Stuff Island - Bathtub Elvis w/ Dan St. Germain - Stuff Island #123

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks Check out Dan's new special on 3/12!!! https://www.youtube.com/@800pgm/videos - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Dan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/danst.germain/?hl=en Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney .com/STUFFISLAND New customers save over 50% PLUS free shipping on Provia’s introductory package at proviahair.com/STUFFISLAND Don’t wait! Order now and save an extra 10% and free shipping at proviahair.com/STUFFISLAND It’s finally time to stop crushing your balls in uncomfortable jeans by going to theperfectjean.nyc - Our listeners get 15% off your first order plus Free Shipping, Free Returns and Free Exchanges when you use code STUFFISLAND15 at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Who the hell's Nehemiah in the Bible? I don't know. I think he was the bad guy in Homeland Season 3. That sounds about right. Yeah. I always compliment his name because unique name. I'm like, I'm so jealous. Are you still dating the Palestinian girl?

Yeah. How's it going? It's going well. It's going really great. Right. Thanks, Dan. You're welcome. Yeah, there's a lot of tension.

I try to remember. I thought we weren't going to talk about the Jews right away. Well, the camera's going well. It's going really great. Thanks, Dan. I try to remember. I thought we weren't going to talk about the Jews right away. Well, the camera's not on. I've been helping Tommy build some tunnels. Yeah. That's what you call fingering. The Palestinian tunnels go like 10 feet underneath the Jew tunnels. Do you guys mind if I vape in here?

Of course. It's a vaping community. Fucking 16-year-old Korean girl. Yeah. It is, dude. It's a vaping community. Fucking 16-year-old Korean girl. Yeah. It is, dude. It's bad. I got to quit. I've been saying this for... You can run a montage.

I bought some Zin the other day. I'm thinking about going Zin. Yeah? Yeah. Just straight Zin? Just to stop the smoking. No, it's those little nicotine bags. I don't care for the nicotine.

I like to get in the 13-year-old Puerto Rican shit. I like the act of it. Yeah, the world fixation. Yeah, I know. Me too. But I can't. I got to. I'm sucking them down, dude.

It's crazy. Yeah. As soon as I get up. Yeah, yeah. As soon as I get up. Yeah. You got one on the end table? It's better than coffee.

Yeah. It is. It's exciting. This is why you name your kid. Do you vape when you wake up? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's bad. Yeah, it's like 1950 smoking. That's the problem with vaping. You know, it's just constantly. Yeah, yeah.

You go to the doctor's office, you know, you don't give a shit. Do you ever cough? Yeah. I gotta cough. Yeah, I gotta cough. I gotta tickle. You don't cough. For as much as you vape, you got no cough. No, no, no. I've been coughing the past couple days. I don't know what the fuck this hair is.

Are you okay? Yeah, this bowling shirt is nuts. Yeah, I feel like something happened to me today. Well, it's a fun podcast, so I wore a fun shirt. It's a fun podcast. Dude, it's a flamingo bowling shirt. It fucking rules. I'll swap you, dude dude I got like four world shirts

I'm keeping on this, man Where'd you get it? Are we recording right now? Yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, I didn't know You guys start right off Yeah, that's why This is my progressive Guy Fieri

So, Gay Fieri That's what I'm gonna call it Gay Fieri We've said so many times in this podcast Honestly, Gay Fieri's been Gay Fieri has been said a few times I don't this podcast. Honestly, Gay Fieri's been... Gay Fieri? I don't know if we've hit Gay Fieri. I've been saying Gay Fieri for years.

Well, you know. I think Butterly said it first. The great ones copy. That's what they say. Dude, congrats on the special. Thank you guys. Thank you for having me. So glad to be here at Stuff Aisle.

Of course. Let's be real proper a bunch of shit yeah no it is a fun show do you do you have to like it's it must suck going around every fucking podcast to promote yeah i mean like now you know i haven't called like now i i haven't really like called in favors for friends yeah for podcasts and luckily like all my friends have like good popular podcasts now. Yeah. But I'm not going to do the ones that are, like, 14 people.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. You know, like, what's your process as a comedian? Jesus Christ. I'm not going to do those. I did one of those on Zoom one time. Yeah. I'm not going to say the name of the people we know, but they asked, like, 17 times.

They asked what your process was? Yeah. Yeah. They're like, how do you? I was like, what? Dude, in the moment. I black out. I wake up. I was like, yeah. They're like, how do you? I was like, why do? I black out. I wake up. I put covered in blood.

Observational humor is written. I burn my clothes and figure out how to make it work. The moment someone on a podcast goes, we love what you do, I go into a hole. Dude, I am like, ugh. Jesus. That can't be true. Jesus Christ. You're looking tall these days, Chris. You fucking compliment me. That can't be true. Jesus Christ.

You're looking tall these days, Chris. You fucking lie to me. You fucking lie. I just immediately go into a tailspin of like, nah, I suck. I'm a fucking idiot. Which is the natural, I mean, if you don't say that. Bad podcasting, though.

Just be like, I'm fucking dumb. Well, they fucking asked for it. Somebody compliments you, like, shut up. I yeah i suck everybody sucks this whole thing sucks this is gay it's all it's all a charade yeah a charade and now now we're it's like this weird thing where we're not even doing tv shows we're doing each other's projects yeah like just we're just like combining to this mass delusion the zeitgeist of delusion that we're all in. As long as it pays, it's preferred. Yeah, this doesn't pay, though.

In your scenario? No, no, absolutely not. Oh, okay. I don't know where I'm getting money. I have no idea. Trying for Uber. This special doesn't pop. I'm trying for fucking Uber.

Just make up a biblical name, and you'll fucking pop off. That's right. we were talking about that I didn't know we were recording then yeah yeah yeah thank god that whole land joke got in it's an 8 minute trek and we got into like our parents having multiple children

and never complained about how hard parented well that's not that diff like that's not that odd that your parents had multiple children no I mean like 10 10 odd that your parents had multiple children. No, I mean like 10. Your parents had 10 kids? My mother's one of 11 and my father's one of 9. Oh my god. How many brothers and sisters do you have?

I only have two. Yeah. Because they couldn't afford three, but they did anyway. They couldn't afford it then. You couldn't afford 11 kids then. No. And that's the whole point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're scattered throughout the country there's a few the first one died at 20 died of cancer well that's pretty good that's the only time i met my grandfather benedetto the only time yeah what

was your dad not talking to grandfather no my grandfather had a separate family in florida he was a real piece of shit oh my god yeah and i met him once at the funeral when i was five years old that was back in the day you could have like a family on the other side of town yeah no social media i had a family on the good side of town on the bad side of town yeah you know and then bruce springsteen wrote songs about all that is that should be like a wave of like the like netflix documentaries in the same way that serial killers could just kill someone a town over and no one would ever connect. They're running out of serial killer documentaries. Last one was like The Doodler.

