much for this? How much for that? What do I owe you total for an hour all inclusive? Very business. You're an all-inclusive. Yeah, we're in Cancun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If a shrimp cocktail comes out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're at the pool bar in Aruba. Tell me what I owe you. I want to pay up front. Yeah, give me the blowjob bracelet. I want it all. I'm getting a Mitey asshole cocktail.

I feel like Coke is out and about. I feel like normally if you request it, then you're going to have to pay for it. but normally i feel like a lot of times they'll bring it and they it's a tool to upsell you to other shit yeah it's also part of their life sales it's their lifestyle yeah they're also drug addicts yeah they're just gonna sell in their body yeah i don't like it's like my dad coming here and lighten up a cigarette that's not an upsell it's just you like cigarettes these girls love co i think i don't think it's a sales tool sex workers that way

oh man you're an ass also it gets them all yacked out of the skull to suck a strange bird It gets some okay to have sex with a fat slob like me. Yeah. Also, like, if I, if I were a sex worker and I had to eat the bag of some fucking broad that I don't know, I'd be like, I got to do a little, you know, I got to do a little to get excited. You wanted to be a sex worker at one point, didn't you? I thought about it. Really? Yeah.

I thought about being like a stripper, like a. Tommy wanted to be like a Vegas. No, he wanted to be a Vegas stripper, like hotel room, bachelor party. I want it to be, I think I, I want it to be. There's a lot of dancing. There was like three. Just be a jiggleau or whatever Listen, I can get my 6,000 steps in real quick

I get an Apple watch on You got eye as a tiger playing I'm texting King Ferg like dude I got all my cardio in real quick From 7 to 8 p.m. The sun's not down in Vegas yet Want to record indoor workout? He fired me why

I put on Eagles fight songs Would you like to link this to your health app? Yeah, absolutely Absolutely. You did. I didn't know that. No, I thought it wasn't legit. I was just thinking, like, you know, you can make, I thought the high-end hookers.

You know what I mean? Like someone's going to charge you $1,000. You get away with that. For two hours. But you got to go to dinner and shit like that for that stuff. People that have that kind of money, I get to know them. I get to, you know, hang out with for a little bit. The whole sex worker thing is nuts because you don't know what kind of fucking monster.

You're talking low-end sex worker. You don't know what monster you're opening that door to. Yeah. just some fucking messed out maniac yeah i don't know not even just the physical aspect of it like the fear for your for your physical yeah you know are you talking about you with a girl no no i'm just i'm going back to women okay like just opening a hotel oh my hotel room going is this guy going to assault me physically yes this yeah i'm talking just physically of a woman if it was the roles were reversed as a male getting it up are women getting it up for like an

She's ugly person or like a really off-putting if she had bad breath my dick's not working Really no way that's the most disgusting thing in the world I smell your breath that's it we can't I feel you got bad breath right now can you smell my breath no no I've never smoked your breath in 10 fucking years I thought you're gonna try to throw it to me I'm telling you I you'd know that's a good friend I always tell my boys you got a booger you got bad breath I'm letting you know yeah flies down Yeah I shot like a four inch booger out of my nostril with on Sunday at the blackbirds with with Shane. Really?

I didn't know. He's like, dude, you just had a fucking, it looked like a, like a tongue of a lizard. Yeah. Getting a fly? Yeah, yeah. It's a bar down the street.

Local watering hole? Yeah. Yeah. Kid. No, there's only, there's, Kevin doesn't do any of this shit, right? Kevin, he's a clean boy.

Clean cut. Yeah, I can't see him doing anything. And I don't do any of it anymore either. Of course. Yeah, we're telling stories about that. Of course, this is... I'm being serious. I understand.

I'll have an edible. I took some acid at Skangfest. Yeah. Yeah, you got to stay away from those beers. No more of that shit. What's the craziest thing you're getting up to nowadays? That's it. That's it.

