Stuff Island - Go along to get along - Stuff Island #141 w/ Deric Poston

Episode Date: July 10, 2024

Go along to get along - Stuff Island #141 w/ Deric Poston Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en -Follow Deric on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dericposton/?hl=en Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoneycom/STUFFISLAND Get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code STUFFISLAND at shopmando.com Try Bluechew for FREE! with Promo Code: STUFFISLAND. Just pay $5 for shipping. Bluechew.com  Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

dude i'm telling you man i like i i could this could just be a moment in time but the nas are incredible like i don't know who you are dude i'm telling you if you spend a whole day in the pool drinking fake beers and then you're totally sober you feel superhuman 10 hours slamming 40 fake oh my god and then but then you can go do a set like totally clear-headed you feel give it the whole point whoa you feel like you're superhuman so your heart feels hammered, but your brain is like, I promise you we're good. But in here, in your soul, you're like, I'm fucking...

Because you were fucking around in the pool. You were holding a beer the whole time. You were like, the sun was beating down on you. You're all sun-kissed and fucking... It's great. Yeah, you're holding a beer the whole time and all your friends aren't there because you're fucking... You're a weirdo who's not drinking a beer in a pool

for eight hours? No, no, no. What you gotta do is you gotta go to the grocery store, find the N.A. with the newest artwork. So it looks like a real beer. And then no one else really notices either. And then you're really in the money.

It's like gay guys in the 90s. This is why I shouldn't be talking about it because... You don't want to tell anyone. Yeah. And then you're really in the money. Yeah. It's like gay guys in the 90s. This is why I shouldn't be talking about it because you don't tell anyone. Yeah. The tricks of the trade. Once you tell people what you're up to it's over. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to get sniped at parties. You're drinking fake beer. The idea of me sitting here. No, no. I'm mixing it up.

That's also crazy. That's fucking crazy. I'm mixing it up. Crazy, bro. That's nuts fucking crazy mixing it up is crazy that's nuts mixing it up is good putting NA beer into an empty alcoholic can and vice versa

when you're hanging out with your girl you're like no it's a zero you just put a fucking mezcal in it I want them to start doing that it's like the electric cars that had that thing over the wheel in the beginning that like made it obviously an electric car. I don't know. What?

Like, it'd be nice to buy like an electric car, but they look so much like electric cars that you just, just give me a regular looking car with an exhaust

out the back. That's electric. With an exhaust out the back. Just fake smoke? Why do you want all this fake stuff, dude? I don't want anyone talking about what I'm doing. Because the whole process is fake.? Why do you want all this fake stuff, dude? I don't want anyone

talking about what I'm doing. Because the whole process is a lie. It's all a lie. Yeah. So any little intricate details that can make you feel better

about lying to yourself and the world will matter. Yeah. God, bro, you're gonna fuck me up. I was just thinking about what you said

about how you can just get caught up not having a real job, not having our life. I didn't drink for like, this was like two weeks ago. I didn't drink for the first time. I didn't drink for like three days. And I was out with Schultz and Schultz was like, bro, you're not drinking? Are you not drinking? And I was like, no, bro.

He's like, are you trying to quit? I was like, no, I'm just not having a drink. He was like, oh, when's the last time you haven't had a drink? And I was like, 12 years. Yeah. Yeah. time you like haven't had a drink and i was like 12 years yeah yeah i didn't realize bro me not drinking for three days was the longest in 12 years yeah that i like have gone without having a drink i was like oh bro this is a voice yeah oh no oh this is a problem yeah dude it's wild it's i mean you have there's no there was no reason to, other than feeling bad. But booze solves that, too.

Yeah. You know? I'll tell you what cuts in your alcoholism, getting a dog. Really? Yeah, that's what I've heard. Yeah, a cat wants you to be fucking hammered, dude. A cat's a cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A cat's a drunk fucking friend. They want you to pass out so they can fucking nip on your ears. Yeah, they drive you to drink with their judgy eyes. Their judgment. I have two options to sober up. I got to get either a puppy or have a baby. Because those two things for a consistent three months will change your hours to the point where you can't fuck off that much.

And they drag you down so long that you're so tired you can't really access the fun late night. Yeah. It shifts it all. So you're getting up at 5, 6, sometimes in the middle of the night just to either, you know, hold the baby or fucking walk the dog. Yeah. You start going, there's six beers. Or let's say there's 12 beers.

Turns into six. The six turns into three. And then it turns into, I can't. I got to get up. Oh, then you start tucking your shirt in. Immediately, immediately start tucking your shirt in. That's a slippery slope. You catch me wearing a tie,

you know my girlfriend's pregnant. Damn, a kid'll do it, bro. Yeah, a kid will do it. You hope. It's happened for so many of my loved ones, including my brother. Yeah. Saved his life.

That dude was on a path to hell. Oh my God, snorting drywall bars because he ran out of coke. That dude was bananas. That's NA stuff. There's nothing bad in drywall, is there? I don't know. I did it once. Literally snorted drywall? There was a place called O'Shea's.

You remember O'Shea's in Philly? Down the street from Helium Comedy Club? This place was a coke called O'Shea's. Yeah. You remember O'Shea's in Philly? Yeah. Down the street from Helium Comedy Club. This place was a coke den. Now it's called The Goat. And it's good. It's great. All they did was keep the shell of the original bar,

and they redid the whole setup. Good food. Yeah, it's like bright in there. Yeah, it's really nice. This place O'Shea's was like an old school Irish pub that was like kind of nice in a way because it was all glass, but it was a block away from Helium Comedy Club.

Yeah. It was an old bartender. I fucking loved Chris. He went to my high school. Yeah. And then there was this one shady drug dealer that would just chill in the back. He looked kind of like you.

That's crazy. What were the similarities dude this place was such a coke 10 that like there was a separate bathroom that only the coke guys knew about because it was hidden from like the main drag you can go in there and just collect cocaine off just off the counter counter. Off the back of the, yeah. No, not even toilet. No, the sink and the hand dryer. It was just everywhere.

So if you're in a pinch, you're just like, I didn't want to do coke tonight. You're looking at all these Easter eggs left around you. Maybe a little bit. My dealer's not picking up. Let's go to the O'Shea's bathroom. The hidden back bathroom at then i fucking i scraped one off the back of a uh the toilet thing and it was just just straight drywall and because i looked up and it was

i think the previous toilet thing was ripped off because the coke head couldn't find free coke i also like the idea of you being so hammered you think that there's just coke everywhere but they're just remodeling it's just a furniture store now like oh shay sold years ago just snorting dry water damn i've never done coke what never done i've never never done coke yeah you've done it i've done it yeah yeah it's it's never been never on a consistent basis ever yeah you've done it i've done it yeah yeah it's it's never been never on a consistent basis yeah but i've done it like one off like treat it like much you treat it like mushrooms kind of yeah yeah one of those things yeah you know go along to get along you

know writing fucking song lyrics we gotta get him a fucking app drink 100% everybody's doing it kind of situation you're like yeah I'll get in on that I do wonder if I would do that if it was everyone's doing it situation and everyone like I feel that pressure of like everyone in this room is cool you know that's really all it is yeah I'm surprised

nobody's really doing coke nobody in the groups that I'm around nobody does coke see I think everyone's doing coke is everyone just doing it Who does, like, nobody in the groups that I'm around? Yeah, neither for us, but there's always some situation. See, I think everyone's doing coke. Is everyone just doing it? I think so. I had the same kind of issue with, like, heroin.

