Stuff Island - Champagne & Pancakes - Stuff Island #116

Episode Date: January 17, 2024

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Come see Stuff Island live at Finback Brewery in Brooklyn 1/20! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/finback-x-stuff-island-not-so-dry-january-party-and-stand-up-comedy-show-tickets-789123859707?aff=ebdssbdestsearch new customers save over 50% PLUS free shipping on Provia’s introductory package at proviahair.com/STUFFISLAND Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app NOW and use code STUFFISLAND. New customers can bet just FIVE BUCKS to get TWO HUNDRED INSTANTLY IN BONUS BETS. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That was going on with that. We'll start with that. I haven't seen my baby in a long time. You've been gone for a week. You got a lot of news to catch up on, dude. Oh, dude. That's breaking still. That is breaking.

That will always break. The Jews building tunnels. Now I have something to scream in the bar and no one can say shit. Dude. Dude, the video of that guy coming out of that great the stereotypical relevance i mean that's like me dude that would be like that would be like walking on the street coming across a giant ravioli and me like crawling out of it i know with marinara all over my nose no media relations they got no media relations team. No one's going.

No pictures coming out of the supermarket. Yeah, it's just in. There's raviolis all over the city where the underground degos are traveling through. Turns out it goes to every factory, every small school. Oh, my God. Serving dog shit parmesan.

Wait, did they ever find out what were they building that tunnel for? Baby. We're in the mix right now. We're figuring it out. We'll find out what comes out, what's true. I got theories.

I got theories, but I want this episode to live on YouTube for a while. So we'll talk about it off camera. Dude, they do need to break up that whole... Oh, man. I audibly yelped watching that dude keeping his fucking acidic hat on

His Lincoln hat He didn't even take it off to get through the grate Respect That's how you know that guy's a real one He believes in his religion But holy shit This is maybe too dark Oh is it?

We opened the last episode Talking about top shit I feel like you can say whatever you want right it i do enjoy we opened the last episode talking about top shit i feel like you can say whatever you want right now i do enjoy desecrating religious places like the nypd desecrating you see the wop and i'm going like yeah yeah you can't do anything right it literally was like a wasp nest of ascetics. Do you not know what authority is? And they get on the street and they're like, you cannot take our things. We have things.

And he's like, let me tell you something. We found things down there. There's blood on a fucking mattress. We're going to do this tonight. Tonight is when we're going to do it. We got no time in between. Why don't you calm down? And they're like 13-year-old Jews acting like they're going to do it. We got no time in between. Why don't you calm down? And they're like 13-year-old Jews acting like they're going to do something.

It's like a 32-year-old WAP cop like, why don't you calm down? You're not going to do nothing. And then in the church, one guy got taken out of the tunnel. There was a little pack of them that wouldn't come out. I can't believe they caught them down there.

Yeah, well, were they spending... Things I can't say on air. Were they spending time down there? Yeah, well, were they spending... Again, things I can't say on air. Were they spending time down there? Yeah, I think they were hiding. Or were they digging in full garb? They didn't put a smock on? Somebody posted a tweet of... What's the fucking movie?

When he's digging out a tunnel. Oh, yeah, yeah. Fucking Shawshank Redemption. He's just dropping pebbles Every city in Brooklyn Pebble dropping through their Sweaty overfit fucking chinos I thought they were real estate

I thought they owned all that property anyway No they don't own it They just They overtake it for people that actually need it Welfare like the blacks Oh really? It's all like section 8 stuff? Yeah that's why they have 6 kids So they can claim welfare That's why they're all minivans and you know how to identify

them yeah yeah when they're out of the tunnels they're in fucking star wagons on 278 dude i was talking to someone the other day about just my my body the solvins they it's like a just a house full of boys, house full of just absolutely. Yeah, just, yeah. Dude, that house was crazy, and they had too many vans that were, that looked like they had been through fucking Fallujah. That's a gymnasium.

It's a child gymnasium. And it was like the amount of time I spent in that van, like paneling broken off the sides, the roof sagging. Yeah, yeah. Dog hair just floating around just in the middle of the summer. And like they didn't have like the roll down windows in it. You just had to like punch out the back. Yeah, just a little drag.

Try to just get some type of breeze, a hundred degree breeze. My dad's Chrysler Baron had one of those crack windows in the back where which i had to sit with like a bag of mesh bag of footballs because my brothers had the other two seats so when i got too old to ride bitch in the back we would have to crack that thing for the winston smoke dragon it's the only way you could suck out of those he'd kill his children oh my god the fucking having boys are fucking disgusting. Dude, we, like, totaled a car. Yeah.

We totaled a car. No, I'm just, like, from being, like, disgusting. Yeah. Dude. I think my dad picked us all up from football practice once. It was, like, a rainy, like, muddy football practice, and everyone just got in. Yeah.

And I think the car got totaled. Dude, having three boys is like... He's having 15 mud-covered boys. How quick can I crush this car? It's like throwing Tasmanian devils into a nursery. It's like, how quickly can they wreck through the walls, shit on everything, leave their hair? Yeah, my basement was like a...

It literally was where you... leave their hair. Yeah, my basement was like a it was literally was where you try and take down terrorists. It was Abu Ghraib. Our basement growing up. The walls were splattered. You know, it's just open concrete.

Yeah, hockey pucks just into the wall. You're just snorting mold. Yeah. Trying to play pool and drink beers with your friends. That's a Jew minivan. Did your parents ever catch you smoking weed? I was thinking about the time my mom caught, like didn't catch me smoking weed, but found like an apple that I had smoked out of. Yeah.

In like a hockey bag. And like, I don't even know. I don't think she knew. Smoking weed one knew like smoking weed 101 you get rid of the apple it's like gangster shooting you're like drop the gun oh you just drop the gun and run that's fucking that's the godfather i hit no prince fucking run dude drop your apple i remember she was just mad like she didn't even know what it was it's just like this should not exist yeah i don't know what happened yeah but there's a burnt apple yeah you should have took a bite out of the back and be like i guess it was dust going through the side maybe a rat maybe one of these underground

Jews ate through the app yeah finally i would have been vindicated this week i told you they they were down there i wasn't just seeing things tunnel jews gotta eat i can't believe they were in their full costumes yeah they don't get out of that dude what really bart simpson's closet they only have one outfit that's why they fucking stink so they're just down there digging tunnels with the hat on yeah the whole caboodle yeah there could never be like it's hot in here the kids true i've never seen a acidic dude in like work clothes yeah that would be sick if we knew a acidic jew that came in here we had like a coat rack he took his hat off and this his twirlies were connected to the hat you put it on there it would actually be kind of a sick look. Just a fucking construction helmet on with the twirlies.

With the twirlies. A city construction. Yeah, yeah. Just some tough ones walking around with like sledgehammers and fucking boots and shit. Yeah, we need

a tough Hasidic Jew. Yeah, when you go to that neighborhood you never see a bunch of dudes. I would, it would be like the Louis C.K. joke.

