Stuff Island - Bedcast - Stuff Island #202

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

Tommy and Chris are coming at you live from a Philly Hotel Room Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel  @LookatDish  where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code STUFFISLAND. That's code STUFFISLAND to get $300 in bonus bets instantly when you place your first bet of $5 or more---plus over $200 off NFL Sunday Ticket from Youtube and YoutubeTV. The Crown is Yours. Gambling Problem? Call 1800-Gambler. In New York, call 86778HOPENY or text HOPENY (FOUR SIX SEVEN THREE SIX NINE). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789--7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas. Fees may apply in IL. 21 plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. See sportsbook.drftkings.com/promos NFL Sunday Ticket offer for new subscribers only and auto-renews until cancelled. Digital games and commercial use excluded. Restrictions apply. Additional NFL Sunday Ticket terms at youtube.com/go/nflsundayticket/terms. Limited Time Offer Use code STUFFISLAND at checkout at Https://www.chubbyshorts.com/stuffisland to get 10 dollars off your first purchase! Go to https://www.Shopskimsmens.com and let them know we sent you after you place your order select our podcast STUFF ISLAND on the dropdown menu that follows! Take the first step to get some help and get 10% off your first month at Https://www.Betterhelp.com/stuffisland SUB TO PATREON: patreon.com/stuffisland Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And so it's come to past, um, the mustard pants. You waited until we started to get this out? You wouldn't jump off with your? I had mustard sweats for so long, and I got nothing but grief. You know why? I got nothing. Hold on. Color, first of all, you're color.

There are exactly the same color. Great color. Go back to the catalog. It's a great color. You're right. Go back to the catalog. You're not wrong. Let me finish.

It was the color combinations beyond that. Oh, come on. I wore this exact outfit. No, you'd have like a fucking sky blue hoodie. That's nice. That you didn't know with sky blue. You're wearing fucking bright green shoes. That's nice.

Sky blue with those pants. Once a month, you come out looking like a bag of gummy bears. Nobody knows how you did it. You fit a lot of gummy birds in these pockets. Yeah, right, dude. Japanese, man. Japs love gummies. Japs, long gummies.

The bedcast is a little weird without holding a microphone. I think it's better. I get one of those? Yeah. You have to go back downstairs for a bottle. I'm just getting something. I'm parched. Yeah, what a week, huh?

What a week. Yeah. Crazy. Four days. What a wild four days. I just want to reiterate how good my cousin's Sean's pizza was. Dude, I thought about it.

And he's doing stuff. I don't even like saying it because it makes the pizza sound bad. But the low cow, the lactose free, it's not a lactose free cheese. That's not even the best. It's a special cheese that they use the bacteria from the inside of a cow's gut to eat the lactose and make it just. All the bad stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's great. So the way he separates from the curds and then he says. It's like Pac-Man nipping at the... All the stuff that ladies' stomachs can't handle. You know, the weak. The problem is he's in fucking Pittsburgh. Just try it. Go try it. It's fucking awesome. Well, they're opening up a place in New York.

Still, I got to get on a fucking flight for my girl to eat a piece of pizza. You know, expensive $2,000 pies. You'll send the dough down to you. Get shipping. Yeah. You said you were going to get in and make a pizzas. I'm going to get to make a pizzas. I really, I want to get going.

He's using sourdough, semolina. As the dust. Yeah. And then he uses low fat, not skim, full fat, but low moisture mozzarella. And he said the dough and the cheese weighed out are one to one. Really? Yeah. I think he said like 50 grams or something like that, which is incredible.

So like the weight of the cheese holds itself and it's not over cheesy, it's not undercheased. the sauce still it carries you know yeah it carries this was unbelievable he emulsified too you know no idea he uses the uh immersion blender yeah oh he does a little salt two tablespoons of salt basil right on top right in the fucking can it's amazing it is amazing it's amazing that somebody that is that proficient yeah he went nuts with it yeah prolific Yeah, proficient. And he's still like, there's no secrets. There's no, it's like, this is what we do.

Yeah. And it was fucking unbelievable. I thought it would be a very secretive. Yeah, I thought he was going to be a dick about it. I was hoping he was. And he goes, ah, because he just started four years ago. There's got to be. He's probably putting pre-work out in or something.

By the way, yeah. Dude, I'm flying right now. I should have to be a list of now. Dude. Everyone but me's on pre-work out. Bro. Me, I'm on Meadhead Coke, dude. Josh is doing his taxes and jacking off.

Holy shit, dude. I'm going to run down to my room in between these pods. Just to hammer out. This is some fat-ass mature. Dude, this is fantastic shit. I was a zombie all day, dude. Dude, look at him. He went from, like, very some dude.

Yeah, he's been scratching his head for 30 minutes. This monkey brink him. over there dude when he came out of the elevator to get me he didn't he didn't even be like yo what's up he just like he just like had his hands in his pockets and he walked there and he came in here hits pre-workout twice twice and he's dancing dude he's like doing like hip flexor shit hello my baby hello my darling now my right my my knees cracked my hip is like oh what time i got hit in football i got hit football

it never healed the same it never healed the same like no one asked no one asked he's having full conversations with himself yeah this room is 50 square feet there's no room for you to be bouncing off the walls

it really does work though this is one chair that's why we're in bed what yeah you guys are having like a cocaine level reaction to it even you oh I've been trying dude I slept three fucking hours

yeah to give you we shot three look at dishes we shot San Giro Festival we shot the one-bite pizza festival and we shot Dan and Katie and then today was our day off

but it was also travel yesterday so I woke up after three hours because I'm starting to get like on a schedule where I'm waking up way too early yeah yeah hungover as fuck and then I just sip IPAs all day that

That'll do it. Yeah, and I just drank 10 beers. The IPA is like, I mean, it's like putting a fucking weight vest on. Yeah, it's baked potatoes all day long. What did you guys do? You bopped around the city? You showed the boy in Philadelphia? We bopped.

