Stuff Island - Being Everything - Francis Ellis - Stuff Island #155

Episode Date: October 16, 2024

Francis Ellis is a stand up comic, host of Son of a Boy Dad Podcast, has been featured on Netflix's Tires and Don't Tell Comedy. Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en -Follow Francis on IG: https://www.instagram.com/francisccellis Take the first step towards achieving your hair growth goals. For a limited time Nutrafol is offering our listeners 10 dollars off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutarfol.com/men and enter promo code STUFF Visit Betterhelp.com/stuffisland for 10% off your first month. Betterhelp.com/stuffisland Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

god it's nice to have a fucking hot athlete staring at me this feels like an espn interview so sick of looking at fat deranged comics look at his chiseled his face this is the face i want when i stop drinking i mean i drink yeah but you wear it well. You're long. Maybe so. But I wear it on my face, too, because I have very fair skin. Yeah, you both look like pigs assholes. Sorry. Pigs assholes? Yeah.

You just went from telling me I'm a cut, chiseled athlete to a pig's asshole. Yeah, and Your complexion. I think that when you have two redheads in the same room that we bring each other down. Yeah, you think so? There's this, you kind of say one's okay and then two's way too many. Right. Are you thinking that or are you saying what I'm thinking? I've always been aware of this.

I've been aware of this. There was a thing. Are we going? Yeah. There was a thing that was an international gathering of redheads or gingers. It's one of those things. I hope it was a holocaust. Was it a big shower event?

It would have been a time to sort of eradicate. But I remember people sent it to me of eradicate. But I remember people sent it to me on social media and it was disgusting. It disgusted me. Really? Yeah, it was so many redheaded people in one place. Yeah. And I thought

don't do that. Yes. That's not right for the rest of people. And I'm not even trying to be funny here. Yeah. No no i hear you is something about a concentration of redheads if you have a full family of redheaded people yeah yeah oh i know it's like a puerto rican day parade it's like you gotta cut them up come on it's so it's so flagrant it's so i don't know yeah but when it works like you it's pretty it's a spectacle it works better for women good Good looking redheaded women are stunning.

It's crazy. Yeah. That's the pig's butthole. That's where I got it from. Oh. Yeah. I hooked up with a hot redhead and the color, it was like a magenta. Oh, her own butthole.

Yeah. It was pink. It was a color I couldn't explain. I once saw someone compare a nice woman's butthole to uh the nose of a kitten close which i thought was very yeah it's just crayola couldn't even come up with this what you hope for yeah it was like uh you know when they open that gold box and you just see just something you've never seen before she rolled over on all fours and i was just enamored i stopped moving just stared at it.

You and I were getting into the dirty talk last night. Yeah. I think I was just talking. You were just talking. What were you saying? The swinging natties of a pig? Yeah. Nothing like swinging natties. Natural big swinging,

hanging tits, small fours. That's what you hope for. When you knock her around and you just, the nipple drag. You graze. You hold lightly between your fingers in a scissor motion. Let them rattle your knuckles. You know what I mean? Just the nipple.

Sometimes I'll go between these two fingers and then I'll switch and do between these two. And I kind of go back and forth. I don't know. I like the webbing. I like nipple on webbing really i guess you know what that's from what is it being a kid did you suck your thumb probably yeah i sucked my finger and i was which one huh which one this one that's gay yeah i was hoping you wouldn't say that. No, but the roof of my mouth is so concave, it goes up like four inches.

Wow. Yeah, my skull structure changed. You ever see poor kids? You can tell they grew up poor because their teeth are off. They come out. I'm not familiar with poor kids. Yeah. I know. True.

I tried to avoid. Yeah. Well, you could tell when somebody sucked their thumb until they were like 16. Okay. Tried to avoid. Yeah. Well, you could tell when somebody sucked their thumb until they were like 16. Okay. Because they have vampire teeth. Oh.

They got that vampire mouth. That truly affects the mouth. The whole dental structure is all fucked up. Damn, that's too bad. Yeah, I had fangs until I was like eighth grade. And what have you done for that?

Dentist. They fixed it? Or it's a dentist fixed it. You had braces? He put fucking railroad tracks and pulled them down from like here. Wow. Yeah. Would you ever do veneers?

Never. Why not? I think I would be toothless before veneers. And is that... Until they perfect that art. Oh, I think it's come a long way. Are you wearing veneers right now? No, I don't have veneers.

But because the dentist told me he wouldn't do it for me. He said, your teeth are too nice. I can't do it. Wow. I said, that's fine. nice. I can't do it. Wow. I said, that's fine. You got a dick shortening story? No, it's just luck. It's just luck.

A dick shortening story. I can't shorten it. It's too large. It's a nice thing to be told, but we all hate our teeth. I think everybody kind of hates their teeth until people get veneers. People with veneers say, I love my teeth. It's the best thing I ever did. No.

That's what they say. That's crazy. I've never seen one person with a set of veneers and I was like, whoa. Will Compton. You fucking nailed it. You ever seen his teeth? Yeah, before his fucking broken chiclets. Yeah, his former mouth was haunting.

Yeah, Ben Affleck teeth. You ever seen Ben Affleck's baby teeth? Well, I remember from Good Will Hunting, his teeth were so different. Google it. Google Ben Affleck baby teeth. Baby teeth. He's got tiny little dice. Throw game show host teeth in my skull.

If I have teeth like that, I get it. You don't want to ruin these. That's a nice set of dice. No, I like my teeth. Also, you have this thing where I was obsessed with this girl. Her front two teeth Go down and in a little And then these

Incisors Come over them Yeah So hot I think that happened When I got beat up You got punched square In the fucking face

I've told you this story The last time I did your pod That was from the lobster man Oh That beat me up Which I tell on stage Yes Good for you

Yeah You gotta get that shit out He I know. Well, that'll be in the special. That is in the special. But that is, that is what happened. This tooth got, it came loose. Have you ever had a loose tooth as an adult?

Yeah, but it came out. I had a loose tooth. It was, it's the scariest thing. Yeah. Because we've all had that dream where our teeth come loose or our teeth start falling out. Yeah. And having a loose, an actual loose tooth as an adult, you know it's never supposed to happen again for the rest of your life. Right.

And this one was wiggling around. And the dentist told me it would reset itself. Wow. Which it did, but in a different place. So you just chewed solids from the left side of your face? After that happened, after I got beat up, I was on a pretty liquid diet for a couple days. Did you get your jaw wired, Chuck? No, but I had a broken orbital bone.

I had some mesh put in, a mesh wiring. Wow. And then I think that had more to do with the eye socket. And then I had hairline fractures in the gums. And that was what had made this tooth loose. And then I broke my nose pretty bad. The nose break was the worst part because then when they reset it, it healed. But it shifted left and closed off the left nostril so much that I, years later, had to have a huge surgery. Yeah.

