Stuff Island - Florida Storms - Stuff Island #245

Episode Date: July 31, 2026

Josh Francis from Friendly Fire Podcast joins Tommy and Chris Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians SUB TO THE PATREON: PATREON.COM/STUFFISLAND Head to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND. #ad Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com/STUFFISLAND. Get 30% off sitewide with code STUFF at https://brooklynbedding.com Right now, when you buy two months of BlueChew Gold you get the third FREE with promo code STUFFISLAND You will also receive an additional 10% OFF + Free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit https://www.BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Picking cool wallpaper? Yeah, it's not my forte. I mean, if it is, you better shut up about it. It's not something you're fucking bragging about. You know what he's surprisingly good at? I didn't know Chris was by. You ever seen him pick out kitchen wallpaper? Yeah, it does feel like a roundabout way of calling somebody gay.

Yeah, of course. No, the kid picks out wallpaper, if you know what I mean. No, it is. Dude, I mean, interior decorating. I like to say I'm a little I'm a little by myself I'm pretty good at what I do yeah yeah yeah

you see in our place yeah true you know and it's not it's it's about curating for the space shut the fuck out of God yeah yeah yeah my bad dude too early dude

I got fucking delayed six hours yesterday oh in Atlanta yeah and I drank next to two fucking bikers these two fucking soft ass bikers. They were dressed the same. They had the same red undershirt.

Their same jackets. Like they had the same uniform, which is the gayest fucking... Yeah, dude. Like, you gotta... You know what I mean? We had the same sneakers. And I'm like, if I see them on you,

I'm like, I had to take these fucking things off. Seeing a biker in an airport. And you know, it's a type... That's an analogy for something. No. You know, you can... Yeah, it turns out they're not so good. Yeah, a biker at an airport.

That's like putting shit. on top of poop. But I mean, stop it, Josh. Stop it right now, dude. And you know, they're the bikers that just want to belong. You know what I mean? Like the crossfit of bikers? Yeah.

They're just, they just want friends. They got no fucking, they got no heart. You know, they got all their teeth. There's no scars on their face. They don't have like fucking big mitts. Yeah, yeah. That's what seeing them in an airport makes you think. Yeah.

You go, you're not really committed to this. Yeah. Otherwise, you would have. you know. Yeah. We would have loaded up the bike and made the trip. Yeah.

And you put some... Are you flying to buy another bike? Yeah. You put some disease bag of shit behind you to hold on to you. You know, some big fake titted Floridian. No.

Looks like a fucking raisin. You know what I mean? Some, some, some hog, babe, you know? Dude, that's the New Hampshire. That's the New Hampshire. Oh, that's it to do.

New Hampshire. You ever, you ever take a trip through New Hampshire, dude? It's all, it's all the like I don't know what they're called but it's like

it's got it's the RV of Harley Davis yeah it's like a layout bed you can nap on the back and it's two units oh my dude the women in New Hampshire I think they are hatched out of eggs

I think they grow them underground New Hampshire like ladies are fucking atrocious they're they'll be a

they'll be like a row of them they travel in tax of course they do it looks like the gremlets it looks like a quarterback just gave its offensive line

like gifts you know what I mean like it's fucking nuts there's just one man's a bike you're handing out bikes

yeah yeah yeah Oh, man. It's unbelievable. I can't believe it's the earliest we've ever done a podcast after the longest fucking week of our lives.

Yeah, dude. Longest two weeks stretch, dude. That was a good one. Hell of a beach trip. Philly's Shane show to New York to a private gig in Colorado. Yeah, yeah. To a fucking week in Florida.

New York, yeah. Look at this, dude. I was telling Josh, I was like three days away from saying it. I told Nate if I catch up, I'm saying it, dude. That's the real motivation. All the week, I'm like, put sunscreen on. Now.

I'm close. I'm so close. Spirals are getting tighter at it. Dude, my rig is shot. Yeah? Yeah. No, no joke. It's fucking wrecked.

I couldn't wash my hair. He becomes a scrambling quarterback. Tanner he gets the more he likes catching the ball and throwing it. He starts, yeah. He's playing catchy. He's scrambling. I won. Wash my hair.

Because like anything above my shoulder, just the pinch is crazy. Oh, you're getting a pinch now. Yeah. You got to start doing some banded joint mobilization drills. I'm not doing that. Jesus Christ. I'd rather pick out that. I know a guy, Tommy, if you want to get some joint mail mobilization going.

You see you're doing band work. Put a bullet right fucking here. Dude, bandwork can smoke you, dude. Bandwork is what we all should do. I know. I know. You ever see those things like you see, there's like certain like drills like you're like,

what do they call them like the rotator cuff? Not the road. Well, there's like certain muscles in the rotator cuff that are like so underused and underdeveloped that if you get you get like a guy who can lose like the world bench breast record will try to like lift it in a certain way. And it's like three pounds. His body can't do it. Yeah.

Use the stabilizers. The muscle stabilizers. Yeah. Our old drain or ferg used to get me doing stuff like warmups before like where you just hold like two and a half plates laying down. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

With your head on the on like a towel. Yeah. Oh yeah. Y. W. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Oh, that'll humble you're real. Yeah. Dude, you can't even do two and a half pounds and you're like that's fucking insane. Yeah. Now the band workouts are sick.

I mean, that would be like a YouTube channel I would watch. Yeah. Band workouts. Just a guy walking up to power lifters going like, come on. Yeah. I'll show you something. Any of those,

any of those guys that are over like 28 like power lifting? Yeah. Just being like, come on. Yeah. Handing him a band. See what he could do with this. Yeah. That's the equalizer, dude.

Yeah. Quit it. Then they just fucking eat it. Yeah. Dude, five, six, seven days straight of just throwing, loading up a golf cart, getting to the beach by noon, getting off the beach at 8.30.

Oh, dude. We saw some epic sunsets. Sunsets out there are fucking nuts, dude. Yeah. Tom me to show me, like the cotton candy. skies. Unreal. Sherbert,

dude. Sherbert every night. Yeah. Dude, there was... Thunderstorms last night was fucking insane. Two nights ago. Yeah, yeah.

The one night, we were out there and it was like... I was like nothing I've ever seen. You call it Italian horror. It was like an Italian, like it felt like, yeah.

It felt like it was like out of like eight and a half or something. There was like fucking... There was like a... Someone had laid out like hanging Edison bulbs in like a square with like... like couches, right? Because they were going to have like a party at night. But it started thunderstorming.

So they all ditched. So it was just an empty like lounge area in the middle of the beach with lights that was like far off. And the only people that stuck around were like three kids that were playing glow in the dark botchy ball. That's so sick. And they were just so you just see like orbs get like lobbed up. And it was like it was like enough in the distance that you couldn't, you could just see the orbs float and then drop and bounce.

