Stuff Island - Grab the Frog - Stuff Island #137 w/ Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini

Episode Date: June 13, 2024

Grab the Frog - Stuff Island #137 w/ Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini Catch Chris and Tommy on tour now! - https://www.stuffislandpod.com/live-shows Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en -Follow Shwan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/shwangardini/?hl=en -Follow Nate on IG: https://www.instagram.com/isthatnatemarshall/?hl=en Check Out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Special Offer: New Customers get $5 off Mando's best selling starter pack w/ promo code: STUFFISLAND @ ShopMando.com For a limited time get 20% off your entire order when you use promo code: STUFFISLAND @ CutsClothing.com Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

cut that he's probably gonna be a little bit mad that he can't sleep somewhere but i need to be keeping track of his this is this talking annoy him like if he's in a room where you're like talking or watching something is he like fuck you guys no no no he's like chilling but after he eats he likes to go and like hide somewhere and sleep been there so i get that brother yeah yeah he likes to lay down in a quiet corner and not be in the background of a podcast when you offered the barbecue literally that was all i thought is like if i munch this barbecue dude i'm done i'm done it's gonna be's going to be fucking an hour or two hours of me sitting here cross-legged going. I kind of want it now, though.

Yeah. It is extremely good. I still haven't had it. My parents are in town. So, like, we, they were, my dad was eyeing Franklin's. Since before he got here. Yeah. And then just saw that there was, like, no line today because, like, the storms this morning.

There were storms this morning? Yeah. It was, like, pouring pouring rain and like just you know like blood it's crazy that's how awesome it is it's like you'll have a nut storm it'll either wake you up or you'll wake up it'll be a beautiful day yeah yeah and you're like something happened last night and the weather's so narrow that it could could not have hit you yeah yeah it might not have been happening where you are yeah i like to believe it did my car was dirty as shit for no reason i just got it washed It could not have hit you. Yeah, yeah, true. It might not have been happening where you are. Yeah. I like to believe it did. My car was dirty as shit for no reason. I just got it washed.

My windshield got chipped. It got chipped? A little hail, yeah. Damn. You don't want to use the garage at all, do you? It's too small. Oh, the car don't fit? No.

Okay, okay. I've noticed that that's happening with a lot of cars, it feels like. Yeah, Tommy's is the same way. Yeah's just a big ass car yeah my car fits but it's like a pain in the fucking ass then you can't like smoke in there and keep your chairs in there and all that shit i can't it's getting tropical in the garage lately though yeah it's like hotter than it is outside in the garage and i'm just always in there yeah i've been seeing some wild bugs out here i saw a fucking i don't even know what it was it was just green but it was like this big just on the side of like the steps i'm in going up walking to my apartment but it's like i've seen like four or five different just like what the fuck like i'm in nature for real size bugs out here yeah it's it's kind of cool yeah no i don't

like it that close to where i live it's like i want to see that on a hike or some shit i don't want to just every day be like we meet again yeah you know what i mean how's your girl with the bugs oh is that a yeah she kills him when Nate's eating Nate goes And she comes in and gets him with a paper towel Yeah I've been vacuuming up spiders Left and right That's the move If I see a spider I vacuum it

They're too big out here I used to back home I used to like see spiders and be like I'll put you outside buddy But here they're I don't know they're just like They're not crazy big But they're big enough That I don't know they're just like they're not crazy big but they're big enough that

i don't trust it damn that would suck if there was yeah a vacuum weapon like that we could just people yeah yeah i i get it i get what i just got sucked into a bag you just get smashed into the opposite of a machine gun. Just fucking sucking people up. Just like appendage by appendage. Just your arm gets ripped off. And your leg. What a bad. And then you just smash into other bodies that are already in there.

And there's dust and trees. But if you just started walking into random places, like beings, dwellings. You deserve it. I just set up a house inside somebody else's house. My property. Yeah. You're on my property. You're getting vacuumed up. You get vacuumed.

You come on my land. I'm within my legal right to vacuum you up. Stay on your ground. There's roaches too. I haven't had any roaches lately. I tell people that and they get surprised. They're like, dude, roaches are everywhere down here. Shane's got them.

Allegedly. I saw a giant one leaving a food truck last night. I feel like I've done this a thousand times this podcast. Shane's got a couple roaches. One of them's named LeMary. I feel like I've done this a thousand times this podcast. Shane's got a couple of roaches living with him. One of them's named LeMary. LeMary, Lily.

I'm laughing at the roach leaving the food truck with the quesadilla. No, it wasn't the quesadilla one. It wasn't? Oh, I thought you were saying, because I did try to hit that one last night. I couldn't remember if I told you that. No. No, no, yeah. I tried to hit the deer. It wasn't by the deer, but it was by, like, in that vicinity, but a giant.

Like, the biggest road shot I've maybe seen since I moved out of North Philly. How big? Like, when I was a kid. Like, a little smaller than that, but just, like, just a little smaller than that. Yeah, yeah. Like that, but maybe, but, like, bigger than that like it was it was huge thick thick uh like as thick as if you're holding your vape sideways like you're looking at it like the part you're like it was like that thick yeah yeah he's a long skinny long skinny boy actually that's a good comparison like your vape sideways with legs

is what i saw come out of the food truck or come from near the food truck i was currently ordering from jesus dordan's bistro uh no no no just one of them uh halal jones right up the street from the creek okay they have the two like across the street from each other that i found out also there i liked i was excited because i thought they were at odds with each other i I thought they had beef. No. But then the one guy walked from the one into the other, and they bummed me out. There's no competition.

Yeah, it's Gap and Old Navy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just the same thing. They're the same guy. They got the halal on lock. They coexist. I didn't like that. I didn't like that order, Roach, but it's fine.

