Stuff Island - Cutting Weight - Stuff Island #250

Episode Date: September 10, 2026

Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, fol...ks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians SUB TO THE PATREON: PATREON.COM/STUFFISLAND New customers can use code STUFFISLAND to get 15% off at TakeUltra .comFor a limited time, Stuff Island fans get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, & 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at ⁠https://mengotomars.com/⁠ Download the DraftKings Sports app now. New customers sign up with code STUFF & spend $5 to get $200 in rewards within 21 @ https://www.draftkings.com/mobileappsRight now, when you buy two months of BlueChew Gold you get the third FREE with promo code STUFFISLAND You will also receive an additional 10% OFF + Free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit https://www.BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:01 There's zero benefits doing a morning podcast. No, no. No, this is going to be horrendous. No, no, it's going to be so good. No, no one's funny before noon. No, I think I think the early morning doldrums are perfect for a podcast. You're a little sleepy. You're not, you know.
Starting point is 00:00:24 The world hasn't gotten top of you yet. That's why it sucks. What are you talking about? Still figuring out who you are. Yeah, you're still beating down. Still trying to remember who you are. He's a sleepy dolly. Yeah, it's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:00:34 What's better than a sleepy dog? True. You don't want that energy on a fucking podcast. No, you do. You want a sleepy dog podcast. You were a sleepy dog this weekend. Chris's ability to fall asleep to fall asleep. I ran into his buddy that he went to college with,
Starting point is 00:00:51 who also took care of him in a house. And we were talking about, I was talking about Chris just falling asleep. When he shuts down and he, just go, he's gone. He's going to sleep anywhere. The kid can sleep fucking anywhere. Dude, I was saying, I've gotten to the point now where planes put me to sleep.
Starting point is 00:01:11 Like, even if I'm totally like, you're a baby in a car. Dude, as soon as the drive him around the corner, dude. Literally, as soon as we're in the air and I recline the seat, I just like. It's so fucking. Go out. I'll be, like, actively trying to stay awake, like, watching a movie or something. And I'll just. On the plane, we had to, like, bypass his leg in his arm.
Starting point is 00:01:31 The kid eats. there's only one other comic I know that eats as much as Chris and it still has a form like this he eats every two hours and shits every hour and the dude blew up the fucking we had that I'm going to be all over the place
Starting point is 00:01:46 because we were in Green Bay for the at Lambe Field for the Notre Dame game and we came from a backwards Soldier Field yeah yeah all right with the Soldier Field in Chicago yeah for Kanye and then got on a flight to Notre Dame and then on the flight home
Starting point is 00:02:02 from Notre Dame was just after the game to New York. It did... Right. Where do I start? Without telling too much. We had to... Shane got like a hotel because we were leaving after the game.
Starting point is 00:02:17 We got this little shitty hotel room. We were going to Green Bay, but we weren't staying in Green Bay. So we literally... Shane got a room for... There was six of us. Just the housed men. Giant men.
Starting point is 00:02:27 Yeah, yeah. In a small city. Six of us. Like holiday in. We had to fly out early. So we got the... there at like 10 a.m. 11 a.m. And the game started
Starting point is 00:02:36 at 7 so we were just going to hang out in the hotel room. Yeah. Chris of course, blows it up a media. And it was made clear to everyone that the hotel room was meant for shitting. A mandated shit station. But I think Shane was saying as a joke
Starting point is 00:02:52 because there was a locker room all the sudden because we're all just sitting there. There's nowhere to sit. I'm sitting on a fucking end table. You know what I mean? We're watching like pregame and there's nowhere to like move and I'm like, I'm a fucking cat in a car. So I'm like, let's get out of here. There's a bar downstairs.
Starting point is 00:03:06 Let's get out of here. I waited too long. Chris, I see him. He stands up very quietly. The door, I hear the door lock. I'm like, here comes. Here comes the blow up. And sure enough, dude, that we had to open the front door.
Starting point is 00:03:19 And put a fucking backpack to open the front door. The air displace out. And then he's just stretching like a front. Like he's about. About the, dude, he's stretching by the window. And in the crazy. I was touched. He's opening up his hips
Starting point is 00:03:34 After he took him We had early wake up We get right on a plane I was tight I needed to loosen up Drop it a horse mud pile And then And then confidently stretching
Starting point is 00:03:43 In front of six other men With airflow Necessary airflow to air rate So we were gonna be on our feet all day I needed to make sure that I was You're just the weirdest Fucking kid What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:03:57 You're so fucking weird No that was Also his buddy His buddy tells me a story he goes, oh yeah, Chris can fall asleep anywhere. What time he came to visit me at my mother's house in like Delco or whatever. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:08 And he said, Chris and I got fucked up down the basement. And he's like, he slept till four at my mom's house. I was like, what? He goes, he slept in. He's like, I was having breakfast with my mom. She goes, he's a, he's an odd bird, huh? Dude, we just having the confidence and not being like anxious going, I can't sleep in in this lady's house.
Starting point is 00:04:31 I couldn't possibly sleep till 4. He's friends. Is it a friend's house? I couldn't even sleep in chains. Dude, we were drinking and smoking until 7 o'clock in the morning. It wasn't like I went to bed at like 10 p.m. and slept till 4.
Starting point is 00:04:45 Dude, if I slept at your parents' house, I'd be up making muffins because I couldn't sleep. I'd be pruning flowers in that beautiful backyard. You can't sleep in my parents' house. It's... You can hear everyone rattling around. It's also like, somehow They make noise on purpose.
Starting point is 00:05:02 Dude, like, the bedroom is right above the kitchen. Yeah. And you can just, it's like, it must be a paper thin floor. Yeah, your dad's putting together a cabinet for some fucking reason. Like, doesn't even need fixing. Dang, can, can't, yeah. Potts and pans me. You set down a pot and pan in that kitchen.
Starting point is 00:05:22 Your eardrums pop. That's actually what you said when you woke up from the plane nap. Dude, he crushes a Big Mac and he just says, see him in the background. We're trying to get him in this game of 31, this card game. And I'm like, sit down. I know what he's doing. Sit down. He's behind a, um, um, mm-hmm. And then honk shoes for fucking four hours. Wakes up and goes, my ears, it's not, it didn't clear out. Dude, I had a battle point, dude. We were, it was late flight. And I left the couch open. I left the couch open for as long as I could. I was going to let anyone else take it.
