Stuff Island - Ben Bankas - Stuff Island #175

Episode Date: March 12, 2025

Ben Bankas is a Canadian born stand up comic. Keep an eye out for Ben's special that comes out later next month on his Youtube page! Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/STUFFISLAND Upgrade your wardrobe instantly and save 20% off with the code STUFFISLAND at https://www.publicrec.com/STUFFISLAND BETTER HELP! Visit betterhelp.com/stuffisland and get 10% off your first month right from the comfort of your own home Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, we got a little racism in there first. It's fitting. Yeah, I did a podcast with Cam Patterson. I feel he came to my house. I feel like you thought I was going to just like say the n-word. But yeah, he danced around it. Yeah, I think as a Canadian, I'm like less of a like even

though I'm conservative in Canada. Yeah, technically I feel like here. I'm like less of a like, even though I'm conservative in Canada, technically, I feel like here I'm like normal. Yeah. What liberal was like 15 years ago? Yeah. 100%. Yeah. Yeah.

Does it feel good that you're like not like an outcast? You're just a normal free thinking idiot in America. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, still Austin's pretty, you know, there's a lot of, you know, trans people working at the aquariums and I mean, that's probably normal. That's probably the biggest problem. Just just wandering around the aquarium, not looking at the fish. Well, when you have a kid bothered, yeah, exactly. How these come from? Where are these? What are these?

Natives too? I didn't see one fish. No, aquariums are weird. They got weird people working there, but like, yeah, yeah, but they got the Austin Aquarium is in a strip mall, but they'll take you in the cage with like the animals and shit because it's just like I feel like there's no rules oh like where like I feel like you can feed them but like they're like yeah this thing could like fuck you up. Why did you go to the aquarium? With my kid? Two and a half. Okay yeah she likes fish and yeah stuff they haveuins, they got all kinds of shit. Chris, say penguin. Penguin.

Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin? Is that different? It's kinda close to you. Penguin.

Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Or as the Chinese call it, Chinese call it penguin. Yeah, breakfast. They just eat penguins. No, that's a pangolin, that's a pangolin Pangolin I'm sure there's an importer export you can bring some penguins in

Smuggling yeah, my dog went missing today and Might have been stolen by Chinese people honest really no is it really gone Right now yeah, he's probably at somebody else's house. This is the most like comedian life moment ever. Dogs gone. Like I do have to do this pod. Girls out there alone. He'll find a way back. No, but you know, that's the strength of that's what you have to fight through to like, is it hard being a comedian? It's like,

yeah, sometimes you lose your dog. Show must go on. Yeah. No, I'm just like to my wife. I'm like, find it. I gotta go. How did she lose it? She just like opened the garage and then he bolted. Yeah. Well, no, we didn't notice. And then we thought he came back in cause we have two. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, it's, I guess it's, I mean, I kind of wanted to get rid of the because we have two. Yeah, and yeah, it's I guess it's I mean I kind of wanted to get rid of the dogs to be honest like yeah, so you got one It's sad, but I also want to travel, you know, like with my family Like I want to go to Tokyo like I can't you can't just be like having dogs

With kids I mean we got lucky our foster the foster family that took in my puppy before we got it from them Should we just drop her off for like a week? She loves watching it. Yeah, she's in high school and I give her like 100 bucks a day and she goes fucking nuts. So the issue is my girl's dog, which I wish that one had like gone missing. That one bites like it'll just bite strangers.

So so we can't it's not like we can be like, let's leave the dogs with because it's just one of them's fucked. Yeah, just put them down. That's what I want to do. But she's like, I love them. Oh, man. Good. What if it bites the baby? But it's well, exactly. But she he hasn't. He actually kind of protects her, which I kind of like. Yeah, like sometimes I like like if they're walking alone, like he'll like bark at people. I guess close. Yeah, I don't know. I'd put it down for sure. But but I told her I told her if we don't find this dog, we're giving away your dog. Yeah, I'm not just living with your shitty dog.

threatening your wife doing a very emotional time is so great. This slamming the driver's side door. A very emotional time is so great. Just slamming the driver's side door. She's crying. I'll tell you what, we don't find my dog. That dog's going to fuck it. We're putting that thing down. I'll tell you that.

Anyway, see you later. I got to do stuff for Ireland. That's a podcast. You know what I do for a living, right? Has he run away before? Not really. He's gone into like somebody else's backyard. Not here, but so yeah. He probably got picked up. Maybe he got picked up by a nice Mexican family

You know the families that stand on the side of the road and so the roses wouldn't know collar or anything No, no identification on this dog. Well, he didn't he cuz Yeah, no, he's good. He's chipped if somebody found him and like took him to a vet or like he got But if a homeless dude wants a fucking buddy, they're not going to. Yeah. Just keep. I mean, yeah, it's it's pretty residential, though. I don't think it's not like.

I don't know. I'm heartbroken. What am I going to, you know, you just take one lap. What do you? Yeah, fucking pretty much. You're not even sweating. No, I mean, well, we these khakis would be so small. I don't think you could get that fucking far. You know what I mean?

Like kind of dog shit. Oh, I hate those dogs. Yeah. See? But no, I did a couple of laps. I did a couple of tiny dogs don't cause a stir either. They're very hard to find Yeah, they're like CIA agents. They go like they're like white people chihuahuas like yeah That's like the Mexican or like Chinese people like them Chinese people Russians. Yeah, they smoke they'll have like one called

When uh when I was a kid and my dog would run away, he was like a big lab. So like you'd hear like branches breaking and like trash cans falling over. They'd be like little kids in other yards screaming. Dude, they are like fat drunks. He'd just knock over an end table with a vase on it. Well they get fat, like they get wide bodies like bears, you know? Because they're so adorable and cute. People just keep feeding them shit.

