Stuff Island - Bollywood Trainers - Stuff Island #147 w/ Matt McCusker

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

Bollywood Trainers - Stuff Island #147 w/ Matt McCusker Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Follow Matt on IG: https://www.instagram.com/mccuskermatthewj/?hl=en Try Bluechew for FREE! with Promo Code: STUFFISLAND. Just pay $5 for shipping. Bluechew.com  Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoneycom/STUFFISLAND Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are we recording? Yeah. Oh, sweet. Thank God it's anything crazy. Yeah, you can totally fake those things. Damn, I admitted to faking a fucking ADA thing. Technically, you did. You just said they're not allowed to ask.

Why do I need a governing body to tell me I'm disabled? I know I'm disabled. I am disabled. Yeah, it's who I am in my bones. I'm the ADA. That'd be a nice commercial. Fucking soaked. I'm all about, that's Bitcoin, dude.

Decentralization. That's what Bitcoin, that's what the blockchain's all about. Are you filling up on Bitcoin? No. I don't really know. I still don't know what it does. I thought it was done. No, apparently.

Everyone's saying it's coming back. It goes away and then it comes back. Yeah. It's like, well, yeah. bad you know gold is like when like things happen like uh when like countries start to get like a little weird gold skyrockets yeah i think when trump got shot gold went up so everyone's like oh no we're about to you know so gold's high right now bitcoin is something like gold with enough people like i don't know i think it's something like that where you're just kind of like if you're i think like the if you're on reddit a lot you're like yeah dude it's coming up and

like yeah spike you can like foment it if you if you get some real the world is ending vibes going yeah bitcoin gold it might be gold big time bitcoin could be if you can get enough people i'm not describing it right the red is not a good analogy it's like i think if you get like hopeful enough you're like i think we're actually is not a good analogy. It's like, I think if you get like hopeful enough, you're like, I think we're actually going to have a better future. It's like Bitcoin skyrockets. Then like the dream, it just probably gets attacked by like billionaires.

Yeah. You need, I feel like you do need some, the US dollar is fake and going to collapse. Yeah. We had this argument about money. Me and your brother in the pool. No, this is the kind of stuff that sells Bitcoin big time.

Yeah. Because money doesn't matter. Because money doesn't matter. Money is not a thing. Money is not real. It's fake. Yeah, it is fake that sells Bitcoin big time. Yeah. Because money doesn't matter. Because money doesn't matter. Money's not a thing. Money's not real. It's fake. Yeah, it is fake. It does matter, though.

No, unfortunately, it matters. It's critical. The argument we had drunk on a boat was that, like, if everybody was just good people, you know what I mean? It's an insane fucking... But I'm just saying, this is just to break down the purpose of money. I get it. I'm not talking about fueling wars and all that shit.

Like in the beginning of time, you'd have one guy that makes computers, one guy that works at the company that makes the chips. And it's like, everybody just do their job forever. And then we can all live. True. From each according to his. Yeah.

You love making hot dogs. You work in the hot dog factory this is you know what i mean everybody likes doing the one job this is what adam smith i i guess came out because they were like yeah back in the day people just barter and he was like what happened is if you're like a pig farmer you could be doing your job but everyone's like i'm cool on pigs and you just die yeah you need something to like you know like a general commodity that yeah dude i just i mean especially if you like yeah if you if in the boom times within the pig boom times you could be trading a lot of pigs and then there's a slow season pigs some releases a bad article and you're fucked yeah you need you need a yeah

you need a liquidity vehicle i realize exactly we are the world type fucking argument is but it's it's a wonderful life type shit. No, I hear you. Well, here's the thing. It's like, I don't know if it like, is Bitcoin like inherently valuable? That's the big question. It's like, you know, because if you like invest in a company, you can be like, this is how much this company makes. Yeah.

And then you can be like, okay, it's worth buying their stock because they generate X amount of dollars and I'll get X amount of dividends. Yeah. Bitcoin is just like, nobody even understands it. Yeah. I guess some people do. Yeah. Right.

Like if you're going on Shark Tank, you could look at your previous year's earnings and say, this is what we're estimating our value, all that stuff. And then you get a, for this much money, you can have 3% of my company.

Bitcoin's like, yeah, it's like it went up 60 to $60,000 and it crashed to like 12,000. Yeah. But it might go back up to 70 000 it's like you know i don't know yeah i don't people get mad when you talk about bitcoin by the way it's a very charged you talk about bitcoin you talk about bitcoin but you never give enough

information and nobody goes in circles you just waste 10 minutes ago i learned nothing i learned or you can just go full into it but guys trust, guys, trust me. Guys, trust me. I know a lot about Bitcoin. Well, I guess it's safe. They're not like printing more Bitcoin, right? You mine it. You create it. Yeah, yeah.

So they are. He just gave us a perfect point. Out of it? Out of it. You can't pay your taxes in Bitcoin. It's never going to be worth it. I just want to save it for the record. I just light myself on fire.

Yeah, hopefully it works out. Just a monk. I want it to work. I think the dream behind it is that we're going to decentralize everything and then it'll just be a free peer-to-peer transaction that's not getting fiddled with outside regulators. Be the true market.

But then it exists on a computer. So somebody smarter than smart computers can be like, oh, I have a lot of those things. Yeah. It also sucks when you hear people lost their password to their $50 million. That's you. You ever hear his passwords dude

they're fucking insane your passwords you're saying he set up our company right so i gotta get emails from that he gets like all the confirmation codes for me to get into like whatever patreon sure file an email fucking instagram and he's got a different one for all of them and they're the most insane give them well what happened was that are you doing strong passwords what happened was in his own language he wasn't just picking the random in his own think about personal strong passwords they somehow became strong through my rage but it was like what was happening is i was working at a company and I felt like, as you can expect, I was always behind in my work. Yeah. So what would happen was...

I'm going to knock these passwords out of the fucking park. Now I'm going to have some time. It's password hour. So what would happen was... Don't talk to me, Carl. I'm working on a new password. He has a wall

with all these different letters, different capitalizations. Oh my God. I think I knocked it. I got to add eggs to the end of this one. It became a thing where like, I'd be in the middle of needing to do something and my computer,

like you'd have to reset your password every month for like company security. So I'd be in the middle of like racing to get something done. And it'd be like, you need to reset your password. And I'd be so mad that I'd be like, suck my fucking dick.

I'd be typing in just like an be like suck my fucking dick I'd be typing in like an angry cuss filled rant podcasting is fucking gay 34 and then just making that my password it is a personal failure it happens to me all the time when I'm confronted like what is your guys' YouTube password for Matt and Shane's and I have to go I don't know any of this stuff I made it I put zero thought into it.

I didn't save it anywhere. It all comes crashing down. You go, I'm going to make a new one. Wasn't that what happened when I accidentally showed a live death on our podcast? And we had to get a password

and he was on a boat in the middle of the fucking ocean. So we had like two hours this thing was uploaded on YouTube where I show a murder by accident. Like I leaned in and you could see the action

Actually, see I got a message from some fan be like yo, dude You're taking down channels about new I uploaded that and then went fishing Yeah, huh you have to crack the password? No, I had to wait for him to get home. I just paced like a fucking lion. I worked a hole in the carpet, dude. There was just like a straight up text reply, just gone fishing. How did they die? No. How did the person die in the video?

It was, what's his name? It was the famous one where he's like, everything's cool. Bud Dwyer. Yeah. Oh, okay. Gotcha, gotcha. Yeah.

We just wanted to see the fact. That's on YouTube though, isn't it? It is. But I know what you mean. I showed a cartoon lady's boobs on our channel and we got a hard strike. We have one. Really?

We have two more of those. We're nuked. Wait, is this like AI tits? Like the good ones? No, no, no. This was a cartoon strip. I was telling people it was called Savita Bobby. Don't try and get us nuked.