Like how many toddlers you can kill. I could knock out six neighborhoods of Hasidics before I tire out. And then need to take a bite of a pot apple. A little sugar energy. Man, I missed you.

What do they do? What are their jobs? They don't. They fucking... They just meet. They just meet up. Meet and they... They s meet. They just meet up. They meet and they... Yeah, they... They siphon from the government.

I think this is true. I had like a family... Oh, it's true. I had a family friend... I'm laughing because I shouldn't be talking. Well, it's a problem. It's just one of the issues of our day, Tom. Yeah.

You know, we're just talking about... We're just talking about... Current events. It's current events. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is news. Yeah. This is news. There's stuff on the news.

If you don't want to hear it. Coming up next. We cover nothing but underground Jews. That was 10 years ago. Well, it's still news. Well, it just got to us. It just got to my desk. What are they up to now?

But, dude, that fucking WAP cop coming out hard is so funny. He's got a fresh cut, too. He looks great. Yeah. And he's, like, bodying him. Like, look, you're not going to do that here. We got to get rid of this shit. We saw a bloody mattress.

You're either fucking kids or you're sacrificing them. Yeah, yeah. So you got two options. Get out of my face or I spray you with mace. Yeah, there's just, you know, you don't even have, like, you know, I love the Jews, but it's like I would be having so much fun if I was NYPD. Oh, my God. Making them turn on lights on a Friday or whatever. Yeah.

Just like doing stuff where it's just like, dude, you have to. I'm sorry. Knocking on the door on Saturday, be like, come on, we gotta go for a ride. Your silly superstitions are bullshit. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'd feel the same way if you like... Any religion.

Yeah. You show your cards, you show your ass. Dude. Now it's my time to have fun. If there was an apartment full of like Wiccans or something and you just went in there and raided it and just took all their like soups and brooms and shit or whatever they're doing.

Like collecting Pokemon cards. You know how long I've been waiting for the asshole of a mouse? Yeah, yeah. You just took all their special stones. That would be one of the best days of my life. You think it's all fake and then the grandmom just turns to dust

and you're like, whoa. I have to start believing in wicked. I'm a fucking wicked now. Nona just turned into powder. Oh, yeah. Especially if they were panicking and doing stupid shit. Like trying to put salt down the threshold of the door. Just step over it.

I will step over the salt. You cannot step over the salt. I step over the salt. We'll get out of here. I'm taking all the incense, dude. No salt's going to stop me. Get the fuck out of here. You touch the incense, the youngest kid's head explodes.

You're like, whoa. This shit's real? Then we all just start fucking being Wiccans. That would be nice. It would be sick to be a Wiccan. To get into just witchcraft. Yeah, because they don't have all the hardcore shit, right? Outside of just being maniacs.

They don't have like, you gotta go to church every Sunday. You gotta dress up like a fucking moron. They're already morons. They don't have like the institution. Yeah, exactly. That's the religion you need. Yeah, you float. I want to sleep in tomorrow, but I'm still a Wiccan.

I still believe in it. You can be a Wiccan at any time. I can to sleep in tomorrow, but I'm still a Wiccan. Yes. I still believe in it. You can be a Wiccan at any time. Yeah, I can be hung over at 1 p.m. Still a Wiccan. Yeah, do they like, yeah, I guess you do like a seance. To get in? Like Satanism?

I don't know. I think you just like, that's like, that's their church, I think, is like they like do weird things where they talk to like old beings. I think that's the seriousness of all this underground Jew tunneling. It's been proven to go to all the synagogues, their main White House Jew hub,

and then it goes to children's museums and shit. What? Oh yeah. That's the latest. It's extensive? Oh yeah. Yeah, dude. Rap tunnel. Children's museums? Yeah. They just don't want to pay admission. $350 during the week.

Jesus Christ, I got fucking seven heads to feed. It's free with a New York license. You built a whole tunnel? Yeah. Are you allowed to use the internet? Yeah, what am I, the mayor of tunnels? How am I going to afford this? That is, I mean, what a stupid thing. What a stupid thing.

We're at a very odd point to talk about it because we don't know enough, but it is extraordinarily dangerous yet hilarious. Yeah, yeah. Because it is funny to make fun of extremely religious people like cults and yeah dude it's so like it has nothing to do with it could have been like to say it could have been any any super religious or fucking spooky person yeah like ruining their shit is so fun so fun yeah feeling it's like destroying your like little brother's fucking lego lego world yeah you know what i mean you're just like none of this matters watch me yeah you know what i mean

you're gonna learn more about life in this moment my swipe yeah yeah my karate kicks for what you worked on for two weeks yeah no don't touch those army guys like he's in the middle of a battle yeah he's laying salt no i don't know who's dead. It's like, dude, now it fucking doesn't matter. That's what's fun about it. It's just going in there. Dude, filling that tunnel with cement, pulling a cement truck into the temple and just dumping

cement. Gotta be the greatest mob job of all time. Oh my God. How much... How you would feel as an authentic Italian mom, fill in the fucking tunnels of hotties. Everyone's showing up to their no show job for that.

Well, you got to bring a turtle to bite the cord, like an opening a bank, a big ceremony. You see that there was was an opening of some ceremony where they bring out some dog shit, like B-League governor, and they're opening something,

and usually the ceremony has giant scissors to cut the ribbon. They're like, ah! They brought a snapping turtle, and the governor held the snapping turtle, and the turtle was like, and clipped it. Really? Yeah. That's hilarious. That's fucking incredible. It's the cutest thing held the snapping turtle and the turtle was like, just clipped it. And it was really,

yeah. That's hilarious. It's the cutest thing in the world. It is. What is this? University of Lincoln. Look at this guy biting through lettuce. Oh,

they had to put lettuce on it. So he thinks he knows. That is fucking incredible. We should make this snapping turtle a celebrity turtle. Bring him out for the cementing of the Jew tunnels. Have him bite through it. And then some wops like, go ahead!

Throw the cement on! And just fill up all these fucking tunnels. You just see the catacomb of Jews that didn't want to leave and you see their hat rising through the cement. Yeah. They'd be down there with Hoffman. Hoffman.

You made them Jewish? He'd be Hoffman down there. Jimmy Hoffman. He is now. Jacob Hoffman. Yeah, Jacob Hoffman. How was Austin? Austin was great.

Yeah. You picked a perfect week. You got a lot of sets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your boys had shows. It was awesome. Fucking. Rana Z's was down there.

Shane had six shows. Rana Z had a show he let me get on. Fucking Matt had a show. Matty had a show. Matt Headline, fucking Mothership. It was sick. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

That rules. And then you could just bounce into those little rooms. They had like, theyhip, was sick. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That rules. And then you could just bounce into those little rooms. They were doing that bucket mic. Yeah, yeah. Where you just pick shit out and say stuff. Yeah. It's so fucking fun. Yeah.

