Stuff Island - Colum Tyrrell - Stuff Island #257

Episode Date: October 28, 2026

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The way you structured the wedding, you got a little half moon in there. A little half honeymoon. Yeah. They swear to that they call it a mini moon. Yeah. Is that a mini moon? So we did that when we got married. We just went to her parents have a place in Florida.

I don't know because it's right there. And honestly, it really hurt me every time we'd be out for dinner. And people, she like, oh, we just got married. And she's like, oh, this is your honeymoon. I was like, well, it's a mini moon. And I'm like, we're not on a mini moon. I've never heard that. We're on a half moon.

And it's waxing. Yeah, yeah. I waxed for eight days straight. That fucking pool was worn for a different reason. I was pissing my pants in there. I was wet as fucking. I was a waning, man. I waved, I waked.

I went, I went. Yeah, I didn't wax. I'm trying to get back to waxing. I've been waning the whole fucking time. I need to ween off now. You're just in hippo mode, just floating in the fucking pool. Brother. Yeah.

That's the best. I went two, three days. We went two, three days before, like, all. Everybody came in. Sure. And then I stayed for two, three days after. Great. Perfect.

You know, the mini moon would work just to relax. It doesn't work like that in New Orleans. Even though it's like a compound where we stayed, where it's kind of locked off from all the dog shit. We didn't go too far. But like, we've been going there for three years. Oh, really? This hotel, so we know all the staff.

We know Frank, the bartender. It's like, you see his face and he's got something for you. But are you still sober? Right now, yeah, but I'll be drinking soon. Nice. I just, I take my, I'm doing a weekend. I got a weekend in Key West coming up and that will be about it. Yeah, Key West is South Delco.

That's my favorite place in the world. That's Philadelphia. It's my favorite thing. Just to put on a dumb fucking Hawaiian shirt and drink a Pina Kalada with some boomers singing music like that I, it's kind of shit. I was, I was watching a 70s documentary about people fishing for tarpun in the Key West. Yes. And I was like, holy. I've never been to this.

the Key West, it looks fucking... It's so fun. It's so fun. And everyone's just drunk. It's an Irish... It's an Irish pub with better weather. It's like a crew... You put a fucking...

Hawaiian shirt on. Yeah. There's a pack of people that I know from my hometown. They're all like bar regulars. I mean, it is geographically like a whole spit that's just bending away from society. Yeah, yeah. It's as far as you can go without... Yeah.

Exactly. Without a passport. Yeah. Because none of these tongues have... It's as sound as you can go. Dude, imagine. Like, these are all like, like, fucking bar stool drunks that just sit next to each other every day and yapping each other mary

shut the fuck up and they're like yeah vacation's coming up and every year they go right to fucking key west so you're just you're literally moving the bar to go somewhere with better weather to sit another bar they should have to pedal bike you down they wouldn't fucking they'd make it north carolina just get a duck boat people well people throw the whole life away for it because it's such a good vibe they go why shouldn't i do this all the time yeah that's that's that's why you can't. You'll, you get a taste for the garden of eating or whatever. Yeah.

Because, but after a while, you hear fucking Jimmy Buffett, there's like one too many times, but you know, I gotta go, I gotta leave. I gotta get out of here. It's just like a max four day stay. It's kind of like that. Yeah, you get, yeah, you get brim washed. It's a joy.

People were complimenting, though. The setup was nice, because you know how in an actual wedding, you never get to talk to anyone? Sure. Like, it's just like, yeah, everyone, you're like, small talk, really. Small, well, you're just all mingling so, fast and meeting everyone and then it's

over and you're like I didn't oh my wedding yeah but because of the pool set up yeah you could you could pop in chill with Tommy Marrard all day they got a veranda they got the the long like racist porch that they have yeah yeah in the south

plantation porch third balcony the third the third the third porch is might as well have a sniper up there yeah yeah he got it ate these old plantation places I kind of fucking

dripping. I went to a plantation in Charleston. I was going for a run and it was supposed to be great bird watching. Yeah. So I was like, I'm like autistic for birds these days.

It's crazy. And it was the most beautiful place I ever was. And I was like, was there any part of them where I was like, this is kind of lit? Dude,

you see moss hanging off a fucking long tree and you see spikes on the iron fence. And you're like, all right. And then the old slave spikes. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah.

There's a reason. What about that family business? gone now. You never talk about the little guy. Never had slaves. The mom and pop shops. The cottage industry slave guy. They don't make granola bars.

Yeah, they're not tied-tie t-shirts and shit. It's got Joe's old plantation. I'm like, I'm not buying that. Speaking of Joe, shout out to Joey. Joey. The only Joey we know. Joe DeRosa. DeRosa.

DeRosa married us. Did he? Yeah. Amazing. On Friday, he got to, gosh. God, what a boy. I love his boy so much. He got his license and he went to get it renewed.

He goes, just send me, send me like the link or whatever. Turns out he went to get, he goes, I'm going to get it on two different sites just in case. Oh, yeah, yeah. He got that fucking bird brain. So he committed like a felony or something. And then I don't know. But then he got his license on one thing, went through the whole process, goes on the second site. He goes, I was already registered.

I was already fully registered. He married us at a local Shithole bar, Chris and Chain. That actually wound up being fucking awesome. And this was just a sort of a get-to-gat-a-serror. Yeah. To legally bind everything before we got to, you know,

the celebration, which was just a party in New Orleans. That was one of the most surprisingly cool ways to do an actual wedding ceremony ever. Just fucking married in a dive bar. Yeah. With your boys. Getting a comedian,

Thornda is the move. Yeah. We had big. Jay Duars, which is same story actually, he signed up to get fucking ordained or whatever. He turns out he already had it again. I'm like, who, what life

are you guys living? Someone did it as a bit on a pod at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See if it could be done. Just to get the parking pass. He put in his email and got already exist. You're a pastor. We had no idea you're a pastor. You get a pastor parking

pass that you can just keep forever. Yeah, dude. There was some kid in New York. I remember. He would just, he would just, because New York, New York parking is so brutal. He would just park in front of churches with that fucking thing.

Puts on the little collar, the little priest collar and walks out with a Bible. Yeah. I don't do that. He's killing. That's why I drink so much that people think I'm retarded.

I didn't put that handicapped placker up when you park anywhere. I've not seen pastor parking anywhere. I haven't either. It's what symbol is that? You have the little wheelchair one wound beside. It's like a little cross. It's close to that.

It's a dude and a little boy. He's also in a Bentley because he's robbing the whole community Yeah Pastors are fucking criminals Any way priests are good though The priests are good Priests are good

We allow priests They're okay I love a priest, you kidding me So Friday at the The bar ceremony Sure There was a we went out to the courtyard There's a little hang

And there was a stranger with a baby Mara gravitates to the baby Starts holding the baby I hold the baby for a bit. She goes to give the baby back to the mother. Doesn't see an open cement umbrella stand, which was a crazy location, in the middle of like an open area like this.

Oh, my God. She trips over the circular part, drops her knee on the fucking, the top metal splits open. Oh my God. She holds the baby up like Simba. The mother gets up, grabs the baby. Good.

Shane immediately pulls his phone out, calls ER because he saw the split. Yeah. She's got two giant wounds. We have to go to the ER. No way. Yeah, it's on Friday. So this is like the night before the big...

No, no, no. This was on Friday. We left for Monday to go to the wedding. The wedding was on. Okay, I understand it. And so now we're in the ER. The whole wedding party is still at this shithole bar in Austin. Tab is going higher and higher.

