Stuff Island - Geoffrey Asmus + Alex Dragicevich - Stuff Island #183

Episode Date: May 7, 2025

This week Geoffrey Asmus and Alex Dragicevich join Chris O'Connor Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Unlock a healthier and easier way to eat by using Promo code "Stuff Island" at checkout for 15% off your first order at huel.comControl Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off of your Starter Pack (that's over 40% off) with promo code STUFFISLAND at shopmand.com! #mandopod Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/STUFFISLAND Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No, no, no. You like, you like, you like, you like, you text me one day is like not feeling it. I was like, Oh, you, it was coming. I mean, for the last six months you were not. Oh, I had a mental breakdown.

It's fine. So, I can have a mental breakdown these days. People were commenting like as this needs to go to therapy, like he, this guy looks so Yo. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha to talk about. Yeah. Wow. We can get into it though. I had a bit of a mental break. I feel like you're a sad guy. You're a sad guy. I know you. You're a sad guy. I had a mental break recently. I just got a last night I was about to go on stage and I got an email from

I got an email from this vet that I talk shit about on the podcast. Like a veteran? A veterinarian. Oh, veterinarian, okay, those are different. I was like, a vet's not gonna beat you up. This veterinarian almost like,

the cat was like in the hospital recently. We have a cat. Oh, yes, yes. And he was in the hospital and then he came home and they gave me like the worst advice ever. And if I followed their advice, I would have killed the cat. Whoa, what did they tell you to do? I needed, we were giving him insulin

and he needed like a blood glucose monitor and the one that we had on him wasn't working. And I was like, well, I need another one. And the doctor was like, no, you don't just give it the shots. Oh. And if I had, we wound up getting another one from just a different vet. But it's like, if I had we wound up getting another one from just a different vet

But it's like if I had just given him this the recommended dose that they gave us He would have been dead 24 hours after the phone call And I was so mad and you went in on the vet on the pot Yeah, I you know comedy pie you dock some I did almost I did almost. Yeah, I said their name. You did say the name. I got like, you know, you got to save the cats.

Other cattle. Angry. That's like mal. That was like it's about practice. Yeah. That's what I think. And the guy it's malpractice. Oh, Jesus.

Come on. That's why I'm sad. I had these intrusive thoughts and I have to say them. Jesus, come on. That's why I'm sad. I have these intrusive thoughts and I have to say them. So he gave you this guy or woman sent you an angry email. Like, how dare you bad mouth practice from their attorneys? Oh, they're like they were like thinking of suing you. No, no, no. They're just like, you can't come here.

No, it was just like, here's all his medical information and you're not allowed to come. Why are you banned from the vet? You got banned from a bad bet. He says on April 28th in the podcast, Mr. O'Connor said, among other things, said he would like to drown the doctor in a toilet and give her a lethal dose of insulin. Yeah. You said you wanted to give the doctor a little help. That's incredible.

His ghost of the vodgas also made several comments advocating for the physical and sexual assault of this veterinarian. Incredible. Even veterinarians are woke now, Mike. Jesus. That's veterinarians. Incredible. It's common practice. Even veterinarians are woke now. I'm like, Jesus. That's too far. That's so funny. That's a mental breakdown.

I was at a line. Sure, but you were emotional. You were emotional. It's fine. Well, there's actually tons of stuff that like animals, like I just got hymns for like- Oh yeah, you've been freaking out about your hairline. Take care of the hairline,

just to get ahead of it, you know? Apparently if a dog or a cat like has the minoxidil, like they are out, they die like in five seconds. Like they're dead dead. Why would your cat get hims? Well, no, if they're like on your counter. Yeah, the cat's like, on the air. If they're on your counter and like,

or the pills are out and they just think it's like a, whatever, like. It's just a hairless cat Like I've always wanted to be one of the hair Good for people if it can kill an animal that fast I know yeah that different a body chemistry I don't quite understand. Yeah, it's actually a good point, but you know try it out. I like that Yeah, just give it in your body whoever I'm pissed at Yeah, no, yeah It is like someone DM to me when I was talking about on my pod where they were just like right where I was gonna get

It and somebody I mean like if you have a dog or a cat like literally keep it safe away Aren't you like anti pet? I'll never yeah Just I don't know I'm not I don't know that. Yeah, that's one of the worst of pains of all I get it. He doesn't like dogs or cats Don't want the responsibility or you actually don't like them mainly a responsibility thing Sometimes dogs look jumpy like I never know what what they're gonna what they're gonna do dogs are like showing joy and it kind of throws him off and it kind of throws him off. He's like, why?

He's like, you want to have fun? I'm not really into the fun thing. Cats scratch me, cats are always hissing at me. I don't know what I do. Cats don't hiss at everyone. Cats what? They don't hiss at everyone. That's something they see in you.

They can feel. They see the darkness within you. Yeah, we're both just kind of staring each other down all the time. So it's, yeah, I don't know what it is. I just like, are they huge person though? That maybe that's, I could be a bit, I could be a little bit like, like, what is, what is this live tree doing?

Am I doing a tree doing in my house? Cause animals do, they freak out by large people and tiny people. Mm-hmm. Yeah Yeah, like Mike the cat we have is like fucking great He's so like nice around everyone and then a little kid comes over and he's just like fuck that dude Really? I don't know what that is Yeah, never really seen one of these before it's upsetting me. Yeah cats are They seem mostly untrustworthy Initially, but the good thing about cats is that they don't

Shade on the whole species they don't like but you don't have to take care of them, which is nice in a way They just fucking hang out. Well, you do have to give him like diabetes shots Yeah, you know besides, it was kind of. How do they get diabetes? Is that like a, is he like a fat cat or like? He was. At one point in his life he was fat. He's gotten in better shape, but I don't think he has diabetes.

He just like, his pancreas got fucked up. His pancreas got fucked up. Oh, he had a hard drinking time in his life. He was binging the catnip. which could have been from the overeating but he yeah and then when your pancreas gets fucked up your insulin goes I guess that is how like like kind of sinister of a outlook I have when you were saying that you were gonna give your cat shots I was like well just we'll just take care you know take care of it well dude I was like, we'll just, we'll just take care, you know, take care of it. Well, dude, that was the other thing.

You would just put your cat down. That's what I meant by take care. Yeah, I know you realize that. I know you meant that. Let me just wrap this up. Yeah. Can we just, uh, new cat maybe. I swear to God, I, I do. Last night I drunkenly drafted like a response email.

Oh, to this guy? Yeah. Yeah, was it mean or were you apologizing? No, it's just like hey It was kind of just like shut the fuck up I Ended it. I I ended it kind of being like how about you pay me? What I just pay pay me back the money. I just spent and I'll stop talking a little black man. OK, you really want to talk about what happened. I'll talk about what happened. You're in the shower like fucking talking to you.

What do you think? Fucking the first thing she said to us was basically that. Oh, they were like they were like it before she had done any like investigation really. Yeah was just like hey It's gonna be like a lot of money. Oh Like basically how much do you love your cat? Yeah? fine just Save him. She was like it's like really not looking good She's just like really I'm tired. I want to go home.

I want to do this right now. Okay, we'll try. And she was like, okay, I know you're saying that money's not a problem, but like, it was like a vet. So they told you essentially, yes, to take care of it. Okay, that was crazy. That's how it started. Yeah.

And then, yeah, this was a woman who. Yes, that was crazy. That's how it started. This was a woman who loves animals and wants to save them. This is like a lady who wants to clock out. There's a shelter down the street you might want to look at. I got a gun in the closet. You know, you can put it on its misery. I weirdly have a 12 gauge in my office.

We can do the bucket drone. Either way, it'll work. We can do it. It's like my grandpa used to do. My grandpa said when he was like growing up in the 30s or 40s, people would just get kittens on the farm and they'd throw a bag of kittens out the window of their car and just kill them in the river.

Yeah. People used to really slaughter cats. That's country stuff. That's country stuff. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Where it's like you've seen it a thousand times before. They're death and life, or they don't really care anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an interesting.

It's like I was a kid, we had too many cats, we tried. We tried and then we. And then it was a nightmare. And then my dad. The best thing to do is just throw the whole bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all we can do. Look, you're gonna fight, you're gonna fight for years

to try to keep all these cats alive. It's just not worth it. It's either that or dad teaches me target practice. these cats alive. It's just not worth it. It's either that or dad teaches me target practice. It's like a bonding moment with my father. That's big down here too. People are always trying to invite you to like one of those like machine gun helicopter rides. Oh, the pig thing, right?

I've heard about that. There's like wild pig infestations or something? That's what they always say. They always say it's an infestation, but whether it is or not, whether it is or not, who knows? Yeah, it's very, yeah. You're like on a helicopter, right? And you get like a machine gun, like you're in NAMM, right?

You're mowing down Charlie out there. You're just like, wow. That or they get like Navy SEAL grade, like night vision equipment, and like go out and just shoot pigs. And they're pretending those pigs are something else. Oh, 100%. Yeah, take that Antifa.

Yeah, take that. They think they're saving the environment. Oh, right, they're like, I'm green, I'm a green guy. Yeah, exactly. Oh yeah, because that's what happens with hunting, pigs or other wildlife, there's like these open zones, right? Where you can kind of like it's it's a free for all. I think it's like people's farms. Yeah It's farm. It's far. Yeah, it's like if you have too many pigs you can just kind of there

You literally there's no book on you can just do whatever. Yeah, they're wild bag them up. You can bag them up Like stand your ground The pig was wearing a hoodie Oh, you like stand your ground. Yeah. They're like, they're all on your property. The pig was wearing a hoodie. Come on, yeah. Come on. Holy shit. Come on. Had to take them out. He's eating all the feed.