We picked up some gear because this kid's fucking spoiled. This kid spent so much money today on us. He's getting all the goods. Hey, when Clay tells you to get it, you get it. Yeah, true. Clay is. And live my life by that code. Shut out, Clay.

That boy is. If he says get it, you get it. Holy Christmas, is he good? Yeah, he's a dog. I saw a few moments on that footage. It's fucking insane. Yeah. What are you captured?

I know. Great times. He's fired up. The whole shit's fucking... It's also fucking... Because his work ethic's so good. Yeah. You know what's weird about him?

He's like holding a camera and lugging shit, and I'm like, I'm exhausted. It's very strange. Visually and audibly with him. Because he's probably, what, 6-2? 6-3? Yeah, he's a big boy. He's built like a string bean. He's always holding a 70-pound camera.

Never bitching. No. And he talks. Never my back hurts. He talks so slow and low, yet everything he says is so plignant. It's like he just gets it. It's the opposite.

I'm a cat in a car trying to make something work as I'm telling it without any knowledge. Yeah. Just constantly lying through my fucking dice. Well, you're like, we'll find it. Don't say that. We'll find it. We'll find it. Yeah, yeah.

It's going to come. The truth is just behind this next life. One more racial term, and then I got it. He's got to find my footing. Yeah, it's nice to be a round guy like that who just fucking all-knowing, wise, calm. He did a little producing the other day, too. When we were at, uh, fucking, uh, spring lounge. I was about to take that last shot.

And he was holding the camera and just went, like this and put his hand between the shop in my mouth. I just found this out today. And I was like, you are right. Maurer and Josh, everyone was worried we were going to get too fucked up. They're like, shoot. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, dude.

We're just putting gas in the tank for a long drive. I'm telling you, it was mostly the fatigue. Yeah. I hate to do the old. This is such a drunk thing to say. I'm not tired because I've been up all night drinking. Yes. It was that.

It was like. Yeah. exhaustion masquerades itself as over consumption of alcohol you know when you're so fucking tired you feel delirious and you're fucked up it's like no you're tired you're a bit of both but like you know

tired starts doing a little pre-workout you're so right back yeah yeah exhaustion does the heavy lifting you know with how fucked up you feel I can't believe this kind of stuff is legal that you can just you can just eat spoonfuls of cocaine I have a tingle in the temple right now that's like a wild feeling. Like my face is, I've done eight balls of coat.

And not felt this jacked up? It's been a while since I've done cocaine. This is like, maybe I'm just a pre-workout guy now. No one was suggesting you did it recently. Oh, my God. And it's usually in a hotel bed, but not with you. But people don't, aren't people eating like, is somebody thicker and blacker? they don't look like this

are our feet in frame Jesus Christ that's all right I put my fucking bare feet on the YG I forgot we did AYG what a fucking nightmare I woke up the next day and I said I'm so sorry Kevin Ryan was like we'll make it work

dude drinking at 8 a.m doing a full look at dish and then going to do AYG that's a crazy fucking day he was being so so nice about it he was like no we needed it yeah we need it's good energy to have he he was also so sober oh was he no i thought he was throwing some beers back he was drinking that fucking you know like kelsey beer he hadn't been drinking since 8 a.m. in the morning yeah

well he's got a kid he's got his shit in order he's taking ozempick so he slowed down folly i thought that would speed him full he looked like you fell down that fucking hill i thought he looked all right no no i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm I walked in there, I was like, whoa, he's on our team, huh? I don't know that face. Dude, he called it early. Yeah, that's the... Relatively early.

I stayed way too late. Let me tell you something. I was drinking, like, to the 10 o'clock game. Then we had to get on. I got a couple wild boys on my fucking lineup that I know when they call it early, they ain't. They got other plans. Yeah, yeah. They got other things to do that are much worse than what we're doing.

Oh, man. jealous I'm jealous too man jealous oh how about the fucking sorry guys I gotta call it yeah yeah

no I gotta head it's like 8 it's 8 p.m you've been on your phone texting your dealer the whole fucking time yeah I just gotta

you know I gotta relax yeah sorry go in the pound town I got a big guy of cocaine to do that some Taiwanese

tiny little darling getting her ass blowing oh my god oh my god Dude, how about the fucking The Indian Uber? Oh, yeah, that was great.

What happened? You don't know the story? Oh, yeah, you weren't in the car. No. Chris, stop acting like the last three days weren't a fucking Hodgepodge blur. Yeah, we took an Uber from

one spot to the next but I forget what we were doing. Airport. It was from the airport? Airport to the hotel. Okay, yeah. Okay. And I had to say,

in front because I ordered an XL and it wasn't so I had to sit in front this guy starts he was very very nice but he started telling like what we think is lies he's ex-military so he saw through the bullshit but I was like send it to it what was he saying he was a sniper he goes guess how many kiddos I have confirmed and I was like what and he goes guess how many kills I have confirmed Yeah, that's the first lie. It's like, they don't confirm I'm over there. Yeah. We're the only ones that confirm them.

