Stuff Island - If it Bleeds, it Leads - Stuff Island #120

Episode Date: February 14, 2024

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks check out a new episode of Look at Dish this Friday, 2/16  @LookatDish    - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en New customers get $5 off a Mando Starter Pack with code "STUFFISLAND" at ShopMando.com Go to RocketMoney.com/stuffisland to cancel unwanted subscriptions and save $$ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, this Friday there's a new Look At Dish dropping on patreon.com slash stuffisland. The Look At Dish tier, it's our Finback episode. Jam-packed with brewery stuff, making your own beer, some dumpling stuff, fried chicken. You get to see the whole process and just see the fucking joy and light in our face. Take a look at this episode now. That's how Shane's collecting new gigs he's like it's really eating you up yeah eat me up i'm so excited it's like fucking it's crazy yeah it's like i i said this before it's every time i talk to him he's not telling me what's around the corner yeah and then i gotta i gotta learn like like uh like a mother yeah yeah whose kid went to college like what's around the corner. Yeah. And then I got to learn like a mother whose kid went to college.

How's Harvard going? I dropped out, Mom. I started a software company. What? I heard. One of your friends told me, and you did it. Oh, my God. What is that?

Well, we just had an IPO for $600 billion. Yeah. Just deal after deal in like a 30-day span. He's hot, baby. He's hot. He's on fire. So sick. On fire.

He's so sick. Anyway, thanks for everybody that came out to our show in Pottstown. Blew that place out. That was very nice. Oh, yeah, Pottstown. Pottstown, PA. That show was hot, dude. That was.

That was great. Yeah. That was the first show of the tour. Sold out. We're rocking and rolling. We're moving. We're shaking. I met three. I'm in like Foley dude. That was. That was great. Yeah. That was the first show of the tour. Sold out. We're rocking and rolling. We're moving. We're shaking. I met three.

I'm in like Foley mode. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You are. That's a good piece of business right there. Did you nap today? Because this is too much. I didn't nap. I didn't nap.

That's crazy. Your energy's... I fought through the nap. Insane. Yeah, I'm like an overtired baby. Yeah. I got zoomies now. I love it.

Yeah. Yeah, the show was great fans were incredible yeah it was three giant nordic men and their sister or girlfriend i don't know and uh this one dude was just like looking at me weird and i was like are you mad at me or something and he's like mom he was just very calm and his one buddy just picked up his shirt and he just had a gun in his crotch. Well, you can't tell with those Northerners. Yeah. The Scandinavians. Yeah.

They don't... They have zero emotion. They have zero emotion. Straight Vikings. My buddy moved to Sweden and he was like... He got a girl pregnant, so he was living over there. Jesus. He said he was trying to make...

What was she, an au pair? What? Was she an au pair? No, no. They were going to school together. Oh. But... I banged the Swedish au pair in Drexel. The Drexel an au pair? What? Was she an au pair? No, no, they were going to school together. Oh. But. I banged the Swedish au pair and Drexel.

The Drexel Swedish au pair? Yeah. What? Why is that funny? Just the idea that the university has an au pair. No, I said at Drexel because I went to Drexel. No. Is this going to be weird all day?

You want to nap now? No, I just like the idea that there's a babysitter at Drexel. You got to log in at times. Do you have a reservation? Our team had a babysitter. Yeah, your whole squad. It was called coach. We had a lady we had to check in with, make sure we were doing our shit.

Not raping women. Yeah, we were on lockdown. After the Duke scandal. Yeah, which turned out to be a fucking lie. Yeah, of course. If you lie about getting raped by a whole squad and the whole university has to shut down for two years, what are the ramifications? What happened to that girl?

I know the judge, like the DA lost his job but oh really yeah yeah it was like what he did was like i feel like it's a cop who kills an innocent black teen they're just like give me your badge and gun until this all cools out yeah yeah he's back killing more kids he probably that da didn't lose his job he's not working at target i don't know know. I hope he is. Me too. That'd be so sick. Killing young black kids at Target. Yeah, join the police force. Just bounce his back and forth. Yeah, we were on double secret probation.

Anyway, where are you going with this au pair? Oh, I wasn't going anywhere with it. I was talking about Scandinavians. Yeah, tell me about the swedish chick oh oh um no he's saying he's trying to make friends with his neighbors and they just like they were like weirded out he was like yo do you want to like grab a drink sometime or like you know yeah he brought neighbors do you want to i'm from america i'd like to meet somebody and they're like yeah yeah yeah they don't they don't talk

they're all like very yeah he's digging a horseshoe pit and he's like come on over I got beers yeah like ew yeah you fucking weirdo and they're all yeah well they're all also I think like I don't know what it's like the xenophobic they don't like Americans yeah it's like fuck off dude you guys suck great health care what They do have good healthcare. It was free college. That's why he went over there. Yeah. If it's free for anyone.

Is he still with her? No. Yeah. No, no, no. Wasn't fun. No, he said he was like the Louis bit. When they got divorced, he was just like, it's the best thing that ever happened. You know?

It's like, I'm exactly the parent I want to be half the week. Oh, he's got kids? Yeah, yeah. He's got a daughter. Yeah. Does he still live in Sweden? Copenhagen. Yeah.

I got to go over there and visit him. He's been there for about 20 years. Close personal friend. He was like one of my closest friends growing up. I always mean to get over there and see him. When we went to Ireland, I meant to go see him. Then I was like, I can't.

I got a podcast. I got to do over there and see. When we went to Ireland, I meant to go see him. And then I was like, I can't. Yeah, I got a podcast. Yeah, I got to get back. I got to do ad reads for hair. Yeah, I'm chained to this couch, man. Copenhagen can wait. I got t-shirts with Bernie. That's going to be the next phase of the tour.

