Stuff Island - Are You Garbage + Stuff Island Live From the Shore House Pt 2
Episode Date: January 2, 2025Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan from Are You Garbage Podcast join the Stuff Island boys Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor from Netflix's Tires Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kin...ds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks SUB TO PATREON: / stuffisland SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWt... Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconn... Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/... Head to htttps://www.squarespace.com/stuffisland to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/STUFFISLAND Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/... Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
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what's going on gang and welcome back to another bonus episode from down here at tutties down the
shore down the shore at tutties we got the place for one more day there was six now there's five
we lost a man we're here on the back dock he's floating in the bay somewhere look it out over
the bay my co-host is coming at you from right next to me. Real summered up.
Real summered up.
It's just summer kippies all right.
This is the most you've worn a backwards hat in a long time.
I know.
Your ears are peeling.
Since you were working narcotics.
Where's this stuff?
Trying to make buys at the Steve Miller concert.
What?
Gang, it's KJ, Kevin James Ryan, King of the Boardwalk, Mr. Neptune.
He's reclaimed them all this week, baby Buddy, I've come to play this week
I'm telling you that right now
Did not see you pick up a wave, though
I picked, I got one on a, there should be a GoPro footage of me getting around out there
What the fuck is that?
What?
Dude, you be getting railed?
Look at that bruise
That's from, that's getting off the dock
Holy shit
Gang bang kippy over here
Once That's because one of my fat
friends, not saying who, broke the ladder.
I broke the ladder.
I broke the ladder.
As confessed in yesterday's episode.
I broke the ladder. What up, gang? Thanks for tuning in.
Shout out to the goddamn homies. You're the lifeblood
of the organization. Apes are fucking
Lutely. Hey, Charles.
Speaking of true homies.
Hey, Charles. One half of homies. Hey, Charles.
One half of the Stuff Island podcast, we lost Mr. O'Connor last night due to a shooting schedule.
He left around.
He had to go shoot up a school.
He was leasing the bullets.
We lost him last night around midnight.
You went out to say goodbye to him.
I walked him out, and we embraced for way too long in front of this Uber driver,
and he was very confused.
Sure.
Because I was holding a bag of his laundry.
Sure.
You left like you were sending him off to boot camp.
Handed him a tray of ziti.
My dad always, he walks out with you.
Yeah, well, of course. I really appreciate that.
I think it's very nice, you know?
You walk him all the way to the car, you hug him, you wave.
Of course. Take a heat. Take a drag. Good job. Put a pin in that. I think it's very nice. You know? You walk him all the way to the car. You hug him. You wave. Of course.
Take a heat.
Take a drag.
Good job.
Put a pin in that.
Tommy Pope, ladies and gentlemen.
Tommy Pope.
Shut up.
What?
Tommy's pissed.
I'm not pissed.
Tommy's on his 1800 cut water.
I'm so hungover.
It's crazy.
Every morning I wake up and go, fuck.
And he had night terrors last night.
Wait.
Hold on.
This lunatic. We were out here having a nice conversation. Hang on one second. Real quick. Ladies and gentlemen. Luke Dem and go, fuck. And he had night terrors last night. Wait, hold on. This lunatic.
We were out here having a nice conversation.
Hang on one second.
Real quick.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Luke Dempsey, everybody.
I'm so sorry.
Luke, how you doing?
Gang, both of these guys have been working their fucking asses off all week.
The best fucking squad in the game.
I will second that.
You know that's a compliment. I fell in love
with Luke and I've already had a
loving conversation. Yeah, well they hate your guts.
After
yesterday's look at this.
See, they were threatening to
unionize around 7 o'clock last night.
I saw them making
the picket signs out front. You're gonna end up
like Hoffa somewhere. Called Sag.
Okay, give it up for T-Bone McStruff
and Toby McMullen,
the fucking skimboard champ
of Wildwood.
What up, dudes?
Wildfire.
Wildfire.
Pro-am.
Hey, invitation.
I'm looking for sponsors,
all right?
I'm open to anything.
Yoo-hoo, Mountain Dew,
whatever you got.
Sam's Beats.
You were making moves out there. Been doing all right. I got to give a big shout-out to anything. Yoo-hoo, Mountain Dew, whatever you got. Sam's Beats. You were making moves out there.
Been doing all right.
I got to give a big shout-out to Tommy.
He's the MVP of good times on this whole trip.
He's really been pushing.
He's also the MVP of bad times.
Sure.
It's a double-edged sword with Tommy.
You guys can't just have a compliment.
Well, it's true because he's like,
we got to get out in the water.
We got to throw the ball.
And he gets you all excited.
And then you blow a pass.
And it feels like your dad's going to fucking never speak to you again.
He hit you.
I could have done without the suicides.
Boys, you don't come down to the shore, get a house on the bay to sit and watch fucking television.
That's right.
That's why we're out here.
That's why we're sitting out here.
That's why we got you off the fucking couch.
You just watched three hours of TV.
He's watching Narcos.
What the fuck are you saying?
He goes, we're out here.
He goes, he watch TV like this all the time?
We go, no, he's usually on a treadmill.
Big Peloton guy.
We got to get you a treadmill with a TV.
He's usually working on a manuscript.
Tommy, I wanted to go back.
Yeah.
All right.
Also, hold on.
I forgot that that was before we started, but don't blow the Charleston.
Of course. Yeah. Of what happened. What do you mean? Don't blow the lead on the Charleston because that'll come out in the Charleston. Of course. Of what happened.
Don't blow the lead on the Charleston because that'll come out in the video.
Oh, right. Okay.
There was a Charleston part two.
The redemption.
The redemption.
Maybe.
We'll see.
Good thing you said that.
I know. I forgot to.
Anyway, I wanted to go back to O'Connor's your boy, your boy boy.
We gave him the hugs up here.
You walked him out.
Yeah.
You always walked him out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Our family's the same way.
Yeah.
We walked everybody out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My dad, only my father.
Nobody else.
Oh, my mom and dad would make us do it.
You walk out and you wave as they go away.
Yeah.
Which I think created some anxiety in my head.
Really?
Because we have to watch them leave.
True, I never thought about that.
I swear to God, once they're gone and we can go back to being ourselves.
We'll start talking shit on them.
All right, I'll see you later.
I'll see you later.
Gee, Hank fucking God.
They didn't even reach for a check.
Jesus Christ.
I didn't think we were going to fucking leave.
You got to be kidding me.
He eats so much.
The fuck did we lose this week?
And then we used to get a
call when you get to the house
and ask for yourself.
I asked him to text me when he got there.
We know you're there.
That was long distance charges back then.
You don't even know what they were, do you, Luke?
Bozo.
That's real rude.
He's sitting over there As an innocent bystander
What are we doing today?
We're going to the boardwalk
No means
We're going to hit the boardwalk
It's a cloudy day
We had a fucking fantastic week
Tommy's crab boil
Incredible week
Nice look at dish
Coming up
Yeah
One of the big things
I was real happy about this week
I was in the water every day
Every day
Every day I went in the bay
Isn't that nice?
Every day in the water
A handful
The ocean
I spent a lot of time in the ocean.
That's the most I've been in the ocean.
I know.
Yeah.
Really?
No fear.
I don't know why.
You fear the ocean like this guy?
Oh, yeah.
The sharks are going to get me.
But I'll say this, man.
I'm really in love with Wildwood because the-
I have seen you turn on North Wildwood.
You used to trash it a lot.
I didn't know it.
Where'd you go down the shore?
We would do- Avalon for a week. I didn't know it. Where'd you go down the shore? We would do...
Avalon for a week.
Yeah, we would maybe
on a good year
if my uncle was getting a house.
You guys had money?
No, we would do Avalon for a week.
My cousins went down all the time.
Stayed in someone's garage.
That's money.
Stayed in a new construction.
It wasn't sold yet.
You ever been camping down the shore?
There were big shore people and they came down all the time.
They would get a house two weeks, three weeks, whatever.
