Stuff Island - Behind The Walls - Stuff Island #218

Episode Date: January 21, 2026

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Yeah, I watch the speech. I always watch the I have a dream speech. MLK a day. Is it really? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, get you motivated? Reminds me, yeah. It's a good speech.

Yeah, I usually take a bus to D.C. And I drink from the lake. Yeah, yeah, take a sip. Yeah, just to let you know that I'm better than you. I don't just watch. I put myself in the scene. I love that. Just a polar plunge.

Yeah. There had to be, I mean, how many millions of people were down there? There had to be a couple dudes pissing in that war. Right? A couple side piece? Yeah. I actually, like, I... They didn't have porta-potty set up for them.

It wasn't like... Yeah. It's a tailgate in the middle of nowhere. I'm not really sure they had their, like, event shit squared away at the time. I swear to... It's been a year since, obviously, since I've watched the video. I... I think... I think they might have put something over it

so people could stand on it. Or maybe they're just in the reflecting pool. I don't know. Yeah. But I'm pretty sure it's like filled in with people. I don't think it's empty. They just treated it like a Caribbean cruise. Just got ripped in water.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pull your pants up. It was the 60s. Every guy was still in like a white shirt and a black tie. And a hat. Yeah. Oh, man. So what happened?

There's a dead animal in my? my house? Yeah, that's why, hence the new setup. We're going to confuse everybody. Every fucking show we're in a different house. Yeah, your cousin informs me this afternoon that she now sleeps in the podcast room because there's a dead possum

in the living quarters. Caught beneath the walls, behind the walls, just slowly decaying and emitting, you know, the trench warfare death smell of World War I. Did you go back there and smell it? No, not yet.

I'm going to wait till we're done because I don't want to jerk all before the podcast. Dude, we just, do you remember we recently had the same problem at my place? No. Yeah, I told you about this guy, Rowdy, who's my... Oh, yeah. He's not just a Roman guy, he's a fucking, he's a biologist. And he shows up like, who's the dick and he got killed by Stingray? Steve Irwin.

He wears like a Steve Irwin. He wears like a Steve. Irwin outfit he's got cackies with too many pockets and they're all filled with things he needs petri dishes and fucking magnifying glasses got that his hand hard hat you dude he's got it all and he's going in it our our death was in the in the in the dead of summer so this fucker this this guy was roasting early and just what was your is it a possum or a rat or what was no they found it it was a mice they it's they don't really have rats here just a holocaust of mice in the yeah I'd say a mid-sized mouse, not quite a rat.

A rat is the size of an opossum. It's fucking huge. Yeah. We don't have those here. But we also have, like, the back alleys where we live, where there's trash and they can find food. Because it's not commonplace to just have mice the way we did in New York City every season, you know? Yeah, yeah. Because there's not an abundant in some trash on the fucking curb.

But it also feels like there's big holes in all these houses. I feel like. Yeah. I don't know what's going on. they don't seal stuff up. I don't know if everything's just so old. They, like... Yeah.

Well, that was the first step of the process. He goes around the exterior's looking for, for entry points, and he cages those guys up, and then he finds out how did they get inside the dry wall from what point, and there's two different... Where was your mouse?

Where was your mouse dead? Close to our bedroom, just like she had to deal with. God, man. So at the middle of the night, like three in the morning, you just hear, like, fucking... Like, like... Like fighting a fighting rat

Trying to get... No, no. The dog would start barking And the mice are trying to find an exit Because they'd be scratching through And then screaming. Holy shit. Yeah, I don't want to bring up an analogy

But it has a lot of showers And clawing the sides of walls. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, knowing it's your last end day And the fucking thing would just scream And I'm either passed out on the couch or I come home a little later than this rat

Holocaust happened. Yeah, yeah. A couple of whiskeys, you're not going to hear those mice screaming. I'm like, he's adorable. Let him go.

That's, that's blending in with whatever you're dreaming about. Yeah, it just adds a little flare. It's all mice screaming anyway. It's like getting a TV

with backlighting. It just enhanced my experience. Yeah, and eventually. It's so funny, your girl being like, do you hear that screaming? It's like something's clawing at the walls.

You're like, oh, can you? you hear that? I thought that was in my head. Yeah. Or it's just me on the couch. Fucking yelling into the woods. I, yeah. Just pausing the murder documentary. So what did my cousin tell you about the possum? They found it?

Yeah, she had some rinky dink fucking Terminix guy come in. He couldn't find it, you know. Yeah. Because he went to six grades of grades in there. Great school. Well, we should have got rowdy. We should have rowdy. Well, I didn't know.

And I told her, I was like, you got to get a fucking professional out here. And eventually the landlord had to get on his hands and he's, you know. Dude, Rowdy went into the attic in the summers here. So he has like a time frame before he sweats out. He lost like 100 pounds before his wedding. So there was like a given take. He looked amazing, dude. But this guy's mice hunting in the attics of fucking Austin, Texas.

And it's like 120. They say like it's 120 and 130 degrees on the roof. With the radiant. Damn. Yeah. The radiant fucking sun banging off the black top and the shingles. That's what we wanted the lamb at, right? That's what we wanted the lamb cooked to. Yeah, yeah.

That's exactly. Medium rare. Yeah. Well, that's why he smelled great. But the fucking animals were dead, dude. This smell of death is, it's, it's unforgettable, immeasurable. It has a, it does something to your nose for a week. Yeah.

