Stuff Island - Bad Cop, Bad Cop - Stuff Island #145 w/ Liz Splatt

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

Bad Cop, Bad Cop - Stuff Island #145 w/ Liz Splatt Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en -Follow Liz on IG: https://www.instagram.com/coveredinliz/?hl=en Try Bluechew for FREE! with Promo Code: STUFFISLAND. Just pay $5 for shipping. Bluechew.com  Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No fake tits, no fake ass. If you have that Cruella de Vin or whatever. Yeah, you're just letting yourself gray out. He's talking about how he wants to shave, and I was like, you got a good gray beard going on. Yeah. And I was thinking maybe that's coveted in the male community. It's mostly men.

I get complimented by it. But it makes sense. It makes sense. No, ladies like it too, I think. Okay, true. But I would say. I would say. Yes, Chris. it too, I think. Okay, true. But I would say Yes, Chris. Men envy it. Women

like it. They envy it because you like it. You guys envy it because women like it. Now that does make sense. Before I started growing a beard for tires, you did say... Without things that you want, we have no identity. There's nothing that we care about

I like this yeah I only walk upright because women fuck me yeah all fours galloping like the horse that's how you move

who said women don't like galloping that'd be a sick fetish dude I just fucking I love his gallop but the grey I don't like the gray. Yeah, the gray hair is kind of old. He's an old horse.

It's a little old to be galloping. This thing won't fucking stick. You got to twist the thing on the side. Yeah, there you go. You got it. All right, I saved the dog's life today. Oh, you did? Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Tell us. I think so. We don't know yet. We're at an intersection just getting past this storm, that fucking wild storm. Oh, my God. That's why I was late.

That's why our pool party was... There's nothing good happens to an animal at an intersection. Oh, dude. Oh, my God, really? They were like, the storm. If you said I was in the woods, I'd go, all right. That's what happened here. At an intersection, you know.

Yeah, you're in a storm. It's not good. But it's Austin. He's just holding like a $1 will help type sign. I'll take water, soda, weed. Share this guy's life today. What happened? Gave him a dollar.

Gave him a buck. It's not over yet. I didn't mean a real dog. I mean, a fucking homeless guy in Austin. They're dogs. No,

this fucking, this giant, like, pit bull mutt, fat ass bitch. She was a woman because she was wearing a pink harness,

a pink collar. Is the woman walking the dog? No, no, no. It's the dog. Random dog. He's just talking about the dog. I thought the same.

Dude, random dog. And he's just talking about the dog i thought the same dude random dog and he's going back and forth back and forth cars don't see him on both lanes so then i throw my flashes on there's a woman already on the other side she stopped she's trying to stop traffic it's like raining still my girl jumps out of car. We're trying to get everybody to calm down. This dog's kind of fucking frantic. Yeah. Yeah, obviously, right? So this dude runs out of a weed shop.

And he starts stopping traffic. He's going, come on, girl. Come on, girl. Like a dainty, skinny, you're a prototype for a fucking Austin dude running a fucking weed shop. Just the sweetest, tiniest, dainty dude just talking sweet to this girl. Yeah.

Trying to get this fucking walrus of a mutt to fucking come. And what's she doing? Not yet. Not yet. So she keeps going back and forth,

back and forth. We're finally getting her trust. She's moving towards the sidewalk towards the fucking the dainty pothead and all you hear is

and this bitch blows the fucking horn. So then the dog and then she didn't it's not like she didn't see traffic blocked for no reason. This was just behind

my truck. It was a white white SUV blows the horn. What the fuck? So the whole the whole thing comes apart. Dude the dainty pothead my truck. It was a white SUV. He blows the horn. What the fuck? So the whole thing comes apart. Dude, the dainty pothead goes, what the fuck?

Come on, dude. Dude, he snaps off, right? And then she goes, she hits it again. She goes, that ain't my problem. So if you want to guess, if you want to guess if she was Italian or not, she wasn't. That ain't my problem so if you want to guess if you want to guess she wasn't

Italian or not she wasn't that ain't my problem then swerves towards my girl my girl was like fuck you cunt she goes fuck damn it

now the dog starts running back and forth towards another dog another no no no that was like what oh man

and then we finally got it off like down this like beaten path like towards like a little alley area. And me and this woman and the pothead and my girl were trying to, like, you know, I whipped my truck around to, like, stop at the back end of the alley. And we're getting close to her. And then she did that. Then she was like, and then she, like, took three steps at me.

And I was like, I got to get back to work, too. You know what I mean? That's how the pothead left. The and I was like, I gotta get back to work too. You know what I mean? That's how the fucking, that's how the pothead, that's how the pothead left. The pothead was like, guys, you got two women and a guy here,

you'll fucking, you'll figure it out. I gotta get back to my pot shop. So the, where's the dog? Well, we just kept walking with the dog and I was like,

he's nipping. Let me get close to see if she has a collar. Yeah. Or a tag on the collar this is where the conspiracies are coming in now because she's got a harness on the storm was wild right i've had a lady a part of the no she's gone crazy i killed her she's dead no so it's got to be so confusing to see white people stopping stopping everything dude I know

I put my foot on a homeless dude's face trying to save a stray dog she had a point that's not her problem it wasn't our problem either but like come on true true we held you up for what two minutes dude but they shut down I-35 for Biden for like two hours

oh that was ridiculous all of a sudden I saw people prowling a dog and that was just... I would go, okay. It was just Biden on all fours. Biden's a cunt, but that I would... So solid. Absolutely. I'd vote

for the dog. Dude. I mean, somebody Biden was just in a dog mask. They're like, he's doing it again, hon. He does seem like a good boy. He does. He's good.

That's the only time he's a good boy. He seems like a good boy. No, we just got her down the alley, and she had a big circle on the edge of her collar, and it didn't have any tags, and she had a harness on. So, like, again, I had a dog that, like, ran away from fireworks,

so, like, the storm was bad dude it was like the lightning was nuts yeah so i could see her like escaping why is she wearing a harness did she rip the leash from the owner yeah and she's fat this bitch was fat she you she had okay like baseball-sized tumors growing out of her fucking tumors yeah she had lumps of shit no it was like like No, it was like... Oh, like lumps? Yeah, it was like a six-year-old girl putting a baseball on her breast.

Oh, my God. Like, it was very apparent she's got growths, right? I feel like this is... Can I, like... Yeah. Can I make a conspiracy? I feel like this is a homeless dog.

This is a homeless dog. A homeless person has put a harness on to be like, you're my dog! And then they just, just like go on another quest damn I like this

you know I didn't even this is a homeless dog I didn't even think about that and the dog like gets in the street because it's like I know the street

and then they got a little too stressed out oh my god I know where the pot shop is my dad takes me there they're gonna make sure I'm fine I didn't even think about that

yeah my theory was they ripped the tags off but maybe it was a homeless guy that took the tags off so it wouldn't get back to the owner. Stole the fucking dog. Yeah, or no, just even found the dog and just

found a harness on the street or stole it from somewhere because they're like, I'm going to be a dog owner now. I'm going to really do this. Yeah. And then, you know. Some girl took her dog harness off after like a rave on 6th Street or something yeah and they were like oh sick

yeah put it on my fat pippin perfect size yeah so we had to leave yeah we left it with one lady if you see a dog

in the street you kind of do got to get it off the street but if it's a street dog they go who knows got to make sure it's fine but it's with the

elements again not my problem not ain't my problem no more brilliant words But if it's a street dog, they go. Who knows? Got to make sure it's fine, but it's with the elements. Again, not my problem. Ain't my problem no more. But the fact that she was so abrasive. Dude, I would have. If that was my dog, my hand was going through that fucking window. The first thing you said, you just want to be like, now it is your problem. Yeah.

