Stuff Island - Chinese Balls - Stuff Island #255

Episode Date: October 14, 2026

Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians SUB TO THE PATREON: PATREON.COM/STUFFISLAND For free shipping on your order & 365-day returns go tohttps://www.Quince.com/stuff Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/knz4su0l #CashAppPodCash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Cash App Green features, Savings, Direct deposit, Round ups, Overdraft coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dude, I mean, getting a pair. I looked for pastled chute. Passled alligators slides. I make it more difficult. I know, because you want something fucking. Nice. And then they go, it's, yeah, well, yeah, we got it.

But it's going to take 12 days. You go, it can't be 12. And then you order it and it's on a fucking Shopify that goes to New York. Oh, yeah. The fuck, because I didn't update my address. The immediate panic. and you can't cancel the order so now someone's just getting a nice fucking

in her own pair of alligator good honor dude that is a not I've done that a couple of times where like you finally get to the like pay screen and you can Apple pay and you're like yeah sure and then you Apple pay from your phone

and it somehow goes new address it does like whatever address is in your phone it doesn't ask you to which obviously hasn't been updated since it doesn't verify yeah I would rather to go to my fucking parents' house. I had already entered in the shipping address. Doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah.

Doesn't matter. Yeah. You buy that. It's the whole process. Yeah. It'll be arriving in South Philadelphia. Yeah. And you're like, no way.

Yeah. That's another thing, too, is like sometimes you get the delivery window for something in Philly or something in New York. Yeah. And you need it in Austin. Yeah, of course. And when that finally updates to, Austin, it's two weeks.

Yeah. Fucking great. Supposed to be here tomorrow at 6 a.m. Yeah, this is a, this is how a week, dude. Yeah. Getting married next week, so I have to get physically eloped before that. I mean, and that's kind of what we want to do is have it, have it done so that, like, the actual marriage is just a party.

It's justified. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just having a party. It's justified. The 50 grams Just to fuck That's so funny I just talked to my mother yesterday

And she talks like this And I don't want it The whole justified thing So are you doing it before I got to ask her to get my fucking birth certificate Who saves a birth certificate How do you do that?

This is crazy It's from a bygone era And they don't even fuck If your mother can't It's on a piece of cardboard It's literally like saving like a something like a the things you'd send in on cereal boxes

you know what you collect like it's Marlowe Miles dude I'm trying to get a fucking I'm trying to get a jacket on Marlboro Miles trying to get a hat with a little spinny on top yeah

I mean that's married in a nutshell I see you're married too it's a pinwheel hat yeah my literal social security card was a piece of cardboard just like that

It was like the back of a fucking cigarette pack. I lost that, like sixth grade, I think, seventh grade. Yeah. Well, the first thing to go was there was like, because you, I never, like, I never had to even think about it or use it of until you go to like, until I went to like college. Yeah, or get a passport or something.

Yeah, yeah. If you're a younger kid and you need two forms of identification, like giving your social security card and your, in your, it has like a perforated. It had like a perforated. It had like a second flap. Oh, fancy. That goes gone.

That's gone. Second one. Dude, it doesn't have like a perforated edge in the second part. It's like a pack of orbit where you can rip off the first to half. It's, dude, I swear to God, it's literally just to thicken the document. So it's like less likely that you lose it. You lose it? Yeah.

Toer my dad's wild. It's three feet long. That thing's gone. Yeah. So we can't get married in New Orleans. We have to do it. I think we wouldn't do it here, Texas. Yeah.

No, well, you got to get it done ahead of it. It'd be so funny to be at your wedding going like, well, we're working on the paperwork. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's not official yet. Yeah. I don't think anyone would give a fuck, but it's definitely a weird feeling for sure. If you don't officially do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're just like, congrats. You're like, I know. Eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Happy birthday. Next month. Honestly.

I'll get around, though. Yeah. Honestly, I feel like people should maybe do it more. more the other way. Yes. It's like get married and then do the contractual stuff maybe a year or two years.

And then you could think about it. And then if it doesn't work out... Speaking of, she's bothered me right now. It doesn't work out and people are like, oh my God, you're getting a divorce. It's like, we actually never even did it. Yeah. And then they're pissed.

They're like, I fucking spent all that money to get to New Orleans for you. You guys weren't even married? New Orleans is going to be fun, dude. It's going to be great. I swear to God, because of the Eagles. I'm not, listen, I know. I'm holding on this ball.

This is therapy. But the internet was tough for the last couple days. And I decided not to touch you. Yeah. I'm not, I didn't peruse. So I got to, I opened my internet to a fucking storm, dude. Yeah. An absolute hurricane of bullshit.

And I go, fuck it. It was nice. having it. I took the night off. Night off of the internet. I took the night off the internet. That's like me praising myself going, I didn't drink last night. I didn't get drunk last night. Literally sitting drunk on your couch being like, I gotta take the night.

You know how hard it is? The phone's right there. I'm watching fucking American Green. I got to watch the sponsor ads going, I can't touch that. Because I want to fuck. murder seriani and the eagles are fucking dog shit so i can't get on the fucking phone i was last week i was i was trying to i was trying to be all my business dude i was trying to be a good boy yeah for some reason some reason i was you want me to answer this you think the demon's not

always waiting to be shook in that for some reason i was like you know i just want to maybe like see what people are you would you know what i mean i'm stuck in that i've been in just in the house doing my own bullshit I texted DeRosa Just like, oh, what are you doing? Yeah. And he calls me.

Of course. Calls me right away. It's texting your mom. And he's like, what are you doing? I was like nothing. I was just seeing if people were like, I don't know, I wasn't even doing anything tonight,

like whatever. He's like, I mean, I don't really want to be out tonight, but like, you know, I'll get a beer like right now. That's so funny.