Right, no one gives a shit. We're the only ones that can confirm. And I was like, I don't know, 20 goes to 137. And I slapped his chest. While he was driving, I slapped the morning. Dude, I gave him a whack. Couple cocktails on the fly. fucking duh

couple whiskeys deep on the flight bro I fuck it I put it in at the Delta Lounge and I gave him a whack because I was like get out of here you can hear more in the back

going Tommy Jesus but he loved it his glasses shifted a bit yeah and then he got into it he was like he fought for what France

I know I know I know but he was in like he was in yeah you're saying that he was in like Afghanistan with the United States. Yeah. And he said that he was shooting dudes

from like 2,800 meters away. Yeah. No, he said 1,400 yards. Yeah. I'm like, that's 14 football fields. He goes, uh, little less. I'm like, well, you just said 1,400. 1,400 meters?

Yards? Yeah, that's a long shot. That's a long fucking shot. In the mountains. Yeah, you could definitely hit, but it's like... He also said there's like another 40 or 50 that are not confirmed yet. Still in the till.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're still in the till. People are still trying to figure out whether it was him. He was also built like a bag of wine. Well, he was like mushy. He's Indian. He shouldn't be mushy. Yeah.

And it's like you didn't. Ah, that could have been the guy. They're vegetarians. All they do is eat carbs, right boy. You know what the fuck is up. That does. That sounds like an Afghanistan story. Just like a, like a U.S. military guy going, we had this Indian dude looked like shit.

Yeah. A bag of jelly. A bag of jelly. A bag of jelly. A guy could hit a quarter, $1,400. I hope it's real. I hope it's real. Good for him.

You know? And now he's back? Seeing a head fucking explode. He was like, he was a piece. Yeah, dude. He started getting like deep in detail. He's like, a blew up like a water melon. It took it three minutes into the drive.

We had an hour and a half ride from JFK to the hotel. Yeah. Three minutes and he's like, he had a great time. 137 people. probably just afraid of Tommy he's like oh my god hey did ever tell you what I did I used to kill people like all the time

Tommy's in the front seat yeah yeah I'm like a real I'm a murderer well I kept doing shit like this you know what I mean like turn it out I did it was like put on your fucking that's what he's reacting to hey what changed the song you know I've killed a lot of

murder innocent people From a long way away. Then we were rocking. They've got to be least worried about snipers of anyone. They can't be good hand-to-hand combat, right? What? Indies? Snipers. Oh, no, yeah.

It's not their purpose. Right. And you know what? The whole time I was looking at him was wearing glasses and I go, it can't be a sniper if you don't have 2020. And then he came right out of the bat. I didn't say it. I thought it.

Yeah. And he goes, also these are not prescription. This is for the glare. Like, he was on his shit, dude. He's been telling this lie for so long. Yeah, he's been here with that. Oh, yeah, glasses? Yeah.

Then he had to drop the guy off and be like, Nevraig. Yeah. I make an excuse for the glasses. I beg up on his, man. How you feel? I feel pretty good. I mean, this, like, this, again, with microphones,

this would be a little less awful. But just sitting in bed and having a chat. Yeah. It's fucking strange. It's really fucking wild. Yeah. It'd be worse. Why don't you sit on a toilet?

I'll get in the shower. That's kind of a good setup. Yeah, and then we swap. Yeah, yeah. We start tiring out. And just actually shit and shower. We'll do that in a Patreon. You don't shit and shower in public.

God. I got my colonoscopy scheduled. Oh, yeah? Yeah, finally. Is a sniper going to go up there? He's my doctor. Oh, well. One more confirmed kill.

Just scoping my asshole. Are you worried about your colonoscopy? No, I just want to get it done. I want to make sure everything's cool. There's a family history of colitis, Crohn's and ass cancer. Oh, boy. I'm 45. You got to start looking at your buns.

Yeah, you do. You got to take a look up there. You don't know a confessor. We opened the Staples to pick up stuff for Party Boy over here. Party Boy was fucking supermarket sweeping the whole electronic section in Staples. It was raining real hard. I finally got the call that I've been waiting the schedule for a long time. I'm in the corner. Tell me you're coming up.

You're coming up to the big leagues, dude. And Mara and Josh are like in the wings. The fact that that tiny fridge is making me. that much noise. No, it's the air. Oh, is it? Yeah. Well, I guess it's justified.

So this woman's doing a pre-screen before she orders the diarrhea juice. I got to drink for a few days. Yeah. And she's asking me questions about, you know, family history, all that stuff. And the very first question, she's like, you have any, like, loose bowels, diarrhea, bleeding, whatever. And they're walking by. They walk by. It's not a bleeding whatever.

It's a very specific bleeding question. I'm in the corner and the only, I was like, well, I do have a hemorrhoid that bleeds here and there, and they just went, and they just walked. They just walked back into the electronic station. There was no escape. It was raining so hard. Oh, man.

What they put you through just to get your ass checked. You know, it's like I'm doing the right thing. I tried to do this two years ago, three years ago. You go fucking eat your heart out, sniper. What was it going to be? Huh? That was it, Poojadip? That was probably close.

I don't know. I'm glad you said it, not me, for once. You see me get that bug? He got big feet, dude. I do. Remember you maybe rip out my fucking, my hooves on AYG? You didn't believe I had nice feet, and I said, I do. You do have nice feet.

Yeah, they're very dainty. You know what? They just got a nice slope. to them. The problem with feet is when they get all... See, these are women's... These are women's feet. You have nice...

That's a nice male foot. Well, I got, like, the king's toe. I have that, too. That's intelligence, too. When the second toe goes above the head. Yeah, yeah. But my third toe is even making a run for it. My middle brother has fucked up toes that, like,

they sit permanently over the other ones. You know how the Japs get into, like, their tiny heels? I don't know how I could live like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's got, yeah. Because it's hot, they make them walk like sheep. Get your goat heels, piglet. God, dude, footbinding, that's what they call it. Footbinding is insane.

