Stuff Island - Gettin Fired Up - Stuff Island #139 w/ Luke Touma & Shawn Gardini

Episode Date: June 29, 2024

Gettin Fired Up - Stuff Island #139 w/ Luke Touma & Shawn Gardini Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en -Follow Luke on IG: https://www.instagram.com/luke.touma/?hl=en -Follow Shawn on IG: https://www.instagram.com/shwangardini/?hl=en Check Out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com/men and enter the promo code STUFFISLAND Get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code STUFFISLAND at shopmando.com Head over to Moonwlkr.com and save a massive 30% your entire order with promo code: STUFFISLAND Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

sometimes you get fired up about something yeah it helps you fired up about the boys but i'm also happy because of that set yesterday i was pissed yeah that was one of those things where you said i'm like nate kept saying how good i did it i was like when are they gonna I love I love Just cause I was happy I know And it's crazy How fast

It can switch My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite

My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite

My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite

My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite

My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite

My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite

My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite

My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite

My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite My favorite But last time you were on your bullshit, last time you had a good set of your abilities, I started doing rap lyrics and Gardini's voice. I go, fuck the big three. It's just me. Nah, I'm just trying to stay out of the way.

I'm the king of New York. That's my new shit. I'm just trying to stay out of the way. It is so funny. You can have so many bad sets in a row and then have one good one and be like, when are they going to take me? When are they going to realize?

Yeah, you just check. I've been saying it. And they is just nobody. You block out like the two times last week you humiliated yourself in front of a group of strangers. I literally bombed a group. I didn't even think about it.

I was like, whatever. That show last night? Yeah. They were fine. I did nice. Yeah. What, at the Creek? Yeah.

Yeah. What show is it? Sam Lopez's show. Oh, okay. It was like a mic and with book spots. Okay. And then at the end, they pick their favorite. It was a show. It was like a mic and with book spots. Okay. And then at the end, they pick their favorite.

And then you get like a Chili's gift card or something. Yeah. Kristoff won the best. Kristoff won a fucking Chili's gift card. They didn't even poll the audience, though. I swear it was rigged. That's why I texted you. I forgot. He said, yeah, they go.

The Chipotle gift card was rigged. I swear it was rigged. They texted all of us. And they were like, hey, guys, it's you, Ben Mose. Thanks for doing the show. Also, Kristoff, congrats. You won the cash or the Chipotle gift card was rigged. They texted all of us and they were like, hey guys, it's you Ben Mose. Thanks for doing the show. Also, Kristoff, congrats. You won the cash or the Twitler gift card, whatever it is. I forgot what the heck it was. He just says, rigged.

Yeah, I forgot that was in a group chat of everybody. To my knowledge, it was just you and Kristoff. Rigged. I swear it was rigged. They need to do a recount and stop the steal. I love it was rigged they need to do a recount stop the steal I want to see everyone's ID

that was in the Greek thing I need a ticket list we need voter IDs at the Greek of the day I swear they just said you guys probably like Kristoff the best right and they were like yeah and then he was like alright there's like nobody there

there's like 20 people there yeah I love when you sent that message I knew everybody in the group text was gonna be like oh Gardini's being silly and I was like he's definitely serious he definitely thinks it was rigged it was rigged I don't know who's counting the votes.

Yeah, I didn't stick around for the voting process. I would have objected. I was leaving and I should have objected. We should have stopped this deal. We should have stormed. Yeah, lock the doors. Don't let anyone leave. Until these 20 people get re-asked.

How about the Chipotle gift card. Maybe you've got to ask them, do they know it was at stake? Or did you just... I don't think they knew how high the stakes were. There should have been an elaborate section where you have to explain why Christoph was there. Yeah, yeah, show your work. Yeah, exactly. I want you to list the bits that you like.

Why did you like them? Do you even know what it means? I went to the Beer Olympics and got hammered. Oh, yeah. How was it? Olympiad. It was fun. It was very fun.

I mean, I'd like... Mike Chandler turned you to Chris O'Connor McGregor. Yeah, yeah. He fucked me up. He saw red. That kind of pissed me off. Why? Did we?

I'm dead serious. What about it? I was like, this guy's hurting my friend. Yeah, I didn't like that either. It pissed me. I didn't like that. I think he would have thought twice if me and Luke were there. Yeah, he would have.

If me and Luke were there. Standing over him. You know, just around around Keeping an eye on things It's so funny I don't think you would If you were drunk enough On the other side of the party That you didn't know

What was going on You'd think he was Listening Oh wait I think they're just Messing around Dude if you saw me and Gardini Standing there

A combined eight feet Of Italian man Yeah Guarding you on either side Yeah you'd have to just peg him with a full beer and hope it took him out. That's the only way. I would have hit him with a Coors Banquet

and sprinted to the other direction. That would piss me off, dude. When he put you in that arm bar, I was like, let him go. Unhand him. Unhand my friend. Now they worked us. He's playing too rough.

I thought he was playing too rough. Nah, he was nice about it. It didn't hurt? Nah. Really? Yeah, yeah. It wasn't too bad. These guys know what they're doing.

He was being very sweet about it. Professional. He's a very nice man. Yeah. Yeah, man, one time he was really, really nice. Twice they beat Glenny Balls and I in flip cup, where I was still drinking my first beer, and they were done. Shit.

It was crazy. Him and who? Mike Chandler and who? I forget who the other guy was. I and Mike. But they destroyed us. And they were good guzzlers? Yeah.

I hate a good guzzler. It was also the first time I... I'm all about the flip. Yeah. I drink at my own pace, but the flip is where I excel. I was doing nice on the flip. Yeah, yeah.

I was doing nice with the flip. I got it, like, almost every time I'd hit on the first flip, but then things fell apart. I'm the opposite. I'm an uncoordinated glutton. So I can nail the chug and then fuck it up.

I can chug it. I can chug beers. I can't chug beers. I can do okay for a man of my size. Dude. I can put them down pretty quickly. I'm playing from like the ladies' tees, though. We did a three-beer chug out of the boot.