I forgot how fucking fun that shit was. I can't wait until we do Jeremiah's podcast on the West Coast so he can obliterate me for doing his stand-up on the spot. I was trash. Angry as hell from the Eagles loss. Oh my God, dude. That's yeah, that's a bad beat. Yeah.

It was a perfect storm. Perfect storm. It was the worst case scenario. Yeah. You had a nor'easter and a hurricane coming up from the south. Yeah. As soon as we lost the previous day, I was like, not the Eagles Phillies. I should have been like, hey man, I can't.

Next time you're in town, I'll do it again. Yeah. Yeah. This means too much to me Phillies. I should have been like, hey, man, I can't. Next time you're in town, I'll do it again. Yeah, yeah. This means too much to me. Yeah. I'm going to die. Dude, we're on the brink of another, the goddamn Philadelphia Eagles, dude. Oh, it's. What the hell is going on? Well, we talked about the reality of the situation.

When a team goes to the Super Bowl, if they win or lose, everybody gets promoted in a way. Especially, not everybody, but offensive coordinator, defensive coordinator, they have an opportunity. Unless they want to stay in the establishment and the organization. We lost our OC in D.C., which changes the entire offense and defense, obviously. Yeah. And Sirianni just hired two guys.

Internally. Yeah. Patricia from the, I get, like, taking a risk on him because he has years under. He's your pedigree. Yeah. But the offensive coordinator, like, this dude has shown himself to be a pile of shit

week after week with no adjustments. The way a team would be down and get their ass whooped in the first half, they make adjustments for the second half going, alright, this is how these guys are operating. They're picking apart our defense or offense. They're crushing us. Let's make adjustments.

This guy's done nothing in the past until we started playing real teams. Our first half was a I knew this. Yeah. I knew it was a facade, but I kept going, they're going to figure it out. They'll figure it out.

They'll figure it out. They'll figure it out. Because you go like they are pulling out some gutsy wins. That's a good sign. You know what I mean? So you're like, they'll solve it. They'll solve it. I mean, they had big wins against the Cowboys,

the Dolphins, the Bills, like back to back to back. Yeah, but we're talking about upper echelon, the way people were talking about us, as ifphins, the Bills, like back to back to back. Yeah, but we're talking about upper echelon, the way people were talking about us, as if we do have the talent. We just don't have the coaching. Yeah. I don't think it's a bad team. I just think we have no shot.

Well, that's true. Yeah, the defense is so fucking terrible. It's like, dude, for the past five weeks, because they always go because of the tush boost. They're like, it's first and nine for the Eagles. Yeah, shut the fuck up. And it's like, dude, the other team, it's like first and three. Yeah.

They convert on third and seven every single time. Run Swift. Why is Swift not run on the first and second down every fucking set of series? Every series. Or yeah, just at least use him as a little bit more of a weapon. He didn't even play the other day. Dude, I hope. This is the stuff IPA.

I don't know. We're figuring out distribution. We did a... You can travel with it. Thinking about strapping cakes to our backs and just huffing them around the country. Whatever, dude. We got a nice fucking beer. This is our first

podcast with a beer in our hand. That's ours, Chris. And God forbid I lose sense of time and thoughts. We're making dreams come true. Stuff. Beer brought to you by Finback. Well, here's a beer we made. You'll never taste it because it's all sold out. Tell them about thinning hair, Chris.

All right. That's, yeah. My drinking has caused my hair to thin. But don't be afraid. Provia Hair Thinning Therapy. Whoa. You know I use it every day. I put it on.

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Eagles. Die. What a shit bag team and a disgusting fucking performance. Get rid of the OC. Get rid of the DC. Get Lott the head off the head coach. Fuck them.

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Let's go through a couple bets here that I'm interested in. The Green Bay Packers versus San Francisco 49ers. The Niners are favored 9.5. This Jordan Love is going to shock the world. I think so. The way that boy played against the Dallas Cowboys, which was the only electrifying day of our weekend, watching the Cowboys get this shit beat out of them.

That was nice. I even tweeted about it like an asshole, knowing the Eagles were going to get robbed. I know. Well, you got to live in the moment. We got 11 hours or maybe 12, 13 hours of real peace before the Eagles got their dicks kicked in. I'll tell you another one.

I slept most of it. Another line I'd likeicks kicked in. I'll tell you another one. I slept most of it. Another line I'd like to bet on. I'm going to bet on the Detroit Lions underdogs in their own home where these guys are fighting for literally everything because there's it's Detroit. Yeah. Yeah. Lions are playing the Tampa Bay Bucs. They're underdogs.

The Bucs in their own fucking state. I don't know. Baker Mayfield was dealing dude I know Let's do a clean trade Baker for Jalen Don't fucking start dude I know it's gonna get you upset Let me finish this

But at least Baker You're out of your Slowly Fucking gourd Jog out of the pocket And then get Can we please Take a 17 yard voice

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Wow. Boot Hill. You ever been to Boot Hill? No. Or not? Yeah. 21 plus age varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario.

Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. See dkng.com slash football for eligibility and deposit restrictions, terms, and responsible gaming resources. Void in Ontario. Everything's void in Ontario. Yeah. My whole life things have been void in Ontario. Yeah.

People in Ontario have been void. Nobody even thinks about it. What about Alberta? Saskatchewan? Say less. Anything void there? What are the natives like in those areas? Dead.

Enjoy the show. I hate to say this fucking on this. Clean house. The only way to clean house is if Tampa Bay bends us over takes us to the underground Jew tunnels puts us on that little mattress

next to the blood stain and gives us another blood stain because I want shit you have in order to clear house you need you need embarrassment upon embarrassment

upon embarrassment upon embarrassment. Even the pundits are like, good thing they're not playing in Philly because they'll shit the bed. They'll hear the boos. They'll get in their head. They'll get anxiety. They won't play to their abilities. We go to Tampa and shit the bed. It's like, all right, time's up.

Now Sirianni's on the block. Sirianni won't be on the block because he got to the Super Bowl. That's the only saving grace. Doug Peterson got whacked. True. And he won. He got whacked, and two years later, he was gone. Yeah.

And I think the exact same thing happened. They lost their OC in D.C. and then hired internally. Yep, 100%. And then fell into pieces. The exact thing happened. It's crazy. See, that's crazier to me than the... The juice stuff.

Dude, all Philly sports is going to shit. Yeah, we need a tunnel. Flyers are all right, but... Flyers are not all right. The Flyers are dog shit. No, dude, they're fucking third in the Metropolitan, dude. Yeah, they're average every single year, dude. They haven't done anything.

No, they're playing way above. They said the Eagles were bad in the late aughts. They won fucking four. They went to two Super Bowls in a row? No. Or an NFC championship and then a Super Bowl loss? No, the Phillies went to two World Series in a row, no eight, no nine.

