Stuff Island - Chris' Day Off - Stuff Island #159

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

The Stuff Island boys are back together again and today on Chris's Day Off. Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor are reunited again after being on the set of Netflix's Tires. Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Get 15% off your next gift! Uncommongoods.com/stuffisland Unlock a healthier and easier way to eat by using Promo code "Stuff Island" at checkout for 15% off your first order at huel.com Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/STUFFISLAND Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FaceTime is doing there it is we're locked and loaded we did it that's the secret yeah that's the slate that's the international slate right there trans transcontinental slate he still claps still this is the international. It's funny that they still have to use those little slates on set. Is that just for the editor? I know. I think so.

I think it does sync everything up. I think everyone's on the same time code, the audio, the multiple cameras. Yeah. I think everybody, someone's using that information. I never got to a higher level enough of editing that I ever fucking was like, God damn it, the time code's off. I never. I'm sure it's candid. I was never that good. I was slopping around in the muck.

You were off today, though, huh? I was off today. They're shooting an episode at a location that I'm not in. Well, I'm in it, but I'm not there. So I got the day off. I think I got almost a whole week off. This whole week. Which is crazy.

I think so, yeah. I think so. Unless they call me in for some special reason. So there's no way. But that's the tough part. Dude, there's nothing to talk about. You can't talk about the show. The rest of my life is nothing. You go to the grocery store.

I'm reading a book. It's like, what am I going to do? Tell you about the book I'm reading? It's fucking insane. Then it's like politics. What are you going to say? What are you going to say? It's fucking Groundhog Day, dude. He's back. You know what I mean? saying then it's like politics you can't what are you gonna say what are you gonna say it's

fucking groundhog day dude he's back you know what i mean who gives what are we gonna do this again it's like i don't know we'll see it's all right yeah plus it's like i don't like the guy and it's like there is no way to say you don't like him without sounding like the biggest pussy bitch in the world you can't possibly not like the dude but dude it's like for me it was the lesser of two evils where you like that woman her voice her laugh her face that like it it sent me like i would like it like visceral visceral anger when she would just be on the screen lying to people. See, that's what I like. I like someone who's so toxic on camera that they can't be part of the news.

You know what I mean? Trump's too good. He's got his finger on the pulse of the culture to a degree that it's like all we're going to be doing is just talking about this guy for the next four years. He's a trendsetter. It's literally like if Taylor Swift was president. It's like, can they get any bigger? Well, it's kind of like when he first came out, I hated him because I was like, what the fuck are we doing? Yeah.

And then he actually did some good shit. And then I saw the filth that came after it. And then I was like, let's fuck are we doing? Yeah. And then, you know, he actually did some good shit. And then I saw the filth that came after it. And then I was like, let's go back to the entertaining guy. You'd like to think that there's a whole pot of people making the actual executive decisions. No. I think this guy actually does stuff. He's on a mission from God.

No, he doesn't do anything. He does suck. But he's just cool. He's cool. He's unstop mission from God. No, he doesn't do anything. He does suck, but he's just cool. He's cool. He's unstoppably cool. It's like, and there's just nothing that can be done about it. I mean. So you got to, yeah, you got to figure out, you got to figure out delicate ways to be like, I don't love what he's doing.

The only fucking. It's just. Most presidents like they, they, the people try and I believe they try and get their coolest option just because they know it's a pundit and it's like just some fucking talking head for the most part except for like Russia but he's cool as hell Putin that dude fucking rules Putin rules

that guy's cool as hell North the only the only fat pussy dork is North Korea. We could probably edit that out, right? Like, he's the only one where you're like, they clearly had to. It's the fucking whatever, the son of some other fat dork pussy. Yeah.

But, you know, he's hanging in there. You think he's cool? Are you saying the un is cool? I'm not saying he's cool. I'm he's he's hanging. You think he's cool? Are you saying this? The the I'm not saying he's cool. I'm just saying he's he's hanging. You're trying to hang in there and not get fucking executed. You're trying to sell me after you got a story to tell. It's like, you know, he's all right. I don't know.

Like, I think that, you know, yeah. It's just the Democrats suck so bad. They got to go back to the drawing book. Yeah. The drawing board. Perfect. We're going to fuck the board. Bring out the coloring book, dude. Learn how to draw.

Learn how to draw all over again. Draw me a giraffe, Kamala. Because everyone hates everything that you guys do and say. It's fucking fun, dude. From my perspective, for somebody that's never given a shit, it's fun to see everything implode and start over. Because where I'm from, technically Delaware County is one of the counties that turned Pennsylvania red.

People are just fucking fed up with it my dad was like a hardcore blue forever just because of you know it's like the middle lower class everybody was always blue they fucking for decades and decades decades and then like our parents just can't fathom the fact that they're going in the wrong direction the democrats and and all of their hard policies towards crazy shit is starting to affect and infect people's fucking brains across the country well it does feel like that yeah it does feel like they courted the like annoying liberal get demo demo so great what a whole dude there's a stopping guard in the middle of your skull. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

We got a bus coming through. We got a bus coming through. A big-ass bus coming through. What a good hole, dude. You must have slept well last night. I would have blew that stop sign so fucking hard. Yeah, yeah. I would have put your hand on my chest. want to pull the calf muscle Hitting that T dude

No my dad I talked I talked to my father And he's like He wasn't happy at first He's like I'll fucking I can't even look at it I can't even look

Because he went through I mean think of like The classic American president He's seen You know like Historically Some of the best he's ever even though it's then he started getting the warmongers and all that type of shit and he just held his ground he's like we're gonna

one day have another one of those guys and just gone dude i re-watched i re-watched the kennedy nixon debate from 1960 i guess you didn't sleep. It's insane. It's insane. It's insane. Dude, they literally just, they talk at length about farm subsidies while deeply respecting one another for 40 minutes. It's insane. Who do you think turned this whole, who do you think turned the debate into like a WWE press conference?