The top is shooting the room. I left this. My fucking mentality. Texas went you're on the way back. My mentality was money and time. Yeah. I didn't like, I didn't think about my wife.

You keep going, fuck. She's like, I'm okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well,

dude, you can see knee bone and cartilage and fucking fat cells. Way to sacrifice the body, though, for the baby. Yeah,

it was so impressive. That's like Elway in the Super Bowl. Yeah. Yeah. Leap. Just getting fucking. Harry Potter at the question.

She found, the mother found Mara's number and texted her in the morning saying thank you so much for taking care of my baby. Thanks. Like she was like truly like. A selfish person would have just. Oh yeah.

I mean, I could maybe down and break the fall. I'd rather die before I fucking drop a baby. Like that you're just no. Dude. It's the ultimate. Sorry. Oh, 100%. And the ultimate just like.

Yeah. Let me know. I imagine. Can you or forever? I guess they're getting married on Monday. Oh, she'd have a nice parking placard. Yeah. You got a just a weird kid now?

Holy Christ. That's a good sign, though. Anyway, she got stitched up, then we met everybody out of the bar afterwards. It was good. Did this affect the wedding dress in any way? Did she have her any ease exposed? No.

What it did affect, my sister-in-law is a doctor. She had the wherewithal to go, can you send or bring with you a suture kit from your Philly with you just in case these reopen? Saturday what's that four days ago three days ago

yeah we went on an alligator boat tour one of the fan boats love them and by the end of the tour we have to kneel down and pet an alligator

oh my god and he's like I want to take the bra and the groom I'm out here for a prison and this is something we don't normally do

but you want to come around here and you're going to get to pet an alligator and he puts like a fucking marshmallow on a stick and starts like banging the water and this fucking beast comes from like 50 yards

and just you see the water like moving and we're all going holy shit that's terrifying. And it's a marshmallow they like marshmallows? They love marshmallows. Just the splashing is what's doing it. Yeah. And you just see like dude it's gorgeous.

Yeah. And it's murky and like beautiful just like a racist south with like the Willard trees coming down. I guess. Yeah. Picture ass. Yeah.

Just the owner of a plantation. I'll see one wall. You know like they. They go right there. I'm going to eat that boy off. Sorry, but you understand. So she gets on one knee, splits her fucking knee on. Oh, my God.

She reopens the sutures. Jesus. And has to finish the whole, you know, the whole weekend. And then there's blood in the water. Limpin. Yeah. Did the blood get in the water? And then suddenly all the games.

Her and a friend were both on their period. That should be not allowed in the boat. I shouldn't be allowed to say that on a podcast either. But they said that going into an alligator. And did the guy go, well, just don't know dipping. I don't know, they're but a load of weeks. His accent was insane. After that we could drink and I can imagine they're just bleeding from their ass.

We were all bleeding. Dude. Good Lord. What a fucking week. Some people, because I've watched videos, people like, will go on these long through hikes where they hike for like 30 days and there's like the Florida one. And you got to sleep beside rivers where there's like literally just gators. Yeah.

And they say like once you sit down, they'll like not go near you. Yeah. I get like a stand your ground kind of issue. If you just set up a tent, they'll just avoid you. They're not going to go attack you. But if you're like in the water splashing around, they might go fucking... That's my Florida Gators. I'd hate that.

I would hate to be murdered by a... Yeah. Like, it would murder you. They just grab... They grab you, they twist you a bit, and you scream. You getter roll. And you fight, but you're so weak you can't. Do you ever see the other videos?

There's a bunch of gaiters with other gators. Yeah, and they just bite each other's legs off? Yeah, one of them just rips the other's legs. off and they're gators so they can't go like ah yeah they just yeah they just go he can't even comprehend what happens yeah yeah just I guess I got to live I'm how old are my fucking legs going

I was just saying out with Key West last week who do you rip my fucking leg all right it's kind of like local drugs no the guy just like threw the meat to the wrong spine and then the guy just grabbed them by mistake yeah yeah and spun and his arm just comes off and the gator doesn't

even like wiggle are they old the shark a shark seems pretty I think so. The sharks seems fun. You see that video? It was in like the Middle East, something like Serbian. Yeah. Was swimming by like a resort, like a hotel resort.

He's still enlaps. Yeah. All these people are just watching them getting by a great way. I've seen some people just like, you know, jump in out of Peter and they're like, hey. And then they kind of, does it come down? They come back on. But they don't, I don't know what that is.

But the shark comes over and goes, let me just, oh, yeah, I'll fuck this guy. It's fun. Yeah. Yeah. It's like what the whale does to a seal. They play with like a toy. No, sharks, I think they'll bite. you to just let you bleed

and then they'll come back around when you're weak to eat you because they don't like getting hit blood's like cocaine in the water for those boys they just they like smell it and eating it I know but that's good sign that means the thing's already been wounded they see a fresh guy they gotta bite them and then they'll swim around that's why they don't eat the human it's like you do coke

you don't want to eat I think that's why they bite them they bite people that's why people always get a shark bite and not like get really like that's what I'm saying they don't wind up in their belly they get bit and then the sharks like Jesus, man. You'd have to be a beefy bitch for them to get hungry. Like a Big Mac bitch.

No, I think they just takes... If you don't die, if you died, they'd finish you off. Yeah. But they won't come back until you're dead. Oh, you know this? Yeah. We don't research. Eugenie Clark.

Shout out Eugenie Clark, dude. I don't think there's many animals that will naturally hunt like a human. There's only like a handful. Like polar bears will sniff you out and find your birds. Yeah. Other grizzly... Grizzly using stuff will just attack you if, if you scared them,

which is kind of understandable. I don't know. A grizzly will fucking destroy you immediately. No. Well, that's what I want to talk. Yeah, they might. No, they don't. If you come across them and you scare them.

If you scared them, they'll attack you. But if you, like, make noise, or if they get your scent, they'll go away. They hate humans. So we have a weird scent that animals. A killer whale also doesn't kill.

No. Not intentionally. A grizzly will fucking destroy. A grizzly can, but it won't intentionally go after you. Really? No, only if you spook it, or if it already has a kill, if he already has a fucking a deer. Or if it has babies and you come across with the babies,

but like a grizzly won't just see you and hunt you down. So this is one of the benefits of how much cologne I wear. Yeah. I'd be good. Yeah, maybe, actually. True. Yeah. Five squirts.

It's not, I'm beyond savage. No. It's your beer spray. You're fucking full on. full on bear spray. This is gray. Yes. Dude.

This bear spray to comics. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like I've been hunted. I got a squirrel in my backyard. That's a problem. What's he doing? I think he would kill me.

He's just barking at me. He's just roasting you've mean to it. Bitch. Bitch. What is it? 12.30? I'm getting up. Yeah.

Lazy ass. Motherfuck. Oh, dude. What's matter? You got a podcast. Yeah, you're bringing the recycling out of the trash. He's like, more beers, huh? You're drinking more?

You're my clanking. No, squirrel's a fucking problem, dude. Yeah. I mean, he would kill me if you could. Yeah, of course. Maybe, yeah. I wonder how big those motherfuckers get, you know. You think you know a squirrel and then you see like a documentary and there's like,

the African squirrel is like 12 feet long. Dude. Yeah. Yeah. Everything in those places is gigantic. Pet squirrels and pet raccoons, send it. Like, you're into it. You put it in the house?

You find a little baby squirrel? You ever see a dog chase a baby squirrel around like the curtains and shit? I'm not. It's adorable. I feel like they don't want to just murder, no? And fucking raccoons are just... The raccoons are out here. They're fucking playing PlayStation and shit.