But what our extended crew did is we would do Ocean City,
and we would get a floor rooms at the Harbor House,
which was a hotel on the bay.
Where you slept on the floor.
That had Murphy beds.
Slash bait shop. Murphy beds to pull off the wall? That's where my parents slept on the floor That had a Dude they had Murphy beds My Slash bait shop
I've seen my
Murphy beds to pull off the wall
That's where my parents slept on
Oh my
Me and my brother
Like one slept on the floor
And one slept on the couch
You ever hear him fucking
No
What
You never heard your parents have sex
Not in the hotel room
Not me like ever
And I'm laying there
Ever
I walked in on him once
Yeah
What was the position
A couple weeks ago
Was she getting dogged
Jesus Nah he was I walked in on him once. Yeah. What was the position? A couple weeks ago. Was she getting dogged? Jesus.
Nah, he was.
Shout out to the plugs, you know what I mean?
I couldn't tell, Tommy.
There was too many people in the room.
But they were having a good time.
Couldn't see her behind the other three couples.
There was a line blocking.
Yeah, the Rosenbergs were in front of me.
All I saw was ass.
They own the house in Avalon.
Man, I would love if your parents-
This is why you ask questions like that.
See how fun that was?
I'm giving you the answer.
Instead, I have to hear a story about a fucking hotel.
They just must have started.
He can be so mean.
You wanted the sexy stuff, huh?
That's what I'm talking about.
He can be so mean.
Hey, that guy, we get it.
You're traumatized.
Now, get to the fucking.
They had just must started up.
It was probably around 9 o'clock on like a Wednesday night.
I was about 13.
Where are we? I don't even know where we are what chapter and they must just started because my mom was on top of my dad and they
were kissing but they were both clothed and my mom rolled off and i fucking ran out of the room
and they were kissing with their clothes on? And she was ashamed?
No, they must have just started up.
They must have started fooling around.
And then they took turns.
They each came in the room.
They each came in the room, hit me for a couple minutes,
and then took something out of the room.
I forgot my baseball cards.
One took the TV and one took the stereo.
Wait, why?
That's your fault for walking in and not knocking?
Yeah, I didn't knock.
Their door was closed and I didn't knock.
So they took your goods.
But the door was never locked.
Yeah.
No, we never had locked doors.
They were just embarrassed.
Yeah.
And repressed.
So I caught a beat.
So he stole your shit.
These are my rollerblades.
That's insane, dude.
He's got rollerblades swung around in his neck.
Give me my trophies back.
Dude, it was like-
Trying to suck your dad's dick.
Give me your fucking rollerblades.
It was like an airplane.
They were lined up fucking just coming in the room fucking ping-pong, pooing.
My dad took the TV.
Jesus.
He just, then you what?
You just stare at the wall?
Beat off?
Never spoke of it again.
Jammed him up for the week probably.
Yeah.
They weren't finishing that.
He didn't give a shit.
Let me break the news to you right now.
He did not care.
He goofed and hurt 20 minutes later.
Oh, you think?
Oh, he goofed.
Ah, man.
That's probably how he got off.
That's probably how they got off.
They probably called your name so you came into the room.
Henry!
I can only get hard if my son walks in on us.
They like getting off.
That's my sexual.
They get off on stolen goods.
They like having hot merchandise in the room.
Let me bend you over this toaster oven.
Real Bonnie and Clyde.
Took the fat kid's microwave out of his room.
Yeah, a lot of water time down here.
It was great, but I want to get back.
You are turning on North Wildwood a little bit.
It's great.
I mean, I've turned on North Wildwood.
Okay.
Because the only thing that-
Hey, Cha.
The only thing-
You bring those trash cans in?
How much time we got left?
Honestly, guy, can you grab me that cut water?
Just get him five cut waters, will you?
It's starting to rain a little bit, too.
It's okay.
20 seconds.
It's fine. I'm just bit, too. It's okay. 20 seconds. It's fine.
I'm just sharing.
It's a light sprink.
I'm completely turned.
The only jam up is that any of my family that has a house down here or comes down here is in C-Isle.
Yeah.
Yeah, why do you want to be next to your family?
Yeah.
That's who I like to spend time with.
What do you mean?
You do?
Want to be down here by myself like an asshole?
I thought the whole point of this was to live with your family.
This is your family now.
Live with your family.
Well, you won't let me move in.
What?
Me?
Yeah.
Let you move in?
You're not my family.
What do you mean?
What did you feed him today?
What?
Eggs.
You're saying don't hang with your family, hang with your friends.
Wouldn't you want to be close to your family?
Yeah, but I mean you are close to your family.
It's a 20-minute ride. Is that it? 20 minutes? Yeah, but I mean, you are close to your family.
It's a 20-minute ride.
Is that it?
20 minutes?
Yeah, we're mile six.
They're at mile 17.
Then I'm 100% turned on it because I like Cape May.
And I like being able to go from the nice, traditional memory boardwalk stuff, like the arcade, which we're going to do today.
It's got the fucking amusement park.
I like the beaches.
Let's go to the water park.
The food's great.
The Acme's down the fucking amusement park. I like the beaches. The food's great. The Acme's down the street.
And if I want to go have a nice dinner, I hop in a car and you go down to the fuck.
Cape May is beautiful.
Yeah.
It's just boring.
I like that, though.
It's like a stick in the mud.
And I also like the fact that I didn't realize that we're on the end of Jersey.
I didn't realize these were the most southern points.
I get off on that because Cape May is the real.
I mean, that's the real deal.
You're on the Cape.
Do they have better couches and TVs?
Why?
Is that what I do?
Yes.
Doesn't matter where the fuck you go.
I like to enjoy that with the backdrop of the shore.
No, you come with your boys.
Put a poster up your house.
What family are you talking about?
You got an uncle or something?
I got some cousins that have.
Right?
Yeah.
People just lie to me.
I have cousins in my generation
Whose kids are grown
That have a house in Sea Isle
And that's where that family
Will kind of centralize
Are they down here now?
I'm sure yeah
It's 30 minutes
Yeah
We can bop
You wanna bop?
No no no
I don't wanna
Why don't you do this
Why don't you test the loyalty
And call them and say
Hey why don't you come down here
See what they say.
I guarantee you they're going to be like, ah, fucking Charlie's.
He's got to cut the lawn in the rain.
Kippy brought this point up years ago.
Nobody comes to see us.
Exactly.
Ain't nobody coming to see me.
We always worry about going down and seeing the family, but nobody really ever comes up to see us.
You know who's visited me in New York in the last 10 years?
Who?
A role officer.
Nobody.
Nobody. Nobody.
Nobody in my family.
Mom and dad, nothing.
Come up for brunch, walk through Central Park.
With a beautiful disposition like this, have your appointment.
Don't forget the cut waters.
Ma, just hand them to me.
I was making a point.
I would like to have Patty up with me over the next couple of years.
You can't move an old woman into Astoria.
She's got to pull the logs.
Astoria's nothing but old women.
She'd be great there.
She's always wanted to live in New York.
Now she can do it.
Actually, Astoria's a perfect neighborhood for an old bat.
No, you're an idiot.
Not that has the luxury of driving everywhere, a driveway, a yard, a big house.
You can get a driveway.
I'm going to sell that out from under her.
Duh.
This fucking guy.
Yesterday, he's like, I want to invest in a property.
What if I bought my mom's house off of her?
I'm like, what does that solve?
That's coming to you anyway.
Why are you going to buy something that's coming right back to you?
You got siblings alive?
Yeah.
Jesus, Tommy.
What the fuck?
Do you think if one of his siblings died, he'd let you hear the end of it?
You would know.
Luke, look at my cross.
Do you guys forget this is comedy?
Tommy's putting an Italian hex on me.
I go in there and find my picture in the freezer.
Your sibling's dying of ragu.
You got a brother, right?
I got a brother.
Yeah. I got a brother and he? I got a brother. Yeah.
I got a brother
and he has kids.
