Stuff Island - Dave Landau - Stuff Island #186

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

This week Dave Landau joins the Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope buy Dave's book! https://www.amazon.com/Party-One-Memoir-Dave-Landau-ebook/dp/B0DZN7P4JV Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Swap out your usual coffee with Mud Water! Head to https://www.mudwtr.com to get and use code "stuffisland" at checkout to get a 43% off and get free shipping on your order! SUB TO PATREON: patreon.com/stuffisland SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWt... Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are they? They're a little glassy. And you're squinting a lot because maybe you want to say allergies. We'll say allergies. Am I in drugs again? So you're a sober man. I wish you were. It'd be fun. Is this better? You have some attitude. Do everything. You want me to let you out bud? So no one can see my soul. Once you write a book, you got, you gotta do podcasts in shades, dude. Yeah, in shades. I really look, uh, wealthier now. Things are different, bro. I wear you all black except for color on my watch. Yes, that's it. Well, and these. Things are going well. I get my shirts from comedy clubs. Yeah. Wow, and you color match like a black comic, too.

Yeah, I do. These were, this is a little off. Watch the Sne match like a black comic too. Yeah, I do these were this is watch the sneakers is a black comic Oh, yeah, well, that is a strictly black comic move Detroit is coming out. That's right, man. You gotta have I'm surprised I'm not wearing wingtips Just alligators with these pants Sorry the cats been he's out of his mind today. Yeah, as soon as mom leaves, dude. I know, he's just been all day, he's been fucking fired up. We got him some snacks, he won't eat them.

That's good. No, I mean, well, he's fired up. Yeah, yeah, no, it's good. Look, I'm happy he's alive. He almost died. Oh, is that what the shots were for? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's also why he's just got like patches just shaved matches

I just see needles on a count right Podcasts doing well, huh? Just open open using the really organized heroin Fucking five bags I gotta test my drugs for harder drugs. Yeah. That is the dream. It's just having like fucking flower jars full of coke and you know, a heroin glass for, if you partake.

I don't, but it's up to you. No, I mean, if you love heroin, that is the dream. Yeah, or just a fucking big candy bowl full of oxys Do we need rulers we have right now watching this going It is uncomfortable going to the pharmacy like when you haven't showered to buy like fucking 400 cat needles They don't believe it all Just with like hoagie crumbs on you. Yeah, they don't at all think it's for ketamine. My cat's sick, man. Oh, is it? We get real specific. I need the tiniest needle possible. Yeah. Yeah. My veins are hard to find.

His veins are hard to find. Poor Charlie. Yeah. He's Charlie. Yeah. Someone calls you by the name on the prescription and you're like, are you Mittens? Yeah, that's me. Yeah. How do you know that?

You have cat ears. Who's asking? A lot of people looking for mittens on the street. I can get free needles here, right? It's for my cat. Oh man. How the hell are you? I'm alright the hell are you? I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm alive. Yeah Yeah, that's uh doing good. I guess yeah, that's huge. Yeah, I guess Not as good as you guys. What do you mean? You're both on Netflix and yeah. Oh, yeah, you're big deals going good. Yeah shirts coming

Mainly the shirt is what I was compliment from. From Netflix. You've turned into. A faggot. Yeah. Yeah, you definitely can tell you got money and shouldn't have. Let me tell you something. This is how I dress no matter what. No it isn't.

Yes it is. I knew you before. The only change was rings. That's true, you do have. Oh wait, that's a new one. Is that a new ring? This one I got. That's a mood ring.

Three months. Your shorts have gotten higher. Dude, that'll piss me off. ring this one I got it's a mood three months your shorts You see me walk by that coke jar and change its colors. Right now it's a nice lavender color. You just flip it open and you're just... Yeah, dude, you can't wear fucking linens and compound media. No, you couldn't. You'd be called a lot of names. Yeah, of course. Yeah, now you can wear it.

I was already gay there. Well, everyone was. You can't do it on stage. We talk about this all the time. You can't push the envelope on stage. You know, hot girls that are terrible at comedy. All their tits out and their ass is fucking tight against a skirt. Like all of them. I've never heard of this kind, but go on.

Start saying names. Oh, they're out there. Yeah, it's like, why am I going to... It's like a guy wearing a tank top. That who's jacked. Yeah, you can't do Yeah. What are you doing? Do it? What are you doing?

That's the gayest thing in the world. You're not Jacked. That's when you can wear a tank top on stage. You're fat as fuck. You can wear whatever you want. It's funny. Yeah. Yeah.

Enjoying into it. Yeah. They really like the fact that 90% of your comedy if you're fat is because you're fat. Yeah. Yeah. If you lose like you got a super tiny penis, you can show it to people.

Yeah. Yeah. You wear a thong. You can. Yeah. You can show it to anyone. Yeah, you can wear a thong. You can just show it to anyone. It's not even offensive. Even the people on the playground are like, that matches ours.

Yeah. Makes total sense. We're not gonna call anyone. Yeah. I do like the pinky ring though. I mean it as a compliment. There's not a lot of people that can pull it off. Yeah, well I waited till I got older.

Yeah. Once I hit 45. Also this was something I always wanted. A pinky ring? I got it for tires. Let me see it. It, once I hit 45. Yeah, well, this was something I always wanted and I got it I got it for tires. Let me see it. It's a Freemasons. Oh It's vintage from the 70s. Oh I like it. It's for the character

Yeah, well, that's what I said. I was like I'm gonna wear it. Yeah Well, I mean it would be foolish to have a pinky ring and not wear it Yeah, do you ever see that Joe Pesci sketch on SNL where he's trying on pinky rings? No. Trying to figure out which one's just right. Yeah. That's you once you got money. Yeah.

Yeah. It is. It becomes a thing. It's a dress up a little bit. Yeah. This kid wore a fucking three piece double breasted jacket in Italy. Ooh.