They're fucking dogs, dude. They got the whole thing on the piano. They're possible thumbs, yeah. Yeah. I find a baby raccoon taking it right to get some shots. Yeah. It's going right in my living room. That's not be smart.

Yeah. Adopt a raccoon. Yeah. A little baby fucking... In your house. A little raccoon in my house. It's not, it's just such a, I get it, I get it, but it's just, is that like a look that you want to domesticating a raccoon? Absolutely.

You want to be known as the guy who has a pet raccoon? That's the, that's the next stage of your life. Wouldn't that be great? I need, I need, the most Italian man alive. I mean, it's a raccoon. Yeah, yeah. Your dentist of talking shit would be over. All right, this episode is brought to you by Lucy.

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stuff island oh that's okay well we're cutting the whole thing no we're not no or not that part's perfect just cut what I said they're fine that's so funny oh yeah I like that game

you cut what I said but do it's guys let him fucking take the check out his special jobs tomorrow check it my special it's out right now on my YouTube channel Columtural, bells and whistles is called. I don't know what time this comes out, but it should be... Comes out tomorrow.

Noon Eastern. So this comes out tomorrow, I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. So yeah. Say it again. Say it again. Colum Turrell on YouTube. The special is called bells and whistles.

Go check it out. Self-reduced, real low-fi as someone's... It's beautiful. Lo-fi. So what you want to do it. I'm very proud of it. I appreciate it. Very proudy.

How do you feel? I hate my life. I could not be. I mean, the other night, I almost cried. I was on the couch and I was like, I was crying, but not like with my face. You know what I mean? I was literally just stressed.

It's all just chemical drip out of your brain into the body. And I'm like, not eating. I'm like just going all day without eating, just like spazzing out. Right. I'm like, you know, like when a bird fucking starts pulling their own fetters out? It's kind of like how I feel right now.

Where my wife's like, what did you eat today? And I go, I had fucking seven coffees. Yeah. Just everything's gone wrong. The color has gone wrong. The audio's gone wrong. The jokes are terrible. So like, but together.

It's going to be great. There's got to be something. There's almost like a piece in that where it's just like you can blame that shit. I can kind of go, well, you know, if it was. Be a nightmare if it was shot perfect. Yeah. The lighting was great. That's my fear of just a perfectly executed special.

The only problem is me up there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get like a real famous director to really make it look great. Nice theater. And it's just me going, isn't this a lot like that? Fuck. Everything is a lot like that.

If you just fucking make it sound like it. That's a good bit. It is. Everything is everything. Yeah, that's the whole thing about comedy. It's like, oh, doing a podcast is a lot like fucking going alligator. It's not like that at all. But I'll allow you to do it.

I'll allow you to do this fucking joke. Just reaching ever further for analogies that don't match. That's kind of it. I also, it's like, what hasn't been said? Now you're really scraping the barrel. Is buying shoes like getting divorced?

I don't, I also have like three comics in my head right now. I can't say. I'd rather sit in a race. I do it too. I'll do it too. I'll do it when the red wins his hands. I'll write a great new

bad joke and I go I'm keeping that I'm staying in it's all I got yeah it's a lot like camping you know what I mean

you gotta just yeah you gotta find berries and stuff that works you know yeah the more you do it the more comfortable you get with it

oh I'm sure I've seen you in the mountains though I've been out that's my new that's all I do you're a mountain guy

I got mountain. But what's happened when you stop drinking you gotta do weird shit like he plays tennis yeah he's trying to draw down shit

you're drawing that's awesome he's doing a little bit of drawing I'd love to get into some art seeing someone that should drink figure out their life is very interesting sure

it's very fun that's the excitement there's a sadness to it because you miss your buddy sure but you know they're lying themselves and they go and I like this now

it's like this is just a week it is you're going to a phase like women go through eating pussy like every girl's dyke for like a week and a half. Sure. And you watch your good analogy,

did you? Yeah. A 40-year-old getting so over as I get a college chick. You watch your buddies. I get eaten by a shark with like ideas. And you're going back up and you're like, I'm back. I'm back.

And it's like, yeah. And everyone does quit drinking and then like they go, well, maybe I'm getting into art now. And you're kind of like. Yeah. I go to museums. I hike. Well, I do this.

I was not trying to create art. I was just. looking for something to do on the plane. Sure. No, that's exactly what I'm saying. You're looking for something to do. I'm not negating the beauty of taking a hike. It's wonderful.

But you can't make it your whole personality to fill the void of you just hanging out in Key West drinking with your buddies. I get it. It'll never fill. Why can't I hike for nine months? You can do both. And then go to Key West. I would love that. And then that's how I love that.

That's my, that's what I do. I'm talking shit on people that just find all this nuanced bullshit. Yeah. not real and never come back. You got to come back to the hike. No, no. It's like you plant, you know, you plant the plants. You like, you know, you reap the harvest and then you, yeah, you burn it down.

You got to burn the fields for the following season. Yeah, you got to cut the cool in for the next year. But this is how I think of it happens with drinking where it's like you're drinking, right? And then you sort of, you feel like bad because you're drinking so much. So then you stop drinking and then you sort of feel a bit better. And you're like, oh, this is great. but then you feel better for so long that you start to associate that

with feeling almost bad. And then you go, I should drink again. And then that just brings you right back down. Isn't that great? Yeah, yeah. I think that's how I'm not going to live my life. Yeah, yeah. Every few months.

I'm still drinking the same amount per year. It's just now very targeted. It's turning up. Yeah, target strike, heavy. Holy Christmas. Targeted strike this week was fucking ducked. Dude, that was a heavy deployment. I got rocked.

Yeah. I'm watching trench warfare in Ukraine right now in my head. Dude. It was every kind of drink. Yeah. Every kind. Every kinds. It wasn't just like...

Hurricanes and shit? No, we didn't go out in the wild. He went out in the wild. Hurricanes, rainbows, fucking hand grenades. It's funny. They call things swamp juice and go, I'll have a lot of fucking...

Dude, I took... How big is it? A leader? I'll have a leader of swamp juice. Sugar and boost? Yeah, yeah. I took a full mouthful of swamp juice. so the bar

the fucking boat guy whatever his name was Ronnie shout out Ronnie he uh he would turn the boat to make like a little splash sure

keep it keep exciting wake people up me and Marr were in the very front the rest of the rest of the people were in the back he was splash zone but he would do it on purpose it's funny

first time he did it it was like a you know a light splash sun's coming down it's kind of getting it's getting cold it's getting chilly you're in a fucking

you're on a fan boat I was like literally telling all the girls I'm like they'd come out of the hotel I go, you're not dressed right. You're not dressed appropriately. You got to go get a long sleep on.

Come on now. Come on now, folks. He's a friend of hers. He's dressed like a whore. No, I always said having fun. We're all having fun. And on the way home, the dude dipped and dived and sent a fucking wave. I'll show you a pick.

I'm drenched, like top to bottom. Yeah. And it's dark now? Knees to fucking, no, but it was coming down. It's too cold. You're a fan boat. Yeah, you're flying. Flying.

and I got real pissed but I had to smile on my face going like enough like I stood up turned around and went enough of that shit I don't know you don't talk shit to the boat captain he's doing that fucking pre-old puppy gum shrimp

and then she's got her open wound so she's limping off like she's got a wooden leg and I'm soaked and people are waiting they're waiting for like their boat to go out and they're all looking and I'm not going Josh said it perfectly about like seeing the platoon come in.

