Stuff Island - Cereal Scientist w/ Sam Tallent - Stuff Island #122

Episode Date: February 28, 2024

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Sam on IG: https://www.instagram.com/samtallent/?hl=en New customers save over 50% PLUS free shipping on Provia’s introductory package at proviahair.com/STUFFISLAND Go to TryFirstleaf.com/STUFFISLAND to sign up and you’ll get your first SIX hand-curated bottles for just $44.95. Go to usejoymode.com and get 20% off with code STUFFISLAND at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

yeah just going just going nuts losing everything i did lose everything yesterday getting naked into in the woods i started this whole new york escapade with my feet on an air mattress drinking out of a gatorade 32 ounce but you know box wine yeah eating dollar slice pizza. Nice. Right back to it. You lost all your money? No, I lost all our furniture. We moved yesterday. Oh, okay. So now I had to buy an air mattress at Target yesterday. Back on the floor.

Back on the floor, baby. Sleeping on air. Yeah. Oh, it's so tough. What's the height of the air mattress? Did you get a thick boy? I got the $90. Baby, we got money.

Don't leave it to the kids. Dude, when you take a solid 10-year break between air mattress technology, it explodes. It's better than beds. It's better than most beds. You think it's the air hole? It's a fuck hole. It's a sex box. Slash air mattress.

Yes. The inflating thing is built into it. You just plug it into the wall. Yeah. But I keep forgetting, we don't have chairs. We got rid of all our chairs. Cool. So she was sipping like beef broth this morning.

And I'm putting my... Hold on a second. We made a bone beef broth a few days ago. Kept our ball jars to, you know... Well, hey, man. You tried to skim over this. She's sipping beef broth. Bone broth.

She got a big fight. That was eight hours before. No, but I just like slammed on the air mattress. Put my socks on before the gym. Oh, yeah. Beef broth in the bangs, dude.

She has bangs now? What? She has bangs now? She's growing out of her hair. Tell me more. Oh, man. Yeah, it's fucking struggling. Yeah, where else did it get?

But I forgot I left it. Describe the scene everywhere. Was she like a wife beater? Did it spill everywhere? What I'm saying is, if you move all your goods, it turns out life is all right. I bet you've been moving some goods. Dude, no joke. We left our dry goods and stuff, everything that's in the fridge.

Dry goods? Yeah, like flour and cereals and shit. No, I just thought of hardtack and a bunch of beans. Do you have beans? Do you have beans? Do you soak your own beans? Do you have some cowboy coffee? I do the soak bean.

It's great. I do a five-bean chili where I soak all the beans. Kidney? Black? Yeah. Garbanzo? Let's go. Lentil?

I don't do lentil. It's a legume. No. Okay. Legume? Mm-hmm. Tesco? Okay.

What's the fifth bean? Pinto. Pinto. Oh. That's it. Jesus Christ. I know. Look at this. She's coming on Oh. That's it. Jesus Christ. I know. Look at this.

Oh, it's a hot pepper cereal. That was unbelievable. Fucking sniper. That was unreal. Your own one. What'd you sleep while last night, boy? He's the only bean I know. Yeah.

He's just the only one we didn't name. Pinto. Just raising his hand confidently. Memorizing beans instead of packing. What do you call the ones outside Home Depot? Just raising his hand confidently. He's memorizing beads instead of packing. What do you call the ones outside Home Depot? Pull up into the coma. I'll take two pintos.

One garbanzo. I need some roofing. Too many garbanzos. One more pinto. Yeah, the garbanzos don't work as hard. But they got the height. We have tall plastic cups. I left a little bit of silverware.

And eating a bowl of cereal out of a tall, clear plastic cup, game changer. Interesting. You save half the milk. Oh, yes. You think of a bowl, right? You got to get the milk up to a certain level. It's true. Right? It's true.

It's perfect. The cereal stays crunchy. Yeah. Every single bite is exactly like the second bite. Yeah, but the top isn't wet at all. Huh? The top isn't wet at all. Baby, donk.

Donk. You got donks. Well, no. If you put it in first, then it's more of like a milk dressing as opposed to like a... No, imagine this plastic. Okay. Okay? Crispix.

Mm-hmm. Honeycomb. What? Fertile Pebbles. Whoa, it's like striations. No way. It's like you're taking a core sample. Makes it up.

Whoa. Yeah, dude. A suicide. Serial scientist. Damn, dude. Alliteration. Hey, Crispix, awesome. Amazing.

No one gets enough love on the Crispix Yeah they're very good Honeycomb and Crispix always been my die God Honeycomb when they get just to that Almost styrofoam wetness That's what this cup gives you Oh god if only she was eating Crispix On that bed

I'd have to change my undies We had a single We just bought a queen mattress at Target. Splurge for 90 bucks. Only for gay guys? Yeah. It was just... We got the rainbow mattress.

We had a single in the back. Let my joke hit. I talked over the applause. Yeah. I'm so sorry. Ian's doing the work. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm stressed out. I'm stressed out. I'm stressed out. I put a dollar mattress behind us just to give a little cushion on the wall. And we're just watching the Iceman movie, the serial killer. There's a lot of your listeners who are like, so this is him going backwards? Because I'm working towards that. Like, oh, he's discovering my dream. Watching that stuff on an air mattress, different discovering my dream Watching that stuff on an air mattress

Different vibe Serial killer stuff on an air mattress On a laptop And we pulled the one Shane's TV stand Pulled it all the way against The edge of the mattress So we're a good like six feet

So it's like watching a cell phone at your mom's house On the fucking wall It's one of those old things you click on the side you're still squinting through it oh wow the eiffel tower i always wanted to go there baby get in here you're like turn it up it's like max volume. Turn it up again. I know. I can't hear shit. Just slurping on your cup. Yeah.

It sounds like a nice life. It actually was very fun. Yeah. You're like a samurai. You're like going back to the bamboo mat on the floor. Yeah. You're eating only the basics. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm a simplistic man now, Sam. I mean, I think that- Until I get to my lavish palace in Austin. Yeah. So where are you going to live? A house. House. Yeah. I'm a simplistic man now, Sam. I mean, I think that... Until I get to my lavish palace in Austin. Yeah, so where are you going to live? A house. House. Yeah.

