Stuff Island - Fly Guys w/ Nathan Macintosh - Stuff Island #106

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Nate on IG https://www.instagram.com/nathanmacintosh/?hl=en Use promo code STUFFISLAND to get 20% off of your order at sheathunderwear.com Uncommon Goods. To get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com/Stuffisland Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I went to that stadium for fucking Royal Rumble 2019. There you go. That makes sense. Yes. And it does have like a horse pole type of feel

to it. Yeah. You can just tell they're like, we just take these chairs and throw them out sometimes. There's no, the section we were in

was like, I don't know, 4,000 people this way, let's say, and then over here, 10 guys. Yes. It's fucking angled weird.

It could be a quinceanera or horse barrel racing. Yeah. The whole stadium is dog shit. Doing anything in a baseball stadium besides baseball is a nightmare. It's a nightmare. Yeah. Because it's just, yeah, they just stack in those folding chairs just forever. So now you're just in like a fucking...

Auditorium. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Thank now you're just in like a fucking auditorium. Yeah, exactly. Thank you for filling that in for me. You're welcome. Chris is very upset apparently. I'm furious. I'm furious. Again. Dude. Kicking the collar in the associate.

As soon as I walked in, I go, hey man, how you doing? He goes, I'm good, man, I'm good. It takes a half a second. He goes, actually, I walked, as soon as I walked in, I go, hey, man, how you doing? He goes, I'm good, man, I'm good. It takes a half a second. He goes, actually, I'm fucking furious, man. That means he likes you. Yeah. Usually he holds that in until you get like 10 minutes in. I just, I do love.

Well, I know he's perceptive enough to read it anyway. There's no, you got to get it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I grew up in a tense household. Yeah. When somebody's like, I'm good. He'll be like, are you good? You just punch the fucking microwave

there's no way you're okay right now i'm just resetting it babe just hitting the buttons just potato goes off a bunch of times god that's the most embarrassing part about these losses it's like my girlfriend is like now realizing how much this shit means to me and it's very sad because it bleeds into the next morning. I'll like roll over and then realize what happened. You know, it's like a thing. Like,

like imagine for example, if you had a real life, right? Not you, but like me, like if I had like a real job and it was like a Christmas party and I fingered fucking Diane who works the front desk, you wake up and you're like drunk yeah your anxiety hits that's what happens after a big loss i roll over after three hours of sleep and i growl it feels like an outlet

for something else what do you mean my sport yeah yeah i'm gay i'm gay i could be gay it's not that he jumped right to it. He might be. That was his first. That was the first thing he said. I was waiting for one of you guys to fucking give me a volley. No, why? I thought he was going somewhere deep with it.

He might have been like, oh, he has some unresolved fucking trauma from a young age. He's just like, no, I want to blow guys. Yeah, yeah. I like blowing guys. I love dicks. And my favorite guys didn't do what I wanted them to do. So I'm pretty fucking sad right now. There's nine guys in the field. I'd blow to do. So I'm pretty fucking sad right now.

There's nine guys on the field. I'd blow in pinstripes and they're not giving me the goods. I love that also that's a rehearsal for like my son coming out to me. And he'd be like, no, no, no, that's not it. Something else is going on. He's like, Dad, here's a cake. I've been trying. Read the cake.

It says I'm gay. What do you think all these dresses are? I'll blow the candles out. I'm fucking gay. So what do you think all these dresses are? I'll blow the candles out. I'm fucking gay. So what do you mean though? Like you're just rotating all night beside your girlfriend just angrily fucking spitting. No, so what happens is

I get really upset and then two, three hours bleeding into the night I try and quell that upsetness with you know, a couple pops yeah and then you let that go like any harboring any ill will or oh i get it or gayness yeah any problem that happens yeah any drug has drink it away man drink it away tomorrow be different three hours a nice fucking deep rim i wake up going, fuck!

Nate, what do you think we're doing here? This is not a spa. No, I get it. I get it. Three hours is plenty. Some people don't get that. Yeah. So, you know what I mean?

There's a guy hauling bananas right now to Texarkana. He's on fucking 145. And that's sleeping in. And it's only 145 because the mule that he's on had to move. He was parked illegally.

No offense. Shout out to Mexicans on mules in Texarkana. Jesus, bad start. Look, Chris, tell us why you're upset. I didn't sleep well. I was tossing and turning. Then I woke up just in a bad mood. And then, like, you ever tell someone up just in a bad mood and then like you ever you ever tell someone you're

in a bad mood and you're just like i know i'm being irrational right now i'm like being like i'm getting conspiratorial about your own life and it's like so i'm just not gonna there's nothing worth talking about i don't like i don't need to discuss anything yeah i just need to like let this clear out right and then I walk in the room and go, what's your fucking problem? No, no, no.

And then, and then you think you're being like responsible. You're being like, it feels like this is a mature thing. I'm like, I'm telling you that what I'm feeling is very vague and not entirely rational. And I just need to let this clear out. Yeah.

And then someone hits you with like another barb and you're like, well now it's world war three. Just fucking. Yeah. Why the fuck would you say that? Yeah. You know what I mean? Well,

just let it go. Yeah. Being responsible on a certain level is almost like it has the other side of the coin. There's like, it is how spiteful people behave. It's like, I'm not going to give you anything.

I'm not going to be, I'm going to be super quiet. I'm going to sit here like fucking Eeyore and then you start going you're fucking with me now right you can't be this upset because now you're messing with me did i say something and then you have to break into their psyche going what did i do what the fuck did i do but that is crazy it's crazy because to exactly to have somebody be like, yo, but we all do it. We've all done it anyway. Somebody's mad and you're like,

well, it's got to be about me. But it doesn't have to be. You're just being worse and fucking going through a thing. Yeah. And then if you go like, dude, what's going on? You seem pissed. And this person goes,

dude, I'm acting ridiculous right now. You know what I mean? If they tell you, you're right to be going, what the fuck? Yeah. Because my brain's doing silly things right now. And then you go, well, it should be because you're a fucking piece of shit.

And then it's like, well, then you deserve whatever's going on. We should be like, all right, well, if I can help, let me know. We should be like bull terriers where you can just go outside and do zoomies for a while. Let me just run circles in the grass for like, give me 10 minutes. I'm going to work all this off. Like after a cat takes a shit. It's like, go.

As soon as I piss on the ground and claw dirt into my own asshole, give me 10 minutes. I'll come back in. We're going to get right back in. That's what people used to do in school, in a way. That's kind of what recess was you sit there you're fucking pissed

you gotta be in a class they're like look we get it if you stay here any longer you're gonna fucking choke somebody get out there get on a jungle gym

take a mini sip I still do that it's the only reason I go to the gym it's what saves my life as soon as I wake up I do zoomies I'd also say

this is that's a that's a mature way to do things of like look I do zoomies. I'd also say this is a mature way to do things. Of like, look, I'm just fucking pissed. I'm going to go sit over here. What is wrong with that? What the fuck is wrong with that? And also, I added the layer of like, this is bullshit. What I'm mad about is bullshit. It doesn't

really make a lot of sense. You know what I mean? So, just let me get rid of it. I'm just sweeping up glass in my brain it comes down to your environment too though like if you're sitting in a living room where other people are hanging out and you're acting that way for good reason yeah everyone's gonna be like what the fuck happened to you yeah yeah you know how was the bus you get touched something happened what tell us touched well as a kid that's what probably would you know how was the bus you get touched something happened what tell us touched

well as a kid that's what probably you know on the bus they'd ask questions they would yeah if you get home as a kid and you want to fucking ignore the shit you're going through whether it's a bully or you're failing a class you got a detention you have to forge your mom's signature you sit by yourself alone in your room hoping no one fucks with you as an adult living with other people yeah immediately someone's gonna start poking you yeah yeah i was just thinking though this this why i did this like a psycho like a fucking scarecrow i just started going like this it's hitting the buzzer but the uh the the i was just this is also why people play video games sometimes like you're talking about like coming home you're an adult you want to just zone the fuck out some people

play video games yeah you know what i mean yeah i was just talking to a a guy who his lady hates him playing video games it's like the one thing she hates so he's like i'm playing for like an hour and she's like you got to shut the fuck off i go does she understand what else could be going on like what could be happening this is such a calming like yeah it's to shut your fucking head off. Yes. You know what I mean? It has nothing to do with anything else. You just want to sit here, strangle a fucking hooker, toss her in the trunk, and throw her off one of those fucking, the piers.