Yeah. The new platoon goes out like you don't want to go on that jungle boy. Yeah, they're all looking at you with limbs and counting the fucking. She's bleating from every word tug tags. Trove went to them in front of them. That's nice. What were you? You almost been wearing something nice though on the, were you wearing on the bow?

On the bow? You were in your linens, in your nice linens. I wasn't kind of linens. I was in pants like this and a nice butt down. Yeah. So you're soaking you're like. come on. Yeah, I was piss. Oh, fuck me.

Dude, the amount of laundry I got to do this week. When I say I, I mean her. Wife. Yeah. Now it's like, she has to. It's in the contract. Yeah. I can start talking like that.

Yeah. As if I haven't been. But now it starts this week. Yeah. On the record. I think that women, here's the thing is women wash clothes more often than men do. So I think it's almost rude for them to not throw in your shit while they're washing the clothes anyway.

Of course. You know what I mean? It's like ordering, it's ordering food for your friends without asking them if they want anything to eat. Yeah, exactly. It's like, I was just here. What do you mean? Yeah. The doorbell rings and you get a door dash.

It's, it's, yeah. And you're like, I'm fucking right next to you. You didn't ask me if I want something to eat? It's like, and then. You don't like McDonald's. It's like you get. You're like wearing clean McDonald's. It's like getting around then where the, I'll go up to the bar more often than my wife will.

So therefore, I'll get more, because I'm drinking fast. So they get the benefit of the free drinks when we're out drinking. So you have to wash my fucking socks sometimes. This is the balance of the universe. The socks are your beers. Yeah. Your free beer. Wash my 600 socks.

My socks are your free beer. Next time we're drinking. She says something. I go, I go, you're going to have to start getting your own beers. I'm not just going to be one of these house husbands who buys his wife, bears. Just look at my dirty underwear like oysters. Look, how many oysters I got you last week? You don't eat martini?

A golf loiter. A pair of jeans is a martini. Underwear or oyster. Get in there. Get in and wash them up. New Orleans is a fucking awesome town, though. I went to patios doing piano bar. I loved every second of it, dude.

I didn't make it. It was... I made it to the other bar. I was a blast. I was going nuts. Put in a request. Cave the guy cash to play it. You told him you want to what, Billy Jollers?

some shit? No. Freebird. No, fucking. You know what a free bird? No. Butterly wanted Casey and Jojo's. Oh, my life.

I love that song. I know. You would have brought the house down. Holy shit. But I was like, I'm doing it. All my life from Casey and Jojo. Oh, my life. I'll pray for someone like you.

I don't think I know. Oh, well. Well, you're from Ireland. Power ballad is. Yeah. It's a black squirrel. When you hear it, you'll get it. You'll get it.

You'll understand. You'll understand. You're watching your own laundry You're going to be on road you're going I heard this great song Did he start playing it? No, no What was your request?

I wrote it down on a napkin I gave it to them And he never played it And he never played it No, they never played it Yeah You gave money Gave a request

These guys might be there Every single night And they have it all timed out And then you go uh-huh And they fuck it Yeah All right we're playing the pile It was fucking

Yeah Eagles Also, I saw your I saw you before you got to the piano bar. I was not in good trip. I'm sure what you wrote on the napkin was not a song. Dude. He gave the wrong napkin.

It's funny that you mentioned that. He's a dog play Casey Jojo. Dude, he was how drunk I was. His one eye was so lazy he was collecting unemployment. This is how drunk I was. I definitely wrote Casey and Jojo down, but the song just kind of. of like.

You had a huge Casey and tiny little Jojo. You know it curls down. It definitely. There's no with the bottom. It definitely. You know, happy birth. And then you'd squeeze in day at the end. Yeah. I'm pretty sure. But Casey and Jojo always. Yeah. You gave me a euro instead of a dollar. Yeah. Give him the $2.00 bill. People love getting it two. That's so funny. That's great.

I'll tell you what, I was just in Nashville last month. And New Orleans, when you hear the quality of the music, it's like, it's what Austin, like, wants to be and what you think they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Awesome for sure is, like, trying to be Nashville. Yeah. Dude, the quality of music there, it's like, it's a different level. Like, you're talking lunch at, like, a coffee house. I know it sounds hacked,

but, like, those, like, singers, you go to a bar at, like, 2 p.m. And you're like, you have to turn around and go, oh, that's not. I was in the pool. You left. I was in the pool. There was a gumbo festival in New Orleans two days ago before I left. And I was just like, I'm so hungover and I'm just like in the pool.

And you know it's like right next door, right? In the courtyard, they have this gumbo festival. And I saw this guy setting up a turntable. He's going to be a DJ. And I'm listening to this music. I'm like, it's great. It's like jazz and like. high-end singing and all that stuff and I just think it's a turntable I get up to piss and it's a

live band and I'm like holy shit I just stared at them from my balcony and just went this is like the level of talent yeah there's backup you're also you're tanked at this point right so you're no no no no no this is like the two o'clock in the afternoon should have been but I was running on knee the whole fucking week I tried not to start drinking until like later in the afternoon and if I had one it was just a hair of the dog yeah wasn't ripped and I'm like the same thing with Nashville going out to get lunch or something

the quality of music was like what the fuck is this how are you not a name how are you not a thing yeah and this is why your special is important

this is what everybody's gonna be saying why is this boy this song bird why is he not a thing I'm the New Orleans guy no one knows about yeah that's me yeah

Austin's more of a blues town less country music I had a second joint Austin's more of a blues town country music is at the height of its powers right now it's over it's already dead no you because you had that what happened was no it con

he he really brought it to like the east coast Vermont he has all these songs about Vermont and we're kind of like that's kind of country now you have that chick the hot chick with the bangs sings in the songs about Boston you know shipping off to Boston I'm from Texas

I'm from Texas yeah I heard this other one is this girl's from from California now and there's a song about Boston going on the train to Boston. Like this time next year it's gonna be all about like, growing up on Wall Street.

No one ever heard about me. Lower East Side. They're just like, they're literally going, this else, get the fuck out there. And some chick from Beverly Hills is singing country songs about Boston. I don't know. She's famous.

It's so fun. And her dad's like a billionaire. So everyone's like saying her dad obviously just like put her in a room with someone who knows how to sell music. It was like, same country about anywhere. Find a city that they've never sang Cochardier about

and you'll be pretty famous It'll build up That'll be our Rock of St. Peter Boston Country music Boston Country Music Nuts growing up in Saudi

Country music Really took off After 9-11 That's when I was That's where I noticed The finance dudes Really starting to love country music Really

Yeah After that You think that's why our government did it? I think one, I thought... Yeah, just to get country music going again. Yeah, could be. Yeah, country music's down.

You know, we need it. Country music's down. You know, we need to... We need a tragedy. He goes, I got a guy called Jelly Roll. Yeah. We just need to figure out a weight to get him out here. It's a 25-year plan.

He's... Jenny rolls eight years old with face tattoos. He's gone, this guy's going to be big. There's only one way this guy makes it. We got to do some sort of 9-11. You're not going to believe this. The guy's pitching 9-11. Guys, you've heard a 9-1-1.

But have you heard of 9-11? Yeah. It rolls off the tongue. How long are you here? I'll leave Monday. I'm here all week. Oh, wow. Here all week.

That's great. Yeah, so I'm doing Joe Rogan tomorrow, hopefully. Hopefully it all comes out. That's great. Don't think you're supposed to say, but whatever. But then Jay's and Big Jays playing the club all weekend, so I text him and he's let me open for the weekend so I'm staying here. Let's go.

