Stuff Island - Black Quantum Leap - Stuff Island #233

Episode Date: May 6, 2026

Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians SUB TO THE PATREON: PATREON.COM/STUFFISLAND Head to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND. #ad Go to https://www.zbiotics.com/LOOK to learn more and get 15% off your first order when you use LOOK at checkout. ZBiotics is backed with 100% money back guarantee so if you’re unsatisfied for any reason, they’ll refund your money, no questions asked Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com/STUFFISLAND Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code STUFFISLAND. That’s promo code STUFFISLAND. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The warmth is great. What do you talk about? It's great. You don't know anything about a restaurant lighting. Don't get me fucking started with you, dude. I got a couple of haymakers coming at you about lighting. No, because you can't, you can't change the color if it's like this, really. What do you mean?

Like if you want to, like, tweak the color on the performance production. You don't have to tweak it if it's perfect. But I think we're not tweaking anything. We look yellow. We look like we have liver. failure. If you know any, it's...

Don't start. You don't tweak anything. You tweak lunchtime at a restaurant to dinner time. Somebody goes like this. It's a podcast, though.

It's not a restaurant. Well, you want to make it feel comfortable like a restaurant. I know, I know, but the cameras... It's about the cameras you want the camera likes.

Fine dining restaurant. I know, but it's about what the camera likes to digest. Fuck the camera. That's what we're dealing with me. No. No. You want to look good in the camera.

That mentality is what we're dealing with these days with these kids. Everything's about cameras. We gotta get back to basics. Diling down a fucking luminescent light from a drop ceiling. You know? Yeah. Getting the vibe in like a VFW. That's important.

I don't, yeah. This is ASMR. Yeah, they've somehow nailed it. There's never, I've never seen a VFW with bad lighting. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's always exactly what it needs to be.

It's mostly because the negativity is draining the bulbs. Yeah, yeah. Everyone in there wants to kill themselves. I'd like to think that there's a bulb factory. There's a bulb factory. Just for VFWs? Yeah, it's just a guy sitting underneath it's smoking. That's the factory.

Yeah, yeah. No, just to get like the cake of tobacco on it. Like the smoke. Yeah. Dude, the grease on the line of Chinese guys. underneath bolts. The grease on event just from cooking a few times a week.

Yeah. You can't even, you go over it, you think it's just going to smear with a paper towel. That thing rips into 100 pieces. It's like honeybee juice, dude. It's unbelievable.

It's just cakes. That's why you got to clean everything after every cook. I judge people. The way I judge people's shoes. Yeah. When you see someone in a nice suit like Josh for his wedding.

Trying to get him in some shoes that don't look like in every man's wear. Something elevated. You didn't give him something with tassels, did you? No. Okay. No, he's not a tassel guy. No, no. How many people are?

Yeah, not many people are. This fucking cocks out of him. He busts him, me him and Shane. A very nice restaurant. Yeah. A very nice steakhouse in town. He's got a Flyers T-shirt on. I dressed apart.

I wasn't over the top. But he looked at my shoes at one point in the night, and he started busting my tits. They were communion shoes. The way? They were communion shoes. They were communion shoes. First of all, you think that's disrespectful? I got news for you about.

Thank you. The communion look is in this season, this spring. You always want to be dressed for communion. Communion is a spring event. Yeah, yeah. It's true. All right. My bad.

My bad. Yeah, you fucked up. But yeah, everybody's looking around. If it wasn't Shane sitting at the fucking table, they would have booted this guy in a heartbeat. No. You can't walk in a night. Shane wasn't dressed better than I was.

Yeah, he doesn't have to. Well, that would look ridiculous, dude. Just him in a bowtie. Or him just in a t-shirt and us in what tuxes? Yeah. That'd be fucking crazy. No, dude, just like I was wearing a shirt like this. Yeah, you got to wear something loose at that place.

Yeah. butter bread or whatever. Yeah, that bread was fucking unbelievable. Beef tallow spread over buttery bread. It was something crazy. That's why they're all fat here. The elites. Just someone in the comments.

Too much tall. Yeah, that's why you're fat. That's why you're fat, you fat fuck. Dude, that real has like... You're not a bread guy. That real's got 600,000 views. I'm not kidding you. I hit the fucking...

I hit the heart just to clear the notifications. and if you at the heart the top priority comments are always like hey milk bag I fact it's and for once I decided to sit in that chair because I wanted to be more like aligned and I should have had him sit there

so my bloated fucking alcohol face from the night before oh my god and then all white the back of the lighting see the importance of light oh man yeah you lose 10 pounds You'd have to have... It is a great running bit.

Industrial light and magic come in. Just the owner of GE. Can you fix this? Can you fix my liver and face? No, a good running bit, Joshua and I have is he takes screenshots of the public profiles of dudes that are talking shit on me. And I'll just grab a screenshot like, this guy says you're gay. This guy thinks you're fat. This guy thinks you're soft.

And they are the, the worst human beings. Yeah. They're all L.A. I mean, I can't, I can't. They're all L.A.?

They have to be, dude. I don't know. They all, like, shocker. Some of the pictures, you've been showing me

a lot of heavy Midwest vibes. Well, there are the guys that are like, fit, like, fucking personal trainers. Not there. One guy you showed me

was like, he was playing with Legos. That guy, you know, there was a dude. No, I mean, that guy's not a fitness freak.

No, it was a, You guys had nut job. Dungeons and dragons. And he's under the table looking over and gone. Like a pure pedophile murderer. And he called me soft. Yeah, yeah.

And he's playing Dungeons and Dragons. I'm like, pussy, pull up. Yeah. Bring that game. You'd modify your profile a little bit before you send a missile like that. That's the point. You know what I mean? That's the point. Let me get my ducks in a row.