But the Eagles won their division four out of six years, got to the Super Bowl, and everyone was like, yeah, they don't have it. It's like, you don't realize what we have right now with the Sixers, Eagles, Phillies. Yeah. Flyers are the tallest midget right now. They haven't done shit in decades.

Well, this was the thing, is that they're playing way above their potential, and they have this guy, Mitchoff, who's like one of the best forwards coming up, and then they have this guy, Cutter Gauthier, one of the best forwards coming up and then they had this guy cutter gautier and then cutter gautier like i don't want to play for you guys yes i don't want to play for you yeah he wasn't even talking he wouldn't even respond to it he wasn't even answering i like how the coach responded to that he's like i don't even know who that fucking guy

is i don't care yeah i don't give a shit. Yeah, torts. This privileged, young, Canadian pussy. Yeah. He's a U.S. man. Oh, he is? I think his dad was Canadian and played hockey in the U.S. I know he was on the U.S. team. I didn't know if he was from the U.S. Either way, fuck him.

What's his name? Cutter Gautier. Hey, Cutter. He's on the shit list. And now he's on the Anaheim Ducks. Fucking kicker. I almost want to say I hope he gets his neck sliced like that other guy. How could you not?

I want Cutter to get cut. How could you not want to play in Philly, dude? It's crazy. How could you not want to play in Philly? Yeah. For any sport. Yes. Yeah.

If you're good, it's going to be the most fun you've ever had in your life. That's why he's probably... What the fuck? Yeah, he can't live up to the hype. I don't know. He's scared.

He's bitching out. I hope this D guy we got's nice. D guy yeah some good tries dale what's he like 16 from romania i don't know where all these rose keys but apparently like apparently he could be he could be a first liner one day that's what they say yeah that's what they say about all these kids i thought our farm system just like the phillies our farm system is great and then we make decisions to trade these fucking yeah you know yeah that's why i've got a curse every flyers jersey i buy that the guy dies yeah nice yeah sick well get uh cutters what get cutters jersey take them down i should yes wick in that motherfucker we're gonna wick and cut it is that where he's going the ducks yeah yeah the anaheim ducks oh he's going straight to hell

anaheim going to california anaheim sucks remember we were out in anaheim dog shoes yeah it's a corporate it is it's a corporate... It is. It's a giant Chipotle. Fuck Anaheim. Zero personnel. They got nothing. What do you see as fans in Anaheim? Yeah, they don't exist. No, it's like Tampa Bay Rays.

Hockey fans in Anaheim? I got so much shit about talking about fucking the Pacific Northwest fans. California fans, 10 times worse. Florida, even worse than California. California's not bad. California's not bad. Yeah, Pacific Northwest ain't bad. Yeah, 10 times worse. Florida, even worse than California. California's not bad. California's not bad. Yeah, Pacific Northwest ain't bad. Yeah, they got nothing.

So that's why they're a little better. That's good. Yeah. Any city that has nothing but that team. Cleveland, Detroit, Buffalo. Yeah. Dude, I want Detroit to win it all. Yeah, that'd be nice. It won't happen, but I want Detroit to win.

I know. I want to give the boys something. I know, but you know what? I think it's going to be, I think the Harbaugh's are going to go back-to-back championships here. Whoa. You think Jimmy's coming up? What?

You think he's going to the pros? No, no, I mean, his brother's coach is the Ravens. No, I know, but you think the Michigan boy? I don't know. It's Jim. Why would you leave Michigan? Because you just won the title. You got nothing left to prove.

You go get a bag somewhere else and prove that you can do it in the pros. I mean, he made it to the Super Bowl with San Fran, didn't he? Yeah, he did, and he lost to his brother. Sucks. Yeah. Now you got to go back up. Sucks, yes. Try and get back there.

Yeah, you think? That's got to be a tough conversation. Yeah. I think my oldest brother still doesn't behave correctly because I joked him out the bocarnos When I was in college You think you got some brain damage? No, I just think he's psychologically fucked up

Because I finally got the best of him Because the dude beat the shit out of me for years And then I got strong I was working, I was in the gym I was 190, solid up top I had fucking sponge bob legs I was going, I was in the gym I was 190, solid up top I had fucking SpongeBob legs I was going all up top so when I got up down

I had nothing to eat That is a disaster You're not supposed to experience something like that Until you're an old man And your son Beats you in 3 on 3 basketball You go You pass the torch

But to have your younger brother kick your ass? Yeah. In his prime. I hope he doesn't see this. I don't think he listens to this. His friends will. His friends in the union. In his prime? Shout out local 98 electrician union in Philly. Don't tell Steve I said this,

but yeah, I fucked him up in the poke and I gave him a choke hold. And he kept, I told you this, right? He kept trying to headbutt you? Full headbutt. And I had to swing my head this way. And he was going, and my mom's hitting us with a broom. My dad's on the porch smoking a fucking heater. Yeah, dude.

That's why summer homes have those things on them. What things? When you're at the lake, everything's okay. Every time I see those things. When you're here, you're home. Yeah, yeah. A day at the beach is a day of god's love sand in my toes love in my heart all i need is this it's the clearest sign of alcoholism and a broken family i know dude if you have a canvas with like cursive yes about where you want to be it's like five o'clock somewhere yes reminding you

to just don't fight your family yeah yeah yeah that is every every corner every it's like above the toilet yeah it's by the with a towel everywhere you can't escape yeah yeah it's like no fighting seashells or heart shells it's like your wife is sucking off the crossing guard we can't get past these quotes because it keeps them from literally walking on the tracks directly into a train. I know. That would be funny to have more

direct versions of that. Dude, we talked about this. Do you remember? Just the actual Jesus Christ. We're down here to have a nice time. We're here to get drunk and fight on Monopoly games. Grow the fuck up yeah that would be monopolies just a game trust me tomorrow none of this matters yeah get a good sleep drink some water just all alcoholic sayings sleep it off pussy oh my god no i did have an idea for doing

those canvas writings about like true, like the way you think, the way you should be thinking instead of all this dainty bullshit that's not fucking real. Yeah. You know? Like the shit they put in Target that sells to all these maniacs. Yeah. These wine drinking fucking maniacs.

Yeah. That's what drinking wine. That's white wine, Chris. Yeah. But do it for like hardcore maniacs. Like the truest of the true. Yeah. Put a little fucking,

I don't even want to, I don't even change the design. I'd still want them, you know, kind of cloudy and light, lighthearted looking. Yeah,

beach tones. Visually beach tones. Yeah. But it's real shit. But it's still. Yeah. It's like, don't let your kids

sleep in your basement past 18. Yeah. The, the, the thing on the bathroom is just like, you're going to let this happen again. Yeah. Right.

