Stuff Island - Crumple Zone - Stuff Island #132 w/ Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

Crumple Zone - Stuff Island #132 w/ Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Follow Nate on IG: https://www.instagram.com/isthatnatemarshall/ Follow Shawn on IG: https://www.instagram.com/shwangardini/ Head to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/STUFFISLAND Head over to Moonwlkr.com and use code STUFFISLAND at checkout and score a massive 30% discount on your order. For THC gummies, vapes & more.  Thesmokybox.com has your favorite vapes and e-liquids at an incredibly discounted price. Plus, they offer free, fast, and discreet shipping on all orders over $50. Get an extra 15% off your entire order when you use code “stuffisland” at checkout when you buy 4 or more products. https://thesmokybox.com/pages/stuffisland Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guys, we got a whole bunch of dates coming up. Go to stuffislandpod.com for tickets. We're going to Cincinnati, Cleveland, Detroit, Chicago, Milwaukee. Come fucking hang out with us there. We had such a good time the last time we did it. I want to see you there. I want to have some beers with you. I want to have some fun with you. I want to have some fun with you.

Okay? So come do that. Buy some tickets. Please, look at me. Oh, dude, last night I got done. I felt terrible about my set, and I went down to Mitzi's, and I was like, I'm going to my set. I went down to Mitzi's and I was like,

I'm going to go home. I'm going home and then I was like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to have one... I'm going to have one... I was like, I'm going to have one bourbon. You know what I mean? I shouldn't do this, but it'll be nice and then I'll go home and I'll watch a show or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plan the whole evening. I'll have a little buzz. Right as I was getting done with it, Garnini sidled up next to me. He's like, do you want to do a shot? And I was like, yep. No, I was like, oh, you already got a whiskey. Never mind.

Chris is like, I'll do shots. We're terrible on each other. It's like we see each other. Yesterday, I was like, I'm trying to get out of here. You guys are like, whiskey before you go? And it's like, well, now I got a whiskey and a Lone Star. I got to chill for another hour. The Lone Star Tallboys.

It's so crispy and tasty.'s nice so crispy and tasty it's so crispy and tasty and it always keeps you around long enough for trouble yeah yeah they take too long it gets to that point where like in your head you're like i all right i can have another like i don't know what it is about the time it's like the opposite of eating slow it's like you drink slow it's like i'm ready for more yeah yeah you also like you're doing i make all these little excuses it's like well i'm not i'm drinking alone so i'm not drinking like a heavy ipa or something like that but it's a tall boy i'm just drinking two lone stars it's not like i'm drinking like drinking two lone stars and doing a shot of whiskey it's not like

it's the end of the world yeah i wanted to take it easy today impossible i'm not going to you know if you go to a birthday party it's like it's over yeah and if you don't drink you're like what do you what'd you even come out for dude kelly's at the only irish pub in all the whole state of te. I'm going to go and take it easy. I can't talk. If I'm sober, I can't talk. I feel like I'm actively ruining people's time. Especially the drinking around you. If everyone's drinking and you're just sitting there not drinking, I feel like I'm bringing the mood down.

Yeah, it is. Like I'm somebody's wife. Hanging at the party too long and they're like man i can't wait till she leaves and then we can start getting after it yeah yeah i don't think i've left the house for any reason other than like errands and not gotten fucked up since i've been here yeah Yeah. Or like I have to fight it. You know what I mean? Like it's,

I have to drive. I have to make sure like I don't drink and drive. And even then it's not foolproof. It's not a foolproof plan. You're only human. I think that's part of it. I think that's part of why I turned into a mute. If I'm not drinking,

it's just like, if I'm hanging around, my whole brain is just like, don't drink. Yeah. Yeah. Don't drink. Don't. And people are talking to you. I'm not drinking it's like if i'm hanging around my whole brain is just like don't drink yeah yeah don't drink don't and people are talking to i'm not listening you're just like just looking at them staring at their cold ice cold condensated beer how long can i make it before i can just leave it is a strength to just like not break like even if you can just go like an hour and then get in

it's like all right at least i waited oh yeah i've been doing that a little bit good at waiting yeah i've been getting that kind of i like wait to the and that hasn't helped yeah i like i'm like i'll wait i'll wait till i'm done with the sets to start drinking and i still wind up at two o'clock i'm in the same place. Just fuck. Just fuck. It's because you engage in hyperspeed. You go, oh, now I got to catch up to everybody else. That was like our discussion yesterday. You guys are all going to die five years before me. I'm going to be so lonely.

I'm going to have to do six different benefit shows. You're going to do a week of benefit shows? Yeah. I'm going to do my dead friends festival. It's actually going to be a sick fest. So I have to drink more. To catch up? Yeah.

Yeah, we all got to know. Dude, I have a cancer suicide pact. Dude, I got fucked up in Philly, and on the flight back, like even just getting to the airport like below my knees felt weird yeah sometimes when you tie one on and and your ankles start to swell like a pregnant lady yeah that's rough that's a rough feeling like your socks are hurting is this the first sign of me losing my legs? I think I'd rather die than drink my legs off. That's fair.

But not having legs, I mean, I'm not going to say that. I could deal with not having legs, I think. I mean, obviously it would suck. But if it was like a heroic thing or like a tragic accident. If you drunk your leg off. Drinking your legs off. Having to wheel around for the rest of your life knowing you drank your legs off.

Drank till your legs fell off. You got a lot. It's fucking horrific. You're literally driving till the wheels came off. Two flats. It would be unbearable. Yeah. Just everywhere you go, everyone looking at you just knowing.

Yeah. No sympathy. Yeah. You got to lie. You can't tell anybody. You got to steal valor. That's probably why all those guys steal valor. Yeah.

Not for like the glory to hide the shame. Yeah. They don't want the extra two bucks. They just want you to not think that they drunk their legs off. You got to go. Do you have to go? If you drink your legs off, you got to go right to the Army Navy. Get some surplus ASAP.

Get fatigued. Or you can go Al-Qaeda. I'm actually a terrorist. I lost my leg. That would be sweet. Just dressing like ISIS. No legs. That's what it's like.

This happened from a drone strike. I hate this country the sun's finally coming out that's good yeah yesterday that storm was scary oh man it got worse as soon as i left you just waited that thing out you're in the fallout shelter they do have casino vibes in the pub where it's like no windows, no lights, smoke inside. Yeah, when we walked out, we were so drunk. It was me, Lamar, and we were so drunk, we just all stepped right into the biggest puddle. Like up to our ankles deep.

