Stuff Island - Doubling up - Josh Francis - Stuff Island #221
Episode Date: February 12, 2026Tommy and Chris are joined this week by Josh Francis from the Friendly Fire Podcast Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & ev...erything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians Head to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND. #ad Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code STUFFISLAND. That’s promo code STUFFISLAND. Visit https://www.BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information #comedy SUB TO PATREON: patreon.com/stuffisland Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code [STUFFISLAND] at https://www.Mandopodcast.com/[STUFFISLAND]! #mandopod Click the link http://kalshi.com/r/stuff or download the Kalshi App and use code STUFF to sign up and trade today! #ads Download Cash App Today: [https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/knz4su0l #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Cash App Green, overdraft coverage, borrow, cash back offers and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Yeah, what, what are you cranky about?
Oh my God.
The balls of you.
That's our run down.
It depends on who gets it out first.
What are you cranky about?
We should.
We should have that like PTI like that fucking, the rundown or whatever it is.
Yeah, yeah.
The fastest.
The fastest 90 seconds or whatever.
Imagine if we can get through one of our things in 30 seconds.
Yeah.
No, it takes good.
The highlights are the week.
Cranky highlights.
Welcome back to both watch mode.
There's every fight and every argument.
Today we're bringing the top five cranky moments.
Yeah.
Chris, do you spaz ever?
What?
Yeah.
I've never seen him.
He's always been level-headed in front of me.
Oh, he hasn't been here.
That's not true at all, dude.
Also, fear that.
Hell let loose the other night.
I fucking spas.
Hell let loose as it doesn't count, though, because
because that, dude,
we were playing with some fucking,
I mean,
dip shits.
Yeah.
I mean, yes, some strange,
some Ricky Bacons, dude.
Yeah.
Just real Ricky Bacons.
We were building the fortress.
We had the perfect spot to just build a massive
fortress.
And this guy,
fucked us.
Wait, did you start yelling at a stranger on a video game?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No, I, like, lost my mind.
I let loose, like, a fucking actual look.
No!
Yeah, yeah.
Well, there was a guy, there was a guy tried to steal our supply truck.
I shot him in the head.
Did he fragicide?
He was an officer, too.
He was like, he was a higher ranking than me.
I was like, no.
Get your own.
He outranked.
He was such a dick.
He killed some.
that outranked him, dude.
Dude, he stole a supply truck.
He starts running around the back.
I love taking this serious.
Meanwhile, this dude's like 16.
I'm the officer.
No, no, no, no, no.
He's fucking,
you don't know what it's like.
He's at least, dude.
Well, nobody, no.
Young people don't play that game.
Not really.
Because it's a game of,
it's a thinking game.
Well, it scares him.
It's called hell let loose.
Yeah.
Well, you're not, it's not a,
what's it's not like call.
You don't just running gun.
You got to strategize.
These young kids are in there like gummy bears
and sucking their friends' birds.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The ultimate tank game.
Tricking your best buddy into the basement
after a wiffleball game
and sucking his bird.
Head up.
No, I suck at that game, dude.
I get it why they don't play it.
These kids these days, they're just sucking each other's dicks.
Yeah.
It is such a day.
It's probably what I'm getting fucking.
That's probably I'm getting.
Headshots.
My skulls and my buddy's crotch.
I'm just getting picked off in the fucking woods.
Yeah, dude, you're low dragon, dude.
Games that tough are like so ridiculous.
It's like, dude, I want to have fun, man.
It is fun.
Nothing's more fun, dude.
It's fine.
No, it's unbelievable.
You've totally Irish amnesia this, dude.
You don't remember when we were laying waste to motherfuckers in the tank.
Yeah, because I was doing this.
It hurts me.
I was doing this.
You were doing some good call watching.
You were calling.
I was working them.
You were marking them.
You were like,
you're over there.
Yeah, yeah.
No,
I was doing my fucking job.
Exactly.
You were getting a view and you were doing a job.
You were doing a view that you liked.
You got a view that you like.
You were watching bodies.
I was very good at my job.
Tommy was no fulfillment.
Tommy was doing it for the man to the left and right of him.
Oh,
okay.
You know how hard it is.
Do you know how hard it is to do your job and then watch your friends do all the fucking
brain busting,
having a good fucking.
fucking time.
You can get you were switching around.
We were switching around.
You can get in the gunner seat tonight.
We didn't switch.
You were in the gunner seat.
He did gone.
How did I do?
Yeah.
Was that there?
Dude, let's play tonight.
I'll play tonight.
I'll play tonight.
I'll play tonight.
I'll play a night.
I'll play you night.
I'll play you night.
This is the downside of Tommy Booz
Booz and while we're playing
as he assumes he did bad.
so it's just like I didn't like it
you were shredding people
game sucks
no it's actually a nice game
it's a very fun game it's a fun game
it's a good game
it got me back into video
guy I haven't been playing video games and now I'm on
that like at least two three times a week
yeah it's a shame yeah dude
it's so good dude I can tell dude
you've been at war look at hair
yeah
you've been on the front line
I need some more
you know you need a routine
back.
That's tank hair right there.
Get yourself a shower in your shade,
oh, it does suck because I get to a,
I get to a length that just turns,
it just turns lesbian, dude.
I just start looking like a lesbian
with like a weird beard.
You spend so many hours in a tank, you get dyke cut.
Yeah, dude.
Start turning to Ellen DeGeneres.
You look like you got sun kissed.
Yeah, I was out in the sun today.
There you go
That's some good pot
You know
It's like you've got a tan there
What's going on?
Yeah
It was out the sun
We all laughed
We went to
Well the other day
I was at the dog park
The other day for like six
Seven hours
Six seven hours
Yeah
We were there for like three four hours
Two
Two three out
Yeah
I stopped by for a drink
Excuse
I took a peck.
Well, what sucks is...
My dog didn't get out.
Dude, being an Irish guy in Texas, it's...
It's hell.
Yeah, this is...