Dude, my dad went into Franklin's. I don't think he'd ever really ordered barbecue before. He got two and a half pounds of brisket. How much brisket is that? It's got to be like a bag of brisket. It's a classic

first time barbecue order where you're like, I'm going to eat so much. You think you're going to eat like a steak-sized portion of brisket. It's like you're going to have two, maybe three strips and a rib and be. And like a side. Yeah, yeah. Save room for the mac and cheese. Yeah, mac and cheese.

Yeah. Potato salad. Burnt ends. I've been fucking with burnt ends heavy out here. Yeah. I get why. They're just fat. I like the fat. Yeah. Have you tried the burnt ends i'm been fucking with burnt ends heavy out here yeah i get why are you they're just fat i like the fat yeah have you tried the burnt ends yeah yeah yeah okay they're too burnt that's kind of what i like about it like too burnt i like it i like i like like it's they're

basically just like here's the part we destroyed you want that but somehow it's still tender but the the regular brisket's tender and crispy on the outside. The burnt ends, I think where they excel for me is it's more fat there. Like that's where they give you the fattiest. That's what the burnt ends are. It's like the fattiest piece to me. Yeah. They're good.

I haven't had them here. But there used to be a good place by Billy's house. Oh, really? Yeah, the Chaney's. I had good burnt-ins with you one time was it the man got him no it was here y'all i just came over after y'all were doing the pie and he had like these orange they were like orange burn oh i hated those oh peach flavored i liked them i kind of fuck too much i liked it it was like a but i the thing i didn't like about

it is i burped like fucking 10 hours later and still just like the taste was the smoky do you get that with barbecue like you burp but you've the taste and smell just lingers in your guts dude i know but i was toxic this morning i did i did eat some steak tacos recently where i was burping like vomit. I was burping a smell that was like insane. And I was literally turning away from groups of people and just blowing. And people were like,

why are you doing that? I was like, I'm burping. And they were like, we don't care. They were like, we don't care. And I burped once just at them and they were like, Jesus fucking Christ. It's not from the same dia place is it the state now this was actually this is in new york oh okay yeah oh yeah i forgot y'all were just up there yeah yeah you've traveled i have i've been traveling pretty much here yeah that's nice being

here sounds nice it's nice yeah i'm leaving tomorrow, though. But yesterday, we closed that show yesterday drunk as hell. Drunk as hell. Wearing all of them at the end. We just found the props at the creek. And so I had like a cane and I was like. There was a sheet mask on. I did the sheet mask. Were you here when I was talking about the sheet mask before?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was our show. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's when I found it. Yeah. We got back into the sheet mask before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was our show. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's when I found it. Yeah, we got back into the sheet mask. LaMere had the shades on. I used the cane to drag LaMere off stage. We were just like, we love you guys so much.

Thank you so much. Please come next time. I'm going to know Brian's going to be here. We started lying about Jeff. Jerome's going to be here. He told lying about Gap. Jeroen's going to be here. They told us he's coming. We've been lying to these people that were not nearly as drunk as we were. Everyone's sitting there just like, why don't we go?

We already paid. Yeah. How was it? How was Optimum Noctis? It was optimum. Yeah. Yeah? It was an optimum noctis? It was optimum It was, yeah Yeah? It was an Optimum Noctis

It was a good one yesterday, yeah Fuck yeah It was a lot of fun Tried some new Nice Noel's in town, he did it Oh yeah Louis Popper

Tom Ryan was here Louis was here Louis choked me yesterday when he came back Yeah And it hurt so bad Louis fucking jacked He teased me for it because he was like,

I wasn't even trying. I was like, dude, you're a hundred more pounds. Yeah. It's also when you're not expecting to be choked. Yeah, I was like smoking a cigarette and the pipe speed closes.

Just lock the smoke in your fucking throat. He's eating a sandwich and you get choked. I was happy to see Lou, so he's coming back this weekend. See him again. People come out here and they like it happy to see Louis. He's coming back this weekend. See him again. People come out here and they like it.

They keep coming. It's even when people just keep visiting, I'm like, oh, I'm coming back again and again. Yeah. It's fun. It's so much fun. It's too much fun. I know.

It's too much fun. I think we talked about this the last time we were here, but I don't think it's gotten any better. I haven't gotten any better at managing the vendor. If anything, I've gotten worse and just accepted i've been better no better than i have been in the past at least sometimes you gotta just you just gotta hope for a streak like a no drink streak yeah it's so tough though like you go into a green room and you it's not even you have to order it here it's just it already beers in the fridge and yeah yeah you fight the good fight for a couple

hours and then you do a spot and no matter how it goes you want to drink good you want to drink bad i need a drink just to be done with it you're like i deserve to drink yeah yeah i deserve to have booze yeah i don't i can't even remember the last day off i had now even when i stay home i slip up well i slipped up because I went to a restaurant. That's what I've been doing. I try to go out or do something

with my chick. You go to a nice restaurant. You want to get a cool drink they got. Yeah. Not me. Not you. I get a soda.

Just a Diet Coke? Regular Coke. I didn't watch my figure. Yeah, I'm a big soda head. I took a couple days off this week. Of soda? No, of drinking. Every day I have sodas.

I'm so happy for you. Do you buy an 18 of Coke and just crush it? Yeah, it sits in the fridge. Dr. Pepper, though, for the house. For the house, like it's not just you. Dr. Pepper for the squad. In case you have guests over. Dr. Pepper for the company.