And then just, yeah, still went to Dorian's Bistro. Oh, kept it going? Shut up, Dorian. Just stood at Dorian's. Staying quesadillas. That is the first time we've kind of wet Dorian's before. Last time we were there together, we were soaked, waiting in the rain, just waiting for quesadillas. There's black people

Around us I don't know The black people in Austin Are nocturnal I think Yeah Just the homeless You don't No

Homeless blacks No it's like The party blacks Are only come out At night I feel like True Like 6th street at night Is just like

You don't see one black dude All day Besides homeless people Yeah Yeah Where do they reside There's gotta be A side of town A black side of town That none of us know of yet Yeah see one black dude all day and besides homeless people yeah yeah yeah for some reason there's gotta be a side of town black side of town that i don't none of us know of yet yeah i feel like

well can you find out and let us know it's gotta be the west side that's the only spot there's no shows no i think the west side is nice is it i don't know when is that supposed to be i didn't even put it I didn't even hear it that way It can't be over there It doesn't make any sense There's an H-E-B plus over there There's no way It's not that though Austin actually has a thing

Where it feels super safe everywhere But like tough at the same time You feel that at all? Yeah Like I feel like you could fight any day But at the same time you feel that at all yeah like i feel like you could fight any day but at the same time you probably won't have to yeah it's like my normal like east coast danger detectors don't seem to work as well here like it's like you're like i can't get a read on whether it's bad or good and i'm not and i'm not sure if it's just it's so good

i'm like it's fine out here or if it's think it's, I haven't heard of nothing crazy happening. Crazy shit happens for sure. Every once in a while. Nothing bad's ever happened to me yet, but every once in a while, pretty frequently, actually, you'll run into a comic that's just like, this guy punched in the fucking head. He's like, what'd you do? And he's like, I just walked away. What was I supposed to do?

Fight all of them? We don't want to investigate that. Yeah, somebody told me that they were walking with somebody, and a homeless dude just took his hat off and just was like, $10 if you want it back. And he gave him the $10 to get his hat back. Really? It's a crafty businessman.

That's like old school bullying. Yeah. It's just literally like taking someone's lunch. Yeah. I'm going to go start taking homeless guys' noses. Bruh, your hands are going to fall off. Give me that change if you want this puppy back.

Or else, guess what? I hate it. I hate it. It was behind your ear the whole time. Here's a dollar, too. That would have been so sick if the person actually managed to reverse it. Like, if you gave him the 10 bucks for the hat

and then took his nose. He's like, now you gotta give me 15. Now you gotta give me 10 bucks. 15 for the nose. I didn't get another hat. You can't get another nose. What the hell? That would have been a genius level move.

It is nice here. It's nice here. There's no Mexican homeless people, and that's interesting to me. It's because they're all working their goddamn ass off. Yeah, it's just white and black homeless people out there. We're definitely lazier than the Mexicans. They are. They're at the depot.

Yeah, they love it. You think they're homeless, though? I don't know if they're homeless. That than the Mexicans. Yeah. They are. They're at the depot. Yeah, they love it. You think they're homeless, though? I don't know if they're homeless. That's their mitzvahs. Yeah. It's there all day, all night. They do get fucked up in little quarters at home depots. Under trees.

They have modelos, but they just drink tall modelos. We drink tall Lone Stars. We're not so different, what do you think about that? I was trying to think of what the hell we were just talking about people oh you can shoot a fair one here though more than you can back home like yes I've seen a couple just like fair fights and then they both just go their separate ways yeah we kind of we saw a weird one yesterday that was a tricky situation yeah it's just like a dude freaking out when was

this uh last night when we were going yeah we're someplace yeah i think was that we all left uh creek to go to yeah yeah we were walking over to the mothership and there was like there was a dude spazzing like fucking come say that to my face kind of shit yeah nobody yeah and his buddy was like dude just chill and there was nobody on the other side of the fight there was literally just a group of girls sitting at a picnic table eating like avoiding eye contact yeah yeah it was weird and he was freaking and he was didn't look homeless no he just snapped that there and his buddy had like a nice celtics jersey on yeah yeah it was like you know he was trying to he was trying

to be an alpha in front of the ladies it's like if i look like a psycho i might get some pussy i was in beating on his chest good strategy yeah i've seen a couple fair ones on on sixth street can't you like legally that's what they say i don't know how true that is, but... What, you can like duel? I think you're allowed to duel. Just fisticuffs though, no iron or... And then the cops just at the end go,

all right, that's it. I don't know how true that is. It does feel like the cops on 6th Street do nothing. Yeah, they all double as referees. Yeah, I was just going to say, they have like a little grease in there and like the... Yeah, the footlocker uniform. Yeah, I was going to say, they have like a little grease in there. Yeah, the Foot Locker uniform. Yeah, yeah. They pat them down, they grease them up, and they're like, all right, you can fight.

Yeah. See the mouth. I love the horsies. Man, every time I see those horsies. They are beautiful. It gets me so excited. Just giant, majestic beasts. Yeah.

I love the ass. That was like, I think it might have been my first night here i saw or second i saw a dude like a native american guy on a horse trying to look like hard oh yeah on sixth street he wasn't a policeman he was a no no it's just like a guy he just took his horse in kind of like a I think. A lot of people here wear costumes. I've been bitching about that a lot. Everyone's cosplaying as a cooler person. I thought you meant actual costumes.

I saw a whole Mario group last night. That's like the bachelorettes, I think. They just come down here. And birthday parties. I think they wear uniforms to show they're having fun. We had a good one yesterday where there was a guy, there was like a tall, hot guy in like an expensive, like handcrafted poncho.

And he walked into the bar. Like we were in Austin Garden and he walked in, there's like steps down into it. And he walked in just like full swagger. And then just ate shit down the side. It was such a great moment. Howdy, Lone Ranger. There's so many Lone Rangers

around here. They're so fucking cool. I'm not me. I'm a real cowboy. I'll fucking pop them in the chops. I wish that was real life. You know when you get hit in Call of Duty and all your fucking weapons and shit just float. His poncho's just floating there. You just go pick it up like, now I'm cool. Like you know when you get you hit and call of duty and all you're like you're fucking weapons Dude an expensive clothes falls down. I wish all his clothes

Cowboys drive me crazy all the Cowboys. I have a scene Cowboys it's like dude. I know you didn't grow up dressing like a cowboy i only respect the older mexican dudes i respect the older cowboys not the young cowboys not the people who came from la before you guys got here one walked into the bar once and i was like i think he might have been here someone was here i think it was actually tommy and his lady yeah and i was just drunk as hell and i was like fuck this fucking guy i was like this guy thinks he's so fucking cool just like in a vest and like you know fucking fancy ass boots and a fancy hat like a three thousand dollar outfit and he's like no I'm just rough and tumble, just blew into town.