Okay. And you're in an apartment. Mm-hmm. Okay. You went to high-rise. Yeah. You're in the country. Yeah, I want to talk to no one.

Yeah, yeah. I am jealous of the house. The house is nice. It would be a nice separation. Have you lived in the country before? I don't want you to ask me serious questions at this point because I've already committed to it's going to be great. Well, I was about to describe a lot of the merits of living out in the boonies.

It's very quiet at night. There's not the light pollution, so you might see the stars. You're going to have a coyote friend. Yeah. And you're going to hope it's a real coyote and not some kind of trickster spirit. Yeah. Yeah, because you're going to hope it's a real coyote and not some kind of trickster spirit. Yeah. Yeah. Because you know how they are.

Yeah. Well, I'm tired of the trickster spirit. You're going to have to be like a little bit of a wild dog. You might find like a baby deer in your backyard. Maybe a tarantula every now and then. Oh, yeah. I will have that baby deer doing crossovers with an Iverson jersey on. That was my concern about the house is the spiders down there.

Those like brown recluse guys. That's not real. Yeah. is the spiders down there. Those brown recluse guys. That's not real. There's a lot of brown recluses in this neighborhood. I was walking around beforehand. Yeah. It's a manager of every hookah bar. It's called the brown recluse. Yeah, don't let them bite you.

They won't bite until you. You got a ticket? You got a ticket? You got a bracelet? I'm the brown recluse. Don't let him bite you. He won't bite until you. You got a ticket? You got a ticket? You got a bracelet? I'm the brown recluse. You can't just come in here for nothing. You can tell it's marking by the do-rag. That's so funny.

I complimented a guy's waves recently, and I regretted it immediately. I was like, I see those waves. They're tight as hell. And he was like, oh, fuck that. You just keep calling them? Waves? No, I'm saying to yourself, once you make a bad compliment like that. He was at the club and I was like, I walked in and he asked me for a ticket

and I was like, I'm the headliner. And he was like, I'm so sorry, man. And then he walked me back to the green room and I was like, the waves, they're tight as hell. And he was like, mm. And I had to see him five more times that weekend and walk the long, slow walk through the West Nyack, Levity Live, to the back with him.

Didn't say another word after the wave. That's not disrespectful. I'm trying to communicate that I have an affection for the culture, and I'm aware of the effort you're putting in. Bingo. Yeah. It is an effort. That was his name.

You've got to constantly constantly it's like a dude you know john got he got his hair cut every day no but thank you for telling us seriously yeah we don't have the gaudy fact every day calendar that you have well dude when you sleep on an amaranth you learn some facts yeah and you're watching the ice man thing yeah yeah every single day he just got snipped you would just sit down they'd snip nothing that's so stressful as a barber 18th of an inch just got he going it's different yeah you're like no it is no i mean no it isn't is it it's supposed to be just just ready to get killed every day doing a lot of haircut is you got to go wild like look at your wings right now yeah you got fucking wild wings yeah you shift this to a nice clean cut you're like oh yeah lose weight yeah yeah yeah

you drink more water what's going on yeah it's good that's what I like about shaving eating a lot now you couldn't a beard I know yeah like you have like a rugged kind of like front, frontiersman, squirrel belt type thing going on. Yeah. You're going to fit right in down there. It's a subtle insult. You're killing squirrels. Yeah.

You're making clothes out of them. You're holding up your other clothes with squirrels. You walk downstairs with a shaved face. I scurry to get, like, a peanut butter and jelly together to put in your lunch pail. I feel like I'm dropping you off. Do you have any handy snacks? My baby's going to be hungry. Remember, the Capri Suns are in the high cabinet

because you drink too many of them. You can't even keep them on ice. Dude, I did tell the mover. He's like, you got a ladder? I was like, yeah. How else is Chris going to get the cups out of the fucking cupboard? Give me one like an inch and a half tall. How did that hit?

He crushed. Shout out Justin Time Moving. Dude, Justin Time Moving. If we can do anything for Justin. He actually told me to tell you. Give him a review. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Well, he keeps asking me to leave a five-star review, which I would love to do, but you got to like set up an account. Yep. Yeah, that's crazy. That's too much time. You're setting up an account. You're so busy. That's crazy.

So instead, I just do shout out on the podcast. This is more powerful. I got a lot of staring that needs to be done. Yeah. You have a lot of just solemnly nodding into the mirror going, one day, one day they'll all know my name. They are talented, man. They're Tetris. Oh, yeah, man. They're Tetris.

Oh yeah. Straight Tetris. Yeah. I looked at the box I pulled up. I was like, that's not it. Right. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, you have two of these.

And I was like, that's still not it. Yeah. Look at all this shit. What he put in the first box. I was like, this is a gift. Oh, it's, it's a, it's a calling. Yeah. Yeah.

And they're, they're an odd couple too. Cause there's Justin is just like a regular looking almost, I guess, Simone kind of Yeah. And they're an odd couple, too, because there's Justin who's just like a regular looking, almost, I guess, Samoan kind of guy. And then you got Time. He's Latino, dude. He literally was, he had a Yankees tattoo on his forehead. What do you mean Samoan? Dude, his wife's hot.

Did you see the picture of his wife? Jesus, well, why would I see that? He's got like a beautiful family. Why did you see the picture of his wife? Dude, I've been hanging out with this guy every day for the past, like, four months. How did you get to a picture of his wife? Well, the've been hanging out with this guy every day for the past, like, four months. How did you get to a picture of his wife? Well, the third time he came here to move stuff. On WhatsApp?

No, no. It was on his phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was why I logged in to do the review. That's when I was on. That's why you didn't leave it? Because you want him to leave his wife? Yeah.

And then the other guy that's with him is, like, an ageless. His name's Elvis First of all Have some respect He's another Latino His name's Elvis He's the sweetest boy in the world Yeah but he He can't see an inch in front of his face

I know dude Buddy's dude You should see the fucking You should see You should see the bug burners on his mug dude But this kid is the bug burners on his mug, dude. But this kid is... He's strong as hell, dude. And the speed was...