Starting point is 00:05:56 Dude, no, you didn't. You went right to bed and Shane called it. You said, he said you're going to lay on that fucking couch. No, I said I was going to lie. I said I was going to even worse. I said I said we should have them open it up, make it a bed and have a pillow fight on the way out. Oh God. The fucking weekend was crazy. Dude, I was no longer an
Starting point is 00:06:16 asset to the team. You know what I mean? When you're not an asset to the team, you got to check out. True. You know? I wish there was an exit. Tag tag someone else in. God. Watching that fucking ND
Starting point is 00:06:30 game on the field was so fucking fun. That was the coolest thing ever. They caught that touchdown pass right in our face. Which pissed me off. The punt was great too. The punt was, that was, that punter was unbelievable. He was on one. Watching a punt fall like that and then drop out at like the one yard line from that corner.
Starting point is 00:06:51 Oh, you can see, yeah. Jordan Faison also going like, watching it slowly trickling. and avoid the end zone was brutal. Well, we did it again. Yeah, yeah. Now we're back.
Starting point is 00:07:08 We're back in Tejas. Back in Tejas. It's 105 degrees. For another fucking 40 days. It's supposed to be cool for the next week, only 90s. Oh, Jesus Christ. Dude, yesterday was 103.
Starting point is 00:07:22 This is what happens in a morning podcast. You talk about the fucking weather immediately. I got my car washed. Oh, it's going to be nice this week. I got my car washed. What are you up to, Buzz? I got my car washed the day before we left. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:35 Where were you on? Three days? It's covered in pollen again. Yeah. How, what? Are you guys dealing with this? Yeah. Dude, am I dealing with it?
Starting point is 00:07:44 First of all, fuck you. My girl won't stop talking about it because she's got, she's affected. Dude. By every, when these trees come every like 30, maybe it's every three months. There's a different pollen that drop. I don't think it's stopped. And she's like, I don't think it's. Now she's allergic to this one.
Starting point is 00:08:04 And now there's like four or five that happens. And it's a whole fucking thing. Yes, my whole life. Dude, it's not me. I don't give a shit. I blow my nose and shut the fuck up. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't.
Starting point is 00:08:16 It doesn't. You find me pollen issues your fucking your persona. Shut up, dude. You have no problems in life. If you're like, oh, these trees are bothering my scientists. Go outside. Yeah. Cut that up.
Starting point is 00:08:34 Just cut the F word. But dude, yeah, it's, I don't sneeze or anything. I'm not allergic to it, but it's covering the car. I don't. Yeah. It hasn't, I swear to God, it has not stopped. It's not like every month. It's just trees constantly jizzing the entire year.
Starting point is 00:08:55 Horny trees out of here in Texas. It's nonstop cum. Yeah. They're all Latino. The trees. Dude. And it's like a thing where there's like no car washes in Austin. That's not true.
Starting point is 00:09:06 I have a monthly membership to a car wash. And I don't use it enough. I was a recommended one. It was great. There's a really good one by me. And it's not too far from you. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:15 It's right on... Mr. Carwash? No. I don't want to pull your court about car wash. It's crazy that you have a favorite car wash in the country. Dude, it's the first one that I've gone to. That was Annie Good. The car wash is here.
Starting point is 00:09:30 The car wash is here. I've gone to a couple and there's just a scratch machine. No, it's on Guadalupe. It's made it. The car wash is made out of Brillo pads. Scratch machine. It really is. Well, it's a good thing about fucking getting a truck from 2018.
Starting point is 00:09:47 I don't care if there's nails in that goddamn thing. Get the bird shit off the, from my roof. Yeah, I wish. I'll take the scratches. I want to buff it out. It gives you shit. Dude, that car wash in Burlington needs to export. It's great.
Starting point is 00:10:00 I'll take you to the car wash today if you want to go to the carwash today. if you want to go to the car wash. You got to run some errands. I do. I'm definitely hitting the car wash. Yeah. You see, I just look at me.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Now it's, now it's, I know, you get slept wrong, you slept on the plane? Slet wrong. You're with me the last five days. My neck is all jacked up,
Starting point is 00:10:16 dude. I also haven't been the gym in a week. Tom is putting it in. Usually I, oh man, I was a fucking, I called it quits the last night. I invited my buddy,
Starting point is 00:10:26 Colin, to come in from Queens. We were hanging out in New York at Chains. Went to a bar. I call Colin, I'm like, yo, come hang out. He shows up. I had one drink and I was like, I got to get out of here. I just went home by myself.
Starting point is 00:10:41 I saw him for like 10 minutes. Which for you is a terrible sign. Unbelievable. That's a terrible sign. Yeah, yeah. I'd say, you know, when I'm calling it quits, pal. And then I just went to his house and just stared at the ceiling for fucking five hours. I thought you were in bed.
Starting point is 00:10:58 I did. I took a nap for two hours, which is the worst thing to do. You can't. You woke up. When I got up, you were on the couch. Yeah. And I went, that's because I was like, fuck this. I'm going to be up for the rest of the night.
Starting point is 00:11:08 I was up until five. I finally fell asleep. He comes running down the steps like a fucking, like his dad making a cabinet. And, dude, I was so quiet on those stairs. You should have heard. I was, I was like admiring my own foot precision. And also the steps are dangerous. How about me running through Green Bay Stadium?
Starting point is 00:11:26 I was on one. You were cooking. Dude, every time I, like, they were moving. moving around that stadium so much. Sadie would text me. I would text her back and look up and everyone was gone. It happened like four times. And I literally one time we walk into Lambo,
Starting point is 00:11:43 which is like never been to Lambo. It's fucking incredible. I'm like, wow, this is amazing. I take a picture, send to my lady. I'm texting her. I look up. They're on the other side of the stadium. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:56 I just sprint down the bleachers. Well, they got to push Shane. He's a fucking. It's true. Yeah, you got to move pretty cool. dude we we had a we watched the band come out of the tunnel to go into lamo and you should have seen these fucking it was one of the greatest moments the band members going crazy for him was it was one of the most like beautiful moments i've ever witnessed because most of the time of
Starting point is 00:12:17 shame people are taking pictures with shame it's like it's it's it's girls who barely even know yeah i want one yeah my boyfriend loves you apparently i don't know it's or it's dude be like yo man let me and this was Shane walked out to the Notre Dame band and it was the cutest group of just nerds. And they went... Nerds dropping their trumpet
Starting point is 00:12:39 that can fucking shake hands with Shane. They went... It's like, this guy should jam you in the locker. I saw a guy. I saw a guy just go, oh, Matt! Yeah! It was like...
Starting point is 00:12:53 And they swarmed. It was like, they were also like in the middle of a chant and they all like stopped and just turned and raged. ran to him. We thought it was like a prop. We thought we were like interrupting the ceremony.
