Stuff Island - Dad Meat - Stuff Island #206

Episode Date: October 15, 2025

Tommy Pope sits down with Mike Rainey and Tim Butterly. Mike and Tim have a hilarious podcast together called Dad Meat . Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Ea...ch week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians Shop SKIMS Mens at https://www.SKIMS.com. Let them know I sent you! After you place your order, select "podcast" in the survey and select my show in the dropdown menu that follows Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to https://www.RocketMoney.com/stuffisland today! Go to Better Help and talk to someone. Get 10% off at Better Help by using our code STUFFISLAND visit https://www.BetterHelp.com/STUFFISLAND today Whether you’re layering up for tailgates, lounging through lazy Sundays, or just leaning fully into fall comfort, Chubbies has you covered. For a limited time, Chubbies is giving our listeners $10 off your order with the code [STUFFISLAND] at chubbiesshorts.com. That’s code [STUFFISLAND] at chubbiesshorts.com. Support the show and show your thighs some respect…with Chubbies. SUB TO PATREON: patreon.com/stuffisland Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 how do you fucking why do you guys eat before having to talk I was sorry I was fixing a dryer all day and I haven't had a chance to eat and I was starting to fade I was turning gray yeah you seem like the kind of guy takes a part of drag on purpose just to put it back together just to get you brain get four and a half hours to myself yeah just take a big lumpy shit there go I got to take it apart tomorrow got nothing to do you don't eat before you do stuff no yeah no no I mean there was 100 calories in this sour apple
Starting point is 00:00:33 I didn't know if you still made paying that I remember the first time when we started hanging at which I think was like 2010 you were like yeah I eat gas station nachos once a night and then I'm done dude 100%
Starting point is 00:00:48 after shows I would go right to well I would buy a collection of ingredients I call them gas station nachos but I'd just get some cheese some fucking tostitos and then I'd make them in the oven. You can bring them home and cook them.
Starting point is 00:01:02 You wouldn't even nuke them in the store. No, no, no, no, no. I make my own. You're sitting in the car with nacho ingredients on the way home. You're asking the Uber to make a stop. You know what? I'm hungry now.
Starting point is 00:01:12 Exactly. I don't know if it's a fart or just the fucking broken down fucking. My apologies, by the way, I came in a little bit hot, getting warmed up with a slur vocal exercise. That's fine. Just letting them rip butt-wise too.
Starting point is 00:01:23 Yeah, you were talking about ass stuff, though. It's like a singer going comedy Eminem etes. Neen, I know, no, no, no, no, no, no. Neenani, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:01:42 No, I can't, dude, it's like, it's, it's, it's proven it, the science behind it, it slows down your, your, uh, your, your, brain activity. Mm.
Starting point is 00:01:51 Because everything's digesting. Yeah, it uses all its energy so your brain doesn't function. You know, told me this, Nick Mullen in the fucking green, okay some uh some lady lady broad was headlining she was eating like a giant chicken salad and he's like you know stupid that is slows down your whole mechanism
Starting point is 00:02:06 well now I'm in my own head if you notice me thinking too slowly at any point point out to me dude that'll be fucking news yeah Tom I'm fucking confused by cartoons so I don't think a fucking taco is going to slow me down yeah I don't I don't doubt you guys I just uh you know dude I'm worried about you you got
Starting point is 00:02:25 you gotta get your butt checked Do you not want to talk about that? No, I fucking, yeah, I've talked about the last two weeks. I was excited to get fucking scoped. Yeah. Did it happen? What? It happened already?
Starting point is 00:02:35 No, I got a call. Fifteen minutes before I started drinking the diarrhea juice. Yeah. Literally 15 minutes. I got a call. And this is what happened last time. It was a day before when I was 40. Now I'm 45.
Starting point is 00:02:46 I have Big Boy insurance. I'm paying $600 for Blue Cross Blue Shield. Whoa. There shouldn't be any issues with the referrals. I got a call from Goldstein's office. I went with the only Jew in this area. Thank goodness. Smart.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Yeah. I'm fully Indian in my doctors now, but I love that for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How does Goldstein get the scope in when he's busy doing this? There will be a coin in my ass. That's what you're swallowing. That's in the fucking drink they give you. You swallow a coin and he's in there digging for it.
Starting point is 00:03:19 No, so yeah, the office called me and said, hey, the referral didn't go through. You have until 2 o'clock. And I was supposed to start drinking at like one. P.m. They call me 1245 going, you can't, you might not have this appointment. So I had to wait until 2 o'clock
Starting point is 00:03:33 and they said, and they're reschedule it. No. But yeah, I'm excited. Yeah. Because I got to feel good. Like when you can,
Starting point is 00:03:39 when you have these means to do this shit, yes. You look forward to it. Yes. And it's like it's an appropriate age. I have, obviously have symptoms that aren't great. I've beaten the fuck out of myself for 30 years.
Starting point is 00:03:52 I just want to get clear. I want somebody to go, you're fine. You got butt CTE. Yeah, dude. But it's, yeah. And the reason I got the referral in the first place when I was 40 with this dog shit cult religion insurance I had.
Starting point is 00:04:07 My mom's got colitis, Crohn's. There's ass cancer in our family genetics. So I'm like, look, dude, you know? Then your poor bathroom back at your parents' house. Yeah. You just. Getting pounded by a middle-aged woman with health problems. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:21 That's nuts. My dad makes her shit out bad. He's big in tomatoes, dude. It's just mom manure. Is Crohn's more of a ladies thing? I don't know how many guys are crones. I think women are probably more likely to speak about it, whereas I have only no one man who's been open-ed-off.
Starting point is 00:04:37 I don't even think I would notice if I had Crohn's. Yeah. I think of my crones. Does your toilet bowl look like Hawaiian Punch three days a week? Yeah, dude. Me too. I found out, I found out. You may have crones.
Starting point is 00:04:48 Lucky Charms put mega-sized rainbow marshmallows in recently. Oh, so you're getting it from Rocky Charms? A green flush every single time. No, dude. That's like somebody eating Not even by the way Not even like military fatigue is green I'm talking about like whoa
Starting point is 00:05:02 Children's finger paints green This isn't a fucking Hootcasts No it's I'm not talking about like a Like an athlete drinking beet juice Forget me did and then having a A bloody stool I'm I'm mashing fucking
Starting point is 00:05:16 You're making teakamasol I'm making teakumas on my own organically So yeah it's it's all hemorrhoits Oh no Yeah you'll be a hemorrhoids guy We got to get you a donut. Well, here's the thing about hemorrhoids.
Starting point is 00:05:29 I can't believe we're starting with this. But it's the frequency of the pressure and going to the restroom. I got more of a liquid diet than I do. That's truly how it happens? Because my aunt used to warn me all the time and I thought she was just didn't want me.
Starting point is 00:05:44 No, this isn't like hanging your head out of the window. You get crushed by stop sign type fucking make. You sit on a bowl for an hour every time you dump. You're going to create some morsels of fucking hemis. And they got a pop Starting gay fans Yeah, and then you got to tuck them in
Starting point is 00:06:03 You got to fucking It's like packing a suitcase Did they fit in like nicely Or is it like a kid trying to clean up his room When his mom's in the driveway Oh yeah, it's a lot of It's a lot I get You know, a fucking golf bag into a truck
Starting point is 00:06:16 You have to lay sideways And your girlfriend sits on your ass cheeks So you can pull your pants over them Like a suitcase I pull the zipper now There told you I'd get it in Yeah, it's truly mashing grapes. But I remember going to a doctor when I was like 22, 23 years old
Starting point is 00:06:33 when I first started recognizing the bleeding and stuff. And the guy told me, he's like, I wouldn't recommend getting your hemorrhoids removed because... Because they're beautiful. No. Did each one of them a chain? He was nude, which made it weird. You're sucking on one.