Has anyone come over and had a Dr. Pepper? Yeah, I'm sure they have. The Gatorades go quick. That's what I'm about to say. That's what I get every time. I always have the Gatorades, too. I still think Gatorade's a health drink. Me, too. I feel good about drinking one, and I know I shouldn't.

Sometimes I have too much, though. I had a bad hangover the other day, and I crushed just two. I woke up at eight, hungover, slammed one, went back to sleep, woke up at like 10, slammed another, and then just green shit all day. Blue throw up. Yeah, it feels like it doesn't help hangovers. It does. I love it.

Especially in the middle of the night. Like an icy cold, you wake up in the middle of the night. I trudge to the fridge, drink like half a Gatorade, and then pass right out. Yeah. There are times when a Gatorade and then pass right out. Yeah. There are times when a Gatorade... Sometimes water gives me heartburn. I don't know why.

When you're hungover, just straight water gives me heartburn and I need a Gatorade. You gotta fix it with a Gatorade? Yeah. No, I've never felt like that. I've had water make me throw up when I'm like the water because I already have a taste in my mouth yeah if I drink the water

just feels like I'm drinking a bad tasting drink yeah yeah I'm drinking old cigarettes yeah cigarettes yeah beer and then that's what the vape that the va for. The vape juice that's stuck to my teeth. Just the end of a vape, too, where it just tastes like a chemical. Just straight metal. That's the part of, like, I mean, I don't vape those, but I vape, you know, the weed vapes. That's the part where it's like, this can't be good for me, actually. When you get to the end of one and you taste them. It starts changing color. Yeah, and it changes color, changes taste.

You're like, shit. What changes color changes taste you're like what changes color well you don't see it wax starts to get like brown when the coils start to burn and stuff so it starts to look like a lava lamp and then eventually all just turns brown and oh it's nasty it's like a reason for it that they say isn't poison but it's you know they used to say cigarettes were good for you and doctors recommended them so it's true you know we they used to say cigarettes were good for you, and doctors recommended them. It's true. You know, we could just be living in our version of that right now. It's got to be better than cigarettes, though.

Oh, yeah. I still think it's got to be better. I think so, just off the strength of, hey. Let's see how he's doing. All right. Holding strong. He's so good. Yeah, he is so good. did you talk about him on the

cast with luke i did not oh i didn't oh what happened to your eyeball bro oh no shoot oh he's just winking at us did it open again all right oh i didn't say everything every moment now is crisis yeah all i do i don't even look at instagram this is my social media now is glucose levels yeah yeah i'm just like oh nice what's the update what did he post he posted a 150 ah is that good or bad i gotta check yeah do you know the numbers off the top of your head like what you gotta see and panic? No, no, because he's only been home for two days. Yeah. So like, and when he first got home, his blood sugar was like 390 something.

Oh, okay. So that's decent. Yeah, yeah. It's supposed to be between like 80 and 110, I think. Okay. Oh, sir. What are you making? Sound effects?

I can't wait to hear what that actually sounded like. Luckily enough, I think that's muted. He was just hitting the audience applause. DJ Zer. Yeah. No, it's fucking terrifying.

Do y'all have the Pet insurance Or y'all just had to Start shelling out Now Now Now Now Now

Well also like She took him to the vet And He was in Rough shape dude He was not Zer Say thank you to Netflix

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yes He was not Doing good Say thank you to the stuff island tour thank you patreon for saving the life of sir you are so important

no he like uh yeah he was in bad shape and the lady at this we she went to some vet i heard about the lady the lady was a fucking piece of shit uh uh she was like uh she's basically like um yeah he's like doing really really bad uh you could send him to like the icu yeah um but it's gonna be like so expensive like she's only she was just like give up on the cat yeah yeah she literally was like you know it's gonna be like crazy expensive and when she said that i thought it would be like 500 000 you know what i mean like yeah some insane like inconceivably expensive and it still was a lot but you're like it's if you love the cat it's the kind of money that you could find somewhere you know what i mean i think maybe take some extra extra shifts but it was like

yeah and then and then i was like okay well because she was like his blood sugar is like 620 or something insane and i was like and she's like he's diabetic he's like he's he's gonna be like you're gonna need to give him like shots for the rest of your life like she's just like he this cat is about to be a bird no more of like, no more of your little trips anymore. I heard about that. Yeah, yeah. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

She called cold on her road, your little trips. That would have been the one where we're like, all right, now we're y'all are both going to be trying to help me. I'm actually working.

Yeah. And I was too caught in the state of emergency to pick a fight with this lady about, and I need her help. Yeah. But. Is that who y'all used the

whole time you know no no then it transferred over to this doctor who was the fucking man and was like pretty pragmatic and like relaxed and was like we'll get him back online you know we'll see he might be diabetic he might you know he might come out of this he might be okay he's actually a dude from philly who was apparently like like, in town for the week. Yeah. And it's just, like, the best fucking animal doctor. Yeah. Ever.

And they just called him for you? Like, we actually got the guy in town. Yeah. That's nice. That's nice. Yeah. And then he came back, and now it's, yeah, every day it's just, I got to stab him with a needle. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace.

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Any notice? Yeah. Well, you do check in because it's like, how close am I to returning to normal life i mean every time i look at this yeah i mean but this is probably like at this point this is just going to be how he is or you have the or once you're you're done with the shots for a little bit you'll see i don't know like we gave him we gave we had we had a certain dose of insulin shot like he had to take two units and then he took that and then was good for like 20 hours and then spiked again.

And we're supposed to give it to him every 12 hours, and we called the doctor in the morning, and we were like, he's totally fine after 12 hours. And they were like, don't give him insulin. And then we called the doctor again. He's like, you didn't give him insulin? What the fuck? Yeah.