Luke, can you grab me
a heater too?
This rain's nice.
He has young kids.
It might be in the...
And that's it.
And then I got my cousins.
Yeah.
I got my two,
my four close,
five close girl cousins.
My family look like...
Their kids are already
starting to be in high school
and graduating and shit.
I ever tell you a story about how I met one of my cousins?
You think you made a move on her at a roller rink or something like that?
Stop.
Relax.
You're not a lover.
Just calm down.
No one's trying to hurt you.
Just enjoy this, man.
Take it from me.
It's a lot easier on you if you just go with it.
He comes real quick.
He has.
It's over fast. It's over fast.
It's over fast.
So my mother's one of 11 Irish.
My dad's one of nine.
So we have a shitload of cousins.
Sure.
I was in McDonald's junior year of high school in uniform for baseball right down the street
from Upper Darby.
Are you Teresa Poop by any chance?
No, she said that to me.
She's like, are you Tommy Papa?
And I was like, yeah.
She's like, I'm your cousin.
And I was like, that's fucking nuts.
And I'm pregnant.
I'm keeping it.
And I got to tell dad.
How close are cousins?
It was a first cousin.
Wow.
We didn't, my dad, I knew like three of his siblings, maybe six of my mom's.
Let me ask you this, because there's an Irish mentality to this,
and there's an Italian mentality to this.
Look at the flags behind you, my friend.
How?
Would you hook up with a third cousin?
Oh.
I don't know what he looked like.
I'll tell you about the third cousin I hooked up with. I'll tell you about my third first cousin I hooked up with a third cousin? I don't know what he looks like. I'll tell you about the third cousin I hooked up with.
I'll tell you about my third first
cousin I hooked up with.
I got a first cousin I'd pop the can
on right now. Your first cousin?
I don't even know what that means.
That's your dad's brother's kid.
It's my mom's sister's
kid.
Way off.
Jesus, Tommy.
First cousin.
Yeah.
God.
This is turning into a raincast.
I don't know if it's picking up.
It's awesome.
Yeah, you guys okay?
Thank you, Luke.
Yeah.
Thanks, Luke.
Is the camera okay?
The camera's okay.
Yeah, it should be fine.
Cool.
I didn't pay for those mics.
It's a nice mist.
I don't think I did either.
Taylor Swift did the whole goddamn concert in a goddamn downpour.
I hate to tell you, but we don't have the production quality of Taylor Swift.
She was playing the piano.
I'm surprised it didn't zap.
That was a robot.
Something's going to come out on that girl.
Hopefully it's her tits.
You know what I mean?
Hey, TS, throw some skin on her.
What are you thinking?
A little nip slip at the garden?
A little wardrobe malfunction?
Never hurt nobody.
Are you in there, Matt?
What?
Her?
I think she's pretty.
Her look?
Of course, she's beautiful and talented.
What are you, crazy?
Dude.
Hey, stop it.
Objectively both.
Puts out hits.
I'm saying that's just not my thing.
It's a little too prim and proper for me.
I'm just asking what you like.
She'd put you in your place, that's why.
What?
She'd walk, Tommy.
She'd be out.
I get doing this first so we can go have fun on the boards,
but starting the day like this?
What?
Going at each other?
Yeah.
This is what we do.
You talked me into growing a beard yesterday.
Yeah.
I said you'd be too good looking.
With this?
With a beard?
It slows me down.
You'd be batting away those first cousins, buddy.
You'd be shooing them off with a stick.
This guy can't even walk through Thanksgiving.
I got to log back into Facebook to hit her up.
I said you... stage. I can't even walk through Thanksgiving. I gotta log back into Facebook to hit her up.
It's been like six years since I logged into Facebook.
You still on MySpace? Yo, Christine,
you up?
It's like three in the afternoon.
She's like, yeah, idiot, I'm at work. Why?
Get it with a Facebook message. Yeah, you up?
You talked to my mom lately? I said your beard
would come in nice. What's wrong with that?
Nothing.
What does that have to do with anything?
That's not fighting.
We're not trying to slow you down.
I'm not serious.
And I could see maybe you doing it in the wintertime.
In the wintertime?
Yeah.
I could maybe see you doing it in the wintertime.
Yeah, the wintertime.
My Philly accent is going to be tough to share.
Wintertime time.
It's nuts.
I got hoagie mouth beyond belief.
Charlie!
I was telling him this story.
He was doing that bit the other day in the car.
I grew up with a kid named Charlie.
His real name was Charlie, but he went by Charlie.
And it was the first day of class, and the teacher's like,
you know, call your role and tell me the name.
You know, if you're Matthew and you prefer Matt, let me know.
And the guy's like, you know, call your role and tell me the name. You know, if you're Matthew and you prefer Matt, let me know.
And the guy's like, Charlie, Key, whatever.
And he's like, yeah, I prefer Charlie.
We were like 11.
And the guy's like, he was the gym teacher.
He goes, I ain't calling you Charlie.
He goes, there's no Charlie under 50 years old.
You're Charlie.
I ain't calling you Charlie.
Man, the kids that had the- Maybe the greatest nickname, though.
No, Charles.
I got a couple Charles in my family.
Me too.
The kids that got nicknames early and the teachers and parents would just start calling them that,
man, that was a certain career path.
Yeah.
You're joining a union real quick.
He's good with the tools.
My Uncle Charlie. We had a kid that was known by everyone from elementary school all through high school,
whether it was fucking the drive-thru lady at McDonald's or the superintendent of the
school district.
Everyone called him Doozy.
Shout out to Doozy, bro.
Oh, man.
That rules.
That's good.
Doozy's all right.
Ended up fucking becoming uh like i'm like
an airborne ranger or something like that was in afghanistan that's a doozy dude he was doozy
his whole life fucking he had the high top like this like the kid in play yeah tall lanky dude
oh man how many innocent children you think he sniped oh my god and we're back tommy
and we're back on the dark web with Tommy.
It's funny to think about that.
An innocent guy named Doozy? What are you, Colonel Kurtz?
No, he's not.
Just killing children?
He wasn't killing children, Tommy.
He was defending your freedom.
He's an airborne ranger.
He's killing children.
For you to wear your knee socks.
And your short shorts.
It's cold out here.
Well, put on a fucking pair of pants, you hussy.
I'll tell you what.
You're walking around showing off the goods.
I know.
You guys got three inches of insulation.
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I caught another one.
Found that I was sending meat packages to my old address in Queens.
Somebody's been tasting the goods on daddy's dime.
It's the creepiest thing I said so far this year.
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Alright guys, back to the episode.
You have your gams
hanging out right now.
With your short shorts.
Yeah, you got like nine more buttons to utilize.
Well, it's summertime.
One of my...
Tommy had nine buttons, but he only used three.
How yous doing?
Dude, you really are a very Italian man.
I haven't seen you in one t-shirt.
You've been collared shirt in all week.
He's got his cruise wear on.
He's got that one crew fit, or he's got that one dry fit. I brought one t-shirt. You've been collared shirt and all week. He's got his cruise wear on. He's got that one crew fit.
Or he's got that one dry fit. I brought three t-shirts.
What I've learned is I used to pack like five t-shirts for one t-shirt, like underwear,
every day.
You change.
You have a few ensemble you change into.
You have not worn the same thing all week.
Of course not.
He does have that.
What did you wear?
You've been changing.
The same thing every week.
Those pants have been in every body of water around here.
No, I just did a fucking load of laundry yesterday.
Just did a load of laundry yesterday.
Get your lies straight, will you?
Sheets and towels.
Tommy, you have changed.
You've had midday changes.
Tommy will wake up.
He wakes up.
He comes down.
He'll come down fresh.
Like I'd be going to the club.
He comes down like clean.
And then he goes, all right.
He'll say he doesn't eat breakfast. He'll pick at something. And then go, I'm going to go take a shower. I'm going to go club. He comes down, like, clean. And then he goes, all right. He'll say he doesn't eat breakfast.