Strong as nuts. Dude, they put our couch on their shoulders and whipped down these steps. They didn't slow down at all. Like, when you're carrying a couch with a buddy and the front guy's going

a little too fast because he's in control and you're like, hold on, hold on. Dude. Elvis was like, I got you, dude. Elvis was the bed bug in the back like, hey, I got me too. Bug burners is great, dude.

Is that just a thing? Yeah. No, I don't know. I just said. Wow. I won't remember. This guy, you got to keep him close. I know.

He's polished. Bug burner Shit We had a bunch of Like college kids Pack up our house When we left Fort Collins And I tipped them all

20 bucks at the end of the day And they You could tell That that was worthless to them Yeah I was like Hey Don't spend it all in one place

And they're like Alright What are we gonna do with this Go to Chipotle Yeah Yeah they were pissed And I went to the bank And like got money Cause I was like I'll take care. And I went to the bank and, like, got money

because I was like, I'll take care of them. I shouldn't have given them any money. How much money, like, what was the workload? It was an entire three-bedroom home. It was a lot of work, you know. And I paid them in a very nice fee, you know. They'd fucking gouge it. Yeah.

Just a little something on the top. 20 bucks at the end. We packed it all. Well, I respect this guy, Justin. Justin Case. Moving. Shut up. He came out to me. He's like, look, you guys are great. Chris has used them for Shane.

And he was like... It's Justin Time, by the way. Just in case. I thought it was Justin Credible. Justin Time? Just in case you run out of other options. My phone's always on. My wife hates me, but I never turn it off.

Never on sleep. Your back's against the wall. Just in case it makes so much more sense to me. No, just in case. You don't want to hire Justin Case. Come down there. Just in case you think you can't afford movies? I'll put a spin on that, you fucker.

Just in case she finds your secret phone. You got to get out by midnight. Give me a ring. Yeah. Just in case you see pictures of my wife on WhatsApp. You little pig. Let's get back to that you are his family yeah yeah what'd you do further research yeah no i just a quick glance you were impressed yeah but if you met justin he's a wonderful dude he's a great personality you know whenever i'm in queens

i need to move i always go to justin In Time. Yeah, yeah. Bingo. See? Yeah. It's a professional. Yeah. Sponsor for the podcast. We should sponsor him. This podcast is brought to you by Just In Time. Yeah.

And not just in case. Not just in case. Yeah. I swear to God it was just in case. Just in case. I think I told him that. I was like, I'm going to fucking hashtag just in case. Never hashtag.

That's my life. I'm going to hashtag just in case. He was like, okay, that's cool. Yeah. You could also just at Justin Time I spent a lot of money on the name it was tough I wanted to optimize the search engine

the cutest thing about him so I go I knew Elvis' name because I met him a few times when he was moving Chris and I whispered to my girl what's the other guy's name and she looked around and I was like, what's the other guy's name? And she looked around, and I was like, don't. Don't say it.

And then she comes up, she's like, well, the movers are just in time. His name's Justin. And I was like, that's adorable. Yes. So then I started calling him Justin confidently. Once you don't know a guy's name, you're like, hey, Justin! You start puffing your chest out like like i've known this guy for years yeah so when you said justin confidently i thought you were about to say that you're saying you're calling him justin competent justin competent

there's another good mover name dude yeah a lot better than justin fertile that guy needs to win uh so i I talked to him as they were leaving and I was like how do we promote you my girl and I were like you guys are wonderful and he started blushing and he's like I don't like this

I'm giving him a hard Puerto Rican accent he talks normal it's fun though he's like it's better for the audio listening 100 he's like i don't do it my wife actually came up with the name it's a very clever name it's very fun yeah and he's like yeah uh i don't know how to do that and i was like what do you mean he's like you just he goes tell chris to give me a good review through U-Haul.

Because if you get him directly, there's no direct contact. But if you give him a good write-up on U-Haul, people that are already in that arena will see Justin Case in Queens. He does a lot of work in Brooklyn and the Bronx. I think he works all five boroughs. He does. What's work in Brooklyn and the Bronx I think he works all five boroughs He does What's that number again Tom? I don't have it And then they just prank him a bunch

You are gay Nice hard accent Show me your wife's heaters I'll let you move my shed Elvis could be a star Yeah what's the deal? Show me your wife's heaters. I'll let you move my shed. Elvis could be a star. Yeah, what's the deal? No, she's just a good looking... I don't know.

I guess I had low expectations. Jesus Christ. That girl's right there. And also you're like, oh, it's Justin. He's a mover. He only can fuck pigs. You looked over his shoulder. Hey, my eyes aren't monogamous.

I wear like horse blinders. Yeah. All right. This episode is brought to you by Joy Mode. I want to take a second to talk about sex. Is that all right with you? You've been having any sex recently? Gentlemen, 15 minutes or less is great when you're talking about pizza delivery,

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It's 50% off. Free shipping. All right? Those are the ads brought to you from my parents' house. And boy, I guess the next time we record these will be in Austin, Texas. So, all right, back to the episode. You're going to need those down in Texas. Oh, man.

Texas, ladies. It'll be okay. It'll be great. Yeah. I think it's a really brave and exciting decision because you're like such an East Coast guy. I think it's cool that you're going down there. Thanks, man. Following old Christopher here.

Yeah, dude. I think you're going to embrace it. I think you're going to love it. I think so, cool that you're going down there. Thanks, man. Following old Christopher here. Yeah, dude. I think you're going to embrace it. I think you're going to love it. I think so, too. We have city slickers. I mean, it's nice to have... Yeah. You think that chili's good here, man. There's a lot of beans down there. Oh, my God. I can't wait. Oh, yeah. Big fan.

The bean cuisine. I'm so giggly. It's like I drowned a little bit earlier today. That's funny, dude. It's funny. Don't fucking do that. No, I'm having a blast. That's a little light-headed.

Bean Cuisine is very funny. Yeah, Bean Cuisine is great. Yeah, that's racist. Look at Dish isn't going to work anymore down there. Bean Cuisine. Let's go. Yeah. I'll switch it up. Bean Cuisine. I do a lot of Bean anymore down there. Bean cuisine. Let's go. Yeah. I'll switch it up.

Bean cuisine. I do a lot of bean cuisine. What's look at dish in Spanish? Mira la plato. Damn. There you go. Yeah. That's pretty good.

