Stuff Island - Episode 80: Making Drunk Bets w/ Michael Turner

Episode Date: May 11, 2023

- Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch.. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Michael on IG: https://www.instagram.com/turnercomedy/ Support the show & head to RexMD.com/StuffIsland for up to 90% off and a free gift (https://rexmd.com/stuffisland) Support the show & head to FactorMeals.com/StuffIsland for 40% off your first box (https://www.factor75.com/stuffisland) promo code: STUFFISLAND Support the show & head to sheathunderwear.com and use promo code STUFFISLAND to get 20% off your entire order (https://www.sheathunderwear.com) promo code: STUFFISLAND Support the show & go to liquidiv.com and use code STUFFISLAND at checkout for 20% off ANYTHING you order (https://www.liquid-iv.com/stuffisland) Support the show and check out Displate at https://displate.com/stuffisland and use promo code STUFFISLAND to get up to 34% off (https://displate.com/stuffisland?art=62e80374v5e2dU) promo code: STUFFISLAND Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I like hockey guys though. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yes. Yes, it does. I was like, dude, I love a dude that just has nice flow in his hair and shit and just likes seeing people fight. Yeah.

I got unchecked white aggression. Yes. I went to Arizona State. You know what I'm saying? Like, you want to fight? I can't fight, but I want to be engaged. Yeah. I know two guys that'll do it, and I don't even have to tell them why.

Yeah. I'll take a couple punches. Yeah, right? I got a chin on me. And a mouth that will lead to the fight. But my boys will finish. And I will say some scathing things about your family I haven't met yet. That'll set you back for years.

So you want to go? No, yeah. I like hockey. The idea of hockey is fun. Playoff hockey. So, yeah. In the building for playoff hockey. It's crazy.

It's fucking nuts, dude. It's nuts. So think about where I've lived. I grew up in Cincinnati and then Phoenix. Jesus. You know what I'm saying? How do you smile? Honestly, I had a lot of lotion to keep this thing dry.

But, yeah, so like the lotion to keep this thing dry. But, yeah, so, like, the coyotes are fucking whatever. I did do the roast of Shane Doan, though, so I had to do a lot of research. Who? Exactly. Shane Doan? He's, like, that's what I tell people. Describing Shane Doan to people, it's like Steve Nash

of the coyotes, but, like, what does that mean? That's, like, an insult in itself. He's the fucking man? Steve Doan? Shane Doan, yeah. Shane Doan. He's like the greatest.

Would you say you're in the know on this? I feel like he's like the best Coyote ever. Yeah, who are some other Coyotes? Hobby Bullies? That's what I'm saying. Hobby Bullies? Again. Hobby Bullies?

No, he didn't start as a Coyote. I think he did. No. Hobby Bullies, I know that name, and I don't know hockey. I wasn't known from the coyotes. I shouldn't have even brought this point up. I got no further evidence of any names. This is what our podcast does.

We just start fucking throwing things out there that aren't real. False information. No, Hobby Bullen was a long time coyote. Fire up Hobby Bullen. What'd you get? What'd you fire this up over here? Greatest coyotes of all time it's actually youtube of literal coyotes from the bbc it's like oh this is great running the streets now i do understand that the you know the ferocity of of hockey fans because it is a certain sect of the populace like even in philly it's a whole

separate group of fans that don't really mix with everybody. It goes Eagles first, Philly second, then the Sixers. Well, because Philly's Eagles stadiums are right next to each other, right? Where's the Flyers at? They're all right next to each other.

There were games like when the Phillies were in the World Series. I remember back in 07 or something like that? 08. It was like there were days where there were Flyers, Phillies, and Eagles games all on the same day. That's crazy.

Right in this just. A lot of cities can't do that too because a lot of the basketball and hockey is the same arena, right? Yeah. But, well, I guess you're saying Phillies, Eagles, Flyers. But I'm saying all on the same day. Yeah. Sixers and Flyers.

So depending on who won and who lost, you could either impregnate your wife or beat the shit out of her. So hockey's like, for me, I don't give a shit about it. Yeah. I get it. That's why I checked on Feidelberg. I was like, dude. Yeah.

AG, dude. He posted a picture or video i saw the video he's gonna fucking i wanted to make sure he was going towards no bridges yeah right i just texted him i was like hey man if you want to you want to get a beer it was like three three yeah the worst thing possible but actually you were just like you're a monster you could kill yourself you all good yeah i was just looking for a beer, buddy. I was like, you okay, man? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know. It's just your normal daily drinking. You're like, hey, I'll grab a beer with you. Yeah, it is. It's been a rough day. I'm already five deep. It is. Yeah, I'm already balls deep.

I actually need somebody. I'm alone. Think about Chris Benoit and my family. The Coyotes had the sickest thing ever, though, which is the whiteout. Where'd he start? Yeah. I agree. Which made the most sense. I'm though which is the whiteout where'd he start yeah i agree which made the most sense like the penn state whiteout's cool whatever but the whiteout for the coyotes right like they're the moon the fans are the moon oh at howland at the moon yes oh now we're cooking i didn't even get that i like that yeah yes dude the whiteout for the coyotes

also a little redundant in Arizona. Whiteout? Come on. How do you spell Hobby Boulin? K-H-A-B-I-B-I-B. What? Wait, his first name is Hobby Boulin, dude. K-H-A-B-I-B-I-B. Khabibi?

It's bringing up... Hobby Boulin. That Russian Muslim who kills people. Which one? IHA Anderson. K-A-H-A K-H-A B

I-B U L-I-N Yes. Holy fuck. Did he get that right? Honestly? If he keeps following you, he's going to be like,

I'm sweating, dude. That's crazy, dude. One of the dumbest people I know in this generation. That's his savant. We found his actual thing that he's good at. Can you use it in a sentence? Holy shit, dude.

I literally typed it. I was like, this guy's business is hard. Right on. Holy shit, yes. Greatest Arizona Coyote. Winnipeg Jets. Is he hobby bowling? He's not even on the top 20.

What? Hold on. That can't be. I don't know. I mean, is this a ranking though But you know who's a top Donor And I'd like you guys

To stop fucking talking shit About my guy Wait Shane Jones Jeremy Roenick Was the guy Roenick Yeah yeah yeah He's a big flyer

Clayton Keller The young kid Okay He well now he's not as young Yeah Kachuk There's a There's a dude named

Keith Tachuk Keith Kachuk Yeah yeah yeah What's going on here I don't know I don't like me with like Kachuk? There's a dude named Keith Kachuk? Keith Kachuk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on? I don't know. I don't like me with like, you could just, in the 90s,

you could have dropped any basketball player. I'd tell you what college they went to. That was my only skill set. Dude, Shane is unbelievable at that. Yeah. Oh, Shane? Any NFL player, he'll tell you what college he went to.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's stupid. It's unnecessary knowledge. It's very unnecessary. Dude will be a backup hunter for the Jets. He'll arizona state yeah right hey we breed them out there oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah or it'll be like team school it'll be like even create it'll be like southwest north dakota right yeah dude listen to the name it was actually all swag there's a team called the long beach ice dogs

that rules in international hockey league it's a long beach ice dog so yeah in cincinnati we had the cyclones it was like 10 cent beer night a lot like it was a good time i used to we used to do that for uh my birthday every year we'd go to the bridgeport sound tigers that explains so much about you as a person every year year for my birthday where was his brain yesterday dude you were dead yes it's unbelievable i was on the ropes yesterday yeah i it was like i woke up it was i went to bed at like midnight woke up at 3 a.m and then just could not get back to sleep really just fly to denver dude he wasn't that. I had to keep a fucking leash on him.

Good thing we had two pods in a row. The second one, we got to fucking RU Garbage, and Chris was just like, murder stare to nothing. That's a tough one to be slow on. I know. We had a slow start. Yeah, the drive there fucked me up, because this guy just took these back roads. He got pissed off at the Uber.

Yeah, it was definitely the drive. Meanwhile, the Uber driver had the same name as that occupant. Well, dude. He wasn't. Khabibie? Javi Bullen! Javi Bullen! Dude, well, that's how my parents used to put me to sleep and take me for a lap around the block.

They would just scream Javi Bullen at you. Slap shots at you. Hobby bullet! Just shaking a rattle. Take you to a mud dogs game. Put you to sleep. That is how you'd go to sleep. My mother would just rub JMO in my gums.

Really? My dad used to do that. In Irish. No, I don't know. She says she did that she probably didn't i hope not you know why not i the problem was it was christmas 16 yeah yeah yeah yeah i had like a big child seat in the back yeah a big exam the next day give me a couple laps the sats are tomorrow, I could never get to sleep in high school.

I actually, I was like that too. I could never get to sleep. I was like that too. I used to sleep in class. I figured out this way where I could like, I'd put my hood over my head and I'd pretend like I was reading a textbook and I would just.

It snows. I could, I would. What kind of teacher's not picking that up? I would not. You were just memorizing hockey players on the bench. Third line guys. Dude, I was. I was just drawing pictures hockey players on the bench. Third line, guys. Dude, I was. I was just drawing pictures of Mark Tambro dirt.

