Stuff Island - James McCann - Stuff Island #166

Episode Date: January 8, 2025

James McCann joins this week's episode of Stuff Island. James McCann is an Australian stand up comic who has been on Kill Tony, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast and is a regular at the Comedy Mothership. Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor are reunited after being on the set of Netflix's Tires. Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off of your Starter Pack (that's over 40% off) with promo code STUFFISLAND at shopmand.com! #mandopod Unlock a healthier and easier way to eat by using Promo code "Stuff Island" at checkout for 15% off your first order at huel.com Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/STUFFISLAND Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right. He brings a good energy after throwing a gallon of water on my floor. I got to be honest. I think that might have been my fault. It's not the first time that it's happened. You come in with a weird hug. I have a full glass of something and I hug around the body. Yeah.

He can't see where it's at. So he pulls his arm back and it hits it out of my hand. You know, I got to go in like this. There's room for two assholes in this house, dude. We're back, first of all. Has that happened to you? I was going to talk about the splash. The splash was incredible.

Talk about the splash. Because it missed all the rugs. You've got so many Persian-y Muslim rugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it hit floor, which may be the worst place if you've got a floor issue. Yeah. But it just splattered perfectly missing, every rug. Those Persian rugs used to be one color until my dog's period

made little blotches everywhere. Have you shown people the photo of your dog with its tampon? No. What do you call that? It's a full diaper. We don't actually insert. It's a pad. No, it's a full diaper. You't actually insert it's a pad it's a foot no it's a full diaper you got to go all the way around attach why can't why don't you insert

yeah what's wrong with you why do you feel embarrassed about that i would imagine there's no dog tampons in case they eat them out i'll eat them i bet how much different can it be okay you just put a regular one in there because the strings hang out the bite that string will eat the blood she licks up it's good iron she needs it she's losing it she replenishes no we try and mop it up before she gets to it do you know vietnamese people don't believe in uh tampons who the vietnamese don't don't believe like people shouldn't have them. They're not healthful.

Yeah. They're bad. I tried to, we went to a store once run by some Vietnamese, but it was just them. They're like, ooh,

no. And they gave you a lecture? Your girl needed tampons and you stopped at a Vietnamese CVS? We got a lot of Vietnamese in Australia. Oh, in Australia? Yeah, yeah.

Sorry, this wasn't here. Maybe it's just our Vietnamese. Yeah. I bet you've got very special cool American Vietnamese out here doing all sorts of things. No, I think it's more about the... I've never talked to them about tampons. Well, next time you go to get a bow, they're a fuck.

They have the best supermarkets. Vietnamese? Yeah. The items per aisle is... It's fascinating who measures the grosses I don't know I don't know

what fucking I don't know what old Vietnamese man on a milk crate does the inventory at those places I've said this before I said it again

the Vietnamese are the Italians of Asia get out they're gregarious they got great food feels like you're rounding the edges

political difficulties in unifying I stand by I think that's a good comparison Food. Feels like you're rounding the edges off. Political difficulties in unifying. I stand by. I think that's a good comparison. Who else would you rather be? The Italians of... You're not getting the Japanese. Organized, efficient, good empire.

The Japanese or the Germans? I want them for the English. You think Germans? Maybe the Germans. Who are the English? Island nation? Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah, it's pretty good. Laos? Laotians? Because they're kind of to themselves. You think the Italians are to themselves? No, I guess Laos would be Sicily. You could say Vietnam would be Italy. I don't know.

I haven't done enough thinking into this. I don't know enough about any of these groups. I think the Koreans might be the Germans. Very quiet and repressed, and then all of a sudden very angry. Very angry. Have you ever seen a Korean get into an argument? They hide it really well, too. And when they want to use it, they use it.

Maybe they're the French. But the Vietnamese should be the French because of the baguettes. Koreans are so pretty, but then you see them up close, their skulls are huge. That's an interesting, I haven't heard that before. I have not yet heard that. The women have huge fucking heads. Their faces and heads are

like soda with tits, dude. They're huge, dude. I swear to God, I hooked up with like three of them and I had to like, if I grip their head, it's like this. They're lemon heads. Flipped. You've got a decent normal like you're in a vietnamese he's got me worked up you pull my

cord i'm gonna go dude i didn't know that would do it it's not right well you got me upset about my dog's period i'm sorry you brought it up because you're the only two friends i've seen in three weeks i've yeah i've never seen a dog with a period before i didn't know what happened yeah i didn't know i thought they just get heat and you got to clip them before they get to the heat stage yeah i don't know they actually she's barking when you come in the door yeah she's sniffing she's like very her her behaviors are crazy she gets grouchy well you're on walks yeah yeah it's yeah and their puss it puffs out like a baboon's

asshole. Nice. You want to notify other dogs. Shouts open, boys. I've never seen a dog in a park. It's like Homer Simpson's mouth. That's a big pussy dog. But three times a year. I found that interesting. Fewer cycles.

How can we bring that technology to humans? I think three a year would be fine let's go yeah i can navigate that once once a year you know every four or five years like the olympics yeah yeah but that would uh it's going to slow down your production that's what i'm talking about america's been very good to us but i don't why we do not have the money for a seventh child cesarean say i mean it mean i think a c-section in this country costs like 20 grand or something no really yeah it's a lot yeah it can't be cheap it's major surgery the c-section is different than you got to get a c-section you're talking

just birth i think you're fixing your woman i'm talking no i'm talking about that when they chop out the middle oh yeah you're gonna take out all the organs yeah we got big heads so yeah you do have a three for three you got a big korean skull it's a big dime yeah i love that's why i feel such an affinity with the korean people also great hats man if you look at medieval korean hats yeah i didn't realize they were big into hats what kind of hats are they wearing i don't i couldn't do it justice they got so many different hats. There's a show. There's a zombie show on Netflix.

Is it like a triangle? A triangle? A square? A circle? A triangle, a square. They've got weird top hats, right? Okay. Like broad brim, top hat, but then like a mesh section with a see-through bit.

And then it keeps going up top. And then big ribbons around there. What's the mesh for? Like put a little parakeet in there? The Koreans are a mysterious people. I don't pretend to know what's going on with their hat design. So many good hats. They call it the kingdom of hats.

That's like a sleep demon. Yeah. I've never been to Asia. That's on the list. I don't know if we can do comedy there. We're so limited by where we can travel for. I bet you could. English language, maybe.

I think Sam Talon went there and said their comedy is terrible. So if you just. That's the most impressive thing is when like a foreign person learns our language and our dialect and inflection and it's still funny. Yakov Smirnoff is your hero. With like broken English, but they get it. They know when to, you know. To do comedy or to hear comedy? Yeah, or just be funny.

Just being funny with a foreign accent. I find it very helpful. I was not funny at all in my country. Since I've come here, it's a delight. Yeah, I mean someone that just doesn't like, English is not their second language or first language. Not just an accent. Learning the English language and then trying to relate that

to English people, English speaking people. I was talking to Ari Matty about it. I said, does it feel like you're disabled doing comedy here? He's like, yeah. Like the amount that you would lose. Yeah. You would have to make up for with hand gestures and loud noises. That's why he sounds disabled.

Of course. Yeah. He's great. We love Ari on this side. Big fan. Yeah. But she gets, after the first cycle, you can get her spade because it's good for overall health and longevity

because it's your reproductive organs producing for the first time. She comes to full adolescence essentially before you make it. We had a dog who was a boy, but we did him too early, and he never had, we made him like a castrati dog or something, and he would always pee. He wouldn't raise the leg. He would do the squat, even though he was a boy dog. Yeah.