Yeah, nothing crazy. Nothing crazy, crazy. What about Kev? Is he getting a while? Nothing. I don't think I've ever seen him while. He's married. A couple of drinks.

That's it. Straight Shooter. He's always been a straight shooter though Yeah, straight shooter He doesn't know we He has a party No No not at all

I like my edible I've actually never seen him drunk He's like a I maybe have Once the raven maybe Yeah I think there was like a party right When you guys were leaving Philly

Maybe he behaves socially Like a contractor I mean back then forget about it Yeah yeah I was fucking you Vaca Red Bulls and Perkissets All day Yeah

Fucking on the choo choo choo That shit was everywhere Yeah, get that shit at Wawa, fucking 2010. We had a couple spots. Oh, man. You're like, look at this canary bird. I think I said that on, are you garbage? What?

When I started talking about our perk. That's right. Our perk history, you're like, this guy fucking singing. You knew you, yeah, the guy at the garage. Yeah, I went with you. Yeah. Every Thursday before the Raven, we would go fucking. You go get perks at a garage?

Yeah. At a parking garage. What? Yeah. I tell you something. What the fuck. What the fuck? He's got all the contacts.

Those guys. they're running the operation. Yep. Dude, you know, I've never been offered perks. Well, you have a cop-live, dude. Yeah.

Is that you pulling in your Miata? Yeah, yeah. No one's asking you if you need drugs. Yeah, dude. I didn't need him at the garage. I was waiting tables at a place where that's where everybody got them from. If I didn't know you,

I wouldn't offer you Motrin. This guy's going to lock me up, dude. What's this? I think I nailed it. You look like a fighter. Like a fighter pilot. Like an old fighter pilot. A fighter pilot face, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, nobody, strong jaw. Yeah. You know what I mean? Sharp features. It makes me sad because I've been in some very weird situations and never been offered any strange drugs. What do you mean? Like, I've never seen, I've never even seen heroin in my life. I did heroin once.

Really? Did it by accident. I two did it. Really? Two did it? Mm-hmm. I was waiting. I was.

I was. I was. Yeah. Yeah, I tripped on a needle. I had three needles in my arm. Fool me once I thought I was getting the shot You ever run into a heroin cactus

Needles all over They do have those Somebody help me After a 12 hour nap The fucking bus station I was day bartending At a place on the upper east side I was in my 20s

Bus boy that used to work there Came in was like yo man I don't want this you want it Which didn't even raise an alarm with me I went to the bed I had like an hour left on my shift. I'm like, fuck yeah.

Was it just brown powder? It was kind of white. It wasn't like brown brown or the white. It didn't look like brown sugar. Yeah. But I wouldn't in a fucking gush. And like fucking five minutes later, ah,

yeah. It's like fucking. So sick and just, it wasn't good heroin. Yeah. You're good heroin's fucking. If it's why. Kissing God.

Yeah. Well, it's a fucking, it's like eating an oxy. Yeah. Never done it. I had an, Percocet, let me tell you something.

I'm not promoting drug use at all here. Let me tell you something. Legally, I'm not. Yeah, yeah. But I'm going to tell you something. Okay. A five milligram percocet and a cup of coffee and a cigarette around the holidays. I love how we specified exactly this time.

No, because it's a smell in the air. It's a, oh, it puts you in the zone. You'll start wrapping presents right there. It's fantastic. It just, it has a. heroin and opioids have a very cozy feeling to them that to some degree at a certain point in as your tolerance is building up inside your body yeah damn it's like that's why it's all you're just chate huh like a warm like a nice very well yeah very warm kind of blanket you know what I mean like you feel like you have a positive outlook you feel good there is something in opioids I don't mean I'm sound like an idiot but I think you're starting to pitch a pretty good Christmas movie here yeah they should They should be able to extract whatever the good stuff is. There's got to be some benefits to it because I'm telling you, like, like, think about

before you ever did a percocet and you did like a five milligram percocet, you felt like you had this euphoric feeling. You felt really good. Yeah. You were like, like, I remember like thinking, it was almost like a limitless. You know, it's hilarious. Thinking straighter and thinking clear. All you're doing is, so you just, you're promoting Zoloft.