I don't know if it's the gases. Like, you have a twang. The top sensor before your olfactory, when you smell a dead animal. I used to landscape for like five years. And we've cut the cemetery at St. Charles Baro Mayo in Drexel Hill. And the undulation of this fucking shit hole, you could see, like, arms of dead bodies coming out at some point. So, like, it was very dangerous. You had to, like, move around bottles.

Just the rains, wash. washing away the... Yeah, 100%. Yeah. The dirt around the corpse. And you would just hit a pigeon or like some vermin and just go... And you would just see feathers

and then it would just smell like Vietnam, like fucking... Oh my God. Just a rice paddy. It's got to be... Pick up your boys yet. You know what I mean? A smell of death has to fuck you up.

It's got to be like evolutionary. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's got to be one of those things. It's like, you need to know that whatever's happening over there... Yeah. You don't want to go over there. Well, it is evolutionary.

It's why we don't eat raw, like spoiled meat. Your body's telling you this is going to make you sick, possibly kill you. It's going to make you shit like crazy. Imagine that with dead bodies while we were cavemen trying to suck on our friends. Did she tell you anything about the possum? She didn't tell me much. She just said there was a dead fucking opossum and the guy couldn't find it because he was fucking useless. She called in.

She was starting to tell me. Yeah. She was starting to tell me you cut her off. You were like saving for the podcast. Oh, no, she didn't give me any information. She just said the guy couldn't find it, and he called you the landlord. The landlord came down here and figured it out. I know, but was the possum, did it have, like, a foot caught in something?

Was it, like, did it just walk in there and take a nap and die? Why isn't it? I didn't get normally critical about this shit. The fucking thing was dead. I thought you were going to give me all the details about the possum. I don't want to know. There's no chalk outline on a fucking possum. caught in the middle of your wall.

You got to do an investigation. It's fucking A&E. Dude, no one gives you shit about this possum. Get it the fuck out of my house. Like, I can eat without throwing up. That's what she... Maybe that possum is driving its minivan like a guy from ice or something.

It just got whacked. That possum had three bullets in his head. Yeah, so she... Yeah, the poor thing. Not the possum, her. Had to move rooms. And sleep among the ghosts of our podcast past. Yeah, yeah, just all the bad words that have been said in there.

Yeah, just hearing my laugh echo through the drywall while she's trying to get a nice peaceful sleep. If you're running a marathon, jumping on that bike for another 64 fucking miles, jumping in the fucking a lake, swimming another 14. She's a triathlete. She's a triathlete? Yeah, dude, she's fucking insanely athletic. Yeah, well, she's biking, she's running, she's swimming. Yeah, that's why. Josh is always talking about losing a couple pounds,

but every time he sees her, he feels subconscious. He's like, well, I'm doing your fitness up. Yeah. I know. She's very disciplined with the,

with the diet and the exercise. It's insane. I'm jealous. Yeah, it's off pudding. No, it's very scary. It's very scary.

You get pumped. You bought a high-powered water machine. Yeah, you're like triple dishealing your water now. Yeah, I'm talking shit. She pulls my cord. But the level of dedication is bananas. Like you have to like

Like she's training all the time Even though she's got nothing on the books Like that she's got that brain That I everybody envies You know what I mean? Yeah Instead I got soft fat tits from that chocolate milk With alcohol in it

Is that why you lost five pounds Josh You cut that milk out? What's it called five farms? Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Are you off the five farms Josh? Yeah, yeah Yeah.

I had to come to Jesus moment with the five. Yeah. Also, I love when someone gains- It's like taking your tree to the dump. Just giving up five farms after the holidays. Yeah. Just taking 45 heavy glass bottles.

Also, you didn't lose five. You gained ten. You're just back to your normal weight. Did your lack of control of drinking alcoholic chocolate milk? It's like gaining 50 pounds When I'm down 50 It's like The last time I saw you

This is where you were You're not doing anything special We're proud I might go nuts I might go I might go extreme discipline You need it You need it

And you could do it in a heartbeat I think Yeah I don't know You gotta get You gotta get something going For this fucking head of yours And it's not being locked in this grandma

basement. Dude, you're speaking of five farms. Your house that you're staying at is a farmhouse. Yeah. You know,

it's like old. Yeah. Those like west of Philadelphia type houses that's every piece of furniture is a thousand fucking pounds. It could be a TV tray. You need three people to help move it.

The furniture selection for this Airbnb is bananas. Yeah. Yeah. It's like already a small space and they filled it with the biggest possible furniture. There was nowhere to move.

Yeah. You get like an armoor from the Amish and it took like a whole family to build a drawer. What are we going to do with this? The table. Like I feel like some of these rooms are actually like big, but you wouldn't know it because every piece of furniture in it is so huge. It's like a weird optical illusion.

Yeah. That table when you walk in takes up that whole, it's big circular table with all the seasons on it. It's like, I bet that room. room's huge, but you can't get in it. Yeah. Yeah, there's just a pinwheel. You get a tipto around the edge. It almost feels

like people in that area, it's like generational where they had so many siblings and when their parents die, everybody gets a piece of furniture for someone that they were close to and they just hang on to it until they die and then they have to send it to somebody else

to fill some fucking row home in Westchester, PA. Yeah. It's big Quakers in this area Yeah Tons of Quakers I feel like they just make furniture Quakers

Big big wooden furniture It's all Quakers do Yeah and then you just Sleep of the 12 year old on it Yeah Farm time's coming up Somebody pregnant Angelou How is your flight back

How are you Are you resting and recovering from your two weeks of... Yeah. Have you gotten back to the gym? Are you clear of the mind? Yeah, I just got to the gym for the third time in four days, and I feel electric. Yeah. You're back?

