Stuff Island - Bar Fight Lighting - Stuff Island #164

Episode Date: December 18, 2024

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Try Bluechew for FREE! with Promo Code: STUFFISLAND. Just pay $5 for shipping. Bluechew.com Take the first step towards achieving your hair growth goals. For a limited time Nutrafol is offering our listeners 10 dollars off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutarfol.com/men and enter promo code STUFF Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We just synchronized our vapes. That means it's the start of stuff. That's the clap. That's the new clap. It's the gayest clap of all time. Sucking a vape at the same time. Dude, you got full. You're Luigi Mangione.

Yeah. I've been working on. You got Luigi Mangione mustache. I finally reduced the chin. Like, all this needed to be cut down, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this comes out fast, dude. It's like every time I sneeze, I grow a fucking inch.

It grows fast. Yeah. But it's... And then you just let the rest grow around it and then trim it down. Yeah, yeah. You got a week of kind of having a beard every once in a while. I'm a two to three day guy. Dude, this is a while. I'm a two, two to three day guy. Dude, this is a, you look like a, you're a Colorado queen right now, dude.

I would get off the ski lift and suck your dick immediately. This is the new look. You look amazing. This is the new look. Are you keeping the goat? Uh, yeah, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to keep it for the foreseeable future until, until, uh, you know, it's definite it for the foreseeable future until until you know it's definite that i don't i don't need it yeah you know what i mean i might i might pay netflix

to just keep lying to you saying they gotta do reshoots yeah yeah next week yeah next week next week we're pushing it next week until the flyers call you and be like dude we're bringing you up just so who looks alone we're gonna bring up. I've been thinking about it. It's like I've had it for so long at this point. It's just like, I don't know. I think about just hanging on to it. Why not? And the way the jaw structure, it's like,

as long as you keep this short and aligned, it's like a nice box. I don't know. I might just let it fucking... Fu Manchu? Like all the way down? Yeah, just Metallica out. Yeah.

Yeah. 90s biker? Dude. Yeah. Yeah. 90s biker? Dude. Yeah. Be an absolute animal. I'll fight Asian teenagers with you, dude. That's what they do on the weekends. Yo, congrats.

I think we can say that it's wrapped, right? Tires is wrapped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tires is wrapped. It's officially, it's in the can. That's fucking awesome, dude. Yeah, yeah. yeah. Tires is wrapped. It's officially, it's in the can. That's fucking awesome, dude. Yeah, yeah. It's wild.

How was- Long, what? I almost came home for the after party just to get wild. Yeah, yeah. No, it was so fun. Yeah. It was so fun. But it was like at the end of a, it was the end of a super long day.

So everyone was tired. Everyone had one beer and was like wasted. Yeah. You know what I mean? It was like one of those things. You're just been up since 6 a.m yeah it is wild you guys chose the day the last day of filming when you're just everyone's loads exploded and you're just like let's uh try and eat hors d'oeuvres and get fucked up yeah you know what i kind of liked it i kind of liked that it was just like everyone was gross

everyone's like hair was down nobody got like dressed up for it you know what i mean it was just like we just got right into it it was like we got there kind of late and everyone just got after it yeah and was also just exhausted so it's just again it's it's yeah if you've been up for 12 hours one beer is like five oh 100 yeah you just whacked and i do get i get get the energy. It's like a fat PE teacher just sitting down on the couch and just getting ripped 12 packs. Dude, and let me tell you something.

Axe throwing? Yeah. Amazing. Dude, of course. Amazing. What are you talking about? Amazing. You just ruined your street cat.

I just set you up saying you look great, you look like a man you go pull this fucking this 22 year old girl bullshit anyone can fucking throw an axe i know but how how is that possible well you just figure out the you know circular dude anytime i saw someone throw an axe in like a movie and kill someone i was just like oh that's ridiculous yeah you'd murder people like i don't know how it hits so often yeah who did uh who's the best i don't know no one was keeping track you just you just show up and the guy would like try to give you like a tutorial and i go yeah whatever yeah, whatever. Yeah. Give me the fucking axe. Yeah. Shut up, Alex. I'm just going to throw it until it works.

He kept trying to like, like there was a, there was a section where, because I just started throwing it like a football and it worked great. One hand like this instead of two? Oh yeah. Yeah. You just fucking, dude, if you throw it like a football, it's, it's money. Again, wet. I'm wet.

If I saw a fucking hockey Chris tossing an axe one-handed dude sloppy our lighting guy ed was trying to go like the two-hand method and like it was just struggling and i just have i was like dude throw it as hard as you can and throw like a football and he was crushing yeah and he was so pumped how the boom the boom mics guys were the probably the worst they're so tired after holding the fucking they were on that punch thing oh you like that bag there was a punch bag oh my god and that yeah people got after that blew my arm out on that right away oh that those are great montages of just seeing women slip and smash their face into the fucking into the machine or they fall backwards

and smash their skull well dude that's the fear also there was like there was like a kid uh there was a kid on the crew who's like uh it was like a martial arts guy like he he knows how to fight yeah but it's like the punch that you throw for that bag is not like a real punch right it's a back alley brawl yeah and the fucking lumberjack that owns this fucking axe throwing place who's like hey man you're throwing it all this is how you do it and just like yeah imagine that thing where they like wind up like it's like like that slap fight yeah yeah yeah where they like wind up, like it's like that slap fight fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all torque.

It's like the momentum from here to here. Yeah, they just. Also. This guy was just built like an absolute brick shithouse. Imagine. Imagine how insufferable you have to be to own an axe throwing place. Of course he's got an opinion on how to hit a punch bag.