You're like, yeah. You're, I don't think at the depressant. antidepressants are exactly what you're saying they're removing the pharmaceutical well it's pharmaceutical but they're taking that level of of down or out which is a you know class a uh drop i don't know any hookers i get zol off i don't think you can't divorce the two things though because i don't know come down is part of the like your body yeah once you start having those like really good feelings and thoughts your body's like this is bad we can't be thinking like this. Dude, this is why I'm, this is why I'm in. And so it starts to, it's got to bring

you back to homeostasis. So it starts flooding you with all the chemicals. They're like, let's get back to normal. Let's get back to normal. Right. Right. Right. It's a release of endorphins and then balance, the rebalance of your. That's what I say. Like, like, when you, like, if you go to a place where you normally bought like a heavy drug like that, you get this big rush that you need it again because your body starts prepping. Oh, sure. For the drug. Yeah, yeah. So it's like you're full of all the dude you ever fucking you're not into this but you ever like text the coke dealer and then immediately you have to shit yeah of course like immediately like your your body gets so excited knowing what's coming and there's also a relation to like the baby ax x lax and all that shit that's

that's in there 100% I'll shit as soon as I texted dude I'm like hey are you around and then like yeah I could be there in 20 minutes my belly's like how weird is that shit in the bathroom 20 minutes is great to hear yeah oh my god well that's usually 40 anything yeah but anything over 20 minutes you're climbing oh my god i know don't you lie to do you truly mean 20 the anticipation of getting it is so much better the meeting the doing that's what they say about all drugs it's like it's the needle it's just as powerful for a heroin addict than the actual drug itself the preparation the anticipation all of these emotions that are being released and they're releasing

these endorphins and these feelings within your body it's part of the high it's part of the experience right it's like tantric sex that's like unwrapping a needle or shit like that any restaurant i walk into i think and i go to the bathroom i say is this a good coke bathroom or not always it instantly restaurants restaurants really triggered for me single right around dessert when i'm ordering the espresso would be the normal time when we were hitting up fucking uh yeah uh billy yeah he would come in fucking have dessert with the We eat fucking dip off to the bathroom

Finish our espresso Have a cigarette at the bar Individual We're talking clean Individual After like a fucking T-bone steak Dude

Individual bathrooms At a nice high-end restaurant They know what we're doing Get out of here Yeah you're promoting Gender fluidity No fucking yakarinos Remember

Remember North Pole In Philly Yes They have individuals Falls that were just, this is very embarrassing. Most nice steakhouses in New York have them. I know they don't. Yeah.

This is so bad. All the shelves are mirrors. So fucking. I'm in North Bowl and they all have the separate bathrooms. Yeah. Unisex. But they're all closed doors locked. I'm fucking.

I'm tooting, right? I'm tooting this way, not out of the ass. But I'm sitting in the toilet. I'm so horny. I start. beating off sure yes hold on

never yeah good timing sitting down I'm hammering off to this bag and I'm by myself time is flying yeah

yeah so I'm in this is probably like you got the phone out seven eight years ago got the phone out of course smoking my bird the door the door kicks open it's a girl and she

Yelps. No. She's opening the door to me just beating off. And if you remember the North Bowl. Sorry, we're shooting a thing. She goes, I'm a police officer.