No, don't show it. It was doing the Zoom times. I kind of want to do a thing where you describe them in such vivid detail. Yeah, let's do that. That would be juicy cartoon taste.

Power of my prose, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you get a strike? Give us the strong password of description. This guy's too eloquent. Yeah, I just showed it. It was like a still. I didn't even think it was like cartoons

it was just they were like drawn stills of like this slutty indian auntie a bobby it was an it was like indian like cartoon pornography that i had some somehow stumbled across in my you know surgery in my travels in the internet i liked it it was nice yeah she had a good heart but but you know, at the end of the day, she would suck everybody's dick and it would just be literally like a comic strip.

For some reason, I was like entranced with it for a while. It was just a comic strip about this whore in India. Yeah. It was just fantastic. Did it get into

like actual sex? Mm-hmm. Did you jerk off? Yes. Let's go. Yeah, it was awesome. I don't think they have porn in India.

I do. They're the horniest guys. Something's charging those boys up. I think it's black market stuff. They have like, oh, you're saying it's not on the site? I think it might be not legal or something. Really? I doubt that, dude. Well, the traditional Indian household is very erotic.

Oh, true. Because you live, it's like extended family. Then it'll be like an arranged marriage where like there'll just be this girl in your house one day. Yeah. And everyone's like being mean. This is the traditional setup.

I don't know if it's like this anymore, but traditionally it would be. If you were a young girl in India, your parents, as soon as you were 12, you're out, you were ripped out of the house. Yeah.

Thrown somewhere else and the mom, your mother-in-law would for real be a monster-in-law to you. She would just be like, oh my God, look at this girl. And they would just make fun of you like clean do this clean that

and then you have a son who's just like I'm gonna fuck this it's your wife you gotta keep the son loyal to the mom because you want the mom and the dad to have total say in the house especially the household the mom's calling the shots but if the son's above the mom and the family so if the girl

the new girl who just got whisked away from a family starts to pull the son to like her side of things, it can like threaten the whole power. It's crazy that they built in the most painful relationship fight possible into theirs. That is a hellish, that's like sending someone to war. Yeah,

dude, it is. It really is. And you have to be like, there's just like young scared girl in your house. you have to be like my mom said and then but then eventually if she has a son then everything turns the mom's like you are the best we love you but if you have a daughter it's just like yeah get the fuck out of my they don't throw in the wells like chinese no they just sell them to another family yeah yeah yeah as many cows as you can get

yeah it's like it's cow season dude it's cow season you can trade dollars for cows yeah there was just i and i read this too i'm not just making this up i read this this guy had a thing it was like uh he was from india but he was from like a good family or like a wealthy family so he ended up getting schooled in like psychoanalysis then he went back and like psychoanalysis or psychoanalyzed the whole indian culture like the old school indian cultural setup and it was like it was the point where everyone's so attuned with each other where like if you're like you have an older brother who has a wife everyone's just so tense and like they're having sex you like you can kind of hear it or you can like look at the person's face and you see like

the relaxation their face oh my older brother's fucking last night. Oh, and you're just fapping. You're like a 12 year old. I want my fucking wife. Where's my wife, mom? And one day it comes and your mom's like, don't listen to that little bitch.

We'll keep an eye. It's the craziest thing. God. All that pent up rage just to shit on concrete outside. Maybe I spoke too soon. Maybe it is nice having your mom tell your wife She's a bitch

Yeah Yeah yeah I mean We can all use that We can all use an Indian Ant to tell our wives You'll use a Savita Babi dude

Yeah yeah Look at the pastels on you You look good in pastels I'm all past I'm all past out dude You are past out Here hold this Oh dude let me see

This is a little bright for me Try it It's a Minos for me. Try it. It's Minos. Let me try that. Matt's got a personal trainer. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got a personal trainer. It's not bad.

What's he telling you to do? Bro, I'm excited. Again, I've been accused of being on PEDs, performance enhancing drugs. Why? People think I'm on TRT. Why? Just because you're living so clean. I'm just living so clean Why? People think I'm on TRT. Why? Just because you're living so clean. I'm just living so clean, bro.

And I put on some weight. I put on some, you know, I like went nuts lifting weights over, ever since I've been here, really. I was just lifting weights pretty regularly. Yeah. Eating a lot. And then everyone thinks I'm fucking on TRT now.

Because you're getting jacked? I'm getting jacked. So now I'm going to double down. Yes. I'm going to hire a professional. I was like, dude, get me so fucking jacked. Yeah. That it's actually unbelievable. I want to hit the threshold of being so jacked so now now i'm gonna double down and yeah i'm gonna hire a professional i was like dude get me so fucking yeah that it's actually unbelievable i want to hit the threshold of being so jacked yeah that i like stand up just isn't an option for me just to piss your brother off alone true getting more jacked than billy would be sweet yeah he'd be fucking furious it's almost like i think it's genetically impossible though he's so i know yeah he's fucking ripped dude i

don't know yeah but i will i will i don't know. Yeah, but I will... I don't know. For me right now, I'm just trying to like set my body up so I don't fall apart. You getting jacked might break his spirit. It'll never break his spirit. He'll just get more jacked.

You guys will just be jacked? It'll just be fine. Yeah, we'll just become like a weird YouTube family finally. Our big break, dude. I hope you do take Saturday. Let's be true muscle balls. Yeah, dude like the fact

they thought they could take Trump out that's ridiculous we fucking two big muscle brothers just the same

line of thought on every popular topic I can't believe they actually thought that again we say the same

thing every time something happens you can't take the mic out of the stand you just have to walk up to it like fucking Ron White yeah when you get so jacked you can't take the mic out of the stand. You just have to walk up to it like fucking Ron White. Yeah, when you get so jacked,

you can't get the mic to your face. It'd be PC Principal. Or headset. How do you do your research to find the right guy? Because that's a big... I did no research. We have friends down here. The guy was a personal trainer and he's jacked.

So I was like, you just be my personal trainer and make me jacked. Dude, I stalked mine for like two years. Did you really? Yeah, I used to go to New York Sports Club and it was back then when they had like trainer on the back of their shirt.

Most of them were sex offenders. You know what I mean? All they do is just, they put trainer on, they just talk to hot chicks. And they're like dumpy Indian kids. They got fat tits. You're not training me for money.

There's no fucking way. And then there was this squad that was CrossFit dudes. And there was one like... There is a heavy Bollywood contingent. Really? The personal training? In the Queens. Bollywood trainers in Queens, dude.

Really? And they're not young. I'm not horny Indians, dude. They're full Bollywood. All shoulders and chest and then the thinnest little waist. But could they make you like a voluptuous... I'd be like, give me the body of a voluptuous Indian businessman. Yes. That would be nice.

Just get a body just for like silk button downs. Yes, dude. I mean, I would do that. You know what's funny? My trainer used to train Aladdin, the Indian guy

on fucking Broadway. That was Aladdin. Yeah, just this gorgeous dude sculpted from fucking rock. Damn. What did all those Indian, those Indian trainers

must have been like, pissed. Must have been gritting their teeth cursing, like, curse him. Curse him. What did all those Indian, those Indian trainers must have been like, pissed. Must have been gritting their teeth cursing, like, curse him. Curse him. They're probably going to summon up the sand

jaguar head, dude, and toss you down. Well, dude, you feel like... The ruby, the ruby started smugging and shimmering. Damn, dude.

You can't be taking them seriously. You're built like a fucking bread box, you know what I mean? So it's like, give me the guy that the guy that looks like he's chewing on iron. So I watched these three guys. One dude was from South America.

He's handsome. And then there was this other dude, Steve Ferguson. Shout out, Ferg. Yeah, he was one of them. I just liked his disposition. He didn't fuck around too much. He wasn't powing around too much. He was locked in.