Starting point is 00:06:51 I'm going to get these grafted onto a homosexual. What are these are delusiness? I feel bad. I'm hearing of them all myself. No, he said, I think they tie the butt together. Gives a little charm. A little old charm.
Starting point is 00:07:09 So he said keep him. No, he said keep him because the analogy he used was like, he said actually life begins at diarrhea. This is his murder. He said, imagine a room filled with furniture and the airflow. Like if you, you imagine how air flow. airflow and furniture affects the airflow in a room like a couch or like a
Starting point is 00:07:27 fucking, you know, a Raymore and Flanagan. Okay. You pull that out of there. There's a lot more flow. You can take the governor off. And I was like, what are you talking about? I'm 23 and hung over in college and he's like, he's like I leak. I leak
Starting point is 00:07:44 now. Because I got my roids taken out. There's no more furniture in there and it just leaks. So I got to wear like manponds and shit. This guy's in scrubs. I believe them. You know, I don't know. Who knows? He might have been in the waiting room. If I wasn't even a doctor and he's like, don't do it.
Starting point is 00:07:59 But nowadays, apparently the technology is advanced and they can just they can do it all in one. Yeah, they stage your asshole. Yeah. Yeah. It's all IKEA furniture. I've got a virtual tour scheduled with my ass later on tonight. I don't want to sign anything before I see it. Then you get in there,
Starting point is 00:08:17 like it looked bigger. It looked a lot bigger. Maybe it's a photographer. We can get a different couch. I used to do it's a photography. they are slime balls those fucking real estate agents taking beautiful photos and you show up you're like this is it
Starting point is 00:08:30 oh man they cropped out all my fucking Indian neighbors they cropped out the 16 people living in the house next door tricksters your whole neighborhood's
Starting point is 00:08:42 just a jar in Marsala I'm good now I'm saying you got rid of them selling a house in my old neighborhood oh right where my dad lives
Starting point is 00:08:50 yeah that was tough parking I would pull up to do dad meet and uh it was i would get a death there from like one of 18 russian neighbors who would have a fucking a voice activated alarm saying you are being recorded yeah so the northeast is still like heavy russian right yeah huge russian and they're not bothering anybody so it's like completely unnoticed and it's like tough to be racist against them because they kind of look like you yeah yeah yeah just with bigger head they're on big head mode that's the only way you can tell
Starting point is 00:09:19 if you're dealing with a uh russian person or a regular person yeah russians have like korean skulls It's really like, yeah. And rock solid. Yeah. Almost no soft tissue inside or out. Yeah. They got like the ideal deal of school for like using a tech deck on. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:38 You never had one yet, a colonoscopy? I thought he said a tech deck on my head. No. No, I'm due for one, but you know, I like to wait a little bit. And so far, I don't know. What are you? He's edging. 46.
Starting point is 00:09:48 46, yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, I mean, despite having, I think gout was the worst of, my maladies in the past few years damn you were in the civil war is that still a thing there's still gal? I brought it back yeah I got a guy a bunch of our boys in summer
Starting point is 00:10:03 I got it a bunch of our boys got hit it's bread like I got it was all sexually transmitted isn't it from like shellfish and like beer and like you can most of the time when people get it it's from drinking too much yeah sitting on a bar still getting fucking so it's impressive when you're completely sobering
Starting point is 00:10:19 you can still get it that's crazy I got it from processed meats because I'm not fucking around like I used to eat a almost every day. When I lived in fucking Prospect Park, it was, I lived up the street from Primos to Ludo's
Starting point is 00:10:30 was like a five minutes drive away, so five days a week I would probably eat a hoagie for lunch and or like by the way, the worst thing you can consume is processed meats.
Starting point is 00:10:39 Yeah, I believe it, man. Literally the worst things you can I thought my foot was broken. Yeah, the day before. Except for like, you know, Bresuit or like coming right off
Starting point is 00:10:46 the leg of a pig, but the way they tube it, do you ever see that process? Yeah, it's fucked. When they make this, this slur of meat and salt and powders
Starting point is 00:10:56 and dies do baloney is N word tube the bologna alone good lord I know man but that's how I got my gout from processed meats
Starting point is 00:11:08 and yeah the day before like my son was getting ready for basketball so I was running suicides with him on the court outside and I told Tim he's like yeah the problem is you're too healthy that's what that is
Starting point is 00:11:17 oh yeah I don't know my foot hurts I was crossing up a fucking 12 year old three days ago and now it feels like I'm having a heart attack in my toe well doesn't it feel
Starting point is 00:11:30 like there's a nail on your foot it literally felt like my foot was broken I couldn't move my foot yeah and it was swollen and I was like what could this possibly be and within seconds of telling the urgent care doctor my symptoms
Starting point is 00:11:42 she's like oh yeah you got to do you got to fucking you look at your freckles and your belly and she's like you look like a hoagie demon yeah how do you feel about Donovan McNat
Starting point is 00:11:51 yeah it's got But yeah, she's like, yeah, drink cherry juice and just hydrate, like, you're going to run out of it. You're never going to drink water again. Yeah. What's the cherry for? Just sugars? It just helps get rid of the acid. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:12:07 It's a buildup of uric acid in there, and like the cherry juice helps, I guess, dissipate it. Yeah. So it's just for meat and processed meats and not drinking water. You just piss like a cat, smell like shit? No, I normally hydrate. that's how much meat I was eating. Like, I was eating so much processed meat that despite what I was drinking, that it was,
Starting point is 00:12:28 it was counteracting that. And I was really just meat it up. Just meat sweating all day long with a bum pirate foot. Dude, I had to go do shows with Shane or Jimmy Gillespie and like, I had a flare up of gout. And I had to sit in the hotel room with my foot in the air like this. This was the only way it would feel better.
Starting point is 00:12:45 Is that to release pressure, like blood pressure? It just felt so much better when I had it in the air. It was kind of like, you know, you got a fucking broken foot or something. You elevate it, but, like, putting on a pillow wasn't helping. I had to have it straight up in the air. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:12:59 You had to get my knees back by my ears. It's the only relief, dude. Yeah, Gillespie had to bury his burning. Give me all his gal. To me a favor, man, do you think you can get your shoulders behind my knees? It's just my piggies hurt so bad from sandwiches. An old remote falls out of your ass.