Yeah. Now we're all your problem. Two problems. Yeah. Just two guns. Now it is all your problems. Two problems. Just two guns. Now this is your fucking problem. You're beating the shit out of her or the dog you tip by a car.

It's so bizarre to meet somebody who just like, not only like doesn't really care for animals, but just like hates animals. Yeah. You guys meet people like this? Yeah. They're very, yeah.

Thank God they're pretty infrequent they don't yeah not a lot of them somebody like who has like a resentment against all dogs because of some dog that like bit them when they were a kid and it's just like you gotta fucking a lot of times it's not even that they're just like they're disgusting yeah and you're like yeah fuck it's also cultural too i think like uh arabs it's like dirty yeah you don't let a dirty animal into your house. Yeah. The hair, the smells. Shit runs downhill.

Chris A! I was literally thinking, I'm like... I wish we had a bell. I wish we had a bell ring. We had a racist bell. I can think of the way to say it. That was the most smooth, casual way. The last hardcore racist comment I heard.

Run downhill. It almost sounded wise the way you said it. If you didn't break and smile, you'd be like, yeah, sure. It does actually run downhill. It does. It's what we were all thinking. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy.

We did a Patreon with Gardini and Nate when you were out of town. And I was like, there's no cops. I don't see any cops. And then we're talking about, there's not that many, you know, there's no Jews. There's no black people. There's no cops. There's no blacks. And Gardini's like, you know, where there's smoke, there's fire.

Where there's no smoke, there's no fire. Fair. Fair point. But I think the cancerous dogs... That upsets me, though. Someone who's disgusted by animals bothers me. I don't like that. I don't like that. me, though. Someone who's disgusted by animals bothers me. Yeah.

I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like guys who don't like fat bitches. Like, it's one thing to be like, not for me, but to be like, that's disgusting. Yeah. Testing the waters in the room. No, dude.

Let me tell you something. You've got an ally over here. Let me tell you something. I had a feeling I was testing these waters. Yeah, dude, in college, I had a feeling I was just in these waters Yeah dude in college I had a whole farm It was super fun Riding a bull once a week Jesus

100% I'm a big fan Big fan That's sick Yeah That's sick You never Like I'm talking Fat bitch Yeah Okay Sick big fat. That's sick. Yeah. That's sick. Yeah. You never, you never,

like, I'm talking fat bitch. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't seek it out. No,

I get that. Yeah, yeah. I get that. Also, you're not in that zone. No, no,

I'm not. I'm not. No, but I, I represent. Somebody's got to be talking about it. Yeah, yeah.

You know, I've been, and I've been up there. I've been heavier. Yeah. I've never been like felt like fat you know where you're like oh that bitch is fat yeah yeah like lizzo or something but i've been girthy yeah my whole dang life that's awesome yeah so i gotta i always just try and uh bring it up every time yeah yeah you want to yeah you want to see what people are thinking. So you've always been thick.

Always been thick. Isn't that the proper term? Yeah, but I feel like there was a point where I surpassed. It's a lot like dogs. There's no dogs I don't like. There's no dogs you don't like? Yeah, yeah. There's no type of dog.

Oh, I got two or three of them. Really? Yeah. Like that you just see that dog, no dog can change your mind? Chihuahuas, puggles. You know what a puggle is? I knew you were going to say Chihuahua.

That can fuck right off. And I know you're full of shit. It's really about the attitude. It's really about the attitude. Yeah. It is about the attitude. And the attitude of the owner. You can have a nice Chihuahua.

I'm not even going to match your energy right now. Small dogs. Any dog that can fit in a fucking purse. That's crazy. No, Chihuahuas can be chill as fuck what floor are we on 26 I would take two chihuahuas in both hands

to see who fucking landed they are not even things to me and I'm a dog lover yeah it doesn't sound like it you just said you were going to throw well the comment threw you off

but I would throw them off the balcony dude I get it and I've been in this position where I'm like oh small dogs aren't dogs

whatever but then they're so cute some of them when they come up with their little tongue they're like I got another breed

I don't like Akitas Japanese dog why don't you like Akitas they're fucking nasty. They hate kids. They're not personable. They're not lovers. I like lovers. My dog is a lover. That has to do with the owner though, right?

Huh? That has to do with the owner. Yeah, Japanese. Throw them in there too. All the Japs. Japanese hate kids. As soon as you said the Japanese dog, I thought this isn't about the dog. No, I love Jap women, too. We're talking about something else.

You can't call them Jap women. I can call them Jap women. You're just shortening it. That's the best part about Japs. They don't get too fat. I beg to differ. They can thicken up. You saw a fat Jap?

Yeah. That's crazy. Whoa, wait. Yeah, well, they don't have the frame to carry it, so it's chaos. So when you see a fat jap it's nasty it's all like a lopsided bookshelf yeah yeah it's all weird the weights distributed incorrectly yeah americans get fat in the right places i do agree with that i mean like we have we have the skeleton to handle it yeah i've been big enough they don't really they don't be a better fat guy out of you don't really. Who would be a better fat guy

out of you two, you think? Me by a mile, I think. A better fat guy? Yeah. Who do you think would really own the fat guy lifestyle? I don't know. That's a great question.

That is actually... You know what? Because my attitude... You would own it. Me being loud and aggressive while being fat is kind of fun. It would be, yeah. and you'd dress it up

I would just let it all it would get sloppy but you would do whatever you wanted you would smell like bologna and I would smell like bologna with your car I'd hide I'd spray my armpits and my rolls you'd still somehow be like tan

I feel like some fat people they lose their like tanness and they kind of like start to look like they're dying away or something but i feel like you'd still have this like life to you that a lot of fat fat guys can't yeah well if you do the research that they're they lose their tan because they're indoors sleeping and eat right and i haven't done the research yeah i don't think i haven't done the research yeah i'm like i haven't done the research you know what i mean but like i don't know why are fat guys because they don't go anywhere there's no uv rays coming off a fucking playstation 5 university of miami did a study on why fat guys yeah why my why my fat son's not. But don't you feel like if you're a fat guy,

you shouldn't be fucking fat girls? Or do you feel like you should be fucking fat girls more? I don't know. See, this is why I think women are into fat guys more than skinny guys are into fat chicks. Okay, wait. Sorry, let me wrap my brain around what you said. Because women find charm and they actually get to know a fat guy.

Totally. I feel like men are disgusting. Men? find charm and like they actually they get to know a fat guy totally I feel like men are disgusting men men like to be friends with fat girls yes

yeah well Liz thanks for coming skinny guys skinny guys like fat girls skinny guys sometimes do

relationships like committed relationships men are too men as ugly as some guy can be friends of ours Sometimes do relationships. Like, commit relationships. Men are too... As ugly as some guy can be, friends of ours, they see themselves as if they're not. And they think they couldn't possibly be

in a relationship with someone that is a little out of shape. Women do that too. Not as much. Women do that too. But women like the idea of fixing something more. They're like, oh, he's fat, but I work out, so he'll start going with me.