Dude, this is why GTA V was inception for maniacs. Yes. It's like I can do both. I could still kill a hooker while playing video games. Genius. Fucking two. Yeah, people don't appreciate it. Two in one, Jokinio.

Depends on which one you want to kill and which one you fuck. It's true. Unreasonable. It's marry, fuck, kill. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's the best. It's one of the, any video game. But I mean, Grand Theft Auto is like, you know.

But I mean, just to take a fucking car onto a sidewalk, people are dinging off the hood. There's something about it that makes you go, I'm fucking. Yeah. I do love Carol. I do. I should go in there. I'm going to apologize to her.

Happy anniversary, baby. I didn't mean anything. Buy it. Let's go get a cupcake. I already ran over six strangers. I want to get this out. I feel different about you. You look beautiful, by the way.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah. But you do sometimes need that fucking moment to just sit and be, and be what's wrong with being angry. Yeah. Yeah. People don't realize how constructive doing nothing can be. Yes.

It's like. That's why we're so famous. It's like. We're so loaded. You know what I mean? I've been waiting for this doing nothing kick. It's going to hit soon, man.

It's a great t-shirt, though. Doing nothing is constructive. I mean, it sounds insane, but it really is. If Hitler did nothing, the world would be in a much better place. Hitler, you say?

It always comes. I mean, what a wild choice. If Hitler did nothing just laid down waited for sweet death he was just playing video games and his wife was like get off the couch

you don't want to sit me on the couch you don't want me to get out there I'll give you one more shot I got two more guys before my game's over I'm going to give you one more shot I got two more guys before my game's over I'm gonna give you a little time if I was you I'd buy another couch that I could also lay on

you don't know what's going on in here you should get me a headset for Christmas cause shit's gonna go awry 1938 headset playing GTA going are you sure

you sure we want to power this down okay stands up walks outside changes history I fucking told her

my wife wouldn't stop nagging me you're acting like a mind cunt right now so ridiculous. It's nice how we got there. Yeah, but can we also say this?

Telling somebody that you're furious also helps you be not furious because then you can also go, exactly what you said, you just go, look, I know I'm being a fucking idiot. I'm mad about whatever the hell. Yeah.

You know? It's good to say the thing. That's why I laugh so much again when you say, I'm fucking furious. That's so funny. Yeah, it's it's good to to say the thing that's that's why i laugh so much again when you say i'm fucking furious that's so funny yeah it's nobody's fault yeah it's also just as healthy to say that out loud if you're comfortable with somebody that's why i said it was like oh shit he likes you for him to say that it's like a dog that usually lashes out to somebody that walks in yeah yeah and then fucking uncle dan comes in and the dog's like

like oh shit this piece of shit really likes somebody. Him going, I'm actually really fucking mad right now. It's him wagging his tail, sniffing your socks. You're Uncle Dan. Well, I appreciate it. I was saying too that I do that sometimes with people, but you find out

because sometimes I just do it. I'll meet somebody and I just kind of tell them, you know what I mean? Tell me what are we doing doing i was saying this a second ago it's like what are we trying to hide really anymore you know what i mean dude so so sometimes some of you that i don't really know i'm talking to them for half a second they're like what's going on i go i don't fucking know my chihuahua's going blind it's just like yeah stuff's going on they go and they just see their face like i didn't i just wanted you to lie yeah yeah just tell me you're good and i can move the fuck on yeah and get back to line to myself.

You go over there and you fucking rotate. Yeah. But her fucking eyes are going. It sucks. She's bumping into trees. She goes up to smell something and smacks her fucking face on it

and then people are looking at me like, what's wrong with your dog? I'm like, I'll fucking kill everybody on this street. What do you mean what's wrong with her? She's five pounds. She's blind. It's a fucking nightmare out here.

Is she old? She's like 13. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, a fucking nightmare out here. Is she old? She's like 13. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy shit. Anyway, so they tell a person. Do you need a shovel? I'll help you, dude.

Yeah, I need a shovel. I'll put some people away. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, I said this before about podcasting when Shane and I, I started a podcast like four years ago or something. It was the first time I started podcasting. And I was like,

I'm afraid to be anything but just like conversationally funny. I'm not going to talk about how I feel that day. I'm not going to talk about old closet shit. I'm not going to talk about, not gay. He did it again. I'm not going to talk about all the dicks that are in my mouth. That I think about on a daily basis.

You don't want to blow the philip fanatic? What's wrong with that? You don't want to see what his dick looks like? Shane's just looking over like, are you okay? And I'm just drawing dicks. Yeah, I'm fine, dude. Why? What's up? Dicks going right into your own mouth. Exploding out of a closet.

Folding the paper like this. Animating it what I just ruined a man trying to talk about his feelings so stupid but finally crossing that line of going I'm going to say whatever the fuck I feel it's so freeing that most people I don't think ever have the

opportunity to do outside of like you know with their wife or their loved ones or whatever maybe their best friend or their therapist I don't think ever have the opportunity to do. Outside of like, you know, with their wife or their loved ones or whatever. Maybe their best friend or their therapist. One of the positives of podcasting, which is what I'm saying, is like when you breach that line of protecting your own past

and your own emotional hell and just go, fuck it, I'm going to say it. And then you got buddies on the couch going, let's make fun of it. And then also you got somebody going, I something like that it becomes unpaid therapy that is humor and you're going i feel much better yeah i feel taller i'm six five again i wouldn't have told him that i was furious if he was gonna go oh no what's wrong yeah yeah but that's one of the worst that's one of the worst reactions that somebody can have. Way worse than boredom.

Oh, man. Yeah, it's... Immediate investment? It's like, nah. It's like when you're on... Yeah, we got this thing to do, dude. Now I got to put this person on the Christmas card list. They give a fuck about me.

No, because sometimes that is also like, it's somebody going like, oh, you don't want that. You don't want like an awe. I actually had the last time I was here, we talked about fucking family shit. I had that with a with a therapist. I got stopped doing this, by the way. I don't know what. OK, good. The I had a therapist.

I had a therapist. I told her something about my dad and she went, oh, I go, what? Well, that's sad. I go, what, what, what? And she goes, well, that's sad. I go, yeah, what the fuck are we doing in here? I need more sheath underwear. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Because they gave us like three packs, and I run through them.

Yeah, you wear through them. What, do you wear them for exercise? Yeah. Yeah, sheath underwear is fantastic. Do you have anything that you want to say about them? Well, there's two of the three pairs that i like the shorter ones yeah and they're thicker i like the long boys it's crazy you like long boys they give me like anxiety about high school basketball yeah short shorts in the 90s yeah and the long spandex like that yes right to the knee cap. Yeah, yes.

Oh, God, you look so terrible. I know, but you know what? I like knowing that when I put on the long boys, if I go for a walk, I'm not going to get anything bunching up my ass. Yeah. That's why I like the long guys. Yeah, but they got tight thighs anyway. They don't go up.

No, underwear goes up on me. Yeah, wow. Oh. Underwear goes up my ass, dude. Let's take a quick second and thank our newest favorite sponsor for today's show, which is Sheath Underwear.

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I'm wearing a pair of Sheath underwear right now as I speak. I already checked. I'm not, but you were the last time we did a read, which is pretty special. I did, yeah. Do you have them on? Not today, no. Laundry day, baby. I was wearing them earlier today.

I took them off. I got them all gunked up. But they are truly the most comfortable boxer briefs you ever put on your body. The stretchy fabric is made of moisture wicking technology they're super soft and they keep everything cool and comfortable in the right place uh sheath is particularly useful for staying cool during the summer while working out but now it's winter and they have some some thicker materials that i like and that's why i use them at the gym dude they protect me because my gym shorts i cut the netting out

yeah do you know this you know gym shorts, I cut the netting out. Yeah. Do you know this? You know gym shorts, running shorts? They come like bathing suits with a little ball hugger. Yeah. I take a scissor and I cut out the lining along the waistband, the net, that you can catch a fucking crawfish in. No, that should not be. Specific running shorts have nets.

For what? They're like $ shorts have nets. For what? They're like $70. Huh? For what? So you don't have to get restricted with underwear underneath your running short. I guess for the fucking marathon. I don't know. Jesus.