And then there was. a family looking for crabs in the ocean with like headlamps and so there's just like there's just and you can't see their bodies. You just see like light scanning the water. DeRosa's stone key bumps. They're like yeah yeah

bro and then it was it was a lightning storm but it wasn't close enough that you could hear thunder or that it was like affecting you it wasn't raining but the whole sky was just lighting up every once in a while and it was like crazy dude it looked like

And the family was so far off that like it looked like four lighthouses like wandering around in the water. Like because they would look up and the beam was so intense. It could scan like deep into the water. It was crazy. Yeah. They started to piss me off. I was sitting there like not on mushrooms going like this is the craziest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, I was sitting there not on cocaine too.

Dude, the first time I was just Shane and I was the fucking best. Then it was Shane, me and DeRosa. And I, you know, you always say, I just take it easy the first couple of days. It's just us, you know. I had fucking 30 seltzers on the beach, and I got Adjada for 24 hours. I got fucking heartburned.

And I started, I started, like, gleaking and shit. My glands were filled up. Like a lizard? I started, like, I'm watering. And I was like, oh, I got puke. This is like the day after, like day, day three, like 5 p.m. I got to throw up. I have to pull the trigger.

I got to get rid of this. Adding DeRosa to that is like, it reminds me the scene in like Oppenheimer when they're like talking about like the fission bomb and it's like it's kilotons. And then Safty's like, but what if we had it explode into itself from making a fusion bomb?

Then we'd be measuring in megatons. That's just DeRosa walking down the steps. Stores. DeRosa's showing up. His weird pigeon poop. We've heard the reaction against itself. Dude, it was like

6.30. It's the most powerful bomb we've ever seen. 7 o'clock. The sun's coming down. It's just me, Shane, and DeRosa. There's families, like, in the distance and whatnot. And I just went, yeah. All right.

And I just stood up through my phone on the, on the chair. And I yacked. like five feet away from him and it was like Team America did it was like Team America when he's like in the alley I was like I did eight times it was like an impressive amount of fucking

water that was flown out of my nose and every orifice on my face just fucking howling at the sand it's so funny and then it's like DeRosa and Shane starting to pack up chairs and Tommy just comes back because it feels so much better I did I did

Let's keep going. I did. I was like, that's all I needed, dude. All right. Shane just tossed me one real good. We're like, we're back, dude.

Holy smokes. That's all it is. It's just, you know, citric acid, drinking these things all day on the beach. It's too much acid. McCusker had the right idea. We started,

we started batching cocktails. We would take an empty cold brew container. or filled up with, you know, tequila, soda, some lime juice. You bring that down there. You start cupping that. You solo cupping some mixed cocktails.

So funny. That's what you do. Yeah. As an adult. Yeah. You bring some fucking cold hoagies that we homemade. Tommy,

Tommy never addressing the alcohol is so funny. He'll always, you have, like, 18 cocktails. You have, like, a burrito. would be like this burrito he's not sitting there I don't think they cook there right it's like a dude living with ghosts

every morning he wakes up and all the cabinets are open he's like I forgot to close those he's like no dude there's ghosts in the house not the hoagie's fault shouldn't have got the quack yeah yeah the quack the quack

the quack did me in the block's making my tummy hurt throwing up fucking bile his blood keeps leaking out out from the door is probably the fucking carpenters suck every night there was a fight there's too many

there's too many guys the epic battle and Shane's a fucking energy vampire so like if everyone's just having a good time Shane'll just look around just go who am I going to fucking prod you know what I mean who's getting the poke to the fucking chest

and they just start talking shit were you guys swimming at all? Oh all day everything yeah you were in the water yeah yeah yeah We have water balls. We had a fucking, you know, all the good stuff. Dude, it's when everyone comes in from the beach, everyone's, everyone's on edge.

Send it. When you transition from, like, after watching the sunset back into the house, something about the air conditioning. It's the, yeah. That sounds like your alcohol. I know. Right on the AC. Something about the temperature change.

It makes people just act. I usually don't slap my friends. I get a little moon to a werewolf, dude. Tom. Tom and McCusker made like a beautiful dinner one night. And, like, I walk in and Tom's making the wild mushroom risotto. And I go, oh, man, are you making the wild mushroom risotto? And then he was like, yeah.

No, no, no, no, no. Let's tell a hell of a story. I go take a shower and I come down and Tom's still mad at me. I was excited about it. We thought I was talking shit. Josh. It was like Three nights

Three of the seven nights That's so funny Three of the seven nights When I tell you They're all going like He was like Motherfucking me After that

He was like What Yeah I'm making the wild motherfucking prick Hold on Dude I was getting giddy

Hold on But I was so hammered I was like Making wild mud For you're getting closer You're getting closer You're getting closer You're getting closer

No, dude. I was excited. You're getting closer. Here's what happened. Three nights I spent. I'm going to see. That's the fucking attitude. At least three hours

curating wonderful fucking meals. Otherwise, these fucking dogs they eat like fucking alley pics. It's McDonald's. It's pizza in Florida that's so bad. No, that pizza was pretty good. We were just drunk.

The shit was so, the fast food down there is so... It pairs well with 40 beers. So bad. It's a good pairing. So like the first time, we spent like, fucking, like 300 bucks in steaks. You know, we're making, like, actual dinners. So Matt and I, I got a fucking cooking playlist playing, you know, softly. We're having a wonderful time.

These fucking animals are on the beach getting blacked out. And I know they're going to come in like a swarm. I just know it. They're not going to respect what actually is going in the... mouth. So I'm preparing myself mentally for like... The vocabulary is so funny. But you see it's like the word choice.

He's built the narrative in his head. We're watching a beautiful thunderstorm being like, I hope they come down and see this. Meanwhile, he's just over the stove going he's fucking pricks. Here's what happened. Of course, you hear the door. Wild mushroom risotto. Yeah, it is.

You fucking animal. No. You hear the door. door and the door has a signal and then you just hear the bell going how you fucking was here buttoned it's just like a slow like a slow muffle

it's like thunder it hits before lightning you hear before you see it before you see it a couple giggles a couple cheers and then they Tom didn't have the right pecorino and he had built himself for war true I true no I got

I got pecorino Romano instead of Parmesan that was a thorn in my ass it changed the complexity see in the flavor profiles of my risotto I was not happy. He was like say something about the cheese he was like

he was ready so then Chris of course I knew I knew the closest to you are to somebody that guy you know it's like it's like a wife's voice getting on your fucking nurse you know what I mean

there could be a pack of bitches but your wife's voice you're like shut the fuck up so he comes barrow around the corner he's got no shirt on he goes, what are you making the most wild mushroom is a, and I went, get out of my face. Get out of my face.