No, it was only one there's only one piece. I think actually you had pants on. Yeah, that's one. You had a jacket jacket was the one piece. That's true. The jacket was one piece. The pants were completely unrelated. I know that's it.

That's so fucking I don't know if you did on purpose, but that's exactly what you should be doing really different textures different tones. Okay, three different pieces. All right. Well, I have a pinstripe Italian soup, but it all came together. Yeah. All in one. Yeah. What? Like a jumpsuit? No, it's really, it's like, well, of course I've been striped on the side. She's a Detroit Tigers uniform.

The parachute suit doesn't quite fit. It's just Ty Cobb on the back. Call people racial slurs. Dressing up like an old timey baseball player just to say the N-word around Detroit. My great uncle. Is he an old man? C'mere, boy! Yeah, one of those ones that just does, it just looks like a hand. Yeah, it's a hand.

It's all separated. C'mon, boy! It's the Chef Boyardee. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the best player in the league can all marks the chef boyardee. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the best player in the league can hit a 30 mile an hour fastball. My uncle, my great uncle, first bad boy for the Detroit Tigers. Really? Yeah. With Ty Cobb and people will defend them. You know, they talk about, oh, come on, it was just a product of his time.

And I'm like, from what I understand, he was quite an awful person Yeah, he would Chuck a bad at children. He was like just racist. He was sharpening his cleats. I'm like, I don't think he was a guy yeah, you'd ever see the like how he would dive into a We would say would go into their ankles. He would he'd be like three feet off the fucking base Yeah, and clear the base. Like what's that? Mortal Kombat guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he would try to like take out the other players at the ankles while he's like, what I was just sliding with my sharpened cleats. Damn, that is kind of sweet. It's a sick life.

Yeah. To live during that time just being a superstar. Back when men were men. Racists's fucking eating dicks and the fucking in the dugout smoking a beer a couple of years What was the story behind him throwing a baseball bat at a kid? Oh, that was just my uncle was a bad boy He was just When he's dead Yeah, he's around with Ty Cobb. He's probably in hell with him Yeah, having a good fucking time. Yeah sliding high. Yeah, that's right. It's a good place to be Do you think you're gonna be doing sharpening your cleats in heaven? No, I know I'm I know where I'm going I've made amends long ago. I

Don't know I feel like Jesus is gonna be like you've already lived in hell in Detroit. You deserve you deserve rest I've seen how you look I'm a good time in Detroit. I like Detroit. I love my I love the city. Yeah talent live lives out there Now he lives in Grosse Pointe. Is that by you? Yeah, it's the city where I grew up and he lives It's right on the border to trade but he has in Grosse Pointe Park like the fanciest part and I lived more in the woods which was the ghetto of the suburbs. But yeah still very nice but yeah Sam's over in Grosse Pointe. Yeah. Yeah it's nice. I haven't seen the house. I went to dinner with him and his wife. Did you go there? No just a dinner. I didn't see the house. Oh you just had dinner where?

Detroit. Yeah when we did the Super Bowl commercial. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm proud of you. Yeah, but where did you have dinner? Yeah, where'd you go some fucking ritzy steak joint in Detroit? I'm sorry. That's got awkward and I don't know why it's not awkward. I'm just clear my throat If you remember a fucking restaurant, I don't remember Trying to remember, I could see. I could get stuck. I could remember the insides of it. I remember exactly where we're sitting. Do I remember the name of it? No, it was 10 degrees.

Texas Day, Brazil. No, I'm just going to guess steak houses in Detroit. Let's do this for 40 minutes. You think I want to fucking do this Dave? Was it Mr. Paul's Chop House? No It sounds like it could have been No? Next time you go that's what we're gonna do Why don't you describe the interior and then he'll guess

I'll guess It's very ritzy, bougie Velvet? Plastic Oh plastic Not plastic but like like the kind of place you know what to expect. Were there a lot of, how can I put this, Detroiters there? No. Okay.

No. So a lot of whites. Yeah. Okay. The Asian guy set it up. The rich Asian guy set it all up. As soon as we walked in, Sam and I were like... Was it at the top of the Renaissance Center?

No. Bottom floor on the street. On the street. Oh, okay. Well, but in the nice area where it circles like the main I don't know if you're right. Yeah, Woodward right downtown. Yeah, right downtown. Oh, yeah, you were in a nice area. Yeah, it used to be terrible. 20. Yeah, you just get stabbed. They said

holy fucking Sam's wife ran through a red light. And I was like, What are you doing? And they're like the cops down there when it's not busy. Yeah, the cops will tell you, they'll push you, they'll get behind you at a red light. And if they see you're just like a normal couple, just to keep your guard up, they'll just beep at you and go, clear, get out of here. Oh yeah, you just drive through.

Because you sit at a red light and they fucking pull up and rob you. Yeah, really? Yeah. For real. No, you just keep driving. Like I always run red lights. I wait for maybe a second and then I go. Well, that's the gift of being sober. Well, that if I was sober, I would never stop it.

I would take all the tickets to get pulled over shit face and be like, come on, you see this neighborhood? Yeah. And the guy's like, you know, you're right. Fucking Asians with the fucking the spoilers and the fins on their car? Not in Detroit. We don't stand for that shit. Yeah. And dark, dark windows.

You're like, that guy doesn't drink. No. It's immediate pull over. No. And nobody wants to. You can tell how much you drink by the fucking decor on the outside of your, on your fucking Mitsubishi. Yeah.