So yeah, I didn't realize he was in town. Yeah, all the story wars is on tomorrow. Oh shit. The story wars is tomorrow, then Jay's staying in all weekend. Okay, sick. All the boys are down. Yeah. It's going to be fun.

Going to eat some barbecue, maybe watch some football at some point. Dude, I was telling Tommy I need to get back in the barbecue game. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't had barbecue in so long. That's good. That's what you need to do here. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm ready. I'm ready. I need to fucking mop off. Now that the heat has sort of dissipated. Yeah. I'm ready to step into some barbecue. Yeah.

Yeah. That beef ray about Terry Blacks is like my favorite. It's fucking crazy. It's just insane. Have you done it yet? Any, uh, not yet like this week. Uh, not this week. It's just flew in this morning.

Oh, you did? Fluent this morning. Oh, I wonder if this is interesting. There was a little bit of a ruckus on the plane. Okay. So we're sitting. Couple squirrels? A couple of squirrels.

A couple of white squirrels. Oh, let's go. But they had a very squirrel attitude. Oh, right. First of all, I was in first guy. First of all, so. South Philly squirrel. I got, actually, it's my backyard squirrel.

Yeah, it's a wig. So my neighbor. I tried to sleep on, I have a whole like sleep on a plane set up. I do the earplugs. I got a fucking very expensive eye mask, very expensive pillow. Like it's like a fucking, I'm out. But the guy behind, so there's sitting behind me. When do you put that on?

As soon as I sit down, really. Okay. So I might be asleep before we take off. I envy you guys. He goes right to night. I got to do the whole thing. I know coffee before flight at all. Just let myself sleep on it.

That's incredible. But does a guy sit beside me and then behind me is this younger girl. She's probably teenager, maybe 20s. And she has a dog with her. And then on the other side of the aisle, there's just like fat, white guy, head to toe in jets gear. He's like a New Jersey Jets guy. And he keeps talking to this girl.

not really paying any attention to it. But then I just, and I, by the way, I can't really see, I can just hear it kind of a muffle. And then I just heard the guy beside me, turns around to the girl and was like, is this guy bothering you? And I'm like, you got, I can't see. Yeah. It's all kind of listening into, like a, and then, and then the guy on the other side goes, what did you just fucking say?

And he goes, is he bothering you? And then he goes, that's my fucking niece. And he's like, sorry, sorry. I thought you were, he goes, why don't you mind your own fucking business? And I'm like, hearing all this go off. And then he goes, it's hard to, he goes, it's hard to. you're fucking yapping the whole time. And then he goes,

you fucking stay over there or something. And then they were like, the guy was like, whatever, whatever. And you just hear the two of them muttering. Just fucking, fucking whatever.

But I guess the guy was talking to his niece about the dog. And this guy, who was sitting beside me, he was like, let me step in here because this guy's obviously. So he goes, this guy bothering, he was like,

that's my niece. And he was like, what airline are we talking? United. Watching you Twitch and perk up in here. I'm like, I'm like trying to. It's pulled a nightmare to me.

I almost have to do it a little, the little out of the corner of the eye like peeking through the blinds you're spreading the blind just I just pull out one of the airport and I can hear it all around

me do what are you fucking my own business clock the violence it's like but I wish I knew what the guy was saying that was crazy for him to turn around and goes this guy bothering you United is dog and the guy is good

are you kidding me dog shit It's gotten better I think of Delta. Yeah. But what part of Delta is better? What? Which part?

Every single part. Every aspect. Yeah, you get the lounge. United has a lounge. And the higher. Unitedas are the lounges, baby. Straight out of Newark. Delta.

American. Whoa. I almost going to, I'm going to say Southwest United Spirit. I won't take. No, no. They took away your hair gels or something. That's TSA one time and then and you've been mad ever since. I will say I've,

Flew from Austin to Newark on a United flight and it was like a brand new plane. That matters. And it was... No, the planes are good. The planes are good. I've got status, obviously. So it's like a nice of experience.

I'm a lounge guy. Yeah, I'm in United and I got it all locked in. How's the lounge doing? What's the United Lounge? It really depends. It depends on each airport. Some of them you go in and it's like paper plates and some like reheated fucking cocktail we need.

And you go, this is disgusting. I'll take my phone. fucking business of Delta. I let them know. Send it up the ladder. Are you getting are you getting gifted?

Does the Delta lounge I get upgraded a bit? Yeah. Not as much as I used to but. Are you a diamond? No. Whatever.

What's the highest? The highest is 1K which I'll never get. 1K why? It's just called 1K. It's called 1K. It's called 1K.

That's the highest. But you got to, I'd have to be flying first class all the time. Well, that's what they do. Right. Yeah. So I'm diamond now for Delta.

if you fly regular or buy a regular ticket. Right to first class. I got Diamond with Delta when I was with them. Yeah. And then I moved to United. Why did you move to United? Because I moved to New Jersey and I had to fly to Newark. And Newark's the United Hub.

So it's all like whatever. Yeah. That's why I started getting American. There's no direct to Philly from here. So you have to go American. I feel like they've all kind of caught up with the, we did it. They probably are. And we're probably in them for gigantic airline collapse or something.

But we'll see. This episode is brought to. you by Draft Kings. Draft Kings is an unofficial partner of the NBA. Actually, Draft Kings is an official partner of the NBA is now available in all 50 states. Now, let's talk about the NBA. That's good. That's good. So wherever you live, follow your favorite NBA stars, get excited about the biggest matchups and lock in on those buzzer beating moments. And with Draft Kings, it's all in one app. Download the Draft King Sports app and use code stuff island. New Draft Kings customers can spend five and get 200 in total bonus paid within 21 days.

Includes all markets. That's code stuff. In partnership with Draft Kings, the crown is yours. Beauty. Now back to the episode. Taking my dog out of an Eagles jersey and putting a Sixers jersey on her.

Oh, yeah. It's going to be a big guy. Taking the crown off. Yeah, yeah, watching that package drive, just like LeBron. Taking it out of the box. How about them Sixers? Don't count out the Flyers just yet.

The perennial statement. Don't count out the Flyers just yet. you're on the lookout yeah I was talking to Mullen the other day about fuel futures or something like that and he's convinced me of it

I've never left the conversation when Mullen's feeling better about anything I don't walk down and go yeah good talk well and thanks I go he's mad he has no money and he's got so much more money than me

I should be fucking furious God what a lovely terrified he is he really is love to see him, love to talk with me. You're like, holy shit.

No, I was literally walking to get coffee in my neighborhood. I'm walking back and I'm like, I'm hungover as fuck. I've just gotten back from your wedding. And I'm like, I kind of looks so much like mulling. I'm like, that's got to be. He was here yesterday? Two days ago. We're in a big Sunday morning, Sunday midday or something.

I was just like, yeah, yeah. It was big silly hat. He's a beard and everything. I'm just like, this guy. And then he starts like looking at me. Oh, shit. And I'm like, this is got to. be mulling. There's no way.

I saw him from like a hundred yards away. And then I was like, what are you doing? Come hang out. He just came, hung out with me and my lady. It was actually kind of nice. Yeah. Outside of the airline futures part. Yeah. The fuel futures.

I don't want to touch, I don't get closer. Delta apparently has bought, made good play on future fuel costs. It's a gift and a curse to have that much knowledge about anything. I don't want to touch this time. That's like someone brings up like, oh, well, you know, you know we're running out of fish? I go, whoa, whoa. I don't need to know that. Yeah.