Yeah, it's weird. And then I spend all this money to cut this stuff out because it's not as good as sheath. Yeah, of course. So I put sheath on. Shouldn't be there in the first place. Tucked by nookies. burgos in the top and that's why i'm spending so much goddamn money on nike shorts god damn it go to http i don't know why they do this go to sheathunderwear.com and get the most comfortable underwear you'll ever wear if you use promo code stuff island all one word

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Give me one more. We're all out of the ordinary. We're all out of the ordinary. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be said. Guess what? We're all out of the ordinary. We're all out of the ordinary. Yeah.

Tell you what we're out of the ordinary. We're all out of the ordinary. Yeah. Tell you what we're out of. Wait. Time. All right. Now back to the episode. Do people come in here and just talk about the best times of their lives? Yeah. You got a ball pit in the second room?

Yeah. Yeah. This is a fucking hell. Yeah. Give me a McDouble and let me go down the slide at the play place. This is what I'm here for. Yes. I'm sitting on a couch like this. I'm'm gonna tell you about my fucking dad on a bike what's wrong with you and i was kind of under the impression i was talking to like a supercomputer

that was gonna give me answers yeah or at least be able to process it yeah and not make a noise that noise is like oh that noise is the worst fucking noise if people have to drop it because there's there's nothing i was another thing I was going to say. I apologize. I'm just pointing. I don't think, I think you're right when you say that people don't talk about stuff that's going on.

But I don't know about you. My house, for sure, my mom was always like, don't tell this person this. Don't say this to this other person. So I was basically told, don't, when you leave this door,

it's all fine out there don't say anything to anybody of course about anything but I think most people just live that way for the rest of fucking time

yeah like you know when you go to like a you're at like a like I hate to say say it this way but like when you're at

like a white white function yeah like around like just a bunch of like white families oh heaven hilarious bump bump bump

they and I think it's And I think it's only... We're having fun? No, we're partying. We're having fun? I'm knocking off the couch! Is that Hitler again? You said that like you just took your queen in chest or something. Great.

It's a good move, but... It just made me laugh that's me going aw hilarious cause I also feel bad being like a white fuck it

but I don't know if any other families do this I don't know if this is another but you know you're just sitting around and just

it's like it all feels tense it's all awkward because so many other people haven't fucking said things to other people so then you're like how are you

they're like good good things are great you're like how are you you're like I'm alright and they go yeah yeah is this the whole fucking function? Yes.

This is what we're doing? Yes. We're not talking? We're not doing anything? This is hell. Yes, dude. Yes. Yeah.

I'm good. I want to be on the road by three. I want to beat the... Oh, this is fun. It's 2.35. They just walked in. Anyway, this is quiz cards for James. Tell him happy birthday.

It's all because he got in a fight with his fucking cousin like six years ago at a wedding he didn't want to go to. Have either of you guys tried to stop doing that? Holding like wild grudges against people for things that have happened a long fucking time ago? I've been very good with most of them. But I refuse. I'm still a fucking them, but I, I refuse. I'm still a fucking old school.

It's very ignorant. I'm going to say first, I'm not right, but I realize I think, I think I'm getting better selfishly because, and when I say selfishly, I'm choosing not to hold that for my own sake, not because I'm knowing better,

not because I'm growing. It's because I don't want that fucking weight on me because you're not worth it. Yeah. So then I just go, oh yeah, who gives a shit? It's the same reason like I get to a certain age,

I go, I'm not going to, congrats on the daughter. I'm not going to the christening. Congrats on the wedding. I don't know you that well. I'm not going to fucking Boca Raton for you and your fucking ugly wife. It has nothing to do with her being ugly.

I don't know you that well. But she is, and I just wanted to remind you. Just a heads up. Keep the veil on. I feel like I have the opposite problem. I feel like I don't hold grudges enough. Has that hurt you in any way?

Like letting people in your house? Yeah, sometimes I feel like it's that thing where I'm like, where did that grudge in any way? Like, are you letting people in your house? Yeah, sometimes I feel like it's like that thing where I'm like, where did that grudge? You know what I mean? You're running to someone that you forgot you had a grudge with, and then they're shitty again. I lock my grudge in that room, and get me another grudge. I know I'm already checked out. Can you get me this grudge?

I lost my ticket, but the grudge is in there. 306. I don't know. Unless you're letting somebody back in that shouldn't be let back in, and you give them another $1,000, but the grudge is in there. 306. I don't know. Maybe, I don't know, unless you're like letting somebody back in that shouldn't be let back in and you give them

another thousand dollars and they're like, I'm going to invest for you and then they fucking run off to Boca Raton with their ugly wife, you know, but.

But that's a good question because I think like there's a scale there where my earlier grudges would be over nothing. It would be, why did he say that? Why did he look at me like that

Why did she act like this I would never do that to her That kind of shit Then you get through adolescence You get to early 20s Early 30s You go oh I don't need to care about these people If someone shows you their true colors

I know this is a corny fucking line But believe them type thing And in our industry it's like we comics it's high school yeah and every uh every comedy club is a different building that you have to go to for a certain class and then you just start seeing people go all right i'm going to gravitate towards these people these people are actually good people and then you see these mongrels these fucking these managers that are pieces of shit. They are the child molesting professors.

They're the priests. They're talentless fucking. I think a grudge is coming up. Here's my point. I'm letting go, Nathan. So like you realize like what it's, it's less of holding a grudge and more like how much am I going to invest in somebody?

Yeah. How much do I give a fuck about that person and then you go all right well it's like that uh like you got a gallon of water and you have all these tall annoying glasses i don't even know where you guys got this but this is fucking online and i enjoy it so it's how much does each person want to get perception wise you put the same amount of water here or, you know, that science trick you give six-year-olds? Anyway, point is, I only got a gallon of water. I'm only going to give it to a few people. And it takes a long time of experience to realize who gets what ounces of water. Can I pee? I felt like I started it right,

but then I saw both of you look at me and I was like, well, yeah, pull the chute. And you know what I'm happy about that we did? We just let you do it. Let me die in a while. It was great. But I love that watching you give up on it. Your face just going, water with the...

I don't fucking know, man. I threw your glass and I was like, well, now there's a gown. Now I got multiple glasses. It's improv 101, baby. I used to love holding a grudge, though. It felt good. And then one day it just doesn't feel good anymore. It's really pretty bad.

But there's some people that need to have grudges held. Not even like a grudge, but necessarily be like, they're fucking trash. I'm happy. They can live over there, but they don't got come over here they're garbage yeah i'm gonna think about it all the time but fuck them yeah but i see i like if i have a grudge it's it's here and it's i can feel the poison you know what i mean i so i can't hold it yeah Yeah. Like I just, it's like too, it's too hot a rock. I got to put it down. I can't like, and it is like a little like,

and sometimes I feel bad about that where it's just like, dude, you need to be able to, like if I have a grudge of any kind, I'm not happy. And I'll never, I won't laugh at things. I will like, like I saw, and then like as soon as I forget about it, it's gone. It's hard to get it,

it's hard to get it flamed up again. What's wrong with you? Because your normal behavior is how other people behave when there's a grudge. So when you see a happy Chris, you're like, what did I do?

Did I say something wrong? And you're like, what? No, Jesus. Just, no. Yeah, that's that's watching the game yeah that's just normal you haven't said a word to me in three hours yeah just that's normal yeah that's homeostasis grudge is like a deep like i can feel the heart attack uh-huh you know what i mean yeah i think

that's probably that's not a bad thing at all but you are right it does keep a lot of people alive most of who i grew up with yeah it's facebook in real life it's like they have to like it's like amy schumer talking about what's going on like they have to they have to feel something because they're not around people that are real they're not madonna doing almost anything today yes yes you know what i 100%. Anytime she kind of comes around, you just sort of go, the fuck? Yeah. Yeah.

You feel sad? You feel a lot of things. Yeah. But you just go, what's going on? Anyways, to your point. Yeah, and she gets off some alien ship. She's got to change her nose sideways.

She looks like a fucking monster. That's the part. Space monster. If she just got old, you'd be like, that's... Yeah. Yeah, and then she would deal with real life.

If she just got old, you'd be like, you know what? She's moved on to something else and she's doing great yeah but like when you see her face all rearranged like that you know she's just been like smashing the b button trying to get off the mat yes yes ever since you last saw her you know what i mean she's mac at the bottom that's hilarious and it's horrific yeah to think that she's trying to what are you still trying to become like a pop idol?

I think if she aged gracefully and ended up in like Portland painting mailboxes. You'd be great. People would fucking love that stuff. No joke. Madonna's now painting mailboxes in Portland. Yes. And she aged gracefully. She looks like she should at 80.