Yeah, dude. And every day I'm like fucking, I'm like Trump trying to pull both keys. Do I send this fucking missile? Do I end your whole fucking life? Yeah. But then it's a whole other day of logging in, seeing what this cock sucker says. I know.

You can't respond to anything. I know. You just got to take the punches. Yeah. And then speak about it to nobody. I think so. I don't know. I wonder if you can just respond

and then never respond a second time. You know? What I'd like to do is just show a fucking shirtless pick or just like what I'm really built like. That would be a huge mistake. Exactly. I would lose all my friends. I would lose all my friends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd have to move. I'd have to get a job. I work as like a carpenter. We should cut this. That's how detrimental. We should cut that. But like, you know, I'm not a fucking,

that's what like female comics do, you know? Show themselves working out or their fucking, their body. It's like, we, what do you talk? Or hack males. Yeah, yeah. And that was the whole purpose. It's like, dude, stop showing your fucking six-pack.

It's creepy. Yeah, you can't. But Josh and I love each other. We have a wonderful conversation for an hour. Yeah. And we've done it so many times. Yeah. You take that one clip.

This is Josh's fault. Take that one clip, you know. And people just, well, that's who that guy is. He's a fat, fucking idiot. Who hates guys that are in shape. I feel like literally the difference is the booze. No what? He doesn't drink.

Exactly. That's the, that's really, that's the. Yeah. That's the difference. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. I take two days off of drinking.

My face is, I look sick. You put lotion on your face? Do you like, do you lotion up in the morning? I have a huge process about lotioning. Really? Yeah. You don't hear it? Kind of.

La Roche Posei. La Roche Posee? Triple cream. First thing in the morning. As soon as you get up. As soon as I get up. Wash my face. La Roche.

Yeah. And then the day goes on. Eventually I get to the gym. Shower, La Roche. And then my night goes on. When I get home from shows or whatever, I wash my face and I use oil. Rose hip oil. Rose hip oil?

Rose hip oil. Dude, this is why you never eat. Because I'm in my couch to my face. Constantly applying lotions. Yeah. It's important. No, no, no. You got to...

Fuck you, dude. Do you remember when we were in, like, Houston or something? I'm here driving in Chicago. I'll never forget this. You fucking rat. Trying to come at me. We were driving. We were going from show to show city to see.

I forget what he was on the stuff island tour a couple years ago. And what came up? conditioning, conditioning your hair. Yeah. And Chris goes, how often do you get condition her hair? And I went every day. And he went, you could see him drive. And he went, every day.

Every day? And he looks at me and went, yeah, every day. You condition every day. And then he went, fuck it. Yeah, I literally, I, he literally stared at the fucking pedals. This is exactly what I did. I was like, you condition every day? And he goes, yep.

And I went. Yeah, he acted like, I've been fucking up. Yeah. Condition every day. Put some fucking grease on your face. Sometimes I can't tell what conditioner's doing. I could tell. Bend your head down.

What do you mean? Bend it down. What do you mean? I could see the quality of your fucking hair. What do you mean the quality? The consistency. That's just my genetics. The dent.

That's part of it, for sure. It's a big part of it. It's a hundred percent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have the chia hair that you got. I got fucking every every strand

is important to me there was a fucking Indian in the front row last night his hairline was battling his fucking eyebrows dude yeah

it was like coming down like a Mexican that guy was nuts he was great I loved Tommy goes Tommy goes Tommy goes

you think about killing yourself and that guy goes yeah and he's like how would you do it he goes drowning insane

dude I gained so much respect because every time I ask that question, I've done it like 10 times. This is a newer joke. What's crazy is this guy's answer threw me off so bad that there's a, there's an Indian part of that sex robot joke I have. Yeah. Where it would have destroyed.

I know. I don't know why you didn't do it. I forgot. Yeah. Because this guy's answer threw me off so bad. Because usually go, I'll pick somebody out. How would you kill yourself? And everyone's like, what the fuck?

And usually it's a guy going, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I would, no, I wouldn't. Liar. And then if someone says something, it's always like a gun. Yeah. You know? The simple shit.

The drowning. Dude, that's up there. A guy that said drowning. Like, study that man. And he was like a engineer or like a doctor. He's a pharmacist. Pharmacists. That's a man.

Dude. Scary stuff. Can you please look up a work? Suicides? I think it's like a dentist, pharmacists. toll booth operators, dentists, pharmacists.

Well, there's not many of those anymore. What, toll booth operators? Yeah, yeah. They all killed himself. That's so funny. It's just easy pass. Deciding when to get rid of toll booth operators and it's like it's easy.

You just don't hire anymore. Yeah. Problem takes care of itself. We were losing money. We had to go too many funerals. For men, the highest suicide rate is an agricultural. and food scientists.

Whoa, that's a new shift. That's a scary thought. And then women is... Because they know the fucking truth. Yeah, yeah. Our government is killing us, slowly. Women is artists and related workers. Well, they're...

Come on. Construction laborers and chiefs and head of cooks for women. Well, what's the men thing? Do you say chiefs or chefs? Chefs and head cooks. Jesus Christ. Chiefs and head of cooks. Uh-uh.

Get your fucking brain check, dude. That's insane. James and Adam goes. Uh-uh. For those that don't know, Josh does this thing that drives me fucking insane. He says, uh-uh, instead of, uh-uh.

Uh-uh. And it, I think you have a lesion on your frontal cortex. Dude. That is, there's a confusion. There's a confusion from your brain to your tongue. That is bananas.

You just said, you called it sheafs? I'm just laughing at the idea. Chiefs and head cooks. He couldn't connect that, oh shit, there's cooks here. Do you know when you, like, you can read, you know that trick where like the jumble up words? As long as the front and the back is to say, you can read that word. I'm just laughing at the idea of a bunch of women that, like, think they have jobs, but they're not. real.