Starting point is 00:13:04 Don't they have like orgies like theater kids? You ever hear this? How sexual these fucking. I think they, I think they are. Yeah. But they're still like they, they're,
Starting point is 00:13:14 it's like the, the dungeons and dragons level of appreciation of someone. Yeah. Is like. Yeah. Next level. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:23 Yeah. There's no balance to his fame. It's fucking wild. And they had their little like, they had their little like Notre Dame. They're like, they're like, they're like,
Starting point is 00:13:30 They're like Navy caps. With the chin strap and it was like on wrong. They're like, oh my God! It was like it is. It was, it was. It was unbelievable. It was.
Starting point is 00:13:45 Truly was. It was. It was. It was somewhat. It was a kid in a Wolverine costume. Yeah. Wolverine. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:54 Going like, wah. It was. I got to dent my tuba because I saw Shane last night. It was incredible. It was so fun. Yeah. And then, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:12 I was just looking at all the gear, man. You're all geared out. I wasn't geared. I wasn't geared out enough. Well, it's because you want to pop up. I was looking all the coach. Yeah, I know. I was looking at all the coaches stuff and just like, the gold shoes.
Starting point is 00:14:27 Yeah. The locker room. Going to the Lambo locker room. Oh, my God. I like sitting where the fucking men are You know what I mean They're actually children But you know
Starting point is 00:14:38 Professional football player I like to sit down in one of their little They're little lockers I know It's trying to suck up some of that energy That game time energy For some reason I look at the The chairs
Starting point is 00:14:49 Like the seats in the locker room And like the helmet in there And I just I All I can feel is the fear Of like the bubble guys Yeah yeah yeah yeah You know what I mean
Starting point is 00:15:02 Like the guy who's like, yeah, yeah, just barely hanging on. You're going to find out one more game. Your whole life is going to be different. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:11 Just sitting there going like how, how long do I get this seat? Right. Yeah, this might be the last time I put a helmet on. Right. Because I'm going to have to be an accountant after this. I'm going to have to work for my father
Starting point is 00:15:22 if I don't get this fucking position. I know. I think about that all the time. I think about all the guys. Of course you think about the negative. Every time I see the most beautiful place on Earth I think about he's getting cut I think about all the sick gear that they get
Starting point is 00:15:39 Yeah That they just immediately throw away Because you can't look at it anymore I didn't make it I'm just the team going like now you can't Yeah The cool like even while I'm watching the Seahawks thing The cool like neon receivers gloves
Starting point is 00:15:53 And like all of their like cool shit And just someone going like Yeah it's You can't take that. What are you going to do with it right in the track? Throw it out. Yeah. That's what they do when they... You can give the t-shirt
Starting point is 00:16:08 that'll last eight washes. That's what they do when the doco property get picked up? They take a warehouse. Do you know this? So Comedy Central. So anyway, when they buy a show even to go to pilot, they own the rights
Starting point is 00:16:24 to every article of clothing and uniforms and all that stuff. And they put it in a warehouse. So when you're done, they're like, give me your boots, give me your, you know, your t-shirt that says the fucking,
Starting point is 00:16:34 the name of whatever, the lumberyard we were in. You couldn't. I had to steal a sweatshirt to remember that we even did that because then they take it all to a warehouse and then trash it. Or maybe there's like African kids wearing it right now.
Starting point is 00:16:50 Like a Super Bowl team that lost 10 years ago. All of my Drexel gear is just, it's just the glue. From where, from where the logos and letters used to be. They rip it off? No, no.
Starting point is 00:17:04 The only stuff you get to take home is stuff that's going to last like a year before it's. I have mugs. I have navy blue mugs that had like our whole roster on them. Yeah. It's just, yeah. You can, every once in a while when you tilt it in the right light,
Starting point is 00:17:18 you can see names were there. Yeah. It's brutal. But I, yeah, it was so cool. That whole trip was so cool. I like Soldier Field.
Starting point is 00:17:29 People should have. on Soldier Field. I like it. Who shit's on Soldier Field? It's a fucking iconic old school stadium. I don't know. People in Chicago do,
Starting point is 00:17:36 they don't love it. You're talking about Big Cat? Yeah, Big Cat. Oh, yeah, we went to see Big Cat. Although he likes, he likes, the location, he was very complimentary about the location. The location is good except that it's hard to get into and out of, oh, how about that?
Starting point is 00:17:50 What? The lady driver. Baby driver. Holy Christmas. Yeah, some like Vietnamese lady. The car, the car on the way to. the show. She did.
Starting point is 00:18:02 She did this the whole time. It was, it was the most unbelievable, like, like, it was, if your friend was fucking with you. It was like a SNL sketch,
Starting point is 00:18:13 making fun of women driving. It'd be like something your friend would do if you had a coffee with no lid. Like the amount of braking to like just try to, and you like try to, yeah, yeah, it was,
Starting point is 00:18:23 it was, putting her mascara on. It was constant for an hour. hour and 15 minutes. We're in dead stop traffic, and she would leave a gap between her and the car in front of her and then just break,
Starting point is 00:18:39 like tiny brakes on her way into it and then stop. I think it was purposeful. I think she'd recognize Shane thought about his Asian comment that got him canceled and was like, I'm going to make this right. It's time to pay back.
Starting point is 00:18:51 I think she was Mexican. Huh? I think it was a Mexican late. Whatever. Throw him in the same till. Dude. But all around. I've never seen Shane cry twice.
Starting point is 00:19:09 Cry laughing. One, he was, he was describing Lois J. Gomez's rollerblade after 9-11 story. Yeah, rollerblading out of 9-11. That was. I seen him cry talking about that. And then this other time, we're sitting, we went up from the Lambeau Field to the suite that we had that we didn't access until the second half. We're like, let's go upstairs and just relax. And we're waiting for the whole stadium to, like, deplete
Starting point is 00:19:37 because we're taking a flight home. And we had, like a set time. So we're just like, we got nowhere to go. Let's just drink and hang out. Yeah. The whole stadium's empty. Except we look to the left and down two sweets. No, I can't.
Starting point is 00:19:51 Everyone's sitting there drinking. And the whole stadium is emptied at this point. And I go, damn, it's down to just us. and that lady two sweets over it was just a fat 15 year old kid who had this
Starting point is 00:20:09 this bowl cut and he's just staring and smiling because he's just enamored by shame we have a picture of this guy yeah you gotta show
Starting point is 00:20:18 I triple dog dare you to let me see I gotta find there's just a Chris Chris is already slow blanking going we gotta get out of here it's just us
Starting point is 00:20:27 and this lady over here and we all turn and it's Clearly, just a fat teenager with a lesbian haircut and we start crying. I couldn't fucking breathe. I almost threw up.