And then he was just chill as fuck so I just started like I started working my way over to him like slowly during the months just in their area

oops excuse me what's up man how you doing what are you doing when you're not here I saw him doing some CrossFit thing

and I was like dude I'm sorry to bother you I just got a question real quick and I just asked him about a couple things and then I started getting like to the nod like how you doing yeah every day every time i see him

and then we'd start dapping up and then i finally got the you know i got the balls how much does it cost a month i'm really looking because i'm bored i've been doing this for fucking 35 years or whatever and uh and then he got his own his own uh gym and then i got shane in i got him in i got foley and i got he was great I went there one time that guy was fantastic he's a man he's great yeah

so that's why I was interested because it is it becomes a relationship like now he's one of my best friends like I fucking love that guy I miss him so like it's a big thing it's a big ask

it's like having a therapist for 20 years you know yeah this will be my first time really doing it I went somewhere one time with Brittany but it was more like a group kind of class where you went in like he was like do that and go to

another person do that but this will be like to the t of like one workout here's here's like a not like a meal plan sort but like he's kind of like looking over that yeah sup guide yeah supplements you should take yeah he's pretty and he's cool too we like hang out already anyway it's gonna be it'll be very sick. And the accountability of just, like, here's your program for the week. Yeah. Without any thought. It's so nice just to have all that shit

fucking wrapped in for you. Yeah, let me look, actually. I should... I can feel myself. I can feel the pull. Yeah, true fitness. That's what it's called. True fitness?

True fitness, yeah. Shout out to you. You can feel the pull of what? I can feel the pull of, like, getting really into diet. Yeah. And the way it affects your brain. Here's what I do.

Dude, it works. It scares me. It scares me. You're on the NA beers already. What? Dude, you're on the NA beers. It's true. It's crazy.

Just turn it up a notch. That's it. The diet can get tedious where you start being like... That's what happens. I did a thing for a while where i did like macro counting weighing food and it's cool like it's like you feel good yeah but then i start to go like okay what's the point of this for me i need performance goals so if i'm like i want to run a mile in this amount of time that i like i get into that and then the eating kind of just

comes behind that if that makes sense if i focus too much so i don't care that much about like aesthetics i'm not trying to get like ripped and shredded i'm just trying to be able to like a i want to always at least until i'm like i want to be able to beat the fuck out of like 21 22 year olds like teenagers it's like daughters so i'm like i don't want to ever get in a situation where like someone's like a young punk i'm like hey buddy knock it off and he kind of bucks and i'm like oh fuck i'm kind of weak i want to stay fucking sprung yeah yeah so i can just like choke out a kid just beat the fuck out of him or at least give him a good shove take of weak. I want to stay fucking sprung. So I can just like choke out a kid, just beat the fuck out of him. Or at least give him a good shove.

Take some space back. I want to dominate him. I want to like be down and make it very evident that he's powerless. That's what I'm doing with my puppy now. When she acts up. That actually works, man. Holding her down.

I feel so good. And then she just succumbs to it. And then when you walk over to her again, she'll just show her belly. She's like, she knows now. Yeah, dude. She knows this is my fucking palace. That shit works.

Hitting dogs doesn't work. But if you like grab their scruff and just pull them down they're like oh okay yeah they're yeah and you just force that position yeah she was getting a little bitey and i just held her snout and she was just trying to get out of it and so she just stopped and went you know you hear this one last breath like like you win i'll never do that again that's their whole center of action too so you shut that down they're just kind of like and she doesn't know

how to do her arms yet cause she's so she's so fucking stupid she can't drive she doesn't do anything she doesn't even have a job she's just like pulling her weight dude

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I definitely did. I mean, I would, yeah, I should get Rocket Money just to find out how bad it is. You haven't run it? I run it. I need to run it only clip two things and two of them i can't talk about really yeah i know there's so much and i know there's redundancies out there this this product is really have three disney plus things that i never even use this product is so powerful they have lawsuits from other companies saying you

can't use our name because they're like the repeat offenders i imagine oh really i don't know the exact reasoning so i don't want to fuck this up yeah i bet it's like you know put a fucking sock in this this company's mouth because they're taking a lot of money out of our pocket that we're robbing from these kids whoa you know just pulling a monthly subscription or a monthly gym yeah yeah yeah you thought you canceled but that's why the gym's like come in person and write this out or otherwise you can't cancel and you're gonna get charged every month you're like i'm not gonna make it there in person cancel my shit and then you forget the next day yeah your daughter throws up on the ground or yes oh boy well that's why you need rocket money most americans think they spend 62 a month those descriptions but get this the real number is closer to 300 that's yeah that's me this is

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finishing a steak and be like give it to me yeah and they give you this sheet and there's 50 people you get to fucking harass with confidence going oh no no no i'm calling no, no. I'm calling on behalf of fucking Eddie Franklin. Yeah. You've been fucking him for three years. I got the numbers. Dude, I did that once where I was, my brother needed to get a car, but he was like so busy.

And so he just had me negotiate the price of the car. Yeah, it rules. And I would just call. This is good little honey. And it's just like, I don't, because I have nothing. Retainer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's also for real. It's like, I don't care if have nothing retainer yeah yeah but it's also for real it's like I don't care if I get this car right it's not for me right so I was just calling everybody and being like well I got this other guy

over there tell me this and this and this this is why it's great if you're a sociopath you get the best deals because you just

you don't have the empathy to give a fuck there's no piece I don't need this car I need to be in this car by fucking right Thursday

yes you're just like Yeah board. Yeah, if it works out it works out. Yeah Go s and it comes through in your tone there get scared. Yeah, they get scared as an account you fuck about anything Do my hair is still wet I I fucking ran outside for a little bit but uh, that's the big thing to running man That makes you feel great running running in the heat and I don't do it enough me too My hair is still wet. I fucking ran outside for a little bit. That's a big thing, too. Running, man. That makes you feel great. I love running in the heat, and I don't do it enough. Me, too.

I did it this morning, and I was just like, didn't drink water. I was just like, you're a fucking lizard just running around. Trying to spit, and it just goes in your shirt. Yeah. That happens to me almost every time, honestly. Dude, one of my biggest insecurities is I never learned how to spit well. Really? Yeah.

I can't spit for shit, dude. What? Yeah. That's one of my biggest insecurities is I never learned how to spit well. Really? Yeah. I can't spit for shit, dude. What? Yeah. That's one of my best things. I would always remember standing on the sidelines and dudes would be spitting through their face mask. Oh, yeah. And I was like, that's so fucking cool.

Can you hawk a loogie? And I would try to do it and they would just coat the face mask. Oh, yeah. And you just got like dripping. Can you like spit far? Can you like get it like ripping? I feel like i could get some distance on it but it's got no it's not a cohesive unit it's not a unit you know what i mean it's

spread yeah it's like shotguns we'll go to park we'll go to park i'll teach you a few things yeah you can hawk some you hawk muke you gotta hawk mucus up go yeah yeah that holds binding agent yeah that's why it's like a glob and he's... I know. Sometimes maybe it's hard to summon that mucus up. That's the first thing I do when I'm alive. I'm not a mucusy mess. Spitting, I realize it's animalistic for me when I feel like I want to show my teeth to somebody. Like if my girl's got her tits out or something.

Yeah. And we're walking through a parking lot and there's just a few kids. I just go, you know? I just spit it directly at them because I feel like it's like a dad's That's how it feels. Don't cross that big, disgusting, bloody loogie. Dude, that's where you can walk.

Dude, that's how it felt on the field. The dude just spit like clean through his face mask accurately. You're like, damn. Two cents of mastery. Or just a big Dominican coming up to the plate. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just. Yeah. It's a loud whistle. you're like damn two cents of mastery or just a big fucking a big Dominican coming up to the plate just like yeah and it's just just

it's a loud whistle my dad has a loud whistle too he can go oh does he do one of those yeah he goes and it's just like deafening I love that

I feel like a big pussy I can't do that although I can whistle pretty fantastically like a natural whistle at a normal pace yeah dude I'm

I'm enamored by your musical abilities thank you bro like i i watch it at first because it's funny it becomes it gets really funny because of what you're doing and saying and then i just like i just start settling in and my head starts rocking like a puppy and i'm just like i'm watching 15 minutes of matt playing music yeah the message is gone i don't care what he's saying anymore. I'm just like, look at this fucking kid. I know.