That really is, what? You got something to say about footbinding? A hoof? No, no, no. Dude, you're flying. He is flying. He doesn't know what to do with his energy. You're flying.

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Yeah. There you go. They're low-profile. They're comfy. Yeah. They breathe well. It's like a silk rope for your pecker. Yeah.

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Nothing but smut. dude look all bunch you have bunched up he's leaning in the chair he's doing all the like 80D kid in class stuff he's going to text the group chat at 2 a.m it's crazy guys I got an idea I got an idea I got an idea yeah you guys are going to go out in the town after this I'm not no not tonight you're going to get back to that room and you're saying tomorrow we got a big we got a big film day we're doing We're a cheese steak off. You know what's on the docket tomorrow? You don't.

Did you read the call sheet? I did read the call sheet. We got De Alessandro's. Yeah. We got Pier 68. Lots at the end. We got... The steak shops.

Roast, Johns roast pork. John's roast pork. And there's one of... Angelos. Angelos. These are my three faves. And it will be difficult. Because typically you want to go, the gamut.

But these are three guarantee winners. Is Tony Luke's a cheese stick? Yeah. Yeah, it's good. It's good, but these are the boys. And Delisandras has a different style that I really like. I've got to be honest, I don't think I've had a single one of these besides Johns Roseport. Really?

Yeah. Angela's going to fuck you up. Yeah. It's really fucking great. Also, their pizza's fantastic. Oh, I've had their pizza. That's the one that's right on, right at the beginning of South Philly there. Yeah.

yeah it's 10th I don't know I forget yeah 10th or 11th yeah so we'll peruse my old stomping ground we'll go uh I lived on third and third and Christian I was 13th in Christian really yeah then I lived on spring garden we got it bracketed this good defense like 50 fucking apartments in that little area I know I know and you just walk through those neighborhoods and you just got a just a bad memory and everything Every single corner. Yeah, yeah. Same thing with New York, you go, I bombed an audition out of that building.

I broke up with this ex- fucking maniac in that fucking square. I sat on that bench, drank a 40 by myself, because my dad wouldn't call me back. There's always a fucking story to unravel. We had a nice drive back to Philadelphia. That's funny, you took the car with him, and he dropped you off in fucking Westchester. Yeah, I don't know if he did that. Why didn't you just come with us, you idiot? I didn't know what was happening.

And then you took an hour car? Yeah, I didn't know what was happening. Yeah. You didn't let him know the biz. You thought he was going to drop you off through the city and then work his way back? Well, I kind of, yeah, yeah. I also kind of didn't know how, like, the schedule was going to play out. There was a piece of me that was thinking maybe you guys would come out for a podcast

like that evening. So I was also, you know, who was drunk? I know. How was it drive? I'm sober for the drive I was sober for the driver I was hungover for the drive Yeah you were just exhausted

I was exhausted You're Ossifer? Ossifer I'm exhausted I'm not drunk You leave me alone I was just so exhausted Why don't you just leave me alone Ripped down the turnpike

I got a brand new easy pass Yeah Pretty excited about that Yeah yeah What do mean brand new? I don't know I just got an easy pass They sent it to me

and I put it up there and I worked you can't believe it. Yeah, yeah. You know? I don't know. You always expect it to not work. Yeah, everything. Everything you do the first time doesn't work.

You get a new credit card or a new debit card and it doesn't work. There's always a problem. Dude, every time I get a girlfriend, I expect her not to work. I know, yeah, yeah, yeah. That works in the opposite direction. And it's been Drew.

Yeah. It works in the beginning and it stops working. Yeah, you still get billed. You still get billed. You still lose a ton of money. That's what the women are. They're just easy passes. Yeah.

Come on. Come on. Up top. Yeah, easy pass is great. Sleasy pass. Oh, dude. Come, up top. I don't think they have it.

I don't think they have it in Texas. They got the Texas something. Oh, they bill you. Texas toll roads. Yeah, toll roads. Toll roads. Yeah. And they go through a whole rigamarore

to get like $8. Dude, the amount of, yeah. The fucking envelope, the postage, all this shit. There's got to be. I get $7.50 I can pay online, I do. Every other road is a toll road. Yeah. It's like you're trying to go east.

There's like, you either drive 30 minutes to avoid tolls or you take a three minute exit. Yeah. And they charge you 15 cents. Yeah. Really? Seven letters in the mail. Yeah.

No, I haven't gotten a single one of those letters. Oh, you're going to be. You're going to be. They are. They are racking them up. Wait, like between the airport and the city, are their tolls? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you go east at all, there's going to be, you're, like, hitting toll.

Or west. If you just don't go directly up through the city, you're going to be on a toll road. Really? I haven't gotten a single one of those. Where do they... There's no toll plaza. What's that? Like when you run through a turn style.

fuck you don't even know what you're doing well there's no toll plaza yeah what the fuck's a toll plaza is that an archaic no no i mean do i sound like i'm 80 years old it's like it was like we're talking about what chris why did i hear you for like an all-american in the cross i meant i was like who said that to me he was so funny no he definitely he didn't say probably because i told you it was an all-american right no would you hear that i told you yeah who told me that me well i was doing i was doing i was do you about the longest dick in the world i didn't tell you i had that this is what i had said i had said that my body is getting shitty enough that you turn it into an indian sniper yeah exactly i'm full indian sniper and

bag of bread i said it's getting that place where you go like that guy was a fucking all-american but I didn't actually mean that I wasn't like I was an all-American I was just like yeah saying it then he was like were you were an all-American who I was like no he was like where did you hear that I said it yes that rules good for you man just like the Indian sniper you got to spread misinformation but dude I the the old like those old sales guys like the old like business guys and some of my some of my Lex buddies are doing it now because they're like sales dudes they're like they're in that corporate sales world yeah they drop jocks love getting the sales dude they they they drop that kind of stuff

all the time hey you met Chris all-American yeah they'll just lie about 100% I like this to everyone around you it's like it's crazy did you know that enterprise only hires like ex-athletes really yeah that's a real thing look at me I believe it I've had a couple experiences with Enterprise they were not these these ladies were not they were not all-American yeah

heavy emphasis on the X yeah they were all non-americans yeah yeah look at no some fucking portly