You've been getting hot when you're drunk. I've been peeping. I'm grumpy as hell, man. You're grumpy as hell. Once you get a couple of whiskeys a year, we'll have a blood feud. I don't care. But I'm the same type of like, coward's not the right word, but that's how I will start a fight if I ever start one, which is just like loudly saying things at a safe distance. If they notice, it's okay.

They're just warning. It's just casting stones. Let's see what this guy's got. Let's see if he's man enough. So that the rest of the bar will see him walk over to me. It looks like I haven't done anything. Sitting there like, yo, what's your problem, man? No, I'm stirring the pot.

Do y'all have any paranoia out here about knowing that everyone around you probably has a gun and you don't? No. Not really. I have so much paranoia about that shit. That's why I've bought two since then but i just bought an ak-47 the other day you got a straight cash deal you were telling me this just a homie who i won't name that's a fishy deal i know but who cares dude i just need the chopper now you said it in front of all the cameras. I don't like it. I don't like it either, but it's cool.

You got to go full retail price, get a safe legal gun. If you get a gun charging text. That's the difference between me and you. You're a part of the system. Nah. I'm a rogue ranger. Yeah. You fool. Yeah, if I was going to buy a gun, I'd buy it off the books.

Yeah, off the books or on the books? No, no, no, no. Like untraceable? Yeah, yeah, secret gun. You gun I'd buy it off the books. Yeah, you off the books or on the books? No, no, no, no, it's like untraceable. Yeah He's got a 3d printer. It would also be like that's what's so scary Chinese terrorists 3d printed stuff looks like crap Yeah, it does 3d guy it would have like the layers of the 3D printing. Disposable. It would have like tags and shit on it. Get a disposable gun, throw one clip in there, toss the shit.

That's a nice feeling. Plus, you'll never be certain, I feel like, if it actually works. Until you prove it. Yeah. I like the idea of like, you know, the false bookcase and just an AK-47 behind it that's what I like yeah yeah

but that's what scares me I'll never bring it out of the house it'll just be there in case some imaginary guy that I envision is gonna break into my house and leave it not

but I know it works no I don't care if it doesn't work you just wanna be holding it yeah I just wanna hold it and scream as loud as I can I'm so prepared

to shoot a home invader I was thinking about that. I'm too prepared. You're paranoid as hell. It's not even paranoid. It's just, I don't know. Take a life. Live. Yeah, you can here, for sure. Yeah, this is where you do it. You should just keep the AK in a guitar case.

I might just put it in a briefcase, break it down, and just bring it to all the comedy clubs. Everyone will ask me what's in the briefcase forever, and they won't find out until it's properly. You wouldn't be able to not fire that thing. I know. If I had a weapon, I would brandish it constantly. You're going to put it on Instagram the day you get it, dude. I'm going to get a fucking Taliban scarf, and I'm going to hold it.

And I'm going to put a cool song behind it. I'm going cool song say come to the show and the AK like right it's like you'd you'd have a good stump and just empty a clip into it we should all go to the range and just rent something crazy you can rent like full autos out here dude I'm pretty good at shooting guns

I've shot clays and stuff have you ever shot like a full oh yeah I've seen you shoot the shotgun yeah yeah yeah I feel like a full auto has got to feel nuts though

you just get a fucking like they have like this place called the range Austin I was looking at their website you can get like full call of Duty looking like guns and full autos

for like a hundred bucks and just empty clips for an hour. I mean, I'm sure they got some sort of ammo limit or whatever, but just shooting it fully out. No, I think you just buy the ammo. They probably don't give a fuck. Oh yeah, you probably rent it for an hour and then buy all the ammo. Yeah, you buy all the, yeah.

Yeah, you can't return it. Yeah. That'd be so nice, just shooting a fully automatic assault rifle and crying as hard as you can. Fuck you. That's what I need, I think, to get all my anger out. Would you ever hunt? All right, Squarespace, squarespace.com.

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I would like to. I would go hunting. Yeah. I was just talking to somebody last night, Dean, something Dean last night about hunting hawks. Yeah, but that's not real hunting. Well, I guess it is but they just kind of do drive-bys on on yeah they really do i don't know that always that shit makes me sad i don't

like they're too smart and they're too smart is one but then like anytime i want like i watch like hunting videos and like they always kill like the parents It's like a baby hog. Yeah. You know? And they just, like, fucking... I get it. ...assassinate the parents, and it's just, like, it's like a... I hear you. I'm conflicted. It's a tragedy.

Yeah. I'm conflicted about hog hunting, because one, they're smart. Like, I do got that thing. I know they're a smart animal, but also it just seems kind of dope. It's just... Well, there's also too many of them, so that's why you're allowed to just fucking light them up yeah I would I would do like I would go for like a long trek and kill like a big buck or something yeah that'd be nice then you can eat it I don't know if you could eat the feral hogs I think I think

you're supposed to shoot him and just I think they just leave them then I just let food for other hogs probably the pigs will just eat other pigs like don't they eat anything probably yeah and then the buzzards and the i'd kill a buzzard yeah me too i'd like to i'd shoot any bird yeah yeah yeah i have no i have no sympathy for the birds not at all they're not yeah a hawker like an like a eagle something majestic i would feel bad about this was like an eagle i would blow a turkey's head off no not a second thought so ugly such an ugly bird oh and i think that's like big time street cred too if you blow a turkey's head off have you ever seen them they shoot the arrows at the turkey they have like these arrows that sort of you know like a grappling hook and a cartoon looks yeah yeah it's like pronged yeah um they have arrows that like you shoot it and then

the the head bursts out into like a spiky four pronged thing and they just hit the turkey in the neck and just blow its whole fucking neck off. And they put it in slow motion and it's so... That's also sick. It's fucked up. It's actually kind of grotesque, but it's funny. But hunting with a bow.

Yeah, bow is cool. That seems dope. Yeah, yeah. Hunting with a bow is... I would not feel guilty about that. Varmint hunting, like little squirrels or rats. Well, it's not like rats.