And they were labs or shit suits. Yeah, yeah. Owners of labs overfeed labs. Hip dysplasia. And they get hip dysplasia. Oh, my god. I had a friend. It was just so sad.

But he had this dog named Lucky. Wasn't so, huh? it was basically his old dog was like had hip dysplasia was fat and just like could barely walk and then they got the they put it down and then they got a new one and then that dog fell down the stairs and like broke its back legs like really bad and had to they had to spend like 20k or some crazy bullshit on like surgery and it was only like six months old. Right?

So it's like almost full size, but it's all I forget what the fuck happened. And then so then for the whole dog's life, it was just like fat hip dysplasia, just fucking the back legs like that. And it was just and everybody hated the dog too, which was even funnier. Cause he was like, cause he was annoying. He would come up and be like, and everybody like, fuck off. Lucky piece of shit. I've had friends at crippled labs, I guess don't have the same morbidly obese crippled. Yeah. I've had friends that like had to make a sacrifice.

Like I can't date this girl because I hate the fucking dog so much But I really like her. Yeah, cuz the dogs are like three years old, but it's like very hyperactive bad manners And it's like you're talking another 10 12 years of this. Yeah It just causes like a huge problem getting a dog You should get a dog you should raise a dog before having a child first meeting a woman without a dog or a cat or a fucking before having a child first meeting a woman without a dog or a cat or a fucking gerbil or something like that's like the new Virgin. It's like I don't care how many kills you have.

Yes. Yes. Yes. It's just do you have it? Oh, you have no animals. Oh my God. She's a fucking she's a virgin. Yeah, and it does it does like because when a when a girl

has a bad animal you go this is not me. It's not me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is not my fault. Yeah me yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you're doing your own you're doing a lot of reading yeah yeah I ignored a lot of red flags in my situation so yeah oh she had a dog she had the dog I watched this

dog like punctured a woman like an old lady's hand like on the side of the road and can when they get put down no matter what like well that's what I said but then I was it was like locked down and I was like well I'm fucking her. I guess the dogs Married and have a kid. I mean she could have yeah, I don't know call the cops. Otherwise your dog would have got a fucking bullet Probably yeah, it should it should her dog should have been put down My dog should be on the couch right now, but instead it's like in a sewer grate, fucking begging for its life. Surviving.

It's bad, but like what are you supposed to do? I mean, fuck. That you just gotta wait for him to come back. You can't just like, what are you gonna do, cry all day? I mean, yeah, if you're a woman, but if you're a guy, it's like, it's gone. A lab, a lab Scottish Irish setter, rather Irish setter lab mix. And my, my dad would walk her in

the backyard and started going leashless. And they have the cross the street from Longwood Gardens, they have like, fireworks every July. Firework went off early, the sun came down, and she fucking bolted. And it's all farmlands and everything, so my dad, my dad was so fucking sad, dude, and like the whole family came home, like you're just consoling my father.

That's, this dude gets sad about nothing. He's lost family members, I've never seen him cry. Jesus. And uh. His one outlet of love is gone. Is gone. And then he spent the next like two or three days just roaming all the highways. Like just going up and down the highways looking for a fucking dead dog.

Holy shit. Because how many cigarettes? How many cigarettes did he go through? He's got he's got kidney cancer. Oh, man. So he probably a lot because of that. Anyway, happy holidays, guys. You know, let's pick it back up. Here's here's a dog. This is a great episode lost dogs Dad's got cancer now. We got to spend the next 40 minutes pretending. That's not We just open I was just looking at their feet.

Nobody wanted to do this today. Cam took all his fucking energy. He's got to be plugged in too. I actually wanted this. That's why I abandoned my dog. So anyway. The search party. My girlfriend's over. I bet my eyes are going from drink and I got macular degenic

So my girl and I went up to But he found the dog girlfriend were staying at my parents house just to console my dad I went to hang out with her a couple days and it was like one o'clock in the morning We're watching TV in the cat on the couch My parents are sleeping and all you hear is boom and my dog's paws were against like the bay window in the backyard And we let her and she's got a limp. She smells like piss and my dad's my dad came in the in the kitchen They're both crying. Yeah. Oh my god Doing circles. Oh my god And we think she's got kicked by a horse and just stayed at like one of the stables for a while

They finally made away home dude cuz I also know how that dog feels you ever do like too many mushrooms Chris when he gets back, Chris is like, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ Trying to find your tent at a festival, lost high. And then you finally find it. Yeah, yeah, no, I recognize that Winnebago. Yeah. My dad's got to get a kidney removed. But it's not like spreading. Oh, that's good. Caught her early? Yeah, it's just a standard tumor.

It's not cancerous, apparently. Oh, nice. My mom just died of... Really? You've got to be kidding. She did, but yeah. She did die very recently. died of really? You've got to be kidding. But yeah, she did die very recently. Holy shit.

No, I mean, it was August. August. August. Yeah, it's almost been a year. Still been closer accounts. I'm sorry. For your loss. Really dragged on started her. How?

Yeah, my uncle. We lost out the garage. We thought she came back. No, she had like severe dementia and then they then like pancreatic cancer. Jesus. Yeah, so she was just like retarded and died and sad I mean if you're heavy dementia, it's kind of like but it was like yeah, it was you know

It's kind of like when you lose a dog, you don't want I'm so I don't know. I just joke about it. My mom was very like crass and like she like joked about a lot of things Yeah, they were fucked up. It's a healthy way to do it. I mean, we, you know, people like, white families just have weird shit like, like, you know, and then he died and then, but then they just, you're just numb. Yeah. Where's black. So it's not even, it's not even, they make a big show. It's not even their kid. Oh, they make a big show of it. They're just there for the barbecue.

Alright, play the Tupac. Good lord. My babies. My uncle did die this morning. Are you serious? I swear to god. I was talking to my mom this morning. Oh my God, did he?