Guys won't think about that, right? Yeah. Guys aren't like, if a guy's with you, they like the way you are physically as is typically. Girls are like, this is fine, but I'll work on this, right? Or am I? No, no, I've been in an argument with this with my girl. Yeah. Because she wasn't an athlete growing up and i'm like this kate like this going to the gym is is more cerebral for me it's more about getting

depression out anxiety out and she was going through some stuff and i was like trust me you'll enjoy it i'm not looking for you to be a fucking gym rat right with fucking traps i don't want that shit i don't want one of those girls those girls are insane to me sick no you do love this we've been over this dude for sure i don't have it in me to be that girl but every time i see one of those girls i'm like she's better than me yeah no she is not trust me no she's not she wakes up she knows she has her breakfast figured out i hate that i don't even want to cut you off, but that chick's awesome.

No. God, I'd die. I'd die to be this organized fucking bitch. You wouldn't even be sitting on this fucking couch. I know. You'd be so uninterested. That's awesome. I could bypass all this bullshit.

Imagine if I was with a boyfriend right now. That'd be sick. No, you want want that but then you realize how much of your life how much of your in life of your life you enjoy because at any moment you're like yeah i'll go do that yeah no you're right organized people can't do that and people people and it's like one thing if you're busy with real shit but if you can't do something because you left your like whey protein at home or something

or like you forgot your quinoa salad and the fruit. If you're counting fucking protein. Yeah, if you're counting calories. Yeah, calories.

You go out with your friends and you like you just eat lettuce or something. Like it's crazy. And then all my friends are like, God, she's the best woman here.

No, she's the only one that only ate lettuce trust me meet one hang out with for a bit yeah no that's the thing every time i do meet one i'm like oh i can't fucking talk to you you're horrible but i feel like i'd be different and awesome they're but also people don't realize the dedication it takes to get to that fucking body you know what i mean like even what i don't have yeah i mean we're all i don't know i feel like it's not really dedication it's denial denial of fun you just deny everything yeah it's like well it's just like restriction you have to be able to restrict yourself but i don't i don't

do any i go to the gym every day i don't fucking restrict i'm worse yeah i don't think you're that guy yeah yeah no i'm definitely no i'm not as yoked as no no no no no i'm just saying like being active and being like oh decent shape yeah i'm not. You're not as yoked as the guy No, no, no, no, no. I'm just saying like being active and being like in decent shape. I'm not talking about the freaks anymore. Okay, yeah, yeah. I was talking about the freaks because the guy freaks

are like even worse. Yeah. And 90% of them are on fucking juice. And they like hit people. There's an old dude at the gym I just saw this morning I fucking hate. All right.

Our next sponsor needs no introduction. You've seen the ads, you've heard us talk about it a million times and I bet there's a big part of you no pun intended that wants to try it. What I'm talking about? What am I talking about? What the hell am I talking about?

It's crazy they're even saying this. You're saying this. Who's saying it? This ain't your grandpa's blue pill. All right? This is the one. The OG chewable tablet for better sex. Blue Chew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, but at a fraction of the price.

The process is simple. Sign up at bluechew.com. Consult with one of the licensed medical providers. And once you've approved, you will receive your prescription within days. Blue Chew tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped directly to your door. The best part? It's all done online. This means that no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy.

I don't even think it should be an awkward conversation if you did have it. It's like, dude. I think we're past that point. Give me, yeah. You know, even if it doesn't work when you want it to work it's like yeah you guys i think the plumbing issues with men like now it's out everybody knows yeah yeah yeah sometimes it's not going to be ready to go yeah it's like i'm just looking for a little performance boost here sometimes you get a little gray in your beard and the thing doesn't want to fucking go for a walk when you want to go for a walk yeah yeah you. Sometimes you get a little gray in your beard and the thing doesn't want to fucking go for a walk

when you want it to go for a walk. Yeah, you got to hype them up. You got to give them some juice. Some stick. Blue Chew wants the entire country rock hard. They told me that's the mission. They will not stop until every man is bricked up like a brick house.

Till every tent is pitched, till every rod is raised, discover your options at bluechew.com. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try Blue True free when you use promo code STUFFISLAND at checkout. Just pay $5 shipping. That's bluechew.com, promo code STUFFISLAND to receive your first month free. Can I say this?

You don't have to have a sexual partner to enjoy Blue Chew. Yeah. You don't. For free, for $5 shipping, you can check this out. Look, if you want to have a nice little session yourself, light some candles. Yeah, when you got a rock hard dick. Just see how it works.

Don't. Yeah. You can just look at it. It's free, so why not just get the free session, get it in with yourself. Yeah. Set some time apart when you don't have a fucking pickup softball game.

Yeah, yeah. And then you'll know when to use it for the next time you're going to take out Barbara out Not every throbbing cock is for other people. True. Sometimes it's just for you to enjoy its artwork.

It's your fucking cock. You should enjoy it. Feels good. Bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast.

That's Bluechew.com promo code Stuff Island. Get some free Bluechew. He wears like sandals open-toed sandals he's clearly roided out he's roided out to the point where you could see that the facial change uh like the simple muscles you have his face yeah everything expands so all your muscles in your face will come out so he's swollen oh so he looks like the worst hanger hangover face you could ever imagine.

He has all the time. Because I think it's from being tense, like doing a rep, doing this shit. You're building muscle when you have fucking steroids ripping through your bloodstream. So this all grows. Your skull grows. Your face is young. You look at fucking Barry Bonds or Maguire's face and head,

10 years before fucking whatever year that was in the home run race. Sometimes I think they were just getting older too. God. Always got to put it to a fucking halt. I don't know any of the guys. Every young dude's got a tiny face. And then they get older, they get a big face. Yeah, so you go from a chihuahua to a fucking Labrador.

That happens to every guy. You get a big face. You got a tiny face and you get a big face. You get a huge face when you get older you have big face. Yeah, so you go from a chihuahua fucking labrador That was it every guy get big you got tiny face and you get big face Your goals over your years your goal your to have a giant head, tiny face. That's kind of what my dog looks like. She's so cute. It all circled back. You see that? That was crazy. You guys are good.

Do you know the only things that continue to grow on a human body? They say nose and ears. Yeah. Your clit. That would be sick. That would be crazy. That would be sick.

You're like with a girl for forever and you guys are like 70 and your clit is just like... Or you sleep with a girl and you didn't know how old she was and you're like with a girl for forever you guys are like 70 and her clit is just like or you sleep with a girl you didn't know how old she was you're like I thought she was 25

but her clit her clit says 38 rings on a tree rings on a tree yeah I was just thinking I was just gonna say that would be such

a sick twist of fate if the clit grew and the dick didn't as you got older yeah I hate the image I want it out she's taunting you yeah at like 50 she's like look who's longer and the dick didn't as you got older. Yeah. I hate the image. I want it out.

She's taunting you. Yeah. At like 50, she's like, look who's longer. You only got one more month. She's a fucking giant dangling clit like a door knocker.

Oh, man. Gross. Super gross. Big clits are horrendous. Yeah, no. It's your ears and your nose, right? What are you doing? That you keep You getting out of big clit territory right now. Yeah, no. It's your ears and your nose, right?

What are you doing? You getting out of big clit territory right now? Yeah, whatever, dude. They're gross. They're natural. It's whatever. Some people say it's a blessing. That's got to be unfortunate.

