Stuff Island - Brad Williams- Stuff Island #230

Episode Date: April 15, 2026

Brad Williams joins the boys today! Brad has a new special out now titled Live On Short Street which can seen on Youtube! Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians SUB TO THE PATREON: PATREON.COM/STUFFISLAND Chubbies is here to keep you comfy and looking good year-round. Get 20% off with code STUFFISLAND at https//:www.chubbiesshorts.com/STUFFISLAND #chubbiespod For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://www.Mengotomars.com Head to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND. #ad Download Cash App Today: [https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/knz4su0l #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Cash App Green, overdraft coverage, borrow, cash back offers and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No, no beeps. No beeps, just let it go right in. I mean, yeah. You got to pop on with some energy. Yeah, I mean, you look at your buddy Shane Gillis and go, you got, you had a moment on a podcast. Hold my beer. So, yeah, yeah, we're fine. Hold my sane eyes from you fucking ripped through this.

We dropped it right in the middle of our. lax combo too. Good, I wanted to end it. Last thing I want to talk about is lacrosse. We were just talking about how great of a game it is and nobody knows. There's a dude, I've told you. It goes to my gym. It looks exactly like you and McCusker had a baby.

It drives me nuts. It's perfect. And he's got hockey hair, the lacrosse here. The mullet? He's got the mullet that McCusker used to have. But it's just a perfect more face between the two of you. Mullet needs to go back away, I think. I think I'm over the mullet.

It is a... had a resurgence. It is a hairstyle where someone did it first and went. Yeah. Yeah. And that, like, Balsey.

You know, like, a pioneer, man. Yeah. Yeah. There's certain things where, yeah,

they become trends eventually. But you're like, how did that start? Yeah. Like the, like, I mean, now.

Well, dude, it's like the measles. Like, I don't know. Some of, we said, like,

we stopped getting inoculated against it at some point. Right. And it, like, came back. We got rid of the mullet. Yeah. And then it came back.

stormed back. Thanks, Morgan Wallen and Theo Vaughn. Assholes. Put it right here on this podcast. We're our name on it. Morgan Wallin, Theo Vaughn. Pieces of shit. Those guys based on haircut alone.

It's also like... They were tip of the spear, though. You got to give... You got to give them that. But like, is there another one that we can start bringing back? Dude, I have a friend who has mutton chops. I was just going to say chops. I mean, but it works for him.

He's an elizant person. Yeah. He's a master distiller for whiskey. It works for him. He works on motorcycles. I'm like, all right, you can have the mutton chops. I think it's a perfect. It has to balance.

It's got to balance whatever your tire is. You can't just be dressing cool with mutton chops. You got to dumb everything else down because that's the bowtie of your face. Right. You can't be an accountant with mutton chops. You got to be working with your hands. Yeah, exactly. Some sort of real blue collar job.

Yeah, yeah. You can't, I mean, you certainly can't be a doctor. Like, would you trust a doctor who's like, take two of these? I got a, and then I'm going to, but then I'm going to operate on you or whatever. And you've got mutton chops. It would have to be like 1886. Yeah. Those are doctor chops.

Civil War or modern day, like, Middle Eastern dude. Right. The only mutton chop option. That's it, man That's it You can't My buddy pulls it off And for a while

Is he good looking or is he Yeah he's good looking And for a while He had an eye thing So he had to have an eye patch So he had an eye patch And mutton chops Yeah

Did he dial back the chops at all Well he had the eye patch? No, he got it thicker Yeah He got thicker mutton chops He's got a hot Asian girl Like And you're just like how

Of course he does How did you But then you know Asian women Love Autistic men. That's why I married one. My wife's Chinese.

I had no idea. See, but now you know. We don't check Wikipedia here, Brad. No, you do no research whatsoever. This is not the morning zoo, dude. All right. So do you know I have dwarfism? Because this is, I'm really going to blow your

fucking mind. I'm blowing your mind right now. That's the new thing. That's what the young kids you start doing. Yeah. Yeah, they're like, Mullets. That's so 20-25. Dwarfax.

Yeah. Dwarf lacrosse would fucking slap, dude. Yeah, I played it. There should be more dwarf sports. There should be more. I've played a few. Because they have, yeah, like all dwarf competitors. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I've played, like, okay, so I'm going to make you guys laugh. Trust me. But there's the DAAA, the Dwarf Athletic Association of America. I didn't just pull that out of my ass. That's a real thing. And they do sports for little people. Little people basketball, hilarious. Yeah.

hilarious. Because standard hoops. Why? Yeah. Dude. Why should it be standard hoops? Wait, so how? That's how I felt as a kid.

My dad was a basketball player. He wanted me to play. And I was like, dude, this is crazy. It was 10 foot hoops. We're adults. We're four feet tall. Why? Yeah.

Let's make them six foot hoops and make it fucking interesting. Yeah. You know? I don't have to do. do a hang clean to get the ball. No. That's the thing. None of us know how to rebound. So like, when the ball comes down, we're all just waiting for it. Like, we're not skying up and, like, hitting the ball at its highest point.

It's like catching a baby when the building's on fire. I was going to do with that. It's like catching a Stafford deep ball. Yeah. And then if someone does the shot where it gets jammed in the rim and the backboard, we're fucked. Yeah, game over. All right. Like, like, if you're up,

you're worried about blowing the lead, just chucked the ball right in there and the game's fucking done. You got that. Parents are pissed. Dude, I just saw, I just saw a real where, tape two broomsticks together.

This younger black dude, fucking, he jammed this ball with all his might from the side, destroyed the backboard. And the mom gets up, she's like, oh, shit.

Game old. Game's old. Like, she was so upset. This dude did the coolest thing in the fucking world. Right. It's like,

if I ever did that, in it was on tape that would be every room of my house would have an iPad just playing that on a loop just so you know hey here's who lives here

I'm looking at the thing behind you the Sequan Barclay doing the back girl dude if I did that every room of the house big screen TV this is this is the motherfucker who lives here you have kids that come over like you have kids your kids got to know they have friends

come over this is who fucking makes the rules here. Like that if I went to someone's house and their dad was like Seekwana had done that and the dad said something I didn't really agree with you know what the fuck what do you know?