Yes. So when he's pissing, he's like, no, I'm not. No, I'm not. Marcus is not going to sleep in the basement.

You're going to ruin. Yeah. Summer again. Yeah. Yeah. You think he's sleepy? He's on heroin. Period. Period.

With just seashells and like sand and toes. It's at the bottom of a cereal bowl. One more scoop. One more scoop and Daniel jumps. One more lend of $20. And Martha's going to bang that black dude damn that would suck having daughters has gotta be tough

nah I don't think so I think that's such a that's such a gay stereotype too what the daughters are tough? yeah she better not be like dad's being like you're in trouble like shut the fuck up. Like, she's a beautiful woman.

Yeah. So let her live her life. Oh, I'm in trouble now. I got to. And then the guy comes over for like freshman prom, a frosh hop. And the dads are like, you better, you know, just fucking puff in his chest. Yeah. Not on my time. not on my watch.

It's like the more you do this, the more he wants a finger. You know that? Yeah, but you could be scary. You could just be like polishing a gun or something. Yeah, but you don't need to do that. You could be scary. Just pick your outfit out, you know? Yeah.

Look like this. Yeah. Just sit there and don't say hi. Dad, here's my date. They're all taking pictures, and you're just blasting like all in the family. You know, some 70s sitcom. I feel like I'm going to have no idea how to diagnose a teenager like when I'm old. I don't think anybody's going to deny that.

Yeah, it's like how do you fucking, how do you tell whether a kid's a dickhead or not? What do you mean? It's their manners. It's how they treat do you fucking, how do you tell whether a kid's a dickhead or not? What do you mean? It's their manners. It's how they treat their parents. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. Like, the guy comes over, what are you expecting him to do? Hey, Mr. Papa, how are you?

Yeah. Pope. Yeah. Hey, Mr. Pope. Hey, Mr. Pope. I saw a lot of stuff online about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are the funniest person alive. I was listening to your podcast. Yeah, Mr. Pope. Hey, Mr. Pope. I saw a lot of stuff online about you. You are the funniest person alive. I was listening to your podcast.

I also agree with the Jew tunneling. I bought you four bottles of whiskey. I think it's crazy that fat white women date only blacks. Just say something from a podcast like six years ago. I'd be like, this guy's great. This guy's great.

You can marry him. He wrote it down., this guy's great. This guy's great. Natalia. You can marry him. He wrote it down. I think it's great that what was going on with those Jews in the tunnels. He's got cliff notes. He jumps in his Mustang. He's like, free Palestine!

Do you think, yeah, would you expect a gift? If a guy was picking up your daughter for prom, would you expect a nice little gift? No, no, I would expect him to bring her flowers and just be a gentleman, you know? He's got a corsage. He's nervous. I want him nervous.

He comes in with, like, fucking lacrosse energy. He's got a wavy haircut. Because all these kids, I've seen my niece's boyfriends. They all have, like, these big, they look like helmets. They got cool hair. They look like helmets from Spaceballs, dude. Yeah, yeah. They're Spaceball helmets. Yeah, like, it's, like, going in different cool hair. They got cool hair. They're space ball helmets.

Yeah, like it's like going in different directions and stuff. It's amazing. It looks like you want to grab a boogie board and take a ride off these dudes' bangs. See, that's what I'm saying. If I saw that, I would immediately assume the kid was an absolute fucking piece of shit. Yeah.

And I don't know if you'd be right. Maybe the kid's just... I don't know if I'm right. He's just a kid. I also don't know how I'll feel. I want to, you know, my goal is to have children but like this the beauty of being a little older and having children is like i'm not gonna give a shit by the time she's 18 at my age right now five kids in two years she's 18 i'm like baby have the most fun possible i want the guy to

come in with a fucking mohawk and a Camaro. Take her for a ride. Show her the life that she doesn't want. You're going to be one of those dads. Maybe I'll go full board the other way. That's the worst. When you go over to the girlfriend's house and the dad's like, thank God, another man. Yeah.

Let me show you something. Who's up for cocaine and darts? Yeah, you do want a middle ground. It's want it's just like politics you don't want far left far right you want a guy that like understands the reality of the situation with their children they're still kids they have to experience they have to do things they have to drink in the woods they have to get caught they have to throw up they have to know their limits yeah if you hold them all the way left where like you can't hang out after this period. If I smell alcohol in your breath, you're dead for life. Yeah.

Then they grow up crazy. And they get to college and they revolt. I've seen this many cases. I'm not going to say names. Of course. Yeah, yeah. I've seen a kid that didn't drink all through grade school and high school. I mean, these seem like normal things, but where we were from, you drank either in late grade school and then all through high school.

And then he went to college, and this dude turned up like you wouldn't believe. Yeah. Like he was a legend with drinking. Yeah. He would only piss in a trash can. Really? Like, oh, yeah, he just went bananas. Like 40 hands, small dude, great athlete.

Yeah. Dynamite kid. I loved him to death. It was my parish. Grew up with him. I loved him. death. He was my parish. Grew up with him. I loved him. But this dude went ham when he got to Temple. Just because the fucking shackles were off.

Yeah. Mom and dad got older. They shut the fuck up. He got to Temple and he's like, I'm going to consume as much booze and pussy as I can. Wow. But the seesaw is all out of whack. Yeah. You learn that earlier.

You know what I mean? You're going to... High school is all out of whack. Yeah. You learn that earlier. You know what I mean? You're going to... High school is college for socializing. College is college for adulthood. Yeah. Adulthood is when you should be balanced with all that shit going, all right, I know when to get my shit together. That is a good way also to keep your kids in line.

If you're just like an alcoholic. What's that like? If you're nuts. If you're just nuts, alcoholic what's that like nuts you're just nuts because then they they they kind of go yeah then they go i i don't want to be like i don't want to be like that yeah you know well it's not just an alcoholic i mean just embarrassed if you're embarrassing your kids all the time the extreme for that'd be so fucking sick to be just a completely embarrassing alcoholic until they turn 18 and then you just go, did it.