I'm like, you guys are out of... It was like some guy in San Fran who doodled his victims. We made 12 Ted Bundy's. I still watch them. I will consume any of that shit. It doesn't matter. It's just like mob shit it's like I already know

what happened what transpired I'm gonna watch it through the lens of this new director and dog shit writer they always just they drive me crazy though

the mob are just like popular serial killers who have social skills yeah you know yeah they were fun loving you wanna hang out with them even though they kill people

yeah you just couldn't have you been paying attention to this Go-Go Beach Long Island Killer? Long Island Cereal Killer? No. Oh, man. That's the one he killed a bunch of girls, right? Rex Hewitt, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Well, they got him for four, but they think he did 10. Yeah. You know? Wait, is this Karen? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, it's kind of funny because I have like a-

This happened like this year, last year. I don't know if I still will, but hopefully I'll still have a show in development at Peacock, but apparently so does the wife of the Long Island Cereal Killer. I don't know if I still will, but hopefully I'll still have a show in development at Peacock. But apparently, so does the wife of the Long Island serial killer. They paid her like a million dollars. So now she's going to court every day to create content. Oh my gosh, she's stirring up controversy just to get more tape? I mean, yeah. I guess that's part of the thing. We signed the deal.

You've got to be in court every day. God, what a Long Island personality. Dude, yeah. Just causing havoc for no fucking reason. The craziest thing is she was... You get a million bucks, but... He apparently committed all the murders when she was...

She's in the LARPing community. So she was like, in San Diego dressed as a hobbit and he was out murdering hookers. So there's like a timeline where every time she leaves he kills somebody. Yeah, she's like dressed as a Dune character

and he's like, you know. Do you think if she didn't perform as a LARPer, he wouldn't have this internal fucking hate to kill somebody? Like he, she set him off. Yeah, yeah. So immediately find a woman to blame. Just immediately.

You know what I mean, dude? If your girl's into that shit, she comes out in a costume, you're like, Jesus fucking Christ. You don't know what to do with your anger? Then you gotta strangle a fucking... But don't you think it's like, well, it's the chicken or the egg. Like, the LARPer girl is going to just... The only girl that a serial killer should be able to really lock down is a warper.

Or she knows when he starts to twitch because they have to fulfill that need. She sees something in his personality changing and she's like, I'm going to go to Vegas. Why don't you role play as a wife because the dinner's ready on time. He can write and make stories about all the people that he like a killer. He could do a lot of fantasy stuff. What's his background? I don't know. But you could get away with that if your girlfriend's LARPing. Architect.

There's one video of him and it's like, hi, I'm here. It's like, well, I'm an architect and this is what I know. Sean Donald. Sean Donald. Sean Donald. How we doing?

It's as if Sean didn't drop out of school. That's what I'm going to say, of course. But he looks like Shrek. I mean, if you've seen a picture of the guy, it's like. Yeah. He's disgusting looking. Oh, he's just terrified of looking. Oh, my God.

What's his preferred choice of veal? Like, who does he kill? Prostitutes. Yeah. It's never like, you know, like Wall Street guys. They never kill, like, it's always the easiest ones. Yeah, you can't attach a history to it. Yeah, that's why the most dead people at his serial killer

were the old folks' homes. That's why. They just cleaned are the old folks' homes. That's why. They just clean up the old folks' homes? Yeah, like that guy in England who cleaned up like 200. Wasn't he a doctor though? Wasn't he killing them with a... Yeah, but he was like trying to get them signed.

It was like so bad because he was like trying to get them signed over their will. Their wills, yeah. Yeah, what's his name? He made millions. Yeah, he made a lot of money. Hey, everybody's got to have a racket.

Yeah, dude, good for him. And also they're already old. And I he made a lot of money. Hey, everybody's got to have a racket. Yeah, dude. Good for him. And also, they're already old. And I think he killed himself in prison. I'm not sure. I wonder if he ever, like, walked into an old folk home and, like, broke up an orgy. Those fucking geezers get down, dude. I know.

I was listening to that episode with you and Ian Vidence. You guys were talking about old folks. Yeah. Harold Chipman. That's it. Yeah. They beat off and they fuck all day. Really? Yeah. They get stretched out. They put a little slim gym in. Well, they're stretched out They beat off and they fuck all day. Really?

Yeah, they get stretched out. They're stretched out. They're popping like dick pills and stuff. They're doing everything. They just know the time is near. I wear old women's underwear because I find it to be very comfortable. Silky?

What? I don't think I have them on right now. I can't tell if you're serious. I'm serious. I wear bloomers. Really? I swear in it. Silky? What? Well, no, I mean, I don't think I have them on right now. I can't tell if you're serious. No, I'm serious. I wear bloomers. Really? I swear to God. What the fuck? No, I wear bloomers.

I don't identify as like a woman. I have gigantic testicles, and I find... No, wait, wait, wait. Wait, you're just talking about tighty-whities. You're not talking about women's... No, bloomers. I'm talking about women bloomers. You're wearing women's bloomers.

I don't have it right now, but I'll send you guys a picture when i get home to prove you don't have to i believe you know i want to send it i want to send this picture we're gonna put it on i wear these i wear the bloomers because my testicles are so big no the thing is is like my testicles the the thing that comforts the most are the same garments for an audi pussy yeah you know what I mean? Like a 70-year-old flop-out vulva is similar to my testicles. It's not like a sexual thing.

They're not hot. They're just like Mrs. Doubtfires. When you first put them on, there had to be a sexual component to it. When did you first put them on? When I was getting molested. So that makes sense. Holy shit shit i never saw the connective tissue wait so yeah when you first put them on you had to be like i'm excited i you know it just it was roomy i was on the road and i had uh

and uh i it was between that and then the male underwear which wouldn't fit me for whatever. It was riding high on my ass. I'm like, all right, let me get this. What are you trying on underwear for? It was at a CVS. You're trying underwear on at a CVS.

No, I wasn't trying. It was just the package there. I bought the package. There was like five of them. You went, I'm going to look at the men's and just in case and just in case let me because i got a big old swing of donkey nuts tommy it was a revelation oh my god it was unbelievable that's crazy i'm married i'm not trying to get puss you know she's fine with it she well she's probably into it no she's not into it you're not coming we were supposed to fuck two nights ago and i forgot i was wearing my grandma panties and i took i took my pants off she looked at she goes tomorrow night really she's like it's not happening give me 24 hours of processes yeah she's like do they like flowers on or just like yeah there's some with flowers oh my god this rules yeah yeah big flowers so you

why would the grainy panties have more of a bouffant in the well like i said like big balls and an outie pussy they they need the similar space. Because they're fat and they're getting all weird down there? Yeah, it all hangs out. It hangs out. Oh, my God. Is that a real thing? Like ears and a nose?

Their pussy just keeps growing? An outie pussy or big balls? Yeah, outie pussy. Yeah, yeah. They got outie pussies. It just falls out? Well, yeah. You know, like a woman who's had a couple of children, probably your grandma has an outie

pussy. Oh, my God. That thing's dragging. She's got three sneakers on, dude. She's playing from Little Shop of Horrors. She puts a little kid's sneaker on her puss. So you walk around the house just in... Yeah.

You wear them in pants? I wear... My most comfortable outfit is Grammy panties and a LeBron jersey. I'll just walk around the house. Dude, this is Billy Madison when she comes out and says, you wouldn't know what breakfast? I'm like the old Asian lady in Billy Madison. Dude, if I see you in granny panties and this shirt, I would lose my shit.

Yeah. That's nuts. I'm going to try it. It's not bad. I got tiny nuts, though. He's got horse nuts. You got horse nuts. He's got horse ass That's nuts. I'm going to try it. It's not bad. I got tiny nuts though. He's got horse nuts. You got horse nuts. He's got horse ass and horse nuts. There's no reason to wear granny pants. I got a big bag, but I don't have huge nuts. You know what I mean?