That's ridiculous. Dude, my dad missed my brother's birth because he was at the Flyers Stanley Cup. Oh, really? I thought he was snoozing. 74. He was driving around the block sleeping. My dad didn't miss any births. In fact, his firstborn son was my brother.

We only got like, there's three of of us but my brother was the second born and uh he didn't know that i guess your balls are really large when you are born yes and so his first words after my brother was born he says what a set of nuts huh like elbow in the doctor like you see that that's my boy sir it's a girl. Yeah, exactly. That's a concern. Wait, why do your balls swell? I actually don't know science on that. I mean, I don't know. Is it because you're getting squeezed through the birth canal? No, no.

And it's like a release valve? I think it's just backup nutrition. It's just where you store all your first day's meal and your nuts. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. The umbilical cord is connected to the balls. I don't know. You've been in some pussy for nine months

and you haven't been able to bust. It's true. It's true. Yeah, you got blue balls. Yeah, you come out with blue balls. That's why you love your mother. It's Freudian. Yeah, yeah.

That's why you fall in love with your mom at five and you chase her your whole life. Yeah. You don't know language. You're just begging her to jerk you off. Yeah, exactly. They don't like talking about that in the medical textbooks. You have to know language, you're just begging her to jerk you off. They don't like talking about that in the medical textbooks. You have to jerk a kid off.

Dad's like, I can't be here for that. Make the boy come. We're going to lose him. I'll be pulling him. Heart rate's dropping. That's why they accidentally beat a kid off so hard. That's why the circumcision happened. The skin came off one time. It was too hot.

See, we are a science podcast. Science and hockey. Checking weight. You guys just transfer to Bloomberg next week. How was college at Arizona State? I hear wonderful things. It was great, ripping and roaring. I went 18, 19.

I was like freshman year, and you're and mourning. I went 18, 19. I was like, you know, freshman year, and you're just ready to leave where you're from. So Cincinnati, I was like, get the fuck out of here. And then you just realize it's just a hodgepodge of kids either escaping something, or they're affluent enough where they could have gone anywhere, or they're the hot. They just wanted a party.

Yeah, right? And then, or it's the hottest. I always say it's like the hottest five chicks from every high school in America. Like one of them goes there. Yes. So like just smoke shows. You're falling into undeserved pussy,

which is the best pussy. Yeah, yeah. Because it's too much. The numbers don't add up. You know what I mean? They're going to settle for me. Yeah. My balls are swelling up right now.

I feel like I was just born again. You got Tyler nuts right now. And so that was good. But then also, like, all your homies, like, most of my dudes that I met freshman year, I would say 60%, 70% of them didn't make it to sophomore year. I ended up graduating, but, like, four or five years, because I was, like, in debt. I was out there, like, escaping real trauma. You know what I mean?

I was like, I actually don't want to go back to Cincinnati at all. I'd be going back selling the same weed, doing the same shit. It's funny. I went to engineering school and they literally said look to your left, look to your right. Only one of you will be here. You guys did that, but it was

for all fucked up reasons. Just for booze and drugs. Exactly. The dude to your right is going to for like all fucked up reasons. It was sophomore year. Just for booze and drugs. Exactly. Right, exactly. The dude you're asking to OD, the dude in the left's going to get gonorrhea, probably OD. OD on Jude.

And dude, I can't stress enough how different Drexel it was. Spiders? Didn't go as hard? In Arizona State, yeah. Dude, the Dragons, Mario the Dragon. Dude. Wait, is that your,

who is Drexel in the? It's Dragons. Oh. Dude. Who is Drexel? It's dragons. Oh, dragons. Who's the spiders? The pussy there was terrible. It was trash pussy. Terrible. No, the pussy there had a calculator on it, dude.

It was Asians and Indians. I got anchoring for heavyset Asian brothers. Me too. Dude, a thick Asian? Yeah. Let's go. This was weird commuter Philly girls. Asian with natties?

That's how you describe them. Dude, an Asian with a big fat ass or natties? See ya. Oh, yeah. That'll fuck me up for a couple hours. Come on, California. They exist. Yeah?

A lot of Asians out there. Yeah, true. And cool Asians, too. The whole Pacific Northwest is really big. This is what I say about the California Asians. I was like, it's crazy that there are cool Asians, because I'm from Ohio. They're not cool everywhere. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the only place I've ever lived in L.A. where I've been looking at Asians and been like, where'd you get those shoes at? Yeah. These are pretty cool. And they're not doctor shoes? Yeah, they're good. They're fucking up on style.

Tall, fit. Yeah fit yeah yeah you're like what the fuck yeah i'm being freakish but it's like dude you're six one i'm a huge fan like that futuristic asian uh fashion oh yeah like i fucking love how that looks like everything in blade runner with gosling i can't yeah i just can't wear it like i just like of course yeah it's like it's like me dressing like a skater I can't fucking do it I bought this Adidas jacket You would like it

You could do like Final Fantasy 7 hair No dude First of all You could switch some shit up But you also look like a dude that just rocks solid colored shirts And a chain over it every time Keep it simple. But that's what the futuristic age is.

It's like very muted colors. It's earth tones. But the shapes of things are long and elaborate. It's like baggy too. They're shaped, yeah, very baggy. They're very sharp edges. It fucking looks great. They all look like Final Fantasy VII.

Yeah, yeah. Like fucking... Cloud Strife. Not the hair. I was more of a tomb raider guy i didn't go for final fantasy me too dude i did twist of metal too i was on playstation but i didn't do that i was those guys were like that was my last game i've ever played was tomb raider i'm 43 yeah i'm tomb raider playstation was like dude it was like it was like vr at that time it

was like whoa which is crazy because their tits were like triangles oh my god i know but i jo do it the one time you fucking get the butler in the back door, all of a sudden she's stripping in her thing. You know, the code. Dude, I had her shimmying on the wall back and forth just to see her hips swing. Right. She was so hot.

Fucking just dangling above a tiger like, let's go. With double-dead angle. Dude, these autistic teenagers don't know what they have. 100%. There was no porn really what was the sexual awakening tomb raider one also that game was sick it was like the first action with puzzles you're like it's got it all did you ever get into video game porn do you ever go down like uh you ever

have a couple weeks where you go 3d what is that i'm about to break down like story concepts in the second one with you don't look, just don't look at me. He's like, so did you ever get into the... You ever jerk off to Marge Simpson? Yeah, right. No, I never did that.

Well, we got you on the couch here. No, I can't do that. I got caught once. Jerking off to Marge Simpson? No, I went to Family Guy. What's her face? She's hot as shit.

She is hot. She's thick. Yeah. I got caught in the... You know how they just put like... they put crazy ads in the thumbnails? Yeah. Lois was getting pounded and I was like, hey, let's see what's going on. Out of curiosity, yeah, I've double clicked one with the broad with one eye from Futurama.

I've always been into it. Yes, yes. Yeah, totally. I was actually fucking around, but you'd be like, that's too quick of a yes to not be real. Yes. You so hot. You so hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never watched that show. I was actually fucking around, but you'd be like, that's too quick of a yes to not be real. Yes! You were so hot. You were so hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I never watched that show. That was a good one. That was Simpson. Same art. So did you stop playing video games after that? I was like, so did you stop J-O? Yeah, so no, I made it to Xbox. Because in college, I had a buddy that knew a dude in Houston.

So he's like, give me your Xbox. I'm going to ship it back. They're going to ship it to us. All of a sudden, it comes back with Scarface stickers. I was like, what the fuck did this guy do? Just put a sticker on it? He modded it out. So we had the Xbox in college that had every arcade game you could think of.

We had a lot of N64 and shit like that. Some of the games didn't work. But people would be coming over. We'd be running it up with Capcom versus Marvel. Remember that capcom versus marvel remember that shit with like you get two guys from here two guys from there fucking spider-man and mega man fuck you you know what i'm saying see me tonight and then and then we do drinking games with that mario party shit like that so that was but that wasn't like we weren't playing really new games maybe madden yeah we were literally using this xbox to play it. It was great.

It was a good college house. I used to do that at work all the time. I would download an NES mod and just fucking play Little League Baseball. Yeah. Yeah. What, like RBI Baseball? No, Little League Baseball for Nintendo. It's the fucking best game.

Really? It's like, yeah. What were you doing for work? Nothing. Oh, yeah. If anybody needs a engineer just playing fucking little league baseball yeah dude it was great that it's like that you had you had all you had new york so you slept through school and played video games yeah what what made you think you'd be a cop why was this game better with children

oh because the name baseball was mlb ken griffey was like you're like what about What made you think you'd be a cop? Why was this game better with children? RBI baseball was MLB. Ken Griffey was like, you're like, what about nine-year-olds? It was just slap hitters with cat power. You weren't hitting dingers at all. You were just bugging guys up. When you hit home runs,

there were chicks with tits, dude. What? I'll see you at like 25 playing Do-do-do-do. It is. What is this game? I remember playing it as a kid, dude. You smack one. I remember my earliest memory of a great video game was Blades of Steel.