Yeah, I swear. Oh, I'm sorry. Fuck. This is incredible. This fucking man. Dude, I thought it was going to suck. Here's the man. Oh, fuck.

Also had bad dementia. Riding it out. Oh, man. You're close to him. I'm sorry, buddy. Yeah, he's a good dude. No, they're, you know, it's sad. I'm sorry about that. Oh man. Yeah, you're close to him. I'm sorry buddy. Yeah, he's a good dude. No, they're, you know, sad. I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. Josh, you got any dead parents? No, the funny part is like before my mom

was died and she was in the home just with dementia. Like she would just like people would like other people with dementia would like rape her. I mean, that also is true. I wish you could start out with a mess with her and I could go mess with her. How? Yeah. Yeah, we all just start crying. She was getting she was getting raped a lot. Well, she she didn't remember, though.

So no, like she would. Yeah. No, like there was like one other old guy who was just like after like, yeah, where he also had to like one other old guy who was just like after like, yeah. Where? At the home? He also had to match at the home. Isn't that like a thing? It's like, it's a big thing. Like how retarded kids like jerking off on buses don't like, yeah.

Like there's always like cops at these like seniors homes. Yeah. They had to like watch footage like of all the, like sped up of all the old people like walk. Well, there he is, the perp. Can't they give him like a dog collar or something? Like if he didn't. Well, there is the perp. Yeah, they give him like a fuck! Like a goat hitting the electric fence, dude. Ah!

Ah! When I would visit my mom there, some of the other old people who weren't dementia but just really old or whatever, they had hookers there. There would just be hookers at the seniors' home almost every day. Yeah, like they ordered them. Yeah, I guess it's legal in Canada.

Wait, so I gotta walk a hooker from the, because you need a key to get up to my room But these hookers are just walking in these fucking old book homes Yeah, you do not need a key for this this home was yeah, I wasn't I mean it was it was actually pretty expensive But it was still shit. They're all kind of shit. They just walk in like a pot of flowers They just go to black chick in a tiny dress No, like they just like in in Toronto where this was like I guess those guys like pulled out the fucking yellow pages or some shit like we're calling like escort services

And just being like yes, they can come to my room and then they go up and what are the ladies the ladies? They go they're like they know what they're doing. You're old Chinese women Okay Shit fucking chair like 90. Yeah Anybody goats gettinguted on the fence. What? It's a series, it's a compilation of goats getting electrocuted on the wire fence.

Oh, like- And they just go, ah! You hear goats scream, dude. Ah! Ah! Ah! It's the funniest fucking thing. Just not learning.

Oh, I've heard it. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, I used to I delivered alcohol at one point, like during the covid. And there was this one guy that I delivered alcohol to that had no legs, but he was like staying in a hotel. Yeah. And like the first time I went, you know, he was just at the hotel. So I was, okay, that's weird. You know, he has no legs.

He made me come in too. He's like, do you mind coming in? And he's like wheeling around. And it's like full nubs with like, still like some bandage. Yeah. And like, so I had to come in and do the debit card thing for him or whatever. And then he called again.

And then he made me come in and I was like, what happened to you? And he was like, I was hit by a fucking post truck or some postal truck. And he like, that's like, he know, he was just like crossing the street or something. But he got he like sued and I think he got like, three mil or five mil. Yeah. And then the third time I went, he just had like three of like the worst hookers I've ever seen in there. I don't think in my life.

I was like, yeah, it was fucking poor trash. That kind of money. It's you know, it's only a matter of time. Yeah. You know, it's drugs, hookers, booze. Yeah. Get the hooker. You're going to get the beer before the hookers.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. If you're just. Yeah, exactly. He was. They were feeding for what the hookers. Yeah, right. Yeah. If you're just, yeah, exactly. He was, they were feeding for it. Don't make me see what's going on. Yeah, seriously.

I mean, especially if you have five mil or whatever it was. It probably wasn't. It was probably like 200k and he just blew it in like a month. He's probably fucked now. But yeah, he's having just like a little Lieutenant Dan kind of moment. Canada is kind of dark, though. Like people don't realize it's like people think it's like oh

It's like it's the same shit, but yeah cold Yeah, no, I imagine it gets bad up there. You had that guy who was killing cats for a while what oh yeah, Luca Magnata yeah that many he was a big name. Yeah, yeah, he was see that documentary don't fuck with cats Yeah, yeah, yeah, well you, you know JJ Lieberman I Know there. Yeah. No, he's a comic in Austin, but he like knew him actually Yeah, yeah, he like knew him somehow cuz he was like in the Yeah No, I don't know that guy. Yeah, that guy was fucking crazy. We have Paul

Bernardo is like our biggest guy that so he's like our big serial killer. It must be a lot easier to kill out there, right? Um, I don't know. Probably then when he did it, which was like the 80s, your cops still on like horseback. No, he's probably more that here. Yeah, Texas, New York. Yeah, they're all on horses. Yeah, well, they just started. They defunded the horses and they defunded police horses in Austin. Yeah, so that's why there's like way less.

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That's rocket money comm slash stuff island rocket money comm slash stuff island All right. This episode is brought to you by public rec new public rec Santa sent me some pants and they're great I just got in public rec pants. Yeah, they're amazing fucking amazing. Did they crush your family jewels? I just got off to the public right yeah, they're amazing fucking amazing. Did they crush your family jewels? They did hug tight because I'm did you have to fake being sick so because you didn't have nice pants to put on No, I didn't exactly That's the public record They feel like sweatpants, but they look like dress pants So they got a work pant to trick your CEO and they're thinking you got really fucking nice pants on

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I thought that was just a winter thing. Well, I hope so. But it was weird because the terrorist attack happened in New Orleans. And then the next day, yeah, they put the dump trucks, they had the dump trucks in Austin. And then a week later, like, like actually let's just open the whole 12 hour period And then they lock up all the

Let's defund the dump trucks, dude. This is too much money It's weird cuz they made it look like bike lanes like at first I was like, oh it's bike lanes cuz they closed off all the parking Spots. Yeah, but it's not even you can't even ride a bike through it. It's expensive. Do you think it is for those retractable metal pegs that come up? Just those are the ones they had in New Orleans and they didn't use them. Yeah, they didn't put them up or something. Really? I think so. Yeah. I mean, how do you even put like what triggers them being put up? I think you just there's something driving on it. Because they're not because I saw them like people are walking through them.