El plato? Mira la plato. It's like a Russian doll for Shane. Shane be in the middle of him. What? How well he does Spanish. Oh, yeah. Isn't it funny that he's just like, everyone's gay.

I never moved to Spain because I liked Hemingway. Shane's like fluent in Spanish. Yeah. He contains multitudes. He talks Spanish. It's hilarious. He talks Spanish. You got that donkey tongue down

that story of him just living in that town is so funny yeah i mean it sounds like a dream i love it but it's like it's it's you know he does he did it like exactly yeah how you imagine where it's like like such romantic thoughts about being over there and how wonderful it's going to be. A disillusioned veteran goes to Spain? Yeah. And then he got there just late. Trying to get away from the country that turned its back on him

after the service he provided? You go there just eating ham on your palm? Just on a... Drinking Budweiseriser but it's more expensive i made it uh i don't want to date this but we're going to snl with him yeah on saturday yeah i know i'm so happy for it i mean i'm a satellite of the entire philadelphia situation i'm not connected but it's very nice to see you all win that way you know what I mean yeah it's cool yeah it's gonna be I love retribution yes I mean damn that motherfucker kept his chin up and

victory I want this victory I wanted to take a picture like Churchill with like a cigar and the fucking V yeah like Jordan just like with like Lorne Michaels head in his, like the trophy, you know? Yeah, crying. Yeah, yeah. Sitting in the locker room. President Anderson. Crying on Lorne Michaels' forehead. Yeah.

Phil in the background. Are you guys going to raise hell when you're in there? Because I don't think that they get this classic guy coming into SNL. I don't know. There's a lot of bug burners and scarves in there. Yeah, I don't know what this setup's going to be. Hopefully you're in a cage. I'm just hanging over the stage.

I'd prefer that. That'd be good. Just boo every sketch. Oh, yeah. Shit! Put on shit! Just yell Trump every time he comes out. Yeah.

We're doing the Aunt Jemima sketch. Shit! Oh, man. You just yell Trump every time he comes out. We're doing the Aunt Jemima sketch. Shit. Oh, man. Yeah, it'll be fun. That party's going to be local. Anyway, your special's killing, huh? It's going well, yeah. Matt and Shane's secret podcast YouTube.

Watch the Toad's Morale. You guys going to put out anything or what? I mean, that's the plan. That's the whole plan of going into austin is just do standout you know get my yeah i'd like what i'd like to put a special out but you should come who's actor you gonna do i'm gonna do uh yeah horatio sands i like him off stage we have a lot of similar interests that's the right location

dude that would crush if you just do Horatio and just like sketches where you do only his dialogue but it's a stand up special people are like what happened to Chris I don't know the move was tough on him ladies and gentlemen Horatio Sands Mexican

that's a play on words yeah it was good you don't have to Ladies and gentlemen, Horatio Sands, Mexican. That's a play on words. Yeah, it was good. Yeah, thank you, man. You don't have to. You don't have to, you know, take the horse to the water. No, you don't. You write checks.

To just in time. Let's go. Let's go. I bet he takes Apple Pay. Yeah, no, I got to tell him. He's selling them. He's selling them. He's selling them. The Latinos love Cash App.

I sell merch after shows, and I go through the receipts on Cash App. It's all Rodrigo's and Lucero's. Trying to avoid the big man. Oh, yeah. I get that. Uncle Samuel. Yeah, Samuel. Tio Samuel.

No me gusta Tio Samuel. Tio Samuel, quieres mi dinero? Cash App's a dirty app. It's scary. It is, dude. Yeah. The UI is just, it's all black and green. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It feels like a very dirty transaction. It's for sending money to your secret family. Yeah. That's what it's for. Yeah. It is. Or pretending you're on the road for business like I was. Yeah.

In Las Vegas. Oh, yeah. When I got robbed for $1,400 and didn't do a goddamn thing. Drinking. Just drinking at the bar. I left the fucking phone up. You know? Yeah.

I left the phone up. Yeah, like... On the back. I barely saw you at Skank Fest due to your trials and tribulations. Yeah. Yeah. It was fun.

Mm-hmm. You doing it this year? Of course. Yeah. You guys been doing it? Yeah, I got the email. I haven't responded. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. You're gonna hold out yeah yeah yeah contract year and they're like yeah fuck off fucking chiefs are gonna love me i'm a slot receiver yeah i'm an up-and-coming white slot receiver yeah i run the slant like no one else i'm gonna work for andy reed this year you should i heard he's hiring you guys lose any money in the super bowl i lost a lot yeah i didn't gamble did you yeah you gambled on the super bowl yeah i lost 1500 only bet the niners 1500 that's what i lost yeah yeah i'm gonna call that a lot because when you don't have any dog money well you know any dog it's a lot yeah oh god if it's a lot. Yeah. Oh, God. If it's your team, it's still. It's just the cost of your business.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I can't bet on the Broncos. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck is going on with those boys? Russell Wilson is out, right? That's just in time, everyone.

Oh, God. I hope that bullet comes just in time next year. I was going to say, it's the opposite for you boys. Fuck, dude. I don't know. What a shambolic situation that is. I don't know. At least with the Broncos, you feel like they're going to be back.

Yeah, we felt that way for about 15 years, Chris. Ever since old Peyton hit that kid with his car and had to hang it up. Oh, did he hit someone with a car? No, it's a funnier story. Trying to riff on the comedy podcast. Sorry, Chris. My bad. Chris, you know what we do here?

Incapable of it. I get it, dude. I get it. Anytime someone comes up with a fun riff, I'm like, wait, that's not. Hold on a minute. Come on, dude. Wait, that happened? Pump the brakes on that one.

I'm the same way with when people actually give me historical facts. I'm like, shut up. No, it's actually history. That happened. Like, well, you're gay. And then I run downstairs. May'm like, shut up. No, it's actually history. That happened. Like, well, you're gay. And then I run downstairs. May I remind you, you are gay. Thank you. Just run away. Run away from historical facts. Jump out the window. Columbus was a hero!