Remember Blades of Steel on Nintendo? Yeah. And you could get into fights. And then you could also play like Galaga or something at the end of it. It was like a weird. What, the comic that smashes watermelons? Yeah. You could fucking. You could play Gal or something at the end of it. It was like. What, the comic that smashes watermelons? Yeah, you could fucking. You could play Gallagher.

He's the final boss. The final boss. You got to avoid getting splashed with watermelons. And hacky one-liners. Oh, man. I hope his fucking funeral was exciting. I heard. Is he dead?

He sold his set to his brother. His set? His brother was doing his set for like. Yeah, what was. It was like his twin brother. I read it His brother was doing his set for like... Yeah, what was... It was like his twin brother. I read it, so I didn't even read more into it. I only remember like the Marin interview a little bit. Yes.

Where he like... I don't know if you ever heard this, but like Gallagher sits down and is talking with Mark Marin. And Mark's like trying to have a conversation with him about his like career and like how it's... Dude, that's an escape room for me. Those two talking at the same time. Oh my God.

I would claw through the drywall. Well, it's actually funny because Gallagher's like, I'm doing great. I'm like, I'm fucking, I'm playing county fairs and stuff like that. And Mark Maron's just like,

who the fuck wants to play a county fair? And Gallagher like storms out. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. It's 20 minutes long because Gallagher spazzes and leaves.

Dude, it is weird. Like, I'm 36. Dude, yeah. That's awesome. It's 20 minutes long because Gallagher spazzes and leaves. Dude, it is weird. Like, I'm 36. Dude, my earliest memories of... That is crazy. You and Bon Jovi? What's going on, dude? Just smashing watermelon

all over like a toothless lady with a fucking no-haul. Right? RexMD. This podcast is brought to you

by RexMD. That's a site where you can get pills if your dick doesn't work. Yeah. First of all, it's a very small percentage of the cost. Viagra's like 90 bucks a pill. If you talk to fucking Henry, the neighbor, with Rex MD, it's like a couple bucks. Yes. It's cheap.

You're saving money on the soft bird pills. Yes. And look, you don't have to go to the doctor and be like my dick doesn't work or my dick is softer than it normally is yeah biggest fear going to a lady doctor and being like the mechanism is shut down my dick is weird guys hate going to the doctor it literally takes half a day just to get it done that's the other thing you gotta go and just do the thing also you don't want to talk to your doctor about certain issues okay and there's really a simple solution you just get a

pill and your dick's hard uh and that's what we're about at least rex md that's what they're about simple solutions rex md makes getting generic and branded viagra cialis easy everything's online even prescription and they deliver to your door. No office visits, no talking to a receptionist. Super simple. This reminds me, I get my contacts done here. You just put a computer up. You take a little eye test from a certain distance.

I guess you could lie, but why would you lie? So you want to see perfect. Yeah, yeah. It gets delivered right here. Yeah. It's just the same thing, but for broken birds. Yes, it's perfect. And they don't do, like, their gets delivered right here. Yeah. It's just the same thing, but for broken birds. Yes, it's perfect. And they don't do, like, their packaging is discreet.

They don't have, like, a big broken bird package. Yeah, it's fast, simple, and cheap. And you can access your U.S. license, Rex MD Physician, anytime you need afterwards. Here's what you do. You fill out a quick medical questionnaire on their website. A doctor will review your situation and prescribe you generic Viagra if appropriate okay they got over 300 000 guys get generic

viagra quickly and conveniently rex md just works and it works the very first night yes act now take advantage of their deal by heading to rexmd.com slash stuff island our exclusive deal will save up to 90% off where you'll pay as low as $2 per dose on generic Viagra instead of $90 plus on Viagra. Starter packs of generic Viagra or Cialis are now available for our listeners to get started. That's RexMD.com slash Stuff Island

for up to 90% off plus a free gift. Your partner will thank you. Him or her will enjoy a nice rock-hard dick. It's 2023, man. You never know who's getting the pipe. Yeah. You want to be hard. Factor.

Harder than a rock. During the spring season, you need wholesome, convenient meals to energize for your warmer, more active days and keep you on track for reaching your goals. Factor, America's number one ready-to-eat meal kit, can help you fuel up fast with ready-to-eat meals delivered straight to your door with your dick pills.

You'll save time, eat well, and tackle everything to your to-do list. Too busy to cook this, mate? With Factor, skip the trip to the grocery store and skip the chopping, prepping, cleaning up. Two. Factor's fresh, never-frozen meals already in just two minutes, so all you have to do is heat and enjoy, then get back to outside and

soak. They got 34 chef- prepared, dietician-approved weekly options. There's always something new to try. Plus, you can round out your meal and replenish your snack supply with an assortment of 45-plus add-ons, including breakfast items like our delicious apple cinnamon pancakes. Maybe cut back on that, fatty bacon and cheddar egg bites and potato bacon and egg breakfast

skillet or for easy wellness boost try refreshing beverage options like cold press juices shakes and smoothies that's actually a nightmare and that's that's something i would enjoy yeah yeah juicing the machine i have my machine is like 50 fucking parts. Yes. I have like a metal toothbrush. I have to get old ginger out from six months ago. Yeah, yeah. I'm running out of breath like Foley. I want to get more into more cold-pressed juices. And it's budgeting.

Want to budget this month by cutting back on takeout? Get Factor instead. Not only Factor's cheaper than takeout, but meals are ready faster than restaurant delivery in just two minutes. With Factor, you can get rest assured you're making a sustainable choice. We offset 100% of our delivery emissions to your door,

source 100% renewable electricity for our production sites and offices, and feature sustainably sourced seafood in our meals. Call. Let's go. Head to factormeals.com slash Stuff Island 40 and use code Stuff Island 40 and use code Stuff Island 40 to get 40% off your first box.

That's code Stuff Island 40 at factormeals.com slash Stuff Island 40 to get 40% off your first box. There you go. That's crazy. Factor, get your meals, people. Dude, county fairs are,

they're like, it's like a circus for humans. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's no- I like them for people watching, though. Yeah, of course. Dude.

Yeah, it's a boardwalk on grass. Yeah. I did the Texas State Fair. I guess that's not a county fair as much. No, that's a nice one. Because that's like a good, yeah. Yeah, that's a nice one. You go to the fucking Sooners-Longhorns game.

Yeah, dude. You get bombed, walk out, and you're at the fucking state fair. State fairs are fucking bang. So, yeah, you're at county fairs. I don't know if I've been to a county fair. Yeah, dude. It's like- You used to go to a big E fair. What is that?

It's just like fucking western Massachusetts. The more I learn about you, the more I'm concerned. Yeah, dude. I love watching people. Farmers from Massachusetts are the strangest fucking people on earth. Yeah, the boonies of mass are weird, huh? They are. What the fuck are you doing?

I guess. Yeah. Once you go western and then all the way to new hampshire they're all fucking strange oh really yeah i did a fair in uh it was like an irish thing in bethlehem oh pa dump crazy i dated a girl from there it's a shithole it was that was bizarre they have one like there's a nice casino out there but they have like one strip of restaurants and things to do. People go nuts. Like, it's so beautiful out there. Yeah.

It's like, dude, you got to fist fight just to get some eggs. It was a strange fucking day. Yeah. My brain's gone. There was kilts and Eagles fans there. Just dudes in kilts and like Eagles. Yeah, yeah. Like, what's the dude's name?

Threat? Remember that wide receiver Threat or whatever his name was? answer just dudes in kilts and like yeah yeah yeah like what's the dude's name three remember that wide receiver three or whatever his name oh uh oh javon kurt or javon uh could have been javon curse do you say the freak no three oh yeah yeah i feel like i do remember it was like a half white half black dude that used to just be a slot guy i might be saying his name wrong but either way i just remember that vividly that jersey i, dude, this guy is a strange dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, dude, all of that stuff, like all of those cities are just like bombed out oil, old oil towns.

Yeah, coal. Steel. Yeah, coal. It's like- That's steel. Shutting all the factories down. Dude, I've listened to Billy Joel. I know what's going on in rural PA.

Dude, all those- Living here in Ireland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. what's going on in rural PA. Dude, all those... Living here in Allentown. Yeah, dude. All of those towns are literally like, fucking, I drink your milkshake. Yeah. It's like, Standard Oil straight up like sucked those places dry.

Yeah. They're stuck around. Amazing movie. And then there's just huge... There's huge mansions where it used to be like old oil barren, like a whole just rich town. Yeah.

And it's bombed out. Now it's just meth heads in there like fucking yeah that is yeah yeah sometimes yeah pennsylvania is funky i mean i'm from cincinnati and when you get out of the city it's like yeah this is fucking weird shit pa feels a little fucking weird it's fucking strange as hell dude yeah we're not 30 minutes west of the city they got accents yeah they have a draw and it's like what do you where the fuck in they're wearing camo they got confederate license plates and shit then it melds into like west virginia stuff on the south it's like very it's like yeah that's kind of like between like cincinnati and pittsburgh it's funky yeah like southern like uh south eastern ohio that

shit and it's i've never seen more claw games in like that shitty claw game that you're guaranteed to lose. I was like, what the fuck? Every rest stop is the only way I could go to sleep as a child. Drive around and look for claw games.