Starting point is 00:13:18 Yeah, can you make it seem like my ears are answering a foot telephone? that's the worst of it's uh i think butt wise i'm good but i am due to get my butt checked yeah man you probably got hemis thanks man you definitely have hemis dude i've never i've never your ears have hemorrhoids there's no way your ass does i i don't i don't think i felt them i did have bleeding from the ass when i was like 12 yeah but that was like at my tailbone yeah i don't know what that was what do you think that could have been I could take a couple fucking guesses dude
Starting point is 00:13:52 yeah did you graduate grade school it was basketball camp that's what it was bro it was father McMenneman showing an interest in you at an early age did you what do you mean you scraped your tailbone and it blood in your ass
Starting point is 00:14:08 I went through a phase where my ass was bleeding it wasn't like my asshole proper but it was just like around your tailbone yeah oh my god yeah and I don't know what it was like I became paranoid for a while because
Starting point is 00:14:20 bleeding was so heavy that I would bleed through my underwear and I was paranoid that I would bleed through my fucking, my khaki pants that I wore. Yeah. You got your period. In high school? Yeah. Um, I don't think, I don't know. You were in khakis at grade school? No, no, no, we were politicians. But like, I only had a few pair of pants to wear. Yeah. And I got like one good pair of pants from like fucking gap kids one year, but that was it. It was just like hand-me-downs. Yeah. All the kids are going to call you Mike Staney. I like that. Thank you. That was for you, buddy. Thanks, man. You are. sharp tacos aren't doing damage yet
Starting point is 00:14:52 yeah so I don't know if it was high school yet but a little ass blood yeah I take everybody shut at this age I can't wait what are you 40 do you stay awake for it I'm almost yeah you stay awake for the butt scope I think they give you general anesthesia I don't like that at all I think you're all goofed out fuck that I want to be completely aware
Starting point is 00:15:11 you're just like a half a bottle liquor in getting all goofed loosen up I think I'd want to be awake loosen up the buns if you have the option would you take it awake or not I don't want to be put down for like the groginess of the recovery
Starting point is 00:15:26 but as long as I don't feel shit that's it that's it I don't give me all the needles whatever procedure I need done it's long as same thing with the mouth you get like a fucking root canal or something a tooth issue give me more than you think
Starting point is 00:15:42 and I'll drool my booze all night for 12 hours I don't want to feel anything because one time I felt something, I fucking yelped like you wouldn't believe in that chair and I was fired the fuck up. Yeah. Like I'd like
Starting point is 00:15:58 it was like a like you know like a nerve pain that kind of shit. Yeah. No. Give me all the shit. Give me all the juice and put me out and then take the whole tooth out and then I'll be groggy but the ass I want to be there. I want to be there
Starting point is 00:16:13 to answer any questions that might come out. That's it. I don't want to be like waking up like oh where I'm not in my bed. I'm in a medical Yes Oh no And they're done Also you can react
Starting point is 00:16:24 In the middle of a conversation That I wasn't there for The people in the room Yeah No You can react So like if there is a little pressure of pain Otherwise they're just
Starting point is 00:16:34 You can grab the doctor's neck They could be They could just be opening you up Way beyond the necessary limits Yeah let me bite the pillow man Yeah Let me keep an eye on Fucking Goldstein
Starting point is 00:16:45 Oh losing a ring in there I don't trust him Unless it's a good one It's fast, though, right? An hour. Okay. It looks like 45 minutes. For you, yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:54 For me, they probably want to get it out. Yeah, I don't know, man. I'm fucking nervous. Are they just taking a look? Are they just taking a look, or they're going to start, like, sniffing stuff? Who knows? They take a look and then they see if there's any, you know,
Starting point is 00:17:09 feel a vibe. Pallops. Yeah, depends on the lighting. Sprite paint their name. How everyone feels. Any pulsating veins? Well, that's the thing. I research doctors that can get rid of hemorrhoids.
Starting point is 00:17:19 and do the colonoscopy in the same procedure. Otherwise, you got to do it twice. The same idea, general anesthesia. So what's you do? Like, put him over his wrist while he puts the camera in there? What, the hemorrhoids? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:31 They're not purses, dickhead. They're just swollen glands. They're like, if your finger had like a bulbous little bubble on it. Okay. It's just a vein that is expanded. But I thought they were grape-like. I don't have that size.
Starting point is 00:17:47 Okay. No, they're just, it's a nuisance. What do you complain about then? I'm lying. It's a fucking huge. No, I don't know. Normal raisin to small grape. Dude, what if you, Tom, you've got a legendary,
Starting point is 00:18:02 there's a rumor spreading about you that you have a massive dick. I haven't seen it. So what if he's just pushing his hemorrhoids forward, giving the impression of a big dick? It's not massive. I have a decent size bird. It's a lot of trunk.
Starting point is 00:18:12 I don't know, man. I've heard things. It's good trunk. It's more girt than fucking, you know. It's got a nice. canopy. At what age did you realize I get some shade on my nuts? What age did you think like, all right, this is something to work? When I saw my
Starting point is 00:18:25 brother's dick. Smaller. We shared a bedroom. No, we used to call him Snuffy. Snuffaloficus. Said he used to close a shower curtain with his penis. Dude had a fucking hug. And this is back when before briefs, he wore old school boxers where they had that fucking barn door
Starting point is 00:18:41 in the front. And he walked down the steps in high school hung over and that thing would swing out to get a breath of hair. outside get a cigarette flop back in there smack his thighs that's got to feel good as a parent
Starting point is 00:18:57 to have big dick sons you think so yeah yeah I saw my dad's dick when he would shave and just like place his balls on top of the sink and I walked in there and I was like five years old
Starting point is 00:19:07 and he's fucking gelatin he's gelatin all up and his fucking nuts and his giant bouffant are all over the porcelain he's singing a duet in the shampoo bottle with it who's in his kiss yeah California
Starting point is 00:19:18 Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. It's California reasons. Now, yeah, he's got a hawk. Wow, man. What a household. My mom has a huge clit, too, so what I'm like? This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money, Josh. You know, a lot of people aren't aware of how much money they spend every month
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Starting point is 00:24:59 You know, what a better month to do it. You know, in October. There's a finger hanging out of that fucking. I never saw my oldest brother Steve's day. Call him up. Steve, my Hall's buddy's listening to his buddy.
Starting point is 00:25:19 Steve, send me a pick of his dick. Steve, let us know in the comments below what you're working with, man. I'm sure he's all right.
Starting point is 00:25:26 But, you know, it's like balding. You know, you never know if you're going to get your mother's father's head. Yeah, you've got to go to Turkey
Starting point is 00:25:32 to get fixed. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe Steve got the fucking Irish side. Yeah, that was one of the worst parts about taking care
Starting point is 00:25:43 of my dad when he was dying a scene that he had a much bigger dick than I did. Really? Yeah. Flasset dying dick? It was like, come on, man. Like, how do we get from that to this? What are we talking? I think soft, well, you, I'm talking.
Starting point is 00:25:55 Four to five? Yeah. I think he had about, I would say, four soft. Wow. Which is pretty nice. Old dude dying, four soft? I know, yeah. That thing was cooking.
Starting point is 00:26:04 In his youth dude, that thing was cooking. That thing had a driver's license when he was 25, dude. That's a fucking absolute heater. that's a hot yeah four inches in hospice it's like six that's crazy
Starting point is 00:26:20 dude that's a 10 inch you literally fighting for his life with a big soft dick yeah that was the toughest part
Starting point is 00:26:28 of the grieving process yeah did you clean them did you wash them and stuff yeah yeah there were
Starting point is 00:26:35 uh Jamaican ladies there to do he didn't trust or he didn't trust him right was he racist against the Jamaicans
Starting point is 00:26:39 washing his bun he was trying to be nice but uh it's like when you're like talk until like somebody at the door and the dog's trying to get out yeah like that's what it felt like every time he was trying to say something i knew it was coming next so i'd have to cut
Starting point is 00:26:50 him off by and large he was pretty good when he finally passed did you close both of his eyes and then tuck the tip into the foreskin time i honestly did try to close his eyes when i when because he was like he died at home you were there for the last moment no my niece called me my niece called me my niece called me and i went over to my dad's apartment because he ended up dying there and he was on the bed and we all said our goodbyes and was very sad and uh what he dying really uh yeah uh right next to nifty 50s which is probably kind of want to go as laid out in his will that is in his living will dying my cheese nuggets dude their chicken cheese nuggets are unbelievable but yeah he he died like he had just woken up so he had a heart attack
Starting point is 00:27:36 he was like clearly like trying to get dressed and he fell back on the bed and i was in there with my wife and like you know we were just you know observing him and i was like uh i got to do it so i always wanted to like have the ability to close eyelids it's so much wait so you knew he was gone gone yeah how what was the time frame between knowing that um like you saw him literally have a heart attack no no no he he had died my brother-in-law had gone over to to take care of him that morning and he found him dead. So they called the police and he was pronounced dead there and then while we were waiting for the undertakers.