And it was a nose job where they took a full-blown shovel and broke. Yeah. Started from scratch. They don't. Broke it into 100 pieces. Oh, my God. And then, basically, we're like, we're going to mold it as if it's a new nose. It looks great.

Thanks. Did you always have this size nose? Yeah. I've always had a pretty. So, it hasn't changed's a new nose. It looks great. Thanks. Did you always have this size nose? Yeah, I've always had a pretty... So it hasn't changed? Prominent probosis? I'd say prominent. In this house, I would say prominent. Probosis. Prominent is the adjective. Probosis is the

nose. But I don't know if that's how it's pronounced. Are you being facetious? I'm being everything. Yeah. You're being a fat guy. Throwing it all at you just throw you off your game i'm in the women with big noses to be honest with you are you now yeah big roman noses my girl doesn't have one but i like a big you know face forward nose because women think they the daintier the better gross you want you want something you want something up there.

You want something going on. Yeah. Yeah, but not too much. Well, I don't know. I don't want a beak. Yeah. Oh, okay. I don't want a big old beak. So a big nose.

You're saying you're not attracted to women the way I am. I think we have different tastes. Right. And I'm okay with that. You don't think my girlfriend's beautiful? I always have i i don't but you already admitted that her nose is not of of the ilk that you prefer true she's not gonna listen to this but i won't tell her it is great once i started dating her she's like i'm not gonna fuck it i could say whatever i want in this little cavernous you know that's

nice my diary back i have learned to be far more careful about what i say on podcast yeah due to some pretty bad come to jesus conversations you got fired not just that was for the written article though right yeah it's more things that i've said about real people in my life and then meet them. No, they hear it. Oh. And you're thinking, you listen to the podcast? Oh, wow. Can you give me an example? They're not going to listen to this. I promise you that.

Dude, I've had to answer to a lot. One time I told a story about a party I was at where I made a joke that a friend of mine came looking for cocaine. He wasn't even. But he listened and then said, you know, that's really bad for my professional. Did you say the name of the guy that was looking for coke? I think I did. Oh, my God. But he wasn't looking for coke.

I was in the bathroom and he kept knocking. And I was like, he was knocking so frantically. It's as if he thought I was in there doing cocaine without him. Yeah. Some joke like that. Right. And then that's what set him off. Well, if he was upset with your insinuation, I bet he was actually looking for coke.

Could be. And the jig's up. I hadn't really. Now everybody knows why he's banging on the fucking door. It's funny. Those are the little things, right? You said the jig is up. Yeah.

So I know it as the gig is up. Yeah. But it could be jig. Yeah. And I don't actually know what's right. Is this why you laugh at me most of the time when I'm not even trying to make you laugh? You're funny. Just the way I talk.

Everything about you is funny. You're a funny guy. You don't have to try. I have to try. Everything I say that's ever been funny, I had to try. And you have that gift of the sort of, what is it? It's like an inherent humor. It is. You're inherently funny. It's all your surroundings. But you also can try. And you can try and be funny.

Yeah, yeah. No, but I'm saying you have both. I bombed last night in front of fucking 300 hot girls. Real bad. But there are people who are inherently funny who, when they try to be funny, are not funny. Yes. I have a very dear friend like that. Does he do coke?

He has done. Yeah. Say his name. I've started doing that, by the way. Let's keep going, baby. Let's fucking say... Let's go through 10 friends each. Fuck it.

Let's hammer out all these fucking dickheads. He, you know, I'm not going to lead a trail of breadcrumbs to him. But I've started doing this as a thing. It's an affect that I have, that I've adopted. And I'm not thrilled about it, but I can't stop. Yeah. I've started saying he has done. Yeah. Or I may do. Mm i may do that's a britishism

okay most people would just say i may or he has yeah but i add the do or done yeah and i don't know why i do it yeah my girl's a linguistic twat about everything i say she she enjoys the way i what i naturally talk the way you do yeah which is fine but when I when I try and like elevate she'll go you sound ridiculous don't ever do that it's not grandiose it's grand like things like that oh you're you're enlarging I try and turn it up like I'm in a fucking job interview yeah you know I have to turn it down yeah you, you'd have to. I mean, but you know what you're doing. You're a Harvard grad. Yeah, but I find myself... I'm a smart kid in a retard's clothing.

You know what I mean? Totally. It's a sheep and a wolf thing. I find myself looking ahead at a sentence I'm about to say and looking at the word I'm about to choose and then hitting the right-click, drop-down menu, thesaurus to find a simpler version of the word I'm about to choose and then hitting the right click, drop down menu, thesaurus to find a simpler version of the word I'm intending to use. Because I know I'm speaking to someone like you whose brain will start to shut down.

Yeah, right. Now, I'll let you go with that. I'll let you go with that one time. We'll keep that in. And then I will rearrange your fucking teeth you call me stupid again there's this simmering violence that sits just below the skin with you

isn't that what keeps you alive? it does but for you it manifests as tickle fights which I find so much worse than if you were to just punch me in the face I get so afraid of you tickling me yeah and you and Shane

are both like that. I think he got that from you. No, it's the, it's the, we do have that ilk. It's like the, it's where we're raised. Every time I'm with you,

you tickle me and you tickle me violently. Yeah. And it fucking hurts. Isn't that fun? I don't know. I think it's great. I think it's endearing, dude.

It's like, you know, I'm a toucher. I do like to be touched. I like, I like ruffling up the boys and grabbing a shoulder and hugs and stuff like that. No, no, no, no endearing, dude. It's like, you know, I'm a toucher. I do like to be touched. I like ruffling up the boys and grabbing a shoulder and hugs and stuff like that. See, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. You got to flip the script. You go the opposite, right? Because every, like, alpha, alpha masculine type energy you would expect that. Drip them up from behind. He starts to fucking dead fish them.

That's boring. Oh. No, you just like, you get in here. You get in these little nooks and crannies that when your girlfriend touches. You know, you know where fish them. Yeah, yeah. That's boring. Oh. No, you just like, you get in here. You get in these little nooks and crannies that when your girlfriend touches. You know, you know where to poke. Yeah. That's how you know I love you.

That's very sweet. I touch you like that. Okay. You're in the inner circle. I will accept that. Yeah. Even though it makes me on edge. That's the point.

I sit defensively around you. Yeah. Shane and I have never walked past each other once in our lifetime without going this. Covering your dick. You got to cover your balls. And that's from my brothers. He must get it from his sisters. We'll beat the fuck out of them.