Like who's? I think it had to, it had to go that way. It had to go that way. Cause who the fuck wants to listen to two guys talk about farm subsidies. Nobody knows anything about them. You know what I mean? Nobody's knows what the right decision is.

And nobody's going to get out and vote because you know, I don't know, fucking child tax credit or some shit. They're like, tell me, is someone, is someone giving free transgender surgery yeah like because that needs to stop yeah and that's what's gonna get me yeah

the only thing i'm waiting in line five hours for is to make sure that's not happening you know what i mean meanwhile it's like it's an issue that doesn't even matter it's like dude like in terms of government waste there's, there's fucking more unused parking cones on the Jersey turnpike than trans where the money we're spending on transgender surgeries. How many fucking people are doing that? I'd be, you know, it's like, I bet it is like a classic military thing where they say a nail costs like 50 bucks I bet it costs 10 times as much to give

someone a dick in prison yeah you'd have to be like look dude this second degree murderer from Kentucky needs to hold off on his sex change until we clean up all these cones on the Jersey Turnpike there needs to hold off on his sex change until we clean up all these cones on the Jersey

Turnpike. There needs to be a fucking set influence here. What's the most important thing on the fucking board at the moment? How many murders do you think got in line? Yeah, I'll fuck with that. I've been always wanting to get over to a lady prison. Do you think they just lined up? Dude, if you're

stuck in solitary and you want to get out for a couple days, it's like, what else are you going to do? Dude, throw a pair of tits on me. I'm in here for life. I'm not going anywhere. Throw the tits on. You could always take them out.

No. Have fun, dude. What do you mean? Solitary confinement? Let's say you get, like, all of a sudden through some DNA evidence, you get exonerated later in life and you got tits on you know because you wanted that you want to have like a week vacation in the middle of your your hellish sentence you just take them right back home and you'd be like nothing

your mom's like yeah you look great you look good you look good yeah no i got i got bored in there ma what am i gonna say you don't understand how hard it is in prison. Yeah, I got tits. That's the least of my fucking concerns. Yeah. Oh, that is dangerous. Putting tits on yourself in prison seems like you're just asking for trouble. That's a good fantasy football bet.

You know, the last little league gets tits for like 12 months. Just put a big fucking rack on Jack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If Elon Musk gets on that and he brings the cost of tit surgery down? Dude, his fucking alien body. I had no idea. Did you see the shape of that man in a fucking bathing suit? Elon Musk?

Dude, he's got a... You know when you swallow like a hot dog and it feels like it's like Caught right It looks like there's a German Shepherd in his rib cage Like just stuck Sideways It just goes out like a fucking

It's What is that? Just swollen bowels? It's like a gorilla on it's hind legs Like a silverback And it's got that crazy fucking chest that comes out It's like a gorilla on its hind legs, like a silverback. And it's got that crazy fucking chest that comes out. It's kind of sick. I mean, it's fucking disgusting.

But that's what he should be. I mean, I don't know. If he was tan, you know, it'd be harder to believe that he was responsible for all the things. I mean, he is good looking, like a good looking regular guy. Yeah. Yeah. If he was fit and be present,

you'd be like, there's no way. Well, he's 1 million percent would be present. He's, I know. I'm saying it's like, we had some guy that was like head of fucking SpaceX and he was hot.

Yeah. Yeah. Tony is Tony Stark. He'd be fully Tony Stark. Yes, smells good. But put him up there. Who gives a shit? You know what I mean?

A few actors should run. I know that they're insane people for the most part, but you should, you know, get a nice fucking actor up there. Reagan, Reagan was an actor. Of course he was. I don't know. People are not, no one's voting for an actor. Nowadays? You don't think so? not no one's voting for an actor but nowadays you don't think so

now now hollywood i don't think so man yeah but no one no one respects hollywood kiana reeves stayed away from all that shit he's the nicest man in the world kiana reeves for president dude also it's like what fucking hell that would be. Are you talking shit on Keanu? Imagine if you got... No, I'm just saying, you get lucky enough to be Keanu Reeves, you're not going to just blow the whole thing on running for office. Running for office outside of, you know, for Trump, it's got to be a blast. Yeah, because that's all he ever wanted was attention and fucking... Yeah, this is the top he ever wanted was attention. This is the

top game for his whole personality. There's no higher than this. Unless he, on his way out, takes a fucking shot at nuclear war. And he's like, that's it. That's all I can do. People are afraid of that, saying he's

never going to leave office. He's going to be the first three-term president and then just continue. That's what maniacs are afraid of that saying he's never going to fucking, he's never going to leave office. He does. He's going to be the first three term president and then just continue. That's what maniacs are afraid of. I'll say this. If anyone could do it, wouldn't it be nice not worrying about any of this shit? Not hearing these fuck, not seeing all these, these flags on people's fucking lawn. Like, shut up. Let it run yeah if he becomes just if he becomes just that that fucking dude who's just literally like a head in a glass case just still giving speeches that is no body ball game yeah any ball game you know how sick it would be just not to fucking wait like it's like all right look it's like the cleveland browns right it's like fucking name any shitty organization that just can't get their shit together for 30 years they bring in a new coach they gotta sweep the whole fucking the whole organization right new head coordinator new offensive coordinator new fucking uh defense coordinator all the little guys in between once you get into it takes two three four years to

get up to speed with everybody on the same page. You get a new guy fucking a general manager recruiting, you know, he's picking the right guys, putting the fundamental pieces and then they're going, dude, we're not good enough. Get the fuck out. And they got to redo it all over again. That's what presidency is, you know? Yeah, yeah.

You're saying Kamala Harris was a bit of an Aaron Rodgers situation. Yeah, retarded Aaron Rodgers. Yeah. Who threw the ball backwards? That would be if somehow Trump falls out of favor, the Democrats, much like the

Jets, would bring him over. And they'd be like, dude, run for us. Just see if it works. He's still got years in you, man. They're not calling the right plays. You've got no fucking support downfield. Defensive schemes aren't changing. Oh, man. Sirianni. He better get his shit together.