Never seen more than rural PA. I'm driving to West Virginia. I finally tinkered out. Best sleep ever. I'll tell you, every rest stop between Pittsburgh and Cincinnati packed with claw games. And it's just like, these are the only morons

still falling for this shit. Somehow that area gave the world Joe Burrow. And we appreciate it. Congrats on that. Thank you. Thank you guys. That's how i get dude yeah when people like they know you're a true fan they're like congrats dude thank you so much i am so appreciate it's like i had a baby getting hurts on a contract i'm like thank you so much i love it like seven calls yours is cooler because you

probably didn't know until like this year that it was the guy i thought i thought jaylen was the guy two years ago too like not to say i was early on it you guys probably believe't know until this year that it was the guy. I thought Jalen was the guy two years ago, too. Not to say I was early on it. You guys probably believed, too. But this year, he still needed to prove himself this year. Joey B, he got injured year one, and I already believed. There was a Cleveland game where I was like, what? I don't need to beat off the Tomb Raider dangling over Tigers anymore?

I got this guy? Yes, dude. The future is bright. And then year two was Super Bowl. Obviously losing, but he's the guy. Yeah.

He is the fucking man. Dude, just having that. It's so rare. You never expect it to work out. I never knew I could have this happiness. Yeah, yeah.

It's crazy. He's going to tear an ACL next year, I think. I'm sorry. No, this is... You know what? That is wrong.

I'll fucking Gallagher this interview. I'll walk out of this bitch dude I slept I slept on this fucking we watched Departed at 4am did you

yeah yeah that's hilarious Shane we came back hammered and then Shane walked in hammered I fell asleep

the door opened then I hear these guys and I came out like a fucking idiot I got a knot in my neck cause I slept on this couch just watching Departed for two straight hours I'm in pain I shouldn't have said what I said to you and I came out like a fucking idiot. I got a knot in my neck because I slept on this couch just watching The Departed for two straight hours. I'm in pain.

I shouldn't have said what I said to you, and I apologize. I take it back. You both look like tertiary characters in The Departed. Dude. Which is crazy. You look like, yeah. You look why we were watching it. You look like you killed him in The Departed.

Yeah, Shane was doing all the characters of each one. I was Baldwin. He was game. You would be Baldwin? Yeah. No, I think you're a thug. I think you're like fourth guy in command behind. I don't know, dude.

You got to watch it. Yeah, that's true. You also got to see Baldwin just sweaty being like, you want to smoke? You want a cigarette? What are you, one of those fucking fitness freaks? Go fuck yourself. I love that line, dude. Who are you?

I'm the guy that does the job. You must be the other guy. Oh, no, that's Wahlberg. No, he's got Wahlberg, too. It was the fourth. Are you Marty Sheen also somehow? Good lord. And then who are you? You're the dude that spells the fucking citizens wrong.

He's the idiot that spells citizens wrong. But somehow, every hockey player correctly let it be Khabibian. He's got it right. Oh, man. That's a fantastic movie. Yeah, it's so good. How do you like L.A. from being from Cincinnati?

I fucking love it. Here's what I decided after. And then I've been in Arizona. I was in Arizona for like 15 years, too. So I went like 18 to like, I don't know what I was, 33 when I moved. Now I've been in L.A. for three years. I'm out on seasons for sure. Yeah. Fuck. You I went like 18 to like, I don't know what I was, 33 when I moved. Now I've been in LA for three years. I'm out on seasons for sure. Yeah.

Fuck. You don't like seasons? You don't miss me with fall and like winter. What? What? Yeah, I don't like that shit at all anymore.

No? Yeah, give me 75, sunny. I get it. What the fuck are we doing? Like, I'm buying chapstick a lot.

I'd fucking, you're taking long showers just to clear up some shit to feel good to go. I hate that. Yeah. Also, yeah also yeah Cincinnati winners gotta be they're they're mild but grimy they're like that's the worst that's the worst so I get like sinuses it was in a fucking river valley all that shit so I'd get like fucked up LA's great yeah it's it's 75 right now um I would say also like if you're doing cool shit in L.A., L.A. is one of the coolest fucking places.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm fortunate enough to be doing some pretty dope shit out there. So that's cool. Yeah, I'm a big fan of L.A. Every time I'm out there, I'm like, I could do it. I'm going tomorrow, and I think by Saturday, I'll be like, get me the fuck out of here. Some people are too East Coast for it.

Yeah, I can't do it. Yeah, it's definitely different. I also love the seasons Coast for it. Yeah. I can't do it. I love this. I also love the seasons. I don't know. You do. I do. I hate the cold. Obviously, the extreme cold, but I love the change.

Yeah, you look like a guy who's got six, eight jackets. Yeah, maybe. I like the change. Open the glass. Look at my collection. Is that real? There's only one Japanese jacket I can't wear. This doesn't fit right.

I'm too old for these shapes. Yeah, right? That's hilarious. But winters like this, that was nothing. I heard it was nothing. It was nothing. It's bullshit.

It's gimme snow. I want snow. It's not gonna snow as wild in LA. Kind of chilly in January. Yeah. We were all talking like, this is the coldest it's ever been? Yeah.

What, 65? At night, it'd be like 45, something like that, but you're like, fuck this. No, that's nice i agree i actually like i like wearing clothes dude i like being cold at night too yes i like i sleep way better in the cold yeah this right now is pissing me off this weather what is this because it broke every fucking year it breaks it gets to like 70 yeah and everybody gets gets excited it got 90 it was like 87 yeah it was 86 or something yeah

for 3-4 days in a row and then it goes right back to 40-50 yeah yeah yeah it's like 51 right now cloudy shitty drives me fucking insane yeah yeah yeah

and then I start fighting strangers and saying shit like I said to you I shouldn't have said he's gonna tear his fucking AC off what

I shouldn't have said that I think Eric Rodgers he already did that I love him he did that. I love it. He did that, too. I know. It's like I'm getting PTSD on this shit. Fucking, ugh.

They're also, both of them, Jalen and Burrow, like, they're so, they're fucking, they're hot. They're smooth. Yeah. I like the way they handle themselves. They're smart and collected. Dude, their post-game conferences are just. Smoke shows, dude. They're hitting 1,000.

It's crazy. Whereas, like, dude, I get the Mahomes thing. game conferences are just smoke shows they're hitting a thousand it's crazy whereas like i like dude i get the mahomes thing first of all his little brother just got it accused of aggravated sexual assault let's go yeah let's go i don't even know if joe burrow has siblings but they ain't doing that yeah i thought he was gay uh yeah and it was a chick that he yeah yeah yeah no it was like uh he's look he's a fucking privileged kid who's unchecked his whole life, for the most part, under the shadow of his older brother. Yeah.

So he's doing this shit all the time, and finally one person was like... He wasn't sexually... I don't think he actually got in trouble for that, right? Oh, no. Literally, he just got accused. I'm telling you, he's in jail right now, and there's a $100,000 bail.

No way. Yeah, it was on the way over. I was on the N train. Got that information. Oh end train got that information so he fucking yeah he basically just grabbed he grabbed the ass of there's a video manager there was definitely a grope and he did go for a kiss and i think she did the like whatever thing or maybe they kissed i don't know but also it's like yeah what now you're bisexual pick a side three white dudes, that's what I'm angry about. Stay away from these broads. It's just privilege at this point.

The kid doesn't have a job I guess. He should be fucking in the NBA, dude. He's too tall to be dancing on those videos. He's huge. He's built like Anthony Davis. You just see somebody tall, you're like, are you in the NBA? It's like, what?

Half black, that tall? It's like you just see somebody tall. You're like, are you in the NBA? It's like, what? Well, I mean, this is just some guy. Half black? That tall? It's Mahomes' brother. Yeah, but it doesn't work like that. You don't just have the gene. No. I know, but I got a brother fucking. I know.

But come on. The head down. I know. Instead of making TikToks. No, I fucking hate that guy. I went to Kansas City for the Bengals Chiefs AFC Championship. Tough. Yeah, that's a tough one.

Tough to see. I was there for the Super Bowl, too. So I've seen two pretty tough outs. But I've also seen some wins, too. Like I saw, I was at the, what was the other one? I've seen some good shit. So, but yeah. Just the fact that you guys are in these games is pretty fucking incredible.

It's fucking dope. And then it's also... Did you do the icky shuffle growing up? I'll do the icky shuffle right now. Let's fucking go. I'll fuck it. I did it yesterday. I love it.

I love that, dude. I just had a nervous tick I got. It's great. It's so easy. Anybody can do it. Dude, they used to... People... You ever hear the term, she's a Cincinnati Bengal?