He'll pick at something.
And then go, I'm going to go take a shower.
I'll go up and take a shower.
Then you come down again.
Or if you go up and take your nap-nap, Tommy likes a nap-nap down the shore.
Let me tell you something.
Yesterday was the first nap I took all week.
Yeah, he's up there wailing.
Let's get that out of him.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
The other times, yeah, I'm going up there beating the shit out of my bird.
Mascarp baiting.
You did pull the most impressive move of the whole week yesterday.
Truly mind-blowing.
What?
You shit your pants surrounded by cameras and no one noticed.
I did not shit.
I prairie dogged.
I was dogging.
I had a knuckle.
Let me ask you this.
A knuckle was exposed.
After everything settled last night, because there was a slight controversy,
we were a little concerned whether the crabs and lobsters had lived through the night in the refrigerator.
They didn't.
No, the lobsters did.
The lobsters did.
The crabs died.
The crabs died.
Yeah.
There's one in my toilet bowl upstairs if you need one.
That's the one that lived.
I was shitting claws this morning, dude.
That's what I wanted to ask you
So there was a little bit of anxiety going into the boil yesterday
No there was not
At all
I had no anxiety about it
Everybody was freaked out
O'Connor was bugging out
I was bugging out
I know Luke's gentle stomach was
Was anybody seriously had an issue except for him?
Well my question is
Because you're like my mother
I agree.
If the ketchup's been out for an hour, Steve, throw it out.
I agree.
You could keep a live crab.
A 13-year-old girl taught us this.
After it all settled down, was there any concerns at any time in the night?
Did anybody feel a ting or a twig or whatever?
Did they think they were cruising for a bruising?
No.
It would happen in two hours and we all would be violently ill.
It doesn't happen to one person.
I did eat one crab that was questionable,
but I think that was the crab itself.
It was real mush.
A lot of real charmed life, as I said.
That had nothing to do with the cook.
That was just a bit.
It was a genetic.
Tommy, the cook was dynamite.
It was beautiful.
What are you talking about?
What am I talking about?
What do you set me up for?
Lawsuit.
Luke, hand us those papers over there, please.
Half of Stuff Island, an NFL ticket for the season.
Oh, we got two lottery tickets coming our way, baby.
We do.
Tonight's a big draw.
We do.
Tomorrow's $1.4 billion.
That number keeps changing in your head.
Yeah, I know.
$87 billion.
No, it's over a billion.
I know.
When you're from a dirtball area, which is everywhere, and that fucking number starts
going up in those mega millions for Powerball or whatever it is.
The liquor store lady's talking me into getting two.
She's two tickies?
Because they get a cut.
Oh, of course.
The store gets a cut if they sell the winning ticket.
Of course.
And let me say this about a different Tommy Pope.
Great talking to strangers.
Oh, yeah?
What are you going to do?
You win.
You're going to still come back?
Yeah, I can come back here.
No, I'll be going.
All right.
You're like the mayor of Kingstown.
Everybody that passes is stuck when I'm by myself because you're watching TV.
I give a wave, too, and I have a myself, because you're watching TV, I give
a wave to and I have a little talk with.
He got so mad at this.
So he sits there, he waves, the guy waves, and Toby's behind him with the fucking, with
a, literally a 30 foot pole with a camera on it, swinging it.
And the guy goes, what's he doing?
Just like.
No, no, he did this.
So I waved.
He waved.
He was with his daughter.
And then he went.
And I went, what?
Well, what?
What? I didn't know Toby was behind me. He was like, what's he doing went And I went What? Well what? What?
I didn't know Toby was behind me
He was like
What's he doing?
And Toby's doing
I don't know what he's doing
Toby looks like he's in the fucking
Olympics with the ribbon
I look back and I'm like
Yeah
Me neither
At first I was like
Fuck this guy
Why are you doing that to me?
I was just saying
Hi to your
Dumb
Ugly daughter
Yeah last night on the dock
Pretty sure it was his wife.
See, that's what I love.
The niceness is not true niceness.
It's surface level.
No, it's surface level.
He goes, last night on the dock, he goes,
I've had better conversations with people passing on boats
than any of those motherfuckers in L.A., those fake pieces of shit.
True.
We weren't even talking about Los Angeles.
Well, I was in my head.
Here's the thing. I was talking about Los Angeles. Well, I was in my head. Here's the thing.
I was talking about LA.
I was thinking about it.
Then those sons of bitches at Warner Brothers.
You believe they pissed on it?
How you doing?
Hey, Joe.
Dude, the child bit is so funny. Tommy blew a deal because he held the door for somebody.
They didn't say thank you
I'm not working
With this piece of shit
I'll tell you that
Tommy on your six
It's time to shine buddy
We got a crew
We got a crew of nice folks
Coming in
There you go
Eyes down
We're in a main canal way here
Nah they're all wearing the same color
I'm not into it
It's a very odd thing to do is dress up together.
I think they're not.
Take a pontoon boat out, all wearing the same shirt.
I mean, I think they're all wearing just gray sweatshirts.
They just have different shapes.
They're all wearing the same color shirt.
What are you talking about?
They're not a softball team.
What are you, Chris now?
They're different.
Don't you put that in.
He texted me at like four in the morning, too.
Sent me a meme.
Jerking off. It could be a good sign. What was it at like 4 in the morning, too. Sent me a meme. Jerking off.
It could be a good sign.
What was it?
I don't know.
Was it the koala?
He sent me a picture.
Oh, he sent me a koala.
Seconds after.
Seconds after.
Seconds after.
The Uber was still on the street, and I got me and Uber right now.
Yeah, it was the koala.
Did we talk?
The timeline's obviously hazy because of the 87,000 Bud Lights I had.
But did we talk about the dinner?
We've gone through so many bottles and cans.
Which dinner?
No, we hadn't gone to dinner yet.
We hadn't gone to dinner after the first episode.
So as I was saying.
O'Connor knows how to cause a scene.
Oh, my God.
And I feel bad he's not here to defend himself.
It was like eating dinner with the Blues Brothers.
I'll be O'Connor, you guys talk about it.
Go ahead, I'll do it.
So we go to this nice restaurant.
We're in Wildwood, which is a more working...
We're in Wildwood, which is a more working class...
It was a very decent restaurant.
It was a nice...
What are you talking about?
I'm being O'Connor.
Oh, okay.
It's a bit.
We're in a working class neighborhood now.
What the fuck is he doing?
Kate May's a little bit nicer.
Oh, hold on.
I went over to my, just on this.
Kate May's okay, but you ever been to New Hampshire?
Go ahead.
You're doing pretty good, O'Connor.
Charlie!
What are you doing, both characters now?
Yes!
Trying to muscle them out?
This is called talent.
You passed on this, LA?
Look at it. Yeah, right?
Hey, Disney, suck my dick.
You're going to be missing me.
I went over to my mom's to get the beach stuff that we left there this morning.
You're going to be directed at me.
No, and she goes, no, it's just the mentality.
It's a very working, North Wildwood's a very working class place.
The restaurants are just like bars and stuff like that.
Shout out to the Anglesey.
And I go, my mom's like,
hey, what'd you do this week?
I go, I went out to dinner in Cape May.
She goes, where'd you go?
I go, the Ebbet Room or something.
She goes, oh, look at you.
Oh my God.
She immediately threw shade at me.
Like, who do you think you are?
Things are looking up for you, I guess, right?
Don't blow all the money.
Splurging. So I guess you can start
paying me back. We got
Captain Rich. It's our guy right here, gang.
Captain Rich. This dude's
haircut fucked me up for two hours.
Captain Rich and first mate Maddie, baby.
It looks like a wet wig on a bald head.
It does. He's flying the colors and everything.
The hair looks like it's connected to the hat.
It does.
What, to the hat? Yeah. It looks like
seaweed on a hat, dude.
Dude. Captain Rich, you been
swimming? It's un-fucking-real.
And then Kev told me he's also a DJ
and what else does he do? Oh, he's
in a live band. Captain Rich!