But yeah. How many siblings do you have? I got two older brothers. Okay. I thought you just said sisters. He has sisters. Right. Yeah.

Well, what's going on with you? Tell me about yourself. Right now? Yeah. Huh. Wow. Did you think you'd do that? Start to interview me?

Why can't I? I like this. Because we don't talk enough. I know, that's my point. I want to hear what you've been up to. You've gotten back into stand-up. I've gotten back into stand-up. And you immediately picked up right where you left off, which is to say in a prodigious state.

Yes. Picked up where, uh left off, which is to say in a prodigious state. Yes. Picked up where, capability-wise, yes. But I have to now find my voice. Oh. I have to find material fast. But you've got years to mine. Sure. But six of those years that I wasn't doing it, my fucking brain was on a different planet.

Why? I was in a dark hole. Were you? Yeah, I was very depressed. For six years? Five to six years, I just probably, yeah. How'd you find your way out? Or are you still in it?

No, I'm not totally out of it, but I'm managing it. Any tips? Go to the gym. Yeah, I do that already. Surround yourself with loved ones. Yeah. Do something you love. And I finally got back on stage

and I was like, what was I doing? That was it? Yeah. Doing stand-up? Yeah. Shane would leave the apartment looking at me and he'd be like, do stand-up. Come with me to the cellar.

And I'd be like... I remember. Yeah, I'm not doing that. And I just wouldn't go out. And then I started opening for him. And I took like two or three classic bits. Ones that I didn't throw up in my mouth telling. You know what I mean?

Because you're old shit. You're like, oh my God, I was so bad. And then I was like, oh, I still have it. Now I just have to figure out what to say. And just who am I now? So that's the running in place situation i'm at right now which is great because i just found a new bit that destroys so i'm like fucking let's go that's all it takes is one more 10 minutes now i find another 10 i want to compile an album in the next year

wow and then dump my girlfriend punch you in the fucking face buy a jet ski two jet skis in case one battery goes out or run a show you know i'll tell you what i took an uber here yeah a four and a half hour uber here that's because you left on a saturday at the wrong time i was coming 15 minutes yeah 20 max go ahead tell me well i didn't mind the time because the driver was a prophet yeah really yeah now before i continue with what he said i have to warn you he was black so i don't know if that's going to be a problem for you i mean i prefer that color asshole over you too. I'm just saying you would have figured it out based on the story, so I wanted to preface it.

Okay. Because I know that now you will filter it through a different lens. Right. Okay. I'll change the voice in my head. I'm only going to really take in about three-fifths of this information. Okay. So he was amazing, this guy. So he worked in retail.

We immediately just got into a very deep conversation. I entered the car and he goes, how are we doing today, big man? I love that. That's nice. I love big man. That's real nice. Big man is disarming. Thank you for noticing my stature.

Because he watched you walk to the car first. He watched me bend down to enter the minivan. Wow. Yeah. Wow. I had to stoop. Yeah. Did you go to close the door?

He's like, no, no, no, no. I got that. I got that. He knew that I knew. I got that. He knew that I knew. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's good black that you were onto. That wasn't even it. Well, it was close. Oh, baby it was close you were starting just warming the engine you're on the hunt you're on the hunt yeah well you see where it ends up you're on the scent hokey dokey hokey pokey there's a whole arch to this my friend i'm warming you up i'm already there i know what i want to say how i want to say it but i gotta grease your palm your palm. There you go again, by the way. You said there's a whole arch to this. I would have said there's a whole arc to this.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah. Wow. But it's not necessarily wrong. It's not wrong. I'm not going to say it's wrong. It's not wrong. It's just close. Yeah, just like a story arc. Story arch. So I get in the car and he is talking to me I tell him about where I'm at

in my life and he says why are you in town I tell him I'm down for stand up and comedy and all this and we get to him and I say what about you what's your journey worked in retail. I worked at Lowe's for 15

years. Then he got hired away to be regional vice president at Home Depot where he worked for another 16 and then he got promoted again and picked off by Costco and worked there for Final Five before retiring.

Now he plays golf every single day. Damn. I would have... Yes, right. Jumping Jaffo's a fat. I don't know. That was bad.

I don't know them. I don't know their culture that well. That's probably wrong. I'm way off. Thanks to everybody who has hit the subscribe button. I don't know their culture that well. That's probably wrong. I'm way off. Way off. Yeah, thanks to everybody who has hit the subscribe button. This doesn't kill me every time I say it, but it's effective, apparently. Apparently, our subs are going up.

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so uh i immediately i'm doing the math i'm like that's 36 years in these giant stores yeah and he said i made a ton of money they were very good to me and you know now he's retired and he just drives uber he plays golf every morning every single morning plays golf and then he uh drives uber when just for fun kind of yeah and um i said wow that's amazing and he goes yeah but i don't play to fool around i play for money i gamble i was like wow okay so what's your index what's your handicap yeah it's like he's like i play pretty much off par. And I was like, okay, well, the way you're saying that makes me think you're not telling the truth.

Because you would say scratch. Scratch, yeah. I also was like, what's your index? And he was like, oh, you mean my handicap? Yeah. I was like, well, true golfers would know. Yeah. We would refer to it as the index. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you think he shoots in the high 90s? No, I don't know. He did say this morning he went and practiced and he was working on his long irons. And the specificity of that training would have me believe he knows what he's talking about. Yeah. And he may be very good, but he, first of all. I'm hoping this, you guys set up a tee time tomorrow? No, I don't know that I could bring him to the places I play.

I thought about it. Remember Fuzzy Zeller when Tiger won the Masters for the first time? Yeah, what did he say? Because you get to, whoever wins gets to select their dinner. Yes, the Masters, the Champions Dinner. Yeah, and Fuzzy Zeller was coming off the 18th, and they were like, what do you think about Tiger Woods? He goes, obviously I'm paraphrasing, but he was like, yeah, I guess we're going to have like chicken or collard greens or whatever they eat.

Wow. Yeah. He said that. He said that. And that was probably 2002 or three or something. Yeah. And yeah, that's when I think Augusta still to that point still had no black members and certainly had no female members. Yeah.

And isn't it interesting that the first two women members that they added ever, one was, I can't remember some high person. Caitlyn Jenner. The other was Condoleezza Rice. Oh my God, that's a man. To some, perhaps. God damn! to some perhaps i guess i could we gotta get a soundboard um for those who want to listen to audio just have a black co-host condi was uh one of the first two women admitted as members to augusta national god it's kind of cool um oh i was supposed to say that's cool.