Yeah, a whole week before shooting, and I was like, you know, doing all the wrong things. Meeting up with friends every day at lunch. Getting shit-faced. Yeah, just pickling the brain before dinner time. Adding a little sauce to the fucking skull again. Not sleeping. Getting up, doing it. We got to meet this lady.

We got to go to fucking New York to Philly, New York to Philly. Yeah, that's a nice. That's a nice schedule. No, it's a nice schedule after the season of tires, season three finishes. You're like, let's go on the road for a week and a half and forget about life. Not before it starts. Just get absolutely blacked out, wake up, argue with the lady. But you only have like a 45 minutes to argue before you have to let go to the next thing.

We're going to start drinking again. Dude, what a brilliant move. Just punch the clock every morning. You're not having a great relationship with the lady. Just start setting dates for like, you got breakfast with somebody, you got a lunch? You're shrinking the time that you guys can argue in the hotel. I would love to talk about how I leave my shoes at the front door all dirty and fucked up. But we got to meet Sam.

Sam and his wife. I got to jump in the shower. We got to go. That is the truth. trick. Just stay busy. Stay busy with social. And that shift of like leaving the car and you're both screaming at each other. And as soon

as you walk in the rest, you're like, oh, hey! Oh my God. We got a new Jackie. You look great. And you just ignore the fact that you guys were just fist fighting in a fucking Hyundai. Yeah, just staring at you as you take your first drink of the day. Well, we're with friends.

What she thinks is the first drink. Yeah. I was a Jameson in my boot, bitch. all the airport liquor is just in your shoe well that's what's hold on let's go back to this is what set the whole trip off on the wrong foot she wanted to get to new york at a reasonable time and right delta only has like two options it's fucking seven o'clock at the morning or like three or whatever yeah so you either land around rush hour and you don't get to your hotel until like

nine, 10 o'clock. Or you get there at fucking noon. She's like, let's do that. I was like, okay, so I'm going to go to bed at 3 a.m. and then get up at 4.30 to get to the fucking out, the airport. Oh, yeah. And she's like, well, you can nap at the hotel. I'm like, you ever see me relax enough to take a nap at fucking noon?

So it was just a downhill snowball for, for seven to ten days. Yeah, you're also not built to like fly and land and have like a nice day. Neither of mine. You know what I mean? It's like once I'm traveling, it's a travel day. I can have a nice day where I'm at. Why am I going to spend all that money to go to one of the most entertaining cities in the world and just fucking, what do you want to watch? Pawn stars?

You do that at home. Right. Let's get fucking nuts. It's a gross miscalculation on her part because it's like if you're flying on the three o'clock flight PM, then the travel day begins at three. and ends at midnight 1, 2 a.m. Perfect. You go to dinner or whatever. Yeah.

But if you start traveling at 4 in the morning, the travel day has begun. Yeah. And the drinking has commenced. Yeah. And I'll tell you this right now. Now you're logging 20 hours of drinking. Yeah. And the only thing that saves our relationship is the fact that we're first class.

Otherwise, the bars don't open until... Oh, yeah. 10 a.m. in Texas. That's a problem. I can't go to the Delta. lounge because they don't serve food. I'm not going to eat fucking eggs. You can't also get a beer at a bar. Yeah.

So now I'm not going to wait to get on the plane and go Tuts. Double tequila OJ and keep them coming. Slide a 20. I know. You always feel like you're going to feel guilty for doing it and then everyone else is drinking. Yeah. Everyone else on the on the 430

a.m. flight is getting turned up and you're like, all right, no, this is just what we do. Oh, that's right. people do. It's actually 7 a.m. on normal days. Sunday it's 10 a.m. So we boarded at

7 o'clock. Yeah. I'm missing all the juice. You know? Yeah. You got I should have got some special martini cup walls. Fucking dump them in a cup from my ride down there. Do they make those? Oh yeah. They're fantastic.

They're 14%. Good gravy. you've been slamming those cutwaters dude i've been great the last four days yeah oh you cleaned it up three or four seltzers yesterday i was telling josh that's pretty good and at that point it's

might as well just not do anything would you ever would you ever do another week and no booze yeah it's coming it's coming hard this week you're gonna go you're just gonna clean it totally out i'm gonna go three days no booze and the next week i'm going Monday to Friday. I'm going to start. I'm going to try and do a month of living like a fucking college kid, you know,

or a kid out of college that has a job. Totally dry? Yeah, imagine. Do you know any of those? Yeah. Yeah, dude, if you go a month, you got to get that hell let loose going. Yeah. That'll keep you off.

Oh, dude, 100%. If you're gaming If you're gaming and chatting with the boys That's just going to make me want to booze though No no no no no You got to stay focused You guys stay focused on the mission Yeah but doesn't it get you excited to see your friends

Like hear your friend's voice And you're killing people on a video game That doesn't make you want to fucking sip Well right now I feel like you're in a mode where everything is going to make you want to have a sip But I'm saying this is this is something A clean mind

It's distracting enough Yeah yeah that you like, you'll be focused enough on this. Yes. That it'll get you through that, the witching hour. Yeah. 7 to 11 p.m. No, bo's dangerous.

Yeah. Yeah, I know. Even really like five to eight. That's why I'm doing the slow bleed because I'll be at the club three or four nights a week. All right. This episode is brought to you by Cash App. All right. When you get the Cash App card, this is what we're talking about the

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Uh, blah, blah, blah, yeah. So do that. That's what you got to do. So like, that's, that's the toughest environment. I got to get it. That's the toughest environment ever, getting off stage and being all jacked up and being like, what am I supposed to do? Yeah.