Starting point is 00:28:14 Did you stop with the nifty 50-50s before? You get a little shake before closing pops-eye. I give him a kiss like a chocolate-crippin. Oh, black and white vanilla, dude. Can I get onion rings on that?
Starting point is 00:28:29 Yeah, thanks. My dad's dead. He's holding a bag of a greasy onion rings. Thank you, Desiree. I'm sorry. But yeah, I tried to do the eye, the eyelid shut thing, and they just wouldn't go down. Like, I eventually had to, like, do two fingers to try to get them to go down. Did they come back up a couple times and you go, why? They didn't shoot up with my eyes.
Starting point is 00:28:51 A fucking wise guy. Yeah, so now we're down to two stooges. No. But I closed them as much as I could with with pinchy fingers and they still wouldn't go down all the way. So is this like a Hollywood trope is what you say? almost yeah it's like it's yeah i don't know maybe some people have better eyelids who knows yeah or more lose eyes like you still have like nerve reactions it's like you know there's yeah there's still shit going on because beheading a chick and still cruises around for a bit yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:29:20 man his islands still want to see some shit yeah what if his soul left his body he wasn't like fully out yet and he just wanted to get a good glimpse of nifty 50s from the fucking bedroom window he's the fucking fratting retards son trying to like yank his fucking Close the blinds? He just went to one more. Pull it to the left. One more gorgeous shot. It'll go.
Starting point is 00:29:44 There's an hang of things to get to do. It was working earlier. Yeah. Closing the blinds in an Airbnb is exactly like your dad dying. Well, I'm sorry about your loss. Yeah, a good run, man. But thank you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:01 How old was he? 78? 75, I think. Yeah. maybe 76 but they got to see the eagles win the super bowl that's fucking great yeah yeah he's 77 yeah got a kidney removed he's probably walking in the drywall like a pug right now oh my god in the basement looking for another bottle of carlo rossi my mom's probably smoking him with a broom yeah yeah there steve right what else is it to do you know the poor guy
Starting point is 00:30:32 yeah at a certain point just he just misses cigarettes and booze and he's Make your mouth, your stomach, and your penis feel good. Yeah, 100%. That's really it. And there's only two things you absolutely can control on that. There's only two of the three stages that are actually going to fucking react. Yeah, and it's, I don't know. God knows what's going to happen with your bird.
Starting point is 00:30:51 I know, man. Do you think you would try to, I don't know, kind of reanimate it, even though you knew the magic was gone? Because there's so much you can do now. Would you, like, if you're pushing 80, would you try to get hard? Oh, like the, when he makes the thing dance in the shower and home alone? Yeah. I dare even call it a cool jerk, Tim. I don't know, man.
Starting point is 00:31:12 I think it's a good question because I'm already losing Will to give a shit. You know, I'll see some smoked out reeking on the streets and I'm like, that chick is that would make my penis dance. Yeah. Even a couple of years ago, now I'm just like, get out of here. I think that just means you're closer to getting married.
Starting point is 00:31:31 That's all that means. True. I'm more content, but I also do. You know, it's more of a, when I beat off, it's like just work. It's like, I don't have the time. I don't, I just get it done. And it's all anxiety driven. It's not sexual.
Starting point is 00:31:48 And then when a sex has to actually have to happen, it's a fucking event. It's like getting dressed up for a fucking graduation. It's like, I don't want to go through all this shit. I just want to pound off. Let me pretend I got bad Chinese food, my dummy. And I'll go rip one for, 30 seconds on the toilet and then I come back out like I don't know babe it's probably not going to pass tomorrow I'm just hoping her pussy passes and she doesn't want to fuck anymore but yeah no I hope
Starting point is 00:32:17 I hope I could jerk off at 80 yeah or just have a you know an Asian 3,000 suckbot that can do all the work for you to the cleanup on those things is so bad right now imagine like not having your your fucking motor skills at that age yeah they're trying to clean one of those Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'll use it one more time before I clean it. Ew. That's a goal of wealth. He's like having enough money and just toss out.
Starting point is 00:32:43 White pubs and old man come crusted all over it. And your son's coming over to close your fucking eyes because you died. Oh, dude. And the delicate... You got a fucking paper machet pussy on the floor. The Asian robot is still fizzing and corner like,
Starting point is 00:33:03 Still rebooting. I'm wearing a bomb vest in hospice just for that, turn it off, turn it off. Oh, oh, right there, oh, right there. Turn it off. Trying to die. It's going around a room like a Roomba. Dad, were you fucking this robot?
Starting point is 00:33:20 It's just going to be bumping into your dick over and over again and turning around a little bit. It's clean, it's clean. Yeah, they do. You need a docking station for those things to clean themselves. How are you feeling about the the worst day in sports yesterday? Dude, I gave up two tickets to go see you, the movie Showgirls.
Starting point is 00:33:43 They were having a screening with Elizabeth Berkley. Well, I've rather gone there. Jesse Spano from fucking Saved by the Bell. What's that maniac whore look like? Beautiful. She looks great. They can get rid of horror, I guess. Yeah, I was going to go to that, but it's, you know,
Starting point is 00:34:01 it's fucking game four. Thursday night football and the two worst possible outcomes that could have happened Good Lord man That was Yeah that fucked me up
Starting point is 00:34:11 For a long time That was bad Because you think you've seen Like the worst possible way That one of your teams could lose Dude I'd rather Always a new way Yep
Starting point is 00:34:18 I'd rather just get I've always said this Beat straight up No injuries No bullshit calls Just fucking make it a game Yeah And that there's miss pitches
Starting point is 00:34:28 That bottom of the seventh Fucking No call to time run Yeah it's a time run Yeah it's a time run mind he's cool he ended up tying the game like some like you have to hold these these umpires accountable like they have to go to court they have to be not be headed but like they have to be punished they can't just show up the next day and be like ah my bad missed that one he
Starting point is 00:34:50 apologized yeah don't say don't do that he apologized gone that was my bad it was like the most influential call of the whole season we're fighting our fucking teeth and nails to get to this back to the fucking game five and that that set us back and then the fucking last play and then you go into the Eagles the OC beheaded
Starting point is 00:35:15 Torulo or whatever the fuck you get that cock sucker out it's Totolo your own notice Tutto Toto Totoolo Start making hoogies next to Tudorolo's Yeah give me God again you fuck
Starting point is 00:35:28 Yeah fuck him We're too talented Tim's getting in the sports now Yeah? Well, no, I'm getting Well, I've been watching the Eagles this season Because I know how much my boys care And so it's too late for me to give a fuck about football But I can watch the game
Starting point is 00:35:44 And anytime anything happens, I'm like Dude, my boys are so fucking pumped right now That fucking rocks. Wow, what a drive I know my boy, wherever my boys are right now They're so fucking pumped Yeah, I feel that way I mean, it's how I got into like Notre Dame Carry it all week too
Starting point is 00:35:56 For Shane and you get the high of like the Eagles winning And you get to live that all week I was like, dude, my homiems are so fired up right now. Yeah, well, the birds, this rocks. The beautiful spot you're in now is that you don't have to wear it until the next game, the way people that actually give a fuck. But I am wearing it. It's healthy.
Starting point is 00:36:11 When they lost, last week, I was like, babe, my foot. I know my homies are so mad about the rest right now. It's going to drive me insane for the next seven. Did you mind if I hit you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to feel what they feel. Nothing's wrong, dude. It's just my boys are fucked up about the reps.