You like Condoleezza Rice? You a fan of the condo? It's not even that. Old Liza? It's just, what an interesting choice. I don't know why. Yeah, of course you'd go to the government cabinet so you don't have to fucking, you know,

be vulnerable enough to... Was she Secretary of State? I think she was Secretary of State under Bush, right? Yeah. Either Secretary of State. I think she was Secretary of State under Bush, right? Yeah. Either Secretary of State or Secretary. No, Rumsfeld, I think, was Defense under Bush. So it was Secretary of State. But she was controversial.

I remember that. Yeah. Needless to say, I continue to talk to this guy. You think putting an inferno fire over millions of innocent children is controversial? He was saying... Shout out Kondo. She's going to hear this. Condoleezza also likes cocaine.

Does she? Yeah. That's known? No, it's just a trick to see if she gets back to me. Oh, good, good, good. Just getting a phone call. I think that if you were a member of Augusta National, that you probably don't feel too flustered by whatever's said on any podcast. Right.

But he said, I play for money, and then I was like, that's great. And then I said, you know, he was asking me about how I feel about where I'm at in my stand-up career. And I was like, I'm a bit of a crossroads because when I set out to do this, I only dreamt as far as a certain point. Where you're at. And I've achieved that. Yeah. And I, along the journey, I didn't really move the goalposts. I didn't readjust my end zone.

So I'm in a bit of a limbo right now where, you know, I think most people say, I want to get to this. I want to do this. I want to do this. And as they get closer, they say, okay, well, now I want to become a theater comic. And then they do theaters and they're like, now I want to sell at Madison Square Garden.

I don't need to do any of that shit. And for me, there's this element in my life where I feel like I've beaten the game and now why am I still playing? And that's not a great place to be in. Yeah. Well, this is a conundrum for

anyone in any industry. You set your goals, you achieve them, and you go, I want to go more. Right? Most do, but i have not yeah i can't say that i guess you have you just admit you already have no the problem is is internal it's happiness yeah that's so you could you could ultimately say i've achieved my goal when i was working nine to five as a fucking engineer or an it consultant at Deloitte. I would, if someone was like you, you're going to make ends meet talking to some ripped,

you know, pig asshole maniac on a fucking couch talking about nothing. So kind. And you're going to get rent paid. Yeah. You can have a good time. Sometimes you're going to go on stage, make people laugh.

Would you like that life? Hell yeah. Right. And then I'm doing it now, but now I want more. Now I want to sell out across the country but i'm saying that i don't know that i want more that's my question to you is are you internally happy enough to and content with where you're at right now to say let's just play this game no but i don't know if the answer is to uh you're gonna be on netflix season two of tires buddy i am people you're you're exposing yourself without knowing this that you're a wonderful actor

and the the potential here for you is beyond limitless so you're going to constantly be at crossroads roads with what do i want to do now, right? Stand-up was your goal, and you have goals within stand-up. Baby, there's two other roads here now, you know? So then just enjoy the journey and whatever comes. My girl tells me this all the fucking time. It's very hard to do because you're so entrenched in your own bullshit, because you have to be, and it's such a lonely fucking road to do this so you're constantly waking up with anxiety or depression but you're still doing what you're

what you love you have to remind yourself that you're doing that you're successful enough for you you're making money making ends meet making people smile suck my dick yeah you're gonna hate this but the black guy said a very similar thing did Did he? Yeah. Why would I hate that? Because he's black. Listen, my friend, I grew up around them. Whoa. Whoa. I assimilate to those boys more than this. Is that so?

Yeah. Yeah, I'd much rather, I feel more comfortable in a black bar than a white bar. Where did you grow up? Just outside of Philadelphia. What town? Drexel Hill, Delaware County. Was that near Drexel? Yeah, three miles away. I went to Drexel.

Did you know that? They say it's a very bad neighborhood, Drexel. West Philly? It's okay. That where Drexel is, people say it's bad. No, it's not... It's bad, yeah. But it's not that bad. It's not fucking Fallujah, but it's bad. No, it's bad, yeah. But it's not that bad.

It's not fucking Fallujah, but it's bad. Nothing is Fallujah. Temple's bad. Oh, maybe that's what I'm thinking of. That's North Philly. I'm thinking of Temple. Yeah, West Philly's no dog park. It's a fucking, well, you know.

Tom, hey! You know who I miss? Who? Is Chris'connor yeah me too i haven't fucking he'd be adding a lot to this right now he'd be great i haven't even texted him i haven't talked to him in a month i can't believe it. It just seems so at odds with how a functioning podcast team should work. It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah. But you guys will find your way back. We will. And I like this little change. I like this little interview structure I have

been going on. We're going to go you're going to go down to Philly I guess up to Philly from here. And I'll be meeting you there. Yeah. Because I'm going to Philly from here. And I'll be meeting you there. Yeah. Because I'm going to come in for an episode. Yeah.

Yeah. You can come. We'll do it again. That'd be so fun. And you can just watch us battle like we did in the old years. I had such a great time doing season one. Yeah. It is the highlight of my career.

Really? Yeah. Nice. For sure. You wouldn't say the same. Yeah, no. No, I just think that that would have been the moment to agree oh yeah then you didn't so now you've you have what's what is what has been better for you what's been better you've had bigger things no no not necessarily new faces my first yeah i did new faces but that's bigger no what's been bigger my first

no my first oh shit was winning philly's funniest cool and then i won big sky comedy festival then i got new faces wow and then i've never seen you do stand-up yeah it's great i like that i know no no i said that's great oh not it's great that'd be crazy wait you see it's great yeah when you see it. It's great. Yeah, wait till you see my index. No, I'm not a cocksucker like that. No, but we sold Delco proper and then we filmed the pilot. And it's all the same guys, same crew. Even the camera guys you're using now, same people.

I watched that. I watched Delco proper. So that was the first like, this is the fucking best. When it came out yeah as a web series yeah no we filmed the pilot the pilot's out too where's that the pilot for television's out there that's all right so that was the full 30 minute that we we filmed over a couple weeks and that was like that was the most fun i've ever had so now i'm on their set so it's not like i'm not in charge. I didn't do casting.

I didn't do all that stuff, which is so fun. I'm not in the writer's room every day. I loved casting. Me and John would just sit in a building in New York and all these great actors would come in. Oh, that's fun. The kid from... They're auditioning.

From kids. You know, the kid who rapes the girl from kids? I don't know that. He's a great actor. I know. What is kids? You know, the kid who rapes the girl from kids? I don't know that. He's a great actor. I know. What is kids? That's not even a joke. What's kids?

The movie Kids? Never saw it. Oh, okay. Well, there's like legends coming in here. They're like reading our lines. That's cool. It's very fun. That is cool.