The next episode, I'm just in a body cast. Yeah. I did some research on Columbus. Turns out he was a bit of a rascal. Can you bring my straw, Chris? I'm just in a body cast Yeah I did some research on Columbus Turns out he was a bit of a rascal Can you bring my straw Chris? I'm thirsty Oh dude That must have been fun To be Columbus and just tricking him

Oh yeah Tricking him non-stop You say tricking him I say a genocide But hey You didn't get them all Yeah I know But hey

Tommy's out there That's why he's moving to Texas. Finish the job. 23 and me. What? I don't know. Do you smell toast? I'm trying to say I'm related to Christopher Columbus.

And I put an O on the end of it. Yeah. It was kind of cute. Guys, how long we have? It's been like 20 minutes. I didn't sleep last night because my neighbor is in Alphabet City in the Airbnb. Oh, yeah? Oh, my God.

It sounded like a Chinese woman was giving birth to an adult Samoan man. It was just, It was nuts. That went all night? Yeah, until 4.30 a.m. Wow. Yeah. That's an argument, not fucking.

I think so. There was no, no. No. They were doing a haka in there. Yeah. It was like the dragon fighting the Samoan. Yeah. Can we stop at the haka?

I love the haka. No. The haka was cool a couple times. Now it's insane. You think the haka's played out? One of the most ancient tribal rituals? One million percent. The haka's played out by corny

pussies. Let me tell you this. You're really pissing me off. If you saw a bunch of true islanders walking out of a cornfield in the middle of Iowa and they were pissed about us taking their land and they just

broke into haka that's the scariest most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life but when I see a group of like I don't know yeah cause it's like when the All Blacks did it it was sick but when someone does it before like a chess

like a New Zealand chess player does it New Zealand like women's basketball. I know, yeah. And half of them are Canadian and they're just going. Yeah, I know. Stop being tough. I don't know. When they do it at like a kid's funeral and all of the friends are crying.

Yeah, that's cool. That gets my blood going, man. And they're all in suits. Yeah, yeah. Because they have to learn it in New Zealand because they didn't, you know, just, hey, whoopsie, under the rug with their history of colonialism. So they have to learn about, oh, we thought the sun was a coconut and we swam towards it and our women are strong.

Is that what the hot stuff is? Getting mad the sun's not a coconut? I think so, yeah. This is railing against the sun. I'm so thirsty, I don't want to. You can read the inauthenticity of someone not, like, embodying that, you know, not just. Sure. Obviously, it's the culture, but, like, the attitude of, like, a fucking warrior.

Yeah. Yeah. And they're just a hair off. Yeah, like the luau version of the haka. Yeah. It's tough to watch. Yeah. It's like watching a movie where, like where the voice is not matching the lips.

You're a fucking fool. You should learn the haka. That would be sick. If you came out on stage and did a full haka. In Austin, full haka. Yeah. Your first set is 10 minutes, and I did a 15-minute haka. Driving around, he's crazy.

I blew the light on a haka. There's like three people in the back with lights. Yeah. Rogan's a sniper rifle. I'm like, ooh, God. He's closing with the hawk. Oh, no. Do check drop now.

I know it's early in the show. I finish the hawk and I'm like, there's not enough stop signs here in Austin. I just do another 10 minutes. What's going on with you guys? That's crazy. You're so soft. Slow. Retardant.

There aren't really any other dances. You mean as far as like intimidation dances? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Interesting. There's no sports dances like that. It's kind of the only one. There was the icky shuffle.

True. That scared me. Cincinnati, yeah. A king. Yeah. Get a group of the only one. There was the icky shuffle. True. That scared me. Cincinnati, yeah. A king. Yeah. Get a group of guys doing that, yelling and screaming. And then they had icky car on

and they did like a... You see it in a waffle house every Saturday night. It's called the sticky, sticky shuffle. That's how you know the fight is on. Come on.

That's Sarah. Hey. What? Get out of here. No one remembers 23 and Mio. 23 and Mio. No, you're back. I thought it was good, dude.

It was good. Yeah. And the sticky shuffle. Sticky shuffle. Yeah. Just a bunch of fat black women beating the shit out of each other in a waffle. There was a syrup mishap in the back. Yeah.

Their feet are making one back. You get it? Yeah. Why don't you guys put shoes put shoes on you work here shut up with your white ass why don't you put a cork in your damn mouth the fat body that's cincinnati in a nutshell yeah cork in your damn mouth the sticky show yeah yeah fighting in public That's a good move. Sticky shoes. Fighting in public? No, this one. Yeah, just relax.

Yeah, dude. You know, podcasting's tough enough when you have to hold the mic. Yeah. This really. I'm such a piece of shit. I stood up. I didn't even move much yesterday. My back was raked.

Oh, no. And then sleeping on an air mattress. I fell asleep for like, oh, didn't you say this? The longest piss of my life. Last night. I hit it. What kind of time are you putting up? Dude, if I had estimated, you wouldn't believe it.

My girl woke up. I was pissing because we slept. We put the air mattress next to the bathroom in the living room. And when you get off that air mattress, she folds over. No, she hits her head on the living room. And when you get off that air mattress, she folds over. No, I... She hits her head on the fucking ceiling. You launched her, yeah. I pissed for, I'm going to say, a straight minute.

Whoa. Dude, I took a break and got upset. Like, I had to breathe, and I got mad. Was it coming out slow? Because it was keeping me up. Huh? Was it coming out slow? Oh, no.

Slow at first. Fire. Yeah. Damn. Tapered down, took a breath, fire. And I literally was like, enough to myself. It is weird when you can see the piss pulsing when you're breathing.

Yeah. You ever take a piss after like a run? Yeah. Or if you can see your heartbeat and you're pissed. Boy, do I relate to that. I hate peeing after a run. It really chaps my ass. I don't know.

Brisk walk? Well, one time in high school when I was wrestling, I weighed in after practice and then I went and peed and I was like pissing forever. And I was like, coach, let me hop back up. 3.2 pounds of urine. Wow. Yeah. And pounds of urine. Wow. And I know this because I won an award at the end of the year at the banquet, and it was most weight loss during a piss.

And the moms were not stoked. 3.2 pounds. 3.2 pounds of urine came out of me. I could estimate that I probably would have filled up at least two 32s. Okay. Really? Gatorades, yeah. The trucker's dilemma right there.

It was, I love pissing in a Gatorade bottle while driving. And I can't wait to get to Austin to get a car to piss in a bottle. Oh, yeah, and then just whip them out the window. No, I cap it, put it in the back seat. Forget about it. Do a slow glug, glug, glug, glug at the 7-Eleven. Oh, okay. And toss it out.