Jesus Christ. It's like when somebody dies in a parachute. Like a skinny dude. That's literally what it looks like. When they get wrapped up in the chute on the way down a skinny dude in a giant hooded sweatshirt why are you wearing that size dude

holy fuck granny panties when you first put them on were you like I started crying hysterically no I didn't it was one of those joyful cries like the end of pursuit of happiness with will smith you know with the clapping um yeah no they're just very comfortable

yeah i don't know but the first moment it's kind of like the first time you eat like ice cream with a fork where you're just like yeah first this isn't over here but you're doing that twice what are you all enough spoons they under your bed yeah. What are you, all in a spoons? Under your bed? Yeah, yeah. Like when you're alone in your apartment and you haven't washed any of the spoons. Oh my god. What a sad story. Let's get back to the granny thing. I'm not like really transgressing

like a moral code here, but something's off. I mean, if I kill myself, it will be in granny panties. Just so the EMTs have to see it. Well, they might blame a serial killer because they won't believe you put them on yourself. Your wife having to collect your personal facts is just... They're like, LeBron, Jersey, granny panties, gotta be a murderer.

Clearly, this is a perverted psychopath that loves the Lakers and old women. Holy shit. So, hold on, dude. This is nuts, because now I actually believe you. Yeah. When you were in, first of all, CBS, hilarious. Yeah. You went in CBS, you were like, I need underwear. Right.

Hilarious. It was in Florida. You grabbed men's underwear. It was a Southern tour, yeah. And you were worried because you took into consideration the size of your nuts. Because it was hot, yeah. It was, I was, because they weren't fitting. And, you know, it was my big fucking balls. So I got the Grammy. Your balls just fall off the sides?

Yeah, they have. Why are you not wearing boxer briefs? Well, I have those. I mean, those are what I'm wearing today. Some of them are good. Not all of them are good. You don't get great boxer briefs at CVS. They don't just have those lying around.

You know, shit. You can get better ones. What great do you get at CVS? Gummy bears? G of rack. You can get better ones. What great do you get at CBS? Gummy bears? Gummy bears. Granny panties. Icy hot. One of those magazines commemorating Diana. Every CBS

has always something about Princess Diana. Some four volume magazine. Now it's getting taken over by Taylor Swift now it's all just she'll probably die in a car accident too yeah inshallah

Vegas Super Bowl parking lot we're all rooting for we're all rooting for San Fran right unfortunately I have to now I don't know I'm kind of Detroit had it dude they. They fucking had it. We can't date this podcast. We're talking about weeks ago

for some reason. Every time we do this, it somehow brings up spoilers. I forgot how crazy Tommy's eyes are. What are you talking about? All of a sudden, there'll be a far away memory that I'll see. Don't subtract from your grainy penis.

I've got double fucking eyes. They're just activated. You can see his younger brother who died in a boating accident. He's like channeling something. There's something lost. You see the C in his eyes. I think I did have the attitude

if my dad did goof at my mom one more time, I would have, I would have strangled that kid because I wanted all the attention. You know? Yeah. You got to kill

that younger sibling. Yeah, like a little cub. Yeah. Were you the youngest? Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense, right?

Yeah, yeah, you got younger. Yeah. I married younger. Yeah. 14. Me too.

My wife's the youngest. Yeah. I married young too. My wife's actually older than me, but you married young. Oh, really? You were married? You were ever married? No. Long-term relationships. I was in a six-year, five-year, four-year.

A serial monogamist when the doors was closed. I get it. Little benefits. I put on my bowling shirt Saturday nights. I got the fingering. There we go. Three holes. Guys. All right. This episode is brought to you by the perfect jean. All right. I was sure I could be wearing them and showing them to you right now, but we just got to Austin

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P-R-O-V-I-A-H-A-I-R.com slash stuff. Island P R O V I A H A I R.com slash stuff. Island. Now back to the episode. I cannot stop thinking of you. How long have you been married for grandma? Underway four years. Are you seeing anything else? You like it?

I like it. Yeah. Are you, are you in something or no? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to run. How long have you been in the thing?

Uh, like six months okay well more than maybe seven now yeah i i i love my wife that's the only reason to get into it you don't just want to get married she's hot dude you leveled up you got kicked your coverage for sure yeah oh that's another reason too yeah for sure you must have something powerful in the sack was it in the beginning i do do, and then diminishing returns for sure. That's every relationship.

When you're in a long thing, you know the cheat codes. These are the three buttons, and then we're good. Really? You feel comfortable? Because I always start to feel like a hack. Well, you're only a six-month thing. What's the longest thing you've been in? I've been in four or five-year relationships.

Four year in, you were trying or five-year relationships. I also sort of do a series. Four year in, you were trying to, like, still, like, give it that college drive? Dude, even when you get to six months, it's like you kind of add a moves. You know what I mean? There's only so much. Yeah. We don't have ponytails. We're not like one of those guys.

Yeah, yeah. This is where the granny panties come in. Yeah. Yeah. This is the Chico is the panties. We have some. I mean, we'll spice it up with some crazy shit here and there. But, you know, eventually it gets, you know, like the mystery's gone.

For the first couple months, that's when like you're fucking somebody, you don't know who they are. It's like, oh, this is crazy. And then after, you know, a couple months, you're like, oh, I know what their shit's like. It's fucking over. A lot of times with that knowledge in my head, I'll switch up. Not much, because I still go at the same pace, and I still have a few moves.

But even oral sex, I'll start to change it. Because I think about getting a blowjob, and it's like, you do the same thing every fucking time. Yeah, yeah. If you just took a risk, did something, just bite my gospel. Leave a scar. Make an inch. Get to the hot dog meat. Fucking wine cork meat.

I'm kind of that way where it's like you can do pretty much the same moves every time. Pop. It's like, yeah. Do you guys masturbate as much anymore? 100%. You do, huh? I haven't as much anymore. I haven't been, yeah.

It's bad. Do you jerk off once a day? You're adorable. As soon as I get up, beat off. Depending upon my girl's process, if there's an hour gone, I can get two more in. Two more in? Oh, dude, I go four or five.

Easy. And you're my age or older, right? Yeah, I'm 44. You're older than me. So I can't believe you have that much cum. I think it's... I don't. I think it's anxiety.

It's just dust? Yeah, for the most part. It's like Dracula seeing sunlight. I wish I could just confetti. Just confetti out but it's uh yeah it's just more release of anxiety and it makes me feel better for the moment yeah release the serotonin yeah you're just like all right well i'll go to the gym i have because my dick's so much better when i don't you know i was jerking off too much i would jerk off fucking five times yeah and then it's just like you show up for

the actual event and you're just gassed. Well, long-term relationship, the good thing is you can have the nights where you're like, do you want to just do a beat-off night? We'll just put on a porn.

Let's go. Yeah. And that's it, you know? So you just put a porn on and you guys will sit next to each other and just whack them all. Every once in a while, lean over, like flick a titty.

Yeah. And then she'll flick my titty. Make sure you're still there. You know, like a little flicky titty. Yeah. And then, yeah, just sharing a laptop. And we have'll flick my titty. Make sure you're still there. You know, like a little flicky titty. Yeah. And then, yeah, just sharing a laptop. And we have three dogs that are in the bed with us. Oh, man. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry about that.