Yeah, I think it is. That sounds fun, honestly. He's stealing from the cows. I've always wanted to go hunting. That'd be a fun one. I would, I would like, I think I would get down with like bow and arrow. A bow and arrow like buck hunting and deer hunting. I've heard that would be fun. That would be a good time.

If I did have a bow and arrow though, and I saw a buck, I would be like, well, I wish I had like a good gun right now. You know what I'm saying? Like it's kind of cool to say like, oh, I'm going to be scared of a deer. No, no, no. What I'm saying is like, I'm going to be scared of a deer. No, no, no. What I'm saying is like, I don't think my aim with a bow and arrow would be awesome. So in that moment, I'd be like, well, I wish I just kind of had a Tommy gun right now. It sounds cool to be like, dude, we're going bow and arrow. You've never shot a gun, have you?

I've shot a gun once, but it just sounds cool to go and do that. But it's clearly so, it's gotta be so hard. Dude, the stress, because if you miss. You got one. Like you say, yeah, yeah, it's also just like, you gotta go retrieve it too. Yeah. Right by the deer, he's like, you missed, bitch.

Yeah. The deer's like, dude, you could have got me. I'm talking about like, if you just put one through, like it's liver, all of a sudden, it's just like, it's gonna run. And they don't die right away. You chase this thing yeah yeah and you're just gonna have to like trudge through the bush yeah a trail of blood everywhere like Hansel and Gretel yeah it's gonna be screaming you're finally gonna happen

upon it it's gonna look horrible and then you gotta put the knife in its throat at the end yes did, did you do that? Alex I think so. Yeah And it's still in a tremendous amount of pain and dying and all you have is arrows arrows. You just had to keep going. You're just pulling out over and over again. That is hell. You just come so bad at this. Just really close with an arrow trying to put it through its head. That would be a nightmare.

That's what kind of happens to me every time I go fishing. Oh, you have to slit them, cut them open. Yeah, when you're just like, fishing is so fun And then you get one that the hook is too deep. Mmm, and it's the third time you've caught it You're just ripping its guts apart you're like Fuck is wrong with are you fishing around here? Is there good fishing here? No, no, no Pennsylvania there's good fishing Lake in New Hampshire from Pennsylvania. There's good fishing there. Yeah, we go to like a lake in New Hampshire, my family. Fishing in the ocean is nice because you feel like the ocean is so like,

it's so fucking cutthroat out there. Yeah, you're like Hemingway out there. That's fun. Anything you do to these fish is okay. There's fucking... Have you caught big fish out in the ocean? Yeah, I've caught some like big. Holy shit. Yeah. That's fun. There's one. How many pounds?

I had my uncle, I have like a rich uncle. And I remember I went, my mom and I went to just, we stayed at his house in Nantucket one, like this was like 20 years ago. And he had like a giant like like fishing like yacht Yeah, and he just had a captain on it like he was nowhere. He was like in Florida. He's had a guy who just lives on the In the in the winter and brings it back up north in the summer Different levels we have a guy

He's too busy to for his own. Yeah, I love that. And I like I went down to the dock and I was like, yo, man, like, please take me fishing like I want to. And he was like, all right. He was like, he told me to go buy a bunch of squid at some place. It like, oh, that's the bait. Three in the morning. Yeah. And I show up and we just he took me like five or six miles out to just some

like rip. It was just like in the middle of the ocean. But there was just like a big wave that would come over. And he just he was up. He was driving in a tuna tower. It's like 20 feet above the. Oh, that's how you look for the tuna. You're like spying. And you'd be like cast over there.

We were just like I would just throw the line in and catch like huge striped. Every time I put the line in, it was just like we were hauling. You must feel like a magician That's awesome. And you ate it all that night. Yeah. Yeah, it was awesome. That's very fun. I love that That's an early 3 a.m To go people always fish early. Yeah, it's when the fish eat because you like get out to the spot at like sunrise Holy shit, is that when they're like, I like up or a closer to or is it just yeah Fish aren't lazy like you they're not

Like to sleep in like 1030 Fishing deep sea fishing is pretty sick. That sounds really I've never gotten to do that. Yeah You go like you go out and just look for whales Because that's where the fish are the whales It's like the ocean just feels like pure desert and then you'll just see like a some large dark mass Way in the distance and then birds will start like like dropping it around it and like there's no fish there start like dropping it around it and like there's all kinds of other fish. Yeah. Oh, that's fascinating.

They're like traveling like ecosystems. Like because the whales find like all the krill or whatever, all the little stuff. And then the fish come. Yeah. And then everything just starts congregating around that. Dude, I've seen like TikToks on that. Were they like fucking like, were they up the boat sometimes? That's where my anxiety goes.

I'm like, well, this boat, this like whale is going to fucking flip. Alex is afraid of nature. He hates nature. No, it's been well documented. I'm like well this boat this like whales gonna fucking Afraid of nature he hates nature. It's been well documented Like it's tough like Jeff like goes on like like he'll do like hiking trips I become a hiking him in kind of like our crew does it and I'm like I always I'm never they Scared to go hiking in the woods. Yeah, I won't do I saw I feel like this I don't want to be like prejudice But I feel like this is all height related The animals are gonna be like see him

Tent-sized yo Fucking talk to you about this actually you never told me this Someone just told me I don't fit in tents, bro There are so I'm sure they've made a free he's been trying to get me to go like camping for like five years now Dude, and I can't someone just told me there's like you wouldn't even feel fit diagonal You know actually went camping and I don't fit in the tent then I'm out. You got me outside I think you like a fucking German Shepherd I think you have a good time out there. Where did you grow up suburbs of Chicago? Okay, so I never really had a nature family

No, I'm I think my dad's whole side of families from Minnesota they all like they're all like they all live in this one lake So like I get like the shooting the fishing but like the four-wheeling shit like that But I don't I still don't, I don't know, man. Hiking in the woods is amazing. So one time I was in Boulder, Colorado, and I saw a bear, like I was with this crew. Do you know Chris Higgins?

Is it a comic? I don't think so. He's a Chicago guy, he's great comic, and I was with him and his mom, and we saw, and a couple of cousins, and we saw a bear like run down the mountain a black bear yeah run down the mountain like to me the thing was going like 50 miles an hour like it was like fucking like hoof probably sounds like yeah and and though and the mom and the two female

cousins and chris were like that was beautiful and I was like let's get the fuck out of here dude. You're explaining every hikers dream that sounds amazing. You're with five people. You're not alone. You could beat a black bear with five people easily. You're crazy dude. Black bears are little. Black bears aren't that big. I know but they thrash. They probably thrash. probably they get one of you Being offering to the gods, but I wouldn't do to me. It was like it was I was petrified man. It was crazy Yeah, it was that ruined your whole life. You'll never do it Well, I was like, why are we still cuz then they were like, well, we got to finish We got to go all the way up and I was just like I just was like 10. I wasn't saying anything

I was giving everyone the silent I wasn't saying anything. I was like giving everyone the silent treatment. It was like, it was better. Amidst God's beauty, you're just like, fuck this. That does happen to me a little bit on hikes where I like, I'm like, this is so beautiful. And then deeper, the deeper we get, I start going like, what if something was just stalking us?

Dude, you could turn around, right? That's how they get you. Who's they? The mountain lions. The mountain lions, right Yeah Right I'm more nervous about like a crazy guy on the trail That scares me

Oh come on dude Like the guys who kill like the two hikers every now and then That scares me a little bit That's true I think there's The kind of like guys like out there raping people and stuff Jesus dude what the fuck He'd bend me over by a creek and rape me

You're on a mountain thinking I'm gonna get raped you're thinking I'm gonna get raped Right This episode is brought to you by rocket money Guys rocket money if you're a listener of the podcast, you know it you love it rocket money is gonna take they're gonna save you a bunch of money Basically, they get rid of all your unwanted subscriptions when it comes to suspending is spending suspending your spending Sometimes it's out of sight out of mind daily coffee habit those streaming subscriptions They add up fast without you even noticing rocket money helps you spot those patterns so you can do something about them and keep more Money in your pocket with prices going up on just about everything lately being smart with your money isn't just a good idea

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They say if a mountain lion sees you, you'll never see it cause it'll just kill you. That's like the line apparently. Okay. That sounds great. Yeah. What do you mean it sounds great? You don't have to feel anything.

There's no buildup to it. I imagine there's like a 45 second, this sucks. Well yeah, have you seen Grizzly Man? Yes. Yeah, where the guy gets eaten. The audio. Yeah. Oh, is that ever get released? It is out there. You could find it if it's on the

Have you heard it? I've heard it. Yeah. Oh you did Do that that audio like cuz cuz like they don't put it in the movie they cut it out when he's listening Yeah, they cut it right before he dies. Yeah Yeah, I mean I think look you gotta Do it's a weird place. Yeah, it's like guy that's totally fine. You gotta rip that guy to shreds. Yes He went too far. He went too far I feel like that anytime it does annoy me when someone's like jogging in like the wilderness and they get eaten And they're like, well, we gotta go kill that bear or something kill that bear or something. So I know you don't kill the bear.