I can't just have a beer. You got to bypass the green room. You got to bypass Mitzies, go through the fucking the hallway and just get the fuck in the car. Dude, it's impossible. And also, it's like I like, when I'm there, if I'm not drinking, I feel like I'm like dancing around. Like I'm, I don't know. Like I've killed someone and I'm trying to like have like an alibi. That sort of feels like standing around.

at the club and not drinking. Like, I feel suspicious. Yeah, you know what I mean? You're like, you're like, I was hanging out. I'm like, no idea where Kathy is. Yeah. Like, I feel everyone's looking at me just like,

why would he be here if he's, yeah, if his spot's done? Yeah. Why would he? That's how I feel. That's how I feel about comics that are just hanging around. Sipping of water, talking weird shit. But then again, they don't have loved ones.

I have a reason to go home I should be going on to pet my dogs Is that That's why you go home Yeah that's why For the loved ones Yeah Yeah

Yeah So how is that How can you wrap up your Your first couple weeks of filming I was only there for three days It was good It was good It was much less stressful

This year Everyone was really on top of their shit I feel like Yeah I feel like the first couple days last year, it was like, everyone was kind of just like figuring it out a little bit. It was the first time the team had come together. Yeah. Now everybody, like, knows each other and knows, like, how it goes, and they're just moving and shaking.

Yeah, that's a testament to McKeever and the whole crew and the production side of things. It's like, I don't think I recognize one person that I did know. There's only one person I didn't recognize. It was like. Right. Yeah. And it was like somebody handing me a form. There's like 100 people on set.

You know everyone. Yeah. It's kind of the nice thing it feels about like shooting it in Philly too is like everyone that like works in Philly is like really pumped about the show and excited to have the work and stuff like that. You know? Yeah. So everyone's like fucking jacked up. Yeah. I think that's the other thing too.

So like the fact that it's like coming back and the fact that it's like coming back and the fact. that like, yeah, people have jobs, they're pumped. And now the fact that it's like a thing. I saw you and Shane on the television yesterday. Even when it's stressful. What's up? I saw you and Shane on the television yesterday. Oh, yeah, we went to the Flyers game.

Flyers got fucking shalack. Horrendous. But it was funny seeing you too just dripped in fucking Flyers gear that someone clearly handed you a bag three minutes before. I will say the sweater I had I've had for years Well you are the diehard Flyers fan of the crew Yeah yeah

You're the Flyers guy It was so sick being in there Dude he read the lineup It was so awesome Wait, Shane did Yes He read like the In the fucking locker room

Yes Oh man Dude it was That room So sick And then we all like We fucking dapped them up When they were going out

onto the ice. Ah, man. Keterrier came out, Coots came out, it was like, fucking A right. It was incredible. And then they got ass raped

for fucking night. Dude. It was like watching the Niners come out dancing. They score six points. Dude, it literally was like they scored the first goal

and then we're just sitting there. I'm like, I'm literally talking to Shane for 40 seconds and they scored two goals. Yeah. Yeah. They pulled the goalie immediately.

It was brutal. Absolutely. It was brutal. It was absolutely brutal. I didn't get to talk to any of them after the game, but I think they were on direct flight to Vegas. Probably throw a few back, try to wipe the sleep clean.

Yeah, there's what, 85 games, 84 games, 86 games? 82, yeah. 82? Yeah, they're fine. You can't let that. It's like bombing. It's January. though, they're on a skid.

That was game six in a row losing. Oh, wow. They're on a big time skid. Dude, January is brutal. Yeah. It's every year. Every year, January feels like a make or break month where it's just like the seasons, you're in the season.

You're grinding. I guess it's also they were saying it's a, because it's an Olympic year, all the games are like packed together because they're taking the month of February just off. Oh. for the Olympics. Just to prep.

Yeah. What's the score of that game? 10.10. Ramps just picked them off. Yeah. Oh, boy. Not to date this podcast, guys. We paused it on Tuesday.

It's also why we're not talking about the fucking Eagles. It's a rewatch. We couldn't record last week because we were on set. But, yeah I did Soters podcast in New York before I came down the film and he's like

Dude we can't talk about the equals And I was like yes we can It's a terrible soda I've never worked on that I'll figure it out He's like it won't come out for two weeks I'm like well we gotta talk about something We you care about this I care about it more than anything

And it's we gotta And then holy shit That was the worst It was inevitable So I wasn't holding the anger That I thought I should I released it a lot quicker than I normally would. All the same stupid shit was there.

Yeah. But we might get McDaniel. Do you see that the Broncos game? What the heck? The sloppiest piece of shit I've ever seen. What the heck's going on with Bo Nix? He looks fine. Out for the season?

It was at the very last possession. That's what they said. Second and last play of the game. Yeah. This is also why I agree with the Siriani kind of to sit and everybody. week 17 when it doesn't fucking matter

you're running your star quarterback to the left on like a stunt when you don't need to you hand it off to one of your fucking boys get down the line it's like what are we doing and now it's fucking I don't know what to tell you

but this playoffs has been so fucking stupid is your earpiece in why are you looking at me with no expressions dude he's fucking do you show me show me dirt stash. I can't see. Get up to the camera and show everybody your dirt stash. Let's take

a look at it. Let's have a look at you, Josh. They won't pick it up. It's too dirt. It's not dirty enough to be seen. No, you've got to pull back. You've got to pull back. Dude, it's like It's like being fifth grade. Do you seriously think I can see

what the camera is showing? No, this is not for you. It's just for the release of the episode. Oh yeah, shit, you can kind of see it. Yeah, you can see it a little bit. I got a couple of red hairs in there. Yeah, dude. A couple of six of fire farms that think be blasted.