Yeah, I think they're supposed to be up. Yeah. So there's somebody that triggers it, you know, somehow. It's just a guy waiting. There's one of those like there's one of the work. Yeah, it's one of those big like green up red down things. It's like a drawbridge. It's like, go quick. He's oh, shit.

We missed it. It's a crank. No, it's it's weird that they did that. I thought the other way felt better. But now it now because it's south by, I think it's like the same, but they just have like layers of fences. Yeah, I'm going to stop a fucking it's fucking weird. I think it's weird. Yeah, I would think know. That's not gonna stop a fucking. It's fucking weird. I think it's weird.

Yeah, I would think that they would just leave that street open. This whole week. To traffic? No, no, to just. Oh, you mean like no traffic? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like they used to.

Maybe it will be a summer thing, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know much about it. You guys aren't. If people ran a car through that crowd, I don't think they'd be too. It's happening if people ran a car through that crowd. I don't think that yeah It's a lot of dead snakes It's just all white Boa Constrictors

finally find my dog Boa Constrictors and black We only do wow oh man everybody likes Austin the one they come I think I think yeah like it's it's hard to like hate it especially yeah it kind of has a bit of every yeah there's so much fun stuff to do and right now the weather is perfect yeah this is a ball yeah yeah also the fact that comics are coming here like it's the first time comics kind of live Like civilized lives. Yeah 100% because before this everybody's just like in a shoebox

You know and then just here bed bugs for the same price is like sleeping on couches and shit It's like if you want an elevator in New York It's the same price as having like a full backyard. Yeah Yeah, and then you just kind of become more of yourself because you're like, Oh, I do like just sitting on the looking at my backyard trees, whatever. Yeah. We don't, we, I've never really done that since I was a kid, probably. Yeah.

No. You know what I mean? There was never on the lawn. Yeah. You don't, you're not just being bothered by fucking strangers yelling in the streets. You know what I mean? There's no fights. You don't hear fights. There's no neighbors telling you to go inside. Yeah. You're in your own yard. Yes. In Queens. Yes. We'd be in our own yard and someone be like go inside. There are gunshots. Do you know your gunshots in this area? What do you

hear gunshots in this area? No. Like recreational? I've heard gunshots at night, like pretty much everywhere I've lived here. Really? Yeah. How many neighborhoods have you lived in? I lived near here on 7th, but farther towards whatever the fuck that street is. I don't know.

That's how it was in West Philly, though. When we were living there, it's like you'd hear gunshots. That's different. You'd go with those gunshots. Unless someone kicked down your door and shot you you'd be like that's probably not gunshots It's just people like shooting in the air. I think yeah for fun. Yeah, like it's not it's not crimes I mean, is that a crime that probably yeah. Yeah, I Well, I'm sure it is a crime but in Texas can't you like shoot a target in your backyard or some shit like that? I don't know.

All I know is I had no idea that that was a thing until I was talking to Naim Ali and he was like Yeah, you just you know, he fired a gun in the air. Yeah, it's like what? Yeah. He's like, yeah just disappears Yeah, no it doesn't Naim dropping physics It comes down. I ain't dropping physics, dude. Can come down on a poor lost dog or something. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, we got to get an update.

That's terrifying. You got to text me when you get home. Has she texted you? She's got to be on the case still. Oh, we got him back. Let's go. There you go. Did he just come back or was he found?

Oh my god, that's amazing. Did he come back or was he found? Oh My god, she ran him down Well, that's nice that's huge But it is a bit. Yeah, I can see there's a little bit of a yeah Miss getting rid of the dog It's bittersweet vacation. Just no, because you know what it is? Like after you lose, like, I don't know, I lost a pair or whatever, but like you kind of get numb. Like you're like, that's bad. This is like, I can deal with, you know what I mean? In reality, like I'm in that and it's like,'m not gonna let everything like I have a comedy special coming out May 15th or March 15th on YouTube and you

know finishing talking like I'm like yeah the dogs lost let me I mean but and then when you're like it's not you're like good that's why I didn't fucking freak the fuck out but I think we kind of knew that he would be found by somebody. But what a nightmare. Yeah, that's great. You know, it's good. It's good having a family, right? You just have nightmares every day.

Yeah. Something, some traumatic bullshit. I know. I need to do some real work to get to that place. We're in the room. Just still at the end of our move. And I'm like fucking finally coming back to her Yeah, yeah, you know just daydreaming about throwing her through a fucking I'm finally

We're spending so much fucking money cuz you're so tired doing shit, you don't want to cook. Oh, yeah Yeah, so you're just like, you know 150 200 bucks a night dinner You're like this is we got a calm down a little bit. Did you bring furniture? Did you buy first? No, we bought furniture. Well, we brought from New York I had like a few things but we had a really big place that last one this one's downsized So we're pretty much good. We just got to get a couple things You got to go to one of the sleazy Texas mega furniture store I haven't done in the mega ones yet, but you know, we we we peruse the antique shops

and the OK, that's and we thrift and stuff like that. You never been to it. Never been to a room to go indoor world. There is a big like outdoor world interiors. Yeah. Antique one that's apparently a famous. It's like once a year. It's like a real big to do. Oh, really? But it's expensive. Yeah. Like you're like, oh yeah, couch. Oh yeah. Oh, thousands. Yeah. Unless you, you know. I just bought a rug, it was $1,500. It's this size. Yeah. It's like, what the f- how do people afford stuff? But that's why people like being- that's the same

thing with the becoming sophisticated thing, because it's like, oh, I like being at home because my carpet's $1,500. You know what I mean? Whereas when you're like, yeah, it's some piece of shit, Ikea, this, that, I don't give a fuck about anything. Then you just, that's the bigger city lifestyle. You're just out, you don't concentrate. I mean, people still have cool places. I've always been on the move.