Well, that's what the kennels want you to do, because their whole idea and purpose is to reduce the amount of stray dogs and cats. So as soon as you foster or buy a puppy, rescue, they want you to immediately set up an appointment to get the dog fixed. No, they want you immediately set up an appointment to get the dog fixed. But they also want they don't want competition. If you've got a good dog, if you've got like a pure

breed dog, they don't want you out there breeding that dog because then you flood the market. With good dogs, but you can charge a lot for them. People want the free dog, right? You're not getting a full breed in an APA. Oh, I didn't know where you go. Oh, you went to a kennel kennel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, maybe. You'd have to get a golden retriever

who'd done something real bad. Real bad, dude. Real bad dog. The dog market can't still be competitive, can it? I mean, I think if you're getting a golden retriever, you're still paying four grand, five grand. It's big money. It's fucking nuts.

Dude, we spent like $2,000 for a pug in like fucking 85. What, we spent like $2,000 for a pug in like fucking 85. What? Yeah. The fucking Vietnamese were upping the prices. Well, it takes a lot of science to make a dog that crippled. Yeah, yeah.

They're so bad. Have you seen a pug skull? They're so cute though. Their eyes fall out when they sneeze. Yeah, they turn into Bill Cosby eventually. They all look like Cosby. The one eye is fucking wonky and you know, it's got cloud.

Who did you, your family got the pug when you were 85. I talked my mom into getting a pug out of the side of a Springfield mall. I like that. It was back when you could have like a little pet store in a mall. There's no way they paid two grand. I think it was $2,000. You convinced your mom.

1985 money? Yeah. No way. I think so. Bought half of China. I think it was $2,000. You convinced your mom to... In 1985, money? Yeah. No way. I think so. I bought half of China. I think it was a lot of money. They probably told you it was $2,000 to get you to shut up.

Yeah. Look at me. Still talking about it. This is no Christmas this year. Maybe it was five. You got your fucking pug. I think I paid $2,000 for my vishla. That's what it was.

Vishla. But she was still like 500 bucks back then. At a fucking... A tiny little veterinarian shop in Springfield Mall. I do miss them not having the dogs at the shop. My dad was very angry. Oh, he didn't want to see it? He didn't like the dog at the mall? No, he was raised with like golden retrievers and German shepherds.

Dog dogs. Yeah. Aristocracy dogs. Yeah. And he got dragged down into the weird middle classes of having a pug queen doesn't have a pug yeah i was five years old begging for this adorable thing i held it and my mom was like all right we'll get it not knowing what what she was signing up for 15 years of you know just diarrhea everywhere yeah they can't

breathe also you can't see That's why you get a Great Dane Four good years Just to eat it Yeah Four beautiful big years And then dead Yeah he comes home

Is that how long they live? I think they get to like seven Pugs It's not long Pugs go forever Pugs go forever Yeah And they're disabled for almost all of them

Yeah Danes are like NBA centers Like once They have like three or four good years And then they just limp around. Shoot them in the back of the fucking head. My dad gets home from work,

puts his briefcase down and is greeted by my tiny little pug yapping at his feet. This had to cause a giant rift between you and your dad. Oh my, and my dad and my mom first. Yeah, yeah. And he goes, son of a bitch,

what the fuck is this? And the dog darts runs around the dining room table like 60 times looks him in the eyes and takes a huge watery diary on our bear tan rug yeah that's on him now that's on him for not hitting my mom yeah so she totally surprised him with the dog yeah she just said the kids wanted a dog we got a dog and he's like there's gotta be other dog there's i've been i've been married long enough to know So she totally surprised him with the dog. Yeah. She just said, the kids wanted a dog. We got a dog. And he's like, that's not a fucking dog. I've been married long enough to know there's other stuff going on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's an attack. Yeah. That's a 100% attack. It's so easy to say. You're a pawn. We've come back from the mall so many times without a pug. I can get through saying no to a pug this time. She was angry.

Yeah, 100%. You were used as a weapon against your father. That's probably why he did resent me for the first 18 years. Yeah, dude. She probably was like, oh, look at the puppies. You probably don't even remember how much she is Inception. No, we stopped by the store three different times. Three different trips.

I was like, can I go see them? She kept pecking you there. Yeah, can I see the pug again? I'd look up on a knee and I'd be like, I'm begging her. And she goes, no, we can't. You just have to hold it. And then the last time she's like, all right. It's good they got rid of them.

I'd have dogs by now. I'd take my kids to Target. That's what I let them do. Just to hold the toys. Just to look at them and hold them. We get through about an hour and a half of holding the toys. You don't have a pet? Just too much?

We would love a dog, but you can't. We have big rabies control in australia so you've got to keep it in a chamber for like six months if you take it back so if we go on holiday we can't bring the dog with us so we're dogless with wait so all the dogs are quarantined with rape why don't you just get a shot we don't trust america you don't get rabies shots from america so you quarantine your dogs in cages for six months. That's a better option? Yeah, that's what they think. And now this blew up with Johnny Depp.

I don't know if you heard about the Johnny Depp version of this because Johnny Depp didn't go through. Johnny Depp had his dogs on him in his private jet that he flew in the country with when he was with Amber Heard. And the dogs were going to be destroyed because they didn't report. The dogs were coming in and then what, the Vice Prime Minister got on TV and said,

I'm taking Johnny Depp's dogs. It's a great clip. Barnaby Joyce was like, I don't care if he was voted sexiest man alive. You don't bring your dogs into this country. And then they had to do a very weird apology to Australia. And Johnny Depp is, I think, drunk out of his mind and he's like, Australia has beautiful laws. love, beautiful star. And she's acting through it.

Amber Heard is doing a good. Yeah. She really looks like she cares about biosecurity. She's like very sympathetic. And she was able to use those skills later on for the trial. Pistol and Boo. I wonder who got them in the breakup, actually. Wait, so was he moving to Australia?

He was doing a film. So they just took the dogs for three to six months or however long the film was going. They had them on them. They didn't declare that the dogs were coming in. So I don't think the government ever got their hands on the dog, but there was the threat. They were going to track you down. We're going to take those.

We're going to destroy the dogs. So you can only quarantine your dogs from Australia. You can't take a clean dog that's already vaxxed into Australia. No, you can't take any dogs into Australia. It doesn't matter what you do. We're very uptight. Holy shit. We're super uptight.

Our best TV show. What can dogs do? Besides rabies, what can dogs do to the- They can hunt Aborigines. You know, I don't think they were known for that. Although the dingo was, I think, a First Nations dog. I don't think they domest dog. I don't think they domesticated it. I don't know. I don't know enough about it.

I'll get in trouble. What is the dingo? Where does that come from? I think it came from India 8,000 years ago, and then it went feral, and then it's a big problem. Hunts all the rabbits, which is also a big problem. We've got some biosecurity problems. Do you have hunting season for dingoes?

I think it's always hunting season for dingoes. You could just shoot dingoes and they're like, thank you. Yeah. Wow. I don't want to get that wrong. They eat rabbits, but they fuck like rabbits and they just spread. There's a lot of dingoes. Big, scary.

They didn't take that. They're big? I think they're large. I think they're big, wild, feral. I thought they were like medium-sized dogs. How big is a dingo? I don't think I've ever seen a dingo. They're like everywhere. It's not like, you know, in the suburbs, you don't see a dingo? I don't think I've ever seen a dingo. They're like everywhere.