Yeah. What do you do? I'm chief. And you, I'm a head of cooks. I'm a job. Those are jobs. The other's the artist. You kill yourself because you're not making money.

Because you don't have a job. I'm sorry, those are not jobs. Yeah. No, I'm head of cooks. Did you hear about Roseanne? She's now the head of cook. We just want our son, to be achieved.

Huh, uh, holy fuck. Wow, it's really switched up. Agriculture and food sciences. Yeah, dude, they're killing us. Do you know what Marr just, Marr is like huge, my girl's huge into... And then chefs, what an ironic? Well, chefs make sense because they're fucking drug addicts for the most part.

And when they say chef, they probably mean line cook. And these guys are pillheads. The worst kids from high school. No, it's head of cook. cooks. Oh, the head of cooks, right. That's specifically for women. Yeah, yeah. Oh, because they don't get promoted. Yeah. Well, the other

thing with the other male things are construction and extraction, mining, quarrying, and oil slash gas extraction, farming, fishing, and forestry, installation, HVAC, and repair. All blue collar jobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just fed up. Yeah. Yeah. They're just fed up. Yeah.

They just had enough. They had enough of the bullshit. It is just with poverty. Yeah, it's poverty and probably the wife Yeah Probably getting home and just fucking hearing it Yeah, like I was just coal mining Mm-hmm And she's bitching about, you leave in hair on the sink

When you shave your beard And he's like, what? He still has coal on his face And she's like, why don't you just clean up all the hair And he's like, I did most of it God forbid one gets on your little fucking makeup tray By the way, I'm talking about my own mind Oh 100%

Yeah, oh no, I know God forbid. I did it to myself. God forbid. There's a tiny little fucking hair. I got hair on the toothpaste and I was like...

Well, that's crazy. Do you mean on the outside of the tube? Yeah, outside of the tube. Oh, okay. Yeah, you can't see that. I know, but you gotta get rid of it. Do you remember that... You're trying to get hair out of toothpaste?

Yeah. Do you mean... Throw it out. You can't. The love is too strong. The bond between hair and toothpaste is too strong. True. True. They know each other more than we do.

they will not separate once they get together. You got to chuck the whole tube. Toothpaces is the most bonding thing that we have as humans. I know. It's a good drywall filler. Here's a trick for you 20-year-old college kids, yeah. When you fucking... Oh, yeah, yeah.

Just to pass a quick inspection. Yeah, when these fucking Jews come out, you're going, oh, well, you can't get your security deposit back because there's too many holes. in the drywall from hanging, I don't know, sports memorabilia, you take a little tube of toothpaste. And you spackle it in that hole. And that Jay Bird's not going to see it coming.

He's going to peruse, go, everything seems to look good. Oh, dude, I want so bad for someone to do this. Watch. You're not getting here to bust it back. There's two things in the walls. Well, you got to be fucking... How the fuck am I supposed to get this?

tooth face. You gotta be an artist about it, dude. You gotta make it clean. It's the guy's whole head of hair stuck to it. His old mustache is stuck in it. That's what dined them out.

I would have got away with that toothplace in the hole if it wasn't for that damn mustache. That's a Scooby-Doo reference. Do you watch Scooby-Doo? No, he's fucking 13. I watched Scooby-Doo. Yeah, Scooby-Doo is, yeah. The old school ones and the 70s ones?

Yeah. Or did they make a mocked? modern remake. They did both. They made a woke one. I don't think it was woke. I think it was just... You see the new Tom and Jerry

where the cat's a big fat black lady. Cut that. Oh, I actually thought that might have been real. I know, right? That's the problem. I tried to show my niece, Tom and Jerry. Not good. No, it's great.

It's a good lesson for children. Because it's real. The young mind is not like used to it. You know what I mean? If they've already been... you know. Well, that's all our cartoons. We're like a dog trying to fuck another dog.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Things trying to kill each other. Bugs Bunny and Tom and Jerry shaped by the entire person. But it's wall-to-wall murder. Yeah. Or evading murder. But the kids don't get a lot of murder now.

So you show them that and they're like, what the fuck is happening? It's like, well, the cat's trying to- Damn shame. Kill the mouse. And he can't. Yeah. It's hilarious. Yeah.

This is a kind of pain That dims the lights and a VFW And the mouse guy goes A bunch of fucking drunk scones They don't make Tom and Jerry no more They don't make Tom and Jerry no more It's so fucking sick The old cartoons are all just

I just don't think they're stimulating For kids anymore My kids are going to grow up Just watching old school shit You know All in the family No your kids are going to be sleeping in bed Wonder years

What Like old school fucking sitcoms. Cheers. No, dude, I'm telling you, once you watch a little... I don't really mean this, but I would love that. I know, but once you watch a little bit of like Bluey or something, you're like, this shit fucking rocks.

Yeah, Bluey? Bluey's dynamite. What's that dude up to? It's just an Australian dog family that fucking has problems and they fix them. And it's like so good. It's like crazy good. An Australian dog family? It is.

It's an Australian dog family. It's funny Dude, you'll wind up watching That would be funny Just Aborigines Dude Let's get an Aborigine cartoon going

Yeah You know Let's give them some respect The way the Americans Do for the natives You know We don't Give them the casino

Of a cartoon I wonder Do they yeah Do they Aborigines Have any special businesses Like Is it a Vietnamese

Is there a be heading Business No I don't think The Aborigines were into that They were just Rock and Rockin'roup. You'd think they'd be fucking maniacs hard as fuck. Yeah.

The Australian wilderness. All right. This episode is brought to you by Rocky Money. Rocket Money's Personal Finance app. You guys. You know it. I know it. And I love You love it. I love it. Josh loves it. These guys we always describe it as dogs, dogs on a bone. They're fucking, they're after it.