Like a giant clit is like a micropenis. I've seen. You've seen it? Yeah, dude. Like a talon. Like a hawk talon. That've seen... You've seen a... Yeah, dude. Wait, wait. Like a talon. Like a hawk talon. That's crazy. It was like a fucking knuckle.

Is it stiff? Yeah. Ooh. That's awesome. Ooh, wait. No. It's got to be easy to work with. Oh, yeah.

It's easier to find. Yeah, but it's like so off-putting that it's like... It's clearly an issue for her, right? So you don't want to like... Wait, how is it an issue for her? You can't mention it. It's playing on like a little tykes basketball hoop kind of thing. Congrats.

It's not fun to shoot. We're dunking on a six foot net. How is it an issue for her? Is it like so big that it's like popping out the lips? Yeah. This one was. Gross. Kind of fun to like ride a bike with though.

This one was. I mean, i don't know i just what i say it's i bet it doesn't age well yeah i imagine because it's not in a protective it's not a protective gear coating yeah it's just out there riding a bike that's sitting a lot it's probably getting a lot of just wear and tear. Yeah, especially if you're using a vibrator on it. It's just completely just melting apart. I'm glad I'm here, guys.

I feel like there's not enough clit talk, maybe. Just in the world, in general, but especially in this room. You bring the clit talk? I don't know. When's the last time we talked about clits? I don't know. A long time ago. We had a complaint that women always say that cl the clits hard to find and some clits

are genuinely hard to find wait women always say the clits hard to find yeah that's like a it's like no men say that women say that men have a hard time finding yeah yeah yeah they're not having a hard time finding out yeah body but i'm just saying why is it hard to find well sometimes it is sometimes it's so ridiculously small oh that you're like come on dude what yeah there's a lot of just like is it is that it do you guys feel like okay i don't have sex with women but i feel like what from what i'm hearing women aren't saying hey buddy you're doing this shit wrong enough this is the last time we spoke about this because this is my stance why can't you be like what are you doing people be more vocal say this is the last time we spoke about this because this is my stance why can't

you like what are you doing people be more vocal say this is what i like scared they get so scared yeah they feel like they're like in trouble or something i've talked to my female friends because i've always just been like hey yeah stop that yeah you're doing it wrong yeah but my female friends are like what like they can't even wrap their head around that yeah it's like guys are so quick to just be like yeah just like tunnel you down there yeah well it's like there's also it takes something away from if you describe to what to do and then they do exactly that that's kind of a bummer agreed is it yeah don't you think you don't want to what you want to do is tell them like

what you kind of like and then let them improv be creative interesting yeah it's like here's your subjects artistic integrity

yeah yeah yeah here's your start and finish point go make a project come back and I'll see how you did this is how I was a romantic I love that

you guys are just like do your thing but I want it to be good I want you to be creative. Yeah. Keep me interested. Yeah.

That surprised me. Like, that's like, I don't know, like the way I think I would want to eat pussies. You know what they'd like eventually, but you also don't want to do the same thing. So, like, don't ever blow me the same way all the time. Yeah. That's where I get in my head. Completely new concept brought to my head. I've been blowing me the same way all the time yeah that's where I get in my head completely new

concept brought to my head I've been blowing everyone the same well I'm saying with one person well if you're constantly in front of a new audience

you know do your best 10 dude do your best 10 yeah that's so funny this booker

doesn't know me yet yeah I feel zero pressure when you go to a new comedy scene you're like dude these guys don't even fucking everybody else is doing their open mic shit this is completely off topic but I'm excited to tell Chris

I'm getting a new tooth we've talked about this one of our first conversations ever I'm missing a tooth I need an iron we've talked about this fuck yeah one of our first conversations ever I'm missing a tooth yeah I've been there yeah I need in line

I wish I had I was missing a lower tooth I don't even think I'd give a shit but my upper tooth you gotta get it cause the bone starts deteriorating no the opposite tooth also comes up

if you don't have an opposing tooth oh it like fills in the bottom one will grow above and out wait what your bottom yeah so these teeth you miss one here this one starts growing down oh what yeah come right out oh whoa i did not know that it'll fuck it up that's why i had to get a uh a crown dude that's exciting yeah hey you always had a crown king let's go i love fat chicks so how'd you get it uh well okay i don't want to

like brag or whatever but actually i still have a few baby teeth so no yeah i do still have a few baby teeth they're like see the little ones right there and um wait how wait what just forever young i suppose wait so you have teeth up in your no never had adult teeth never an option baby teeth adult roots so you had adult teeth just to start no i had baby teeth adult roots was that replaced so a baby tooth so an adult tooth you get a cavity you can get a fill you can get a fix like baby adult teeth can handle shit but a baby tooth, so an adult tooth, you get a cavity, you can get a fill, you can get a fix, like baby, adult teeth can handle shit, but a baby tooth, you get a cavity,

that thing just got to go. So I'd never had a cavity before, but I got one in my baby tooth and my dentist was like, this thing just got to go. So got rid of that bitch. And that's that one back there? That's the one that's gone right here. But it's,

it's been gone for a while now. So you need an implant. I'm getting an implant. They're expensive. I got the screw already. Dude, I'm already done with all the money part. I just am getting a tooth in two weeks. That's so exciting.

Dude, people that don't know, you're still pretty hung up on this baby tooth thing. I can tell. Trust me. Your energy has not been the same. I just told you to yank your tooth because actually you still have baby teeth. Anyone believes in dentists. Dude, that's still have baby teeth. Anyone believes a dentist.

Dude, that's what I'm saying. They're fucking criminals, dude. They're criminals. Okay, well, don't you guys feel like, like, look at my teeth. Some of them are bigger than the others. That tracks. Like, these teeth are big adult teeth.

These guys are like teeny tiny little babies. That's a molar. Yeah, it's a molar. No, this little guy. That's not a molar. That's right in the middle there. That's a molar no this little guy that's not a molar that's right in the middle there that's a molar what are you talking about these are molars then it gets to the fucking the uh the fangs guys I have four baby teeth you're not gonna take this from me where are the other baby teeth that you're gonna have to remove and go to this

I only have to remove them if I get cavities in them and I've I don't get cavities except for that one time stop going to a dentist you won't get any cavities. Yeah. Until you feel extreme pain. No, I really do agree with that. You don't have to go to a dentist. I really do agree with that.

Go for cleanings. Go for adjustments. Well, if I go for cleanings then they might tell me I got a freaking cavity. No, no you don't. Cleaning is a totally separate situation.

You don't pay for x-rays. You go, I'm paying $100. I want you to clean my fucking teeth. I don't need anything else. Can you go with me? I'll go with you. I'll walk the dog. This guy's going to tell you guys.. I don't need anything else. Can you go with me? I'll go with you.

I'll walk the dog. This guy's going to tell you guys. I'll put the harness on you. She's paying $100. It's only $50. She's paying $100. She's getting her fucking teeth cleaned. You heard me Weinstein.