No. Great uniform, awful helmet. Oh. Saying like she's got a great body, terrible face. That's a good. I didn't like that analogy. Wait, no. The helmets are great.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. They used to say Cincinnati Bengal all the time for like a butter face. Who? In Philly. I like the helmet better than the uniform. Me too. Yeah. I actually think that we have the best helmets in football butter face. Who? In Philly. I like the helmet better than the uniform. Me too. I actually think that we have the best

helmets in football. They're up there for sure. I think there's some college stuff that is better. But like dude, the Bengal Tiger. Dude, so sick. Your unis are so sick. It's so dope. And they update it, right? The new unis are better. The old ones are pretty regular like the Chad Johnson, Carson

Palmer era was kind of whatever. We just switched them up. They're clean. They're nice. Eagles are back to Kelly Green this year, baby. Is that a switch? Fucking huge.

What were you guys like? Dark green. Yeah. Like a darker. Like four screens and shit. The Fanes had enough. Yeah. Yeah.

That green. We've been barking for Kelly. I love that Randall Cunningham helmet. That's Kelly. That's Kelly. That's Kelly. That was like. Yeah, the old school.

It's so funny when. The gray. The gray bird. You just accept this you're like this is great and then somebody in the fucking communications department's like nah we gotta switch it what dude you know what that is that's like somebody wanting to put a fingerprint on something that has they just want to say it's like that it's like that dumb bitch that doesn't shut up at the end of a conference call she just wants to say something she's to piggybackback on what Charlie said and to circle back on Steve's point. You're actually not saying anything. You're saying what we all say.

Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I want to get out. Get off the phone. It's the same thing. It's just some rich Jewish kid who's the son of an owner who's like, I want to put my fingerprint on this. We should change the color. Or a new owner or something like that. No, I'm sticking with Jewish kidish kid no it's a jew okay um meanwhile the only team that

should definitely change it up is like the browns they're like we're staying yeah yeah there's a girl we were just talking about on twitter it's like i always see her yeah redesigning logos there's some that are all right she did a lion's one that was cool i think that was the one that went viral yeah it's great lions are sick but the vikings one was good i didn't see vikings and the dog and the uh cleveland she made one for the browns yes and it was better because it's just like something yeah it's a brown helmet the logo is a picture of the brown helmet yeah yeah what are we doing what the fuck's going on dude like reb Like, rebrand. It's, yeah. There is a thing.

I think it's just like the early 2000s were just a tough time for jerseys and uniforms. I thought we were going Bush administration. I didn't know what we were doing. In the early 2000s. And what happened to those buildings? Yeah, 9-11. New York redesign. You know what I mean?

Bush saw two buildings. He said, let's knock that down, put one up, put them all on the bottom of that bitch. It was a tough time for jerseys. It was. It was. Never forget. First term Bush.

I mean, remember what the jerseys are going through? Little Wayne's on the come up. Just talking about money. Finish the sentence. We're tough for what? Nobody in their right mind was like, NFL jerseys.

I know, we're so consumed with the war. The economy, the youth dying in the Middle East. Now, I had some close friends die over that. No, but jerseys. Our government took down two buildings just to

take down seven building seven did go down also that's that missile that hit the pentagon god damn tough time tough time

tough time for oh man when do you go back to LA I'm here till like the 11th so I'm here for like I always come out

and do like a week or two just to fucking do the New york shit nice um and then i'm gonna go actually uh my homie pete lee just hit me up on go feature for him at syracuse funny bones tom said hello yeah pete's the man he's the man he's the fucking sweet sweet boy and he is a good uh he's a great comic to work with on a weekend because dude he'll just be sipping mccallan's yeah like it's water. And he stays. He's actually a very impressive drinker.

Wisconsin. But it's nice to have a guy that you can drink with because I'm out in L.A. Dude, I don't know how New York is. Everybody's fucking sober. Yeah. I'm the weirdo at the comedy store crushing 805s or something. Dude. And it's like, dude, nobody's with me. Like, it was nice seeing you that one time when we were getting after it a little bit.

Yeah, yeah. It was like, what was that, a festival or some shit? I forget. Netflix, right? Oh, yeah. Wasn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're at the Comedy Store You well that one night. Yeah, that was at the store. What was like a party at the store? Yeah, yeah. We're playing Little League Baseball back in my spot on the computer. The tents, the tents. We got fucked up with the Are You Garbage guys yesterday. Went out, we were drinking with- You could light my breath right now. Yeah, dude.

Really? We went out late night, Kevin Ryan. We were fucking shit-faced. Kevin Ryan bet me $1,000. I couldn't learn the Charleston. Oh my God, I forgot about this. Yeah, yeah. Learn what?

The Charleston. That's a tough one. Is it? I don't know. Oh, that's a tough one. Is it? I don't know. Oh, you still haven't done it? No. I've done no further research on this. I don't know.

I've seen some videos where I'm like, these black gentlemen in the 30s and 40s are really putting it down. I got until August to figure out the Charleston. And then you got to kick the leg out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The arms thing, too. I'm in on that.

He tried to bait you. Oh, yeah, the arms thing. The bet originated with me. And he was like, I'll bet you. He said like 500 bucks. I was like, I'm not doing. He's like, but I have to film it and we can post it. And I was like, it's got to go up.

You got to go up to like 15. Yeah. And then Chris comes barreling in and goes, make it three. We'll do it together. And I was like, no, no, no. Back out. Dude, coordinating that dance. Because once he realized what was going on.

This is not how it went down. A hundred percent. And I was like, dude, no, because he's asking for coordination. Meaning we'll have to do it to get paid. We'd have to do it synchronized. And I was like, there's no fucking way, dude. We'd have to practice together. I can't live with that fucking shame.

How do you think it went? This is what actually happened. You were about... We started drinking at four. I'll tell you the story. The fact is, nobody knows how it happened. Tommy was about to make the deal for the 500 bucks. Okay.

And I was like, no, we both do it 3,000. What a large jump. Yes, that is what happened. That's not what happened. And Kevin Ryan was like, yes. And then Tommy was like, no. And then I was like, well, I'll do it by myself for 1,500. He was like, 1,000.

And then Tommy was like, you stole my bet. And I was like, I'm the one who got the price up. So Chris basically, I was at 1,500. Chris came in and was like, I'll do it for 1,000. No, I'm the one who got the price up. So Chris basically, I was at $1,500. Chris came in and was like, I'll do it for $1,000. There's the summary. He was at $500. He was at $500. I got it up to $500.

I got the price up. I got the bet up. One for $5,000 to $3,000. Yes. And then you settled on a grr for you solo. Here's what's going to happen. Nothing. You're going to lose.

He's not going to do it. I'm definitely going to do it. You're not going to do it. I'm definitely going to do it. You're not going to do it. Where are you going to? How's the spacing in your apartment? Learn this. There's no shot at you doing this. This is you?

This is you? That coffee table's not going back till August. I know. That's what I'm imagining. You're walking out. You're trying to watch the department. You're doing the Charleston. It's like, like dude succession season

finale's on give me 10 the big dance is in a week exactly don't fuck with that song what is the song

is it a specific song you have to do it to no just anything from that era yeah that's amazing yeah and it's gonna be

on the internet forever so I was like I'm good it's good you guys get drunk enough forever. So I was like, I'm good. It's good you guys get drunk enough to make poor bets. No, I like that. We're going down. That's why I was going down. That was the story to say, look, we drink too.

We can hang. I've been known to do that. We can hang. You know how much we can hang? We made the worst bet in the world last night. Really? We just lost a G. Oh, you think you got a drinking problem?

How much do I drink? How much do you want to bet that I got a bigger drinking problem than you? I got to learn the Charleston by August. Dude, that's so funny. How much do you drink? How much do you drink? I got to learn the Charleston by August, all right? By Labor Day.

You think I... You tend to hit the horn yourself. No, I'm not. You ever bet your brother you have to learn to dance? It's like, I just eat a lot of fried food, is what I was going to say. I just have an eating problem.

How's my life going? He does it. I love my darling. I love my baby. Oh, you think you drank? This is you, the future of you. I know the Charleston. Also, that'd be so great if, look, if you set that up.

Oh, shit. Like, you set that up, like, because you really wanted to learn the Charleston. So you had to fire it up like, give me a bet. I bet y'all learn it. He calls his mom. He's like, you got a Christmas present coming your way. You learn it. I learn it. And we'll sync it up.

Oh, dude. Like you got a big wedding coming up. So you need to really impress somebody. Charleston curse is what they're going to call you. It's the only dance you're going to do at weddings, dude. That's going to be so sick. That's the other thing. I fucking bought my parents tickets to Ireland last night.

What? Dude, this is actually an intervention. Dude, I got drunk. What? Yeah, I bought both my parents flights to Dublin. Did you use the stuff on the car or your car? This better be a celebratory trip, dude. They're going to cancel those tickets.

You got 24 hours. You do? Yeah, whenever you buy a flight, you can cancel it. Jump on that. If they're watching, you ain't going to Dublin, sweetheart. Why? You just feeling emotional? No, because we're going out to Ireland to do those shows.