I like to say...
Hey, Jay! He spiffs us
every time. Nah, I got a big way from the first night.
Holding up a microphone.
I'm gay!
What?
That is funny.
You're a funny guy.
So we just, ooh, that was on his bruise, too.
Dude, Jimmy hated that, dude.
Dude, you are the antithesis of me.
You're every guy I've ever fought in my life.
I'm not even joking.
Because you can't take physical contact.
He hates it.
I do love him.
No, we've gone over this.
Don't touch me.
You go, you don't take kisses.
I take kisses, but you got the 80-grit fucking sandpaper on your face,
and it fucking hurts me.
That's why I'm going out.
Wait till the winter.
It'll be nice and soft for you.
I'm going to full beard so you'll finally hug me.
Fair enough.
I do whatever I can to make you love me.
Tommy, I do too much poop.
So yes, we went to a nice dinner at the Abbott room.
See, it's not nice, is it?
No, you immediately defended it.
Get out of here.
Because it doesn't just stop at that with you.
You're a guy, you give you an inch, you take a mile,
and next thing you know, you're kissing your cousin.
Hey, how's it going?
Are yous done?
I'm trying to move my parents in so I can sell their house.
A couple of schoolgirls back there.
He just does this.
We're doing a show here.
Like we're posted up trying to get a rebound.
I'm sitting here trying to do a goddamn podcast.
It's pool ball.
I'm going to dunk on your head before the end of the show.
A couple of vanilla nut taps. He's backing
me down and stuff.
Luke, go get Tommy's Ritalin, please.
Where do you see my windmill?
Can you tell us about
that thing again? So we try to do a nice dinner.
And this is the best I can sum it up.
And it happens to all of us.
Yeah.
But we see it on the both of you.
There's a yin and there's a yang.
There's peaks and there's valleys to the drinking.
You think you guys don't have this.
No, I know we do.
But when it's like you two is like.
You know who you are?
Yours are quicker and more severe though.
Yeah.
100%. Dude man
100%
We come and go like the tide
You guys come in like a squall
Well he's sweet
So when you bitch at him
He'll just go
I've never done that
But I go into dark
He's a loving
I'm not talking about that
If you bitch at O'Connor
He defends himself to death
At some point
You're a mess
At some point
Every night this week
One of us was in a dark hole
And we just happened
to catch O'Connor's as we
walked into the nicest restaurant in
South New Jersey. He was blacked
out. Yeah, he was very drunk
and
you know, we're in
we were going into it, we were
like the last table sat. It's very old school.
Very old school. It's an old hotel.
It's an old hotel. In like a big Cape Cod house. Yeah. And you're on the first floor, you walk in, it's like we were out school very old it's a it's a hotel hotel in like a big cape cod
house yeah and you're on the first floor you walk in it's like we were it's like you're in
nucky thompson's living room yeah we were a little out of place where the last table sat
so we were just like oh you go in but you know everybody's just minding your p's and q's we
weren't like you know fucking we weren't changing our our personalities and the waitress comes over
to give us the specials and we just just pay attention, and that bothers him.
Yeah.
He was offended by the fact that we were letting the waitress go through the specials.
So he started hitting Toby with his menu.
Yeah.
Aggressively.
Yeah.
Like four times.
And these are old school menus.
I'm not talking about some diner menu.
It was like the Yellow Pages.
This was leather bound. It was like the Yellow Pages. This was leather bound.
It was like something a diploma would be in.
But I think I said one thing.
I was like, Chris, relax.
And he goes, oh.
You did, which I was surprised.
That's what I'm saying, the yin and the yang.
So what, we're not having fun anymore?
It's like, no, just calm down.
You're fucking wasted.
There's a woman standing here talking to us.
Just respect somebody.
He started cutting her, not cutting her off, but like, we're sitting there, Lizzie's like,
look at you idiots.
Just, oh my God, what are we all senators now?
And you're like, what, dude?
No, there's a woman talking to us.
However, to his credit, she did make him feel small off the jump when he ordered a sincere and
pronounced it wrong. Yeah. Which is a whine
about him. He said sincere. Yeah.
He's like, I had a sincere. Do you have sincere?
It's pretty rare. And she laughed at him
and then corrected him. Yeah.
And O'Connor didn't like that.
Which I get. I also wouldn't like that.
I also laugh at him every time
he says it. He says it all the time going, it's rare.
You don't see it anywhere.
And I'm like, no.
But then you went into Bubba's Liquor Store and tried.
Well, it's rare.
Oh, yeah.
They didn't know what you were doing.
Yeah.
You're looking at it and call Homeland Security on you.
The guy's got a fucking, he's got a Phillies t-shirt on.
He's dressed like you.
And he's like going behind like a second bottle.
And then I watched him because I was looking for help.
Outside of that fucking
leather face catcher's mitt
Debbie at the front counter.
Don't start talking shit on her now.
You were sweet talking to her.
I'm going to pay her $100,000 when we hit tonight.
So I asked the guy. To have her work at your liquor
store. I asked the guy
do you work here? And he's like
what? I was like I'm sorry do you work here? And he's like, what? I was like, I'm sorry, do you work here?
I have a question.
And he was like, yeah.
I was like, do you have sans here?
And he's like, what?
I don't know what that is.
And I was like, we got to Cutwater instead of left.
And then Chris out of nowhere is behind me.
He goes, see?
It is rare.
I'm like, yeah, it's rare in. He goes, see? It is rare.
I'm like, yeah, it's rare in Bubba's.
In Norse Wildwood.
I'll tell you what ain't rare. Talking to a guy in a Philly t-shirt.
The attitude seems to be in plenty supply, though.
I bet you Tommy don't like that.
Well, yeah.
I mean, first of all, I'm like, yeah, how can I help you?
Of course.
There's also a time at the middle, at night,
when we start wrapping it down because Toby doesn't drink.
So we're a little calmer.
He's coming down.
Big man's older.
No, but the lights, you two will be on the deck at some point,
and it's just you two out here.
You and Connor, and you're like the fucking Bash brothers.
You're just like, you start bumping into each other,
like two grapplers about just like fucking.
I'm like, oh, man, it's about to be feeding time.
We got to fucking get it over with.
There's been a couple of times where Tommy's took an extra long siesta and he comes down at like 10 fresh out of the shower.
Stop saying extra long.
I'm up all night.
It's not extra long.
It's just extended hours.
Okay. Extended hours. It's not extra long. It's just extended hours. Okay, extended hours.
It's not.
Hey, O'Connor, relax, will you?
You're acting like I go to bed when you go to bed and I wake up extra long.
It's not.
I'm up all night.
No, you keep-
I sleep two to three hours a day.
You wake up at 10 p.m.
What?
Dude, last night we were sitting down here.
I took one fucking nap.
It's 2.15.
It was yesterday because we had a big book.
No, that's why I said siesta.
You go up in the room.
Listen, you keep vampire studying for finals hours.
You do.
Did you guys plan this?
Oh, now it's an ambush.
It's a crisp.
There was a pre-production meeting, yeah.
There was a meeting you weren't privy to.
Have I not been around the whole fucking time?
Of course you have.
You've just been a little sleepy a lot of the time.
No, Toby, don't start saying that.
You don't even want to go to the beach most of the time.
Break the furniture.
More active than any of you fucking monkeys.
I'm saying you're...
You keep saying siesta.
I don't know what I'm saying.
I don't know why you're saying siesta.
You disappear.
I was trying to make it nice.
I disappear.
You disappear because I'm around fucking five men.
You're just a whale on yourself for a couple hours.
Yes. I got to get the juices out. Then you get showered and come back down at 10.30, raring to make it nice. I disappear. You disappear. There's a whale on yourself for a couple hours. Yes.
I got to get the juices out.
Then you get showered and come back down at 1030, raring to go.
Yes.
And I'm looking for-
Like an adult.
I'm looking for some Empire Strikes Back and some Night Night Time with the CPAP.