Oh, dude. European tour. Let's talk about the fucking, the end of the show. Wait, wait. Okay. The end of the show. Obviously european tour let's talk about the fucking the end of the show wait wait well okay the other show uh obviously it was great tyler was there tyler rothrock a very funny comic that's uh kind of local and uh we get blitzed it's me chris and his girl we go to a holiday not a holiday in a marriott residence and there's this little Inn. And there's this little dinky, it's Pottstown. So it's like, the bar is dog shit. And there's an old man that can barely walk.

I thought he was in a wheelchair. He was going like at a certain pace. Like you just saw like his top half here and he would just go like this. And I just assumed he was in a chair that was rolling. You should have seen when I walked up there and I tried to get you like a tequila soda or whatever. Yeah.

And he was like, look at what I'm working with here. That look like tequila to you? Yeah, yes. I got nothing. How dare you? I was like, do you have like a whiskey or anything like that? He's like, closest thing I got. It was like, I don't know.

Yeah. I don't even remember what it was. Yeah, I didn't say Chambord. I said fucking tequila, you fucking monkey. Yeah, yeah. Just put tequila and soda in a paper cup. Anyway, I did get a paper cup this part is nuts dude yeah so they didn't have i asked for mezcal i told chris and i was like

there's no shop and i wanted him to go through the paint because i wasn't going up to the bar i'm like go ask this bowl the guy who sprays bowling shoes for his part-time job for a mezcal soda this guy had two peg legs yeah dude it was nuts i i didn't want to see his robotic legs it's just he probably just nailed a four by four it was hip i don't know what the fuck he was working with there's oh there's like three or four people there it was about 20 minutes outside the show 15 yeah yeah so it wasn't like there wasn't like fans or anybody like hanging out with us it was just isolated just wanted one more drink. I was already pickled. We sit down at this cafeteria-style little area.

It's extremely well- Yeah, it's where you get breakfast at a hotel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pancakes were being made as we're trying to get a fucking drink. So he gets me this drink, which is apparently tequila soda. I look down inside of it, and it's dark. It looks like purple drank.

Yeah. You know, with the rapper's slurp on. Yeah. I'm like, why is it this color? What did he mix it with? And I just assumed maybe he put a splash of Coke. Yeah. Instead of a splash of seltzer.

And I was fucked up and I was like, oh, here we go. You thought I was going to close the problem. I was like, just drink it. It looks weird. Give me a fucking break. It can't be that big of a deal. Like in my head, I'm already just like preparing to just drink it. It looks weird. Give me a fucking break. It can't be that big of a deal. In my head, I'm already preparing. Me too.

I didn't want the bullshit. I didn't want to remove this guy's fake legs. All I did was I took a sip and I was like, that's funky. I'm guessing it's just well tequila. It's got to be bad, right? And I start poking it. I'm like, why is it purple? And I hit something that goes like just beneath the ice on the top.

Yeah. My straw stops. And I just, I grabbed the straw and I start like plucking out. You're not going to believe. No one believes what I saw. Dude, my brain seized up. So I pull what I don't know is coming out of my fucking drink. It's a full trash bag.

Yeah, yeah. A full wah-wah trash bag. Yeah, yeah. Rolled up, balled in the bottom of my drink. Ice strewn on top. Tequila and then soda. Literally, I went like this. And it was like I was pulling a rabbit out of my ass.

It kept coming. You should have seen him in his girl's face. They were like, that's not. Well, because I was already out over my skis. You know what I mean? I already had Tommy's being a dickhead. Yeah. Like emotion.

Yeah. And as he's pulling out the thing, my brain's still trying to. A trash bag. My brain's still trying to convince itself that Tommy's wrong. Well, it's great. As he keeps, as the trash bag keeps getting bigger. Yeah, dude. It was a full, it was this far off the table.

Dude, it was a full to-go bag you would get at a convenience store. Yeah, it was crazy. Balled at the bottom of this cup. It's like you couldn't the peg like guy you can't overlook that you know you can't just go where's the next cup and then just go ice tequila and i'm just pulling a bag out of the fucking cup like that's a lawsuit and even if i did take a picture of that live they'd be like that's not you're trying to it's an it's an easy money bag grab right

there. He was a sweetheart about it though. He was like, that one's on me. Oh, thank you. That one drinks on you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Took that off the deck. Sorry about your buddy who swallowed a Wawa bag. I'll take care of that. I'll take that off the bill. No, take care of the bill, my room and like a hundred thousand dollars. Yeah. Yeah. I should have choked on it on purpose.

Yeah. Like a fat lady in the Midwest who throws hot oil on her kid and pretends the kid ate like a hot chicken McNugget. Yeah, yeah. And they get like a fucking million dollars. Yeah. I should have swallowed it back. Convolved on the floor. You should have just been sucking it through the straw and then just going like, ah, my ear!

Yeah, yeah. I can't see anything! It clogged! I got stuck. Yeah. Bartender's like, I'll be there in three minutes. He was. I could not. That's never ever happened to me. That was, I mean, that's never happened in the history of bartending.

Yeah. I've been in so many shitholes. Not even a napkin. Yeah. No, I. He just made a mistake. I mean a napkin. He just made a mistake. I mean, I remember he did. He made a mistake. He made a mistake in a diaper in the bottom of my soda pop.

It was a pure, just whoops. Honest? Yeah, yeah. Oh, you think that's an honest? Yeah, he flubbed up. You just said it's never happened in human history of bartending. Yeah. It was a perfect storm. He was a small man with a peg leg, and the bar was a little bit high, and he- He probably finished a turkey and cheese from a gas station.

He had two cups. He had two cups stacked together. The top one had a trash bag in it. He separated them. Filled them with ice. He lost track of which one was which, because- Why are you on his side in this case? I'm just- I felt bad for the guy.

You feel bad for him? Dude, he's working the graveyard shift. The fucking residence inn. His life is hell. You know what? I should have paid for the drink. You're right. Now I think about it.

The guy was like, dude, I gave him a $3 tip and he was like, thank you. Thank you, man. Thank you so much. This will get fucking WD-40 for my right wheel. I cannot believe. I'll never ever. I forget everything. I'll never forget pulling a trash bag out of my tequila soda in a Pottstown area.