That's tough. I literally finished that and sprinted right to the grass. And I haven't had that like big, gigantic burp that sits right here and you don't know whether it's puke or not. It almost feels like the puke has to get around the bubble. Yeah, this is reminding me of high school, Youngstown, New York, Lake Ontario. Just puking in the woods. Yeah.

Max Braun's house. After chugging? Yeah, puke flashbacks. It just comes right up, though. It's not puke. It's just beer, right? Yeah. Like those kinds of throw-ups where it's just too much beer.

Yeah, it just goes down and comes right back up. Comes right back up. This guy we were friends with, Adam Rupczyk, also known as Dump Truck. They wrote an article about him because he beat the Das Boot Chug record at this bar in Syracuse. The record had stood for like years at two minutes, and he got it in like 17 seconds. What?

It was like 500 pounds. Holy shit. Yeah. This is what I was wondering. Can you drink beer faster than it can fall down your throat? Yeah, you could suck it up. Yeah. This is what I was wondering. Can you drink beer faster than it can fall down your throat? Yeah, you could suck it up. Yeah. Can you do that?

Yeah, that's faster than gravity. You'd have to have a huge breath, though, right? I think you'd have to have a wide esophagus and just dump it in. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the fatter you are, the bigger you are the better you are at beers yeah

chugging them maintaining them yeah and yeah I guess but just opening up your throat is terminal I feel like terminal

velocity is the limit of I don't know though because they do the damn that's good yeah but you know

they twist it and they make the tornado and it oh yeah yeah i've never heard of this technique this is this is very that's with like a like a corona bottle yeah yeah so you you spin it up and then it's into your mouth yeah that's a good choice to avoid the the air getting stuck in the bottle yeah i think I think that might be fast. Yeah. I've always just assumed the fastest chug is whatever guy can just... Like, it's how fast you can pour it out, basically.

Yeah. But I can't do that. Yeah. I don't know. You see people do it really fast. Yeah. I have friends. They're both skinny guys, but they can do it in like two seconds

like shotgun and it is kind of it's kind of gay to chug beers fast right right it is i mean doesn't it kind of map on to deep throating a penis yeah almost phallic one to one if you can open your throat up and dump beer down it what's the who's to say a cock can't follow how is it not the same skill set that's good that's a good point there is no tether between chugging beers and eating pussy. They're two different activities. Whereas dicks, there's a similarity there.

A large volume of liquid and a large volume of cock. Yeah. You disagree? No, I agree. Why are you biting your lip like that? I'm just thinking about it.

You're just thinking about chugging beers? I'm just thinking about us sitting here. You guys are drinking non-alcoholic White Claws. I'm drinking iced coffee, and we're talking about the science of drinking beers best and the gay undertones that involve this. It is. This is funny.

I keep thinking about whenever I do a podcast now, I think about those kids doing the podcast. Those awful podcast clips. Have I seen you in any of those yet? We send them to each other

all the time. Yeah, me. Luke and Christoph and I send them to Captain too a lot. And it's just kids being like, I think Sprite's the best soda. And then there's another kid being like, no way, dude.

Root beer is the best. And it's just podcast clips of the stupidest conversations. They're amazing. They're all like 17. They're just in a basement. And they're like, Marvel movies are my favorite movies. It's gotten to the point, I don't even like other movies because I love Marvel movies so much. And they're like, yeah, Marvel movies are my favorite movies. It's gotten to the point, I don't even like other movies because I love Marvel movies so much.

And they're like, yeah, Marvel movies are pretty good. Dude, it's so awesome. They're my favorite clips ever. Wait, that is actually genius. Are they doing an intentional thing? No, they're just like chopping it up. It wouldn't be funny if it was intentional. It's funny because it's unintentional.

Yeah, because this is gold. It's just like 16 year old dudes In the basement being like I find out about music a lot From movies and TikTok And then other guys are like yeah That's how I find all of my favorite songs too And then that's the clip

And they've gotten so much So many hate comments but they keep posting Because like all artists It becomes a compulsion. Yeah. They're just doing it for the love of the game. They want to feel the hate. They got to express themselves, I think. Yeah.

They don't care. I think they just block out the haters. I will be honest. I think that that's not a bad topic, that music thing, because I have no idea how to find good music. New music, I don't trust my own taste enough to discover it. Literally, I'll go to the new music section of Spotify and just be like, is this? This is what it is.

You notoriously hate music. Do you hate music? I don't hate music. I just can't really. It does feel like a waste of my time unless I'm really sad or something. You know what I mean? Why waste your time? You can put it on while you do

other stuff. No, because that genuinely starts to annoy me. I can't help because it's someone's opinion and attitude coming at me. If I'm working or reading, it's literally like having someone in the room talking to me.

I'm not paying attention. Why are you still talking? What about when you're driving? You got like a 40 minute drive. I've come around to that. Okay. I'll come around to that. Before you came around to it, what did you use to play when you were driving? I would listen to just like

books or like talk radio or something. or i would just sit with the music off and just let my mind wander yeah yeah yeah i would go back and forth between philly and new york all the time just just sit in it yeah i actually people say that's crazy i actually don't think that's i went on a jog with no headphones and i was just listening to the sounds of the street and the grass and the little bugs and stuff. It's kind of nice. And there's something that, like, the music's not helping you get through it.

It's just you against your own mind, you know? Yeah. That's a big topic now is raw dog and flights. Have you seen this trend? Yes. I like that trend, but I don't have the mental strength to be able to do that. Raw dog in a nine-hour flight.

I saw some guys raw dog in like eight or nine-hour flights. That's crazy. See, what's funny to me about that is I'm fighting in the opposite direction. Like I can raw dog a flight, no problem. It's doing something. It's like reading or listening to something the whole way. That's the challenge what do you think about for just eight straight hours sitting alone quietly uh i mean sometimes

i'll like nod off but then i'll just yeah sit and think yeah that's wild yeah yeah i'm never thinking yeah no i've been trying to think more i've been trying to think less I'm trying to just exist Yeah just be in the present moment That's nice And I'm trying to stay out of the way That's my new thing Yesterday I was obstructing But I'm back to staying out of the way

Now this morning What are you doing? This morning you were in the way again this morning i just slept pretty late had a chinese at about 2 a.m okay went to bed woke up about 10 did some stuff productive morning got angry what got what got angry? Everything gets me angry. See, that's, yeah. Just having booze on a flight, that doesn't count as raw dogging. If you're not looking at anything.