I'm outside for an hour.
It's like I just went to...
Yeah, it looks like I went to war.
Yeah, you got to put bog mud all over your face just to protect.
Yeah.
What kind of temps you got down there?
It's like 60, 70.
It's 75 today.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dudes are...
And dudes are already running shirtless and it's bothering me.
Dude, let's talk about it.
There's these fucking...
These T.U. Kids, UT, I say T.U. Because of Temple. But there's UT kids. They just, they run around with no shirt. And it's like 60, 65. And it's cool. It's a cool fall type weather. And you're running around with your tits jiggling. It's like, dude. It drives me nuts. With the shirt tucked into the shorts.
What are we doing? Or just no shirt. No, they're shirtless. I've seen both out and about. And it's just.
Mara locks her windows
I was telling Josh on the way here
Mara locks the windows because she knows
they're going to roll down and go
you know how there's like
childproof doors
there's like Uncle Tommy locks
There's an Uncle Tommy lock
Uncle Tommy lock
I'll just go like
If he's with it like
You and Buka keep him just barking
It just blocks
She's licking the window because she's horny
which I get
But no, like if he's with an ear shot, I go, dude, relax.
Relax, relax is so brutal to hit somebody.
Calm down.
Yeah.
Relax is like, I'm not mad.
I'm disappointed.
You know, it's like, fuck.
Don't you have a dad that cares?
You know what I mean?
Or brothers.
Someone that bullied you to think that like this was okay?
You could just jog with your shirt off.
Are we fucking?
That's a kind of T-shirt canon I would I would really like, like if you just like,
almost like a Batman like net gun, just like, like,
like shoot a t-shirt on to some of my god
just a blue shoe shirt
go get laid pussy
dude that's so
fucking a t-shirt
gun that puts shirts on
you fucking pieces of shit
yeah it's fucking
pathetic
I don't know man I was always
I was always ashamed
just to be exposed like that
you know
I said it on the way here
we saw a couple of dudes
running with their tits out
and I was like
I get weird
when I cross the street
at a red light
like I feel
anxious
like you're violating something
and insecure
no I just feel like
oh everyone's staring at me
I'm just
like on stage is different
because like you don't see anyone
but like
in the middle of the day
walking across the street
I just feel like everyone's like making fun of me
because that's what happened my whole life
You know?
Like what do you mean?
You feel like you're being like an attention
With confidence
Someone's gonna make funny
No you're saying that like
You don't want to like you don't want to feel like
You're taking up space
I don't want to draw attention
Yeah you don't want to jog
I'll fucking I pick it up
Yeah
And this is this is another thing
My girl locks the windows
Because even when they're not jogging
With their tits out
If they're just lally gagging
Yeah
I get fucking nuts
Because my father would do that shit.
So if they just like slow walk and it's like we're waiting to turn,
I'll just like pick it up, pussy.
And she's like, Jesus.
And it's just some old Indian, you know what I mean?
Just getting back to his family.
He's tired from working all day.
To be, to be.
We had a podcast.
So you're nervous that someone's going to do it to you.
When you're crossing the street, you're like, I'm all.
Yeah.
I'm exposed here.
Yeah.
I hear that really moving.
Yeah.
the echo of pick it the fuck up
you know you see someone
walks slow
there's just like hot fucking
like I think he's Indian
that goes to my gym
it's sort of an oxymoron
it's very oxymoron
that's why I brought it up because it's like he's a good
looking dude yeah and the
the pace his gate
is so slow
that I'm like
I think he doesn't have a dad
because Indian dads are like
they're fucking they got bullwain
They don't fuck around.
And this guy looks so slow.
I feel like those people are so used to being in crowds
that they don't know what the open field is like.
You know what I mean?
They're like they're always running between the tackles.
Yeah, this is what I say with Asians in line at like Starbucks.
They're on your hit because like they're all packed in like sardines.
Yeah, they don't know what to do.
They're always trying to like, they inch up.
Don't you say they're like balloons?
They're helium balloons.
Yeah.
I agree with this.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Yeah, they don't have that much space.
Well, happy holidays, guys, man.
Happy, happy holidays.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, someone I know had a theory about, like,
that's why all the, like, foreign drivers are really bad
because they're so used to being in traffic all the time
that if they, like, really get to go above 15 miles an hour,
they're just like, they might as well be in a Formula One car.
Yeah, they go to 40 miles an hour,
to zero within 10 feet
you're like, I'm fucking car sick.
Why do you keep hitting the goddamn?
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
I think they're worried about people buttoning in.
They have no,
they have no idea how to like protect
the lane while staying
smooth, you know?
It's a real,
it's a real problem.
Just a couple of white guys talking about foreigners?
Huh?
Are there any Indian, like, NASCAR drivers?
I've never seen one.
No.
I don't think there's any,
I don't think there's any European NASCAR drivers.
There would have to be another pit where they can shit on the ground.
Sorry.
Their pit crews just making telemarketing calls.
A shit crew.
You know that a bunch of like ex-athletes do pit crew?
Like a bunch of football players will like go and do pit crew because you have to be like efficient
and like be able to move things heavily, like heavy things quickly.
I get this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
That's a real thing.
Like, it's like a lot of things like NASCAR drivers have like like former athletes that are in the pit crew.
Well, they probably missed that, you know, that adrenaline rush of being part of something.
Yeah.
And they get home and their wife is barking at them.
I think I saw that.
I don't want to disperts the pit crew community.
But I've watched a lot of Formula One and those guys looked like they yanked them right out of the pub.
Like you ever see them?
Yeah.
With their fucking, with the windshield up.
Yeah.
And they're just like, I'm sorry.
I don't know what I did.
It's just like, it's just so big.
They got Josh's face in the summer.
Alcoholic bulb.
It's bright red, like fucking Rudolph.
Sorry.
I feel like I let the lights down.
Darts season's over.
Looks like I would have put tires on cars.
What a fucking change the fuck.
He's got a fucking home cap blown.