You let me know when that happens. Yes. Because I'm, I, what can I do? It's just I can. Yes. And you just thought, five years, it's a fucking, $100. It better be like in a moment where you're like, baby, you want fish tonight. And she goes, we're out of fish.

We're done with the fish. Yeah. As a niche. You're like, what? Yeah, look it up. I thought they say if we, If we stopped, if we've taken all these fish, if we just stopped for like 12 months,

all of the fish would fucking repopulate but we'll never ever communicate that to each other. Because I'd be like, yeah, you can do a pandemic, you pause. You can put a pause on the fishing. I guess we could do, hit a pause on the fishing pause. It's all formed. Everything's formed.

I know, but you're not getting, I don't even trust the wild caught bullshit that I'm paying for in fucking central market or whole thing. Yeah, yeah, why would you? I'm paying, the price per pound is like, like, fucking ribby. Yeah. For a piece of salmon that feeds one broad. Like, you know how much money I'm spending on fucking wild-caught salmon, which I can't believe?

You start seeing the coloring of things and like the dyed meats and shit. Yeah. I don't believe any of it. I know. Get the fuck out of here. I'd rather get a can of tuna. Now it sounds like you're taking the opposite approach. It's like, I'll know nothing and be suspicious.

Yeah. I go, did you know about that? It's so true. Instead of knowing everything and being the amount of energy I'll just have that energy. That's so funny. It's so funny.

There's no knowledge. What is this bullshit fish? Something's bad is going on and I'm not going to find out what that is. Look, let me see the package. Let's see what's in that. No. Straight.

Yeah. It's tough. It's so funny. I've got to be careful watching stuff. Like, I watched, I don't know what I watch. There's some documentary about how, like, farmed food, you know. And it's just like everything you eat is just, like, like, they just show you all these weird cows with the form.

They're, like, grow up, like, glue to each other because they're, like, not in enough space. And then you're just like, fuck. Yeah. I'm still going to eat this. Take a burger. Now, you just kind of ruined my burger a little. You haven't stopped me from eating you. Right.

Well, there are some cases where people stop, but it's like, it's not really different. I mean, Josh's wife is a vegan, right? and it's about animal cruelty and health yeah right so it's always animal cruelty and health sure maybe it's the opposite health and animal cruelty yeah but like you're not making a change well yeah you're gonna riot you gotta riot in the streets yeah you gotta everybody's gotta get out there you gotta go french you gotta go french on this shit you gotta go french no what's up

the french like that's where i was gonna go for my honeymoon they'll burn down the oldest most beautiful church in all of europe because because the price of a bus fare went up fucking five euros or whatever. They will cause some long-term downage. Church was built in the 1400s. Yeah. Light it.

Light it the fuck up. Yeah. You're just looking at a party, man. I think that's in their... They're not partiers. That's in their blood though. Revolution works for them. So they kind of have to keep that going.

Now it doesn't explain all the brand new Africans are like that. But yeah. That doesn't explain now. They just jump in. They just assimilating. They are. Yeah, they really are. They are simulating quickly.

Yeah. Yeah. They've embraced the culture. That's because they're good at revolution. They're not good at fighting. Yeah. So they allow, you know, they open the gates. They open the flood gates.

They revolutionized their country, but then they also shit on it. Well, in their revolution, they wound up just cutting people's heads off. Like, after the revolution was done for like years. Yeah. Yeah. The last public execution was. They like they killed all the royals, right? And then they were like running the show and things kept being bad.

And they'd be like, no, it was that guy's fault. and they cut his head off and someone else would step up every few months you got a sacrifice of one of your political friends took for the people

it's a big careful what you wish for type of scenario yeah yeah wasn't until like Napoleon didn't he he

he was the last cutter he was the last cutter was he? No he think he was after but wasn't that the whole revolution was that like let's get these fuckers

out of here killed them then Napoleon pretty much like two years later came in and was like I'm actually the king now and they're like

thank God. Yeah. That was a bad two years. We honestly, we did not realize how important they were. Yeah, you do need someone at the top

to kind of. Yeah, keep everything out of control. I don't know. I don't know the answer to that, but you better fucking, you better, you better,

you better get ready for Rogan more. He's going to be asking questions like this. I got loads of shit ready. You better research. I got the, the, the longhorn sheep. I got all these facts

about the longhorn sheep. The longhorn sheep is my guy. Is that you into Longhorn sheep right? You said you were getting into birds. Yeah, well, I got into birds like maybe a year ago. Yeah. And now I'm in the animals. No.

Have a part, my friend. The birds is the most enriching experience of, you can do. That's insane. Imagine a family. Get the fuck out of you. No, this is the cycle town. I'm telling you. There's not a shot.

You're going to talk me into this. That birds are. I don't think it's for Italians. I don't think it's, I don't think you operate at the way. You're too loud. You're scaring. your way to birds. That's not what

this is a very... Look at this one, Gene. Oh, the fuck is that! I sold the red one. Yeah. Now, getting it the birds is truly an enriching experience because it's like something

your body trains yourself to not even be aware of them. And once you slow down and start being aware of them, you start becoming aware of your environment. And then you see a bird that you when you recognize the names and recognize the call,

Then you start to go, all I'm tuned in. Yeah, I know a moon. And then, Tom. I know all the call. You don't know no call. It's like looking for a loons. A very region. You don't know a call.

You couldn't know a call to save your ass, my friend. No, that everyone knows the loon. Ooh, that's a morning dove? It sounds like a morning. They got the warbly one too. That's pretty dead. Warblers? Also.

It's like when you have a pint with the birds. Once you learn the birds. I'll let you get this. It's like when you look for a car, you go, I love infinities. Sure. I want an infinity. All of a sudden. sudden you start driving around down and you see billboards for infinity.

And you go, it's meant to be. This is a universe telling me I need an infinity and I should get an infinity. No, it's, you're just concentrated. No, because this isn't like some billboard by a marketing company trying to fucking get me to buy a hunk of shit. This is a wild animal. This man is going out back every day looking at this squirrel thinking the squirrel's talking shit to him. This is avoiding something else. He's looking at me.

He may be finding his own business. He may be projecting right at me. Give a fuck about Chris. The squirrel's not looking at him. He's minding his own business, eating a goddamn nut. He thinks it's about squirrels. The way you're thinking it's about birds, if you need any fucking reason, I'm proud of you.

I'm proud of you. To not hit a pint of gym. Go look at a fucking bird, but there's no way I'm going to believe this bullshit that it, what? It's a better experience. To understand things about the world. And we are animals, and they're the only animals.

You go to Central Park with these other rapists holding fucking binoculars? we don't like to say call them rapists we say they do have some questionable past I'm dead serious a lot of these guys

do you could have a lot of these are so old that I wasn't rape at the time do you go to Central Park I've not been to Central Park I would go I would go I got to different marshes and stuff

surely that's the Super Bowl of Birdwatching do you know why because when they travel from South America through our country they stop off because it's a big

shut the fuck up for a second You think I don't know about the migration patterns of the bird? This is like, this is baby stuff. Maybe that was a test. That was like my first words where like, warbler. The migraised out. What's this migration thing? I will tell you.

I know. I will tell you a cool story. But I live in New Jersey. So I've got better parks. I don't need to go to Central Park. But I would love to go to Central Park. Yes. And more importantly, I want to go to Central Park and take photos of the Cougars.

Because they got fucking. They got Cougars that. That you can upskirt. They got Cougars. that live wild in Central Park and you can only see them at night. I would go out with people and try to see them at me right.