This guy's been trying to take an arcade game to the fucking highest level His whole life Dude I hated it He's got pointers on skeeball and balloon darts Oh dude And it was one of those things where it's like Nobody's gonna do that man Nobody's gonna do it

You're just showing off No one's gonna like take your coaching points drunkenly yeah and the punch bag yeah no one's getting coached up here yeah we're all just throwing wet noodles at this thing trying to get you know it's like do you kind of want to just grab that guy on the shoulder and like just call your third ex-wife and apologize i could tell by that one comment you are a miserable piece of garbage yeah yeah did he have like a coin belt on him like an arcade runner no no no he was just one of those like super jacked dudes with a huge belly you know what i mean like yeah

just roided out damn that's gonna be me no way me. No way. You're never going to get the gut. I'm going to get a big bloated gut. Just huge shoulders and a big gut. That's where I'm heading. Just eating six hot dogs and a fucking VFW every night. 30 Bud Lights. Telling people about bowling strategies. That'd be nice to get into bowling.

Bar strategy out here, man. I'm telling you, as soon as you get home, dude, I got plans. Stuff I don't need to... We need to reinvent ourselves, and I think that sports... I think we need to start killing CEOs, you know what I mean? All you have to do is not go to Starbucks or see a cute girl, and you're home free. Yeah.

He did get horny as fuck he did he got horny everything yeah cost him everything did we talk about this on the last pod how he just like got wiring his wiring was all fucked up from an injury and a surgery i i don't know you guys might have talked about it i we haven't spoken since they caught him yeah well what's your theory found the man on the hot wop i don't know dude i it. We haven't spoken since they caught him. Yeah. Well, what's your theory? Since they found the man. On the hot wop. I don't know, dude. I haven't looked into it at all.

I've been going... This is like a new thing I want because people are always like, do your own research. It's like, don't do any research. Yeah. Just hearsay. Just go pure hearsay.

What are you hearing? I'm hearing he was fucking black guys. I heard he's gay. He's straight. I heard his's gay. He's straight. I heard his back was so fucked up he couldn't fuck. I heard he was fucking all over the place. Yeah. You know?

Everyone's number one question is always like, was he listening to Joe Rogan? Every news article is like, was he listening to Joe Rogan? They're still trying to pin joe down yeah he pushed him on literally everything yeah it's like still putting these real joe rogan the video games into these serial killers like well they shouldn't have been playing that shooter game that's why he's they're killing 70 innocent children in a fucking nursery school it's always the thing where it's like he did listen listen to Joe Rogan, but he's also gay.

Yeah. And you're like, hmm. The yin and yang. The trails run dry. What a topsy-turvy world we're living in. He enjoys penis, but he throws axes on the weekend. Oh, that was another theory that after the surgery, his dick didn't work. Yeah, he couldn't.

Well, I heard that his dick worked. He just couldn't hump. That's what I heard. Oh, lower back pain. Couldn't get a thrust in there. Yeah. That's all right. You lay down.

You get lazy for the rest of your life. No. You wanted to pound. You wanted to pound. I get that. There's a whole fucking... I mean, we've all been there. We've all been there.

We're there on top, and they're just not moving right. I keep getting texts about... Do you remember when me, you and Shane did KFC? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was talking about... He was talking about...

You're hearing me fuck. It's like, man, I thought this died years years ago why am i still dealing with this it was nice to see a couple of those clips resurrected that was very funny yeah god i look so young i know we both do so thin frail innocent it was eight It was eight months ago. Yeah, I know. Every month in this game, it's dog years, dude. That's seven years. I know. I'm 65, dude. I'm dying. I'm dying, dude.

You got to get home. I do have to get home. I'm excited to be back in Texas. Yeah, you missed the holiday party. Holiday party was great. Yeah, did everyone get dressed up? Yeah. Yeah, You missed the holiday party. Holiday party was great. Yeah. Did everyone get dressed up? Yeah.

Yeah, it was cocktail attire, which is like one step down. Did they have shows or did they just shut everything down and get nuts? Shut it down. They took out all the seating and the little boy had like a poker. Damn. Like a fake poker thing. Where you got chips with a ticket. And then whoever got the most tokens at the end of

the night i think there was a a decent prize and then there was karaoke and the fat man so you got to watch these yeah these drunk friends of ours either destroying or bombing their dick off it was like watching comedy it was great it was the same fucking thing you're just watching some dude what was the big hit of the night? Who crushed it? There was a couple. I forget. I didn't really know them that well, but like...

And then there was a couple that went out there and completely fucking bombed. Yeah, Liz ruled. I'm getting feedback because, yeah, I was blacked out. I was blacked out. Yeah, looking at the cue cards. Yeah, yeah. It was just a producer doing that like jimmy fallon the card flip it's also one of my biggest fears is like oh like what was the name of the person who was good

yeah yeah meanwhile you're like ah, I think it was fun. And then there's a clip of you coming out singing fucking Barbra Streisand. No, I had plans of getting out there early, but it quickly got into 1, 2, 2.30 territory. Got there at like 8. It was awesome, man. They had the bartenders were the only staff members working. It was closed off.

You had to go back through the alley and they had security in the back. And then all the security guards were all dressed up. It was fucking. Hopefully they made a killing. Yeah, no, it was great. It was fucking great. I didn't get in the green room because it was just all weed and I was wearing a velvet jacket. Yeah.

I didn't want to fuck up my drip, you know? Yeah, yeah. Was there a line to get into the green room? Well, there should have been. wearing a velvet jacket yeah i don't want to fuck up my drip my my drip you know yeah yeah was there a line to get into the green wow there should have been no dude every pocket of that place had like a different group of people was like that's pretty nice yeah you don't get to talk to those people you know at that level you know because they're working and you don't get to like relax and shit so yeah yeah but imagine you're all in one big soup and somehow that's harder to communicate when you're when you've got all these little rooms it's really it is really great experience

yeah that was actually the bar fight i got into was like uh the design i had i don't know why i got to this but the design of this this bar in Philly had different themes to every room. So there was a pool room. There was like a nightclub lounge room. Then they had like an Irish pub on the second floor. And every room you walked into, different feel, different vibe, different energy. Incredible.

And we went in there. That's fucking rules. With a bunch of dudes. It's the night I got hit in the face with a bottle. And it was just the best brawl in the world. It was the greatest fight. It was almost a movie. The first three dudes I hit, knocked out.

And then some dude was getting choked. My old roommate was getting choked on the couch. I'm telling this guy who I recognized through... Here's the beginning of the story. I'm sorry. It's so funny to be, like, in the middle of the fight having, like, little fond memories. He was getting choked on the couch.