If this was an actual situation. If you could do me a favor, just step back and erase your mind for a second. She yells, backs out. And the North Pole had an upstairs that has a pool table, a couple bowling alleys. all the way to the right bubble hockey bubble hockey and they have a couple like uh big buck hunter a couple it's very short it's very small sounds real classic i'm hanging out with my brother

you've been there well downstairs is all but uh shakespeare die there anyway so i'm jerking off behind the golden tea so out of nowhere minet shows up so i'm finishing uh i didn't finish uh i didn't finish I was like oh shit but you have to go back out to like where she is and like where they are you leave immediately I'm leaving the bath I did and I had to walk over to like where my coat was tell my brother I'm like I gotta go take a phone call and then like scurried down the steps downstairs is all bowling there's no reason she would use the upstairs bathroom there's downstairs bathroom so she was in this little enclosed environment saying like I just caught this new people on his phone

man yeah it's a walk back out into a private party essentially Essentially, it was like So who's getting married? Yeah, I'm just looking around a popcorn chicken tray like Just grabbing one more plate Try to blend Grab a little buffalo calamari

Aren't you the dude that my fiance Just walked in on Wacking off on you act like you weren't just doing it Yeah, you can't You can't Never been caught jerking off Never once. Not once.

By anyone? Anybody. No family members. Never. Never. Get out of here. I'm telling you. That's crazy.

Immaculate record When I first lived here Jesse Joyce He's Jesse Joyce is the guy That started this whole This is like a comedy commune This house There's

Five, six, seven comics That lived here Over the last 10 years Hold on This just made me thinking something I don't want to tell you this Or ask you this Your buddy

Um The tall kid He's a comedian An actor Burke Berk Jason Burke Um

Taco Bell No little Caesar Yeah, killing it with those. Yeah, he's killing. Killing it. Yeah. Like multiple net. I know.

Got to be a couple bucks coming in. I asked him how much money he's made and he got like serious about it. He was like, I'm not telling you. Good for him. Like what? Maybe good for him. Tell me how much money you make. Was this the, was this standard operating procedure before he got the like,

would you guys talk about money before? No, never. Okay. No. But still, it'll be a fucking. I know, but that would be. That means it's juicy. Yeah.

But also, who cares? I'd be like, that's great. What do you think I'm going to do? Rob you like Chris does hookers I'm not gonna do any of that I just I'm just gonna go that's amazing you judge him No I wouldn't yeah he would I'm judging him because he didn't say it's the opposite yeah he was damned if he did Damned if he didn't no you're dead if he did did can you believe that fucking talentless hack Ask me about how much money I'm making off little Caesars commercials Those commercials ask me about like Super Bowl commercials blurt it out right away really yeah who gives a shit oh yeah the fuck doesn't matter

face throwing who cares we doing it's great yeah yeah take the I never had a I never had a good commercial like that where it wasn't like a buyout was what wasn't something small me neither yeah me neither they always do non-union bullshit yeah that's why yeah right but even if I was like you're trying to throw $1,500 in some poor kids face yeah north pole so what you caught me jerking all yeah don't I know they I know you from somewhere Kennedy four just gave me $6,00 you're the guy from that commercial I'm like shut the door he act like it did you get noticed

on the toilet beating off at North Bowl you keep going shut the door bitch Jesus Christ you'll get it someday we're waiting on lane three I'm whacking off did you leave North Bowl

your table buzzers ringing right next the air a little Applebee's box I'm just ignoring it, hitting snooze. I'm whacking them all. We're down in a minute. I'm calling the front desk.

Yeah, can you just get like five minutes? All right, boys. Yeah, let's lock it up. Yeah, man. Thank you so much. Yeah, I love you. Are your first guest? Yeah.

Yeah. First guest. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, boy. First outside the house guest. Yeah. And only Shane's trust.

No, there's an asterisk on it. Yeah. Oh, no. It doesn't really count. It was not the first guest. guest he always estimates i mean it counts second guest this is the first guest yeah this the first guest yeah he's the first guest we booked Shane came home and yeah from a show he's just dropped in yeah he's a role playing the squire the guitar that was me nice yeah yeah i just tried to play guitar

for a little while yeah you got to know it yeah got back into it quit that's a depression move yes it is you work clinically yeah yeah yeah the automatic tuner and everything yeah let me show you my clay Ashtrays I got into. Thank you, boys. Yeah, thank you.