I was like, I was like, all right. Fucking, actually this works. You know what I mean? have a couple people. I do the

lying, the level of lying to yourself? Yes. Yeah. I go, no, it's actually

good because then I'll be home. Yeah. Three hours later and AC. Dude. I'm not kidding you. I get there.

DeRosa's already. He just goes, he's shot. And I'm like, no way, dude. Like I can't. I got to settle in.

I get somebody to eat or something. He goes, come on, man. All right. Dude, I'm not kidding I was I was like blacked out in maybe two and a half hours

Like I was like I was Dude I Irish goodbyeed on him twice You came back It was It was nuts It's great It's the Jewish goodbye

I would dude I yeah I was literally out from five 45 to 730, 815. Wrecked. Yeah, I mean, some people have that gene where they go, yeah, let's just have a little Sunday fun day type of mentality. We'll get home. I'll be in bed by 10 or 11.

Yeah. Yeah, well, I just started at fucking at noon. Well, now I'm going to be up until 5 in the morning. I'm going to have layers of, I just, you know, I just, you know, I just started. trying Irish goodbye, the drinking. We're like, I'll tell myself, go, I'm not going to drink anymore. And then a couple hours goodbye, you go,

yeah, one more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finally, by myself, we can have, yeah, yeah, just have a relaxed one to close it out. Yeah. Relaxing, drunk. I only watch a documentary by myself that I'll never remember. Yeah.

I rewatched a documentary last night. And you know how you go to Netflix. And I'm like, oh, here's one I haven't found. And I'm fucking, what I do is I go through the best ones and then I check the ratings. I'll see what the, you know, how they're reviewed. Yeah. And if I, you know, if I want to watch it and then I open it and it's got the red bar on every episode. I see this?

Did I watch this? Probably might have auto played on you. That's exactly what happened. Because I remember the first episode. I was like, I fucking saw this, but I don't remember what happened. So what I did was I watched I started the first episode conced out

and then it just keeps going next episode and then runs the whole gamut So I rewatch it It was great You know what was crazy is I actually wound up watching That documentary you told me about About the guy who six wives died Yeah

It's still on the top 10 It's Did you enjoy it? Yeah, it's fascinating. Right. It's fascinating. Yeah. It also is really crazy to me.

Like I understand that like you don't want a prior case to pollute a current case. That's bullshit. But this. Yeah. They need like a RICO statute for this. They need like. Yeah. The guy's wife died by a murder.

Yeah. Yeah. How's that? And then he's on a current murder trial. It's like, how is that not related? Yeah. I just noticed you have two Chinese balls in your fucking palm. Yeah, I'm trying to...

It's a new thing. I'm trying to stop biting. It's a fucking new thing. And I swear to God. I'm trying to stop biting my nails. I said this. So I'm doing the stress ball. I said this.

I'll look at this. And on the clip they put up, Josh put up where it's like every week, dude. You got some new fucking thing. I'm working on it. I think you should finally just kill somebody. That's all you're doing. I have no desire. You're fighting the urge to murder a body.

No, no, no. No, this is just, I got to stop biting my nails. That's what this is. Yeah. And it really does. You wouldn't believe how actually enjoyable this is. Because I want to do it. Don't get me.

Dude, give it a few spins. So you bought a kid? No, no, I just bought those two things. You go left or right? I go counterclockwise. I go counterclockwise. Clockwise is tough. I'm going clock.

Yeah. Clockwise is tough. Yeah, I guess. Once you get it nice and smooth and rolling. The noise and textures. You shouldn't be any noise. Oh, you're getting a little grind in there? Yeah.

You like that. I don't love the grind. Like, that's how I define a good spin is if it's smooth. You know what I mean? You got to oil them off. Yeah, I got to grease them. You look ball bearings You're a little WD40 on there

Get those spinning Did you ever hear that story The ball barren company's running out balls When the spinners came out The Chinese factors Running a little fucking ball I think you might have gotten a little lotion on these And grind

That's my anxiety brother Yeah you sweat on him Well yeah I just told you about Trying to get a fucking Pair shoes In four days The Jota Rote by Jona Rose It's true

yeah so you're gonna you're gonna have a ceremony feel a little grease on these huh yeah yeah you shook my hand yeah yeah

you got some some salt on these now I'm fucking wet I got sea outer skin right now why are you asking DeRos is gonna are you gonna have a ceremony then in Texas

yeah wow not a ceremony I just need you're gonna have to be there because I need a witness a witness

and we're just going to we're gonna go to a shit hole here that's awesome We're going to have a day drink. Yeah. Because we want to stay in. Yeah, yeah.

Just trying to get to bed early. Get to bed early. Get married. Get the better early. I know. The earlier you start, the earlier you get home. I'll let you know where we do it. He's got to get ordained.

He's like, yeah, dude. I mean, fucking honored. He's the best, dude. I love me so much. He really is. He's the fucking best. I was so excited. I wanted to catch up with it.

I haven't seen him in like a month. Yeah. Two months. He's such a good man. He was shooting that movie. And then I was like, nice. Okay, well, you know, I hardly talked to him. I was in the tank.

Really? Dude, I. Because you haven't been drinking that much. Two shots and two or three ponies. I was done. Were you just staring at the bar? You guys are just, what's he? I mean, we were talking.

I don't know what I was saying. We were talking about fucking bullshit. I caught up with him about the movie a little bit. Did he force you to go to a bar where you could smoke inside? No, no, no, no, no. No. Did he pop out every fucking five night? No, we sat outside at a bar and he smoked a little bit.

There it is. All right, yeah. Which I don't mind. I still like the smell of cigarette smoke. Yeah. Yeah, well. I've totally lost the desire to taste it. It's a hard,

we smoked during quarantine. Yeah. You and I. Yeah. I would, you start, I would hit. Beautiful. Coffee and cigarettes. Coffee and cig in the morning.