I think that counts. No, I think you can, no booze is crazy. Yeah. Because sometimes you can have some booze on a flight and get real pissed off about something. That'll carry you. You can go L.A., New York, and back with a good gripe. Just thinking, yeah. Just mad about something. Just griping.

I'll throw back a couple nips on a flight and then just be sweating like a 500-pound man for five hours. Just dripping sweat. It's purely, purely whiskey influence. It's just pure whiskey. I just drink the whiskey shooter and then immediately sweat it out it feels like really yeah the fan's not doing anything something fucks me up on flights my skinny i'm either dry as fuck like it just dries me out or i'm sweating profusely just like a sauna sweat yeah that's crazy i really don't like it what do do you do? Do you travel in shorts a lot? No, I think I always wear like fucking cargo pants.

I always thought for a long time shorts were weird to wear on a flight. And now I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Living in the South changes your perspective on shorts. It's hot. Yeah. It's hot on the plane. I'm still not to shorts on the plane. No?

Always sweatpants, yeah. I would think you'd be shorts all the way on the plane. I'm still not to shorts on the plane. No? Always sweatpants, yeah. I would think you'd be shorts all the way on a plane. I probably have before in the past, but I don't know, something about it. It does feel wrong. It gets a little chilly. Yeah, but I'd rather be chilly than sweating. Yes. That's a universal...

Yeah, that's true, But then you get chilly and. You feel like a bitch. You feel. No, I don't like being chilly. I was chilly. I think I wore shorts on the plane the other day and I was pretty chilly and it was not good. It was bad. I was chilly and I didn't have anything to cover me up.

So my legs were chilly, but I had a sweatshirt on and then I was just kind of like. Yeah. No, no, no. I had a short-sleeved shirt on, and I put my arms in the shirt like a retarded little kid. Yeah, I've done that before. And then I wore like a worm with my pillow on. It went to sleep like that.

I think I put my sweatshirt on my legs. I've done that, yeah. You got to just keep the core warm. Yeah. I got kicked out of a concert in buffalo when i was like 16 because i was drunk and it was like negative eight out it was a it was a in march in buffalo and i was in this parking lot freezing to death and i just put my arms in my shirt like that was gonna do something and this lady walked outside and she was like you're gonna

die yeah she's like that's not doing anything for you. You're going to die. She said you were going to die? She was like, you're going to die out here. She was like, you're literally like, she saved my life. I was literally, dude, I was literally sitting like this, just in a parking lot. Just sitting like this on like a parking block.

And this woman came up to me. She's like, you're going to die. Yeah, yeah. You're dying. And I was like a parking block. And this woman came up to me. She's like, you're going to die. You're dying. And I was like, all right. And then she brought me into this MMA gym. And there was an off-duty cop in there. And he was like, I'm calling your parents. And I was like, no.

I'd rather die. I'll face the elements. If I have a choice. Let me sink or swim. Yeah, then I got arrested. Oh, man. I got taffed. Dude, I tried to juke the cop. I'm not very agile.

Shake and bake. I tried to shake and bake him. I tried to give him a little LT. A little pre-salm section. He just got your ass. Dude, he form tackled me. Perfect form. Grabbed right under the ass cheeks and just fucking drove me into the ground. Oh, no.

Yeah, it was like an Urlacher tackle. It was flaws. That's probably the best day on the job if you're a cop. Yeah. All right. Just getting to fuck up a bunch of 16-year-olds. Yeah. Just watching a hammered 16-year-old load up a juke.

Yeah. Yeah, you probably feel alive. I saw you coming from a mile away. Yeah. You just locked it in on your hands. Tried to go under. Yeah. You get the short steps coming in.

Yeah. The one big hop. Dude, he reads it. It's a run immediately. He doesn't fall for it. He doesn't bite on the stutter step at all. The one big hop. This never works.

Yeah, he blitzed me like a strong safety and just drove me right into the fucking wrestling mat. I feel like if you juke a cop clean or spin, I think you're good. I feel like if you juke a cop clean or spin, I think you're good. I think you're good to go. If they catch a limb, though, you can't yank a limb. That's assaulting a police officer, I think.

Yeah, you can't really do... Yeah. They get... Yeah. You can get driven into the ground. I think it's illegal to break the tackle. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta...

Yeah, you gotta juke clean or... It's touch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to, yeah, you got to juke clean or they got, it's touch. Yeah. No stiff arm, no breeze tag. Dude, that just reminded me of that. All right. This episode is brought to you by Mando. Guys, you ever lift a little too hard

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and your new reliable source for THC gummies, vapes, and flour. Enjoy the ride. Just freezing story reminded me of this kid. My brother and his buddy went. They were living in New Orleans, and they went to see the Saints play the Bears in the NFC Championship. And my brother's buddy wanted to come so he came but he's such a moron that he just didn't dress properly at all like they got to chicago and they both had

like full snowsuits on like ready for freezing cold january chicago and this kid's brother showed up in like cowboy boots cowboy boots and jeans and like a saint's jersey and they were like what the fuck are you doing and he was like ah it's all right I'll just get drunk he got hammered he was still freezing his shoes his cowboy boots got soaking wet they immediately just his feet are freezing and he spent the whole game just like inside and then he'd come out and he'd try to bum like one glove off people like can i borrow one glove he had to go home at halftime he's in there with his arms in his shirt yeah dude it was snowing in Chicago. Yeah. Yeah. What is it, Dummy? Bills games are almost not fun because they're so cold.

Yeah. They're almost like, they're not as fun as they get cracked up to be. I love the Bills, but it's too cold. But if you gear up. Dude, it's a lot of gear. Yeah. It's really fucking cold. And it's a long game.