Yeah, you're probably wondering how I got myself in this position. No, I just moved into this place in East Falls with a friend of a friend, and there was this kid, Chris. I'm not going to say his last name, but this kid was so Italian, he makes me look Scottish. Like, this fucking kid was

hilariously Italian. Barber in Norristown. And he used to call me Fonzie, because I had tight jeans. And he'd go, Fonzie, Fonzie, we're going to this party. You got to come to this party. And it was like the first weekend there.

And I went and there was like a crew of like eight to 10 guys. And we all walk in there like it's going to be, you know, a fun night. We did blow before drinking. It's the first time I've ever done that. Last time. Did a line before we left the apartment. And I was like a fucking, like Shane says, a cat in a car trying to get down to the bar. I was, it was mayhem.

Needing a beer so fucking bad. So bad. Give me a beer and three shots and just by myself. This kid, Chris, sees that his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend is there, and this guy approaches him. A pure, like, fucking wig, dude. This guy was, like, quintessential scumbag wig.

Jesus. This is such a 20-year-old fight. A 25-year-old fight, 100%. It's crazy. I was 26, and I thought I was, like, mature. So, yeah, it was 22, 23-year-old kids. Your girlfriend's new boyfriend, she's going to date 10 more people. Yeah, this pig is going 23-year-old kids. Your girlfriend's new boyfriend. She's going to date 10 more people.

Yeah, this pig is going to get run through. Yeah. Let the dude enjoy the menu. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. It's not like, she's not getting married. Yeah, yeah. Even then, Jesus.

So this guy walks up, and I'm close to Chris, and Chris grabs my wrist. And at the time, I was wearing glasses, so I took my glasses off because I could just see the danger coming. There's another, like, giant black dude behind this guy, and I was like, it's going to fucking pop off. They're already yapping. We're in a small little private lounge area, and this dude just starts swinging on Chris. They go fucking that way, and then it's just looking around for our friends. You don't know who's who.

I just met half of this crew. So you don't know who's knocking out who. You don't have a plan? You don't immediately go like shirts and skins? No, dude. It was just fucking mayhem. Dudes are just, glasses getting thrown. Fonzie, Fonzie, shirts off.

Fonzie, take your shirt off. Take your shirt off. And dude, I just hit a couple dudes clean. It was beautiful. Chris, I can see you getting worked on this couch. So I go up, run up to the couch, grab this guy from the back, and I'm choking him out. And I got him in a grip where he was like 50 pounds lighter than me

this time. And he's like trying to release my grip and i'm like in his own yeah i'm a coke down whiskey zone yeah yeah i don't know i call it the zone chris and this dude is like literally losing his life i'm so focused trying to see where my friends are i mean i'm like i'm choking this dude out and I see this I see a friendly face Right These fucking things

Every time I smile They pop out I see a friendly face And I'm like I drank with this guy Down the shore We had a shore party I recognize this guy

Your eardrums wink Yeah They do They're so tiny dude And I go Go help Chris Go help Chris He's getting fucked up And he goes Let him go help Chris. Go help Chris. He's getting fucked up. And he goes, let him go.

I'm like, go help Chris. He's like, let him go. And not knowing, the kid in my arms is this dude's best friend. So I said it one more time, and he took a beer bottle, end over end, and just went, and hit me here. And I have like 10 or 12

stitches, one quarter of an inch, eighth of an inch away from my eyeball, and then open my nose like a shark fin. Oh, Jesus Christ. Dude, so I drop. I drop to my knees, and I just see his feet,

and I tackle him, and I get on top of him, and I'm just swinging, and then I can't see out of my eyes, this one especially, and then I'm bleeding all over him. So then I bug out. And I do a fucking army crawl to the pool room.

So I open the curtains in the pool room. And they don't know what's going on. They don't know what's going on. They have no idea what's going on. Just see me, bloody as a pig, like crawl into this room. So this girl was like next to this guy playing pool

she just starts screaming so everybody starts screaming because it looks like I just got murdered and the whole place just starts emptying out and then the cops like put me aside

they're like clearly this guy's been fighting you know I can't skedaddle he's an innocent bystander yeah I was essentially

and then he tried to get me just covered in whiskey coke in your Yeah, I was, essentially. And then he tried to get me to... Just covered in whiskey, coke in your pocket. Dude. I was just standing there. Oh, yeah? What do you want me to do? I'm just standing there. All right, pal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My son's just like, you want to get in the car? You're taking shots while you're talking to him? This place is great. Every room is a different theme I don't know how that came up But yeah Different theme rooms No we're talking about great bars

We're talking about great bars Great bar design One thing leads to another But you don't put great bar design Like that in a shithole city Where everybody wants to fight All the time Because you can't locate

The problem There's always a separate problem. No, I think that's good. No, I think that's good. No. Because you contain the fight. It's like in Epstein. You know what I mean?

It's like how the Titanic was built with like the... The sections? So the water doesn't slosh around. You know what I mean? It's like... Also where they drown. Bad example.

Have you seen the movie? No, but you can only get so many people fighting in one individual room. Yeah, yeah. It's its own little containment system. It's like, you know, it's hard to take a fight into

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Back to that schedule. Back to the yippee yippee. Yeah, you can't calmly go. If you go from the Irish pub to the aquarium, all of a sudden, you're like, what are we fighting about? What are we doing, dude, man? Look how beautiful this is. That's why I say lighting. lighting dude lighting is so important it is like in a restaurant it is yeah you like you like bar fight lighting i like yeah what are we doing

lighting what are we doing yeah yeah you know my favorite lighting is is that is that 10 minutes when their last call yeah exactly like that's. I'm like, where has this been? Yeah. You like to count. Finally see what's going on. You like to count the neck moles on the hog you're about to take. The skin tags on that fat white pig. Yeah, I want to see what we're working with.

It would have spared me a lot of trauma. That's a life lesson, my friend. But it is war, dude. It's war. What's war? The bar fight? The bar fight scene? Yeah. Yeah, my friend. But it is war, dude. It's war. What's war? The bar fight? The bar fight scene? Yeah.