It's not like, you know, in the suburbs, you don't see a dingo. They're just like a tan mutt, right? It's kind of like a bucca, but thicker. Dude, I actually have no idea what a dingo looks like. I assume it's just like a dog. It's like a two-foot medium size. Yeah, 35 to 50. They're not that big.

That's a dingo. They actually look pretty cool. See? Yeah. It's like a wolf and shepherd. And they swam from India to Australia? I think the Indians brought them up. This gets controversial, I think,

because the narrative is meant to be that the Aboriginal people came to Australia in, like, one movement, and then they stayed there for 150,000 years, like whatever amount of time is currently like the big one. But then like the dingo hasn't been around for very long so you go how'd that dingo get here? Maybe another, there was some trading or something

but it's this is the biggest most controversial, this is our Why, how is this controversial? Because they hate dogs. No. They're very against dogs And I don't like that No the aboriginals We love dogs

We want to keep our sweet dogs safe Do you say aboriginals Or what do you call them We say aboriginals Americans love saying It's funny Aborigines We are not allowed to say aborigine

I don't know why aboriginal is fine Because it's an adjective Instead of a noun Yeah I dropped that hard S dude Dropped the hard E. It's so, it's man, it's so uptight when one is there. American comedians come and they talk about it

and they're the only ones who get away with it. Everyone has a great, Tom Segura had a great bit. Andrew Schultz broke Australia in like a second from coming and doing a show and doing the best Aboriginal bit anyone had ever done. We just won't, we don't mention it. We don't put it in the movies. It's like leave that alone it's like when i talk about black ladies at the airport in america yeah and people go shut yeah it's like but they're here they're

loud they're calling me honey it's a good time yeah you don't need to be on record yeah but your adorable accent makes it easy for everybody to go thank you thank god we want to thank you the accent is really i gotta i'm never gonna do another joke about america now that i've recorded america i can't do any more fish out of water stuff it's killing me i'm gonna buy a series of different hats and uh south korean hats that's where you're little puppets yeah south korean hat i'm gonna get the puppets and they're gonna hit each other with a stick it's the new way to do comedy. I have no idea what I'm going to do.

I can tell you right now, the notes that aren't working on stage. I went, yeah, what have I got? All right, help me with this. I'm sorry. Here we go. You ready? Yeah, let her rip.

All right. Mandatory abortion. Been done. Mandatory abortion? Someone doing a bit about mandatory? That's my new policy is mandatory Everyone's like pro-choice, pro-life I'm like we're killing all of them

You have to The only exceptions The only exceptions Are rape, incest and life of the mother Because if that's happened You've got enough on your plate without a mandatory abortion. I would let you see... Yeah, you can't.

You don't want to participate in a murder fresh off of rape. That would be the worst thing. Can you imagine someone thinking that was okay? Good God. You want a baby that can totally live healthy and a long life. That's the one you want to kill.

Because those people can take the hit. They can go on vacation and forget about it. Also, I like that it's broken up in rape and incest. Could you say rape, right? No, no, no. There's a lot of people trying to find the loophole of consensual incest. If there's like a two happy cousin, first cousin, second, whatever, brother, sister, let's make it brother, sister,

and in their 30s they've said, we love each other so much, we're getting it done. Why should the government get involved in that beautiful situation? They shouldn't. I want them right in the middle of that. They shouldn't. There's so many situations. What have you done?

No, what if the brother... Again? What if the brother... Classic state overreach. there's been situations where people have met randomly in the world i think i've seen a story like this where yeah a guy met a girl they were raised separately turns out they're siblings and they fell in love and when they were like married with children i love it yeah so you just met someone wrong you're like wow she looks great she looks like me you can have incest

for a couple generations before it goes bad well Jews have been doing it for thousands of years it was not the first group that I was going to single out but yes, there have been, I think Zoroastrians, were we talking about this recently? I might be, I'm just talking about this with everybody Zoroastrians really got into it?

yeah, the Ptolemies apparently a lot of uh north afghans gypsies too are into that shit turks i think yeah yeah you got to keep the gypsy race strong there's a lot of irish the irish countries too that have the travelers yeah there's uh yeah the travelers apparently are fucking each other left and right just to keep the feds out yeah and there's the fucking what are the irish that's why the government's got to get involved. They're trying to penetrate the travelers. Every crew's got a little fucking incest weird crew in it, you know? Yeah.

Every group. Let your children run wild. Yeah, just watch the spacing of their eyes just start to shrink over hundreds of years. After a couple generations, it does kick in. I'm playing a video game called Crusader Kings 3. And to keep the empire together, sometimes you have to... The children have to make some sacrifices if the realm is going to be split between the both it's like let's bring that

you just gotta bend the glasses a little bit and you do start to see a book yeah boy this episode is brought to you by fuel fuel what's fuel it's human fuel Oh it's made of people? Huel I didn't even think about that That's That's actually That'll work

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These are fucking honest. You're committed to saying that about everything now. Yeah, no. Dude, I would show you the inside of my asshole before my joke notes it's like very brave yeah oh i go through them you'll just pop that open and go what do you guys think about this i try not to man i've been bad at weaving into the conversation sometimes but i really try never to to bring it up that was a panic response no that's very funny i just needed to talk about the abortion thing it's a good bit for a talk about this i wanted to share this with you i want to share this i

brought this special this is why i'm all that's why i didn't dress properly it's because i raced right here after the lbj museum yes i went to the lbj museum is this new yeah i just went there no it's been i've been thinking since the 70s it's great it's in austin let's go you should have fucking called me it's so i'm why was my kids when i got here? You don't want to go to the LBJ Museum? I'll go back. Why not? I've got a museum. Do you love LBJ?

It's so cool. I need to do more stuff like that. They have a moon rock. That's okay. It's controversial. It's weird. It's artificial. No, it's a real moon rock that some astronauts gave him.

But on the way in, his dad likes history. He's like, who gave him the moon rock? And they said, it was Apollo 8 from the moon. And dad was like, they couldn't have given it to him. And I was like, oh, come on, let's go. And then he was like, they landed in 69. Johnson was gone four months before. So what happened was that some astronauts separately to him being president

gave him a moon rock and NASA wanted it back. And the library refuses to give up their moon rock good yeah library refuses what is the library's a night guard nasa comes in and like give us the moon rock we own all the moon rock so astronauts should not have given him that moon rock yeah fuck you this is our moon rock now we're a library how did they smuggle the moon rock out of nasa i don't know i doubt these national astronauts are fucking getting tap pat it down when they leave the facility different time you could go through an airport with that come back from the moon there's no tsa yeah walk through customs on apollo

just some dude in a mustache with two fucking moon rocks and a bra on a wing see you tomorrow boys i can't mean, what other stories for how long were you there? Two hours? We were there for 90 minutes. What else did they have? I'm surprised. That's got to be LBJ. Did LBJ have the moon rock at his house? They don't go into detail

about where this moon rock has come from or why they've got it. It's very weird. They just go, we got a moon rock. This is like more just fake controversy to cover the fact that we didn't go to the moon. Is that what's going on? It looks like a moon rock. We do have a real moon rock, but they won't give it to us.