Where everybody's doing it. Like, every time I open the paper, there's a new article. No, everyone's doing heroin, and I've never been offered heroin. What the fuck? Every rapper dies of heroin over there. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's pill form. That's oxys and shit.

It's not heroin. But it's like I should be offered. I haven't been, yeah. You know? You are the guy I'd offer fucking heroin to. Do some pills? I'd fucking like to Chris O'Connor. But people don't.

People don't. I don't know. They think I'm a narc or something. Yeah. because you have so much of the sad clown but also so much of the visual cop it's very confusing

yeah yeah yeah it's too risky yeah it's too risky dude just a cop with a bandaid

don't bring him in on this yeah walks like a duck talks like a duck not always a duck sometimes a cop with a bandaid. Don't bring him in on this. Yeah. Walks like a duck. Talks like a duck. Not always a duck. Sometimes a cop. Yeah.

Everyone thinks my whole comedy career is just some CIA op. That would be so fun. Yeah. I think about that sometimes. Of like, damn, that'd be cool to be a CIA guy who's undercover as a comic and then he got into it. Yeah. Because that means, well, Chris, if you were an undercover cop the whole time, I'd be like, damn, bro, he really got into it. Yeah. Like like that means it's like well chris like this if you weren't undercover cops all the time like damn bro he really got into it yeah like i've seen him pacing before his sets i've seen him like really thinking about it

yeah i've heard him fighting with his girlfriend over a fucking joke this guy's morphing that happens that happens with like agents like secret agents if they're like do really well they can get so high up in the government They can be like yeah, it's a fucking it's a classic case of intelligence agencies are like well, I guess yeah be What's that guy in the Hells Angels or whatever? No way? Yeah, there was a dude in who did it happened with like Iran He got like so high. He was like he was he was like second in command And they found out just hung him in the town square Yeah, oh my god. Yeah, that's how catch me if you can't

That's crazy you could do that I think they're like he's doing so good like if you were he went undercover as a comic and they were doing well you just Keep going they'd be like right, just keep doing it. Yeah, there was some dude in like the CIA or FBI that infiltrated the Hells Angels. And he like started, he got addicted to coke. Like he did all the things to make his buddies feel like he wasn't a cop. Yeah. You know, an undercover agent.

And then really got caught up in life and he said he loved the fucking life. Yeah. And know, an undercover agent. And then really got caught up in life, and he said he loved the fucking life. Yeah. And it totally took over his life. And finally, the agency was like, yo, you need to fucking chill and do a little bit of your job, because we're letting all this shit go. Yeah. Like, you're on meth. You're fucking wilding out. That would be.

Banging all these tattooed piglets in fucking Florida. I like that that's a part of being undercover. Just fucking. No, no, no. I have to believe. Yeah. I don't want to do this. I got a wife and kids.

Dude. Rule number one of being a Hells Angel is fucking a woman that looks just like you. They're fucking river. River monsters. God, they're so ugly. Just like you. They're fucking river monsters, dude. God, they're so ugly. I've been with a river monster, dude. Of course. I've been with a fucking... Me too.

Yeah. Look, I'm talking shit, of course. I've been with a fucking... But you get it. Hold on. I mean, she, dude, could have started for the fucking Detroit Lions. I think about her. I wonder what she's up to. Yeah. Dude could have started for the fucking Detroit Lions Think about it. I think about what she's up to yeah, cuz I think something if I had a kid with that chick fucking yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, please come down the lines. Yeah, that was think about her sometimes How about how big you tall bro? We're talking taller than me Bigger than me six one three hundred probably like six foot three bigger than me. 6'1", 300? Probably like six foot three. Dang. That's a clitoris like a pinky, dude. That's a big bitch. I'll never forget. I fucked her,

and I'll never forget that. Never had this happen to this day still. After her, she went, thank you. Really? To this day, no one's ever fucked me. No one's made it to the finish line

my wife's never been like hey Derek thanks for that I'll never get there but she fucked me she said hey thank you it's crazy to be like you're welcome damn that many people don't fuck you you had to be like

hey man because there's no way it was that good yeah I know it wasn't but it came in like three seconds it definitely wasn't good

it wasn't based on performance yeah just being there man thank you for being here it wasn't a situation where you're like I gotta record my sets what did I do in there

yeah I did things I've never done before but you said river monster in my brain literally it got right to her yeah always i got to don't remember her name yeah everybody fucks a lagoon creature here and there you know what i mean you have to yeah you think like even like a like a chris brown yeah yeah you know what i mean like the weekend or bruno mars They absolutely took down some. Dude, that's the NA of pussy. Every now and then, you're so used to getting the fucking primetime alcohol,

you got to fucking NA broad. You know what I mean? You got to go, what are these normal people doing? You see their sloppy tits. You think he's saying all the same things I'm saying? It's like it feels the same. I think it's mostly placebo. You fuck 60 of them

over eight hours. It's the same feeling. Watch the sunset. God, that's so funny. The idea of Bruno Mars fucking a regular chick. I mean, it literally felt like, I honestly feel like I was fucking a model. Maybe that's what they're doing when they fuck regular women. They said thank you after.

They said thank you. I feel healthier. I slept better. They know when to leave. They do know when to leave. There's probably tolerance. I mean, seriously, though. I know we're stretching here to make a connection between the two.

But I'm sure it gets tiring for these guys that are always around 12s these private fucking parties and they all look the same at a certain point right don't you like this is true when i watch porn yeah there are times where i scroll past the the models i scroll past all that stuff and i want a girl that's homegrown i want to look like the amateur reels that are truly amateur and aren't just called amateur they got amateur faces they got amateur bodies they're a little wonky something here and there yep that shit turns me on because that's what i grew up with yes so there's a nostalgic appeal about seeing some girl that's got a little weird shake.

It's not a fat ass for the right reasons. It's for malnutrition. I love the idea of scrolling down to that and being like, I'm a good person. I did it for her. I'm not one of these other guys. Yeah, but that's so real. When I watch porn, you know what I don't like? I don't like edits.

Yeah. I don't want to yeah i don't want to see cuts i want i want this person to not i wanted to feel amateur i want this person to not know how to use cap cap cut yeah i want this person to not know how to do either it's just one long continuous video dude i want to see you awkwardly change sex positions i just got i just got off the last one i watched was yesterday and i just got off to that exact scenario where they started kissing around the bed but it felt like a hotel yeah where like you just met this girl at the bar because they're clearly two you know fuck horse that don't know each other yeah but it felt

like the same awkwardness that you would have with somebody you just met. That was so hot. Clothes on and then watching them disrobe. Because you put yourself in that situation going, I've been there. I know how to undress a woman for the first time. There's nothing like it. And I'm just locked in rock hard. And then as soon as you get to that, I agree.