Yeah. And she could go, by the way, I wrote a song and you'd be like, it's the best song I've ever heard. She's fucking hollering it into an empty mailbox. Now she's got to be like, microphone on the other side. It's hilarious. People go to her concerts, big mailboxes.

But this is back to what you were saying about all this being, like comedy is 100% high school. I would this being, like, comedy is 100% high school. I would assume that, well, entertainment is kind of high school in a way. The old, anytime there was a guy that, like, failed a couple grades, people would look at him like, what is this ancient human being doing in our school? Yes. And he was, like, 18. Yeah. Madonna's that.

So she's like, well, I got to look 16, you know, in that. But he's look fucking nuts yeah crazy yeah you just gotta be the person you just gotta be the elderly person painting fucking this is kind of like the conundrum here with with this whole conversation is there is bliss in being so ignorant and holding grudges absolutely because i know so many people that like not only does it feed all of their energy yeah and their excitement every weekend is like yeah am i gonna see fucking you know what i mean mccalla down at the fucking waverly for dartley because if i see him i heard what he said about my sister's ass at the wedding yeah and you're like you're gonna hold that was 30 years ago in

high school dude i know he's like yeah but still but still you don't talk about anyone's family like that and it's like that's kind of cool but i was just gonna say that fucking stupid even hearing this because i got family that does the same deal and i've i've also it it does sound pretty great just getting up in the morning lighting a fucking cigarette getting in your atv drive into your like shed that has a couple beer, and just bitching about every wrong that's ever happened in your life. Doesn't that sound like a pretty good fucking day? Pretty awesome, dude.

It does. It's the real housewives of whatever the fuck for poverty. Grudge lives. Yeah. The real grudge lives of wherever. Of Delco, yeah. Yes. Of Philadelphia.

Of anywhere. Whatever. Miramichi, New Brunswick. Yeah, it's filling your heart and your mind and your fucking feet with complete, utter nonsense, aggression and drama. It's exhausting. To make you walk faster.

It is exhausting. Stand taller. But it also does this. And constantly walk into a Home Depot going, for this? Yeah. $15 for this? Last year was $12.

And you're like, why are you yelling at me? I'm back. You know what? I'm back. I'm back. Me too. I love petty bullshit like that. I'm back, man. I just don't have the energy for it. The idea that everywhere I went in my town, the grocery store, the bowling

out, I got to potentially kick someone's ass. Yes. But you're not gotta potentially kick someone's ass it's so but you're not gonna kick anybody's ass, you're just gonna see them be like, mhm, mhm, and then get in the car and ruin your family's life yes it's so true

like your wife's like, yeah I gotta go on about it kids are like, dad can we just go fucking punch in the blue steering wheel like it's it doesn't hurt you you it hurts those around you but you don't give a fuck because you're you're partying jesus christ why do you think we're all on the couch right now telling yuck yucks about hitler it's because that's exactly what happened to us in a fucking caravan or a super hatchback my dad wanted to fight somebody at the football field instead he didn't throw fisticuffs he got in the car and was like gene will you shut the fuck up 100 i got no seat belt 100

around with a pile of 100 taking his kids fucking nintendos yeah just taking the controllers one day so you can deal with that shit just turn it on and watch the fucking screen go yeah but he's mad at another guy another guy it's something else he's taking out his own family dairy queen what do you think we're made of fucking money you have any mouths i gotta feed i will say this if But he's mad at another guy. He's mad at something else but he's taking it out of his own family. Dairy queen? What do you think? We're made of fucking money? You have any mouths I gotta feed here? I will say this. If you wanna get fucking serious,

they gotta drop the price of these banana splits. I mean, it is gone. It's gone to like, it's craziness. Let me tell you something. It's a banana. It's a fucking banana. And ice cream you already have. Nathan, if I see an adult order a banana split,

I'm calling the cops. That is insane. Call them right now because I got Uber E order a banana split, I'm calling the cops. That is insane. Call them right now because I got Uber Eats coming. Get them on the horn, buddy. Delivered by the cop. He's so underpaid, he's an Uber Eats guy too.

Two spoons in the cruiser as I'm going to jail. Okay, well, Blizzard though. The Blizzard price. Blizzard, unreal. But they shrunk it. They got a small Blizzard, right, that's like this fucking big,

but it's like $3. A cup? Yeah, it's like this big. Tell me I'm lying. It's like this big. What's your Blizzard order? We talked about this not too long ago. They don't have it anymore.

That's how long I fucking bid on this planet. Oh, you have a specialty order? No, they don't have it anymore. It's gone. Butterfinger? No. Fucking Reese's Pieces. Not the cups.

Whoa. The Reese's Pieces. They Cubs the Reese's Pieces they got rid of the Pieces that was a party they don't have the Pieces blizzards anymore and if I don't have that I don't even think

that you guys have it it's in Canada score score blizzard yeah I know scores they have it here yeah are you talking about

the toffee bar covered in chocolate black label with the hot red jet black jet black pure sex label first of all

shout out Pop Pop. Pop Pop Flannery. Thomas Flannery, who I'm named after. Every time I saw him, he died at five years old. I was in the house. He died of a heart attack. They brought him down the house. You were five.

I was five. You said he died at five of a heart attack, and I was going to ask so many fucking questions, Tommy. He came out of the room, out of the womb, just ripping cigarettes. He's like, this fucking place sucks. You want to talk about drugs? I had a grudge life. Tommy he came out of the room So he would have all the grandchildren. My mother's one of 11. So there was a shitload of grandkids. He didn't have time to get to know them all because he was old by the time. I was the younger version of all the grandkids.

And he would put me on his knee. He'd give me a score bar and a quarter. And that's how I fell in love with score bars. Not a lot of Americans know about score bars. Well, that's why I said it. I don't even know. I haven't had a Blizzard since they jacked these prices. It's been a long time.

But score Blizzard, but Reese's Pieces is gone. I used to love those ones. Reese's Pieces? It was a good Blizzard, man. It's better than the cups. And I love a cup. But the Reese's Pieces, you know, they got the little candy coating. It's a party. I know, but they were losing that battle. Am I crazy?

They were good. Do they have M&M? Peanut Butter M&M? M&M's not the same. It's totally not the same. I know it's they were losing that battle. Am I crazy? They were good. Do they have a M&M? Peanut butter M&M? M&M's not the same. It's totally not the same. I know it's not the same. I argue that it's better than the Reese's Pieces. This is what he does. Don't look him in the eyes.

Grudge held for life. I'm going to sit in a small rowboat, just me and a fishing rod, yelling about this day. Why the fuck would he say that M&Ms are better? Speaking of rowboats. I like the idea that if you had an opinion and it was just you and Chris in a rowboat, just me and a fishing rod yelling about this day. Why the fuck would he say that M&Ms are better? Speaking of rowboats, I like the idea that if you had an opinion and it was just you and Chris in a rowboat, you'd go in circles the whole fucking time because you'd be like, no, go this way. You gotta go this way. You get sick and form

a tornado. I got a friend like that. Defends everything no matter what. Defends the other side no matter what. You'd be like, Dahmer's a bad guy. He's like, I don't know. He ate 17 people. Can we put some limits on anything? If you like M&M's better, that's fine, but you're fucking nuts.

I mean, Reese's Pieces is a better goddamn candy. No, peanut butter M&M. It's got more peanut butter. What did I say? M&M's. No, he said M&M's originally. You said Reese's Pieces. Then he said, no, peanut butter M&M. Again, this is a butter M&M's. I'm talking about peanut butter M&M's.

Again, this is a small grudge right here. This is all that life is. Sitting around bitching about nothing. I like the idea that I'm going to be walking through the city and just every once in a while get hit with a Reese's Pieces and be like, who the fuck? It's just you. Peanut butter M&M's is a good time. Peanut butter M&M's are alright.

It's so good. I don't want any chocolate in the peanut butter. Give me all the peanut butter M&M's is a good time peanut butter M&M's is alright I don't want any chocolate in the peanut butter give me all the peanut butter or all the chocolate don't fuck with it you don't like chocolate and peanut butter together? I do if it's a Reese's cup if it's a hard shell I can't have both oh man years and years ago

this lasted my point guys this is NPR it feels synthetic. This was made in a lab for sure. You can tell I didn't care because I wasn't angry in the face. Talking about roommates being pissed about stuff, my old roommate years and years ago, him and his lady had just broken up or some shit like that.