I have auditioned a good amount. Not a ton, but a good amount. And I hate it. Of course. I hate it of course i hate it of course it's why i because i love acting yeah but i and i've done a lot of acting fucking training yeah um really so much so that it it is a joke that i'm i haven't done more acting yeah but it's it speaks to the sheer volume of auditions one has to go on to actually put those skills to use. And I got sick of that shit.

Right. Well, this is the gift of McKeever and Shane. It's like once you're in that world, there's no auditioning anymore. Well, that's my point. I said I had the thought of, well, I think they wrote that part for me.

And it's very similar to when Happy Gilmore makes the hole in one when he's not a good putter. Yeah. And he's just like, well, why don't I just do that every time? This is so much better than auditioning. Why don't I just only do parts that are written for me? Yeah. Eventually you start getting rolled. I think that's like the whole purpose of acting is like you get a couple roles and people go that guy

yeah i don't need to fucking see 10 of you know some other guy i want that guy go get him right and that's the goal that's that was always my goal that would be very nice i want to just stand up jump into a fucking sell a show do six seasons of it and then get in the dramatic movies but what's interesting is you know yeah it sounds like an amazing thing to actually be just choosing parts that are offered to you and turning others down. Yeah. But even in that level of success as an actor, how many bad choices are you afforded before you lose it? Yeah, I don't know. That's crazy.

How many wrong turns can you make? Yeah. I mean, the greats always have, like, they turn down classic movies, like the best movies. Right. Will Smith turned down The Matrix. But that's not the right example. Right, but there are examples that are a little lower going.

That would have been it for me. I know that Paul Rudd turned down The Hangover. Really? And then Bradley Cooper took it. I think that's what happened. I think I heard that on Dax Shepard's podcast. Yeah. I would have loved Silver Linings Playbook.

I would have loved to play that role. That's a great role. That whole role is my family. Really? It's podcast. Yeah. I would have loved Silver Linings Playbook. I would have loved to play that role. That's a great role. That whole role is my family. Really? It's crazy. My brother's bipolar, maniac.

My dad is exact, looks exactly like De Niro. Acts like him. Watches Eagles games like that. He didn't bet heavily in front of us, but it was just like,

I was watching that. I was like, this is insane. And they're running around my neighborhood. That's where I'm from, Delco. They're running around the streets of my neighborhood. And I'm like, who the like, this is insane. And they're running around my neighborhood. That's where I'm from, Delco. They're running around the streets of my neighborhood.

And I'm like, who the fuck wrote this? That's excellent. Yeah, but auditioning, acting, it's all gay. It's all like, I'm not saying it like that. I'm saying like the whole process of going into an audition room and hanging around actors as opposed to comedians who can act. It's a different breed. Right, right.

You know, it's enjoyable different breed right right you know it's enjoyable if you're with your boys yeah you can actually pull it off i just think that it's so hard given you know three lines to read in front of two people you have a minute yeah to actually show how you would embody or expand the role that's been written well do you remember me texting you after i watched Tires? And I was like, dude, you're fucking great. And I was like, that role is so great because you can let it breathe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's not just a fucking one line, switch camera, go somewhere else. You actually embody this person. Right. That's the joy I have is like when I can be someone as opposed to just an offshoot of a joke. Right. You're just the face of a joke. I'm literally called a WAP brother, you know? Yeah.

I needed tires when it happened. Nice. My life was on real, in a really tough, I was having a very tough time. Is that why you skipped John's 40th surprise birthday party? Because you needed it? No, I mentioned to you that was because it was over Labor Day weekend, which is not a weekend I've ever had free. Right.

Ever in my whole life. You know who knew that when they saw your frame? The black driver. He looked at you and said, this guy's never missed a Labor Day weekend. I'm a big labor guy. Yeah. I'm all about labor. I like when women are in it.

I like when the British party has the power. I like doing labor. You would have been a turncoat. Would I have? I think so. about labor i like when women are in it i like when the british party has the power i like yeah doing labor you would have been a turncoat would i have i think so see what i did there okay josh cut that see what i did there do you see what i'm saying would i have instead of, that's what I'm referring to. Oh, okay. Would I have instead of would I? And we're talking about the British. Yeah. So it's apt.

Yeah. I'm going to make you walk out here with a teacup on your head. No, my life was in free fall. I was going through a divorce and, you know, i've found that um can you talk about that yeah because this is interesting to me you know as a close a close friend of mine i would like to actually have an emotional conversation and what can you give our fans like how tough that situation was obviously it's oh my god it's devastating and it's... Oh, my God. It's devastating. And it's weird, too, because, you know, the first thing that everyone says to you

when you tell them that you're going through divorce is, do you guys have kids? And then you say no. And then they immediately say, oh, well, that's not so bad then. You're like, well, I don't have a frame of reference for how much worse it would be if we had kids. I can only assume, I'm sure. I know people who have gone through divorce with children and I'm aware that it's awful. But to this point, this is the saddest thing I've ever

gone through in my personal life. And, you know, there's a weird irony, too, where when you're married and you're the age that my ex-wife and I were, which is mid-30s, everyone says, when are you having kids? Are you trying? Are you guys having kids? Why aren't you pregnant yet? Are you trying to get pregnant? And that's nosy. Yeah. And then when you get divorced, everyone says, thank God you didn't havey. Yeah. And then when you get divorced, everyone says,

thank God you didn't have kids. Yeah. You're like, five minutes ago, you were fucking putting my dick in her and saying, don't pull out. Yeah. And now here we are on the other side, and you're like, all along, what a gift, what a gift that you didn't have children. Yeah.

So I don't know. That kind of weirdly, I was a bit bemused by that well you can always tell your your true friends like the first thing is like how are you i'm so sorry to hear that yeah how are you it's doesn't matter about fucking anything else right it is interesting that even the people in our lives in your life my, who I would say are the most quick to band-aid with humor and to sort of not take things seriously or not even want personal strife and emotional depth to enter the conversation. Of course.

Put that shit on hold and became human to me when they learned that I was getting divorced. I was very impressed with that. Yeah. People that you think are just, they're never vulnerable. They're never open. Friends that I'm friends with through fucking joshing around in a green room in a comedy club. Yeah. You found that, oh, they're capable of a little bit more depth than I had thought.

And that was nice. Then my friends really rose to the occasion and were incredibly attentive and made themselves known to me. Again, I'm at an age where everyone's been siloed off into their own lives a bit. They have children. They're moving away. They're moving, switching jobs, whatever. And everyone's got so much shit going on. Your primary focus should probably be your partner, your children, your own personal family.

Kids are kind of, excuse me, friendships get bumped down the list. Yeah. And yet they really reemerged quickly. That's awesome. And were very attentive. Josh. they really reemerged quickly and were very attentive. Josh, it's spooky season. Oh, it's spooky season, bud. You know what that means.