Starting point is 00:20:41 I almost threw up. Shane was crying. This is full leaf. This episode is brought to you by Ultra Pouches. Want to look badass while also getting your new tropics and adaptogens? Ultra Pouches are the best lip pouches in the game. Ultra Pouches are designed for mental clarity
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Starting point is 00:23:17 But imagine like a character in Adam Sandler movies. Tell me that's not a lesbian lady. Tell me that's not. Can you show the camera? Are we allowed to do that? No, no, no. Can't share the kid. Tell me that's not a lesbian.
Starting point is 00:23:30 It just looks like a fat kid. He's a fat teenager that was excited to be ashamed from afar. He's stuck around. His parents were like, well, meet you at the car. He was just staring, smiling, happy. That's a classic Wisconsin lesbian. It's true. You're not wrong.
Starting point is 00:23:47 I was, you got to put it in a context. Yeah, I almost wanted to be like, here's your glasses. You're like, oh, shit. Kid's 16. It's a 6-year-old boy. Dude, do you have the tiny forehead? The tiny forehead with the Lego man haircut? Yeah, well, you know, lesbian bob.
Starting point is 00:24:05 You know, lesbian bob. And that's unfortunate. And they had breasts. Yeah. I love that lesbian, Bob, where they get, you can tell when someone's like a hairdresser in a local shitty town in the Midwest, because they get that, like, that hard, the hard highlights. And they have it, like, shaped. Like, it's like, like, fast.
Starting point is 00:24:23 They have, like, a fast haircut. Oh, that's Bonnie. She's crazy. She's crazy. Bonnie's nuts. Don't give her Chardonnay before, four. Bonnie's nuts. That haircut.
Starting point is 00:24:37 You ever met a Bonnie that wasn't a piece of shit? Yeah, it's something about Mary, like, jizz hair. Yes. Yeah, but she's out there. She's fashionable. Yeah. Well, morning cast, we're only at 22 minutes. No, we're deep.
Starting point is 00:24:56 We're deep in there, brother. With my cuts, we're probably 20. Yeah, you got to stop doing that. What do you want to do today? I don't know. The world is our oyster. I got to finally get that dent fixed in my car. Now it's covered in pollen, so I've got to clean that off.
Starting point is 00:25:14 You have a plunger? I don't, I don't, this is not a, I'm sending it in. Is it taken care of? Too much has gone wrong with the car. Yeah, dude. Everything you touch is fucking. It's got a curse on it. It's cursed.
Starting point is 00:25:28 Yeah. It's cursed. You used to not be that one. Including me. I had a nice head of hair. That was dark. I shook Chris's hand. Now I'm a fucking wobbly mess.
Starting point is 00:25:40 Graying like an old sick dog. Would you ever diet? You should just die it? No, my God. You should just diet Jet Black. Oh, my God. Dude, there's a couple weird old gay guys that go to my gym and they, they're like, I say like 65, 70, in pretty good shape, but they die.
Starting point is 00:25:56 dye their hair and they're like, they don't do it correctly. You got to die twice or else it starts fading into a weird color. Yeah. You know what I mean? You got to stay on top of the dye today. You can't just.
Starting point is 00:26:07 Yeah. It's a lifestyle change. Yeah. Well, they're walking around like they're eating the dye. They're all like, they're all fucked up. I think it's soaking in this bleeding into their fucking skull. It's not good for you.
Starting point is 00:26:18 Dude, when you get that. You can't bleach your head when you're pregnant. You know that? When you got the hair, really? Uh-huh. Yeah. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:26 Yeah, it's good. I mean, it's bleached. It's soaking in your open pores. True. And your baby's going to come out all walkie like that fucking hip hop coming. Jesus. It's also one of those things. There's anything you can't do while pregnant, you probably shouldn't be doing at all.
Starting point is 00:26:41 At all. Yeah. Yeah. The thing I don't have to dance, dude. My kid would come out with hooves. Anything that would kill a newborn? He's probably ill-advised. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:55 To be doing. You know, talking about that hip hop girl that fucking hip hop girl she's uh she was married to like a rapper but the kids got like the the fetal alcohol syndrome because she was drinking and smoking like publicly online while she was pregnant do you know this yeah you know him kreashan or not kreashon uh no there is a rapper name i know i know it's not her wow that's bottom of the barrel She is...
Starting point is 00:27:27 What? That's... No, she's worse. Crayshan, I'm saying, as though, like... Isn't she, like, an only fan's girl now? I don't... I have literally no idea who any of these people are. But Crayshan is not...
Starting point is 00:27:38 That's not a first round draft pick as far as names go. I'm already at the age. I gotta stop even mentioning like pop culture stuff. Because I don't know the names. I'm way off. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:50 It's just a... It's a... Choose your own adventure. You know what I mean? I start the sentence. You're like, then it's just confuses everybody. It locks them in the gun.
Starting point is 00:27:58 No, no, I think he's talking about that I just waste everyone's fucking time. I need, yeah. You should start getting like, yeah, you should get someone to send you like pop culture reviews. Start reading fucking DMZ. Yeah, no, just like every morning
Starting point is 00:28:11 there's like just a 10 minute video of like the latest. Just look up, uh, it's Coil-Lay. Who? Coil-Loray. No, it's not. No, that's the only one that's popping up.
Starting point is 00:28:22 Fetal alcohol syndrome? Is that we? Yeah. Yeah. Coil-Ray. Yeah, that's apparently. Someone's gonna fucking nail it. Six weeks pregnant, she realized.
Starting point is 00:28:31 She was pregnant. Wait, who was she hooking up with? Some rapper. That went to prison for a little bit. Jesus. Okay. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:42 I told you I was gonna eat up your time. This is this. It's gonna come back. Like, no, it was actually a musician. It was this jazz musician from the six years. This almost feels like it would be like a fun game show. where it's just like you try to remember something see if the other person
Starting point is 00:29:00 can drunk as a host find what you're talking about Trippy Red She was talking up with Trippy Red No this isn't who you're telling you know no no no As soon as you say it I'll know it I'll know it Yeah who would have thunk
Starting point is 00:29:13 Coilroy and Trippy Reds baby Would it be Trippy Redd Come out sideways Such a dumb thing to Google. Kidleroy. Is it Kidleroy or Coilroy or Coilroy? Coilroy and Trippy Red baby near me.