The best was your lady called. Yeah. Oh. Your lady called right after it happened. He was like, there's a fucking trash bag in my drink. Dude. And she was like, Jesus Christ. Again?

Again with this? Every time you go on the road for a show, you get this drunk. I'm like, no, no, babe, babe. Hold on, hold on. I know this sounds bad, but there was a literal trash bag. She goes, I'll call you tomorrow. Just call me tomorrow call me tomorrow and i gotta go to bed i can't do this i hung up i was like i can't even tell no one believes this i can't even tell my girl i just pulled a trash bag out of my drink you know what i mean it's such a grandiose lie yeah exaggeration

like that's what you'd pull out of your hat to like Yeah. I'm sorry I haven't called. I got a trash bag in my drink. Yeah, it's not the cocaine. There's a fucking Wawa bag in my tequila drink. Oh, man. You do this every time you travel. I knew it. I knew it. You got a whole year of this.

You gotta calm down. I didn't do it. Handicapped bartender in Pottstown put a trash can in my drink. Dude, Pottstown. If that was a regular bar, it would have been absolute mayhem. Just like a bar regular going,

what the fuck is this, Frank? Frank's like, ah. Yeah. I got a bacon, egg, and cheese three hours ago at Sunoco. I tossed it, meant to aim for the trash can, and hit a cup that we serve people in. Yeah.

I don't look down. My eyes don't look down anymore, ever since that surgery. I can't see below my top lip. Yeah, I think he was like, you know those stories, like senior pranks or whatever, they used to put cows at the top of the stairs because cows can't go downstairs or something. Yeah, no.

I think he was like that. I think he couldn't see yeah below do you think the lights go off and the residents in and he just goes it just blows up an air mattress no no he's right there he's like no i think he's like i think he like becomes a chair I think he's like Yeah I think he's He's like those things in fucking Beauty and the Beast He just gets woken up every morning by a vacuum

He's like actually a candlestick He came alive to bartend for a little bit Worst case scenario too I forgot my phone charger So we can go to bed So like 3 o'clock in the morning. My phone is, all right. No, we went to bed early. Went to bed at like midnight.

I remember this because I'm so tired. I'm like, I'm going to go to bed early. I'm going to be up by like 8, 9. I might catch the late continental breakfast. I'll wait for you guys. I still have a little juice on my phone. I get to text him, Shay.

It's just the picture of him on SNL with 21 Savage. Yeah, yeah. And my heart and my mind go, well, now I'm up. Now I'm up for another three hours. That happened while we were sitting at the table. Yeah. Well, that's when I looked at my phone.

I was trying to conserve my juice after my girl didn't believe there was a trash bag in my fucking cup i didn't check it why don't why don't hotels have chargers it's crazy toothbrushes and toothpaste it's crazy it's an it's criminal it's criminal chris it's just charge me 60 bucks for it whatever yeah just to have it yeah throw it on the pile yeah yeah just fucking have it yeah go down there for just like that people have to need that all the time you take a charger out and you have to eat a trash bag and like we'll take care of the charger just be like you guys have chargers they're always like yeah they look around as if they don't have one um

dude i actually went down to the front desk guy in the morning. So the point is, I was jacked up, used the rest of my juice to tweet at Seth Simons aggressively with Bud Dwyer's gun in his mouth. I sent a post on Instagram, and then it just went, and just depleted my juice. So I was like, Chris and this girl do not know my room number. I don't know theirs. So then I got to like three hours, four hours of sleep. When I went to bed at like four, I was up at like seven, panicked. Yeah. I got down to the front desk.

I was like, do you have a charger? And of course the guy is, he's got the social awareness of the wheelchair of the bartender. This kid's the most autistic dude in the world. He's like, I can look. And I'm like get ahead yeah and then he like pulled one drawer and he was like and he handed me something here it is and it was like a nokia right it was something to charge a camera from like spark plug yeah just a handful of jelly beans will this work and? And you're like, what the fuck is this, dude?

No. An iPhone. And he was like, that's all we have. Pull some other drawers. The guys, there's like six people vacuuming right now. Somebody's bringing a charger to this place. Have them in there next to the candy on one of those locks. Bingo.

Like a Duane Reade. Yes, exactly. On your way through the checkout. Yes. By the the way you bought a pot let's talk about the trash you are you bought a chicken pot pie at the residence inn and other goodies my lady wanted chicken pot my lady microwave chicken pot pie at the hotel dude tell me it was good i'll fucking fight you right now it was delicious it was you're out of your fucking skull delicious no way i mean i don't think it helped i woke up with some serious anxiety you thought it was a pot pie i woke up with so much anxiety i look at my phone you're tweeting about seth simons killing himself

yeah and i know your phone's dead and i I'm going, you can't even un-post that. It wasn't the 60 beers. It was Stouffer's Pot Pie. Sent me to hell. I had some mac and cheese, too. So I convinced him at, like, it was, like, noon. I convinced the autistic at the front desk. I was like, hey, my buddy's staying here. I don't know his room number, but can you look up O'Connor and give him a shout?

And he was like, mm- was like and they just stood there and i was like is there coffee or something yeah like i was starting like my palms were sweating yes i was like maybe they left i have no way to contact you and he was like he just looked it up for like 30 minutes and then finally handed me the phone and then your girl answered she was like ha i was like oh man they're not off at all and she's like i'll tell them bet oh yeah yeah i was like oh my god yeah i was like i'm in the lobby i don't have any juice in my phone i'm gonna i'm gonna be in this in the patio area staring at the sun she was like bet i got up on me and i was like thank you so much he was was like, mm-hmm. I gotta get the fucking pots down. Dude, the plastic is bleeding into my skull. I gotta get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, it was nuts. I woke up at 7.30 and then I went down and had breakfast and ate like a full... Fell back asleep? Yeah, and finally I was in the middle of such a deep sleep when you called. That'd be so funny if you went down for breakfast and then went back and got another stouffer and put it in the microwave there and a deep sleep when you called. That'd be so funny if you went down for breakfast and then went back and got another stouffer

and put it in the microwave there and just ate a stouffer. I made waffles. I got to flip them. It was fucking fantastic. Big time fan of that flipper. Dump it in. Little Pam. Take it out 30 seconds early.