Yeah, it's tough. It's a real predicament. Out of respect. I'm not a sticky shuffle. I wouldn't just toss a trash out the front window. They don't use that term anymore oh yeah they're haitian now how many bottles of piss do you think you've ever had rolling around how many bottles of piss on the wall yeah in the car no i never i never left them honestly god no that bugged me out do you piss on the seat though you had dribble on. I mean, here and there is a mishap.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's why he's got leather. He has a new cloth. Yeah. Yeah. A little swipey. Did you ever jerk off while driving?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've told this story before. It's the most embarrassing thing. One of the most embarrassing things I've ever told. Someone saw you? No. He was driving a cab.

I wasn't even driving. He was. no i uh i had a voice recorder this is so crazy i was so fucked up on drugs i had a voice recorder in my you know little compartment yeah and i was so horned up this is before oh my god do you remember this yes it's so embarrassing it's a great story i there was this girl i used to fuck in college that requested this before like cell phone stuff requested uh i had this audio recorder for like talking to the mic for like bits it's right before i started stand-up i started like recording like ideas i always knew i went to like write or to stand i just had no idea what i wanted to do so i'd record stuff and she's like turn it on while we fuck and so i will record our sex and then listen back

to jerk off to oh my god hold on is that like listening to one of your sets after you like think you killed it's the worst it's the opposite yeah your dick just goes like this and like what noises am I making at that time I had an audio recorder and I was in the car driving from Helium to where I lived in Bethlehem

and I recorded the voice of a woman having sex on my recorder and then I would play it back in my voice as a woman to beat off to while I was driving

what? so he's going you would do the voice I would mimic what I used to beat off to on the audio recorder and then play it as if I'm listening to me fucking somebody else on your way back to the birthplace of christ yeah yeah dude that's i really don't have like the circuitry

to understand what you're saying right now yeah he's like he's absolutely turning himself on with his own noises it's like it's a weird i'm very good at it i'm gonna be in a fox cartoon psychologically it's so strange because you're good at it I'm gonna be in a Fox cartoon Psychologically it's so strange Because you're producing It's insane Producing the content It's unwell It's unwell

Yeah Yeah it's completely mental Yes Yeah Yeah no I mean hey There's a safe space Yeah Only makes me love you more

The fact that it's your fucking voice It's going on YouTube And if you And what if you were like It's like you're transcending something. You're masculine and feminine at the same time. Yeah. You're the, you're the sacred third gender.

It's so crazy. It's like putting on a wig and fucking yourself. You're so horny. Oh, you're doing a good job on this. Yeah, my boo. You're something to hate why. 23 and us though. So. See, now we're getting it I didn't know you were sitting up a pen

Damn dude So you were in the car and you're like It's just me I'm so horned up And you were drugged out Yeah I was coming back from a club. I had a couple bumps. There's a police officer.

There's at least two, might be three in there. Yeah. There's a ratchety black woman in the backseat. We just can't see her. Did you do the voice? Oh, baby. You're throwing that thing, Tommy. Too deep now.

Oh, damn. Slow down, baby. Slow down. You get all these thing, Tommy Too deep now Slow down, baby, slow down You get all these pussy, Tommy Donald Duck made an appearance Yeah This is before the throat guttural Noises, but Yeah, I just did some fucking wild sex Noises

Just played it and beat off Delete that No, no have this they need to know what their god did in the past just just the masturbation equivalent of the guy playing the guitar and the drums at the same time yeah yeah castanets in the top half jesus christ man band were you ever like hey man you wanna hear something crazy Yeah, yeah. Cast the nets in the top half. Jesus Christ, dude. One man band. Were you ever like, hey man, you want to hear something crazy? And you get like Foley in the car and you're like, listen to what I was up to last night.

Yeah, you hear this girl? You wouldn't know. I'm very good at that. Really? No. Would you mind? No. Come on.

Yeah. No? I can't. The funny thing is it's going to turn someone on. I would have to do it I would have to do it Without you guys here So I could totally get into it The character

The character Jerk it off I love how Chris was like The character right No that's what I'm saying No no no The character That's what I'm saying

Is that's why I know This has gotta be sexually Very confusing for you Well no you have to hit A certain pitch So it's like It's like You, you can sing better when there's not seven people in front of your fucking face.

It's the observer effect. Right. Yeah. And I can hit a certain pitch that is audibly, if you listen to it, you're like, that's a girl getting fucking boffed. God, I hope that these surface someday. I hope your mom's like cleaning out the house.

It's like, Tommy, I found your tape player. Yeah, you're going to record it. Remember you and your buddies would do skits. Yeah. Oh, damn. Oh. Dude, I, yeah. Just imagining, just getting, catching you walking around.

Shut up, please. Doing it. Oh, fuck me. I'm just catching you walking around in high heels. Shut up. Please do it. He's turning himself on. What are we going to do? I don't know. This is ADNBC. It is. Wow.

He's turning himself on. It's pretty good. I'll send you a voice. Please do. I will. I'm going to send you via text. I'm going to send you a voice Please do I will I'm gonna send you Via text I'm gonna send you a voice Of one of these

It'd be so funny If you send me that And then my wife And your wife is next to you Yeah yeah What the fuck is this I'm gonna say I met you

In Colorado Okay Years ago Yeah We had that special night Uh huh And I wanted to I wanted to send you

A recap of That night After seeing your special. Yeah. And I'm going to blast a full five minutes of fucking. Yeah. Yeah. And then my wife's going to be like, who's Tom Town?

Because I have you saved in there like I have my uncle. Tom Town? I want you to film it. I want you to. Because even in that brief moment right there, I saw you reacting to the noises you were making Yeah, the faces you gotta get it. That's my boy crazy Fucking completely entrenched trance try like it one time very sexual and then another time on the other side like a nervous. Yeah Yeah, you like remix it

Yes Come on I'll send it to my producers to edit it Boost this little level Yes Do this for me Come on Yeah That's really Truly horrific It's horrific Yeah yeah

No it's crazy It feels good And then you would whack while behind the wheel To my own sex Yeah yeah Good god Dude the rest of that drive Oh it sucks

After you came Coming normally to porn You're just like, Jesus Get up Get to Waffle House Grow up Who am I? The thing is, I didn't think that

And I still will defend No, I think it's very wild and interesting I've done a lot of perverse research And I've never stumbled across this example. Thank you. That's actually a compliment. Yeah, no, you're an innovator. Thank you.