And I was like, they should come. I mean, maybe stick with it. You're going to be up a G here shortly. I need to learn the Charleston. He actually bought it. He's like, now I got to learn the Charleston to pay for these tickets. Yeah, he's like, he actually bought it to incentivize himself. He's like, now I gotta learn the Charleston. I'm out of G on these Dublin tickets.

Alright, guys. Let's take a moment to thank my favorite sponsor of all the sponsors, Sheath Underwear. Sheath makes the most comfortable box of briefs for everyone in my life. I do not wear anything else. Every time you see me, hear my voice. Every time you see my face, just know that I'm a wonderful, comfortable pair of sheath boxer briefs. Ah, my old fucking shirt.

Look at this. Oh, you got sheath in there? Yeah, baby. Nice. I had sheath on yesterday. I save my sheath boxers for when I'm with a lady. Oh, because Yeah, maybe. Nice. I had sheath on yesterday. I save my sheath boxers for when I'm with a lady. Oh,

because they're fancy. Yeah. Do you have the leopard print ones? I do. They're the camo. Yeah, they're camo. It's like a leopard

fuck the camo. Desert camo. Yeah. Yeah. I do. It makes me feel like an assassin. In the poos. You murder that poos.

Yeah. Mostly, I just strip them off in the dark and then jack. Pussy. Clear. Stretchy fabric is made out of a moisture wicking technology. They are super soft and they keep everything cool and comfortable and in the right place. Dude, I will say that if you're going on a date and you got a little anal leakage because

you got your fucking hemorrhoid adjusted adjusted put your balls and dick in the bag it'll keep the poop off them sheath is particularly useful for staying cool yeah okay i used to be a guy who just went and bought a six pack of haynes underwear didn't think about it at all until she sent me a pair of their underwear i put it on i was like i can never go back i particularly love the dual pouches they keep your man parts separated especially if you got a leaky butt. And it is a game changer. If you're a little skeptical, as I was, I was not. I believed in them right off the jump.

I'd say give it a try. But even if you don't want to use the dual pouches, you don't have to. You can just wear them like a regular pair of boxer briefs. If you haven't gotten your hemorrhoids adjusted and you don't have anal leakage, you can just wear them regular. And your balls and dick will stay nice and cool as a cucumber. They also have materials like bamboo and mesh for even more cooling comfort. They have bamboo shirts, hoodies for wintertime, everything.

Go to sheathunderwear.com and get the most comfortable underwear you'll ever wear. And if you use promo code STUFFILAND, you will also get 20% off your entire order. That's sheathunderwear.com, promo code STUFFISLAND for 20% off your entire order. Yeah, listen. If you're dehydrated from talking about how you're wearing bamboo underwear, try Liquid IV.

You imagine wearing bamboo underwear? I bet it's great. It probably is. Yeah, I bet it's good. Yeah, but you know the type of person who would wear bamboo underwear without letting you know they're wearing bamboo underwear? I bet it's great. It probably is. Yeah, but it's good. Yeah, but you know the type of person who would wear bamboo underwear without letting you know they're wearing bamboo underwear? Brooklyn. Yeah, it's true.

But I like my balls being like a little panda bear looking through the... Yeah? Just rolling around? Yeah, yeah. Playing? My dick in there just eating. The panda bear has to be like between the ages of one and three for... Panda bears suck. What? Yeah. Dude,'s the panda bear has to be like between the ages of one and three for panda bears suck what yeah dude domesticated panda bear maybe the cutest thing in the world i mean but till they get like six yeah and start tackling your fridge panda bears they don't make sense they should be

extinct well they have the social they hate fucking they don't eat they can't even digest bamboo yeah they they just eat bamboo all day and they're all sleepy because they just got no nutrients yeah yeah it's terrible yeah it's like a koala they're a disaster munching through those fucking leaves that have nothing yeah it's like you fat shit pick a different food there's so many options yeah get out of the tree bamboo forest take a walk they like asia. It's like Eskimos. Acting like it's only one place to live on the fucking earth. Yeah, and then they get all sad.

Yeah, stop chopping through three feet of ice for a piece of fish that's not going to feed one of your fat kids. Yeah, why did Eskimos stay up there? They're all meat wagons, too. They're built like seals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they're just eating blubber from dawn to dusk. Yeah.

One stick of liquid IV and 16 ounces of water hydrates you two times faster and more efficiently than water alone. 12 delicious, refreshing flavors to keep your hydration routine exciting. You don't get used to the same abusi. Contains five essential vitamins. B3, B5, B6, B12, and vitamin C.

With three times the electrolytes of traditional sports drinks like Gatorade, you sugary bitch. Too much sugar, yeah. Make the premium ingredients. Made with premium ingredients, non-GMO, and free from gluten, dairy, and soy. Liquid IV believes that equitable access to clean and abundant water is the foundation of a healthier world.

That's why they're partnering with leading organizations for innovative solutions to help communities protect both their water and their futures. To date, Liquid IV has donated over 39 million servings in 50-plus countries around the world. They should make a Liquid IV well in, like, East Africa. Like a Gatorade well? That would fucking... That would be so sick, dude.

Why don't they do that? These kids walking buckets of feces. You come across a fucking fruit punch Gatorade well. You know, I used to hear that they would drink a lot of Coca-Cola because... No, the sugar. Well, it was also just like it was the only clean water. Oh, damn. It was the only clean drink they could get.

Didn't Dasani get caught for like making hose water and putting bottles and shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Coca-Cola. They're owned by Coca-Cola. Dude, the whole water bottle thing is a giant fraud. Yeah. Grab your Liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com

and use code STUFFILAND at any checkout. That's 20% off anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code STUFFILAND at liquidiv.com. You get 20% off all right display if your home is still sporting Polaroids on the walls of you and your friends from college it's time for an upgrade make the swap to

display the art of the future high quality metal prints with millions of cool designs displayed sells awesome metal posters that are easy to hang and switch out whenever you are ready for a change if you're a gamer grab some art from doom you remember doom yeah i remember dune i played doom 2 doom not dune no dune 2 is coming out the movie dune 2 is good dune was yeah i loved dune a lot of people hated dune some people talking shit about dune but doom i like dune

is good beautiful world of warcraft also a good game or movies are more your thing check out star wars and peaky blinders posters can we we can upload any image i don't know but they got a lot of stuff on there you know i like i think you can upload your own image pipe under a mushroom that's what i like i know i saw that it's on the home page click the link in our description to see some of our favorites and get your ready-to-hang piece of art. Save 22% if you buy one or two. We got to get a Bert and Ernie display.

Yeah. That would be nice. Yeah. If we could send, yeah, send our little logo there. We'll upload it. Yeah. Get 33% off when you buy three or more. The discount will be automatically applied to your cart when you click our link.

Use code STUFFILAND when you visit Displate.com to get the discount. That's Displate.com, code STUFFILAND. Or click the link in our show notes. All right? Upgrade your posters. Oh, shit. So you're going to tell them that you canceled it? Did you already tell them you bought them?

No. Oh, it was a surprise. I was going to surprise my mom for her it? Did you already tell them you bought them? No. I was going to surprise my mom for her birthday. That is cute. You should keep them. Keep it. That's wonderful. That's great. They're both Irish?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm assuming. Has she ever been? Yeah, once. She was definitely back in 06. I've heard it's beautiful. It's great. I've never been there.

I don't know what time of year. And we have family over there and stuff. Still? Really? Yeah, yeah's great. I've never been there. I don't know what time of year it is. And we have family over there and stuff. Still? Really? Yeah, yeah. Nice. My grandfather's buried there. I got, so my...

On a hill overlooking Shannon Bay. Really? Yeah. You could have said anything, I don't believe you. Yeah. It sounds like downtown Boston, buddy. That's where I'm filming. That's where I'm filming.

Yeah, that's where I'm filming. Over your grandfather's grave. He's doing the Charleston. That's just a line in The Departed he's buried on a hill I tell you to dump a body in the marsh you dump a fucking body in the marsh mom tell my dad

I'm not coming home for a solver did you get your period yet I used to quote that fucking movie all the fucking time well that'll be good my mother's maiden name is Moody, so she's Irish as fuck. Yeah, yeah. They got a good, like, origin story.

They just came over late 1800s, fucking Brooklyn, open a bar, Irish. That's what we've been doing. Really? Yeah, it's a good, nice one. Like, I can go to the address. It's like a fucking high-rise now or something. In Ireland? No, in Brooklyn they open the bar.

Oh, okay. and then my uncle Jack he did all the research like we don't have a 23andme cause he did like the whole fucking he retired from being a public school teacher up in Rochester and he's like I'm gonna map this shit out and so now we can go back to Ireland he knows like where they were

married back to like pretty far back yeah and like he got we got like a couple people buried over there yeah dude it's it's it's cool to know some shit yeah but then yeah but also like thank god jack did it i don't really give a fuck my family did the same thing my my uncle uh uncle charlie there's a charlie papa park in upper derby he was like a politician oh really and he had money money for back then and they there's no really? And he had money. Money for back then. And there was no 23 minutes,

so he had to pay like, whatever, like $20,000 to pay like these people to go to Ellis Island and like map out like where, who came in where, and then they go,

and they found out my Italian grandmother. They surprised her. This was like a gift for her. Yeah. And she had a wooden leg, which is hilarious. It's amazing.