It's like you get conflicting information. Yeah. So now we're just going on like a super low. We're going on like a much lower dose than we were supposed to be giving him. But we're still giving him on the same schedule. And we're just trying to figure out how fucked he is. If it's not fucked up for the pot, what was he like when y'all realized he was sick? I wasn't here uh but sadie sent me videos and he was like dude he looked yeah fucked like the drunkest you've ever been yeah yeah he looked like that or just just gone and not

couldn't move wasn't talking wasn't wasn't doing any of this shit you know he wasn't pissed off about anything i wasn't watching him by the way just for the record no no no it also wasn't like yeah they were kind of saying that it was just a thing that would have happened yeah so yeah but because of some bunk ass food right yeah the food that we've been feeding him is just like all fucking sugar uh so he probably loves it but it's yeah yeah yeah and now he's on like a all meat thing but who knows maybe something else will go wrong i don't know you're just waiting it's a waiting yeah he is he is the man he's the best i was dude, dude, I was fucking, I was fucked up. Yeah.

I get you. I was crying and shit. I was like. Yeah. Yeah. Just stuff comes out of you that you're just like, why am I? Yeah. Who is this person?

I was like scream crying. I was like calling my parents and being like, oh, fuck. Fuck. Yeah, yeah. scream crying. I was calling my parents and being like, oh, fuck! Fuck! All the stuff where I needed to just vent somewhere, but I was like, I can't call my girl and be like, just completely going to pieces. Because she's like,

you gotta not do that. It'll be fine. And then you turn. Shit! Oh my god! Nothing to worry about Fuck And I feel bad I had to miss two shows Sorry Portland and Albany

But I had to come They'll get it I had to come back I just keep laughing about It's a bad joke But I just keep laughing about Taking your cat to the gynecologist And being like

He's sick You're the pussy doctor You're the pussy doctor I saw you in the yellow page You like that bit sir? He likes it He's into it He's good.

It's actually a really solid bit. I enjoyed it. Thanks, man. Had fun with it. It's Pride Month. It is Pride Month. How fired up are you? I'm pissed.

I'm just kidding. I have some people that I know that their whole identity identity is built around like being queer yeah and they're like they literally have like a day one party where it is for it gay just just goes I was I was out there you're like you gotta be over it by now mmm I overheard a gay conversation at dinner the other day. It was two gay dudes sitting next to me. They were just talking about how excited they were for one of their gay friends to be down here. And just, like, literally the sentence was, like, I'm really good to have the full gay experience. I heard it, and I made, like, the wide eyes at my girl.

Like, you know it's the funniest thing to me right now but i'm mature and we're in a restaurant and they're sitting so close it's like do you ever take a day off just be you yeah the whole year you're gay yeah i know imagine if black history month comes around and you're like, I can't wait. About to be black as hell. I can't wait to be black as hell. We're going to have a parade. You guys have seen nothing all year.

Have you ever been to a Black History Month event? I feel like they have like cookouts and stuff, right? Yeah. Nah, not. And that's in February. It's also a first. You're not like cookouts and stuff, right? Yeah. Nah, not. And that's in February. It's also a first year. You're not doing cookouts. Nah.

Black History Month is like kind of, it's not fun. Yeah. You learn about all the sad stuff. Yeah, it's never the cool shit. I just remember it from school. They do stuff in school for it. I usually think it would be like the coolest to just have you only learn the cool shit for like at least one year of Black history month just show me michael jordan just like shit like that like all the fun i feel like

a black history month party would be kind of like a corporate event yeah with no open yeah there would be no black people there yeah yeah yeah just be white people yeah everyone's everyone's all excited about Pride though every year yeah Target gets excited. They start selling stuff. Is Target doing it? I feel like they always do. They do whatever the thing is. I wonder if the Dylan Mulvaney thing has spooked them a little bit. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I bet they had meetings about it. I bet they had closed doors. Definitely close to it. He might be too gay this month. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is gay out? Gay might be out. Is gay out? Gay might be out. Is gay out this season?

Gay is so too sad. Yeah, gay being out and gay for the last 10 years has to suck. They're just having straight as hell summers. Yeah, you try to tell people, like, no, that was just a fad. You can't go back from it. You still sucked all those dicks. It was cool then. I ain't gay no more.

I am delivered. That's the motto. It's the motto of straight summer. As soon as fucking July comes. That's what all the corporations do. I'm not gay no more. I am delivered. Yeah, so Pride's happening.

Trying to fill you in on what else has been happening here. How has it been in Texas? We've been holding it down. The heat has been really starting to kick in now yeah it's been uh it's been pretty gross we almost hit 100 oh you were here yesterday i don't know if you went out at all but we were we hit 99 yeah that's and it felt like disgusting like you leave the house and it's like it like hits you in the face Yeah Because it's wet It's wet

Hot air Everyone lies about dry heat I don't know why It's bullshit It's horseshit That it's dry heat In Texas it's different Because it's dry

It's dry in like Vegas Yeah And it's even hotter here That's right Storms you think I've been hearing I did hear that the storms Are causing like the humidity

Or whatever Yeah I think it's like a month of fucking wet fucking shit, and then... Yeah. The winter here sounds perfect. It's just hoodies. It is pretty nice, yeah. Everywhere's like it's just hoodie weather. Yeah.