And he would just point to that and be like all right. Yeah. Yeah. No more. All right. I'm just realizing now the DAA A. Yeah. Yeah. D. Triple A. Wow. Yeah. No offense, but I could do that over you.

You know what I'm saying. That would be one of the sports in itself. It's just dwarf hopping. Seekwon dwarf hopping. They're doing the flag football, which is a little less than football. That's what we would do. It's the same Seekwon thing,

but, you know, dumbed down a little bit. It's fun. I played sports growing up. I was a big hockey guy, which... Yeah, big hockey guy, which... I'm in Orange County. So I'm a Ducks fan. Really?

I'm an actual Ducks fan. I'm the one. Yeah. But it's great because... Flyers fans, we hate the Ducks. Of course you do. Yeah. Of course you do.

When was the Flyers' last cup? 75. 75? Yeah, it was a long time. Yeah, we're sitting at 2006. Yeah. It's not good. Yeah, it was our cup.

We did. We did. We're in. First time in NHL history team was down... With Zegris and Drysdale, two ducks. Yeah. Two big ducks.

I love it. that. But yeah, like, I was a big hockey kid growing up, played from like age 8 to age 16. And because age 16, the kids started getting way too big. I was like, oh, oh shit. Like, I stopped. You all kept going.

But like, the best part about being a dwarf kid playing sports is that if I did something to another kid, in that kid's dad saw it, that ruins that relationship. Yeah. I think I caused some

divorces. Just by like if I like if I scored over you or if I deeked around you or something like that like the dad's like I don't own this kid anymore. We're selling your gear. Yeah, I can't go home and look and be like well let's do this again next week.

No, the fucking dwarf faked you out. Done. When you were kid did you shoot up and then just stay? No. I grew with small the whole fucking way. Your mom birth to this size? About.

No, it's a no but the thing my head was about this when I was born so my mom, hell of a woman. Hell of a woman. She was playing wheelchair basketball

for six months. My dad, I wonder for the first 10 years of my life my dad would just come home and look at me and go, you son of a bitch. That used to be pristine.

That was good. Yeah. And then I came around. So educate me on this. Adorphism is like. Genetic. Yes, genetic. Is it in your,

family? No. So it's a genetic mutation. It's so it can pop up anywhere, but it is also hereditary. So like my daughter has dwarfism. But yeah, we didn't, we didn't find anyone in our family. We looked. We didn't find anyone that was a little person. So my dad was very suspect. He was like, all right, what happened? There's fucking wriggling brothers come through town. My mom had a lot of fun out with the gals and, you know, The DAAAA team. Dude, there was. In the 80s, there was a dwarf basketball team that would go around the country like the Harlem Globetrotters and play like charity games. You know, they played charity games against other teams.

They were called the Hollywood Shorties. And like they would raise money for charities and they'd play like, they'd come and play your school, but they would play the team. teachers, but they were actually good, so they'd probably beat the teachers, even though they couldn't rebound with shit. Did you see, did you ever see a game? Were they nice? Yeah. Did they make the trick shots and shit? Fuck yeah, they could. Damn. It was awesome. It was great. We are natural entertainers, man. Yeah. You were like, Brad, how'd you get entertainment? I'm like, uh, genetics. I missed a chromosome and all of a sudden, it is my destiny. Yeah, you know, born entertainers. And I don't mind it. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun.

It's a, because there's not a lot of us out there. Like, in terms of Dwarf comics, there's like me, Nick Novicki, Tanuli Davis, that's about it. Yeah, I met Nick. It's the only one I met. Yeah. He's great. Yeah. Nick's awesome.

Gets to open for Nate. Yeah. And that's, I mean, obviously he gets to do stadiums. Yeah. So that's fun. Yeah. That's cool that he gets to do that. What's crazy is Nick and I have known each other for years, years, like way before comedy.

Really? Yeah. Like, we were, like, we were child. childhood friends. And then we both end up as stand-up comics. No shit. You guys grew up in the same neighborhood? No, we did D-Triple-A together. Oh, cool. Full circle.

Because they have these conventions every year, right? They have these, it's LPA, little people of America, and they have all these conventions, and every summer there's like the big convention. And that's where you go and you meet a bunch of friends who also have dwarfism. It's where you also go to get laid. I was just going to say. Oh, yeah.

Bro. It's kind of like a meeting. Yeah, it's kind of your dream. Yeah, it is my dream. What, to have it. have a dwarf hold his cock so it will look big. No, we had a lady in our neighborhood that he... Smoke show, dude. Yeah? Gorgeous.

It was Queens. Queens, yeah. Yeah. Like absolute smoke. Because dwarfs, we have the asses. Yeah. They're already built. They're already built.

The perfect black woman. It's perfect. Yeah. Like, I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's a crooked spine. I don't know what we got. I'll make her spine. straight.

I'll knock that bitch back on the basketball court. Dude, dwarves have asses, man. Yeah. It is, it is legit. And, uh, it, like, sometimes I've taken friends to the dwarf conventions and they look around like, holy shit, they're hot.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And this one had, like, she had a really nice face. Mm-hmm. Her head was obviously like fucking Easter Island. Sure. Sure. It's a big head. the rest of it, man. It's part of the deal.

The rest was so perfectly thick. I got fucking Peyton Manning forehead, you know what I mean? Like, it's fucking... Dude, sadly, I had to do like a serial, speaking of the serial killer, we were just talking... I had to do like a serial killer pace

to like, you know, keep up, you know, with her pace. Oh, I see. I had to like... I was fucking Michael Myers walking up 30th Avenue because I didn't want to pass her. I just wanted to watch the jello.