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That's not a knife. This is a knife. Oh my God. That was. We were repeating that all day. I also like when she's trying to take a picture of the Aboriginal guy. Yeah.

And he's like, you can't take more picture. And she's like, oh, why? Because it'll steal your soul? He's like, oh, your lens cap so on. Good bit. Fucking rocks, dude. That guy was the man. I forget what that guy's name was.

Teddy or something. Yeah, it's like midgets. What do you mean? There's like one or two, like, good actors that take up all the roles. you know I bet there's an Aboriginal actor there's like two or three natives that are in everything

one guy just got fucking charged for like child molestation and shit really? I think so either of murder damn he fucked up big time he was in like what's that what the fuck it was called

Brad Pitt what was that like native American movie uh was it uh dances with wolves No, it's not dances with wolves.

That's Kevin Costner. It's where he's, God damn it, I can't believe I'm forgetting the name. With Anthony Hopkins. Yeah. And, yeah. Anyway, I think it was the guy that was in both of those.

And he did older, he did some crazy shit. Legends of the fall. Legends of the fall. So good, dude. Damn, that might Brad Pitt's hottest version of himself. I mean, Legends of the fall.

Yeah, dude. That'll get you thinking. Yeah, when he flips the hat, water comes up. Yeah. I love the woman in that, too. Of course she didn't. I wasn't even looking at her.

I was busy. Yeah. I was busy going, how many times do you think he conditions his hair a day? His hair was beautiful. Dude, Brad Pitts. Yeah. That's kind of the, though, almost the theme of the movie. He's so hot.

Just a hot guy. Yeah. I mean, come on, dude. Elite. He's uncontrollable. Uncontrolled. What's his name in that movie again? Tristan?

Lord Pussyfoot. I think it might be Tristan. Yeah, Tristan Ludlow. Yeah, dude. That's crazy. What? That you knew that. That is...

Dude, let's... You have a lesion as well, dude. The fact that you know that is crazy. Now, dude, Ledger the Falls is in my rotation. I watch it every couple of years. That's the million dollar question, dude. We have one final question.

Yeah, dude. Tristan. What was the name of the lead character? Did he Lydenton? You have two lifelines left. I don't need it. Actually, I'll call my mom. Mom, we just want a million dollars.

It's Tristan. That is a fucking, that's a weird flax, dude. The fact that you knew that. Dude, Legend of the Fall is a great movie. Great movie. You know what happens at the end of that movie? Brad Pitt disappears. Oh, he disappears.

He goes in search of a bear that he's trying to kill. Some say the bear killed him Wow But nobody knows That's fucking deep Yeah Yeah It's a good movie

Seems like a I don't know An allergy for life Yeah Well there's three brothers And they all have You know One goes off to war

Yeah And Anthony Hopkins is like Don't go to fucking war Dude's fucking bullshit Yeah All this war is crap And Tristan goes with him Because he's gonna watch

out for his younger brother. Right. As your younger brother dies. Tristan can't save him and fucks him up. And the older brother stays home and starts like running a business in town. So Tristan goes out to Nature's War and fights the true devil.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The bear. With his like Native American buddy. Yeah. Wow. And that guy raped a kid or something? I was going to say, it's kind of like Israel, Palestine. time. I would love to be a Native American actor.

Yeah. I would, like, I would have loved to be in Last of the Mohicans. Well, it's not, it's crazy. What do you mean? You're saying this. Of course you would. Everybody wants to be the guy that gets to that point. But you're talking about a whole, a whole native people that has to go through the

hardships to get to that. What do they go through? He's pulling a vape out. What do they, what do they go through? What happened to them? What's their fucking problem? You just thought he was a handsome Italian? I thought they all moved to China.

Yeah. That's how China got people as the Native Americans went back. Whoa. You know? Is this a real theory? Yeah, this is a, yeah, this is a deep, this is a deep theory of mine. Whoa. That actually...

Your theory. What? It's not like a deep state theory. It's your theory. No, no, no, no. This is... You think the natives? They went the other way.

The ones that weren't murdered. They went the other way. On what? What? What ship? No, they walked over the land bridge to China. Yeah. It started.

They started in South America. What? Oh, natives from South America. Well, yeah, there was all the natives that started in South America. Then they migrated up to North America and then over into China. Through Canada. Yeah, once, like Christopher Columbus and all those guys showed up, they just bounced to China. Yeah.

China's actually only like a couple hundred years old. So these dudes that were wearing feathers for underwear just went up through hell. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And they got clothes. That's like to get over there, they had to really like. Kill all their. Radically change.

Radically change their culture. Get some sick coats. Well, no, they like, they bounced out of here. Once the whites showed up, they were like, this place sucks. Yeah. Let's go to China. We'll call it China. Yeah, I like this theory.

China stands for the continent has in it no Americans. Whoa. I need a break. That's how they got the name. It's how they got the name. Yeah. I mean, this is a history podcast. If you look on Spotify, we are a history podcast, Chris.

We know facts, dude. Yeah. It's the reverse migration theory. Dude, people talk shit on this kind of bullshit. We'll get comments going. That's, you're out of your mind. You're way off. What do you think?

You really think. Yeah. And then you have to go, we're fucking around. How do you not know we're fucking around? Yeah, dude. Isn't that the purpose? Yeah, no, a lot of people don't realize that, like, you know, fucking academia. Academia is just so stuck in its, you know, traditions and, like, they're just so unwilling to change.

Yeah. And listen to new evidence. Right. Reverse migration theory is viable. It's been studied. I'll believe this when, if, if, when the sun gets too hot and melts the glaciers and there's a million Native Americans stuck in at one block. And they're all underdressed. I'll believe this theory.

It's like, well, you shouldn't went that fucking north. Well, dude, they won't let us study up there. We can't get, you know, people are trying to get grants to dig up the ice. Yeah. And find more evidence for reverse migration. It's where the aliens live.