You got to face your fears, dude. You got to face your fears. What scares you around Halloween time? You know? An old creepy lady putting a razor blade in an apple. You know? Some dude abducting you into a van, doing weird stuff

with your butt. That's what scares me. But facing your personal fears has been one of the scariest things in my life. The show is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. I've already started, dude. I've been perusing the clinical therapists.

I've been looking through, trying to find my guy. The way I did my trainer, I'll take my time. Guy or girl, Probably a lady. I want a lady telling me what's wrong because if I get upset or feel vulnerable, I'll feel like I have to disrespect the guy. You know what I mean? Especially if it's through Zoom.

I'm like, I'll fuck you up, dude. Where do you live? You know, that's the best part about BetterHelp. You can just pick one and you can move on if you're not happy with them. It's entirely online designed to be confident, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Convenient, rather.

Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Again, one of the biggest selling points for me. At any moment, I could just go, I know. I didn't like the way you said that. I didn't like the thing you did with your eyes when you looked down when I said that about my brother beating my ass. What's wrong with that?

Why can't I be vulnerable here in this podcast studio? You got to overcome your fears during this spooky season at BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash stuff island today and get 10% off your first month. It's a big deal. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash stuff island. As far as, you know, for me me there were waves of emotions i guess if this is what you're interested in yes uh at first i convinced myself of how correct that the choice we'd made was and tried to tell myself i was relieved we'll go thank goodness we got out when

we did we saw it quickly far better to do that than to let it fester to have children to then divorce when we're the kids are five and all that stuff yeah uh and you feel resolved almost defiant at least that's how i felt uh I felt In the couple of months after Is that just self-protecting? Yeah Self-preserving And then things settle And quiet down

And then the loneliness sets in And the loneliness is Tough Are you in contact with her at this time? Yeah, we're very, very dear friends. So that's worse. I don't know. No, no, it's good if you can get through it. I'm saying during the loneliness, if you're still in contact,

there's no cold break where you can just eat it. No. And then you become friends. But it wasn't, we weren't in contact in the sense of like a relationship trying to rekindle. It was more... Check-in.

Check-in. How are you? How are you? And even just that question was so upsetting. How are you doing? Yikes. It was this triggering question. And now we've reached a place of true friendship.

And it's funny because people said that that wouldn't work, that we would need a year or longer to find that. But we got there pretty quickly and we're able to talk about our dating lives and help give each other advice on that. And it speaks to me to how strong the friendship was through the marriage, even if as a married couple, we weren't quite right for each other. And therefore I can't really regret it because I think, you know, how can you have such a strong bond with someone that preserves through a divorce and call it a mistake from the get go?

I don't think that's possible. God damn. No, honestly, that's very insightful. The Uber ride ended with him going, alright man, go hit that golf ball. I like that. He's like, grip it and rip it.

And he's applying it metaphorically. Yeah, yeah. But I was like, I like the way that you see the world through golf. This is nice. Yeah. I'm surprised. I thought that story was going to end with you guys having a tea time. Yeah, yeah. But I was like, I like the way that you see the world through golf. This is nice. Yeah. I'm surprised. I thought that story was going to end with you guys having a tea time. I should have. I should have done. Yeah, you should.

Why am I getting a phone call? This is pissing me off. Because you're out of town. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you. Yeah. I didn't mean to make that.

No, no, no. I haven't talked about it much it's funny i i did address it on son of a boy dead and i said that is all i would say about it but now i'm in such a healthy place about it that's awesome that i feel no no problem talking about it yeah i was like that like doing podcasts when I slept with a transsexual. Like at first, I thought about saying, I was like, I'm not ready yet. I can't possibly bring that up right now because I am not ready. Her and I haven't been speaking.

So I am not at a place where we have the relationship where i would even think she would want me to talk about it on a podcast and then as we progressed i found myself really entrenched in my own emotions and through that i grew and as i was growing i started to say you know what i think I could talk about this on a podcast. And then I went on my podcast and I just said, I fucked a guy. And all the weight off my shoulders was nice. I grew a couple inches. Is this real?

Yeah. I want to hear about it. Well, hold on. What is a transsexual please start there what are you doing i don't know what that is i don't know what it is and i don't mean it to dehumanize oh you think i'm worried about that i'm not worried about you i'm worried about i always told the greatest lie of all time. Oh, damn you. It's a dude who got, it's a hot,

hot, very attractive man who gender reassignment surgery. Well, let's say half of it was on layaway. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful, nice tits.

Okay. Wait, wait, wait. lovely little lady born a man yeah it's a man who changed to a woman changed to a woman yeah i got fucking jennered okay miss jennered and if you will that's a play on words okay so that's that's what that's what and that is the only definition of a transsexual i don don't fucking know. Okay, all right. Well, then I won't hold your feet to the fire. Because I thought you were... I didn't know you were kidding. And I thought it was very funny.

Because he was laughing as if this is something that's come up before. I've said it on the podcast. But it's a joke. Well, I wanted to say it on my last podcast with Shane, the affair one we did. But I'm actually... Wait, I don't know about that. Tell me about that. I was actually making a like i'm actually i don't know about that i was actually making a i'm actually comparing i'm making comparison to like your your transition from your emotional

state to be able to speak about something it was very funny and feels good i i i wish that i had not taken it seriously no because i was laughing the way you should have the whole time yeah because i thought it was real but i should have the whole time yeah because i thought it was real but i would have laughed and if it if i'd known it was a joke i would have laughed too i'm not taking that away from you i'm not worried about that okay i'm not worried about that i'm saying even without going through marriage i think it's it's as a comedian you go through these faces regardless of your experience with something maybe maybe it's a death in the family. Maybe it's a divorce or breaking up or quitting drugs. Those things take time to go, I need to talk to somebody.

You have to have somebody to speak to. So there is something to say in that you got emotionally vulnerable to me, and I appreciate that. And that's a testament to our friendship that you opened up a little more. So now let me tell you how I fuck this guy. That's good. That's good. Now I see.

Now I see. Let me fix my cord shorts. Yeah. Good shorts. Thanks, pal. You ever go to Barton Springs? Yeah. I'm going to go over there after this.

Right now? For a dip. You get in the water. Yeah, absolutely. What else would we go there for? Do you want to come? Stare at the hot kids. There are some good kids there. Good

crop. I'm going to go over there. I'm going to jump in and then get ready for the shows tonight. There's a diving board. Oh, yeah. They're not going to see this, but yeah. How many shows? Five?

Did you do five shows? Four shows? Just four. Just four? Yeah. I sold both out last night. You're goddamn right you did. Don't know if tonight's going to go because of the UT Austin game.