Starting point is 00:36:25 Give me a fucking break. I'm trying to enjoy what my boys think about the game. This was to me at midnight. couldn't fucking shaking I sent you fucking violent videos oh I sent you didn't I send you one
Starting point is 00:36:38 I didn't watch it I could not I could not consume that I said it to Shane I sent it to you I sent it to you I sent it to my heifer Izzy and Cunningham I got a whole chat for all that
Starting point is 00:36:49 and then it was it was a fucking some guy walks into a a private looks like classroom but it's like older people I don't know if it was like a community might be an adult daycare was it Asian Eastern Europe
Starting point is 00:37:01 peeing. Oh, okay. And he walks in, just, just starts dropping grenades. Oh, it was a committee meeting. I've seen that. Yeah, yeah. He drops three fucking grenades.
Starting point is 00:37:09 It's like, and everyone's just looking. I'm like, who's this fucking weird? Until the first one goes off. How do you throw on the floor? I'm just like Phillies, flyers,
Starting point is 00:37:17 Eagles. Bing. Bing! That was all. First time, long time. First time. First time last time. See ya.
Starting point is 00:37:27 And I was fucking angry. She gets out a bed. You know, she's in her under. wear tits out she's like can you walk the dog i'm like i'm not now not now i can't i walk the dog with the dog tells me she eats walking i'm fucking fired up dude i'm eating cereal at 3 a m watching pawn stars i can't just i can't shut my mind off i'm slurping all of my fat tits yeah sports is it's a beautiful thing when it works out but it's like you don't cry for the win unless you
Starting point is 00:37:57 you deal with this pain for decades that's beautiful dude i want that on sign up above my couch. It's true. I mean, the worst possible outcome wasn't just the Eagles losing, but it's like to a team with a Wigger running back. Have you seen this guy?
Starting point is 00:38:11 The Wigger quarterback. Yeah, oh God. Wigger, dude. They're dangerous, man. They're two and four now. They are great. And I love, I say, I do like them both. They are very likable.
Starting point is 00:38:19 I like them both. But if you see, especially the running back, Camp Scadabo, this is a guy that you're going to see punching himself outside of a bar that he just got kicked out of. Yeah. Daring every bouncer to fucking fight.
Starting point is 00:38:29 He's already got CT. He just started. It's just way ahead of the game A second I'll be back He's already got to E, T, Tommy Kim figured out a zipper I can't open up cool
Starting point is 00:38:45 That's this It's fucking weed You almost had me Pretty cool, right? Yeah, you try to trick me I think I just got a fast one on you Do you think there's an influx of wiggers now?
Starting point is 00:38:59 No, I think there's I said this before. We need to open a reservation and protect them. We must protect our wigs. We need to have them breed together. Okay. You know, like the last white rhino.
Starting point is 00:39:12 Like the hand is, yeah. Just tossing Newports over the fucking fence. Get them all riled up. You know, a couple oldies hidden in the trees. Get them drunk. They start mashing against some fat Diane. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:27 Make that duplex stink. no i don't think there's no i think they're dying breed dude that's why it's so funny to see like a guys r h you know how many we went the fuck at school with yeah at bonner there's a ton of them that's a documentary dude i think that's a wonderful documentary be fine following the wigs at mont senior bonner from 1996 to 1998 dude i wanted to make one as ken burns wigger's son yeah and and it's just the evolution of wiggers over time because i think we're really they've really evolved to the point where the most notable aspect of Wigger evolution
Starting point is 00:40:02 is they're living much longer than they used to It used to be it's like 25 max You're either dead from fucking pill From pill addiction Or you know you get hit by a car Or some other you know Wigger tragedy like you know get run over by a bus But now like you see so many gray haired wiggers
Starting point is 00:40:18 This episode's also brought you by skis I'm sorry I wake you up Yeah scared the shit Well I'm very comfortable I'm actually wearing skims right now I knew that I knew that I could tell you fucking pervert Well I could tell you're in a better mood
Starting point is 00:40:30 I know that when you're in you're in you're I know when you're in skims dude Oh yeah I'm wearing skims right now you know where I wore him on the flight From Nashville And skims are my comforting Undies Your comfort undies The comfort undies
Starting point is 00:40:46 Yeah These are comforting pants Yeah your Japanese pants My flight my Jap pants And my uh Kardashian panties These are my comfys you're dressed like my lady
Starting point is 00:40:58 I know well take notes Josh it took me in old 45 to realize women dress comfortably men dress like bedbugs
Starting point is 00:41:07 pig I do have crazy dude when I found skims was making underwear for men I got real excited Josh I have to admit I was pretty
Starting point is 00:41:15 excited you don't say even though I wear underwear every day I have not I have not switch a type of underwear I bought
Starting point is 00:41:25 because I've been I was I was deep into like a Cowl McLean type situation, right? I kept getting the same fucking brands. I kept getting Nike's. I kept getting Calvin Clines. Yeah. Skimmies came along.
Starting point is 00:41:36 Changed the game. Boy, oh boy, did they? Did they ever? It's a fireplace for your crotch. Yeah, it's comforting. It's a color television. Yeah. You know, when you pass a restaurant and you see the lighting's perfect?
Starting point is 00:41:46 Yeah. And you go, I want to eat there. I don't care what the food tastes like. That's what Skim's is. It's perfect lighting for your crotch. Yeah. For men. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:54 Not ladies. It's men in jazz. pants who they're listening can't say that all right guys I'm always like the good
Starting point is 00:42:08 square cut three inch box of brief but what I don't like is my box of briefs right up between my cheeks and as a coach I'm traveling constantly
Starting point is 00:42:17 and I'm always on the move what I'm a comedy coach traveling constantly I do I already said all this you did I didn't meet it.
Starting point is 00:42:27 I showed you. I'm wearing skins. I'm sorry to keep this going, but it's real. Shop skims, men's at skims.com. S-K-I-M-S dot com. Let them know I sent you.
Starting point is 00:42:38 After you place your order, select podcasts in the survey, and select my show, Stuff Island, in the drop-down menu as follows. And you'll get a little benefit from us. Travel and leisure. Travel and leisure.
Starting point is 00:42:55 Be comfortable, surprise your lady. you wearing skims. Wow. That is a imagine that. That's a flex. Imagine that.
Starting point is 00:43:01 You just start dating a lady and you go, can I show you something? Skims. This guy cares about. He shits all over the bed. Josh. Chubbies.
Starting point is 00:43:15 Not my tits, right? You heard me talk about chubbies less than your fat tits. But I do love chubbies. They're four inch in-seem bathing suit, the time has passed. Okay? Now we're talking shorts and pants here in the fall in Austin.
Starting point is 00:43:34 Yeah. The leaves are turning, okay? Tempts are changing. They're dropping. The weekend air is getting that nice autumn crisp. Just because the weather's changing over doesn't mean you have to pack away the fun. Chubbies is here to make sure all your fall wardrobe is hits harder than a PSO on a slow Sunday morning with soft, stretchy, fall-ready staples built for maximum comfort and minimal effort.
Starting point is 00:43:55 a chubby small collection just dropped and it's packed with cozy gear that brings the metaphorical and real heat there's new comfort collection featuring everywhere jogger that's what I have yeah fantastic
Starting point is 00:44:09 it's another go-to plane outfit I know you've given me a pair of yours yeah they're comfy your fat asses my dumper barely fit in that thing dude those incis are getting pushed you and Chris's Irish asses ruin things it's the perfect pan for
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Starting point is 00:45:03 They got polos, dude. That's your next door. Now I like, now I'm, now we're talking. You're in, dude? Are they hide the nips? It's rink. I got to get something. I don't want to push it wrong.
Starting point is 00:45:14 Nipple hiding wrinkle resistant. No. What's the code? Because let's be honest, you weren't going to iron it anyway with those fat. It doesn't even matter. iron those things are whether you're laying up for tailgates lounging through lazy sundays or just
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Starting point is 00:46:04 Well, yeah, we should have said that for us. Troops. Show chubbies. In that order. And fat tits are fourth. Good night. Yeah. Yeah, they've definitely outlived their life expectancy.