And then 30 minutes later, you're stopping at a gas station and you take a fucking explosive shit. I didn't shit till I got back, I don't think. You guys to take a fucking explosive shit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fun times. I didn't shit till I got back, I don't think. You guys ate when I ate. You just acted like you didn't eat much. There were Chick-fil-A bags in your front seat. You're like, yeah, we didn't eat much yesterday.

You ate in the green room. You eat every four hours. Well, I didn't finish that cheesesteak. I only had like two bites. It was a monster. That thing was huge. That was a football. And it was full of oddities.

Yeah, yeah. Cheeto crust it was like fresh out of the mummer museum yeah yeah mutter museum mutter yeah but mummer would work too those coquette union dudes are smoking cheeto crust and cheese steaks it was weird looking it was so weird looking all right this episode is brought to you by mando from the makers of loom deodorant mando whole body deodorant is the all-terrain vehicle of deodorants it goes everywhere put it on your pits package feet skin folds back knees everywhere yeah yeah we got them this body odor happens all over you all over your body so why are you just putting deodorant on your pits? Mando is powerful.

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I have this Dove like aerosol can. Like if I get a real heavy sweaty sleep. Yeah. I do a horseshoe and a hand grenade. That's what I used to call it. You pull up your nuts, give it a spray around. Yeah. It's the horseshoe. Hand grenade got. That's what I used to call it. You pull up your nuts, give them a spray around. Yeah. It's the horseshoe.

Hand grenade got my ass cracked before the gym. Really? Fresh enough. You got to get your tidbits. I've been going to the gym just completely unshowered. Sometimes, recently I've gone to the gym after not having showered for two days. Oh, my God. And I just stink up.

Oh, my God. I just stink up the treadmill, dude. Dude, and also when you take your underwear off in your apartment. Oh, oh. Jesus fucking deli meat. Oh, and also like when you take your underwear off in your apartment. Oh, oh. Jesus fucking deli meat. Oh, I know, but I kind of enjoy it. I like stinky smells. You know, that's the best when you take your fucking spandex off and you're fucking stink.

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Like, not having your phone. Artie always tells us to do this. He's like, keep your phone at home. Go for a walk for a while oh yeah i didn't have my phone from like 7 30 to like 11 30 12 yeah it was it was tough yeah i weaned off wait yeah you weaned i weaned and waxing waney weaney i weaned it i did done weaned yeah and then once the pain was gone i was just like i was talking to the guy vacuuming he's like man my man my back only problem is leaning over cleaning the chairs but i love this and i was like dude if i'm on your way let me know like you fine i'll let you

know and then i asked him to go out in the patio the patio was gorgeous also the day was gorgeous like 50 degrees yeah i take my sweatshirt off and i just sat i sat like fucking paulie walnuts in the sun and nice drive nice drive back i brought the bought the prepaid prepaid what the prepaid gas yeah so i just i just dropped it off empty oh that's cool it was nice what is it less fee it's not as much yeah it's still you're still i think overpaying a little bit for gas but like if you if you drop it off there after and it's empty they charge you like ten dollars a gallon yeah like something absurd well the whole racket is they can't have a a gas station on the premise of an airport maybe there should be a gas

station next to the car rental places. Yeah. You just fill up. Yeah, yeah. But that line would be... Ugh. You'd be sitting there for an hour and a half. I remember, yeah, I did that in Ireland.

When I was dropping off a car. I was dropping off a car that I had basically totaled. Dude, I love this. And I was like, I've got to fill it up with gas before I drop this thing off. I love this story. I love this story. I love this story. The car's got one door missing. Is the tank full? Check the tank.

No, I'm not going to let him charge me for that. Are we going to fuck this guy over or not? Dude, you're right though. Getting insurance for a car rental is essential. Oh, it's so good. It's only like $15 and you can total a car. I know. It almost makes you want to do it.

I know. I bet you there's a maniac out there. It's like, yeah, I'll take the extreme insurance. And he's just like, just wrecking side cars. I wonder if it goes up. I wonder if Hertz gets on you. The next time he goes to Hertz? No, you go to Enterprise.

We'll fuck you up. You got to go to each one independently you got it yeah i'm sure you have a yeah a rap sheet how many cars you've wrecked i don't know it happened overseas dude it's outside their jurisdiction you know it's a whole different country you have to get a local cop following you yeah would you once total a car in dublin but how do you total you're on the wrong side of the road no i just it was i was turning i was staying at like a bed and breakfast kind of place and uh the dude it was such like i mean the roads are so tiny and And people aren't. And the car, there was like a car, there was cars parked and I needed to like, the angle I had to take to get into this fucking thing, I just, yeah, just clipped the side of the

car. Parking. I was going through like a little tunnel to like a little backyard parking area and just On the side of the car yeah why are you making it sound like lord of the rings village like there wasn't like it was a clear path village it was uh proto baggins driveway what it was literally like was it was like a little dingle there's a little fishing town called dingle dude i have they got me i have a driveway in my new place in austin i'm so excited i got a garage yeah three bedrooms two baths yeah kitchen can you

get a leaf blower for the garage i want the smell of gas leaking at all times yeah i want to hold that temperature of the internal garage at like 82 85 with gas spills and oil spills which smells smells like a tire shop. Build a garden. I wonder where you can grow down there. Illegals? You can grow anything. Peppers?

Anything extreme heat. But then you can also regulate the sun. Like shade and stuff. Some things have to be moved. Basil can't be in the heat that much. It's tropical down there. It is tropical.

But only for like three, four months. Right now it's nice to start. What? It's nice to start? It's still tropical. Tropical zone. Yeah, but it's only tropical temperatures. It just is.