I wanna have, I like this, you know what I mean? Reminds me, when I was a kid we had proper shit Yeah, yeah, we're curating like room to room and just trying to make it perfect so that we don't want to go out as much No, yeah, this is also a huge benefit of having a girlfriend Mm-hmm cuz otherwise I would not have anything in the house. Yeah, I wish my girlfriend was picking out carpets instead of Letting the dogs but you know what it is It is somehow somehow furniture is like Yeah, you might know yeah go on fucking Amazon change it up

Just hand-covered to the dog just put a computer in front of your house would be like Richard Pryor in the toy Had my first American hospital experience today as well We did we had like an appointment at a hospital because my wife's pregnant. Yeah, she's like nine months pregnant And we're having like an anchor baby.. What's all I got an Irish twin? Not no. It's like when you move to a country and yeah, you have it. Not actually, but kind of. But no, but you might not work anymore. No, it might just have no nationality. Yeah, lost dogs, lost babies. Just gets mixed up. Some Mexican family raises it.

White eyes. They're nice. Yeah. US hospitals are the one I went to is nice. Would you say St. Mark's? I think it's like UT something. But I think that's like, that's probably like a. How do you know the hospitals? It's near us. Oh, St. David's and Ascension are like, I've seen two best ones here. Maybe that's what I meant. St. Daniel's. Yeah, Jamar. But it's I don't know, because everybody talks about like in Canada, it's like, oh, it's free for you know, it's not free.

Obviously, you pay higher taxes and you get like health care But like the places look like bought they're bombed out like the hospitals in Canada. They look like I'd rather not Elementary school. Yeah, dirty. It's it's like bad. It's like all homeless inside and shit Like I don't think they tolerate that it's. Some hospitals I think are like that here. I was told like state hospitals, but. Yeah, I finally got health insurance and I'm just literally I went down. I started writing down what I want to get looked at.

Yeah, and I just go head to toe, you know, like hemorrhoids and fucking my heart, my liver, head to toe hemorrhoids. Oh, sweet my ass Sounds like asshole eyebrows. You know what I mean? I want to get like everything in your asshole. I just need asshole coverage. It's like the Odyssey. The story's not dermatologist for the skin around my ass. You know, just your asshole bleached. You're spending the money. It's 500 bucks a month, dude. It's like I want I got to get

fucking everything. Do they like charge you more if you like say you want all this shit done? No, you just got to pay for it per visit copay. So for specialists, it's like $100 for like a normal copay. It's like could be free The last time I health had health insurance I went in there and I was like just give me the works like works wash. Yeah everything. Yeah, they were like what? I was like do everything. Yeah, imagine You know like a sports physical or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a car thing imagine the fucking hood. Yeah physical or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a car thing. Imagine the fucking yeah.

Imagine. Yeah. Imagine the like the fucking the Eagles are about to pay me $200 million. What do you look at? Yeah, there's a weird disconnect between the doctors because you're like, Hey, like, give me give me my money's wife. Yeah. And then they're like, Sir, we don't do that. We just would do our work and then we build them. And it's like, no, like, you fucking know how much is gonna be like, they also know what they're doing. So they split it up between three other Jews. So you can get whacked 100 bucks a piece. You know what I mean? You can't just get one judo didn't know. No, but he does. Open your

book. Specialist. I'm a specialist. Yeah. Also, rich people can get it's like, I think it's not that expensive. But you go to um, what is the turkey? So I've seen that. Also, rich people can get it's like, I think it's not that expensive, but you go to what is the turkey. So I've seen that. Oh, I saw. You see this in Turkey, you can get one of those scans that does rich people get, which is like 10 to $20,000. You just get this machine. And it looks for tumors and any ailments and all that stuff. One little zap. Yeah. And you can go to Turkey and get the same thing done

where you see that these high level it's like a spa and you see these high level doctors and it's a beautiful hospital. And you can go to Turkey and get the same thing done where you see like these high level it's like a spa and you see these high level doctors and it's a beautiful hospital and I'm gonna do it. That's sick. Yeah but it's just to go to Turkey. Even getting the baseline stuff is like a you gotta like fucking it's a you gotta haggle. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like they're like whoa what do you want us to look at? It's like we'll take my blood and look at it Look it for whatever. That's what I'm doing first. Whatever. Yeah, and they're like Diagnostics for that and spend like 150 you just go test me for everything They take your lipids your fucking AZT and a RT on your livers. Yeah, so I'm doing it I'm doing I'm doing a liver test with not changing any of my

So I'm doing a liver test with not changing any of my habits. And then I'm going to change my habits and see how it is. They're going to do that annoying thing, though, where they go like, I mean, this number is way out of whack, but you're probably fine. Yeah. It was one was three times the limit, one was ten times. He goes, drink more water, try and drink less. I've never seen numbers this bad, but it's probably nothing. Yeah.

And the answer is that. Yeah, he literally was like, you need to calm the fuck down. That's what the doctor said to me last time I went to a doctor. Sometimes Tom, you just need to chill the fuck out. And I was like, man, you fucking, I love you. I took my wife to my like childhood doctor

just recently for like, because she's pregnant and we were trying to get a referral to another doctor and then to come here. But, um, yeah, he basically like low key sexually assaulted her. Yeah. You took who he was a Jew. Who did you take care? My wife. You took your wife. No, my childhood doctor to like get a referral to a gynecologist. And then he like, well, he just fingered her and was like, I don't know anybody. Oh, actually, you know what?