Yeah. And China won't let us study. China is trying to convince everyone that it's been there for like thousands and thousands and thousands of years. Yeah. Everyone knows that's bullshit. Yeah. Let us take a look.

It's like they're doing the same thing with their past like they did with COVID. Yeah. Well, that's the secret. They won't release the data. The secret power of a Chinaman is being in a button-up shirt with perfect glasses. He can tell you anything. You go, damn, I didn't know that. That'd be cool. I'd like to go to, like, Japan and China and just, like, just have them outfit me with all the latest fashion trends.

That'd be safe. And come back and just do it. Just have half orange hair. Yeah. Yeah. Most of their attire is just all bad. baggy streetwear. Everything is oversized. Everything is flowing and then it cuts down. So a normal sleeve would be like this wide and then, you know, come to. It's like samurai. It's samurai home clothes. 100%. Yeah, yeah. It's samurai in the house. Modern samurai. Yes. Yes. Which is sick. It's not traveling samurai.

Traveling samurai, they go skinny jeans. Right. They tighten it up. But at home, yeah. Relaxed samurai is flowy. Yeah, it's like 90s NBA draft. And then like 2026 NFL defensive linemen where everything's just sucked in tight. Yeah. I want to go 90s draft. Yeah, yeah. Black dude's getting fucking drafted and everything's flowing. Asians in flowing clothes gets me going.

Yeah, dude. I like, I want to be in flowing clothes. Yeah. You should be in flowing clothes. I wish I could rock that. Yeah, you can, dude. You should dress like a sound. I don't have a personality.

You beat six samurai. What? I don't have a... You have the exact personality of a samurai. Of a samurai? Yeah. You're confusing. You're always in the shadows.

No one knows what you're thinking. No one knows where you are. You don't respond to texts. Phone calls. Dude, you're in the fucking trees. You're a fucking traveling samurai. That's what, yeah, dude. If I could...

That's how I would describe you. Traveling samurai. If I could exist in one moment, forever... Samurai time? I would be Tom Cruz No, Chow Yun-Fat in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon

when he's standing on those trees and swing. Yeah, I'd be Tom Cruise Yeah, have you seen when they run on the trees? Yeah, I'd be the Tom Cruise and the Gatling gun. Boys,

let me show you something. You want to get rid of this town? You want to get rid of this whole fucking gang? I'm sure you had to load this thing. That meme is making me so laugh so hard the fucking, it's just like when you put an egg on your

like cup noodles. Yeah. And it's it's Tom Cruise in the last samurai like sitting in a meal. Oh my God. It makes me laugh so. My God.

Dude, I saw I saw how fucking this might be popular to the kids and they're going to gonna laugh at me for not knowing this, but I saw this like game show, this like Japanese game show. I'm gonna say Japanese is they fucking,

they turn up with game shows, dude. They know what the fuck they're doing. Yeah. And it's two dudes in like, they're in like little aquariums and water above their head. And I guess it's how long you can survive. Oh yeah, yeah.

And they drop like an egg yolk in one. And he's like, he's trying to adjust. I don't know if he's trying to adjust. I don't know if he's trying to get it in his mouth. I don't know what the goal was. And they show the other Japanese dude, and he's just going,

he's just watching quietly. It's also the water in the bowl has like lens distorted. Yes. So it's, their heads like taking up the whole bowl. It's like being that fucking gay real. It's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They drank too much in the night before. They're all swollen. Head in a fish, fishbowl. But just being in a fucking aquarium and just staring at your buddy going, and he's like slow blinking. Well, the other dude's trying to coerce this egg yolk. I don't know if he's trying to suck it in.

And then he throws it off. Yeah. Yeah, I think you win if you eat the egg. Oh, he was trying to get it to his mouth. Yeah. But you can't suck the water. So you have to use gravity in water to get it around. He got it in here, this little nook.

But his nose is touching the glass, cylindrical glass. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's tough. And he couldn't get it past his fucking nose Into here And he tried to suck it down And pull it And it just choked

That's a game my family started doing it At Christmas That would be so funny Yeah Game my family started doing it At Christmas You put a cookie on your forehead And you try to get it in your mouth

Oh really? Without touching it Yeah Our game was how many quarters Oh The quarter game? Snatch, yeah And how many you can get up to

That's good Great game You can do some real damage if you swat that thing. These kids don't have quarters anymore. True. They don't put an aquarium on their head and suck yoke. They're all fucking gamers. Dude, they change the back of the penny.

He's bothering you? The penny's done. It did. It did. But in the last couple years, they changed the back of the penny. It's, fucking offensive, dude. Back of the penny used to be the Lincoln Memorial. It was perfect.

It was perfect. Yeah. Then they changed it to just a shield. Yeah. That said like one cent. One cent. With like a ribbon. Yeah.

That was a natives. Fuck, no. It was during the native time. When they started putting, no, Sacchiauea was on the dollar. No, that was fucking woke time. No, Sagta Juaa was back in the day. I liked, I like Sacchiaiaia. He did.

He got down with Sacchiaia on the one. Yeah. The one dollar coin. A black king and gladiator? that that's tough right sacca joeia but it was denzil that makes it believable if anyone could have overcome racism and become the emperor of rome as a black dude

it would be denzo it'd be denzil yeah yeah that dude wouldn't Tom he'd be good he didn't you know I can't get past it what he's wonderful he's great he's so good It's just, you can't do that. You can't do period pieces that are so fucking wild like that.

I know. It takes you out of it. I do really want to watch Bridgerton, though, and find out what the heck is going on, you know? What's that England? Yeah, it's like, it's like old-timey England, but it's like black people. Oh. But it's their whole, it's their squad, though, right? It's not like they're not.

They're like British royals. Yeah. Oh, they're British Royal Royals? They're all black. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I want to see what's going on with that.