It's so funny, Josh.
Josh just opened a window and looks like that.
Fuck.
You do look windburn
All the dimes
Girls like
Have you seen the sunset?
It's beautiful
Oh great
Oh great
My greatest enemy
This sun
I told you this happens
Damn
Yeah dude
It is it is brutal
It is living in Fallujah
Here that sucks dude
I can't do anything
I can't do anything outdoors
Yeah
I just get different shades of red.
Why don't you get a big hat?
Why don't you stop?
That would be cool.
What?
That could be cool.
No,
it's not.
It's very cool.
I could just get a big hat.
He wears the shit on the beach and he looks like a fucking,
there's no rice.
There's no rice patty.
And this fucking kid is cruising around with it.
It's got like,
it's like three and a half feet wide.
It's protected his shoulder.
He's squatted down at the beach.
I'm going to die.
I'm going to die.
Sun exposure.
Don't get me wrong.
He's doing the right thing.
It's just like, dude.
Yeah.
You don't have an umbrella for a hat?
Yeah.
Fashion of a function.
I would never wear the fucking shit he wears on a beach.
He wears the long sleeve.
It's also clearly right off the wreck.
Oh, you wear like a Florida, like a.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like a wind.
What do they call those things?
Sunshirt.
Yeah.
It's a sun shirt.
Sun shirt.
Sun shirt.
Which I'm still to this day convinced is like a marketing gimmick.
How could you have rednecks if you need the sunshirt?
You know what I'm saying?
You did buy me one and it's unbelievable.
Dude, it's so nice.
But I'm not going to wear it.
You wore it.
Oh, I did, but I'm not going to keep it on in the sun.
That's crazy.
Well, you know, you put it on in like hour six, hour five or six.
You go, all right.
Yeah, after I already got damaged.
Yeah.
After your skin's turned black.
Yeah, 100%.
I can't wait.
I'm so pale right now.
That's pale for you?
Right now?
Yeah.
Oh, this is, I look like you right now.
Yeah.
This is the closest thing I can get to Scottish.
Yeah.
Dude, I get Caribbean.
Really?
Yeah.
I get super dark.
Tom puts all kinds of oils and stuff on his skin to get tanner to.
That's not true.
That's not true at all.
I know what you're doing.
I know what you're doing.
I don't like it.
I don't put.
oils because that's crazy baby banana or whatever it's called what's the banana boat
that's just fucking sbf dude i mean in high school i did i did fuck with the oils in high
school canola oil or something i did put like once you get below 10 it's like eight and i just
consider that like an oil and i was i was squirting banana boat oil all over me just cooking dude i
went to Costa Rica.
Do you ever put lemon juice in your hair, Tom?
Yes.
Oh, good God.
I can't believe how quickly I answered that.
What's that?
What's that?
Is it like bleach it?
Yeah, bleach is it?
Well, this was like, this was the first like bleaching ingredient.
Factory Boys.
Yeah, it's like, it's white trash.
Yeah, bleach.
You put lemon juice, squirt lemon juice in your hair.
You get like blonde dins.
Dude, at first of all, I was like, eighth grade, dude.
Going to CI.
All right?
So, yeah, that was a horrendous part of my life.
Like a little lemon juice runs down to your forehead.
You just have a tumor?
It's not great, dude.
You know when Giuliani's hair was leaking?
That's why his teeth are going.
All the lemon juice got to his gums.
He's got rocks for teeth.
That dude's dice are disgusting.
Oh, yeah.
You know, there's certain people you can smell their breath through a fucking video.
his fucking dice are unbelievably disgusting
he is he's like georg he's got like wood teeth
it looks like the area of a pond where the water's not rippling at all
just settling in for some algae
you know what I mean and a frog just in the middle of his fucking
front two teeth
it is that kind of thing you feel like you need to power wash
so the flies don't come out yeah
no flies will grow in this if you don't
I went to Costa Rica with my ex-girlfriend in college.
And the same girl, we were supposed to go to France on 9-11.
Oh.
Oh, did you cancel the plan because of it?
No.
That's funny.
No, we went to Costa Rica because we couldn't go to France on 9-11.
You know what happened on 9-11?
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Okay.
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Oh, I know. It's a beautiful thing.
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I'm in Costa Rica with my ex-co-offrey.
So there I was.
your guy's worst nightmare
when you get close to the equator
you don't fucking you don't you know what I mean
you don't respect it enough
we got we landed at like 3 p.m.
I was like it's 5 p.m.
We're gonna go to the pool
we're just gonna hang out
and I got fucking baked
beyond belief where
I put my hands
in my truly this
part of my
of my calf along the bone
and it was like a temperate bed
where it like sat
into my skin
and it would take like a minute or two
for the skin the rise.
Oh, my God.
Like severe burns.
Oh.
Like, I don't know.
What level that is, three or four?
Isn't that a cool story, guys?
I think there are levels.
There's levels.
Good thing I brought this back down, huh?
Tell you about my fucking...
Third degree burns?
Sunburn.
Yeah, I was trying to relate to you,
fucking toe heads.
Dude, I don't,
I don't worry about the sun.
Dude, I bring out the gear.
I bring out the, I don't get, the sun can't get me.
Yeah, I mean, look at you, dude.
You look, you look great.
Look at your skin, glistening, tight.
Oh, I still, I still have makeup on from the show, I think.
It doesn't show any of your anger.
You got no more anger fucking bends.
What?
You got no more anger bends.
There's no, there's no curls.
There's no.
Yeah, look at that.
Dude, I'm zen.
I'm zen, I'm zen, I'm zen doubt.
No one believes that.
You don't believe that.
I'm so relaxed.
Don't lie to your friends.
I'm so focused.
You're so focused and relax.
Dude.
Shine a little light on my soul, dude.
Yeah.
How has it been?
I was just there for a week.
It was crazy.
Yeah, yeah.
It's good.
It's been a good week.
Yeah.
We can change the subject.
No, no.