A thousand percent. If Trump lost the next one, the Democrats would come over. Weren't there a couple flips this year? Wasn't RFK a flip? Yeah, I guess. Dude, I don't know what's going on. What about that Indian?

Down is up, up is down. I'm going to piss off a lot of people. Because I'm telling you, I follow politics like I follow fucking badminton in a different country. I got questions because I wake up, people are talking about it. I'm like, why don't you tell me the stories? I can't even sit down and listen to any of the bullshit because I don't believe any fucking news pundit. I don't believe anything I'm reading. I don't believe any of it.

And then someone gets on a podium and starts talking. I don't believe what they're saying. And then they just start talking. What is everything? Does it fucking matter? Do you remember me? I'm sorry, I'm going nuts. I just had my second coffee.

Do you remember me asking you when Trump got elected, I was like, is, I remember asking you drunk on the couch. I was like, yo, is this a problem for national security? Is Russia going to fuck us up? And you were like, no, no, defense is it's in it's you know you just laughed at me you're like there's no way their bombs can reach us even if they were right next door there's no way they can get in and i would i literally went to bed that night because otherwise i was like i've been reading we're gonna get fucking bombed this is how stupid

i am we're gonna get bombed i started feeding Now I know why there's 8 billion fucking old ladies building bunkers with bread and milk. You know what I mean? Because you read this shit and you're like, oh, fuck. These guys know. Yeah, yeah. The truth is nobody knows. Nobody has any idea. You know what I mean?

You're like, you're just fucking who the fuck knows. It's like, you're like, I don't know. I mean, everyone that defends him is like, look, he's so retarded that people don't know, people are scared, and they won't know what to do. And it's like, maybe that's true. I don't know. Maybe that is true. I don't know. Maybe that is true.

I don't know. That's my point. It's exciting. It is. This is like, yeah, that's like, this is my bias and just my,

where my background. It's like, I don't think that that's could be true, but it might be true. You know what I mean? It could, it could be better. I have no idea.

We're going to see, we're going to find out and see if i'll tell you what dave smith should run for president dude that kid he's fun to listen to man he's one of those dudes you're like ah he puts it in the perspective that a regular guy understands with the fucking the energy and like he's pissed do you know what i mean he's come comes from a third party yeah he's got new fucking blood him. It's like no one's ever heard of. He's bitching about both sides. And he's getting a platform with Rogan and such.

It's like that guy in fucking five to ten years, you know, give him a push. I'll vote for fucking Davey. I don't know. Dude, anything can happen. Anything can happen. From Legion of Skies to the presidency. It's not as far far along a path as i thought it was yeah trump got in any legion of skank can get in dude this is a big day for us oh dude it is that's hilarious that is the crazy thing is that like as much as i don't like him

it's like i i get it it's like he is doing exactly what you'd want someone to do yeah which is pissing off literally everyone who works in the government and just becoming president like over and over and over again. It's crazy. Well, he's reacting like frustrated. Millions of Americans have always wanted to say to some fucking, you know, piece of shit that's been on Capitol Hill for their whole existence.

So how do you, here's another thing for me, like that Vivek guy i think he's sharp i like that guy i like i i'd listen to that guy talk to me about corona you know i'd be like yeah we're dying but he's got a good look to him you know i like the way he's telling me about these millions of deaths i there's something about it it's likable how do you get how why is there no youth in politics do you it is just the road they're so laborious and fucking political that they you can't just leapfrog i don't i don't know i think it is i think that is like fucking like cronyism i think it is like a thing where it's like

i think these fucking people like pay their dues and then people just give them spots. Yeah. Why can't it be like comedy and somebody that's just not worthy just jump up because they're good looking? I think, I don't know. I think Trump did that. And I think, I think Obama like kind of did that. He just like, you know, Obama, instead of like Trump, Trump went full, fuck everybody when he was still in office. Obama was kind of like, all right, now that I'm here, I want to, like.

Yeah, turn into one of them. Yeah, it was like, we got to make some deals. We got to make some compromise. It's about compromise. And then they were like, yeah, yeah, yeah. The powers that be are like, yes, compromise. You can almost. We'll fuck you in the ass.

Like every year you can see his little lizard tail growing longer and longer, turning into that fucking... Yeah, I think that's... That's also another positive point for Trump. It's like, you know he's not going to change. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is Rocket Runny? Rocket Runny. Hey, Rocket Runny.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash stuffisland. That's rocketmoney.com slash stuffisland.

rocketmoney.com slash stuffisland. Guys, get Rocket Money. They'll take care of all your unwanted subscriptions. You probably have a million of them. There's no better way to do it. It worked for me once, and I got to do it again because I caught my girl getting PBS and Paramount+. I came in from the den, and I see her get another subscription.

It's like $13.99. And I'm like, what are you going to watch? What are you trying to watch? And then she obviously started fighting me. And I was like, this is like the third time this month that you're just getting some random channel that has one show on it that got a review yeah it's like she's all caught up in everything so now i gotta use rocket money delete them all she'll forget yeah rocket Money just calls your girlfriend. Look, babe, he's losing his fucking mind over here. RocketMoney.com slash Stuff Island.

Check it out. It's nice that he's not going to conform to all these pieces of shit. I mean, to a certain extent without, you know, trying not to go to war. But he's not going to like fucking. He's not going to ever. Yeah, I think he's just one of. He's always going to be a good old boy. You know what I mean? I just I don't know. I don't know. to go to war but he's not gonna like fucking he's not gonna ever yeah i think he's just one of he's always gonna be a good old boy you know what i mean i just i don't know i don't know i don't

it's like i still i have no idea what he actually thinks about it yeah that's great yeah i don't want i don't want to know i have no idea and that's that is like again i like you know i pay i pay like attention to politics enough to defend myself a little bit when I get attacked, but I don't enjoy looking at it. I'd rather be reading short stories. Because I don't know what anyone thinks. People say stuff. I just pictured you in your bedroom cramming for a test before you had Matt and Shane's the next day.