That's fucking wild. There's been a few times where a dog has entered a room while I was fucking. Yeah. Never got too, like, I felt a wet nose from the back, but like it wasn't like the dude wasn't grubbing. You know what I mean? He was well fed.

He had a lot of hydration. I hooked up with this one girl and she had one of those Game of Thrones direwolves. And I got out and it was just looking at me in the eyes. I was like, this thing's going to eat my soul. It was terrifying. I had a thing where the dog

loved her pussy.esus that's a so then we right flag yeah this is like him slow going into he fucked a dog he's like he's like testing the water but then it's like after we'd fuck and like i you know her shit's all over my dick he would then be into my dick he'd be like trying to lick my balls and stuff they love it yeah they love just this yeah i don't know was it like, did she have a little bit of a funk? No. No, not at all. You sure?

Yeah, dude. You're out of your fucking mind. Dude, that dog only likes good pussy. No. Yeah, clean, good, clean pussy. I don't know. He just liked the electrolytes or whatever's in it. You know what I mean?

He wanted the energy boost. That's where Gatorade gets all their electrolytes. Inside of slave pussies. Chicks masturbating. We need more! We got a new line coming out. We do a good job for squirters. Is that a fetish?

Do people bottle squirts and ship it to people? No, but I think you guys just had a Patreon tier. Yeah, a tier. It is certainly a fetish i mean you catch a girl that can squirt it's fun squirts don't like they don't last a lot like they dissipate pretty fast right like i imagine though yeah it's just you'd be surprised sometimes just yeah yeah sometimes it just keeps flowing and it's crazy i was with a girl once and she had to like pee though right it's a whole debate no no i don girl once and she had to like pee though, right? It's a whole debate. No, no.

I don't know. It doesn't smell like pee. Yeah. It's like whether or not gay is a choice, right? Yeah. 100%. It's up to you. No, she had to put like towels down before we fucked.

Like it was like mayhem. Yeah. And then we just, the first couple nights I hooked up with her, it's like, I was like sleeping on a shitty mattress with damp beach towels. Just filled of puss piss. Tommy Outkick is covered a lot. Yeah. As you should.

Yeah. You should. What's the brand of panties you're wearing? I think these are just Calvin Klein's Oh The other night I just wanted to do Was a nice video podcast Things are good dude

Yeah things are going alright Yeah let's go Dan CK1 I hadn't seen you in years I just saw you on the street Saw you on the street Yeah Bumped into him

Gave him my whole My whole M.O. Yeah It was special coming out I just got out of rehab I gave him the whole thing It was so Dan St. Germain Wait you just got out of rehab?

I did, yeah. For what? This time it was just booze and weed. Okay. I mean, it was coke and pills before that. So this was my fifth time. Let's go. So you're sober?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, now I am. I mean, when we record this, which is going to be coming out later. You might not be. By the time it comes out, I won't be. But if you guys don't watch this special,

I'm fucking out again. Yeah, yeah. But no, I have't be. If you guys don't watch this special, I'm fucking out again. Yeah, yeah. But no, I have like 81 days right now. 81 days back. I've had like years and then gone out and then years and then gone out. Yeah, yeah. But I kind of like went to like, I was going pretty hard when my mom died like a year ago. So I started to like, I mean, I was like fucking up before that.

But then after that happened, I was just like. Yeah. Yeah. Was there an event that you were like, gotta fucking this is crazy you know i got drunk uh before a radio show and i thought nobody noticed and then my writing partner called me up and was like were you just drunk on that radio and at that point you're like ah the jig is up yeah i'm not going to be able to like hide this i'm not like one of those sneaky our town alcoholics you know like how does your uh how does your woman

she's very supportive and you don't bring that up in rehab because like almost because I've been in rehab where like I had just cheated and that's why I was going in to try to like win her back so like a lot of times you go in rehab and like almost everybody's like significant other is like on their last yeah they're like last leg and my wife was like super supportive so you bring up then they're like last leg. And my wife was like super supportive. So you bring it up to them. They're like, what is this fucking asshole? And the wife loves him. Why are you even in here?

You're the prince of fucking. What the fuck you do? Prince of love over here. So does she see your spiraling at times? And does she like. Yeah, she was. I mean, you know, she she's not drinking either. So because she was, you know, so she's she was never as bad as me.

But I think she was sick of drinking as much so like uh yeah it's a bummer when you see someone else fucked up makes you want to stop drinking yeah what are you saying chris are you do you drink so yes uh yeah yeah yeah yeah i've curtailed it though i'm now only drinking like when we have stuff, which is every day. Yeah. Yeah. I only drink when we have stuff to do. I mean, it's like,

it's hard. Alcohol is a lot of fun. You know, I don't, I don't, I don't really like recommend anyone giving it up. Like I don't like the Like, I don't... Like, the people that I don't understand,

those people who I just never had a drink, I understand if, like, their dad or mom was, like, a really bad alcoholic, and they saw that, and they're like, you know, I don't ever want to... But a guy or a girl is just like, no, not for me. What is your fucking deal? Yeah, that's... Well, it's like a Chris D'Elia, and then you just start a sex cult.

Yeah, yeah, that's it. Can you imagine how shitty... You gotta fill a void. My sex cult... I was thinking about that, because I was listening to Chris D'Elia, and then you just start a sex cult with teenagers. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Can you imagine how shitty... You've got to fill a void. My sex cult. I was thinking about that, because I was listening to the D'Elia stuff, and I was like, how shitty my sex cult would be. It would be like, fuck your aunt. You know what I mean? It would be the least hot thing in the world.

I don't think so. You would just say thank you. You don't know how to thank she was lonely. It's been in my spank bank, matures. A lot of ants. A lot of ants. Big, natty matures. What would your sex cult be like?

I would, I mean, preferably the way I would want children. I'd want a hodgepodge of different races. So my sex cult would be. It's the worst first sentence. What do you mean? Just like children. I want, yeah, yeah. No, I'm saying like.

That's your sex cult? Dude, I want my family portrait to look like a college, you know. Yeah, yeah. A community college pamphlet. I want an Asian. I want a black. I want to see what I can create with all the corners of the world. Throw an Indian in there.

Yeah, throw an Indian. Let the dog smell her puss. I'm sure it doesn't stink. But like the children, I would like, oh, children, Jesus Christ. The women, I would say, you know, take a 23-year-old, take a 30-year-old, take a 40-year-old, take a 50-year-old. I'll go 60 if they're taking, you know, care of themselves. Yeah, you got to take care of yourself.

But now like women, I mean, women in their 40s do not look like women in their 40s when we were kids. Oh, no, no. They're like hot. They're all hot. They're amazing, you know, except for where I grew up. Like all the hot girls from our high school. We were just talking about in our group chat,

there was three or four girls that thought they were hot for our high school. It looks like they all got plastic surgery to put a gullet on. Yeah, yeah. It's like when you get a 12-pack of hot dogs, you flip it over and it's just a clear plastic.