Yeah, you kind of miss it. Yeah. That bar made me think of, like, in Ireland, they had a lot of bars like that, where it's like one bar could serve, like, the whole community. Like, each room that you got deeper into it was, like, different age groups. Yeah.

Like, the front was just old guys. Yeah. Sitting at the bar, drinking the way you're supposed to be drinking. The horseshoe. Then. The horseshoe bar. Then the next. Yeah.

Then the next room was like college kids mixing it up, getting fucking wild. Yeah. Then the next room was like parents. Yeah. Just kind of like in like almost like a restaurant. And then the next room was like kids. 18 under. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Water park bracelets. Like fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Just kind of like in like almost like a restaurant. And then the next room was like kids. 18 under. Yeah.

Yeah. Water park bracelets. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they're doing the most damage. They're just getting fingered. And yes, doing drugs behind everyone's back.

We should own a bar. We should do a Stuff Island bar. That would be sick. Just do like all. Although I could never... Imagine hiring. I could take it. Imagine trying to staff that fucking place. I could be the perverted

manager. Oh yeah, that'd be great. In charge of hiring. What happened to her? She was great. She was great. Tommy fucked her. Dude, I feel like McKeever used to... Is there any waitress in this town you haven't fucked like McKeever used to... Is there any waitress in this town you haven't fucked? McKeever used to give me, like, pep talks. He's like, look, dude, don't fuck the makeup girl.

We're on a low budget here. You can't. When you see her, she's beautiful. Don't fuck her. Yeah, yeah. You can't. Yeah, we got... We're running out of talent here.

We're running out of talent. It's just a guy. I fuck him anyway. The next sketch. Yeah, the next sketch is just an old lady with a peg leg. This is what we're down to. Can't see. Speaking of war, you see that new A24 movie?

It's coming out. They're making another. About what? America's a Hero. It's killing innocent children in Iraq. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's awesome. It looks great.

It looks fucking incredible. But this time, their twist... Their twist is, it's from the horse's mouth. Like, all these soldiers... You know, it's their accounts. Oh, talked about... Yeah, what they remember from the specific raid. And then they get bombarded by in the streets,

but it's like, and then it's a smash cut to, to bombs and fucking explosions. And it's like, you don't think these dudes are like NFL linebackers in 10 seconds, like a 10 year NFL linebacker. You think they're remembering any of this? Yeah.

Yeah. How much is this? Yeah. Right. Are they just combining other war this? Oh, yeah. How much is this? Yeah. Right. Are they just combining other war movies? And like, you know what? I want to make this cooler. I'd like to see them get back to making fun war movies.

We were talking about like 80s war movies. You know what I mean? Yeah. Where the whole thing was just killing communists and going like, yeah, that's what i'm talking about i want hamburger hill scorpion do you ever see red scorpion yeah yeah that's what i'm talking about just get that stuff yeah up and again. That is true. It was all like... Nobody's struggling with killing innocent women and children. Yeah.

Just using technology to bomb bad guys. That's very funny because it was just after the knowledge of what was transpiring in these wars. Like, Vietnam was the first one where they were, like, exposing what these soldiers were doing to people yeah and then they were like well let's take 10 years off of that knowledge

and let's start making American fun times increase recruitment these guys are some dude from Alabama is meeting this New York City fucking animal and they're just bickering but getting along I want to see the Trumpification meeting this New York City fucking animal and they're just bickering but getting along.

I want to see the Trumpification of war movies. You know what I mean? Heroism. No more of this fucking deer hunter, navel gazey, are we really the bad guys in all this? Who are we? What's America? We're the best.

Killing dudes with big mustaches. Yeah. That's what I want. You know what I mean? It's funny because then that started bleeding into commercials for recruitment. Like it was like join the Navy. Oh, yeah. I think those were all commercials.

I think Top Gun was like fully funded by like the defense department. A hundred percent, dude. I could play volleyball and get six pack, dude. Meet my hot friends. I think all of those movies were like in the budget. All that missing Pentagon money is... Yeah. Yeah.

Top Gun. They're still paying off fucking Stallone movies. Cobra, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the army commercials... Yeah. The navy commercials would be like it would just be like three i don't know you'd see somebody like in the water and then all of a sudden you just see tracks in the sand he's like do you want to be a someone special and they don't show like the

reality they should do that's a good sketch is doing the reality of these people's lives in the barracks you know just just below some fat monster fart and the whole fucking thing. Just waiting around. Some dude who can't do a push-up. Yeah, it's like cops, you know? Yeah, just waking a guy up and just being like, you got to kill somebody. Get out there.

Your numbers are down, Clark. Your numbers are down, dude. Here's the best weapons we have. Go out there and find something. Find something to kill. What do you think about this drone stuff, Chris? You've been looking at the drone stuff? We're a social awareness podcast right now.

We'll go through the news. The drones. I like the drones. Me too. Spice it up. I like them. Me too. Keep them rolling around.

Yeah. It's like it gives the kids something to do. Yeah. Dude, all of Jersey is like full of life now. People are out of their houses. Get people talking. Get people in the street. 100%.

You know, you've complained about this forever. Kids are never playing in the street anymore. Right. Yeah. The drones are going to bring them out. Just put a basketball hoop on one. Then it's only black kids out. Yeah.

Have it carry around. I don't know. Like a target. Have kids try to throw baseballs at it or something. You know, fly them low enough that you get the kids out yeah and there's like bringing america together again yeah if they just drop like i don't know little easter eggs they just drop some stuff around town yeah one of these eggs has like a thousand dollars in it you know they won't fuck with the drones let the let the government figure out what it's doing right now because it's obviously up to something. But give the people some kind of, you know, give them a present.

Christmas ants. Yeah. Dude, just a fucking trash can and some street hockey sticks. Have them drop that. Yeah. Just a little fun kit. Just see what happens. An axe throwing kit.

That would be sick. If the drones, if they were preparing a, like, roller blade onslaught. Like, if the drones just started dropping roller blades around town, just brought them back. Dude, just a pair of roller blades and an axe, and they were like, just get ready. Get ready. Just, dude, just feel my anger. We got to get these kids back on roller blades. I really think that is the secret.