Yeah, I got through. And then you totally sober up and you're just like, no, I just... I needed to set exactly the wrong example and push you in the opposite direction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Telling your wife every night as you're lying halfway off the bed

being like, I'm doing this for Mark. You think I like this? I hate drinking. I've been pissing blood for months because she's almost 18. This is the last leg. It's like getting late to every fucking youth sports game. Like just toppling over on the sidelines dude drunken army

like it's it's training yeah to be like a high level military yeah and just have your kid just be like one of those dudes like i never i don't touch that i saw what it did to my father yeah and you go nice it works yeah just enough that's what i'm saying just enough just yeah just be a drunk or a bully Just enough So they keep their guard up They know how to defend themselves They know how to drink But not too much

Yeah It's like an abusive father An abusive father That hits their kids Enough that you go Alright I'm not gonna do that But an abusive Drop down drunk

That comes home And beats the fuck out of everybody Just cause they're moving Right It's like the predator Yeah yeah Like when the alien's in the trees He sees any movement

There's like three red dots On your chest It's like a drunk dad coming home like anybody can get it you don't want that level you don't want predator level just in bed with a cartoon and a flashlight look at your chest shut it off real quick roll under the mattress and he's like oh nothing here Nothing in here The belt Whatever that is It's like that That horror movie Where you can't make a noise In the cornfields

And he just walks right past you That's a drunk dad at night Shut the light off Shut the light off Meanwhile you're playing Like knee hockey Or sock football He's home

Don't move And he's like What's for dinner It's like it's three in the morning Meanwhile, you're playing knee hockey or sock football. He's home. Don't move. He's like, ah, what's for dinner? It's like it's three in the morning, you fucking. Just throwing grilled cheese sandwiches out the door. Get them off you. Yeah, yeah. Throw it out close to the door.

Put it in the mailbox. He's eating through the iron like yeah drop down drunks are fucking wild they're so fun to watch yeah it is sad though I've been dude I'm re-watching Sopranos

I'm on that episode oh really where Pussy and his wife his wife I think it's like season 2 episode 8 or 10 I'm on now his wife's an incredible actor

when she says she breaks down in front of Carmella season two, episode eight or ten. I'm on there. His wife's an incredible actor. When she says, she breaks down in front of Carmella and who's the other wop that was married to Jackie? Oh, yeah. April. Yeah, I know her face. So they're talking to her.

She's got Jackie Jr. Yeah, yeah. She's got dead eyes. You see the bottom of her retinas. I know, but in that hot kind of way. Yeah, well, she's she talks she talks like she actually has smoked for 60 years you know what i mean yeah it is hot trash hot yes but you know both her mouth and her pussy smells like cigarettes you know what i mean

you can hear a woman's voice you're like yeah everything smells that's all the way through every orifice every opening in that woman smells like she just had a butt outside. Yes. You know what I mean? And that's hot. Wow, that is kind of hot. Bowling alley, huh? Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, that actually smells like a cigar. She said something that I was like, wow. Even if it reminded me of Delco. You know when you meet a woman or a relationship or a marriage, even if it reminded me of Delco, like even if you know, when you meet a woman or a relationship or a marriage, you could see the pain in that mom's eyes as you got to a certain age. When you came back in college, you'd visit them and you're like,

there's nothing there. I knew there was nothing there. I never saw love. Yeah. And you could, she tells this story of her getting, um, uh, what do you call it?sterectomy no she got a fucking lump removed

and got it tested breast yeah yeah maybe i don't know whatever yeah and she told big pussy and he just like kept doing what he was doing and she like broke down and and carmella internally is trying to talk her off this ledge of like no you just this is marriage marriage is a institution being a mother is this and she's like my my children are 19 21 and 25 who grow up and she's like well you have to stay together for them because what would it do to them emotionally psychologically if you were to separate knowing that yeah and she's like if it's benign or malignant malignant or benign i'm divorced regardless and you can see like the fear that scene is so good yeah after re-watching this because it shows it'll expose all of them for playing this role as a sally homemaker with no actual

involvement and love yeah yeah or fatherhood yes because they're just a person that's providing but there's no connection connective tissue of love and adoration yeah and she's she talked about when he was gone he disappeared for like a month and she said when she heard the door open, and he goes, I'm home. And she's like, I got sick to my stomach. And she's like, because she thought you wanted him to be dead. And then you see Carmelo like, oh, no, it's not like that. And she was like.

And the end of the episode, it's a full callback. When Tony goes to Italy and he comes back after a week with bags he's like I'm home and you see Carmella in the bedroom and you just see her look down to the ground and you can just see the white and the open like just

exhale of like fuck I'm still in this hell yeah it is that thing dude of like yeah it's like it's like a soldier finding out that the fucking government he's fighting for is fucking fraudulent yeah doesn't give a fuck about him yes it is that thing it's like having yeah you like you're like no we adhere to this code this is important this matters yeah and having someone and it's like as much as you know that it's like actually this is resulting in a completely empty life and experience and my kids are all fucked up

and my husband's fucking around on me and i have absolutely nothing but the like this the respect of being in this position yeah but i'm dead yeah i'm a i'm a zombie you've been dead for years yeah yeah this is the cycle in most people's lives from where i'm from yeah just have more children but I'm dead. Yeah. I'm a zombie. You've been dead for years. Yeah, yeah. This is the cycle in most people's lives from where I'm from. Yeah. Just have more children. Have more children they can love on you so you can feel something for a minute

because the dude sucks. Yeah. That's my biggest fear about living, but with, you know, honor. And respect. That's so funny. To get to the end of the trip and go that was stupid i should have selected something different yeah you know stayed in engineering should have been a whole different character yeah dude fuck that no fuck that you're doing you're doing it right you're doing it right

you just said everybody's going through the same thing no matter what they do so yesterday we had plans my girl and i had plans of going to the city doing shopping yeah and taking me time because you were gone for the week the boys were off i was off and we've been working hard so i was like all right let's let's take some time for just us to do something fun go to dinner go to soho we'll go shopping we'll to make it and then woke up and it was like hurricane this is what kept you out of the airport yeah yeah it was it was nuts it was freezing rain the winds were like 20 knots or whatever the fuck so we stayed in and she's like I want pancakes no I was like I make pancakes yeah so we made pancake batter I don't like even like pancakes

no no I like waffles I like the pancakes. Yeah. So we made pancake batter. I don't even like pancakes. No? No. I like waffles. I like the consistency of waffles. It's the same batter, but I like the more crunch. It's like I like a cookie as opposed to cake. I want a crunchier thing. Agreed.

Yeah. You're going to see a waffle iron on the company's chart very soon. As long as it's the one. I haven't even looked at them up. As long as it's like the hotel one where you spin it. Maybe. We're going to get there. Things are good. I like the one that spins. Yeah. As long as it's like the hotel one where you spin it. Maybe. Things are good. I like the one that spins.

Yeah, you flip it at a certain point. So we made pancakes. We added champagne left over from New Year's Eve. So we popped champagne. I got Ferg. I got Ferg at four. So I'm eating pancakes, drinking a bottle of champagne at one. It's torrential downpour.

The umbrella's thrown to the corner. The lid on our grill, see ya. That's in fucking Brooklyn. That thing's corn. The backyard was mayhem. And I'm like, this is great. We threw on Sopranos. We watched like four episodes.

And she's like, don't you feel guilty? And I was like, for what? And she's like, I don't know. It's 3 p.m. We're drinking champagne, eating pancakes. I'm like, this is the dream. This is why you work hard. This is why you drop out of college.

This is why you disappoint your parents. If you can make this work, I'm going to take a day off and eat pancakes and drink champagne? Oh, my God. How would you not feel like this is why we do it? Yes. This is the moment you should always think of instead of selling it in a fucking theater.