And who's going to jack that car? Another Asian? Yeah, exactly. Just like a breathalyzer, you have to be Asian to start it. Yeah, and who's gonna jack that car another Asian? Yeah Just like a breathalyzer you have to be Asian to start it Yeah, there's also the trade where if you don't ever run over a bag and my friend was driving and I'm like There's like a bag in the street I'm like, dude. No, no, no go and he's like what what I'm like, it could be filled with nails and stuff They do it. Well, yeah. Yeah, they blow your tire out. Yeah, holy It's truly Iraq dude, dude

Yeah, if you go they come up these fucking IED options going like you know what I mean? That's why I put a piece of wood with nails up bag it in a CVS bag Right along the wheel. Yeah track track you do do you hit it right it's just like spikes yeah well that's what I was saying when we were there I feel like Detroit should start promoting the ruins yeah you know what I mean like Rome it did for a minute it's really bad there It's like, you know, like it's really bad there. It's like, have you seen the ruins? Yeah, it used to be like it was crazy. How? Yeah. Look at this public school.

Yeah. But you'd have to put the you'd have to put the locals on shock collars. You can't just be walking through the graffiti sheds. Don't know. This is nice. Well, when we had the Super Bowl there years ago and we weren't in it But when we hosted the Super Bowl what we did the entire city They just put up giant signs over like terrible neighborhoods when you're driving through you're like take a race isn't so bad, you know And then oh, yeah, dude, there were fake storefronts. Yeah, like yeah of places that didn't exist Now the area is nice but, dude, if you go there,

honestly, like, you can see the Packard plant. Like, do you even know what a Packard is? What? Packard? Yeah. The old Packards? You can go to the plant. There's still pieces of it left. That's cool. You just walk around. It's Chernobyl. They fixed the train station. No, it's Rome. It's Rome.

It's a bit above. Chernobyl's doing the heavy lifting, dude. It's Rome. It's Rome. It's a bit above. Travel's doing the heavy lifting. It's the Roman Forum. Rome took a while to fall. Yeah, Rome took a while to fall. Detroit was 30 years old. GM took it down.

A riot in the 60s. Not traveling religiously. Shortly after the Industrial Revolution. Yeah, not traveling religiously. Shortly after the industrial revolution. Still has that. It has that beauty. It wasn't the Mongols. It was Cadillac. But you get to see that stuff because people are like, you know, Detroit's coming back.

And I'm like, there's 600,000 people living in a city built for 7 million. Yeah, I'm not sure if it's coming roaring back. Well, remember that main drag? It was kind of like their broad street. I don't know not sure if it's coming roaring. Well, that's true. That main drag was kind of like their Broad Street. I don't know what the name of the street was. Yeah. And we were driving down the main street. Jefferson. Probably. And then left and right one or two blocks mayhem. Yeah. Like they usually cities like filled off. You got to you got to pop around 10, 15 minutes and go, Oh, this place

is horrendous. Gone too far. It's one block off. You know, like, oh, shit. I'll drive people down where I'm like, you see these nice lavish mansions. It's nice. Yeah, because we're mansions to then you just make a right. And you're on the street. And they're like, what happened? And it's just burnt down houses. Yeah. Crack heads running around.

Yeah. It's great. And they're in wheel wells and shit. Yeah. I love Philly did that a little bit bit putting like a rap on a shitty building, you know Yeah, like they just put like a fat head of a nice building Just trying to get people to move north Try and get a minute Wait a minute. Yeah. There's an Applebee. Just there. Did you forget? I swear I used to live here.

Applebee's around. Yeah, yeah. TGI Fridays? It's 38 stories. Yeah, we did that too. Like we had a giant mural of Barry Sanders, which was cool for a while. Yeah. And then we just have whales and I'm like, who's this for?

We're not on an ocean. It's just they've ruined that part of that. It's psychological. They're just trying to direct you anywhere away from Detroit. They're like, you like animals? Huh? What about the sea? Oh, you're in Detroit.

You like whales. Right? Well yeah, because they're showing you a building that goes, this is a $500,000 condo and you can have it and you're like, but there's floors of this building that are missing. Yeah. Don't worry about that, we'll fix that later. But this floor is all yours.

That's what the whales are for. That was your theory about Austin, right? The high-rise? Where no one's in the whales are for. That was your theory about Austin, right? When the high rise, where no one's in the high rise buildings. Yeah, I think Facebook built a building and then decided not to move here. I think there's a skyscraper that's just empty. Oh really? There is a lot, if you look at when the sun's setting

and it's shining through all the buildings. There's no women fingering themselves. Yeah, I don't know about that. Sun goes right through. Well, with people making it only fans, it might just be her building. That's what I'm going to add some good money. Yeah. Jack off with that. Where do you see the fucking jewelry on me, dude?

You're going to ruin your dick with all that jewelry. The amount of money I'm hearing these comics are getting from me. Yeah, you take the rings off to jerk off? Yes. Dude, my beat off is... It's like reheating a hot pocket. I'm in and out. There's no... because you're constantly like,

is the door gonna open? My dog just laid down for a minute. I gotta run to the fucking bathroom. It makes me think of my father with three kids and a wife. Like there's no candle lighting process to beat off. It's just, dah! Yeah, there's nothing sadder than when you jack off and you open the door and your dog's waiting for you.

Oh, dude. She jumped on the door. We have old doorknobs. And we had to tape the lock mechanism. Because you have to start twisting it to get the door open from the inside. So we had to tape the lock mechanism because you have to like start twisting it to get the door open from the inside. So we put a duct tape. So now she can't push out when she sleeps in the bedroom with us. But if I'm like quickly closing the door, trying to get a beating, you know, and she'll just hear her pulse just hit the door swings open. I'm like, Oh my God. And then it's just your puppy face. I'm sorry

Yeah, I'm disgusting. Yeah, the worst is when it's your son and he's holding a mitt Well, it's good clean up you just throw your hand in there No tissue has a serial five finger cleaner shit No, how would you just gotta immediately go to hear anything yeah? How long you stay I have jacked off once in the bathroom. Three years. I've not even beaten up for three years. Dude, I have jacked off though when I've like gone to bed and my wife's like, I could hear that. And I'm like, oh well. Yeah. Like, well maybe if you did your job.