There is a health care. I want to see. I want to just see a pack of kids on rollerblades. Yeah. Just getting after causing trouble. Yeah. Skating away. You pronounce gays wrong, but yeah, let's get the kids out there.

No, it's not gay. It's not gay. If you're under 18, you can roller's get the kids no it's not gay it's not gay if you're under 18 you can rollerblade yeah and it's straight i think it's all about how you you know present yourself i feel like if you if you were cruising by me on rollerblades you did one of those turns and shit i'd be like yo that dude rules dude if you just like a rail slide yeah oh yeah yeah you did a toe stop in front of me you were were like, don't smoke. And then went off into the distance. I would never smoke a cigarette. Dude, we were watching.

Someone was showing me highlights. Like, there are dudes out there that are still, like, aggressive inline skating. It's like, you've got to have so much balls. That's, like, the most reckless thing you can do because you're sacrificing you're sacrificing life and limb for no reason like if you're cool if you're good at skateboarding like if you're breaking bone skateboarding at least like you're cool there's a payoff people yeah yeah but if you're nice at aggressive inline skating, you're still gay.

It sucks. Yeah. That's like being an athletic cross-dresser. It's like, dude, I visually can't get this out of my head. I respect the trick you just pulled off. I couldn't do it, but... Yeah, nobody likes this. You're still getting hit over the head with skateboards

every park you go to. Somehow, fucking scooter people have. Last time I was in L.A., I went to Venice Beach, and there's people on scooters. Yeah, what kind of? Scooter tricks. Like line scooters? Razor scooters. Oh, Razor scooters.

Oh, Jesus. God. And nobody's beating him up. How old are these kids? I feel like people are more angry about inline skating, rollerblading, than fucking scooter. Do you know how annoying it is to see someone do a scooter trick? Yeah.

What, do you jump and spin it? They always jump, yeah, and then land it. That's all you can do to look above their head and below them and land it just like sucks it's it's absolutely sucks just the whole look of it sucks there's something like beautiful about the human form on a skateboard. And even like the rollerblading, I thought that like people looked cool. On a scooter. Yeah. Just looks like you're holding a hot dog in your hands,

like trying to, I don't know. Man, I told you on the pod that my scar just healed from me biting it on the fucking lime scooter in front of this pack of Indians. Yeah. I still like, I still get anxiety about it. I still go like, ah! I still think about how ridiculous

that must have looked. And they're Indians, so they're spreading information to billions. Right, right. They're on those fucking 80-way video chats. They got right in the Uber. Oh, 100%. And they knew the Uber driver, and they were like, look, you

get on yours. Yeah. Everybody live cast this. Drop it into the chat. Drop it into the worldwide driver chat. Yeah. Subscribe. Do it. Yeah. When you hear a guy talking in the chat, I mean

that's 15 minutes of fame. The whole world is hearing it. It's literally like... It's so funny when you see the screen with 80, fucking 80 faces. This is what you guys do? Yeah. It's probably just an engineering firm. This is drawing diagrams.

Man, you got to get home. I can't do this. What? Anymore. Just live down there? Yeah. Just live down there. Be alone.

Yeah. You guys are wrapped. Every day seems like another fucking year. It's like, just get the fuck home. It just falls now on the holiday, and no one's coming home until January 1st or 2nd or whatever the fuck. It's like, just get the fuck home. It just falls now on the holiday, and no one's coming home until January 1st or 2nd or whatever the fuck. It's coming.

I got a show December 30th at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia. Cut that. If you guys want to come to it. No, cut that. Cut that. I can't believe I remembered to promote that. Let's go.

December 30th, Helium Philadelphia. 8 o'clock, Helium Philadelphia. It's 8 o'clock, Helium Philadelphia. It's going to be a great time. Are you going to be in town? No. No. Are you staying down there for the holidays?

Yeah. Texas Christmas. That is a sight to see. I know. Look, I just started. Is that the, those the holiday decorations?

Yes, I just started today. We're doing a uh a look at this tomorrow with ari maddy oh nice it was supposed to be james mccann but i wanted to take a foreigner of sorts and make them feel at home so we have some decorations for the for the kitchen my girl and i have to put up tonight but yeah yeah, that's like an L.A. palm. You know what I mean? You put some, it's too warm, and you throw some lights on a plant

that shouldn't survive during Christmas where we're from. You know what I saw that I really liked? There's big, oversized bulbs. They look exactly like that, but they're just fucking... Giant. Huge, yeah. They had like a couple of those and some trees, and I was like, I like that. It makes. Huge, yeah. They had like a couple of those and some trees, and I was like, I like that.

It makes you feel, yeah. It makes you feel like you're in a miniature world. Yeah. You know what I mean? Damn, just get on a scooter again, man. But that Ari Matty thing is going to be interesting because that can go one of two ways. He's either going to be blown away

because he's used to just weird fucking Estonian cooking. Blood sausage and jelly rolls, whatever they fucking eat. Yeah, yeah. Or his palate's so nuked by whatever they've been eating that he's not even going to... He's going to be like, I don't get it. Yeah, it's like the UK. It's like beans, white bread, weird sausages. Yeah. I don't get it. Yeah, it's like the UK. It's like beans, white bread, weird sausages. I don't know.

I'm going to keep it pretty base level, just like a nice holiday. What are you making? I'm going to do a rack of lamb with a Verde sauce that I've made before for a holiday. I think I made it for Thanksgiving, and I also just made it for this Thanksgiving. But it's a nice substitute for Christmas where like you don't have to have the standard ham and you know whatever the fuck it's very easy to do

make a Verde sauce lamb is so fucking good so good so underrated just cause people think it's gamey it's not gamey it's just a different flavor isn't that how you cook it I feel like it's like pork yeah yeah it's definitely how you cook it I thought pork was gamey. It's just a different flavor. Isn't that how you cook it? I feel like it's like pork. Yeah.