Dude, it was like, okay, first of all, there was another woman in the waiting room. I'm pretty sure he was also raping her, but she was like into it or something because she was just sitting there like where is he? Where's the doctor or whatever and then he comes out? there's like a family there too and me and my wife my kid and then he's like Points at like the crazy woman. He's like you go to the like adult room and points at the other like the family you go to This room and then he looks at my wife. He's like you go to the kids room get fully naked

Says it like in front of everyone like in that kind of weird? Yeah, it's weird. Did she have a, and then, and then when she was in there, he was like, nice tits. No, no way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But he tried it cause she, she had like, you know, she had some work done. So he was like, compliment her kids. Why is there not blood on your knuckles? He didn't even couch it in like a medical way where it's like, no, he was like, he goes to the doctor.

Did this. This is nice work. Yeah, that's pretty much what he's like. He was like, has a doctor ever told you that he's nice? He's well done. Something like weird fucking really. Well, she didn't tell me until we left. That's a good move. He was like, has the doctor ever told you that he's nice, that he's well done, something like that? Fucking really. Well, she didn't tell me until we left.

That's a good move. Betterhelp.com, guys, you know you need it. You know you need therapy. It's time to get it. You do therapy? Actually learned that from BetterHelp to do that. Well, we've got that. Please. Learn that from better help. Yeah

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Yeah, you can't cut that out. But you can switch easy. I feel like you would be like this. If for some reason you're not getting along with the therapist. You can switch. You can jump around. Big part of finding a good therapist is kind of dating around like your audience members. You can walk out the first three minutes on these people. Yeah.

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Start talking. You get the gym membership. I'm spending $70 for me and then $70 for my girl. I don't know why I can't just get better help. It helps. Everybody's doing it. You know, therapy is better, so to speak, than weights. You can. It's actually a good gift to get for your girlfriend.

It is a great gift. Yeah. Shit. Yeah. Yeah. I was three months of better help. Start talking to someone. Please. Everyone glorifies hyper independence. That's easy to forget. I didn't mean your girlfriend. I just meant anybody's girlfriend.

When we have a support system behind us. Just get some therapy. Yeah. I wasn't going to go. I mean, I'm not going to go back with a wig on. Like, can you look at my tits and then beat the fuck out of the room? No, but I kind of I mean, now I think I could probably get any drugs I wanted from them. But true.

I could just like blackmail or something. Yeah, you know, but no, but that's pretty bad, right? It's very bad. Yeah. I mean, think about it. I love how you're like, that's a Canadian. So nice here. That was Canada.

Okay. Yeah. I feel like that would never happen here. Yeah. It does. I mean, I don't know. The weird scene with multiple people in the same room and someone's going go next door cuz that's like normalize So everybody's kind of like stunned. So like oh, what's it? I don't know. It's pretty fucked up

I mean if a doctor looked at my like was like checking my balls for cancer and then just went like is there Yes, actually so bad it's so bad but like She didn't go like are these these way out of whack or something? She didn't set it up at all. She wasn't like, there's nothing wrong with my. Maybe she blew him. I don't know. She's like, oh, he was really weird in there.

She just blown him. No, I think that, yeah, I think he was just a mix of like, I don't know, he might, he was kind of getting old. Maybe it was like a dementia thing. I don't know, but it's fucking weird. He's got to be in on all finger and cheeks. Oh, yeah, I think he was just a mix of like, I don't know, he might, he's kind of getting old. Maybe it was like a dementia thing or I don't know, but yeah, he's gonna be that old finger and cheeks. Oh yeah. He needs his, it was, there was the moment where I knew it was like, like, you know, when you think back and you're like, Oh, that was weird. And it was like, um, when he came out and was like giving her the paperwork and the other family came

out too, and they were standing there and the mom of the other family was like giving her the paperwork and the other family came out too and they were standing there and the mom of the other family was like so dr. Dave do you still deliver babies and he was like no looking back at that was probably like signing it after sordid history. Yeah. No, I'm not allowed to do that anymore. My childhood doctor Pretty fucking much it's so I went to this doctor in Bosch and fucking Eastern European old man. It was kind of he was all gazed out and he would just breathe he would breathe like You would do that kind of shit and he had weird bifocals, but it was in a black neighborhood. So I would sit in the waiting room,

which is me and all these like black kids, and they put the scale in the hallway. So you go in and sit in that crackle paper on the sponge bed. Yeah. He'd get you nude, and then you put your underwear back on, your tighty whities back then, there was no boxes or anything like that,

and you'd have to walk Past all the black kids in the waiting area to go to the scale. So the scales weren't even rooms So you had to just walk Perp walk When was this like the 1850s ladies wait what would that's like a place called Yaden PA Which is like just outside the city West Philly I didn't even I didn't understand the I was trying to picture what you were trying to walk What did you have to weigh you? So it's like an annual, you know your checkup, right?

So he puts it fuck he checks out your bird. He takes your In school stethoscope. No Where why was the family doctor? No, yeah We had there we had a similar thing where the scale was like in the hallway dude's there? There was a family doctor. No, yeah, we had a similar thing where the scale was like in the hallway and they like bring you into a private room and you get naked and you put a little gown on

and you're on the crackle paper and you're like, okay, this is a private experience and then he like checks your heart and he's like, all right, walk outside. Yeah, check your weight. Yeah. And then you just stand. Oh, it's like a hospital, is what you're saying.