And he was what? What? Why, I was just saying wild mushroom reserve? And Shane's like, yeah, get out of his face. Shane's immediately trying to fight him. And I'm just trying to, I'm trying to prep and get this thing out for the fucking pigs. It was a great dinner. The first dinner was the best dinner because there wasn't that many people. Yeah, I wasn't there for me.

It's just like playing sports with, with, you know, with guys that can play sports. You know, I had McCusker until Chris showed up. That's my fucking squad. These are my pros. These guys are, they're staying in the bullpen for the whole week. I know I can rely on these guys.

Then we got kids that aren't even, they shouldn't even be playing high school ball. And they want to play, right? I'm not going to say names. But they come in, they fuck up the whole dynamic. Because you start, you start cooking with your boy, right?

We have two different balls. One's like, I would say like minor leagues. such a hard story. I'm trying to do you turn to the Tarantino movie. What I'm saying

is you can't you cook it with your friends right but they're not throwing the balls right yeah they're comics I need more everyone's getting some good

tosses in I don't know everyone was getting some good tosses in we were hucking the bee we were hucking the bee I haven't hucked to be in a long time the bee was nice

what is that Frisbee oh hucking a bee yeah yeah You never Huckabee. I used to put first week on. Mike Huckabee, dude. Dude, I have not Huck to be in years.

And that was. It's wonderful. Satisfying. It's so wonderful. It was unbelievable. Yeah. You upwind, I was very impressed with it. I got to be a fucking award, Bob.

You got the B award by far. I don't know. This dude shows violence with the B. He was like, I'll go against the win. I was like, that's insane. I was going against the wind. I was running against the wind. Yeah, the whole fucking weekend.

week yeah i was throwing the ball into the wind well i showed up late i had the freshest arm so i had to you the relief yeah yeah yeah yeah i had to go into the wind Shane hat we're talking about fucking saran wrapping and iceing our rigs yeah yeah every night i should have fucking iced up

that would be nice there's no there's no relief go get a massage in between in between throws that would be that would be such a funny fucking thing if you were dead serious no just got if it gets to a level where like Like on the beach trip. Ice in your on.

Shane literally hires like physio. Like at the end of the night, we just, we just all load in drunk to the... Ban workouts in the morning. Yeah, yeah. Ice and stim. Sports massage. God damn. That was a fucking great week.

Now it's all over. Then we get back to this dog shit. You guys look great, though. You guys both have a nice color. Yeah. It's a lot of work out there. You know? Yeah, yeah.

You eat and you drink like fucking animals, but you're working out the whole fucking day. You know, it's six hours of cardio. Yeah, burning calories with the rig. Yeah. Yeah,

yeah. And there's good undertow. That's a perfect undertow. What do you mean? In the water? In the water, yeah. No, my knee's shot. You weren't there for the storm.

I know. There was a tropical storm. We couldn't go in the water for the first two days. You had to go to your waist, waste up. Yeah, yeah. So I just got shut. the whole time. And I didn't pay attention to it

because I drank through it. And my fucking meniscus is fucking bruised. You know what you need. Some joint mobilization band workout. Yeah, yeah, you need band. I do need a band. You need to band. You're going to get a band. You're going to get a band. You're really poetic. My brother just got fucking

or my father just got catarags. Picked him up at the store. You got a cataracts. You got a cataract surgery. Oh, oh. Yeah. I'm just thinking about aging. Like I'm close to band workouts. And eventually you got to get your fucking and your eyes zapped because you look like a cloudy poke. No, band workouts.

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Yeah, millions, billions. Tons of money, all the savings. that you're getting. All right. And it takes care. It's like it monitors it for you. So you don't have to like plug shit into QuickBooks or whatever. Yeah.

It tracks all your monthly bills. Yeah. Yeah. Your daily management. You worry about overspending, you know? See, I'm smarter with money. I do a spreadsheet.

I shouldn't be doing that. I should just jump in the rocket money. You can also like set goals and stuff and it'll tell you when you're not. Yeah. You know. How much money you're wasting on the right page? At a bar after the gym. Yeah.

You got to do it. And they'll hunt down and they'll cancel subscriptions for you. That's my favorite part, dude. Yeah. They got their own pack of henchmen. Yeah.

Getting on the horn. Josh, once we fire you from being a producer, you should be one of these these rocket money henchmen that call these debtors. And go, hey,

he doesn't want to go to L.A. fitness no more. You hear what he said? He doesn't want to show up. Okay? And you're going to give this fucking money back. Josh leaves this podcast. We're going to be the ones. 100%.

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Yeah, ride that gold wave. It's a big difference, by the way. Yeah. Try it. Dude, if you switch to a band workout yoga regimen, yeah, you can be elite. Grow an inch. To like 80.

Yeah. I'm telling you. You get away from the power lifting and you just go straight, stretching and, like, joint strengthening. Yeah. Unstoppable. And that only works if you pair it with weight training. You got to lift heavy weights.

And then you do the stretch. A little bit, a little bit, but. I talk shit on my ex-girlfriend about yoga. And she's like, come do one. And I was a fucking mess, dude. I couldn't touch, obviously, I can't touch my toes now, but I'm obviously like shaking and swaying like a fucking pig. Yep.

It's no joke. No, it is. Shout out to the yogis. Yeah. It's like that mind muscle connection thing that you never, like you don't even know how to target that. thing. Yeah.

Like you're putting a position and then all of a sudden your your muscle contracts because you've never contorted that way. Yeah. And then you can't hold it because your body's like, I've never once done this. Dude. I did a. And then you're farting. You're downward dog farting.

I did a gig for a video company. What? Just because you don't know how to control the muscles, you can't protect against farts. No, you can't. So they're constantly putting you in a position where you are accidentally going to fart. 100%. And you don't even know. they're like, okay, now sit into it.

You got to tell me that I'm at risk of sharding. My toot regimen is precise. Really? Yeah, I only toot in the morning. And it's after a couple of rollovers because I toss and turn. The gas builds up all night. Yeah, I get the bubble in one spot. Yeah.

I to three, four times in the morning, that's it. Yeah, yeah. The morning blowouts. Morning blowouts and outside of like a, A bad burrito. It is. I'm not tooting. Really?

No. I don't overeat. I gotta go no booze in order to... The bubbles. To prevent the toots. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Your ass a couple days ago. Yeah. They're not getting a security deposit back. Well, I was... You ruined that couch, bro. Day one, I showed up. Dude, I didn't sleep.

Like, then, like... It's got nothing to do with your ass. Well, let me tell you what. happen. Tell us what you ate first. Well, that's what happened. Okay. Start there. I'm talking about your sleep. I go, well, I, I, I didn't sleep going from Indianapolis to Florida. I didn't sleep. I slept on a plane a little bit. Yeah. I, I know. I go, I, I land in, I land in fucking Florida at like 9 a.m. I got at like a 4 a.m. flight. I had to connect, whatever. I land. I'm looking to make something.