For three to four months. I don't know. I think it gets three to four months. I don't know. I think it gets cold in the tropics too. Dude, you are nuts today. Yeah, I don't know. You're being real fucking weird. What am I supposed to do? I got back today. I was reading the New York Times

today. Yeah? Yeah. Just reading the newspaper. Physically? No, but I'm thinking about I'd like to go back to reading a physical newspaper even if it's crap yeah and the new york times is crap it's not even like you have to hate your wife and have a nice shaggy dog at your leg to flip a newspaper i don't know there's requirements dude you can't just go right there like this and you put it up so that no one else can talk to you yeah we already have a face that has a newspaper in front of it.

A stranger meets you going, he's reading the paper, and I'll talk to that guy. It's like when you get poisoned in, like, an RPG. You have, like, a little... I got, like, a newspaper in front of my face. All you got to do is sit your glasses on the tip of your nose. Someone tries to talk to you, you go, what's that? You know what I mean? You just, like like look over the edge of the glasses yeah okay that's immediate this guy

does not want to fucking speak to me yeah anytime my father has like a glass right here and he looks at you like that like just over the tip of the glass you're like sorry yeah my bad yeah didn't mean to bother you i don't even know what you're doing. I had a question about mom. Is she dead or alive? I haven't talked to her in months. The worst is looking through, leaning up and looking through the lenses. That's insane. That's terrifying.

Well, the lenses are meant for close. That's what I'm saying. He's trying to burn you with the sun. You're like an ant. This is like, I'm going to give you a chance to get out of this. You better make it good. This is, I got you. Yeah. I got you focused.

Yeah, this is, don't fuck this up. And this is, get the fuck out of my house. Well, the scariest part about this one is you're close enough for it to be at reading distance. I don't know about you, dude. You don't get within eye reach. This is like when you're both. You're both trying to to cut a piece of wood and you're too close.

You make some comment. Did you say 3-8's pick? It's like, no, I said fuck you. Yeah. Oh, that's the worst. I got a whole work area. We got a nice pod. Dude, I'm so excited.

I'm going to get a car a car a dog my girl pregnant yeah the horseshoes when's that happening football you guys trying no no no but it's a nice place to you know you're gonna start trying when you get down there nuts uh no there's no date you keep saying the freezer yeah i do gotta get my kids checked i talked about that i'm interested yeah i was watching a crazy thing where um there was two people with uh they had a genetic diseases and they were a couple and do they work at the the madison the madison what's it called? Marriott. The residence inn? Cut that. Thank God I went deferred. Completely defogged.

Fuck you, dude. It kind of just flows. Dude, they like, they took all of her eggs. Did you smell leather? Smell like toast in here? They took all of her eggs and they took a bunch of his sperm and just found the ones that didn't have

the genetic disease in it. Just matched them up and put them in her. Now they eliminated the disease. Pretty sick. That's awesome. Two hang loosers up for getting rid of that disease. I saw a video of Helen Keller speaking.

You are obsessed with this woman, and I hope you're beaten off to it. No, no. What'd she look like? She looks like a regular old lady. From the 50s? Yeah. 40s? Yeah.

Yeah, 30s or 40s. Did she make it to the 60s? She's like a full life, right? She made it to like 70? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think she, yeah. She got old. Did she make it to the 60s? She's like a full life, right? She made it to like 70? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think she, yeah. She got old. When she's speaking, she's old.

She's on, you know, she's being filmed. Sarah Jessa Ruffio. It's like baby talk, you know? You know when like someone's... Oh, yeah, she had a full life. When someone's toddler speaks, and you're like, that was gibberish. And then they're like,

you know, he wants peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That what it's like she lived to 87 yeah well i mean that makes sense because you're not doing anything yeah you're not manual labor you're not like anxious about your surroundings there's no heart pressure the blood pressure you're just living in darkness and everybody's catering to you that's you just hold out her hand. She would hold out her hand. This actually sounds pretty sick. It's hell. I guess, yeah. No.

Like if you're just like, I've had enough. Kill this. Kill this. Yeah. And then you just have a caretaker. Someone blows you or someone feeds you a nice Stouffer's pot pie every now and then. Dude, I saw this also. There's an old guy and his eyes were fucked up

since he was three years old he got blinded by looking like a chemical burn and they gave him like an eye transplant and he still couldn't see like he could see but he's like it doesn't work my brain can't like make sense of any of it like he could see his kids like perfectly but he just can't see them wait what do you mean like his brain like the part like your brain needs to develop alongside the stimulation yeah hearing and seeing stuff your brain's doing a lot of making sense so now he can see but he can't conceptualize yeah his brain can't so they fuck the brain up no it's like getting your brakes fixed and the you blow a fucking the digital component in the car it's like you just fuck you're just ruining some other area of your i think it's like if you never used your hands ever

and there was like a nerve like disconnection and then you got connected again you'd be like you just don't know how to use yeah yeah you don't know how to like getting them to play all the little kids that babies have to like figure out how to do. Yeah. You got to do that again. Yeah. And your brain's like old and not plastic enough to do it. You shut the lights off.

You shut the garage door and you just chill, dude. Lift 88 in the darkness. She just puts her hand out and people sign into her hand. That's how they communicate with her. Really? Like who it is? Or just conversation? Just conversation, yeah. They just go like this and she's like... Oh, she responds? Yeah, she talks.

And it's not intelligible at all. And then the lady sitting next to her goes, it was her birthday yesterday and she had a nice time. Oh, she's pretending to know. I don was her birthday yesterday and she had a nice time. Yeah. Oh, she's pretending to know. I don't know. I don't know. But that's what it seems like.

Charlie Brown's mom is like, my mom is very excited for this coming spring. And the mom's like, fuck you. I want to kill myself. Oh, man. Do you think she got taken care of sexually? Eventually, right? She was probably like into somebody else's palm, like, let me taste the black her fly a plane supposedly yeah shut up so i'm sure they were like try this do you feel that yeah here's a big penis yeah yeah right oh she was a lesbian

let's go that's because the lesbians are pariahs, too. They probably knew she was deaf and dumb and blind. Not dumb. Right, right. And they were like, I can take care of this girl. She just became like a practice pussy for them. Yeah. Practice pussy.