Maybe I would be jacking off over a toilet crying. Yeah. Why don't you go to work? Just show up once in a while. So sorry, I can't jack off on the plane. Yeah. You know, I mean, you can. You can. I mean, a lot. Have you? I've never just have on a plane. There's nothing appealing about that bathroom that makes me get horny

There's this piss. Well, you don't focus on the decor. Well, I know It's a tower of an internal. Yeah Get the Wi-Fi. Yeah, that's true. It's just your own private mile high club. Yeah. All right This episode is brought to you by mud water Okay. All right spring is in full swing and I'm loving the fresh energy that comes with the season after months of winter. It's time to shake off the cold and reset my routine. If you're like me, you're craving a little boost of clarity and focus as these days get longer. And trust me, one of the best changes I've made is swapping

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But I. If I'm spending $20 for an hour flight on Wi-Fi, it's coming with me in the toilet. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, you're not paying just to watch some movie. Yeah. I'd rather I'd rather walk into an airplane bathroom with come all over the mirror to fucking soap this. But it could be dripping income than walking in there after somebody took a shit. You take a dump on a plane, there should be an

emergency exit. You get kicked the fuck out. Yeah, there's you have no no right. You have no right. No, you can shit on the plane. It sucks it out. I've never had the urge, thankfully. Again, don't get him started. If I went in the bathroom, it's not about the urge. It's about power. I'm the captain now.

You know what, I'm the captain This guy paid get rid of this oh, did you have your glass? No, you gotta go in there You're not gonna like it. No. Also, it's covered in cum for some reason. That one wasn't me. Yeah, I wish you'd know. It wasn't all me. That one wasn't me.

It's like, maybe that it's just so clean. It's gotta be. Everything's cum-clone. That wasn't me. Yeah. Seriously. You just walk out and tell somebody and you're like, well, that bathroom, you're in the wrong bathroom.

It's like a dive bar where there's a coke bathroom. It like you want cocaine you go to that one this is the cum bathroom yeah this is the bathroom bathroom this is the jackoff shit in first class cum in fucking cum in coach it's the reverse if you need to say horrible shit go in the back cause fuck that just leaving a cum, go in the back. HA HA! Cause fuck that! Just leaving a cum covered... cum of shit in the bathroom.

Yeah, there's a point where... There's someone to find... How quick is their vacuum in the seats to get the next light on? Just sucking up the wet vacuum. Urgency land. It's just smeared. The plane's weighted differently. It's just smeared like when you do a really bad job on your windows

Because they watered down the windex not really taking it off Soap I just open here. I always remember this one guy. There was one guy took a shit so violent violent violent any fucking Eyelash was in between my teeth. It's crazy He shit but he brought his briefcase in to the bathroom, sorry Just by dude exactly and we're sitting there waiting and I'm like can't be that And the guy opens the door, I get hit in the face with a warm shovel, a fucking dump, dude.

This was like whack. And I'm like, oh! I fucking, I said something. Like I said like, oh my God. And there was like three people behind me and everyone just turned up. Just brought a shit from home. He's just hiding.

Look at him, he's just hogging my toilet. I'll book a flight. I Wife yells at me if I flush baby liar miles dude. They were hoping TSA would confiscate it. I guess I gotta get on the flight. Sir is this your briefcase? Can I talk to you for a second? What is this? Well that's Friday. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, that's not me. That one's not me. Have you tried eggs benedict? Yeah. You try and get on a plane. You've never had bottomless brunch at Applebee's, dude. You know exactly what it is. Sir, what is this? It's shit in a briefcase.

Anyway, dude, he'll convince you. Another hilarious thing to do is to just have just exactly an eight ounce tube of shit. Four. Four. I think you get eight. Four ounces. Four? Yeah. Bring ounces. Four. Four. Yeah.

Bring eight just so you have to talk him into leaving. What are you doing? Oh, I thought it was eight. Just cut him in with an hour? Now or four? When they can't believe what's happening, you go, it's not eight? And they're like, sir, that's not the issue. You're missing the point, sir.

It's human feces in the Ziploc. Well, I thought it was eight ounces. You can fly with eight ounces. I weighed it twice Take the peanuts out. I bet you get down the four and a half Check your bags in the front. Yeah So you're gonna have to take something out of this bag to put into that bag if you want to carry it on you so Just picked up his briefcase and round down the hall like Doctor Who dude. It was fucking bananas What other reason do you bring a briefcase in the bathroom? I guess he was wearing something to steal his papers

He's running a wire DB Cooper Just immediately opens the plane door Still hasn't been found DB Cooper shooter still hasn't been found. He's got a backpack in the briefcase, dude. Power chutes his way down. Yeah, this dude left like a fucking dead squirrel carcass in there. And I was like, I literally went, I'm not going, I opened the door, said, oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God, there's a crap in the toilet. Who took a crap in here? And I literally opened the door and went in and went... You're shaming him in the one place you're supposed to shit. I just went, you're up dude. I'm not doing that and I walked all the way first class. You let somebody else on ahead of you? You're like, no, no, you go ahead, this is disgusting. Yeah, I'm gonna wait till dissipates

Yeah, you get pink. I'm gonna go to my god I'm also just in this in my head. This guy is like William H. Macy and Fargo. Yeah. Yeah, yeah It's you're almost spot-on little squirrely ugly And he's wearing an ill-fitting suit and he's got a briefcase. No one's in nothing to the briefcase. You're not important You just took a mile high shit, dude. You're a scumbag loser. You got no control of your bowels. It's also 2022. Right a briefcase. No one's used one since 85. Yeah, this is probably three, four years ago. Yeah.

It's nice. He's this guy's like, I gotta bring somebody might take this. It's like having a monocle. Yeah. Enough with the costume you know Just the worst shit ever the guy comes out has a This time-traveling shitter, yeah, he just got opera When you go, oh my god! He's gonna put them up. Phantom of the Shitter.