Jamaican giving me shit about my fucking insurance yeah yeah it's true you played basketball like the paw yeah

No, they do. It's like a sales tax. You want you to like... Be scared. Yeah. Let's get the fly. Oh, yeah. Wait, what's the, yeah, what's the idea?

The idea is that you're like... You sell knife insurance? You're like, you like go like, oh, Enterprise is like a nice company. They have like attractive athletes that work for. Oh, are you? It's a real thing. Look it up. That's pretty sad right now.

Yeah, please do. Let's know how many hot Dominicans are we're going to enter. Things go south. I can always get a job at Enterprise. Carlinthole. Damn, you'd stick out, right? Yeah, yeah. This redhead thinks he knows

about Dominicans at Enterprise. You've been doing research? Right here. Enterprise actively hired. He's not reading anything on the screen. I'm surprised you're reading it so patiently. You think that's patient? Enterprise Actually,

I got it right here. I got it right here. Especially from recognizing They do it because they recognize, the former athletes recognize teamwork, leadership, discipline, and work ethic. They develop our valuable lessons, valuable assets to their business. And they sponsor NCAA and they partner with athlete network and highlights. That's true. Well, you were saying this earlier today at lunch.

That, like, the feeling you had leaving the Marines, it's camaraderie, you played sports your whole life, then you jump in the stand-up comedy, everyone's out for themselves. there's not a lot of community it's hard to find if you do find it and it feels like you're lost Enterprise got it right they go where can we find a pack of fucking

handsome Browns that understand the dugout mentality what? Why do you think it's all blacks Browns? Browns we're talking about Dominicans well they're fucking tan I don't know

I don't think that's wrong to say Why can't I describe You call him pink I call him pink Yeah, I got to be Mr. Pink Because I sing it Mr. You're Mr. Brown Yeah

Just me dancing around Cutting your fucking ear off Pousin you in gas No It's a good move Sales guys should be X fucking Jocks You know

They should have They're just like you're picking up car keys. I still don't understand whether the rental car process is so difficult. Yo, you went on the road with him, right? Yeah. So where'd you go to Atlanta? Yeah. Anywhere else?

No, you know. You watch his disposition at the counter of a hotel checking in? It's one of my favorite things in the world. Watch him. This one I was actually pretty patient for it. You're good, yeah. Watch him lose his fucking skull. It's the best, dude.

Because I do get it There's like an S&L sketch Where they're logging into like a Oh no it's a movie It's an old school like late 80s early 90s movie Yeah At like the airport and they're hitting like a thousand buttons They're like what are you doing?

What are you doing? And Chris just goes Every time Every time we check into a hotel He goes I'm fucking Just give me Give me the key Here's my payment

Give me the key I don't need to know how this hotel works. And the last question, so I'll go, have you, stay with this before? Yes, he'll say it like that. Yeah. Yes, and obviously we've never stayed there before, but it's like, it's the same thing. Well, it's like a restaurant, a waitress. Yeah.

You ever eaten here before? Just say yes. Dude, I mean, imagine they could just keep it going forever. They bring you into the room. There's a toilet. You ever seen a toilet before? Yeah. It's like, yeah, dude, fucking shut up.

Yeah, yeah. And then they do this thing, too, where it's like you fucking, And you pay for it. Like in the app, you get the room. You put down a card. And then you get there and they're like, can we see a card? And you're like, you have it. Yeah.

You have like. You have the whole purpose of that process. You have everything you need to charge me. So just give me the keys. Don't tell me about the elevators. Don't tell me about breakfast. Yeah. Tell me about what other things are available in the area.

There's a restaurant next door that's going to open at 11 a.m. I don't fucking care. Yes. I'm trying to beat off, take my woke-as-fuck. I got a shit. I got a shit. I just got off a plane. I'm like ready.

I'm ready to shit. Prairie dog. Or I have to piss so bad. I got a lump of coal hanging out my bun. Yeah. And they're like, let me search the hotel for. Dude, when I was in... What?

I was in Oklahoma a couple months ago. And I was doing a weekend out there. and I got a motel for the weekend and I got to my... You got a motel in Oklahoma? Yeah, $30 a night. And I... No.

I get to my... I check in. Come on, man. We give you enough here. You got to stop doing stuff like that. Aren't you engaged? Yeah. You got to stay alive for her.

You can't be doing motels in Oklahoma. Hit the motel. Bringing bed bugs back? That's crazy. I went into the room though, right after checking in. It was the only room available. And I went in there and there was shit.

in the toilet definitely a clean lady that's crazy that's a Dominican and Enterprise leaving a pile of yeah leaving a pile of meat shit in the toilet just left did you flush it yeah flushed it went down there and went to the hotel and I was like oh that's your first mistake you got to keep it yeah keep it in there you got to destroy the evidence yeah the guy was like what you want me to do about it give me a new room yeah yeah yeah And he was like, no, there's only the shit room. Yeah.