I understood it. Yeah. I would smoke a cigarette to go to the gym. And I was like, this is the best. I know. And now I fucking hate it. The taste is disgusting. The smell of cigarettes is completely dependent upon the attitude of a person.

For me. You think so? Yeah, because I get, it's like PTSD. It's like if your father was in a good mood, my dad always, I always associate cigarette smell with my father. So if you're not getting yelled at or fucking, disciplined

it's nice yeah you know it reminds you a home but if somebody's fucking yapping at you and you smell a cigarette it's not good it's evil

yeah I thought you were talking about the the speed at which someone smokes a cigarette no that's this smell brother I just bust some I can't talk about this

I can't talk about that but uh yeah yeah yeah I watch somebody smoke a cigarette like through a window and it like blew me away. Like to the point where I was like, oh, I don't even know who this person. You know what I?

You can piece together the elements here. It was this. Just. Smiling in a phone. Oh, really? Every, yeah, like every, like 10 seconds. And then a. And I was like, yo.

That is fucking. fucking nuts. That is nuts. Because that's like waiting for the like getaway driver energy. Which shouldn't have a smile. Do you know what I mean? You shouldn't be smiling when you're smoking like that.

You're worried about a fucking, you know. Cops are going to be your end. The cops are going to be any second. The bomb's going to go off. It's like that clip of, uh, what's her face? Where I, uh, what's that documentary coming out? with the woman from Oh yeah, yeah, the blood thing

Yeah, where... There was some like... Elizabeth Holmes. Some psychologist like broke that down into how she's like clearly a psychopath And they said like her level of eye contact And her smile

And like the the lack of motion in her face Outside of happiness while locked in And it got broken down But like this is an actual psychopath It's hard to behave like that unless you're a clear psychopath. Yeah. I know this isn't fucking groundbreaking,

but like when you rewatch and see things in real life, you go, that's crazy. Yes. I mean, that's you and I. You're like this. I heard your balls clank. I'm like, yeah. So what I'm saying is just maybe hide your things.

Hide your Chinese balls. Look, we all have our. stress routines. We all have our stress routines, but that one, that one is worse than us. She is worse than us. But there is some piece of me that wonders if it's just someone who's so scared of another conscious thing.

Yeah. That was also sort of the look she was giving, which was just almost felt like pure fear. Yeah. Like being someone who has no idea how to interact with people. Yeah. So you go heavy on the eye contact. Yeah.

Crazy. it's another documentary I saw last night was a this couple was kidnapped or the woman was kidnapped and they obviously were like it's the dude it's the husband

or the boyfriend and they told the same story and she actually was kidnapped and it came right out after Gone Girl it was like within the same year as Gone Girl was released and they're like oh this is just like

copycat and they're trying to get money they're trying to just get fucking paid because the potential kidnappers were asking for for fucking 50 grand or whatever it was and it all came out where this dude was just like a Harvard grad him and his marine buddies just kidnapped people

and would rape the woman whoa so she yeah I don't know how I got here I just thought about the woman's face and she's like I had to so she genuinely got kidnapped She genuinely got kidnapped, and he was telling the genuine story. And the Alejo or somewhere in L.A., the cops were just like, we're not even investigating this. This is dog shit. And then another cop.

Oh, yeah. Do you remember this? I forget the name of it. I saw that documentary too. That was crazy. Yes. So good. And they ended up suing that they got like $2.5 million or something.

but the cops were just refusing because yeah she was in the house like in L.A. for like a while or something well no it was in Tahoe or not Tahoe yeah something some lake whatever so the guy would just drive him drive the women to this lake house that his mother owned

you know put her in the bed and eventually he was like apparently like a nice guy yeah he was making her pancakes and shit yeah yeah he was like make him breakfast I think didn't she say She said, no, she's coffee. No, she said the music was, like, lovely. All right, this episode is brought to you by Quince.

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Now available in Canada and the UK too. So, I mean, you can wear it. It's a full year. It's crazy. When Quince asks where you, when Quince asked where you heard about him, let them know it was Stuff Island. the best way to support the show. This episode is also brought to you by Cash App.

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Cash app, green features, savings, direct posit, roundups, overdraft coverage and discounts provided by Cash app, a block ink brand, visit cache. dot app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Yeah, cash app, man.

You got a cash app. She goes, he would blast like French techno in the morning while he was preparing his coffee and she's like, I gotta be honest, like it was nice music

while she's blinded and goggles tied to a bed and then eventually he's like look in order for us so funny to be like one of the, because they were looking for the guy and they were like

the key is he really knows music. It's clearly music really fun. The guy loves French techno. Let's got a narrow something here. That's the first clue. Guy in an epic playlist. Oh, God.

Shout out Nashville. Thanks for coming, guys. That was fucking wonderful. How was your show in Harrisburg? I didn't. Harrisburg is not until November. Oh. I thought that was,

this weekend. No, this weekend I was, this weekend I went up and I saw old Shane Gillis do Saturday Night Live. Shane who? He's an up-and-coming comedian. Shane Gillis? Yeah. He's really making some waves. Is it a documentary?

No. Oh, he's a person. They haven't started the documentary. Oh, who's coming? That boy's going to have a few documentaries. No, it was, it was fucking great. I thought it was a great episode of the show. And I thought, dude, that girl, Rosalia or whatever, is unfucking believable.

You saw her life. Yeah. In the room. I don't know how it was. looked on TV, but in the room, epic, dude. Yeah. Enya level. Really? Yes.

Got emotional. It was. It was, dude, it was crazy. Yeah. Did you watch any of the, dude? No. There was one. I saw a bunch.

They set up like rain. She was literally like standing in the rain on stage. Not physical moisture. Yes. They dropped fucking rain. Yeah, dude. How? I don't know.

Oh, they clean that up. The indoor plumbing, dude. It's a miracle of, uh, I went to his last two tapings. You were there, obviously, but watching that... The movements. The movements. It's the choreography of these back-end guys and girls.