You don't want to talk about it.
We can cut this out.
I don't want you to talk about business.
Me, you and Cooch got fucking.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we had a nice time.
Cooch is a new best friend, dude.
The Cuccinator.
Has he gotten hell at loose yet?
What's the deal?
I'll check on him tonight.
Is he getting on there too?
Yeah.
He's got a PlayStation.
Supposedly.
So we're trying to learn.
Supposedly you want to get in there.
Yeah.
Yeah, they're best friends now.
They never hung out really.
Isn't that fun when your friends meet your other friends?
And it's like they hit it off.
That's how it should be.
It should be organic like that.
Yeah.
Because there's the opposite that.
happens all the time, which is your ladies, you meet your ladies' friends, like boyfriend or a husband,
and you're like, no, no, no, Jesus Christ. Yeah, no, no, I vet it. I vet it this guy. Yeah,
you know what I'm saying? Totally. I already have a best friend and then I get this best friend.
You don't think they're going to be. That's a good tank crew.
Enamored, that's a good tank crew. That's a great tank. Dude. Cucho, Coochell give you the
biz, dude. We might be filling out a squad here.
slow recruitment
dude
if we get the whole group going
yeah
me Josh
heath
Sean
cooge
cooge
Tommy oh
and meanwhile
I'll still be like
well look to the left
that's a sixer
just doing nothing
dude I think I'm fucking
I'm a nobody
in the tank crew
you got to run AT a little bit
that's where you got
that's where I started
because you got the rocket launcher
you can just lob shit
at people and blow stuff up.
Yeah, I gotta cut my teeth a little more in this game.
You gotta, it gives you a little bit of a cushion.
You can pop out, launch a rocket at just where you see guys.
And you'll be like, all right, blew somebody up.
You get to see their leg fucking.
Yeah.
Do you see that video of those Italian bank robbers or whatever?
They were hitting that truck, that armored truck.
Beautiful.
Shit was sick as hell.
Beautiful.
Do you see that, Chris?
No, no.
Oh, dude.
There's like five different angles of it.
These dudes, like, stopped an armored truck in Italy and, like, on a highway.
On a highway.
They stop both sides.
Both sides of traffic.
And then they get out in, like, ski masks and painter suits.
And they have, like, AKs.
And they're just like, da, da, da, da, da.
And then they-the-one guys in front looking for oncoming police this way.
Other guys down there looking for oncoming police, they strap a bomb to the side of this fucking armored truck.
It explodes.
Like, you wouldn't believe.
I thought everyone was dead.
Yeah.
Like, it was a huge.
It was huge.
It was crazy.
And then they scedaddle.
the first report was they couldn't find anyone
like they couldn't get the guys
thinking it was like
the money was taken
turns out they got nothing
they don't
they got nothing and two of them got arrested
it's like worst case scenario
they clip two of these fucking wafts
you don't get a lot of practice
but I love an old school
I mean that's like listen to a record
dude you know what I mean like
like a crime like that
it's like no no
I don't want Spotify.
I want the vinyl.
Yeah.
I want to put the needle on the track.
I want to listen to it.
Armed robbery of an armored car is...
Well, you're watching this on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter, whatever the fuck.
And you go, this is...
I'm watching the creation of a Netflix series.
Totally.
If there's money in that fucking truck and they don't find everybody, that's a series.
Yeah.
They're probably going to make a series set of that.
nothing. There's no money.
They get all the whops and
nothing's, it's,
but it's still cool. What
they did is so fucking cool.
Because you don't see it anymore.
You can't. No, no. Security cameras,
you can't do that shit anymore. You don't get, you don't get
old school crime anymore. You don't just get
on the fucking highway is the only
way you can do it because there's no fucking security
cameras on the corner of every
highway robbery.
Look at you.
It's very true.
Is that what that means?
Highway robbery?
But you can't do it.
People just don't get away with murder anymore.
Yeah, you can't.
There's no fun in it.
Well, it's DNA.
You know?
Yeah.
It's like there's DNA.
There's ring cams.
There's fucking CVS cams.
It's like,
or CCTV, not CVS cams.
I've been watching this crime doc where this fucking guy.
You just need the FBI in the Department of Justice to protect you.
That's the way you get away with it.
murdering and fucking kids.
That's the only way to do it.
It's either that or get a Super Bowl.
You win a Super Bowl,
you can also get away with one.
On HBO they have this new crime series.
One's called People Magazine
and the other one's like ID,
the ID channel.
And I watch this one guy who strangles his girlfriend
who's a bartender like, I don't know,
Spartans in the middle of,
middle nowhere, Kansas or whatever.
and he kills her.
They find her on the side of the road
and they start looking through all this,
you know, the footage trying to find out
what corner he's at, where she's at.
They track him down.
He goes through a Burger King drive-thru.
He went to a Burger King drive-thru.
Her body's in the front seat.
He's weakened at Bernie.
He already...
Weekend at Burger King.
I'll take a kid's meal for her.
He pulls her arm
Her tongue falls out
Three stooping bong bing
Dude
She's sitting there like this
In the same clothes
They picked her up on the side of the road
Which her family was like
She left in these colored clothes
They eventually found her
And they started
Dipping and dive and through all the security footage
And found this guy was like
I'm gonna get some burger cake
I'm starving
Dude
His fucking wife is dead next to him
And then he dumps
I would make.
That's a mistake I would make.
Yeah.
Because I'd over,
I'd overshoot it.
I'd be like,
just act natural.
Chris,
like,
do something you'd ordinarily do.
Snickers has already said it.
You're not yourself
when you're hungry,
dude.
Dude,
imagine striking when your lady
tie her up in the front seat
and be like,
uh,
number three with an apple pie.
Can I get the apple pie on the side?
And she's just fucking dead.
Yeah.
She's,
She's good.
A couple of Mackins.
She's tuck her out.
Road trip.
Dude,
my neighbor across the hall in my apartment complex just put a ring camera up that faces just at my door.