Just getting like the top 20 talking points on both sides. Dude, I just need some type of jab. And then run around. And I got to hope for Dave. It's going to be the Tyson fight. It's going to be the tyson fight it's gonna be the tyson fight i'm running out the clock because they're in a whole different part of the internet that i can't i can't i can't look at i mean we'll know if you do i can't because your brains will be all over that fucking hi-hat light and you start getting into that shit dude dude. You're gone. You're gone, though.

Dude, I try. I try. I get triggered. I get triggered. Conspiracy theories trigger me. I get, like, actually upset. Every time I go, I'm like, you know what? I'm going to start, like, looking at this stuff. Just let's have a little fun with it.

Yeah, good luck. And then I immediately get mad mad and then I have to, I have to check out. See, I'm the opposite. I have so much fun with it. It just, it easily seeps into my skull and I'm like,

my whole day is affected by it in a positive way. I'm like, did you know this? You know? Well, that is, that is, yes.

I, that is the real reaction I'm having to it is like, is you start like, you start pulling at these threads and you like you realize how much you don't know about anything and so verifying any of this would be a whole like a lifelong project and you're just like i can't i can't do this dude i'm on shaky enough ground mentally as it is i can't just start like i can't do this to myself you know what i mean like i yeah i need to i like i it's like i need to start taking singing lessons that would probably be good

let's learn how to say oh my god i'd rather you know that's that's where i that's where i go i'm like yeah yeah then go around singing off tune and with an earshot no but it's like that would be nice you know what i mean just learn how to do something you got another six weeks up there why don't you do something i'm going to take off lessons because i'm going to fuck you up when you get home yeah i mean it'd be nice i'm meaning to get clubs like i don't have really like a place to like set up and swing it, though. I got to go to a driving range or something.

That's much better than what the fuck I have to do. Go to a range. You can actually see the ball flight. It's rather than just feel. I mean, this is good for before you hit a lot. This is good just to get the action, the motion, and then you go to the range and the course, and then once you figure out what you need to work on,

that's great again, you know? Cause then you can feel the ball off the face, you know, you know, touch, you know, exactly when you're scooping correctly. I need to figure out how to, I've never, I've gotten by just on athleticism to like get the ball where it needs to go, but I don't know how to ball strike. I don't strike the ball correctly. Yeah. Dude, it's hard enough just to make clean contact.

I can't imagine modifying that. That's like... I got Ben Avery. That's going to Mars. Ben Avery doesn't really know it yet, but I've been just shooting him texts about contact and lessons and stuff like that. So he's already like, just send me a video of your swing.

You ever seen that kid hit a ball? Now. Oh, you know what? You sent me a video. It was fucking unbelievable. It's so gorgeous, dude. It's like so much power, effortless power. His swing, his contact, the sound, just rock it

but he looks like he's got that long body, the tennis body and he seems flexible I think even if I'm good at golf are you saying your bow legs get in the way of the swing? yeah, it's gonna be even if I'm playing well

it's gonna be watching an English Bulldog skateboard or something it's like gonna be watching like an english bulldog skateboard or something it's like it's gonna be gonna be like i don't know how he does it even learn to do that but wow wow and i can watch it yeah you're watching all day our bulldog skateboarding is so perfect dude we should when you get back we we're going to still have, like, all the way till... Shit, I think they say, like, May you can golf here outside of, like, the super cold, but I don't give a fuck about that. Dude, I have a video of my father, my dad, and his boys play every single week

unless there's snow on the ground. So, like, it'll be, like, 20 degrees, and they bring a fucking hammer and a nail to the tee box and they go yeah yeah just pull the nail out put the pin in this is how they're playing golf i get it dude it's it's a beautiful it is a beautiful escape it's a beautiful it's a beautiful i can't stress this enough for people that don't golf yet as an adult once you hit like 30 40 years old it's just so fucking fun and it's such a proper way to spend your time thinking either about nothing or about the game or about yourself and other things that you can't possibly do in your own home it's a beautiful signature well yeah i think you yeah you get to a place where it's like uh

you can't get angry in life about the things that you're actually mad about. So you need to channel it into something. Wait, explain that. I like that. Life is so hard and relationships are so important that you can't, you can't just be exploding at the things you're actually mad about all the time. You gotta, you gotta get, you gotta get furious about your inability to properly shape a ball so that it's all, it's all out of you. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, you can't have a conversation with your girl the way you want to and what

really fires you up. Cause then you're just setting your bed for 10 times more problems. Yeah. Yeah. And it's also like, you get to a certain point in life where you're like, uh, you know,

everything is so complicated and nothing is black and white that you're like, I kind of know how this argument will go. And I know where we'll just get to nowhere. And it's like, what's the point of that? You know what I mean? Yeah. At least I get to see a ball fly.

Yeah. With golf. You know what I mean? Golf, golf as frustrating as it is, is fixable. Yeah. Your relationship is. You know what I mean? Golf, as frustrating as it is, is fixable. Yeah. Your relationship is. You know what I mean? That's why you're always like, that's why it's like Tony Soprano, like,

mushing around macaroni because he's like, I'm never going to enjoy this meal. Every conversation is just going to be frustration, you know? So just, he starts fucking, just pushing it around. That's what you do with a ball. You just keep flopping it around. Chase it. Yeah, yeah. You just become a dog. And it's 18 holes. Yeah.

It's 18 holes and it's done. You know? We should do a... And you have a few beers with the boys. We should do a golf cast where we just videotape. My boy Tyler did this. I did one of his shows. He was starting to do this pilot

where he takes his favorite three holes on a course to showcase the course, bring in some guy, comedian or whatever, and they play those three holes for dares. It was fun as fuck.