You don't kill the bear. Best line in that movie is when the park ranger was like, you know, honestly, I think the bears just thought he was like retarded or something. So they didn't. So they just kind of left him alone that whole time. He was kind of a little hippie freak for sure. That was so funny. Very effeminate voice too. The Bears probably thought he was gay too, honestly.

I love you. He was always talking like that. I feel bad for his girlfriend. Yeah, he did have a girlfriend back home. He was like, no, it's great, come out. I love you, babe. Also, I'm gonna go live with Bears for six months. Sorry, go find your own way in the world.

Don't fuck anyone. Yeah, yeah, poor Timothy. Yeah, I couldn't do it. Yeah, what was his name? Timothy Treadwell. I remember we watched that in high school for some reason. It was like an educational film for us. There's a lot of that, yeah.

That and Gladiator. Gladiator. Gladiator. Yeah, like a history teacher's just like, yeah, this is what it was like. Exactly, no different. This is Roman history, we're done after this. The test will be at the end of the movie. Yeah, gladiator gets a lot of play.

Where are you guys going on the trip this summer? We're going to New Hampshire, actually. That's where we're going hiking by the White Mountain National Park. Is that where your cabin was probably? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Squam. Is that a nice area? I've never been there. Yeah, it's great. New Hampshire's fucking Yeah. Yeah. Squam. Is that a nice area? I've never been there.

Yeah, it's great. I'm excited. Fucking awesome. Yeah. I've never really been in New Hampshire. I'm excited to see some libertarians in the woods. That's like kind of their state, isn't it? I think so. That's where they like all they all planned like to move to New Hampshire to create a live free or die or is that in Vermont? That's live free or die, isn't it? I thought it was New Hampshire. It's New Hampshire. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that in Vermont? That's live free or die, isn't it? I thought it was New Hampshire

Yeah, yeah, it's great I thought live for your months like granola or die Rocky Road or die There we go. Yeah, we're having fun. I can't believe you hate nature. You like nature Chris Yeah, I just it's just I know I just there's something there's a life or death it terrifies me There's no bears in New Hampshire No, there are there are Maybe there are whatever I think there's like rattlesnakes too. Really? There's like there's one spot in the White Mountains where like there still are like timber rattlers. Oh cool Yeah, I see I like that's cool. Yeah, I see. I like that's cool. Yeah.

If I die from that, that's a great way to die. Why? It doesn't bother me at all. No, that's how they do that. Then have a heart attack in my apartment when I'm 80. It sounds like a timber rattler bite me with my boys. They're trying to piss on me, suck the blood on my leg. It's a great story.

Yeah, I'm there. I'm just over the time. Jeff turned blue on my leg. It's a great story. I'm there. I'm just over the time. Jeff turned blue on the trail. That's so fucking funny, dude. You just don't want us to do it. It's like a suicide for nature. Yeah. Come on, God. Yeah, that's kind of what Treadwell did. Yeah, kind of. Yeah.

Suicide by bear. Yeah. It's suicide. It's like sooner or later, one of these guys. Draw your gun, of yeah by bear. Yeah Draw your gun bear Bet you won't say antagonizing. Yeah, I Like that god, I would love to do that. I would love to have a job where I just live on a mountain I know national park ranger is a that's a dream job. That's a that's a I'm sure it gets incredibly lonely But boy, it would be good for like a week Yeah, yeah, then you start

Then you start fantasizing about fucking a bear How soft the Rocky Mountain sheep are you know the cool jobs just watching pornhub through your satellite phone yeah Pornhub through your satellite phone. Yeah You just need porn still you need it Dragon you would blow your brains on a week in the woods I think it's I think the one thing that I would do the closest to nature do a job This seems cool is like those ski town guys like Those seem cool like I don don't know. They're fucking a lot too. That's a lot of, that was what I was driving at.

Like yeah, like a family comes to town, you fuck the mom or whatever. What the hell? Isn't that how it goes? I think. Yeah, exactly like that. Is that what you do? You just kind of lure the mom away from the family. It did sound like frontier America, the way you put it.

Family comes to town, you fuck the mom. You know, rules are rules. Family You want protection you yeah, yeah, I'll teach you how to ski Beth just Beth Double black yeah, did you guys watch that show? American Primeval no heard It's man. I feel weird talking about it. Is it a documentary or scripted? No, it's it's scripted It's about like the mormons and like just frontier dudes and oh, is it the donner party? Is it when they ate them or no, it's just like mormons in general like battling on the frontier Oh, okay. Oh shit like when like mormonism was just starting out in ut Utah kind of yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's good

It is really good the ending drove me insane because there's like there's one woman in the party Who like is from the east coast? And she keeps making like terrible choices that get like the whole group in like an insane amount of trouble people are dying and uh, they finally get to this town they were trying to get to where it would be safe. And they're like, should we go to the town or should we keep going west to San Francisco? And it's her, it's her and two kids and the one man that was protecting the whole time has been shot in the head and dead now. So they're all and she's like, and they're, but they made it to the town. Yeah. Could just go into the town and dead now. So they're all and she's like, and they're but they made it to the town.

Yeah, it could just go into the town and just regroup for a second. Yeah. And she's like, no, you know, let's go to San Francisco. And that's how it ends. And it's just like, well, you're dead. The implications, they die on the road there. No, they're like it ends as like, yeah, you know what?

They like she finally found her footing in the West. Oh, I got everyone fucked over and over again. No point has she made a good decision. Yeah, it was just like, no, you got to go to the town. It's not continuing. The series is over. I think so. Oh, dang.

The Mormons, they did some wild shit out there. Yeah. Was it about killing the natives and like them like what like fighting the government dressing up like yeah Yeah, dressing up like Indians. Yeah to scare people. Yeah, how far back does Mormonism even go? When do you think this is fascinating? Let me nail this one real quick 1841 oh, it's actually like pretty much.. Wow. Damn, you nailed it. Sorry, bitch. Mormon historian over there. I think it was Erie Canal. Erie Canal? I think it started in New York. I think it was somewhere here in New York. Oh, when they built the Erie Canal. Oh,

I think it was the 1830s. Yeah. Yeah. And then they kept getting kicked out. They were kind of like the Jews of the 1800s. They were getting kicked out of every state. And then they found their place in Utah. They found their promised land and there state and then they found their place in Utah They found their promised land and there were some people there. They had to kick out and that's just how it is Yes, part of that's part of their little kingdom. Yeah, I know it's crazy Yeah, they went west they went to Utah and like along the way Bring him young started like just fucking yeah. Yes. He had like 25 or Joseph Smith had like 25 lives Yeah, they started like yeah, I guess it probably was just me. They're like they just started fucking people

It's an amazing grift to be like yeah God said I can fuck your wife and everyone's like, okay Yeah, we'd love for the god man to impregnate our wife Yeah, and they just go along with it and then at one point the US government was like, stop. Yeah, it was in Illinois. They fucked him up in Illinois. Yeah. But even when they got to you,

when they fully like set up shop in Utah, the US government went, you need to stop fucking kids and marry a million people. Yeah, they brought the army out there. They were gonna fight the Mormons. Yeah, they were like, and they were like, no. Whoa. And the president was like, okay, well,

tomorrow the US Army is going to invade, if you don't stop. The Chosin Kingdom. And that night, or the next morning, bring him young, or Joseph Smith, or whoever's in charge at the time was like, I had a revelation. Last night, the Lord came to me.

We gotta stop all the fucking kids. And you can't have multiple wives anymore. Oh, so the multiple wives thing is kind of over. You did a joke last night on stage where you acted like they still do that They haven't done that for like a hundred years. I'm pretty sure isn't it? No some like splinter sex still do but there's like a reality Those are like reality shows. Yeah, they're like fundamentalist mormons. Yeah, where you can have like four or five They have like their own little sister sister wives. Yeah, they call it. It's like northern arizona

There's like these three towns where like mormons have like their own Thing and they all like merely 12 year olds and stuff It's crazy. It's such a funny like line. It's such a weird headspace to be in to be like When they were like I had a revelation we can't do that anymore to be like that's bullshit You know, yeah No, but to see through that like lie but not see that all of Mormonism is the dumbest fucking yeah This is where I draw the line the snakes and the tablets in the cave that was

Brigham you've gone a bridge too far. Yeah, it is. It's an interesting thing It's it's I would love to know this story behind the coffee and the soda too. Yeah the caffeine You can't do it. Just one guy had a beef. He's like, it makes me shit. It can't be good for you. It gives me diarrhea. No one will have it then. Yeah, Mormons must be plugged up.

If I didn't have caffeine, I wouldn't shit. Yeah, that's the only thing keeping me regular. Yeah, you would. Yeah, the whole thing. I had a Mormon friend in high school. I asked him about the alcohol and he just said, it's anything that alters your mind. Your brain space, yeah, they can't have weed,

alcohol, caffeine. And caffeine. No sex, like soaking parties and everyone talks about those. Yeah, you can't have it. I can't believe, like a Dr. Pepper is just like. Never understood believing in a God that's like no fun. I've never understood that type of God. Like why would I believe in that?