Bills games, you're always so psyched. The tailgate's amazing. You get fucked up. You go in, and about halfway through the second games, you're always so psyched. The tailgate's amazing. You get fucked up. You go in, and about halfway through the second quarter, you're like, I'm ready to go home.

It could be a dead heat, and you're like, I can't. I don't know. You gotta be a strong-willed person to not want to pussy out. You don't. You think you can make it through?

Yeah. Also, to me, that's the most fun. I would love to go to a game that's crazy cold. We should go to a game. Just gear up. It's an excuse to buy, like, fucking Long Johns and snow pants.

You got gloves under your gloves. First of all, you got to go mittens. Mittens. Mittens, always mittens. Yeah, liner gloves. Yeah. A couple hot hands in there. Yeah, hot hands are nice.

Hot hands are great. You got, yeah, you got fucking the, like, the thick, like, under armor, cold gear stuff. Yeah. Then you got to get, like, another jacket, and then a fucking another jacket on top of that. I went to a pretty cool game last year, I think. The balaclava?

Yeah. Yeah, you got that. You got the shysty. The shysty. The hoodie under the jersey is always a good good move yep two shirts under the hoodie big jacket over that keep it open to the jersey shows you gotta keep that's risky that's second half only yeah yeah yeah i would argue it's first half until you bitch out now because once up. No, no, no. Because once your core temperature drops, then you're never going to recover.

You got to wait until you've established a presence, and then you can maybe open it up late in the game. My dad wears the tightest long johns, dude. Hell yeah. The waffle johns? They're just yoga pants. Yeah. I mean, they're just...

Homeboy got the bunda. Yeah. The bunda. He's got... My dad gets some serious they're just. Homeboy got the bunda. Yeah. The bunda. He's got. My dad gets some serious camel toe going. He's got the bunda. It's brutal. Dude, when the balls are so long, you get camel toe.

Yeah. He gets old man camel toe for sure. What the heck? You ever jump through a table or anything? No, but a lot of my friends are on those like Barsville compilations. That's nice nice i've never done it i've always like i think i'd probably do it when the when the eagles won the super bowl i was a problem yeah like i was like throwing garbage like tires were like rolling down the

street were you downtown yeah i was like right well I was in North Philly and we all walked downtown. Yeah. And Broadstreet was just shut down. So there was just a bunch. And then cars would come by and people would be like standing on the top of them and shit like that. I was down there. Really? Yeah.

I watched. You were there too, right? Yeah. We talked about this. You were in your office, right? Yeah. I watched the awning of the Ritz fall in. Yeah.

I was there too. Same. I was on the floor though were you were you just there like did you walk there yeah i was like far away in like a swarm of people and then the thing just crashed yeah i ripped down a street light maybe i shouldn't be saying this stuff but everybody scaled the street light no everyone was just pushing it back and forth so we all just joined and and pulled down like two of them. Yeah, I was watching that happen.

They were like small ones. That was crazy, but the people scaling them was wilder to me. Those guys were getting like 20, 25 feet up the streetlights. I didn't even know how they got up there. I don't know. I climbed on a garbage truck in the parade. That was pretty high. That's sick.

But it was safe. It was parked. Nice. Damn. There's a cool picture of me on it. Yeah, they were like stage diving off of that awning on the Ritz. Yeah, yeah. And I just watched it cave in.

They all just fell. That was amazing. I also remember like the view. I was like above it and got to just watch the cops slowly roll through. And it was, that actually was, it felt like a Ghostbusters. You know the scene when they're going, it felt like a Ghostbusters. You know the scene when they're going, they're like getting

in the Statue of Liberty? Yeah. Ghostbusters 2? I feel like... I've only watched the reboot. The all-woman reboot. How is the reboot? The Frozen one?

I didn't actually see it. I was just being a wise guy. I haven't seen any of them. How's the new season of The Boys, Gardini? Don't get me started. You already know. Maybe I'll say on the Patreon how I feel about the boys.

I don't feel comfortable talking about it. It is kind of nice when Nef Show pisses you off. Yeah, I'm watching it religiously still just to get mad at it. Yeah. You can't believe what they're doing. Yeah, what are they doing to my boys? I haven't hate watched a show in a while. Full swing.

I hated the golf show. Oh, I don't know. Oh, I didn't mind that. I kind of liked it, actually. They're the most boring people on the face of the earth. And, dude, they try to make them these badasses, and they're like, it's like the coach. It's like they're showing a montage of their practice rounds.

It's like Justin Thomas and Jordan Spieth, and they're like, these guys, they get serious. They get competitive, even in practice rounds. When these guys are warm, they don't like each other out of here. One time, I swear to God, this guy goes, one time Justin tipped the valet a little extra money, had them take Jordan's car from the front lot to the back lot. Jordan had no idea where the car was.

And I was like, wow, what a fucking rebel. What a fucking, what a mischievous, what a little rascal. There's nothing edgier than country club pranks. I know, I know. You're right, that sucks. At the clubhouse, Jordan ordered the meatloaf They told him to switch it And give him a salad

They brought out tenders He said, I thought you wanted the kitchen Put him in a blender When Jordan saw that French onion soup come out Man He had no idea what was going on He was like, I think you have the wrong order I was like

Dude, and then there's a part where One of the guys is like what was going on. He's like, I think you have the wrong order. I was like, dude. And then there's one, there's a part where like one of the guys is like, they're like, he's like, I don't know what's wrong with me, man. I'm just, I was out of it today.

I'm off. And then it just shows him going to CVS and buying Clareton deep. And I'm like, you have allergies. It's like, it's like the nerdiest, like Jewish reason to be off your game. It was like the nerdiest, like, Jewiest reason to be off your game. The blood sugar's low?

It was like the pollen. There's a lot of pollen. I couldn't believe that it was a show they really made. Yeah, that sounds boring. Yeah, it was, Full Swing was the last one. Oh, dude, I watched the Nickelback documentary last night, and I thought, I thought, because the whole tone of the documentary was like,

they're not as big losers as you think they are and the whole thing is like they suck they totally suck every one of them sucks and wire to wire even the way that the thing is shot is like

why didn't it's lame it looks so stale it's like they don't dude at one point they're talking about like uh chad i don't i don't even know is chad kroger and his brother like i guess chad and his brother had different dads but they don't like they don't explain what's going on like they they lose you in who's the stepdad and who's the dad that left. And, like, one of the dads got shot at at one point by, like, a grandfather. And you're like, which one?