It's like a fake fight. It's in the LBJ. LBJ I don't think was a passionate civil rights advocate, but he did sign all the bills into law. He did, yeah. Because politically he had to. And so the whole thing is like what wonderful things he did for civil not one clip really of him saying it we got to get these guys off the back of the bus none of that like it's just him

no like pushing people in the chest and then i think i remember is like well we just lost the south forever that's like what they did yeah if you can believe it they don't include that in the library museum they leave that right out of it after he signed the civil rights he was just like well there goes the south that's the most famous quote I can remember from LBJ I better resign because Nixon will be winning yeah

they were working hard dude congrats on special I opened for him it was fucking fantastic Tommy opened the first one and you were downcast They were working hard Dude congrats on the special I opened for them It was fucking Oh fuck yeah Fantastic Tommy opened the first one And was You were downcast

I thought you did a good job That was a cold audience It was a cold audience I left a 15 minute voicemail I took a bullet here Here I got one I got strapped on the knee

There was like a few like Ha! And then no laughs Oh no They just wouldn't They were cold You got them going You got them going by the end you got them going by the end

i gotta go by the end and then you also you went the other way of problematic opener where when you brought me on stage for the second one you got a standing ovation by the end yeah it was nice you gotta leave a little something in the tank you didn't pray well i was pissed tight spirals was exceptional we don't i won't go into detail thank you um i i was pissed fucking adam saw the first one and I was like, he's probably going to be gone for the second one. I had fun. I was just like, fuck this.

Fuck this guy, you know? He lent over to me. Adam lent over during the second one and said, ah, Tommy's been redeemed. No, you were exceptional. You were great, man. I appreciate it. You were great.

I'm glad it's done. You got it all. You're going to take the second set all the way through? I think just the second one, yeah. Yeah, that's fine. And I'll edit out some of the things that I'm sure I said. There's a word you can't say on YouTube that I said about 87 times. It kept funnier every time though.

Yeah. They were on board. They were on board. I'm going to have to bleep the F slur. Yeah. I'm told there's a new rule. Gone are the days where you could just say it. Like six months ago you could still say it on YouTube. Yeah. Apparently they's a new rule Gone are the days where you could just say Like six months ago you could still say it on YouTube

Apparently they got a new rule Is that just for monetary reasons? If you wanted to put ads I think they have a whole YouTube wide Do you know? He would know They wouldn't even push it out You don't want that, you gotta cut it

That's tough Yeah, because it won't even go into the algorithm Yeah, my N-word even go into the algorithm. Yeah. Right? Yeah, my N-Word podcast was huge. Nobody saw it. That's nice. Chris is back. Three days back?

What? Yeah, three days back. And you're here. You're finally here. I'm finally here, yeah. I got to go back next week and get it. Four months. It's been four months. I got to go back next week and get everything that I own.

But you're also barely here when you, cause you moved here and then you went on a huge tour together. Yeah. And then immediately after that felt like you were doing. We did two or three months here and then they went to Philly. Yeah. Yeah. And now we've got to move again in March.

So we've got to figure out where we're going to do all this again. Yeah. It's big, but at least we're in the same. It's not really that big of a, just same city. You can imagine how much it takes to get this set up. do all this again. Yeah, it's big. But at least we're in the same... It's not really that big. We're just... Same city. You can imagine

how much it takes to get this set up. Move that tire shop to Austin. It requires a lot of thought. They open a new tire shop in Austin. Just right there

into the shop. Yeah. That actually was a kid. That was a possibility. It was a possibility. They were going to build a set. I'm not sure how much of a possibility it was.

It was like one guy on the ride. What if they move to Paris, France to have a time shot? You can write anything into it. It's so fun when you go like, man. You absolutely can. I once did a show. It was like our PBS and I got to do a thing on like modern art in Melbourne

and I'd always wanted to go on the big Ferris wheel. They had like a huge eye, like the London Eye, but it's in Melbourne and it's shitty. But I just wrote in the start of it, the opening monologue is on the eye because I was like, let's see if I can get away with that. And then we did. Then I got to go for a ride on it.

You just fucking ride it in. That's fucking great. In this scene of Tyres, they're in Marrakesh smoking opium and there's a sitar. Hello, girls. And we have to do it on location okay oh yeah not something you can hollywood up oh no no green screen yeah how do you feel christopher i'm sure our fans are going to be very excited to know this is good news yeah what to be back yeah yeah i'm very excited to be back it's nice i'm looking forward to living here a lot of people said i was

here for no time at all and then left. Yeah. So it's nice to. It's a genius move to dodge the summer. Well, yeah. Can you catch any of the summer? I didn't mind it. I caught a good chunk of it.

I hated it. I hated it like a month ago when it was still hot. Yeah. But not, you know, intense. It's dragging on for a bit long. Just when it goes to like month five or six where it's in the 80s and you're like fucking enough you go to philly i gotta pack three different styles of temperatures you know i gotta i gotta pack this is the problem you don't have enough fashion opportunities one million percent i can't just carry a big fucking winter i don't think i've

seen you wear the same shirt twice oh yeah well i mean well dude i i would care about different things james i don't know we're moving we're moving to a house, which I think is... You're moving to a house? Yeah. It's huge, dude. It's nice, but it's also... Dude, we had the pool. Everyone bitched about the heat.

I never once complained. It was not a problem, Chris. This is what we do. We're going to be in a house. I'm telling you. It's worked for me. Right around the corner, there's a place called Golden Hour. You go there for a couple beers. You wait for I'm telling you. It's worked for me. Right around the corner, there's a place called Golden Hour. You go there for a couple beers.

You wait for somebody to recognize you. Yeah. And then you go, what's the code? And we got the code. That's what I got. Yeah, but you said that place sucked. No, the people sucked. There's no air blowing through there.

You're right. It's just dead air and you're sitting in a hot pool. It's still something. What I'm saying is. It's not the same. They're going to be like, dude, you're. We had hot pool. It's still something. It's not the same. They're going to be like, dude, we had the setup. We had the setup. Miserable kicking tires.

You get $5 to go to the best outdoor pool I've ever been to. In the Barton Springs. Have you been to Barton Springs yet? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's great. Yeah, there's too many kids. No, you go early in the morning or late at night. It's fine.

You swim at your own risk. You die. It's a good time. Doesn't Ari live down by there? He does like a morning dip every day i believe that he has that like croatian type i will be in freezing water no one can hurt me after i've hurt myself now we'll find a pool you'll find a pool i am looking forward to a house because the apartment is tiny but we have a lot of friends that have hotel pools i know but it's nice just go up there you get breeze you're on pool then you go back yeah it's an outdoor pool as well

yeah it was a rooftop i mean it was yeah it was like you're a code or a cod no it's just upstairs i was in an apartment building it was just up there you just go up there and you get in it and then you go back down you gotta get past security at the yeah you could never get there no i get you no i mean like the guys in front going who you're here to see you can't just i kept inviting people over no one would come i kept being like come to the pool and everyone be like it's hard to travel if you have someone got up there to be like holy shit this is great no one would ever come to the pool. It was really a painful experience, honestly. We had a good couple. It really hurt my hang there.

I'm sorry. People always say come over with the kids. It's a nightmare. Yeah, true. It's very scary. I tried to teach my kids to swim in Shane's pool, and I think I scared my daughter. There was also one point where the pool,

where they fucked up the chlorine and it burned all my hair off. Oh, I'm serious. I had my shorts. That was the day I was there. That's probably why I never went back. And then we launched the ball off the 26th floor. The fucking thing just, bye. Oh, can I say.

I was playing this game and it just. One of my happiest memories is being at the Notre Dame training facility and throwing the ball real long with you two boys. That was so fun. Since I've bought an official NCAA ball from Walmart. I go out with my dad.

I try to teach him how to throw a tight spot. I can barely do it. I'm getting better all the time. You were doing great. You went from zero to 40. It more or less does what I want it to do. Sometimes. The strength you have to build up in the shoulder is real. You should get a little throw around, guy. You got one?