Fucking incredible. So what do you do with all the water? Did they just come out with mops? No, they set up a drain. Of course. I don't know whether they... I can't get my fucking water just in my own. I don't know if they built it that week or they've had a couple rainstorms.

on stage before. But boy howdy. It was, it was epic. The first song was epic too. Yeah. I thought she ripped. Yeah,

you're in love with her. I, dude, her voice. Yeah. You're a voice guy. I'm a big voice guy. Dude,

this one's gonna, yeah. You would have wept. Yeah. Oh, 100%. You would have wept. Yeah. There's,

yeah. My lady cried. Yeah. I mean, I, I cry at fucking bank commercials. So, She's crying yes

El She was deeply moved Oh yeah It's hilarious Nesnell was sick It's always so fun Dude him cursing too In that outfit

Oh my God That is the funniest thing That I saw live Damn I saw it live Like Marr was sleep Jesus And then that fucking

Whatever the actor's name is Like sorry. Yeah. Does meukes? Like, yeah. How did they not break?

Dude. How does they not break? It feels, I don't know. I think they're probably scared in the moment. Like, I think they're just scared to be around. It's like,

dude, that's so endearing and funny. It was so funny. And dude, he went. So the part that he didn't get to see is after that, he steps out of the scene for a second.

Yeah. And he, literally seeing him in those gloves and the dog ears go like oh and then it was so funny

that's so fucking funny and then and then fucking what's his name blew in on oh man the cat and the hat blew in on that car and almost

fucking blew out Mikey Days ACL. So funny. Oh my God. But it's not enough for you, is it? Public peace. Nobody wants to talk about the fun stuff.

Nobody wants to have a good time. Dude, it was so good. I honestly, I thought it was one of the best, if not the best one that he did. Yeah, really? I thought it was great. Yeah, yeah.

It was really good. It was really funny. Let's go. But just up and back, up and back to New York. York. That's funny. My whole timeline was fucking hard left maniacs

shitting on Shane and then the Eagles and I went, get the fuck out of here. I can't. It was just every single post was Shane SNL and the Eagles should kill themselves. Yeah, the factory that

produces your algorithm. Oh my God. I was like, give me the murder viz. Let me get some relief. And I did. I saw that whatever that Chinese parade fucking shipball. Big shipment today, fellas.

Goes to the wrong address. No one's going home for a while. They shopify it to New York instead of Austin. Like, you got the wrong fucking address. Supposed to send it to mine. God. Hell on earth. What are the two things he's always looking at?

Sports and comedy. We got the mother. load today. Yeah, it was great. Oh, shout out. What a lot. Dude, yeah, we were, you know, when, we're out late.

What'd you guys do? Yeah, afterwards. We just went to the after party and just hung out there, which was, which was fun. And then, but we didn't get home until like five. And then Eagles were playing at 9.30. 8.30 on my time.

Yeah. I had my flight delayed from Nashville. There's the storm. There's a hurricane coming up or whatever the fuck. Yeah. It got delayed three times. And I was like literally falling asleep in the fucking in the Delta lounge. And I went, enough.

And it was me and like five guys. Just hanging on for dear life. And everybody you could tell. Until they came up to the bar, you didn't know they were going to Austin. Yeah. And everyone was waiting on Austin. And this old man had never been like through this process before I go, dude, this is the, this is the third delay. I said, let me tell you something.

If there's one more, we're done. We got to get out of here. and they closed the Delta lounge at 7.30 apparently there in Nashville. So I was like Kind of crazy. Well, that's why I went

I moved my flight to the next day. Right. I'm not waiting long. Yeah, I'm not going to go fucking sit there. Amongst the rabble. I mean, it's not.

Yeah. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's one of those things where it's like, I've got enough drinks in me

that I can't afford what's coming next. Right. Yeah. Come on try. I need, yeah. You can't go from drinking for free. Yeah.

For about four hours. To a $25 per cent. I'm a load up, dude. I'm a load up. I got like three cookies, put them in a napkin, wrap them in my fucking jeans. You get one of those coffee trays. A couple to go cups here. And that's what I do.

I get to, I get this, the, to go coffee cups. I tip the bartender, asked for a double. you know, a double bourbon. You pour it right in front of their eyes. It's just called Bop, lit on, off to the plane. Instead, I went off to an Uber back to a fucking hotel. I got a nice one. A guy hit me in Seattle.

The guy hit me with a big pour. Yeah. You're when they don't measure it out. Oh, of course. Normally if you ask for it. You got a paper. Yeah. Oh, dude.

Yeah. It's one of those. And it was like, I was on like a 9 a.m. flight. Yeah. See you. Yeah. My girl's always like, why are you going the night before? I'm like, you don't understand.

You don't understand the flight process. I'm going to get ripped on that flight. For real, it was like, it was like your big brother giving you a push on the swing. Parents aren't around. It's like, oh, you want to go high? It scares he at the top? Yeah, you come off, you hit the chain. Oh, no, slow down.

Slow down. I know it sounds like I'm having fun, but that was fucking nuts. Yeah, dude, when you go zero G for a second, and then you slam back down, the chains go like, psh, at the fan going. Holy mackerel.

Yeah, that's... Yeah, he sent me. Well, the flight actually eventually came at like, I got a notification at like 1.30 or something and the flight was supposed to leave at like five. So I would have been there in seven hours.

It's like, what the fuck? That's crazy. I made the right move even though it was, you know. Yeah. It hit my pocket. Land in Austin at 5 a.m. Yeah. This whole last couple months have been hating my pockets.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a heavy toll. It might seem to me in a long-sleeve shirt doing fucking lawn work. You got to get up there with the rats with your boy Cutting trees down. Yeah, yeah.

What's his name, Gunner or something? Rowdy. Rowdy. Rowdy. Rowdy. He's the fucking man. Routy ordy is the animal. You're going to meet an animal in New Orleans.