It is kind of fundamental to religion. It is kind of like you gotta drain the fun out of their lives. It's how they control the people. Anytime someone's like God wants you to have fun, they're like, this can't be real. That's not like what a God would do. Yeah, it doesn't sound like a god thing really. God wants us to come that ain't my god that ain't real. Yeah that's gotta be bullshit. I like finally

like I kind of understand now like the whole because you went to catholic school. Sure. I feel like you did too Chris. Did you too as well? No but you were raised catholic. I I have so many friends who went to Catholic school and I didn't really understand the phenomenon Just like the like the the jerking off guilt that like kids had like like growing up Yeah, like what they're like like fried friends who like like would masturbate and just like cry after when they're like They're like softwares in high school. Yeah, they really nailed that evil in you for sure We didn't yeah, I didn't have that. I was very like East Coast Catholic. You were like liberal, open, Catholic, a little bit, not like too strict of rules.

I just remember it was like one of those things. I remember fighting my parents my whole childhood about going to church every Sunday. And you were against it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's always right before football. Yeah. That's why I was pissed off like the bite. We're going to miss the Vikings game. Yeah. Yeah. Taking, yeah. Yeah, because it's always right before football. That's why I was always pissed off. We're gonna miss the Vikings game. Yeah, and it's just taking you away. You gotta sit in a musty old thing.

It's incredibly boring. I don't think, I have no idea what this guy's talking about. Yeah. They're not good performers either. Now that we're performers, I'm like, oh, they had no charisma. They did not, they never had new either. No tags. They're not right.

And you could tell the act was stale. I was like, you're not adding new references, Father Walker. This is embarrassing. But dude, I remember when I was taking classes for confirmation or whatever. Oh yeah, confirmation. I was trying to be a good boy, and I remember I came home from one of the classes

and I was talking to my dad. I was like, they're actually saying some pretty good stuff. Oh, okay. And he was like, take it easy. He's like, I don't believe it. I just make you go to it. Just go. Yeah, don't get wrapped up in this crap.

Yeah, yeah. Wait, you're not supposed to believe. That is the only bit that the priests have. The only bit the priests do is they'll say when it's their last thing, they'll go. I remember like my priest doing this where they would go, all right, like this is like the last thing I'm going to say because I know the bears are on. Yeah, they would always say that.

They do that bit. They would always try to incorporate football. Like Jesus came back from life kind of like Dante Culpepper throwing a touchdown. That's the only bit. Yeah, because they know like, yeah, football's on in like an hour or so. Yeah, try to be the relatable beast. Exactly, yeah. And when you touch a kid, that's kind of like Randy Moss toe tapping in the end zone. Feels good, don't it?

Well, you had that weird, he was in one of those weird Serbian Orthodox churches. Which is Serbian Orthodox, Eastern one. It's like Greeks. But they Eastern Orthodox, it's like Greeks. But they're like, it's like a long, you're standing up the whole time, aren't you? Standing up the time, and like their ideology, like the original churches didn't have pews. So it was just like, you're standing pretty much

for two straight off. That would piss me off. And it was mostly in Serbian. Oh, okay. Yeah, it was kind of a tough. And you don't speak Serbian. Yeah. That's, wait, that's insane. Yeah, it was really of a tough, you don't speak Serbian. Yeah. That's insane. Yeah. It was really standing the whole time for pretty, for there's you, you sit down twice, two or three, like twice. Yeah.

That sucks. I would not. There's specific times you sit there. When do you sit down? I don't know exactly what the, but it's two certain kind of prayers where you sit down and the priest gives a prayer or the, or the choir starts singing for something and you sit down. But like, I just remember being like, dude, being like a kid with like 80, it was like 80D.

So church in a nutshell. And standing. No one knows why, you just do it. Choir starts doing something. You just do it. Some shit. Especially it was in Serbian, so like, dude, my dad used to fuck,

because like I was like an antsy like kid, you know what I'm saying? I was trying to like fucking mess around with my brother. Dude, those talks that my dad would give me in the hall and shit. Your dad would take you to church. If you keep fucking fucking around. I don't know what they're saying either. You better stop fucking, fucking. The most F bombs your dad's like ever given you. What percent of people spoke Serbian in the church? Majority. Majority. Oh, they people spoke Serbian in the church?

Majority. Oh, they did speak Serbian? Yeah, my parents speak Serbian. I feel like, yeah, I forgot you're like fresh off the boat, white. You guys are new white to this country. I'm like, I got a spicy white. Yeah, you're new. Serbian, man.

You forget that. Yeah, it's a different beast. Yeah, yeah. The walls weren't strong enough. Yeah, Pennsylvania, it's like the, it's like a lot of Serbians are from like Western PA, I think. That could be.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The from Marovic is from. That's where he grew up. Yeah. Yeah, like a lot of, yeah. A lot of, it's like, when you said like the mines, yeah, they are like, they were like coal miners.

Yeah. That's like, yeah. Serbians are. And here you are are working my ass off only my grandpa can see me now you gotta imagine there's a lot of dads out there that like now upon reflecting about yelling at their sons in church you've got to be like that was way over the top way. I was working through something. That was about something else. That was about his mom. That wasn't about my son. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dads hit their kids because they can't really hit their wives. They hit the boys son. This one's not for you. You sorry mark Because your mom won't go down on me anymore

No more blow jobs or beat up your first son because I voted for Bob Dole Came from me so funny, dude I can't. What a time. Bob Dill. Bob Dill. That was where that came from deep within me. That's so funny, dude. Just a sexually frustrated dad. You got to imagine they are. I feel bad for them. Yeah, dude. There's no way my parents are having sex. Where else is the anger going to go?

Yeah, it had to go to us. It had to go to me for not hustling at soccer enough. That's where it all came out. Yeah, yeah. If the dads just got blown enough, we would have just a better, we'd be more well adjusted. You lazy bitch. I don't think so.

I think we have no ambition. Make dad cum. Yeah. We've been the laziest kids of all time. Yeah, yeah. That's so funny, dude. She said your mom's just working her heart out. Yeah.

Why does mom always have a cough? She always has like a... Her throat's always bruised up. What's going on? Well, dad's happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dad's been chipper ever since. My mom's going through hell, but I play video games pretty much as long as I want. Well, that's happy. That's been chipper ever since.

My mom's going through hell, but I play video games pretty much as long as I want. Yeah. My parents were so strict about video games. They're always like, you get 30 minutes. It was always like timed how much fun I could have. Dude, my dad fucking broke my Xbox in front of me, dude. What? Serbian ass shit, yeah. He broke it.

Me and my brother were playing late, like late, and I probably like, well, at this time, it was probably 11 o'clock at night or midnight. My dad just fucking ripped it out of the wall or whatever. He goes, follow me, comes to the garage. He goes, you like playing this? And we were like, yeah. He goes, whoa. He goes, play it now,? And we're like, yeah. He goes, whoa.

He goes, play it now, what goes to bed? Holy shit. Yeah, dude. It was intense. That's insane. How's your dad now? I mean, he's like 70, so he's a little more, he's a little more dark. He's gotta have moments where he's like,

that was nuts. I didn't need to break their Xbox. That was crazy. I wish in that moment I was like, he's gotta get a't need to break their Xbox. Yeah. And he could have just hit it in the moment. I was like, he's got to get a fucking blow job. He just hit it in the closet and he chose to smash it in front of you. Yeah. He could have sold it for 100 bucks.

Yeah. He bought it. Five hundred dollars. Also, the whole like, do you like playing this? Like, that's kind of an ass dick move. Like, you're going to break it anyway. He knew that was a good line, though. He knew that was a good. He knew that you'd sell it on a podcast 20 years later you're

gonna remember that yeah you don't forget that yeah we like playing it guy you guys are probably just playing NBA 2k or NBA live yeah NBA live was awesome yeah yeah we're playing yelling at each other brothers having a good time fun's over boys yeah and this episode'm gonna smack. He's smacking. And this episode is also brought to you by Huel. If you're constantly on the move and just tried skipping meals, Huel has you covered. Their today's sponsor spade is spelled H-U-E-L. And their black edition ready to drink is Total Game Changer.

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I'll never forget. there was one time, I was playing Final Fantasy VII, and my dad was like, it's time to go to bed. And I had just gotten to this point, it was called Calm Recollections, where they like, it's like a 40 minute chunk where they just unload the story on you. So I wasn't like playing. Right.

You had to like listen and there's no save. You know, it's like it's PlayStation. So there's no save. Oh, and my dad is just like, go to bed. I was like, I can't I literally can't. I was just skipping through like the most beautiful. Like they clearly spent years like a whole lot. Everything's happening right there. And they're like, I my dad never played, I can't explain to him what's happening.

No, you were a little Japanese gay porn animation. Like, what the hell is this? God. It was brutal. Didn't you, didn't he unplugged it or he made you leave? No, no, no, no, no. He just stood by. He just had to watch? He stood next to me and screamed at me while I just hit X.