Like definitely. Wait, what? They have cougars in Central Park. Yeah, there's cougars that live in Central Park. Mountain lines come down from the north. Well, they're not mountain lions. Whatever the version. On a young cat.

What are you Puerto Rican or fucking... What kind of cougars? I don't know just like these little cat, like wild cats that are like fucking... How big? Cougars is a dog, I guess, you know? Yeah. And they live in Central Park and you can

Catch them, but you get you. And it's hard to find them at night, but like people go out and they get photos of them all the time. I was like, I'm almost, I'm almost actually gonna DM a guy and go,

can I come Google watching me? Yeah. At 10 o'clock in the morning with my $28,000 on a camera. I can't have a car, but I've got the most expensive camera. I will say you got like that. Whatever the fucking special forces.

Oh yeah, they got that right vision, fucking shit on guns. I don't think you moved in yet, but there was a war sock. My, my, I don't know,

a bird scenario. Sure. was it's close to my hat. In our backyard where Chris me and Shane used to live, there was a parsimans tree which is like a Middle Eastern

that's close to my heart. It was like apples. One of the best lines of all the time. There was a fig tree that leaned over our yard where our Wop landlord would just rip figs off. He fed me one too like a fucking. It's like his elephant feet of a monkey.

He's like six five. Shout out, Benny. Anyway, there was a Parsiman Street. Persimins, Persimins, P-E-R-S-I-M-M-O, who gives you shit. It's a Middle Eastern fruit tree. And a gaggle of fucking parrots. Am I saying that right? I don't know.

A swarm of pirates. A murder. A murder of pirates. But, yeah. Pirates in a story. Dude, they were eating the whole fucking tree. In Astoria. Came from Central Park. A macaw.

A macaw. I'm a macaw landed on your middle eastern tree In the middle of Queens New York You're talking about New York stories? This was it And I have a video of it And I was a herd of these fucking

Macaws Multicolored parrots From another country Sure Obviously South America or something Stopping off And just grubbing in the backyard Of our old apartment

Which you've been to Yeah yeah Walked out the back door I just hear the noises So I get the beauty of that because it's right there. Yeah. But just chilling and going.

But parrots are a fucking rabbit hole. If you go down to find out how smart they are and what they do in the wild and in captivity. It's like dolphins. They are so, so a parrot, they pair bond, right? So it's actually really bad for them.

If you get a parrot and then like you die, the parrot will die also because he'll just like freak out. I like that. I like that a lot. Even if you go on a vacation and you leave them, they'll scream out. for you like fucking Tommy Tommy! And then you come back like

a week later they see it they give you the cold shoulders. They're pissed. They'll ignore you. You got to feed them and goes, fuck off. It's a woman. I swear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they live for 90 years. I just say, it's a it's a fucking prison sentence. Having a pet power for life is like

fucking nuts. Yeah. But they're super fucking smart. And they use all that when they're in the wild too. And they've like, even in the wild when their partners dies, they'll just like kill himself essentially. First caught him, we went over to, like, South America.

They got like hundreds of thousands of them and put them on ships to send back to them to them left. And by the time they got back to it was like four of them left. Like they're like the rarest thing.

We've kind of wiped them all out. You can't, you can't catch them. Yeah, I wanted to get a gray pair once. Yeah. You'd be great with it. It's too much.

You are a parrot guy. No, I'm not. I don't leave the house too much. You have to leave the house once a year and that would be in too much. I'm always bouncing. What are you doing? What are you doing doing that?

I'm always bouncing around. But what are you going to be the guy? No, you're not. I am, dude. You don't know. You bought me an Xbox. That's right. A guy that leaves a house a lot.

Doesn't give to another person. I'm trying to get you in that house. Yeah, I bop. I bop. You don't bop. You ain't bopping. You're a cage parrot. But now you just have a parrot for the rest of your life.

If you're on a flight, you're going to have to have the fucking parrot on the fucking flight with you and stuff. I had three pets grown up. Two parakeets. One was named Shithead. The other one was named Yododod. Okay. A pug named Bufferina. Bufferina?

Bufferina. Papa. Is Bufferina like a famous thing? What's that? No, they asked me the name. Is that just a noise you made up? Or is Bufferina like it? I was like seven.

Oh, so you said, I thought Buffy was cute. Buffy de Vamper. You wanted to say Buffy and they went, what? We made it Italian. Bufferina, my mother's Irish. She put the Marie, her middle name in the middle. And then Papa. Bufferina Marie.

A little pug. She'd had in Yoda. And we took her. these little two parakeets. One was bright yellow. One was blue with spots. And we just stared at him. And I thought it was cruel and horrendous. Even worse than the fucking pug.

You know, some parrots have blue wings, but they're not actually blue. We just interpreted the color as blue. Google it. Doesn't that make it blue? I don't know. But we see blue. It's like, is the sky blue, I guess? It's a reflection of the earth.

I don't really know how the sky is blue. I think it's some sort of gases just make it. That's what they tell you. I honestly, that's also one of these things where you go. You know I can't search, I figure that out myself. There's no possible way to look it up. O3 is blue, I think, is what it is. O3.

Yeah. Which is what the ozone is made out of, yeah. What's your favorite bird? Oh. I don't know. I like a cardinal. Like a good nice. A nice, oh, you're standing.

So you're not really in a bird watching. That's such a generic. Cardinal's beautiful, beautiful calls. I don't need to... You know, Blue Jays are dickheads, right? Blue Jays are real fucking dickheds, too. Problem makers. Why is this?

Blue J. They say they, they're just motherfuckers. They will mimic a hawk to scare other birds away. Yeah, they're cock suckers. This is all, which is now that I hear... Look at me volleyball on you for a racist joke. And you did nothing. I didn't hear it.

I was lost in the birding. Have you seen that documentary Listers? Listers is this great documentary. No. these two stoners from Florida in their 20s they got into birding for a year and there's a big thing called the big year where you everybody competes

and you have to document as many species of birds in the lower 48 as possible over the 12 months and it's like crazy these guys are flying places they're getting alerts of rear birds that are flying out to Christaia and these guys are just these two stoner dudes for Florida got involved it's a two hour documentary it's one of the best things I've ever seen

really yeah that's awesome is this what got you in no I was already in but that opened up another thing didn't get you into it? I would say, genuinely just out of curiosity, I think I heard a bird and I was like, I won't, how can people tell what bird that is? And then I slowly, and then my buddy introduced me to an app, which just tells you them. So then I started doing that.

Then I think I started watching the show. Then I started going out with camera trying to get photos of these fucking things. Yeah. I'm very, I don't know a whole lot about it, but it's fun of shit. Yeah. It's fun to go, because you go, I'm not going to see loads of birds and you don't see anything. And I can hear them in a tree, but I can see the fucking thing. It's so frustrating.

I'm talking shit. I bet it's fucking one. Honestly. Identifying, I think, by their calls is sick because it's almost like when you go to a place with no light pollution and you can see all the stars. Yeah. Like it makes what's happening around you like much more detailed and vivid than just like a cacophony of bullshit. Yeah. A few of us went down to big band last week. Oh yeah. Me butterly rainy. You're sick. Ernie. You're seeing roadrunners everywhere. The roadrunners are all over the place. We got we got fucking bored with the roadrunners. On the way down, we were like watching. We were like rats there. We were all. watching like clips on YouTube going, I hope we see one. And then after an hour, you're like, get the fuck!