It drives me up a fucking wall for some reason.
So like my ring,
so we have our neighbor.
I've been to your house.
Yeah, yeah.
So there's like the apartment directly in front of us,
their ring camera.
They put it up.
So it's just facing...
You mean across the street?
No, no, no, like in our apartment.
Like, there's a hallway that we share.
And it just, it looks...
They put it directly in front of our door,
even though they could have, like, offset.
There's like an entryway where you can offset it.
And but instead of putting it on the side,
they put it facing our door.
And I don't know why, but it's driving me fucking insane.
Now, that would piss me off.
Every time I open the door, it's like,
and you hear it and there's a light,
and it's just facing my apartment.
And I don't know why.
I'd rather put...
I'd rather than put it on my door facing them.
Yeah.
Yes, yes.
Yeah, isn't that the purpose?
It's crazy.
But the thing that's fucked up is there's a hallway.
Like you could put it.
They could put it on the side.
Now I got questions.
Yeah.
Let's just talk through this.
Yes.
Who's in that house?
I actually haven't seen him.
Uh-huh.
Does he like your lady?
Oh, no.
You never thought through this?
My lady's getting a dick down?
No, I don't thought about that.
I'm not saying she is.
I'm saying maybe once he's,
eat her loins.
Wait,
I don't get what...
Hey, what are you...
Maybe he's a psychopath to like
tracking your girl.
Mm.
I'll keep an eye out.
You get one of those like LED
body suits that like GE makes.
So she's just walking around.
It's like a bright light
and just fucking...
Yeah, reflecting on.
Or just get two ring cams pointed to his house.
I might,
I was thinking about...
I put one on a stick in his front door.
Such a silly retaliation to be like,
yeah, well, I'm going to watch you now.
Do you don't even know who this guy is?
I don't know if it's a guy.
Can you mount the laser on your side and point it right into the ring cam and just get like infrared?
Ruin it.
That'd be fun.
Just rip it off the fucking lock it.
You know what I mean?
So they can't see anything.
That would be.
I can do that.
Yeah.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
Well, there's other people who have it set up the same way in the apartment complex.
It's not like crazy that he's done it.
It just bothers me now that it's in happening to me.
You know what I mean?
The safest coldest sack I've ever seen.
in my life.
I know.
So you gotta start,
don't,
don't let these people
give you a fucking inch.
Yeah.
That's weird.
It is weird,
right?
That's fucking weird.
Yeah.
I've been in your house
many times.
It's,
it's literally,
it's the safest place ever.
Yeah.
Why are you pointing
at my fucking door?
Yeah,
that is weird.
And you don't even know who it is.
Yeah.
Do you see that,
Josh is going to leave.
Yeah, I gotta get out of here.
Yeah,
yeah.
Too,
do, do, do,
do, do,
do, do it's.
Is that my daughter?
It's my daughter in there!
Is that my wife in there?
I'm crazy.
You walk in, they're just playing hell let loose.
Is that what might kill the death sucks?
You're just terrible at the game.
There's waiting for you to leave.
Dude, you know how brutal that would be
to find out that she's just banging the neighbor?
Yeah.
That's awful.
That's like a good.
That is like, that's hell let loose.
If I know your neighbor
Wow
That's authorized
I can't imagine
Is it?
Bang in the neighbor
Can't imagine
Must be tough
Yeah
Chris have you been
Yeah Chris
Have you been cheated on before?
Yeah
It's not great
No
My lady got
My lady got
It's a way of passage
Yeah my lady
Got fingered at electric forest
When I was in the Marines
What's electric force
It's like an EDM festival
Like a white guy with dreadlocks
Like fingered my lady
in a tent.
That's what I call your hair cut.
Being away from your lady and having them cheat on you is different than being around
your lady and having them cheat on you.
That's true.
Yeah.
If you're living with them,
you'd be,
right.
Yeah.
She was at the electric force.
She let her guard down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She let her beef down.
Yeah, she let her beef out.
I got cheated on in middle school and I spaz and then after that,
you'd never.
Would they steal her crayons?
What are you talking about?
Yeah, dude.
Someone's getting their ass right.
Just get word that they were making out with someone else.
Spazzed.
But then after that,
I never really bothered me.
I got in trouble once with a girl who cheated on me
and she was like, I cheated on you.
And I was like, that's all right.
Then she got mad.
Wait, was she made that you weren't mad?
Yeah.
Yeah, I like that.
She did it a purpose because she's like,
you don't fucking care.
No, good for her.
Good for her.
And good for you.
That's good for both of you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was a test.
Yeah.
That was fucked up.
That was the first time that ever happened.
Yeah.
It's like a girl giving you a fake pregnancy test.
Going like, I want to see how you react.
Right.
Yeah.
Always be ready for a trick.
Well, this is devastating.
Yeah.
No, you got to go.
Wow.
This is,
I guess I got to join the union.
A lot to think about.
Yeah.
Well, we'll see.
I'll see.
Let's not make things worse by guessing.
Let's confirm.
Let's triple confirm.
You always got to slow play it.
Awful.
I've never really had a truly bad one.
I've had ones that last like maybe two or three weeks,
but never one that went over that.
What do you mean?
Oh, like pregnancy scare?
Yeah.
Yeah, like she's like two or three weeks late, but then everything gets resolved like pretty quickly.
I can't imagine being in a scenario where it's like longer than that because even that, those 20 days feel like hell.
I know, but it's, I, you know, I never believe it because it's just like, I don't know, been using the same method for.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's no way all the sudden.
Yeah.
It just slipped up.
You know what I mean?
And then it's like someone, it's like someone freaking out about a package that's not being delivered.
You know what I mean?
You're like, I get it.
But it will come.
Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or it won't.
You just order another one.
Okay.
I mean, the wordplay on that was crazy.
It's like order a package.
It will come.
We're talking about pregnancy.
Come on, guys.
That's a great wordplay.
He's a writer.
Yeah.