All... Every day. Oh, yeah, you... It's awesome. It's perfect, because I left New York in like November and then it just stayed the same temperature yeah 70 degrees for like four months three months and then it got out of the actually it was kind of hot in November here it was like 80 and then it cooled off yeah the first time I visited was in September and it was like a hundred but it was just I think that day i just happened to come on a hot ass day just the last yeah part of summer yeah uh tread on me i do get nervous about this cat changed my life

just being a different guy yeah just like yeah i've never had a responsibility i'm looking for what You've had responsibilities. But not like a daily routine. You know what I mean? This is kind of like someone being like, now you have to floss every day or you die. Or even worse, you have to floss every day or your cat dies. I could handle not flossing into my own death, but I can't handle someone else suffering the consequences of my inability to have a routine.

I think I'm going to get a dog on at the end of June. And that's kind of, I'm looking forward, but nervous to the same shit. Like having, like, okay, I got to make sure I buy you food, feed you, give the water walks. Yeah. It's good, though. I think it helps. Yeah. It helps that drinking problem a little bit.

I'm going to have a drinking buddy now. Well, yeah, you can still drink, but you got to get up, you know. There's a reason to get out of bed and do that thing. Yeah. That's going to kill me. But then you're going to have to face those questions. It's like, are you actually going to get out of bed and walk this dog,

or are you going to get the dog used to never walking? Yeah. And just once in the afternoon, and then you don't do that either because you're late for the show, and you have to go. You're walking at 2 a.m. every day. What I am happy about is the balcony.

I'm thinking, you ever see those little pee pads pads look like grass like a day yeah no that's what I late nights earlier like if the dog if it's like 12 and a dog see that they want to go just like I will throw you out there real quick and then yeah well with the walks I like taking the dog for a walk smoke a little bit or something just so walk The walk is nice. Yeah. The walk's incredible. It's just, you can... I never go on walks by myself.

Yeah. I know. And I want to do them. I don't. No? You live in a good area for a walk, too. Yeah, I just stay in my house all day. Like a fucking cave dweller.

You don't think... But you don't aspire at all to, like, taking a walk? Like, being the kind of person who listens to something and walks around and, like don't think, but you don't aspire at all to like taking a walk, like being the kind of person who listens to something and walks around and like. I do, but. Thinks. I never.

It's too hot to do that. It never crosses my mind. It never crosses my mind. I'll go for a walk. I guess I would like it if I was that kind of person, but that's what Luke was doing when he was staying with me.

He'd just be like, I'm going to go on a walk. I'll be like, all right, you fucking weirdo. I'll be here in the same place in my garage with the door closed smoking cigarettes. You haven't started smoking? Well, now you can't smoke with the door open. It's too hot.

No, I crack it. I put a box under it and keep it like this high off the ground. Wait, does it not? It's not an automatic? No, it's not. It's not powered? You just lift it? Yeah, it like this high off the ground wait does it not it's not an automatic no it's not powered you just lift it yeah it's a pain in the butt damn

that's also why I don't park in there cause it's like if you're worried get out open it and it's kinda shitty so it falls

you gotta like make sure it's not gonna fall just crush the top of the car yeah yeah fiddling with this bear yeah it's not made for car it's made for storage damn damn i stepped out on the balcony like i'm still stuck on the heat just

looking outside i stepped on the balcony for like three minutes my mom caught i just was trying to talk to her about something with her phone and by the like three minutes i was dripping sweat yesterday yeah like actual like just sitting on my chair just watching sweat it's going to be bad for me i'm like a sweater yeah and uh just going from place to place out here is going to be you got to bring extra clothes i have to keep i'm gonna have to keep a shirt in the tub i was sweating in the pool yesterday i'm pretty sure i couldn't tell but it felt like i was damn you're playing pool basketball oh well yeah you're definitely sweating yeah i know but even so like i was still hot in the pool what's the temp of the pool right now you gotta get a pool you gotta get a pool ice guy because it's just baking in the sun all day Yeah it's hot

It's like warm Damn The thing they do out here is a pool ice guy It's a whole like job Yeah it is Yeah they just come and dump ice in your pool Just buckets and buckets of ice And cool it down for like a day

I bet they drive around neighborhoods like the ice cream guy Just play the song Yeah yeah The cold pool song Y'all ever ice cream truck? guy. Just play the song. Yeah, yeah. Cold pool song. Y'all ever ice cream truck people? You heard it and was like, let's get it. I never had that. I never had it either.

They'd come around sometimes, but it never mattered. The ice cream truck sound in my life has been nothing but a nuisance. It's been nothing but... I have it's been nothing but it's been like i have nothing but negative feelings towards that song even as a child yeah because it's yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like santa claus has been nothing but a pain i feel like most of my experience with the ice cream truck has been in philly where the guys just planted somewhere on a corner in West Philly,

right outside my apartment, and I'm hungover or something, and trying to sleep, and it's just... Yeah, as an adult, it sucks. And it gets to the end of the song, and they play it again. It just hits the loop. They should get a little playlist going. Instead of just that one over and over and over. But Mr. Softy, he had a different song, and I can't remember his song.

But when that motherfucker came around, I would lose my mind. Because you can get soft ice cream. The other one I wasn't crazy about, but I would chase that boy down. Yeah, Mr. Softy. Begged my dad for a dollar. I was really little. And just run after the thing no shoes on in the backyard yeah playing in the sprinkler or something i like the ice cream trucks that would just be posted up at like t-ball or something they never played the music they just set up shop and they got swarmed as a food truck and i yeah

that drove me nuts and i would beg and plead to get an ice cream there. But outside of that, just find a baseball field. Yeah, like a park. Yes, find a place where kids are playing and post up there. Don't be going around. You're driving around a college neighborhood. I mean, it's the the city but it's like yeah they probably cleaned up though just so i try to lick cones in front of people

like i did i genuinely believe that's a thing like whenever i see a hot lady with a cone like you know what you're doing bitch what do you mean trying to be hot eating a cone how do you how do you not understand that that's so sexual? I don't know. Sensual. It's so sensual watching a lady take down a cone. I've literally never, male or female, never seen someone eating a hot dog, a banana, an ice cream cone, or anything like that,

and thought about my penis in place of that item of food. I definitely have. I remember this lady. I'm like, remember the time i had an ice cream sandwich and just was like only attack attacking it from the outside no bites just licking the whole every slit that's how i eat ice cream cone sandwich i see oh no i said i said i said cone I meant sandwich I think I did say cone but I meant sandwich Oh

That's more of like a lesbian fantasy True Still great Yeah fingers in it She said spread Yeah yeah the cone is phallic cone's phallic i don't know i think it's just ice cream it is just ice cream but it is but i don't know they got it it's like literally seeing a rocket ship and being like that's a dick like if if a woman sees it.