Performing his arts. I'm with him. The jump cut, it always makes you think that between those two I need water I gotta piss yeah yo Chris I love how you think

it's stretching and not they do it just Carla needs to know alright alright come back where was I when she does this she's's like, hold on. And you're like, whoa. I was really doing my best right there.

You just scratched your face. I was doing my absolute best work. No, I don't like a quick cut. I like it to be a long, flowing thing. One angle. I like to be one angle. Y'all want a quick cut. I like it to be a long, flowing thing. One angle. I like to be one angle. I want a one shot. One shot.

Fucking Martin Scorsese. You know what I mean? I want at the end of it, I want the video to end with him going to like grab the phone. Like you see him grab the phone and then that's how it ends. I don't want to be like that. Right before he hits stop, he's like, you're going to delete that, right? He's like, what have we done? I hit send instead.

I'm disgusted with myself. No, but there is something about, again, the change angle thing. When it's one angle and you see him going a pound down and then he flips over and she's like, he's trying to roll over and then grabbing his dick trying to find her hole that's that's high school that's college yeah yeah that's the shit we're used to yeah yeah stop with the olympic acrobatic fucking nonsense with models yeah i don't like the models i also

i also scroll past when when it looks like a model i need you to look somewhat normal yeah human attainable yeah i needed to feel attainable swamp creep anywhere in that gray area baby i'm beaten oh god i wish i could talk about my day your wild ass day yeah you literally can't like for legal reasons yeah i think so i mean not legal, legal legal But like I don't wanna There's too many insiders You understand?

There's too many CIA agents Inside the fucking house Dude I started getting really I watched that movie, you guys ever see the movie Brick? Yeah Brick's great Perfectly cheesy Yeah yeah It's like a

noir movie like you know those like those old like fucking 40s movies where there's a cop and he's like it was a rainy day oh yeah he's pissed off and like smoking a cigarette black and white kind of shots yeah yeah yeah but they made a version of that just about a kid in high school and his girlfriend's like gotten herself into some kind of trouble and he's like going around trying to find it but i got really into it and i was like i downloaded like a old like 1920s like noir book and started reading it and i'm like deep into just noir take a sip of this jesus christ that's what i'm doing that's what i'm doing with that our relationship is gonna it's gonna be bad. Dude, that's the thing that you run up against.

I'll take stuff. You take Ireland. You can do whatever you want. This relationship is fucking deteriorating, dude. Pool party, stricken 16 beers, NA. That's freaking fucking... The only noir you should be consuming is Pinot Noir. Dude, that is fully where i'm at

where i'm like i'm so bored that i'm reading a book where like this dame is a bad is trouble and i'm like yeah she is trouble oh my god that's fully where i'm i'm afraid of that clarity i'm afraid of fucking guys you know what you love it you've heard us talk about rocket money before how much do you think you're paying for subscriptions every month the answer is probably more than you think. Over 74% of people have subscriptions they've forgotten about. I definitely did.

The number one thing is a thing I can't even get rid of. I know, same. Tubo TV or something like that. I got no idea how they do it. No, I got rid of one, but I can't talk about it. Thanks to Rocket Money,

I'm no longer wasting money on the ones that I forgot about. Most Americans think... I also have a, like... I think, I don't know, I got no longer wasting money on the ones that I forgot about. Most Americans think... I also have a, like... I think, I don't know, I got a Netflix subscription, too. I think I have an extra Netflix subscription I don't know how to get rid of. Don't look into it.

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Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash stuffisland. That's rocketmoney.com slash stuffisland. rocketmoney.com slash stuffisland. Chris, we've talked about this since moving to Austin. The heat. Yeah.

I'm a sweaty wop. Yes, you are. I perspirate. Not just in my armpits. Not just my nookies. Yeah. Not the strip of my ass. It's not the reason I don't wear khakis alone.

You know? But it's also my forehead and all that stuff. Mando. Yeah. Sent us a package. I ripped through it. Yeah. To the point where I'm trying to get our guys to send another package.

Yeah. Because I want to get the free Mando. Or at least a discount. I'm going to use our own discount code to get this. Because it really works, dude. Yeah. It's all natural. You do not sweat.

I got no so i used to like this this type shit this color i wear on a pod because you get nerve you know yeah yeah you get you get nervy you get anxiety you don't know what the fuck you saw derrick left you see his armpits yeah yeah he's hot the bottom all the way down here it's a lot of pressure now you know it's a lot of pressure to talk about nothing for fucking two hours straight. It's hard. You got to come up with stuff. Yeah. Well, he clearly didn't have Mando.

You understand? You see that fucking lead in? Yeah. Because it's stuff that actually works. Also, the packaging is beautiful. The dark green with the yellow. Yeah. I don't mind pulling that out.

It's wonderful. I love it. This sounds so cheesy, but I do love the packaging. A lot of the things we promote the advertising around it I'm like yeah it's ugly you know the number one package design school in the country is package design school yeah Clemson really yeah I looked into it wow I wanted to go to a package I wanted to go like uh yeah package design to design packages yeah yeah just was that graphic designing no you like like you know when you get like an apple computer like the design like all those

elements of it yeah what you're using how it fits in there where the parts go and then they're like the look of it that's all like that's like a specific like kind of arts if there's anyone that's not japanese in that school managing and worrying about body odor used to take up a lot of my time it's true i just said i was paranoid about smelling not so much as smelling the sweating and visuals especially around midday it's extremely time consuming but not anymore since i switched to mando whole body body deodorant i freed up so much time as i told you before it's that effective and long-lasting. Here's why. Mando doesn't cover up after the fact with heavy fragrances, like certain other

deodorants. It stops the odor at the source by blocking bacteria on your skin from eating your sweat, which is the actual cause of BO. What does this mean? It means Mando is clinically proven to control odor for up to 72 hours. That's a long fucking time, Chris. So give yourself the precious gift of time and get yourself some Mando whole body deodorant. Luckily, I have a discount code to help you guys get hooked on my favorite smelling whole body deodorant on the market. New customers get $5 off a starter pack with our exclusive code. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack. Use Stuff Island at ShopMando.com.

That's use code Stuff Island at ShopMando.com. S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. I mean, me going from half, I'm at half of what I used to consume. This is clarity. Clarity, clarity, frightening. The length of day, the thoughts, the darkness of my natural thought process is fucking frightening. Yeah. I just want to chill a little bit, man.

Take a little, little, little gas out of the tank. I know, but the kind of the excitement of it is that you can't and you go, all right, we just got to wear it up today. Dude, it does feel like you're like off your meds and like kind of tripping. Yeah. And you're like, my doctor was wrong. You're just like, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

No, I'm fine without him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And your whole family's like, no, he's not. No, I feel pretty good. And everyone's like, Jesus, man, have a drink. You weren't that bad drunk.