I'm not there. No wonder, I wanted to kill you. You fucking. They're everywhere. Yeah, yeah. They're plucking away. We saw tarantulas walking up under the big bag. Yeah, so it was.

But the breeding season or something. Yeah, it was cool. But the biggest thing was the stars was insane. I had truly, I feel like I had never seen the night's guy until I went to the big band. And then you couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't recognize it. You know, when you're in New Jersey, you'll recognize the big dipper of it. You can't because there's just so much shit.

Yeah. It was one of the most fun things You actually see the Milky Way You could see the Milky Way And then Tim has his big telescope And so he brought this huge big fucking thing And then we got to zoom right in on Saturn You could like fucking see the ring

Like the gap of the it was fucking To see how your eye was kind of fucking cool My father had a telescope We had our closest thing from Philly To get outside the zone of You know the lights Yeah Was like Valley Forge

Yeah And I saw Haley's comet Which comes around every 75 years. And he's trying to track it with the thing. It's hot. Yeah. They brought out this giant telescope,

which he was big into astrology. That's cool. Still is. There's always an astrological magazine next to the toilet. But you don't really respect it. And then you get in like a zone. Like it's like bird watching where it's like, you don't know enough,

but you know enough to get entrenched. Yeah. You start respecting things like, oh, this is cooler than you think, dude. Yeah. You know, just a little bit of, you know, a little bit of knowledge. you go, that is...

The first time I bet if you hear a bird call outside of the zone you should normally hear that bird that would be nuts. I follow a... I thought... What's that guy doing over here?

I follow a guy who feels like a friend talking about it. I follow a guy who does alert. It's like seeing the Eagles fan in France. Yeah. Go birds. Go birds. It's a joke on a joke. It's a hat on a hat.

Some birds have accents too. So like a northeast. a northeast cardinal for a reason doesn't sound the same as a Florida cardinal does it there's an accent there's a twine to it

which is a fat half black kid but it would be so fun to show up and just like yo you're gonna be an accent are you yeah yeah you're open

fucking Tampa to get to that level of autism would be awesome that's what I'm trying to get to yeah yeah you got to fight

your way through but I'm talking shit I'm kind of I'm getting more into just wild animals in general rather than just

birds yeah I follow a lot of wild photographer, like photography people on Instagram. And they'll just get photos of like elk. And I'm like, I don't think I've ever seen an elk.

I say this all the time. It's like, I don't know if I have. I don't watch comedy. I don't care for comedy. Like when I, when I have my own time, it's mostly crime and documentaries and you know, reality.

Anything that's like, anything that's like, anything that gives me. Yeah. I think there is a need for me to like take a, you know, take a little fucking left hand turn towards yeah. Animals are some shit.

And I, it's a good place to be. I think so. Do you know, all right. Do you guys know. Saying that arms crossed. Do you know what? It's a good place to be, Tom.

I like it. Do you know Connor Larson? Nashville comic Connor Larson, but he got into trees in a wicked way. Yeah. He just one day goes, I need to learn what trees are. And then he started reading books. I like this. And now you can't go anywhere with him without going,

that's an invasive species. Yeah, dude. That's a weird place to have an oak. He goes, that's curled out. because of the wind that comes in and blah blah. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, he starts going crazy for her. Yeah, I get nuts when I see a Japanese maple.

There you go. Yeah, that gets me fucking going. That's my cardinal, babe. I get fucking nuts. Also, my father, they live across the street from whatever, I can say. But he knows what species are invasive in his yard that he has to cut down. He's like, this is a problem. Yeah.

I got to get rid of this tree and I don't want to because it's, you know, protecting, you know, security. Yeah. But it's also privacy. I don't want to cut down this 100-year-old tree, but it's invasive. Well, at that point, it's colonized. I go, Dad, it's been here a fucking hundred years. You're going to cut this down and open up the fucking, you know? You got to leave it.

Your windows? Do you see mom's fat tits hanging around? Your dad's just like, papers, please. Been here 100 years. Yeah. Could I be this big? Send him to El Salvador. I'm not even from El Salvador.

I'm Japanese. I'm not. I'm not. Send them sound. I, so there was a dead, I don't know, like a chick. There was in my yard, not dead. But I was in my, a little bird, a little hatchling, right? And I could hear a little, and I was like, what the fuck?

And I go over to the grass and it's lying there. And it's like, it's brand new. It literally looks like a fucking raw chicken wing. Yeah, I've seen a hundred times. With a little beak and like, no, and I'm like what? And the sun's coming out, cooking the guy. So I was like, what do I do? We have a bird.

Was he still alive or was at the moment? He was alive, he was alive. But there's no nests near him at all. There's like, there is trees, but there's no nests in those trees at all. You're not supposed to touch them, right? Because if the mother smells human, there's something like that. So I won't accept it anyway. But this guy was right, this guy was, baby deer.

This was in the sun. And so I read online, I got my, I got a little plastic cup, like a plastic bottle, cut it into like a little shape of a nest and filled it with kitchen paper. And I pick them up and put them in it. And then there was, we have bird houses. and only the top one is occupied. The other two can't fill them. Anyway, but.

No one's a state. The rents to write. No one's got good credit these days. I'm not going to have anyone moving. But those are empty. But I didn't want to put it right in with the other birds because I wasn't sure if they were, but they weren't, I mean, they're 20 feet away.

So it would be bizarre. So I opened up the other one and I put them in there and I closed it. And I could hear them. And I just like waited. And the other birds would come down and have a look. And I was like, Maybe they're going to feed the thing.

And it was like, me, me, me, me, me. And it went, like, a day went by and it's like, no. And then I phoned them. Did you try and feed him worms and stuff? No. You got to vomit into their mouth. You got to get, like, an eye drop.

You got a whole worm. I know, just I'm asking, you. I'm asking this guy. If they got home from the phone. I was Googling. I mentioned him getting home from the stand, give him, like, a french try. Try some.

Yeah, yeah. Spitting some porridge in his milk. You should chew some seeds and spit them. I phoned a guy, a bird guy. My wife was like, you got a phone a bird guy on your phone. We googled bird guy. All right, guys, stuff island.com slash patron. What is it, patreon?

dot com. Is you Google bird? No, I'm kidding. But the way they feed them was with like eyedrops with like a special medicine. And I phone him and I send them the photo. And the guy goes, that's a house sparrow invasive species. We can't do anything about it. Because I was like, what can you do to help me save this bird?

And he goes, it's an invasive species. We're not helping you. You send a picture of the bird. I sent a photo to the bird. just texting this random guy off the internet about birds. And the baby birds don't have any like feathers or anything.

He knows straight away. Yeah, these guys are fucking... Either that or he's just like, that's a copy and paste. Like, it's a face of species. But it was very maga-esque of going, well, he's an immigrant bird. Well, maybe if he was where he's from,

they have a system that could support that. That's nuts when you call like a wildlife thing expecting to get the most supportive. Yeah. Thank God you called all this. And then they just go, let him die. Yeah. Welcome to America First Bird.

America first bird. If it was a Cardinal, I'd do something. Even a Blue Jay. Yeah. He comes out with us. He hit him with a slur. Like he hit him with like some weird bird slur. He's fucking,

he's fucking fetter backs. You're like, Jesus Christ. All right, we all wrapped up. That was great. Thank you so much. Check out Colms special coming out tomorrow or today. It's out right now.

Tell them one more time. Column Tyrell, bells and whistles on YouTube. Head over, leave a little comments saying, Hey, stuff out and sent me. That would really help. You'd be surprised that helps. Thank you.