Starting point is 00:46:18 It's also cool watching a bunch of them get cleaned up. And like, they finally realize, that they've had bad visions. And now the guy you've seen with like the chin strap, you know, the fitted flat brim. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:30 And now suddenly he's got a brand new glasses prescription. He looks like me with bug eyes. Yeah. That's been pretty cool to watch all my cousins go through. Yeah. If you thought I could see snakes before.
Starting point is 00:46:41 Yeah. You can brush out the hard gel bangs. He's like, I'm different. Yeah. I'm realizing, realize on a different level now. It's Wigger Lysick.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Hey, what did you get your shit done? Real eyes? They say it's dangerous, but you trust the process. I don't trust that process. He's got an AR scope. He's just pointing it at your eyes. Like, yo, stand still. Philly's probably the most densely populated, owingeration.
Starting point is 00:47:10 Yeah. We're spoiled, and you don't realize it until you're gone because I can't tell you how many I, how few I've seen down here. I'm so sick of regular white guys. Yeah, I know. Boring. Yeah. Yep.
Starting point is 00:47:22 I want to see a wig on. I want to see some... I want to see some shiny jean shorts on my white guy friends, man. Yeah, do wearing fucking Russian bedazzled jeans from Wildwood's boardwalking. Oh my God. I would kill to just go to Wildwood for a weekend right now. Dude, we did it two years ago with the... Are You Garbage Boys?
Starting point is 00:47:42 It was the best weekend in my life. I've been there in fucking probably 20 years. It's a time capsule. It doesn't change. It's a different... The newer generation... Generation of children and adults, they're still the same trash level.
Starting point is 00:47:56 Yeah. So it doesn't feel like you're 30 years advanced. You went pretty recently, didn't you? Yeah, I've gone every year or so up until, I think I might have been there like last year. Wow. Yeah, it's still the same. Ed's Von Kade still rips. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:10 Still work going down to Ocean City if you really want to go to a good arcade. Yeah, that's where I stayed this year. I love Ocean City so much, man. Well, it's just us now. It has actually gotten trashier, I would say, since when we were kids. One million percent. And now you're doing the one mile
Starting point is 00:48:25 walk from the boardwalk to the shoreline. And by the time you get to like the last quarter mile, you realize like you're in fucking hell, dude. It's like loud, loud trash music. Everyone's screaming. It's not a beach experience.
Starting point is 00:48:41 I thought you were initially referring to Ocean City, but Wildwood is worse than it was? Yeah, Wildwood fucking stinks. Fuck, man. The Wildwood is a lot trasher than it used to be. I'm sorry, Ocean City. I think so, too. Ocean City.
Starting point is 00:48:51 cities it's different that used to be a place that's like paradise compared to i know dude a couple years ago a guy cut his mom's head off in ocean city let's go we up damn the official start of white boy summer over what yeah uh i think he just had a psychotic break and uh fucking oh his mom was busting his balls or didn't get the right mountain do how old was he do you know like facts i think he was like 30s i can look it up real quick yeah i love stuff like this dude i don't want to bother my producer She's busy playing Pokemon. Yeah, Ocean City Man charged with decapitating 74-year-old mother. This was right by our birthday.
Starting point is 00:49:36 So he was probably 55? Oh, dude, he looks like a head cutter author. That's a head cutter offer guy. Oh, fuck. He looks like Josh, actually. It does kind of look like Josh. Looks like Josh and Cullum. He's got Cullin's weird eyes.
Starting point is 00:49:54 Oh, yeah, this guy is. Would you, would you be like a slicey, slicey, slicey, back and forth kind of guy, or would you be hacking and chopping type of guy? Well, here's the thing. 74-year-old, by the way, that head's coming off pretty easy. Look at this guy. He doesn't, these guys don't have nice utensils in the kitchen.
Starting point is 00:50:13 Yeah. And they're probably, they probably rent it or it's from like an aunt. They're borrowing for a weekend. And they're blades that have been in there for 30 fucking years. Yeah. And they're all serrated. None of these are sharp knives. So this guy put work in.
Starting point is 00:50:26 He's a carpenter. When police arrived at the apartment building where Jeffrey lived on 6th Street, they discovered sergeant nude lying on top of his mother's decapitated body. Oh, God. What a great way to go out, man. Oh, so he was truly possessed and, like, wanted to fuck her and eat her. He said he was bipolar, but it's like, I know. It's like the Ed Gein's story.
Starting point is 00:50:44 I started watching that on Netflix. Oh, yeah. That's what he was obsessed with his mom wearing her lingerie. Yeah, dude. He's, uh, It's surprising that he only killed two people. He might have killed his dad, though. That's why I'm watching it.
Starting point is 00:50:55 I'm like, they've already killed two people in the first two episodes. And I already know that fact. And it's like, well... I think the thing that really separates him from others is the grave robbing. Because that's where he would get his materials to make his lady suits. Yeah. And Hitchcock, I'm at that episode where he tells the actor, the gay actor to open the chest. And there's like nine pussies in it.
Starting point is 00:51:18 Oh, he was a vulva collector. Yeah, he collected nine vulvas. A volva collector Yeah, a lot of the shit You never saw that stand On Wild's Woodwalk? The airbrushed vulvas Vulva
Starting point is 00:51:30 Vovna necklaces with I'm gonna get a vulva with juicy airbrushed on it I'm gonna go get a Rick and Morty Vulva Volva Make that shit glow in the dark Yeah, one of my saddest
Starting point is 00:51:45 Jewelary moments was Wildwood Boardwalk where my godmother I wanted to buy me something. What'd you get? At that time, I talked my mother, no, I talked my mother worse. I talked my mother in to get me a crystal on a leather, a leather necklace. Just a hanging crystal, like a long crystal.
Starting point is 00:52:09 And then my aunt was like, I want to get you something. I was like, I'd also like a silver chain. And I went home and I wrapped the leather with the silver. braided the you're wearing a braided leather and silver necklace with a crystal yeah that's like
Starting point is 00:52:26 that's a portal wegered him yeah I mean it's just transport you to a different bus stop that's nuts that's the beginning of wigger doom
Starting point is 00:52:35 you opened a portal to Mars so not a hit with anybody I guess no I got my ass beat my brother's you know no gold horn they shamed me never really i wore the the hand they have the hand yeah you ever see the yeah the wax hand yeah the horns down is like another thing the wops wear
Starting point is 00:52:58 with the horn it's a hand completely unfamiliar this yeah uh but yeah i wore those in in the tire series but i could never yeah i could never i'm already like i get it i'm walking that fine line of like obnoxious bullshit but like truly I'd have to be 110% that is a delicate
Starting point is 00:53:20 bracelet you're wearing yeah it's nice it is very nice what's your uh what's your ring denote is there a special stone in there or there is a special stone you know who told us
Starting point is 00:53:28 I got this like GED that Indian sniper if you look at it here it's like baby blue but if you look it up here it's like well Indian snipers they would know about red dots
Starting point is 00:53:40 burn orange it's from 1922 Birmingham thank you Josh Oh, with the light coming through it? Is that what's happening? In England. Oh, that is cute. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:51 And it nice? Yeah. What if you, is a... It's very unique. Is it color changing if you gets warm? I got it at Alador. Aladour is a vintage jewelry shop in this area. That's where I got my girls.