He works there. He's the spear fisherman. My boy Frank. Oh, really? Brother, this guy gets me in a pickle when I get down there. in the best way. Frank the spear fisherman. Frank the spear fisherman.

He's got boned to his nose. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, he's like, he looks like rowdy, actually, the other guy, but just like a jolly, big, beefy, it kind of jacked, the happiest fucking man. Yeah. He's got like nuns.

Disposition? Disposition where it's like, It's a pleasant. Just a pleasant guy to be around. He's always like, you got to try this. You want to try this? And he's behind the bar. I'm like, yeah, I never tried that.

I'm having a blast. And I'm just like, I'm fucking, you know. Like, imagine hanging out with like three de roses. But everything you taste is not Jack Daniels. It's actually good. The guy drinks Jack Daniels. We got in a fight. I was like, dude, your tongue is dead.

Like, you can't tell. You can't tell me shit about sandwich combinations. Yeah, Jack Daniels. You like Jack Daniels? You're awful. It truly is awful. We did get, I did get them off jacking because there was a special on Jameson. Jameson, it's good, but it's so overpriced.

It's a cut above. Well, not when there's a special. True. You know, there's a beer and a shot special. That's, Jameson is like Tito's. Like, they corner the market, raised the price like that fucking, like that dickhead did with the AIDS medication. I feel like I'm the only one. I can't believe that Titos isn't tequila.

What do you mean? mean. It's just a name like Tito's. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. I was like, what are you talking about? You tasted? How fucked up were you? I can't believe this isn't tequila.

It's like, all right, Chris, you cut off. No, every time someone was getting a Tito's and soda, for the longest time, I thought it was a tequila soda. It turns out of vodka. Yeah, I could draw a Tito right now. It feels like it's like a way of covering for like embarrassed vodka drinkers. You get a Titos. Well, they did it all right, dude.

Apparently, Tito's what really... Should be Ruslan's or something. There's a Rosaluna. Well, that's... Well, okay, Rosaluna. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it was going to be Meskow. Yeah, Titos.

Yeah, Titos. You got no business being in the Irish whiskey. I know. I know it's a vodka, but I'm saying... Horreys Irish stout. Exactly. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? What fuck was I going to say?

Oh, they got... You're saying Tito's corner to the market and Jameson's the same one. They put on their label. I don't know when they started, but it might have been during like the pandemic or whatever. And during all like the woke bubble bullshit.

Yeah. But they put gluten-free on their label, Tito's. That's nice. Gluten free. And people were like, it's perfect for me. Every fucking alcohol is gluten-free. fucking monkey. But whatever marketing genius,

that's what pushed them. Got the babes. They got the babes. You got the babes slug and titos. You got to get the retarded white women out there talking about gluten-free shit. I know, because a lot of people... Pop them off.

Once you put gluten-free on it, everyone assumes that everything else has gluten in it. 100%. Otherwise, why would they label it that way? Yeah. You know? Yeah. That's the only tattoo I would get on my penis.

It's gluten-free. Gluten free. But can you be sure? Everybody can eat it. Can you be sure? What is gluten? Like a wheat? It's like in it.

It's like, yeah. What is gluten? You do this a look at this. What the hell is gluten? Is it starch? Cut 35.30. I'm not answering this. Hey, Siri, what is gluten?

Siri, what is gluten? It's a protein that people are allergic to, I guess. It's just a mixture of protein. proteins. Oh, so you allergic to gluten. You should be dead. Like, we're taking care of these people where, you know, in the past, you would just throw them in a well.

You'd have to kill people for your family to survive. Or you just sometimes you just have a belly. I don't think it's that really that big of a deal. You know what I mean? I think people are just very, it's about, it's like body dysmorphia that's causing this gluten allergy phenomenon. Well, it's a true allergy, so it's a reaction. I think it just got a little bit of a belly thing.

Yeah. You know, sometimes they get a little. diarrhea. Yeah. I mean, come on. You get used to it. Right. Diarrhea turns out to be pretty fun if you just settle in.

Look. I have to go so bad right now. If you just embrace it. Dude, pissing out your ass. You know? Like, I get a good one. When you get a good, a good day. Yeah.

It's, it's a good feeling. Of course. Yeah. Just release the D. Power wash. Yeah. And that just release of like, oh.

Yeah. I like that. It's like losing your wallet and then finding it. That's what you think diarrhea is? Like you're finding a 20 in an old jacket. Yes. Well, no,

you got to add the panic prior to. So find a 20 is just an actual joy. Right. But you got to find the panic. The wallet thing's like, I fucking lost it. It's like eating a hot pepper. It's like eating a hot pepper.

pepper that's diarrhea i know that's where it comes from right yeah i had general salz the pain comes first and then the relief yes is maximized because of what you were almost worth we thought it would never end almost worth yeah if not definitely worth it we should get some general sales like a corner chinese restaurant just to feel that today yeah get some diarrhea going yeah i got to get to bed early so we have to go to it earlier today just blacked out shiard shi all over place. I feel like that in some way there is a happy meeting because sometimes

you do have a couple beers and you go right to bed. Yeah. When was that? High school? No, no, no. I've done, I've done it. I feel like I've done it recently where you need to get to sleep but you can't, like your brain's going too much

and you have a little sip of something and you go right out. Yeah. You know, it's like babies getting whiskey on their gums. That's a gift. You know? I don't have I ain't got that. Sometimes it goes the other way. When you want it to put you to sleep, it always accelerates you. Yeah, yeah.

Vigorates your fucking night. You go, I got a whole mother a night. That's happening. I did it last night. Yeah. I fell asleep early. I took a fucking two hour, three hour nap. Catching up from the weekend.