Starting point is 00:29:37 Question mark. Sounds like two cereal combinations. It is kind of nice to be back in the heat though. I like, I like, I like the... I'm saying it is kind of nice to sit here and not talk. Christian Yes Christian Rock
Starting point is 00:30:04 Christian Rock Chrishawn Rock Wait Yeah is that the girl or guy But that's the couple That's the girl That's the girl that's her Chrishawn Rock
Starting point is 00:30:11 Yeah She turned her fucking kid Into a spud Yeah Yes that is She looks like she would do that How do you even know Who Krishon Rock is
Starting point is 00:30:22 I don't know She's best known For appearing on Zeus Network's reality series baddies. Oh, you weren't in that? You never saw season four of baddies? Speaking of baddies.
Starting point is 00:30:40 We went to Kanye West's after party and was at like an arcade, which is kind of cool. It was like a... It was like a day downstairs at the stadium. Oh, was it?
Starting point is 00:30:50 They built an arcade. Yeah, yeah. Just to give you an idea where Tommy was at. Do you remember the... Red was there? Do you remember? Do you remember?
Starting point is 00:31:00 Well, that's the fucking story. It was a redemption shot. It was a redemption shot for telling me. It was a redemption shot. Boy, boy. I mean, comparing the two. At least I was upright. The first kind of, I was, I had a fucking, I was like the Ellen Tetris, dude.
Starting point is 00:31:15 It was. It was the best part about the Kanye after party is the baddies. Oh, it's all, it's all IG thought horrors. It's baddies and they all go right for the wings. Yeah, they go right for the wings, which is hilarious. It's the funniest thing ever. It's like it's wall-to-wall baddies, and they just bomb the wing station.
Starting point is 00:31:36 Yeah. And they're just housing wings. You think that'd be the last thing they eat when they're going to get fucking, they're back blown out in a Lincoln. You know what I mean? They're only there to get fucked. They're all like,
Starting point is 00:31:45 some of them are the hottest women you can ever imagine, but they're retarded. And they're in line for a photo booth because they can't play any of the games unless they just walk up to you and interrupt you having fun. No, but they... And the lights are like...
Starting point is 00:31:57 The lights are on like a fucking cafeteria. So it's, it's a wild juxtaposition is where you would see these baddies like in a club. It's such a, it's so, so funny, such a Kanye move. Do not dim the lights. I don't want to, I don't want what happened in St. Louis to happen again. I don't want some dimly lit, you're right, too. You're right, too. I want to see exactly what everyone's doing. It is a very racist culturally activated decision. It's a veteran move.
Starting point is 00:32:32 Also, it's like the girl, they're like, they're like, you know, that's their like UFC. They've been cutting weight. Oh, 100%.
Starting point is 00:32:39 They've been cut and weight leading up to the show. You know what I mean? They get to the wings and they've got to load up. They'll pass out, dude. Like a fighter.
Starting point is 00:32:53 Eating a couple of hot dogs right before. Yeah. Oh, it's so funny. You gotta get back to fighting weight. And then they just... For the big event that night. It's so funny.
Starting point is 00:33:05 Then they just like, kind of like, I don't know. It's kind of like a bee right before it dies. They just kind of like slowly swarm waiting to run into like another rapper that came out. Because the lineup was fucking unbelievable. First time we saw Kanye was San Antonio. It was just him. He did like an hour and a half. This one had every Chicago legend.
Starting point is 00:33:24 Yeah, it was nuts. Like the lineup was. fucking insane. And then like, you know, like common and like all these people are just like... Twista. Twist it. They're all hanging out. Chief Keefe?
Starting point is 00:33:34 Chief Keefe. Chief. Chief Keef was there, yeah. Big Chief Keefe. Yeah. Chief Keefe was there. He was having a good time. Chief Keeves.
Starting point is 00:33:42 Twister. We were feeling for Twister because Twista went up late. Oh. And that's a tough spot. Kid Kuddy. When you're rapping as fast as he does, it's like you can't even have a beer. Dude, he fucking. I was so impressive.
Starting point is 00:33:53 Yeah, yeah. Kid Cuddy, Travis Scott, Chief Keefe, Young Thug, Rick Ross. common lupé fiasco don tulliver big shone two chains and twista all in the same show it was nuts and they were all at the after party as well yeah i didn't see him at the after i only saw like three or four they were in the back chain went to go say hi to conier whatever but oh yeah i think they were all in the back but common and a few other people were just chilling it was yeah yeah but the wing dinghors they were swarming for coffee you know trying to get dumped in not to us even if their kid comes out wonky though yeah i got a paycheck i don't have to go
Starting point is 00:34:26 get a job. Not to us. Not to us. Yeah, yeah. Chris and I are on like to fucking playing that racing game. I know. I was locked in, dude. Yeah, it was sick. It was so fun.
Starting point is 00:34:38 They had full, like, a big chair that moved. You could drive. Imagine just like the hottest women of color walking around and just Chris and I going, you get out of it! Fuck out of it! Fuck! Shane was bouncing back and forth and just pulling on the steering wheel. So you'd have to like fight him through half of it.
Starting point is 00:34:56 that's how I cut my hand I'd say cut your hand and steering wheel yeah cut both hands fucking yeah that's your story sounds like something I'd come up with no no
Starting point is 00:35:07 no I put my hand playing a video game I pointed this out right away I did not want this to be the next morning to be like I think you cut me oh for me yeah it sounded like me yeah I didn't want any doors
Starting point is 00:35:19 falling off the hinges and hit I didn't want to iron anything I think the door fell and hit my hand ran in some guy's fist yeah a bunch of family business
Starting point is 00:35:31 last night after the show got a couple doctor's appointments I've made one of the hundred I've told you I've gone to the doctor's points when I actually get there you're going to hear about I know
Starting point is 00:35:46 I know I lied about the last one I didn't tell you what happened There's actually a story yeah the web of lies I can't what happened at the doctor Nothing really.
Starting point is 00:35:56 I don't want to talk about it. Just a standard blood test or whatever. I was in and out. Anyway, what was you doing? Dude, this was also driving me nuts. Chicago has no Notre Dame gear. Why would they?
Starting point is 00:36:13 I guess it's a close to a close city to South Bend. I walked around. I walked around the whole city looking for stuff. You guys should have went towards Wrigley Field where I was stay. I went up there. There was a
Starting point is 00:36:27 there was a rally house, but it was all Cubs stuff. Yeah. That would be weird. I mean, it's like you're not going to go to a fucking sports store by a team stadium and find another team, right? And I don't want to be nasty, but I don't like Rally. I don't mean to be racist.
Starting point is 00:36:45 I don't like Rally House. I don't like fanatics. I don't like fanatics. The actual brand? Just, yeah, they've they've cornered the market on on gear and they've got nothing but crap. Yeah, it's corporate bullshit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:00 Absolute junk. Any Flyers gear I try to get, any fucking Notre Dame gear. You see the new Philly Stadium? I think I found like a secret link on Notre Dame's website for some shoes. Some Notre Dame sneakers. A secret link?