So fantasy. Yeah, apparently it's amazing. Yeah, it's fantasy. Dude, you ever seen Star Trek? Yeah. It's good. That'd be sick if that's how the show started. Watch that.

It's just like, it starts on the, on the enterprise. Yeah. It'd be such a cool misdirect. And they're going to another planet. And the whole, they just, like, it starts with them on the enterprise. And they're, like, descending on this planet. They hit the wrong black hole. Dude, they just, they just, they just crash.

Like the whole crew dies and then you just switch over to like Bridgerton. Mental health awareness month is this May. And it's an opportunity to check in with yourself. Yeah. And understand where you're going. Yeah. Right now. Yeah.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, stuck, anxious or unsure. Jesus. You got to acknowledge it. Yeah. You got to acknowledge it. I know. You got to let someone in. You got to talk to somebody.

Yeah. Okay. You got to go to better help. Life's a journey. Some days feel good and others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it out all on your own, Tom, but you don't. The truth is no one has all the answers. No journey should be alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can make all of the difference.

Right, but sometimes getting the person that you're closest to out of the house for three months helps. Sometimes it does. Yeah, sometimes it does. Sometimes it's the better help. Sometimes it doesn't. Yeah, sometimes it doesn't. It's a combination. You need to communicate. You need some time to talk to people and be heard.

You also need sometimes you need a little long time, a little walk. When your loved ones away, sometimes a better help can come in and go, let me talk to you about it. They got 30,000 therapists, Tom. Okay. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally, and it works. With an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 stars for live sessions based on over 1.7 million client reviews. 49, 1.7 million. That's a good fucking rating.

Yeah. You don't have to be on this journey all alone, Tom. Find someone, get some support, talk, get it out there. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash stuff island. That's betterhelp.com slash stuff island. Do it today, man. Yeah, do it today. Go to BetterHelp.

Change your world. Yeah. Start getting a little therapy. This episode is brought to you by Z biotics. Z biotics. Okay. This looks, there's basically three. three steps. Okay, you want to make pre-alcohol your first drink of the night. You want to drink

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Zibiotics. Try it. Cool. You know what I mean? This is where we have to live now. And it's a little bit them dealing with like the spaceship and their black British little royals and like the whole crew's dead. They don't know how to turn on in the equipment. If you were time traveler, you know, you want to be, you want to be a samurai.

What do you mean? If I'm a time traveler. I'm connecting the tissue here. black travelers through space end up in England in what, the 1700s, 1800s? That would be a show I would watch. Where would you...

Well, it's fucking quantum leap. All black cast Like ancient Chinese royalty. Yeah. That I would watch. Yeah. That would be amazing. Right.

So you're saying there's a pack of blacks on a spaceship in the future. No, no. There's a whole new show. Well, let's start the show. There's a whole, okay. Let's create the show. No, no, no.

This one we don't, this one we go, we treat it like it's always been that. Oh, right. Well, that's not how you do it. It's one billion black people. That's the problem. You can't. One billion black people. You can't change history because it never happened is what I'm saying.

This is the problem. No, this is just a show. We're just talking about. I'm doing the show. We're just pick, okay. You're on board with the show. We're in the fucking writers room right now. We're pitching the show.

Yeah. You can't just have an all black fan. in a royalty of a fucking empire that would never exist. We can do that. We can do anything we want. It's television. Exactly. But let's be realistic.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No realism. Right. That's why I'm saying there's a pack of blacks in a spaceship. It's all blacks. It's all black cast. They act extremely Chinese. That's a problem.

No, it's not. Okay. No, it's not. Okay. And it's, there's samurai. Have you ever talked to a white, There's gayish, black gages. What?

You ever talk to a white woman that's in charge of a show? Well, we, you know. And this is your pitch? Pitch me. Dude, this idea is so good. These are my purple bangs. No, no, no, no. And I'm in L.A.

That lady, this idea is so, this idea is so, this idea is so good. Okay. That they go, you have full creative control. Right. We've never heard anything this good before. Is it, there's a group of black guys. There's no one restricting the show that. we can make.

Yeah. Is what I'm saying. Yeah. It would be so fucking sick. Imagine Denzel as like a... No, enough. Enough. Enough.

Enough of the rock. Enough of Denzel. I've had enough. I have an idea. You get some up-and-comer black dude. It honestly is a good vehicle for Kevin Hart. Enough of Kevin Hart. I know.

No offense, Kev. I'm just saying in this show... Dude. It's all people of Kevin Heights. Kevin. Kevin. Kevin Hart. Oh, he's big in the show?

You call him Kevin Knights. That's very funny. He's six to. Kevin Heights. I'm just saying, I actually think this show would be... You might be a good road show. He might be a good road show, dude. Kevin Heights, dude.

I think that show would be sick. No, dude. All right. I'm dead serious. Quantum Leap. You're too young. You've never seen it. Don't fucking lie.

Quantum Leap. Was a show about this dude that just... The quantum leapt. Quantum leapt into any time period. He would go into people's lives and, like, help them through a difficult time. Yeah. But he never knew where he was going to fall in time or space.

And then he would have to live that situation out every episode or every season. Brilliant. We need... This is what we need to do. If we want to be fucking, you know, playing the game here, we need, like, a street black dude. That's funny as fuck. and do quantum leap, where he goes to all these different generations

and centuries, where he's just thrown into this situation and has to help out. The show's called, all hell no. Fuck. I got to piss. God damn.

brilliant it's a really good show idea I know dude I know I would 100% watch that show dude there's a clip of quantum leap that I come back to

every like three months just to watch we all know what it is we all know what it is it's so funny I've talked about on the show but I'm going to talk about again where he never knows

like who's body he's in so he has to I'm talking to you directly, describing the show. So he, quantum leaps into another time period. He doesn't know what year it is. He doesn't know who he is. This one's not that crazy.