He's in the kitchen shirtless, just beating eggs in a fucking pan and i go i go what's going on he goes i'm making uh i'm making scrambled eggs living he's i shouldn't have even talked to him but i was just talking whatever i tell him what eggs and i was like uh i was like i like uh i like an over easy egg with the with the with the yolk but i don't like i don't like i don't like a soft boiled egg I don't like, I don't like, I don't like a soft boiled egg. I don't like that yolk. He drops the fork and turns to me shirtless. He goes, are you in your fucking mind? Yolk is yolk, man.

I go, yolk is not yolk. Over easy yolk. Over easy yolk is a different yolk than the soft boiled egg yolk. 10 minutes we're screaming at each other. And I was just like, dude, I apologize, man. I know that you and fucking Cheryl or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

100%. I'm going to get out of the kitchen. And he's like just rippling mad. So fucking pissed at me about egg yolk. There's nothing better than ending an argument about something that stupid going, look, you're clearly going through something.

It sends him to a whole other level of anger, too, though. The fact that you can't concede that yolks are different means something else is going on. I'm still not ready, though, 15 years later to concede. Those yolks are different. 100% they're different.

You got over easy, you got over medium. Subjectively trucking, over easy egg. Get the fuck out. You gotta cut the top off of the spoon. It's bullshit. Yolk is not yolk. Listen, we catch a lot of heat here for living with your This isn't the first time this has come.

Living with your adult friends. Thank you, Nathan, for bringing it back up. And I'm like, oh, so I have the greatest time of my life with my best friends thank you nathan for bringing it back up and i'm like oh so i have the greatest time of my life with my best friends while you live depressing life with your fucking wife most of the time who you also have a roommate it's your wife and she just lies to you and says she loves you here's she does can we also add to this can we also add to this i mean i live with my girlfriend but can we also add to this part you live with a roommate who decides everything that happens in the house right you oh you want to put up a picture oh that's cute yeah it's got to go through your roommate yes you want to put this glass on your

table fill it with bullets that's like a decorative fucking guess what it's a decoration it's a whiskey brand. He's got to go through the roommate. Dude, it's got two cigars hanging out, like spoons and a fucking banana split. And then she walks in. Whoop, whoop, gone. You want to smoke a cigarette in the house and stare at a gun?

You got to go through your roommate. Yeah. Like you just lost your partner on the floor. I'm going to stare at a gun. yeah like you like you just lost your partner on the floor one baby pull in the living room what are you talking about babe yeah there's a i mean yeah so the you gotta you gotta you got a whole other thing going on that's what you ever see um i don't know fuck whatever i don't even know what i was gonna try to say but the the um sometimes okay husband and a wife right they're living their lives blah blah blah one day husband snaps kills the wife then they go like whatever they go through the house or and they're interviewing i mean just

look around you go look he definitely shouldn't have killed her but he he was living in a he was living in somebody else's house yeah that he's just like he was a prisoner yeah it's weird like you know i mean there's stuff on the walls. He didn't pick any of this. There's weird colors. There's paints. Yeah. There's like odd shit. This guy's just living. It's like a... Yeah, like a fucking... He's got a lash out at some point. He's a tiger in a fish tank. Yeah.

He's getting beat by an Indian dude. Shirtless. Talking about egg yolks. Like tigers do. Look, my thing... This is just exactly like your water thing. It fell the fuck apart. All right, man? It fell the fuck apart, Tommy.

Now you're up. Now you're up. I wanted to have like a Morgan Freeman voiceover, like, that kind of thinking great on a man. Get busy living or get busy dying. No, it is true. I already miss Shane. Chris goes upstairs to Shane's house in two weeks.

Oh, wow. Yeah. I haven't been with friends in 13 years. What? Oh, you've been living with friends for 13 years. Yeah. Yeah. Is your lady moving in?

Yeah. She moved in like seven months ago oh okay never mind just me her and chris got you chris going upstairs i got this whole palace myself he's got upstairs to himself it's awesome he's still there within arm's reach so it's nice yeah yeah i got some clogs what time these are my shoes now What, Tom? These are my shoes now. It's just doing the Charleston.

It's my going to bed routine. That would be nice, though, just to get a house or something and have like six friends in it yeah different levels six couples that get along or whatever the fuck it'd be nice to be able to just be like look like you're when you're in college you're like look i can't deal with this i'm gonna go down the hall yeah talk to my friend yeah yeah you know what i mean but you're you have an elevated mentality so when people conceptualize living with an adult which i know i'm gonna get trashed

i have an elevated mentality no i'm saying like as an adult like if I know I'm going to get trashed. I have an elevated mentality? No, I'm saying as an adult, if you... Did he just say that? Yes. Okay. I do. I do. I'm saying... I don't. You're a smart boy,

despite what your father did to you. Jesus Christ. Because of what your father did to you. Hold on. I forgot the point. I forgot the point. I forgot the point. You're talking about because you're living with adults,

you're going to get trashed. No, no. Well, I'm saying I'm trying to I'm trying to promote the idea of living with adults, which is very hard to do

because most people It's a hard sell. What I'm saying is it's a hard sell. Well, when you're when you're in your 20s you think about you think about living with your 25 year old friends trying to get out of that fucking bee's nest because you don't like that person what i'm trying to say is like if you gravitate towards someone for the greater good of of that octopus of success. There's multiple tentacles. Yeah.

There it goes. Another one fell apart. I'll have one too before this all ends. We got it. We see what you're saying. All I had to say was, look, when you're older, you know what you want. You know who you love.

It's easy to live with someone that's older than 25 years old. You also have to be doing our job. People look at you going, that reminds me of living with some guy at college. Yeah, but then they go home. That must be crazy. No, no, it's different. They go home and fuck their pillow

while their goddamn wife or whatever is yelling about something else. Yeah, and they have to lie about going golfing. And that's not everybody, but you know what I'm saying. My old roommates, man, we used to fucking just watch horror movies and make fun of them. It's a party.

It's like one of the best fucking times ever. It's great. Yeah. Just be careful what you get rid of. Hang on to those moments. Never grow up,

you're saying. Never get your pan forever. It's good. Son of a bitch. I had a fucking point. You're going to get it back. I think the big thing is if you work like a regular job and you had adult roommates you'd be like this sucks oh i did no i'm

no i did have adult i had a real job with adult roommates and i was like this sucks because i wasn't close to them and it wasn't this is the whole thing with the octopus they weren't going in the same direction we weren't all in a fucking firm doing coke and stealing from the poor. You know what I mean? Here, we're doing coke and being poor. I'm not doing coke. I got it.

Alright. How long have you had to piss? Ten. How's your day, by the way? It's not bad. Yeah, I mean, yesterday was kind of fucked up, but today... Because of the dog? A little bit of that. I mean, it's just sad.

And I've looked into the pricing of... Killing the dog? Yeah, shutting it down. For me to choke the dog is going to cost me $10. No, to get her eyes to get cataract surgery. Oh, okay. But it's like $7,000 an eye and then also i go i go is that what's even gonna happen maybe it'll be better maybe she won't i also scared she's literally five pounds what if somebody gives her

too much juice to knock her out and she don't come back yeah i'd rather have a fucking blind dog than no dog i had i had a buddy who had a blind dog that swallowed like 13 years 14 years old swallowed a corn cob okay twice wow they had and because it was blind it would just sniff its way to the like a like an eaten corn cob and swallow it and you can't pass a corn cob obviously i wouldn't have even thought about it i have no idea so you gotta cut the corncob out of the dog brutal it's like this dog is on it is basically at the end of its life and they had to have like the two ten thousand twenty thousand dollars to cut this corncob out of the dog yeah but it's like you can't let a dog die we started a new podcast it's a new episode we started a new podcast. It's a new episode.

We started a new episode and we left. Wait, what do you mean cut the corn cob? Like a piece of shit hanging in his ass? No, no, no, no. This dog was blind and deaf but his nose was... He asked me about my blind dog again. He wanted me to get angry. He wanted me to hold a grudge. He wanted me to flip a fucking

camera. Yeah, now he looks like a fucking yellow Reese's Pieces. He was talking about getting the surgery to fix the eyes. Yeah. Oh, don't do that. No, it's expensive. And like I was saying- Glaucoma?