Chris is a right.
You're like, it's, it's, it's,
delayed.
Okay.
Don't watch it.
Yeah.
It's going to stress you out more.
Totally.
Yeah.
I watched pussy never boils.
That's funny.
Dude, I think I got, I went, I think I got disrespected at a restaurant the other day.
I went to, um, I can't tell if it was disrespectful.
No, I love that.
It's weighing on your head right now.
I went to, we went to Abo.
I think I got disrespected at a restaurant
We went to Abba that like restaurants
It's like a middle to high gear class
Restaurant in Austin
Yeah, it's dog shit
It's fine
It's overpriced
It's overpriced
And way too expensive
And so we go there though
And at the end of the meal
We just went
My lady and I just went
Randomly on it for lunch
Just spur of the moment thing
And because it's a little bit spendier
The guy came out and asked me
If we were celebrating a birthday
And I thought that I know your high class
And that's what I thought
It's a little bit
Spendier.
Spendier.
But I thought
Yeah.
Dude,
I almost
said a lot.
I'm one thing
I've noticed
this is spender.
Yeah,
I want to move to that
neighborhood,
but it's a bit spendier.
Oh my God.
What do you eat your
fucking fingers?
You monkey?
We don't go to
Abinem or
it bit spendier than
I like.
Is that crazy
though?
For him to look at me
and go,
it just has to
to be like an occasion for you to be here.
Is it your birthday? You celebrated
something? Well, you acting like a black lady?
I know I was acting very nice.
Well, you should have my birthday.
I'll take another fishbow.
Give me that shrimp tower.
Let me get free piece.
I'm just never been asked that at like
Buffalo.
What's insulting as fuck. That's crazy right?
Yeah, we're special.
occasion.
Were you dressed like this?
No, I had like a, I had slacks and like a button up on.
Dude, I look, I look stiffy.
I mean, I was wearing your clothes.
That's crazy.
To lunch?
To lunch, yeah.
That's insane.
Wait, what's insane?
Wearing a button up in slacks to lunch.
No, it was like, no.
No, it was like just like, it was just like a black pants with like a polo.
He was nice.
He was dressed up nice.
It was his birthday.
It was my birthday.
It was an occasion?
No, it wasn't an occasion.
It was just we just went out to eat
and I just put on a nicer outfit.
Trying to respect Abba that didn't respect me.
Yeah, dude.
Well, there's your fucking lesson.
Is Abba?
Is it a polo shirt?
You and a polo shirt's got to be nuts.
It catches all those red rings falling off his face.
Dude, yeah.
I like, talk about not seeing.
You in slacks in a polo.
It's got to be like taking a kid to church.
It's just like it's clearly his older brothers.
It's ill-fitting suit.
I was wearing a shirt to Tommy.
Yeah, it was probably my clothes.
It still smells like his clothes.
You can't wash it out when it's good quality.
He can't wash it out.
Tommy gave me his shirt and I've worn it like four or five times.
And it still smells like you even have.
Dude, if I find huggy close enough.
Even sadder parties, you go like, man, I hope it lasts.
Because I'm never going to buy cologne, and I do smell nice.
Totally.
Totally, dude.
I've just been thinking about that, though.
I did that.
I had one of Zach Bryan's sweaters, and he had cologne on it, and I was just wearing it being like, this is pretty cool.
Yeah.
Tom.
That's probably what's going on.
I know you're struggling over there.
I know you're hurting.
you know what it's time for.
Better help.
Better help.
Yep.
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has it all together in their love lives,
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The truth is, most of us are still fighting it out
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We get it.
February is full of flowers,
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and of course, lots of talk about relationships and dating.
And no matter where you are, Tom,
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That's nice.
Get on it.
Yeah, probably not a good thing
to keep in.
Yeah, might want to trim that.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
I've been trying to.
Any other allegations you would like to do?
Yeah, I don't want that fucking smoke too.
I'm a step violent podcast.
I've been trying to dress better, though.
I don't know what to do, though.
Well, what happened today?
Well, today was different.
I didn't know that I was going to be on the broadcast.
Yeah, you fell through a shoe box.
I felt the, yeah, I'm wearing my love.
I thought that I was going to come and hang out.
What does dress better mean?
Fucking polos and slacks?
See, that's what it means.
I don't know what it means.
I know that it doesn't mean I'm not happy with what I've been wearing, though.
I've just wearing, like, plain,
and like jeans.
That's fine.
Yeah, that's fine.
That's, yeah.
I mean, your shoes are nice.
You're elevating your shoes.
I want to be like a hot guy though.
Wow.
Let's calm down.
No,
let's calm down.
But I don't know, I've never been,
let's stay in your tankling.
I've never been,
everybody knows there.
We're slubs.
I've just never been squad dude.
I just don't know what else to wear, though.
I don't know how to dress.
You in a button down is
a nightmare, dude.
It's the most like middle management fucking.
Yeah.
Ugh.
I don't know what the way.
You got to elevate your personal attire a bit beyond being recognizable.
Does that make sense?
We're like someone's not going to go, whoa.
What the fuck?
You're like, you're going from this to a tux.
Of course.
You just get something a little nice.
Better quality.
But what does that look like?
A bigger brand.
Like nicer materials.
Okay.
Cleaner.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm getting a good about.
I can last about a week.
I could do this for you.
I can spill fucking spaghetti sauce on it.
You go like,
why did I?
Why didn't I just wear the shitty thing that I didn't care about fucking getting
milk on?
Yeah.
Milk.
Milk is better than spaghetti.
Yeah.
True.
Dude, I cut the five farms out.
I've been down.
I've been losing.
He's lost weight.
I lost 10 pounds, dude.
And milk and cheese tints is down like 10.
His hair is fruitful right now, dude.
I've been on a calorie deficit, dude.
I'm hitting the gym again, dude.
Yeah, it's great.
All you got to is eat less.
Why is it so fucking hard for people?
Just don't eat as much.
Do more.