Oh, so you were... hanging back Yeah, I want to watch the fucking forest hands Lap around In his head In her dress Innesis

Bro Yeah Dude respect Respect respect to that woman Yeah Every now and then I'd stop

And act like I gotta look at an email Check on Pick the pace back to Pretend you're lost Yeah I get that limp From usual suspects

For the people That don't Don't understand it The wealthiest Woman On Only fans is a little person. Yeah, what's her name?

Erica. Yeah, something. She's so fucking hot. She made so much goddamn money. Yeah. Really? Yeah, she never has to work.

Like, she would look at Dinklage and go, peasant. Like, she's got so much damn money. But hey, good for her, man. Yeah, fuck Dinklage.

Yeah, we're a fucked English. We're a big fucked English podcast. We were a friend. Yeah. He did? Yeah. He was a piece of, yeah. He was all hammered and he threw a buffalo wing at my friend's chest.

No shit. Yeah. I love getting dirt on dink. This is going to be the... Forever ago. Yeah. That's the name of his podcast. This is going to be the new name of the podcast.

We're going to sign podcast. She's called Dirt on Dink. And we just call around the neighborhood. We find everyone that's got a bad story about this guy. Instead of an hour, it's 20 minutes. Yeah, exactly. You know, one little thing for episode. No, so me and,

Me and Dink actually have beef, so I like that. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he took all the fucking rolls. Yeah, and he doesn't know I exist. But that's okay. But, and then he was on the... It's on site.

Yeah, on site with Dink. Which, by the way, if you were lucky enough to be in the room when I, like, walk in and see Dink, oh, my God. That'd be, that'd be the show. So what happened? What do you do? So here's the thing is when Disney was making the live action, Snow White movie, Yeah. Dinklage heard about it.

He went on the Mark Maren's, Mark Maron's podcast, WTF. And he talked about like, oh, they're still going to do the dwarf thing. Like with the whole, I know, it's halfway decent Dinklage. And he... I got a decent dick. Yeah, decent dink. And he said he was going to do the whole, like, he was mad about it that they're, that they were going to bring back dwarves and Snow White.

And then Disney panicked. And then they made the dwarves CGI. Yeah. And I'm like, that's a role that could have gone to me. Like, you know, like now we're in this era of, I don't know, whatever you want to call it, wokeness, whatever, where like everyone has to play whatever they are in movies. Like, you know, you can't be straight, play a game in. You've got to be like trans.

Fake trans can't be that. Like everyone has to be. Yeah, you could be black and a king of 1700s. Yeah, sure. Exactly. It'd be funny if they CGI'd that, though. It's so much worse. It's so much worse.

Where you're like, come on, let's, we've got to cartoon this up a little. Imagine. They're going to do Macbeth. And that's the Washington's like, I can play Macbeth. And they're like, no, no, no, no, we're going to do a computer black guy. McBoozy.

Just, I want them to go full Roger Rabbit with any minority. Yeah. Just like, no, we're not, we're not, we're not going to get George Lover. Lopez, we're going to get cartoon. We're just going to get Speedy Gonzalez. Yeah, yeah.

Speedy Gonzalez is going to play a Mexican. Because that's essentially what they did because they had CGI dwarves instead of actual war factors. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah. You know, there's not that many of us. I probably would have gotten one of those roles.

Yeah. Right? And then, you know, now I'm in a Disney movie. Now I get those damn, that gets some mailbox money. Yeah. That'd be great. Fucking awesome. Yeah.

But, you know. What was he against about it? He thought it was either exploitive or he thought that if we had dwarves, then it would be like this thing where people would look at actual little people as like, oh, no, you're a fairy tale or something. And I'm like, dude, this is the other reason why I'm mad is because Dinklage was in a movie called Tiptoe's. Tiptoes is the most offensive movie to dwarves ever made. Because it stars Gary Oldman as a dwarf.

Did I mention his name, that Gary Oldman? The Gary Oldman. Yeah, and it's not CGI. And who else is? Is it like Bradley Cooper? No, it's Matthew McConaughey. Yeah. Matthew McConaughey, Kate Beck and Sale.

Are they all tors? No. But Gary Oldman is. And he's just like on his knees or like behind pieces of furniture and they tied his arms back. So his arms are smaller. It's ridiculous. Oh my God. And Dinklage is in the movie.

He plays some guy with his accent changes like four times throughout the movie. But like, I don't know. I don't know what he's trying to do. Like, maybe French. But, yeah. So you're in that movie, but you're not in, but, like, other dwarves trying to make money. Do you think he's trying to hold you down? No pun intended.

I mean, clearly. I don't know if he just wants to be the only one. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Like, if he wants to be the go-to, only dwarf actor. Yeah. And I get that because if he started doing stand-up, I'd be fucked. Also, I doubt it.

Like, the Wizard of Odds has been around for what? 60 years? Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. Yeah. It's fine. also the seven dwarfs you could paint vivid characters you know what i mean you read the script first yeah and if you want to like make them like not just old white guys but make like men women uh minorities in there yeah cool

fine i'm totally fine with that but it's just to take them out completely just be like nah it's offensive if you play yourself yeah yeah like that that's where that's where it goes i can't believe but it's still going to the fantasy thing like you're saying is it's still going to transfer for people that don't have exposure to little people. Yeah. So they're going to watch that movie. Right. And the CGI at this level of movie making is going to be good enough that kids that watch that are still thinking they're real actors, right?

Right. Well, it's that and it's it almost makes it more fairy taley. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. So it's going to, it's like the opposite effect of what he's trying to cure. I'd be pissed if I was a dwarf CGI guy and I didn't get that job. The dwarf CGI guy. Listen, man, I can't do average size people.

But I can nail a dwarf. I know the physics. I built a specific physics engine. I have an engine. I can do, I've got the algorithm. I got the dwarf ass is perfect. That is my specialty. This episode is brought to you by Chubbies.