Yeah. Got up at two o'clock in the morning. Two to five. Yeah. Just ripping it. Send it. Just ripping what's on there. And I can.

animals? No. The new Ben Affleck movie? No. I saw it up there. Yeah, it's all right. Is it okay? Yeah. You're saying it's all right. That means it's pretty good. Yeah, I think it's, I think it's all right. You know that, right. No, dude, I fucking, I did. Let's hear from a cocksucker. How many cocksucking stars you give it?

My two movies I rewatched recently that I really loved, I was, uh, Mothman Prophecies and Gone Girl actually. Gone Girl's great. Gone Girl was awesome. Yeah. Mothman Prophecies. Rips. Really? Mothman prophecies is scary. It's Moth.

Stop saying Moth. It's weird. It's Moth, man. No, it's goth. Moth. Mothman. The Mothman. The Mothman prophecies.

Do you, Mothman prophecies is great, dude. Yeah, you really do say a lot of weird fucking words. Moth. Moth. No, don't say it like a fuck duck. Moth. Not say it like all your neighbors. Josh, you see it?

First of all, welcome. How are you? I'm doing well. Are you doing okay? Yeah, I'm doing all right. You seen his dad. Did you notice he's playing with Chinese balls? They're bigger than I would anticipate.

True. Don't they come in threes? A little joke there. What? Don't they come in threes? No. Threes. I thought they do threes.

No, you got a ying and the yang to balance, Tom. Jesus Christ. I wasn't ready for that. I looked you right in the eyes when you said it. That was frightened. Because you're right. It is the yin and yang. It's yin and yang, first of all.

It is the yin yang, yeah. It should be the yin and the yang. It should be yin and yang. Yeah. You ever met a yin? Nah. He's always a yin. Two yings and a yang.

Oh, dude. Make the best fucking several cells that I'll make you piss that age. We're talking about diarrhea. You missed everything. Dude, we were rewatching. We were at Chains and we were re-watching, uh, the Torgasm. Oh shit. Dang, let's go.

Torgasm. Have you ever seen it? Yeah, of course. I don't think so. That was the first round, wasn't it? Wasn't it the first round stadium performance? Uh, no, that's vicious circle. But it was him.

It was day, right, right. But Torgasim is with Bobby Kelly and Gary Goldman and Jay Davis. And they're like, yeah, that was a skinny blonde, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, they like, like, I think it actually. would have been good. They just shot it in the most like overproduced

dog shit way. Like, was that late 90s? Early aughts? It was early odds for sure. Yeah. It had to be, yeah, it had to be like 06, 07. But it, boy, howdy, does it suck ass? And Bobby's in it. And he's rough, dude.

And I love Bobby. I love Bobby, but it just like, Like, they have fake conflicts in it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And they, like, they script it. Yeah.

They shoot it like real world. Yeah. Instead of just being like, and they have like things they have to do during the day. Like they have like pre-planned events. Jesus Christ. Like they're going horseback riding and they're like, they're going to go to a rock climbing gym. And it's supposed to just be like them on the road. Yeah.

It's awful. It would have been so much better if they just filmed them. hanging out. Yeah. And like every day being like, does anyone want to come with me to get a coffee? And people are like, no. And then having a fight about that. Yeah, listen, we don't need our live script.

We're going to find a fight somewhere in there. Well, it's just like. You come in here with Chinese balls? Dude, let me tell you something. Someone's going to think this was written in this. That would have been an actually great documentary because it is like a very motley crew. Like the four of them together make no sense. Yeah.

And it would be really funny to watch them. have to figure out their days and just be on the bus. Yeah. Just. But instead, it's, oh. That's a dicting, though. Dude, you can power through orgasm. What did Bobby look like back then?

He's nuts, dude. He's got like a big boy on goatee. Of course. Yeah. It's to Boston early on. He's got this flat brim hat backwards hat thing going on in the in that 90s way. Yes. Like it's all fitted hats.

Yeah. It's a disaster. Dane Cook is a nightmare. He used to wear those, like, fucking, those UFC shirts and shit, right? It's, like, bedazzled. It's actually before that era. Oh, okay.

It's right before he, but you can see, you can see, like, you can see him, like, pointing the barrel of the gun in the wrong direction. Like, he's about to get shot in the, like, just completely wrong trajectory. His tits are about to get frosted. Yeah.

But God damn. Apparently there's some Dane Cook documentary that's out now that's not bad. Brian Six said it's not bad. Yeah. Yeah. Six is consuming all the content. It's called funny money.

Really? Yeah. Is it? It's about his brother stealing his mother. Yeah, yeah. I heard about this. It is devastating. I love to check that out.

It's devastating. I haven't watched it, but I'm a, I'm a Dane Cook believer. I do. Me too, dude. I fuck with that. That is the other thing. His stand-up dude was so good.

Also, he's a fucking, pioneer, bro. He did. He did it. I know. How are you going to hate on that? I don't. I don't like it. I love Dan. I remember watching Torgasin when it came out. I remember like, and I couldn't get through it because it was so bad. But like, fucking Dane Cook was number one, dude.

Dude, I grew up on him. He was, like, the biggest comedian when I was in like middle school. He was. He was. He was too young to appreciate, like, Louis. Because I was like in like sixth grade. Right. So, like, he was the guy that everybody was watching. Like, I had, like, I remember going to, like, my boy's house to, like, spend the night.

And we, there's, like, 10 of us that we watched Vicious Circle together. Oh, dude, his Comedy Central Presents was, like, nuts. How good it was. It was. Him and Nick Swarton were like. Nick Swarton. Unbelievable Comedy Central Presents. I'm a big Nick Swartson fan.

Yeah. I also like the Arish Barker. I think he just tours New Zealand now. Orge Barker is like, I don't know who is. He was just... He was a name. Yeah. I think he was like, yeah, he's just a funky-ass name. And then he like became big in New Zealand.