She got like cataracts or whatever. Yeah. You know what I mean? Same thing. Yeah. Yeah, whatever cause we have. One's gone. The other one's fucking-

Yeah, nah. Let that thing- You just gotta pick it up, let it shit in the yard until you're ready emotionally- What yard? What yard are we talking about? I'm sorry, I'm spoiled. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Big city living here. Do you have elevator? See what you did to him? Look how angry he is at me. I didn't even say anything about his dog. I wish a healthy life for your dog. You made him feel less than. Finds a nice apartment with other dogs his age.

13, which is 78. Yeah, sitting around watching horror movies, yelling about yolks. I was trying to make the point that you can let a dog die with cataracts. You can't let a dog, a dog that swallows a corncob, you can't let a corncob kill a dog. Let me tell you something.

Yeah. You woke up tomorrow, and I was just walking to that television, looking for the fridge. Put me down. Kill me. You wouldn't want to live. If you go blind tomorrow,

you don't want to live anymore. No, try it. I'll tell you what. You want to get out just because you're blind? I would live blind. If I can't taste, you can see and you hear and you can't taste,

you want out. This is a good question. No, you got to keep hope alive that it'll come back. Yeah, man. If I can't taste anything, it would be the worst. You're one of those guys.

Yeah, if I could still taste, I've had experience with seeing. You could tell me what it looks like and I'd be like, I see it. Because I lived a certain amount. Yeah. If I lose sense of taste and I'd be like, I see it. Because I lived a certain amount. Yeah. If I lose sense of taste and smell, my olfactory gets ripped. I'm killing myself.

Yeah, that's tough. Hearing gives you shit. Really? No. Yeah, hearing's pretty big. I'm talking shit. You can do this. Hearing's huge.

You can do this blind. Yeah. It's harder to do not hearing in my the here's my top because taste and smell first and then i take hearing and then eyesight how i don't know i'm talking this is it's it's a very difficult thing to debate well yeah i know but a second ago you literally said if i go blind tomorrow chris kill me yeah i was just thinking of a dog that was blind walking in the shit that has no idea about language. I'll shut her down tonight when I get home. You should.

Yeah. Can you tape it? Yeah. I'll be smoking a cigarette looking at a gun. Pointing at a chihuahua's head. I think if I lost my eyesight, I'd be really disappointed. I can't. What the fuck?

I can't fucking do it. Putting a bullet into a chihuahua is like very, like, you know what I mean? Like, Old Yeller, they had to do it. It's a dog dog. That's a real dog. Chihuahua, she's this. know what I mean? Like Old Yeller, they had to do it. It's a dog dog. That's a real dog. Chihuahua, she's this. I mean, you want to shoot this?

That's insane. It's a fleshlight. I didn't expect her body to explode. Yeah, she would just... Gone. Fur blood. This is horrible. What the hell? Yeah.

Oh, God. This is great. We're going to do it. Well, I was just saying that I think if I went blind, I'd be bummed that I didn't memorize geography more. You know what I mean? Like maps. I would have no idea what anyone was talking about.

You don't have to worry about your two blocks. Where are you going? I'm talking about just maps. Peru? The Peruvian mountains? I wish I would have remembered these when I had the chance. What are you on, 287? Incan temples?

14 A's coming up on the right. No, I'm saying like someone would be like, yeah, I went to fucking Wyoming. I'd be like, where is that again? And I can't look at a map. Dude, how much? There's so many better reasons to have eyesight than to be able to look at a fucking map. It's so funny. But that's the stuff

i would be pumped about shit i could have banked you know what i mean damn you wouldn't be upset that like you can't ever see a woman again every woman you've ever seen that's it now you got that memory but you're never gonna see you're never gonna just be walking on the street on a random tuesday be like this is the hottest fucking lady i've ever seen in my life which happens what every day almost yeah yeah this is the hottest lady fuck Fuck that. This one's the hottest lady. They're all the hottest. Each one that happens. The other one just dies. Fall in love once a month.

Yeah, because if you're just left with your memory, you'd go, damn, they were so hot. And then you'd go, were they, though? Just you fighting with yourself. Yeah, yeah. I bet they weren't. Give me a pen, piece of paper. I'm going to draw the hot.

And then just asking people, is this hot? Is what I drew really hot? Do me a favor. Open Facebook. Search this. Tara. Tara McLachlan. Search that. Is she hot to you? Fuck. That would suck.

Fuck. God damn it. For 20 years I've been sitting here thinking she's hot. Is it still open? Yeah just be like when's this from? Is this young or is this current death? The whole time you're still beating on her

She's hot in my mind It's all that matters Please stop doing this Yeah if I had to choose, I'd go. Do you go to therapy, by the way? No. Did you ever? No.

Okay. You really looked away. No. Just looked down at the ground? Of course. Do you? I did. I stopped going two years ago, but I went for like five years.

Damn. Why'd you stop? You did it. I did it. I got to the end. I really, I beat it. Yeah? I kind of like,

I got to a point where it was sort of like, I'm just going to keep coming in here and saying the same shit and I get it. I got problems with my mom. My dad wasn't around.

Like, I'm talking about this until I'm 80. You know what I mean? I get it. I don't get it. I got it. Did you switch therapists

or was it the same person for five years? Same person, five years. Oh, okay. Yeah. You think it. Did you switch therapists or was it the same person for five years? Same person, five years. Oh, okay. Yeah. You think it'd be different if you switched up every couple years? Because you'd have to go. It's like dating.

You got to go back in and be like, here's where I work. Yeah. I went to this school. It's hell. You got to go back in and tell a whole other person your fucking story. Yeah. I bet a lot of people enjoy that. Maybe.

Maybe there's a lot of people that, yeah, want to go back in and, they just want to hear their own problems. They want someone to listen to their own problems. You get like a new swing coach, like golf, you know what I mean?

It's just like golf, Chris. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You start from the, you start from scratch. You know golf.

Yeah, yeah, build, build golf. Yeah, I know a little bit. twice. I know a little bit.

I get John Daly to be my swing coach. It's not going to happen. It'd be amazing though. That would be sick. He, that's an M, a twice. I know a little bit. I get John Daly to be my swing coach. It's not going to happen. It'd be amazing though. That would be sick. He, that's an M and a guy that likes M and M. You want to talk golf. You want to go all the way back.

That motherfucker loves an M and M. Just talk about going through one of the tours at some point in time. He's like, I was just drinking Coke, eating M and M's. Yeah. It's insane. Well, I hate regular M and M's. Well, you hate John Daly. But I do like Daly. But I just got, yeah, whatever. I just stopped. Oh, I hate John Daly, though. I do like Daly.

But I just got, yeah, whatever. I just stopped. Oh, I just stopped. And she was even kind of like. So there's no shot at you going back? I'd go back if I had to go back. Like, if my fucking, say I get married, and then I lose my wife to some, like, horrible, twisting, fiery car crash.

Yeah, I'd go talk to somebody. You know what I'm saying? But other than that. Oh, I thought you meant, like, losing her to, like losing her to like a horrible twisted person no i am an adult i can completely understand why you'd walk out the door and suck another dick not even i can't even you know what i mean like not not i wouldn't be happy about it but also like what am i gonna be mad i get it i'm an adult yeah there's a lot of people i want to suck on out there you can't be upset about this shit yeah yeah yeah you're gonna be upset but like i'm not but I wouldn't go to therapy over that.

But plane crash, I probably, you know what I mean? Something like horrific. Yeah. Does that make any sense? You lose your whole family on a bus.

Yeah. Let's talk it out. Yeah, let me go talk to somebody. Let's start over. But like your wife just leaves you for your neighbor.

Yeah. He saw him the whole time. He's out there fucking mowing the lawn without a shirt he's he's wiping his brow at my house yeah i see what's going on here well you're saying you're saying if he had some positive characteristics i'm talking about a just a mess of a man that's even better because then you you're leaving for this psycho he bites bars and can't sleep at night go ahead i mean that's go that's your life him what you got kids you got to explain it to your kids why did she oh my god dude you'd go okay i don't know man i don't know what you'd have to do that you have like your mom's but they

would also if your kids your kids would also probably be able to look at your mom right out there with some fucking i know every day they'd have to yeah but i think what i'm saying you know what i'm just supposed to be co-parenting so you can't really attack her chris saying this so calmly with zero in any of this how do you explain to your kids what's happening to you they would also be able to see i think if your kids are definitely if they're like a certain age it's like four or five and then i't know, it's just some psychotic man. He takes pills and gets them yo-yos every once in a while. What's there to really explain?