I mean, there's no one doing that in comedy correctly, you know? There's no dudes teeing off for an hour. However many holes that takes just to play. And maybe you could drop a ball wherever. You play best ball. Both of us hit off the tee. We play the best ball.

We yak it up. The whole fucking walk up there. Hit another ball. Yuck it up. It is just, you know what I mean? Just getting to a place where you're not entertained by your own podcast. Yeah, you should watch me eat hot dogs for an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We'll go for a walk around town. You know, maybe I'll buy a few things. You watch me go to the grocery store. I do need jeans jeans we got to get jeans i do have to yeah well what's the fucking difference it's all it is is visual it's a visual difference it's the same shit as us talking like this we wouldn't be saying something different on the fucking course do you know what i mean it doesn't it doesn't matter our location i mean look at what we do for look at dish i still have to stick to the script for the recipe but everything

that happens in between is exactly what we'd be doing in these dumb chairs. The whole thing's fucking stupid. Every podcast is stupid, unless it's about something specific you need to learn. If it's something historical, where you've got to lock in and take notes. Two

comedians yapping about nothing is ridiculously dumb. Anyone that... it's great. And it's great for people. People like to hear dumb shit. And they also go, I think that way. I just don't say it to my wife because I don't want to fight. Don't want dinner, so I push my macaroni around.

We're doing a golf cast. I don't give a fuck what you say. Yeah, I'll film. I'll film myself golfing. Dude, the pressure, yeah. The pressure would get to me so fast what just knowing that you're filmed it's just any to any time we've gotten to top gone to top golf it's like i will absolutely like smoke a ball and be like did anyone see that and like no like all right watch this one. Clunk. Yeah. It's every time. The more it is literally like the observer effect.

Dude, it's like staying up in a way, though. It's like all it takes is one good shot, one good set. You're like, I'm the best. I'm the best ever. And then you go bomb. You're like, I should have never started this back up. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking Dude It's everything Driving

I'm driving by myself Never been in an accident The moment someone's in the car I'm getting tickets I'm getting You totaled your whip I'm crashing the car It's insane

Christy Bandicoot Yeah, it's just The moment someone goes I'm all of a sudden like. Yeah. Yeah. And I can't. My girl's like that, dude.

I don't trust my own instinct. The way she, like passenger driver, I know it's so hack, but it's like, it's not even, whoa, whoa, slow down. Watch this guy. It's like she does movements. Like when someone just comes in from a merge, she gets up like this. Like the car is going to just keep going to the side of the, so now it's just, I'm yelling. So then I go, you drive, you can drive whenever the fuck we're in a car, I'm not driving. I'll just pay attention to something else. And then when I drive, you're not in the car. That's it. I can't keep doing this. Dude, you should need

a license to travel in a car. I like this. Like, to be a passenger. You should have a passenger license. This is great. You should have to go and someone else... Someone drives you. Dude, and then you have coordinated drivers on this course, right? So it might be like two, three blocks.

It's a haunted house. It's basically like a driving haunted house. There's an old lady that backs out of a garage a little too fast you're like whoa don't do that i see that lady don't do that there's no reason you have to because that scares me and now i'm taking my eye off the old lady and then you mark your board that's a fucking negative one right there you get two more and it yeah it's a professional driver they parallel park like a little wrong and you have to not say yes yes yeah yeah it's yeah it's a whole i love this dude it's a brilliant idea every step of the way and then like if you don't pass you can't get in someone's car yeah for three months

you gotta take overs you should or backseat like it should be like it. Backseat only. I don't have my backseat license. Yeah. That's it. My God. And like, dude, yeah, and if they demanded to be in the passenger seat, I would flag down a cop and be like, I don't know. I actually don't even know who she is. She just jumped in here.

Then you go golf for three months, she's in jail. She doesn't have her license on. No more bullshit. She doesn't have her license on. Just ripping bullshit. She doesn't have her license on. Just ripping 300 down the dick, not hearing her yap about shit. Oh, God. I have this whole bit that I'm, half of it is aggressively talking about something I was going through with my girl. She hasn't heard the joke yet, so it's a very nerve-wracking situation

that I'm refining this bit. And it's basically just bitching about her. And since we've been together, I haven't had a hardcore, this is all you joke. And I really enjoy telling it, and people really like hearing it, so now I'm just trying to figure out

how to get it where it's just like I can shelf it and then wait for her to see me do stand up again and then just fight all night you know but I'm like it killed it fucking killed thank you it does kill you just need to include the other side of the bit which is everything you're everything you're doing wrong yeah which is just like well I'll add that for just the shows she's on I'll just have like a little everything you're doing wrong. 100%, dude. I'll add that for just the shows she's on. I'll just have a little button. At the end of the day, I'm the real problem.

And they're all like, what? What the fuck was that? These are things that are hard to communicate. Do you know how stressful it is to be around my face? Yeah, a nice kick in the dick like that. But I can't imagine what she goes through living with a person

like me. High energy all the time. Always wanting to fucking run around like a cat in a car, Shane says. That was the greatest bust I've ever heard. Shane. Shane describes me as like putting a cat in a car because I just can't.

I can't sit still. He'll just be playing fucking Madden for three hours and I'm just bopping around. What is it that gets you going? I think it's just my entire upbringing. Just being landlocked in that house. I shared a bed with my brother and then a bedroom until he went to

college so like I didn't have any space so as soon as you got up you just had to do something like I I put shoes on if there wasn't school I put shoes on went right out the door for 12 hours just played sports running around too like I was just constantly moving yeah to avoid being home and then I get home wouldn't have my own space. So I hate being home. That's the only thing I can come up with. I don't have a therapist like you, Chris. I'm trying to get better myself first. I only went once and I haven't been back.

Oh, no. I just can't do it. I got to go. I got to find a different guy. I got to go again. But it's just like, I don't know. The whole idea of like. Wait, hold on a second real

quick the whole idea of it because i want to hear this did we talk about this in the episode that went through or the one that just got ruined uh we talked about this in the one that okay but we haven't it's been two weeks i was supposed to go back to the guy and i didn't yeah did you cancel did you cancel day of like you did with me or did you give him some heads up? I did. I did cancel a day of. All right.