It's $100. Sir, this is a restaurant. No, I'm getting a... I still have... I have my back one that's still missing oh that's sick yeah see see how this just electrified the room dude this tooth convo i knew he was gonna break you make a decision to live this fucking life people don't understand you're gonna have hardships that you can't afford i did i had cavities that turned into root canals that turned in the caps the cap fell off i couldn't pay money this is like 2009 2010 i was walking through the streets with mckeever in philly chewing gum pulled this fucking cap right off and then i was like well what am i gonna do i go to fucking pen dental to save money

because they're like they're in training they're in school and there's like a dentist that's like actually a good dentist but he goes around to everybody watching watching you and the guy gave me price breakdowns he's like look we could do a full root canal for x amount or we can just pull it out i recommend the root canal but depending on you know your costs and such and i was like pull it he's like there was like no hesitation get it out of there get it out of my fucking head i don't care yeah i'll figure it out later yeah 20 years later i'm like still figuring it out but the dude they my roots they had the fucking they did the clamp the clamps after they gave me the juice okay they gave me the clamps to

try and pull this thing out and my the doc the dentist came in here brought in another dentist and said this is the longest route we've ever seen and it was my back fucking molar dude i asked i asked to take it home it was like this big that's sick first it came like out of my fucking eye socket it looked like a shark's tooth. And I was like, can I take this home? I'll put it on a necklace. This is like the coolest thing I've ever seen. That'd be crazy. And they're like, legally, we cannot do that because we're school here if we were like

a normal kid. Yeah, I'm about to say, they said it's the longest route they've ever seen, but it's a school. So like in like two months, that's the longest route they've ever seen in two months. Oh, yeah. She's taken a little of that. Okay. So, but what did the professor say that?

Or did the brand new student say that? No, no. The big dude. Okay. Yeah. The fucking head honcho. Okay. So the guy that's seen it all. He's taken a little of that. Okay, so did the professor say that? Or did the brand new student say that? No, no, the big dude. Okay, okay. Yeah, the fucking head honcho. Okay, so the guy that's seen it all. He's seen it all. Yeah.

Okay, look. He's a dying fucking pit bull. I had to ask. No one was going to ask. Yeah, he's meandering through fucking topsocks right now. I just imagine the student being like, since the week I've been here, this has to be.

This is the longest tooth I've ever seen. I like them all taking pictures in front of it like that. That megalodon tooth or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This has to be. This is the longest tooth I've ever seen. I like them all taking pictures in front of it like that. That megalodon tooth or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they had to grab pliers. Because they only broke half. They had to break it up. Two came out at once like this.

And then they had to take one and one out. Jesus H. Christ. With fucking the sounds. Oh my God, dude. Yeah. When I got my wisdom teeth removed, it was the same thing. You didn't put you out? No.

Just put you down. No, I went in for the consultation and the guy was like, it's going to be easy. We're going to knock you out. Take those things out. You'll be home in no time. And then I went in for the actual surgery

and the guy was like, who said that? And I was like, that guy? And he was like, yeah, he's a bit of a cowboy. He's a bit of a cowboy? Yeah, that's what he said.

He's a bit of a cowboy. We're not of a cowboy yeah that's what he said he's a bit of a cowboy we're not doing that so they just gave me oh straight oh two and i was awake the whole time the guy was like leaning on me yeah just like you can just hear it cracking out it was horrific but you're on oh two so you're like yeah this is i guess this is fine yeah is the oh two is like the laughing gas yeah oh i like, I like that shit too. It's fun as hell. Those drugs that the hospitals have, they're dope, right? Yeah, but it's still like, I don't know. It's like you're giving me memories that are fucked. It's like being abducted by aliens. Yeah, but that's necessary.

Feel them cutting your gums open and then spreading your gums and finding the tooth the wisdom tooth you felt all of that oh yeah you can feel the whole it doesn't hurt but you can feel them doing it like you can feel the pressure you don't think that's that's a good thing for kids like wait what it's like being a children fist fight like you should be you should learn some pain oh you should kind you shouldn't go through that you should should understand that this is not easy. It should scare you a little bit. Scare you straight. Yeah.

A little bit. So you start brushing your teeth, you fucking dirtball. Yeah, exactly. Otherwise, we're sure. That's true. Or else it'll feel like every time you don't brush your teeth, you get a little gnat. If it does knock you out. Yeah.

It's like a little treat. I think if I had surgery on my arm or something, I would want them to keep me awake so I could like watch it. Well, that'd be crazy. I don't know. You're like. Dude, I said that to. I know I'm reversing fields here. Yeah, exactly.

But I do. But when it's in your mouth, it is like way more. You can't see it. You're just like this is it feels weird. It bothers me when they're like cleaning my mouth and they don't have like a mirror above that I can see exactly what's happening because it's like what are you doing in there yeah especially when they are like when they're when they're giving you like a filling or something they're like there's there's like i don't know they have like a thing with gunk on it and they put it in and then they like flash a light on it and then they're like start bringing like a bunch of different stuff in them and they

wait for the beat what is the Yeah, they don't say anything. You know. Or if you got, like, because they're making a new tooth for my missing tooth. You got it. Go ahead. They have all that goo that they just keep putting in your mouth to size everything up. You're like, what's going on with this? What is this goo?

I'll tell you. And they're like, I ask questions. Okay. I ask the whole fucking time. That's actually really brave. When you take out to get a break, I say, what did you do? No joke.

I'm sure you did. I've had three root canals on two molars. I've been a scumbag three times. They drill the dead in the nerve, and then they put the plugs in to fill the gap, and then they seal it.

So essentially, it smells like super glue, the first fucking coat. And then they use the gun to dry it out. And that's why they bring the gun in. It's like a fucking radar. Not a radar. A fucking laser gun. I don't know what it is. Sure. And they just hold it down. It's like a fucking radar, not a radar, a fucking, like a laser gun. I don't know what it is.

Sure. And they just hold it down and all the light. It's a light. It's a UV light that dries it out. Yeah. And then you just wait for the beep.

So they just hold it there and you just hear and then it stops and then they bring like another coat and that's a sealant so that can never, that rubber filling will never be, you ever get an x-ray

after getting it that's what i guessed but i was counting the moves and they did too many things you know what i mean like i think was like i was like that's the initial goop everyone knows initial that comes with every happy meal i was clocking it i was like okay classic initial goop now what then they then they shine the light on it then they put a That comes with every Happy Meal, dude. I was clocking it. I was like, okay. Yeah, okay. Classic initial goop. Now what? Then they shine the light on it.

Then they put a seal. But then they started doing other stuff. And I was like, what was the other stuff? You guys are so much more paranoid about it. I'm not even paranoid. It's just like, what's going on? I'm bored as fuck. That's a terrible sentence.

I'm not even paranoid. It's just like, what is going is going on dude it's like going to get your car washed but they start detailing it and you're like I don't want the arm roll don't give me the arm roll imagine if someone was watching an episode of how it's made inside your mouth

what's happening what are they doing oh they're making pencils they're making so many pencils no it also depends on questions in two weeks it also depends on if it's just a cavity and they're not they're sawing half your your tooth off they have to after all those that process they have to put uh temporary filling and then sometimes you need a temporary cap so yeah if it's just a tooth that gets fixed it might not need a second goop you understand

yeah so the second goop is the temporary filling and then you come back in they buzz saw through the temporary filling and you get rear filling were you a student at philly dental no i've just done enough fucking dental work that i know how to speak indian yeah you know all the goop, which also sounded Indian. I was going to say. His name was actually Dr. Goop. Dr. Goop Hotel. Gooped you. Anyway, congrats. Thank you, dude. When do you pick it up? Do you want me to take it?