That was funny. Those gloves. Cut the Phantom part, but you know. Could be the Phantom of the Shitter. Could be the Phantom of the Shitter. That would also be sick, just walking out with that one half. Yes. Yeah Hey, who took a huge shit? I don't know my identity running away with a cake Walk backwards he's hiding himself by doing

It's the curtain for the stewardess. Yeah So you're gonna need to sit down I was looking for the ginger ale do you have anymore So were you drinking out of this I Fell you Stop eating I live on this plane. This is family. This is a family guy. Oh my god Tell us about your book Dave, oh

It's called party one of fuzzy memoir. It's available on amazon.com I don't have the audible yet. It's on its way But uh, yeah, are you did you do the audible? I'm going to I I could release it with just whatever voice But I can't find like your voice is wonderful for that. Yeah, you got it. Yeah your cadence. Thank you. Yes Cadence is exceptional. Thank you for real No, I that's why I want to read it and also I don't like the AI. Like you can just click a button and I feel like it's shitty. I was thinking like maybe hire a friend. Give him a couple bucks.

Yeah, I wonder if I could find like a James Earl Jones. So funny to prove you want darker than you. Oh yeah, like I want like deep. I meant deeper. I didn't mean dark. Yeah, no, I know what you meant. Yeah, I want a darker black guy than me. Want someone darker than Peach for your book? Just hire a semi literate black dude That I just find behind a 7-eleven. Here you go. So it's a memoir of all your wild stories. Yeah, it's a memoir of

starting when I first started drinking all the way until what happened with my family involving my dad and like Agent Orange, Agent Orange, which we've talked about and him getting cancer when I was young, leading up to what happened to my mom and like just that entire story. But the through line is, yeah, that. But then it's all the stories of my arrests and so great, dude. Yeah. So your history is so fucking fun. It took me a long time to put that out. line is yet that but then it's all the stories of my arrests and so great dude yeah so it's your history is so fucking fun it took me a long time to put that out it's so fun yeah

that's like five years ago oh damn yeah so what was just like iterating it since like kind of no i i wrote it and i was happy with it okay i just it was more like i heard tarantino say like put out something that's so personal, you're embarrassed to do it. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, I'll do that. Yeah. And, um, I, I wrote it five years ago during the pandemic when I was actually staying at Anthony's house. Yeah.

And, uh, I just sat on it. And cause there's just a lot in there that's deeply personal. And finally I put it out and I'm really happy with the review. Like, I'm really, I'm really surprised. Like it's a nice, well, you stayed at Kumi's house? Yeah. Yeah happy with the review. I'm really surprised. It's nice. Will you stay at Kumi's house? Yeah, yeah. During the pandemic. Well, maybe it took five years to edit out all the N words from Slept on his couch.

Well, I slept in his room where he has the Hitler mural. It was like one of those talk to text things. Like, I don't remember saying all that. It's just streaming from the background. I was going to say it's an N-word ghost. It's just a rumble that just counts when it says N-word. The editor gets the manuscript. It's just like, Jesus, dude.

He's not even making any sense. And then he notices there's no periods. It's just the N-word. I love my n-word mom so much I went to school moon cricket oh man yes that was a big one what was so weird I guess not weird but same with Anthony is like he's not racist no I. He's on the phone. I know. So he's in public. He's great. He's fucking great.

It's like the time you shouldn't be. It's Tourette's. Yeah. I'm like, you did. We're watching black movies. You like the culture. And then the second you're on the air or on Twitter, I'm like, who's this guy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he's great. Yeah, I love Anthony. I mean, people I know have their issues. But I don't care No, you could be fun. It's a chronological all the stories Yeah for the most part there's a few that are like taken out and then I had to change some names Yeah, and then I changed some names very obviously for people. Yeah, my friend Brian's like, what did you change it to?

I'm like Ryan. Yeah Do when I did that, uh This is not happening story. Yeah. Do when I did that. This is not happening story. Yeah, my brother, my brother's best friend and my boss taking us to the geesh. Yeah. I tried to do that. I tried to fake the names of like his friends, my boss, and I went to stress factory. I ran it like a weekend. I've ran it like four or five times. Yeah. And I did it one more time somewhere else

and like halfway through the stress factory, I was like, there's like a hurdle that when you, writing's different, but like when you're just in the moment and your mind is connected to the person, you can't switch that quickly to make a fake name. Cause it doesn't resonate, it's not real. Especially if your friend's got a good nickname. You gotta change it to another one. Yeah, and in Delco you just shorten everyone's last name.

So his name was Dasomor and he just went Das. Everybody calls him Das. So and then you're like, what am I gonna call him? Ron? And then you go, I got another guy that I had to change his name. Ron. He was the bald redhead with a lazy eye. So I just didn't even bring him up. So I said to change his name Ron. He was the bald redhead with lazy eye So I just didn't even bring him up. So I said change my name to Das Bald redhead with a lazy eyes like no one will know who he is

You could have given away his address I had a fucking text because I took receipts I took receipts from from my brother Das this bald redhead. I got text going. Hey any by any chances that you talk about me and I'm like And then I got all these receipts going like, you know, dude, I'm fucking married I'm like this was 15 years ago Yeah, who gives a shit? Yeah, let it fucking fly. Yeah, you know you caught herpes from a whore. Yeah Yeah, you just shared it with you, right? My fucking fall she learned about it on a comedy set. You woke me up. I thought my fault. You're a bad person He did pay for me though, no I've had that where mice the ones I did on this is not happening I just use their real names cuz I was the douche in the story. Like I was the one who ended up in the mental hospital.

So I didn't mind using the real names and they didn't care either with that. But in this, there's ones where I have to look at statute of limitations and go, I think I can tell this story. And then I have to switch it up. There's one where the guy who I was sending to to edit is like, you can't put this out.