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Coverage, Barrow, Cashback offers, and promotions provided by Cash App, a lock ink brand visit cash.com slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. It's the toughest part of cash app. Yeah, cash app. They call it the cash app rip. Everyone knows that. Yeah, so that's my beef with dinklage. I think that we should fight it out in a ball pit.

You're both dead. More balls. Trying to start working out there. together. Yeah, exactly. It's like Chucky Cheese QuickSand. Yeah, buddy. Dude, let's bring back Roman gladiators

in the ball pit. Me and Dink. It'll be great. But he's the only one I got a problem with. Everyone else is cool. How do you like in Austin? Austin is great.

I love this town. It's very, like, I like Austin because when I walk down the street, you know, towards the clubs or wherever, I'm not the fifth weirdest. thing on the street.

No one stares at me. It's like there's a guy making a Banksy with his human shit. Yeah. No one's looking at the dwarf. The only time they stare at me is when I go by one of those lime scooters

because then you know, a dwarf on a scooter. That's pretty special. That's pretty special. His friends aren't going to believe him when he gets down. More than likely some drunk guys going to eat shit pretty hard right next to you. Oh yeah.

You're in the clear. Yeah. It'll happen. There's nothing more dangerous than drunk. Scooter. Oh, man, I got hit one time. So I was on a Lyme scooter in Austin. But the thing is, all right, so when you're, so when you guys are riding one of those scooters, the handlebars come up to like your hips, right? You're like down there. I'm, I'm right at my grill. Yeah, I'm right at my grill. And then I hit a crack that I didn't see, flew forward, nailed the handlebars,

right in my mouth, blood everywhere. I spat blood out on the street. And then, of course, everyone ran in and like started getting the blood up because dwarf blood cures cancer. And like, so they're running in just like they're trying to suck it up. Everybody knows that. That's just a fact. But yeah, I ate shit.

But you know, you know some guy was like drunk off his ass, sees a dwarf, just eat shit, ass over tea kettle on a scooter and just goes, I got to quit drinking. There's no way I just saw that. Yeah, I,

I caused someone to get their life together that night. or get drunker one or the other. No one stays exactly where they are. That is like a four-leaf clover. I would stare at this guy. I'm like, God is real.

I've been praying for this moment in my entire life. There are certain things. Dude, like that's why you can find the humor and shit. Like I'm doing, I'm on a big tour now

and I'm doing meet and greets after every show where the fans can line up and if they want to take a photo, cool. And oftentimes, this is my favorite thing when it happens you find joy in little things in life so

if there's a blind person that's at the show who's doing the meet and greet and what will happen is we're going to take a photo and the person who's taking the photo will be like okay look here and then

all the other people start saying okay yeah just look right there look right there and like they're fucking blind let the person who's taking the photo saying so they don't know where to look and everybody was like yeah just look right there

look right there look right there look right there and like the blind person sit there like who the fuck's got the camera they're trying to echo locate yeah they are back yeah

blind person's trying to use like triangular I laugh every time it happens it's like people with good hearts like trying to be trying to help and trying to be nice

but then you're just fucking what's he doing with that pick is that for like his What's that? The blind guy. Oh. What's he doing with the picture? What's he going to fucking frame it?

Social media, dude. Social media. Social media. Oh, that is. Yeah, trying to get laid. Yeah. Yeah. Why not?

Hey, that and it's nice, you know, that he, I, I just always picture if a blind guy has a photo with me and then like puts it in his house, then people walk into the house and go, are you in some sort of crippled Avengers? What is this? What is this? Handicapped Supergroup Are there people with fantasies meeting after the show Hitting on you?

Oh yeah Yeah Yeah that happens That's uh Yeah And what were your sexual escapades like on your way up Bro when I was single man Yeah

Because people would be like Oh yeah That woman only wants to have sex with you You know to exploit you And I'm like Who gives a fuck? Exploy me Exploit me

Exploy me I'm having an orgasm Like I don't understand how How I should be like I feel so guilty. Like, I know. It's fine. It's two consenting adults.

It's good. Yeah. I would never, who would ever question that? Yeah, that and that and you think I was. She only wants to fuck you because you're hot. Same shit.

Yeah, she wants to fuck you because you're rich. She only wants to fuck you because whatever. Yeah. But the key part of that sentence is she wants to fuck you. Right. That's fine. So yeah,

I had a good time when I was single. And who also to that point, who sees a disabled person going to get some ass? and goes, I have to prevent this from happening. Right. You think you're a fucking hero? Yeah.

You're a damn monster. Imagine. So if there's a woman out there. That's just the fat-upy white woman. Yeah. So it's trying to hide all the fun from her friends. Yeah. So if there's a, if there's a woman who's got cerebral palsy, okay?

And a guy is just like, man, that's my dream. Yeah. My dream to fuck her. You're going to stop that from happening. That's a little different. No, it's not. It's not different. You got to take this fucking sand crab out of her chair.

I don't even know what that means. Like a hermit crab, getting out of its shell. Okay. So you're just concerned about the logistics. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. All right. Dude, come on.

We'll pick a different disability. We'll pick a different disability. I mean, Sarah Pauls, you just do what you do a mouth party and move on. You don't take it, take it out of its shell. I'm sorry. You don't think about this. Just be clear, that is not Brad Williams making those views.

The views of my blind fans. The views of this podcast are not those expressed by Brad Williams and shortcomings comedy LLC. But, dude, but like... It's how quickly you find the words for it. That's the problem. He's got him chambered, man.

He's like, he's just sitting there like, finally, good palsy talk. I've been waiting. for this. Just have a mouth party and move on. Good, creepy. Yeah, I had a good time when I was single. I didn't care of some girl had a fetish.

Yeah. She wanted to be a smurf. That's fine. Oh, my God. I'll be fucking pop a smurf for you. I don't care. That would be sick. Yeah.

And then, yeah, so I had range, dude. Do you guys have a role play anything? Have you? I can't role play. because everything just becomes smaller. Like, it's like, it's like, I'll, how do you mean? What do you mean? Well, I mean, well, let's say it's like, they're not picking them as a WWE.