I don't know. Who? Oh, I see. It's confusing as fuck. Yeah. Because they keep calling the stepdad dad. Like, you're just like, who did what here i don't know we're two minutes into this i've lost the plot are the band members like douchebags yeah dude there's so

many there's so many they do these like weird like interview setups where they're like playing pool and just talking to one another and it's like crap it's like absolute crap and chad kroger's acting like the biggest fucking weirdo in the world just in his body language and the way he's talking to his brother it's just the whole thing is really upsetting yeah yeah i saw an interview with chad kroger where he was trying to lean into the jokes about them yeah and he was like you know we had that song look at this photograph there was there was a meme look at this graph and then he's like pointing at the producers like bring up look at this graph and it's just like a millennial white lady level like facebook meme of like it's like his face and then

it's like a line graph and he's like how funny is that i'm like it's this sucks as much as you suck yeah and they do that make me like you anymore yeah dude and they do that classic thing in the in like every netflix documentary has one of these moments where like they just gloss over a thing and you're like wait what hold on like there was a point where they're like struggling and they're struggling and they release an album and it doesn't do that well. And then they put out another album and it has, uh, you remind me on it. Yeah. And there was like, that became a huge hit.

And then they were like, luckily at the same time, I also made a song for the Spider-Man soundtrack. And it was like, where did that deal come from? He's like, your first album sucked and you were getting nothing and then you were on the Spider-Man soundtrack at the same time your second album came out?

You don't explain how that happened at all? No. That's a big deal. The lead song on the Spider-Man soundtrack which song was that uh uh something like i'm a big spider-man i used to love that movie i'm so high i can see ever or whatever i don't know sounds like crap to me it is crap yeah i also really i i have a deep disdain for when a rebrand a rebrand like i don't like a rebrand well yeah i will just be what you are and once your time's up vamoose get out of the fucking way i don't like i don't like the rebrand i don't like yeah we were

this thing everybody hated but now we're kind of cool it's like no you were famous rich guys and now everybody thinks you're corny and then just go get a beach house or something. Yeah. Like get out of the fucking way. I also was ready. There's stuff people like now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I sat down, I want to say,

I sat down to watch this movie with every intention of coming around to Nickelback. Like I thought they would like, they just, like I was really hoping they would sit down and be like, look, we did work really hard. This was a thing. We did like crack the code and we made a bunch of good songs. Like, but like normal people.

And I thought they would shoot it and like an entry, you'd find out stuff about them or you'd be like, oh, these guys are actually cool. Just like you and me. Yeah. No, they all seem weird like so inapproachably weird it's like yeah like you like ever like for most of the time chad kroger seems like if you were hanging out with him in person you would be like get me out of here yeah well this guy is bananas why do you like what way is he weird why do you think he's weird uh he's just rich and famous no i think he was a weirdo

i think he was at his core like a weirdo yeah i think he was like a super driven weirdo who like wanted to be like an arena rock star and i think there was a label that wanted like an arena rock band and they both just they were like this guy's got the the ego to pull this off yeah and we're just gonna drive at it yeah yeah this guy's just like an empty shell narcissist we can fill with marketable clues. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, he like, I mean, it is, it is. That's the thing. It's like, I wanted to like him.

I really did want to like him. I wanted to like. You're going to be genuinely lamenting your feelings about the Nickelback documentary. Yeah. I was hoping for a turnaround. You let me down, yeah. Yeah, because I was, I felt bad for all the hate. Yeah? Yeah. I was hoping for a turnaround. You let me down, yeah? Yeah, because I felt bad for all the hate. Yeah.

Yeah, I get that. You just kind of went, oh, man. You deserve it. Yeah. They deserve all the hate. Yeah. Yeah. Poor Nickelback.

Yeah, I don't like when something like that is shoved in your face it's like now it's a new look at this these guys they're nickelback but it's not gay yeah exactly nickelback this just in not gay anymore it's cool now but that's the thing is the documentary itself was like you have to watch it yes like the actual the way that it was made was just corny plastic and crappy and you're like why you have got an unlimited budget you could have found someone who like could do this well they're probably it's probably because they're weirdos like there's not that much to draw off of that was probably the best they could do to make them look likable and interesting. Yeah.

Now I'm feeling bad for Nickelodeon. This is probably just part of their plan. Yeah, man. I was like halfway through, I was like, is this intentionally as upsetting as people find their music? They're just going for the pity. The pity. Yeah.

We're going to put out a documentary so bad that people are going to feel even worse for us dude they try to get into like that's kind of smart I think they try to get into like the heavy stuff you know what I mean like it hasn't all

been you know gumdrops and candy cans yeah and they like at one point, he, like, lost his voice for a month. And it was like, okay. That's the peak of the hardships. Like, they're not, like, troubled rockers with, like...

They're not, like, heroin addictions? No. No, like, family drama or anything? No. For, like, 20 days, he's like... You're telling me they're just boring guys making gay music I hate to break it to you

I thought there was a seedy underbelly but there's not I feel bad for Nickelback you're gonna get word of this this is how funny that they're just surface deep cocksuckers I will say the guitarist the lead guitarist actually seems like he's a pretty chill.

He's pretty chill. He actually seems like a genuinely normal, fine guy. Yeah. That guy actually seems, but everyone else. I mean, they're huge, right? Yeah. They're making a shit ton of money still. Yeah.

They're so rich. Yeah, bands... I always go back to what you said. Why don't you just hang it up? Okay, yeah. Retire. Nobody retires. Yeah.

Retirement's really a thing of the past. Well, there is one point. My dad did it. Your dad. But I mean, like, for famous people. Yeah. My dad's no slouch I just feel like he's known in like Central Jersey

yeah I didn't come in mr. yeah it's pretty popular like police he had the courage yeah the courage to cash in his chips. Yeah. We used to see like Bill Murray would just go away. Yeah, yeah. A guy like Bill Murray or like a Jack Nicholson, they would just go away. And then like Bill Murray, you'd see him like once every few years in some weird indie film. And you're like, this is great.