Can't do the Charleston. Can't like a gift for her. Yeah. And she had a wooden leg, which is hilarious. It's amazing. Can't do the Charleston. Can't not do the Charleston. So she's first generation. They bring her this, like, where exactly their lineage is from, really. And all, like, the families around. And Uncle Charlie, apparently, this is my father, says this, gave it to her. And she opens it up. And it turns out that she's Austrian.

Oh, no. And she rips it up and it turns out that she's Austrian oh no and she rips it up and somebody fucked a black guy at some point she has heart attack and walks out she ripped it up

she couldn't believe yeah and refused to believe she was Austrian instead of Italian I'm with that too yeah yeah

so I think I'm Austrian instead of Italian I mean there's definitely you know those monkeys we're all mutts yeah it's like I'm not I'm Austrian instead of Italian. I mean, there's definitely, you know, those monkeys fuck. We're all mutts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like I'm fucking probably barely Irish at this point. I just know my mother's maiden name is Moody, so I'll roll with that.

I'm not looking it up. No, who cares? My Uncle Jack looked it all up, too. It's like when you really look back, you realize some sad shit. I remember it was like two Christmases ago. We were all together, and I'm asking him a bunch of shit. Like, he's got stories now and shit. And then he tells me all these stories, at the end I'm like so we were

all we have nothing that is cool in our whole family we're just a bunch of pieces of shit yeah and drinking for like 300 years yes so is everyone yeah yeah it's like pathetic shit oh yeah one guy started a union yeah I don't know I don't know enough about unions I don't know if I'm pro union or not yeah yeah yeah but like uh nobody joined but no no it was a good thing but the like that was it one guy fucking uh almost got arrested he ended up like they think they threw him off a boat they don't know what the fuck happened and they either died because the he owed the money mob or the mob money yeah shit like that that was a cool story i was like oh so he's a piece of shit that stole money from the mob they threw him off a boat we don't know what happened yeah Pretty sick. Yeah, they departed.

Well, you already said union. That's exactly what happens. They started the union in lieu of a, yeah, it was bad. Unions serve bad people. Yeah, exactly. I've never understood. Mobs, though. Could be just an Italian-Irish thing.

Yeah, mobs are, yeah. Mobs are good. Look what the writers are doing. They're fucking doing nothing. Yeah, exactly. The mob is good, dude. The mob is good. Greed is good. They're fucking doing nothing. Yeah, exactly. The mob is good, dude. The mob is good. Greed is good.

Well, it was good. This is why that's got to be political. Let's stick to science and hockey. Let's get back to jerking kids off. Yeah, exactly. No, dude. No circumcisions. We were watching, like, we were watching,

I remember Shane and I years ago, we were watching some, like, documentary about, like, dudes in India working, just in, like, some fabric. They were just making fabric or something. I don't know. And their working conditions are obviously, like, fucking terrible. Right. And they're just, like, there getting shit on.

And the person making the documentary asked one of the people, like, do you guys ever think about, like, organizing or, like, unionizing, trying to get some rights or something? They're like, yeah, yeah, like, we do that. And then, like, the powers that be are always like, all right, who's, like, representing you? And they're like, this guy. And then that guy's dead.

That guy's dead in a second. They're like, all right, back to work. Let's get back to it. And you're sitting there just being like, they should make a mob. Yeah. That's how you do it you make organized crime sure so that the rich guy is like i'm gonna kill your union guy and the mob's like i don't think that you are yeah it's nice family you got going shame if something happened you know what i mean it's like that's the only way you get it you know damn an an Indian mob movie would fucking rule.

They're probably going crazy over there. The Chinese mob movies are great. Those dudes. Those are good. The Chinese mob movies are Japanese. Those dudes are fucking nuts. Asian mob. Yeah, Chinese mob.

Yeah, Chinese mobs are nasty, dude. Philly's got a big one. The Departed is based on a movie that was a Chinese mob movie. Really? Do you know that? No. Yeah, he literally just took the script and made it Americanized it. Yeah, they're all the same.

Every Boston movie's the same. So they literally, yeah, they just made it about Boston, but it's actually a dope ass, like, it was a great, hugely popular- Dude, AI-generated Boston movie would be a fucking banger. Ready Player One, but in Southie? Yeah. It's just all the great scenes from like four movies yeah

it'd be fucking easy to do oh dude I uh fire that up AI I mean how many how many Boston movies are amazing

dude the town is fucking great the town's great uh Good Will Hunting is amazing Good Will Hunting is fucking unbelievable The Departed is great uh yeah Boondock Saints

Boondock Saints Boondock Saints is great uh sequel not so much uh dude do you ever see the making of Boondock Saints. Boondock Saints is great. Sequel, not so much. Dude, do you ever see the making of Boondock Saints? It's so bad. It's incredible, dude. Really?

Because the guy who wrote the script was just some drunk asshole from Boston, right? Yeah. And so he wrote this script. Oh, yes, I did see this. Yes. And then it became the script in Hollywood. Like the blacklist? No, everyone wanted it. Really? Yeah. And then like it became like the script in Hollywood. Like the blacklist?

No, everyone wanted it. Really? Yeah. And they're like Harvey Weinstein. All these people were like paying tons of money just to like have. Nice name drop. What a good choice. He was big at the time.

That's the only one we know though. He was fresh off of Good Will Hunting. He was on a tear. Dude, I was watching Good Will Hunting recently. I'm like, dude, mini driver blew Harvey Weinstein. Oh, 100%. She fell off. What did she do after Google hunting?

She gave him a handy and he said, your career's over. That fucking mutant. Imagine him naked, dude. I think about it all the time. Oh my God. Yeah, it's tough.

He's disgusting. He was staying in Scottsdale, Arizona for a long time during the trial. You'd get eyes on him sometimes. Really? Yeah, people would like on Snapchat or something or like, there'd be a thing and they'd be like i just saw him the other day

he's a fucking creature yeah dude it's so funny had a good run he did so disgusting no that guy's a monster he's so disgusting it was like uh it was like a it's a cartoon point made in court they were like you're telling me this guy didn't rape these Look how Disgusting Oh really That was the defense Yeah yeah yeah Look at the guy Yeah I think these broads Are saying yes to him They were just like Showing pictures of him

As a person Yeah And the jury They were like I don't know I don't know We gotta get a picture Of his dick out

That was Yeah His penis was like A big talking point Yeah Oh god That was like The closing argument

It's like Look at this dick Yeah It was like Fuck it What was it Tarantino's dick In that Grindhouse movie Just melting off Remember Yeah Was that too deep That was like the closing argument. It's like, look at this dick. Yeah, it was like, fuck it. What was it? Tarantino's dick in that Grindhouse movie.

Just melting off. Is that too deep of a reference? Robert Rodriguez? I've never seen it. Planet Terror? Anybody? I've gone too deep. Tarantino has a melting dick in him? Yeah, it's the only time he ever actually, I think,

looked bad in a movie. Because he's also the same dude I saw recently. He was also the same dude that wrote a script and then cast himself to have Salma Hayek put her toes in his mouth. Oh, I saw that. Where he drinks vodka. Oh, yeah. From Dust Till Dawn? Yeah.

Which is my other sexual awakening. Dude, oh my God. Her with a snake? Yes. She's maybe the hottest in any movie ever. Salma Hayek and Dust Till Dawn. There's no one hotter. Weird argument, the chick that pops out of the cake in Under Siege.

Who knows her name? No way. Yeah, she just did it for me. I think that's a personal thing. That's just because you were younger. Well, yeah, early 90s. First term Clinton. What were you guys doing?

I was changing my jerseys. Exactly. Also, what's What's the name of that lady That was in You ever see Trading Places Yeah 12 year old Lindsay Lohan

No No Oh yeah Take it easy With Annie Murphy Yeah yeah What's the name of that Well

She was like a hermaphrodite Or something people said Boy George No no no But she's so hot That's a great point so far you're not so this is horrible no here's another one was uh i also don't think some hark is beat yet but uh cameron diaz in the mask yeah she's that was like peak stuff yeah but she's

like like that's kind of like angelic and zoro that's that's up there that's up there that's up there that's number two dude she i watched entrapment because of that bitch oh yeah the point is blondes don't make the cat no i'm you gotta have a little fucking a pizzazz in your skin and you gotta be rounded yeah amala anderson nah in the 90s now that's a county fair like uh so hot yeah it's too like fake but also like i'm not gonna to sit here and say not for me. Of course. Right? But like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Carmen Electra? That's now she's- Again, same thing. Cincinnati. County fair. Cincinnati gave you that. Really? And some plastic surgery.