What inspired the stash? It's a new year, new me. Oh, wow. And he's even talking, calmer. People suck in January. Can we talk about this? Everyone sucks in January. You lose friends to their bullshit like that.

New Year. new me. He never talks like this. Don't ever fucking do that again because that really pissed me off. Dude, he's trying to change it up, man. He's trying to... Any fucking day of the week.

You don't have to wait till... I know, but January, January is specifically the month where you go, God damn. Yeah. Meanwhile, I just spent 10 minutes be gone. I suck. Down the three-siders. New year, new me.

No, I get it. I get the camaraderie as a collective group of human beings wanting this to be a rejuvenating you know month to the year I understand that but don't have a whole new new fucking personality you know yeah I don't know

I might I might change my whole personality I might go a different direction as long as your fucking as long as that wallpaper doesn't look worse with your fucking brains all over it I'll support whatever dog shit you want to do it it'll blend right in yeah it'll blend right in you want to be a biologist that gets rats out of the fucking

drywall, I'll drive you to the sites. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to switch it up. I'm going to become a biologist. Chrissy Irwin, dude. Getting on roofs. Getting rid of fucking vermin. You should join ice, dude. You'd be so good.

I've thought about it. I thought about it. I'd be a good ice member. You'd be a great military guy, dude. I mean, this is not your goatee speaking. I'm just saying you have that insane mentality of like accountability if you had a

schedule. Yeah, dude, if I had a schedule, I'd be... Because accountability in what we do, you're the worst person on the world. You're a dead rat behind the wall. No, no. You're not I'm not... I'm not sure. I desperately need structure. Yeah. Why don't you do a tour? Dude, this is always what I said about Gruden. I want Gruden to like life coach me.

Yeah, that's a great reality show. I want him to just be on my ass dude i'm not kidding you all the stuff i should i'll fucking i'll pitch this to big cat and i swear to god i think he'd get picked up you and gruden 30 days locked in to one

apartment or whatever complex he should want to get you in tip top shape for 30 days change your mindset change your work ethic change your workout routines and get you get you in a

in a place the way he would when 18 to 22 to 24 year old kids coming to their facilities gone I can change you he looks at those boys

in a fucking heartbeat the way Bobby Bobby Bobby Bowden from FSU when he'd see these fucking unruly animals come into

fucking FSU I don't mean like that I'm saying like guys that are just fucking unhinged yeah And it's like there's a regiment. There's a fucking, you know what I'm saying?

Yes. That's what I want. That's what I want. That's what I want. I want a strict schedule. But he would like, yeah, he'd probably hate what I'm up to. That's my point. It's got to be one of those like scared straight type situations.

But with respect, you're not like a fucking, you're not a teenager in a jail cell. He's going to be like, how would you do that, Chris? You know? And you're like, you're right. And you'll mope around a bit. But then something's going to spark in you. I know it's there. He's going to ignite something in you and you're just like,

you start doing down and outs to fucking backup quarterbacks. Oh, dude, a little on the turf. A ladder, ladder workouts. Yeah, the ladder workouts. To on this side, doing that side. You're doing the white guy chacha. I want to go through that thing, that thing in practice with all the like the arms. Trying to fumble machine.

Oh, yeah. I want to do some like stuff where like, yeah, yeah, Gruden, like, speeds up my decision-making. You know what I mean? Yeah. Chase me around with those batons. Yeah. Dude, it's a good idea.

Can you make sure I text... Grudson sitting in a comedy club heckling me? I'm dead serious. Put it in the notes. I'm going to fire this up, dude. We're going to hit this going. There's a shot. This is not just blind here. I think there's a shot that that would be a really fun idea for a 30...

A 30 day shoot. 30 for 30. 30 for 30. It's except to be 40 for 30. Yeah. Is that your age? How old are you? 45?

40. 40. 40. 40. 40 on the nose. Oh, you get a lot to learn. I know. I want to get it from Gurdon.

January. New year. New me. Yeah. What's he up to? What's Gurdon? What's Gurdon? You just bet him?

I think he's. I think he's like kind of nonstop analyzing film and stuff like that. You know what I mean? He's just super focused on the football world. He's just looking at players. He's just looking at guys thinking about what they could do. Yeah. He's keeping the muscle going on.

He could get them to do. Yeah. Do you think he'll get picked up? Watching them make mistakes. What? But as a coach? Yeah. I'm sure he will.

I don't know. I'm sure. I bet he could if he wanted to. What about like a quarterback? He's probably sitting in a pretty cozy situation right now. He's probably liking what he's doing. I don't think he is. The man that's still studying fucking tape that made millions and millions of dollars

ruining family's lives. It's not accepting, you know, the dormant days. Yeah, but he's not dormant. He's out there doing all the stuff that he normally was doing. Right. I'm saying it's, he probably just wants to be around the team. He probably wants to be around the guys. He probably wants to be fired up.

He wants to be... He wants stakes. He wants the stakes. He wants things on the line. If I'm guessing. You know what I mean? To go back to a military analogy, it's like you can bear crawl

underneath fucking barbed wire all you want. But until you get in the jungle and there's light fire come over your back, it's not the fucking same. You don't feel the same. Trying to get back out there, dude. It's the most glorified version of war.