Start with a small one. Chris, you better believe we've got two. Yeah, yeah. Dude, it saved Christmas, honestly, because my dad was getting super pissed about moving furniture around, and I had a little football. We were in the house. I was like, catch this.

You're going to feel better. It's incredible and he immediately was like wait wait hold on we just started having a catch in the house totally diffused the situation yeah wait dude having a catch makes you feel connected you're heard heard. You're seen. I know your father. Tennis is too much to get going. Yeah. Baseball, you want to put a glove on like an idiot? Yeah. Throw in the football.

Yeah. Football's nice. Tennis also is good. It's a back and forth, but it's competitive. It's conversation. Yeah, yeah. There's nothing better than it. Your dad.

Yeah. If you know he's met his dad, his dad fucking rules. Yeah. But he's buttoned up. Guy's buttoned up. He's like Homer Simpson. He's got one one outfit i've only seen him in one outfit but their furniture is immaculate and it's one of those places where i'm now i know why it can confirm this or not but like the couches they never move no like if you picked up the couch that there's like a beaten down spots from the the wooden

anchors correct the wooden legs oh no no no no no what was he mad about no he dude it's just you know it's like an o'connor family trade it really was fucking me up i mean there was there was no way we didn't have to move that much stuff it was literally just like there was no way to do it wrong and still my dad was like don't fucking move that you know what i mean it was like i i literally put my hands out i was like where are you trying to move everything he's like don't touch anything he's like all right and then i'd be like what are you trying to accomplish so i can help and no answer it was it was like full crate you know it's like one of those moments where you're like Oh yeah that's where that comes from

That's when you yell at me My dad's staying with us at the moment He's done with you? He's going to go on this weekend I think It's been like 2-3 weeks Just repeatedly He's been with you guys? He's been with us

It's been a great time I've had him at the club Again it's great but it's just so much We'll say something at the same time in the same voice. And I go, hi. It's all dad. It's all my dad. Taking it all from dad.

It's brutal. Did you take him to kill Tony? He loved it. He was like, could I meet Heidi? Say hello to Heidi. That was a big thing for him He's learnt to dab Cam Patterson

That's like teaching you how to play football Yeah I was teaching my daddy How to play football It was great He enjoyed it? He didn't think it was all fucking weird? He loves it He watches it every week with my brother My brother's a big kill tiny person and uh i've tried to show him and i said i didn't get to show my buckies

and i feel bad about that we'll find a way show him a bucky's before it's over no it's not did he really want to see buckies or he doesn't know a thing about buckies i just think everyone should get to see it before they die i've never been in a bucky's shaking hands with heidi's probably better yeah gave heidi a full-on hug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably better than a Buc-ee's. I mean, a brisket sandwich is good.

I'm not going to lie. Is that their, that's their big thing? I don't know if it's their big thing. It's one of their things that I enjoy. Oh, they got brisket,

they got kayaks, they got smokers, they got fudge. Oh, it's like a... Burritos. Wait, you've been to a Buc-ee's. I've been to a Buc-ee's with you. I have?

How was it? It's been a Burritos Wait you've been to a Bucky's I've been to a Bucky's with you I have How was it? It's been a big year Jesus I don't think I walked through it Yes you did You took a piss We bought fucking You forgot the toilet

No it was a urinal We bought a licorice rope I went right in there To take a piss Right out We got a sandwich You didn't pose with the statues? Their statues?

The beaver statue out front They got a big bronze beaver statue They got the longest the longest car wash in the world now wow you really are it doesn't really do anything because you can't see why don't you get any bucky's merch get a hat or something we have so much bucky's but i bought my wife a bucky swimsuit i also bought her mace did you really for home protection this swimsuit yeah i Bucky swimsuit. Is it a one-piece? Yeah. With the beaver in the front? The one-piece is back. Let's go.

The one-piece is back. I love the one-piece. How dare you? That's my one. I don't know what that noise means, but I didn't like it. That's a slide whistle for a terrible joke. Okay. It's covered in beavers. Beavers on the front and the back. Oh, it's not just one for a terrible joke. Okay. It's covered in beavers.

Beavers on the front and the back. Oh, it's not just one head to beave. No, it's little beavers everywhere. It's not Bucky just coming up from here. Yeah. Yeah. He's brought in the Chinese glasses on. Yeah. All right.

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So rocketmoney.com slash stuffisland. Now back to the episode. The Trader Joe's used to be more. So, rockandmoney.com slash stuff island. Now back to the episode. Did Trader Joe's used to be like that? They would have different traders? No.

Like Trader Ming? There was a bit of that. Oh, yeah. That was just a joke. Yeah, Trader Jose. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Just different cuisines?

Yeah, like all the Mexican food was made by like Jose. Is there a Trader Wap? I think there was. Really? really yeah it's probably luigi traitor giuseppe yeah that's a fucking brilliant idea i think they got rid of it because it was they got rid of ben because it's racist did you have ben uncle ben uncle ben we got rid of uncle ben the black dude yeah they took the black guy yeah they got rid of Aunt Jemima. They got rid of the Indian on the butter. Yeah. Little Debbie's hanging on.

The bottle is still a lady though, right? With Aunt Jemima. That's a good question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's named differently, but it's still... I'd say if they come for the hot sauces, if they come for... It's not a thick-ass black bitch.

That changes my sense. I bet they're regretting it now. I bet they regret it. They could have weathered the storm. Nighthawks held on. No, hold on. Who held on? Not the Nighthawks.

Who's the Chicago ice hockey team? The Blackhawks. The Blackhawks. The Blackhawks. It was a little rumbling to get rid of that. Cleveland Indians? No, gone. Oh, Guardians.

The Guardians, yeah. Chiefs held on. Chiefs are still there. Florida State Seminoles. Seminoles. Washington's starting to feel silly. They're always Redskins to me. I don't care.

In all due respect, I'm going to say Redskins. Going to the Skins game? It's so cool. It's great. Oh, Braves. The Atlanta Braves. They held on? Those cocksuckers are still doing the chop. I think the chop's cool. The chop is obviously a sign of respect. It is. I think who else has a problem? Those cocksuckers are still doing the chop. Well, I think the chop is cool.

The chop is obviously a sign of respect. It is. I think it is. There's not a cooler fucking celebration almost out there. Ooh. Yeah. I don't know if you've seen these towels we have in Pittsburgh. These beautiful little towels.

Everybody thinks they can take over the towel. It's hard work waving the towel. The Notre Dame game Waving that towel I waved it twice So I'm not waving that towel anymore The towel's got nothing It's a scissors paper thing The chop takes out the towel

Chop takes out the towel? Yeah, yeah Every time What takes out the chop? It's a rock Doing that What takes out the chop? When are you going to release your special?

As soon as it's edited. I got dates in January and I don't have any other material, so I'm going to do them and then have it come out at the end of that. When does this podcast come out? Tomorrow. Milwaukee, Cleveland, Chicago, Denver. James Don't Force a Can. Tickets on sale now.

I've never had to do this before. This is a terrifying thing. What, promoting dates? Yeah, doing the road and have it be your name and whether it succeeds or fails. Yeah, yeah. And the gap between selling it out and not selling it out is unbelievable. A lot of money.

Shit. It's shit. Yeah. Yeah. It's either enough to get over there or enough to buy a house. It's a very weird. There's no middle. No.

No. It's so American. You just hold out the middle class of people who are doing okay. Yeah, I mean, we've collected checks that we were like, why even write it out? Yeah. Like this is. It's not worth the paper.