There's tricks. There's tricks with music. You can learn little tricks and make it so you sound really good. The trick is to get women's panties off. If you taught me this in college. No. Dude, there's a door in my mind I can't open. He's great, too. Dude, he's great on the fucking axe.

Yeah, you can play guitar. I can play guitar a little bit, but it's real it's like it's so rote memory what's this there's no there's nothing inspired about it you know really it's like yeah it's like uh that's where drugs come in you have to do start doing drugs yeah but then when i do drugs i i don't know i i i handcuff myself because on drugs i'm like these aren't even my thoughts. Yeah. God, the prison in your mind is fucking badass.

Yeah, take a little mushrooms and play guitar. Although your hands start looking weird and you're like. But yeah, playing music is, I think, one of the best things pretty much anyone can do. Yeah. Even like the little essential. Zach Bryan song. So there's this new Zach Bryan song that I fucking love. Pink Skies.

Pink Skies. Yeah. Pink Skies. I go over for a podcast. Sadie's like fucking around on the on the on the piano dude playing piano chris is like he just got a tiny um yeah i got a martin i got a little martin did you really yeah yeah it was nice and then i was like go say to you'll love this song i started playing the song she's like let me go get my harmonica chris goes and locks in his fucking note. And they start playing the song.

I was like, dude, you're so close to having this. It was within like five minutes. I'm like, I need to fucking learn something. You got it, yeah. Take the drums. Huh? Take the drums. That's bullshit.

Why are drums bullshit? No, dude, I love air drumming and stuff like that. But like getting to be good at drums takes so much effort. You'd be surprised, dude. If you have an electric drum set you could get if you just get a basic beat down

it's like you're in heaven it's not as fun though right oh yes it is I know it's yeah the dream dude of like banging really banging the skins

I think yeah if you can't sing along with it I'd like to learn the guitar just so I could sing sad shit to myself yeah

when I'm in this room when there's red wine all over the fucking you could learn you know what times I cried in that fucking scene teach me guitar please myself yeah yeah when i'm in this room when there's red wine all over the fucking you can learn you know what times i cried in that fucking scene teach me guitar please yeah piano sweet too dude learning piano is really good i do i feel the same kind of thing where it'd be nice to make yourself cry play that song again that makes me cry you know what I mean cause your ducks are all clogged

with fucking lullabies yeah eye boogers and bar dust and you're like dude when you get on a good roll and you're like

holy fuck I'm actually doing this it's one of the best one of the best feelings it's like one of the things you can do to lose your sense of self where you're just like

oh it's really nice in gym in workouts that was the muscle ups for me it took me like two months to figure out the muscle up techniques I did like four in a row and as i was swinging down like i couldn't

get the five because i started laughing because i was like i was so happy and the joy took over then i started laughing i couldn't pick myself up i could have got three more dude i was like so happy that's top of the gym when you're ripping muscle ups at the gym it's like that's yeah you muscled up to a higher consciousness i brought myself way back down every time i see dudes doing muscle ups i go dude it's so sick yeah that's like the most powerful thing you could do real quick in front of somebody let them know that you're the fucking real deal of all the muscle movements muscle ups are like because anybody can squat and deadlift obviously lifting heavy in any of these categories yeah be impressed.

Yeah. But muscle-up is like, whoa. So you got to do a pull-up and then pull yourself and push. You got to come over the bar and then do it. Yeah. Then do a press.

Every time I see someone do them, I go, that's so cool. I should do them. Then I forget instantly. I just go like, what was I up to? You got to work on pull-ups alone for a month.

Yeah, how many would you have to do before you could do a muscle-up? It took me six to eight weeks. You have to be like trying to do muscle-ups the whole time. True, I've got to try to do it. It's like pull-ups. This zone between here and here will never get better if you're just doing pull-ups. True, yeah.

And it is a thing. I don't know. What are you focused on for your workouts? If you guys don't like this, fuck off, because this is very good stuff. And if you're fat and sober, grow up. Because that's why he's ripped. You see how ripped he is? He's genetically a freak, dude.

I heard when you get sober, you just get ripped. He's a freak, dude. That's awesome. It's 10,000 less calories a day. True. Fuck. Do you know how ripped I would be, dude? That helps.

Also, having a six-pack over 40 is gross. It's questionable. A little, you know, you want it nice and toned. But when you see like a ripped old guy, it creeps me out. Yeah, it depends if the belly's out or in. True. Muscle, belly, six-pack, cool. If you have like a globular, yeah.

Yeah, true, true. It's definitely, it is something. Something's up. But if you're like 40 and you have a six-pack, something's up. Yeah. True, true. It's definitely, it is something. Something's up. But if you're like 40 and you have a six pack, something's up. Yeah. Something's going on. Yeah, you're crazy. Yeah, it's a sign.

It should be like in the DSM. It's a sign. If you're like 40, ripped. Something's up. Yeah, your relationship is fucked. You're running away from drugs and alcohol, you know? Yeah. Are you ripped right now?

I don't want to shame your rip. If you're ripped right now. I've thinned out considerably. Got you. He's ripped for, I'd say, 90% of the populace. I did hear you rip up quick. I can rip up quick. His belly button comes out an inch.

I'm not working out at all. Got you. If I started working out, I think I would rip up pretty quick. Which is crazy. Yeah. I can't not. How does your mind what do you mean i don't for my mental health well you're asking him how he doesn't attack

yeah oh that makes sense how do you deal with anxiety and depression if you're not fucking activating your your mind yeah i become depressed if i saw 100 i become instantly depressed i it it does it does affect me but if i'd like it's just doing anything that will make me feel better so it's like it doesn't have to be working out if I like read something and I feel like I learned something I'll go I got better today

but that is what it is I like listen to I'll try to listen to stuff yeah I'm at such a low level of like productivity the doing anything feels like wow yeah I'm at such a low level of like productivity yeah the doing anything feels like wow

I'm really moving forward good strategy that's a good strategy I always wonder about like happens I get caught in that I call it the drift

when I get caught in the drift when I'm just kind of like wake up I'm like I'm gonna go for a walk and like I'm next to you and I'm just like kind of checking my phone

that is a weird thing after like a I spent like a two week period of just like, I'm like, I'm going to go for a walk. And like I'm next to him, I'm just like kind of checking my phone. That is a weird thing. I feel like I spent like a two-week period of just like drifting. I go like, what the fuck am I doing? Yeah. I feel horrible. Yes. Who the fuck am I? Like what am I putting in my head?

I don't do enough of anything. Because that's the worst part about looking at your phone is you can like actually learn a ton of stuff, but it doesn't stick. Yeah, there's a reason for it too apparently because you're doing, when you're on your phone is you can like actually learn a ton of stuff but it doesn't stick yeah there's a reason for it too apparently because you're doing when you're on your phone you're solving little problems like in order to get on my phone i gotta type in my password that's one problem solve okay here i can exit out of that you're using a part of your brain that is not engaging your long-term memory so you're using your short-term memory like problem solving brain then you go to read on the screen you're like it's the fact that you're like interfacing with this weird machine yeah you literally don't retain you take things

like in like they say it's like a little thimble where you fill in information of like you only can take like a little bit at a time to your long-term memory yeah and then the information on your phone or like in the internet just like blasted with you like doing these weird processes yeah nothing makes it to your long-term memory and then when you comes in like i'll drown that one for tomorrow it's like when you have a fire hose you try to fill up processes. Nothing makes it here long term memory. And then whiskey comes in like, eh, I'll drown that one for tomorrow. It's like when you have a fire hose and you try to fill up like a coffee mug, it just sprays everywhere. It just doesn't retain anything.