You're playing the role. Yeah, so it's like, let's say it's like, oh, I have a, you have a fantasy about a woman has a fantasy about a king fucking her. I come in a king outfit. I just look like Lord Farquod from Shrek. Yeah. I look like an actual chess piece. Pretty cool. Completely different fantasy.

Now that's a good idea. Yeah. Imagine I come in as a king and I go, I can only move one square at a time. Yeah, you got to bend over there. You got to go over here. You got to come to me one block at a time. This is a checkered rug. She keeps moving back and you have to go get her.

This is a checkered rug. I'm not going to be able to go fast. That's some good fucking role player right there. That's pretty good. Dwarf chess? She's got a wrist in the air. She's all dogged out. Yeah.

That's like a good stuff. Have you guys ever, have you ever, all right, the one time I, I try to role play thing. My wife and I try to do that thing. It's very common where like you go to a bar, but you pretend like you don't know each other. And then you like pick each other up. And all I discovered doing this is that if I was single, I would not be able to pick up my wife again. Yeah. Because I was like, I was trying and she just kept looking at me like, you dumb ass.

Like I was throwing down game and then she would look at me like what creep? I was like what is this? She wanted a battle. She wanted a fight. Yeah. Well, fight for her love. That's what she wants. I can't fight my wife.

She's a black belt. She's a literal black belt. Yeah, fourth dawn. Wow. Yeah, like she's a legit martial artist. Holy shit. I can't even play fight with her. Like you know, you do a little play shove.

Like, hey, let's go. Let's do something. And if I do a play shove, all of a sudden, I'm in a hole, I wake up, three days later, I'm antiquing. Like, how do I get here? Dude, the worst role play is a public role play, too. Yeah, because what if, right? What if she's given off such great acting vibes?

The bartender then looks at Brad and goes, can you leave her alone? Oh, dude. Some other dude comes up to her goes, baby, do you need help? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, yeah, I do. This guy's bother me. He's going, enough. Yeah.

Enough. Let's get back to the... What's the same word? What snaps you out of it? He gets knocked out. He's in the alley like... Yeah. Can't you see she's not interested?

Right. She goes home with the guy because, you know... Roll play. Roll play. Now he's got to go save with his ass. Method acting. Yeah, exactly. Then you're raising somebody else's kid.

You don't fucking know that. And at that point, you know if I'm an average-sized guy and I see a dwarf getting what I perceive. to be creepy. I'm like, I can take him and a fight. Yeah,

I'll put you on the top show. Yeah, there will be fucking guys anxious to get over there and just be like, all right, you're going up here

with the 1942. Let me know when you change your attitude. There you go. It would be fun to do that with your wife just to break dude's hearts. It's always the highest.

It's always the highest stuff. For good reason. Exactly. It's expensive shit. Yeah, you can't trust that pillhead that's a fucking bouncer. No.

He's going to snag that as soon as a life's, Exactly. Exactly. Dude, I'm a big whiskey bourbon guy, right? And I was at a comedy club. I won't say the club's name. But I...

What state? Maryland. And I see in the guy's office. You're at Magoobie? What? What are you talking about? So I see in the guy's office that he has a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle. Yeah.

Very nice. 20 years? and I'm like, holy shit, Pappy Van Winkle. Like, that's really expensive stuff. And he goes, want some? I'm like, fuck yeah. So, and I'm like, I sold some tickets this weekend.

Guys giving me a glass of Pappy Van Winkle. So I take the glass and I sip that shit and I go, that's not Pappy Van Winkle. Oh, did he put another whiskey inside? He put something else in there. Oh, my God. Nice. Yeah.

Nice move. You bought it once. That's all you mean. He bought it at some point. It's a Lamborghini with a four cars engine, too. Pretty sick. Pretty sick. Still get your pussy.

Yeah. Dude, if you have to like hit his second gear to get to like 30 miles an hour. Just flinchstone running underneath it. Yeah. If you got a Lamborghini body and a Ford Taurus engine, you're still, you're still getting something. Yeah, it's 90% of women. I actually respected it.

Yeah, it's pretty great. I was like, you know what? Well played, sir. Yeah. Well done. And, you know, it's like, yeah, you, I mean, I save the bottles. I've, I've gotten a couple of nice bottles at my house. I save the bottles.

I don't fill it up with a different whiskey and then serve it to people. Yeah, that's great. But I don't put some Jack Daniels in and go, no, this is an earer or whatever the hell. But you do know. You know immediately. You know. It's like, oh. But would you do it if another guy was like trying to act like he was a big whiskey guy,

it'd be nice to keep the fake bottle of Papi around just to test them? Oh, okay. Oh, like a reverse sound. Yeah. See if he recognizes it. Yeah. And then have it be like those wine cunts that are like, oh, this is a vintage. Yeah.

Notes of whatever. It tastes like burnt garden hose. Yeah. Pussy shut up. It's boxed wine. Yeah. It's boxed wine. You doche.

Yeah. I would love that. That's a good move. I did, along these same lines, I did a gig one time. in Shanghai, China, and they have a counterfeit market in Shanghai because there's no copyright laws there. So you can buy, like, anything, and it's the same as whatever. And I bought my wife, like, all these fake purses, like, all the designer, whatever, fake

purses. And I gave it to her, I'm like, look at this. And I told her it's fake because she likes a deal. And I'm like, yeah, look at all these fake persons. She goes, oh, this is great. This is wonderful. The second she goes out of the house, is one of those fake persons. So I was like, oh, is that a Chanel bag?

She goes, it's fake. And I'm like, what's the point? What's the point? Yeah. Why are you doing this? The whole point was to make the big. I do respect the integrity, though. I respect the integrity.

That lady knows it's fake. And she goes, oh, this poor kid. Yeah. You know what I mean? And maybe she's just trying to save herself from that. Yeah. Of like the woman, like, you know, then. Recognizing?