Where are we all shit? We're all booked out at this motel in Oklahoma. It's a busy night. They pulled that shit. He took my fucking room. So this bed, we're on as a king. Okay. Cock sucker checks in first.

I slept on a bunk bed, dude. They called it a queen. It was not even a full. It was like a twin. Oh, my goodness. So, of course, my girl and I were like, move over. You can't. My arms are hanging out.

My hip has a crack like this fat fucking fucking. It's like, it's crazy. I feel like I'm getting, like, injuries sleeping with my girl. Yeah. Because, like, she's got the whole bed and I have, like, an arm hanging off. I feel like my elbow is starting to, like, overextend. Dude, toss a dog in there. My dog is such a bitch.

She does this thing now where she walks in between us all the way to, like, shoulder level. turns her ass and drops she drops like a fucking like a WWF fucking elbow like purposely to be a cunt and we just sit there and deal with it and I get pushed away and pushed away and she has a good fucking time

that's nice these two broads they have a good fucking time yeah both of them don't have a job I'm kidding you're working on it shout out boo Shout-out Buka. My baby. Bucca.

Man, I miss the dog. I miss the dog stomping around on my legs. Yeah, it's fun, man. It's so great. I'm going to have to get rid of your bed frame that you've offered me. Not going to get rid of it. I'm going to put it somewhere else because I'm going to upgrade the king. Yeah.

Bucca's taking up too much space in the queen. It's becoming a problem. You got to do it. We've got to get more bed space. You got some good work out of that bed. Oh, yeah. That bed's well traveled. Mm-hmm.

New York, Texas. New York, Texas. I've seen half the country. Yeah. I got rid of bed the second move. I had a whole separate, ornate guest bedroom, the first apartment. Yeah, yeah. First house we rented in Austin.

Tost it. Did you get a lot of use out of that extra room? No. No, we had her mom stay. My dad stayed. Not the same time. Because there's such a crazy fantasy you have when you're setting up the guest bedroom. And you go, yes, now we're unstoppable.

Yeah. Anyone can visit. Yeah. We're going to have parties. It's like putting tiki lamps in your backyard. Yeah, yeah. You think you're going to be fucking. Oh, my God.

We're going to be hanging out here. Yeah, you're going to be hosting parties every weekend. Nobody comes because you don't invite anybody. Yes. Because you wake up every day, you go, I don't want that shit. Yeah. I'm not even going to light the lamps. Yeah.

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some respect with chubbies now back to the episode it's just like you're just asking yourself you want a massive cleanup i think the idea of of a party and and entertaining in general is just such a i think it's like a i'm not going to say it's a lady brain thing but it's like the way you perceive a wedding people are like it's going to be 200 people there it's going to be it's going to be a chocolate fountain everyone's still on until four yeah we're going to have so much fun it's like for who for what how many friends do you have yeah how many how many people do you think you're fucking inviting how many dinner parties could you throw at your house and it does feel like everyone's so busy they're always just like right we did it we did it we

We made it, they go to bed at 11. Yeah. You're like, why did we do this? If you don't have a dog, get a dog. Because that's an excuse to go. I can't make it to your party. I'm so sorry. Sorry about your, you know, it's like that meme going.

It's too long. I'm not reading it, but congrats or I'm sorry. Yeah. Unless my grandmother was up until like 3 a.m. Pounding beers. Yeah. I'm like, this was a waste of, why do we do this? I mean, growing up.

We had some really great family parties. Our family parties were so fucking fun. At like ants' houses, our house. All the aunts and uncles were fucking booze bags and drug addicts. Yeah. Yeah, 80s and 90s. It was a totally different time. It was so fun.

And then you try and recreate that. You go to your brother's house for Thanksgiving. It's just a bunch of old people farting on the fucking couch. No one's really slamming fucking pre-workout. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Always getting ripped on. workout?

You're just in the garage with your brother doing Coke until fucking 4 a. Yeah, yeah. Which ain't bad. Yeah, no, it's not bad. But, dude,

my brother still brings us up. He just got this house in Delaware because his wife, my sister-in-law, was a doctor. And she did a residency in Christiana Hospital.

Okay. And they just bought this house and it was like right around 4th of July my brother throws a party. and we had a brick of fireworks like a full

nice turn to that story we have brick dude we're all yipped out of our skull we're getting it's like three o'clock in the morning I don't know if I forget

I don't know if we were on like Ex-C or Coke or something we were out of our fucking skull and I tell my brother Brian I'm like yeah I'm going to throw these fireworks in the fire pit and he's like don't

don't and they just had a baby The baby's like six months old sleeping Jesus Christ I tossed this thing in As soon as he got up to take a piss I tossed a giant brick Of like you know a hundred fucking

It's not like the high-powered one But it's the bag bag bag Yeah yeah And it went brrr like for you know Puerto Rican Day Parade Time shit This thing rattles off for like 30 seconds He still brings it up

He was so fucking pissed He goes I can't wait till you have your own house and your own baby, and I go, it's not going to happen. You'll never get me back. Bags on you. Bags on. Dude, tell a story.

I can't. Come on, man. I can't. That's for Shane to tell. It's so funny. The bags on you. Dude, I, uh, oh my God. That kid's, the kid's grown now, right?

Yeah, she's 18. Afraid of fireworks? No. I'm toughing her up. Yeah. Oh, really? She's got some deep trauma in there somewhere she can't identify. Dude, have you met my brother?

He's the ultimate firework. Nothing to do with loud bangs. I just talked to Ian Finance. He's trying to get my niece and her friends to meet the Lumineers on Friday at Citizens Bank Park. Oh, shit. Which is very cute. That is very cute. So I just send them their names and contact information.