It's like, read a little bit. I stole it from a book. You have to read it. I was going to say, I was like, holy shit. I remember I read it. Is that in a reel? Yeah.

That's the one that you retain. I stole that in a reel I just don't live in a reel but no it doesn't really work for your long term memory you don't really I'll like watch so much shit I'm like dude the fuck did I just read I have no idea

I'll be like oh this will be sick and I'm like I don't know yeah it makes sense why I remember most movies like I can't watch a movie twice because you're so engaged

you're not talking to anybody else you don't look at your phone a movie twice exactly so engaged yep you're not talking anybody else you don't look at your phone this is just you in the fucking you're locked in the image is a story yeah and we're kind of built to like remember that too like human beings talking and moving we're like okay that like gets burned in yeah some reason that the fucking just constant like moving down scrolling it's just it is that like i have a thing too where i don't remember the ends of movies and if enough time goes by, I'll forget them too, which is nice. Because then I can re-watch them later on. And I'm like, oh yeah.

I mean, movies that I'll tell people are like, this movie's fucking incredible. And we'll be watching it and they'll be like, what happens in the end? And I'll be like, I genuinely don't know. Dude, I swear to God, I watched... Remember the movie Sexy Beast? Did you ever see that? Yeah. I have no idea what happened to that movie other than him getting out of

a pool and be like, we got a job for you. I don't remember the rest of that movie. I have like five years and my brain just goes movies. Now that you mentioned that, it's really funny. Yeah, it's like I don't really remember. I get close. I can get close to the end on that one, but I don't remember what happened. I mostly remember him yelling at him in the kitchen.

I don't remember that. Dude. You were on a kick for watching three flicks a day. Yeah, yeah. That's nice. Yeah, they did that for two or three months. And that's really what will happen is I'll watch a movie and something in the middle of the movie

will absolutely devastate me, and movie and something in the middle of the movie will absolutely devastate me and I won't remember the end. Dude, I swear to God, if I had one wish, if I had one wish, I wouldn't use it on myself. I'd use it just to see you as a child. I would get you at five years old and I'd raise you from five to 13.

I would love to be around. You could just see him. Right? You ever see a picture of him little? It's the cutest thing in the world. It's just that, shrunk. It's just, shrink it up, dude. You can see the pain in his eyes. He's on the back of a boat. The rest of his family's smiling.

He's just like, he's got that pain smile and his adorable little face. I just want to hug him. I just want to hold him like, it's okay, buddy. Let's go learn how to stand. It has been

for the course of my entire life I have always been like this is not going good. Like even when things are going well, I'm like fundamentally I'm not sound at all here. Yeah. That is disappointing

though. There's no way this can work out if i keep this behavior yeah i have that every photograph caption yeah i have that in me where i'm like no matter how good things get i can only feel so good and i'm like okay yeah i'm kind of built for misery honestly yeah i'm like built for misery and i like yeah when things are going really well i'm still kind of like, this sucks. I know that just because like looking back on the last couple of years, you're just like,

shouldn't you be happy? Shouldn't you be feeling more joy on a daily basis? Oh, dude. And every day you're like, fuck. Even inside of the most perfect moment, I'll be like,

oh my God, like how could life even be this good? And I'll like think for a second. I'll be like, because you don't call your fucking parents. You've had so many friends you don't keep in touch with anymore. You fucking selfish bag of shit.

That's why you're here. So yeah, cut the smiles out of your picture. Cut everyone important out of your life, you fucking... Yeah. That's how you got there. It's just like an immediate... Yeah, maybe if you were more considerate

yeah well it is weird though like I was you forget even if you're just like kind of bored it's like it's such an amazing thing

to be able to like achieve states of boredom yeah it's like dude I was watching a documentary on basically prison it was like

I mean it was prison rape basically I'm trying to well it wasn't all some of them were like some of the men were courting basically I'm trying to well it wasn't all some of them were like some of the men were courted

no I was trying to figure out well dude because they say it's about prison rape but a lot of them is just about like like a boy like getting like like they call them boys

they're men obviously but like if you're in prison you're like like damn I'm gonna get that boy so you get boys underneath you and like if you're like out in the world

like you know if you're like they were in the blood hold on this has to do with boredom yes because it's like dude there's a there's a tier like an echelon of society that like if you're like what are you worried about it's like yeah i like went to get coffee but i'm like i gotta stop just like bumming around i should like make my own coffee dude they're like bro i got fucking raped they thought they like told me i was in the bloods and then they fucked me yeah that's

like and there was just like dude there was a world where it's like you want to get like three or four boys underneath you because then you can have you can trade your boys for sex and get like more cans of soup and it's like what the fuck yeah and they will get they'll take you by force they'll be like bro like they'll get you in the hole with like a drug addiction that's right hold a knife to your neck and this these were people like real people in the documentary like yeah that's how it happened to me and the dude in the documentary went to jail because he was fucked up and dropped his baby and his baby died yeah yeah i was watching this between shows by the way in portland i was watching this between shows in portland and i was like oh my man that detail really sunk my ship i was like that's sad yeah

but yeah dude it's, they were like going through and the dudes for some reason are like, I just want to move on with my life. He dropped his baby in a tub? He just fucked up. He was like,

his thing is he lost his balance and then he tried to throw the baby back on the bed before he went down but I think he just, you know, who the fuck knows. Dude,

the horror stories of accidental deaths and sending regular people to prison is like the only thing that like really gets me to my core. Yeah, and then you get turned down.

Because it's a fear that every, like that my biggest that's what i relate so much is this that does this as like a form of meditation and i do it too the way he said it because it's like it's a way it's like i don't know if you remember from like true detective when he's like i think about christ the moment of crucifixion. I contemplate that as a form of meditation. When I'm watching this stuff, it is like, I want to put my mind there just to help me appreciate where I'm at now. It's this way of being like,

let me get so deep in the world of boys who are men being raped in prison. Boys at colloquial terms. That I can go for a hug and just enjoy it. Enjoy this boat ride. Give me two minutes. I just want to... It's like snake venom. It's like, let me just fucking hit myself

like a little bit just like i mean it's like it's not snake venom it's like a uh vaccine let me put like the weakened version of it into my bloodstream too much of that shit can kill you though that's what happened definitely this one poor dame was like i can't keep going to these fucking poverty-stricken countries. Let's just see how everything actually works around here, and then we just go back home and eat these fucking, you know? Yeah.

Then you're just going back and eating a French pastry with Eric Bourdain, or Repair, or whatever the fuck. Yeah. And you're like, you can't stop thinking about these Mongolian children that share feces to get by, and you're like, cutting people. Yeah, but there's a sense of vitality with those guys if you go to the third world it's like it definitely sucks but they have something you don't where they're like there's like very vital connection to like yeah look i'm good on

the i'm good on the connection just give me running water and ac i don't need the connection with you true just like chemicals to like increase my dopamine like dude i'm fine i just want to hijack into my brain produce these things we found out about yeah but yeah dude i watched that between shows and was like because it's the the mental gym the whole time was funny the uh dude brett importantly he was hosting he was really funny he was like dude the mental gymnastics they're going through and he was right because they'd be like i mean dude it's like not even about the sex it's about like having someone you know who has your back well the other guy said it was about a power thing then he started just being like yeah it wasn't about the sex i didn't see a guy i was my dick would get hard

being like i'm about to turn this motherfucker out damn dude and what's the doc i want to see it uh you know you just no i have it right here it's just like the last thing i was watching i'm almost done i had to like finish up continue ending. Do you continue watching? Yeah, it's right here. It's called, hold on, here we go. Turned Out, funny enough. That's good. Yeah, Turned Out. Are they all black?

No, bro. Hispanic white? White boys. This is a dirt poor Alabama town. And it's like borders Florida, I guess. So there's black dudes and there's white dudes. A lot of the boys are white dudes. And the black dudes are definitely turning them out pretty heavily.