The calorie deficit thing is so fucking obvious.
Why can't I lose weight?
Well, because you're eating fucking.
desserts right before you lay down for fucking 10 hours.
Yeah.
You know what got me.
You goddamn monster.
I eat like a fucking savage, but you work through it.
Yeah.
What got me was, uh, that was eating 73, 277 beef.
I was eating like a pound of beef a day.
Oh, wow.
It was, I didn't realize how bad that was for you.
Seventy.
Just ground beef?
Just ground beef and rice, dude.
Just cooked ground beef and rice.
Yeah.
And then I did that for like,
73 17.
73.27.
737.
Whatever,
or whatever that number is.
Yeah,
27.
Yeah,
27.
Dude,
that's so hard to find.
It's just at,
80s hard to find.
It's just at HB.
I was getting like,
oh my God.
I was getting like four of them.
And whenever I'd go to the grocery store and I just eat.
Just eat beef and rice.
Why don't you just get 9010 if you want to just,
well,
I didn't.
Protein up.
It was just,
I just wanted to eat it.
It's yummy.
Yeah.
It's just good.
That's crazy.
And then I was like, why am I getting fat?
And then I looked at the calories on it.
What do you add in the meat to when you eat this?
I just do beef rice.
And then I make like a, like a little, I take jalapinos and Greek yogurt and then cilantro and then cilantro.
Sounds great.
Yeah, that makes a little sauce.
That's what Mara makes.
It's great.
It's yogurt.
Yes.
Cilantro.
Yeah.
Some spices.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's her Greek goats.
It's really good.
And then she also makes the Kafka.
Yeah.
I don't do the Kafka.
because it's essentially the same thing in the way.
Yeah.
And then I was just eating, but I was eating like a full pound of it a day.
Also, the rice is not great.
No.
And I was also eating like other stuff too.
But that was the big thing.
Because it's like, I think it's like 1,300 calories if you eat the whole pound of it.
Yeah.
And I was doing that like every day.
He just held it a burp.
It's so funny that you're the most like invested in like health and nutrition out of any of us.
And you just are constantly making mistakes.
Yeah.
Well, you're like naturally like Shrette.
You're like a freak in its own self, dude.
No, I just, I kind of don't eat that much.
Is that the secret?
I like, you just eat three like regular meals a day.
I eat one meal, fine.
I'm eating like three or four times a day.
That's crazy.
That's what I was doing.
Now I'm only, now I'm only.
Three times is insane.
Yeah, but I was having like, yeah.
Eggs and I was having eggs.
You know the breakfast was created by the Rockefellers?
breakfast was
yeah this is true
breakfast
it's not a normal thing
it was never a normal thing
it was created by the Rockefellers
to to sustain
no joke like this is like the
this is the precursor
to needing pharmaceuticals
to keep us lazy fat and sick
and all start with the Rockefellers
and like 1948
early 50s
when they said breakfast was
It was an essential part of your day
It's not real
Unless you're a fucking farmer
And all these people are just
Every day you wake up and you're like
I'm hungry
Didn't the British put the little egg
In a little egg holder
And like tap the side
It like a hard boiled egg
And do that
And have like a tea
They're not eating what these fucking
Sorry
What do you do
What would be the point of coffee
So people were just having coffee
On an empty stomach?
Yes
That's
100% correct.
That's not bad.
No, the caloric intake and it fucking jacks your metabolism.
You're fasting from the previous night's rest.
Your organs are not meant to digest all this food all day long.
You're supposed to clean it out.
I don't know.
What if you get a little trickle going?
That's what I do.
I do it, you know, it's like you wake up and eat something.
What time do you wake up?
Nothing big.
Not for tire shoots.
Let's talk about a regular day.
I want to hear what your regular day is.
I'm probably up around 9 or 10.
Okay. And then you eat right away?
Yeah.
What do you eat?
I'll have like a muffin or like a croissant.
There he is.
That's good. That's good. That's good.
This is why you bully your friends.
Do you see what he said?
Crusade.
So you have bacon, egg and cheese.
Let's be real, though.
What are you eating for real on a breakfast?
Average.
Average, yeah.
It's probably some type of just like pastry.
just a pastry and coffee.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's, that's normal.
That's fine.
Yeah.
And then, and then, you know, something for lunch, like a, like a wrap.
Yeah.
I'm sandwich wrap.
And then, which is, you know, it's going to be middle afternoon there.
Yeah.
And then.
And then.
I don't know what, some tacos or something for dinner.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's reasonable.
That's normal.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But you're also doing a lot.
Yeah.
not a not a normal normally I'm just like sitting around you know I'm not doing much but it's like dude
when I did that calorie monitoring thing it's like I'd be in a caloric deficit just eating that
as long as I don't have any beers I'm in a caloric deficit easy yeah easy and then you have two beers
and you're fucked yeah and you're like absolutely fucked you're like blown past yeah what you could
possibly ever work off in a day yeah
crazy. Well, beers are like weed where you
just start going, I'm hungry for no
reason. Yeah. And it's a false food. Yeah.
So you're already putting in, you're pumping in like
five to a thousand, 500 to a thousand calories
and you go, I have to eat. And you're like, no, you don't.
Now you don't have a glass of water. Let it pass.
This two shall pass. Whatever
that hunger is, if you want to lose weight,
ignore it. I do skip a lot of meals. A lot of times I'll
skip a lunch. I'll skip dinner.
I do a lot of like
just out of sheer
laziness
I'll miss
I'll miss one
do you double up
the next meal though
do you go like I didn't have lunch
so let me get
no
what
I'm doubling up
from doing that
your stomach should drink
that's so fucking insane
doubling it
and give it to the next guy
I throw it up in my girlfriend's mouth
I double it
give it to the next toilet
That's insane, dude.
Dude, I'll go like.
It's so unnecessary.
Dude, if I don't eat breakfast, I'll be like two pounds of ground beef.
I guess I have to drink five forms.
73, 27.