Holy shit, it's Bill Murray. And then he's gone. And then somebody, there's like a fucking cell phone camera video of a guy talking to him at like a restaurant in Florida and yeah wow this guy met Bill Murray how do you feel about Bill Murray I love Bill Murray you know a fan I do I don't know if I like the gimmick so much the what the drop-in I'm just I'm like a vagabond yeah sometimes I'll play the flute in the park yeah you're just a narcissist i agree with that and i appreciate like the time away and not being in the limelight but he still

has to come back every once in a while and just suck up as much energy as he can yeah i get all the year bill murray's out and then he can go back away which is fine he could have been playing anything else in the park besides the flute and I would have let him get away with it. I don't know. I would have liked it no matter what. I don't know. You're probably right. That doesn't leave you to like your Bill Murray

glazing. If I was Bill Murray I'd fucking No, me too. I'd be playing the flute everywhere. I know. Show up to weddings getting shit-faced. This episode is brought to you by Nutrafol. Summer is finally here.

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You got the Fluid Engine, next generation website editor from Squarespace. It is really so easy to make a website on this on this thing you got to do it go to squarespace.com stuff island to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain using code stuff island that's squarespace.com slash stuff island to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain using code stuff island i always like to think about like like, oh, if I succeeded, like, if I made it as a comic, I would do it for X amount of years, and then I would hang it up and just go live in Montana and go skiing all the time.

But I think that, like, the narcissism doesn't leave you. Yeah, you also, like, I don't know, you'd hope that you'd feel like you got things you want to talk about. You know, that's what would draw you back. No, nothing. No, nothing. We talked about that the other day. I did a podcast on Tuesday. I had nothing to talk about.

I got like one podcast a month worth of stuff to talk about. I wanted to hear more about the Beer Olympics. It goes by pretty quick. You know what I mean? It's like you chug three beers as soon as you get there, and you're well on your way. I got caught.

I wanted to eat a big breakfast, and then I was too close to start time, and I was like, this is just going to get puked up. Yeah. So I just took a few nibbles of a sausage, egg, and cheese, and then I went right into it. And it's just, you drink everything. It's like you're drinking three beers a clip.

Like you drink three beers. Every round of flip cup, you drink three beers. How many events are there? I just, I didn't even get, oh, yeah, there's a beer chug, there's flip cup, there's beer pong, and then there's one other thing that I don't even think I made it to are you allowed to say who won or did it not come i don't know who won i like i got so fucked up and my brain hit the eject button and i just remember like collecting my things and getting on the plane i just remember collecting my, it was, I had like, I ate something.

There was like a food cart and I ate something. And then I, I was talking to someone and I could feel myself being a little too like the shit talky, but with no purpose. You know what I mean? Like, it was just being like, you know what I mean?

Like that kind of like, you know what I mean? You were by the top of of here. And I was just like, I gotta get the fuck out of here. And yeah, I just, I went back,

I went back to my hotel, which I forgot I didn't have for a second night. So you didn't have a hotel? So, no, they like had left

my stuff in the room, but they were like, you gotta get out of here. So I showed up just like hammered to the hotel, had to go up my, up to the room, like collect all my stuff. I was like, can I, it's like I extended for a second night

and they were like, no, you didn't. So then I had to go to another hotel and then I passed out, pissed the bed, woke up, went down to the hotel bar, ate a cheeseburger, and then just went right back to bed. And then woke up the next morning with the biggest hangover anxiety ever. The hotel bar cheeseburger sounds like my favorite part of this night. It was pretty good.

That sounds like a great time. It was pretty good. Well, there's a lot of testosterone at the beer olympics right those are big like former athletes or current athletes is it like it seems like aggressive physical bro shit every video i see they're like whipping each other around i'm like this sounds like it didn't get it didn't get too chippy when i at least what i saw i was also you know it's like it's teared up by size of man. You know what I mean?

And it's just like I was with, I was mostly having as nice a time as I could with Glennie Balls. He was like, yeah, I was like talking to him, and we were having a nice time. Yeah, I was like hanging out with like PFT, like my size kind of people, and we were not interested in. You stick with your own. Yeah. It's like prison. Yeah. And we were not interested in... You stick with your own.

It's like prison. You're hanging with the brains of the opposition. You and Glennie Balls. The men behind the music. Yeah, I got in, I got out. Glennie Balls seems like a good man. I never met him before. Yeah, he is. He's great But he talks to the porn stars Yeah

That's kind of crazy He's got a pretty good gig That would scare me Yeah If I did that podcast It would be like It would just be clicking Clicking my mouth a lot

It would be like so How do you like it? Your job I think Man I would invest serious money I think it is a lot of that I would be so nervous i would spend serious money if i could make it happen that you would be the new host of that podcast my hand

would be so sweaty i would kill to see you talking to porn stars all the time yeah i'm too scared i'd be too scared same with pro athletes i get pretty scared around them too yeah yeah that was those were two i don't get i just don't speak that was those were like the three strikes for me i had like i don't know i had i had a conversation with will and taylor which was actually i thought pretty good but i was like you guys are the best like you guys you could do any like one of those yeah and uh that's the first sign that the wheels are coming off when you're yeah being i don't know too nice and then but that was good i was like that's good it is good and then then I was in the pool with Chris Long,

and I was talking about the Eagles Super Bowl, and I was just saying, I said something about the ticket sales for the first round of the playoffs that year, which I regretted saying. I was like, the tickets were so cheap. No one thought you guys were going to win that game. Oh, hell yeah.