Last night, it was 2.15.
We're watching something.
We're like, all right, let's wrap it up.
Shut the lights.
You stayed up until 2.15?
Oh, I stayed up until 5.
Oh, so you hadn't even gone to sleep when I heard you.
Hold on.
We shut the lights off.
Oh, you're on?
No.
That's what that was?
We both go upstairs, close the doors.
15 seconds later, I hear the fucking D-Day scene from Saving Private Ryan
blasting on the TV.
And I'm like, that can't be it.
We just went to bed.
And he's down here watching murder videos.
Dude, that means he walked in his bedroom.
Are you a Cape May guy or a
Longwood guy? You gotta live your life.
That means he walked into his bedroom,
closed the door, turned the lights off, and went, nope.
I'm not doing this.
Not today, death.
Not today. Turn. Not today.
Turn right back around.
You say not today, death?
Yeah.
Not today.
So when I heard you this morning, you hadn't gone to bed yet.
No.
Why were you, you were flicking the light.
I thought you were a burglar.
Because it sounded like somebody who didn't know where anything was in a place that he'd
been in for a week.
Dude.
You flicked on the lights 40 times.
When I get film days for Look at D You flicked on the lights 40 times.
When I get film days for Look at Dish, I get all jacked up. Sure.
So it's like coming off stage.
Gotcha.
Roaring.
Gotcha.
So I hit like 10 p.m.
We were doing an easy night.
And then I had taken a nap.
I don't ever nap.
Napping is crazy to me
But I was so fucked up from five days of this
That I could get one sleep in
So I could be good on the cook
And then it fucked me up
Because I wasn't tired
When I should have been tired
That's why I don't nap
So you didn't go to bed until that late
Yeah about five
So you think I'm sleeping
He was wailing through the house
He's an odd duck This is crazy Yeah, about five. Yeah. So you think I'm sleeping in. He was wailing through the house.
He's an odd duck.
This is crazy.
I like cockroaches.
The lights go off.
They start moving real quick. I thought it was Toby going surfing.
And I go, Toby, is that you?
You go, nah, me, sorry.
I did.
I do remember.
Do you roll over?
He's in your bed.
What the fuck?
Then another five minutes of some type of clacking.
Well, you'll get your rest watching TV for four hours.
It's not about that.
It's not a judgment.
It's not?
It's not an endorsement of good behavior either.
I enjoyed it.
I was just glad it wasn't the boogeyman coming to get us.
Luke, you understand?
Luke knows what's going on.
So what do you guys do?
You just like a whole...
Man.
What?
What do you think?
It's like a whole podcast thing, right?
Here we go again.
It's like we're crashing the boards with this guy.
We're going to have fun on the boards, I'll tell you that.
We are going to have a nice time on the boards.
We're going right to the boards.
King of the boards has got to reclaim his throne over there. I want to play some games. We've got to go to Sands for you. I've got to have fun on the boards, I'll tell you that. We are going to have a nice time on the boards. We're going right to the boards. King of the Boards has got to reclaim his throne over there.
I want to play some games.
We've got to go to Sam's for you.
I've got to get two slices of Sam's pizza.
Maybe a pie to take home.
Can we possibly?
I've got to get saltwater taffy.
What do you want to do?
Can we go shut?
Oh, and fudge.
I've got to get fudge.
Vanilla fudge.
I might get vanilla walnut fudge because I've got to visit my mother next week.
Okay.
She likes the nuts.
Is that what she likes?
Vanilla walnut?
Yeah.
Nice.
You ever walk into your parents having sex?
One time, but I couldn't see them because of the Rosenberg.
I'm not sure if he's asking me that sincerely or not.
Acting.
That is the skill.
It's called acting, Gary.
The cutwaters cause Alzheimer's.
Oh, if they did, you wouldn't know who any of us are.
I said that this morning.
I was like, where's Chris?
Still sleeping?
Oh, yeah.
Kevin looked at me like, wait a minute.
Dude, if you don't remember this, hospital time.
Hell of a week, boys.
I'll tell you that.
Goddamn.
I love you kids.
Hell of a goddamn week.
Yeah.
You knocked it out of the park with the pick on the house, Kippy.
We should do it every five years, I think.
They texted me this morning like, hey, you can reserve it for next year.
I'm like, fuck, lose my number.
You text me on the day all the scaries are getting me?
You're nuts if you think I'd sign up for this again today.
I would maybe hold on an offer until you got eyes on a place.
Yeah.
Now they got enough of a security deposit.
We'll be all right.
We did have a fun moment where someone was like,
there's blood all over the garage.
Was that you, Toby?
I was like, no, that blood was here when we got here.
Dude, it's all over the floor.
There's a lot.
All over.
It wasn't me.
Really?
No, no, no.
It's crazy the amount of blood in that basement.
Wait, why is there blood in the basement?
Is it from you?
Do you ever look down?
There's literally pints of blood downstairs.
It was like someone walked up.
Maybe they were gutting fish or something.
Or somebody did what I did and cut their foot and just walked around.
But it was all over.
It's a lot.
It's a lot of blood.
Shit, we were walking on that.
It's probably years old.
He's got an open wound, too.
What do you know?
Man, you got dino feet.
You got all the...
Look at that.
Holy Christmas.
You're like a crocodile heel over here.
Look at that toenail.
Dude, that blister.
It looks like the lines of an old glacier.
I'm waiting to make sure that blister doesn't get infected.
I'm riding it out.
As soon as I feel a fever, I'm slicing it out.
It ain't looking good.
No, but I think it's healing up.
It hurts like a motherfucker.
It's looking at me.
Yeah, it was a real deep layer.
It does have an eyelash.
It's those fucking Crocs, man.
I'm throwing those things out.
It's the Crocs. It's the Crocs. It's definitely fucking Crocs, man. I'm throwing those things out. It's the Crocs.
It's the Crocs.
It's definitely the Crocs.
My dad's prescription ones, they're all rounded.
There's no sharp edges on them.
Oh, because Crocs are notorious for their sharp edges.
They are.
You know, the pair that I have are.
You get smooth Crocs or sharp Crocs?
That's why they call them Crocs, because they got the teeth in there.
Yes.
Fucking ripped me open, dude.
And I had them all in the sand.
Fucking, we were at the beach.
You got to get the Berkeys. What size are you? 58-30? I have Birken me open, dude. And I had them all in the sand. Fucking, we were at the beach. You got to get the Berkeys.
What size are you?
58, 30.
Fat guy at Birkenstocks, though?
That's how Birkenstocks became unpopular in the first place.
Oh, yeah, because Crocs are so cool.
No, but I'm saying Birkenstocks are now popular again.
But what ruined Birkenstocks was fat guys at college started wearing them with no socks.
And nobody wanted to wear them anymore.
That's how it started.
They were cool once in the 90s, and then they ran their course,
and they ended up with fucking fat guys wearing them at school.
So you don't want to be wearing them, Tommy.
If you think I'm not going to come back on Monday to New York City dressing like Tommy, you're nuts.
I tried to find some stuff.
Put a little gray in my beard.
You got it. Hey tried to put a little gray in my beard. You got it.
Hey, ain't that it?
What time is it?
10 p.m.?
I'll take a nap.
I wasn't taking a nap.
I was jerking off.
I'll come down at 1 o'clock and complain that everybody went to bed.
And play loud movies until 5 o'clock.
Tommy works third shift.
Eight times, dude.
Like a nurse. I do. I close. When you and O'clock. Tommy works third shift. He does, dude. Like a nurse.
I do.
I close.
When you and O'Connor are at the apartment on a typical day, you both are in your rooms.
Yeah.
He's just in there.
Tommy says he gets up, he goes out early.
It's the gym.
Yeah.
Goes buy produce.
Go get the salami.
Use for cologne, right?
Rub it on my neck.
But O'Connie's in his room a lot.
Yeah.
Sometimes I don't see him for two or three days.
I swear to God.
Total of ships in the night.