They're too young to even get any of this shit. Your mom's banging a new man. They're like, I'm four. I don't need to hear this, you know? Yeah. Good for her. They come home and they'd be like, Dad, I don't like the new man. Good for her, good for him.

Well, then there you go. And then you go, I don't like him either. Perfect. But when you're over there, you got to listen to what he says. You don't like the new man. Good for her, good for him. Well, then there you go. And then you go, I don't like him either. Perfect. But when you're over there, you got to listen to what he says. You don't fucking say that. We're going to have new studies in the next like 50 years, which is what is the best process of human happiness in terms of a household, right?

Because we were raised just like our great great great great great grandparents you have to have a fundamentally structure it's fundamentally sound structure of like husband and wife have kids in their 20s get them to college get them now there's so many other variables now it's just not it's not true right it's starting to be proven. It probably is, but it's not for the masses. You don't have to find your high school sweetheart. You don't have to find the girl in college. A lot of people don't go to college.

I'm saying take your time. Figure it out. If it does come for you, that's great. If you want to be 51 and live with two dudes, personally, what's wrong with that nothing here here new york it's a little bit easier i feel i feel in some places like you want to chase your dreams with two other 51 year olds playing video games yeah we got a nice backyard

man i'll take your blind dog when you're out of town because you have friends i'll move in i'll move in you come away i'd fucking we couldn't You couldn't do this in Montana, could you? No. But that's, yeah. No, they'd eat your dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They'd fuck you and then kill your wife. No.

If you had a podcast about riding ATVs and hunting and fly fishing and doing a bunch of cool shit, you could do that and fuck everybody. Yeah, it's the fly fishing boys. Yeah, I like that. They're allowed to live in the house together. it's the fly fishing boys I like that they're allowed to live in the house together it's the fly fishing boys the fly guys I tried to put fishing in there so at least some people know what it's about fishing but fly guys

fly guys rules dude we're the fly guys now it'd be sick it'd be sick dude I watched this dude on YouTube this guy deer meat for dinner, and he's an absolute idiot. But his whole life is just,

he's got millions of subscribers and he just goes out there and like fishes and hunts and just does whatever the fuck he wants. It's great. Are you telling me thousands of meth heads watch another man murder innocent animals yeah he like goes he goes like deep sea fishing then he like cucks he throws it on a grill and he's like we did it yeah is this him by himself yeah well he's got a family but it's just like

they're not happy they get like homeschooled they come on sometimes they come on the trips with him they have if he has a family. How many kids does he have? I think he's got like four kids. Deer meat man? Deer meat for dinner. And he's, where does he live? Florida. Wow. Dude, one episode he just had a bunch of stumps in his yard and he

tried a bunch of different ways to burn a stump out of the ground. This is what you're watching at night? Yeah. Every once in a while i'm reminded like just make things as simple as possible yeah there's there's really whatever your first thought was just go with it yeah like he he could have sat down for days right and been like yeah uh deer meat for dinner nah it's no good i'm gonna be meat man with deer stump guy too much yeah deer meat for dinner.

We know exactly what we're getting. A man's going to make deer meat or cook deer meat for dinner. Not for breakfast. We're not talking about egg yolk. Not for lunch. That's his other podcast. I don't eat breakfast. Salmon eggs for lunch.

That's a great podcast. I don't eat breakfast. That's a great name for a podcast. I wake up up just start talking one coffee that's it i'm fucking hungry today boys i don't eat breakfast just keep it simple to to think too much about any of this shit welcome back to episode 1000 of i don't eat breakfast no more fucking questions no oatmeal no raisin bread no banana instead of every episode ending with a piss 4 p.m because i don't eat breakfast lunchtime it's literally how

i speak but it's also great that's a great idea you want to get eggs no i don't eat breakfast i literally get it all you don't my podcast? You don't eat breakfast? No. Okay. I do. You don't like it? No, I don't eat for... I usually eat around 6, 7 p.m.

Do you eat a breakfast, though? No. You eat at 6 p.m.? I don't eat lunch. Is that what you said? Yeah. What do you do? You eat one meal a day?

16 to 18 hour fast every day. You eat one meal a day? I'll snack late night for some candy. What do you eat? When do you eat? What do you do eat? Booze. I bite through this fucking... This aluminum.

Just 10,000 calories in fucking Surfside. Tommy Goat. That's our podcast. I don't eat breakfast. Just me biting through beer cans. Becoming full farm animal. What do you eat? Do you have a giant meal? No. Because I'm more just like your stomach shrinks it's very small so so what so but you're fine through the day you

don't you're not like no you seem okay you're i mean you're really doing this a lot but you you don't have like uh but you're not like tired hungry none of that shit you've gotten to the point now where you can have one meal a day and you're fine yeah that's pretty amazing it's great what's the meal? It's all over the place. Last night I had a slice of pizza and some Chinese and I watched my boys lose. So you had like two drunken snacks. Yeah.

He ordered pizza so I had a slice, which we've had pizza the last three games. One slice. I had one slice of pizza and then I had a bowl of fried rice from a dumpling place. That's it. That was your entire from a dumpling place. That's it? That was your entire fucking Friday? Yes. It's wild. That is wild.

You look great. Thank you. What the fuck is that? You don't need all that. You can have a slice of pizza and a bowl of fried rice for a day. Well, we're joking. And you're going to the gym. This guy, you know what he did when he came in?

He does get a lot of calories from food. Yeah, but the guy's in shape. I know, but the guy, the guy's in shape. I know. I leaned on him. He fucking flexed. Oh yeah. Fully flexed to make, to make me realize that if he wanted to at any point in time during this podcast, he could kill me.

This is a white trash. This is what I'm talking about. Defense mechanism. Yeah. When you're in a bar, you touch like some dude and they're just like, you want me to get you a beer? Yeah. You did it.

I can't believe that that was all you had yesterday. I don't even believe it. Is this a fucking, are you fucking with me? No, no, this is for real. He would tell you if it wasn't. He never did. You are, you are, you are, that is college. Yeah.

You are, you didn't, you haven't. I stopped. Yeah, you're, you're, that's amazing. A bowl of fried rice. I put the brakes on growing up a long time ago. Yeah, you just turned your metabolism to fucking 21. I'm very happy. It's amazing. I know I seem angry, but growing up. Yeah. Yeah. You just turn your metabolism to fucking 21. I'm very happy. I know I seem angry, but I'm very happy.

No, you just seem tense. I'm living the dream right now. You're living somebody's dream. Yeah. For sure. You're not living. You're living great. But I'm honest to God shocked.

One piece of pizza. Wait, do you drink? No. Yeah. I used to drink. I know. I know. How bad were you?

But do you remember when you'd wake up hungover let's go bad bad what's the worst you can't eat when you're hungover it's too much the worst story

what like put you out the thing that made me stop I'm done I fucking I fucking so I was 19 I left my car at my friend's house

and we went downtown we got drunk at his house then we went downtown I was got drunk at his house then we went downtown i was drunk as fuck halifax nova scotia and uh i was at the dome for anybody that's in halifax nova scotia and uh drunk drunk i run into my friend shane who i worked with at future shop it's now a defunct canadian brand that was like our best buy yeah future everybody everybody in america makes fun of Future Shop. It's the future.

But to me at the time, it's just a regular place. You got your fucking TVs. You got your DVDs. I mean, it's a best buy, but Future Shop. It feels like the ultimate jinx. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like if you named your business

the last forever mart. You're like, you're going out of business. Never going to close store. Yeah yeah so i run into him he's drunk and uh i was like buddy what are you doing he's like i gotta get home i go let's get well you know i gotta i gotta go home too so anyways but i got in my head i go i need my car i gotta get my car i can't i don't want to get a cab home and then get my car tomorrow so i walk me and him walk for a while i get to my car i put my key in the door and i'm just like i'm i'm drunk i see myself in the in the in the window i'm gone man i'm gone i shouldn't be shouldn't even be looking at a car let alone putting a key in the door to

get in a car and i i'm holding the thing i'm looking at myself in the glass i go shane man i'm fucked i look at him he's literally laying on the hood of my car and he goes i'll drive man i go just get in the car dude so anyways i closed the door that's the last thing i remember the next thing i remember is i'm home shane's gone i just i guess i dropped him off and i'm now at my house and i'm like i can't i'm not doing that again that was insane I blacked out driving. Yeah. I could have fucking killed a fucking, you know, name a thing.