That's funny, though. Yeah, it's great. And then I was like, I'm not thrilled about that. And then the last straw was me talking to I don't know who, just being like, it's like that. And then it was time to go. And I remember Big Cat and I think DeRosa Were like where are you going

And I was like I have to leave Just gathering things and shoving it in a bag You got like a size 16 pair of shoes in there I did drive They had sick like beard Olympics like bathing suits but they were only like double xls left and i was like god damn it yeah oh god which is embarrassing going through the merch too and a drunken stupor and then leaving that the the being nice to taylor and

will is nice when you get to like complimentary level drunk of just being a sweetheart to someone but I've done that to multiple I've been fucked up here there's two separate people I apparently was like the nicest person ever to them and now I set like an untenable standard for myself where there's two like

multiple strangers here that I met and I was just fucked up I was hammered and they were like man you really motivated me like you got me out of a funk you're my best friend i got you out of a funk how are you talking and then i hear they're like yeah i was telling you i was feeling like doubting myself and you were like nah you're great these are like people i've never seen them do stand-up before i don't know anything about them and i was like you can do it well missing your generation of talent I can't I don't have that energy people on a few different occasions where they just don't believe me yeah well that I'm like, you're so funny, man.

You had me laughing so much the other day. And they're like, thanks. And I'm like, what's your problem? They're like, what? Are you being sarcastic? I'm like, no, I mean it. What are you talking about? And they're like, all right.

Yeah, you have boxed yourself in a little bit with the tone of voice. Yeah. I love that. I love that. I love that. That's true. I'm a huge fan of what you're doing. Yeah, I guess that might be how they're taking it. No, dude, you're underrated.

I really think your joke is really funny. And they'll be like, shut up. Well, the worst part about being nice when you're hammered is in the morning when you get up I always assume the other person was just like yeah, alright. And not also fucked up and enjoying it.

I always go, why can't I be like this just normally? Why do I have to get fucked up out of my mind to treat somebody this well? I never spread this much joy when I'm sober. Yeah, that's true too. I don't have this positive impact on other human beings when I'm just sober at 11 a.m.

But it is a double-edged sword. It's like Gardini was saying, you get really nice and then someone's like, what? And you're like, fuck you. It's the immediate switch. I was being fucking like, what? And you're like, fuck you. Yeah, yeah. It was the immediate switch. I was being fucking nice, you piece of shit. I didn't even fucking mean it anyway.

Fine, don't take my fucking compliment. Yeah. I don't know. I've been here. What else do you guys want to talk about? You're out of things to say. I've been out of things to say

the whole podcast. Are you excited for the debate? Are you excited for the debate tonight? No. I do. I've been out of things to say the whole podcast. Are you excited for the debate? Are you excited for the debate tonight? No. I'm sorry. I mean, yeah. I didn't realize it was today, though. He gave you a layup, dude.

That was such a softball pitch. No. And you just... I mean, it hasn't crossed my mind. I forgot that I didn't even know it was happening until right before this. I didn't know it was happening until... I just said it? Yeah.

I would like to say a Biden W would be fun. Because I think that would be the most fun outcome if Biden kind of tears it up. Yeah, if he somehow... That'd be great. That's a good underdog story. That is a good underdog story i mean i whenever i talk about the debates i just get too excited about what trump's gonna say yeah it's hard not to be i hope they work them both like just they both work themselves into such a lather that they

croak it's a dual heart attack i just keep getting getting good, good videos of just Trump highlights. Oh, he's so fucking funny. He's so good. Unbelievable. I think he's getting funnier. I hope so. He's having, like, a legendary comedic run. He's never lost it.

No. He's been just as funny for, like, eight or nine years now. Yeah. He just cooks people dude cooks him he cooked Hillary I can't remember what the heck oh and there's a dog in the in this in the thing where he's making a speech it and he goes was there a dog in here and then someone goes it's Hillary and then he goes it's Hillary. And then he goes, it's Hillary. I didn't say it. You shouldn't say things like that.

Yeah, I love it. That's the best one. You're calling the dog Hillary. I would call Chris Christie a fat pig. Yeah, when he goes, I didn't call him a fat pig. You called him a fat pig. Don't call him a fat pig. I would never call Chris Christie a fat pig.

I liked when he came at Bloomberg when he was calling him Mini Mike. Did you ever see that dude? He does an act out. He does a full act out. He's standing at the mic and then he goes, Mini Mike. Talking about how the guy he was losing Mike Bloomberg was getting his ass kicked in one of the debates. He was up there

and he's like, get me off of the stage! And then he gets down, he crouches down so the mic is here. He just goes, get me off of the stage! He's like, crouches down so the mic is like here he just goes get me off get me off of the stage he's like screaming dude he gets a standing ovation on an act out

in an arena I was like this is literally like top tier level stand up comedy I know but that's the thing it's like

the worst part is you're probably missing some of his best stuff in the little rooms you know what I mean? True. Yeah. The behind the scenes stuff. I would like to see Trump work out some new shit. You know?

Just trying stuff? Yeah, yeah. Let's see him throw stuff against the wall. Yeah, yeah. Pop into a show. He did four hours in the belly room. It was unbelievable. I want to see Trump drop it. Yeah. Just him in the oval office has to be incredible oh my god just walking around making fun of the decor not knowing what

anything is that they know he doesn't know a single thing in any of the briefings yeah just zero comprehension of what's going on in the country. And yet still very assertive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he is proof that, like, blind confidence can really take you far. He's like Chad Kroger. But no, he's got more. He's got skills for days. He really does.

Like at marketing, you think? Just talking. Just talking. Just talking. There's nobody better. He's impossible not to watch. Yeah. And he's so fun to watch. Yeah, yeah.

He's amazing. There's nobody better. He can do anything. Yeah, I'm glued to the screen every time he's on. Yeah. He's just so funny. That's why I would like it if they both died.

If they both die and then Hillary becomes president. No. I'm voting for Hillary this year. I'm writing in Hillary. You're writing her in.

I'm writing in Hillary. Single tear rolling down her face. I love Hillary. They still want me. They still want me to make a comeback My mom was obsessed with Hillary She's a girl boss

Really? Oh yeah She's total I'm with her girl boss Girl beast Yeah What did she Yeah

I get it She was just very Like Out With it That she wanted a woman president Yeah Yeah

She was very up upfront about that. Kind of pissed me off. I get it. They say a woman president would be good, but then what happens when they get their period? Oh, she's menopause. It's even worse, right? I'm just kidding.