So make sure you're consistent with everyone. That's all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I was just like, I can't do this right now. You know what I mean? I got a podcast, dude. I can't. Yeah. Dude, this is,

every time I've tried to go to therapy, it's like, you know, the first session is just like, you know, bitching and complaining about things. And then the second one is just like, I don't know, man. I think everything I said in the first one was stupid. Yeah. Wrong.

Oh, so you ruminate on everything you said in the previous. You take it home with you. Yeah then i go in there it's like i can't go in there and be like just dump everything i said before i don't think that's true wait are you just scared that's good and then and then it's like are you scared that's gonna lead to a fix or more problems i just think it's like a i just think it's like i know i just think it's like a... No, I just think it's like a vicious cycle of just like, you go in there animated one time, you go back in the next time,

and you go, I think I was just going crazy, and that was... I don't even know if any of that's real. And then the next time you go in, you're animated again, and you're like, I think now I'm on to something,

and then you go back in, and you're like, I don't know. That's probably not accurate either. And you're like, what am I doing? I to something. And then you go back and you're like, I don't know. That's probably not accurate either. And you're like, what am I doing? I'm just wasting. No, that's the whole point. I'm just lying to this guy.

I doubt it. I mean, it's probably a normal process for people that have to mine what the actual issue is. You're mining it yourself while this professional is watching you mine it. And then he's going to be like, you're digging in the wrong spot, man. Dig over here. That's where the fucking gold is. I don't know why you just keep going in circles so if you don't go through all those processes why like how is he supposed to know if you're one note he's gonna like this guy's fucking crazy yeah it's not one note it's just like

you know it's like as delicate as like a movie is right? Or some piece of art. The difference between communicating effectively and communicating poorly is so delicate. You know? So it's like, I feel like I'm going in there and doing bad versions of the movies I'm trying to show. Yeah, but I like the analogy. And it's like, what's the point of this? What's the point of this?

Dude, your therapist is a constant editor. You're never fucking locked picture. You know what I mean? Your fucking movie's never going to be done. Just like your painting's never going to be done. You just get a new canvas up there because you're a different person. This is beautiful. This comes from somebody that needs so many fucking movies done.

And so many artwork. So much artwork. You've got to go in there going, look, dude, it's like, this is a long time process. You're not going to get fixed in fucking three sessions. I know, but in order to do that, you got to, you got to jump around and you got to, you got to tell your story to a bunch of different people. You got to date around. You know what I mean? And it's like, I can't go telling your, your, your personal things to someone like is just doing it over and over again.

Like in new ways is just fucking horrific, dude. Saying it to different people. I gotta be honest. It's like, it feels like, it feels like, like sleeping around like too much. You're like, what am I doing? I'm in another office with a different person fucking when am i gonna settle down man when am i gonna settle all my other friends found the therapist it is yeah it's like uh god damn it what uh well why

can't you just trust the process you find someone that you kind of like this episode's brought to you by huel you guys have heard heard this two or three times already. I'm already out of the to-go shakes that are pre-made. The black, they're called? Black edition? I got them. I got them. I got them in my apartment.

Dude. Yeah. They're so good. I'm not kidding. You know, I don't do this. They're so good. Dude, I gave half my haul to our producer, which now I regret because I don't.

They're so convenient just to make, obviously, with the powder. But when they're already done in that shake form, as soon as I get home from the gym, crack one. It's unbelievable. Again, don't have time to prepare a complete, balanced meal. Huel has you covered. This podcast is sponsored by Huel, spelled H-U-E-L, the world's number one complete nutrition brand trusted by millions. Head to Huel.com now to place your first order with this ultra-convenient, nutritionally complete meal.

Whether it's for busy mornings, late nights, or powering through a hectic schedule, Huel's ready-to-drink meals are the easiest way to get all the nutrition you need in seconds. Right now, new customers can try it for 15% plus a free gift using my exclusive offer, Stuff Island. All one word. Fuel up the easy way with Heal Today. As I said before, balanced meal, perfect for inconvenient meals. They taste really fucking good.

It's also affordable. High-protein meals, less than $5. It's a budget-friendly option that I'm generally excited about, as I told you. This is the green, which I just got into, the Daily Greens, which last night we had a steak. I just made two ribeyes,

thinly sliced, some herb butter, and then grated parm, and I just ate with my fingers from a cutting board. That was our meal. Right? That's delicious. Animalistic, but I had no greens, and I just made one of these. It's got daily greens, 91 vitamins, minerals,

whole food source nutrients, adaptogens, super greens and fruit complex, mushroom blend, dairy-free probiotics, antioxidants. Again, that's 15%, plus a free gift for new customers with the code StuffIsland at Huel.com, H-U-E-L.com. Unlock a healthier, easier way with Huel.

Nutritionally complete meals in minutes so you can focus on what really matters. Sex. There you go, baby. Missionary style. Do it. Speed meals. That's what I'm all about. I don't like making a whole thing all the time.

Sometimes I just want to drink my lunch. Pill form would be nice. Yeah. Well, they're doing the best they can tom yeah true i'll wait by the time i get they figure out that technology i'll be drinking through a fucking straw anyway yeah yeah you won't be able to swallow pills 100 all right this episode is brought to you by uncommon goods spark something uncommon this holiday with just the right gift from Uncommon Goods. The busy holiday season is here,

and Uncommon Goods makes it less stressful with incredible hand-picked gifts for everyone on your list, all in one spot. Gifts that spark joy, wonder, delight, and that's exactly what I wanted. That feeling. You know what I mean? When you shop at Uncommon Goods,

you're supporting artists and small independent businesses. Many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches, so shop now before they sell out this holiday season. And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give $1 back to a nonprofit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3 million to date. That's a ton. Yeah.