Yeah. Okay, we'll take that out of the book. Yeah. Yeah. You can't, like, let's just say, for example, you let people in to almost kill a guy. Yeah. You shouldn't share that in a novel.

I told a fight story when I first... Is that a crime? I mean, he's healed. He's alive. He just has less teeth. When I first moved to New York, I told a story on Mike Cannon, his podcast with... I think it was Feeny at the time. And it was like a great fight story. And it was still like kind of open. Because the guy got charged,

went to court, all that stuff. And I told like intimate details. And I didn't decide to press charges the day of. But like I told the truth of everything. Right. And then my agent at the time heard this and he was like, yo, you got to take that down. And I was like, he gives a shit. It's a fight. He's like, no, no, no, it's not just a fight. There's the criminal charges brought about. And regardless, if they decide

there that you're not going to proceed, they can then proceed. And they can also flip the script and say, like, well, you're saying this, they'll bring you in and fucking change the whole game. Were you naming? Oh, your name and names? I didn't name the name of the dude because I didn't know his full name years later. Yeah, I forgot. But like I gave details of like bars and like locations and it's on record. And she just told Canon, just put that disclaimer up. It's like, if this matches any real events, email us. Yeah, email us. Hit like, hit subscribe, pure coincidence.

Yeah, like the very beginning of my book is if this reminds you of anything that's happened in your life, it has nothing to do with you, and you can't sue me. Yeah, really? Yeah, yeah. And is that like, that can't be upheld in court? Oh, probably not, but I still wrote it. Yeah. Why not. Yeah.

Why not? Yeah. Why not? I mean, most of the stuff that's in the book has already been upheld in court. Yeah, yeah. Because I wasn't like, it's not like I got away with stuff. I mean, there's newspaper clippings. If you're my cousin and this sounds familiar.

Do you actually put the newspaper clippings in the book? There's one in there. Yeah, it's called Drunken Soda Pop Drinker. That's sick. Yeah, and it's a story about when I went to get a... Is this the one where you crashed the car into the neighbor's car? Oh no. It's different. Which one's this? This one, I don't know if I've ever told you.

No, let's go. Fire it. Okay, I was at my buddy's house. It was like a little bit down 8 mile, and the corner was a marathon station. And I went up and I knew they had whipped cream cans. Marathons like our Wawa? Yeah, yeah so I went up no I wouldn't even call it a Wawa it's just like whipped cream cans and it's like an A plus yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's very just nitrous on top of whipped cream and gas. And gas. Yes, so this is like, I'm wearing a full track suit and I got like six earrings. I think I'm like, I'm 18 at the time.

And I go there, it's like right before I go back to high school for my fifth year in summer. And I go in and I got like, I grab like every whipped cream can they hand, they have and I just set it down and I'm hammered. This is how I feel buying the cat needles I set him down and the guy goes okay, and then he just starts taking them and putting them behind them. And I'm like, what are you doing?

And he's like, I'm not selling you these. I know that you're just going to go huff them. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not. I go, I'm going to make a I'm going to make a float for my school's parade. And the guy goes, you're going to make a float out of whipped cream for your summer school's parade. And I go, your summer school's parade. And I go, yeah, that's right. Taking them like you better give those back to me or serious.

I'm gonna walk out with him. And he's like, no. So I try to like hop the counter to steal him. And he goes, I'm calling the cops. Oh, my God. I was like, fuck that. So I walk out and he had a bunch of soda like outside that was for sale, two liters. And I'm like, these are mine now.

And I start filling my car with all the two liters that were on the display and I'm like giving them the finger and I'm just throwing like Mountain Dew and Sunkist and shit into my car and I look over and there's a cop at the red light right by me so then I start acting like I bought them so I start waving, I'm like, thank you for all the soda, sir. Pull out an old receipt from the car. Yeah, I'm in a tracksuit and a backwards hat, clearly drunk. And so I get in my car and the cops right behind me, they turn their lights off. So I'm like, okay, so they're just gonna follow me for a while. That's how you get pulled over in Detroit.

They turn their lights off. Every other car has a warning. So I'm like, okay, so there's gonna fall that's that's how you get pulled over in Detroit You see real cop lights in Detroit, they're just people rob See let's if you go a couple blocks pulls me over comes up to me and he's like what was going on there and I'm like I don't know that you know I just bought a bunch of soda for my friends and he's like really cuz they called the police and said to try to buy all these whipped cream cans and then attack them when he went on do you I'm like I'm never gonna get this dude like just it keeps melting and I Reynolds is gonna be so pissed I swear I finished quarter of the float and I saw a whipped cream on the ground. Boys are tired

we need an energy boost. So I got a mountain dew so then they searched my car and the paper basically says exactly what happened a guy gets pulled over in his 98 Buick regal and they find 40 ounces of cyanides malt liquor and they like the way you read it. You do not think I'm white. Yeah. And I was called drunken soda pop drinker. But yeah, immediately the cops just like he can step out of the car. He's like, so we can arrest you

for either thievery. I can tell you're drunk. And I was like, yeah, and then they arrested me and I was charged. Yeah, let's go. But they dropped the thievery charge. They dropped the that. Yeah, but you had a record at this point, too, right? Oh, I certainly did. Wow. Apparently a point 144 according to the article, which isn't that high, but with a zero tolerance policy for 18, it's quite above the yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, no, that was like my eighth or ninth arrest, maybe.

Oh my God, dude. So yeah, that was a fun one. But yeah, and I could have just walked there. That's what bothers me. Yeah. It was that close to the house that I was like, I'm gonna go to the corner. Yeah, but there's no music when you walk, baby.

Yeah, yeah. Also, I got a feeling you had a carload of whipped cream coming back Now you mentioned it that may have been the reason I Can't catch it. I can't bring back all these whip it's miss I don't have enough duffel bags for all this whipped cream. Hopping a gas station counter for fucking whipped cream. Yeah. Insane.