And there's an old prison trick. This is like really bad. But there was an old prison trick, the one black dude says, where it's like you make the guy grease their own asshole up so their finger has grease on it. So they try to call foul play. You can be like, yo, I've been fucking this fucking this he's been my boy i've been fucking him and then they're like look his finger's all greasy he's fucking lubed himself up oh he's like he said an old guy

passed that knowledge down it this is like these are like the tears of like shit yeah yeah it is weirder some people like money doesn't matter it's's like, holy. Sort of doesn't, dude. When you're lubing up your own ass. You're going to wish you had a few pesos. When the elders of society have been like, by the way. That's such a good dad quote. When you're lubing up your own asshole, you're going to want a couple of coins in your pocket.

I mean, in prison society, it's crazy. The elder of prison society was able to take a young man. Like, by the way, if you're going to rape a guy in jail, make him lube his own asshole up that way. He's got that fucking greasy finger. It's like, Jesus, man. Yeah. And to be saying it like, yeah, because I've made that mistake a ton of times.

It's crazy. And I get in trouble. It's a whole thing. Yeah, dude. It's a bum rap. You catch the rape case in jail. That's why you got to work on muscle ups, dude. You got to fucking. That's what I'm saying. It's a whole thing. Yeah, dude. It's a bum rap. You catch the rape case in jail. That's why you got to work on muscle-ups, dude. You got to fucking...

That's what I'm saying. You got to stay strong. I've never been more committed to my health and fitness after watching, like... 100%. Dudes hit their limit. Now, like, I'm, like, sizing people up. This dude has me paranoid, dude.

I was in an elevator with this huge dude, and I was like, damn, dude, you could turn me into your boy right now. That would suck. Dude, I think of this all the fucking time. It's terrible. It's something I think about. There'll be one or two men that I never forget in the course of like three to six months

that I just look at them like, that guy can take my ass right now if you want it. There's nothing I can do about it. He's just severely strong. He's like giant. Sometimes they have fucking, you know, the cauliflower ear. And you're just like, that dude, if he wants, he can have my asshole. I think it would really break your spirit to know how many dudes could take your ass. I know.

Yeah, yeah. Not even the ones you're thinking about. Yeah. Well, in this, in this. That guy can take my ass? Not to get too weird into it, but like some of the dudes, they say sexual assault. Some of the dudes were just kind of more taken advantage of, where it'd be like, hey, like, you get into debt, you want drugs, you want this.

And then they'll, like, get you drunk and get you high and just start rubbing your leg. And they didn't put up a, they'd be like, yeah, take my ass. I'll suck your, like, they, some of these dudes entered into this, like, willingly. Yeah. Because you have no money, and you're like, this dude can get me drugs, he can get me this. Yeah. Some dudes get turned out through the drugs, and there's other guys that're like, this dude can get me drugs, he can get me this. Yeah. Some dudes get turned out

through the drugs and there's other guys that are like, yeah, it's like two knives to your neck. It's like, bro.

Some dudes like go wild. Like, there'll be a guy that was like forcefully taken and then after that he just starts going nuts and like, he's like,

dude, everyone. One guy quote. like PTSD soldiers? No, no, no. Meaning like,

they get like, shell shocked? His words where he started poking that ass out everywhere. Being like, getting like ran through. Oh, so they turned the other way. They're like, I like this. Yes. That's something that they did.

Which is a terrible thing to talk about. I know, but they sail through it in Shawshank Redemption pretty smoothly. Oh, the sweetheart? Yeah. Someone's got a boy in Shawshank? Dude, smoothly. Oh, the sweetheart? Yeah. Someone's got a boy in Shawshank? Dude, he's getting raped the whole movie. I forgot about that. I just remember the tunnel. I've also seen docs where there's just

sweeties in there. They're clearly gay. They cross-dress. They look for it and they provide. Yeah, that's a really negative market force if you're selling your ass for drugs and food. Yeah. Someone's just giving it out for free.

The demand is too crazy, though. The demand is nuts. Because that was the thing. He was like, when his daddy is a boy and a daddy. You can't put enough butt pussy on the market. You can't, bro. It's crazy. Butt point.

Because when you get this dude, this dude's daddy was transferred, and he goes, dude, after after that it was open season on me i'm telling you when your daddy goes then all of a sudden everyone starts coming at you because they're like oh hell yeah it's crazy damn dude it's a terrible don't any i don't recommend anybody watching this but then before you become daddy if you're like a boy in a stable like five other boys if daddy leaves and you're like the if you're like the first boy boy you become daddy yeah it's it's the most terrible thing i don't want to think about it i can't stop now i'm like yeah

there's something i i only consume stuff like that and i don't i don't you guys have just given me a revelation here where it's like I never understood why I can only relate to depressing documentaries or like violence and I do like really feel something

when I watch those instead of any other thing yeah it's just I consume hours and hours and hours of that shit of like horrific footage

horrific footage and stuff like this I'm so excited to watch this documentary dude you're gonna like it I haven't got to the very end, but I think they do. Where are they now at the very end? I'm excited to see what they catch up. That's like the big

climax of every documentary. They're out. They're all out. Some got out. I think some got out. I haven't got to the very, very end. It's crazy, too, because I think they violated some people's privacy in this. Some weren't on camera, but they just show their face. This guy's like, he gets out it and he one of the dudes gets out of it he was more so

like he didn't he wasn't down with it at all he's like whatever dude it was two years of my life now my girlfriend's smoking hot i'm out of jail no one's gonna find out about and it's like dude they plaster his face all over and i'm like what the fuck they don't why do they do that yeah well he's dumb enough to fucking take a dick. He's not going to understand what's actually being filmed. Well, also, it's like if you're in jail getting raped all the time, you're going to participate in the documentary. That's a guaranteed couple minutes that you're not getting fucked in the ass.

You got snot on your nose. Yeah, true. Oh, yeah. It's your mustache more so. The one guy. Attempted spit. The one guy actually. How long has that been there? It's gone. gone now I think it was after the Bud Cohen comment yeah one guy got out fair enough fair enough I earned it the one dude got off where a warden tried to come after him and this dude

had like been in the Marines and shit so the warden was like turn around you know spread your ass cheeks and cough and he and shit. So the warden was like turn around, you know, spread your ass cheeks and cough and he like did it and the warden just started like fucking jerking off. Whoa! While he was being processed.

Because I think some of the warden's people, the boy daddy action, they're like, what the fuck? I'm going to get in on this shit. This is another theory of mine. You get your position for a reason.

Yeah. Just like priests, just like fucking Boy Scout leaders. True. When you're working your way up to a warden you can fuck a lot of man pussy this guy was trying to

I think he was trying to turn dude this guy was like a marine so that's like that's a wild game dude being like I'm gonna take down marines it's like what the fuck yeah

go beat off and take a nap man you can't do anything to a warden I know I know that was his whole thing he was like if I touch this guy he could have hung 15 years. He could have put drugs. Yeah.