It's like 1993. Yeah. Yeah. It's modern times. Suburbs, 1993. Suburbs, yeah. And there's this scene that is, can't be erased from the internet because they refuse.

It's the funniest thing in the world. And as every episode progresses, this actor is trying to discover who he actually is and what his purpose is. And he's in a bedroom. He's wearing a, what's that Moose cartoon? Rocky and Bolewinkle? Yeah, Rocky and Bullwinkle.

And he's wearing a cartoon t-shirt and he's realizing like who he is. And he goes, oh my God. And he pulls, he pulls, he pulls this closet door to the side and the mirror to mirror comes to him he goes am I retarded

and it just shows it just shows an act of a down syndrome looking back at the mirror it is but back then you could talk what is the episode actually about back then it was medically

you know that that was that was how they described someone with down syndrome he goes oh my god am I am I retarded the fucking door shots and the best part is... And the same monkey shirt

the same moose t-shirt It gets me nuts The best part is it They definitely cut right to commercial after that Yeah And someone went to the kitchen quick Got some popcorn He was like this is gonna be a good one

He's really in it now He's really in a pickle Dude that's the What is the episode about? Isn't it like that he I'm looking at... He's trying to save the guy's job or something. I think he works at like a hamburger place.

I for real think that it's something that he like... Dude, fraud taters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, trying to make cheeseburgers and he's going to get fired. I'm retarded. I'm going to play the audio and then show you the video. He's in there scoring it. It's the funniest thing you'll ever see this.

It's crazy. Watch this. Watch this. Quantileven is an American science fiction television series created by Dogears. It stars Scott Bacula, a physicist who involuntarily leaps through space time during experiments and time travel

by temporarily taking the place of other people to correct what he consistently discovers were historical mistakes. Dean Stockwell co-stars as Admiral Al Kavichie Sam's womanizing cigar smoking companion and best friend who appears to him as a hologram and research, researches and shapes his opinions on the past. Sam leaps into Jimmy Lamata,

a young man with a developmental disability that needs to show he can keep his job at the docs or else he will die in a mental institution. Michael Madsen guest stars, incredible, as a dock worker that teases and intimidates Jimmy for being disabled. Since mainstreaming the mentally handicap is not yet a popular concept, Sam must help Jimmy Lamata, this slow young man he's leaped into,

get a job and gain his co-workers' acceptance to prevent his brother from returning Jimmy to the institution. It's also revealed that Al had a younger sister who also had a development disability and died in the institution. That's a good writer. Damn. All right, Josh, be prepared for perfection.

Hold on. Jimmy Lamata. Good old Jimmy Lamont, dude. Keep his job at the docks. God damn. Anyway, dude, black quantum leap would fucking slap. Dude, yeah, black quantum leap would be incredible. Yeah.

What's the name of it again? Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no. That's every time he winds up in a new place. Oh, hell hell. Every time he winds up in a new place. I swear to God, that's the funny... That's the funniest sketch of all time.

I think we should do this. I almost want to delete everything you said. Black quantum leap would fucking be unbelievable. Yeah. This is going to get out to the air where someone's going to make a black quantum leap. They should. If they haven't already. There's no way they did it the right way, though.

You know? Right. You got to be racist as fuck. Yeah, dude, that's the right way. is fucking being real. Not making a black king. It's got to be some dude that we know going,

oh hell no. Yeah, yeah. He's got to be a kid with Down syndrome. Yeah. Oh, no, no, just a regular dude. You're like getting sent to the 17th century.

I don't know how to ride a horse. Chips! You know, you got to make him fucking real. Like one of our comic friends. I'm not going to say names, but I got one. What was the thing? Because if he didn't,

let's say Jimmy LaMata goes to the mental institution, Does he still get to leap out of it? I don't know. I don't know. I forget. It's also kind of like fucked up. Because otherwise it wouldn't matter.

I guess he can't. If he doesn't solve it, he probably stuck there forever. Yeah, yeah, he's got to be. Jesus Christ. My girl says this all the time. I mean, I talk about Jimmy Lamata in a fucking mental institution

for the rest of his life and he just got fucking left there. Also, he's going to have to like keep up the performance at the docks. It's like it's not like you get one good one. weekend and like yeah where obviously you know you're kind of like you know you're juicing a little bit yeah you know i think he did i mean he truly encapsulates the other moment like personality of that person so it's not like it's not like this retardi kid on the dock all of a sudden has a different voice and behavior he's not walking with the fucking no no no i know but he probably is a little bit sharper i don't know i don't think so what would put the point of the guy even

quantum leaping in because he's trying to make decisions for this person. I know. But like for that week, he's got like a real brain. You couldn't even get through the sentence. I didn't want to say it differently, but I don't know how else to say it. But he's got a different, he's got full powers. Capacity.

Yeah. To deal with the bullying and the dock work. My girl looks at. Once he leaps out. My girl looks at her dog and she's like, can you imagine having this life? She's just getting kissed all day. Sleep and fed. Ran.

goes to the park I'm like yeah but you know people want to say I want to come back as a dog there's a lot of dogs out there they're just sleeping in the fucking backyard yeah yeah on a chain not being fed nothing

careful how you wish for sorry about that people don't know what they're getting into with this wanting to be a dog traveling back at time as a dog you don't have any idea what you're doing it was a chance here it's not going be great for you. I'm sick and tired

all these people wanted to be dogs. God, what a typical fucking male. She's saying some beautiful thing going look how beautiful this. You're being a dog. She's going to have a wonderful life short, but wonderful. We're going to give her everything. And I go, imagine imagine if she was like a dog that

these other people treat like tough dog. I don't want to say names, but you know what I mean? It'd be cool to be a junkyard dog. Yeah. Junk out dog's cool. That's different though. Chasing people down.