I'll see him take a piss.
He'll walk out shirtless.
He'll look at the TV.
If we're watching TV like 10 p.m.
He walks out and he acts like.
Oh, I know what you're talking about.
He acts like it's not weird.
Stop and watch.
T-Bone's a big stop and watch guy.
Acting like it's not extremely strange.
He'll sit there and stare at the TV for like 45 seconds.
And he's not looking at anything.
And then go, what's this?
Yeah.
And then act like he's never seen a television show before.
He'll want the full explanation of everything.
Do they live in there?
What's happening?
Which I enjoy.
I like Uncle Hank catch up.
I catch you.
I was catching you up on Narcos, letting you know what was going on with the Sineola cartel.
It's all haywire down there.
Hey, newsflash.
There's a new Narcos?
No.
We're watching Narco Drug Wars.
It's a Nat Geo documentary series.
I've seen it.
That's fucking six years old.
You know what, Tommy?
I've had about enough of you.
Why?
Why don't you check out?
You love me.
And I love you.
You shit on everything I'm saying.
No, I'm not.
And you don't like the way I vacation.
I do not.
I like to do laundry, watch TV.
Yeah.
What if it was just YouTube?
That's home, dude.
Oh, my God. What if it was just YouTube? That's home, dude. Oh, my God.
What if it was just YouTube down here?
What the fuck?
I would be in the bay, belly down.
We'd be on the wrong end of a key.
That's where we'd be.
It's true.
Talking about the Sinaloa cartel.
You can only hold on to the key.
We'd have El Chapo here with a school bag.
We'd make our own National Geographic doc.
Yeah.
Damn, hookers.
It would be sick.
Let's do it next year.
It'd be bad.
Get the number from him.
I'd probably be dead.
If we weren't allowed to leave.
Yeah.
We're just pegged in here with a bunch of coke.
Yeah.
I mean, this is a story you're making up.
That's why we have loved ones.
No, you could go to the boardwalk at Funnel Cake.
I know.
I'm adding all these restrictions in.
We can't put no clothes on.
You do.
Your vacation is very domesticated.
You said you like to do laundry and watch TV.
Go to the beach.
I think I only did that one day.
Blisters.
And I would have been swimming in the bay
If I didn't rip the ladder out
Jesus Christ
I know
This is Chris
Just make sure
Everything
He's got a
He's got something for everything
Blisters
Like what you're saying
If I was down here with like
Family or on my own
My boys weren't with me
You would have went
You wouldn't have went to the beach
If we didn't drag you
That's not true
If I was down here with like the bird
And like the kids
There wasn't one day you woke up going Do you guys want to go to the beach? I had the blister But we took the golf cart to the beach if we didn't drive. That's not true. If I was down here with the bird and the kids or something. There wasn't one day you woke up going,
do you guys want to go to the beach? I had the blister.
But we took the golf cart to the beach.
It doesn't matter. The sand was getting in it.
Look at how bad that is. You could have glued it. I've been gluing my foot
together every day. Yeah, I'm not
surfing the big waves like you.
I'm not Laird Beard.
What's his name? Laird Johnson?
I can't remember. Laird Hamilton.
Love him. He's great in The Descendants
Great movie
So swollen
Great great movie
What?
I can feel how swollen my face is
Oh dude everything
Really?
I'm like
I'm gonna go home
And like if I just
Have a salad
And don't drink for three days
I'll lose like eight pounds
Your body's gonna reject that salad
Can I say this?
There's nothing in there
I actually feel great
I don't
Yeah you've been resting
Lukey can you grab me Them heaters that are in there? Um actually feel great. I don't... Yeah, you've been resting. Lukey, can you grab me them heaters that are in there?
I feel great.
Anybody got a light?
I'd feel great, too, if I sat down for six hours a day.
Yeah, you've had a full day of throwing all the meals you cooked in our faces.
And doing your hair.
I worked a long time
on my head.
Thanks, Luke.
Cut that mic, dude.
No, I saw
we've done pretty good.
Toby has final cut.
Yeah, he does.
That's what we were saying.
We could just...
He was giving Luke shit
in the car
when we were going
to pick up all the seafood.
Luke goes,
I have final cut.
I'll make it look like you weren't even here.
Every bit bombing.
Just cut to everybody rolling their eyes.
Take the audio out after everything I say.
It's like, what's his deal?
This kid sucks, dude.
They fucking hate this WAP.
Yo, your uncle's a dick, dude.
You did a great job with the boil.
It was fucking delicious.
That was fun.
I had a lot of help.
Shout out, Toby.
Shout out, Lukey.
You are on edge, though.
Right now?
No.
I mean, yeah, all the time, for sure.
When you're cooking.
Yeah, but we sit down.
I got into the same thing.
I had the claws, I had the crab, I had the lobster,
and then we were looking at the camera like,
oh, well, what's good or whatever?
And I tried a piece of corn.
It was like the fifth thing I tried.
I made that mistake with breakfast, too.
And I went, oh, this corn is so fucking good.
Really?
That's what you're going to say?
I shave over the hot pot for 15 hours?
I put two different kinds of cologne on the crepes?
You put clothes on your back, food on the table, and you talk up the corn?
I told you I saw a video of a different guy cooking pasta, and you were like,
this motherfucker didn't cook pasta.
I cook pasta.
Tommy wears his heart on his sleeve.
I said the same thing your first breakfast.
Tommy wears his heart on his designer sleeve.
Oh, I know what it was.
It was the melon.
I said the melon was really good after you made a three-hour breakfast.
Yeah, well, that's disrespectful.
I was just stunned by it.
He at least cooked the corn.
Oh, he's like, this Poland Spring is delicious.
Everything has been unbelievable.
I might dip before we go on the board.
Did you try one of those potatoes that I made?
Yes.
They were great.
Did I do a good job of them?
Yes, they were great.
Cooked them perfect.
Yeah.
You cooked them.
I cooked them last night.
Cooked them in the boil, but I smashed them and put them in the oven.
Smashed.
I stepped on them by accident.
One was in his blister.
Oh, man.
Old tater feet.
You could pack a blister in that.
I think I see a potato growing on one of those things.
A couple of shrimp tails in there.
Damn, this snail is nuts, dude.
Yeah, I dropped a...
He thinks he has good feet, too.
No, he doesn't.
Tommy, you don't think I have good feet?
Good feet?
Dude, they're...
Oh, my God.
They look like from another time period.
Oh, my God.
They look Jurassic.
It's fucking...
You got ape claws, dude. These are monstrous. They look Jurassic. It's fucking, you got ape claws, dude.
These are monstrous.
I was working at Frank's Nursery, and I dropped a pallet on my,
you remember Frank's Nursery?
Yeah.
I dropped a pallet.
You worked there?
Yeah, I dropped a pallet on my toe,
and I had to get the fucking hot needle to release it.
Is that hair connected?
Is that a pube?
What is this?
You just have pubes on your toe.
He did it.
You saw it too, right?
I scratched.
Huh?
Then I got stepped on at football camp in college, and the nail came off, and then that's how it's been.
Oh, okay.
I have some cream at home to put on it, but I thought that stuff was no good for you.
I can't reach my toes.
I can't put it on for you.
I got to use a long paintbrush.
He's got a roller.
He goes into Sherman Williams.
Hey, can you guys shake up some Lamisil for me?
You're going to need a tarp for a job that big.
It's Sherman Williams.
I'm a jingle king.
Tommy Jingle King.
I thought I had nice feet.
All the 90s commercials.
You don't.
No?
Who else would tell you that? What else are we going to do on the boardwalk?
I mean, I want to cruise.
How much walking do you have in you?
I want to go to the water park.
The boards, yeah.
I want to go to the water park.
I haven't been to Moorish Pier in 25 years.
Of course we're going to Moorish Pier.
That's the hub of the boardwalk.
No, I mean actually the water park at Moorish Pier.
Raging Waters?
Yeah.
I'll go to Raging Waters.