Yeah, but how many fans are going to come out? That's what I hope for. Yeah. The late show might be fucking mayhem. Because if they win. Yeah, or lose. It doesn't matter. Just saying. Just the drunkards coming in. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Hot kids. fucking mayhem because if they win yeah we're loose it doesn't matter just saying just the

drunkards coming in yep yep yep yep yep hot kids hot kids it's more hot kids coming to see old franny boy the hks the hong kongs god damn yeah i fucking really ate ass in front of the hong kongs last night did you know yeah there's three bachelorette parties wow yeah guys ahead of me were real goofing off getting yuck yucks and i'm like they're gonna fucking hate me you know you can always tell yeah oh i was listening to him i'm like i ain't gonna like this old pop-up angry timber of laughter yeah it's very forecasting yeah yeah people stop like i look down at the front row and they just went like this. Like, you know, they weren't ready for this fucking neighbor dad strength coming out. Just going, huh?

Huh? I gave him the goods with the fucking eyes first. And they were like, no, thank you. No fucking thank you. Are you religious? I was raised Catholic, but no, I'm not religious. What do you got on your neck there? Whatsoever.

This is a lion. In fact, I got all this jewelry to be a WAP brother. So I have a ring. I only went in for a pinky ring. And this beautiful Muslim boy, Sammy, I liked him. Didn't fuck him. He goes, I got a ring for you and it was um uh what's the fucking the gang

the crips the bloods the no jesus christ and is in muslim i'll forget it it's a gold ring and then i was like do you have a pendant by chance? Anything but religious. And he had a custom lion pendant. Throw it in the bag. Gave me a new chain because my previous chain didn't have the weight. And then he threw in the bracelet for half off. How much did you pay for all that? Like 75.

That's not bad. Yeah. It's only 18. Carrot gold? $75. $75,000. It's only 18. Carrot gold? $75. $75,000. $7,500. Sorry.

That is a lot of money. Yeah, it's real gold. I'm sorry. I thought you meant $75. Have you ever purchased something? No, I don't wear gaudy jewelry. Your fucking hair. You just said you bought it for a role.

If I had your hair, I wouldn't wear gold. Why are you still wearing it? What do you mean? Because I love it. And so the character that you were costumed for. Was me all along. You see the scene in Usual Suspects? That was me all along.

I wasn't acting in Tires. But I have shed that guy guy i'm not that guy yeah i stunked in my growth you are still wearing stuff you had to buy for the role you think it was a fucking elite for me to be that guy no all i did was grow a beard and buy an extra fucking pendant i'm i will say seven thousand five hundred dollars did they subsidize that no i bought it all my own that's a lot of money that speaks to how well your podcast is doing it's doing okay yeah especially now that i'm doing everything you look at jewelry you're wearing a fucking rolex dickhead i guess you're right though i do

like watches. I like a nice watch. But I don't... I'm thinking about a chain. Your skin complexion can't work with this. I can't wear gold. I can't wear gold. No. I'm too gold myself.

And a watch on me, I just look like I'm trying to steal your wife. This is more I'm trying to steal your sister. Nice. Daughter. I think I'm thinking about a chain. Why? You have to go silver, though, or something. Why would I do it?

Why would I wear a chain? What is that? What is it? What do people wear a chain for? I didn't even know this was outside of my shirt. Usually when I wear t-shirts, I don't put it outside. Because it's corny. Why am I wearing a chain if I wear a chain?

What is it for? What is it for? It's an accent. That's it. Yeah. I think they look nice. You're wearing a hat if I wear a chain. What is it for? What is it for? It's an accent. That's it. Yeah. I think they look nice. You're wearing a hat. That's an accent.

I'm wearing a hat for sun protection. Okay. It's too dangerous. Your hair does that. You have nice hair. You're not bald. My hair doesn't cover my face. Oh, so it's for the front of your face like an old Asian lady?

It's my nose and my cheeks and my forehead. Get one of those fucking Asian hats. They work gardening. Like I'm a caddy? Yeah, or caddy. Or gardener. Get the mudflap gardener one? That's pretty sick.

Like I'm harvesting clams in the mudflats? Yeah. Yeah. Pig asshole skin is so vulnerable. You guys have to... Do you lather up on the beach like an asshole? Do you have that SPF 7,500? When you exfoliate, does alcohol just drip out of your skin?

It funnels. Could I ring... If I gave you an Indian sunburn, would gin just drip? No, you have to push it this way so it goes I'd catch it all like sap. Pure concentrated mezcal. Circular

sweat. Where are you going? Get out of here! It's the most efficient alcohol recycling system. Yeah. Very, very good. Outside of my gray hair i'm fucking killing it dude skin's very nice well you've got the the dark eyebrows that are i don't know dude they're starting to come in yeah yeah i always envisioned me just going pure white everywhere having jet black eyebrows oh there's a actor for whom that's the case i think he was in gladiator yeah it's it's a common

genetic it's cool scheme or whatever yeah i like that index what else this is your pod hey i don't fucking care i've run out of ideas but i'm enjoying it i like i like the are you emotionally distraught? No. Do you talk about your divorce on stage? Only to get pussy. It's a big comic thing, by the way. I don't know if anyone knows this, but as soon as a comic gets single, they just write a single bit to get laid.

Oh, is that so? From the crowd. Yeah, real scumbag. I don't need to do that. I know you don't. I don't mean like, I'm good enough pussy. I'm like, I don't need to do that. I know you don't. I don't mean like I'm getting enough pussy. I'm like, I don't need to have sex right now. Yeah, of course. I'm not that horny.

My conversations are so fulfilling that you're insatiated. I think that's the benefit of a breakup at 35. Yeah, true. I'm okay yeah i have control over my libido i have a little bit of uh impulse control yeah i hit 40 42 and it's just like my ability to just shed care for anything that's not my immediate health or my loved one's health i just don't it's awesome it's that scene in fucking the office space where he's the guy has a heart attack yeah right right here's just sitting there like yeah that's how i am with everything now yeah outside of my own tiny circle and that's just with age just go after you'll figure it out that's why

my dad always gave me zero advice it was always you're fine don't worry about it you're fine you'll work it out not zero advice but you gotta have you gotta have some advice in those moments i don't know that i'm saying i don't have it for them right you need it yeah i'm saying my dad should give me some fucking advice yeah no i'm just saying i have no time for that bullshit it's the same thing as i'm not going to your fucking your kid's first birthday party if i was just gonna say i've been invited to a lot of first birthday parties recently nope no thank you and i love the people and i'm i'm so thrilled that they have children you're welcome but i couldn't go no go. No. And to the point where you start to think, what do I need to do?