To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com slash stuff island. That's uncommongoods.com slash stuff island for 50% off, 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer.

Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. I want to give my dollar. We're all out of the ordinary. I'm going to give my dollar to the Clinton administration. Yeah. Their nonprofit organization, rather.

You know, they take billions of dollars just through a non-profit somehow. There's another conspiracy theory. Back to the episode. It's almost like, look, dude, there's no perfect person for you in life. You have to put up with their shit and then

fix yourself to realize that they're not wrong in a lot of cases. And then you learn to love them in different ways because you're growing in yourself so like why not take one person you say like oh this is clearly a good this is a good base for a therapist and then go the fuck like do the work take the time keep going to the same person and then i bet you that'll evolve and have a switch there where you start going, I don't feel gross saying these things to you. Dude, after podcasting for fucking six years, I would have zero problem going into a shitload of offices going,

I'll start over. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. You know, I don't care where you want to start. Just a therapist going, camera's rolling. Sorry. You had that goofy voice the whole first hour. We're going to have to delete that.

Well, I mean, I'm sorry that you're not going back anymore. I was hoping to hear some stories. I got it. Maybe I will. I just, I don't know. You know, it's like an hour. An hour is just not long enough. I've been researching.

I saved my dog's urine. What is that? My dog's urine. It brings you really close to the dog. So your pheromones are like her pheromones. So she knows where you are. Feedback. Also, your therapist probably should have told you that.

Yeah, well, I'd have to get a... No, you should be drinking your partner's piss, too. Then I'd have to start drinking their... I drink my girl's piss, too. That's all I drink is my dog and my girl's piss. High in electrolytes, good salt, good nutrients, because she eats more than I do, so I get a lot of vitamin regurgitated through

her piss. The pee stuff is wild to me. People wanted to get peed on, peed in, pee stuff. I don't... It's a bridge too far. I've done it once. Good God.

It's like... Well, it took me a long time because I can't pee in a urinal if there's not, like, the slats, and there's got to be no one in in a urinal if there's not like the slats and there's got to be no one in that place and if there's only one other guy there's got to be four or five because of my brothers they would just slam the door open and i'd always just be worried they're going to run in so my my pecker doesn't work unless i get in a shitter and that calms me down so this girl was like too hot to say no, get it away.

And she was like, look, I got this thing. And I was like, oh, fuck. I was like, she's going to put a remote up my ass or something crazy. She's like, I like to be peed on. And I was like, whoa, okay. And then I had like, you know, 10 beers. So I was on this nice cycle of urinating. And I was like, eventually I'm going to have to piss.

So, you know, we're doing our duty for a while. And then I just had to be like, you ready? Like the dinner bell hit. And then she just laid. We turned the shower on, wet the tub, nice and warm. I'd be like, why don't you just close your eyes and I'll pour water on you or something. She wants to see it.

I'll make it warm. It's all about seeing it. It's not, idiot. I don't know. Yeah, she's got to see a man standing. That's not a thing you can just, we can't just leave that behind. Someone's been peed on.

This is, you know. But it's not like. You can't just walk away from this. Dude, she's not minding her business at a Denny's. And I just walk up and start pissing on the side of her face. This is like a sexual thing where she gets down in a tub. She's diddling herself. And I got to stare off into the ceiling trying to get this pee to come.

And then you just start. Then it's a game of five-year-olds. Remember as a five-year-old, you'd be peeing everywhere. You just turn into five-year-old Tom. You just start wetting her all over the place. It was kind of hot. I bet it is. I bet it is.

It was kind of hot. And then it's like a shooter's game, dude. It scares me too much. It becomes like a shooter's game where, you know those urinals where they, the fake fly that you're supposed to hit so it reduces all the splash? You know? Yeah. That was, you know, you just go, oh, there's the Clitoris. You know?

She opens it. She opens up her cocoon. Then you just start banging it. It's fucking nuts. It's crazy. I don't like it. I'd start off, this is my... How do you not spiral?

How do you not spiral? Well, when you sober up, you go, Jesus Christ, that's crazy. I can't keep doing this with you. But even while you're doing it, it's like, what am I doing? Because you're drunk, having fun. Who is this person who needs to get peed on? What's that about? And you just... No, I try to...

I think I try too hard to empathize with being peed on. And I... It's... My brain... The mind rebels. I can't...

It's like, what series of things happened? You'd be a great non-rapist then, dude. If you're like... You're jumping into the psyche

of the girl getting peed on. You're a good person. The other psyche, the girl getting beat on, you're a good person. The other side of the coin there is like she's having a good time. I'm helping her have a good time. That's what she's into. It's not like I'm cutting her. You know, I'm not shoving dirty soaps in her mouth and degrading or choking or pissing her eyeballs.

It's just a little waterfront. You ever hose down the side of a shed getting all the old leaves out from like the winter yep yep it's soothing that is fulfilling seeing the dirty water come down you're just like i'm cleaning this fucking thing that's what it feels like you feel like you're cleaning off the side of a shed getting all the dirty grime off this little it feels it feels like you're doing like heroin with somebody or something like like this may be fun but it's like this is going to be part of a rehab conversation at some point you're afraid i mean you're afraid to be in the therapist's office soon sooner or later you're gonna have to talk about this i don't want to be i don't want to

be yeah that's why i do it publicly so it's on the internet forever that's why i'm not scared to meet a new therapist because it's fulfilling to say things you shouldn't say out loud it's like you know it's like i just wanted just the norm let's just have normal sex i don't want to be involved in anything that could be like at some stage of like yeah that was rock bottom no that rules dude that's not rock bottom at all good for her i mean although i've probably unintentionally been in those situations already but yeah yeah just being so boring just being so boring fucking it's like yeah that was right she's telling friends going this guy did nothing that was the most just stationary it was the most boring man i've ever

met 10 minutes stationary him breathing and in my ear that is weird stationary sex when it works yeah you have that's like true love that, you know, you're emotionally kissing that person. Locked eyes. That's like, that's a special moment. But that's very rare. 99% of the time you're an animal going, let's just get this fluid out. And I want to see you do things I see on the web, you know? I want you to just do some dirty shit so I can get on with my day. Well, because if it's not that stuff all all you see like you know obviously every every bad sex scene in a movie like where the

sex is bad is is like missionary yeah stuff so you you just assume if you're in that situation things aren't yeah but then when a movie scene or a show scene has a like wild sex that you're in that situation things aren't yeah but then when a movie scene or show scene has like wild sex that you're like yeah that's that's what i want all the all the standardized women go bananas because they don't want their husbands thinking that you know all the mission all the missionary marries go up at their fucking email on the network i'm repulsed i can never i almost wash my eyes nobody fucks like that. It's not real. It's stand-up rape. It's not real. It was rape. She wasn't even enjoying it. He was choking her. Oh, how could you?