I have squirrels or something. That seems nice. But seems nice but i get what you're saying although i had a nice moment with a squirrel the other day what'd you guys talk about dude i had an oatmeal cookie and this guy this squirrel was coming up and i was just hand feeding the squirrel and he was such a sweetheart about it oh you can't kill a squirrel now no you like can never do it yeah at least not the ones at capitol hill yeah oh just in case it's that guy squirrels coming up like chris you shoot it in the face guys this is the snacks guy launching oatmeal cookie adam i've seen this like this is guy on youtube he i guess he has just like an infestation of squirrels his whole youtube channel was just like night vision scopes on i don't know if it's a pellet gun or just like a little 22 or something

it's just him headshots on squirrels it's that's fucked up I feel like squirrels are good. He said something about... He gave some sort of reason for why he needs to do this. I don't know. Yeah, they always do that. I mean, he's had so many videos that he might actually have. It's like a compilation. I've never heard someone had

a squirrel infestation. I feel like they're of the trees. Nah, sometimes they're of the trees. Nah, sometimes they get in like your... They used to get in our attic and stuff. Oh, really? Yeah, my dad would trap them and... Neutralize them?

Forget about the traps, so they'd just die and rot away in the attic and it would smell really bad. That's the worst death. Yeah. That is the worst death. Yeah, they'd get in the walls Really?

Actually by the little darling They have There's this like Little Building next to it And We were standing outside And there's just squirrels

Running like Through holes Like there's like five of them Just like going through the house Like through holes In the side of the house Yeah They took over the house

That would bug me Yeah that would get in my craw too Yeah Gotta take them out Going through the house, like through holes in the side of the house. Yeah. They took over the house. That would bug me. Yeah, that would get in my craw too. Yeah. Got to take them out. Got to take them out. Got to get a pellet gun. I used to have a pellet gun.

I used to love shooting pellet gun. Squirrel hunting pellet guns? No, I never really killed any animals, honestly. I'd probably try if I saw one, but I'd mainly just shoot cans in my backyard. That's pretty sweet. Yeah. That's fun stuff. Shooting guns is so fun.

I haven't shot one since I was like 22, 23. I miss it so much. Oh, it's great. When you're hitting targets, it's the best feeling in the world. Yeah, you feel like all I ever wanted to be was the sniper from Saving Private Ryan just Bible verses and just crushing dudes just ghillie suit yeah yeah no not even just like I'd be over there and that's scaffolding just watching us podcast yeah right through the window say your last you've said your last riff, pal.

Shoot through the money. That would be so funny. It's just a rash of comedians being assassinated. Who could be doing this? Where's Gardini, man? To everyone, Gardini said he hated quietly when he's 10 whiskeys deep. Disappeared. No, I couldn't hurt a fly. I would get that.

I think that's a thing I would like to do, too. If you were killing an animal at a super long distance with a sniper rifle yeah i could do that i just want to shoot a 50 cal have you ever seen those things shot we're just it just looks like just all the dust everything it's just i don't even know how to explain it looks like an anime when they do like a move and all the air just gets blasted behind them that's how shooting that it's supposed to shoot through a tank or something like that the bullets like yeah this dude remember the fucking i don't know maybe your buddy who said when the anti did we talk about that already on the cast no never when we went and shot the yeah and your buddy was talking about like what happens when one of those

anti-tank rounds goes through the tank oh my god it just disintegrates everybody in the tank yeah and you have to go in and clean it out and it's just like six inches of just guts and blood yeah dude um yeah i remember seeing that that's great yeah i've seen a video of a dude like getting sniped like it was like uh i don't know just a dude getting sniped he's on the mountain like another sniper and the video said like 50 cal shot hits him. You just see this dude get hit from like a mile away and just explode. Yeah, he looks like the turkey. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Just turned to confetti. Dude, I remember watching something about these guys. They were like Apache gunship like pilots and they were uh it was like the first time they were like working with this one unit so they were just doing like drills and stuff where they were like kind of like they were like along some river and they were like approaching an island and they like called in like a airstrike the guys on the ground and the like the guy in the apache just lit up this island just with the like the 20 millimeter just like cannon and like the whole island just like

explodes and the and the guy on the ground was like holy shit those missiles are nuts and he's like dude that's not the missiles yeah that's just our machine gun yeah yeah dude, that's not the missiles. Yeah. That's just our machine gun. Yeah, yeah. Dude, that shit's nuts. Have you seen it? It's like the gun is linked up with the pilot's eye. Yeah, sort of just looking. So wherever they look, the cannon looks, like underneath the helicopter.

Yeah, that's badass. So they just look at shit and fire. It's crazy. That's what I'm trying to do. That's the kind of stuff when people get mad about military spending. I'm like, what if we didn't have that? Yeah, we'd be fucked. Isn't it nice that we have that?

Yeah, that's so awesome. With as many people that hate us, it's so nice. It's also crazy that we still lose sometimes. Do we though? We have a loss. We do not. I don't know. On the ground sometimes we get fucked up.

Yeah. We're fighting wars that are just too hard. You can't fight a war in a city. That sucks. Yeah. And our soldiers want to come back. It is hard to like when the soldiers are fighting. They're like, I don't care if I die right now.

It's tough. It sucks. And you're not doing anything productive oh like our wars? yeah you're just like we're just here everyone hates us sucks

I'm glad we're doing it to other people and not having them do it to us imagine if just Russian souls just walked up and down our street eyeing our bitches we're worried about drinking our legs off things are so good just walked up and down our street. Yeah, yeah. I and our bitches. Yeah, yeah. They're getting their leg. We're worried about drinking our legs off. Things are so good.

The biggest threat is me having so much fun. I'm having fun today. Enjoy myself to death. Yeah. Yeah, I'd probably throw a rock if there was some joker fucking oh dude go fool terrorist yeah it would absolutely suck just yeah they they yeah maybe it's just because it's not our language but i feel like american terrorists would sound way less cool than middle eastern terrorists like they have cool yells and shrieks that they that they American terrorists would sound way less cool than Middle Eastern terrorists.

Like they have cool yells and shrieks that they don't like. They throw a grenade from 1970. Three million dollars. And we'd just be like, let's go. No, no, it would be different with that blind rage. It's like, fuck you. Fuck you! That's still not cool. They're like, God's wrath has come down upon you.

It's beautiful poetic language. Yeah, it's true. I hate you! Yeah, everything. Go to hell! Oh, yeah. It still kind of sucks. And it wouldn't be like smart people either.