Starting point is 00:54:02 It's a Muslim Spirit Halloween dealer. Spirit Halloween. What are you going out as for? hollow hollow hollow black bar yeah a beheaded wife when you walk past and he just slips it on your finger without you even noticing
Starting point is 00:54:24 it's better than off huh looks good on you though were you ever a toe ring guy Jesus Christ do you know anyone nipple rings like a male man no that's the craziest choice
Starting point is 00:54:41 can you imagine I don't think I've ever met no chance a male of nipple rings yeah I pierced one of mine with a safety pin in high school your nipples Chris did that because he thought he had fat tits and he probably he claims that's why
Starting point is 00:54:55 he claims that's why he's short he says he popped all his testosterone out of his nipples this is a true thing it's in one of our episodes he thought he thought he had a sack of fluid in his tits he did like going through adolescence yeah so but I it's painful
Starting point is 00:55:13 And he would pierce it and he leaked his tits. And he said that's where all his testosterone went through his growth spurt. Wow. That's why he's only 5'2. Oh, no. Yeah, you get like a little bumpy orb behind your nipple. Yeah. That's good.
Starting point is 00:55:27 It's a love sack. It's your hurt so bad. Made my titty so tender and sensitive. Yeah. Throbbing with pain. Being a great school titty boy never leaves you. It's like I just good slaughters for your tits. Do you know, did you have that growing up? It's when your bones grow too fast
Starting point is 00:55:45 You get a big bump here I had it I had Osgood slaughters Osgood Schlaughters Osgood Schlaughters Osgood Schlaughters Do something Fucking look it up
Starting point is 00:55:58 It's when your bones grow faster than You can handle it Josh has really enjoyed the show He's just having a good time, isn't he? Can I get you something? Can you put something in a microwave? You want to hop?
Starting point is 00:56:13 fucking fuck face I could run to the car and grab my Nacho kit were you worried because I mean you were an accomplished athlete as a kid
Starting point is 00:56:26 were you worried that that was going to fuck you up somehow what my Agegood no you're fucking adult hemorrhoids yes
Starting point is 00:56:32 you're eyes good both were an issue Mike it's started it's 30 5 years old oh dude why well I
Starting point is 00:56:39 because it was the only place I could I hate to say this again the pod but growing up we didn't have any space to like so you hid in your own butt no it's sit on the toilet as long as i could that makes sense was like they wouldn't fuck with you as punch there was no locks or whatever but like i would just sit down and i would play like johnny carson i would look at the curtain and say like i'm a host and i'd bring a toy in
Starting point is 00:57:08 from my bedroom and i would introduce the toy to the to the to the crowd and i'd sit there until my ass bloomed like a bouquet. Your feet aren't even touching the floor and you're just wiggling. Guys, when you can give a warm welcome to my next guest? Truly. Truly. And that's what
Starting point is 00:57:26 the, you know, that's best. Guys, give it up for the big boss man. It is very pathetic. Your brother's dick pulls the curtain over. We got a really big penis for you. That's very sweet though it's a very sweet way to get hemorrhoids i well i mean it was pretty dramatic and abusive did you think it was as fucked up as it was or did you just think i just got
Starting point is 00:57:56 these things in my butt now yeah i just thought you know i got a friend i just took in you know every night it didn't become an issue until they start bleeding yeah and that's just about uh frequency of dunts were you open about telling your parents when something was Yeah, I do. When I was 20, that's why I went to the first doctor. I told my mom was bleeding in a bowl. And I fucking went nuts. She goes, what color is it?
Starting point is 00:58:21 I'm like, it's fucking blood. What do you mean what colors? She said, light blood or dark blood? I said, whine punch. She goes, you're fine. And she said, how long has it been going on? I was like, it's been like a couple months to a couple years. And she said, you'd be dead.
Starting point is 00:58:34 Oh, my God. That's what she said to me. She said, don't worry about it. You'd be dead. If there was a real issue, you'd be dead. So I rode that all the way down to 45, and I'd still been bleeding in a ball gone. I'd be dead. You should have filmed it, called it look a bowl.
Starting point is 00:58:46 Like this. I'm going to get a toe ring after this episode. You guys want to head down? What's this? I forget. Meta moon. Hi. Mikey?
Starting point is 00:59:01 You want to play, dude? No, I'm good, man. You guys want to throw a football in the art for a little bit? Yeah. Yeah, I love that. My girl just got me a new football. I didn't bring it over, but it's... Regulation or Nerf Vortex Howard?
Starting point is 00:59:12 No, no, regulation. Oh, my God. Could you imagine throwing a halter? Tommy helped Fritz with his throwing form. Yeah. Dynamite. Fritz was fucking. He's throwing dimes by the end of it.
Starting point is 00:59:24 And he wants to go in the backyard and throw the football every day now. I got him hooked. I knew he was going to wake up the next morning going, let's toss the pig around. That's one of the most valuable skills a boy can learn is how to throw a ball correctly. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Josh has a great idea for a podcast called Going Deep,
Starting point is 00:59:41 where he throws a football with comics. and you talk about your dads and stuff. Yeah, I've heard about this. And then you can tell which dude's a piece of shit because he can't throw a football. Yeah. And you've got to like... Well, I mean, it's probably complicated than that.
Starting point is 00:59:55 But I'm excited for the experiment. You can see how good the dude is because you're wearing gopros from like, you know, a good distance. Would you ever consider being hired as like a consultant quarterback coach for guys that throw with lady arms? 100%. I would like nothing, nothing better. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:00:11 Because I got to imagine there's a ton of them, Especially in fucking awesome with all the tech guys here. Yeah. Because, you know, you think all the, especially the Indian New Arms. You can do the $6,000 men's week-long camp where they get screamed at and pushed around. And their nipples, it's snapped.
Starting point is 01:00:24 You and Johnny Manzo. Yeah, you're just beating the pussy out of them. I talked James McCain had to throw a football. He was throwing with his mouth. He was kicking it. And then I taught him how to like, he was going like opposite foot and shit.
Starting point is 01:00:36 You ever see some dude throw a horseshoe or baggo? And they step with their right foot. It's like, did you not have a parent? Yeah, what the fuck was your dad doing? You have a friend? That's even more important. It's like, if you don't have a boy to be like, yeah, what are you doing? Yes.
Starting point is 01:00:50 A group of kids bullying you into thinking you're gay is the most important part of the first 10 years of your life. It's absolutely crucial. And I actually had, dude, Ben, Ben was around that age during, like, the COVID lockdowns and, like, had to stay home from school and shit. And then, like, so we spent, like, two years where I had to just bully him every day. because he didn't have other kids yeah every day i was just like yo don't forget it's cold out there you know what i mean i know i know you think dad's a nice guy but guess what you're a fucking yeah yeah yeah yeah i'd like rough house with him and he like didn't like it and i was like yeah i don't want to be i don't like this either i hate this i didn't want to hurt you also i have shit i need to be
Starting point is 01:01:31 doing all day fucking with you this sucks yeah doing a hundred push-ups hundred sit-ups and a get up we're doing it's in the yard I know you are I know you're off today I know you're tired but fuck
Starting point is 01:01:51 it's never sweet this is the rest of your life we're talking about right now that's going to be the title your documentary every sweet when you make it to the NFL that you're not going to be great
Starting point is 01:02:06 You see Snover out there Pick yourself off We're standing in the In the yard Catch length apart Not even throwing a ball And I'm just like
Starting point is 01:02:16 Yeah who picked your shorts Pussy The fuck man And Morgan Morgan Freeman's going to be narrating it Nice slides Bitch
Starting point is 01:02:26 Is your boyfriend Like him? You're not even throwing a ball We're not even that far from each other Oh, no, spread out a little bit. Spread out a little bit.
Starting point is 01:02:40 What are you going to be so close to another man for? Well, well, well, that isn't the human pause machine. Sun's coming down here. Let's get back in. Come on, good job. You're a good boy. You're a good boy. Mom loves you, dear.