Starting point is 00:37:14 You found it? On Under Armour's website, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just you. I did dig, yeah. I didn't think it's supposed to exist. Like if you search,
Starting point is 00:37:24 if you search Under Armour's, website, it doesn't come up. Yeah. But I found them. You found shoes. Yeah, yeah. Nice. I bet you're fucking idiotious.
Starting point is 00:37:33 I can't wait to see these. No, they're beautiful. They're beautiful. Hunter had him on. When we got to the stadium, Hunter had him on. Yeah, Hunter the man. Hunter hooks it up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:42 Hunter had him on and I was like, God damn. What is he considered, is you think an athletic director or something? Like he's coordinator? Yeah, he's doing something. The guy's always got, yeah. Yeah, he's doing everything. I know, he is. That guy's the key to the city over there.
Starting point is 00:37:55 Yeah. Huge. I always forget the size of that man until I see him. Giant. Just like your locker room, talk. When I see a man that size, all I can think about is he can have my ass at any moment. I know it sounds strange. When I see a giant man, I think of rape.
Starting point is 00:38:15 I think of male rape where that'll get me in line. That's why you get so ornery. Yeah, I get fucking squirrely. I start backing up. You see that picture of me. against the wall when everyone's having a good time. You thought Hunter was trying to take you? Too many giant men.
Starting point is 00:38:30 I had to protect my asshole. 26, five dudes and pads. Walk around confidently next to the band. Get away from the band. Yeah, I'll fuck them. I can take them. You know what I mean? I don't have a giant fucking jack.
Starting point is 00:38:48 I think if he was on the offensive line, how long it would take me to run around him. It's like... I just thought of it. It'd be like if the George Washington... and the bridge was closed. I got to go with a tap and Z.
Starting point is 00:39:00 That's what it's like Yeah. Like It's got to have 45 minutes from my commute. Trying not to get my
Starting point is 00:39:09 ass right. Like, yeah, if I was on defense and it was on the line, it is, yeah,
Starting point is 00:39:16 it's a 45 minute detour to get to the quarterback. I'm taking an Uber out of the stadium. We went to New Orleans to finish some wedding stuff. There was this dude in the bar, and he was just like a specimen, dude.
Starting point is 00:39:29 Like, the form that you would create on a video game, this guy had a natural life, and I couldn't, I was enamored. Couldn't stop looking at him. Yeah. And he was just hitting his slot machine. She was a jacked fucking black dude. And then he would stand up, and it was like,
Starting point is 00:39:46 just unbelievable. And all I could think of was, like, chiseled? Anytime he wants. Anytime he wants. He could just take my buns. he would have my bunts and I go that you better fucking stop fighting in bars now you got to no more yeah change your mentality so you don't go to prison no you got to change your mentality
Starting point is 00:40:06 so you don't you you you got to you know channel the the squirrel the honey badger you know yeah the mongoose yeah you know i like that you know you can try but he's losing maybe both eyes yeah you know what i mean true true you can you can you The honey badger, the mongoose. I'm sprinting. I'm sprinting. I'm jumping. Yeah, true.
Starting point is 00:40:34 True. I'm using your giant thigh to get up to the front. Scratching, clawing, poking. He's got, he's got fucking wounds like you the next morning. What the fuck was that? Yeah, you got to jump back and jump in. Yeah. There's a little wop that I raped.
Starting point is 00:40:48 Got his fingernails on me. Like, DNA's all in that kid's claws. You got to be. You got to think explosive. Yeah. Run the perimeter. I mean, that's a woman walking home. They're on imagine.
Starting point is 00:41:04 Yeah. You got to get their claws into the, you know. No. No. No. No. No. Don't, don't.
Starting point is 00:41:13 No. Hold. No. They call it. They got to have airstrike mentality. Yeah. You know what I mean? You have to go, who can I call to address this?
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Starting point is 00:42:39 plus free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety of information. And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom. Yeah. It's always funny. You gotta be like a thing of mace on their key chains. I'm like, you're not getting that out.
Starting point is 00:42:55 that should be a game that's the game show it's like see how many women can i properly activate the mace right spin the cap rock him in the fucking mug before he gets to you dude i mean even me pulling it out yeah 100% no i wasn't gonna use it dude who was that story was that your mother oh my god yeah josh tell his story again it's the funniest fucking thing in the world my mom was trying to like lose weight like 10 years ago 15 years ago 15 years years ago and she started going on jogs and she got pepper spray to bring with her and she was running through our alley one day and some guys like getting closer and closer to her so she panicked and pulled the pepper spray out she went to spray it she sprayed it but the wind the wind blew it back
Starting point is 00:43:38 in her face and then she shit her pants she went with the skunk technique dude she pooped her pants yeah no my dad had to come pick her up yeah people it was just a male man yeah it was it was our neighbor Our neighbor was just on a jog as well. Yeah, no, that is, it's an alternate strategy. A lot of people don't know. It's the suicide vest. It's the Al-Qaeda. The Al-Qaeda text.
Starting point is 00:44:08 Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. Just be so funny, like, in the standoff with the guy, you just go, you're crazy. Yeah, dude. The old, you're not. going to want this pussy with shit in it. You'll never take me alive.
Starting point is 00:44:31 Classic bait and switch, dude. Yeah, yeah. Because it stalls him for a second and then you just detonate the bomb. Yeah. Dude's like, this bitch is nuts. She's nuts. Kamikaze in your own pants. It's a brilliant strategy.
Starting point is 00:44:49 It really is. Sometimes you stumble on that stuff. I mean, sometimes the best. I found out my mother shot herself in the face with fucking pepper spray and shitters I would never I would never be able to live that day
Starting point is 00:45:05 every party I'd bring it up mom tell that pepper spray story Thanksgiving it would kick off instead of saying what you're thankful for I'm like no no I'm thankful also mom it's up in her face shitting her pants
Starting point is 00:45:21 it's unbelievable it's a God's Also, to not, the psychology behind not trying to hide that. Yeah. Like, not just, you know, I'll just walk home. We'll see if we can make it. Oh, my God. To go, you got to come get me.
Starting point is 00:45:35 Oh, my God. It's nuts. Those pants would be in a dumpster. What do you mean? I got to come get me. I get to come back. I shit my pants. How do you get your pants?
Starting point is 00:45:44 I'm like, you're not getting in this. You're not going to get in the car. Just come pick me up, Jim. Not with the fucking questions. It's such a mom thing to do. Yeah. It's such a mom thing to do. Just be like, okay.