There's not a ton in the fridge. They had already gorged. And so I was like, I made an egg and pepperoni sandwich. It looked good. Egg pepperoni cheese. And, you know, came home to roost.

And mid-afternoon, I was throwing gas. You know what you should have done. You got to cook the pepperoni. I did cook the pepperoni. You did? Yeah, but probably not enough. Yeah, you got to cook it like bacon.

Yeah. And then dry it off so it becomes crispy. Hell on earth. Dude, that used to be one of my go-to sandwiches after high school, after school in high school. Really? Yeah. I would take the skinny slices of pepperoni, like the bag dog shit. Yeah.

And I cook it like bacon, put them on a paper towel, dry them out. White bread, slice of cheese, little mustard. Crunchy pepperoni sandwich. Yeah, you must have been. Dynamite. Yeah, yeah. Blowing out my o'erring. That's a young.

man's game. It's a young man's game. Well, I kept my brothers out of my room. Only that, only like an 18-year-old's body can refine that into a smellless fart. True. It's a triple distilling liquor. We don't have. Yeah.

A young, a young buttholes like a breeder. You got that charcoal filter, dude. You can't. But yeah, focusing on muscles is nuts, dude. I did a gig for a video game company I can't talk about, but you start to, I sat in this giant orb of like 85 or 86 cameras. Yeah. Like DSLRs.

And he had a button. And I would just sit against this chair with my head very still. and he would flip these pages to manipulate your face. So he would go one eyebrow up and you'd hold. And then he'd be like squint, but just use your nose, not your eyes. And then after a while, you start figuring out all these little minute muscles in your face

you could manipulate after like... It would take like 45 minutes. I was in that chair for like three hours a day. That's what like truly psychotic actors do, I feel like... Yeah. is do like fine face muscle workouts. Yeah. And you're just like, dude,

not worth it, bro. Yeah. Well, for, I mean, you're making a video game. So, you're making a character. It makes sense. No, but I mean, it'd be like a thing if you went home and rehearsed. Like if you're like, no, I have to practice. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Game tape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were just like. A bunch of wallpaper guys. Imagine instead of working out if you were just like sitting in front of a mirror going. And you know they do that. Yeah. There's a bunch of theater kids.

Yeah, you used to forget that they are just theater kids. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like John Bernthal, I realized, I learned this. I thought that he was some like blue collar like Midwest guy who like grew up in the street. No, he went to like Gilman or something. Yeah, like Harvard. He went to Harvard.

His dad's like a lawyer. Of course. Brothers like some. And you go like, I thought you were like a cool like rugged dude. No, he's cool for them. Yeah. No, he like studied in Russia at like a private theater school. No.

He's like, yeah. He's like a heart. Yeah, it's the tallest midget syndrome. Yeah. He's the, he's the, he's the, he's, the coolest actor. He's so good at acting. He's the most street actor. Like, I get it. It works.

Yeah. He's so good. Dude, that whole fucking, I just thought about this. That whole job is pretty much Nolan Void with AI. Like, everything I worked for five, six years ago now that they haven't released the new game is probably

they don't need it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So I read a story where like the main character in Red Dead Redemption they only use, they only used, I think, 70 or 80% of his likeness. And, you know, they do the dots. They put, like, marker dots on your face.

Like the big balls and stuff. And they do that. I got the mocap suit. Yeah. I ran through the fucking warehouse shooting. It was amazing. It was the best week of my life. It was truly the best work I've ever done.

And now you don't need that at all. Yeah. So what they would do is they create these characters in their system and then use the likeness of that guy for a bit. And then they'll just go, we want his eyebrows. different. They just eyebrows. Yeah. And they do that now. They don't need that actor anymore.

They don't need a face actor. Face actor's gone. So that fucking, that guy you were just talking about practicing for years, he's got no job. Yeah. You don't need them. Yeah. With AI, you fucking, you just create your own character every day. Who gives you shit? I'm against, I'm against

using AI. Like all around. You're against AI? I am against it for anything that's like not like critical. Yeah, what? Like war? Yeah. Yeah.

To like, you know, use it to solve big problems or something. Don't like stop. Don't let it make videos. Yeah. It should be illegal to have it make videos. I'm having a hard time with the commercials. Someone just passed a law. I think Minnesota or something passed a law where it's like you can't make AI porn.

Yeah, that should be the standard. Yeah. Because you can get into weird. Save the women. Well, that was like the whole thing with this. Save the homes. Are we trying to save the girls? It's like,

it's like Coney 2012, but it's like safe. Yeah. Yeah, you know how many, like, we could save women from getting on crack and getting their fucking backblasted. At like 17, lying about their age and then getting into the streets.

Yeah. There's always a count. You're saying you're saying you want it or you don't want it. No, I'm saying you could save some innocent girls life. Okay. If you did AI. If you did AI.

Right. I think that if AI comes along as good as you think it is. There was like that whole thing like... Do you remember? Okay. Only AI porn. That's the only thing.

It's saving the women. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good argument. Just nuke only fans have it all AI. Yes. Yeah. That's the future.

You're not going to fucking tell. Yeah. You know? Talk about catfish. Everybody's getting catfish. Make real porn illegal. Make AI porn. You're getting catfish in fucking commercials right now.

You don't even know it. Joe, uh, I, every time now, like, uh, like I come across these like,

it's like someone building a garden, but it's all AI. Yeah. Like, it's a lot of making like underground like nice bunkers. It's all AI. It's just some guy like, AI gets my mom on Facebook all the time.

Like she'll share those things where it's like, this is a troop who got his, he lost his leg overseas. Share if you support the troops. My mom's like my husband and my son both served in the United States. Yeah. He's $50. Yeah, it's insane.

She gets caught in those a lot. DeRosa and I watched Spotlight on Tubey. Yeah, which is... Insane. Yeah. Well, the Wi-Fi was down at the house. So DeRosa's like, just put it. He's like, just put it on YouTube.

That'll be like Spotlight 2. Them arresting you guys for doing it. Shane came in drunk. He couldn't believe it. He's like, you're watching fucking spot. light on TV. I never watched Tooby, right? So Joe doesn't, Joe doesn't pay for YouTube TV.

He goes, just put on YouTube and search something. And I'm like, like, what? He's like, whatever you want? Podcast, TV show. And I'm like, you don't have YouTube TV? He goes, no, I just use YouTube and Tooby. That's crazy. And I was like, you got to watch.

He goes, there's not that many commercials, dude. He's like sticking up for it. There's literally slots of six commercials every 30 seconds. I'm going to say legitimately 15 minutes. Dude, that's so insane, man. That's so insane.