And I think he's just... I think he just tours New Zealand and makes a ton of money. That rules. It just lives in New Zealand. That rules. Yeah. Be nice to fucking just capture a country. Just one little, you know, if you just destroying Sweden, right.

Spend your entire life in Sweden. Oh, dude. Right in a gay bicycle with a fucking a basket of baguettes on it. It would be a... If you could just constantly tour Sweden and just, you were just, and not even from that. Just mow through those blonde babies. You look?

Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm fucking, I'm African there. I know. I'm from Sudan. And that's why they'd be really taken by it. Yeah, of course they would. Yeah, they go, holy shit, this guy's nuts. I go in there with Hogi Mouton.

Yeah, where are you from? Yeah, yeah, any sort of in here? Yeah. Yeah, put it on one of those like, in the, put it in toaster first, too. I like the crunch on the back end of it. It cuts out the fischiness or whatever. We can do some cross-entry scheme.

Yeah, no, come here, come here. I'll do a picture. Come here, come here, come here, come here. See on my lap. That would be sick. How was your call? It was good. You were outside, yeah?

Yeah, you were sitting in a chair, yeah? The weather's starting to kind of turn a little bit. It's feeling nice. Look at the lines on his thighs. I know. Oh, I got the imprints. Yeah, you can tell when I was, When I've been at a bar and I lock in,

there's just two creases behind my fucking calves. You can't lie to your girl. You come home with fucking bar. You got to roll that out before you. Barstool can't. I got to roll it out before you get to the misses. Benaka. Bonaca.

Whatever happened? I know. Gone. Gone forever. Is Benaka gone? Yeah. Might still be around. I bet it is.

I'm sure there's someone's making it. I'm sure it's like, um, Yeah, floating around somewhere. Yeah. It's part of the Mentos factory. Some yin or yang fucking bought that company. Oh, God forbid we have some fun, huh?

God forbid. God forbid. I bet it is. Do you see that company that makes like a, immediately comes up with a fake iPhone? It's like a, it's like a, it's like a knockoff iPhone that's like perfect. like they already made the like flip one yeah yeah they still technology it's called like ziomi or something like that it's like it's like it sounds like one of those amazon brands yeah did you ever see

like how that works the amazon no the whole process but it's horrific well so there's people that make a fuck ton of money where they take they search amazon for top 10 products they'll buy a lot not a lot the lot they'll buy a lot they'll buy a lot they'll buy as as many, they'll fucking buy them out in a sense, until they have to research and they change the name. Like I, they'll just be like Yomi.

And it'll be the same exact product that already has like, whatever, 4.8 out of five ratings and they keep us either a certain price or go a little higher and they sell it on their own site. Whoa. Where they deliver it. And that's how they make money.

Dude, that is a whole, it's all living. dude this guy was telling me about a there's like a manufacturer's convention in Shanghai or something like that in China mm-hmm it looks nuts yeah I see I like that like that's literally like every one of those companies that manufactures like every little thing that gets sent over here dude this size of the convention center is like I feel like it's like two square miles yeah of just buildings and fucking and people with booth set up being like,

we can make this at this price and send it to you. Yeah. And they, yeah. See, I mean, I'm in all that. I would love to go to a fascinating to go. I would love to go to a two mile fish market in fucking Japan. Yeah.

And they, you know, blast their stinky breaths through their fucking weird dice. Dude, well, they also have, in Japan, they have,

I feel like they have mom and pop like factories. Yeah. Dude, there's like a whole factory. Mom and pop factory. It looks like two people that like work at a bodega and they fucking, they've got a whole factory

that they're just like, yeah, we can make these towels for you. Like you can make, you know, you got to order 10,000. Yeah. You can have them by Thursday. Yeah. They do that nonstop.

It's wild. And these people, there's some of YouTube guy I was following who like, does that as a business. Yeah. He just, yeah, I think he, like, he goes around and finds good prices at these manufacturing conventions and then sells the shit. Yeah.

Like, I threw Amazon, I don't know. Yeah. To market somewhere. It was like that Jew that did with the AIDS, the AIDS medication. Martin. Yeah. Scarelli. Scurrele.

Scurrele. Scurrele. No, Martin. No. It's not one of those. That guy. What a nutbag. Yeah.

It was. just eating up all the fucking AIDS pills and sold him at like 500 bucks a pot and everybody was just dying on the streets it is nuts they didn't do it with like diabetes too there was some other like probably I think it was I think it was

yeah and then he bought the Wu-Tang's just been a man of the people Wu-Tang's a whole collection in its catalog guys all over the map that's what the convention center's like it's just that yeah You can't keep track of what they're doing.

Oh, God. Big week coming up. Big week coming up. This week? Yeah, just this week and next week, yeah. A lot going on. There is a lot going on. Yeah.

It's busy, busy. Yeah, I got to go, I got to find a shirt and shoes. I get my suit. So do I. I think we're going to get a Searsucker suit. Searsucker, you're going to outdress me? Is that outdressing? You better be careful.

We're going to do the white dress lady shit. You show up to my wedding in a white dress. Dude, if you dressed all white with a turtleneck underneath, it'd be so sick, dude. Black turtlene? Yeah, no, all white. All white. Yeah. And a white light fucking cangle hat.

That would be sick. That would be sick. White frame glasses like Bobby Kelly's big sick fucking frames. Thinking about it, huh? Pretty good. Yeah. Putting a Jesus piece outside. That'd be so unreal.

The hat really brings it together. I'll buy it for you. Yeah. Just all white. Josh, you're coming to my wedding? Yeah. Are you sure you're not cancel on that either? For what?

The hat's been tilted down, dude. Yeah, he's got the... He's got a heavy tilt going. I heard you were saying they had to spend an extra of a bunch of money on the hotels because the flight got delayed. I saved you money. Yeah, you saved me money.