No, because people don't put rocket ships in their mouth. Yeah. But still, like phallic. That rocket ship ice cream, the red, white, and blue one? Same thing. Your mind's in the gutter. That's where my mind's always been, brother. Gutter brother.

Gutter brother. Gutter brother. I actually really like that. That's us. We're the gutter brothers. Yeah, I don't know. I think there was one time where I was, I mean, there was a long extended period where I felt like I was looking at porn way too much. And then I did start to get the shapes thing.

Where just like, but it was still human bodies. I was just scanning streets, Terminator style, for shapes. In the same way when you're just thumbing through thumbnails, just being like, what's the form that I want to see get fucked?

You were doing that in real life. Where's the one I want to Google? Just constant. I feel like lizard eyes both eyes in opposite directions just like looking fucking how nice would that be just being able to look at it and look straight

but also clearly be staring at a lady with one eye wink at her with it I wonder if that would, yeah, if that's attractive to a woman. It's gotta be. Just paying attention to a conversation and then just have one eye, just watch them.

It's gotta be the creepiest version of being oogled. Oogled. I think a monster was just staring at me. Hmm. Yeah. It's good to have you back. Yeah, it's nice to be back. I feel bad I left Tommy on the road all by his lonesome. It'll be all right.

I think he's thriving. He's coming back soon too, right? He comes back tomorrow Nice When do y'all go out again Next week So like a week 12th and then we're 15th

16th we're in like Tacoma And Portland I'm going out too Please come I'm begging you Batavia, St. Louis Indianapolis, Columbus I'm going out too. Please come. I'm begging you. Where are you going? Batavia, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Columbus. Damn. I'm bringing Blizz and Ada McCluskey.

Please come. Damn. I'm begging you. That's a run. That's a nice little run. Six days, five days. That's going to be sick. We're going to drive.

Life on the road is extremely fun. Yeah. I hope so. When you have a crew, when you've got a little group and you're driving, I can't recommend the Chrysler Pacifica enough. That's what my mom used to drive when we were kids. It is the best car in the history of travel. The Chrysler Pacifica?

The Chrysler Pacifica is elite sound system, smooth-ass ride. Everyone's got a comfy seat. What kind of car is it? It's like a minivan. It's a minivan. Oh, yeah. Dude, it's... It's actually a...

It's a dream. ...crossover vehicle. Is it? I think, yeah, because my mom didn't want to be like a minivan mom, so she got like the Pacifico, which was like between an SUV and a minivan, according to the dealership. Wow, I mean, that's how it feels. You know, I didn't feel emasculated in it at all.

And, dude, there's nothing better than walking up to the car and being able to open both sliding doors on your fucking keychain. is nice yeah it's get in boys we're hitting the road i think that i ran a pacifica i rented like a malibu there's just three of us oh yeah yeah and they both, y'all are all skinny guys. Yeah, we are. We are a gaunt crew. Me, McCluskey, and Blizz. We're gonna go haunt the comedy club

in the middle. Floated in on a mallet. I'm so excited to see Blizz and McCluskey. McCluskey's the goat. I don't know if I... I definitely know him, but... You probably do.

I think he was around... Oh, wait. No, you... When did... Because I met him here. But what show was that? At the Noctis. Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Yeah. Yeah, he's the man. So, just traveling in his car, sleeping in the back. Yeah, he sleeps in his car. Yeah. Absolute trooper. Yeah. Peace.

And Blizzy. And Blizzy. Blizzy was so good in the show. So were you, by the way. Oh, yeah. I texted you about that. Yeah, I don't know if I see you since. We both love that scene so much.

We are blocking her from leaving. And you're like, I gotta look something up. I had to pause it and run it back it's like that's so fucking funny blizz was so good blizz was so good it was just perfect yeah i didn't know he was in it too so like when i saw that that was like a nice little yeah yeah oh shit you cheered yeah yeah yeah blizzard. Threw some popcorn up in the air. Yeah, I think I crushed it in like a day or the day of that morning. I had nothing going on. Crushed, crushed, binged the show with my bros in it.

I had to pause it a couple times and be like, this is stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is happening? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, like that's what I mean when I say stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like happening. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, like that's what I mean. I say stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, oh my God.

Fuck Bridgerton. Yeah. I fucking hate Bridgerton. This podcast is not supposed to be Bridgerton. It's an anti-Bridgerton podcast. I'm going to wind up watching it just to talk shit about it. I don't know. Just to hate watching it.