This is bad. We're going to have an interview for this. I paint now. I use my own feces, but it's still paint. You're reading noirs. Jesus Christ, man. You know what? This is crazy.

I've been re-watching. You know that OJ Made in America documentary? So good. Five part, right? Yeah. So good. In the last month, I've probably re-watched the whole thing. Each individual one.

Four times. Bro, like seven, eight times. Yeah. I feel like I'm trying to solve it. Yeah. I've been going to bed every night re-watching each one. That's over and over and over. And then as I watch it, and then when I go lay down, like to go lay going to bed every night re-watching each one that's over and over and over and then as I, so I'll watch it

and then when I go lay down, like to go lay down to bed I'll pull up on my phone the Wikipedia, like the crime case and then just read it all again, I don't know what I'm trying to find but there's something crazy something's missing like I get why the world, cause I

wasn't around for that, I I wasn't around for that. I wasn't really around for that. And it's such a moment to think. I truly think about like, damn, imagine like LeBron James or Tom Brady, like being in a murder case. Dude, it was crazy. It was. We watched it in school. Dude, yes.

They literally. How old are y'all? I'm 44. 39. Oh, yeah. So you guys were around. I was in fifth. I was in fourth grade.

Third or fourth grade. I watched a were around. I was in fifth. I was in fourth grade? Third or fourth grade. I watched a Challenger blow up live in school. That's crazy. Yeah. I didn't see that. That's a different thing. Y'all saw humans die? Five years, dude.

You saw humans die? Yeah. At school. Three nights ago and at school. I told you I had a rough day today, dude. I had to move the body. He really did this down. I told you I had a rough day today, dude. I had to move the body. Dude, they literally stopped class, and the entire school listened to the verdict over the radio.

Like, and I was, you know, you're in fucking, yeah, third or fourth grade. I was like, you thought it was like a Supreme Court case, like something hinged on this at all? Yeah, like either school, or there will be school or there won't be school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of true though. If it went the other way, there would be no school.

They all would have been burnt, dude. Did everyone cheer when, so they announced it, your class, did everyone go like, go, yay? No, they're white in Connecticut. What the fuck? That is the crazy thing, is I don't specifically remember. I do.

They burnt down their preschool, dude. Yeah, I think there was like a fucking straight up, like a somber travesty of justice kind of mood. For a fucking eight-year-old white kid. Dude, I swear to God, I think it was like Oh my God. You hung your leg up. You fucked up. Johnny Copper playing the race car. She's like a nine-year-old.

It's so nuts. They all bring the lacrosse flags half-staffed. They're cutting their fucking long pockets out of lacrosse sticks. Oh my. That's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, it's wild. I think about it,

because when you rewatch it, it's like, I've been asking everyone of age, like, yo, where were you? It's also one of those things I didn't realize, like, you can ask anyone, like, hey, where were you

when the OJ thing happened? And people give you multiple answers. They'll give you the Bronco, and they'll give you the verdict. Yeah, yeah. Which is like, what? Yeah. I truly, I guess,

I'm like, damn like damn bro that's crazy that he got away with killing his wife so obviously it's like that's wild it is pretty wild it is pretty wild like because as a kid you just know that like a oj killed his wife there was a glove right and then you start digging and you're like wait you're telling me there was eight years of him beating the shit out of this bitch like nobody ever brings that part up the moment you hear that you're like oh he killed her dude you mean he was beating her ass for eight years it took like ten days for black people to be like yeah we got you yeah Yeah. Well, that dude.

That's crazy. It took Black people 10, a week and a half. We're like, yeah, this is crazy. We know, we know, we know, we know. But we got a W, dude. That was like genuinely the ad. It was just let us get one. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah, to not live through that is like, I mean, really a piece of american like world history yeah i don't know i think yeah in the end it was it's kind of a big like nothing burger yeah where it was like we're still people made careers just like reporting off that like that's the weird thing now all the people you see, like all this kind of older people you see on CNN or NBC or I think even Fox, I think all those people cut their teeth on the O.J. Simpson trial. If you go back and watch that footage, it's all the news anchors you see now are young people on the scene reporting. It's crazy.

Well, that's the same thing for anything. That's like baseball. When you see the World Series, they're going to show somebody in little league world series when they were 13 everybody cuts their teeth in every nobody had reported on a case like that ever yeah you think they got their their start there yeah so 100 yeah the magnitude of it because every name is still famous like judge ito. Like all these things are like. Yeah. Marsha Clark.

Yeah. It's crazy. Johnny Cochran. Like that's just, they're just lawyers, bro. Yeah. Defending a guy who for sure killed his wife. Yeah, I know. Also looking at it, I can't imagine living through that.

And just being like, yeah, this guy for sure killed his wife, but this is still exciting. Just think the most devastating aspect of that whole case was not the death of those two individuals, but it was the birth of Kim Kardashian. Bro. It is wild. Started a billion. Think about that. Like, we know his name.

We knew his name, Robert Kardashian, because of that. Yeah. Yeah. And that sparked a whole fucking, like, that's crazy, dude. That cesspool of sperm came right out of that ball bag. Changed the bag. Changed the country. Changed the world and our sweet, innocent

children. Dressing like whores in sixth grade because of these women. People are getting BBLs because of Robert Kardashian. That's not talked about. It's all about RK. Think about that. It's butterfly effect, dude. It is. It's what that Ashton Kutcher movie was all about RK. Yeah, think about that. It's butterfly effect, dude.

It is. That's what that Ashton Kutcher movie was all about. Oh, fuck. No, that is the reason. I give people shit on Kim K. I kind of give her a lot of credit. Of course. It's like when people, if you were born rich, right?

So let's say you're born like Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. They're born rich. They were born millionaires. But to turn a million to a billion is pretty fucking impossible. Dude. It's like truly, it's not like some easy thing. This girl took a million dollar life and made it a billion dollar empire for her and her family. Yeah.

That's. This is what we're talking about. Shark level mind. And think of all the people when she was just hanging out with Paris Hilton that were like, you're a fucking idiot.

You're just gonna hang out with this person? Yeah. You look like a buffoon. She's an idiot. You look like an idiot by proxy. This is a huge mistake. Yeah, that's exactly

what I was talking about. Yeah, yeah. You're a fucking loser. You're embarrassing our family. All of it. It's like... It's like not only is she personally ludicrously rich, she's made every single one of her sisters. Individually wealthy.