Right? From him? From him. This is a guy who like drove to the fucking beach instead of taking a flight. He drove from Austin because he got wrong information from Brian's six. Yeah, yeah. He asked six how to get to fucking Florida.

Yeah. And there's three airports you can go to. Yeah. DeRosa told me he was driving. He goes, it'll be great. We'll pack up a fucking cool. cooler will have a good time. I'm like, I'm not driving the fucking Florida. Luckily, we went to Colorado with Shane for a private kid. But he drove because he didn't research. I was like, this is what you

doing. That's like a 15 hour drive. Yes. I was like your whole life. He didn't look it up. He didn't look it up. It's two hours of flying. It's two hours. And there's a direct. There is a direct last night. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's two and a half hours. I thought you stopped in Atlanta.

No, I didn't direct. Oh, so you were stuck at Yeah, I was stuck at Panama City. Panama City. Yeah. But yeah, dude, yeah, there's a direct flight.

This is a fucking direct flight. So funny. Shane, me and DeRosa fought about this for 48 hours before everyone got there. And he just kept going, you're a fucking idiot.

He goes, I'm not an idiot, dude. I got the wrong information. He's going fucking nuts about the wrong information. It's like, how do you not just look it up? You have the address.

Put the address in Google flights or Delta. You can see there's a direct fucking flight. Even if there's not a direct, take a layover. He goes, I'm not taking a layover.

I'm past that. I'm like, you're past the layover, but you're going to drive 15 fucking hours? Pass the layover, but you're going to watch Spotlight with commercials? Exactly. Exactly. It's eight layovers.

Exactly, dude. Exactly. It's unbelievable, dude. And he goes, it was too late. I couldn't, I'm not going to sit in the back of the plane. I'm too tall. He's sit too tall. I go, lay at light.

And then we had a fight about whether he's 5, 11 or 6. He said. It's a lot. I think I'm not going to sit in the back of a plane like a fucking chooch. I'm like, who do you think you are? Dude. You could have got a first class ticket for how much gas you fucking spent. Yeah.

30 hours of driving, you fucking idiot. Dude, if you're, like, to me, like, he's the best. If you're not boozing on the flight, I don't care what chair you're in. Yeah. There's zero point of first class in my opinion, if you're not boozing. Yeah. There's zero, like. Yeah.

Or if you have a connection, because you're close to the front, you can, like, skedaddle. But, like, dude, yeah, why not just fly regular? Like, I don't know. It's like with Delta, it's like still bored early. I don't care. I'm in the back. Well, the seats are no different. They're literally no different.

Yeah. There's no different. They just put a red tag on the back of the fucking seat. And that means you can get a couple of drinks. And they don't even come around for drinks unless it's a six-hour flight. They come around twice. Yeah. I got to go take a piss and go, can I get another.

fucking wine? Yeah. I have to ask them and they're just all on their phone playing fucking, you know? Yeah. It's nuts. Playing only fans. They're all sky pigs. Sky pigs.

I would like, yeah, they should have like selections on the, you know, like they do. They don't even have screens anymore though. No, I know. But they should have a thing where it's like, you know, like in Uber, you can be like, I don't want to talk or whatever. Yeah. It's like, it should be like. Every 30 minutes.

You do the Matthew McConaughey thing from Wolfel Wall Street. I want you to come by. I want you to bring me two drinks and then another two after that. And every 30 minutes. Until it would pass out. Dude, I agree with this. I know it's fucking cheesy,

but I do it. I give them $20 right off the top. Dude. And it works like a gym. My buddy, my buddy, Jack. I know.

Dude, I've been doing it. I've been doing it to last like 10 flights and it's remarkable. They literally pop up. They're like, I'm like, yeah. Like they look just for you.

$20. That's it. That's all it takes to get fucking attention. But I haven't been, I haven't been, booze and on flights. Yeah, you've been real interesting. I'm just saying, I haven't been doing it.

So I like, all of a sudden, I'm just like, what? Yeah, why are they around? It's like, who gives a fuck down here, dude? Well, you just get Maine, you get upgraded because of the way, the amount we fly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My buddy will go on board last and then he'll, that I cannot. He'll bring $50 and see if there's a first class spot open and he'll try to hit hand the girl $50. I've heard this before, too.

And it's like, it's like it's the 30s again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That will work. It does work. Does it? Yeah.

Well, it's not, no one's sitting there. Yeah. They just go, they look around. So you just, you just kind of, you give them like the fucking palm. It's very funny. You give them like an old school palm. Yeah. It feels very.

Like, oh, thank you so much, dude. Yeah. Absolutely. Go sit there. Yeah. But you should be able to select, wake me up for snacks and drinks. Yeah. If I'm sleeping.

Do not wake me up if my seat is reclined. Yeah. I love this story. You getting fucking. Doing the wrong. thing, by the way, and getting made of them. I know what you're going to say. I can't stand

it. The seat has to come up during takeoff and landing. And you're reclined and conked out and they have to go excuse me, sir, excuse me, and you go, I've gotten pretty aggressive with my seat reclining. As soon as they buckle into the jump seat,

clap. Yeah. I dare you to get up. I dare you to get up. They can't. Once the captain says, I'll sit down, Skypink. I know.

Once we turn, once we turn on to the runway, take off, I'm back, brother. Once those piggies lock in to the power shoot. I, dude, I,

at this point, like, look, I don't have a doctor's note. But I got a medical condition. I cannot sit upright. Yeah. You got to get a service dog.

It's ridiculous. No, no, no. You got to sit up right. like this until we get to 30,000 feet. It's like, no, I don't. No, I don't.

You got to say that right angle. You don't crash the plane. How about that? The only reason this would ever be an issue is if you crash. What they should do is start. So be extra careful. Every seat should start recline to the person behind you is prepared

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I was on a flight. Dude, if you, if, if I swear to God, if a lady, if any of the staff wakes me up. I love you went from lady to any of the staff. Yeah.

It's not just about the Bronx. Yeah, someday it was a guy yesterday. Tells me to put my, window shade down. That's none of your business. Wakes me up to put my window. It's like, I talk to my wife the way I want to talk to my wife.

My window shade is my wife. You don't talk, you don't touch. It's none of your fucking business. It's none of your business. Change the AC. It's none of your business. Dude, oh, this was crazy.

I was on a flight the other day and a guy reached over and turned my knob off. And I turned it back on and I opened his up. Yeah, yeah. What are you doing? Hose. Yeah. We took turns because I was nodding off and then he would

And then he would come to and switch him And then I would switch him And then I was he trying to He was trying to close to choose Yeah, he was trying to close mine And then every time he was a little breezy Yeah I was being Right in his fucking open mouth

You got to give that cock sucker That's a great line Dude Someone turned your nozzle off And you go what is a little breezy Can't handle a little breeze I can't bring out a wind I will bring a late

laser pointer to see where that thing is flowing. Yeah, yeah. That's going in your dice. Blow some vape smoke and light it out. A little wind tunnel. Yeah. Chris openly vaping hammered on a flight is the funniest

fucking thing in the world. He gives me. He does this. He does this. No. Yeah, yeah. You've seen that. Talks. Dude, when he hits like a second double whiskey, he literally will just go like this. He'll be watching something.