What is the show? That's the one where it's like Black Victorians or something, isn't it? A little bit in there But it's also like It's a girl JK, by the way Huh? I'm just kidding, by the way

I'm like Some lady was sitting The last flight I took was watching next to me on the plane And it just looked like one of them Like, what's that other thing? The crown? It looked like that With black people sprinkled in it

Oh, really? Okay I figured it was like a handmaid'sled in it oh really okay i figured it was like a handmaid's tale type thing it might be so i just i don't think so i don't think it's like dystopian and by that i mean it's just a show that girls watch that i'll never see like i assume it's like people speaking british and they like i thought you meant like a dystopian society where black people were wealthy oh no how we let this happen

is this supposed to be scary it's like that movie where the nazis win or that show yeah the man in the high cast That show rules Yeah that's exactly what it's like That's exactly what that would feel like Yeah I have no idea what Bridgerton is They're trying to explain it to me

But yeah I figure it's just a girl show My girl tries to tell me about it And I can't Like that thing where you're just you charlie brown yeah that shit just i'll be like look at her in her face not and just like add kicks in heaven oh that's yeah we mean me and nate talked to the door guy downstairs and did not understand a single word he said and we both just were like yeah he was clearly running he's trying to be funny that's

all i knew by his toe musician we were like no comedians hit a joke he told a joke and we're both like didn't understand we put the door closed we were like what the fuck he is the man too yeah yeah i'm so impressed when people can pull that off. Because I feel like I mostly stare and wonder. With a fake laugh? Yeah, yeah. My brother hit his landlord once with a, like, you got that right. And I was like, what was he talking about?

He's like, no idea. You got that right. It's so funny. You got that right. It's so funny. You got that right. I used to pride myself in being able to do that with sports. I could get pretty far in a sports conversation without knowing anything. As long as I know a couple things, I can just keep it going and just have them yap. Yeah.

And pretend like I know what the fuck they're talking about. Yeah, we got rid of him last year. That was probably a good move. Buy yourself another four minutes. I do. I fight a little bit, but I'm also worried that they're going to walk away being like, that guy thinks he knows about sports. I don't know about that thing yeah

yeah i will cop to it too but anytime i try to talk about ufc it's like i have no idea that's pretty much all the only sport i actually kind of know yeah there were sad fights this weekend though you missed them i don't i know what happened i didn't see what happened i liked the kevin holland one in the last oh yeah kevin, Kevin Holland was awesome. Did Poirier lose? Poirier lost. But he fought. It was a good fight though. He fought so hard. I bet $100 on him. He was plus like $550. I was

so excited when he started looking good. Yeah. But then he just got submitted in the last round. Or maybe the fourth round. I think it was the fifth round. He might be the most likable fighter that I'm aware of. I like him a lot. And he's genuine.

I realize this is an impossible dispute. This is completely subjective. I like him a lot because he doesn't... Now the fighters lately have all just been trying to do gimmicks to sell tickets and stuff. Let's pull a Conor. There's a few people like Dustin who are just like themselves. You could tell they're being themselves, and they just like to fight.

Yeah. Like Nate's that way. Justin Gaethje's that way. Yeah. Dustin's that way. Max Holloway is that way. Those are sort of my favorite guys. I like that guy,

Kevin Holland. He's got a couple of them that thumbs up while he was getting choked out. Yeah, he's a psycho. The fucking breaking the dude's arm or almost breaking his arm. He snapped his arm in half. It was right after getting caught with the meanest straight. He got put on his ass.

How did he break his arm? The guy is like a Polish guy that I wasn't really aware of that he was fighting. And he just didn't tap? He just didn't fucking tap. And then you just saw the... Oh, I don't think he broke.

Poking up the other way. It was weird, though, because he was fighting about it. I think he tapped, too, but he was arguing that he didn't tap and that his arm was fine, but you could see it was just like... It might have just got dislocated or something,

but it did not look nice it looked very bad but arms and knees going the wrong way has to be the worst injury have you ever I had a dislocated this knee just it was like right when I hit 30 I was I tried to take a step over a fat man and my like just however I landed over a fat man and my, like, just however I landed. Over a fat man? Yeah, I was working. I was, like, I was working somewhere. I was working at a retail store.

And he's, like, doing stuff. He's just in my way. And it's just me and him working. I try to just step around him to keep going. Literally. Tyronn Lue. Yeah, yeah. I was just hitting the Tyronn Lue, but, like, a sideways.

And that was all I did. And I put my foot down. I don't know if I just put it down funny, but it just went out from under me. And I looked down, and I could just see my kneecap like that in my jean. And then it went back. And then it was fucked up for days. Not days. It was like a month before I was normal on it again.

But that was... You just never went to the doctor no like I in the Sun every now and again like I'll do something like I'll be like that's probably cuz of that they jump off a train I'm trying to think if that was that was before the train yeah that was before the train yeah that was definitely before the trade just fucking here that was the craziest thing I, just to see it go back. I had just turned 30, and I just said out loud, I'm fucking old now. Just a big step took my knee out.

Holy shit. I can't believe it came back. That was, bruh. Mine used to get fucked up all the time. He's a starfish. Regenerated. The hindsight, I guess that was pretty nice. get up all the time the hindsight i guess that was pretty nice if it was just like oh now we're going to the hospital that would uh with no health insurance did i have health insurance then jersey was pretty nice about giving you health insurance move a lot now it doesn't move anymore don't you remember that

when you used to be able to play with your kneecap you gotta you gotta hyper extend it mine used to oh like this nah mine put it straight down it used to yeah it used to like

slide around it used to slide and I remember mine used to pop it cause I had I had bad knees and bad hips hit the hyper extension

and I used to get the bursar sacks cause I was always banging my knees on the mat for wrestling uh oh we fucking lost

connections he's doing fine for wrestling so like when you get a bursar sack it's like this fluid my knees on the mat and stuff. For wrestling? Uh-oh. Oh, shit. We fucking lost connection. It's all right. He's doing fine. For wrestling, so like when you get a bursar sec, it's like this fluid in your knee and it makes it all puffy. So my knees used to get fucked up a lot,

but I remember it used to slide around and now it don't slide around anymore. I think you're just a kid. Maybe. I think things are just loose until you're like fully grown. Man, the good old days. I saw a hand, like a baby's hand to like an adult hand in like an x-ray fucking time lapse.