Yeah. They don't require anyone's wealth. It's not like an Alec Baldwin, it all trickles down situation. Eric Baldwin. Chloe, Kendall, Kylie, like they're all their own fucking thing yeah and it was it was like them growing up was straight up like nba draft stuff yeah where it was like wait

till they're 18 no because and then and like a lot of people were down a lot of people were down on kylie right a lot of feelings stock was down on kylie they were like she's not gonna make it she's not as tall or you know ronnie james she changed her face she was not as good looking yeah you can't go under the knife to get a better fucking size and

three pointer that's all she did she just got a fucking new face but nobody thought she could do it there's a true doctor in LA

that said she could do it it's like up there with the space program in terms of like speed at which they accomplished the mission I can't believe

you're two years related to fucking brawny. Dude, it was got Travis Scott to put a baby. I bet. I bet.

Pretty good. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah. He's a skinny swamp monster. Seeing that face while coming. Holy Christmas.

That's a nightmare. I'm willing to bet that Travis Scott's the hot one. I fucked that up. No, Travis Scott. He looks like a he was the one married to Rihanna. Asap Rocky. They look the hot one. I fucked that up. No, Travis Scott, he looks like a... Wait, who's the one married to Rihanna?

A$AP Rocky. They look the same. They actually look very similar. A$AP's hot, dude. A$AP's pretty. He's a pretty man. I'm willing to bet that there were like Kennedy level space program speeches inside the Kardashians' house about rearranging Kylie's face. Yeah. Man. I agree with this.

Yeah, yeah. We choose to rearrange her face. Not for the people of the country, but the people inside this home. All life life depends upon it. Why does Rice play Texas? Bring in the swine. It does go back to our conversation. About what your new face can do for you

and what it can do for this family. And when she came off that operating table, champagne popping everywhere. Bro, she's a billion dollar person. She's got a billion dollar, what's it called? Makeup shit. It goes back to the power of amateur porn kim shot that porn the way it should be one angle yeah and then all

of a sudden just a shaky fucking vhs camera ray jay and his 18 inch fucking banana yeah demolishing her yeah and her squealing like a fucking puppy. Just keep it hotel sex. Keep it real so that everybody can go, I want to see it. But Paris did the same thing and it didn't play the same way. Paris is a skateboard with nipples. I'm just saying.

Wow, that's great. Skateboard with nipples. Flat face, flat ass. Beat it. Bring in that fucking sand. Flat face, flat ass. Beat it. Bring in that fucking sand. She's a sand princess. You know? Women from that part of the earth, they have curves

underneath those fucking burkas. You can only see if you get them in bed. No, you're right. If there was a porno with the chick from Tangled or the chick from Aladdin, you're watching Princess Jasmine get nailed. That's why they made Jasmine black. They were like, let's make it real.

Really? Curves. Wait, are you serious? No, I was just going with what he was saying. And then he dies back to noir. Noir was really interesting about it. Noir's great, man. You gotta read books.

He's gotta clean up Poisonville. This is podcasting. Yeah, I like the way y'all do it. This is a vibe. Yeah. What do you guys do? We play, like, games and stuff. Really?

Yeah, so it's like a whole, like, thinking of, like, games for each individual guest that comes on. Oh, no. So this is... That's horrendous. thinking of games for each individual guest that comes on. Oh, no. That's a lot of off-air work. Yeah, it's a lot of off-air work. That's what I mean. No, not that.

No, but also, but also, I did it. No, you don't do it well. I'm saying no, no, for you and your day. You're taking like four NA beers out of your pool party

going to do some Bradford podcast. I couldn't imagine that. But yeah, this is just a vibe, bro. Yeah, but it takes a certain person to be able to do that.

Yeah. Some of our guests can't do this. We learn that the hard way and then Chris and I just stare at each other going, what's up with you?

We talk too much to make something go, you make something go hard like this. Yeah, because if you do keep talking, you keep like lulling, it's crazy what'll come up. Yeah. Like what'll just spark a like, I didn't plan on talking about OJ today. Our Patreon episodes are like more intimate,

more about life and less like bang, bang, bang comedy, which you get the best of both worlds. And I'm not obviously promoting the Patreon, but I am. Yeah, patreon.com slash stuff. Yeah. Please go. But you get like the scale of comedy and introspective feelings and emotions,

and it's more of a full length feature rather than just... This is the exact kind of conversation we try to avoid on the podcast. I know. No, I was about to say, we are all talking about the podcast. I had an emotional day, Chris.

It's true. I'm trying to be emotional now. I'm excited for the fights that you have ahead of you. For the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the rage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said the same thing. Sometimes it's nice to have a nice little fight brewing. Yeah.

Yeah, especially when you feel like you're going against the man. Or the woman we got a one-on-one situation right now yeah yeah one on each side and I I was saying some shit the girl was like you need to pull over I'll drive yeah. I was getting real fucking angry. Yeah? The good stuff. Yeah, I never, I never. That's the best. I usually let Sam, my wife, handle all disputes.

Tam rules. You know what's funny? She treats me like I'm everyone else's father, though. So she handles everything. And then her trump card is like, I'm gonna tell my husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she says it to other grown men,

like they're gonna be like, whoa wait a minute hold on your husband's gonna come down to this furniture store yeah and then we're gonna have a good time she doesn't know you're off the phone going like yeah like that's crazy but yeah I very rarely have to get involved yeah that's but when I do then I have to like really act mad. It's crazy. Because she set it up like, well, now my husband's going to get involved. Yeah. So I have to be way more mad. It's like, I don't care. Yeah.

And then you've got to research the fucking OJ doc. You've got to go, well, why am I mad? What fire did you start? Why do I give a fuck? Oh, yeah. Because I don't have energy for this shit. Dude. The best is that I love the practice rounds for the phone call when you're going nuts.

Oh, man. I'm going to tell you how this is going to go down. And then you actually get on the phone and you're like, okay, so what's exactly going on? You're so nice. You're so nice in real life. It's great. Dude, it's a process. It's a process of coming up with a new bit that you think is going to fucking murder.

And then you say it and you don't get a reaction on the first line. You're like, let's kick back and let's do some old shit. I had other things you'll never see. It is the same feeling of deflation. It's the same amount of deflation. She's on board though. She's a little fucking maniac.

She can be, she's the sweetest person ever, but she can bring it. Your lady? Yeah. She's also conniving on the back though. She's a little fucking maniac. She can be, she's the sweetest person ever, but she can bring it. Your lady? Yeah. Yeah. She's also conniving on the back end. She goes, I know what we're going to do. Ooh, I like that.

I like that kind of stuff. The thing she was saying, I was like, she was like four steps ahead in both legal and personal and physical. And I was like, that's taking the clothes off in a porn. I was like, you're getting me worked up right now. All my blood's going from my fist and head to my dick, and you better keep talking like this. Her practicing a slip and fall in front of you.

Oh, no. It was like, I can't do that. You see the edge of this sink? It's awfully sharp. Yeah, yeah. What's he, 6'1", right? Yeah, yeah. Look how far away we are from the wall.