He'll just go. And I'll go, Chris. put it down I go What? I go put the fucking vape down What the fuck

You're gonna lose your delta credits Truly gives me Like asshole tightening anxiety Yeah Yeah Like it means the world to me You cannot fucking lose this

They are always very sweet about that They just say Sir you can't do that You can't Yeah Really? Yeah they go Come on man

I got nipped in the butt Fucking Because they all vape yeah they probably just you know they understand the struggle yeah yeah yeah they go come on yeah yeah i did the sensor went off in the in the bathroom for me once not not too long ago i talked about it yeah yeah it was probably yeah what was everyone was coming out of your butt and then i hit it in my sock and the girl was right there as soon as i opened the door she's like are you smoking or vaping and i went no the fucking thing just went off yeah it's crazy i don't even vase

i just smell like strawberry mango yeah yeah it smells like water paper. You need a lot of fruit. Yeah. It's my age. A couple of sighties. God. Oh, man.

But yeah. So here we are. We're back, babe. What do you say? What do you do? Yeah, I haven't seen both of you since I got back from Iowa. It's been two weeks.

It has been. Three. Dude, this was, when I was in Iowa, there was 25 days. The, uh, my dad picks me up. My dad takes me to. You ever met his father? No. He's a fucking legend.

dude. I know. Unreal. I've heard tell. We go in, it's, he wakes me up. Like an extra in that fucking, I know,

I saw pictures of him. Like that Robin Hood movie we just saw. The death of Robinhood? His father could be in that movie. My, my dad wakes me up on the last day that we were there

in Iowa. And he goes, hey, we're going to Swelldo, which is like where he's from. It's like a town that has like 200 people. Sweldo?

Rockwell, Sweldo. Oh my God. And it's like, it's a total guy. It's deserted now. Everything is shut down. there's like a single gas station and we're driving around and he stops and he grabs flowers.

And we go to my grandma's tombstone and there's like a cemetery and there's only like 40 graves because it's such a small town. Jesus. And this like this like tree is like blocking. It's like it's like casting a shadow over the whole everybody's gravestone other than the break in the tree. And there's like light shining down right on my grandma's tombstone and my dad like plates these flowers on it. And I'm like kind of like watching from the car like soak in this moment. It's kind of like this beautiful thing. I started crying.

I'm like, watching my dad reflect on. And then he opens the door and he goes, I fingered Pam Clark at that tree in seventh grade. I thought that he was having some existential thing that he was witnessing. Because I was like, it's beautiful. The trees are breaking and there's a ray of sunshine on my grandma's tune.

So I'm thinking that. He walks in and he's just like, I made her squirt right there. in seventh grade Pam Clark Then I went Why did you finger In the graveyard

He goes I didn't know Where else to take her Yeah Oh my god Meter squirt That's what he said Oh my

Your father's I thought that was Poetic license No no no no He actually said that Oh my dad's a pig Dude my dad will say Crazy

You father talks to you like that Yeah Meers He said I made Pam Clark Squirt He said Against I swear to God

I swear to God I swear to If you knew him He'll do crazy shit He doesn't care anymore. He'll like, I mean, I've told you that story of him like hitting on a lady at a gas station when he was walking out. When I was there, he opened the, uh, she's walking by this girl. He goes, you drop something missed.

She turns around and he goes, you smile. And then he winked at her. Yeah. I'm like, that's fucking insane. And he goes, girls like when you do that type of shit. And I'm like, you're out of your mind. Yeah, no, they don't. Dude.

You're out of your mind. He got in, he gets, he might be right. Maybe they do. I don't know. He just has the confidence of a, he has the confidence of a guy who's like, fucking. I am. Like a suzze. guy. Yeah, yeah. I am kind of like jealous. I don't jealous is the right word, but I do like an old guy

that's so definitely not going to fuck you. Right. Just openly hitting on. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like there is a beauty. Yeah. They act like that. They don't like they don't have a penis. Yeah. It's like when an old lady hits on you. You're like this is nice. You know what I mean? She's not actually like being like maybe We can fly. It's the vessel. It's the vessel delivering the message because my dad doing it's not. I don't think it's, I don't think it's flattering. I think it's scary.

If that's like you dropped your wallet, I can make you squirt. Yeah, yeah. I can make you feel things. She's like, what does that even mean? Dr. Pam. Talk to Pam Clark. Yeah, he's out of his mind. She's next to your grandma.

Is she dead too? I didn't even know. I didn't even ask. I should ask. He probably put the flowers on Pam Clark's. I think it's the whole time. I thought it was my grandma's tombstone. I go over to the tombstone.

It says Pam Clark. Squared it to death. 1998. I will say, dude. She died of her. My first murder. Making a girl squirt in seventh grade would be a life altering. Yeah.

That's like, Butterfly a fish. Yeah. It was the 70s. That's what he always says. It was the 70s. Yeah, but still it's like, it's like, you got to build up to, you can't,

you got to build up to a squirt. Yeah. You can't. Yeah. Someone's squirting in seventh grade. You're like, it's an irrecoverable tailspin of sexual deviance. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're chasing the dragon.

It's like someone doing heroin in seventh grade. Yeah. Then you're just ruining cervixes all over the fucking country. Yeah. Trying to make everyone. Yeah. Trying to get Pam Clark under the tree back for the rest of your life. You know, that's why he's hitting on people in the gas stations in 90 years.

It's just, just Pam Clark. That's, so I get it. I get why he was like, yeah, he had like a thousand yards stare just being like, man, if that didn't happen to me,

who knows what I could have done. It's etched in time. Right. You don't forget your first skirt, bro. Yeah, yeah. That's him blown his knee.

I could have went pro. Yeah, yeah. You had a healthy relationship with six. He could have a, yeah, he could be like, yeah,

he could own like a financial services company and just be like on a yacht if Pam Clark didn't squirt all over the place in seventh grade. What's the most, what's the most disgusting thing your father's ever said besides that. It's for the pod.

I'm not horny. I'm not going to call him if you keep it. There's some bang. Say it's slow. Flip it in the waistband. There's a couple ones that get me. I think there was one time he showed me a photo of my mom when they first started dating. He was like, she's always had the nicest set of tits.

Oh my God. And I was like, what do you want me to say, dude? Oh my God. I can't go. I can't. and that. You know, I can't be like, because my mom, I'm not going to be like, no. I'm also not going to bully my mom. Like, you know, it's an impossible situation. I can't agree. And I can't be like, no, she, Cheryl? You think Cheryl's got hogs? Good for him if he still feels that way.