You got done jerking off, and you were like, Tommy Pope, WME. Yeah. For inquiries, email my agent. That useless jerk-off. I'm rooting for the role of bar skank. Center yourself. Car skank. Yeah. All right. I'm rooting for the role of Barskank. Barskank. All right.

I love rhyming. I'm all for it, man. Cruisin'. Yeah. Yeah, and then the cleanup's really difficult in the car, too. Then you just have a lap full of your own seed. And you're like, oh, fuck. It's got an hour and a half drive left.

It gets cold. You can't pull your pants up. You hand yourself a towel. Yeah. It gets cold. You can't pull your pants up. Hand yourself a towel. Yeah. Baby, give me a towel. You get it, Sammy. Dude, I just paint my fingernails on this one hand of my thingy, baby. You have to rewind it.

That's great stuff, man. It's nuts. Wow. That's freaky. I got nothing that can beat that. That's, I mean, come on. I shouldn't have said it. stuff, man. It's nuts. Wow. That's freaky. I got nothing that can beat that. That's, I mean, come on. I shouldn't have said it. No, no.

This is one of those times you wake up on an air mattress tomorrow morning and go, ah, fuck. What have I done? That's out there. Yeah. Delete. I can't stop thinking about some guy catching you in high heels, walking around your house, and you just beating the shit out of him.

Wait, what? Yeah. heels walking around your house and you just beating the shit out of them wait what yeah i just imagine this whatever that is that's you're turning yourself on with female voices yeah to yourself you're dressing up in ladies clothes every once in a while that's the thing and the rage you would feel getting caught doing that listen chris if i if i was that fucking closet of crazy... Get out of my house! Who said that? Who said that? Who fucking said that? Tommy, protect me! Just beat the shit out of myself.

Lipstick all over my hairy knuckles. There's glitter everywhere. Every time you're cooking now, I'm going to be thinking you're imagining yourself as a woman making yourself a nice meal. You hungry, Tommy? I just put on Elvis' thick glasses so I don't know who's in the room. I like when it's just us. It's nice to stay in.

What are you doing in my house? See, that's the point. I wish it was that level of crazy that I can understand it. But it's just such a rogue one-off that... Yeah. Yeah. You fried my circuits. I'm going to be rebooted after this one.

Yeah, dude. Control-Alt-Delete. Yeah. My entire existence. Ooh. Ugh. I don't regret it. You should not.

No. Trust your instincts. Yeah. If you want to knock one off on 476 after eating Roy Rogers, have attitude. Ugh. Then you get sleepy, too. That's the issue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the dry jerk.

A little nose beer ain't going to... Oh, yeah. I forgot. You resuted on that nasty. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Obviously. Yeah.

That's so funny. Church bells are gone. Yeah. Well, tell it Obviously. That's so funny. Church bells are going. Yeah. Well, tell it louder. Let's count them. That's one. That's two. Just some guy behind you going,

what the hell is this guy doing? Yeah, there's a political prisoner over there claiming sanctuary. He's like, you know what? Pass. I don't want to hear any more of this. I'm out. I should go to confession

and just drop all that fucking heat. Yeah. You know? Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been 25 years. I don't know if it was me, but somebody's sinned. I've been sinning too, Father. I don't know what happened to me in that car that day, Father.

There was another spirit. God was offended. Yeah. Was it a Casio? 1850? It was a Yakback. It was a talk boy. He made it do funny voices.

Radio Shack recorder. You slow it down, yeah. Ooh. That was the first sketch I ever wrote. How old are you? 36. 44. So they had this thing, the Radio Shack had,

it was like the first recorder. It was a giant white recorder like this that could play a cassette but if you hit play and record it was the first recording through the actual piece of equipment you had to put them at the same time right yeah yeah yeah i remember those and me and my brother shared the same bedroom and i used to try and make him laugh so he wouldn't fuck me up and ronald reagan was president and i i did a impression of ronald reagan falling down the steps on this thing i'll never forget it because the first time i saw him like cry yeah

i was like dude i got it dude i got him he won't beat the fuck out of me more all i gotta do is the president falling down the steps and it was on that recorder damn 25 years later i'm i'm doing my own voice trying to make myself calm. Yeah. Yep. You're still trying not to get beat up in a way. Yeah. See that? Yeah.

Damn. Author. That's why you're so turned on by Nancy. Aardvark. Aardvark. Yeah. Wow. I didn't follow it.

You know what? That's because there was nothing. He said author. I said author. And then I said aardvark, and I looked at him, and now here we are. Football. God damn it. I'm trying to dismount from this embarrassment.

I don't think it's embarrassing. I don't either. No. I don't. I just couldn't. There's no optics for me to actually see it. It's a profound intellectual journey that you went on. That's right.

That's how I see it. You know when I first started Stand Up With Shane? Yeah. I always feared on podcasts talking about real life shit because you just got to protect all the weird stuff. And then once you get this off your chest, you're like, it opens a whole valley. Well, yeah, and then you do 400 episodes

and you're like, ah. Yeah, what else I got? Yeah. I made myself come in the car. That's interesting. Yeah. No, honestly. And I did it with words.

I mean, it's like kind of like reverse narcissism. Of course it is. Yeah. Reverse. Yeah. Because it's like you don't want to embrace the fact that you get turned on by your own voice. So you hide it under a higher octave, so then it's okay.

Well, I agree with this if I wasn't trying to emulate this previous situation I had, an experience I had with a woman that requested that we audio record. Oh, I forgot you had a partner in your perversity. Yeah, so that, again, before watching porn on your phone i would replay our sex to jerk off to it was just audio just like drives you into that moment yeah and then you can see it's like etched in your mind the way like most things are whether it's trauma or the highest level of pleasure yeah you never forget those visuals so listening to her on that audio recorder made me hard and want

to jerk off so i'm horny i didn't have it on this audio recorder so i recorded it i tried to recreate it using my voice yes as her and her intonations and you know all of these it's art the way she was piece of art that's what i should have said you guys want to hear when i made art yeah coked up going 100 miles an hour steering my kneels my knees fuck hey you're untouchable right now. Coming from your heels, steering with your knees. Now you get it. This is like how... I'm glad it stopped there. Oh, no, no, no. I got another story.