So it would just be like dumb video gamers that like saying the N word. Yeah, yeah. Instead of like having, thinking you have God on your side, it would just be a lot of screaming, like suck my dick. Suck my fucking dick. I'm coming back around.

We might have the best thing. That's way better than praise God. You fucking bitch. You guys would love having black people around for that shit. You bitch ass nigga. And now I'm just thinking about that guy, Walter Filipec. Remember that video that Shane showed us? It's like the World War II guy where he's like, I ain't sad about what I've done.

I've done what i did and i don't care i killed a lot of japs and i don't care and i don't feel bad about it i did what i done and that's what i had to do he's like 95 years old he's just like whatever he's like these people are crying it's like get over it he's like what do you expect i was 19 years old yeah i shot him in the head i did i shot him what a great place to be mentally that's like the toughest guy mentally ever yeah they have just no qualms like me what did i say i probably pissed some people off last yeah this guy's like i don't care i shot him in head, and I'd do it again if they asked me to. Yeah, and then just walking out the door and going to a diner for breakfast.

Yeah, just going to the same diner you've been going to for your entire life. Have we ever had absolute hate like they had back then for it? Because I feel like after Pearl Harbor, like 9-11 was nuts, but Pearl Harbor seems like it was a whole, I mean, that was like an actual act of war. That was different. We've never had, like, to have that kind of hate for another. That was the last war when it was clearly supposed to be, like,

good versus evil, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I think you also, like, you know. That's muddy. It's like when you play the same team a couple times every season. You know what I mean? You, like, it's like in the beginning you same team a couple times every season. You know what I mean? You like,

it's like, I, in the beginning, you're just like, this is terrifying. This sucks. But then you, they put you in a fucking warship and send you around the country,

around the world. And you just, you get there and these fucking Japs keep shooting. The Japs are killing your friends. You start going like, fuck these guys. Yeah. Like too many Japs have killed my bro. Cut their like too many japs yeah yeah the japs were crazy i was reading that was the best though

i don't know if you're allowed to say japs but uh i was doing a character yeah i, I said it as myself. That was a problem. Shit. They're cool now. I was reading, I still am, but I'm a bad reader. But I was reading this Hiroshima book. Yeah.

It's crazy. The guy talks to people who survived it. There's like five different people. Yeah. And the way they describe it is just so scary. I'm pretty sure that's where Godzilla came from from yeah that is exactly what i think yeah i think they were like yeah they wanted to make like a fun story about what happened it's like this fucking giant nuclear beast came out of the ocean

it would be yeah i mean i can't imagine it in real life like being yeah nobody knew it existed that's the crazier part it's just like you know you're at war yeah and in hiroshi in hiroshima they uh they had uh they had like they had air sirens every day so they'd be like u.s planes or whatever planes flying over the island and they'd sound them off and then when it was okay they'd be like all right you're good to go back outside and this they were like you're good to go back inside or go you know like yeah i'm pretty sure they did like the it's all good siren and then like like 20 minutes later it was just they said it's just white.

They said just the whole, your whole pane of view is just white. And then your fucking house falls down and it's hot as hell. And these people are all like three miles away from the blast. And it's just like your entire house falls down. It's really hot. And you just can't think or hear really. The craziest thing about that shit now is, like, those ones are little now. Oh, yeah.

Like, those are little nukes now. Yeah. Yeah, they started making bigger ones. Like, they're so much bigger now. I was watching this thing that just was giving you, like, radiuses, and it hit, like, those were, like, just for size comparison. Like, they would have been, like, this to something we have now, and that's just, like, those were like, just for size comparison, they would have been like this to something we have now and that's just like that.

Yeah. They started using that bomb as the fuse for the bomb. Is that what's happening? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the first bomb was like a fission bomb. You're like splitting the atom. Then they used that to make a fusion bomb, which is like literally what's happening at the center of the sun. That's so dope, though.

We pulled that off. It's crazy. Your brain has to work in a whole different way to even just be looking at something and go, I think I can make a little sun. Yeah. Well, now all those brains are working on, like, keeping you looking at your phone. Yeah. That's why they're so good at it. It's so easy.

Just show me ass. Show me ass. I won't look away. Yeah, my algorithm's poisoned again. I fix it, and then they hit me with one thingy I have to click on. Every fucking time. And then it's just my whole page. I think they know me so

well they're like if I get them once he's back and they're right I know right I have no ass kids oh my now my algorithm is like humiliating like I don't even want to pull it up in public I already know it's all ass it's not that bad but i'm not even on a show it's pretty bad yeah mine's like mine's probably a hundred percent ass mine i think is like almost all lacrosse videos i can cleanse mine pretty pretty good but i have to do like a cut like i have to like so many videos that i normally wouldn't like you know just to cleanse the just to try to trick my computer my phone into thinking luckily my signal sucks I can't show you all and then it's this stuff what What the fuck is this?

That's weird. That's cool. Yeah, it's just an optical illusion. Oh, my God. That's a hippo. Whoa, that's good. Is that real? Yeah.

Oh, that'd be terrifying. Oh, my God. He looks mean. That's so funny. He's being chased by a hippopotamus. The hippo's, like, yelling. I can't imagine looking directly at a hippo's mouth while he yells at me. Oh, my God.

So scary. That scream is nuts. I think that might be a fake scream. No, bro. Yeah, I think that might be a fake scream, too. I don't know, man. Sounds like a dino. The algorithm

Locked you in We're gonna do something The new weird Bob Jesus Got you Alligators That's good stuff Now mine

Whoa Now this is your For you page This is a good This is a good pod Yeah Cutting wood That's the whole thing