Starting point is 00:45:58 Tom, you need to come get me. Tom, Tom, I've shit my pants. I'm out on the street. I've shit my pants. I need you. Get in the car right now and come get me. I don't think you're taking this seriously enough. I'm in an alley and my panties are full shit.
Starting point is 00:46:18 Tom, there's no time. I need you to stop what you're doing. Stop making cabinets Come pick me up I got shit in my pants Golly That is so fucking funny It is absolutely
Starting point is 00:46:33 Oh that's a Hall of Fame I wish it happened to my mom Just so I could tell that story I mean Does she ever talk about it? No she specifically asked me to stop talking about it Dude that's like come help me pick up a fucking body
Starting point is 00:46:55 and never talk about it. Like to your husband. Like, this can never get out. We're going to hurt some people. We can never ask questions. Really? Like the scene in the town? This is...
Starting point is 00:47:05 Whose car we take it? Oh, my God. Whose pants we shitting? Yeah, what about what you got in the car? Like... I almost got robbed by jogger. He also shit my pants. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:47:34 Heaven's to Betsy. Oh, my God. Was she? I know, dude. No, it's tough. Every detail. Every detail is so far. Like, was she on the ground placing the call?
Starting point is 00:47:55 You know? Yeah. Did she sit when she got in the car? You know what I mean? Yeah. Did he bring garbage bag, put it over the seat? One time I shipped myself before I went to, I was coming home from a late night. It was in the morning.
Starting point is 00:48:08 I was driving all the way back to when I lived in Bethlehem. Yeah. And I went to like a burrito joint. Yeah. And I got a burrito. I'm in line. I'm wearing like khakis, like the worst kind of thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:22 And I felt the rumble. I took a shot trying to get the air out of the tire. I blew the tire I got shit in my fucking pants and I have to drive another bro I was on the rumble strips but of the way home I had to balance
Starting point is 00:48:43 I balanced my ass off the seat you know like this the whole time while driving just so I didn't a little pressure it's night night you know what I mean right then we're talking ruined socks Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:59 I gotta keep the jelly in the fucking chart. Just hoping that the shits in suspended animation above your pants. Just waving? Like you're next to jump out of an airplane? Yeah. We're in a vacuum. Oh, man. That's funny.
Starting point is 00:49:24 I keep thinking about there was one time I had to piss so bad. I wound up pissing at a dick's sporting goods, but I... That was a long pause. Yeah. I mightn't have just pissing on some guy's dick Exploiting it! I'm sorry, man, I had to go. I suck this guy's dick.
Starting point is 00:49:42 Sporting it! Did you wet your pants? No, but I, I, like, I felt like I felt my bladder like... Yeah. Make like a balloon bubble. Yeah, I've been there. Is it hard... Do you ever been to the situation where it's hard to walk?
Starting point is 00:50:00 Oh, yeah. I felt like it was a true burst. This is in high school. We were drinking on the way home from Westchester. and they wouldn't stop. Like my buddy thought it was funny. And I'm like, yo,
Starting point is 00:50:09 I got a piss. And they wouldn't stop. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm in dire straight to you, dude. Like I'm fucking. And then they finally stopped
Starting point is 00:50:18 because somebody else had to piss. And I couldn't get out of the car. Like, the pain was so. Yeah. And then it took me while to get the flow going. Yeah. Because there was so much pressure everywhere.
Starting point is 00:50:29 Yeah. My prostate was damned. It was damned up. Yeah. Yeah. It was like, the bevers making damn. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:34 Yeah. Yeah. There is, there is, there is, I feel like there is a point where like, the message gets to the prostate where it's just like, nothing's getting through. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It takes multiple phone calls to be like, dude, let it, let it rip. Yeah. Like an angry black woman at like a toll booth and there's just the fucking lines backed up. It's like a 1996 reference. The fuck's getting stuck in a toll booth. In the last 20 years. I told you I'm not going to be that sharp.
Starting point is 00:51:11 The last 20 years. Maybe I pulled that from one of my archives. That's still been on my mind. That dumb bitch. You're going over the Verrazana, you kick at the quarter and the thing. They're like, what? They still have those quarter cages in Jersey, dude.
Starting point is 00:51:28 Do they? That is sick. The small off shoots on the Garden State. Yeah. You still got to put, like, fucking 35 cents to get off an exit in a basket it was it was there was there were these subtle moments where you'd realize damn my dad is an athlete you know what I mean were you like because you know they're working they're not doing like a ton of athletic shit all
Starting point is 00:51:52 the time and the way they could hit pinpoint accuracy on the change on the change on the change gauge was like unbelievable yeah it was crazy they barely slow down that's that's just, I think that's just a callous from like getting worn down by your bitch wife or your kids and cock suckers in the back seat. You better hit this. Now you're talking another 30 minutes in the car. The way they would grab the change and you'd have multiple pieces at some, when they started raising the prices, you have a quarter and a dime. And those dimes can get caught and fly in the wind. You got to like get in the dime and the quarter in there. It was. I'm Alleyooping. I'm getting that car as close as I can. And you were barely. slow down, right in there.
Starting point is 00:52:39 Whoa. Yeah. It was crazy. This is terrible. It's a warm neutral? Yeah. It's really bad. You don't have ice.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Yeah, I do. Oh, you do have ice. I think it's ice you bought. Yeah, I did buy it because you never have ice and I always forget I bought the ice machine. Bro. Your ice cube machine is the worst part of this house. The only bad part of this house, to be honest with you. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:53:07 It was worse. working fine and then when we came back. Pellet size, whore shit. I'm also thinking about it. Dude, if I could, if they were making pellets, dude, they're not actually making pellets. There's a, there's a pellet machine you could put on your counter. The old school, like, yeah, you know the soda pellets?
Starting point is 00:53:25 You get it like a fucking a burger or shake shop, the shit they had in the 90s. And it like air rates a little bit. So it's like, I know. It melts faster. And the crunch is flawless. Yeah. The mouth feel. if you will.
Starting point is 00:53:38 The mouth feel, good ice mouth feel is important. It also helps it protects your enamel. It does protect your enamel. Yeah. If the ice is too hard,
Starting point is 00:53:46 you can really do some damage. Yeah. I listen to my dentist. I finally got an electric toothbrush again. There you go. Because I was off the electric toothbrush for a while. Now, you got to go electric.
Starting point is 00:53:55 Yeah. I got this small circle head because I finally, I spent money to get my gums clean. The one that swiveles? Yeah. It's nice. It's a new one.
Starting point is 00:54:03 Yeah. Braun or some shit. Braun, yeah. I got a Panasonic. My girl dropped a dime. You have an electric toothbrush? I do not. You have a bidet?