For no, like we were just sitting there smoking and enjoying drinking, and I'm like, I'm going to go get some nitrous. I'm going to get some fucking nitrous. Let's get this party going. Yeah. It's funny, because my brother's still, fuck, he always gets mad at me for this shit. But he's a fucking union guy and all his buddies listen to

our podcasts and then every like two to three months I'll say some shit I shouldn't like right now and I'll get a call he goes did I tell you to keep my fucking name out of your mouth you can't just be telling stories like this I'm like it's a nice story it's a fun story it's a whipped cream story. This is what I was saying. It's a party. She didn't press charges. Yeah, we used to just grab the whipped cream out of his family's, you know, he's got three kids, a wife, but we'd be getting fucked up by a fire. Go right in, hit the Miracle Whip,

release all the fucking nitrous oxide. And then they go to use the whipped cream and it just drips. It's a leaky dick. It's a dog dick that has gonorrhea. It's just an 80 year old man's sample. Yeah, and you don't know why. You just look over the couch and me and him are like AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH enjoy that heavy cream. My parents were like go to make a sundae and i'm like you're not gonna have any luck today

That thing's coming up enjoy that heavy cream dude Yeah, that's a rough one that's a rough one to have that come out at your kid's birthday party You know And you're like i drink a lot but this is a nice party and i do kind of everything together The problem is most parents have no idea Family if you're gonna like can if you're expired If you're a high school, that's what they do if you're a high school or a college kid They don't know no like our moms would never fucking know they would just go. Oh, it's it's old. Yeah, it doesn't work anymore

Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like It doesn't work anymore. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah. Yeah. So people would buy like nitrous tanks too. That were like, you know, extra nitrous from a dentist that was going to be in those. That story I did on, this did not happen,

was a nitrous tank in our kitchen. Some kid brought a whole fucking nitrous tank. Yeah, it's great when you can. They ran out of balloons and used my mom's surgical gloves. My mom's fucking nursing gloves. You're just the Howie Mandel. Yeah. I was wearing them.

I'm gonna shake your hand. Just putting it over your head. Yeah. That's the penguin from Wall Street, right? Yeah. What's going on in here? I don't know. It's just fun.

But yeah, we, but people would sometimes buy the nitrous tanks that were meant for cars So they had like carbon monoxide in it, too. Oh, did you mess up the floor? Seems like a nice carpet's been through worse seems like a nice rug Give me 40 needles. They really tied the room together. You just you're just pulling it up with the Waste a good white give me my spilling over Sorry chris no sober's not fun. I mean it is it's the best it's great. It's seeing good fellas, but for gays Sorry, I. No sobers not fun. I mean it is the best great Yeah with white claw just like the way the mob used to do

You don't really have to clean that up. You don't have to You have to clean that up right now this is a This has certainly brought it to a screeching. Yeah yeah it's just nothing. I'm teasing you. It's good action. You're fine. The white claw vandal. Smells good. Smells like black cherry. Did you get a tiny football while you were down there? Wow. It's just an excuse to grab the football. It's just an excuse to grab the ball. Oh, can I have this? Yeah. Yeah.

Bring it up an old horseshoe. You've been eyeballing it for the last hour. It's got to be a way to get out of this talk, huh? I don't throw football in the backyard. Read about this guy's life. So when's the audible come out? Soon, hopefully. I just started it. So we've been doing it.

It's just, when you're telling the story, I just want to make sure each one sounds good. So you don't want to just read it all in a row or else you just get tired. Tired as hell, yeah, man. But it's not the long of a book. I wrote it for somebody who doesn't necessarily like to read.

It's just in the way that you would tell a story. That's awesome. That's awesome. And people really like it. Can you get it on Kindle? What's that? Can you story. That's awesome. Yeah, that's awesome. People really get on Kindle. What's that? You get on Kindle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Let's get it's available there. It's available. Yeah, amazon.com paperback Kindle and then soon. Well, make sure we give Josh the the link to put in the description. Yeah, direct for you. Yeah, copy. I should have brought one.

I don't have any. Oh, of course you don't. No, I actually sold out, which is good. Like I'll bring them to shows and then I sell out every week in which I'm shocked Yeah, but people like them merch in actual shows. This was it's the biggest dump. Yeah. Yeah, I hate t-shirts, dude Yeah, I've tried to tell you we're in a comedy Key West one. Yeah, dude. It's my buddy Tom Dustin Yeah, I'm outing him cuz he's in the Joe list. Yeah, he's got a new special. Yeah. Yeah, dude, it's my buddy Tom Dustin. Yeah, I'm promoting him because he's in the Joe list Yeah, yeah Tom's a very good friend of mine, yeah, and here good things dude I'm really happy that he's getting he even though he doesn't want the notoriety. Yeah, I'm glad he's getting it Yeah, his whole thing is he he's great, but he never wanted to be famous at all

Yeah, yeah, I saw him in Boston fucking forever. Like 10 years ago. Yeah. He yeah. Murdered. Yeah. Murdered. And he's just he run the club there. Yeah, it's his club. Yeah. Yeah. He even when I was leaving, he calls me. He's like, I'm going to come pick you up. And I'm like, I can get an Uber to the airport. He's like, no, it's no big deal. I got a dune buggy.

Why? I mean, this is to open beers. I'm like, it's fine. It's Tom. So I just get any just drinks and drives a dune buggy to get me to the airport. That's so sick, dude. That's gotta be, I mean, if you figure that whole thing out, it's gotta be such a sick setup. Yeah, it's what he wants.

I hear great things. Vecchione's down there all the time. Oh, Vecchione's, yeah, he's great too. List is down there. You should do the club. List just did it, Louis C.K. did it that week too. Yeah. I was there right before List, and they had filmed the movie just a little bit before. And I still haven't seen it.