Yeah. The stitch difference. Dude, because I got, I mean, I got a pair. This is, all right, this is before Kanye went. Nazi. I got a pair of fake Yeezys when I was over there. Nice. And yeah, but... You know, you can just go to fucking Broadway in New York.

You don't have to go to Shanghai. No, but I feel like these might be the real deal, fakes. Well... It's the same thing the fucking North Africans are getting. Apparently... Yeah, apparently not because a guy noticed really quick when they got back to those states. Like, he just walked by like, oh, you get some fake easies?

Yeah. And I was like, God damn. I felt so bad. Yeah. Yeah. Well, once you get the real thing and you can see him side by side, it's like, yeah, yeah. There's a world of difference. Sure, it's the old, uh, stitching quality, the coloring. It's the old, uh, cat Williams joke about, uh, guys out there pretending that a Chrysler 300 is a

Rolls Royce fandom until a Rolls Royce fandom pulls up. Right. You're like, ah, fuck. That was a big step up for the blacks, though, going from a Chevy Impala to the Chrysler 300. Well done. Visually, let's go. Well, well done. Yeah.

That's a nice looking car. That and escalates? Yeah. Fucking A dude. You know, that was Italians at first, but that's... Oh, really? Was that you guys? I don't know.

No, you guys are more than Lincoln Continental, right? That was your car? Yeah, the Lincoln's... Yeah. Lincol's are big. Yeah, big trunk space. The suburb Italian, though, I feel like... Cadillacs.

Yeah, yeah. Cadillacs. That guy. Yeah, dwarves don't have a car. We're not rolling around like, ah, it's... It's a BMW I set up. At least it's not street legal. Is that a real skateboard your arm, sir?

Your belly's down. I'm going on one of those skeleton lusias from the Winter Olympics. That's my role. I'm just hopping in a power wheels. I'm trying to fake it. Damn, kids are power wheels, man. They can fuck right off. Growing up, dude, the rich.

We saw a buddy of yours. Right. Yeah. Six or seven just rocking a power wheels. just rocking the power wheels. I know. Dude, and now... Pure wealth.

Do they have rubber tires yet? Dude, they're... I'm sure. There are some kids that have them in my neighborhood where I live now and I'm like, these are legit.

Like, these are awesome cars. They probably go to, what, 10 miles an hour? Something. They, like, they... Take the governor off. Yeah, they look great. Just have one of those dads

that's the engineer dad. It's like, hold on. Let me get this thing above 50 miles an hour. I'm trying to, you know, We used to take the seat, pick the seat of a golf cart up, and you'd put a broken tea to adjust the governor. So yeah, that would just be removed.

I told the story on this pot at one point. Yeah. I went to my buddies, my brother's friend's bachelor party, and there was a hole where you hit, it said like it was like 120 yards, but it's straight down the hill and it's just a little chip. Yeah. They're waiting by the next green, which is the 80s. 18th hole. And this was so steep

that they tried to do a winding road. Right. But we had the governor locked in, me and Cooch. We get to the down slope and he pins it. And as we're getting close to the other cards...

Golf carts, not known for their cornering. No, no. Dude. Specifically not. It was worse because it was dead straightaway. We're hitting full speed.

Yeah. I would imagine like 30. Yeah. Probably got it up to 30 miles an hour. Which, in a golf cart, it feels 60. Yeah. It feels like.

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Stop fucking pussy footing around. Yeah, get yourself out in the world. Give the world a place to find you, to reach you. Bye. Bye. Now back to the episode. When I turned 16 and got a If that car got above 80 Yeah

The thing was rattling Yeah Yeah Which is good That should be a mechanism In modern cars It should be just for safety You should have that like

1988 fucking Yeah Rattle the wheel So you're not going 120 and it Feels like you're going 30 But yeah

But in a golf cart You go 30 You're like So we couldn't There was no path So all the carts For the next hole Were there

And we went to the right And there was An edge And we fucking rolled And I swear to God I was in a golf cart I was in the middle doing a fucking like a NASA spin

where you like spit and like comes back in your mouth my buddy coot rolls over I'm bugging the fuck out I smell gas I think the thing's gonna explode it's electric

I don't get your head so bad I go do that I smell gas all my brother's friends are over me cracking up I still have a listen to this this is from that that wreck whoa that's his toes cracking

I don't think the mics can pick it up but you're I can hear it The top of the cart was smashed in. And we had one more hole to go. So we had to push this shitty fucking cart back to the clubhouse. After the 18th. And then we parked it, took the keys out and we're like, All right.

Yeah, I don't know what happens. You don't really buy the insurance on the golf cart when you get it. And we're fucked up, obviously. It would have been a problem. It's golf. It's what you do when you play golf. Imagine. I need an excuse to drink beers.

and hang with my buddies. That's okay. Okay, we'll throw a sport in there. Why not? And you need to help deal with the frustration. 1000%. Yeah. Thousand percent.

Nothing better than the turn. A little hot dog and a beer. These are injuries from Shane's hot tub. Okay. That's crazy. I had to start aerating them. I had the band-aids on them for a while. That's terrifying.

You almost died in a rollover golf cart accident. Insane. Because I'm firmly aware. aware that however I die, it's hilarious. Yeah. Like, however, there's no way a dwarf can't die. It's not funny. Even old age in a bed.

You're like, all right, was it a race car bed? Like, what is it? Like, it's so easy, dude. You only need one really old. Once you get above 90, you've got to build just Yoda's house. Yeah, a thousand percent. But I'm worried about just that last thought that I have if I die in a stupid way. Yeah.

So, like, if something happens and my last thought is, no fucking way. Like, this is it. Yeah. This is, this is what gets me. So, like, I imagine rolling in a golf cart going, fuck. No. This is how I go out. Especially if someone else is driving.

Yeah. Like, you don't want to be that guy that's like, you know, you go, no, honey, it's not that way. I know the map says to go that way. It's this way. Trust me, it's this way. Then you roll off a cliff and literally your last thought is, God, fuck it. So my main example is this.