You think I won't go to Raging Waters?
Shotgun Falls?
The weather?
No one's going to be there.
It's going to be nice.
It's going to be nice.
We can go on any ride.
That's what we're doing.
It's like the Walt Disney All Access
Pass.
You ever been to Walt Disney? Yeah.
We just went like six months ago.
Took me down there. It was a nice time, Tommy.
Yeah? When'd you go?
When I was six. Drive? My parents
did me injustice. Drive?
That wasn't a flight.
Oh, no. We went to Disneyland.
Cross country?
No
Wait
The one in Florida
What's in Florida?
Is the Orlando one
Is that Disney World?
Yeah
Yeah they took me when I was six
How'd you get down there?
All I remember is the smell of the hotel
And I got a dinosaur
You don't take a kid anywhere
At six years old
I'm gonna guess the smell was
I had two or both
Not me
Was it a cigarette odor?
No it was nice.
It was a fudge.
Yeah, it was like chemical smell to get rid of the dirt balls.
Did you drive down there?
Did you ever go to a hotel with a tile floor?
That is bad.
Every hotel...
I did that in the Dominican Republic.
Felt like they were draining bodies in there before I got there.
Yeah.
That's like a condo in Cartagena.
Did you drive to Walt Disney World?
I don't remember.
You didn't fly.
You'd remember the first time you were on an airplane. My parents would never
drive 17 hours with us in a car.
They'd throw you on a plane. We had a station wagon.
Three kids.
Three kids.
Two, three kids. Listen, all I gotta say is that the
Jersey Shore is wildly underrated.
It's fucking incredible. I've been saying that for years.
I was completely wrong.'s beautiful i can't
believe that this is in new jersey right we all strip malls and want to be mob guys and shitty
sandwiches got one of them it's the fucking greatest and i think north wildwood is the best
i've really getting older i've really learned to appreciate it even more before it was just like
in my 20s as a kid it's whatever the beach it's great in my 20s it was just like, in my 20s, as a kid, it's whatever, the beach, it's great. In my 20s, it was just down getting blackout drunk and then going to the beach.
But like this and like doing, you know, it's really, I've really fallen in love with the nature.
South Jersey.
With the wildlife.
The wildlife.
Shout out to the wildlife.
South Jersey's un-fucking-believable.
Could you retire down here?
No, no.
Dude, I did the pandemic down here.
There's nothing going on. i'll come down in my with
my wife for like a weekend and or like two days in the week there's it's nice it's a nice change
but there ain't nothing going on out here and the wind whips like a summer bitch yeah when when
dude come to for february it's frizzing down here yeah fall you'd love it you'd love it you got all
the tvs to yourself they got tv TV and a couch in the winter.
No one's on the internet down here.
I got all the bandwidth on the island.
Yeah.
But they do have the fireplace in there.
Yeah.
This would be a perfect house.
I would love this house.
He keeps saying that.
This place is a fireplace?
Oh, you mean that $3 million house we're in?
Yeah, of course.
He's like, I could get used to this.
Yeah, yeah.
I would, yeah.
You could just get used to being a rich guy.
Four stories on the bay.
Rent the garage out for the summer. A budget? Yeah. Could just get used to being a rich guy. Four stories on the bay. Rent a garage out for the summer.
You could do that.
The garage situation down here is insane.
Every garage has a big screen TV in it.
The sickest golf cart you've ever seen.
Somehow, no matter what time of day, there's a Phillies game on.
Sure.
This week that has been.
They did a 19-game run in Miami.
Two a days
We watched a lot of baseball
That rules
I said it as a joke saying
Maybe there's a TV
Outside
Yeah
To watch the Phillies game
The game at the Anglesey was alright
Yeah
Oh wait
I don't know if you heard
At the Anglesey
We walked in
It was like later again
They had the kids close at 10
We get there like 9.15 And, 15, and we're like,
hey, do you have a table for 6 or 7 or whatever it is?
And she, like, looks in, and she comes out.
She goes, I got two four-tops in a Notre Dame room,
if that's okay.
I got two four-tops in a Notre Dame room,
if you want to do that.
Did you see the ND in the frosted glass on the window?
No.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah, they even, they decorated
it too. Is there anything on the Joe
Montana deck?
Try her Randall Cunningham
scrambled eggs.
Yeah.
The Jim Gardner salad.
Fruit.
You missed the Jim Gardner salad. That's good.
Damn. Jim Gardner. R.I.P.
He didn't die yet. He retired. Still. It was three houses salad. That's good. Damn. Jim Gardner. R.I.P. He didn't die yet.
He retired.
Still.
It was three houses down.
He's retired.
Charlie, Jimmy.
Dude, Jim Gardner and my dad are identical.
Identical looking human beings.
Yeah.
That's what your pop looks like?
Yeah.
That's hot.
He's got the white hair, the white bald hair.
Big stache.
The stache.
Oh.
Sick, dude.
Everybody watches action news.
That's what it looks like.
ABC fucking rolled the roost down here Oh it did
You know I had sex with
Jim Garner
I had sex with Jim Garner's daughter
Susie Garner
I'm actually
Don't tell nobody
I'm not gonna say that
Yeah I'll tell you all fair
You've told us a thousand times
Oh okay so you know who it is
Don't say it
We wouldn't
Wait It is crazy you fucked Martha Bush Cecily Tynan What do you mean All fair. You've told us a thousand times. Oh, okay. So you know who it is. Don't say it. We wouldn't.
Wait.
It is crazy you fucked Martha Bush. Cecily Tynan?
What do you mean?
Who did you have sex with?
Pat Burrell's cousin.
Jim Burrell.
Jeannie Burrell.
Jamie Burrell.
What name did he quote?
Charlie!
Charlie!
Oh, it was like a Mary Pat or a Julianne.
Peggy something.
You don't remember?
No.
I'll tell you after.
No, no, not that dummy.
The real strong Philly name for a girl.
Of what?
It was a two-part Philly name for a girl, like an aunt or something like that.
Allegheny O'Connor?
Joanne.
Joanne.
Yeah, Joanne.
Joanne Marie.
Scaganelli.
Scaganelli.
And then you got to go hard Italian.
Start off brutally Irish and violently Italian.
I don't think I have any Joannes.
No, I got no Joannes.
There's an Aunt Joan, a great Aunt Joan, I think.
Joanie?
That was my mom's aunt.
Aunt Joan.
She used to make us say the rosary before we could go out and play in the streets.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, they don't have to say the rosary.
Yeah, two Hail Marys, one Our Father.
No, full rosary every night.
You know, we have it through old school.
We got an Aunt Camillus.
Aunt Camillus?
Yeah.
I-S?
Yeah, Camillus. Sounds likeillus? Yeah. I-S?
Yeah, Camillus.
Sounds like a lizard.
That's where you get your feet from.
Yeah, but don't say it like it's normal.
Camillus.
That's her first name?
Camillus.
Oh, my God.
It's disgusting.
Come on down to Camillus' used cars.
Buy two, get one the same fucking price.
Because we ain't cutting corners.
I got bills to pay.
I'm trying to go down the shore.
I want a bay house myself.
All right, let's wrap it up.
We got to get to the boards.
Tommy, thank you for coming down.
You and O'Connor, we love you.
Yeah, I love you too. He was complaining about having to do another podcast.
I go, I got you in a 360 deal down here.
I need two more look at dishes.
Gang, if you don't already, you got to check out
Look at Dish on the Patreon,
the Stuff Allen Patreon.
You got to check out
the Stuff Allen podcast,
of course.
Yeah, we're going to drop that.
You guys can drop it as well.
Yeah, we're going to drop
some sort of version of it
or the same thing
or whatever.
Look at the whole schmeal
coming at you from both angles.
And gang, like Forehead
said in the beginning,
we love you to death
and we'll see you next week.
Is that you?
He calls you Forehead said in the beginning, we love you to death, and we'll see you next week. Is that you? He calls you Forehead.
Charlie!