Two weeks. That'd be sick, yeah. Two weeks. We could do another pod where I have a tooth and then we'll do it at my place. Tooth pod. Only people who have all the teeth. Well, you're not like fucking Stavros. You don't have a tooth miss in the front of your face. No, yeah, but it does. Every once in a while, somebody will bring it up,

and it feels like, I'm like, how dare you? How dare you mention my fatal flaw? Does it show when you smile? Yeah, kind of. Oh, yeah, a little bit. But not many people notice. And then, yeah, it's just weird. But it's been over a a year now so i'm

used to not having a tooth so i know that getting a tooth is gonna trip me out again yeah i'm gonna be eating chips like fearlessly no it takes a while to get used to it really yeah but i feel like i've had to just get used to chewing on one side so now i'm gonna be like right just excited to get in there the bummer is when it falls out don't even say that i'm telling you it's don't even say shit like that it's gonna happen you are paranoid dude what the her new tooth my new tooth that's not even born yet he's talking about it that's crazy may not be today may not be tomorrow it's definitely not today or tomorrow i don't even have it yet that thing's coming out. And it's the biggest bummer because you forgot.

Bro, you're my number one hater. You've forgotten that you've had fake teeth. And then it falls out. Chris is the type of dude to meet like a dog or like a niece and be like,

she's great, but she's going to be dead one day. This guy's a rolling dark cloud. A dog or a niece is crazy. The dog versus the niece. Sure, I love the TV. It's a nice dark cloud. A dog or a niece is crazy. The dog versus the niece. Sure, I love the TV. It's a nice size for the room, but it's gonna fucking die. Yeah, exactly. Sooner or later, it's fucking gone, dude.

You're gonna have to get a whole new TV. I know, I'm talking about my brand new tooth. Enjoy it while it's here. Just paid it off. He's talking about it's gonna fall out. How about you worry about your teeth and me and my teeth will do our thing like that i gotta screw in my head it crashed all of the experience crashed back into me because i did start you had that happened yeah

and i was like oh i'm gonna eat on the other side of my mouth and how great it was and then you forget that you even have a fake tooth and then one day you're on an airplane and you bite into a croissant. A what? A croissant. You're not serious. Croissant. Croissant. You're not fucking serious. What do you say? Croissant. What? Croissant. Stop doing that. I'm fucking... Are you kidding me?

You do not say it like that. That is so insane. Why? Is he serious? How are you supposed to say it? He's fucking serious. Are you crazy? You're fucking serious right now.

How would you say it? Not like we're friends. A croissant. A croissant. You're fucking right there, baby. You're on the edge. Oh, you think it's too French. Croissant.

Yes. A croissant. I think he's just doing it all over the place. You say croissant? Croissant. I like to go more French. You got to American too French. Croissant. Yes. A croissant? I think he's just doing it all over the place. You said croissant? Croissant. I like to go more French. You gotta Americanize that. Croissant.

Croissant. This is insane. I never knew this about you. Croissant. Stop doing it. You fucking say it. Croissant. Oh my God.

Croissant. That's way more wrong. That's way more pretentious than yeah. Croissant. No, it sounds like you're saying crouton. Croissant. Sorry. I just feel like you guys are out of control. Dude, croissant. No, it sounds like you're saying crouton. Croissant. Sorry. I just feel like you guys are out of control.

Dude, fucking come at me in the fucking, you're going to get croutoned. Croissant? And if you don't, I'll eat my ass. I'll buy you a hundred fucking croissants. You're doing extra work with the crew. Yeah, truly. You're going too hard on the croissant. It's not like-

He's saying croissant. Croissant. He's closer. I know he's closer. I'm closer and I'm putting in less effort. It's the most American thing you can do. You're missing the point. Yeah, he is pretty...

The point is you're closer to the actual saying, but I have fucking dignity. You can't be talking like that. Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. Everybody here has dignity. That's crazy. Dude, I've never once been like, hey, can I get a croissant

and have someone stop doing it whoa whoa yes whoa that's because they're scared to talk

to you dude that's because you got dead dog flesh all over your shirt did you just do a semester abroad or something whoa

I would croissant also Starbucks croissant that's what it sounds like to me yeah that's that's what it should be you should always say it as a fucking croissant that's insane i don't even say the aunt like croissant i just go croissant is that really how you say you say croissant that's kind of whenever it's brought up i'm like i'm gonna draw this out so embarrassing no but i'm not putting any of the sorry i'm enjoying life and finding fun in the little things dude that's my bad it's crazy it's yeah it is crazy to sit

in your little prism of what you think is right in life and just shoot down all the people having fun with their french words you fucking change when you put their sunglasses on you're shooting people welcome back i wish you said that in french that would have been awesome what did you say about croissants oh one day you bite into one your tooth falls out that's not gonna happen in fact i i forgot how against your side i was yeah but once he started attacking you, I realized that you did have a heart. Yeah.

I lost you there for a second. In my love of French culture. I realized, this man's kind of worldly. Maybe I will lose my tooth. I got a bridge that hasn't rescinded at all. That makes sense because it seems like you're burning some bridges today. Let's go, baby.

Let's fucking go. Teeth in general obviously drive me crazy. It should just be one thing. This is one of the first convos we ever had. You said it should just be one tooth across all of them. You said you wanted all fake teeth.

Yeah. It should be like the same process as almost like circumcision fake teeth yeah it should be like they like you it's it should be like the same process as almost like circumcision or something where it's just like when you get born yeah yeah they're just like god made a terrible mistake no no science has fixed it get those teeth out we'll put in good teeth the last forever self-cleaning are you pro circumcision yeah you would get why You would get a little boy penis circumcised? Yeah, because the other shit's disgusting.

Well, not if you actually take showers and clean your fucking hands. No, but it's also like... Oh, you're not circumcised. There's a reason. I am. I wish I wasn't. You wish you weren't circumcised? I heard that hooded sweatshirt's fucking bananas. No, no. You lose so many nerve endings. I never really see... An uncircumcised penis is like a clit anything.

I've never once in my life been fucking or something and being like, I wonder if I'm getting a whole experience. No, of course. You're definitely getting a whole experience. Come on now. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. That fucking fat bitch. I feel like if I had a son, no circumcision. Because I just want to be like all organic, natural, right? Dude, I was just... Randomly, I thought about this. Weird shit happens with them. They're too tight. You got to get them cut off and stuff.

It's a fucking nightmare. Too tight. You've been doing research now? What are you talking about? Yeah, people... There's a reason people are just like, just get off and stuff that's a fucking nightmare tight you've been doing research now what are you talking about yeah people it's like there there's a reason people are just like just get rid of this it's fucking it's a nuisance yeah but it's not it's it's not evolution says to not you're saying science took over says let's get rid of it for for what bacteria bacteria there's also just problems that you can have later in life like it can it can fucking just strangle your dick and shit.

It's annoying. What are you talking about? Yeah. It's a thing that can not grow right. It's just another thing that you need to worry about. And it's not doing anything for you. People say that it feels better, but they have nothing to compare it to. Who knows?

Yeah. Who's doing the side-by-side tests? Yeah. You'd have to have an uncircumcised penis for 10 years of your adulthood, then get it circumcised. Right. Talk to that guy. Right.

That's who we need to sit in this fucking seat. Not Liz. Yeah, no. We need to have pre-circumcision, post-circumcision guys. Yeah. Just men. No more women after this. Yeah, that's good.