That's what their faces look like. And they're fucking hideous. But the problem problem is they were such cunts thinking they were hot yeah that during their personality development it it it ingrained this attitude of i'm a hot girl and now they're not hot but they still have they still have that personality yeah so they're just bitches that aren't hot yeah and that's you're locked and loaded with that fucking combo you're the biggest pile of shit on yeah like you no one's listening to you you're a fucking you're that's you're a philly six and you're walking around and fucking fake dude i could never yeah sex cult couldn't do it i would yeah you could no i couldn't yeah

i couldn't i couldn't i i don't have the confidence you don't watch porn where there's like there's just four girls on a couch just waiting to get fucking plugged and a guy just goes down down the order there's just james dean ones where he's that guy is the best him and like 13 girls in a warehouse he has so many like dude that guy's gonna be taken to court but that's cool that's cool when you're like watching it and they're performing and acting all into it but if you were actually doing that it would just be girls like waiting i feel guilty that you weren't like once you get past the three like once you get past the threesome i've had a foursome once and once you get past like threesomes

are great you had three girls at once i one time yeah uh and uh it was like it was like me and a girl i was seeing and then like you know two like strippers or whatever yeah but like i'm just saying like what you'd for that's like too much but like three is great but then like once you get to over those numbers you can't unless you're like i don't know fucking uh kareem or something you know like you can't you don't have this well aren't those other two girls taking care of each other as you deal with one yeah yeah yeah where was this what town tampa it was no it wasn't tampa was it was in canada i can't reveal much more yeah that's fine um tell you that i'm wearing granny panties but i can't tell you about the force

all the good stuff i can't tell you about the force of my... Yeah, I can't tell you about all the good stuff I can't tell you guys about. Just all the humiliating stuff. But yeah, I think eventually you just feel like you're like a waiter and the other members of the staff just like called in sick that day. You know, just like racing around trying to service all these people.

Well, I think I got in my head because when we did it, there was like a... I'm in the weeds! Yeah, yeah. There was like a mirror above us and like i had had like a lot of shawarma looking at my bloated stomach while these girls are going down on me and i'm like ah this isn't good for anybody oh my god yeah it's still great good for you pretty cool and every once in a while but it would be it'd be stressful it'd be stressful you guys have an

open relationship no hell no okay i don Hell no. I don't do that. Yeah. Did you see that documentary about that woman who was drinking, like, aluminum or whatever? Yeah. Bitch turns blue? Yeah, yeah. That, like, that's, yeah.

Well, they're all. Well, she was just a drunk. Yeah, she was just drunk. She was, like, smoking weed and doing mushrooms and stuff and just being like, send me money. She'd wake up and just grab, like, a vodka bottle. But, she was just drunk. She was like smoking weed and doing mushrooms and stuff and just being like, send me money. She'd wake up and just grab like a vodka bottle. But she would have moments where she'd be like, I'm not actually God.

I think I just made all this up. It's bullshit. She would get hungover in that documentary. She's like, oh, fuck. What did I say? What have I been saying for 10 years? I'm not the lady God. I'm not Mother God.

I was feeling myself. I think this is all bullshit. She was literally blue. That documentary is crazy. It's awesome. I know. It's so good. But then her disciples would be like,

oh, I know, it's a lot of stress, but you are God. You're mine. Well, they all just wanted to get drunk. Yeah, they're all the same. They all just wanted to keep drunk, but have a highfalutin reason to do it yeah that's crazy fucking like methed out native american dude that guy would fuck six

girls yeah that guy was like a six girl fucker yeah he could handle it yeah he could handle it if you're sitting on a bed on a live stream just playing bad guitar yeah yourself god just wearing wooden earrings like it's insane dude you got no there's no map quest like how do i get out of this fuck dungeon yeah do they go do they go to jail i didn't get to the end of it do they go to jail for killing her he was like i need to go to a hospital and they were like that they were interviewing him he had a he had a bracelet on for something right right right but i don't know if it was for that guy like that's got a like he catches a couple couple yeah yeah that smile that that smile he does that smile but after she died they just

put her in like a sleeping bag and like dress the bedroom up like a teenage quincey era yeah shoddy christmas lights hanging over they would say it was like this beautiful thing but like the only reason she had him is because he would fuck. Like he was really good at fucking. Because like he would like they would be like listening to like Fish or Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young and he would bring in like fuel and be like let's fucking watch Let's Rage.

Like so seriously she was just like looking for good dick, you know. She was like, oh yeah, he's the god. I was like, no, he just fucks you. Yes, and then she kept switching. She had like three new gods. Like side gods. They all kept getting cycled out because like he was like, oh, yeah, he's the god. I was like, no, he just fucked you. Yes. And then she kept switching. She had like three new gods. Yeah. Like side gods. They all kept getting cycled out because he was like, and then she would like, they would

try to get away from him. And then he would just find them. Yeah. Well, he showed up and he was like, oh, I can rule this. Because the other guys would just cry. Yeah. They were babies. But he would yell at them.

This guy's like, if you try and fuck this god again, I'll kill you. Yeah, yeah. It's a lion coming in and just killing all the cubs. Yeah. He's like, if you try and fuck this God again, I'll kill you. Yeah, yeah. It's a lion coming in and just killing all the cubs. He's like, that's my pussy now. But he's also probably a huge little bitch. In comparison. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your tallest midget syndrome.

Yeah, yeah. That's why he, yeah. Yeah. Damn, what a life, though. Taking like a good five to ten years to go into like a fucking campment. Yeah, yeah. With some brownie tune. Being in a fake cult. Yeah. It's a fun time. It's a problem, though. Taking like a good five to ten years ago into like a fucking camp with some puny tune. Being in a fake cult. Yeah. It's a fun time.

It's a problem, though. It's like to have a sex cult, you have to have such confidence. Yeah. To like have multiple people. Like you look at that NXIVM guy. He was like in jail for a hundred years and he just you know, he looks like every like world music teacher. Yeah. You know, I

can't imagine having the confidence to like run a sex cult. Well, it's truly like you're like world music teacher yeah you know like i can't imagine having the confidence to like run a sex cult well it's truly like you're you're emitting a crazy energy that other crazy people that have that energy just like gravitate towards it's like it's like wolves howling it's like you just howl how crazy you are people like i believe you yeah and they leave their family because she's schizophrenic yeah and then you just have an encampment of absolute fucking maniacs that rub generals well that is the real problem for me with like starting a cult i think is that like you'd have to do something well the people that you start the cult with it's like the people that are susceptible to

joining a cult are really annoying to talk to yeah there's no one talking to him that's why yeah the difference between a sex cult and like a war room a boiler room where there's like there's some some dude that's going to take over wall street and take advantage of the poor right yeah online just trying to get you to take your money out of your savings buy this stock that's not real inflate it steal from the fucking poor yeah and then you have two or three guys underneath that that are smart yeah they get it they're criminals yeah in a sex cult it's one maniac that wants to infiltrate people's pussies and buttholes and then all maniacs. There's no second tier. You don't have a CEO of raping.

There's no CEO of a sex cult. It's just a neighbor Bob that you're like, you're fucking weird. You want to come? Well, there was one guy in that cult that was like that. The guy who was actually

managing the money. Oh, he stole all the money. Yeah, yeah. He wasn't getting laid at all. So he just stole it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the... He just hung out't getting laid at all. So he just stole all the money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the. He just hung out there.

It didn't look like he really participated in any stuff. He was just like. He was the guy when she. When her confidence broke. He was like. No, you are God. And you need to get on the live stream. Yeah.

And you need to tell people. I have bills. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it wasn't like this insane amount of money. It was like 200 grand. So they were like. Where did all our money go? I'm like.