I want to get a screener. He was supposed to send me one, but it's Tom, so I don't rely ever on him sending me shits. But he's honestly one of the funniest and nicest people you could ever meet. That's awesome. And yeah, so that's why I'm promoting them. That's a nice shirt. You know what? It's not a bad club'm promoting that. It's a nice shirt. You know what? It's not a bad club shirt.

Yeah. You know, some can get real bad. Some can get real terrible. You just don't want them. Yeah. That's a good one. Yeah. Is that a muppet?

What's the... It's a chicken. Rooster. Yeah. There's roosters all over Key West. Like, it's kind of annoying actually because they wake up in the morning and start... Dude! Oh my God! You got a rooster story?

Yeah, I got a rooster story! I've never seen this before! He's been waiting his whole life for this rooster story! You didn't see that? Oh my God, I haven't told anybody about the rooster! So, so my, my girl's been like, this better be good. My girl's been walking around the neighborhood, right? And she found this like park down the road and she was like, I want you to come.

I want you to see it. There's like a little like garden and they've got fucking roosters and chickens down there. And I'm like, all right, I'll go. We get down there. The roosters are walking and I've only ever heard roosters. I've never seen a rooster Actually scream. Yeah, because I you know cockled it'll do yeah, and I I literally thought it was like Do this thing It was the funniest thing ever see a rooster actually crowing like leans forward goes

Are you actually crowing like leans forward goes? The funniest thing I do I was like rolling around laughing so hard Like I really thought it was like a wake-up kind of just like hey Good morning everybody! It's just a dude walking around going AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm telling you, I was laughing for 20 minutes. Dude, Shane... He was standing around with just other chickens by himself. And it wasn't the morning, it was mid-day. And he just goes like... He probably stubbed his toe. Or whatever, it just broke his sidekick, finally. Yeah, one of these hens ran her mouth a little too long.

Yeah, one of these hens ran her mouth a little too long. Dude, Shane and I went through like a three month period where we'd send each other screaming goats. Okay. Give it here. Those were horrifying. Give it here. Goat yell. It's just dude. It just goes AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it's the funniest fucking thing. It's also just so funny to me that the qs is so beautiful you walk outside homeless people

Oh, man. This place is terrible. These homeless roosters. Oh, shit. It's really unpleasant. You have to have earplugs, because they just scream every 30 seconds. Then they got to the island, so they're not getting back. Has to be Latinos. Dominicans, Puerto Ricans. Well, yeah, I mean, it's south. It's south Florida. You know, it's, Puerto Ricans. Well yeah, I mean it's south, it's south Florida. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's where they keep them.

Yeah, every time I've been to Puerto Rico, there's just wild fucking roosters. I usually just go to Thailand, there's not a lot of roosters. Yeah, well, the ladyboys, they scream too. Well, it's not why I go, but you know. I bet you don't, you go by yourself? I bet you go by yourself.

I just bring a briefcase of condoms. Hahahaha This old shit and condom. That's probably what he's doing. Going to the bathroom, just checking they're still there. Yeah, making sure. This is for my business trip to town. We're almost there.

I can't wait. He put one more fresh shit in there. He's just waiting to get everything out of his intestines You took that Emma juice yeah, I said when he lands he takes six inches of fucking native cock I'm a native of God. That was very PC abuse. I touch the football things change, dude. It's just animal juice. It's like I'm not paying because you wear condoms. Oh man, David, thank you. Yeah, that was fucking so great.

No, thank you for having me. You guys are awesome. Yeah, I really love you so much. I'm really happy for you. Huh? I'm really happy for you. You're killing it. The books, selling out shows, fucking crushing it, man.

It's just cool to see. Yeah. You're here like twice a month now, right? I usually come down here, yeah, about twice a month. It's been a couple years I've been coming down here. Yeah. And then I'm lucky I'll be headlining there in August. So I'll be there for a weekend.

Let's go. And yeah, it's fun. All right, I should say mothership. I'll be there for a weekend and then other venues randomly. Yeah, yeah. You guys should come to my show once. We should have brought it up on air.

We were supposed to. Yeah, yeah. We were supposed to bop up the Dallas, right? I thought we were supposed to do that. Yeah, I think you were. You were arranging it with my former Booker. But she's down now. She's with Levity now. We're good for July and August so far.

I would love to have you guys on. Yeah, that'd be fucking awesome. Just let me know. We're just doing some sketches. They're wonderful. Thank you. The quality's insane. Yeah, they look really good. Some of them I wish they'd tighten up. We've had words. But you know, there's always fucking words. Yes. Yeah. But yeah, there's I'm proud of a lot of the stuff we've put out.

Yeah, dude. So look, yeah. But you guys are killing it with June 5. You have your show? Yeah, yeah. Check it out. Tires premiere. Yeah, yeah. It's gonna be awesome. I'm excited. Yeah, should be good. Like, you know how you don't really root for other people? Yeah. But like genuinely I root for both of you. Because I've known you for so long.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so it's like it's actually so rewarding. It almost like swipes away the fake, you know, for people that you don't really back. Yeah, well. You're like, yes, finally. What was like Shane? I'm having some real feelings here. Yeah, well, like, yes, finally. What was like, wow, I'm having some real feelings. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm a good person.

Well, like, Shane was a kid, like, would emcee at clubs when I was like, he's really good. Yeah. And then, you know, then it was like that thing. Yeah. Like the dip and then the skyrocket. Yeah. Never seen ever.

Yeah. And it's like, this is fun to watch. Like, I'm happy for somebody. I got photos of him on the air mattress in our old apartment Before all that happened and it's on an old phone and I'm like calling like fucking you know tech To figure out how I forget about after the SNL thing. I'm like, how's it going? You're like just yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, those were nights yeah, look at the reward and look at what you guys yeah, it's great. I'm very it's all great fucking sick All right. Yeah. Thanks, bro. Thank you David. Check out David Landau

Look in the description to get his book by his fucking book. He's one of the funniest patreon.com stuff island