This is the boy I raised. The technological gap between our dads to us is pretty crazy. Our dads didn't have a microwave or whatever. They might have had a microwave. I think your dad had a microwave. But you know what I'm saying, there's a ton of shit you know our dads had like they had like four channels yeah my dad like a black-and-white TV yeah and then they see us like playing like whatever like Tekken and shit like that and you know and my dad actually got into gaming he

actually became a tech dad yeah he became like yeah he would game with me sometimes yeah he got into Age of Empires and Starcraft Oh, yeah, that was actually fun. That was cool. We would play that together My dad knew like Mario and like oh, yeah, they knew that you like knew that stuff So but it's like you can't even write when you're like, no, this is the story Yeah, are you talking about? Yeah, but you won't read tuck everlasting for your book report Yeah Yeah, just like the way that yeah, yeah

Like the way we consumed the media and stuff. They only just thought reading it just it just they thought the tv was like Was the devil, you know i'm saying like the tea like if you watch too much TV Like that. Oh really? Yeah No, no, it was it was just like if there was like too much or whatever Okay, yeah, probably legitimately saw the devil's like, like escape out the window and he cracked that thing. Finally we're safe. The family will be safe again. Let's go back to standing church. That sucks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Standing Church. The idea that they wanted to hold on to that part. No, like we used to do it in the old when we meet in the old country.

It's like, let's give up that thing. It's a real food. Get rid of that part. It's a long service. My parents wedding was four hours. I went to a Serbian wedding. Yeah, they run around that altar thing. They chase each other. There's these weird, they like they run around that altar thing. They like chase each other

There's like these weird like plays they do like throwing salt in the air and yeah There's like these weird like rituals They do a lot of shit goes like the bride chasing the groom around this altar like as like a play of like I don't know It's a whole thing. So my grandpa was it was a priest like for like he's a Serbian Orthodox priest So like when my parents got married a big hat Yes That's touch grandpa's Essentially yeah, and they all it's like a different kind of like a big hat like those Jewish Russian guys

Yeah, so like when my parents got married there was like four or five like neighboring priests that came to like come like but it was Like a big yes. big yes essentially they were doing it like featuring on the wedding so my special drop in no like other Demetri's here they talk about all the time my aunts He wants to do a quick 15. Yeah, he's performed in Moscow in Belgrade. You've seen him all over. You've seen him at the Belgrade funny moment. Oh wow. No, it's quite an insane relationship for sure.

Four hours long. Truly. There's no breaks. Dude, so I go to my friend's weddings and like just that part, the service is like 15 20 minutes a lot Yeah, we go in there. Yeah, so to hear that my parents was like four. Oh, you were not we see there Yeah, you know last summer went to a couple weddings and you just walk up They say the I just a fish you had a wedding like two weeks. Yeah, it was 30 minutes long. Yeah It's like a UFC pay-per-view. It's a Logan Paul fight.

You're just sitting there just being like, when's the main card? This fucking wedding. What are they doing for the f- when do they get married? I know dude. Do they get married in like, in the fourth hour? I'm sure, yeah. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the end, yeah. There's a whole rig of a roll though.

But the way this church sounds, I could see him doing it in the first 15, and then just making you sick. And you just have to wait. You gotta have to wait. No, and now we do our talking. No, dude, yeah, it was crazy. I'm done with those long weddings.

It's gotta be short, 15, 20 minutes, that's it. Would you do a dry wedding? Would you go to one? No, that's wrong. That's wrong. I think morally, right? You don't want, it's also, just for like the social lubricant of it, you need it to go to one? No, that's wrong. That's wrong. I think morally right you know It's also just for like the social lubricant of it. You need it to talk to these people

You have someone's aunt you haven't seen in 20 years. Yeah, I talked to a guy from college. I didn't really like What are you doing now? Yeah, you need to be four beers Talk to these people. Yeah, if you have like non-alcoholic options as you're not forcing anyone to drink, you can't have a wedding with blue laws. No after five PM. Yeah. Yeah. Two beer limit or a hundred percent.

No, you need to be a little drunk. I, yeah, I agree. There's the, especially the, do you, I don't know if you guys, uh, do you guys dance at weddings? Do you guys dance? Yeah. Just cut a rug a little bit. I'll jump. I don't dance like really ever, but like,

I need like, dude, it's all right. Dude, the height thing, bro. That's like another thing. Yeah, I can hide in the pack. Only like, only the close people can see what I'm doing. Dude, it looks. You're hidden, you're hidden. Yeah, dude, no, I can't, yeah.

Everyone sees his head just bobbing above. Dude, being tall, it doesn't, it really- You gotta get low, you gotta like twist. Oh, he really likes Bastille. Yeah, you can't. Oh God. There's things where just like, you don't wanna be too loud as like a tall guy.

Dude, I was- Stay silent, keep your head down, kid. Like, I can't buy like a leather jacket. You know what I'm saying? What are you talking about? It's just like, if I got a leather jacket, people would be like, I got a leather jacket people be like who's this these are rules for yourself You know, I mean it's like it's already it's like you stand out already so you don't want to stand out more That's what I'm like. Yeah greedy. He's getting right. It's like you can't Holgren's wearing leather jackets

He's the NBA is 40 million dollars So you missed that shot. Yeah. I missed that shot. You had a chance for that. Yeah. Dude, if I, yeah, if I, I feel like dressing like loud is the tall guys can't really do it. Yeah. Cause it's, you don't want to look like you're having too much fun up there. People are already jealous. They're already mad. I get it. I get it. That would be like, all right, dude, it is a little, yeah. You're just like, I don't know. You got enough already. All the women are already talking to you. You don't need to like wear a lot of room where everyone's shorter than you. I have. No, I haven't. The power is really, have you done this? I mean, it's's you know, it's mostly like kids or something

You can get them to do anything Connor just gets ice cream five days a week just to be around kids. Go to the bounce house. You can be like a god in there. I've gotten on like a step stool in a crowded room before. Yeah, just to feel like you're up there. You're like, okay. Yeah, I can rule this place. Yeah, up among the clouds. Yeah, that's how you live your life.

Yeah, but the timeline of it is those like you don't want to be. I always I feel like you're always like looking down. You don't you don't want to be too. You're going to slowly hunch to the earth, though, to your back will slowly bend. You'll be hunchbacked. Yeah, I think my posture is getting worse and worse just because you don't want to be too tall sometimes. That that makes any sense. Yeah, I just hunched it down.

Yeah, I'm just like, I down from these betas to feel fear I'm not a freak That I think applies to everyone If I see a dude walking around with his shoulders back I'm like, get hit Someone hit this dude You can't have fucked this guy up Someone with like super good posture

You know, you just like fucking Yeah, it can't be perfect. Yeah. Can't be perfect. That's an awesome one. But I've gone through psycho stuff like that as a short guy, like fucking, if you're talking to like three tall guys. Yeah. And they're all just looking at each other

and you have to be like. What's happening among the clouds over there? I've been like, I've made choices where it's like, I'm not tilting my head up. I'm gonna look at his sternum the whole time. I'll talk to him. I'll look like this. You're not really going to look him in the eye.

I can't be in a conversation like this. There is a power dynamic. There is a power loss for sure. Yeah. I didn't realize it. Like there are some times where like, I have like friends who like joke, who are like a little shorter and they'll jokingly be like,

oh, and here's the tall fuck. And I didn't realize till the past couple of years that there's a lot of heat behind that for some guys. Some guys. Yeah, some guys are just like. Well, because you gotta play college basketball too and there are a lot of men are, I'm jealous that you gotta do that.

Yes, yes, but I told you this before. It's like, I feel like guys, if you are my height, you're 6'6 and you didn't play some form of college basketball, you're a fucking you're a waste You're like a waste of money. How did you not how you couldn't make like merest? Yeah Yeah, it's like a very texas southern didn't want a backup center You're already like if you're yeah already what it, the 95th percentile of height, it's just like, you gotta learn how to shoot the ball.

You know, it's like, it's really, it's not that. Have you ever met a tall who wasted his potential? Dude, there's tons of guys my height who are just like, yeah, it wasn't my thing. It's like, I don't know, dad, he's like, your dad clearly didn't break your Xbox, dude. Yeah. That'll make you, though. I don't know dead. It's like your dad clearly didn't break your Xbox Make you shoot free throws in the driveway and during the dark and when it was getting dark out He's like you don't go inside till you make a no use it was like it was a lot of like it was it was

It was a lot of like how many shots you get up today or whatever. Oh, yeah the reminders Yeah, just like okay no he put he yeah they they pushed a good amount you were gonna be there their ticket out of the suburbs of chicago the suburbs and again to get a lake house yeah it was i don't know i think basketball would piss me off if i was tall piss you off how come because if you like there's other tall people playing it Like there's other tall people playing it It is true six six and I guys taller than me dude crazy, right? Yeah, I mean I would play like soccer Yeah, great goalie. Yeah, it is crazy. I mean in college. I was like a three I was like a wing so a wing. So there are these guys that are like six 10s.

What's the tallest guy you played with? I played with just a seven one dude. Seven one in high school? College. College, seven one's insane. Massive dude. That's a different life. Yeah, I mean, that's just completely.

Yeah, that is true. There was like a comfort playing travel ball than in college. There are guys that are normally Yeah, you're high but in college like when we all like all the just like five basketball dudes show up to the bar You're like, oh, yeah shit. We are kind of Your friends you guys are like some of my old buddies they would come to the shows like in Chicago and yeah I mean, yeah, I guess much has been Kings in South Bend. Oh, yeah

Notre Dame. Yeah My buddy played football for Notre Dame and I remember we went out to fucking the linebacker once Yeah, it was after a game and it was at this point It was just the team in there basically and it was me and my dad drinking with him and I was like this We can't I can't this is dangerous. Yeah Fucking huge they could drink so much If they're drunk like if they stumble and they crush one of us. It's like the body is huge.