You guys remember David Carradine? Yes. That was Kung Fu guy. David Carradine died from autoerotic exquisition. He had accidentally hung himself with a belt while trying to jerk off. Do you think that's the, I mean, I know it's real. Yeah. But it's kind of an easy way to tie to a mur.

right you just unzip his pants take his dick out hang them by the fucking doorknop and they're really doing everything they can to make it sound better by putting autoerotic in there yeah i love how your italian brain kicks in when you don't think about stuff like that no he's like no i guess i do i can hang my best buddy and then just take his bird out and be like this poor guy he was in he was in some weird shit true yeah but like forget the shallow and then you check an old podcast on this I like fucking dwarfs too. Yeah. He was out of his fucking mind.

He was in the subscription. Dude, because I just imagine David Caridine, he's, he's masturbating whatever. And then he like slips.

So now he's hanging himself for real. And his last thought had to be, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, dude. Because he, he realized what he was doing.

Yeah. And he realized, like, someone's going to find me. Yeah. This is going to be reported. Like that was his last thought Yeah, just going like I probably have about 30 That's

I mean like that's that's that's my only thing Is I don't want to have I don't want to have I've done enough research on this But like the there's a documentary called the bridge Okay talked about it on stage Yeah Where it's the the Golden Gate Bridge is like the highest The amount of suicides Yeah yeah yeah yeah

They did a whole documentary and these dudes just jumping off And there's like this one old Asian guy that like Talks them off the off the bridge and whatnot but there's only like three to five survivors in the last like 50 years or something I don't know and they interview each one of them and every single one I was like as soon as my hands left or my feet left I was that no no no no no no yeah like immediate regret yeah and so the yeah I think that the summary there is it's most likely for all people unless you're really fucking serious and if you're really serious you're going shotgun with the toe but at the same time you

You have planned this out. I told you I've been doing research. You're not going to be the guy that, like, has the misses a little bit. Yeah, the misses, nothing to shape and head. So the whole thing with shooting yourself in the mouth, I swear to God, the hesitation from the trigger pull, because you get scared. So then you start going this way. So you blow out your nose and your teeth, but you never hit your cerebellum.

And that's the key. That's why you got to go straight back. Okay. Cuts off the oxygen from. the fire. I got it. And that's why I do the shotgun. Happy burn.

See, I would just be worried because like with a shotgun that's as big as me. Yeah. That's you ride to ride the scooter. I'm trying to like jump on top of it. I got to get a sawed off. If you need help, I'll come over. Okay. Thank you, buddy.

And they'll take your dick on my sky. This guy blew his brains. I'll jerk it off. What the hell? You just always Just cops As soon as you pull a dick out All the cops are like

Well This guy must have been beaten off His head's off You're the worst Batman villain ever Your whole thing It's just like I find

I find people And make it look like They were to subsist Let's check his ass I mean how many bodies How many bodies turn up like that Before you think They start getting suspicious

That's what I'm saying Yeah So like, let's say there's a guy who unfortunately, you know, he gets diagnosed with a very severe cancer. He dies. You come in, pull his dick out in the hospital bed, put a belt around him. Wow, this got a really sick fetish. He jerked off with a low white blood cell down. For 10 years, slowly.

For 10 years, slowly. He rotted for 10 years to slow beating off. You're the worst villain ever. Oh, my God. Fuck the Joker. I'm terrified to you. Poor guy had an ALS. he was horny as hell.

That was his old thing. It's all thing. It would be kind of a fun thing to do with, to fuck with people. What do you mean? Just like, if you know you're going to die, just go out in the weirdest way of possible.

I just confuse fucking everybody. That's what Robin Williams did, but he didn't pull his dick out. Yeah. He hung himself. Yeah. He had a degenerate disease. Yeah.

That he didn't want his family to see. And yeah, didn't want to get older with that, with that comedic brain. Yeah. And how fast and great he was. And he Bradain hung himself, but he actually did.

it was the government because he was going to expose pedophilia. I don't know. I don't know this. Really? Oh yeah. I don't know this conspiracy.

What's this one? Yeah. He was going to expose pedophilia. How so? Like essentially the Epstein stuff? Yeah. Well, because I know that he was dating a woman at the time that was like in the Weinstein stuff.

Yeah. She was in the Weinstein shit and she fucked that young guy. Uh-huh. She was also part. There's like two or three. He defended her. He did.

Yeah. He did. And then people. left him and fucked her. People say the shame of her cheating on him while he was defending her during the Weinstein cases is what caused him to kill himself. I don't believe that. Who was the, there's a community.

Pretty compelling case. There's a comedian that made a joke. No pussy's worth it. Yeah. There's a comedian. To kill yourself. Yeah, no. No.

I agree. I'm talking about defending. If you're going to, also, if you're going to kill yourself over her, you got to take her to the fuck out for us. What are we doing? I mean, here's when the Italian. What are we doing? I don't disagree. If we got him there, bro.

You got to get that guy on first run in the second. Get the fuck at him. I'm not taking myself out. You got to, not a sacrifice. Yeah. I'm going to hang her and then pull her pussy. So funny. It's so funny, Tommy being there with your call him.

Bordane's pondering, killing himself. He's like, well, no, no, no, no. Kill her first. Yes. Not trying to talk him out of it. If she's just going to drive you to fucking, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, news. True.

Who is the comedian that made the joke that, like, what chance do any of us have if Anthony Bourdain off himself? Yeah. Because it's like he had the life where it's like he's traveling around. He's eating the best food. Yeah. You know, he's got a hot actor's girlfriend. And he's like, nope.

No more. Like, none of us stand a chance. Dude, it's putting the lady above the boys. Is that a, is that no family phrase? Yeah, because he, like, fired his. That's our merch. It's over our family crest. We stole it from bars.

Dude, he fired everyone on the show that worked with him for like fucking 15 years and let her take over like directing. Oh, really? Yeah, it was bad. Oh, shit. See, I haven't, I haven't looked into, I'm a happy hamster on a wheel.