That's what everyone always says. She is menopause. That would be a great one. Hot flashes and stuff. That's a good old black comic bit. It'd be showing a period, man. Yeah, once a week, every month. We're going to another war.

Yeah, shit. Nuke France. Yeah, Hillary. Shout out Hillary Clinton. Psych. Shout out Donald Trump. Shout out Joe Biden. Good luck tonight guys

I wonder what his pre-game Pre-debate warm up is Trump Yeah Drinking seven Diet Cokes You gotta even be more nervous for Biden What's his Like what do you

You can't prepare for that I don't think he's nervous at all I don't think he has the capacity to be nervous anymore i don't know no just sleepwalking he's yeah he's unplugged and they plug him back in for a couple hours but he i don't think he's there's not enough of a person there to be nervous to be like yeah i wonder if he gets a nap in like when he forgets what he's saying midway through a sentence i don't think he's like fuck fuck fuck what was i gonna say yeah i think he's just like just blunt he just turns off you know what shocks me i've never heard anyone really talk about the plastic surgery that biden had. Has he? Maybe I just don't have my finger on the pulse.

But his, yeah, dude, his face is... He's a clone. He's like crazy. I just thought that was like a weird... He just had weird old... No, your face falls off. It doesn't tighten. I guess you're right. Yeah, well, they say he's just on so many

drugs. I like that. I think he'd be better if he had a big, baggy face. Yeah. If he had a big, wrinkly, just baggy... Yeah. Oh, that's something to have. Like some jowls. Yeah.

It's natural. A Churchill face. Yeah. That'd be nice. That I would enjoy. I would enjoy that, too. He was a stud back in the day, though. He was a stud. He was a piece. in the day, though. He was a stud.

He was a piece. I know. I know. He was a looker. That's why I think he'd be a good... Trump's kind of always looked the same. Yeah. I see young pictures of Trump, but he still looks hilarious.

I know. You think it's like, oh, he's a good-looking guy. No, he still looks hysterical. Yeah. He is a true cartoon character. Yeah. And he talked the same way too. Yeah.

His dad was like a nut job I've heard. Yeah, I would think so. Yeah. But he was like, I think when he had his kids, he was like pinning them against each other to make them do competitions against each other and stuff. Like Trump. Yeah.

With like Don Jr. and Eric and all them. Yeah. He couldn't have been around that much. I don't know. No. I don't know how much rich people see their kids. Like people that rich. Yeah.

And he's like flying around. He's got like business to do. I think the nannies see the kids more way more than the parents yeah when you're like a hundred millionaire yeah yeah i think there's like jamaican nannies yeah basically raise your kids for you definitely yeah that's pretty sad i feel bad for those kids not because the jamaican nanny but you know just not mommy being close to your parents your mommy and daddy yeah true you want to be in the trenches with your parents fighting, arguing

living on top of one another it really is kind of important yeah there's really no resistance to the Jamaican nanny thing you're never going to take them seriously enough yeah getting dropped off and picked up from school by a nanny yeah and they're on the payroll they don't want to piss you off too much

yeah and they're worried about upsetting you and you telling lies to your parents about their behavior i got fired from a babysitting job once you were a babysitter yeah yeah i was babysitting for a little while i was in i was sophomore year of high school how'd you get fired uh there's like a windy road and i had a stick shift car and these kids were like we want to go fast on the windy road and i went fast on the windy road and then they immediately told their mom and she was like you're fired for going fast on the windy road damn yeah it's fucked up yeah everything was under control i had it how fast were you going uh not that fast i mean like it was it was more just like it was like up and down and back and forth it. How fast were you going? Not that fast. I mean, like, it was more just like it was, like, up and down and back and forth.

Just fast enough to make the kids giggle? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you, like, come out of your seat a little bit over a hill. That's fun. Yeah. You were giving the kids a good time. Yeah. Nothing bad happened.

How long were you babies? Was that your main job in high school? No, no. I was doing that for maybe six weeks that was it's for girls there's twins they're a girl gig yeah it's good pay i used to want to i was in love with my one babysitter i've talked about her before i forget her name she had a purple car she used to let us bring our big blankets from our bed down into the living room and watch movies on the floor that's awesome she was cool yeah i remember having like a babysitter and i'd get like titty face to tit height hugs she had big tits

and i was my head was like tit level loved those Damn. I remember she gave me some action figures. It was great. I had a babysitter named Trit, who I loved. Trit. And she left to become a crab fisherman. She literally did Deadliest Catch. She left babysitting me and my brother to go do Deadliest Catch. She's like, I just want to feel something yeah yeah i've been too wild this is in the 80s yeah

that's crazy i would love to know what happens it's probably dead it's probably at the bottom of this davy jones's locker yeah she might be in the yeah yeah yeah did those guys get paid well uh yeah so it's gotta be right but i think it's like i think you get you know you work for two three weeks and you make 50 grand but then that's everything for the year okay like i think you can make a lot of money at once, but the season's short. I know a guy that works on a tugboat. He goes two weeks on, two weeks off.

Damn. And the tugboat guys, he said they all, he's sober, but he said they get fucked up for their two weeks off. Oh, yeah. Like, they don't come home and relax. They come home and go on like a bender. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what I heard about all the, like like the oil guys in like canada yeah they'll fucking they'll work six months a year make two hundred thousand dollars and then go burn it all in vegas and then come back and start over dean was telling me that about the guys who work in the oil fields here like in west texas yeah he was like they'll be all healthy for like two weeks because they're like working out and eating right and doing manual labor all day. And then they just absolutely tie one on until the moment they have to go back to the fields. That's nice. That is nice.

It's a wild life. Yeah. I don't need that. This is already too much of a lack of structure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

It's the end of the episode. Yeah, sorry I didn't have too much on this one. No, it's all right. It's all good, dude. We'll get into the boys on the Patreon. Try to get into the boys, and there might be some other stuff that I can get mad about. Yeah, yeah.

I'm excited for that. All right. God bless you. you tommy