That's it. I know. Tommy and I are both like. It's so funny because I knew, as I even started it. That's when you turned back. I was like, okay. As I even started it.

Was there a wig underneath one of the wheels? I know 100%. I was like, okay. As I even started it, Was there a wig underneath one of the wheels? I know 100%. I was like, I know 100%. This is not the thing that would have stopped either of these men. You would have got back in the car. You'd be like, I'm still up. Let me go back to the beer store. I'm like, Shane, you want a blizzy, baby?

No, it scared the fuck out of me. It would have been confetti. I'm good at this. I'm better than I even thought. There was nothing on the car, which is crazy. I was like, how the fuck did I like, did I, I don't know. I'm better than I even thought there was nothing on the car which is crazy I was like how the fuck did I like I don't know I also whatever I had an ulcer when I was like 15 too

from drinking that wasn't fucking good either my stomach was fucked up forever yeah that's bad did I like you know throw a guy out a fucking window or did I fucking like assault a family did I impregnate a lady and then bail to fucking Denver? You told a story,

not to cut you off, but you told a story here last time you were on that your town is like known for dads skipping out on their families. Nova Scotia, yeah. There's a lot of people

that don't have dads. He has like a pack of friends that all don't have dads. It's like dogs in Greece. I was going to say, we're dads. It's like dogs in Greece. I was going to say, yeah, we're just running the streets. Dogs in Greece. It's an island of wild dogs.

Yeah. There's no pet control in Greece. They just let the dogs run wild. Well, that's also why I was drinking pretty young. I started drinking at like 13. But yeah, an ulcer. I mean, what's the worst thing you ever fucking did? That's hilarious. that's really funny just off-camera producer laughs that's the worst part is that it's like i don't know yeah no there's a bunch but it's in there what's one

you can remember what's one where you're like i i that that's fucking i mean i've told many stories but like yeah i started drinking in grade school and then high school was just like high school was drinking the way you drink in college so every weekend in high school college was just like you know that's when i got the drugs and stuff but like god drinking and driving was just like yeah i didn't ever drive sober like once you get a license you're like i'm yeah we're gonna drive everybody's black i've ever blacked out driving though yes yeah for sure yeah yeah but like i feel like i don't drive unless i'm black i'm not even trying to be a tough guy i think it's like yeah it's a controlled environment after you do it for a long time yeah

yeah yeah you know exactly where you're going you start to trust your blackout going like in that moment i probably knew what i was doing i definitely have family members that would like uh whatever drink and drive and uh i was in the car a couple times as a kid and i remember being like they're going way faster than they normally do but they're really on it yeah yeah you know what i mean yeah they're locked in they're hitting the lights they're stopping when they should they're really aware of what's happening but we're going way faster yeah than we should be yeah yeah aunts and uncles drove us home fucking blitzed yeah but that looked the laws were a little lax in the night a pretty small place too right huh the town delco or whatever yeah but it's still yeah it's a suburb of Philadelphia.

Yeah, okay. It's not small. Okay. Yeah, I don't- It's suburban. I don't like other people drinking and driving. They don't fuck with you too much until you go out into like the rich neighborhoods. That's where people like, they're looking for tickets.

They're looking, or you go blasting down the highway and such. I remember when I first started comedy, I had a car. I lived in- I don't like reckless drunk driving. I like drunk driving to get home. Chris was not having my story. You're not like a fun... You're not like,

let's just go see what happens. I don't like people that are flooring it and fucking around. It's like... Like a horror movie. It's a covert op. Yeah.

Well, that's a problem of a person. Yeah, yeah. If you're reckless drunk driving, you're an absolute animal. The mission is to get home undetected. Yeah. Just pulling over a guy who's unbelievably drunk. Like, do you know why I pulled you over? He's like, no, I wasn't being reckless.

Completely fine here, sir. I'm going from point A to point B. Yeah, this is the most dangerous thing we've done tonight. Is you pulling me over. Who knows what's going to happen? Yeah, I told a story on our podcast months and months ago where I beat a cop. Not, I beat him in a car. And I was doing, when I first started comedy, I had a full-time job.

I was living in Willow Grove. And I was doing coke while driving a brand new Infiniti. I was going about 100 miles an hour, driving with my knees, taking a bag of Coke underneath the back mat, doing a bump, putting it back down like, I'll never find that, and just flying down 476.

And as I get to my exit, it's coming up, and I blow underneath this overpass and you see lights flick on where the cop was hiding. But I know that I have to like turn off on the set. The next exit is like a blind turn where even if he came out quick, he doesn't know like where I'm going. So I cut up this, my exit, which is 343 Willow Grove.

And then it splits. So I see him get off the exit because he's trailing me yeah and you need to go left or right i go right blow through the easy pass at that time i don't think easy passes around blow through the toll and then i go up to the right hop the median which is a small like long one like the width of this rug and then you go up and i parked behind uh a 7-eleven wow i dumped my car next to a dumpster and then woke up my my girlfriend at the time who had a job and i said you got to come pick me up at 7-eleven i just watched this cop like slowly troll the the streets wow behind the

yeah that didn't slow me down they no i was my... Should have. You basically... That's a thrill, though. Should have learned something. We came to this with like two movies, right? You showed me, like, Exorcist, and my story was like frozen, in a way.

Comparatively. I was listening to this like, holy fuck, yeah, that's insane. Bumping Hollywoods. Yeah, it was fun. And then just jumping a goddamn...

I mean, yeah, that's fun. Yeah, the thrill was nuts. That's Grand Theft Auto. But it's crazy. I started to go, yeah, that's fun. Yeah, the thrill was nuts. That's Grand Theft Auto. But it's crazy. I started to go, yeah, don't do that. Don't do that. It's completely insane. Yeah, it's totally insane.

Doing anything outside of your vision while driving drunk is insane. Going 100 miles an hour driving with your knees. Trying to find your nostril. Putting cocaine on your hand. Yeah, it's crazy. And just going... What was your job? Huh crazy what was your job huh what was your job at that time i was a director of marketing for uh or director of advertising okay that's like a job

that's at least like a a job enough of a job to be doing that you know what i mean yeah if you were like this front of house applebee's what's long shift yeah yeah it was a nine to five yeah yeah yeah job job real job yeah yeah yeah because that's like a very wolf of wall street story so it's either in finance or like you know that's that's a thing especially the infinity at the time that's a fucking g35x yeah that's not fucking the last car i ever had i'm gonna get a car this uh this winter for the first time since then. You've been saying this for two years. I've been saying it for a year. Two. One year. I've only known you for a half a year.

Get another Infiniti. I'm going to go accurate, not accurate. Dude, we're watching college football today. We're watching Ohio State, Penn State, at Ohio State. Tommy's sitting on the couch. He goes, you ever go to Ohio State? You ever go to that stadium?

And I was like Yeah man You and I went there last year The point is have fun with your friends We were right there Yeah Live with your best friends And just enjoy your life

Because it's short Put your dog down when it can't see. Get rid of your kids. Divorce your wife. Fuck your neighbor. Have fun. Drive recklessly with your knees. Do cocaine. Go in 100 miles an hour. Play video games.

Do you have anything to plug? Oh yeah. Gonna be at Gramercy Theater November 11th. Let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gramercy Theater November 11th Let's go Yeah yeah yeah Gramercy Theater November 11th

And I don't think It was out the last time I was on But I got a special On YouTube called Money Never Wakes Fuck yeah Check that out

Money Never Wakes What's the YouTube channel It's just at Nathan McIntosh Alright sick Yeah M-A-C McIntosh

Not Nate Nathan Nathan Yeah yeah I thought you said Nate No everybody here does Do you hate Nate? I don't hate it, but it doesn't make me sound like a 10-year-old that chews gum in a treehouse.

Yeah, if you called me Tom. But then again, Tommy also has the connotation of a kid who's chewing gum. But you go by Tommy. My full name is Nathaniel. What am I? I'm not going to go by that. That's cool. It's not bad, but I mean, you can't walk around as Nathaniel McIntosh.

It's fucking Sebastian Maniscalco, for God's sake. Yeah, but Nathaniel McIntosh. It's a long name. But is it? You're a Reese of Pieces, baby. That kid's a peanut butter cup. Nathan McIntosh, MAC, high-end, 2SH. Gramercy Theater, November 11th, Monday Never Wakes.

Thank you.