Dude, these- The other girls are princesses. They're state fairs. You're talking county fair bitches. Carmen Electra's- Well, that's all I had off the rack was that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, there wasn't anything.

Look at her now. I know. It's insane. Do you follow her on IG? She's coming out of the water the other day. Do you know that's all natural? It's all natural.

100%. Still natural. Yeah. What is going on? Penelope Cruz. Penelope Cruz, number three. Let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Another little pizzazz on the skin. You understand? Dark hair, dark eyes, pizzazz. Yeah. What about the... You know who I love now is my number one is... Fuck, what?

In Blade Runner, the chick, Ana de Armas. Oh, yes. I love her is my number one is fuck in Blade Runner the chick Ana de Armas oh I love her yes I know her ass I don't remember she was in the first

Knives Out movie did you see that one no she's like she's incredible you'd have to have seen the movies but she's a fucking smoke she's in Blade Runner

she's the chick in Blade Runner did you see the new Blade Runner I don't remember this is your whole style I know I believe you she's the AI like robot chick that is talking to Gosling.

Hold on. What's the AI movie? The robot. Oh. Hot robot. No. Yeah, no. Ex Machina.

Yeah, Ex Machina. Oh, that chick. Yes. That is somebody. Is that her? Hold on. No, no. No, that's a super hot actress, though.

Yeah. She's fromland or something or she's been in some shit yeah she was in she was ex machina dude that is a nice 90 minute ripper too great it's like great movie what's going on that's what that dude up right is that his big move his first big movie oh you're right uh now now no he had a couple you're right alicia of uh yeah you're right i don't know who that bitch is, but I would fuck her as a robot. God. Oscar Isaac.

Oscar. I love that. Oscar. No, Oscar Isaac. He's good. Most Violent Year was actually a sneaky good movie. Yes. I don't know, dude.

It was slow, though. Nothing really happened. No payoff. There's no payoff. So there was a couple scenes where I just remember being like, this is the guy for a little bit, though. Yeah. You're like the act, which also... No, the acting was great great the story was great until the end and it's like that's it

yeah that's true it lets you down third act is whatever i yeah he's a he's a good actor though first of all i just had that that uh he's hot that moment with yeah aesthetically pleasing yeah i could say that as a man joey burrow oscar isaac i call them both hot um just for the story um you know i just had that revelation with two which sucks was like when you saw oscar isaac earlier Oscar Isaac I call them both just for the story you know who I just had that revelation with too which sucks was like

when you saw Oscar Isaac earlier like this dude is gonna be around for like 20 years I just thought that watching Creed 3 with Jonathan Majors

and then he started hitting bitches now he's done that's the quickest downfall ever but I was like dude I watched if you watch Creed 3

I was like dude this guy is the man he's gonna be a great actor and I was like wait he's slated to be in some shit dude he's yeah there's one bad one and then it was one of those where like now four other chicks are like oh he's been doing this uh and it and

then there's a video no they they yeah so he was like the video's gonna exonerate me then the video got out they haven't showed the public yet, but now he's getting canceled off projects and shit like that. It's like, what's his face? Yelling at his pregnant wife. Oh, yeah, yeah. Fucking Crowder. Crowder with Crowder. Jay Crowder? Steve Crowder? You know, yeah, what's his...

His whole thing? I don't know. I think it's Stephen Crowder. Our brains aren't working today. He's like a conservative YouTube guy. Oh, nice. He does comedy. That's tough. Yeah.

Anytime he does comedy. It's bad. No, it's all hard right politics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody gives a shit. I mean, a lot of people do. Most of the country, but he's huge. Anyway, yeah, a video came out with like abusing his girl on the fucking ring.

Give me a quick downfall every time that comes out. I don't know, though. His audience is like. His audience, I think, is all mortified. It's like him a boost in numbers. They're not going to Ray Rice him? They're going to elevate him? No, no, no.

They're going to Joe Mixon him? Maybe give him another chance? Draft him late? Shout out to the Bengals. Joe Mixon. Yeah, he was the Bengal, wasn't he? He still is. Is he still? Yeah. He was like 18. She called him the young word. He hit he was the Bengal, wasn't he? He still is. Is he still?

Yeah. He was like 18. She called him the young word. He hit her in the face. Oh, yeah. That I was down with. Also, I was kind of in on him being able to have a second thing on that. It wasn't like a domestic violence.

And if I remember from that video, he was like, stop saying that. Yeah, no, it was a whole confrontation. Stop saying that. And she kept like, and then he was like, all right. All right. We can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way. We'll give you a little taste of the hard way. Exactly.

I don't only hit holes, sweetheart. Oh, my God. Good Lord. They call me a crackback running back for a reason. What the fuck is going on? You got anything to plug, buddy? Just started a podcast, you know what I'm saying? With myself

solo. So just look me up on IG, Turner Comedy on Instagram and all the links are there. I do a bunch on YouTube. I go to like, so I went to the Knicks game and I do like pregame shit with the fans. Yeah, yeah. So I did one with the Clippers recently. They went pretty good on IG. So those are super fun.

I got all those on YouTube, so hit me on YouTube. All the links are at Turner Comedy on Instagram. Dude, the fucking Bangles. Yeah, I do Bangles videos every year. Dude, he sends, I don't know how you do this, but he just sends Tiger pics to people, like to the opposing team's fans. So if we were playing the Eagles, I'd get your number randomly,

and I would just text you once a day a single photo of a Bengal tiger in its natural habitat. No words attached. The whole week? Nothing. And they're like,

wrong number, who is this? Day one. And then day two is just, and they're beautiful pictures. I get like HD shit, like they're like stunning photos of tigers. And I'm the zoo.

I'm not talking like, I'm talking natty habitats. Like natty habits. Yeah, looking through the leaves. And then Friday comes around and they start to click. They're like, we're playing the fucking bangles this week. And then they're like, fuck you, you fucking cocksucker. And it gets nasty. People leave voice messages. Dude, that rules. It is very fun. and then they're like fuck you you fucking cocksucker and it gets nasty do people leave

voice messages dude that rules is very fun and then i'll take it at the end of the week and i video it uh uh say again nice i'm sorry finish well no and then i'll then i'll like screenshot it and i'll talk over like ig video and like break down the week of the highlights so do like people send you numbers so now it's big enough. So now I crowdsource the numbers, so on a Monday after the game, I'm like, anybody know any Patriots fans? Boom. Now, the

tough weeks are, like, Texans fans. Like, those weird, like, I think we played the Jaguars or the Dolphins this year, and it's like, eh. But, they're fine. They're actually, but the nice thing is like i'll put myself over it and i'll just make fun of their fan base as a whole um but how did you start like how did you start the process so i did this like this is probably like 10 years ago there's a

comic that i know in phoenix sierra and uh she is a raiders fan and we were playing in week one and i don't know why but i was like'm going to just text this bitch once a day. Photos of a tiger. And she didn't know it was me. And I remember thinking, and then I put it on Facebook to like, it was like that was when she realized it was me all week. And I tagged her and I was like, been fucking with you, blah, blah, blah. But it was very funny and people engaged in it.

And I was like, I could do this every week. And this was so, this is actually, you know what it was? It was actually 2015, and we were actually fucking good, if you remember. That was the year that we ended up losing to the Steelers in the Pac-Man fight. Did the flip into the end zone? Nugs Simpson?

No, that was the most amazing highlight in the history of sports, arguably. He landed that flip, but that was like 08, 09, bad team, but that was a great great moment um no but 2015 i did and we were actually good and i did every week and then i just put would post the screenshots on facebook and then i didn't do it for a while and i was like fuck it i could probably do this on ig and uh it's it is fun i appreciate you saying because it's also a lot of

work yeah like every day i should actually have it like some people on reddit it went viral on one of the ravens boards when we did the ravens week one and they were like he's probably doing this

and I'm reading what I probably should be doing I'm like oh definitely should be doing that like automating the pictures every day through something else they're like this is probably

what he's doing it's very easy blah blah blah I'm like what do I do I want to message that guy like what should I be doing I'm literally sitting on the shitter for 40 minutes so my knees are fucking weak like texting everybody telling my girl like i'll be out in a little bit what are you doing

and some dude will be spaz and he'll just text send him like a picture of a tiger like scratches yeah yeah yeah if they get me like i gotta come, yeah. There's one with a tiger. Yeah, I know how to communicate through photos of tigers. It's actually kind of nuanced at this point. I got one. If it's going wrong, I got a tiger fucking a tiger. You want that? You want to make it go that route? You don't want these problems, big guy.

I got one. If we're playing the Buffaloes, I got a tiger eating the ass of a... It's a wildebeest, clearly. But you don't know that yeah um so yeah that's my yeah if you're a bangles fan fuck with your boy yeah this year i'm trying to so i'm not trying to i'm going to when the schedule comes out i'm gonna go i'm gonna do a tour where every road game and i'll do a show that weekend of the bangles games fuck you so it'd be eight and i don't know i think they got eight road games this year nice fuck yeah so it'll

be fun well thanks for coming dude yeah appreciate you guys