Yeah, dude. That's not true, but it's close. It's a life of like, you get like a guaranteed snow day every week. Yes. Yeah. It's incredible. Yeah.

Are you old enough to know like you had to so we had a 610 wip 610 wip we had 10 10 wins there you go so you had to did you listen to your traffic and weather together a bingo on the tens dude and the following schools are closed 617 615 and they go through all of them 12 on three and you had a code and you'd wait for your school to be closed or have a late start yeah and then you hear all these other parishes being closed closed 13 14 closed 13 15 closed and like if you're 13 16 like 13 16 late start you're like fuck oh dude 10 p.m 10 a.mm. 10 a.m. start? What's the point? What's the point?

We're going to stay home. Shut it down. Yeah, and then you get there and you have an early close. Yeah. And these motherfucking Catholic cocksuckers, I wish they had tunnels. Oh, dude. Because I'd bury them all in cement, too. Because it'd be such a waste of everybody's time.

The parents are staying home. Why do I got to lug my way to class? We had this, because you probably had a similar thing, because it's like Philly's right just south enough where it's like snow is always... Possible. You're always wintry mix territory. But we had... It was brutal for us,

because we were by the Long Island Sound, and that just heats the air up. Right, the moisture would come in. So you'd be looking at every county just north of us and west of us smoked with snow don't yeah and then it's like the temperature would be 33 or 34 where we are we'd be getting rain and wintry mix yeah your place is right off the water and you'd be like dude it was nuts yeah i remember we guess what school's in for the late queers

all you snow buddies stay inside have some cocoa puffs it was the worst we i remember we would i would get to school there were days where it didn't even snow where i was and i would get to school and the kids who lived like in back country would come in with like a full roof full of snow and i just remember being like motherfucker dude it's such bullshit it's like goddamn body it's like 18 wheelers coming in from iowa it's like just throwing off a giant chunk of ice yeah where the fuck you come from like 15 minutes north oh my god and without fail i mean i was such a bad student that it was like without fail i had the most important thing do the next day yeah of course just like please yeah give me one more day to put this off yeah yeah exactly i'm still not gonna do it in two days yeah yeah yeah it's a

stay of execution i'm still getting murdered yeah yeah i'm not gonna learn about julia caesar if you give me a late start you're gonna have to shut this down for 12 months yeah i gotta enjoy the snow day yeah that's what i can't you know i'm gonna enjoy the champagne and pancakes i'm not gonna sit on the snow day and be like finally a chance to catch up this is also i think it's a lesson in life regardless if if you have a full-time job it's like champagne and pancakes should be on the weekend or on your day off yeah like go full yeah you know and i'm saying this with no children and nothing to do yeah outside of what we do which is a lot of work but no i got it i got a i got an opportunity to hang out with my buddy in austin uh his like his daughter had like a little like birthday party kind of thing but they did it just at a brewery yeah and it was great well it's purposeful so if yeah so fucking fire pit parents get to just like chill and have a bunch of beers

the kids are just like scrambling around yeah playing with each other it's fucking perfect if you're a parent you're having a five-year-old birthday party you don't do it at bouncy house let these monkeys run around in the little area of a brewery. Yeah, yeah. An outdoor area. Yes. They don't care.

Yeah. Do you remember your fifth, five-year-old birthday party? I do. I remember. Of course he would say this. I remember. I still feel good.

There I was. Yeah. Looking Chuck E. Cheese directly in the mouth. Yeah, dude. It's just like one of those things. Are you going to tell me about your five-year-old birthday party right now. Yeah. Looking Chuck E. Cheese directly in the mouth. Yeah, dude. It's just like one of those things. Are you going to tell me about your five-year-old birthday party right now? Yes.

Is this a bit? Yeah. You remember your five-year-old birthday party? Yeah. Five. Not six. Yeah. Not eight.

Yeah. Five. Yes. Yeah, my dad. This better be fucking good. This better not be one of your movie reviews. It better be fucking littered with good stuff. I mean, I don't know if it's littered with good stuff,

but it's just like one of those things. It's a memory that I have that I go like, fucking Christ, dude, are you ever going to change? Yourself? Yeah. At five? No, no, now I look back on it and it's just like, when are you going to stop being this guy?

Please don't. Our business will go under, dude under dude no i was five and my dad my dad i can't believe he did this he put he like put on like a full-on like magic show your father my dad like he had bought like a bunch of you of, you know, like, bullshit. That is Paisito? He put on, like, a black suit and a hat and, like, fucking did magic. That rolls. In a way. And he had told me about some of the tricks, and I just ruined the tricks.

Like, his son's Son's friends disappear I'll start walking out And he's like Now you're gonna do Your fucking homework Dude it was a whole Elaborate plan Oh dude He set you up

So that they would fuck off And you had no friends And you finally You finally do your report On Julius Caesar Dude This will learn him it was i'll never forget he had a trick where it was a guillotine it was like a little guillotine and uh

you put a carrot in it there's like a little switch that you flip you put a carrot in it chops the carrot yeah do you put a little hasidic hat on the carrot sorry and then and then he fucking flipped then you flip the switch and you put your finger in it and it like you chop it and nothing happens yeah because it like rotates around your finger yeah and i remember i like i walked up and i was like there's a switch oh no just flip it it was just like this hit you at like 23 you're like i shouldn't have done that yeah because there's also a piece of me that looks back on it like i don't know my dad became like an engineer but he always wanted to like paint and probably was like enjoying doing the magic thing and just fucking wowing

some kids yeah just like a little artistic side leaking out yeah and i just yeah fuck the show up so bad or it was just holding back pedophilia for so long. He's like, damn, ever since I got into engineering, I miss kids. He wasn't a clown. How old's Chris? Gave him my suit, hon. Dust off the pedophilia magic suit. Damn, dude.

I can't believe you. I still can't believe you did that. That's funny. Knowing your father. He's the man. Yeah, he never did anything like that before or since yeah put on a full magic show in the basement yeah damn crazy that'd be a sick gift just give him the honestly a magician's get him a magician's outfit like tuxedo with the tails yeah in a frame like a box frame give him a hat and draped cape.

And be like, I remember when you did this for me at five years old. That'd make him cry. I think. It would be all like number two pencil falling out of his eye. It would be like graphite. He's such an engineer. Just crying graphite. Smeared fucking pencil. Just charts coming out of his ass.

That is fucking wild. That's the kind of gift I would get. Just a terrible gift. No, that's very clever. You gave me a great gift. You know your audience. For Christmas, you got me a nice bottle of Mezcal. That was.

But it wasn't just Mezcal. It was thoughtful. Yeah, yeah. It was from the Finbeck. I specifically took pictures of that Mezcal. Yeah, it was our Finbeck trip. Yeah.