Dude, what's wrong with you? I can't, My imagination's broken. You don't have doctors? Yeah, but why are there all the black people standing there? Black people go to doctors too, pal. It's because they didn't want to buy a scale. They were just neighbors checking out little packers. I don't know what I was picturing.

They were patients. It's so funny that that's the thing you got hung up on. You're like, so there's black people at the doctor's office. Holy shit, dude. That's the thing you got hung up on you like so there's black people Just having that moment where you're like he'll explain that How do all the people get in there? Oh shit. Wow. I like, yeah, I missed part of it. And I just fucking, I don't know.

I was probably having flashbacks to not beating up the doctor. It's for the best, for the best. Now yeah, you wouldn't, yeah. Promote your special again? Check out my new comedy Now, yeah, yeah. Promote your special again. Check out my new comedy special Bankus Aid. It's on my YouTube YouTube dot com slash Ben Bankus comedy. It's coming out March 15th. You guys are going to love it. Ben Bankus dot com slash specials.

If you can't find it. How long is it? It's going to be like 30. Not sick. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. Where'd you film it? Tampa Bay side splitters. Oh, Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. Where'd you film it at? Tampa Bay SideSplitters. Oh, nice. That's a great room. Yeah, it is.

Fucking love that room. Yeah. I just wanted to cut it down because some of it, I'm like, I want to keep doing it a little bit longer because I have like a fuck ton of gigs to do. But I want to get some of them done with them. Yeah. So. That's great, man. Yeah. Cool. It's a good mix of

material. And then there's like good portion of crowd work. There was some fucking retards there, though. Yeah. It's kind of temple do that. Yeah, it's I think it's out of all my specials, though. It's like the most realistic. Like it makes you feel like you're actually at the show, which is cool. Fuck you. Yeah. Nice. A lot of, which is cool. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Important man. A lot of people fuck that up.

Yeah. Doing like huge theaters or Yeah. Yeah. Like it's just pretty, it's pretty raw. That's awesome. Like I'm just fucking people. Just having a drone fly around the room. How many cameras did you use? I'm sorry for the technical issues. Uh, two, two, only two.

One down the chute in the back. Yeah. And then it was out of focus Little bit soft, but yeah, it's the other cameras pretty good though. There was good equipment It was just the guy was did you record to the sound booth in the back or do you line the? He recorded the sound through the Yeah, Mike zoom just put it next to this place a machine. Yeah Yeah, it sounds really good put it next to the espresso machine. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds really good, actually. But um, you know, I think you got to bang them out. I mean, everybody's kind of

different ideologies around specials and stuff. But last year, I did two. They're both 40 minutes. And yeah, dude, I just the year before that I did one the year before that I did one. The reason I do is because like I you know, I post a lot of clips and yeah, I don't like burning shit I'm working on too Cuz it's Clips from old specials While you're working on new one. Well, it's new for a bit, right? Like the clips will be new for like a few months. And then yeah, those clips,

I'll still post like, like I still film on my sets if there's like cool moments or whatnot. Really? Yeah. Yeah, it's good. Like, like I had some, I had two people walk out of my show in Naples, like three minutes into the show, which was a cool clip. Just like, minutes into the show, which was a cool clip. Just like. You just put some down, just like the mic, they get up and leave. No, this woman was like, you're a Nazi. And started screaming at me and left.

Yeah, it was pretty sweet. Yeah, you should have told us. It's like, yeah, pretty much. That's kind of yeah, I kind of opened it like that. Did she go there to say that or do you? Um, no say something so offensive in the first three minutes that she said that warranted that response. I did this I'm a Nazi Pretty much Well, I did the my the opener which is gonna be in the specials

I don't know if I should spoil don't say whatever But I did do the joke that Broker was about the Philadelphia plane crash with the Mexican girl in the medevac. I was like, it's the ultimate deportation. If you ask me. I don't know. It's just the way I lined it up, right?

Because it's like, you hear about that, she's Mexican. It's so tough. Getting paid some work done, paid for by USAID. Yeah. Yeah. And hell, yeah. No, I don't know. It's a crazy joke that I don't. It is such a rough story. Yeah, because they were on the one yard line about to punch it in.

Yeah. Get home. Were they? Yeah. I mean, they like they went to chop and I think had like life-saving surgery and then they're just like on the flight home What kind of insurance is that covered Speed with which plane goes down to yeah, I probably they probably that's probably easier Cut the naive and North Yeah, they probably they probably that's probably an easier. It's just cut to cut the Naim in North. Yeah, don't come down. Don't come down. That's hilarious.

But I think everybody would have passed out like you. Everybody blacked out if you're going down that hard. I think you just black out from G's. Dude dude and it's like yeah so bad all the footage what so do I why did that happen you know I have no idea I don't think they told us I don't yeah I don't know it had to be some type of failure I mean I don't think he did anything yeah I think people in Philly had some pretty funny reactions to it though did you see see pictures? They were like dang. The first video was a guy saying alu akbar. Did you see that? The first guy who saw it was like, oh yes yes yes alu akbar. And then he was like no

it's like I'm sending you know prayers. I'm like sorry I didn't mean to do it. Yeah. It wasn't me. mean to do it. Yeah. It wasn't me. No, it's got to be some like footage of just people not getting their phone out in time and their girlfriend being like, did you get it? Yeah, we talked about this right after it happened, but I was getting photos sent to me from like like cop friends. That like had like private stuff and there was like a rib cage

through one dude's apartment. It was just like the side of them and like a little piece of leg just went whipping through some window like it looked like a little college a little Mexican pinata it's horrible I don't know and there was like feet like on the street dude it was crazy like a kind of the fucking reign of Mexican body parts. That's so bad. So bad. Yeah. So they got mad about that?

Yeah. I mean, among a few other things. Yeah, I'm sure there's some other stuff. But everybody else had fun. Well, that's great. Yeah. Yeah. You got your dog.