I was thinking the same thing. Just clipped dicks. Clipped dick fat men from guys. Yeah. Just men. No more women after this. Yeah, that's good. I was thinking the same thing. Just clipped dicks. Clipped dick fat men from Jerusalem. Yeah. I've been hearing that sometimes

guys can have really nasty scars from the circumcision now and their penis looks all scarred up. Really? That's what I've heard. I heard somebody

talking about it. Is that from like the Jew priest using his fucking molars instead of his front teeth? Somebody just goes down there on their little baby boy just rips it off with their teeth.

Isn't that nuts? Jews just fucking nip it right off with their fucking face. Wait, is that real? Jews bite it off. Now, shut your mouth. Look it up. Shut your little circumcision mouth. I'm not going to look it up now.

Jews are eating baby's dicks. They do something. They lick the wound or something. No, they bite it off. They bite off and they're fucking pedophiles. There's like something weird. Jew pedophile priest biting off the tips

of baby dicks. They never tied off their pedophiles. Duh. It's how you hide, dude. It's crazy. It's like, and I've never,

no one ever describes exactly how it goes down. You know what I mean? That's why. Yeah. It's weird. Rule one of fucking pedophile club. You don't talk about pedophile club.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, you're giving me a circumcision. Let me know what's happening. It's just like the dentist. Yeah. Yeah. It's like,

give me the detail. So exactly, because they're always like, it's not as crazy as, what exactly happens? Yeah. In front of a group of people, you perform-

Put your mouth on my baby's penis. Like a really important surgery is that what you're telling me i think that i have heard it is in front of people like that yeah bris is you never seen a group of people i never seen a bris i'm from texas how do you jerk off what i'm full of urine my eyeballs are floating i gotta piss yeah yeah that's clear you gotta piss i don't know man i never seen a bris i wouldn't have a bris done to my kid it feels like the whole thing is just like good but do it in a hospital you want your skin you don't have to go to the jews to get it done yeah no alley, you go to Penn Dental. Ironically, it's done by a Jew.

It's just not in the circle church, you know? There's no, like, girl version of that. Dude, they should have, like... There is. Oh, there is. In the bad countries. In the bad countries, they really do. There's probably, like, a Jew food truck down here just called Bris Kit.

You know what I mean? They just chew off your baby penis. I gotta piss. It's a good time. We should talk about what's wrong with you. No, I mean like I don't know. I guess if your daughter had real long beefy lips or something, would you ever get

them? No, but I had a friend whose ears stuck out too much. Yeah. And like her grandma was literally like, I will pay for you to get plastic surgery. Yeah, get them clipped back. Her grandma was literally like, I will pay for you to get plastic surgery. When she was like 13. So funny. I bet she hears way worse. She hears worse now?

You think you hear better like this? A hundred percent. I guess you would. I'm so glad I don't have ears like that. You see people sometimes whose ears stick out. That's the one thing that grows your whole freaking life. Is ear true that's what that's what tommy just told me that's what i've heard with my very tiny nearly childlike ears yeah it's like it's something that people say but i don't think it i don't know how true that is i love that you question it all

yeah i think that's just like one of those things people always say it's like oh baldness you get that from your mom it's like do you it's mom's the thing they say it things. People always say it. It's like, oh, baldness. You get that from your mom. It's like, do you? Here's the thing. They say it's your mother's father. They say that, but it's like, how could that possibly be true? Here's the thing. I've seen old people with ears that are huge as fuck. And they're like ears where there's no way they had those ears their whole life.

Yeah, but I feel like it's always ears that are mostly lobe. You know what I mean? But that's part of the ear that grows. And the lobe gets, the lobe gravity pulls on the lobe. I think it's the whole thing. I'm glad I have hope for disconnect. No, I don't connect. Yeah, no.

Yeah, yours don't connect. I don't think they should. I think that's weird. I think it's wrong. Yeah, I guess mine kind of do. Yours go, there's a little bit of a hang. I got a little bit, yeah. You get a little hang.

They look like they don't, but they do. That's interesting. But they will connect eventually. Gravity takes hold. The older I get. You are fucking so strange. That's not how that works. Because I look at my dad and my dad's got the same ears.

And the little turn mine does up. Eventually it comes down. You think your ears are getting smaller? No. The pause. The pause in between I can't believe what I'm hearing You're getting bigger

The lobe will extend It's just like it's curtains You know what I mean? Yeah, beef curtains Would you guys ever get your ears pierced? I already have Oh my god I can put them in right now

I put them in on the pod Would you ever do like a photo shoot where you're wearing like a dangly earring and like a feather or something? No. I have friends like close to my age. He's so sick. Dude, I have buddies that are like close to my age

that like do that. Like they're LA fucking dildos. With a little feather hanging off yeah they'll have like a long not a feather but like a long dangly earring i'm like dude you're 40 years old yeah gray area what the fuck are you doing dressing like you're in high school yeah they're so they're talking to girls in high school that's what they're doing probably yeah that's what i would assume immediately it's hot as hell damn maybe i should it's also just yeah i mean i you know if you're around those people that like convince you that that's okay you do it you know i don't know this yet but having a child

you want health over everything right right right just give me a healthy baby i don't care you know obviously you're sick fucking crossfit body fucking Fucking jacked. Not like her dumb mom. I want her to be ripped and athletic right away. But like, if... Look, there is insecurities. I don't want the kid to get fucking bullied. Of course. The big year thing.

Let's get that fixed, babe. We just talked about this. I know, I heard you pissing. Oh, okay. Good. Duck feet, pigeon toes. That kid is going to be in Forrest Gump braces. We're getting that done.

Ah, you're just going to nip it in the bud. Throw it on the bill. Yeah, but you can see that coming. Kids don't just wind up with duck feet. No, it comes out of the womb. Yeah. It's from their placement in the womb that's what gives them duck feet or pigeon toes no no it's a genetic thing no it's

not no i feel like even sometimes if it's a genetic thing cramped in there and you come out with duck feet there's no way you just told me there's no you just told me circumcised penises uncircumcised penises will strangle the penis because there's not enough room. It's a genetic thing. A baby in the womb. I thought there was enough room in the womb to grow. What if it's a tiny Jap girl? It feels like.

And the dad's a big black man. Dude, everyone's in there like this. Everyone's in there like this. No, everyone's in there like this. No. Strain your head. 12 and 6. Nobody's doing this.

This is Korean-Japanese. 12 and 6. Nobody thinks no one's doing this. This is Korean-Japanese. 12 and 6 if you're healthy. It feels like before the podcast. You think you're manning the guns in the Millennium Falcon? You're fucking.

Dude, look it up. Somebody look it up. You're bundled up in there. We need it. We need it. We got to move back to New York for these big questions so our producers

can be in here Googling. It feels like before the podcast, you guys are like, all right, everything I say you disagree with from the bottom of your heart. And here's the trick. Here's the trick. We're both wrong. What a great summary for Stuff I Love. What a perfect summary.

Everyone is in here like this. No, it's not this it's pretty sure it's actually a fetal position somehow find two new sizes yeah exactly and the guest dead wrong every time how boring would it be if we both knew

it would be wrong if I was right we get through one topic wait do you guys like my halo shirt let's go I'm like one of the guys wearing it yeah where did you get it We get through one topic. I guess, what else are we going to talk about? Wait, do you guys like my Halo shirt? Let's go. I do like that shirt. You do? It's like bro, right? I'm like one of the guys wearing it.