So he just sat there. He's like, I had to just sit there with my butthole spread open while this dude just fapped. Holy shit. And then he luckily was still, I don't know why he went to jail,

but luckily he was still in touch with like his old sergeant and he was like, bro. And that guy who was running the jail had been in the service as well. So he goes, dude, he told him, he's like, I don't even want to talk about this. This what happened sergeant goes i knew that motherfucker was something

was off with him and he convinced the law enforcement body like playing a camera so that the dude like brought him into a boiler room started pulling his pants down all the shit and they were like as soon as like he's like this guy pulled his dick out on camera and he was like sweet cops are rushing any minute they didn't come in for like 20 more minutes did he get fucked i don't think so i don't think i fucked no but i i don't know they don't they spare the details but he had to like try to be like oh yeah yeah no no you for sure i'll be i'll put my dick out in a second hold on you keep pulling your dick out or you had to keep humoring them finally they rush in grab them it also feels like it could be really destabilizing for the prison to fuck one of the daddies you know what i mean it's like killing like the head lion

you know what i mean they say like the other alpha will come kill all the babies kind of thing it's like true if you take one of the daddies and fuck him in the ass yeah but then you're the new daddy no if you're the warden you're not part of the ecosystem oh right you're like a big game hunter yeah this guy wasn't a daddy this guy was just straight up this guy was marine he didn't want nothing to do he didn't know what nothing to do with boys i love my pets yeah i think as long as you're not like doing drugs and stuff you can avoid the boy daddy relationship i think drugs would get people like you get whacked out on drugs and you're like yeah fuck it yeah or you're just that's you know gay for the stay you're just down the way some dudes say they're like yeah fuck it yeah or you're just that's you know okay for the stay

you're just down the way some dudes say they're like yeah we were just drinking smoking a little weed and started rubbing my leg and i got hard man so i was like fuck it dude yeah it's really well a lot of these guys are in for for life and they're just a long time it's all the sensation you can get you just close your eyes think of something else and fucking ass yeah i don't know man yeah i don't think this guy was thinking about anything else he's like then i uh i squeezed his butt cheeks real good that's a quote from the documentary and i squeezed his cheeks real hard this is like reality testing obviously this guy yeah no i think this dude this dude was like that he was a daddy.

So I think he said, he goes, he got out of jail. He's like, man, I loved it. He's like, I love that shit. Damn. It's like having my boys. I love that. Damn. Nothing's done me.

Because it's like, he's like, boys are power. You get a bunch of boys under your command, it's like you can trade them for whatever you want. What was this guy's biggest power? Hmm? What was it? To get started as a leader. Big and strong.

He was just in the bloods. He was like a gang leader. So then he got to jail and he just like. He was just badass, had respect and all that stuff. Yeah. And he started just like copping heads. What? I'm just thinking just, just a totally different Shawshank ending.

You know what I mean? When they're all being like, the world went and got itself in a great big hurry. Just a guy without all his bully pussy. Just being like, the world went and got itself in a great big hurry. Just a guy without all his boy pussy. Just being like, damn, man. Outside's tough. I'm what they call institutionalized. He literally said that. He's like, I'm so institutionalized.

But they interviewed the one guy's dad who's a boy. He's carving red ones. Just a dick and balls. But they interviewed the one guy's dad, who's a boy. He was carving Redwoods. Yeah, Redwoods here. Just a dick and balls. They interviewed the guy's real dad. Not his dad, his biological father. And he's like, they're like, it was honestly one of the most destructive things we've ever seen. They basically broke the news to his father.

Like, hey, we're doing a documentary on prison rape. Your son's actually, they explained boys and daddies, I guess, because his dad's like, I don't know what he's doing in there, but I hope he learns something. I hope he forgets all this weird daddy business, whatever that is. It's like,

why are you making this guy, don't give him off camera, don't go to their fucking parents. The whole thing's like to raise awareness, I guess, which I guess is good, but it's like,

what are they going to do? I mean, imagine how many people they solicited to try and get five on camera. Oh, it's like what are they gonna do i mean imagine how many people they solicited to try and get five on camera oh it's amazing you know anyone did it exactly they probably were like this guy said yes the one guy who they interviewed his dad they were asking i think it's asking about drugs he's like yeah i say hi all the time he's like dude i don't want anything to do with reality at all yeah yeah it's like fair enough yeah i mean it's like people get raped and they stay on drugs

for the rest of their life or they become homeless because of it. And it's like, they just do anything it takes to block that out. Yeah. Just getting fucked in prison

for five years, coming out and trying to get a regular job, start a regular relationship. Yeah, stuff. One guy champed it. He goes, my girlfriend's smoking

fucking hot, dude. I'm putting this shit on. Yeah. It was like, fuck yeah, dude. Good for him. That's the fighting spirit. Yeah.

Things are on the up and up. Get out there and get a personal trainer. Get your pussy. I'm putting this shit on. It was like, fuck yeah, dude. Good for him. That's the fighting spirit. Yeah. Yeah. Those are on the up and up. Yeah. Get out there and get a personal trainer. Get your pussy. I need an update on that guy. She watched the documentary. What? I think it's pretty, I think 99.9% of women will go their whole lives without ever watching

this documentary. Yeah, it's true. I think this is just the news. I wonder if it gets buried. Huh? I wonder if it gets buried in like the algorithms and stuff. Hmm. Right?

Because I... It's also like a really tough cause to take up. This is at 2.1 million views. It's just on YouTube? Yeah. When did it come out? Good question. That's not that many.

What? It's a good... It's doing better than my fucking special, dude. How long has it been out? My special's neck and neck with this thing. 2023, dude. Fuck. This is my competition.

Oh, shit. Danny Trejo narrated it. Damn. Okay. I didn't know that. Does he have some connection to the issue? Huh? He was in prison.

I know, but what's... I'm going to see if Danny Trejo will do something for my next special. Introduce you? I like that. Dude, that's a sick idea. Yeah, that... He's becoming like fucking The Rock, though. He's in too much shit.

He needs a... I thought he was... I thought he took a hiatus. I haven't seen him. What's he been in? Oh, maybe I'm wrong. I just feel like I see him in all these small roles

and he's in fucking... He's in From Dusk Till Dawn. Yeah, he's just watching all movies in the early 90s. i haven't seen him in anything he's doing like commercials and shit is it really i don't think so last time i saw him he got a fight he got like a fight at the fourth of july period so did he really yeah oh fuck it's the opposite yeah he's throwing hammers yeah fuck he's like cruising in a lowrider through the Fourth of July party. Is he really?

Sorry, DT. I'm still your boy. Yeah, DT's a man, bro. He's obviously... Dude, there's a documentary last year. I never tried his taco shop. Where's his taco shop?

Is it here? He owns a taco shop. Where? Here's a whole brand, I think. Where at? Dude, I'm spitting nothing right now. What do you mean?

I got no facts. I'm just thinking... I think this is right. Danny Trejo Taco Shop. I think it's revelation. I feel like you might be right. Why can't we just look it up? I feel like you might be right, but I don't know where it is.

It's called Turned Out. Seems good. Turned Out Tacos? That's kind of sick. Damn. Danny Trejo Tacos. It's just called Trejo Tacos. That's pretty cool.

Locations. I've been there, I think. What? Is it in California? Yeah. Trejo Cerveza? That's got to be good. I'm actually a little hankering for some tacos.

It would be weird. It is weird to think about the scariest... Trejo Donuts, too. The scariest thing in prison is all the free time that you get. Like the unsupervised time. Yeah. To hide your ass? Well, that's what I'm saying.

You don't, like... You think you go in there and it's just cops watching you all the time. Yeah, not at all. And it's not. You're just in a fucking hellhole. Well, the warden was also, like... They let a lot of shit go. I don't have to go out here and bust it, but it's like, yeah, the drugs,

all the fucking weird shit they're doing in there. They're, like... Keeps things kind of quiet. He's like turn they say they turned a lot of blind eye or they just don't like go looking for it that hard because it's like i don't know they're like fuck it we're gonna let them do the thing it keeps them busy yeah yeah yeah you'd rather have someone just getting high and taking a nap i think every every world has that you know like people like you just don't talk about it. It happens. It's part of the world.

My friend was in jail for a while and he told me, he's like, nah, it's not like that. It's not like people are like, you think you're just going to get stalked? Well, jail's different than prison. I mean, there's different layers.

Penitentiary, but you do the county and then you're like... Yeah, state. He went to state pen? Yeah, he went to the pen. He said the pen is chill. Yeah.