You got the dog. But you got a special coming out? Yeah I forgot. I forgot that I found the dog actually. I was kind of sad for a second. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out SORIC. If you're in Austin there's a there's a shop called SORIC. It's a very interesting shop. It's like a um. They're gonna give you a straight razor shave too? No. I might ask them just to take a you know a no clip shorten it up. Get a straight razor shave too? No, I might ask them to just take a no clip, shorten it up. Get a straight razor, or would it scare you? No, I used to get straight razors.

Really? Here and there. I've never gotten one, have you ever gotten a straight razor shave? Yeah, my skin's kind of sensitive though, so I don't like doing it. It'll get all like fucking bumpy and shit. Yeah.

Cause it's like baby skin. You also gotta imagine that everyone who does it's kind of like fucking bumpy and shit. Yeah, cuz it's like baby skin. You also got to imagine that everyone who does It's kind of like bad at it now There's not a lot of experience. Yeah, it's gotta get a Mexican guy do it they've done it It's like policy shoes. Yeah Canada yeah In Canada, there's a lot of Mexicans cutting hair for some reason. But yeah, and they're good. They are good My father's are fucking I like when they I like when they do this a little bit. Yeah right there

They go in on scares me with it. No, they don't like take anything off They just like it just shorten the sharpen it up sharpen it. Yeah. Yeah pencil I don't love that the reason this hair grows so much on me is because but back when I had a barber He would always give me a straight razor razor Right here. So the more you you shave I think that's an old. I don't know. I think that's an old myth wives tail Yeah, you think so mines mine does I think it's just from being fucking whatever like wolf I'm part wolf. I feel like you're a little wolf. You look Polish and you look like a Litvek, yes, my dad's Lithuanian. There you go.

And my mom's he's like Lithuanian Jew. Yeah. Like that's like, yeah. Peak. You have like cold dead eyes. Yeah. Yeah. And then my mom's serious blacks. She's like Scottish Irish English There is some Polish actually in her too. Yeah, but like her like my grandma was like British Yeah from like torquey England on my mom's side. Yeah Okay, and then anyway this place so Rick the barbershop has the barber and then it has a clothing because the brothers Jason and fucking... Why would you do this to yourself?

Yeah. You're doing so good. You guys saw how I started trying to remember people's names. It's bad. The gourds, the gourds, one guy's a clothes designer. So you walk in and it's like a little clothes boutique. St. Mark's. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, I went to the emergency at St. Mark's Cathedral. Some days you just don't have it, man. Oh, you got cobwebs and fog. We're going to have three mezcal's and then maybe be right as rain. We're back. Yeah. Doing comedy show at a frat house tonight. Oh, nice. I've never stepped foot in America. That's great. It's probably the same.

Yeah. Just know how to wrangle. I'm sorry about that. Got that first guy that says something wild. And somebody told me they did one recently and they were all like acting offended the whole time. Really? Yeah. As like a bit or like they were knowing the audience was like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, bro. Oh, like, like, whoa, bro.

Well, because they bring those sorority bitches over and they're all yeah, they're pretending fucking Yeah, so they're like, whoa You look at the girl you're trying to finger and if she doesn't laugh you gotta be like this guy sucks Yeah, yeah, I don't really agree with this guy Were you guys in frats at all? No, I associate it with one heavily because in Drexel University, well, he was on a lacrosse. Yeah, yeah. I was on lacrosse team. So we we warred against the frats. Yeah.

So you wouldn't go now. And they didn't like us either. But we were we were we're talking about this this weekend where it's just like if you if you didn't get any pussy and your bars were closing, you just went home and fought You just throw something through their window just break something yeah That's what did my buddies at temple did when I lived on temples campus when I was still going to Drexel Yeah, I lived with the baseball team and they were fucking animals and like but a temples campus

You can go to bars a lot more than direct. Drexel didn't have private parties, it was only frat parties and sports parties. So they would just literally come home from the bar drunk, knock up, and just start fucking swinging. Yeah. One dude, my one buddy Tiza, one kid was ironing a shirt and it was on,

and Tiza goes in there, takes his shirt off, takes the iron, and puts it to his his chest and then just starts fighting dudes. My one buddy too. So he has like a permanent, that's a permanent scar right? Yeah my one buddy too. That's insane. I shouldn't talk about this but my other buddy, no it's so funny, who's now an agent, but he couldn't get into like secret service during, like it was post 9-11, so he was trying to get all these, he's an ATF agent now, but like, I got so many calls from all these agencies asking about like the fighting. The fist fighting was such a huge problem that like this was keeping him from getting a fist fight.

They're fucking college kids. You know what I mean? You want to guard somebody you want guard the president? Yeah, he can't fucking fight in college It's also so funny cuz there was always one kid like in our group that was like friends with the frat guys That's how you'd always wind up. Yeah No, no, I know I'm you'll they'll be alright Everyone else in the group has designs on just to be like,

fuck you. Yes. Well you walk in and then 15 other lacrosse dudes walk in and it's like, we only wanted Chris here. They're fucking their girlfriends and beating the fuck out of them. There was always a Trojan horse. Holy shit.

Yeah. That's pretty intense actually. No, we were talking to one of the dudes from the Buccaneers this weekend and just about like, they would do that except it'd be like all the whole offensive line. They would just show up and just start wrecking stuff. We were lucky we had the temple football guys were like boys with us. Yeah, because they when they're in the kitchen, dude, and you got to go to like the back door

to get a cat, you know, get to the keg. And they're just giant fucking black dudes. I had to disarm right away. So I just make fun of the biggest one it's like prison yeah they'll be crazy because they're like six four fucking 350 jacked you know at university hanging out where you had the doctor these kids are going to school. All right, dude. Well, thanks for coming. Yeah. Thank you guys.

We'll see you on the other side. Appreciate it. Yeah.