Yeah, it's definitely how you cook it. I thought pork was gamey as fuck. It's just a new thing in your mouth. You're just like... I thought gamey meant stinky. Well, yeah. I mean, that's not... Until then, I realized it's like game. It's like venison, like tough, gamey.

Yeah. Shout out Kyle. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Pig out Kyle. Oh, yeah. Pig Farmer just sent me a big haul. Shipping some pig. No, venison. Oh. He finally killed a deer.

I got a venison roast. I got backstrap. I got oxtail. I got a coyote skull. Whoa. Dude sent a package. Got some merch for us. This is his merch. Coyote skull. Yeah. Dude sent a package. Got some merch for us. This is his merch.

Coyote skull. Yeah. That was sick. Yeah. Yeah, check out the boy in a beautiful little spot in New Hampshire. Effingham.

Effingham, New Hampshire. Effingham. We're going to go back. God's country. We're going to go back this year on our tour up there. I would love that. I'd like to go up there soon.

I'd like to go there in the snow. Yeah. Let's fucking do it there in the snow. Yeah. Let's fucking do it. And he cuts. Yeah, he was getting a bunch of bear or something at some point. Oh, he sent bear lard. Cutting bears open. Bear lard.

He cuts them open. All the heat escapes. Just steams. Oh, God. It's so hot. It's crazy. It's so hot. What else did he get me?

Doesn't matter. Got a shitload of venison. But yeah, we're going to do rack of lamb. We're going to do goat cheese mashed and a fennel salad with blood orange vinaigrette. It's wonderful. It's wonderful. It's a Christmas meal for a foreigner. Yeah, it's a wonderful holiday meal.

Do they celebrate Christmas in Estonia? I'm sure. They got to. Yeah, they're hardcore whites. Yeah, I never know how deep the communism thing got in there. No, I mean, they started, they're only like 50 years old, that whole country. So I think they're like, they held on to the roots.

Yeah, it was part of the Soviet Union, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. The Soviets didn't celebrate Christmas, did they? Maybe they did. Privately. In their bunkers, dude. Just put the light at the bottom of a bottle of vodka. Yeah, vodka and bread, you know?

So you're right. This kid might be very unimpressed. I never thought about that, but thanks for putting that in my fucking head. No, it'll be fun. It'll be fun to see what his reaction is. He strikes me also as... He probably is a bit of a foodie.

Yeah, he's a very interesting man in many ways. I feel like he's much more advanced than you think. Yeah, he's got a lot going on. He's, he's, he's progressive for one of those live under rock in the eastern

fucking front. Yeah, he took a chance. He's, you know, it's a beautiful immigrant story. Tell us, dude. Tell us. Tell us the immigrant storyer good story yeah he got you know he left his family left his life behind got on a steamship yeah came came through ellis island probably checked his eyes and his ears and stuff like that and his tongue like he doesn't have yeah yeah or some other weird disease covid yeah and then he went he went straight across the country yeah to texas and i just make some shop

yeah i love those i always like i always loved like those those stories of just like, yeah, some fucking guy from Estonia who like, yeah, got to America in fucking 1820. And instead of just being like, holy shit, I can't believe I'm here. I'm staying in New York. Was just like, fuck this. And just went to the middle. Yeah. Just battled Indians. Yeah.

Yeah. The Apaches are probably safer than the first generation jews i'd rather fucking dodge the axes yeah just heading west just heading west until the land got so shitty you couldn't go anymore and then i guess we'll fucking battle some indians for a while i almost respect like the eskimos open a general store yeah people that stay in these environments like you know how hard it is and you got to go hunt seals you kill one that's also like a thing that the people don't like to talk about is that like the only reason those eskimos were up there is because like they couldn't go south right they

get eliminated well it was just like the reason they were up there is because they like they got kicked out of the good neighborhoods yeah the old native american neighborhoods it's like they probably were chilling in fucking yosemite until like a better group of native americans were like get the fuck out of here you piece of shit yeah and then they went north and then another group that got kicked out found them and were like keep going this is ours now yeah until they were just like fucking living in the arctic circle clubbing seals getting eaten by polar bears just like that's that wasn't a choice that wasn't a choice they were Dude, the shift from Yosemite to Montana, not that big of a deal.

Montana to the fucking North Pole. Saskatchewan. Holy shit, dude. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah. Building your house out of snow. I mean, that level of depression will cause you to to sleep with a woman that

looks just like you do you know what i mean yeah you can't see him it's the only time you can feel warmth just yeah getting inside an elephant seal yourself i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry oh that also it also would have been funny if you know it's like they crossed that land bridge and then they were like dude we're not going any further i'm staying here and the people that kept going probably got to the nice part and we're like there's no way to tell them i saw there's no post office i can't send them a letter and there's no fucking way i'm hiking back up there they just gotta figure it out on their own eventually they gotta get tired of that and I tell them there's no post office. I can't send them a letter. And there's no fucking way I'm hiking back up there. They just got to figure it out on their own.

Eventually, they got to get tired of that, and they'll come down. And then maybe they just never did. I don't think they do. I think it's just like a pride thing where they're like, this is who we are. You need to know how to make this last. You need to learn these hunting techniques. Yeah, there's probably also coming out of the Ice Age, how to make this last. You need to learn these hunting techniques. You know?

Yeah, there's probably also coming out of the Ice Age, they're probably like, nah, it's definitely still Ice Age everywhere. Yeah, I'd rather not learn math. It's totally still Ice Age. Oh, just lying though? It's 100% still the Ice Age everywhere, don't even bother.

I mean, there's no internet. You can say whatever you want to your kids. Yeah, yeah. Now, I went all the way. Some guy who's been to Florida. Yeah. He's being like, now it's cold down there, too. Just because the dad doesn't want to move his family. Nothing we can do, man.