I mean... Just want bullet to whizzing by my... my head, dude. I just want to hear the Senate. That's what hell let loose is for. Yeah. I don't know, man. You do a fucking, you do a quick slam over the middle. In the NFL, it's

a fucking bullet whizzing over your head. Yeah, but he's he just wants to, yeah, he wants to be on the sidelines. He wants, he probably, you know, it's probably all of all that stuff that's like borderline gay. You, like, really wants to see people, like, working out and, like, guys hitting each other and, like,

just hearing the sound, being that close being on the field. Yeah. And hearing the pads slapping. It probably does something. Yeah. Does something for him that he needs

desperately. Just a 6-5-350 lineman emitting this noise of a CTE. Like he's like, his arms go out like that. I mean?

I haven't seen a lot of that this year. Oh, boy. What are you talking about? There's been a bunch. Yeah. It's been. a couple but I feel like I feel like yeah yeah fencing posture bunch of fences really I can't I can't remember any good fencing moments this year we do it to a two it gave us a bunch

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That like second or third concussion you had in the same game, like the fingers started going, but he also like, he couldn't move his right foot while just walking. Yeah. Like that's going to, the damage that's, that's, going to cause in 20 years is going to be astronomical. Yeah, it'd probably be pretty bad. He's going to be sucking on the doorknob to get in his house.

He doesn't be out of his fucking mind, dude. God damn. It'd be such a funny, like, yeah, it's almost like a breathalizer for whores. Get into your house. Suck that doorknob. If you suck that doorknob, right, you can come in. It was a quick 37. Yeah, what else is going?

else is going on in your life you got spots this week uh put the veils in tomorrow i haven't been on stage in two weeks i mean out of the last like three months i'm it's like i feel like i'm starting over do you get ear hairs what's your ear hair situation like wildly no i don't look bad ear here calm yeah i don't really have bad ear hair either but then every once in a while I'll catch like a long one that I assume was just part of my head hair. Yeah, it's just flying out.

Yeah. Nose hair is pretty decent. I'm a hairy guy overall, but like it stays away from the orifices. My ass hair is fine. It's not like a great dog. Yeah, you've got enough open land to work with.

They're not coming out of holes. Exactly. Yeah, they're fraying around the break. It's like wet grass around a manhole. This is funny. It knows the drain, the input and output. It doesn't fuck with it. I only know this because this old girl used to eat my asshole,

and she said it's a very clean bun. What a sweet thing to say. Trying to get out of the sports talk. Picking hairs out of her teeth. It's pretty clean. Yeah. Nowadays. Yeah.

She's mowing like you in that cemetery. Fing. Just smell of a dead fucking raccoon. I think I killed a pigeon in there. Yeah. I forget what I was going to say. These are also the tough, these are the tough podcasting days. When you get into the full days of just shooting the show

and you feel like you're not allowed to talk about it. You can't talk about anything. You're also not experiencing anything but the show. Right, right. Yeah, you're in a fishbow, dude. Doing day job stuff. You're in a fishbowl, can't talk about anything. We're not.

even in front of each other. That's why we lose money. That's why no one likes us. That's why they call me gay. That's why I make fun of Josh's mustache, because I can't pull anything out of my ass either. My hairless butthole. Josh, do you have a hairy ass?

Yeah, it's pretty not great. Really? You've been checking out your butt hole? Are you doing a bend over through the mirror kind of thing? I have... Every man has. Every man has. That was a test. Yeah, I've given a glance. That was a test. I've looked into the forbidden hole

Yeah Is it magenta like the rest of your skin? Yeah I used to hook up with a gay A gay guy A girl, a girl You heard what I heard right? That was a little Freudian Is that what his name was?

I used to hook up with a lady Who had red hair as well And it did turn me off one time Oh I see I disagree man I think it's so hot That has to be what mine looks like But worse I love it

You always like what's, you know, on the other side of the fence. Yeah. Grass is pinker, so to speak. That's a good fucking line. That is pretty good. But yeah, Redhead with like a like a... Like a bright fucking...

It looks untouched. It looks like a... Like the hue of a flamingo with the... With like the... The density of like a jellyfish. It looks so... so delicate,

yet vibrant. Tommy's doing butthole poetry. I mean, it's beautiful. That's why he wasn't talking. It's absolutely beautiful.

And Chris is a writer. It's not in this area. When it comes around to this stuff, I tip my cap, dude. The eloquence. Tommy's describing buttholes like a Somalié with a wine.

It's crazy. It's good stuff. it's absolutely nuts speaking of culinary words we got a big look at this coming out this week oh yeah yeah

polysure polishure oh right rank on that fucking maniac god damn that was a fun one it was very fun well people shit on us because we didn't cook oh let me fucking settle this fuck right now

it's not seafood huh it's seafood and we cooked a little bit. Yeah, we did cook a little bit, but also like it's, it's not just a cooking show, it's a travel show. And we like, uh, we like, it's whatever we

want it to be. It's whatever we want it to be. Whatever we want. We're eating. Your people are looking at food. They're seeing yeah. What are we talking? 90% 95% cooking. We got like three or four episodes where we're not cooking. We're either enjoying our friend's company at a bar or going to a restaurant and watch another professionals cook so I can fucking learned something.

And God forbid, it's out there for your viewing pleasure for free on YouTube, and you're going to be a cun about it. Yeah, where do you see this sauce this guy makes? No, I'm not done. I want our friends, our fans, I've never asked this before. I want our fans

to be like Legion of Skanks or like Matt and Chains where like the dogs come out and they just shit on everyone that's a cunt. We let cunts skip around the flowers. on our fucking YouTube comments because I can't, I'm not gonna come out of them.