20 of you are living on this? Well, she kept wanting to like buy like atvs and stuff yeah like to her little you know the craziest called is heaven's gate because that was no sex at all really yeah heaven's gate was no sex they all they all shaved their heads they all wore the nikes and then they all killed themselves yeah like there was they got the jordan jensen's on. We are wearing the Jordan Jensen's. They went night-night. Yeah, so they had... Yeah, it was... It was crazy that people joined that because there was no discernible benefit

for joining that cult other than... And also Jim Jones was not like... But that's the real... I think they were fucking... He wasn't a hunk. No, he wasn't a hunk. The guy didn't have charisma. He had the Elvis at the end look

Yeah You know Yeah Like bathtub Elvis Elvis on the toilet Yeah For sure Was that Jones?

Who's the Jim Jones Is he Heaven's Gate? No This was Oh I think I just threw that in there Who was Oh the old white guy

The old white guy I forget what his name is It was this woman And the old white guy They were heaven's gate and the weird one about that is that like with a lot of other cults you know they'll talk to ex-members and they'll be like yeah that was a horrible decision i don't know what i was thinking when i saw the hbo documentary heaven's gate and they talked to a guy who was he was like i really

wish i'd kill myself with him like he was like it was like he's like i really wish i had done it so i guess like whatever they had, they really figured it out, but there was no sex in that one. Jesus Christ. Well, that's the, yeah,

I guess sometimes if it's too, if the cult market's too saturated, you got to go in the other direction. You got to go no fucking. Yeah. Everyone's doing fucking, but 90% of the cults, the,

the leader, the new Jesus is like, he's dipping into the young well, too. He's taking their daughters. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's breaking up marriages. Just an insatiable appetite for puss. Ugh.

God willing. I think we could do it. We could start a cult. I don't... Well, Manson, the reason he was a... It's like you have to have the same energy as a pimp to run a cult. Yeah. Which is why Manson was so good at it.

Yeah. You know, because he wasn't that great of a guitar player. Yeah. That's my favorite. People are like, he was a pretty good musician. I was like, he wasn't that good. Yeah. It's like saying Hitler was a great painter.

Yeah. It's like he was decent. He was fine. He was fine. Was he? I never saw any of his works. I've never seen Hitler paintings. What?

No. Have you? Yes. Yeah. It's like the first thing I researched. You guys should sell some of it in your swag. There's swag. Yeah, yeah.

It's prints. Hitler's art prints. Next apartment will just have Hitler prints. I've been on a real World War II Hitler kick lately. Of course. You know, I think that is something when you turn 40, it just happens. It's like that Shane bit. Yeah.

But I watched that movie Downfall for the first time. Oh, yeah, it's so good. It's a great movie. It's so good. But there's one thing that's like so unintentionally funny in it, and it's like when he's like, you know, talking to one of his advisors, and he's like, you know, they'll say a lot of things when i die but one thing that they can never take away from me is that i really i really hated the jews

like he thought that that was gonna be a saving grace it kind of has turned out that way the thing that we all like notoriously that actor that actor is insane. The guy who played that guy? So good. Oh, yeah, yeah. So good. You mentioned the audition process of finding the Hitler.

It's got to be fun as hell. Yeah. Just maniacs walking in like, how much can you commit to the worst man of all time? After a lifetime of not getting any roles. Yeah, and you're getting dudes from West Virginia that just want to emulate him because they actually are fucking racial pieces of shit. Racist pieces of shit, and they just can't

act. Do you think they all had the stash in the room before the audition? Or you just go to Hollywood Adventure and fucking snip it. That's real dedication. Some guy shows up with a mustache. Yeah. No, I'm committed. That's real dedication. Some guy shows up with a mustache. Yeah. No, I'm committed.

Something about number three. Really. Yeah. And it's not like Daniel Day-Lewis playing Abraham Lincoln. You can't be Hitler all the time. You know what I mean? That's my point. I bet you half the audition tapes were like, he's great, but he's fucking serious.

Just married to Hitler. Put your social security number down. We'll do a background check. We'll get the feds involved. You were great. You didn't get the role. You had seven priors. He was on amphetamines all the time. There's probably so many people

with Hitler personalities now because everyone's on Red Bull and Adderall all the time. And now it's like Adderall. Oh, it's prescribed. It's prescribed. It's fine. If he didn't have all yes men because they were afraid he would just chop their fucking head off, if he had a group

of people that were just controlling him, the plans may have been different. He was making some wild-ass decisions, war-wise. Well, Russia. Going after Russia, that was the thing that killed him. Russians had a good time getting back in Germany, though.

That's a fun doc. The one that talks about what the Russians did to the Germans once they took over. If you were a POW, you would rather have it be in an American camp than a Russian one. Oh, 100%. For sure.

That's how we got all the scientists. Well, that's the fear they put in the Japanese. They said, like, we're basically, you know, we're going to rape and pillage and kill all your children. Who said that? Huh? Who said that? The heads of the Japs said it to their people.

But the Americans are savages. Even though they did that to the Chinese. Yeah, exactly. That's why they believed it. We're not going to do that. That's crazy. We're a history and science podcast. We're just going to drop a giant bomb on you.

All factual information. I can tell. This is going to be on NPR. It's so funny when we get YouTube comments going, that was wrong, you idiot. It's like, yeah, no shit, dude. It's called Stuff Island. It's not called like Lessons of the Third Reich or something.

So when's your special coming out, Danny? Oh, so glad you mentioned it. I already mentioned it twice. No, no, no. I wasn't. I don't know. March 12th. It's going to be on YouTube.

It'll be on 800-pound girl's site first, then all things comedy. And then I think it may get on Normans at one point. But it'll be on YouTube. It's free, guys. Check it out. Book me. I need the money. It's exciting. Watch the special. I think it's pretty funny.. It's free, guys. Check it out. Book me. I need the money. It's exciting.

Watch the special. I think it's pretty funny. Dude, you and Patton were my favorite comics. You, Patton, and Rory Scovel. That's a good... It's a great gathering. That's a cult. I'd like to be a poor man, any one of those two. Yeah, dude. You know, those guys are great. You guys make me cry when you stand up.

Yeah, they're great. Because you're wild. You're a wild boy. Wild boys. You are a wild boy. I don't know how you come up with some of this shit, but you're just fucking staring at a wall. I think you have to be that fucked up. All the struggles you're dealing with personally. Do you think...

Sean's not that messed up. He's a little crazy. You don't think Patton's fucked up? I think he's crazy, but he's not... But he's not like I mean him and Rory, they both don't seem too... I think Rory's the least I imagine. Rory's probably the least out of us three for sure. Yeah, he gets

too much legitimate acting work. I think you and Patton could be on a seesaw of who's crazier at the moment. That's why, you know, that's the funny. Definitely similar cardio for sure. Yeah, there's gotta be a chip missing somewhere. Yeah's why I look, you know, that's the funny. It's like, you've got to be. Definitely simple cardio, for sure. Yeah, there's got to be a chip missing somewhere. Yeah, well, I think that's with most decent stand-ups, right?

Yeah. You see somebody that, like, figures out the process and, like, knows how to write a great joke, but they're just some Ivy League fucking dweeb. I get upset. The Harvard Lampoon guys. What's that? You should bury somebody right now that's that story you tell me about the painting

what's that oh oh oh it's uh it's from like an italian movie where this guy's just walking through an art gallery and he looks at a painting he goes this one's good and he goes the next one he's like this guy needs to suffer more that That's how I feel when I see comics. I'm like, he's good. This one. This one needs to suffer more. Have you ever met somebody who's like, they've suffered plenty and they're still a bad stand-up? Yes.