Cutting wood is good I have a lot of that too I like I have a lot of Angular wood cutting like i have a lot of angular wood cutting yeah i was so embarrassed yesterday i was at like the street fair and i was just like every like wood art that just has like straight lines i'm like unbelievable wow this is how does he come up with this yeah i know the woodworking stuff I watch all of it there'll be like a pipe

and they gotta figure out how to put wood around it and they're just like the way they're lining it up and cutting it I'm just like I can't not do it and then when you do try to do something like that like I've been hanging stuff and like trying to get it level and it's like I'm a fucking idiot

and these guys are doing like I like it when they do uh the the no the no screw carpentry where it's all just like one thing yeah yeah like fit perfectly into each other and it's like sturdy as hell just glue yeah do you guys have a desire to be craftsman no i'm too lazy but yeah think about it i wish i wish i was something valuable i wish i was i would like to be like if i had a skill like that like a man skill i'd want to be able to work on cars i just see mexican people in front of there like out here just all day in the parking lot just hood up drinking modelo a couple bros hanging out chit-chatting

about nothing just fiddling in your car yeah it seems like a good day yeah my dad just knows how to do all that stuff tell me how to do little things but i don't know where you begin yeah to learn and not i think you just have to be around an older guy that drinks beers and works on his car all day and he just tells you how to do it and then you just turn into that guy eventually yeah i think i think there's probably there's probably like 10 things yeah that you really need to like pay attention to car no no i'm saying like in the car like in the engine i bet there's like 10 things that it's like this shit will get fucked up on a semi-regular basis you just got to like look at this stuff and then you slowly expand from those ten things you

like start with like break yeah yeah yeah I got a change of breaks it's probably basic but it seems daunting yeah you do that I'll teach you young bull don't talk to me have you have you replaced brakes before yeah but only with my daddy helping me i haven't done it on my own because my uncle has a body shop so whenever i did need stuff for my car me and my dad would just take it and then he would just tell me what to do yeah i it feels like i don't know it's too scary of a thing to fuck with because then if you fuck it up like now you've cost yourself right that's up there with drinking your legs off. If you try to do your own car repair and you fuck something up and crash. Like you fuck up your brakes and just blast through a school.

Oh my God. Yeah, the accelerator gets stuck to the floor. It would be fucking just something. Now you're driving forever. You're full of the movies i can't bring this thing under 60. i'd like to do that i'd like to go to a racetrack and fucking gun a car my buddy's dad got into that for a little bit right like riding motorcycles drag racing or like hitting turns he would get he would get like a super high-end like ducati and like go to a racetrack and just crash every time

his dad was like 60 just wiping out all the time yeah he was done he was ready for whatever what are you doing like the worst like at least in a car, you've got to crumple zone. It's like you're just. And those racers. You should be sliding along the concrete. Yeah, it's so scary. Yeah. But you get in that suit, though.

You survive from that. The adrenaline's probably nice. Oh, yeah. The airbag suit is crazy. That was just on the TV the other day. I've never seen it. You hit the ground now. And for motorcycles, they have these Suits or whatever

They don't blast you up Dude I saw There was a guy who invented that But just for old people The moment they start to tip It's just like Just sleepy old people getting woken up. It was a great clip.

It was just the first, like, there's an old lady that falls down without it. And you're like, oh, my God. Devastating. And then it's just a series of clips. Just a guy, like, leaning and falling. Whole airbag explodes around him. That would be so amazing. You just could wear that out drinking.

Oh, yeah. Like on your birthday. That's the birthday suit. That's the real birthday suit. The shock. The shock people would have. Just like an astronaut. You fall over.

Especially when I'm slow trips. You're stumbling. You finally start to go. Falling down. Night's over. You got to deflate that bag and get in an Uber. Does it deflate or do you have to like take it off how does it do y'all know how it works i don't know i don't know just get me the uber with that thing fully inflated it's so funny that would be such a fun drinking game if you're just in a room with no chairs

and you had to drink until you fell over. First one to blow the airbag. We got to do that. We got to make enough money to figure out how to pull that off. That would be awesome. It's a sick, like, trench coat, too. The thing? Yeah, yeah. So you can kind of be in a nice outfit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an old, like, madman, like, fucking trench coat kind of thing. Duster. Yeah, and it just explodes. Damn. Have you ever seen an old person fall in front of you? Like, take a real hard fall? No.

No. I have. It is very sad. It's very. I didn't mean to bring it there. No it is it's so scary i mean you're like you're done yeah you're you've got to be done it's got to also be so scary just walking around in the world knowing that like if you do fall and you put your hand out that your whole arm will just explore the dust yeah yeah just turning the the in like one of them stretchy arm man guys just a real life like you can't put your hands out to protect you they'll it's just a it's a crumple zone yeah and then you gotta

choose between your hands or your face it's your standard crumbles up. Crumbles up. It is. You got to hope that your arms shattering breaks your fall enough. Yeah, that you don't also break your face. Your fucking face from caving in and puncturing your brain. Yeah, that's a bummer. It's a nightmare. Breaking your hip. My grandma had to get a hip replacement that's a gruesome surgery that like old people just have to get most of the time i do i that's

why it's just like i just want to stay in shape long enough to like can you drink your legs so like i just hope that they can replace. I hope they can do, like, full Wolverine surgery. Like, by the time we're old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just replace all my bones with Adamantium. Adamantium. Give me claws.

Yeah. It's like. Would you go cybernetic arm or leg? Like, if they didn't have that. 100%. I wish I could do it now. Just have, like, a beast arm. Dude, the closest you can get is teeth.

Yeah. I would love to get. Just have like a beast arm. Dude, the closest you can get is teeth. I would love to get it. Just no, don't make them look better. Just keep my teeth the way they are, but just all self-brushing teeth. Teeth. I'm going to probably need to do that soon. It'd be awesome. My teeth are rough. Did you say they're close to doing that?

Is that what you said? Self-brushing teeth? No, no, no. I don't even know if anyone's thinking about it. It drives me nuts that we still have to brush our teeth. I think it's insane. It's so funny. Some of the stuff you get.

It's just so insane. Think of you waking up and being like, here we fucking go again. Still brushing my teeth. It's like, when are we going to figure this out? It is crazy. The fact that you don't shoot people with our eyes from a fancy helicopter. And I still got a fucking brush on my teeth. Literally, it's crazy.

I get it. I don't like it either. We have to spend that time. It's like, I should be able to just throw a bath bomb in my mouth and just fucking have it done. Yeah. Whatever tartar is, there should be a chemical that perfectly

seeks and destroys it. Instead, they just give us shit that makes us return this floor out of no water. We're still getting stuff that makes us... I love the way she comes makes it. He's your. I love the way she comes in here. He, she.

He's a big bully. My ball, my fat. My ball, my fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at how fat he was. He was like, my bad, he's a fat boy. He does. He's got a big belly.

You're so good. You know we love you. We're podcasting. It's funny that cats, cats get fat. They, like, they stay the same width. Yeah cats obese cats do like crazy but then they don't move he's doing laps like an obese cat will just sit there all day fall over a bunch that's a lot of my algorithms cats doing dumb shit yeah you're good well it's great cats

can get lean if they work out for like two minutes a day i was like reading i was reading something online it's like if you just play with a cat for 90 seconds they burn a billion calories yeah so good my favorite cat then i gotta i gotta watch them tomorrow right yeah let's call me and show you buddy'm so excited to see you, buddy. I can't wait to get a pet out here. I want to get a King Charles Cavalier. It's a fancy-ass dog, but I want it so bad. The brown eyebrows?