It's printed off. Venmo. This is insane you don't have that on you? you don't have $15 on you? it's so bad when the staff is coming up to you after the show and just taking change out of their pockets

well I'm not tipping the staff tonight if I'm making $46 off the hotel I'm sorry yeah and then you fucking open the club door and you just realize you're in Raleigh. And you're like, that's not even a quarter of my flight to get to this shithole.

Yeah. The road, the long and winding road. It's great, though. But if you make it, I mean, you can really, I don't think anyone makes it like that in Australia. I think even the top people. Really? Yeah.

Why is that? Are there clubs? There are great clubs. They just seem to pay the same. You can sell theaters. Are there clubs? Not at clubs. There are great clubs. They just seem to pay the same. You get your $2,000 and that's it. Yeah. Yeah. It's opportunity.

Land of opportunity in America. Yeah, baby. I mean, people are getting paid more than I think the club. I've heard about the casinos. If you book a casino, they pay you more than the ticket price because they make so much money. Yes. And no one wants to play a casino because they're sad.

The people are worse. I don't want to talk casinos down in case I ever get to play a casino, but man, they can be very sad. Although I do like the Indian ones. They're not. Yeah, we had a really good time. Were you with Shane? No.

Yeah, we went on the reservation outside of Houston. Nice. Oklahoma. Okay. Nice. Oklahoma. Okay. Sorry. Yeah. Oklahoma. Now, this is weird in Oklahoma because I did a drive

and I stopped at one of their casinos. They take a half dollar for every hand. Oh, for the reservation? Yeah. Yeah. They just take it. For every hand? Every hand you play of blackjack, they take 50 cents

just for the privilege of sitting down to play. I'd never seen this before. Yeah. And he kept doing it. I thought he was making a mistake. I said, what are you doing? He said, this is how we... You're a casino.

What are you, losing money? That's insane. You've got to pay to play. It's like being in a separate country. That's the game. It made me very angry. I was like, you're going to get all the money eventually. Yeah, you're the house.

Why do I need to... I think it's disrespect. They're just like disrespecting you on purpose. You can't do anything about it. Where are you going to go? No, you can leave. There's nowhere to eat. I'm going to get in the car and drive for six hours until I get to Missouri.

Yeah. Something can be done. Something can be done. These Indians have had it too good for too long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We need to excuse them. Something can be done. Dude, you're getting chased by like four 300-pound Indian dudes

holding glass vodka bottles. Those dudes are animals, man. We got the United States military. Easy now. We'll be on there. Easy now. I didn't mean like that. I meant like they're fucking tough.

They get blacked out for 12 hours a day. I don't. They wake up. I don't co-sign any of the company's statements. They wake up under a tarp and they chase you Security guards That's a security That was about security guards

God forbid They start chopping at you Hit you with their big chops Security guards are animals, they're all alcoholics Big fat security guard children Walking the streets at night The kids look like the mom You know

Anyway Do you have anything else What else is coming up James McCann I don't know I'm trying to plan a trip Oh we're only 40 minutes We're 40 minutes

You're trying to plan a trip to where I'm trying to There's Okay There's a guy who I'm trying to I saw Someone sent me in the UK One of the best It's the best UK TV show I've seen Since Toast I don't know It's been a long time trying to there's okay there's a guy who i'm trying to i saw someone sent me in the uk one

of the best it's the best uk tv show i've seen since toast i don't know it's been a long time and it's called the blondie way and i got he's a skateboarder and fashion designer he's not a comedian but he made a six-part sitcom and he just filmed it himself and it's great it's so good and i got to call him i don't know like i was was in Chicago a couple weeks ago and a friend got me his number and I got to talk to him on the phone. And I would like to go and interview him. And also people should see this show. Did he just put it out on YouTube or something?

He just put it straight to YouTube. It's a show about trying to make a show with the BBC and not being able to do it because it's packed full of nasty lesbians who take control. Yeah. It's unbelievable. It's great. It's every experience you've had working with comedy.

I don't think he's done a lot of comedy before, but like he gets it. Yeah. And it hasn't blown up. It hasn't had a huge audience, but people who like it like it a lot. So I would like to go and interview him and share that. It's also brilliant using the BBC as like, you know, your punching bag that represents basically every other.

He loves them. It's also like there's this great institution that you love and that they're not making anything good. Which Comedy Central, I think people have similar feelings about. Same. With the ABC in Australia where it's just heartbreaking. Yeah, Comedy Central is a disaster. Yeah. Yeah.

But at one point they were doing South Park. I know. So clearly someone was good there And they're still doing South Park No you're not They're not letting a new South Park come in Angry white lesbians Yeah Just keeping you down

Anyway he made a show about it It's called The Blondie Way There you go I want to go and interview him And I've got a I think I can find a week in February To just Go to England

Go to England Track down Blondie That'd be sick And talk to him Or just ask Shane To open Blondie and talk to him. Or just ask Shane to open in London. I should ask to open in London. I'm not opening in London at the moment, but I feel like that's a petty scab move.

Yeah, he won't. If I happen to be in London at the same time. Don't hang out with him and go interview a guy. I'll be there at the same time. It's not weird. I just happen to be there. Interviewing this guy for the Blondie Way It's so good

Yeah I don't know how to I don't know how to promote My own stuff Let alone someone else's thing But it's He shot it beautifully The soundtrack is great

Yeah It's beautifully acted Well all those The Blondie Way guys They're just filming shit All the time They know how cameras work They know lighting

Oh That's my plan That's my big ambition For this That's also dying for you All those skateboard guys, they're just filming shit all the time. They know how cameras work? Yeah. They know lighting? Oh. That's my plan. That's my big ambition for this. That's also dying for you. Like all the skateboarding videos in like the 90s and 80s, they were so sick. I was so jealous of that. I still am. I always wanted to be one of those people who's just like filming everything all the

time and traveling the world and skating. Pissing off security cards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doing your own fucking thing. It's so much work. I know, but... Sam Talent does it, right? So Sam is traveling everywhere and always filming stuff.

Is that right? He's in Japan at the moment, I think. He gets back this week. I'm going to see him on Monday. Is he coming to town? He's doing that Super Bowl commercial with me. That's right, which I did not get. You're almost in there.

There's only room for one fat guy with long words. It's fine. One of us will die soon. Amon Ross, St. Brown. Oh, shit. That'll be sick. And Jabril Gibbs. Oh, Jameer Gibbs.

Jameer Gibbs. Yeah, sure. He has a Super Bowl commercial. What? You better get that name before you're on set. Jabril. It's good to see you, Jab better get that name done before you're on set. Jabril. It's good to see you, Jabril. Hello, sir.

I'm such a huge fan. Huge fan. You want to get that right. I'm a football fan. Are you going to get to go to the Super Bowl for being in the commercial? No. Is that part of the payment? No.

That's not? No. You got a shot. I don't know. Yeah, you're going to do your best. I don't know. Depends on if Phil Philadelphia gets in it. You have, I think I don't know. Yeah, you're going to do your best. I don't know. Depends on if Phil Fidelia gets in it. You have, I think, a good chance.

Yeah, we do. I've been looking at it. The Steelers are going to go out in the first round. Yeah, they're fucked. I picked the wrong... Anyway, just apparently that happens every year. Steelers, they're an institution. You'll be all right.

When? It's a good team. I love Mike Tomlin. It's a good team to love. That was enough for me to fall in love with the team was Mike Tomlin saying wild stuff. Yeah, Mike Tomlin, yeah. He's the man.