Crushed under an old lineman are a different because we know you come in during the summer like so it's all athletes are on campus in the summer. And it's like those guys are they're all eat. It's like at lunch, there's like those guys are they're all eat it's like a at lunch there's like this grocery store in south bend and we would go just to get groceries and like every lunch those like i see linebackers i see quarterbacks they would eat a whole rotisserie chicken for lunch yeah every fucking day protein like these guys were massive fucking i think those linemen too they like have to yeah

Some linemen come into college and they're like they have to like you have to gain like 50 pounds. Yeah, you're like you're already 250 Just eating ice cream. I have to take years off my life before fall starts Yeah, a hundred. Yeah. Yeah, so unhealthy. No, I have to really put my heart to the test Hope I make it. Yeah So unhealthy. No, I have to really put my heart to the test The next like six months dude, no, yeah, they they really do that is crazy that College makes guys like you have to just get they'll like recruit a guy who's like six six or just a tall guy Yeah to play on the line and be like, oh, yeah, we'll just add Yeah However much we add some mass to him. Yeah Yeah, drink it Yeah, and in the football in the practice facility

They've got like they've got like fridges just full of like protein shakes and all this shit you sure you want Yeah, those guys you guys didn't have to get bulked up. No, dude. I had to lose weight I was like a thick guard. You're a Luca? Yeah, same part of the world. So it's like, yeah, our trainer was like, I've never heard to tell a freshman guard this, but we gotta knock 10 pounds off you, dude. Like you're fat.

And I was just like, all right, whatever we gotta do. It's weird to be 18 years old and thinking you're an athlete to having the mindset of a chick. That's a big... Yeah. I gotta drop the size before prom. To just being going to Jimmy John's and be like,

I think I have to get an Unwich. And like, and like, and like, and like, watch my carbs, dude. I'm like 18. Can't have beers. Yeah, yeah. It's just like, and like, and like watch my carbs dude. I'm like, can't have beers. Yeah.

Yeah. Just like, you know, the American part of you is what listened to that. Yeah. Cause like, I feel like the, the, the true serve or like, we had to get, we had a dude on our team that was from like fucking just way up in Canada. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And like, I remember I was like, we would be like, I gotta be in like such good shape at like the start of like Like training camp. Yeah, and he would be like what? You're coming like fat as fuck and be like no I'll get in shape in the season. Oh It's like yeah, this will get me in shape I'm not gonna spend my summer working That's a good boy. And he was nasty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he did, he like would get in shit, yeah.

Interesting. No, Shaq, Shaq is just showing off. I'm so jealous of you guys. He's like, I need three months off. I don't need to think about this every second of my life. Phil Jackson wrote that in his book. Shaq showed up every off season, like 30 pounds overweight. He just knew, he's like, why?

You guys are like, it's 82 games. He was just like, it's gonna get me into get me into right I'm gonna party all summer yeah yeah interesting can't say shit to Shaq obviously but yeah so that's true you you played lacrosse right yeah oh okay hell yeah in college yeah we're at Drexel oh shit yeah that's big the part of the big five, right? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, Drexel Penn LaSalle Villanova. Yeah Villanova and st. John's or st. Joe's St. Joe's Yeah, dude was weird weird at Notre Dame those Those lacrosse dudes looked like football dudes like they were yeah, they got big boys. Yeah. Yeah, it's a different

He's big no like like six three probably 220 probably fast Played them my senior year and it was just like these guys are fucking huge I remember seeing lacrosse is on campus just being like, oh, they're like that's like a real fucking Yeah, there's yeah, I don't know anything about lacrosse. I don't it's like a lot of endurance, right? It's kind of just like it's like it's a lot like basketball honestly, oh, yeah It's basketball and hockey kind of like right, okay. That's fun It's fucking how much does it fucking hurt if a guy just like Jant like kind of like goes out like your forearm like that's really guys can hit you right? Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, they could just wind up and whack Yeah I got I've like a bone that grew in my arm from just like hit in the same spot Well, and then you're like we need more bone here. Yeah bone here really just like a bruise that's there for like six months eventually just turns to bone oh god you just have a little extra bone in here yeah that's kind of cool blood is pooled there for so long it just like awesome it comes sometimes I'll like bump into something it'll knock it and I'll be like It's obviously like it's illegal to hit a guy in the forearm, but you know how to like sneaky do it or whatever That's kind of the game kind of do it like as long as you make like almost any contact with the stick

They also let you get away with a lot. It was also the big thing was my, this dude that I played with, he played with a wooden shaft. Oh yeah, well that's like old school, right? Yeah, it was a six foot, just like piece of hickory. And he would just blow you. I'm not sure if it's legal anymore, but yeah. Cause everyone switched to like, you know metal cuz it's lighter

I'm sure yeah, but you just play with it straight up. He just bonked you with that and you're fucking dude. Yeah. Yeah Crazy yeah, you take your every day in practice just getting yeah lacrosse must be like in the same way hockey dudes like You but like the hawk the fighting culture isn't in lacrosse must be like in the same way hockey dudes like you but like the hawk the fighting culture isn't in lacrosse I wish it was because I feel like it'd be the same scrums, right? Like you're just kind of like you're kind of going at it with the guys like box lacrosse So like Canadians play like in a hockey rink. Oh walls around

Turf down on top of it. Okay fight. They like, yeah. Do Canadians are always down to fucking throw it out. It gets cold in the winter, you need to feel warm. Oh yeah. It's just another warmth of a man. Yeah. Dude, it was every night, like every night we went out drinking, the Canadians would fight at like,

At the bars too? No, we would go home and they would like move the furniture and they would just brawl. What? At midnight. That's so like Eastern European. That feels like a Russian thing. And they like move the furniture and they would just brawl Like a Russian because they're all just from like weird parts of like, you know outside Vancouver like some yeah Yeah, the Albertan is a weird area and it's a weird place. Yeah, they're like they're Hicks Yeah, they are Canadian Hicks oil

Yeah, they're like they're hicks. They're yeah, they are Canadian Hicks oil hicks. Yeah, oil hick cowboys Yeah, yeah, it's a strange and they have to fight They just have to do it incredible and they do the same, you know It's like they would just fight and then afterwards be like good good till Just like get their rocks off. Oh, okay. Damn. I would not survive in that culture.

I'd be out pretty quick. Did you ever have any boys in college or whatever, just high school who were just like, I'm fucking, I'm trying to get into something tonight. You're at the pregame and you have a guy, like you have a buddy who's like... Oh, dude, it was every time. I had a couple friends like that. Really? You guys had different friends. I was friends with losers.

We were not doing that. We were like, I think I might talk to a chick tonight. No. Like we might go up to someone. It is like, you know, like you can't help but get swept up in it every once in a while. But then the jock, the jock versus frat. Yeah.

Fights were always there. And it's just, it's literally just like, The jock the jock verse frat Yeah We're always there and it's just it's literally just like everyone goes out gets fucked up. Nobody gets any pussy And now it's time to fire their a jock verse frat rivalry Oh, yeah, really cuz the frat guys wish they were athletes and they're like jealous. Yes for sure Yeah, okay and there was yeah, so it would just be that thing where you'd like you'd get you get fucked up And then you would just like a bunch of assholes just walk down frat row being like anyone can get it You were like purposely walking like

Through their window Yeah in the area where you could you could just have like 12 beers in a night and you're just so well, but yeah Yeah Yeah, I remember I did a I did a case race where it was like oh you guys there's two guys like 30 beers each Yeah, I can't believe I can't even fathom that and you finished it and you're like, yeah, maybe let's go up for another one Yeah, and it's okay. What's next. For Wizard Staff we always played Wizard Staff. Yeah. It was so stupid. We thought that was so funny and we're all like puking like we're gonna do 23 gotta get one more tape it up. Oh man. That was unbelievable. I feel like the last

time I played Wizard Staff I was I like scream cried at somebody. Yeah Like that drunk just like yeah, it's like that sadness took over Drunk you're feeling things you haven't felt in quite some time. Yeah, you're remembering the Xbox getting shattered You can't play those drinking yeah, I do miss those games, but we can't play drinking games anymore Can't play those drinking. Yeah, I do miss those games, but we can't play drinking games anymore No, you know I did like I'd explode from just the gas. Yeah, I know it's just a volume game Now the liquid I'm like too much too much. I'm bloated. I'm It's a bloated thing. It's a game. I need a shot real sad old man thing when you're just like I just can't put another one in there It's really I'm not even drunk

I'm not even drunk I had four IPA's it's over We can't do it anymore the IPA's I can't do them. No, I don't drink them either. You get fucked up two of them Yeah, I'm out. Yeah, light beers. A Guinness or a light beer, that's it. A Corv's Light. No. Two IPAs and you're like, it's gonna be a bad week. Sure, yeah. Yeah.

That hazy, I'm gonna feel that on Wednesday, yeah. 100%. It's sad. It's one of the saddest parts about growing old is that we can't drink like we used to. You're drinking like a gin, you do gin and tonics? I only do gin and tonic, yeah. I feel like that's a good one.

A wine, I like wine. Well, dude, the thing is, too. Or a martini if I'm feeling real good. It's do gin and tonics? I only do gin and tonic, yeah. I feel like that's a good one. A wine, I like wine. Well, dude, the thing is too. Or martini if I'm feeling real good. At the clubs, especially at a comedy club, they know you're performing, they wanna be cool with you. They'll serve you up a double or a triple sometimes. They usually sneakily give me a double. I'm like, yo, that's why the show sucked.