And, of course, Ian, that pig was like, how old is she? Oh, my goodness. Because he kept asking me all these questions leading up to it. And I went, dude, chill. Absolutely fucking chill. She's 16. Let me do you a favor. You and all your hot nieces friends.

Yeah, they are smokes, but they're 16, and they don't have a penis, so Ian would hate them. Oh, no, he'll... No, he likes that ladybird. He likes that... He likes that ladybird. such a fascinating thing it is you know

yeah you ever get caught in the porn no but I'm saying that like even if you're into that kind of stuff yeah you'd think it would lose its appeal why I don't know it's like saying tits would lose their appeal it is kind of like they're all different size

different hanging they flop around a lot or maybe they don't it's fun I don't know it feels like it's a roll of dice who what's under there, you know? I don't want to sound, you know, out of line here, but it feels like a bit of a gimmick. Chicks with dicks? Yeah, it's a little bit of a...

Yeah. You know, but, you know, I'm being closed mind. Yeah, because they got all the goods. It's true. I guess that is true. That's the gimmick is like, yeah, what do you like? I got this, I got that. It's like a fucking...

But at some point, they don't have a vagina that's got to rub you the wrong way a little bit. Yeah. I don't know. No, I think there's, I mean, there's obviously a fantasy about just knocking around the back door. Yeah, yeah, for sure. That's what we all desire, but we never get. I mean, I think, I think you, sometimes, yeah, sometimes you look at the back door and you go, I'd love to go in there, but at what cost.

Right. You know what I mean? Right, right. You know what I mean? Yeah. What's it going to be like, yeah. If you choose door number two. Yeah.

You could go home with what's you got on the one of the one. Oh, my God. You're so right, dude. Furniture's blown out everywhere. You know? It was a leaking ceiling thing. You're right. You're right. Well, true, I think true ass starlets, they prep.

And we talked about this. They prep. It's true. They take the fucking, they take the pill. They clean out the fucking alleyway. Yeah. And there's not much to. worry about.

They're always prepared for a colonoscopy. That's going to be a funny thing. 100%. Yeah. They're always prepared. There's someone going, you got to drink this drink, you got to do this thing, and they're like, trust me. Yeah.

It's going to be fun. Yeah, there's a stop sign in your asshole. The doctor trying to walk them through it. Yeah. All right, guy. It's just a crossing guard in there. Come on. Come on him.

I've been doing this a long time. Yeah. It's the only thing that makes me. shake. I don't need the safety harness. Yeah. We're going to be alright. There is something very hot and wild about, you know,

a slam pig that likes it in the cane. And it actually works. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I've only had one. They're prepped for it. And they legitimately get off. Like they prefer it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because the orgasm is apparently way better. Way better. But you've got to break through the crust. You gotta beat that mid in, dude. You know? When you get a new, brand new catcher's mitt. You gotta get that leather, you gotta wrap it, you gotta put it under the mattress, you put it in the fucking oven.

That's what these girls have to do, these slam pigs have to, they have to work that fucking butthole for a while. And then once it gets to the comfortability of just going, slide it back in there. I can't imagine they're toots magoots. It probably just falls out like a set of car keys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good ventilation.

It is. It is. There's no, yeah, there's no sea. It's like a soda losing all with carbonation. Yeah, yeah, instantly. You can't leave the cap off that long. No more bubbles. What the opposite of soda stream is?

Where are we out? I've got to piss. Reverse soda stream. Yeah. 45. What was your Indian sniper friend talking about? What do you mean? In the car. Did he bring that up for any specific reason? I don't know how that. Do you remember how that came up? Dude, we just got in the car and he was driving. It was quiet for a second. He was like,

you know how that did before driving over? No, I must have initiated some kind of conversation. Dude, he brought it out by him. So that's, he was, yeah. It's funny to steal Indian ballad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like American ballot. Yeah. Well, he did say he was in Australia. Oh, really? Yeah, he said he was in like four different locations. Afghanistan, Australia, Iraq. Why did you think he was lying?

Because he said he killed 137 people. Yeah. And he also said there's a bunch on the till. Yeah, that's not. You don't do that? What's the... None. Most people kill no people.

Yeah. What are you talking about? In the military? Yeah, no. Right now, like, most... It's like the same way most cops don't fire. They're gone. yeah yeah but then there are people that do both

no for sure but even then 137 like Chris Kyle would like at like 120 or something yeah see he's Indian Chris Kyle but this guy would be a famous Indian guy who wouldn't be driving Uber it was a nice car in New York so he'd be the most famous Indian sniper of that time yeah yeah true

have you ever seen that dude there'd be a dance number, you'd be shooting people? 100%. Have you ever seen the Indian like Maverick or the Indian like Top Gun? No.

Oh, it's crazy. An actual movie? Yeah, yeah. And it's like it's They just remake pretty much. Yeah. And they're just ripping around and it's just like what they, you know, I don't know.

It's always so funny to like see what other cultures think are like hot guys. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, true. What are they attracted to? They must look at us the same way

or maybe not. I don't know. Dude, did you remember the, Indian guy that was the star in Aladdin on Broadway? No. You didn't see this guy? No. At our gym, yeah, because of our trainer. One of the other trainers was training

fucking the actor, the Aladdin on Broadway. Tall, beautiful, rip Aladdin. Damn. Yeah. I carried his carpet the whole fucking day. I'm due for an Aladdin rewatch. You're do. for an Aladdin rewatch? Yeah, dude.