Yeah. That's true love. You were sucking on him for a while. Yeah, I was like, yeah, I used to suck on him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So is he telling the truth or not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I don't have any specific memories from that time, but there is a vague sense of happiness. other ones general sense of pleasure can I see a pick of your mom you met my mom I know but yeah

he is out of his mind I don't know I just think that that happens with men well that's enough those two are enough I mean I get the gist he'll always do that thing too like I don't know if this is a dad thing but like anytime we're driving together whatever you're about to say I guarantee it's not

it's not he'll be walking there'll be like a group of people like a group of ladies walking or something he'll be there's some for it you. And then he'll just always like honk at him and make and then he'll slow down. And I'm just like, I'm like 30. Yeah. And he's like still doing what he used to do when I was like 15. There's something for you. There's something for you. Honks and makes them look at me. And I'm like, I'm married. I'm a married. I'm a married. I'm a married adult. I know my dad's a dog, but he never like was vocal about it unless like like a like a golf cart girl like on the course. If she's hot, he'll be like, yeah, she's, he's all right. I don't. I'll just be like that one's all right. Like it'll never be like vulgar. He'll never. He'll never. He never. He never. He

dips into the details that would make you well you shouldn't you shouldn't right right exactly you shouldn't do that you should i mean i will but if course yeah yeah yeah my dad my dad stanchly against that oh of course staunchly against i've never seen your dad not in a collared shirt the dude's always buttoned up for work yeah every time i see him like you're working he's no day off he's always like he's always so proper yeah yeah he's he's always he's always he's His shirt's always like perfectly dry clean. He selected, he selected his, a final uniform. He's the final boss of accountants.

That guy is like always ready to go. My dad and baseball got told to put his shirt back on in the stance when I was in like eighth grade. I remember that remote. I have a vivid memory of them being like, you can't have your shirt off in the eighth grade baseball. Oh, he's from Sewell. What's it called? Rockwell. Rockwell, Sweldale.

Swellville. The rebels. The rebels. the Swelldel rebels. Good Lord. I like that. There's probably no more disgusting feeling on earth

than being told to put your shirt back down. At like a summer baseball game. Like, yeah, that's nuts. Like, there's kids around.

Yeah. Put that away. Was he drinking? Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. He used to keep shooters

with him. And little shooters. He was just to shoot. He would rip shooters a lot. Back when he was drinking. Like a six-pack? Not like those little, like he used to get those fireball shooters. No, I know what he used.

Oh, yeah, yeah, no, but I'm saying. How many would he take? Oh, I don't know. He would just keep him in his, like, socks. Well, fireballs knew. So what was his choice back then? I don't know. I really don't know.

Seagrams? I know he was a big, yeah, he was a big brandy guy, Blackberry Brandy. Yeah, the Yaqueen's. Yeah, the Ya Queens brandy. He used to rip that old Milwaukee. My father liked that stuff too. It's disgusting.

That's what I used to show up to parties with. Because, you know, you'd bring, when you're, like, young, you'd bring what your parents had around. 30-proof coughs are. Yeah. Yeah, I would show up with, with walking. Blackberry, Brandy, and divorce papers. I mean, like, we fucking get down or what? Also, it's like $7 a bottle.

Yeah. It's awful. Yeah. They don't enjoy it. They enjoy the price tag. Yeah. It's also, that is like, you're dying to get in trouble. Yeah.

Shooters. It's like, just get one bottle. Yeah. You know? I don't know. I like the shooter. No, shooters are kind of nice. Dude, come on.

Do you remember sneaking shooters into a Notre Dame game? Shooters turn into like a rattlesnake tail when you're done with it. You know what I mean? Is there any way my booze can clang around when I'm done with it? I want to alert it. Shane took us to my first Notre Dame game that Shane took me to. Oh, yeah. I didn't know college football you don't drink.

So I was devastated. Yeah, it was just a couple years ago. They didn't sell booze in the stadium. I couldn't believe. we're going to watch two whole halves of football without drinking was horrendous. It was terrible. Yeah. So then we started fucking

taping shooters to our thighs and shit. Like a suicide bastard. It's where to get. Gotta give give it up. Got to give it up to the bussing with the boys. Because they went out and they bought like a pallet of shooters. Yeah. It looked like fireworks, dude.

We were walking to the stadium strapped. It was full like, it was the Matrix. You know what I mean? It was truly a school shooter like having a limp with a shotgun. You got two guys stacked on top of each other in a trench coat. It was nuts. It's just all fireball boxes.

No, I'm seven foot two. Yeah. Taylor and fucking Will brought the heat. Yeah, they sent a producer. They were like many bottles. It was so bad to the point where we kept going, it was like drug addicts. We were just yelling each other going, you got one more in there. Yeah, yeah, you know, you took, you got too many.

You had too many. Give me one more. It's like, oh, I have any fucking chewers left. And you go in the bathroom. Did she do his rule. It was, yeah. It was like lost on an island kind of shit. We were like, we all get, we can have two a quarter.

You've already had two. Two are. That's what it was. So funny. You already had two. Give me a fucking third. I'm an adult. You know what I like about

You can't do it in Texas But I like in Iowa There's like they can sell liquor at gas stations And shit so they just are like Next to the gum Yeah, the shooters are just next to the Yeah Oh yeah if you want that too at the last moment

Yeah Chapstick Chapstick shooters Lottery tickets DUI DUI yeah Yeah drywall Packing patchwork

Number for a guy who does patchwork For dry walls Oh god damn Did you guys watch the Tony Romo video? I didn't get to watch. Yeah, I didn't get to watch. He's having a good time. Dude, he's having a blast.

He's having a good time. He was having a good time to way like, like, fucking, our Kardashian knows like a sex tape's gonna like launch his career. Yeah, yeah. Her career. Like, the guy was acting like, this is good for him. I just saw someone made like a little mashup of like, they were like, you had any head injuries?

And he was like. He just laughed. Yeah. Yeah. He was just fondly. It was your dad thinking about Pam Clark. Ray Lewis made me squirting. In the NFC championship game.

His reaction was like, it was kind of like, he reacted like it was kind of cute. She didn't know who he was. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? He's like, I don't want to be a dick here, but like, I was a professional quarterback for 40 years, dude. I had injuries, dude.

Have you seen that video of Adrian Peterson getting interviewed about, like, the gas prices when they had no idea who he was? No. So funny. Oh, yes. So funny. I mean, this is like the year that he rushed for like that he broke all the records. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like interviewing him about like, now what do you think about the gas price?

He's like, I think it's too high. He's just fucking with a back. Or there's one, another one that makes me laugh really bad. It's always too high. There's another one that's really funny, which is somebody. accidentally, they didn't know it, they ran into Tim Heidecker on the street and they were doing like a street interview thing for the news. Have you seen that ever?