I saved you a bunch of money. That's big, dude. That would have been double what you caught. He would have made you stick around until the 1 a.m. flight, too. Yeah, you would have been in a body bag. Yeah, I would have been... He'd been carrying me on the fucking flight.

Ding, ding, ding, ding. 30 seconds! Oh, dude. Getting kicked off the flight. Yeah, it would be bad. I sat next to a guy on flight with just the worst breath ever. It hasn't really happened.

To me, flying-wise, but this guy, it was just every time he exhaled, it was like... Oh, my God. Putrid. Oh, my God. It was crazy.

Four-hour flight. See, that's... Absolute bananas. You know what this Delta bitch did to me? Is she... Wow. I came back the next day, she recognized me

because I said, good night after getting delayed and whatnot. Yeah. And she was a wonderful woman And her Stelda bitch was a wonderful woman She goes, what's your last name? I'll give you some miles

And I gave her my name I was like Papa and She starts hitting the keyboard Thinking I'm going to get gifted You know 50,000 free miles or some shit Never came through So she just got She just wanted me to not complain

Which I wouldn't have anyway I've never once In my fucking life Taking advantage of of things I should have where it's just like say something, you'll get a little something. Yeah. And I have every right to be like, look, this was, this was nuts.

Dude. If I had a regular job, it's fucking up my whole week. Yeah. And then I got to go back to the city. I got to find a hotel that's extremely expensive. It just puts me out. She hits her fucking buttons. I've been checking my account.

I got nothing. So she just shut me the fuck up. She won. It might have take, yeah, might take. a couple days to hit. It's been clear by a supervisor. Dude. I got it.

I spazzed. Because I last minute when it went to New York to go to S&L. And I got a hotel. Yeah. And my girl gets there early. It's the hotels. They're like, we don't have the room that you wanted. Here's this other room.

And she was like, whatever. Just get me into something. It goes in there. the room is literally 87 degrees. 87 degrees. It's unbelievable. Is that what that's what's reading on the? Oh,

yes. Is 87 degrees sweltering. So I'm like, and I, at this point, like, I've landed like 8 o'clock. I've got to be at S&L by 10.

And I'm like, fuck it. I just book another hotel. It was like nicer. And this was like expensive. I'm like, but fucking whatever. Just like need this.

Yeah. she gets to the other hotel to check us in. They're like, I get a confirmation number from Marriott that I have a room. They go, we don't have a room. I was like, yeah, you do. They were like, we don't. I was like, you do, because I booked one. So figure it out.

And they were like, Marriott must have screwed up. So you need to call Marriott. I was like, you need to call Marriott. This is an issue that has nothing to do with me. me you need between you and marriott you need to figure out which room you're going to put me in because i've bought two hotels now and i still don't have a fucking place to stay and they were like there's nothing we can do and i was like they just and the hotel i called they were like we have one room but it's the grand presidential big thing and it's five thousand dollars a night i was like

then put me in that no what no i was like i'm not paying for it oh yeah yeah yeah and then i like I'm on the phone with Marriott and they're like they don't have any rooms. I was like they do. They've got one room. It's five grand. You pay it. Put me in there. You know what I mean?

It's like you take the thing. And then they were like, we can't do that. I was like, you own the hotel. Yeah. What do you mean? You can't do it. You see what I've learned. I was losing my fucking mind.

What I've learned in my travels, Chris, is they always have the power. I learned this through my girl. The level of charm she throws immediately at these type of people is unbelievable. And she always gets whatever she fucking works. I know. The charm is always the way to go. But I was too hot and bothered. I checked into my hotel in Nashville.

And I was so fucking like just, you know, despondent, hungover, fucking angry. Yeah. And I just started complimenting this war pig. Yeah. I said, wow, your hair is perfect for your shape. I said something weird, and I just kept saying, and she goes, where are you from? And I told her, and then she goes, I'm going to upgrade you to a suite.

Nice. You're supposed to be in this room. It's going to upgrade you. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much. I'll see you tomorrow. Catherine?

Is it Catherine? Catherine. All right. See you. See you, Tommy. Yeah. Like just take. all that fucking anxiety and bullshit and blasted at them in a positive way.

I know. Just for that moment and it usually works out. I know. I get into trouble when there's a, uh, we disagree about like what action needs to get taken next. Of course. Of course. Logic.

You got to remove logic. I get to do a pickle. That's what sent me down the wrong path. Usually throws me through loopies. When they need to do their fucking job and don't. No, I get it. I get it. Well, there was no time.

And the guy was on the phone with Marriott, like, racing through the airport. Like, and they were like, you need to call the hotel and figure it out. And it was just like, no, no, no. I couldn't. There was no way to charm. It's like, well, you know what? That's an interesting point. Great haircut.

Yeah, yeah. Can't see them. You know, you sound like you got great hair. See? I'm telling you that would turn the tables. That would twist them up, dude. It feels like it would come off as racist somewhere. Yeah.

You sound like you have great hair. You sound like there's a spongy texture to your head. All right. We'll see you on the other side. Patreon.com slash stuff island. Thanks for coming out to the shows in Nashville. Hell yeah. Also, we got, yeah, I'm in Harrisburg and Philadelphia,

the middle two weeks of August, I think the 20th and the 27th, basically. August? Oh, Jesus, November. Okay. Still recovering. I only slept two hours. I'm fucking. I'm going to be in.

I'm going to be in. Sleeping great. Maybe Paris or Italy. Oh, fuck, yeah. I think so. Yeah, what I. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

Who knows? Tuscany. Who knows? Yeah. Maybe take a couple Chinese balls and head over to Paris. Dude, I'm telling you.

It's very relaxing. You know, I'm supposed to go to Paris in 9-11? Yeah. Say every episode. I know. The two things stood in your way. All right, guys.

Thanks. Thanks for watching. See ya. Does this feel like I'm looking at you? Actually, I wouldn't look that many times. Look like Bill Cosby. You do one won wonky.