Yeah, where did you get it? I got it at a thrift store. So it's OG. It's OG. It looks new. It looks like someone made it and put it in a thrift store. Well, that's... Well, I bet.

I don't think that's true. I don't know. I didn't know the history before it. But, way to... I bet the son came home with it, and his dad was so disappointed, took it back brand new, gave it to the thrift store, and she got it new. The dad?

The dad didn't like video games? In this story that you made up just now, the dad didn't like video games? No, dad doesn't want that for a child. What are you talking about? Oh, my dad didn't mind. My brother loved Master Chief, this guy. That's why you're wearing these sunglasses and doing comedy.

You weren't exactly taken care of. Yeah, that's true. That's why your teeth are falling out of your fucking head. My dad was like, Halo's sick. Yeah, ice cream for dinner again, Liz. You have a solid point, my friend. Was your dad nice in Halo? No, no no my dad i just love that that threw tommy

he like can't believe you got the voice squirting He did My dad wasn't nice at Halo No He never really played But he was just like My dad was just that dad

I like what you're doing He was like do whatever man Just don't fucking Fuck up too much Yeah I'm asking that question genuinely It's so funny Especially the saying nice Is your dad nice at Halo? Is your dad like Don't fucking fuck up too much. Yeah. I'm asking that question genuinely. It's so funny.

Especially the saying nice. Is your dad nice in Halo? Is there not like, he crushes you or what? He's like not a rookie. My God, I've never done that before. No, my dad never did. No, I got this shirt just because I knew boys like fucking love video games. I knew that all the boys would fucking. Most of our audience is women.

All the boys would fucking. Oh, what? Yeah, it's all women. Is that for real? No. I knew that all the boys would fucking most of our audience is women all the boys would fucking oh what yeah it's all women is that for real no I've been like what no we probably have

like six chicks two of them are girlfriends they don't even listen yeah they just subscribe I feel like last time we talked shit on this we got a lot of private messages

like chick here oh yeah true we love you guys and they're normal I like stuff island they're hot chicks I you guys and they're normal i like stuff island they're hot chicks i'll be like oh stuff island click like yeah yeah i'm a chick for real you are a chick don't check don't look into it you're gonna be scared you got a few don't touch it i have something to explain if you check but it's a giant clip it's a giant

you're gonna need a freaking big sword. Liz, do you have anything to plug, my dear? Yeah. Dude, yeah. I freaking do the Absolute Show every Wednesday at Creek in the Cave, 8 p.m. It's fun. They tried to fucking...

The Absolute Show is awesome. Her and her fucking lesbian co-host tried to... Lucas McCrary? Yeah, Lucas. They tried to be mean to me. When? They tried to bully me. No, they weren't.

We were successful. He cried. We should have both you guys on at the same time. Yes. And then just see it. Let's do that. Just see how it burns. Just watch it all go down.

I would love that. That'd be so sick. No, it is a fun show. That show was fun as fuck. You moved locations though. You're no longer doing it. Yeah, we moved to Creek in the Cave. Just for more seating and...

Yeah, yeah. And... Better setup. Yeah, better setup in general, I think. For that show. It's Lucas's baby. So he makes all the big decisions. But with Creek, like, if people are in the green room,

they can hear and, you know, they don't have to pass through the audience to get out. Yeah. So Black Rabbit, it's a great to get out yeah so black rabbit it's a great little space black rabbit but it's not good for like a live production kind of thing going on like yeah that type of show needs a longer space yeah and creek has the full staff like black rabbit's smaller it's more byob yeah like all that for sure but um creek was great i mean black rabbit was great but it's now we're on to bigger and better fucking Creek in the Cave things.

So when's that show? Wednesdays. Wednesdays, 8 p.m., absolute show, Creek in the Cave. And then I feel like, oh, yeah, I'm on IG, covered in Liz. I think I might start doing a podcast, but I think I'm going to call it the Pogcast. Okay. You guys like that? Yeah, I like that.

You guys like shit like that? Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. Is it going to call it the Pogcast. Okay. Wow. You guys like that? Yeah, I like that. You guys like shit like that? Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. Is it going to be exclusively about Pogs? No, no, but I'm like a Pog, and I'll just get in there, sometimes bring it up, sometimes just leave it out. Are Pogs just hefty ladies? It's like a fat-ass white girl.

Oh, my God. I thought it was just fat white chicks that fuck black dudes. Yeah, I think we're saying the same things. Oh, true. They had another name for that. I truly thought that's all that was. BBW? It's called Fat Ass White Girls?

Okay, well, BBW is like any race. BBW used to be Big Booty White Girl in the porn world, and then it became a menage a trois between two African-American individuals and a white lady. What? It was a change that took place i'm sure maybe it's one of those mandela effect things but yeah also black also black i'm sure who else is black we talked about yeah so the pog cast probably coming soon um yeah no pogs pogs are just i just found that word like so i had this friend that did porn and she was like you're such a pog and i was like what is that

and then i looked it up and i was like oh my god yeah because i had only seen porn with like really skinny like little porn star women oh yeah and if like and i only want to watch like black guys fuck because that's just like what i'm into and so whenever you watch like a little girl like not like a young girl but like a small framed woman getting railed by like a BBC. It does not look fun. No. It looks like painful for everybody involved. Horrible log flume.

Yeah. What? Like a log flume? You guys are saying a word that I feel like isn't a thing. Log flume at like Disneyland or whatever. Oh. A croissant. Yeah.

Croissant log flume. Toutes lesquelles sont un croissant log flume. You get a croissant, then a log flume. yeah so um yeah just like pogs kind of made me be like oh my god that's cool that's it we're out there we're out there there were yeah you're totally right bbw i used to search that all through college yeah yeah it was before white was big, pretty white women? Yes. BBW is like a full, thick woman. Whoa, but it wasn't just, like I thought it was all races of beautiful, big women. Now it is.

Now it is. Yeah. You guys, I'm going to listen to my elders, dude. I didn't know that. Things change, man. Wait, BBW now is black, black, white, right? Now it is. What?

Yeah. Whoa. I thought it would still be a beautiful woman. I don't know. Because Drake's like, I like my girls, BBW. Remember?

Remember when we said that? Yeah. BBW's just thick. Was that in the early 2000s? It's big-breasted. I think it's big-breasted women. But then they're always thick. Everywhere.

They're pogs. Tell us in the comments below yeah we're gonna get crushed on 17 different fucking topics seriously I'm just glad I talked about my tooth with you guys

I'm excited for it yeah man congrats on your tooth was this good like even for a girl this was good you're better than most men yeah

yeah thank you guys thank you guys that was cool that's the clip I want yeah that's the clip I want. Yeah. It's the clip I want posted.

We'll get some clips. Just calmly talking about how this went. Yeah, just you were better than the boys, Liz. It was fine, Liz. I can't. Is your dad sick at Halo? He said it so sincerely, dude. I haven't spit up. No, he said, is your dad nice at Halo?

Have I ever spit up in this podcast? Not in a long time. Maybe once. Yeah. That had me fucked, dude. That was so funny. Wait, is your dad nice at Halo? And he leaned in.

He's like, is your dad nice at Halo? Everything got quiet. Took it as a threat, dude.