Yeah. They always say that. They always go, porn's not real. What? There's no CGI. It's not like they're... Yeah, dude. The only thing... What do you mean it's not real?

Somebody's doing it. The only thing I get like you mean it's not real? Somebody's doing it. The only thing I get like the not real is like the coming compilations. Those get me going because I'm like, let me see. I want to see how accurate this is. Are they all coming for real? Is that shake for real? Is she hollering for real? And they go on to the next one.

Dude, McKeever and I used to watch Diners Drive Into Dives for like four hours blacked out after shows. And we'd watch the whole episode until he eats. And every time he eats a meal, we would just be like, he didn't like it. And you could just tell by his reaction whether he liked it or not. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's such a sweetheart that like you'd have to really know the show. You'd have to watch hours and hours and hours to just see a little inflection in his eye or his reaction going the way he looks up going, he likes it.

He likes it. He likes it. I know exactly where you're going with this. Is this a look edition? Are you fucking with me now? Are you making fun of me? No, no, no, no, no. I just mean like the compilations when you're like yeah

yeah yeah there's there's sometimes where they're like all right yeah yeah i thought you were saying when i feed y'all look at this you're like yeah i've been there faking it yeah man i totally understand no no no no that's how i feel like you watch these coming compilations you're like that wasn't real you know i was real yeah that was real yeah they're that one yeah they're she's fucking into it i also think there's an emotional connection with some of these partners like that that uh big dick dude that got uh that white guy that got in trouble for sexual assault because he was too aggressive on set with a lot of these women josh you know i'm talking about who's that porn star young good looking dude white guy who like james dean james dean yeah he took a lot of flack because he just

like his whole thing is just treating him like a fucking a bad dog like yeah and it's like i i'm i'm sure i don't know the details, so take this with a grain of salt, but that's got to be a confusing environment. 100%. But what I'm saying is there's got to be a percentage of those women that really enjoy it, and they really come. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, look, I'll say another thing I shouldn't say on air,

but I've been with women, like, I enjoy aggressive sex, but not too much, but then there's people that do not at all fuck with aggression. So you, but you can't tell because there's like hard sex, there's like fast sex, and then you go to the move of, you know, maybe a light choke. I've done that where women are just like, whoa! And it's like, well, every step there, I thought you, I'm sorry. I didn't know you weren't into something like that. You're telling me to slap your ass.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe you're into a light choke. I don't know. And then you just get missionary again. You pump. You're like, do you want to order some pizza or something? Then you just turn into a huge bitch. Yeah.

I'm so sorry. Yeah. You've got to make it up in other places. Let me make you something nice. Make you a rosemary pan sauce. Yeah. I overstepped my bounds there. I'm sorry.

Totally on me. But I want you to know that I recognize that. I am not that guy guy i'm not that guy yeah yeah yeah it's so funny dude i i stopped caring about what i say on here a while ago but my mother gets she gets updates from like her students that like listen to the show oh yeah so she'll go which is crazy but I don't think they say the real bad stuff, but they'll be just like, yeah, your son was talking about you

and how crazy your sisters are on the show. And then she calls me. She goes, Tom, you do not... You can talk about me. You do not talk about my sisters. I'm like, Mom, you talk about your sisters... Every phone call we have, you tell me how crazy one bat is,

and then the next call, it's the other fucking lunatic. It's like, you're aware. Who gives a shit? Everybody knows. Yeah, they have to be aware. Yeah, and you're fucking crazy. I got news for you.

We're all crazy. Also, that guy going up and saying something is crazy. It was a girl. It's like, what are you? Oh, yeah. That tracks, right? Yeah. Yeah.

But, yeah, what are you doing? Yeah. I don't know. She probably. What are you doing? I don't know. What are you doing? Maybe she was trying to get good grades. My mom's a fucking maniac. How's that going to help? She's got an insider.

Tell me what my son's talking about. Yeah, but no matter what, there's always a kill the messenger element to all this, right? It's like if someone gives you a shitty piece of news, you're not going to be like, oh, you know what? I'm glad they did that. You're going to be like, fuck that bitch. Why'd she say that?

Now I got to call my son and bitch about his podcast. Hold on. This is a nightmare. This is a nightmare. You're giving someone homework. You're thinking from a logical standpoint. I'm talking about my mother here. A batshit maniac that doesn't think two steps ahead. standpoint, Chris. I'm talking about my mother here. A bat shit

maniac that doesn't think two steps ahead. Yeah. All right, man. Let's head over to the Patreon. Yeah. Let's do another hour because we fucked up. Yeah, we fucked up the audio. We got to do another.

We're doing three hours this week and you're only going to see two of them. You guys head over to the Patreon. If you're not on it, get on it. We got some good stuff coming out with Look at Dish with Matt McCusker. We just released our chicken bone broth solo ep, which I'm going to make into a ramen in a week. McCusker and I

did a chicken halal like a halal cart. Oh, fuck yeah. It came out real great, man. The best. We did a white sauce, red sauce. We did all of it, dude. It's a great app. That comes out in the next seven to ten days.

All right. Later.