And one of the owners of Finbeck is a Mezcal guy. He brought down four or five bottles for us to try. You took note. Bought one of those brands. Yeah.

Very sweet. I missed you. Tomorrow, I'm going to hate you. Whyought one of those brands. Yeah. Very sweet. I missed you. Tomorrow I'm going to hate you. Why? I don't know. I just got to get back to normal. I just got to bring it back. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, again with this. Fucking. What are we shooting? Look at this. What are we shooting tomorrow? Tomorrow? Look at this. Yeah, but what are you making?

Cipino. Cipino? Yeah. What the hell is that? It? Look at this. Yeah, but what are you making? Cipino. Cipino? Yeah. What the hell is that? It's a fish, Italian fish soup. You take like fleshy fish, and it's in a clam broth with tomato sauce, some herbs. So do like monkfish, halibut, cod, anything that has like a meaty texture. I've seen monkfish everywhere now.

What's going on with that? Monkfish is the poor man's lobster. That's all it is. It's one of the ugliest fish you can ever imagine, but it has a texture of lobster. Yeah. So it's good in hearty soups that boil for a while. So it holds its...

It's not like a flaky whitefish. It's a meaty whitefish. Ah. Steaky texture. I like that. When they say swordfish has that steak texture. Yes, swordfish is fucking phenomenal. Yeah, but it's littered with like mercury and worms.

What? Yeah, they're always like. Worms? Remember we were talking about the fucking grasshoppers and praying mantises getting ass worms? Oh, yeah. You put them in water. And the worms come out? Swordfish always have worms in their flesh.

I'm always certain of this. I'm going to get fucking lambasted. Fucking worms. What a shitty thing. Your dog ever have worms growing up? Do you have a dog growing up? You had a dog? Yeah, I had a dog.

You never had worms, I don't think. Dogs always get worms. You got to look at the shit. My buddy had worms. My buddy went... Wait, what? Yeah, my buddy had a worm. Yeah.

He like... A tapeworm in his stomach? Yeah. Like eating his goods yeah he went like uh he was nuts he always like he would like he would just go on like trips okay so he went to like mexico like borneo he went on like a surf trip to like thailand or something he took a gulp of lake water in india yeah and he was like he just, it was like pure diarrhea and he was like losing weight and he went to the doctor

and they were like, you got a worm. Dang. You got a big fucking worm. Did he get to see it? You know when you get like a... I'm sure he did. Like,

like I'm sure they took like an x-ray or something. I think it comes out. I think you kill it and it like comes out. Yeah. You like shit it out. Yeah.

Here's the thing. I don't like like, I don't like the pimple popper. I'm a obsessive freak about picking. i like that on me and my loved ones yeah yeah i don't like watching unless it's like surgical where they have to like cut an abscess i'll watch that but if it's like simple shit grosses me out with strangers but when they remove like if i see a dude if i see a dude in a fucking in a hospital chair whatever the fuck and they remove a spider a worm yeah from their canal oh my god or like the bot flies those fucking yes bot flies unbelievable oh my god same thing they would do I watched this one Where they put

You know how they They cure botflies Or get them out of your skin Once it's Identified As a botfly I watched this one dude They just put duct tape

Essentially Over it And it suffocates Until it No Until it matures And the skin opens So a botfly

Essentially just Pierces your skin, drops an egg, and the egg grows, and it eats you, feeds off you, and it gets bigger and bigger. But the botfly hole for it to exit has to be covered so this thing can just continue to eat. Otherwise, you have to surgically get in there,

and it may not be worth it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know enough. Yeah. But I watched this one dude. They dude they put like four pieces of tape over this dude that just decided like your boy to go to fucking borneo and they've removed the tape and they just removed the eggs it wasn't fully done but it was a larvae larvae yeah larva the skin. And it's just a giant maggot moving because it's about to come out as a fly. And this dude's just bullet holes

riddled in his back. That's the stuff, yeah. They should just be murdering all of those things. The flies? Well, that's what they say about the balance of life. I know, but do we need bot flies? I don't know. This is what you brought they say about the balance of life. I know, but bot flies? What do they offer? Do we need bot flies? I don't know.

I don't know. Something evil. This is what you brought up to add on the exterminator. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do we need rats? What are the rats providing? Why can't we get rid of them? Yeah.

Well, they won't let you put a cat in the fucking restaurant. Eventually put a hat on, grow sideburns, and build tunnels. I can't wait to find out what that story is what we'll never know what they're doing at this point it's like we know they're gonna cover it up yeah of course you know why do you think they were just horny and trying to build their way into like a women i thought they were like doing like uh, they're saying child, child, uh, trafficking and sex trafficking. Really? That's the worst case scenario. It is kind of like,

why else would you need those tunnels? Right. Yeah. To beat traffic. Unless you're building, like, are you building it? Like,

are you on your way to a bank? Yeah. Or were you like, were there ladies showering and you're going to do like that fucking people? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like meatballs. Yeah. Dudeep hole? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like meatballs?

Yeah. Dude, just seeing a bunch of those guys in those costumes crowd around a peep hole. Yeah. Ooga ooga. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Look at those heavy hangers. Spent 10 years digging a tunnel. There should be a comedian tunnel. It goes to all the clubs. You just ride like little mopeds locked on racks like rails. That'd be sick if Elon Musk did that. Just for comics. Just a boring company. Just build tunnels.

Everybody can have their own club. You don't have to fly anymore. You just take a fucking... We got a show on January 20th at Finbeck Brewery in Brooklyn. Tickets are on sale. The link will be in the description.

We'll also post a link on Instagram. We're going to have merch, meet and greet, drinking time. And we're going to have fun. We're going to do a show. We're going to have some friends there. 8 p.m. start, but you come by between 5, 6, and we'll just be hanging out and drinking. Sick. It's going to be fun as fuck. It's going to be great.m. start, but you come by between 5, 6, and we'll just be hanging out and drinking. Sick.

It's going to be fun as fuck. It's going to be great. Yeah. Also, tour dates come out in a couple weeks. Yeah, we got a nice, fat little tour coming up. We have a fat tour this year. Yeah. We're going to be out and about.

Yeah. It's time to meet people. We went from youngest son last year to middle son. Yeah, yeah. We got a little fatter. We're making moves. Fatter and stronger. We're making moves. The fat's going to move to muscle at some point. Yeah, yeah. That got a little fatter. We're making moves. Fatter and stronger. We're making moves.

The fat's going to move the muscle at some point. Yeah, yeah. That's the oldest, son. Well, and then back to fat. Once we get back from that trip. Once we're at the top, we're going to get fat.

Yeah, the IPA budget's through the roof. Yeah, true. Fuck. Just, the tour's going to be, we should just call it the 100,000 calorie tour.

Oh, I got to piss. is going to be, we should just call it the 100,000 calorie tour. I'm going to piss.