I'm not open to that fucking. We're not a battle. We're not a, we're not a battle podcast. We don't, we don't need people. We don't need people picking fights. I wouldn't mind a couple of our fans going out there going, hey, you sound like a fucking miserable cunt. Just enjoy this hour the way everybody else is.

But then I also understand like a guy that wants to do that is like, well, there goes the next three hours of my afternoon. Because I got to keep saying, he had checking in, logging and goes, this guy calling me a pussy. because now I've got to stick up for myself and you're battling with some fucking deranged lunatic. Yeah, it's a forever war.

The internet, internet wars are forever wars. Yeah. It's like, you can't get involved in it. Once you start talking shit to someone, and it's also like if you have other things to do with your day, you can't possibly... Yeah, right. You can't, like...

Yeah, I guess you could stick and move. You could guerrilla warfare. Yeah. But everything is always just like this, This person says a shitty thing. You respond to the shitty thing. They say another thing about, you know, you live with your parents and you suck.

And then someone just always posts whatever their little, like, avatar picture is. Yeah, it's got to be an avatar. And look at you, you dumpy piece of shit. And then that's it. And if it's on Instagram, you've got to be private so they can only take a screenshot of your thumbnail and try and zoom in. You can't tell how ugly his girl is.

You can't see what he's wearing. And without fail, every time. someone like DMs you something is like hey you're a bag of shit and you're like hey man why that hurts they're like oh my bad I didn't think you respond they're always like I don't know I was fucking

yeah I'm lonely I'm just fucking around who I'm lonely I just got a football you want to come over and just toss or something I bet I was just trying to get your attention no no one else pays attention me that mad yeah

yeah I didn't mean it you gotta really get involved in like in like yeah in like in like politics or like some other thing for someone to really get pissed at you and make it their life's work. I don't know. It's hard enough.

If you're like my asshole's not that hairy, no one's going to like go to war with you over that, you know. Now that's one I'd stick up for myself. That's when I'd log into and go, babe. That's a fight. We're not going, we're not going apple picking. Sit down. Some guy accused me of having a hairy asshole.

Let's go hang out with your sisters God damn But yeah So the next We gotta get through these next three months Chris Tell the fans How we're gonna do that

Well dude We're just gonna keep We're gonna keep grinding I'll read some books And I'll just give you book reports Let's do that again That was fun I'm gonna read some books

It was on this couch and Shane's apartment when you took it over. Remember your book review? Book report, book report? That was fun, dude. We'll do some, we'll do some big time book reports. I'll start reading some real, like,

you know, I'm thinking about going splunking and like just the, I don't know, and just some weird shit. I'm going to start looking into some weird-ass stuff and just giving you reports from the front lines. I'm going to start listening to Candace Owens, I think, religiously. You know what I mean?

That's a big fan. That's what I need to get into. She's hot. Charlie Kirk's an alien. Yeah, she's so hot. Yeah, there's something about that girl. I love her confidence. I know.

There's a charisma that's undeniable. Yeah, of course. The only people that are deniers. It's the kind of thing that we're like if you were watching her, if you were like at a date with her, you wouldn't be listening. You'd just be like, God damn, she's so hot. And then you come out of it and she'd be like talking about Israel and Canada or something. You'd be like, what the fuck are you saying?

I don't care. I'd have to read the transcripts. Yeah. I would get done the mozzarella sticks. I'm like, what did she say? Let me read. And then I'd be like, she's great. I don't care about the politics at all.

I don't care. I don't fucking care. Yes, she's making a good living. Yeah, I bet. Yeah, that she is. She's coming out with some stuff that it's, I wish I thought of. Like what? She's been talking about how Charlie Kirk is a time traveler.

And they caught him time traveling, which is, I think, why they killed him. Yeah. I think she's saying that the Jews caught him time traveling. Well, the Jews have been time traveling themselves. He's an alien who's lived for, like, hundreds of years or something like that. And he's been time traveling and saving civilizations, I guess. And I think the Jews caught him and they killed him. I think what her theory is.

It's pretty good. Yeah, I love it. I just can't imagine a worse life after 200 years of time traveling and having a fucking battle some purple banged lesbian in a field about something she's offended by. Like, I'd been around. I would break immediately, too. I was on, did I, I told you I got the, the, I think we talked about it yet. To be a thousand years old. Trans people.

God damn it. You know what I've been through? Well, the eye thing I went through, I got bleach in my eye. I never told. We didn't talk about it. I don't think we talked about it on the pod. You were cleaning the tub and what you shot it into the corner and it. No, I was clean a shower.

I got a box of three things that. Did I talk about it? Because didn't I say put up the photos? No. No, you didn't talk about it on the pod. So I got three new bottles of Tilex with bleach on Amazon And that's like my only fucking job And my girl's always like

I don't do it because she has an eye phobia thing She's like something's gonna get my eye And I always laugh I go, it's gonna get your fucking eye Yeah, you just You're out of your mind Nothing's gonna get your fucking eye I pull a brand new bottle of Tilex with bleach

Out of the fucking box You know how's that little The square spin going from on or off the on to activate the pump I start squirting on one wall the bottom base falls out

hits the towel rack does a full 360 and fucking north north come shot directly in my one eye like it wasn't like

I fell out spreads let's go to the hospital I was in the shower I immediately went to the sink I'm giving myself a bird bath soaking it all out get in the shower. I'm opening up the like direct shots into my fucking pupil.