Yeah. Damn. It's how you learn how to get someone out. Well, that's who you get for like a sex robot, to get like the mold when she's sleeping. You just like put that good. It would be so funny to sign into her hand, I'm going to eat your pussy. Yeah. Someone out. Well, that's who you get for like a sex robot to get like the mold. When she's sleeping, you just like put that. It's so funny to sign into her hand. I'm going to eat your pussy.

Yeah. Are you ready for this? I'm so hot. I'm so hard. You're about to fucking get it. Yeah. Talk dirty to me. Say something back.

I'm about to cum. Oh, that's dirty. That's too much. Too much. Too much. much oh you're on my hair you're on my hair my knees don't go back that far helen keller getting fucking blown out so funny yeah just a bunch of lesbians taking turns on her uh just a whole parade of lesbians behind you as you you do all your fun stuff to a blind deaf woman.

Yeah. It's got to be a fetish. I wonder what kind of noises she would make. That's probably a Pornhub thing. It's like blind women. I've never thought about that. Blind woman getting fucked. Yeah.

Or a deaf woman. Yeah. Jesus Christ, is there a handicap? There's got to be. There's got to be. Oh, no. Was there a handicap? There's gotta be. Oh, no. Was there a handicap in Pornhub? I never thought.

Is it illegal to look it up? That's my point. That's why we have producers. I don't have to put that in my phone. Let them take the fucking rap. Yeah, like, is Down Syndrome porn like illegal? I guess if they sign a contract. If they're of age.

It's got to be. I don't know. I don't know. I guess you put it in an envelope. They lick the... I don't know. It can't be. It can't be.

It can't be kosher. It's not good. Yeah. I imagine handicapping and mentally handicapped people. It can't be. What? It is illegal? Or you just looked it up?

Oh, boy. There is some? Handicap or loopy? Oh, my God. I mean, look look they need it there's got to be some fucking guy out there that looks at a hot girl in a chair and was like i wonder if i could just scoop you up yeah put you in a position you're already you already look like your car in ireland you're already yeah mangled and wrecked. You're total.

This girl's total. She just needs to get off. I need to make this total car run again. Oh, my God. Let me try and turn over this car's engine. Imagine fucking Helen Keller until she just gained eyesight. Like, there was, like, wiring in the back of her frontal lobe. Right.

That just didn't attach. Right know and orgasm and then you smacked her and then it just went like an avatar tail yeah and then she was like wow yeah still couldn't hear still couldn't hear but that's fine yeah that would suck but also she wasn't... Put it in my ass. Do the backhand now. Try and get the inwoggin. Do back. Shout out to our disabled people. Oh, I started watching... We're fans.

Yeah. We're fans of you. I started watching Anthony Bourdain, Parts Unknown. What do you mean started? I started watching. You just started that? Yeah. Jesus Christ.

It's pretty good. Pretty good. It's incredible. It's all I watch on planes. It's very strange. While I'm watching it, I'm like, this is not that good. And then I get to the end of every episode and I go, that was fantastic. That's because you don't know him yet.

Once you understand the concept of the show. Well, I watched the documentary. I know the life story. No, it's different. It's a whole different thing. Like, once you... It's like... I like the guy.

It's like not knowing a show and someone's like, wait till season four. Or, I'm sorry, episode four. You're going to love season one and then you're obsessed with season two. It's like,

it has a charm and it also evolves. He has like four different shows. It's Parts Unknown. What was his first one? There's like three or four different shows that he keeps flipping. Out of Bounds.

There's one that's like No Reservations. And he slides across the ice. Rockstar in Iceland. Some of the shit is pretentious and corny but like he was in spain the bull put its horn up his ass well he's like the most unathletic dude oh yeah he's built like a cigarette yeah dude he he genuinely has clothespin legs yeah clothespin legs they gets into an arena with a bull and tries to do the thing.

And he's... He couldn't dodge a valet driver. Yeah, yeah. I've loved the show, but it's his most unlikable moment, in my opinion, because he was both unathletic enough and trying to be too cool. And it allowed a bull to stick its horn up his ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he didn't want to just be like,

oh, run away. Like, in whatever fashion, slip, fall in the mud. I don't want to be insecure. So he just stood there. He just stood there trying to act cool. And, like, the bull, like, nudged him. And he was just like...

Yeah. And then his full horn up the ass. Dude, watching bulls just destroy hillbillies is so fun. Not in any arena situation, but just... No, no, both. I mean, the arena situation where they have those games where there's just four hicks playing cards at a table, and the bull is trying to decipher what is going on.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do I have to hurt everybody? Why are they even in my space yeah they're in my yard i guess i gotta fuck one of them up and then you just the longer you hold your your fake playing cards and you just sit there like look out the sides of your eyes and then wham fucking charlie gets sent yeah and then you just go shit and the last guy's standing it's like i don't know frito lays for a year the worst fries ever what i want to see is like the cctv footage of a dude just on a farm getting hit by a rogue dude you know what i mean yeah like do you know when like a tire comes flying

in yeah i mean like i want to see a guy just like add a spigot like outside of like a farmhouse like a spigot you can't say that dude what do you think what do you think it means it add a spigot outside of a farmhouse. Like a spigot. You can't say that, dude. What do you think it means? It's a spigot. It's a combination. You can throw the G's on there. It's a spigot. Two different kinds of people.

Yeah. That's why you take the G's out. Jesus Christ. Trying to stay on YouTube, pal. Dude, the tire, the roaming tire going 1,000 miles an hour. That's why I want to see a bull full tilt. Just someone like just. I just saw it.

I swear on my life. I just saw it yesterday. Someone just minding their business and just getting absolutely cooked. I'll find it. I saw it yesterday on Twitter. I swear to God. There was an Asian. I don't know.