It's just everywhere. Just chewing on a frozen squirrel's head. Sharing it, dude. just chewing on a frozen squirrel's head sharing it dude oh where are you going for christmas i'm just gonna go see the folks hang out with the fam connect to kit connect.cut yeah hopefully there'll be some friends around you know catch up have a few breweries

do you do like the night before Christmas or the night of Christmas yeah my my brother's wife's family does stuff

so I'll probably do that yeah we were never big New Year's Eve. We didn't really do anything but Christmas. Yeah. Maybe a little Christmas Day dinner thing with some cousins. But did you guys get fucking hammered on Christmas Eve?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it used to be the best. Yeah, Christmas Eve was the party night. Christmas Day, hungover dinner. And then 6 o'clock hits, everybody goes to the bars. Delco Christmas is everybody goes to the bars. That's like the night before Thanksgiving type shit. Yeah.

You go meet all your boys after dinner and get fucked up again. We would, yeah. We would just watch It's a Wonderful Life and then go to bed. Oh, my God. Just the saddest. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And yet heartwarming story. just watch it's a wonderful life and then go to bed oh my god just the saddest oh my god and yet heartwarming warming story oh yeah just yeah oh my god that was it i'd rather learn how to do a kickflip on a razor dude

sit next to my mom watching a Wonderful Life. Like, what the irony. The irony. Yeah, just learning about how, you know, life is shit. But you're probably making a positive impact on some people. And you don't realize it. Yeah. So don't kill yourself. Don't kill yourself. Damn, Chris, I've been telling you this for years, dude.

Come home for the holidays. Just hang in there. I know you're safe. I'll put you in a straight jacket. You don't know what Bedford Falls would have been like if you weren't here. That's what the holidays are. They're just lying to each other, you know? It's good. That's what it should be.

It's a fake. There's nothing more annoying than someone trying to get real on the holidays. No, I get that. Even in conversation. You know what I mean? It's like someone coming home going like, no, we got some stuff that we need to talk about. It's just like, dude. Yeah.

Life sucks. Can we just pretend? Yeah. For one day? Well, I think That's nice. There had to be some type of design here where they planned the holidays at certain intervals throughout the 12-month calendar to go,

everybody needs a reset so that we can keep this machine going. Let's get them a holiday so they can all feel warm and kind. It's like... Religion has to be every Sunday. You've got to reset every Sunday. The church, the orchestra, the music, all this stuff is, yeah, let's get back into Monday.

Let's get back to that fucking machine. The holidays, split them up every three to six months. You hang out. You get around some dog shit food. And you pretend your job's great. You lie about your job. You lie about your marriage. You lie about about your job you lie about your marriage you lie about your children you lie about your life yeah no thinking about putting a deck on there you know coming up in the spring we're gonna extend it and then maybe move over

to a better town you know what i mean but until then i just want to mean car I just want to, me and Carol, just want to fucking focus on, like, you know, just being better parents to each other. And it's like, dude, you're so full of shit. As soon as that fucking dinner's over, you know, you're yelling at your kids. Your lawn's overgrown. You're invisible. If you were actually focused on that, you would not be celebrating anything over the holidays.

You'd be using it strictly as days off to regroup and prepare for the upcoming terrible year. Yeah. That's what you'd be doing. Yeah. You'd be, yep, building an igloo. Yeah, going north. Yeah, we're thinking about going north, you know what I mean?

That should be a part. I mean, dude, having no Wi-Fi so your kids couldn't be fuckers and just lying to them about what life is and what's going on in the world. It's got to be the easiest, happiest lifestyle.

They're not going to school with a bunch of kids learning TikTok dances. They're just going to school with a bunch of kids learning TikTok dances. They're just kids learning how to fucking skin a squirrel. How to put proper traps in the snow. There's no bullshit. Again, it's like the 80s and 90s.

Kids just playing in the streets. There's no screens. You just know the schedule. When you teach someone to skin a, you know, thing. When you teach them to, like, go hunt. Then you teach them how to, like, track a polar bear, whatever. Swim in the frozen whatever. All that stuff.

There's no... They're not going to find out on the internet a better way to do it. Yeah. Then you meet a friend, a neighboring tribe. You see he's got a daughter. You have to marry her now. Just a simple life. I'm going to kill myself.

Oh, it's coming. It's right there. Dude, I got to send you this video of this dude that killed himself in Texas. Did I send you it? How did he do it? No. He kills his wife in front of a Popeye's.

Right? Oh. There's a dude filming in a car across the street. The film starts where the wife's already down in front of this big white SUV.

And the guy's looking down at her. He stands up. Defend, deny, depose. He's saying... She was the CEO. He stands up, looks at her, and then a car passes by. But you can see him do this. He pulls out a gun, stares at a wall.

The wall's like right here. Just stares at the wall. Very calmly does this. Just drops. It's so funny. It's so funny to think of that car just rolling by. So focused on a spot. You don't see what's going on.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Oh, there's one. Yeah, yeah. The wife is interrupting. No, no, there's one closer. There's one closer. And he misses the greatest suicide of all time.

Yeah. Or just turns right into it, you know? Kills him. Before he kills himself. Just turns into a spot and just sees a guy. The quick reverse. Oh, shit.

Yeah. I think we should go home. I need Q-tips. We came out here. We need Q-tips. We got to go get the Q-tips. You still do the errands? I'll clean that up.

What other dates you have? Would you walk over to a recently suicided body and try to help? First thing I thought of. The guy's in the car. He reacted like, oh, no. Oh. He reacted like he was watching two kids, like, fight in a parking lot. Oh.

I would have been like, oh, my fucking. I would have took my car over there. I would have tried to see, like, the, you know, coagulation of that brain fluid. So would the water ice. Yeah. Just beating off to it. Just pretend that I'm checking for health reasons instead of logging

my dream scenario of seeing some dude off himself. Just putting your pinky in there. Yeah. Yeah, he's dead. Yeah. He's definitely dead now.

I'll send it to you, man. We can show it on the Patreon. I would not like to see a suicide. Why? I don't know. It's sad. People blowing their fucking brains out. Yeah.

It's nice to see it. It bums me that he killed his wife first. Yeah, just break up with her, dude. Kill yourself. Or just kill yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Just take yourself out.

Let her make a choice. I always think, like, maybe, I don't know, you know, maybe she really pushed him. Yeah. You got to think, yeah. That can happen. Yeah. That can happen.