Starting point is 01:02:56 Mom loves me. Oh, man. I can do that for adult men, too. Yeah, I think everybody needs it. So it's certain, yeah, a certain. Malcolm Gladwell. Oh, dude, I have a sports thing. I have a sports thing.
Starting point is 01:03:11 I have a sports. I think we should do a sports cast. I would love to. We talked about this years ago. Yeah, I could be the guy doesn't know anything. What? I could be the guy that doesn't know how to do anything or contribute. Even better to have a guy learning.
Starting point is 01:03:22 Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'll be the stand in for the viewer. I'll be the guy, you know, the... Just do the plethora of all sports and we go do one thing every week or so. Dude, I would love that, man. Do wiffle ball, bowling, darts, baseball. basketball, football.
Starting point is 01:03:38 But it doesn't have to be like full crazy shit. It's just an aspect of each sport. You know what I mean? You're both looking at me at the same time. I can do some stuff. The whole time you're just you're focused on whatever you're doing but you're still just doing this. There's just more action. That's way better than just regular
Starting point is 01:03:56 podcasting for sure. Yeah. I want to know what you guys think about this. Or if you've heard about it and I'm the last person to know. Okay, remember how everyone was pissed off about the Riyadh Comedy Festival? You remember? Remember that from, you remember that from the other day? Yes. Everyone's so fucking pissed off.
Starting point is 01:04:10 Are you fuck with me? I was just making sure. Of course, it's everywhere. So, um, did you know that they're actually like buying everything in entertainment? Like, this is just one more thing. Like, they have like F1 and soccer and golf and shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, in next year, um, Tom, they got Tom Brady to round up a bunch of like current and former
Starting point is 01:04:29 pros. I think Sequin's going to do it. Sequin Barclay's going. They're going for a flag football tournament for the Prince of Saudi Arabia. and it's supposed to be like a multi-year development thing where I think you're going to see like big name retired dudes that can't take a hit anymore but also like are probably not ready for broadcast
Starting point is 01:04:47 and they're all going to go over there and they're going to play flag football in the desert for the prince I kind of like it I think it's sick as hell I think the NFL is so fucking lame right now that Saudi football might have the potential to take off I got no problems with that get your fucking hands cut off for fucking
Starting point is 01:05:03 stealing a guy fine Yeah, you pick your quarterback off You're fucking hand cut off No one's mad when you beat the fuck out of your baby mom anymore You don't have to do it like a news thing about it anymore Your publicist gets fired Yeah, we're all Ray Rice's Yeah, I got no problem with like, you know
Starting point is 01:05:25 Wrangling up all these like damaged fucking animals That sacrifice their body and mind for the sport And just like go have fun somewhere they're going to pay them an extraordinary amount of money. Of course. Yeah, a lot of these guys say they need that next because they're paying six baby mamas, you know.
Starting point is 01:05:42 Right, and their brain doesn't work. Yeah, fuck it. Flight football in Saudi Arabia for princes, it's better than comedy. I'd watch that in a heartbeat. Do you think they're identifying players by perceived skill level now or the most damaged and the guys that they could probably get? That's a great question. Like different leagues.
Starting point is 01:06:01 Yeah. Yeah. Like psychopaths. Yeah. Like current day. Louis like yeah all like middle linebackers linemen running backs all the people with the biggest head hits oh my god cornerbacks safeties all one squad all the palomalus yeah oh my god yeah yeah too also is everyone aware that they're doing flag football in the olympics in 2028 yeah i've heard
Starting point is 01:06:20 this i didn't know that yeah i was but i did get i did get trapped i watched flag football there's like uh the NFL has like a a league where there's like teenagers they'll have like 12 to 15 and the have like 18 to 20 and their flag football like teams 5 on 5, 7 on 7 I forget what it is it's fucking entertaining
Starting point is 01:06:43 Dude you ever seen Frisbee football? Frisbee football Frisbee football Do not sleep on it It is Is that ultimate frisbee Or is that a different thing?
Starting point is 01:06:54 Okay yeah yeah Essentially yeah It is first of I played it I played it with comics In Brooklyn Is there any contact? No No but it's not
Starting point is 01:07:04 nonstop speed and movement and accuracy. It's fucking no joke, dude. I gained a lot of respect. And I watched these kids play and I get a lot of, you know. Now, who's the sanctioned by the NFL? I think so. Yeah, I think it was NFL sanctioned event. Do you think the Saudis are going to compete with them?
Starting point is 01:07:20 Like, Saudi have their own 12 to 15 league and they're buying for Jerry Sandusky to come out and go coach the kids over there. Oh, dude, that's so funny. You got to make changes. You got to morph into something else. Everything's already been taken. Using political pressure to free Sandusky
Starting point is 01:07:37 and bringing him to Saudi Arabia to coach flag football is the best move. It's perfect fit. He's got the name. He's in his name. He's alive. Yeah, he's alive and he's still like kind of involved in Penn State football. Like they're still you know, they're smuggling messages and guys asses asking what they should do with like their secondary and shit. Yeah, I mean, child sex crimes aside,
Starting point is 01:07:56 he was a defensive mastermind. Yeah, yeah. It's, I don't know, you just can't, I don't know. Somebody's somebody's picking those uh fucking fruits that's the question was just how much child come affected his decision making
Starting point is 01:08:11 did he get did he lose his power when eight-year-olds weren't blasted in his mouth yeah the crown prince is going to like slide a shot of kids come on the table too just drink it what is it
Starting point is 01:08:24 there's been a kid flight there's going to be a shark puberty board with 12 year old love of boys on it and he's going to be eating them like cocktail shrimp He's going to be sucking kids' dicks
Starting point is 01:08:36 Dipping them in tartars off All expressions are going to be pumped This has a note of carbon I could get used to this And you say this is a shark cutie pie board This is medium spicy for you guys You know Jerry San Dusky hot ones Can I get the
Starting point is 01:09:05 That one's Iranian I can tell that's Iranian He doesn't have a dad Yeah That's Moroccan They put cinnamon in that cum Cinnamon sweet Should be that sweet
Starting point is 01:09:18 You guys are the best I love you so much You want to plug something Dad meat. Check out Dad meat. Check out all our stuff. Tim Barley's show. Little Stinkers.
Starting point is 01:09:31 Getting some head. I have a show at the Creek in the Cave every second and fourth Tuesday of the month called the Butterly Effect. I'm really good at putting together killer lineups and having a great time there. So I'd love for you to come check that out. Over to you, Mike.
Starting point is 01:09:44 Yeah. All that stuff. I'll type of that too. Tim is the funniest fucking comedian on the planet. Please go see him live. There's nobody I would rather see more than Tim. Wow. Go see him.
Starting point is 01:09:55 I'll throw it back to Mike. Go see him instead, actually. Oh, yeah, but also one other thing. I do have a true crime card game I'll put a guy called Satan's Helpers where you play defense attorney to defend some people like Jerry Sandusky, Taylor's Shibisness, Casey Anthony, Ed Gein, all those people. It's a really fun party game. It's available now at my website on perks.com.
Starting point is 01:10:14 All right, guys, thank you. This has been a dad mate, Mike Rainey, Tim Butterley. Go to look at this YouTube. It's a new episode dropped every Thursday. please subscribe we got a new episode being filmed for our Patreon every month and then we also deliver a new episode monthly to to the public
Starting point is 01:10:35 we got a bunch of good good stuff coming out and that's it head over to patreon.com slash stuff violent to get over 200 fucking episodes of this podcast and about 50, 60 episodes of Look at Dish if you want to gorge. Thanks for having us. Thank you. Thanks for that coming in.

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