Starting point is 00:54:12 You're walking around with a fucking sloppy ass? I use baby wipes. Oh, okay. Flushable. Not flushable. Oh, you're just jamming everything out. Wait, what? Dude, we throw them out like every day.
Starting point is 00:54:22 We have like the trash bottle. So we put the trash. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you wiping your ass and putting in a fucking can? Yeah, we have a bag and it's like clothes and everything. Oh, my God. That's not crazy. That's like a hospital thing.
Starting point is 00:54:34 It's a dog, it's a dog park. It's like bagging up a, The thing is shit and put it in a fucking hot basket. Is that crazy? That's not crazy. Throwing a poop rag. It's the last, you don't lead with the poop rags, guys.
Starting point is 00:54:48 You go dry, dry, dry, tell us gone, then you do a final wipe and then you throw it out at the end of the day. I know. I'm not putting like shitty wipes. You can get flushable wipes. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:54:58 but those are all bad for you. Or not bad for you, bad for the suicide. So where's the basket in accordance to the, I can't believe I'm fucking asking. Also, where's your shirt?
Starting point is 00:55:07 What did you call it? A butler? The trash butler. And what is that? It's a trash can. No, no. No, like we just put, we just take our trash and we put it in front of our apartment. They just grab it. Like, we don't have to do anything. It's like every night they stop by. So you don't really have to like. And you're putting the wipes out every night? Yeah, put it in the big trash. We do like the trash for.
Starting point is 00:55:29 You put your feces out for a bottle. We double bag it. And you guys are acting like a wipe. I'm having massive mud pies and then just wipe it. and thrown it in the trash. I'm like, it's my ass gets clean. Then I do a little once around. Get a bag a day, you fucking animal. That's disgusting.
Starting point is 00:55:46 So you have this janitor that you're calling a butler for some fucking reason. That's what they call it. They don't call. No one's ever called him a trash butler. If you do, he's going to punch you. They call him trash. That's the name of the apart. It's a common term.
Starting point is 00:55:58 You guys haven't been an apartment in a while. You're still taking a poop rag and putting it in a can. For the butler. But then you're having to pick that bag up. and take it and put it in a garbage bag. And then you're walking your feces around for this other guy to pick up. This isn't crazy. It's insane.
Starting point is 00:56:15 This is not crazy. No, it's absolutely insane. The fact that you don't see this is insane is crazy. Having a, that's crazy. Having a poopy butt can is. What about people with diapers? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:26 People who have changed diapers. If you have a baby, I can, I'll deal with that. And there's a, there's a, there's a horizon. You guys are childless. It's sunsets or whatever they call it. It's like you know that you're only doing that for, you know, a couple years maybe is filling up bags of poop and putting them in the trash. You're not like, this is the system. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:56:50 It's like if you were shitting in diapers and putting them out. That is, what we're saying is that's what you're doing. Yes. You're doing the equivalent of shitting in adult diapers. Your childless household is dumping and wrapping diapers. You're creating an unnecessary diaper. Yeah. So you're saying either bidet or get the flush of a wipes.
Starting point is 00:57:11 You got to get a bidet. It's $100. It's $100. I've never used when they scare me. It'll change your world. They're pretty nice. They've never used one that scares me. I also don't think this is that crazy that I do.
Starting point is 00:57:22 Maybe I'm going to get annihilated. Anytime you put your own poop in a can. But there's people who don't even baby wipe. They just wipe and that's all they do. That's all I see. If you don't have a bidet, all I see is dirty ass. I feel like getting the baby wipe in there is all right. I feel like I'm an elevator.
Starting point is 00:57:37 above people who don't use those. I don't, yeah. What do you think the scale is? Where do you think I am on the scale of weird right now? If I have to go potty at a friend's house and they don't have a bidet, I give my ass a bath with just paper, you know, toilet paper. Under the sink and I do that like three to five times. Bath.
Starting point is 00:57:58 The equivalent of a, of a bidet. It's getting washed, like fully washed. I usually time the shower. So I eat a shit and then a shower. That's not true. You'd be showered 10 times a day. I shower twice a day. Everybody does.
Starting point is 00:58:13 No, they don't. You don't shower twice a day? I shower once a day. Yeah. Just once in the morning? Yeah, after the gym. Or before, after the gym. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:22 Or if I have like a night out and I'm getting really sweaty. Like doing spots. True. I've done, yeah, I'm once a day sometimes. Depends. You sleep in. Sometimes you just let it ride. No, I can never let it ride.
Starting point is 00:58:34 I'm not holding in a poop. No, the shower shock. the system enough to get me get me going shake off the cobwebs the depression the anxiety yeah yeah cold shower yeah Shane's fucking upstairs shower is really nice it's clogged but the water pressure and the way it drops down
Starting point is 00:58:51 the water pressure like a rain rock water pressure oh it's everything it's unbelievable what do you talk about it's so good it's so good it's so good just floods it's the most important part yeah they say there's shower heads that can improve your water pressure It's all bullshit. No, there are, because they, they,
Starting point is 00:59:11 this happened to us. It doesn't, well, and Queens. Yeah, because they, they install in every showerhead now a, like, a filter. Yeah, yeah. So it slows the water down. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:22 So you use less water. Yeah. So you need to take that out with a screwdriver and a hammer. Yeah. It's a little, fucking, it's a little iron fucking, just like the water. It's kind of flow, baby.
Starting point is 00:59:42 All right. Yeah. Well, that was fun. It was fun. Not bad for a morning session. Yeah, it's a great morning session. It's a great morning session. It's good to see you guys in the morning.
Starting point is 00:59:51 Yeah. Morning's good. Yeah. Josh, I should go with the Dallas tonight. Yeah, big show in Dallas. Yeah. I'm going to be in Saratoga Springs this weekend. Come check it out.
Starting point is 01:00:03 Saratoga Comedy Festival. Nice. Really? I'm going to be up there with Bobby Kelly. Oh, shit. Yeah. You and B.C.? BK.
Starting point is 01:00:09 Yeah. BK. Getting a big drive-in. with BK, Upstate New York. San Diego, California, American Comedy Club October 1st through the 3rd. Please come to that. Yeah, I'm also going to be in Seattle and
Starting point is 01:00:23 Portland. The end of the month, September 30th, I think. Nice. And then Nashville, October 8th. Come to Zanis in Nashi. Nashiville. And then...
Starting point is 01:00:38 Nashavile. Then wedding time. Then we're going to get sideways in the world. Yeah, New Orleans, baby. All right, thank you, guys. See you on the page. Petrong.com slash stuff filing. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:53 And look at this. You got to do that MRI tomorrow.

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