He's going to be around for another 30 years. I also like having a wide receiver that people are angry about. That seems like an important thing in football. Yeah. He's acting a damn fool out there. Yeah. You get a little bit of everything in Pittsburgh. You know, white racists, NFL purists.

It's really the Paris of Appalachia You know, white racists, NFL purists. It's really the Paris of Appalachia. That's everything. Those are the two things. I mean, verbally, while watching it. I mean, I know they're there. College ball is the way. I know you don't like college ball because you're a big city fella.

I like going to college football games. Are NFL stadiums like that? Are you that packed in like sardines at the NFL? Yeah. I mean, not as many of them. It's not as tight, but yeah. You've never been to an Eagles game yet? No.

It's so great. The closest I go, I watch Silver Linings Playbook, and that made me think it would be a scary thing to participate in. No, dude. We got to go. I couldn't believe watching Silver Linings Playbook and then meeting all these Philadelphia people and going, fuck, that's bang on. It's pretty close.

They all have a bookie. They all have mental illness. Their mother's food is very important to them. Everyone's girlfriend is Jennifer Lawrence level beautiful and nasty and weird. Yeah, funny and cruel. My dad is exactly like De Niro and my. Yeah, funny and cruel. My dad is exactly like De Niro and my brother's bipolar.

So, like, I was watching that and it was like, whoa. He got it. Whoa. It was, I still, I mean, Boston says it's a lot of the same things, but they're weirdly, I found them personally, Philadelphia people are so warm and they're really upfront about what they think. And there's like a, there's a resignation in Boston. People are just, they don't want to seem like a fool.

People in Philly seem quite happy. It doesn't matter if they seem like a fool so long as they can tell you how they really feel about something. Yeah, fucking Boston's way more Puritan. Boston tries to hide their retardation. Yes. Whereas Philly's pretty proud. Pretty proud of it.

Yeah. We're dumb and we're stupid. There is no – yeah, Rocky being the symbol for the city. Yeah, it's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. It's a fake guy. I have a headache.

He's got a statue. That's pretty real. Yeah. Chris, how are you feeling, pal? I feel all right. Yeah? Yeah. How are you doing?

I'm fine. Yeah? Yeah. Stressed? I'm stressed right now. What's happening? Just trying to find a fucking place. I just found one.

Every hour? Where are you moving to? Mueller. Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm comfortable saying that. It's a big neighborhood. I feel like they're trapping me down. I mean, it seems safe. We had some trouble at our house. We were in a vibrant Mueller. Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm comfortable saying that. It's a big neighborhood. Some people are trapping me down. I'll be there.

It seems safe. We had some trouble at our house. We were in a vibrant neighborhood. Yeah. And a guy. Eclectic. Man, there was a violent, someone got like mugged in the park. Here's a big one.

Moving next to a park in Australia, that's so nice. Wait, tell the story about the. Which one? No, you don't want to be. Oh, I'm this guy? You don't want to be near a park. You don't want to be near a park. You want to be two blocks back from a park.

Yeah. No, we had a guy who was in the park. He said, can I do some yard work? And I said, sure. Big mistake. 100%, dude. Never take a favor. Never take a favor.

He showed up that night. It was at midnight. He was sitting out front. He's like, I'm going to get an early start in the morning. I was like, well, you have to go. This is very scary for all of us. And I liked it. I immediately was not threatened.

We said, do you have a cigarette? And I had one of these. I had like a gin. I said, no, I tried that. And he immediately took it out and said, oh, that's awful. That's terrible. I thought, all right, he's a human being. He doesn't like it.

I don't know why that did it. That situation, that diffused it. Yeah, he's not desperate. Yeah. Yeah. He was not that desperate. But then he showed up and did some yard work. That was great.

And then we went on a trip to New Orleans. And my wife had put some cameras in because of the trouble. Yeah. And then he was just there every day, very slowly doing yard work for like five days. We didn't tell him to do that. He just kept showing up. It was not part of the contract.

Yeah. And I paid him more than. Even worse. He was kept showing up. I was not part of the contract. Yeah. And I paid him more than... Even worse. He was paid a lot. He was paid a lot of money. And then he just kept coming by asking to do more yard work. I was like, the yard work's all done. But he also had come brandishing a yard work store.

This is why I feel like New Yorkers are the way they are. It's like, don't let anyone ever help you. Don't let anyone even know. Don't even say hi to someone. The moment someone helps you, you now owe them your time yeah or money and now he knows he's got a source you know what i mean for like he's having a bad day like where can i get money james now he has one relationship if i was a single man i would have that relationship i think i would risk the death yeah the weird,

whatever weird thing you're getting involved in. With kids, it's like, no, you can't. If there's a 10% chance this goes wrong, I can't have it happen. But they've got a lot of homeless people in America. You've got to do something with them. You've got to have love. You've got to reach out to your neighbors. Don't let them do your yard work.

You can't let them do your yard work, I found out. That becomes a very difficult thing to untangle in front of a police officer yeah when he's like my wife the guy's like he told me to do the yard they're slowly building an attachment yeah living on the property the cop's gonna be like did you have him do yard work for you and you're gonna be like well yeah sort of but then he kept doing it yeah what is the i got him a phone so he could call before he came over that's a lie wait what no i got him a phone so he could call before he came over. That's a lie. Wait.

What? No, I bought him a phone. I went to Walmart and I bought a phone. And then we accidentally got rid of the SIM card. A burner phone? I just bought him a little phone. Like, not an inexpensive. Because he was just showing up. What are you kidding?

He said he didn't have a phone. Do you know that's now attached to your name if you start selling drugs and shit? Well, there's no SIM card. Forget that. Forget that. Forget that. Why would you... Don't give anybody... anybody what i bought him a new phone from walmart yeah i gave him my number and her phone so that he could call and let us know when he was coming over rather than just showing up oh my god a guy took

his old phone dude my girlfriend would have started moving shit out that night. It's coming up with the new stuff going this poorly. Well, then I couldn't tell if he was like tricking me by pretending to be more simple than he was. He goes, well, how do I make the phone work? I said, you need a SIM card. He said, a slim card. It's like, oh, you should definitely know what they're called. Everybody knows what they're called.

I don't think that he should. Yeah, he never called me. I gave him my number and the phone And he hasn't been in touch Dude This is insane I didn't know this part I thought that was a reasonable

That's like giving a guy a leg up Have you ever done that before in your life Bought a homeless guy a telephone Yes So you knew you were Stretching a little bit I can't see how buying homeless guy a telephone? Yes. No. So you knew you were stretching a little bit. I didn't know. I can't see how buying a man a telephone can come back to bite me in the butt.

Dude, it can't help. It could help him. It could help him. These homeless guys stand on the corners of the light step back here? Yeah. On these major streets? And I get so anxious pulling up to the red light knowing I have to be like, no, I don't have anything. This guy's perusing the cell phone aisle i didn't know with me i went to

walmart and i got him one and i brought back home for when he would come by which i knew he would come by yeah i mean you got a good heart you got a terrible that phone might make a real difference in that man's life. Decision making. Dude. What could he do with the phone? Do not update him on your new address and no more plans. No, no. I've been talked to about this by my wife.

I couldn't. What did she say? What are you adding? Are you crazy? Yeah. Yeah. Repeatedly. But she was like, no, we have an obligation to the poor

and we want good things to help them, but chance. And that doesn't include buying phones. It was like a $120 phone. Wow. No, it's a cheap phone. It's a good, it was like, it's not like got buttons. It's a lot. It's a smartphone.