You're doing four meals a day.
And if you skip one, you're doubling.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
I'm getting fucking.
I'm talking like.
No wonder why your cheeks have cheeks.
It's crazy, dude.
You guys are just fucking mad.
That's crazy.
You guys are mad at me, dude.
You guys are mad at me.
Get a little self-control.
Everybody's mad at me, dude.
No, I'm not mad at you.
I love it.
I love it.
Look at me.
Get a little self-control.
Hit your face.
Grab strength.
You're fucking shredded.
Wait, so you don't double up after you this meal.
It's like,
Dude, making up for lost meals is so insane.
It's like your dad showing up like 15 years.
Oh my gosh.
It's like a reality show.
No, in 1995, I missed the breakfast.
I'm making up for it now.
To build an outdoor fort.
I make up for it, dude.
You only live once, man.
You need as many meals as you can.
I like food.
I do like a gorge.
If you starve, if you don't eat all day and then you gorge,
Yeah, if you don't eat all day
Your gorge is like a light fare
Like my meals
I don't eat all day I'll gorge
And then I'll shit immediately
Yeah, dude
You're always on corked
You're always on corks
If I skip
If I skip a meal
Chris is like a nervous dog
When he sees like a new carpet
He's like I got a shit
I got a shit
Yeah
Like we just got you dude
You don't have to shit
I got a shit
He dumped out in a bar.
You pooped in a bar?
No, he poops everywhere.
Poop out of bar is crazy.
He dumped out in, uh, in, uh, Judy.
That or go home.
I mean, what are you going to do?
Go home.
Give me a reason to go home.
I might start eating three meals a day.
Just have a reason to get the fucking out.
You start walking home from the bar and you have to shit.
First of all, if you have to shit bad enough to leave the bar,
it's Apollo 13
It's like, we're here
We need to get
I want our boys
All the way back home
You gotta wrap around the moon
To get to your address
Gravitational pull
To get to your toilet
Sling shot around the moon
Listen to your bowels
Man
Me and my bowels are insane
We need to get down
It's a it's a
power issue, John.
We've got to get down to two amps.
I can't run a vacuum cleaner on two amps.
I'm afraid I can't let you do that.
How?
I'm afraid I can't let you do that.
That's when you get home and you're drunk and you can't find your keys.
How?
Open the door.
I'm just talking to your pockets.
How?
I'm afraid I can't let you poop today.
Chris.
I'm next one going
The moon landing wasn't real
You don't need too much
You shit
Open the door, Al
That's so funny
You see
Have you seen that movie a rival?
Yeah
Dude that movie's incredible
Unbelievable
Incredible
It's like one of the best movies
Of like
With aliens involved ever
It's so good
When did you see it recently?
I just re-rewatched
I've seen it a bunch, but I rewatched it the other day on the plane.
I'm due for an arrival rewatch.
Oh, it's so fucking.
What I just watching the plane the way home?
It was fine.
Dude, I saw that.
I was too up my own ass about letters and symbols to enjoy it the first time.
Yeah.
I was like, if it was a super intelligent alien, they wouldn't draw in characters.
They'd have an alphabet.
bit. So this whole movie sucks.
Rewind the movie for me.
It's just overthinking. Every movie is the funniest thing in the world.
Stupid idea.
I saw that, I saw that like new 28, 28 days later.
It's like the 28 years later, but like the bone temple, like the final one of the series.
And they just have, they show the, like, it's a crazy, for no reason they just randomly start doing close-ups of a zombie dick.
It's like, it's like in the middle of like an intense chase.
scene and then it just cuts to this zombie's
dick flopping as he's running
it's just out of nowhere
Big old hot is there scary music behind
it or is it like yakoo music? That'd be great if it wasn't scary
and it just drops and it's the biggest
dick you've ever seen.
Or it's just like a soft symphony
it's flopping like it's like skipping frames
Yeah
The first scene's like
And then cuts to his dick
is like
in slow-mo
Just a beautiful
Are my dragging?
Just a beautiful alien dick
Slap in his legs
Weird reptilian legs
Am I rushing?
What was the significance of the dick?
They were going to have a baby
They were going to have a zombie baby
I don't think
They didn't address it at all
They just cut to like this massive zombie dick
It just like me and the guys
I went to it with were like laughing
And then everybody was like mad at us
us.
Oh.
They turned around.
I got it.
I got it.
That was,
oh,
yeah,
I did that.
They thought they were watching
like actual cinema.
Well,
I don't,
I don't know.
28 years later is one of the worst movies I've ever seen.
28 years later,
bone collector,
whatever's got to be absolute dog shit.
It was pretty bad.
It was,
28 years later was the biggest waste of my time.
28 days later was like one of the best non-bid movies.
I mean,
It was incredible.
I really like 28 days later.
That was one of those things too
where I sat down with my lady
to watch a movie
and I was like,
you know what,
let's watch 28 years later.
And she was like,
no.
And I was like,
you know what?
Fuck you.
I'm watching it.
And she like stormed upstairs.
And then I had to sit
and watch an absolute pile of shit.
It was just like,
but you still didn't let her know
she was right.
She was 100% of this movie sucks.
She's like,
how was it?
You go, incredible.
Yeah.
Can I get 28 hours earlier?
There is no hiding it.
28 hours earlier.
28 days before, it's just a guy in an office job.
Just no zombies at all.
Everything's fine.
Just your soft burglar going on is.
Yeah.
That was it.
Good food.
All right.
Well.
All right.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's fun.
It's good stuff, boys.
I miss you.
Miss you.
You better link up with Cooch.
I will.
I will.
We've got a weekend coming up here.
What are you doing for the weekend?
I don't know.
Might hit the boy up, see what he's doing.
Yeah.
I should fire off.
You got to text him, tell him to fucking get into hell let loose.
All right.
I'll text him right now.
We've got to get to the Patreon.
All right, cool.
Go to patreon.com.
com slash stuff on.
Like, subscribe.
Yeah.
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