The brown eyebrows. I was showing you one tonight. Yeah, I wanted them so bad, but they're fucking expensive. I'm going to just get a free dog. Can you like free dogs? Can you play with those things? You can play with them. They will play a ton if you

want to play, but they'll also be like, I can chill. They're the same exact personality as a goal retriever. Oh, okay. I just don't want a goal retriever. Oh, yeah. These are the cutest dogs. They're the shit. They're the best.

Shout out to King Charles Cavaliers. Would you train them up? Would you like... I'd teach them tricks. I like the dog where you just, yeah, you can literally just talk to it all the time, and it's coming and going. It gets with you. I want to be able to...

Jumps in the car. I need it to high five me. I definitely need to be able to put her there for my dog, and just be like, gotcha. Just make me feel better about it. I come up, I just punch. That wasn't that bad, buddy, was able to put her there for my dog and just be like, gotcha. Just make me feel better about it. That wasn't that bad, buddy, was it? Put her there. You'll get a nice dog. I saw that clip the other day.

It was like there's two dogs and the owner's like, who did this? Who did this? And the one lab just like picks his paw and hits the other lab. And then she's like, charlie you piece of shit the dog immediately like points at the other dog and like bites his face like you fucking rat there's nothing nicer than after bombing you bomb really bad then you come home to the dog bro that's why i miss ralphie joe yeah he was the best it's so nice you go let's buddy had a tough night tonight life's not that he looks at you like how was

the show you go i don't want to talk about it comes he puts his fat head on your lap and you go it'll all be all right they just don't get me man it is so nice dogs like you're the best they're wrong don't worry about it yeah it is like that is the thing i feel like watching tv with a dog is just so much better than watching tv with a cat i think so because the dog follow the plot yeah yeah dogs watch the show cats think they're too cool for tv they're like you're watching tv again yeah i'm gonna go watch the bug by the garbage can. I'm going to go stare out the window like an adult.

Yeah, he's not a killer. Zuri's not a killer. You're a lover, buddy. He's resting back there. We had a cricket invasion. I heard, yeah. You guys had a cricket invasion? That's crazy that they got up here.

Yeah, they fly. Where were we? I think they like parasail or whatever. I think they just like put the wings out. Yeah, yeah, and they get gusted up. What do you mean like you had a cricket invasion? There was crickets all over the fucking balcony. They didn't get inside though.

One got in. Okay, okay. And zero didn't. Zero just hit him. I haven't come across any crazy Texas spiders yet. That's the thing I don't want to deal with. We don't have any spiders. Like Austin?

I've seen tarantulas all on. My shit does show me a lot of fucking Texas things now. Tarantulas is out there. Scorpions and stuff. I think there's scorpions too. Yeah, I walk around barefoot a lot I gotta stop doing that You just died in your backyard by yourself

Scorpions sting Holding your AK I don't think they can get you too bad I don't think there's any real bad scorpions out here That's why I need the AK Just by shooting scorpions in the backyard I'm the scorpion king You and Dwayne

I think you need like The ones with the super small claws Are the ones that will fuck you up Okay The bigger the claws The more safe they are Yeah They got no sting

Where'd you get that from? I think it's just Yeah it's just a fact of life. Everybody knows this. Because if you got big claws, it's because your stinger sucks. If you got tiny ass claws, it means you're packing a wallop with the tail. It's like the opposite of the big feet thing. Yeah.

Should I close that? You should have closed that, but it's all right. It's like the opposite of the big feet thing. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Shit. Should I close that? Should have closed that, but it's all right. It's fine. We're almost at the end. It's closing time. Have you done any fishing while you've been here? A little bit.

I was going to go today, but I didn't. I should have. Maybe I'll go after. But I didn't catch anything. I was pissed. Where'd you fish? In the lake? No.

I did go with, that would be funny, going fishing in Lady Bird and catching a dead gay guy. What is going on with that story? Is it actually? There's been like 15 this year. Wait, are they just killing gay dudes? Not gay dudes. That's what we talked about on Matt and Shane's, which Shane said this, but it's funny to think about. They could just not be gay dudes not gay dudes that's what we talked about on matt and shane's but which shane

said this but it's funny to think about like they could just not be gay dudes it could but it's all you know young adult men that are being found in the ladybird lake so they figure that the killer is a gay dude yeah but then the cops are still like we don't think it's a serial killer but i think there's been like 10 to 15 this year, all men found in that lake. That's crazy. Two or three in April that they found. No, what were their jobs? They're all like IT people?

I don't know. I don't know. There's two on IT. We do a lot of walking down, walking around late at night by ourselves. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, or the stand-up comedian ourselves. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Or the stand-up comedian. It's Cardini this whole time.

No, there's a chain of insane. They could just not be gay dudes, and that sucks. You get killed, and you're not only dead. Everyone thinks you're gay, too. Oh, shit, I had no idea how gay he was. He would have he was I mean Dying in the lake is gay Yeah

But they don't die They get killed and he throws them in the lake Are they getting hit in the head or are they getting shot I'm not sure Let me look it up I don't think they're getting shot I looked it up the other day but I didn't Damn

What are they chalking it up to No you're about to get serial killed, like a psycho, you just wake up in his car tied up, mouth gagged. That's got to be like an actual living nightmare. Yeah, dude. You're just doing that. Yeah, yeah. Just pleading.

That's too scary. Oh, he just sees your eyes. Like you're giving him please don't kill me eyes i'd be so mad like no way i would do things to make it suck for him i'd piss shit myself like you're gonna this is gonna suck for you to just be a pain in the neck yeah it would be a fucking pain before he gets rid of me that was like one of the first jokes I ever wrote was like they were saying like the advice, the advice for people was like and to avoid getting raped is like

you piss and shit yourself. They're like about to rape you. And I was like, well, it's like an interesting choice you have to make. Like if you're leaving a party and you have to piss, do you piss or are you like no i gotta hold on i gotta hold this it's the airbag yeah you gotta bring that bat i got in big trouble for that one in chicago

i remember this story yeah i was doing like i was on i was on tour with a metal band uh and they were like uh so we were doing all these just like underground shows and one of the shows we did was like in this uh it might have been like also called like chicago city or something but it was like it was in indiana it was like right over the border in Indiana. And we were in a basement, and it was all like... I had no idea these people existed, like the anarchist, like fucking upside-down American flag. And I also have no idea what their values are.