I think that's enough. My girl calls my sister-in-law who's a doctor and she goes, he's got to get to the ER. So she goes, she goes enough for the shower. Get your clothes on. We're going to the ER and I'm going to, I'm not going to the fucking ER. I'm like, I'm screaming.

I'm getting fucking angry because I know what that means. And I don't mean monetarily. I'm fucked for the next six hours. It's our whole night. Yes. And we had plans. We had plans to do something. So I get in there. It took us two hours for me to get in a fucking bed

because they didn't give a shit. They got to survey the whole, you know, waiting area to go, who's got limbs, you know? Right. Who needs it? Who doesn't kind of shit? And they put me in something called us. And you're sitting there.

My eye stings a little bit. No, I was fucking thumbing it down. She's giving them the fucking the truth. And she goes, she takes us in the room. She goes, you can take off all your clothes. and I went, all my clothes. I said it was my fucking, this eye, not my brown eye. It's a fucking, it's a different brown eye.

I'm fine. She goes, no, there's a lot of water. And I was like, whoa, like, what kind of water are we talking? There's something called a Morgan's lens. And it's essentially a giant contact that sits underneath both lids and they put a, you know, an IV drip. And it drips water and you can adjust the speed. And you lay in bed and they say, look straight. because if you don't look straight,

it'll cut like the... It feels like the edge of the plastic. The cornea? It's hitting your cornea. And I just sat there for over an hour. Losing my fucking mind. It's getting soaked. This is just spraying down your face?

Yeah, there's a... So it leaks into the corner, and then it falls into your earhole, and then she's got a cow here, and it just bleeds onto the side of the fucking bed for an hour and a half. And I got fucking... I got Spotify,

I blast it on my chest. I'm trying to... I think it's only to be like 15 minutes, 10, 10, 15 minutes. And then it's that point where, like, it got to 40, and I'm like, this is day. I've been here for a day. And then it got to 60 and I went, I'm done.

I'm going to be one of those fucking maniac patients. I'm going to rip this thing out of my fucking eye. You're just like, your full old Italian man in the hospital is so funny. I do it. I figure, I got it done. It's this eye, not my brown eye. What are you? I didn't say that.

You're just going full De Niro in there. We got plants. I just called her a racial term and I said, let's get this going, huh? Dutz. And it was the worst experience of my life, but it was the right thing I should have done, you know? Yeah. I forget where I was going with this. Oh, Bobby Kelly.

I was supposed to do his podcast. I said, I can't do it. I got fucking bleached my eye. I sent him the two photos and he made a fucking reel about it. And he posted the two phones. photos. So he called me the next day, like twice. Just like checking on me or whatever.

And I saw the real before I responded. And I text him, I was like, they're private photos, you fuck? And he's like, ah, dude, I'm so sorry. I fucking, my bed, I didn't know. I'll take it down. I'm like you can't take it down now because then I look like a bitch. I look like I'm whining about me looking like a fucking.

They were not flattering photos either. They were not, they were not good photos. No. Well, there was a pillow under my back. And it did make me look like I was... 180 pounds. Something was going on. I'm still on five farms, Chris.

All right? I feel like I got those photos the same day. The wardrobe people were like, Tommy's the same size, right? The same size as he was last year. I was like, he's a lot bigger. You better bring him in for a fitting. I thought I actually went up. I thought I went up because my shoulders bulked up.

I thought my arm's bulked up. I was the same size. Oh, really? Yeah, I was upset. That's good. I thought I'd been putting in the word. Belly and face always swell due to, you know. Oh, my God.

The booze. The sauce. Everything else stays the same. Yeah. I've been the same weight since I was like 25. Same. Maybe 20. Yeah, you're always just exchanging muscle for fat.

Yeah. It's just same. Yeah. And cellular growth. growth from alcohol. Is that what it's called? I don't know. Shut up. He's got fat cells.

Yeah. I'm just saying like water retention. Yeah. You know? Because your body's protecting itself because it thinks it's fucking dying. Just like when you're horny. So it's holding on to the water? Yeah, it's water retention. Because you're not hydrated. I never understood any of that. When you're not hydrated, when you're dehydrated,

all the water from the inside of your body sucks into your cells. to provide a layer of protection, like a shield. And then he could slowly bleed back into your body. It's definitely true. That's wild. If Josh wasn't watching a football game, she could probably... She could probably look it up. What's the score of that game now?

1710. The Rams. Wow. Damn, he can move. Look at Williams. Damn. What did you want me to? It doesn't matter, dude.

It's just busting balls. I don't fucking care. Nobody cares. All right. Well, we cares, dude. She's trying to talk. We're just hanging out. It's Sunday night.

Thanks for listening. Sunday night. Yeah. Yeah, guys, thanks for listening. We get a nice, nice, long, slow one in. Go to stuff island or Patreon.com slash stuff I own. You'll see an episode of Chris and I together at that lesbian table. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. That's our Patreon this week. So we're right next to each other. Just staring at each other like this. Drunk and tired after set. And if not, we'll see you next week on another... Yeah. And subscribe to Look at Dish, man.

It's been really well. It's going well, and we're very excited about it. And thank you for your support. We're getting a lot of good responses. Yeah. People are loving... People are loving the fucking show. Look at Dish.

And we got a lot of good things coming up. I can't talk about yet. I got two things I can talk about. But I'm not going to talk because we're not locked in yet. but shows take it off. Thanks to you guys. So I appreciate it. I love you guys.

See you on the page. Do this.