To not get invited. To stop getting these invites. Yeah. Do I need to start being creepy? No. No, you'd think that they would get the hint. If they're a normal person, right? If I invite you to something and you're like, no, thank you.

I'd be like, all right, I just want to give you the invite. I'm not going to fucking judge you. I know if I eventually have a child, if we have a party, it's not for the fucking kid. That's where I got my personality, by the way. The way I speak is my dad's one of nine, my mother's one of 11, and our family parties were fucking nuts. So our cousins are going around unhinged,

taking sips of beer off the tables and fucking just mayhem. And 11 kids. How many of them are twins? None. Not a single one. No. And my grandma, my Irish grandma had, I think, three miscarriages. 11 children.

So hold on a second. Let's think about this. Her entire adult life. Do you know? She was pregnant or giving birth. Do you know when she had her first child? At what age? No.

Had to be 18, 20. Right. You mean it's then? Yeah. Because it's really one every... It's hell on earth. Two years, one every 18 months at best. I imagine the gift of life The gift of motherhood

Is probably Exceptional For A few of those And then you're just like That's a litter of Pops in a farm You can't go

You can't go anywhere There's no automobile Big enough No To transport Your family To You can't go in the heat

You're always pissing your pants Bladders getting Squeezed out of your asshole You know There's a big Irish blob Plopping on another Fucking useless baby You're always pissing your pants. Bladder's getting squeezed out of your asshole. You know, you're just a big Irish blob plopping on another fucking useless baby. What a poor woman. Wasted her whole goddamn life. Life is short.

But what a legacy. What a legacy. What a lineage. Right. I wouldn't be here. She didn't piss her pants. How many cousins do you have? I don't know. What first cousins do you have? I don't know. What first cousins do you have?

I don't know. 11 children and then 9? You have 20 aunts and uncles? Whatever. 18? Yeah. Because two are your parents? I met a first cousin at McDonald's after a baseball game in high school.

We came off the bus, went to McDonald's with our cleats, and I got to the counter and the girl was like, you tom papa and i was like yeah she goes i'm your cousin jen she was like 18 wait that's your real name my real name is papa yeah why'd you change it to pope because there's a tom papa of course there is yeah who's quite revered yeah not my household no i can understand that by me and my dad i'll tell you that that's really why you did that yeah i had to the manager at helium told me i had to like year two and i was like shut up i go by tommy like that's not how it works engines and shit did you do it legally or just uh not yet i won't have a stage name yeah yeah but it sounds close growing up everyone was yeah they were called by their last name tom to car you know yeah i love tom to car from tom brady which is such an interesting... What? He's Tom Brady. I didn't know that.

And he changed his name to Tom Takar. Takar is such a wild choice. Is that his mom's? It's his dad's. T-H-A-K-K-A-R. How interesting is that to go from a stage name, or from a real name of Tom Brady, which is pretty fit

for stage. Yeah. To Tom Takar, spelled Thakar. Yeah. Dude, that's great. And you'd have to, the only reason you could ever justify it is if the person named Tom Brady was so famous. Yeah. That you

had to run as far from that. Right, right. As you could. Yeah, sound like a moon crater yeah yeah yeah and he's so funny dude i love him and he talks about this so i'm not i'm not telling tales out of school but he he changed his name to his i think uh i don't want to get this wrong i think he could change his name to his father's name. And his father and he don't. His father, they are estranged. Oh, okay. So he took his mother's name because his dad wasn't in the picture.

Maybe it's the other way around. So I don't know. Something like that. But he's told me this story. Yeah. I mean, I would have stuck with Brady. It's kind of funny. I only did it because the guy's in my field. I think there's the comedian who first opened my mind about comedy and made me a fan of comedy was Bob Marley.

Yeah, I know Bob. I know of him. From Maine. He's very funny. Bob Marley from Maine. He's very fucking funny. I'm from Maine. Yeah.

And Bob Marley was the king of Maine. Yeah. And he had 20 albums. Yeah. Before I was 18 yeah and he was fucking putting shit out left and right and he would do you know come come do fundraisers at our high schools but he didn't really travel that much a little bit but then he kind of just stayed in maine and uh he'd be introduced as comedian Bob Marley

because of course... Bob Marley. Yeah. Yeah, but Bob Marley's dead. Does that make the difference? At that time, yes. Because if you're showing up in person as Bob Marley... Nobody's going to be like, wait a second.

Holy shit. Wait. Yeah, this church is nuts. What? Comedian Bob Marley. It's crazy. I didn't think that through. The air is different up there.

Maine is wonderful. Maine is nice. I was just there, Portland. We were doing our Stuff Island tour. What did you do up there? Empire? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Awesome.

It's fun. It's a fun room. Great fucking crowd. Is it still upstairs in that you got to walk up those stairs? Yeah, it's like connected to the bar is in the back. Yep. Yeah, it's a beautiful room. Nice room.

Yeah. I've done it. Great crowd. Yeah, crowds in Maine are great. Shout out Empire. I forget the owner's name. He was great. I haven't been back to Maine to perform in a long time.

I used to do a place called the Port City Music Hall every year. I forget the owner's name. He was great. I haven't been back to Maine to perform in a long time. I used to do a place called the Port City Music Hall every year. I'm due to go back there. Do you want to plug what's up next? Yeah, I'm going to go to Rochester with Lil Sasquatch. We're going to co-headline that. What's it like on the road with him? He's a big fly fisherman. That's what he likes to do.

Yeah. So he checks out the local fly map wow and then decides whether or not he'll bring his gear that's very funny yeah so i would never he's big on it that's his big hobby that's hilarious yeah he's pretty good at it i bet we went in february we went uh we went up to do the Syracuse Funny Bone. Yeah. Yeah. And for the weekend together.

And we stayed at, I have a place up in the Hudson Valley. And we stayed there and we would fly fish during the day and do the shows at night in February. Wow. The snow was coming down on the river. Oh, my God. And we were wearing two pairs of thick socks and all the waders and stuff, flannels. God. Even so, it was so cold.

But it's still white guy porn. I mean, that's like... It was pretty magical. That's rich white guy porn. I'll show you a video once we wrap here. We're going to wrap right now. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Come see us in Rochester, and then we'll be in Grand Rapids, Michigan in December. I've postponed all my own personal headlining dates until the new year, and that's Dallas, San Diego, and Lexington, and a few others because they conflicted with our tires shoot. So sorry about that, but I will be back and uh stay tuned tickets at punch up dot live slash francis ellis do you have a website not anymore i just went to the punch up live thing punch up live yeah have you heard about that no we'll talk off okay yeah what do you got what i need thank you guys