You know what I mean? I have no... I haven't heard of these people. Yeah. I don't know. You find that world is so like weird everyone's like everyone's angry and scary but they're also like sober they're all straight in like yeah yeah towards like that was the first time i had a terrier issue yeah that was the first time i

heard about that the straight edge community where they just like beat the shit out of people that are drinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the hell is that? Yeah, I met a couple of dudes back in the day in like Lancaster, PA. That was like for real.

Their thing was like fucking pussies. They're like calling people, you know, slurs and shit. But it's about just not drinking and smoking weed. Yeah. And just do it,

listening to punk rock. It's like the three. That's all it is. We fight. We listen to punk rock. We judge. We hate fun. Is that the thing?

What else do they do? I think they just party. Annoy people. They just sober party? Like sober, like listen to music party. Probably take advantage of girls who were drinking. That's normally the situation. And blame them for it?

Yeah, yeah. That's what you get for being a fool. This is a tough lesson. Yeah, but no, I did that joke in a basement and it was like packed

and they fucking flipped. Like unplugged the mic and we're like, get the fuck out of here. I slept in it. Over a serial killer rape joke? Yeah, yeah. Well, it wasn't about,

I was just about, the fact that I even said rape Yeah, yeah. Well, it wasn't about... I was just about... The fact that I even said rape was like just... Oh, it was like that time period. Yeah, they blew their stack. Yeah. And I had to sleep outside in a car. I slept like in the van that we were like driving. And it was like 12 degrees.

Was that how they punished you? Or was it... I was just scared to be in there. I was terrified. Yeah, with a bunch of anarchists. I don't know what these fucking people are capable of. So weird. Yes, yeah.

I found out, they say the two people that died in April drowned in the lake. That's how they say they died. Okay. And then the one guy that they found before that, which was, I think, in March, got shot and then crashed his car into the lake. Oh, after he got shot. I don't know if I'm buying it. The police chief keeps saying that there's no connection between any of these murders, but there just keeps being bodies found in this lake.

Do people try to, like, swim late at night drunk? I mean, there's no, like, current, right? I don't know. Something's fishy. So he's trying to keep public, like, public calm it is gotta be something up maybe weird yeah we got to get to the bottom of it go full detective have you guys gone out at Rainy Street at all that's where it's all happening right uh yeah well that's they call them they call them the Rainy Street Ripper that's the call of my mind I don him. They call him the Rainy Street Ripper.

That's what they call him online. I don't think I've been to Rainy Street. I don't know what's around there. It's kind of club heavy. Oh, okay. Okay, definitely not that. They have a nice beer garden, though. Me and my parents and Shane went there when we first got here.

It was really nice. Music and stuff. I feel like during the day it's nice, right? Yeah, it's nice. They have cool restaurants, too. Brunch places and stuff They have a really good restaurant actually We went to Asian Fusion

Alright boys I gotta take a leak Did you ever go to that place Arlo Yeah That shit was fire Restaurant up here Arlo It's the bar restaurant in that hotel that i stayed in that one time when we were the one over by the bridge yeah yeah

oh yeah it is very good it's a nice hang yeah drinks are fire yeah hell yeah that's great got wasted there yeah at the line right that's yeah yeah yeah they have a nice pool yeah it's almost pool season yeah i can't wait i can't wait for it to be sunny yeah cloudy shit we just talked about that for weeks yeah for like a month straight it's better than too hot though true i'm scared we're gonna regret we're gonna regret saying we wish i know i'm glad we're all gonna go through it for the first time together though like no one's been here for a summer yeah we're all gonna be bitching about it yeah or not or try not to be the first one to bitch about it everyone here's such a fucking cry baby though about everything

in texas and austin yeah they're like when the eclipse was happening they were all like get ready for the eclipse it's gonna be crazy i had to fly during the eclipse and they were like you're probably not gonna be able to get an uber and you should probably fill up your gas tank now because they're saying like they're always worried about like the city crumb it's like you guys gotta have a little more faith in yourselves that is crazy like i got caught up it took me 10 minutes to get to the airport and nothing changed yeah i got caught up in that and when it like storms whenever it would storm my neighbor would always be like make sure you wrap your pipes and towel and not storm when it would get cold for like two weeks it'd be like 20 degrees they'd be like yeah it's good we're ramping up get some bread you know you try to get like milk and bread

ruin everything. Because it's like, it's going to be one day of a problem. Yeah. And they buy up all the bread, all the toilet paper, everything. And you're like, what the fuck, dude? They got fucked up, though, I guess a couple years ago. So they're probably. This is also where you go if you're like a panicker.

You know what I mean? Like you go to Texas, you fucking. You get a place in the middle. You get a fallout shelter. You get a bunch of guns. Prepper. Yeah, this is where you go if that's where your mindset is. True.

But not here. Not Austin specifically. Go out, get a ranch. Yeah. How nice would that be? Also, they were just cold, right? It wasn't like they ran out of toilet paper. Well, the power shut down. They stood there for like weeks.

Certain parts of the city, I think, have no power for weeks around here. But you can still go to the grocery store. This was two years ago? What? They also, I don't think, have like the good- The roads froze. They put sand down on the fucking roads instead of salt because they're morons. They don't know how to deal with snow like that.

They get so confused. I think it's like new. I think it's like a new thing for them is dealing with like bad snow. The roads are... I can't do accents. I can't do the family accent. The roads are slippery.

The roads are slippery than they normally are. I don't know what to do about it. This whole city is just I-35. I guess we'll just put the beach on the road. Yeah. Hopefully that'll work. There's never snow on the beach. Sand must stop the snow.

Just put a couple Coronas on the highway. That'll heat things up. Let's just show up to Home Depot. Let's just make it like the beach. Show up to Home Depot, have a couple of Mexicans. Let's make it as much like the beach as possible. That'll take care of it. Put a couple lawn chairs up there. U it as much like the beach as possible. That'll take care of it. Put a couple of lawn chairs up there.

Umbrellas. It's not working. They say bring Santa. Oh, no, whatever. I got to be like crazy. Someone cracks a cooer's light and they get furious. That goddamn snow train's going to come. That's the snow train.

Oh, man. That was funny. All right, let's piss. You guys stick around for the Patreon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just me yeah you can do it by yourself

if you want alright thank you for having us yeah thanks man love you goodbye