There might be Asian. It's some foreign country. This guy is uncapping a drink. It looks like a little bodega. You saw it? Dude, I don't know what it is. It looks like a little bodega. You saw this? Dude, I don't know what it is. It looks like a little store. There's a dude behind him, and he just takes a sip of this potion.

And the caption was, when I take a sip of a potion to summon the bull from hell. And the guy takes a sip. He caps it back down. He turns his back this way. You just see a full-size boar run through the glass and smoke him and he goes dude he flies like to the ceiling and out of frame and his one buddy's like his one buddy's also drinking something that's weird it's not a bar it's not a cafe yeah it looks like a

just a random store in the middle of like south america and a bull just comes out of nowhere trucks them yeah my favorite part about this is that bulls like stop once the job is done. Yeah. Like once they hit something hard, they just like. Yeah. They just kind of like. Clocking out of work. They like

lawyer for a minute. Yeah, it's like looking at the clock until it hits five. You're like done. I just wrecked some dude. He comes through the window. He's got to hit him and then just slowly moves around. Yeah, somebody get me back to my farm. I took a hard right on one of these. There's no streetlights in South America.

I don't know where I came from. Turning off the music, someone's in the other room. Just storming in. Dude, the spare tire one, it's a a truck tire i think i know which one you're talking about there's one that's like infamous yeah but it's happened to a couple a couple ladies i know this one's a guy and he's like roaming outside of the the gas with just a bag that has like a snickers and a coke in it yeah and he's like like... Just trying to get a little fuel for the road. Trying to head a town over. It's a 20-foot tire that must have been released from, I don't know, seven towns over. And it must have been a downhill slope.

Whatever that little like micromachines thing is. Yeah, you do. It was like kicking a bitch in one of those bubble things down the mogul slope. Like this thing was catching heat. Every bounce, it would pick up like a quarter mile. Yeah. Hits her in the back of the fucking head. Her face gets slammed down.

Gonzo. She's got to be dead. Definitely. Definitely. Would you rather that or have a plastic bag in your drink? Yeah, this is it, dude. Oh, see, I watched the version where it shows him, like, taking a sip, chilling. But also the clarity of that version is very nice.

Yeah. You can put it in the app. Yeah, see, then it just, then it's just like, ah. He did, he just chilled. Look at him, he's like, wait, is there anything? What's your specialty here? You guys got mod sticks? Look at this guy.

Oh, it's great. Oh, my God. Just looking for the restroom. Baños. That's the best thing. You ever see that video of that? I think it might be a bull and someone just tied up like a body bag, like a boxer, like body bag.

And it takes like a full running start at it and hits it. And then it stands there and it swings back and hits him. And he's like... Well, fuck you too! He starts hitting it. Yeah.

Every time he hits it, he's like, finally did it. And then it just comes back and hits him in the ass. And he spazzes. Dude, there's one of... It's the fucking funniest thing in the world. There's one of this sheep farmer.

He's like an old man. He's probably like 70 years old. And he's meandering around the corner of this little farm. And he turns his back to this one big fucking blonde sheep. And the sheep just goes. He backs up, puts his head down, and smokes this dude in the ass. And the guy falls down, scratches his face on the ground and then gets up and he's like whatever the fuck yeah and the dude hits him again directly in the

face oh yeah it's just like oh dude on that street no no no there's like it's like a dirt yard oh my god it's like this dude was clearly there's one that's fantastic where it's a car it's like a dash cam for a car and someone's gotten out of the car to like go like sheep are crossing like a street yeah like a highway like one of those like mountainy kind of yeah and they go out there and they're like yeah they're sitting they're sitting with the sheep and all of a sudden a ram just comes and trucks them dude they're not and as they're picking themselves up off the ground the ram comes again and just drills them right in the head and they go like just out.

I love it. It's fantastic. Animals taking over men. It's truly fantastic. It's great. People walking into animals like they won't cause them a huge problem. Fuck them up.

Yeah. Keep doing it. The best thing on earth. No, keep doing it. Yeah. I want people to walk up to fucking black bears, pet tigers. I saw some Indianian dudes finger get fucking ripped off he was taunting a tiger in a cage he's like doing this and the tiger was like like at this speed it was oh it was like a it was like a viper

and he got it caught here and he's and he's like kicking against the cage. And you see this just go off and you see like tendons rip out. It's beautiful. Man. Boner city. That is a bummer. Nah, fuck that. That is a bummer. That's also how you know like soccer players are lying, you know?

Because they always do this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, when that guy's finger came off, I bet he was just like. Yeah. No idea. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah dude when that guy's finger came off i bet he was just like yeah no idea yeah yeah yeah they just go they look at it like did you see that one there's no way it's all gone yeah he's he caught like a bull shark it's a smaller one he's trying to get the hook out the bull shark takes a one of his digits yeah that's the same thing it just starts flipping rips it right off and he goes ah fuck he took my finger yeah yeah and all his bodies are like screaming yeah but he was just like he got my finger yeah it's just a hole yes but that's the reaction because your adrenaline hides the pain for a bit and you just can't believe it yeah right it's like a dream sequence

i imagine yeah we're like i'm gonna wake up from this in a second there's no way a shark just bit and you just can't believe it. Yeah, right. It's like a dream sequence, I imagine. Yeah. Where you're like, I'm going to wake up from this in a second. There's no way a shark just bit my fucking finger off. It's like Helen Keller getting her fucking pussy rocked until she sees. I had a dream like that last night. I was like in a major battle

and I couldn't find a gun. What kind of battle? What's the scene? I don't know. It was just like running up and down like stairs. Modern? What? Modern warfare?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there were like rebels in there? I don't know. It was just like running up and down like stairs. Modern? What? Modern warfare? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there were like rebels in there and I couldn't, I think it's because I watched the Bourdain thing in Libya. Yeah. But I was like running up and down these stairs and like trying to find an AK to shoot back with. Yeah, yeah. It's onward, dude.