But he said if you keep it yourself, usually you're're fine but if you start kind of like own people money it's usually if you're on drugs like your own people money you're doing this you're causing problems he's like then you can yeah you saw a guy get stabbed in the eye jesus because he had like fucked with these young he was fucked up on drugs and he went and fucked with like this young gang from chester and like delaware county let's go chester he was in the delaware county jail yeah i think people from chester go to delaware yeah yeah's go. Chester, he was in the... Delaware County Jail. Yeah. I think people from Chester go to Delaware County. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And there's a city prison in Chester, whatever. But he said there was like young gangbanger dudes and like... Chester's no joke, dude. Chester's so bad. But this guy like

was talking shit to them and making fun of them and he's like, just got stabbed, killed. Oh, he killed him? Went to his brain? Yeah, I think they stabbed him in the eye,

stabbed him like all over the place. Yeah, the eye was just the start. Yeah, he goes, you see suicides too? He said, dudes just. Yeah, he goes, you see suicides too? He's like, dudes just jump. He's like, you see suicides, all kinds of shit. He's like, it's fucked up. Ah, that rules.

Yeah, I feel like I would get, yeah. I would start off disciplined, keeping to myself, doing my thing. I don't know, man. And it would be one week of just errant confidence. You get the jail whiskey? And I'd be getting fucked in the ass. The jail whiskey too, man. Don't get you.

Run a tab up on the jail whiskey. You get the moonshine and you start getting confident. You don't even know my podcast. No, because I'd be sticking to myself and everything would probably be copacetic. And then I'd be like, you know what? Things aren't so bad. I can have a few conversations. I'd be a, you know what? Things aren't so bad. I have a few conversations. I'd be a headlong dude

into just... You get like, you know, someone's six NA beers and you're like, give me that ass, boy. Plus... Just sit at the lunch table

going, I don't wash my hands when I shit. And they're like, what'd you say? You don't wash your hands when you shit? I'd have to.

That would be my only out is going full, just covering myself in feces. Yes. But no, you'll get killed because cleanliness

is very important in jail. So if you're dirty, you'll get just stomped out. Oh, well. You can't be dirty. You can't be in a shut case. You could just become a prison lawyer though

because you have an education. So you could become valuable as a prison lawyer. Oh, really? Hit the books, dude. Yeah, yeah. Hit the books and wash your hands.

I would. Andy Dufresne, the books dude yeah hit the books and wash your hands i would full andy do freeing the whole thing you didn't start the library yeah stay in the library the whole time yeah i don't know i've thought about my prison strategy if i ever i was watching that documentary it's like i'd have to go madman and being like bro i want to bite your fucking dick off bro but they'll be like well fuck you nah man you're like look you gotta use what what you're using right now out of prison that's your sense of humor your gift of gab and your likability true your charm your charisma lean into it make them all laugh i can make a black and a mexican life at the same time true yeah you know now you're valuable i want to be the guy that i've been there 15 years and people like who's that and they're like nobody knows I was in the shower last night being like,

what hairstyle would be best for me to not get raped in prison? I'm like, I wouldn't go too long. Yeah, because then they can pretend. I'd have to go buzz. Yeah,

exactly. Buzzed hair. Yeah, the most forgettable hairstyle. I'd start growing my beard right away, but I don't know, man. Can't be a pretty boy,

they'll get you. Just a swastika right in the back. Yeah, hopefully. I already got like, disheveled Hitler hair. Dude, after I go for a run, I look like Hitler in the war I already got like disheveled Hitler hair dude after I go for a run I look like Hitler

in the war room dude just getting the news that fucking Russia just invaded Berlin he's like that good yeah I think I have to get like

the swastika tramp stamp oh dude Matt you got anything to plug bud uh yeah uh please I'm gonna do Town Hall in New York City oh fuck off Oh, dude, Matt, you got anything to plug, bud? Yeah. Please, I'm going to do Town Hall in New York City. Oh, fuck off. It's a comedy festival, so please, for the love of God, get some tickets.

What date? I should know this. Well, let me see, actually. It's got to be November somewhere, right? November? I believe so. I can actually pull this up pretty quickly. Shout out.

November 12th. Matty's cooking on stage right now, man. He's fucking out. He's fucking tight. I'm very impressed. 11-16. I tell him all the time.

Thank you, man. 11-16 in Tyson's Hall, Capital One. Capital One Hall in Tyson's, Virginia, I should say. Oh, fuck yeah. 11-15.

That's a big weekend. That's a pressure cooker for you right now. These goddamn theaters. Now I'm like, all right, well, let's fill these things up. How long do you think it took you? This is a personal, goddamn theaters now. I'm like, all right, well, let's fill these things out. How long do you think it took you?

This is a personal, because now I'm consistently back at it and I'm trying to think of new ideas and it's the struggle of, I know I can kill with this, but I've done it too much and then I just have to bite the bullet, try with this.

How long do you think it took you to start to acclimate to creation on a monthly to bi-monthlimate to creation on like a monthly to bi-monthly basis of going, I got a new 10 that I love. I don't know, dude. I literally,

uh, this is the first time whenever, when I finally put out a special, I was like, Oh, I see the whole point of this. Now you're supposed to come up with an hour of comedy, then use it to sell tickets before.

I would just be like, yeah, I have this new joke. It's really funny. And I'm like, I didn't really, but so I just like panicked and put this hour together which initially was like looking back on it i'm like it wasn't the

best uh but i don't know you always feel like that that's yeah that's great now it feels a little more good now i'm like okay this is almost feeling done i don't know i don't really think even about like having a new 10 or new this i have the hour and i just was like it was like almost like well i'm saying how much did how have the hour and i just was like it was like almost like well i'm saying how much did how long did it take you to find that hour or like even even like your new let's say you put the fucking special out you started on your yeah you know what i mean that makes sense it's like dude i don't know i swear to god because it's just like i just like pray to god that i get new jokes yeah right just kind of appear in my head and i go yes there's two or

three days a week that like my anxiety is so severe. I get like, I have to do that. You know the thing I do, the ESPN? Yeah, yeah. So McKeever and I have this thing where we just yell to get, so it builds up. That's nice. And I just go, ESPN! You know what I mean?

I'll say something just to get it out. But I have like tingly, like it takes over my body. Dude, what I would say, you know what helps me though? Is like two things. If I do stand up a lot, then like it puts me in that mode where i'm like fuck i got to think of jokes and my brain will naturally like focus on that yeah but yeah if you get the crazies dude i would just sit down in front of a word document and just go yeah and just write write write don't even think don't try to write jokes i've heard this just right lucas melendez told me this free writing i think that kind of helps. Because then even if like 80% of it is like,

first of all, it'll make you feel better. Second of all, if you get one thing out of that, it's like, oh, hell yeah. And you invested two hours, three hours. And then you relieve the guilt of like, I didn't do anything today. It's like, dude, I free wrought today. I did free writing.

I have a problem where my mind works ahead of my fingers. And then so I write the shittiest version of the thing. That's fine. Because I can't keep up with the speed good and then I look at it and I go something the problem is you've captured the good thing is in your mind everything's perfect in your mind yeah you have to drag that big fish into reality and you go this is what the fuck that was yeah and then you can mold it once it once you've like brought that I'll do this thing where like yeah I'll

write something and I'm like, that's fucking good. I know that's good. I know enough about it that it's good. And then I'll read it the next day. I'm like, it's pretty good. And then I'll read it a day after that. I'm like, what the fuck is this shit? It's like watching something too many times.

You're like, yeah, I get it. But I'll do that before I even perform it. And I'll just put it to the I even perform it yeah and I'll just put it to the side and then one time I'll just perform it and then it works I'm like

you fucking idiot you're sitting on that for three months that happens all the time sometimes it needs to cook every now and again then one day you're like

fuck it I'm letting it out and it works it's like confidence you ever see these comics that suck but you're like why does he feel like this

yeah why does she act like this when she's dog shit i wish i had a little piece of that yeah i try to channel that or just remind myself how dumb most people are anyway yeah so if i'm hard on myself about a joke i'm like most people are fucking morons i don't like this yeah and then it bombs and i'm like fuck all right boys he's gotta get out of here thank you guys so much

love you guys