The fucking bartender lit me up. It's not my fault. He's lying to me. Yeah, that is the tough part too. When you're like, I'm getting too gassy from the beers. I'm gonna switch to the liquor and I'm gonna be like an adult. And it's just, yeah.

But then you just get drunk. It falls apart. You get so shit-faced. It falls apart, yeah. Then you're like, I'm gonna go back to drinking beer. Let's slow this thing down. You can't say no to free drinks either. We get too many free drinks

It ruins our lives. Yeah, but I feel like I'm pulling one over on society every time. I'm like I'm saving money Totally saving me money to have six gin and tonics good for me Yeah, you're at the comedy club in there. You know you want a whiskey and like what kind do you want and you're like? Oh shit, I can just oh can just I can just kind of go Well, it's so hard because especially when you're doing like a weekend of shows It's like because after the first show you're still you got all that energy. You don't know what to do it. Yeah, I was fucking Throw some weight It's always like the thursday friday saturday thursday like we're not not going to take it easy Thursday. You get blackout every time on Thursday.

And then you kind of have to ride the drag in the rest of the weekend. You have to keep going every other show beforehand. You're like, I got to have a couple just to get back to normal. Yeah, yeah, we've oh, yeah, it's it's yeah, I guess. Oh, yeah, this is like an AA meeting right now. I just can't stop once I start. Audiences don't know like we're how we're like shell of shells of ourselves up there That's not me they yeah, I'm just going to know that we're just like spirits

They're always like you want to drink afterwards brother. I've been drinking afterwards. I don't need the whole like let me give you a shot I'm like I'm dead You respect me. Yes Without the drinking it would be the most manageable workload. Yes easiest job. Yeah, they don't know that we're like skeletons You don't know how much it took out of me to do 55 minutes. Yeah part of the work. Yeah It is working all weekend. You have to hang with the staff You gotta hang with the staff till four a.m. That's part of the job.

Yeah, I'm not going to invite me. Babe, I'm networking. I'm always talking about my girlfriend. I'm networking. Networking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're networking in a park at three a.m. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We had to drink and I go park beers. Yeah. Yeah.

I never know what opportunities. Yeah. Eddie Brill might be there. Give me a letterman. Always networking. That's it's true. You do kind of the the overdoing it But but most clubs like they have like do you do you eat a lot of the club food or do you eat outside? Like yeah, yeah, I'll eat the club. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah be burned out of. Yeah, no, that was the only one that was so stupid. That genuinely drives me. Yeah, they had that dress. Someone tries to eat healthy at a club. A psycho order. I try.

Yeah, it's always bad to. No, I see the salmon. How's the salmon at the Syracuse Funny Bone? Yeah, it's really good. Yeah, really, really. It's really good. They try to tell you like, no, no, our we got a good chef John's good, then you meet John He's just like on pills He has an eye patch you're like

Oh my god, I got food poisoning from oysters in Louisville huge mistake What they're from the Ohio River come on right by East Palestine? Huge mistake from the Ohio River. Come on They always say that brow they always are oysters, you know, we got them like I always try oysters to be cool And I get sick every single time. I'm in I think they're fun. It's fun I love they're good. It's fun to do the little the ritual to do all this stuff and drink it. It's fun Louisville yeah and drink it. It's fun. Not in Louisville. Yeah, not in Louisville. No, no. That's insane. Portland, Maine. Yes. Yes. Oh, I love Portland, Maine. That's a great city. That's a great city. Wait, what? Wait, what? It is. It is. What did you say? It's beautiful up there.

It's beautiful. It felt like such a vibe shift for you. Oh, I love it. Did I really? Oh, no, no, that's like that's like civilization Civilization. Yeah, you like glamping. Yeah, you like glamping. You like a rich Airbnb Give me a house on a lake with like a hot tub. Yeah, that's what I can do That's what we're doing on these trips I keep trying to invite him on these trips where we get an Airbnb and then go hiking during the day He's like the hikes do, yeah, you don't wanna hike? I saw a fucking bear, bro. Like, I just saw a bear with my two eyes.

You're such a bitch. I'm telling you, man. Oh my God. What do you do when you're not going on the trips? I'll stay in the city or, I'll try it out. Going on three hinge dates or whatever. Yeah, I'll try to book something. Try to book a hinge date.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm sending out a veil. Let's see if it was available. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I'm just, I don't know. Yeah. You guys are doing, you guys are doing that Boston show.

Yeah. He told me the duck ducks. You guys are doing that. Yeah, we're doing a show in Boston, hiking in New Hampshire. He's like, I'm out. But the hikes are long though. Boys by a lake.

Oh, it's like five miles. My best friends are like 10 years. Yeah, I'm just like I'd rather meet Claire Core memories Shit I'm on hand. I just got back on a couple months ago, dude. He keeps going on and on because it's a hole. Yeah Pathetic hole it's brutal. Yeah, you you're just It's the most pathetic hole in the world. When you're just... It knows when you're down too.

Hinge knows when you're down now. As soon as you get it. It really is like fan duel dude. You get a notification like, enjoying Hinge and you're like, no dude. But you're like parlaying, like doing three dates in a week,

like a parlay It checks in on you it's fucking it's so brutal Spiral is so pathetic if you guys ever paid for it. Yeah And you're just looking at girls the whole day. And then after like two hours, you're like, but this is fucking ridiculous that I'm spending this much time doing this. I could just jerk off. Yes. You jack off.

And then you're kind of sleepy. And in the refractory period, you're like, I'm going to start looking at more. Yeah. Now I'm in the right head space. Yeah. And then so you're back for love. I'm no longer horny. I'm in the right headspace to evaluate these profiles.

And then another two hours go by and you go, this is nuts that I could just jerk off. And then that's just a loop all day. It's an endless cycle. It's so bad. I just jerk off. Chris spent all his money on roses. Yeah. Just throwing bouquets at these women.

It's so bad. And then you get to the end. Yeah. And you gotta expand the territory. Oh, you get to the end? I've only a couple times. Territory expansion is the darkest. You're like, I guess I'll include black women.

Okay. Okay, Pacific Islander? Okay. Never thought I'd go island. I've run out of likes before. I've had a day like that where you just... Oh, you only get a certain amount? Yeah, we'd let you go. You'd go, Jesus, dude, that's their message? What the fuck? Yeah.

But you do well on the app too. I'm, I was struggling when I did it. I feel like you guys probably did cleaned up. Yeah, I do. Yeah. I was getting nothing. The problem is like, I'm not like vetting properly. So like, I'll like, I'll match with the company.

Oh, she's cute. Then like, like maybe like a back and forth. That's only a few sentences go on the date and like, she's insane. And it's like, oh, I should have talked to her a little more. I should have like, that's my problem is I'm not vetting like I should. I'm just like-

Yeah, you can't go on a date with a complete stranger. You don't know, it's a waste of a hundred dollars. You have to like talk a little bit. That's what I'm realizing. Try to get a little bit of an idea of what's going on or else you're just, I mean- You've gone on some bad ones? I've gone on some bad ones. Dude, I don't I don't know how this is gonna

sound but the girls have gotten pretty good at editing picks you know I can fished a couple times where I say I now I send pictures to like I have like a female friend or platonic friend she and and I'll be like, that's so funny. You have to explain what a female friend is. I have a girl that like, by the way, I'm not fucking her. I'm kind of a hero. I speak to a woman who gives me nothing back. This is chick I'd never fuck.

This is also, it sounds like it's way worse than I thought. You have a consultant? Dude, I have a consultant now. I have it where I'm just like- You got a whole team working on this. Yeah, where I'm like, yo, is this girl like- Let me send you to my social media manager,

see if she thinks you're hot, yeah. I'd like, because I'll get the text back from Talia. She's a great gal, and she'll just be like, "'Alex, I'm sorry to tell you this, that girl is fat.'" And that's what I'll get. How does she know? What does she know? The edit, like, girls tell like when they're like how they edit like girls can literally just trim off Their body like their bodies in these pictures. It's crazy. Okay, it's a wild

Yeah, it's not looking for a thick girl. I can go thick a little bit too far But I don't want you editing your picks. Yeah. I think that's lame. Yeah. So if I have an inkling that there might be, cause also she'll like, she'll notice, she'll be like, do you notice how like the clock is actually like down to by the floor or whatever it's like they like, like it'll like, if you look at the room, like the room will be off.

Like the room will be off center from like the pictures. It's kind of crazy. Like the room will be off like the room will be off center from like the pictures It's like you edited yours so you look five four in the picture. So I look yes Oh my god, you have a forensics Mike Rowland has that great joke where he's like Isaac on hinge I say I'm like five five, but I'm actually five eight. So I go on dates and I'm like Pretty good. Huh? Like I'm like a little better than you thought. It's like shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. That's reverse catfish? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a reverse catfish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, a little better than you thought, huh? It's like something like that.

It's funny. What are you doing when you get catfish? Are you telling them? No. You're not saying it to their face. But I got catfish a couple months ago. It was- Poor guy.