It's onward, yeah. We got to get back in the... I would love it. I was thinking about it. I got to, we got to, the update situation is going to be insane. I say we just, I say we give,

get, give our Oculus is a way to fans. We'll have like a, get some new ones. Yeah. Let's have a, what do you call it? Like a fucking orgy,

a contest orgy with a goat. And the bull has to break it up when we come. He smokes one of us. Um, no, we should just give it away. We should have a contest and give away our oculuses. Yeah. We should probably just give them to some friends

so they can play with us. I don't want to give them to friends. I'd rather not play with friends. Like who? People that live in Austin? No, no. Just people that maybe are in New York that we'd like to keep in touch with. Wow. Isn't that a friendly? That Wall Street Journal really did work for you. It's New York Times.

Fuck. It's so bad. Just like the, I mean, you can tell that the money has just been completely sucked out of the whole thing. It's like just bad. Yeah. The articles they write are just like. It's also bought.

Everything's bought. It's all political. There's that. But then there's also just like the stuff it's all political there's that but then there's also just like the stuff that's not even like really like political like the stuff they would just like write yeah interesting pieces about yeah those like end like you'll just be yeah you'll be reading it and they'll just be like yeah then that's that's over now and you're like i watched the news at the hotel you guys would write about this? In Pottstown. And it's just crazy.

It's just murder after murder. Oh, like the nightly news? This person was shot. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of great. It sucks. But they don't give you enough.

So it's like, I like the hardcore shit. All this is fear mongering for middle-aged women that are like, I can't move there. I can't. Put your windows up. It's like, shut up. They're just doing this because they have nothing to say. Yeah. There's nothing going on.

That's what kind of sucks is you look at all that. Because it's the same thing. You look at all the headlines and they're all just, it is, you know, if it bleeds, it leads kind of stuff. Whoa, Chris. Yeah. But you start feeling bad. You're like, this isn't even like people complain about the news,

but it's like almost not their fault. Like if they did articles and news on stuff that was like important but not salacious nobody would watch it well that's what nobody would read it that's what 60 minutes is this crap because it's the only thing people are looking at you gotta watch the stuff that's important you don't read the stuff that's important what do you mean i mean like you most people devour these days with just their eyes they don't they don't read important shit yeah you got to consume it visually 60 minutes is still the best program in in history it holds up it holds up 60 minutes is very good

it's unbelievable yeah and the the variety of world pop pop culture, music, politics. They always splice it up into three segments. Where it's like you're going on this roller coaster going, I don't like this one, but I'll stick around because I'll learn a little bit about it. And I know one of these three. It's like Mambas. You know, getting a pack of Mamba. The candy.

It comes in fours. Already knew. Mambas. Mamba. Yeah. It's comes in fours. Already knew. Sugar Mamba. Mamba. Yeah. It's like a Starburst in a way. But a chocolate one? No.

The fruit. It's a fruit candy. Mamba's chewy. Is it like licorice? It's like a Starburst. Starburst is fruit. A Mamba? Think about a Starburst.

You know what a Starburst is? Yeah. Yeah, think about that, but it's a different brand. And it comes in four different packs. You get a raspberry, a lemon, an orange, a strawberry. And it's a mamba. What's this now? Mambas. You've never seen a mamba?

You know Hi-Chews? Mamba. Not the snake. The candy. Mamba candy. Mamba candy. M candy m-a-m-b-a i've i've never seen a mama before you're out of your fucking skull it's because you don't look down that's true i don't spend that much time in the candy aisle i probably have seen a mamba all right chris but it just didn't just didn't stay with me you know why it's not a bar it's a bunch of different little things in there that you open up and has four different segments the point of my story was that it's different packaging back in the day

because i feel like maybe i remember something like modern still here starting like the 80s or 90s but it's still around. Maybe 90s. Mambas. It's a great piece of candy. You're going to have to talk to me now. Yeah, okay. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Are you looking at your email? No, no, I'm looking at the history of mambas.

I'd rather you look at your email. We're not going to learn much. Isn't he fucking weird tonight? First introduced by German candy company August Stork KG in 1953. 53? Yeah. Whoa! This is what happened.

World War II ended. Germany was divided. This is why you give them time to look it up? Germany was divided and... West Germany... Someommas wanted to kill Jews and some did. West Germany was like, you know what? With our newfound freedom, we're going to make some candy. I like that. We're going to make mommas. You have to confuse the

public. Just eat sweets. Forget about all the things you just did. Yeah. Mommas. Let's all ignore The horrors Right But you and your people Just fucking

What? Yeah just have a mamba You're gonna feel Right as rain Yeah What? Don't worry about it Everything's gonna be

A-O-K Alright Chris Do you wanna say some dates What are our dates coming up? We're not Go to the website Stuffis island pod.com we're hitting we're oh yeah we got our links most of our links up we're filling uh at least there's a live shows tab go there five or ten we're gonna post the links as soon as they get to us but uh we got a bunch of cities. We're going to be all over Texas in early April.

We're going to be hitting all of the East Coast. I think we're going Tampa. Atlanta might be Jacksonville. We're trying to decide. Yeah. Tampa, Jacksonville, Raleigh, Richmond, D.C., Philly. And then we're going to be going to Providence, Boston, Portland. Probably hitting Albany, too.

Tacoma. Albany's on the list. We might be even popping through Stanford, Connecticut. That's in the works. Whoa. A little local show. Pick out a rifle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Take a booze cruise. I like that. Yeah, that's going to be June, I think. Yeah, but it all starts in April. We're going to Houston, Addison, Texas, and then back to Austin. Houston, Dallas, Austin. So get on the pod, look at the ticket links,

like and subscribe. See that? I got it right. I said like. Like and subscribe. Now the fans hate it because they like, link, and subscribe. Alright, link,

link, and subscribe, and share. Have yourself a mamba. Tell your fucking friends. We got a look at this coming out soon. Bye.