Measure it. I already did. She hits her head and ketchup packet. what's he 6'1 right yeah yeah look how far away we are from the wall measure it I already did she hits her head and just ketchup packet see how good that is we could be out of here in no time

what's your pod called the solid show but I love a good I love a good conniving plan dude like no when my girl tells me like of how we're gonna

get something back from the company or whatever I'm like yeah it does get me a little worked up yeah and your wife is so sweet like you don't see it in them

that's why I think again where you're like when they hide it and you're like you're a fucking little monster everyone is capable when you meet someone like that everyone is capable

then you look at the room and you go if she thinks like that the people that I know are pieces of shit. Where are they going in their fucking alley? Yeah.

It starts to scare you. Yeah. How many holes they already have pre-dug and then put like that fucking Vietnamese leaves over it. Yeah. You know? The spikes. Yeah, the tracks, dude.

Vietnamese leaves. And the little Vietnamese leaves they put over it. You could have just said leaves. Everyone would have known. I want to give a visual representation of exactly what I mean. Dude, they do American tours in Vietnam jungles

where they show you not just the entrapments, but also the cave. Like the tunneling they did. The tunneling. And how small they had to get into a square this size. And how small they had to get into like a square this size. And how you manipulate your body and go down the square.

So it's so small that the leaves gather and create a barrier. Jesus. So you can't see it. And then they just come back up. That's how they defeated us. What? The cave systems. Yeah.

Yeah. I could never do this. The cave systems was like a fucking ant farm. That's really fucking smart. Crazy. Dude, yeah. I mean, there's claustrophobia. What else did we cover here? Alright, here's the big one. This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew. Blue Chew is

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Works. And it's not i used to get like hung up on like fear of taking a pill knowing it's going to drive my my nookies that you'd be too bricked up yeah out of nowhere and it's not it just maintains solidarity throughout the trunk yeah yeah to the tops you know yeah and it's just. Yeah, just... Consistency in the cock. Yeah. Yeah. And the thickness that, like, even your mind can't fuck up, you know? One of the breath smells a little bit.

Blue Chew will get your back, dude. Being in a tunnel, terrifying. Man, I get those on TikTok, those videos. You ever see those videos of people dying in caves? Let's go. Like, cave... No, I'm just prolonging it. Let's go.

But I've seen one. I keep thinking abouting. Let's go. But I see one. I keep thinking about it. It's a guy who, he went too far, right? Because he got stuck. The white guy? White guy got stuck going this way, right? No, going this way. I know, right?

Yeah. They said the only way he could get through was wiggling like this. And he couldn't go backwards because he had already got through a really tight one. So now he couldn't go back. So he had to keep going forward. But when he got stuck, there was water here. So he's telling his friend, his friend's behind him, like, hey, you can't come forward.

My head's up. You've got to go get help. I don't know how long I'm going to be able to hold my head. And then, of course, they came back like two hours later, and he was drowned. And I think about that guy all the time. He had to go get help. There was no way he could get him out.

No, isn't this the guy they left? There's a guy. I believe they couldn't get his body out his fists like this To get through The last couple seconds of your next You're like fucking pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got it. You got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Psst, psst, psst. Dude, it's like that shit. And the first moment where you go, you got to go back and get help.

And your buddy goes, what? You know, you're like, hey, stop playing. I'm really serious. You know, like your brother would hold you on the board like, I, stop playing. I'm really serious. Like your brother would hold you on the board like, I can't fucking breathe. Like that kind of, that true panic. You go further. He's like, I have T-Mobile. We can't call anybody here.

This is not fucking funny. Yo, that first what was scary. How scary. Hey, man, did you go get help? What? You're dead. You're already like, oh my God. what was what he's eating a cliff bar what'd you say oh yeah but those things scare that that shit man those kind of deaths the fish that goes through like what's it called a gill net or gilling net? Oh, I don't know.

The nets that hang. I watched that show alone. You watch alone? Oh, yeah. I just blew through the last season. It's incredible. What's alone? Survival.

Okay. Reality television. Where they drop, I don't know, a hodgepodge group of typically Canadians. Yeah. A couple natives. A hodgepodge group of typically Canadians. Yeah. A couple natives. And they go have to live on the land for like, I think average is like 60 days. But no, that's the winter.

Average for most people getting fucked up, fucking off is like between two and four weeks. Then you get to watch these dudes change from the end of fall to the beginning of winter. So they're feeling it. They're like, this is great. I can go fish. changed from the end of fall to the beginning of winter so that they're feeling it this is great there's also always a guy on day one that's like all right so we got to build a shelter shelter yeah and he's like walks up a hill and immediately breaks his leg and he's like they like just dropped him off they gotta come back and get him yeah there's this dude called uh he's like i don't think my diabetes is going to stop me this time. And then he just breaks his leg.

Every year there's a sad case. And there's also like, there's a... This dude... I don't know, he walked... He actually made it to second place. But the problem is, in this show, they put him in these areas where there's big game potential. They can kill a big black bear. They can kill a moose.

There's certain small game they can't, depending upon if they're regulated. So you have a list, a checklist of a certain amount of items you can bring. So you could say, I want a tarp. I don't want a tarp. Instead of tarp, I want a bow. So there's a lot of archery specialists. There's a lot of fishing, specialists. There's a lot of... Fishing, trapping, and archery. Fishing, trapping, and archery are the biggest ones, yeah.

But they all know how to fish, but you can bring a spool of fishing line as opposed to making your own shit out of a fucking blanket. You can bring a sleeping bag. All these things matter. It depends on what your strengths are. So if your strength is making shelter, some people don't start the winter shelter early enough.

They do a temporary shelter, try and get the fish, smoke the fish, and store it for long term because once the ice freezes over, it's harder to catch fish. You're not going to know how to ice fish. Yeah. And as the water gets colder, you have to go deeper out. So some people build a canoe.

Dude, it's fascinating. I don't give a fuck about this stuff, but it's so fascinating to drop into these people's lives and what their talents are and see them make the wrong decision this one broad was a fucking model in the 80s all she talked about was being a model she just shrubbed for berries she just whatever you call it yeah so she just collected berries for like the first four weeks it is really entertaining they kill a squirrel like when they're starving oh and they're like they're like thank you mr squirrel yeah yeah and they're like they're just eating the bone being like oh my god this is the best meal i've ever had yeah it's so and then there's other guys that are so good and they just get bored and they're like

i miss my family i gotta check out yeah because they do this it's like i i normally do this i do this in my free time yeah yeah yeah yeah i'll go live off the land most of them do yeah yeah most of them do and most of them need a break from their family and they're going right i love this i want to i want to try and do this forever it's like literally like a guy like gets enough food's got a sick shelter and he's just like i'm bored out of my mind yeah imagine that and yeah Imagine that. It's prison. It's prison, but having to fight. It's solitary confinement, having to fight nature for your next meal. It's the most frightening thing in the world.

And watching these people feel that, and then seeing the different characters that get accepted. Because the producers and the creative, I don't know, know directors or whoever's casting these people do it so well because they take some fucking bumbling idiot who just like goes behind a tree they have like casting videos they have to submit and they're like i know how to and then they just like you know anyone can shoot a bow at a fucking a moose that's not moving yeah and they're like i know how to do this and i do how to do that, I know how to start a fire. And then they get them out there and they're like, it's complete mayhem.