It was, yeah, it really bummed me out. I'm sure it's tough to find one when you're 6'6 a former athlete I just yeah the the editing is getting great and we have to we Trump's gotta do something about it that's my number one there we go Someone stops me on the street. What's your problem with the government? They're not getting involved in hinge If you could take him to the same location that one of the pictures is taking you know what I mean? And retake the photo. I'm like, yes

Let's go to time square Yeah We're gonna do a little yeah. Yeah, can you just yeah? Yeah. Oh, we're gonna see if we can recreate this image Square yeah Yeah, can you just yeah, oh we're gonna see if we can recreate this image No, no, i'm not saying i'm not saying your cat vision no no no, no, no give that same size still Oh my god, that's so fucking funny dude big alex. Yeah, that's a little hey you gotta be Yeah, you got a vet. You're the only single guy here, you can't find love. I thought about FaceTiming.

I think I'm gonna start FaceTiming, where I'm just like, hey, before the day, why don't we like do a FaceTime or something. That sounds terrible. I don't know. Is that a little much? I don't like FaceTiming, but that's not such a big. I've gone on a couple where I'm like,

you're just nothing, what I was hoping for. Do I wait two hours? You think you're checking all the boxes every time probably you think all the women like he's exactly what I thought Yeah, complete piece of shit Complete scumbag. Yeah, I predicted that one. Yeah, I guess yeah, I guess I'm not also Do you glad to be out of the game Chris? You gotta be glad not to be on that's a soul-sucking enterprise Yeah, I really I had some dark days. Yeah, it's tough man. You know, it's like it's always the thing where you're like Grass is always greener There times we like if I was single or when you're yeah Singlier. Yeah, it's also those things where you you like you so trick yourself when you're like, if I was single or when you're single. Yeah. It's also those things where you like,

you so trick yourself when you're like, when you're in a relationship, you're like, dude, I could fuck anyone. I know. I know. And that's never happened. I think that all the time. That has never happened.

And then I look back, and then I remember before I got my girlfriend, I was like, oh, I never spoke to women. Women hated me. What are you talking about? Yeah, that's why yeah Yeah, the amount of time and energy There was also the thing like when your stand-up is in that place when you're on stage being like I wonder if I'm Killing hard enough to get laid tonight

It is the worst way to approach stand-up. Yeah Yeah, it is the worst way to approach stand-up. Yeah Well, there are those guys who just do it to fuck Yes, absolutely those guys have a have a fuck act or whatever whether it just like they look like an angel up there Then they become a little dog an hour later Where on stage would all have a threesome afterwards Yeah, some guys of What's that guy's, Vince Champ. You guys know who that is?

No. Oh, this is, the guy who did the college act in the 90s and was like raping women. He was like the clean comic, but then he would rape the women afterwards at the college shows. He's like in jail for 40 years. I thought that reference would hit.

Holy shit. You gotta look him up. He's on like Star Search doing like the cleanest, smileiest comedy. And then they're like, we have a string of rapes through every college in America. And it's been where Vince Champ was performing. You got to look up Vince Champ, a legend in the clean comedy world. Yeah. When I was opening for guys in Chicago at Zany's, there was a couple of guys who were like 45, 50. I remember one guy who's in his mid forties and I was like, oh in Chicago at Zany's there were there was a couple guys who were like 45 50 I remember one guy who's in his mid 40s and I was like, oh we like to go to this dive bar after the show I know and he'd be like there's like never any hot chicks there. I'm like you're 46

Like can we just like I don't know Does it have to be this right now like the hot chicks? I don't want to like That's a disaster Yeah Just hang and talk and with the believe you talk shit about other comics Learn with 23 year old. Yes. Yeah and debate who's gonna approach them. Yeah. Yeah, she's yours, bro Yeah, she's yours, bro. Yeah. Oh hell yeah nice I know dude. Yeah, we have a totally nice night where we pretend. We're above it. Yeah

Yeah, and feel good about ourselves. We can let the demons run the ship Or we could go out and fail. Yeah Yeah, that's a you don't want to be that old guy who's still looking for pussy when he's 45. That's sad. No, 100%. 30, 37, 38, you turn that switch off. Yeah, the whole thing, looking for it?

Don't let the- It's just a weird to even be like, yeah, it's a, I don't know. I'm on the prowl. Yeah. Where are the hot chicks at? Some road dogs do that. What bar do you guys go to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are the the hot chicks at? Some road dogs do that. What bar do you guys go to?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are the DePaul girls at? Where are those chicks? Yeah. You don't want to be that. And it's like, yeah, going to another bar and trying to like, what, explain how well you did at the other place they weren't at?

Oh, yeah, yeah. We're comedians. Yeah. We're comedians. Yeah, yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh my comedians. Yeah. Oh, really? Oh, my gosh. It also is to like technology. That's where it is that like with Instagram, if you kill,

if you're single and you kill like those like the if a girl was at the show and wanted to talk to you, they will just DM you. Like it's pretty simple. Now, you don't I guess I could imagine that happening. I don't know. You don't have to like wait by the, you know, you don't have to- I guess I could imagine that happening. I don't know. I don't really get that. You don't have to like wait by the, you know, you don't have to like wait out, stand on some corner. You don't have to like hang out at some, it'll be someone will just be like,

hey, you were funny or whatever. It's a pretty- I don't get women DMing me. What is it? I get guys with beards like, you wanna come over and play guitar? Yeah, yeah. Dudes in Captain Crunch.

You see your fish this summer? Let's go to fish together. Yeah dude, you gotta see my 67 stretch. Yeah, our guys Dudes and Captain Crunchers. You seeing fish this summer? Let's go to fish together. Dude, you gotta see my 67 strats. Yeah, our guys sending to their bands, like songs. That's most of it. That's most of my DMs is, you're a liberal bitch. Oh, that too? But, love the show.

But, I'm looking at you real funny. You did funny. That was sick. It's guys, you're funny for a liberal. Oh my God. Once you get the cum out of your mouth, want to get a beer with the boys across the street, it's always like, yeah, I'm gonna go with that. Yeah. You're funny for a liberal. Oh my God. Once you get the cum out of your mouth,

wanna get a beer with the boys across the street? Yeah, it's always like that. It's always men wanting me to drink with them. Definitely. They always wanna get it. It's like, why would I do that? Yeah. I did it once, I got blackout drunk

with this random guy in Grand Rapids. And it was fun. I'm like, I don't need to do that again though. This random guy at the show, he's like, you want a drink? I'm like, why not? And I don't know his name. I know nothing about him, but we shared a magical night. Yeah, that is fun.

That was fun. That was fun. Just a dude date. Just a random, and he's like, want to get lunch in the morning? And I was like, I don't think so. I think we had our fun. This is our memory.

Just picking up your clothes. Come on, man. I don't even live in this city. This is our memory. You have to do the same thing, just picking up your clothes. Come on man. I don't even live in this city. I already fucked you. Come on. I don't even need to continue doing this. Oh no. Dude, we hung out with like six dads after that show in Dallas a year ago. Oh, I'll hang out at the show. That's fun. That was really cool.

At the bar at the comedy club. Yeah, those like six Catholic dads. Yeah, like suburban dads just hung out with us for like two or three hours. Just dripping beer. Well, they just didn't want to go back to their wives and kids. They're like anything to keep the illusion going for ourselves.

It is a weird overlap of similar feelings. You know what I mean? Where you're like, I don't want to leave here. Yeah, yeah, I don't want to go back to the hotel and be alone and listen to hymns commercials on ESPN. The hotel room is my wife. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

I don't want to spend that. Exactly, we're all just keeping the dream alive here. So let's get fucked up. Have one more dream with this man. Those guys are awesome just being like, yeah, like our kids play baseball together and like we're in a fantasy football league. Yeah.

Like dads, like these like dad groups are interesting to me. They're like friends by proximity. They don't really, they're not really friends like maybe a little bit But they wouldn't be for they know each other from work. Yeah, they're all like and there is makes you feel good Because you're like if these guys are getting fucked up like I can get they have like these are like Problem yeah, yeah, they have a problem and they're going like yeah, we're hanging with the young dude We're all creating reasons Symbiotic yeah, it's like those things on sharks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Oh, yeah, those things eating the bacteria the particles off of them. Yeah They're like I'm young I'm hanging with young men. I'm young again. Yes, yes. They don't know I'm 40. They always have one, it's always five white men and one half Hispanic guy and then he's like their token, like we're not racist. Look, we have Hector. Come on, you can say that. No, Hector likes it. Hector likes it, yeah, and he's like,

I'm gonna kill them one day. Once we're not the minority, you'll be dead. He's the groundskeeper of the country. They're racially ambiguous friends.keeper of the racially ambiguous friend Friend they have because you don't want seven white guys all together. You're gonna have one. Yeah, we're cool We I think it was with the Dallas guys. There was a half. Oh, yeah, they don't have to that guy DM me They're coming to the show on Sunday The Catholic boys are coming back We're right or die. Yeah, it's so funny. That's fucking great. Finally get away from the family. What are we at?

Oh shit, we went over? We go way over Okay, we had a good time. Yeah. Thank you for coming Thank you for having us on Stuff Island. Let's get back to watching the Kentucky Derby. Yes. Yes, we're gonna get some barbecue I think. Oh, yeah, maybe., maybe I'm thinking about it. Yeah, go to Le Barbecue. Le Barbecue because Terry Blacks is like that's the corporate one. Le Barbecue is the one. The barbecue is good. Okay, and I think that yeah it shouldn't be lying too long. Okay, beautiful. Yeah, awesome. All right, thanks for having us. Yeah, thank you for doing it. Thank you for having us. Yeah,