That's honestly the one thing that was going to save this for me is I thought maybe phones are way cheaper than I thought they were. Everything he says gets worse. That might turn around for him. Now, what was worse, and this is bad. Did you give him the receipt? Because he took that back for $120. He's welcome to it.

If he's going to walk into a Walmart, that's his. You're getting off easy if you return that for $120. That's a lot of trucks. Yeah, if you just You're getting off easy if you return that for $120. Yeah. That's a lot of trucks. Yeah, if you just returned it, that's the best thing that could have happened. Yeah, 100%. I can't believe. I hope he got that phone.

I hope he's doing yard work for other people. Do you know their biggest scam, which is, I'm a huge fan. They'll go into the trash cans out front of like a Walmart, a Target. If somebody throws out a receipt, they walk in with the bare receipt and then they just go to the aisle. They find out where the item is. Oh, that's great. Somebody buys like a lamp or whatever.

You just pick it up. Pick it up and go, hey, I want to return this. And then they get cash. That is actually a great move. But now they've figured out a way to like to track what number is on each. So if they beep it, it doesn't have the last four numbers. But this was like the big scam a few years ago.'s a hot scam there's a hot scam i remember there was i wanted some airpods

this is just a thing that i always wanted some airpods because i left them in australia my friend thought i was leaving them behind but obviously that was a mistake i'm not gonna leave my airpods by accident anyway and uh there was a little Hispanic woman in the car park, in the parking lot of Walmart going, do you want the AirPod? Do you want? I was like, yeah, I do. She was like, she had a boxed pair of AirPods that I guess had been stolen. Yeah.

She was just selling the stuff that they sold in the Walmart, but cheaper out there. And I didn't. I felt weird about it. Were they wrapped? Yeah, they were in the box. But she didn't say it like, do you want to buy some? She said, do you want them? And that got me talking. Yeah. I was weird about it. Were they wrapped? Yeah, they were in the box. But she didn't say it like, you want to buy something? She said, do you want them?

And that got me talking. Yeah, yeah. I was like, yeah. This is a great country. People are just offering you some AirPods in the parking lot. I would almost buy those AirPods if I didn't have them. I could do that to the sweet people of Walmart who are working so hard. Of course.

Of course. So they'll buy something or they'll steal them and then try and repackage them. Yeah. And they can, there's like a. Yeah, you just heat wrap. So she didn't even steal it from there necessarily. She might have stolen from.

Anywhere. Yeah. Just knows where to resell it. Maybe she's been working hard at home to build those. Trying to look on the sunny side of that. There might be a cottage, you know, like sometimes they got, I don't know, those crackers in a big bag filled with barbecue sauce.

But they're making AirPods at her place. Did you put your number in the phone? I wrote it down and I handed it to him. Right. Yeah. It's just one layer of security there. It's like if he can type it in. He's welcome to try and crack into my, I'm changing my phone number.

Now that I think about it, I'll change the phone number. No, no, I don't think... He's had months now to call me or do something. And he just hasn't... No, I just don't see him anymore. Yeah, you're safe. He probably thinks it's a bomb. That's probably...

He saw it, but it's real. He was a good... I think he's a good man. I mean, America has so many homeless people compared to how many homeless people we've got. There's got to be a big percentage of them who are just down on their luck who wouldn't be down, you know. 100%.

How do you find out which people aren't going to kill you and rape you to death in the middle of your yard? How do you figure out who to help and how do you help them? Yeah. Because it's good to help people. It's nice. It is. It does feel good, but I don't know.

My process is you can almost tell just by looking at them and watching them. That's the one good thing about these guys on the corners is because you can see their actions and how fucking weird they are and if they're skitzed out or if they're clearly like, you know, markings from scratching their face and trying to get spiders underneath their skin out. Meth looks... I'm not giving that guy money. If I have food,

if I have leftovers or something... He doesn't want to eat food. He hasn't eaten food in a week. He's not interested. I'm doing the right thing. I'm not going to give you drug money. I always keep a... I don't like to help people personally. Interesting.

It's an interesting admission admission Everyone's surprised right now I will donate to a thing That then does it So that there's a membrane Between me and And you know what it's really about I don't need the credit You're a humble man

Helping This has nothing to do with the fact that I want No way for them to get in touch with me You're a humble man You're a humble man Helping Increasingly I see that might be the answer This has nothing to do with the fact that I want no way For them to get in touch with me of any kind You don't But I think love is important Love is important Yeah

But you can love them and do nothing for them I can't wait to see That's something I've gotten pretty good at I can't wait to see your transformation In like three years It's started The cold, hard, weird You're going to get Americanized quick

I'm getting getting i'll tell you on my the first time i came the flight here was like just over a year ago i didn't have they didn't take cash at the airport for the extra bag and i didn't have a card i was like trying i was tapping and paying on everything but i had the cash and there was an american man and his girlfriend i don't know if i've told this story but i said can i can you use your card to pay for my bag and i'll pay you the cash is that possible and he said i it was the first american i'd man he said uh it's just if you if you got arrested i wouldn't want to be liable so no i'm not gonna do that and then i saw his ugly girlfriend turned to him and say i'm so proud of you well done for not helping this.

You know, she didn't say, well, I've been not helping this man. She was like, that was good. Like you'd come up with something quickly there. Yeah. And so I don't want to get to that point. You're so far from that point. You couldn't be further from that point. I think most Americans are not there, but there is,

you do get fucked over enough times by scary people that at some point you go. Yeah. No. Yeah. I'm putting up with that. I'm in a glass box now and i live in a suburb that has a gate around it yes and we have a gun yes and no one knows anything about me that's that doesn't seem long-term good there's also pariahs like pariahs

that are scam artists that don't look like homeless people what i'm saying is you can't let your guard down because your heart's big oh no i'm increasingly finding out yeah you keep a that buying it's gonna be on your guard buying i think the phone's gonna be fine could you imagine telling your dad no god no my dad would what could he do what's the worst that could happen with him with a phone this is again it's just like it's i you just like, you don't know. You don't know. You're giving someone a... I should have paid in cash for the phone, maybe. You don't know what the fuck's going to happen with that thing.

My dad would have took a second pug before me telling a story like that to him. He'd be like, I failed you. I've done nothing right in your life. It's the right thing to do. I think they do also give out free phones in hindsight i'm remembering this now i caught a greyhound bus one time from pittsburgh to cleveland and there was a little there was a woman with a bag full of fun she was like free fun i was like i i don't think i can i think that's a real thing so do you want to have a free phone no i, I'm good. She said, no, because everyone on benefits gets a phone,

so have a phone. And it was then I realized that only people on the benefit were at the Greyhound. I was the only guy at the Greyhound bus station who just didn't have the money to fly and wasn't on benefits. And it was just, yeah, if you're at the Greyhound bus station, you qualify for the free phone. It was one-on-one.

Just take it. Yeah. All right, boys. that rule is one-on-one just take it yeah all right yeah i feel like my parents philosophy is like never put yourself in a situation where you have to be explaining what happened yes which is too i i don't follow it but that's their like the attitude it's not like but what could they possibly do with it it's like you don't you don't want to be in a situation where you have to be explaining how that phone got into who knows hands and then it came back on you. And it's just like avoid interacting with the law or problems. I mean, at that point, it's like selling a gun to some dude in the parking lot without

any like, you know what I mean? It's like, can we not do that is that right I got my gun of course I got my gun he's got to protect himself back there yeah

alright James thank you buddy yeah God bless you bye