So funny. He starts talking about bottling up and drinking his own piss. And it's like National TV and his wife. And his wife is like trying to pull him away the whole time. Tim's wife's like no, we have to leave me a thing. No, no, there's a piss problem. There's a piss problem here. It's so goddamn funny, dude. That's like, dude, that's accidentally stepping on a landmine. It's like doing a street interview and running into

Tim Heidecker. You're like, what the And thinking, like, you walked away with the best interview ever. Like, I can't believe we ran into that guy. Yeah, that guy was crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just getting disturbed. You got pranked. Yeah, you got pranked.

Do you do pranks growing up? I can't imagine you doing pranks, Tommy. Yeah. I can't imagine trying to prank you either. I don't even think you would like a surprise party. No. Who likes a surprise? I feel like, if everybody jumped out and be like, surprise,

you probably punch somebody. on act. This reflexes. Nobody likes a surprise party. Don't do that to anybody. Ever. That's actually a good point. Ever.

Like, especially an older man. Like, nobody likes that shit. They go, oh, thank you. Jesus, Christ, this is embarrassing. Now I've got to spend the next three hours saying thank you for coming. Like, don't put that fucking pressure on anybody.

They don't fucking care. Celebrate their life and give them the heads up. And let him decide who's going to be at the fucking place. You know, it's like a fucking wedding. You can have a good surprise party. There are, there's, it's a delicate thing. It is a dance.

Yeah, you can, every once in a while. Every once in a while. Actually, Matt's was wonderful. Yeah. But. But that was curated by his wife appropriately and correctly. I feel like I was in too much actual trouble to ever think about doing pranks. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Because I was like a sweet boy with good grades and shit, I would be like, oh, pranks and people. But I was always like skating. Trying to think. Pranks.

You're like, I don't need to take any other, like I have real risks I'm taking. Yeah. No, it was like throwing rocks, eggs, BB guns.

Yeah. It wasn't like pranks. It was like violence. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The only prank I ever did was a, when I was a kid in like the fucking, like in the 80s, you could buy that,

like from like Spencer's gifts. There's that little sticky thing you put on a dollar and you'd hold it on the boardwalk and someone to go to pick it up and you'd zip it back. That was like sixth grade. That is nice though.

That was great. That's awesome. Down the shore. That was like the only thing I can think of. That poop dollar great. Poop box. Yeah. A poop bug will get you, dude.

But no. That would like coke would be funny. Like a poop bump. Yeah. You just ask some. I think pranks is it depends on like where you're from. Like you know what I mean? Like what's the prank calling?

What's the fear? Oh, prank called. That was. We did a little bit of that. Yeah. I did a ton of that. Yeah. Like before jerky boys and then jerky boys fucking.

What's jerky boys? The jerky boys? You don't know the jerky boys? You've never heard of the jerky boys. Oh my God. They're fucking legends. So good. That's like the Tom Brady of fucking prank calls.

Oh, are they the ones that had the Comedy Central show, the crank anchors? No. That was different. They had these old tapes. They walked so the crank anchors could run it. Crank Acres was crazy, too. They remember special Ned? Yeah.

They would just call me, Da, Dad, Dad! Give him seven seasons. Oh, as long as it's the puppet, who gives a shit.

But no, so what these guys would like release. Yeah, there's like, there's so many good ones. I loved as a kid was fucking this guy who he was like, he called a place and he's like,

yeah, is this duck cleaning? And they're like, yeah, he's like, yeah, bag me a couple ducks. And I don't know how to clean them.

And they're like, no no it's it's sir it's air ducts we clean the air ducts he's like yeah it was flying through the air dude it's so fucking funny you know Drew Montana he's got a fucking prank phone call show too

that's really funny he's got a podcast there's one that he I just watched it the other day that was making they do it like live they do yeah and it makes me laugh there's one that he was doing where he calls like an apartment complex and he's like, hey, the device that's in the room is like acting up. And she's like, yeah, I don't know what to do.

I like, this device is just like acting up. But she's like, what device are you talking about? Can you come to the front desk? He goes, I'm not leaving this thing unattended. This device is acting up. And she's getting so concerned. She's like, what are you talking about? What room number are you?

And he's like, I don't know. I'm just here with my friend. He's gone. He left me here with this thing. It's so God. I need help. I need, yeah, so funny. Damn.

We used to do this one. this is like not even like I think back to it and it's like not even particularly funny just like crazy we used to do we used to take because you know it's being in a small town

there's like family namesakes that are like through the general like you know people who like there's tons of people who have the last name true in my hometown or people who have like Sturges is like a big last name we used to go and grab yearbooks from like the library

and find like people who had graduated first like class of 86 or whatever We would find their names and like the names that everybody knows in the city. And we would call and be like, hey, is this Derek? Hey, man, it's fucking Joe. It's Joe Flanagan. And then you just have a conversation as if you're reconnecting with the person. So we would take two random names and they would think that they were connecting with this guy.

And we would just give them like a crazy backstory. Yeah, it was all good. And then I lost the egg. You know, I lost my leg in the farm accident. And it's like, you lost a leg? And then we just hang up. So there's like guys out there that are like, like yeah, talk to Terry Smith last week.

He lost a leg in his wife as AIDS. Just the dumb. It's like not really funny in hindsight. Just like really weird we used to do it in middle school or high school. Dude. There was, it was so easy to like, yeah. If you like prank called the same house a bunch of times, that kid would get in trouble. Like it's, it was so crazy how like, psycho.

parents were back then they weren't like there was no even thought of like this is the other kid should be in trouble like what the fuck are they doing it was just like I feel like parents would be like are you a loser why the fuck are we getting

brain called you can get in like real trouble for being such a dork yeah I told you the kid shouldn't be in theater Diane I told you I wanted to put him in football you said no he has to play the trumpet Now the kid's getting fucking prank call.

Dude. I want a divorce. All right, let's hop to the page. Yeah. The patron. Thanks for listening, boys. Patreon.com slash stuff island. Check out, look at dish.

Go to Acris O'Connor.com for tour dates. I'm bouncing around all different kinds of places. Houston this weekend, Atlantic City, 13th through the 15th. Tommy Pope's going to be over in Florida? Tampa, Florida, August 29th. It's side splitters. There you go. Atlanta, Georgia, Helium, August 30th.

There you go. San Diego, October 1st through the 3rd at American Comedy Company. How far out should I go? Nashville, Zanis, October 8th. Let's leave it there. Boom. Check out the friendly five-pocket. Bickety-Bann.

So there's going to be a... Bickety-Boon. I get married and then go to Paris. Paris. Which is just like Sellwell. Swell. Swell-Dell-Dell. Dump your dad's from.

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