Oh, good. I'm kidding. Where do you see where I took it? I heightened. I explored. I was yes-anding myself. Like you'd only come in the Empire State Building. Yeah, at the top

while holding a tiny woman like an ape. I have to have helicopters shooting at me or I can't get hard. No, I'm just... That's so funny to see a guy

in the Empire State Building holding a Barbie just jumping everywhere. Yeah. Just coding New York like when the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man explodes. Just Shaq naked beating off Holden the Barbie.

Jesus Christ. Did you see that video of Shaq lamenting the decisions he made to Kelsey? Yeah, that was brutal. His family, right? That's not the clip. You know, Shaq, I've been podcasting for a while. That's not the one that gets people on the Patreon. Yeah, it's also the thing you say like after the podcast. Right. You know, Shaq, I've been podcasting for a while. That's not the one that gets people on the Patreon. Yeah, it's also the thing you say, like, after the podcast.

Right. You know, love your family. Like, treat them well. This is all you'll have after you're done at 35. And that conversation was brought to you by Hellman's. Yeah. Yeah. There's a Hellman's ad in the corner.

Which is bizarre. CTE has entered the chat. Yeah. Hellman's, the mayonnaise? I think so. I think about the clip that i saw no i literally think that the mayonnaise hellman's was the sponsor of that clip oh that's so funny yeah chris have you did you see don't lose your family. Brought to you by Shutt. He's talking to Kelsey, Jason. Did you see it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and he's basically like, you know, just enjoy this time with your family. I exist in a world of gray. It's monochromatic. There's no light in the world left. The only thing that brings me joy is spreading some thick, creamy almonds on a sandwich that I eat alone over the sink.

Or a girl on the road, like Denver. He cheated on his wife, like, you know, a million times. He's Shaq. He's doing the world a service. Yeah. You can't keep your light in a bushel if you're Shaq. Yeah. Splitting these women like quails. Oh, like fucking cordwood, dude.

Good Lord. Moochie moochie. He probably does damage. His ex-wife was like a tiny little fucking elf on the shelf. Yeah. He's driving this fucking lumber directly in their puss. Yeah. It's got to be, yeah.

Is this one of the audio recordings you had? It's got to be so big, though. It's water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink probably for him you know what do you mean it's just like how many women can even fit that dick in there oh yeah yeah it's like i was with a woman one time who was like my last boyfriend had a huge dick and it could barely get hard i'd have to choke up on it like a water snake and shove it in that's why i like your dick and And I was like, who's getting compliments? Yeah. What do you mean?

Yeah. Yeah. Wait, so she has to like concentrate the blood just to get. Yeah. Ah. And then just like jam it in her. Yeah. That sucks, dude.

Having a dick that size is terrible. Yeah, poor guy. Yeah. You want six to nine, a nice fucking birch wood base. Yeah. Big, thick on the bottom so they can slide down. Kind of conical. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. If you look at the best dildos, they always go down. You know. Get wide at the bottom so they can slide down Kind of conical If you look at the best dildos They always go down Like a tree that loses all its leaves Yeah I went to the Spencer's Gifts In the Nyack Mall, Palisades Mall And there was like three

Twelve year old boys standing in the back Where they have the dildos And I walked up and I was like can you imagine And they were like what the fuck And they walked out i was like i was like trying to relate to the boys this is nuts can you imagine and they were like oh gross we'll be gone damn dude yeah looking at dicks in the in the shop is it's weird experience it's a rite of passage. Yeah. You know? These boys don't have a man in their life to show them what to do. Yeah. Right step.

You ever buy, like, sex toys for your ladies? Yeah. Yeah, me too. I never bought a sex toy. No? No. I used to go into the store all the time. No wonder she's in there packing her bags.

Yeah, right? You see the fucking... You can hear the duct tape going... Just boxing up all our goods. Yeah. yeah our lingerie you'll never see yeah something that freaks me out about getting a toy i think that you're like not doing a good enough job you're admitting defeat if you get her a toy uh because you usually use it in concert with your own gland and it's fun yeah yeah i don't know there's just something about it. It's just like, it's Catholic guilt where it's just like the idea of coming back with a toy and being like, I bought a toy. Buying toys?

Yeah, but it's just, you're having fun. Buying toys? Toy's tough. It's not a good name. It should be like, I got a sex device. I got a cum machine for you, darling. I got something that could help. I got a Roku for your butthole.

Yeah. I got a George Foreman grill for your tits. I'm going to smush them. I bought a set of balls, anal plugs on Amazon. Dude, shout out Bezos, dude. Bezos. You ever had a cock ring on that thing? I've bought something before that comes with a similar, like a ribbed, tighter, rubber cock ring. But it's more, it's like longer.

It has like two inches. Okay. Goes down to the base. Yeah. Keeps the blood flow. Right, yeah. It's like a rumble strip on the highlands. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like where there's a little bed to put a quarter in. Yeah, it lets her know when she's getting to the fucking danger zone. You're going to run into the rails. It's like fucking an N64. Like a blind lady walking down a fucking... Yeah, there's stairs over there. You're about to take a tumble, toots. You're about to hit my bouffant.

I bet Shaq has to do... I bet he has like a guard on it. He can't go too deep. Dude. Baby, I'll take off the governor. You got to sign this release. I know you signed the NDA. This is a different form.

Like when a small dog rings a bell to go take a piss. She's like a little... A little jingle bell on the base of his bird. Just let her know there's another four inches here. You're going to bleed out. Your eyes are going

to go sideways. You hit this fucking rumble. That's so much fun. Can we crack this wine? Is it cold? Yeah, probably We can jump over to the page, too You got time?

Yeah, I think so Just plug your Hey, everyone It's me, Sam Talent Regionally acknowledged comedian Please subscribe to my YouTube To watch my new travel show, Wide World In which I travel to Tokyo and Paris

And upcoming Rome And see me out there in the streets Oh, wow