Yeah. Just barking and protecting nothing. Yeah. Just a bunch of fucking iron stacks. Yeah, dude. Imagine how awesome it's got to be to be a dog and just rip some dude to shreds. Yeah. Well, you get shot killed immediately.

What? In the old days, yeah, that's cool. Like an old school pit bull. Nowadays, you can't bite. Just getting on a guy. You bite, dude. You snap at a white woman and fucking yo. yoga pants

put you downized that thing's getting fucking killed in a heartbeat the lady in the yoga pants I fucking hope that's who you should kill the dog is giving you a reason I don't trust this person

yeah she should be fucking she did something yeah and it's not that that's a good that's a good quantum leap episode yeah it's a great jumping into a dog jumping into a dog

stopping the yeah yeah he's killing a kill stopping the progress of this Karen this is a this is a black quantum leap episode for sure what do you mean chris just jumping into a dog killing a karen jumping out yeah yeah yeah it's a great idea i think we should do it black quantum leap is the name of this episode and i'm telling you it's a fucking great idea yeah just like a tracy morgan jumping through time and space trying to figure out his surroundings

unbelievable. It'd be, yeah. So funny. Yeah. Trying to solve problems. Anyway, Tire Season 3 is coming out soon. A couple months. July, June or something?

I don't know. Is it July? I don't know. That'd be cool. I just wanted to dismount from Black Quantum Leap. Yeah. Because I think it's hard. It sticks to you.

Yeah. It's a good, such a good. Such a good idea. Yeah. Yeah. I'm telling you that the Bridgeton, But China is also very good. Oh, you think that's up there?

I think that's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. I think people would watch that. All right. And I just want to see it. A good old black Asian conflict. Yeah.

I dated Ablation. That was conflict. Yeah, that's a lot. Ford model. It's a full-time job. Craziest woman I've ever met my life. But she was so beautiful. I just dealt with it.

Yeah. It's kind of ever It's every It's every dude Now we're back to the suicide Yeah True It's a good monetized episode

How would you kill yourself Drowning What? Dude I was talking to a guy In the crowd A couple weeks back And I was like asked him If he loved animals

And he was like No I'm not a big fan of animals I was like what What don't you like about him? He's just like I just feel like they're just so below people. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah.

It was like the weirdest. Yeah, no shit. But no. What are you talking about? No, but he's talking about intellectual, intellectual capacity. No, he's just, they can't think for them as just as beings, like as spiritual beings. Yeah, he's retarded. Yeah, he's just, that's psycho.

Dude, that's worse than drowning. A dog has the competency of a three-year-old. And that's why they're happy all the time. You always say this. But I don't buy it. You look it up. Dogs aren't three-year-olds. Three-year-olds...

They're between two and three years old. And their head forever. They're just happy and they love you. Three-year-olds can, like, talk. No, if you're talking to three, outside of like, goo-go-gaga shit, you're fucking insane. Kill it.

No, you got to kill three-year-old. Three-year-olds can totally talk. Has feelings outside of happy and sad, kill it. No, no, no. No, no. That's a fear. No, all the...

You can't let them advance. I'm telling you. These kids are watching Bluey. They're getting all the emotions. They're watching Bluey. Yeah, they're watching Bluey. They're reading hair on the purple crayon. Can you talk?

It says the research suggests average dog possesses a cognitive function similar to a two to two and a half year old human child with super dogs reaching the three year old level. Their vocabulary can reach up to 165 words and signals while performing dogs like Border Collies can learn over 250 words. Yeah. They're problem solving dogs and math equations. Dogs can solve simple math problems such as operating latches or or finding out the fastest route to a treat. They can count up to three or four and understand simple arithmetic example one plus one equals two. Yes. You put a treat.

They have this ability to switch and move things around. Puzzles. And to go back to your point, a five-year-old, I would argue, is when they have enough cognitive abilities to speak and have opinions. Three olds can still speak because they want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want that. I don't like that. I want that.

I like that. But they don't like that. I don't like when dad hits me. A dog is just a beautiful little baby. Yeah. For 12 to 15, hopefully 20 years. Yeah, yeah. And that's the best part about dogs.

That's been Stuff Island. Yeah, check out my website, A. Chris O'Connor.com for all my tour dates and stuff. And, yeah. And that's it. May 14th, I will be at Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas. Please get tickets to that.

This is Josh Francis. Hello. How can they get the tickets, Josh? You can go to Cap City's website or you can go to my Instagram. There's a link in there as well. There's a link to Cap City. Do you have a website?

I need one. Squarespace. Yeah. Squarespace, dude. You got to make me a website. I know, I do. Make me a website. If you're a website developer,

hit me up on Instagram. Don't, fuck. You should have never said that. Squarespace, dude. I'm not going to space it. It's easy. I did head shots for the first time in 12 years, like six months ago. Ugh, that's a nightmare.

Troy Conrad handed me in a manila envelope at the ship. I lost it. Oh my God, Tom. I just can't. I can't do it. Did he send you digital copies? It's a gayest in the world. Yeah, he did.

But because I waited so long, he's like here. I tried to take head shots once. It was disaster. Of course. Disaster. Of course. Just like. in my buddy's backyard kind of thing.

Dude, McKeever took a picture of me against a brick wall to make cards for Montreal Comedy Festival. And that was my headshot. I was just like next to a brick wall. Yeah. Nice. That was the saddest thing in the world, and that's the easiest thing I could have done.

Yeah, yeah. Outside of giving people a lot of money to go, take pictures of me gay on the street. And I have to bring three alpha changes. If you like headshots, you're gay. Yeah. that's a good quantum leap black quantum leap episode just take your headshots

they would love it that's been our Patreon Patreon patreon.com slash stuff file check it out for the next hour of black quantum leap