That first snowfall, this girl's blueberries ran out. All she could talk about was how she once used to be a model. And her blueberries ran out. Blueberries ran out. As soon as the cold weather comes in, covers them up, the bears fuck off. All there is is small game like mice.

You do mice traps in your tent because they're looking for warmth because of your fire. They're eating mice that are like this big, dude. It's not even a chicken wing. And they're like, oh my God, thank you, thank you. Gets me through one more day possibly. It's awesome. What's the price? $500,000.

I thought you were going to say $500. I was like, oh my God. I knew you were going to say $500. I was like, oh my God. I knew you were going to say $500. A chance to feature for Pauly Shore. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. $500,000? I wouldn't last.

What I've understood about the gaming, these game shows, the reality game shows, they take 50% off taxes right off the bat. Oh, yeah. And then you pay tax off the $250,000. So you're thinking, dude, you do risk death. Some of these guys are going out ice fishing. Oh, yeah. And really odd, if you break an ankle, I don't know how quickly they can get to you type shit.

But you might walk away with $ 000 after 150 six months no they only go like i think two and a half months which is cool but the way they talk about it they're like this will change my life it's like dude 200 000 150 to 200 000 it might be great for an investment in this or that, but like, if you're already saying it's going to change your life, how quickly that's going to go, right? No. Dude, I'm not a fucking millionaire, clearly. No, but

$200,000 changes your fucking life. Would you risk it for your fucking kids and wife? Yeah, if you think you're like a sick outdoorsman. Yeah, that's a problem. But there always is a winner. Yeah. Yeah, because if your whole life... Maybe it's worth it.

Dude, this would be sick. Bro, you make like 50, 60k a year normally, or 70k a year normally, and then all of a sudden, bro, 200k? You would feel like God. You're right. To do what you love. Fuck you guys, man.

What if the competition was like, we're sending you to Cancun with a group of people. You have to see if you can out-drink every single one of them. Yeah, right. You could kill you. Yeah. You'd try. Dude, my submission...

Yo! But you're crazy. I do that right now for no fucking payout. My submission tape of like diving for balls in a pool. That's crazy. Just frisbee,

water football. Like, I could do it all, guys. Yeah, all the home footage was just you in front of the Sopranos getting cocked. This is my training. Just shows the time. Just keep increasing.

6 a.m., 6.30 a.m., 7 a.m. Girl comes in. This guy's good, man. He's been working on his craft for years. He told his wife to go back to bed. This guy's the best we've seen. This guy basically makes his own arrows. You should check it out, though.

It's fun. I will. I do like that kind of shit. I'm not one of those people, survival stuff. Like, I was watching The New Quiet Place. Me and Sam, we went and seen it. I love those movies because it does put you in a, how would I handle this? I like a horror movie that's like how would I handle this?

This situation. And I like that it was the new Quiet Place is like about day one. So there's no, they didn't explain anything. It's just like if you were, you guys seen that movie? The Quiet Place movie? Yeah. I saw the first one. That's what I'm saying. So it's that situation just day one. So you don't know that, no one knows that oh I have to be

quiet. Right. so they're just fucking running rampant and you see people in live time going oh i have to like be quiet so like that kind of situation i'm like oh i have no chance yeah yeah i have no chance i gotta be dropped it i gotta know at least i gotta be with someone who knows i gotta be with the guy who's like yeah yeah yeah i gotta be with the guy who already knows what's going on yeah it's like it's like watching a movie about Hiroshima and being like, what would I have done?

You would have been like, dumped? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been looking right at it and going, what the? Is that coming right? This is why those skinny

Vietnamese tunnels would be fucking burning. A little brush over the top. Do you guys think you could survive? Fucking some end of world time shit? No way. No.

No way. No way. Dude, alone does make you realize right away that you're just like. You ain't shit. Yeah, you like. It's like MMA for physical abilities. Ah, it's like when you get in the ring with a jujitsu guy. You roll and you're like, oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah. I grew up in the 80s and 90s. Like, these guys, I know street fighting, but that level of abilities, you're fucking useless. And you'll never be useful again. No, it's done, dude. Boxing's done outside of what we show on television, which isn't cool, isn't real.

Nobody gives a shit. That's why the sport's dying. MMA, look out on this fucking patio right here there are probably 20 000 mma kids just on this little in this in this you and what we get in this part of austin 20 000 people who are training hard like they're really gonna do it in a fucking basement in their church or actually at a gym working on something that would put me in a pretzel. Yeah.

I mean, even when you're at the mothership and you talk to all the security guys, they're so nice. But I think that every time I'm like, wow, if this guy wanted to, he could just – if he decided to be like, you know what, Derek? Fuck you today. If truly, what would I do? Nothing. Nothing. Take it. Take it with a smile.

That's crazy. Yeah, the way Nicole did. Yeah, yeah. But it's every one of them too that's the other thing it's not like you're like there's not a security guard where you're like you know what this one though yeah no it's all every single one of them i did it i fucking rolled with them and i tried to like punch and kick them and it's just like it's crazy you're a toddler yeah yeah yeah yeah that was i think i told you i was like i did like the striking thing with him and i was like they were, kick me as hard as you can. And I was like, I can't come on guys.

Like, what are you talking? Cause I was throwing these, I was like throwing these like rinky dink kicks, like trying to get the technique down, you know, before I was like, you know, before I really delivered to God. Yeah. I think I kicked Adrian like pretty much as hard as I possibly could. Yeah. And it was...

He ate it. It wasn't even like a thing. He immediately coached you how to do it better. Exactly. He was just looking at... You kicked me again, but this time. He was so uninterested in actually defending it, he was more focused on helping me do better the next time.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was like, dude, I hit him. I thought I broke my foot. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, no, that happens. It's like you talk... It's like, dude, I hit him. I thought I broke my foot. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, no, that happens. It's like you talk. It's like, what the fuck?

Dude, it's like talking to like a fucking minor league baseball dude. You're like, you're not even a pro. It's like, go play with that dude. Yeah. He will make you feel like you're five years old. Yeah, when he's throwing 90. Yeah. When he's throwing 90 at you.

And he's not getting picked up. You know what I mean? Like, weak. It's better than this. Yeah. That's insane. Yeah. What are they doing?

There's so many fucking talented people out there. Yeah, it's a lot. And here we are. But the calorie thing, too. They, like, keep track of it on that show. And they'll tell you. They'll just be like, oh, man. The guys will be like, I got to dig a hole.