That's hard. Yes, of course. There's plenty of those guys. You need to. Oh, your wife is just trudging misery. Yeah. That's therapy at that point. Yeah.

It's like they just want to talk to somebody. Because they've ruined seven marriages. That's therapy at that point. Yeah. It's like they just want to talk to somebody. Because they've ruined seven marriages. Not synthesizing it into anything. Or, I mean, we all know the guys who, like, you know, you find out they're a genius. And then they just decided to really pursue stand-up hard. And they're never going to make it work. Yeah. And they're like, you could have had, like, two houses.

Yes. Wouldn't give up on this fucking impossible dream. Right. If you just got into real estate or something. Well, it's that weird, like they say, musicians want to be comics, comics want to be rock stars kind of thing. I imagine people that, like, they're so smart.

This is part of my previous statements. They can see the fundamentals of joke writing. They're writers. They should be in the writer's room, but they want to be performers, and it doesn't translate. And then you see them, and you're like, that'll never work. Writers. They should be in the writer's room. But they want to be performers. And it doesn't translate. Yeah. And then you see them and you're like, that'll never work. Yeah.

Because even though you're telling really great stuff, give it to this guy. Yeah, exactly. Sell it to this dude. And he'll make that fucking bang. Yeah, yeah. It's not that they don't, they're not capable. He's got to become like writers or something. Yeah.

Yeah. Just like being in the background. Yeah. Not on camera. we know a bunch dude i had a miserable day today i was like uh we're moving to austin i'm trying to get an apartment down oh yeah i heard you guys are moving off yeah yeah but the fucking dude like i they've hid like so many fees on this apartment. Right. Well, now everyone's going down there, so it's just, it's such a, it's a seller's market. I don't know.

They're hiding fees? Sounds like a new Hitler dog. Yeah, yeah, dude. It was fucking crazy. It's just, like, I, like, got the lease today. I, like, we, like, went through the whole process, got approved and everything, and then, like, they give you this number. You're like, that, I literally emailed them, like, you sent me the wrong lease. It's, like you this number you're like that i literally emailed them like you sent me the wrong lease it's like this number is no they added like a thousand dollars onto the lease

it's like what are you doing they probably saw the amount that you can pay and it can forward and they were like let's fuck him over he won't know yeah i don't know i feel like that city's just gonna run out of water in a year it's not it's not ready for the influx of people unskilled comedians that are coming into that city on a daily basis yeah i don't know if i'm i we haven't talked about on a podcast yet yeah you're going right yeah when are you guys going march oh wow it's coming up yeah glad i got in here it's yeah yeah but when you go there you can we'll have another pot yeah I got a I'm gonna be there for moon tower you're not allowed to do any of the clubs that what are you doing now yeah that's so stupid take what I can get me yeah you can't

do any of the other club I think it's because they want, well, they want like exclusivity. I kind of get it. Yeah, it makes sense. They want exclusivity. Yeah. Like, they don't want, you know, like, you know, like, these comics, you can only see at our, although with like me, it's like, who fucking cares? Well, you don't, you're underselling yourself, first of all. And secondly, you, look, if you're a Dan St. Germain fan

and you're playing there and then you're also playing the Vulcan and you look at the ticket sales, you're like, well, I'll get a more intimate show here. I'll get him at 60 minutes as opposed to fucking 10 or 15 or 20. So, yeah, I do get that. I get it. You can still do a podcast when you're French. When is Moon Tower?

Totally do a podcast. April. April what? Do you guys have repeat guests? 15th? We've had a few repeat guests. Yeah, I think of the 17th or the 20th. Shane Torres was a repeat guest.

Yeah, great guy. Just had him back. He's the fucking best. He is the best. What a fun, jolly hang that boy is. Just just six foot gummy bear. You just want to hold.

Is he six feet? That's like such a guy who's not six foot gummy bear. You just want to hold. Is he six feet? That's like such a guy who's not six foot thing. We're like, is he six foot? Every time someone's six foot, it blows my mind. My respect goes up for him.

It's also a testament about how I feel about him. Because I just put him at six feet right away. He's like 5'10". At the most. It might be. I don't know.

Is that guy six feet? All right. You guys aren't six feet, are you? No. I'm five, ten and a half. Yeah, I'm five, ten and a half. I'm like five, seven. Let's go.

You drop that half? I always do, dude. Yeah. Every audition. Five, ten and a half. Throwing that half in. It matters. I'll be five, ten on a roster.

You know what I mean? What are you, five, eight and a half? Five, seven. I went on an audition last week for a guy. It was a guy who the role breakdown was tickles until he comes. It was like the first audition I'd gotten in like two months. Some fucking disgusting degenerate part. Did you have to do an act out of like laughing into coming? I had to come on Zoom.

No. I had to pretend to come. No. I don't know. Michelle Williams is doing it, I guess. I don't know. I don't think I got it. an act out of like you laughing into coming i had to come on zoom no i pretend to come no michelle williams is doing it i guess i don't know i don't think i got it and my wife's in the room my wife's a casting director so like they knew like that's even like like weirder it's like she like the woman who's running it like knows my wife and she's like okay that's great let's go then i go in and i start like grunting and my wife's like you start as a she's like why did i not marry that guy from jp morgan and all you think about looking. She's like, why did I not marry that guy from J.P. Morgan?

And all you think about is those superstars where their old audition tapes get released. Like the stallion porn? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's going to be like, yeah. Just Heath Ledger in a McDonald's commercial? What sucks is it's on Zoom

because it genuinely just looks like you're jerking off at your computer. It's not going to be like you're going to be in an audition room. There's going to be no director there. You're genuinely just going to be fucking... I think you're perfect for the role. It wasn't much of a stretch.

Is it a live audition read? Well, there's a woman there. But you didn't pre-tape and say, here's my best take just fucking furiously masturbating yeah babe can you watch these which ones you think yeah such subtle changes in each one i can't fucking get it was someone tickling you no i had to pretend to be tickled i say jizz at the end it's how bad of an actor i am i have to say say the action yeah yeah run well that's the person tickling you you fucking dick i told you to stop doing that Have you seen that documentary Tickled by the way It's about the guy Who He was like

Creating all these kink videos He would just tie guys down and tickle them To the point of exhaustion Some old creepy guy At an apartment complex They tracked him down First they thought it was a girl But then he lied about the identity

It's called Tickled. Does he fuck him? You know what sucks? Bringing that up, I realize if I'm listening to this podcast, I'm going to for sure watch that before my special. You know what I mean? That's way more of a fantasy watch than my special. Was he making big money

selling Tickled videos? I don't know about big money but he was making money. Wait, is it just a fetish for himself it's yeah i think it was like for him but also somebody wants to get tickled but then he was also i think he was selling some of it too but i guess like compared to child porn you'd want to be you know the tickle guy yeah i mean tickling i said this so many times like thank god i don't have a thing that only one specific thing that activates my bird.

I know. At the same time, I feel a little bit dehumanized that I don't have one. You know? You know when you peruse porn and you see something and you're like, I'm not usually into that, but it activates something? Yeah.

With those maniacs, they find something and they're like well this is it this is all i'll come to i just like yeah that rules that feels like very human no because you it's such a it's such a weird as it is you know i've been jerking it to just hot chicks for you know 25 years that's the way to do it you know like that's it really hasn't spiced that you know like yeah really hasn't i've that. It really hasn't. I'm not into the pregnant porn. I'm not into the step-ups, the piss stuff. I'm bad at taking a dip in a small pool.