And when you're a baby, it's just loose bones in there. It's all just a tiny fingertip and then a bunch of just goop. A little bone in the middle and then goop. And then they slowly build into full hands i think you can just slide a baby's fingers around that's creepy glad i don't have a kid just go i can't start messing with his hands dude i can't i mean again this cat i've known this cat only eight months yeah he had a little bit of a problem and I went to pieces. If I had a child in any type of situation,

I would kill myself. I would immediately crumble and just die instead of having to deal with the pain and the anxiety and the fear. I know you're going through something right now, buddy, but I

can't handle this Yeah yeah I'm sorry You're going to have to deal with this on your own Just absolutely ruin the kid Kid tripped and fell one time And I just die I can't take it My dad couldn't take it

I can't take it anymore What was he going through? I fucking slipped It was Chloe's birthday though And that's the funnest thing ever what is match uh chloe turned two oh yeah yeah i went over it was she was so happy it was so awesome and yeah just just losing it over balloons and then all their friends were there it was so much fun do you have like a bouncy castle or anything like we swam in the pool there you go and oh my god they were for it crazy and like it not even their kids just like so many kids from the name

it's like the neighborhood pool yeah so i mean they're just like throwing at me and matt because we're like the only adults swimming and the rest of the adults are just like sitting so they're just like smacking us in the head with pool noodles it's like yeah yeah you get it with the kids you gotta be excited for pizza rules true just getting smacked when you can't be like i'm an adult yeah yeah now now now that's that's what ruins a good pool time that's that's what's nice you and matt in the pool it's like there's no egos in the pool yeah you know what i mean you get like an adult with an ego in a pool with kids and you just have to knock it off he's doing yeah yeah you have to watch that adult more than the kids you know what i mean you're like that guy's a fucking problem

he's gonna get hit with a pool noodle and completely overreact yeah it's like i was teaching him the trick how you can blow water through the pool noodles that was so cool do you know the secret top secret there's a big secret holding court and then they're not strong enough

to blow it through oh right they don't have the lung capacity no so it's just like drooling Some of them could do it though The big kids could do it It was so much fun Chloe was like Pizza Let's go eat pizza

She's so excited about pizza It was awesome Damn Yeah Matt's a great host. Matt is a great host. I believe it. Yeah.

He makes the best guacamole ever. Really? Guac was fire. It was so good. The libations were really good. I'm not even a tequila guy. He's some really good tequila. He's a tequila fish.

Is Matt a tequila guy? Yeah. That's pretty much all he drinks. Yeah. I don't know if I've ever seen him not. When he does drink, he drinks tequilas. yeah i did not know this and wine that is yeah i'm not saying he's doing this but it is a strategy i've thought about in my head is to become so snobbish about booze that you don't drink that much you know what i mean like

i had a booger this whole time i didn't see it i didn't see it if you did i didn't see it that's on the dark side of the moon from where i'm sitting i just didn't my good side yeah that's that's nate's responsibility but i yeah i i like it would be nice I only drink the finest something so like one drink is 30 bucks and you're like I'm gonna have two and run up a tab he just like enjoys it I think I don't get

I don't drink to have to taste good things I just drink to get as drunk as I possibly can drink whiskey and the cheapest beer that is available. I do like a good whiskey now. Me too. As I've gotten older, I can get a nice whiskey or just needle to rocks or whatever.

Yeah. That's nice. But there is just the allure of drinking cheap beer forever all day. It's so good. It's irresistible. Yeah, that makes me happy. It it's so good it makes me so happy yeah it's like you started like one yep and i'm shooting late are you i've had some nooners oh i've definitely had some noon 10 a.m yeah yeah 10 a.m yeah if your day's plans are locked

and you start and you get to start drinking, that's really the best part about it. We should have ourselves a little weekend this weekend. Yeah. Wait, what did we do? Oh, was that when I grabbed the frog? Oh, yeah, Nate did grab the frog this weekend. But I'm saying this upcoming weekend we should go do something cool. We'll grab the frog.

What does that mean? Get into that on the page. There's a storm. So Shane's house just had frogs all over it. And Nate picked one up. It was like Magnolia. That's lost on me. I'm sorry.

I tried to disagree. The frogs dropped from the sky? It kind of seemed. There was that many. Not that many. But there was quite a few. I'll show you and the listener. Chase one down. I was really proud of it.

I'll show the listener a photo. I definitely wouldn't even have touched it if I wasn't. I was like in and out of a blackout. They kept telling me I was crushing a hot dog. This is a private picture that I can't show the audience. Oh, my God. This is the same night. Oh, my God. Oh, my.

Need a little arch support? I don't even remember that. But then this is the picture of the drone. I was so happy. I definitely had a little bit of just proud of myself for touching it. That's not my thing. It's like see an animal yeah and just grab it and just hold it and like I picked it up the video is so funny he drops it then he picks it up and he's like he just blacked out chasing frogs I forget what Oh that was when I was having a bad day And we both got really drunk

And then I went home and you guys had a fun frog night Oh yeah yeah yeah I just went home and cried For no reason No that's I just blacked out crying That's kind of nice I think I needed to get it out

Yeah I've had like some it out I have no idea why I remember Troubles That's a good word for it Do you want to jump over to the page? We can jump on the page I really got to pee Please come see me in the Midwest

Thank you for having me Chris God bless you all