And they're like, digging a hole. That's like a lot of calories. Like, in the subtitle, they'll be like, they're going to hold 500 calories, and he's had 100 today. Damn. The hole's going to fuck him. He needs to dig a hole, and the hole's going to ruin him. The guy that came in second place,

that was my point about the big game. The psychological warfare of not knowing if someone caught something big. They say there was on average like 43,000 black bears on those islands that they put them on. Not knowing, because it has happened like three or four times in the season's history or the show's history, where someone caught big game and they're just like game over as long as they can procure it keep it safe underground or in the trees where like a crazy vermin can't get to it you have enough food for a year but no one's gonna outlast but then the other thing that happened to that one there's one guy who killed

a moose yeah and he got stolen and no and he had the whole mo, but the fat that he had got stolen by a wolverine. And he was like, I'm fucked. He's like, without the fat. Because they're so lean. Without the fat, like there's something about you need the fat to help you digest some of the raw muscle meat. And he's like, without the fat, I'm done in a week. And he had like 2,000 pounds of moose meat. And he hung it. And the wolverine still got it. Yeah, well, he got sleepy and he left like 2,000 pounds of like and he hung it and the Wolverine

still got it yeah well he got sleeping he left the ladder up yeah he came out the next day and he's like I fucking left the ladder up human error that's crazy the Wolverine just I left an Amazon box in the back of my pickup

truck after a big storm and I was like fuck that's my biggest hardship I gotta return this hoodie box in the back of my pickup truck after a big storm and I was like fuck. That's my biggest hardship. I gotta return this hoodie. I think about how I feel like when a ground ball goes between my legs. That kind of air. That kind of embarrassment.

That was $500,000 going through his legs. That's what I'm saying. Oh my god. Dude and then the Wolverine came back and he killed it. And he was like that motherfucker. Yeah. And finally got that fucking piece of shit. There was a version in these Canadian islands that was a Wolverine, but it was protected. So you couldn't do anything.

You could kill it live, but if you trapped it with your snares, you couldn't eat it. So you had to kill it a certain way. Oh, man. Because they're so conniving and elusive. Yeah. That they were like, all right, you want to kill this fucking thing? It's crazy. You're not going to kill it a certain way. Because they're so conniving and elusive that they were like, all right, you want to kill this fucking thing? It's crazy.

You're not going to set up a trap. If it gets caught in your snare, you've got to release it. They're just like a wolverine. The guy came in second place, put one of those fishing nets. It's basically a giant log slash tree. And they make their own fishing net with triangulation connected like this. So when a fish goes in, like that dude that got caught in the caves,

they can't come back out. So they get caught and they can't move and they die eventually from exhaustion. Or if they're still alive, you pull them out and you smack them on the head with a fucking rock. This guy, he met the natives. In the beginning of the show,

he met natives of this land. He's like, I will natives of this land he's like i will protect and meanwhile he's like a canadian drunk motorcycle he was yeah if you saw this guy on camera you're like that guy fucking parties that guy snorts drywall that dude fucking rules and they showed him like his submission video he's like ripping a harley no fucking helmet like just a maniac he at the very end can trying to conserve his energy he went down to the lake after a cold winter's night and the ice level over top of this pole that went all the way out like 15 20 feet was so thick he expended most of I don't know a day or two's energy and he didn didn't have anything to eat, and that's what caused him to just finally break.

And his biggest relief was he got sober for 60 days because he's like, all my friends told me I should stop drinking. My point is I'm signing up next year. All we have to learn is for me how to shoot a ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get boots.. I gotta get boots. I gotta get pants. How do I distill fish guts? Make some whiskey.

I'm making bag punch. Trout mezcal. Blueberry shine. Yeah, I wouldn't stand a chance. I'd have to find somebody yeah man hit yeah yeah i have to that's right i have to tell myself i have to find a man yeah or find that swamp creature she could take care of you 2000 yards rushing immediately 2000 yards rushing

that's your idea. It's like, maybe if we have a kid, he can save us. Darren, you got anything to promote? No, I don't need to promote. You guys want to hear? I'll tell a funny story. Oh, yeah. Of course.

This is not an accident. I told this on a podcast, and it happened recently, and it was just like, whoa. All right, so I'm in the green room at the mothership. It's Rogan and Ron White. It's just us three in the green room. And Rogan gifts Ron White a Rolex, like a brand new Rolex with comedy mothership engraved on it, and tells him sweet, nice words, and how much he appreciates him. And it's like a beautiful moment.

I'm sitting there, I'm like, damn. I'm'm literally in my head like i can't believe i'm seeing this moment yeah this is crazy so ron takes off he's a rolex on already he's ron fucking white takes off his rolex and he looks at me he goes hey derrick no tosses me the old one his rolex yeah the old role is over and i like, oh my God, Ron. This is crazy. Thank you. I'm like, really? I'm like, really?

Why are you really going to do this? And he goes, fuck no. Give me my Rolex back. I'm like, I saw the seriousness of like. And then he took it back. And it's just quiet, it's just quiet, and then Rogan goes, that's the most brutal thing I've ever seen.

He goes, I've seen men knock each other out, and that was by far the most brutal thing. It was vicious, bro, but I couldn't stop laughing. I was like, Ron, that's honestly the funniest thing, to let somebody truly believe that they're gonna, and then also, he was right. Like, why wouldn't I be that excited? But also, immediately, I was like, why would anyone give you a Rolex?

Yeah. Like, Derek, you're out of your fucking mind. Also, the panic runs through your head that if he's actually giving it to you, if you're like, shut up, that that's bad. And also, the moment is so sweet. I was actually going to give it to you. Yeah. You just had a really sweet moment. You're going to give me something, and I'm going to be like,

oh, shut the fuck up. Yeah. No, for real. No, you don't give it back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No! You're right. Either way, he was going to give it back.

He played it perfectly. He's a fucking genius. But that, bro, I've been waiting to tell it, because it happened a couple days ago, and I was like, this is the craziest thing that's ever funny bro yeah but it was nuts of like because why wouldn't he give me a rolex he's just got one yeah and also he's a billion i'm like yeah why wouldn't he just also i get phrased oh it adds to the story i'm thinking like i'm thinking so many things anything to put that rolex on. No, this makes perfect sense.

He's got a lot of money. He just received a Rolex. There's no way he's taking this back. I'm going to get to wear this. This is mine now. Then you're just sitting in the green room. The world wouldn't do this to me. Also, you know what's crazy?

I was just like, media thought it was like Sans gonna be pissed he's gonna be like what I just came in the green room late I could have got a Rolex if I was in the green room it's all by order you're already shitting on Sans

literally I was like you fucking wanted to go to the bathroom you dumbass two seconds later you're like I'm not telling anyone about this I was like, oh. Bitch, look at this. Dude, you fucking wanted to go to the bathroom. You dumbass. Two seconds later, you're like, I'm not telling anyone about this. This didn't happen. No, I couldn't. Then Joe immediately told everybody.

I was like, do I tell anybody about this? And then as everyone came in, he just told everyone one by one. I tweeted it. I filmed the whole thing. Bro, that was fucking crazy. Damn. Great up, man. Thank you so much. much dude thank you guys

this was easy this was awesome I didn't have to do anything yeah do you wanna do another we're gonna do a Patreon if you wanna stick around for another hour

head to the Patreon