I can't believe that fucking what's-his-name-it. I was in a pregnant porn phase for like a month. Did you see that fucking... Because you want to change the mechanism of what turns you on. I don't know, man. I start feeling like a kid. Well, I'm not doing the fucking.

Yeah, but you're participating in it. You're creating a market for it. I'm not singing Happy Birthday to the fucking kid in the belly while I'm jerking off. I'm not participating. I know. Well, they have to be hot and have the big heaters, but it's a no-no. Big heaters. It's a no-no spot. I don't know. Like that fucking, the WWF guy was shitting in that girl's mouth or whatever it's like how do you

dude yeah you're a fucking wrestling guy talk about vince mcmahon yeah i can't did you read no he writes for it i read i will say yeah did you read the text whatever the fuck you want I wish I could I wish I could I have so many opinions I read I will say yeah you guys can say

whatever the fuck you want did you read the text Shane's and Chip oh yeah yeah of course that boy is fucking nuts I love him

you should get him on Stuffed Island I would love that he's gonna have a lot of free time I would love that he's gonna have a lot of free time

by the time he gets here we're gonna have to get a fucking ramp I mean he should be he's gonna be carted around like Hannannibal lector after reading those texts oh my god that's gonna open up when shit like that is revealed we're gonna something it's good now we're like no no this is like so funny because it's like this has happened like a couple years ago gave you an idea like this was like 2017 i wrote this uh this movie and was about to get optioned

and uh my manager's like, oh yeah, I think this company's going to be, I think it's going to be good. And then that company was the Weinstein Company and it was two days before the big fucking story broke. And my manager's like, this will blow over. I'm like, two weeks later,

I'm like, yeah, I think this is a movement. I don't think this is a catalyst for a movement. No, the whole company went under yeah but you still have no but they were about to buy it they didn't buy it so it was like it was that day but there was a fire sale for the all that stuff in the way yeah wide scene company they should have just changed it to they should just change the name of the company to like a muslim name or something protect themselves you know the free palestine film group a Muslim name or something. Protect themselves. The free Palestine film group.

Just keep it rolling. I've never, you know, I was thinking about it though. I've never been like, what is it about like once you have a billion dollars it's like, the only thing that gets me off is stinky poo-poo. It's something... I guess you just have full

access to everything and nothing really turns you on. I mean, I kind of do a bit about this, but I think it's the other way. I think stinky poo-poo makes you fucking horny as hell and that's so disgusting and weird that you're just like, I gotta do anything to not think about that

and so I'm gonna really work at a business you know what i mean i'm just gonna like focus on like spreadsheets and writing emails and like anything to keep me from the sticky poo poo and then and then and then then you do have a billion dollars and you go like i mean just imagine just broaching that subject with a sex worker has got to be tough what just piss on me piss on me i guess is different but like the what can i caca on you can i do the can i shit all over you oh yeah i wonder i wonder i wonder like they're probably a little bit disgusted but it's also like a huge payday yeah it's probably like the wife of that serial killer where you're like fuck but i get a million bucks yeah i gotta get the and i didn't kill anybody i'm not in trouble i was larping i

actually like this wasn't it wasn't real but i did consider like sex work like at some point I was like look I don't make a lot as a guy when we started the podcast you said you wanted to be a stripper in Vegas yeah I wanted to try stripping and then I wanted to like try and be like you know pick up old rich Jews in Central Park yeah you have to fuck guys if you want to make money as a male sex worker

yeah yeah there's I mean I don't know if you're like there's got to be sugar mamas Yeah. There's, I mean, I don't know, if you're like, there's gotta be sugar mamas out there. That's what I'm saying. That's why I say, you know? I mean, Tommy's a very

good looking man for a comic, but to like, be like a male whore, you have to be like, you have to be Jacob Award-y, you know?

You're saying I'm a Pittsburgh 8. Yeah. You have to be a New York 10. I mean, no offense, it's like, you have to be like,

you know, you can't just be a, yeah. You're gotta be like unless you fuck dudes and that's a whole other thing oh dude you'd be so jealous of other dudes all the time you'd be so taking my puss yeah yeah someone take your spot yeah you know but i'd be like you gotta take me out to dinner why are you looking at him so much more funny than this guy. Yeah, yeah. He's hot, yes. It's also a thing, like, when I saw, I saw some time ago. But I'm hot. It's really about the conversation. Yeah.

A male sex worker for, and it's usually, like, women who've, like, older women who are virgins. It's, like, very sad. Yeah. You know, it's not, it's not like, you have to, like, go on a date, like, care for them. It's, like, a whole, you know, it's a happy little pair, you know? Yeah, it's like a whole i always think about like a pair you know yeah it's a high end high end hookers that's that's the the goal right yeah it's like a college basketball player wants to get to the nba i think like a street worker if they're not all methed out or heroined out trying to get money for drugs let's talk about a clean stripper first right clean stripper is

like i'm gonna get my bag to pay for my college yeah and i'm gonna skedaddle now they can do only fans if you're doing sex work at a high end where it's like three thousand dollars a night for a couple hours yeah your clientele yeah even for women you you're talking about really rich, disgusting old fucking white men. Yeah. And I can't imagine, even if I was getting the bag, going into that room, if she has money, and she just smells like Werther's, and she's just some old bat that just makes me bounce. Well, that's the work part of it. Yeah.

But how do you... You got to take pills. You got to inject your bird. I mean, I'm sure you got to, I'm sure you got to take pills. It's got a whole thing where even if you think you're clean, you can't be. As a woman, you just walk in there, close your eyes, you hit the pouch. I don't know. Maybe they just get off on seeing someone happy.

That's how sad you are? You think that's what they're getting off on? I'm just saying if you're a male, if you're a male hooker, high-end hooker, maybe just like making old ladies happy is what gets you off. Yeah. You know? Oh, God.

There's male nurses. It's 2023. Of course it's male nurses. I'm just saying that it's like the caring for people probably turns them on. It's also 2024. All I know is it's like my guy. When's this coming out?

This guy prerecorded six months ago. Straight friends, including myself, have paid for sex. It can be a lot of money. But like guys, gay guys I know who buy for sex, it's like you can get like a 10 for like 200 bucks. It's like. For gay dudes. If you're buying dick, it doesn't matter. Like dick is so under, like it's so undervalued.

Yeah. Still? Compared to pussy. Yeah, for sure. Because like a guy is just, there's a undervalued yeah compared to pussy yeah for sure because like a guy is just there's a guy's just more willing to fuck man yeah you know all right well yeah you could just fuck a guy like you just fuck a hot guy i bet like any any one of us for no money yeah yeah like even i could fuck a dude yeah whatever i could call my wife

and I'd be like, hey, this person wants to fuck me for money. She wouldn't even know. She'd be like, how much? Do you get fucked or are you doing the fucking? I'll take what I can get. Yeah, but it makes a big difference. If I'm doing the fucking... This is the question, how much to get fucked in the ass?

So we're getting fucked in this scenario. Yeah, you're getting fucked in the ass how much I mean if the person was anything like this real estate company they'd be like will you come over I'll pay you a thousand dollars to suck your dick and then I would get there and they'd be like you're gonna pay me a thousand dollars and I'm going to fuck you laughing

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