I haven't seen Aladdin in a minute. Oh, dude. Oh, thank you. That would be crazy. I'm dude. If you're like, okay, guys, saw Aladdin again last night. I bet it holds up.

Yeah, yeah. I'm on a real Aladdin thing. That's some real sniper mentality. Did they make an Aladdin too? No. No, you perfect it once you're done. No sequel to Aladdin? No.

There should have been a spin-off with fucking. Godfrey, as a parrot, just running through his life. Yeah. You know. Now you fucked. Or yeah, just like The Little Mermaid. He also shit my pants.

What happens at the end of The Little Mermaid? Did she go back to being a mermaid? Chris is horny, dude. No, I'm just wondering. I forget. What happens at the end of Little Mermaid? Does she go back to being a mermaid? Yeah.

No, she works at fucking 7-Eleven. What do you mean? What do you, putting her in real life? Yeah, she's a Eric, Mary, and she sails away on a ship, a happy ending for them. Yeah, she, I don't think she does become a mermaid. Yeah, transformed into a human by her father, the Triton, King Triton. Yeah, be nice. I don't know, if you can trust it.

Is that movie now considered like, I don't know, something, complicated? Oh, like a problem or something. Yeah. Why? Because you'd think that the movie now would be like you just, You know, you meet the guy and he's great, but you go, I can't not be a fish anymore. Right.

I got to keep my half fish body. Yeah, it's too misogynistic. Yeah, yeah. That would be a fun second movie is that actually they live in like a tiny apartment in fucking New York, struggle with bills. Yeah. And it's, yeah. Yeah, he's fucking, her best friend.

Yeah. She's still trying to figure out how not to be in water. Yeah. He takes advantage of. that I should have never left the water you go back to the kingdom the kingdom's like there's a lot of like political strife oh god it's kind of falling apart

her hair's falling out her allies yeah anxiety how am I gonna make the next fucking months rent she's eating dollar sliced pizza her tits fall away yeah and this is all happened yeah yeah she's a bartender she's a bartender of day shifts the big form of $10 after four hours

it'd be a good show and then she'd got to go back to her dad beg to get her body back yeah you know what I mean yeah oh my god and then she would get her emaciated little mermaid yeah she'd get her fins back so sad getting in shape you know because there's a lot of the swimming yeah that's what kept her good most of her like hot body was probably from the swims 100% dude surfer surfer buddy yeah you get on land you start walking around your princess your You take a hot fucking surfer lady from from California, throw her in Iowa, like breadboy. Yeah. She's going to be a lump of cold.

Exactly. Like the fucking Indian sniper. Yeah. Not, it's not, yeah. And then fucking, what's the crab that's saying under the sea? Yeah. It's the ashton. Yeah.

It's crazy. Boy. You don't like him. No, no. I love him. Yeah, that's great. You're the crab. Yeah.

You are the crab under the sea. Under the sea. And he would get, boy, that'd be. Banner Day for him. He's like, I fucking told you. Yeah. I fucking told you under the sea. Yeah.

Up on the land, they slave all day. Yeah. Under the sea, it's where it's at. Yeah, this is where it's at. Yeah. And that would be fitting. That would be, that would be like, if she finally learned how to live like a normal life outside of the sea. But then she kills herself and she jumps into a, and then the end scene is.

Her floating like a feather You couldn't have her kill herself You gotta have her No, she doesn't make it She doesn't make it out of this This is a fucking drama It's a dark drama You're thinking about the opening shot

Is just like her obese In the king's bed Running out on a Waffle House filled Just humming under the sea Trying to get the fucking The George Washington Bridge To fucking do a sailor's dive She forgets how to swim

And she drowns And then the crab Sebastian eats her face Can she still breathe under water now that she's got legs? No, she lost those lungs. She lost the lungs. Oh, speaking of. Anyway, I'd like to see them make a Little Mermaid sequel.

Oh, you know, let me text my agent. What happened to the big, what about the big mean lady in Little Mermaid? Ursula. Does she die? Oh, the golf beef bag? Yeah. Yeah. In Little Mermaid, Ursula is ultimately defeated when Prince Eric impales her with the boat, the sinking shill,

which is struck by lightning during a storm, killing her and destroying her magic. As she dies, her power dissolves and king's right, and then all the other mere folk under her spell are returned to their true forms. Jesus. It's pretty good. She looked like a great grandmother with bad breath. That's the one, right? Yeah. Bags and dark eyeliner.

Just a real Mediterranean pig. Does Jafar die too in Aladdin? No, he's a sniper. He drives Uber. He drives Uber. Picking people have a JFK. He knows how to get a job. I used to have a Jeep.

this is great research what's what's jafar's got to what's jaffar up to josh jaffar dies in direct to video sequel to the return of jafar oh they did make this see i like this after lego kicks his lamp into a volcano he also dies in the later appearance in the

disney's hercules animated series where hercules breaks his staff but is revived again by hating from the same episode his death is in the return of jafar in his final appearance in the Aladdin continuity. Wow. Is Aladdin in Return to Jafar? Chris.

What? Come on, dude. Let's dismount. What do you mean? Why are you so invested? Yes, Aladdin is a central character in the return of Jafar, appearing as the protagonist who must foil to Jafar's plan to take over Abra-Gaba.

Another Uber driver. He rides for Lyft. Yeah, the rival. Not going to be a city anymore. Not going to drive you home. The film is a direct-to-video sequel to the original old. Wow. He's a hero when he has to stop, Jafar's return in revenge plot.

He's a fake to Jafar. He leads the fight against the former grand advisor, Jafar, who is a skil. from his lamp Oh And he defends Agrabah And Agrabah In Princess Jasmine

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