Think to, like, he didn't really want to do it, but goddamn, this bitch has been on his back for so many years. She's been telling him where to park for decades. And he's like, I can't. Not many people are willing to look into like how many other lives get saved by a murder-suicide. Yeah. You know what I mean? She could have infected another person.

She could have broken up another happy man's life She's the problem I feel like he killed himself Because he's like well I don't want to go to jail I know but she's too much of a danger Too much of a danger I can't let what happened to me happen to other people I'm a hero dude

A24 needs to make a movie about that It's called Save the Males It would That would be a good movie needs to make a movie about that. Save the fuck. It's called Save the Males. It would. That's good. That would be a good movie. Just a murder-suicide at the end where you don't know how to feel. Yeah.

Everybody thinks, like, damn, that guy's just a psychopath. He was an abuser. You know? He had to kill. It's like, no. You don't know the fucking story. You don't know what that woman

or other person put them through. Yeah, you don't know. There's so many ways. He self-sacrificed. Self-sacrificed. For the betterment of society. Yeah. She was a consumer.

She didn't give anything back to the community. All she did was consume. I saw her lifeless body. It was big. It is weird to do it in a parking lot that feels like it was almost like a spring of the moment thing where it's like you know what fuck it

enough, I've been thinking about this for a while yeah that's a danger of having guns that shit can pop off, your mind can just think about it in any moment it's just right there it's right fucking there the moment. It's just right there. Yeah, it's got... It's right fucking there. It's right there.

The solution to everything is just right there. And the way he stares at the wall is almost like he's thinking about what's going to happen next. It's a beautiful thing. I just... The piece... Crossing over.

This piece, yeah. You see the other side? Yeah. It's like he was ready to over this piece. Yeah. The other side. Yeah. It's like he was ready to say hello to his maker. The calmness. Unbelievable. Yeah. Happy holidays, Chris.

Yeah. Happy holidays. This is the season for sues. Yeah. Yeah. Suicide season. Why is that? And it started with a bang.

Yeah. With his CEO getting hit. That's that's. That's the... Yeah. The games... Let the games... It's the track dude, the track coach, the judge. Ha!

Yeah. That was the Olympic torch. And there's eight dudes chasing to get to the suicide first. There's the top three who get to kill themselves. I'm so bummed he got caught. i'm so bummed he got caught i wish he same i wish he never got caught i wish he disappeared that's how you know he's fucking crazy i mean he's not his wiring is in there because he wouldn't have done that he he took all the precautions that were sensible. Not perfect.

They probably knew where he was the whole time. I have to imagine. It's just a matter of just following the cameras. Yeah. There's cameras everywhere. Everywhere. You can't escape from New York. Not New York. You can escape other places.

Yeah, you can escape. You can escape the woods into New York, but you can escape other places. Yeah, you can escape. You can escape the woods into New York. Yeah, and then pass state lines. You can kill someone in the woods and then disappear back into New York. Yeah. But then they track you on the highways, the streets, but then you break off. Who the fuck knows?

Get rid of the car? Have they found out where he was going? Where was he heading back to Hawaii? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know much. I just saw a skateboarding video and everyone was saying it was him. And I was pissed it wasn't.

Did you see that? I swear to God, this isn't like a callback to what we were talking about. They were just like, here's Luigi. Here's Luigi. We knew what Luigi was doing between 6 and 8 p.m. on whatever, December 6 or whatever date it was. And this dude was nasty with it. Looked just like him. And everyone was like,

is this AI? And I was like, man, that guy, you see his body. You're like, he's a fucking great athlete. Of course he could be jumping over railings. I don't know. That's too good of a body. I don't trust the athleticism of a body like that. I agree with this. I agree with this. I like a bit of a junkerman. I like a look of... Yeah. It's got to be

a little bit... Yeah. Asymmetrical. A little bit offset. Yeah. Flexibilities. It needs your work. Yeah. He just looks like a locked in like a little... He's a fitness guy. Yeah. He's a pure fitness guy. Plus he

couldn't... Apparently he couldn't hump so he can't be that good at anything his lumbar is all fucked up I don't think I would kill myself over that man I'm a sex addict in a way yeah not being able to fuck I don't know

that's why I believe it's bad especially if you look that good if you look that good he's probably had girls coming up to him all the time. Or dudes or whatever the thing. And he just had to be like, I don't know. I'd love to. But I can't.

I can't. Yeah. And then take down a CEO. What a fucking hero. God damn it, what a hero, Chris. It is funny watching people try to like mince. Because nobody in the mainstream media can be like, this is pretty sweet.

Yeah. It's not going to do anything, but it is cool. I don't think there was any pushback from the majority saying, like, of course, this should happen. No, I know, but if you go on like fucking piers morgan or something like that oh yeah there's always there's always someone who's like how dare you yeah enjoy this and it's like well i mean yeah well the argument's always like this guy has a family it's like he's just raising little demons. Yeah. You're just feeding little demons.

You're a demon. They're going to be demons. They have the same mindset. Why don't you release some emails? Yeah. Fucking Russia, if you're listening, fucking hack Brian Thompson's emails. Yeah.

And let's see some of the choices he was making about people with families. Yeah. That is what I'd like to see. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Guy's got a family. Yeah, that guy's got a curable disease or a surgery that they need. He's got a family.

Fuck them. It costs $80,000. Instead, you're making $10 million, $20 million a year. Yeah, yeah. You fucking scumbag. Yeah, it's pretty gross. All right. It would be fun if CEOs were a little bit worried about,

you know, getting fucked up. It's nice that they have to get in their bank and fucking pay for security. I bet a lot of these guys just, they're going to feel unsafe. That alone, the psychological warfare alone, it was kind of nice. That's why I wanted him to... It's such a break from school shooting. I mean, we got right back into school shooting,

but it was such a welcome change. Yeah. You know, just a lunatic killing children. It's like, ugh. Yeah. Finally, he gets a good... Yeah, you know. A Dexter.

Collect somebody good. Yeah. Yeah. Guns aren't so bad. Dexter Luigi, dude. All right, let's go over to the Patreon. All right, word. Aight.