That's what you should be doing. I just keep going, going, nope, I'm just going to keep running on this hamster wheel. Look at the shit going on over there. I don't want to look at it. I'm going to keep running on this hamster wheel. That's the smart thing to do. Ignorance is bliss, my friend.

Especially politics. The only political thing I get into with like the Russian Ukraine war is just the videos of the drones killing dudes. Yeah, you watch the content. Yeah, it's good stuff. You're not getting into the debate. That is good stuff. What don't we need debate for? It's like the people that when they...

Why buy the cow when you get the film? It's like the people that hate on sports are like You know sports is just a distraction From all the real stuff going on the world And I'm like Yeah Yeah I need that shit

Yeah That's why you're going to see me in the fucking DAA Yeah With bleachers with a bag can of beer Because I'm tired of watching Trump reels Yeah Just watching dwarves run

Watching the boys go Yeah Watching dwarf track and field Dwarves hucking toothpicks instead of javelins. No offense, but those videos. Oh, they're all funny. Oh, my God.

They're all funny. They're so funny. Every time it's like... There's a dwarf dude doing like the ropes at the gym. Yeah. And then it'll just hard cut to like a black dude getting his laces pulled. It's so... I laugh at every one of those.

The blueberry into the cereal. Yeah. Shop put it's a blueberry. There's one where it's like a dwarf NASCAR driver and he's in there like, come on, we got to get the, we got to win the race. And then it cuts. It's just a remote control car slamming into somebody's foot.

All that shit's funny. Every time a dwarf jumps into a pool and they put the water droplet sound, hilarious. I'll never stop laughing at those. I'm sitting there looking like the fuckers in the video going, these sad sacks and shit.

That's why I don't jump in pools. I don't jump in pools. Someone's going to take the damn video and put the droplets down. And then Homeboy's going to come over here, Pull the dick out. He's got to drown. You got to die.

You've got to die first. He drowned himself, wild jerked up. Wow. Kits his bottle of the pool beating up. This is the hell's this problem. This guy's in some weird shit. It's some weird shit.

Aquamarine beetle. Oh, man. This is the ninth one of these we've had this month. This is unbelievable. Same pool. That's a pool. What is so hot about this pool? These guys love this pool.

Cops are going down there like, Sarge, I'm going down there and jerk off in the pool. I got to see what it's all about. I got to see what it's all about. I got to see this. Don't worry. I'll go down there with a thing. I'll be fine.

Trying to understand the victim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we have one of those psychics from a CBS show. You want to get some ratings? Do that episode. That's a Law and Order Special. unit. Just that red head

takes shades off. Looks like there's another dwarf. Ran out of bubbles. Oh, my God. Looks like we have a small problem. Yeah.

When it comes to life, he came up short. Yeah! I can do these all day. Brad, you got something to plug, man. Oh, yeah, I have a special. Okay, cool. I just like hanging out with you guys.

Watch my special on YouTube, brand new special called Live on Short Street. It's Brad Williams Live on Short Street. Shot it in Lexington, Kentucky. Why do we call it live on Short Street? Because the theater in Lexington is literally on Short Street. Really? I did not know that when I booked the theater to do the special.

I was going to call it something completely different and then we got there and I looked up and I literally thought someone was playing a prank on me. I thought like, I thought someone went out and switched the road signs and like put it on short street. That's fucking incredible. Yeah, so I'm like, all right, that's the new title live on short street.

That's Burton Country too, isn't it? Oh yeah. Dude, I got a couple of nice bottles as a nice reward for myself. Fuck yeah. Going down there in Lexington and then the theater actually made me a barrel. They gave me a barrel top. that has the show burned on it.

Yeah. Oh, that's in the man cave. That's fucking rules. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm really proud of it. It's my fourth hour special. So yeah, go watch that. There's a, there's a, I do a podcast called Height and Babel with my opening act.

J.B. Ball, we're exactly the same. I'm a four foot four dwarf from Orange County. He's a six foot three black guy from Florida. Exactly the same. In every single way. And yeah, we do what you guys do. We just talk shit. But, you know, with less murder.

and taking people's dicks out. I thought that was a good bit. I really liked it. I really liked it. Exactly. Exactly. But yeah, by all means, please consume those.

And yeah, just fucking enjoy it, man. Now I'm at the part where I just did all the stuff in the special. Now I'm writing new shit. Yeah. That's panicking.

Yeah. You're like, you're like looking up at the mountain going, how did I climb this fucking thing in the first place. And now I got to do it again, but it's fun. We've done it four times, so you're successful at it.

Yeah. I got about 30 new minutes right now. I need at least 20 more. But yeah, it's going. That's great, man. Congrats. Thanks, dude. I love this setup that you guys.

Oh, thanks, dude. I won't give the address, but you guys have a house. You record the podcast. You got a room where you can hang a belt or a human or something like. that you got you got a ginger right here you got a redhead you got now now is he do you experiment on him what do you with him not yeah we're waiting for he's gonna get married soon i want him to get one more are you big event are you are you are you an intern what's your job he's the producer he's a producer he's a comic he's also a very funny comic awesome yeah he's the talent behind this

fuck it we wouldn't be i can tell with all the jokes he's been making doing it he knows when to shut the fuck he Yeah, he works with a monster like you. He dies you. You're going to pull his dick out and wrap a microphone cord around his balls. I'm like, can't believe he was jerking off with a mic around his ball. He looks like you just wanted some feedback. Yeah.

There you go. Oh, yeah. I got shows too. I'm going to be in, I guess I'll be a fucking. fucking Birmingham, Alabama this weekend. Then I'm in Tempe, Arizona next weekend, and then I'm May 7th. I'm in L.A. at the Netflix as a joke

thing of a jig. So fucking come to that. It's at the improv, lab or something. So yeah. A. Chris O'Connor.com. You can buy tickets. Nice.